The Long Way Home
by Aphina
Summary: It was a journey John Sheppard just had to make. Series 1 Onwards
1. Chapter 1: Past and Present

Chapter One

_Yeah God love your soul and your aching bones  
>Take a breath, take a step, meet me down below<br>Everyone's the same  
>our fingers to our toes<br>We just can't get it right  
>But we're on the road<em>

_One Republic – All Fall Down_

The Stargate Program was the most prestigious and secretive project that Doctor Cassandra Pierce had ever had the pleasure of been involved in. Even now as she stood in the make shift Infirmary that she and Doctor Carson Beckett had temporarily constructed she could scarcely believe that she was light years, galaxies even away from home. One step through the Stargate was literally stepping into a completely different universe and she found that despite the rumours and stories she had heard about the original Lost City of Atlantis, the real thing was far beyond the means of her imagination.

Cass had spent the past four years as a field medic working for the military in Afghanistan and for a brief period before that Iraq. She was used to travelling, hell she even enjoyed the return trips to the dusty foreign countries because of the sense of pride she felt when she stepped off that air-plane with the intention of doing some good for both her countries soldiers and the poorer people who required aid throughout the area.

Carson had allegedly selected her for her reputation of working in some of the most heinous of conditions with the bare minimum of field tools at her service. The stories associated with her were far fetched and wildly exaggerated but some of them were true and apparently those were the ones that counted. Her field experience and ability to adapt were second to none.

Doctor Carson Beckett also had reputation that preceded him. He was an excellent surgeon who worked on the cutting edge of medical technology and a brilliant geneticist. The two of them didn't run anywhere near the same circles. Yet Cass had found him remarkably welcoming when she had first accepted the job as his second in command and field medic. Realistically she had foreseen the Chief Medical Officer to be superior and aloof but Carson was anything but. His friendliness had surprised even her and she found herself being accepted onto his team without a second thought.

Cass used her slender hand to brush her dark fringe out of her sapphire coloured eyes before her nimble fingers unclipped the straps holding her empty, olive green canvas bag she had 'borrowed' after her employment had been transferred over to Stargate Command. Her sleek, straight black hair was gathered into a neat bun at the base of her neck to keep it out of her way while she packed for the off world expedition to a nearby planet called Athos.

"It's gonna take a lot of getting used to living 'Twenty Thousand Leagues Under The Sea'." Carson quipped in his broad Scottish accent as his gaze strayed to the ceiling above them.

Cass wondered briefly if he was looking for cracks the same way she had when they had arrived on Atlantis four hours earlier. Despite the fact every single person involved in the expedition to the Pegasus Galaxy had been briefed and then re-briefed, the information they had been given simply didn't do the marvellous underwater city any justice.

Cass was still enough of a civilian to be unnerved by the fact they were currently living God knows how many metres under the sea. She didn't understand the science behind it but as she had been told there was a shield cloaking the city from being crushed by the gallons of water pressure pushing down upon it.

Carson was worried, she could tell by the crinkle at the edges of his eyes as he wiped his right hand over his tired features. His dark eyebrows were furrowed into a rigid crease as he sorted methodically through the boxes of supplies they had brought along with them to their new home. There had been no point in unpacking everything from the plastic containers they harboured since they'd heard the news regarding the possible relocation.

At the time they had entered the city through the Stargate, Doctor Rodney McKay, who Cass had heard deemed by himself and various others as a genius, had informed them that their contact with Earth had been completely severed upon arrival. If that wasn't potentially ominous, he had followed up with an announcement declaring that the shield that was holding back the sheer magnitude of water outside beginning to fail. Effectively they were stranded on a sinking ship.

Their options were limited at best, Doctor Elizabeth Weir and Major John Sheppard were currently gathering a contact team to venture off of their own planet, where Atlantis was currently anchored and onto Athos, a nearby planet that McKay had selected. It was hoped that the exploration of Athos may possibly lead them to either find a source of energy in order to power the once lost city or to locate an area in which they could set up a new base of operations in case Atlantis did fail.

Time was of the essence in this case and she had been instructed by Weir and Colonel Sumner to make the journey with his team in case they were in need of a medic and as Weir had more delicately put it, to make nice with the world's inhabitants. Offer them free medical care and you make a friend for life, Cass thought or rather she hoped in the direness of their current situation.

"I'd say that there's no such thing as Captain Nemo or the Nautilus but I didn't believe in intergalactic space travel up until eight months ago." Cass returned light heartedly in response to Carson's initial words.

The two of them had been trying to banter between themselves for the past ten minutes, ever since they had heard of the complex array of issues that plagued their expedition. Cass was scared, she would readily admit that if asked but fear was useless here. It wasn't proactive, it didn't help their situation and she knew that Carson felt the same way.

They were doctors and they saw the facts as if they were laid out like a list of symptoms. People depended on them and they were accustomed to that feeling but this was a completely different experience entirely in all respects. Never before had Cass been asked to venture on a mission as important as the one that stood before her. This was about survival, not just her own but of their small delegation and they were swiftly running out of time.

The mutual reliance on each other in their small dedicated team was a bond she knew would be hard to fracture in the face of adversity. The fact she was carrying a weapon of her own made her feel more confident about the fact they were stepping into uncharted territory despite the fact the Colonel didn't trust her to handle anything heavier than a Glock. She knew the militarists of the group would lay down their lives in an instant but having someone that Cass herself had a brief, fleeting connection with made what she was about to do the tiniest bit easier.

Major Sheppard was the type of guy to have your back if things got a little wild out there. She had seen the evidence of that last year when she had treated him for shrapnel injuries that he had received off duty by diving over an Afgan child when a car bomb had exploded inside the country's capital. It had been the insurgent's intention to kill and maim the crew of American soldiers who had been enjoying a rare free night amongst the people of the city they were fighting to protect. He had been the only causality of the event thankfully and even then his wounds had been superficial.

Cass had removed seventeen individual fragments of glass and metal from the Major's back that night, all of the wounds shallow since he had been just on the very cusp of the blast radius. The back of his white shirt had been shredded and charred when she'd asked him to remove it. He had complained humorously about the state of his favourite shirt as Cass carefully removed each of the shards from the firm, muscular grooves of his skin.

_Cass had politely ignored the quiet, deep intakes of breath John took whenever she was forced to become a little rough, yanking out the offending, foreign objects lodged in his fine, muscular structure. He never cursed at her, not once, which was a welcome change for Cass. Usually she was on the front line of a barrage of expletives. John's rapport was jovial and flirtatious,, barely slowing as she went to work on yet another area of his back. Cass had to hand it to him, the Major had a high threshold for pain._

_By the time she had finished up with the stitches, John was insisting the two of them needed to be on a first name basis just in case one of his stitches popped open and he needed to contact her again. Cass had rolled her eyes at this but she had complied. There was a mysterious twinkle in his hazel eyes and the stories he had told during their last few hours together had made her laugh so hard at one point she'd had to put the tweezers down. _

"_I gotta say that's the best first date I've had in a long time." he teased her with that devil may care smile._

_Cass passed him the sky blue, scrub shirt admiring the view of his taunt, well sculptured chest as he pulled the material over his head and down past his waist. He raised his dark eyebrows as she met his gaze head on. She didn't look away and neither did he as his large hands untangled the dog tags from the collar. There was a connection brimming between them, one she couldn't withdraw from even if she tried._

"_Was it the part where I handed the bloody shrapnel back to you in a jar or the stitches?" Cass countered, folding her arms over her chest with a tired smile._

"_I admit that last one where you had wriggle it around before you got it out had it's moment." John shot back, shaking the small jar in his right hand so that the shrapnel jingled._

"_I knew you were a masochist at heart." she informed him, stripping off her latex gloves and tossing them in the waste bin._

"_Doesn't that make you a sadist Cassie?" he joked, that smile making her heart rate accelerate just a little at the use of a nickname that hadn't been spoken in years._

"_Nobody calls me Cassie any more." she reminded him from their previous conversation._

"_I know." _

_The look in his eyes told her everything and she understood what she saw there more than he could possibly imagine. John was creating a fragment of intimacy in the vast loneliness that stretched before the two of them and for some undisclosed reason Cass let him. _

_For a second their defences had fallen and she was seeing his boyishly, sweet nature instead of the hardened military man who had initially stepped into her medical tent. She had no idea what he was seeing when he looked into her eyes but she could feel his acceptance there deep inside her._

"_I know you." he had said, looking startled by his own confession._

"_I know you too." _

_The words had slipped off her tongue with no control from her brain. Her emotions were overriding her mind and blurting out that knowledge from the depths of her chest. It was impossible, they hadn't laid eyes on each other before today but the compulsions she felt towards him were undeniable._

_John's face changed as the walls slammed back down and they both shifted back into their natural, guarded masks. The words that had passed between them had vanished and Cass felt like she was looking into a face set in stone as John stretched out his hand to shake hers._

"_It was nice to meet you Doctor." he had said._

_Cass had shook it firmly as she spoke._

"_You too Major."_

Cass let out a deep sigh as she packed her field kit with focused precision as Carson handed her item after item that they had agreed upon for basic medical aid. In the months before their trip through the wormhole they had spent hours conferring with other teams of doctors who made haphazard trips through the Stargate in order to get a grasp with the kind of situations they were likely to be facing.

Each one of their meetings had brought something new to the table and both Carson and her had perfected procedures and drawn up lists of the possible supplies they needed. In principle Cass's field kit was practically the same as the one she had carried back in Afghanistan with a few pieces of Carson's advanced medical technology thrown in to help diagnosis anything she hadn't encountered before.

"We'll be ok lassie." Carson said into the silence between them as Cass fastened the straps and adjusted them until they were pulled tight.

His warm, reassuring hand clasped her shoulder, squeezing in a soothing manner. They had become fond of each other in the short time they had worked together, their relationship of a sibling nature. They knew there was a possibility that this mission was dangerous, the first ever trip through a Stargate had resulted in a war with the Goa'uld and numerous deaths and causalities on their side.

"Wish me luck." Cass requested, glancing at him over her shoulder as she brought the strap of the field kit over her head so it was settled across her body, the bag resting comfortably just underneath her hip.

"Aye, you won't need it." Carson told her with a confidence that Cass herself didn't feel in the slightest.

She gave Carson her own grim smile as they heard the door to the Infirmary hiss open behind them.

"Are you ready?" Major Sheppard's husky, deep voice asked her as he stood just inside the doorway.

Cass angled her body towards him, meeting his hazel eyes with an intensity she didn't realize she was exhibiting. He still looked as good as the day he had stepped into her medical tent over a year ago. Defended though, she thought as she took in his stance. Alike her, he was always on his guard. In the precarious situation they were about to step into they needed to be.

"I'm ready." she said, striding towards him in long quick steps.

As she strode through the doorway, a footstep behind Major Sheppard she heard Carson's soft Scottish lilt echoing in the quiet behind her.

"Good luck lass."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hi Guys! Thank you for taking the time to read this chapter. This is my first SGA story but it is certainly not my first OC fic. <strong>_

_**I have basically fallen in love with the series and I adore the intricacies of the plots the writers have installed throughout it. I hope you all enjoy this story and reviews, good or bad would be greatly appreciated! x**_


	2. Chapter 2: Bonding

Chapter Two

_Do you ever feel already buried deep?  
>6 feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing<br>Do you know that there's still a chance for you  
>'Cause there's a spark in you<em>

_Katy Perry - Firework_

Athos wasn't much different to their own home planet, Cass thought as she lingered inside the Healing Hut, jogging the wailing infant in her arms trying to settle him to sleep. The Stargate on this planet was housed in the centre of a grassy knoll with a small incline amongst a field full of wild flowers. The area they seemed to have stepped onto was extremely rural, not much different from the areas of farmland and forest back on Earth.

If she was honest Cass had been expecting something much stranger and surreal from all the Sci Fi movies she used to watch before she'd agreed to this expedition. It was her first time off world, she was a virgin compared to the experiences of Colonel Sumner and his team. Lieutenant Ford had sniggered at her comment as they'd stepped deeper into this interesting new world.

Lieutenant Aiden Ford was one of the military men that Cass had developed a brief rapport with during their short time on Atlantis. He had been one of the soldiers that had helped her and Carson carry the medical supplies through and set up the temporary infirmary. His youth was apparent from his babyfaced complexion but he made up for his lack of experience with dedication that Cass had seen in many of the more successful Marines.

After initial contact with the inhabitants of the planet, their group had been led into a small village harboured in the remoteness of the forest. It had been nightfall when they had stepped through the Stargate. At first Cass had been nervous of the darkness despite the fact she had her own weapon and set of night-vision goggles. Being apprehensive was part of her nature, she had been unnerved at the possibilities they faced.

At the crack of dawn they had sat down around the camp fire with the Athosians for their daily tea ritual and after that Cass had found herself working tirelessly on the throng of people that paraded through what the Athosians deemed the Healing Hut. She had spent the day working alongside their own Holistic Doctor Cyrus Lylimpa scribbling down notes on effective treatments and herbs that may serve some purpose in the future. In return Cass had offered the Athosians aid and her services in their Healing Hut for the day.

There had been a lot of people swarming around the Healing Hut in the early hours of the morning. Cyrus, a rotund man who reminded Cass of the traditional Budda statue, had told her the Healing Hutt was barely this busy. His suspicion was that people were really here to converse with Cass, herself as proposed to receiving treatment.

With Cyrus's permission she had indulged each member of the congregation outside, attempting to heal their ailments whilst listening closely to their stories and learning the ways of their culture. The Athosians were a proud race of people, to Cass that much was clear.

Cass was juggling a crying infant in the crook of her right arm as she rubbed the palm of her left hand across the baby boy's belly. The child was sick with colic. Cyrus had given his mother a draught to drink because she was still nursing and according to Cyrus, that and a little tummy rubbing seemed to go a long way to soothing the infant's pain.

Cyrus had been right of course, the baby was now grumbling instead of that full ear piercing shriek that had rattled through her ear drums when Nola, the mother had first entered. Cyrus had sent the other woman home in order to get some rest while the two of them cared for the little one.

"That's better isn't it little guy?" Cass murmured to the baby boy, her fingertip chucking him under the chin as he stared back at her with blinking, curious eyes. "Your a lot cuter when your not making a racket."

"I gotta tell you I never pegged you to be a dab hand with babies Doc." Major John Sheppard said from the doorway of the Healing Hut, his hazel eyes flickering to Cyrus. "May I enter?"

John's respect for these people had surprised Cass greatly. She had expected him to follow Colonel Sumner's abrupt, dismissive approach of the Athosians instead he was caring and compassionate, smoothing over the initial ripples of their gruff introductions with friendliness and humour.

Cyrus placed his hands together as if in prayer before he nodded his approval. John thanked the other man for his hospitality by mimicking the gesture before stepping inside the simple structure.

"I wanted to tell you that Colonel Sumner is taking a small crew of men out to the Ancient City." he told her in a hushed tone before lowering his gaze to the baby in her arms.

John held out his finger allowing the baby to wrap his minuscule hand around it as he waved his tiny fists. John rose his eyes to meet hers, that boyish grin breaking across his features making Cass's heart rate to pick up just a little at this relaxed version of him. She was seeing John Sheppard, the man, all over again as opposed to his counter part The Major.

"Do you really think that's a good idea?" Cass asked quietly, bending her head close so that Cyrus would not be able to hear her part of the conversation. "Considering what they told us about these things called the Wraith?"

"I'm not the one in charge." John reminded her, wiggling his finger from side to side in order to play a new type of game with the baby boy. "I'm going out of the village with Teyla, she wants to show me something. Lieutenant Ford and his team are by the Stargate, if you need anything head to them. Otherwise I'll swing by and pick you up."

"Cool, I'll probably be somewhere around here making use of myself." Cass told John glancing around the Healing Hut pointedly as she cradled the infant close.

"By making extra money babysitting?" John teased, withdrawing his finger as Cass began to wrap the infant in what looked like a home made, patchwork swaddling blanket.

"Weren't you the one that suggested making friends?" Cass retorted as he took the corner of the blanket from her busy fingertips and tucked it neatly underneath the baby's chin.

"I meant with people our own age." John said light heartedly before crossing his arms over his broad chest. "I have to admit seeing you talking to these people makes you look less uptight and serious."

"Uptight?" Cass repeated, her sapphire blue eyes narrowing at his words.

"No..." John drew out the word as he grimaced, rubbing the back of his dark head sheepishly. "I gotta go Teyla's waiting."

"I think that's for the best." Cass said, shaking her head with a small smile at his antics.

"Ah so you do smile." John remarked, raising his eyebrows.

Even just a tiny wattage of that bright smile made something inside him settle. He hadn't realized that he'd been seeking that pretty ray of sunlight and when he saw it his heart seemed to stop in his chest. It was clear what he saw when he looked at Cass and he struggled valiantly against the strange, wanting feeling. Even as he did he knew that he was failing miserably.

Cass was everything that embodied a sense of well being and homeliness for him and he had yet to understand why. It's like a piece of himself was slotting back inside him when the two of them stood together. A fun and happier version of himself. Contentment was never a word that John associated with himself. He felt foolish and undeserving of the way this woman made him feel but he couldn't help respond to the connection, he wasn't in complete control any more than she was.

"About as much as you talk about Ferris Wheels." she shot back as she set the baby down in the Moses basket which doubled as both a carrier and a bed.

If he remembered it was her banter or rather 'their' banter that he liked so much about Cass in the beginning. It was hard to find a woman who could keep up with his smart ass comments and even more difficult to keep one in regards to his job. He had been married once, secrets had rotted his relationship with Nancy from the inside out. He couldn't be there for her when she needed him, his job took him away on classified assignments way too often to maintain anything stable. In short John had learned that he had no business offering himself to anybody else, he didn't have anything to give.

Yet every time he heard Cass laugh it sounded like a classical quartet plucking at every single one of the chords deep inside him. He wished it could be different for them but there was nothing certain in his future. A relationship was out of the question but a friendship, he could deal with that. Just being near her was enough for him right now.

"I do like Ferris wheels." he confirmed as Cass twisted to face him again.

They had known each other barely twenty hour hours in total if he included Afghanistan and their brief happenings on Atlantis but somehow he felt like he knew her better than he knew anyone else back home on Earth.

The time they shared had always been fleeting but it was forging a connection so deep that he could feel it throbbing in the depths of his soul. It strengthened with every word, glance and expression they exchanged. John wanted to learn what made her tick. He pushed back the compulsion with every fibre of his being.

By now he was used to being alone and he enjoyed the freedom but there was something to be said for sharing himself with somebody else. He had bore the weight of his own burdens for far too long now, he was starting to find it exhausting.

"And anything that goes faster than two hundred miles an hour." Cass recounted, pointing at him with her forefinger as she spoke.

"And you like Chinese food and hate the snow." he reminded her with a knowing look.

The expression on Cass's face at the revelation was worth making the comment. He guessed she had suspected that her words had gone in one ear and out the other just like she must have experienced with other men. The thought of other men in Cassie's life sent a deep feral protectiveness pulsating through him and he extinguished that almost immediately.

_Friends_, John chided himself.

Despite the way he had left the infirmary back in Afghanistan, for weeks after he had not been able to stop thinking of the pale skinned, dark haired doctor who had treated his injuries. The crippling lonesomeness that he saw residing inside of her mirrored his own. John considered whether this was part of his attraction to her, they shared the same broken pieces he thought. To other people they both hid it well.

"So you aren't just a pretty face." Cass responded to his words with a bite of humour.

"I don't know whether to be honoured or offended." John informed her, putting a hand to his chest in mock modesty.

"Go." Cass gestured with her dainty hand waving him off. "Your keeping our new friend waiting."

"I'll be back." he saluted with two fingers and a wink.

"Did you really just quote Terminator Two at me?" Cass laughed, her dark fringe falling across her face as she shook her head in dismay.

There it was again, that familiar surprised giggle that haunted his nights after he'd met her in Afghanistan. It seemed ridiculous back then, thinking about a woman he had spent only a few hours in the company of but when he was standing here in front of her he understood why.

There was a calming influence to Cass, one that only true healers exhibited. He had seen it rarely within his world but he knew that she possessed the ability to sooth people. It was mesmerizing to see it in action.

The people of this village had been edgy and alarmed by their arrival. They had seen their team as intruders upon their peaceful existence and in a way he couldn't blame them for that. Slowly he hoped that they were changing the villagers minds. Teyla seemed to have a little faith in him but the others were still weary. Maybe with time that would all change, they could do with a few friends in this new universe.

"See it's much more fun when other people get what I'm saying." John told her, flashing one last glimpse of his smile before waving goodbye.

* * *

><p>It was nighttime again when all hell had broken loose. It had been the sound of Lieutenant Ford's confused and troubled voice over the radio that had alerted Cass to the beginnings of a problem. She was on her feet in seconds leaving the shelter of the camp fire she had been sitting at with Cyrus and some of the other villagers to order to receive the transmission again.<p>

As soon as she'd pressed the button to request a repeat, she was deafened by the roar of what she could only describe as a dart-like space ship zooming across the sky above her.

"Doctor Pierce to all units, they're flying over the village as we speak." she yelled into the radio over the chaos that was starting to break loose around her.

People were running in all directions, gathering up their children as they abandoned their homes before plunging into the deepest depths of the forest. In the uproar she could hear their screaming echoing in her ears as the word 'Wraith' was sounded like a call of alarm. It was insane to see so many people pushing and shoving each other in a bid to clear the village. She had seen instances like this before in Afghanistan and it never ended well.

Cass didn't know what the Wraith were but alike the people of the village there wasn't a chance in hell she was sticking around to find out. Something that asserted this much fear over people had to be something terrible. Her fingertips were already slipping across the holster on her hip, her finger flicking open the popper button as she pulled the Glock out from it's sheath.

There were shadows surrounding her, beings she could only catch a glimpse of out of the corner of her eye. It was like trying to grasp at smoke, it flitted away from her in an instant. Cass whirled around, her hands locked tightly around her weapon as she struggled to catch sight of the life form stalking her like prey.

A ball of flame erupted beside her, lighting up the dark night like a haze of fireworks as the hut beside her exploded. The sheer force of the searing, hot, blast knocked her off her feet. Cass hit the ground slapping out just like her Judo training had taught her.

The motion stopped the potentially crippling blow to her head and neck causing the shock to vibrate through her body. Her gun was gone, it had flew from her fingers and become lost in the sea of debris that had fallen down around her in the shell shocked seconds she'd spent writhing here on the ground.

Cass rolled onto her side, struggling to all fours, coughing as the rancid smoke filled her lungs. Her eyes were watering like crazy, blinding her as someone gripped her arm in a vice like grasp and yanked her completely to her feet.

"We need to get back to the gate, it's the best vantage point." Colonel Sumner was telling her over the ringing in her ears.

Cass allowed him to guide her until she found her footing once more. Her vision was clearing now and she could see the devastation that lay before them. The simple buildings were now smouldering hovels shrouded in thick black smoke that blocked out the stars above. Screams were echoing in her ears, shrieks of terror and torment prodding at her heart as beams of halogen swarmed the area.

A blast of light surrounded the two of them stopping them dead in their tracks. The brightness was debilitating, it tore at Cass's vision stripping it away as her limbs became limp and lifeless. Her mind was beginning to slip away, she could feel it vanishing as Colonel Sumner's gruff voice roared in her ears.

"What the hell..."

And then nothing at all.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! I would just like to say a special thanks to all of you who have added this story and of course anyone whose reading!<strong>_

_High: Hi! It's nice to meet you. I forgot to mention in my summary that the story starts from S1 but I have corrected it along with the hazel eyes, so thanks very much for your help with that, I always have a bit of a bumpy start with the first chapter before I iron out all the kinks. Also I saw your pic on your profile and congrats on meeting the cast! I hope you continue to enjoy this story!_

_Shep: Hi there! I was introduced to SGA last month and have become completely enthralled by it. I was devastated when I discovered the series had ended but I suppose if it had to end it ended in a good place. Lol I thought Shep deserved a bit of love so I thought why not write and see how this ends up working out. I agree I have a thing for his physical stature lol. It's nice to meet a woman after my own heart! _


	3. Chapter 3: Equilibrium

Chapter Three

_I know that there's no turning back.  
>If we put too much light on this <em>

_We'll see through all the cracks._

_David Cook - Lie_

Major John Sheppard and Doctor Elizabeth Weir were standing on a balcony that neither of them had known existed until three minutes ago. It was stationed on the east side of the control room and it's entrance had been cleverly disguised as a wall. As Doctor Weir had said upon arrival, the city seemed to be anticipating their needs and accommodating for them.

Only ten minutes ago had Atlantis propelled itself upwards and out of the ocean, plunging through the freezing cold depths before breaking through the surface towards the dazzling sun. John had assumed this was one of the fail safes the Ancients had installed in case their generators depleted and he had to admit he was glad they had gotten around to that. Dying under a thousand feet's worth of water pressure had never appealed much to him.

Both of them leaned over the side of the balcony starring into the sea below them as the silence stretched between them. The waves were rippling calmly against the side of the stunning building as he began to construct his argument.

John was good at reading people. He knew what Weir was about to say before the words even exited her mouth and he was already strategically thinking up the right right road blocks to burn a hole in her logic. When taking on an opponent like Elizabeth Weir, one had to work on the same playing field that her mind did in order to gain some ground against the enemy. Shouting and screaming wasn't going to get him anywhere so he would play on her terms, challenge her intellect and valour.

He chanced a glance at her face to see her still shocked and awed at the sight before her. Adaptation was something that came easily to him. A balcony had appeared and he decided to use it, for Weir he understood it was more about the technical side of things, she questioned the reasoning behind the balcony being here.

"Let me guess, your not going to let me rescue our people." John began by breaking the silence.

Weir said nothing in return to his comment and he felt the familiar surge of anger and indignation fluctuate inside him. His emotions were running high as they always did in situations involving the lives of others. They were in the enemy's hands having god knows what done to them and that thought chewed at him. John couldn't afford to think of them as individuals, that would make the burden to bear even heavier but already his mind was throwing up images of their faces making the burning desire to rescue them even more real.

The strong, resilient Colonel Sumner, sweet demure Cassie Pierce and the quiet, reserved Sergeant Stackhouse. His new friend Teyla and some of her people were amongst the prisoners also and the urge to do something, anything was overwhelming. It was too late for John to turn back the clock but he could use all of the options viable to him at this current moment. He would never forgive himself if he didn't try.

"Major." Weir said finally, angling her body towards him as he paced with nervous energy. "You don't even know if they're alive."

"You don't leave people in the hands of the enemy." John shot back, his furious gaze fixing on Weir as he stood before her. "And the fact that we are even having this conversation in private let's me know that you know damn well that it's wrong and that it would totally undermine your leadership."

He paused for a second as Weir stared at him with dark eyes, stunned by his observation. She placed both hands behind her back and shifted her stance so that both her feet were parted. She was fortifying herself against his revelation and he was glad he'd smacked that card down on the table, appealing to her both her human nature and her role of leader of this expedition.

Clearly Weir expected to be having this conversation with a honour-toting jar head instead she was floored by his keen eye and deeper understanding of her situation. John had established his measure of her pretty quickly and now he was allowing her to do the same.

"So as ranking military officer..." he continued before she held up a hand to cut him off.

"Sorry, just shut up a moment alright?" she requested, snatching back her control of the situation.

John closed his mouth and clamped his lips together, trying to stem the rest of the argument that was on the very tip of his tongue. She was in charge here and she commanded his respect, there would be no mutual relationship between them if he didn't reward her with it.

"What do we really know about the Wraith?" she asked him with a flat, calm tone to her voice. "One of the things we do know is that their the enemy that defeated the Ancients."

John conceded to that information, drawing it in and storing it for later. He didn't know much about the civilization that pre-dated them but he gathered that they had been a powerful people, he was standing on top of the greatest evidence of that right now.

"When we first started using the Stargates on Earth, we got ourselves into serious trouble and why?" she prompted him, using a gesture he understood meant for him to continue the story.

And yet John couldn't. He didn't know anything about the history or the people she was talking about except for what the Hologram had told them, and the bits and pieces he'd picked up along the way. It frustrated him that she was using his lack of knowledge against him.

"I don't know that." he forced himself to admit.

"Because the people in charge didn't consider the ramifications before they reacted." Weir finished for him.

"But they took our people." he reminded her sharply, gesturing with his hands. "How am I supposed to react?"

"We're defenceless." Weir snapped,pointing out the obvious oversight. "You said so yourself."

That was another good point of hers. What use was a rescue mission if it put the larger volume of people at risk? From a personal stand point there was very little he could do to sooth the ferocious beast inside him, he despised being in this position even if it was his duty.

"How do you know going off on some half assed rescue mission isn't going to bring the Wraith right back here to our doorstep?" she questioned John without breaking his gaze.

"Maybe it will." he replied, his voice alarmingly level despite the vicious battle that was waging inside him. "But it's the right thing to do and why..."

He jabbed his finger at Weir pre-empting her next question.

"Because it is."

"John..." she implored, drawing out his first name in attempt to reconnect with him.

"If we're not gonna do this and I mean right now, let's just turn tail and pack up because their coming." he told Weir, pointing at the sky for empathises.

"You don't know that." she shook off his warning with the dismissive tone of her voice.

John was getting to her though, he could see it in her defensive posture. It was in the way she crossed her arms tightly over her chest and darted furtive glance at the white clouds rolling in across the otherwise clear blue sky.

"Our people are in the hands of the enemy Doctor, do you know what that means?" he asked her outright.

Weir tilted her head upwards and John took that as a sign to continue as he switched gears and prodded at the principles behind why she had been selected to govern this exhibition. He knew a thing or two about leadership and why she, of all people was here. He was drawing back the curtain like a magician to revel the bigger picture at play.

"It's just a matter of time before the Wraith figure out that this is the base of all our operations." he reminded her intentionally.

If he had to put the fear of God into this woman then he would if it obtained his goal. John could see the cogs turning behind Weir's eyes and he knew that already she was changing tactics and that meant on some level he was winning. He was forcing her to review her decisions as he laid down the implications in front of her like a grotesque game of chess.

"I just need more information, I mean who knows maybe I can negotiate a peaceful..."

"Peaceful?" John exclaimed as his mind flickered back to the stench of burning flesh that had filled his mouth and nostrils back at the village, the thought of it made him gag at the wastefulness of the Wraith. "We weren't there for more than a few hours before they showed up."

Something crossed Weir's mind, he could see something lurking behind those hazel orbs as his eyebrows furrowed into a frown, his lips pursed waiting for her words.

"Is it possible they came because of you?" she asked him, slipping into a more factual tone of voice.

It lead John to consider a wealth of possibilities as he diverted his gaze in thought over the ocean. His head was already nodding his agreement as his brain fired off words and images connecting the fragments of the loose ends together.

"And that one of these people you brought back with you tipped them off?" Weir persisted, referring to the Athosians refugees John had brought back to Atlantis.

"It's possible." John confessed, sounding hostile at the fact she had began to speak to him as if he were a child.

"See that is exactly the kind of snap decision I'm referring to." Weir pointed out, shaking her head.

"They're not bad all people." John told her, his voice touching some shred of humanity deep down inside her. "And if we're gonna stick around here, we're gonna need friends."

The position Elizabeth Weir was in was not an easy one and as she accepted his words she knew that he had won. He was right on so many different levels and in the end broken down her original resistance. He had bested her at this verbal chess game, his evidence was sound as was his logic and tactical observations. She had no doubt that she had just been manipulated and that was no mean feat on Major Sheppard's part.

"Ok." she finished quietly, nodding so he could see the depths of her understanding. "I see your point. Now you see mine."

They were creating an equilibrium between the two of them, a mutual respect as it were. The dynamic between the two was changing and John thought he could live with that. Doctor Weir was an open minded woman and she was glad she had taken on board his opinion. All that was left now was this final moment of truth.

"I will not authorise a rescue mission unless I am sure there is at least a remote chance of success. I'm not sending more good people including you to their deaths." she told him, her fists clenched by her sides.

John was seeing beyond the mask she portrayed, he could see the weight of those lives upon her shoulders as her eyes blazed daring him to challenge not just her authority but her humanity once more. He had pushed enough to get what he wanted it was now his turn to stand down and acknowledge her position in the chain of command.

"Ok." he spoke softly before bowing his head in acknowledgement and exiting the balcony in order to begin making plans.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I just wanted to show how the relationship between John and Elizabeth has started to develop, both have very valid viewpoints and we needed to see both sides.<strong>_

_Baby: Hi, it's nice to meet you. John's reaction is to act like the avid militarist he is and as a strategist. I don't think he'd let his emotions show on the surface but we'll have to see how this plays out._

_High: Thank you very much for your review, it's appreciated. I am very happy that your enjoying this, I am working really hard on trying to make everything as realistic as possible or at least as in char with the series. I am gonna be honest I adore writing Cass, she always surprises me! I imagined the cast to be warm and I am so glad to hear they lived up to our expectations. I am completely envious!_


	4. Chapter 4: Patience

Chapter Four

_Hold on to the past tense tonight  
>Don't say a word,<br>I'm OK with the quiet.  
>The truth is gonna change everything.<br>_

_David Cook – Lie To Me_

Patience had never been Cass's strong point, even now when the chips were down and the situation dire was she still blessed with her famous inability to wait. Her hands were wrought with agony, the indentations of their organic prison cell were etched into her palms. Her forearms and shoulders ached from the strain of the yanking and pulling that had occurred when her and Sergeant Stackhouse had attempted to dismantle the webbed door to their confined space.

Their escape attempts were thwarted by the steel-like rigidity of the door, Cass had flinched originally upon touching the fleshy consistency. It felt like skin beneath her fingertips and when her she wrapped her hands around the bars they reminded her of bone. There were claw marks in the walls from where the Atlosians they were trapped with had tried to scratch their way through the vacuous surface. There had been very little success on either front and now they had resigned themselves to sitting on the floor of their cell in order to conserve energy.

The Wraith had stripped them of everything but their clothes while they were unconscious from the debilitating tractor beam that had wrenched them unwillingly on-board this ship. It made Cass feel sick at the idea of their gnarled, blue claw-like hands anywhere near her body. Vulnerability was not feeling she was accustomed to, over the years she had erected a cold, hard shell between reality and her own inner sanctum. It was what gave her the clarity and ability to work within situations that other people would have deemed hopeless. There was no time for panic here, it would solve nothing if she allowed the icy tendrils that were squirming in her gut to get a full grip on her system. She breathed out through her mouth. The sensation of entrapment was the same as last time although their holding area was nicer.

_Fifty two hours and counting. Cass thought as she sat besides Private Luke Mathews, tucked in closely beside his large hulking frame for comfort and warmth. His good arm was wrapped around her shoulders drawing her even closer together as they huddled against the freezing cold air that was beginning to descent on the cave they were confined to. Jagged rocks dripping with condensation poking against her spine as she rubbed her hands together in attempt to heat them. There had been four of them originally and now there were two. Both her and Luke had heard the gunshots periodically within hours of their companions being torn from their holding space and interrogated. It didn't leave much to the imagination in terms of their fate. _

_Her head was aching down the left side from the skirmish almost three days ago. It had been a routine check point out in the desert and before their vehicular had even drawn to a stop it had become a complete and utter nightmare. Guns had been thrust in their faces, the doors yanked open as Cass herself was dragged from the vehicular kicking and cursing. The last thing she had remembered was a loud cracking sound as excruciating pain exploded in her temple._

"_We're going to have to fight them." Cass had uttered to Luke as her head span from the untreated concussion._

"_I know." Luke had told her holding up his bandaged left hand._

_The last time the insurgents had come to their cell, their degradation had been the worst so far. Speaking in fluent Arabic their eyes had flickered to the lone woman of the group as they framed one word in English so she would understand._

"_Infidel." _

_'One without faith.' she had remembered before they had spat in her face._

_Luke's roar of indignation had echoed so violently through the caves as he lashed out at the leader of the group. She had heard the sickening crunch of bone when they had stamped on three of his fingers in a bid to punish him for his insolence. They had left soon after that with sneers and promises spoken with an intention that Cass had no trouble reading._

_During that time she had managed to set Luke's broken fingers with a flat stone from the harsh, solid ground they were sitting on and thready fabric torn from his ragged T-shirt. It had hurt like a bitch, she knew as she forced his broken bones into a decent healing position but Luke had clenched the remains of his shirt between his teeth to stifle the cry of agony that escaped his throat. _

_They could hear the key turning in the decrepit lock already and it sent a lance of terror piercing through every fibre of her being. _

"_Cass, you have to fight this. I know your scared but it's the only way." Luke whispered into the darkness._

_She swallowed hard past the lump in her throat and the fear that was constricting her chest as she spoke._

"_I know." _

_She stripped off her jacket from her shoulders leaving it in a heap upon the floor beside Luke. She pulled her t-shirt taunt over her athletic frame. They had one thing and one thing only to barter with and in the end she knew that they would take it no matter how she fought. She would rather die than let them have her and that's what she was preparing for right now. Death._

"_If this goes wrong..." _

_The words were left unspoken between them as Luke tilted his head away ashamed by what the two of them had become reduced to._

"_I'll kill you myself." he promised. _

_Seduction had never been her strong point but when her life depended on it she was passable it would seem. The insurgent had never seen it coming as she slipped his hunting knife from his belt under the guise of fumbling._

_Killing him was the only sure fire way of getting out of this hell hole and Cass took his life with a methodical precision. She couldn't afford to stop to think about her actions, the moment she did she would crumble and her resolve would snap. _

_It was the sound of a chopper that had changed the game for Cass. As soon as she'd released Luke from the cell, the hum of the engine was punctuating through the air like a mechanical angel of mercy. Cass had never felt such relief flood through her veins before. It had taken twenty minutes for US forces to storm the cave and vanquish the enemy. The moment she saw the clean, pressed uniformed of the Marines Cass realized that she had never been so relieved to see anybody in her whole entire life._

The point was back then they had only had each other to rely on and Cass was finding herself now in the same dire, stringent situation. Only this time her hope was fading, she could feel it being drained and extinguished as the minutes ticked by. Colonel Sumner had been the first amongst their group to be taken and she was sure that he wouldn't be coming back. He was a stout military man, she had no doubt that he would do what he could to survive, all except give the Wraith the information they sought.

Cass wondered if she could be that strong in the face of this adversity. There were worse things than death and Teyla had detailed with that brutal honesty of hers that the Wraith were well versed in interrogation. From the information Cass had gleamed from the village and from Teyla and the other Athosians she was locked up with there Wraith were dispassionate and merciless.

From their briefest of meetings Cass had been able to tell as much. They appeared to be skulking vicious creatures, both wordless and intimating. They herded up humans like cattle, selecting their meals with no particular configuration. Their wrathful hissing had sent a compulsive shiver chasing up her spine that she hadn't expected as she had stood in the united front beside Teyla and Colonel Sumner shielding the weaker members of their group from their hungry stares.

Sergeant Stackhouse caught her eye and shook his head sullenly. Cass let out an exasperated sigh as she banged the back of her head lightly against the wall behind her in frustration at the knowledge that passed between them. There would be no rescue.

Their delegation of people lacked abilities to launch such an attempt on such an empowered enemy. They hadn't been on Atlantis long enough to recruit allies and the two of them knew that the focus on Doctor's Weir's mind would be of evacuating the giant underwater city. The greater good as it were.

The only slight chance they had was to rush the guards all at once but the problem with that plan was that the Wraith were not only more skilled and better equipped but they had also instilled such a sense of fear into most of the Athosians that it appeared they were willing to simply lie down and die. The only exception was Teyla making it three for three against an impossible enemy, still in Cass's mind it was better to die trying than to sit still while the Wraith sucked the life right out of her body.

"We're going to have to do this ourselves." Teyla said out loud as if reading her thoughts.

"We need to wait for Colonel Sumner to come back, then we can launch a rescue attempt. Four against three are better odds." Stackhouse recommended from his position in the corner.

"No offence Sergent but I don't think the Colonel is going to be coming back." Teyla told him sharply, before meeting Cass's eyes. "If we're going to do this we need to do it soon before they further deplete our number."

"We don't leave people behind, it's not our way, at least not without knowing for sure." Cass explained to Teyla as Stackhouse bristled beside her. "I know your the same way with your own people."

"It is true." Teyla agreed.

"So what?" Stackhouse questioned with sarcasm. "We just wait for the guards to arrive and rush them? Do you want me to detail all the flaws in that plan?"

"Or you could wait for someone with C4 to bust you out and take you back to their ship." John's husky whisper divulged through the bars of their cell as he fixed the tiny plastic explosive to the door.

Cass couldn't describe the feeling of elation she felt when she saw him standing there in his black combat gear. Lieutenant Ford was standing to the left hand side armed with his P-90 as he studied the corridor ahead. There was a hope in her heart and she knew it was akin to the other prisoners in the cell as they all rose to their feet huddling around the gate listening as he spoke in quiet, commanding tones. Teyla was answering his questions one after the other with adequate, full responses.

"Twenty minutes." John assured them before turning to Lieutenant Ford for confirmation. "If I'm not back in twenty minutes blow it up and take everybody back to the Puddle Jumper."

Cass wasn't the only one relieved by the his words, she could see the calmness descend over the cell like an invisible blanket. They weren't out of the woods yet but there was a clear sense of purpose in the air now. Freedom was barely a breath away and there was excitement in the air at the prospect.

Her sapphire eyes came to rest on the John's retreating back, watching as he flanked the left wall of the corridor that Colonel Sumner had been dragged down. She just hoped that twenty minutes was long enough for him to save the Colonel and get himself out of harms way.

* * *

><p>The night sky over the city of Atlantis was truly sensational and John found himself trying to spot constellations he had once known the names to. The balcony was quiet and at the moment that's what he needed. His thoughts were scattered and incomprehensible as he held onto the coffee mug half full with untouched Moet champagne. It was an expensive brand back on Earth, one he would have gulped in an instant if he was in a celebrating mood but the truth was he simply wasn't. They had lost a man today, not a man really, but a hero and it had been by his own hand.<p>

It had been Colonel Sumner's final wish that he put a bullet in his brain and John wasn't a man who could deny a dying man's order. There was an unspoken military tradition called 'The Nod' and that's what Sumner had given him as he had wavered with the indecision. A man couldn't be expected to live like that after having his life literally stolen from him. He knew if the roles would have been reversed he would have done the same thing.

Encountering the Wraith had been informative and somewhat terrifying. John would never admit it to anyone but it was the fear that had kept him sharp all of these years, it was what had kept him alive. He didn't have to turn around to know that it was Cassie stepping up beside him. His hands were still wrapped around the mug as his elbows rested on the ledge of the balcony, his hazel eyes looking out at the silver moon baring down on the waters shimmering surface.

"I gotta say, I'm a lot more relieved that now we're above the water as opposed to below it." Cass said into the empty space between them .

John dared himself to glance at her and found himself almost breathless. Her head was tilted upwards so she could see the stars hanging in the night sky above them. Her dark hair was loose and blowing lightly in the breeze, fluttering across her porcelain skin as she turned her serious gaze upon him. Her eyes were like sapphires glittering in the light from the reception hall behind them as she bowed her head a faint blush creeping across her cheeks as she fiddled with the delicate silver watch on her wrist.

"I want to say thank you for heading up the rescue mission. It was a brave, stupid thing to do but I'm glad you did it." she pursed her pert lips together as she rose her head to meet his stare.

"I don't think I've ever been complimented and insulted in the same sentence before." he told her half serious as he turned his attention back to the sea.

"I hear it's a skill." she said humorously, before clasping her hands together and leaning beside him on the railing.

His lips were twitching with the beginnings of a smile as he shook his head at her words. He filed that shred of information under the filing cabinet in his head labelled Cassie. He assumed it was a habit she exhibited when she was nervous and he wasn't offended by it. Even with his skill as a Major and a pilot pulling off that rescue had been a long shot.

Just having her here, this close had made the entire mission worth while. The thought of losing her had frightened him in a way John didn't care to admit. He wasn't good at dealing with his emotions so he kept them tucked away and hidden where no one else could see them. Out of all the people here it was Cassie who seemed to pick up on his dark mood and she accommodated for it by lingering intentionally in his presence, letting him know that she was there. To John's surprise he found that oddly comforting.

"Colonel Sumner was a good man." Cassie offered quietly. "I'm sorry."

It seemed to cliché for her to use those words but John could tell from the tone of her voice that she was entirely sincere. The survivors from the rescue had handed over a hub of information to Doctor McKay to be documented and catalogued but nobody had talked personally about those missing two days. John understood what it was like to distance yourself from an event like that and when he looked at Cassie, he was glad that she was still standing. A lesser woman may have broken under the strain and horrors of the abduction but Cassie was not that kind of person. She was happy to be alive. In her eyes, he understood that Colonel Sumner had been a saviour when he'd offered himself up to the Wraith.

John rose the mug of champagne to his lips tasting the bitterness on his tongue once more before speaking.

"Yea, I am too."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! Firstly thankies for the adds and I hope you enjoy this little insight into Cass!<strong>_


	5. Chapter 5: Chances

Chapter Five 

_I wanna love you,  
>But something's pulling me away from you<br>Jesus is my virtue,  
>Judas is the demon I cling to<br>I cling to _

_Lady Gaga - Judas_

It was three am, Earth time and Cass was still awake. She should be tucked up in bed asleep, instead she was standing on the Eastern Balcony listening to the roar of the waves in the distance. The stark black water was swirling against the base of the tower as Cass tilted his head up towards the crescent moon. In her hands she held a mug of delicious hot cocoa, it was soothing and warm against the chilled salty air. She needed to be here right now, the fresh breeze was clearing her head and chasing away the cobwebs left by the nightmares she had been having ever since they'd left the Wraith ship.

Over the past few nights her dreams had been filled with a twisted mixture of her past and the present. Her sleep was plagued with snarling Wraiths hissing and snapping at her, their palms outstretched towards her chest, and then she was back in The Cave, feeling the heat of the insurgents blood flooding through her hands as he rasped in Arabic.

Cass sipped from the steaming mug, feeling the liquid comfort seeping through her insides. The sugar hit was enough to calm her jingling nerves and she felt herself coming down from her constant state of hyper vigilance. Lack of sleep made her paranoid and edgy, she had been jumping at shadows too much these days. She felt her shoulders beginning to sag at the twinges of relaxation that pulsed through her nervous system.

Bad dreams came with the territory, she had learned that over the past four years as a field doctor. Before The Cave it had been the ones that she couldn't save that had haunted her dreams. She had seen the blood jetting from the holes torn in broken bodies, heard their youthful whimpers and ragged breathes as they pleaded for their mothers, wives or children. She remembered their slackening grip as the light drained out of their dying eyes.

"Couldn't sleep?" Elizabeth Weir's compassionate voice was in Cass's ears as the younger woman tilted her head towards her.

Weir came to stand alongside her, her elbows resting on the stone ledge as she looked out to sea. Cass hugged the mug closer to her chest revelling in the heat emitting from it as she snuck another glance at the leader of their expedition. Her uniform was clean and neatly pressed, there wasn't a brunette hair out of place on her head. Cass glanced down at her grey sweats and the faded, powder blue Wonderwoman T-shirt. She didn't have to look in a mirror to know that her hair was a tangled birds nest from all of her tossing and turning. Cass ran her hand through her hair discreetly trying to pat it down as she spoke.

"I'm guessing you don't sleep."

If she was honest Weir's perfection scared her a little, the woman was human enough but Cass felt like she was aloof from the rest of them. Being a leader must be like having to wear a mask over your real face all the time. She knew a thing or two about reigning in her emotions, she had to tip her hat to Weir and the ice maiden image that the other woman portrayed. Weakness was not something that either of them exposed naturally.

"It always takes me a few weeks to settle down when I'm in a new place." Weir said conversationally, crossing her arms over her chest as she looked out across the sea.

Cass bowed her head, staring into the deep recesses of her mug at the unspoken question. There were so many things bouncing around her head, words that she could never say out loud. Her guard was up protecting herself from what she knew could be perceived as failure. Cass didn't know Elizabeth Weir well enough to spill her guts. She wasn't even sure she could talk about what had happened.

In truth she'd spoken to the department psychologist and then as far as she was concerned case closed, she would never have to relive the event again. The scar still itched deep inside her, she hadn't known she was capable of surviving until she was forced to and in the end she knew that was part of the reason Carson had fought so bitterly to hire her.

"It's normal not to sleep after what you went through back on the Hive shift." Weir approached, wrapping the jacket of her uniform even tighter around herself.

"I didn't go through anything." Cass returned quietly, sipping from her mug of cocoa.

Colonel Sumner was the one that had been tortured and fed upon. She felt some guilt over that but she knew it was pointless, she couldn't change things no matter how much she wanted to. In the same instance Colonel Sumner would have still offered himself up to protect them again, there was no real way around that. He had died a noble and brave man in her eyes and that would be the way she chose to remember him.

"Yes you did." Weir commented forcefully into the thoughtful quietness between them. "You were taken by the Wraith and held captive for a little under two days. I want to know how your doing."

"So you can evaluate my usefulness?" Cass questioned with more hostility than she intended.

"On one level yes, but on another I'm concerned about your well-being the same way I would be about any of the other people on this base." Weir informed her, her voice indignant at the disposition of the other woman. "Now you can talk to me one on one or I can relieve you of duty until I see fit, which do you prefer Doctor?"

The stark reality of the situation was hitting Cass straight in the face, she was being unreasonable and she hated it. She lashed out when she felt cornered or threatened, it had never been her intention to aggravate Weir, she was simply defensive.

_You have to stop,_ she told herself. _You have to let your guard down sometime._

Weir had been polite from the beginning and now she had forced the older woman to reassert her authority. Weir was looking out for the expedition's best interests, the two of them had had minimal contact throughout their time on Atlantis and it had taken Cass a few moments to understand that Weir was trying to get a measure of her character, she was trying to see the reasons behind Carson's decision.

"I'm sorry." Cass said, setting her mug down on the thick ledge of the balcony before raising her eyes skywards. "I'm not good at stuff like this."

_Talking,_ Weir thought. _She was admitting she wasn't very good at opening up._

Doctor Cass Pierce was excellent in the field but she had had her reservations on the younger woman when she had looked deeper into her background. Carson had argued she was young and resilient, someone with a heart and steely resolve. In the end it was medical credentials and her history of keeping a cool head in the most dire of situations that had swung her vote.

"You took a chance on me." Cass recounted into the air.

"I don't regret it." the other woman informed her. "Sergeant Stackhouse tells me you kept your wits about you in that situation, you didn't let it get the best of you despite your past. You should be proud of that, conquering your fear is an achievement."

"Courage is not the absence of fear, it's being the only one that knows that your scared." Cass quoted off hand as her fingertip circled the rim of the mug.

Weir found a small smile crossing her features at the words. They were strangely apt in this situation. They were the words of someone who knew themselves better than anyone else and Weir found herself wondering what it was like to confront the darkness inside of yourself. The evidence of what it did to a person was standing right in front of her.

"I think that's fitting." Weir told her, watching from the corner of her eye as Cass wrapped her hands around the mug once more and stared out across the skyline.

"To tell you the truth Doctor Weir, I was as scared as hell." Cass admitted.

The words left her mouth like a terrible truth hanging in the air above them. Weir had never forgotten what it was like being a woman amongst a crowd of powerful men. She had fought wars of her own and had won the majority but she never neglected to remind herself of the terrible cost there was to bear.

"It's natural." Weir assured Cass honestly.

"I know." Cass responded with a shrug of her shoulders. "And so are the nightmares. It's all about settling again. I know myself well enough to know that soon there won't be any bad dreams until then this is all I can do for now."

She indicated to the mug between them as she spoke before propping her chin up on her elbow and focusing on the flecks of orange patterning the dark sky ahead of them.

"Next time make me a cup and I'll join you." Weir told the younger woman. "See if your cocoa has the ability to ease my mind in the same way."

"I will do that." Cass promised as the two women watched the sunrise creeping over their city for the very first time.

* * *

><p>Cass was smiling and John found himself enduring the rare moment of contentment as he watched her discreetly from the doorway of the quiet Infirmary. Her expressive features were tilted down towards the small Athosian girl as she murmured sweet words of reassurance to the child whilst cleaning the graze on her knee with an antibacterial wipe.<p>

This was a softer edge to her, one that she rarely exhibited these days and John found he liked it. The time he viewed her unobserved was precious and fleeting, he knew at any moment his cover would be blown and he'd be forced to create a reason for lurking in the Infirmary but for these brief seconds he would enjoy it.

Cass held out a choice of band aids to the pigtailed girl as the mother hovered anxiously nearby.

"Blue or pink?" he heard that soft tone utter before the child pointed to the vibrant blue.

Cass stripped the protective plastic away from the small bandage before fixing it firmly to the child's knee.

"Well thank you for being so brave. You should see the Major when he gets a boo boo." Cass told the little girl glancing over her shoulder at John's startled expression.

_Busted,_ he thought rubbing the back of his head sheepishly as he stepped up to the bed that Cass was helping the Athosian child down from.

"If it flares up or anything feel free to come back and I'll take another look at it." Cass relayed to the mother before bidding them both goodbye with a small finger wave.

"Now Major, what can I do for you?" she asked him, hands on her hips as she stood before him.

John allowed himself to be seated on the edge of the treatment bed, shifting until he was sitting comfortably. Her smile was back and he found himself dazzled by the energy that was emitting from her. He could feel his heart beginning to beat a little faster as he met her curious sapphire gaze.

"I seem to be suffering from an accelerated heart rate." he found himself muttering.

"Hm." Cass made the noise low in that perfect, slender throat as she removed her stereoscope from around her neck.

John wondered what her skin would taste like underneath his tongue as his lips caressed down that beautiful, soft curve. His body tightened in response to her fingers drawing the zipper of his black fleece down to the space where his heart lay beating underneath the planes of his firm, muscular chest.

"Relax." Cass murmured as she leaned in close.

John inhaled deeply as her intoxicating floral scent invaded his nostrils as she lingered in his proximity. He could feel the heat between them brimming up in his veins as his skin flushed and prickled with anticipation as she placed the cold, metal disk on his chest. John closed his eyes as he flinched against the sensation.

God he had never felt as out of control as he did in this moment. It was taking every inch of his rigid self control not to reach out and touch Cass right now, he knew the instant he did it was over and he would have succumbed to the intense, burning desire that was stirring up an inferno low down inside him.

He clenched his jaw, stifling the moan that was building deep in his throat as the pads of her cooling fingertips replaced her stethoscope. It was a simple action but he found himself responding to her touch in exactly the way he had been trying to resist.

"Your heart rate is pretty fast, and your skin is feverishly hot." she told him quietly, her dark eyebrows furrowing in concern. "Were there any symptoms before this?"

"I've felt it coming on for a while." he admitted, trying to clear his throat against the huskiness he could hear lacing in his voice.

"Any dizzy spells?" she requested. "Headaches?"

"No." John said gruffly.

Cass turned around for a second in search of a thermometer, John found his hazel eyes taking in her slim athletic shape from behind as she bent over to reach the bottom drawer. He could imagine the glorious feel of that supple shape pressed up against every inch of his body as he whispered all the naughty things that had been crossing his mind into her ear. He could imagine Cass's whimpers and pleas ringing in his ears like a mantra as he teased her until she at the point of oblivion, coming undone in his strong skilled hands...

"John." she said his name for a third time before his hazel eyes came to focus on her once more before poking the thermometer in between his parted lips.

He scowled at her like a petulant child at the invasive movement she asserted. She sensed his defiance and pointed her finger directly at him as he moved his hand up to remove the offending item.

"Don't you dare." she said sternly.

John's eyes narrowed at the tone of her voice, their eyes met for a second and she could feel herself being drawn in all over again. There was a security that radiated from this man that she associated with no one else in the world that she had ever met. He made her feel safe and that astounded her. There hadn't been a person able to do that since her parents had died over a decade ago. When she looked at him, she could see his cautious nature coming into play masking something else behind his eyes. Something she recognized in herself whenever John was in the same room as her.

"Your not sick." she blurted out suddenly as John reached out and took the thermometer out of his mouth.

"No I'm not." John told her taking her delicate hand in his larger one before slapping the thermometer into it.

"Then why on Earth..." Cass trailed off as John rose to his feet in front of her.

He was tall and she found she liked that. It fit well with his strong, broad shoulders and his long, powerful legs. His body was toned and trained for the field, she was aware of the damage that he could do but she was never afraid of it. John didn't have the capacity to instil a sense of fear inside her, instead she felt protected. She felt all of her defences lower as she rose her eyes up slowly to venture into his gaze.

Cass couldn't take her eyes off of his face as they stood barely inches apart, the material of their clothing rustling as it brushed.

His large hands encompassed her dainty features, his calloused thumbs smoothing over the apples of her cheeks as he pressed his finely sculptured lips to hers. The moment they touched Cass was lost, she had been fighting this ever since the two of them had met and now she was surrendering everything she had to John and more. His tongue was gentle and exploratory as he delved into the confines of her hot, seeking mouth. His hands raked through her loose dark hair, dragging her under as she clutched onto his fleece for support, balling the fabric in her tight fists.

"Major Sheppard, report to the Control Room." the tinny echo of Weir's voice resounded in both of their ears causing them to draw apart unanimously.

Words were on the tip of their tongues, a flurry of explanations, questions and answers as their foreheads came to rest together in mutual understanding. Duty was important, not only to him but for her as well.

"Go." Cass said with a small smile spreading across her swollen lips.

John found himself stealing another breathtaking kiss before obeying her command.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, firstly thank you to everyone whose added me! I am having a great time writing this story at the moment. John and Cass make it all completely worth it! <strong>_

_**Personal thankies to everyone on the boards who are making me feel every welcome at the minute. It's nice to meet such a friendly bunch of people.**_

_Lady: Thank you very much for all your wonderful reviews, I really appreciate the time and the detail you've put into each one. I try so hard to make everything so realistic and true to the series so it's good to know I am somewhat successful! I thought it was important to show a reaction to what happens throughout the series. Things can't be perfect all the time or so easy to handle hence why I was so happy when they brought in a psychologist._

_Brn: LMAO I am a cliff hanger kinda girl! I'm glad your loving this story! Your reviews have really made me smile because you write the same way I think. I'm glad your loving Cassie she is such a wonderful char to write._

_KAT: Hey, Thanks very much for reading the story, I appreciate you taking the time to review it! I'm glad your enjoying this story and that you like it. I work really hard on it! We don't know much about John's past so I thought it was conceivable that he may know a person or two from before esp with the closeness of the military._


	6. Chapter 6: Handle With Care

Chapter Six

_Here we go again  
>I kinda wanna be more than friends<br>So take it easy on me  
>I'm afraid you're never satisfied.<em>

_Neon Trees - Animal_

Kissing Cassie had been like seeing the sunshine for the first time after a long weathering storm. John could still taste her on his lips as he licked them lightly. She had felt better than he could have imagined pressed up against him like that. Her mouth had been delicious, hot and welcoming. He adored her floral fragrance of her as his fingers raked through her silky, black hair. Jesus he wanted to kiss her all over again until she purred underneath his touch, begging and whimpering for him to go further, to complete her as she completed him.

John needed her in every which way possible, he craved her subtle soothing undertones as she spoke softly. He wanted to listen to her murmur in the night beside him as his fingertips caressed the blush of her cheek. The depth of his feelings frightened him, never before had he felt like he was falling so foolishly.

There had been no time to talk in the hours after their kiss in the Infirmary. John wasn't even sure he wanted to talk about it, he'd been running on pure instinct when he'd kissed her and hell if he was honest he would give almost anything to do it again. It had been a long time since he'd experienced physical intimacy even longer since he had developed a stable emotional connection with anyone. The fragility of such a bond was at the forefront of his mind. It was so easy to destroy something like that and John was so very good at breaking things.

"Your thinking too much." Cassie submitted from the doorway of the Rec Room.

She could see the profile of his handsome features as he angled his head towards her, his arm resting along the back of the couch as he paused the football game. He was worried what she could see etched into his expression as he regarded her wearily.

"Gotta say noone's ever accused me of that before." he told her with a forced smile as Cassie sat down on the opposite side of the couch.

John turned his attention back to the frozen screen, his fingertips tapping out a tune upon the frame of the remote as he debated the wistfulness of saying any of the words that were rattling through his mind.

It was awkward between them and Cass hated it, she had come here to set things straight and now her defences were back blocking all comprehensive means of verbal communication. She wanted John, she wanted to learn about who he was and experience things with him. She cared for him, more than she had ever intended to. She couldn't play it off as something casual any more. Her heart responded to him almost unwillingly whenever he stepped into a room. She was connected to him just as he was connected to her. Two very lost and broken people forging together to make one whole entity she thought.

"I know you." she whispered.

Her fingertips ghosted along the back of his hand before coming to rest in the grooves of his knuckles. John watched her motions in fascination as she crept in closer. Cass's eyes were locked on his face as John pursed his lips together. Restraint, she recognized it and she herself had battled against it.

Cassie reached out, her dainty hand cupping his stubbly cheek as her thumb smoothed over his dark five o'clock shadow. There was softness in her touch that matched no other. John found himself reacting by kissing that delicate pulse point on the underside of her wrist. His hand came to rest over hers as she sighed at the peacefulness that washed over her troubled soul.

Here with him, she didn't have to fight any more. She was tired of being so selfish, she wanted to love without consequence and to be with someone who knew what it was like to be lonely the way she was. Already as Cass looked into those sincere hazel eyes she knew that he was her one and only chance at happiness.

"Cassie..." he began.

Already she knew it was protest, she could see the anxiety in John's features at the situation they had landed themselves in. He hid the fear well, but she could see it still lurking there in the background like a spectre haunting his heart. She wanted to ask him who it was that had made him doubt his ability to love and be loved in return.

_They were wrong_, she communicated silently to him, _you deserve to be happy._

Before he could speak again her lips were on his, tentative and chaste. Her arms looping around his neck in order to draw him closer. Whatever reservations he may have had were out of the window as he returned that kiss with vigour and acceptance. His fingers were in her hair crushing her mouth against his in a possessive gesture. All bets were off when Cass kissed him, he couldn't contain the raging impulses that ravaged through his body.

_Mine_, he growled low in his throat at the idea of claiming her as his mate.

Cass was already climbing into his lap seeking out more of him. Her thighs came to rest on either side of his hips as his fingers trailed down her spine causing her to groan. He was ferociously intoxicating, his strength and his passion devastated all of her senses leaving her trembling with desire and need.

"Cassie." he murmured against the corner of her mouth as he used his fingertips to brush the silky strands of hair back behind her ear.

A distinct throat clearing brought them back to their senses as it reverberated through the room around them.

"Tell me that's not Weir." John muttered before daring to glance over his shoulder at the person standing in the doorway behind him.

"Sorry sir, I was bringing you my mission report. I didn't mean to interrupt your private time." Lieutenant Ford apologized, diverting his gaze from the couple on the couch.

"That's alright Lieutenant, just leave it on the table there and I'll get around to it in the morning." John said authoritatively.

Cassie slid subtly from John's lap, raising her eyes skyward as her cheeks flushed bright red with humiliation. Every ounce of her professionalism had just gone out of the window and she was embarrassed to be caught in this situation. She didn't know how John had the nerve to keep a straight face in front of his colleague

"Just to warn you sir, Doctor Weir is heading in this direction." Ford supplied as he set his file down on the table several of the other Marines used to play Poker.

"Appreciated." John uttered, pursing his lips together grimly. "Good night Lieutenant."

The dismissal was evident in John's voice as he reviewed the other man with an intense expression. It was never his intention to get caught up in Cass again but he had and now he was paying the price. Over the past few weeks him and Lieutenant Aiden Ford had developed an easy kinship. The other man looked up to him implicitly, John thought that's what happened when you were away from your close family like Ford was.

Bonds were forged to fill in the gaps that were absent. He had taken on the role of commanding officer and an older brother. He couldn't help but think that his one and only indiscretion would effect that and yet in a way he was glad that they had been discovered.

If Cass and him pursued a relationship casual or otherwise John didn't want the taboo of it hanging over his head. They deserved better than to be a secret. Yet the military had clear rules on fraternization. He wasn't sure that counted since Cass was technically medical personal, on the other hand there wasn't much Weir could do besides tell them that they couldn't be together. Even then he doubted Elizabeth would be so callous if they kept it below the radar and made sure it didn't interfere with their work.

"Goodnight sir, Doctor." Ford said nodding at both of them before removing himself from the room.

There was a moment of silence as they both listened to the sound of Ford's footsteps echoing down the hall. Cass bit her lower lip raising her eyes skyward. She hadn't foreseen this and wavered between the same indecision, there was no name for what the two of them were experiencing. Calling it 'love' was too soon, the four letter word was too much to comprehend for either of them.

"You are a bad influence." Cass accused John, poking him in the ribs with her finger dispelling the tension between them.

"Ow." John yelped, capturing her hand in his own.

"What are we going to say if he tells Weir?" Cass approached tentatively. "We don't even know what this is."

John entwined his fingers in Cass's before their unified hands came to rest upon his knee.

"If it comes down to it, we'll tell her the truth." John said quietly. "We'll tell her that we care about each other."

"I can live with that." she told him, her cheek coming to rest upon his shoulder.

John's lips brushed Cass's hairline as he spoke.

"Yea me too."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! I hope your all having a wonderful day and thank you for all the adds! As you can see you can't hide chem.<strong>_

_Jnut: I'm glad you liked that line, I had a great time coming up with that scene. It came completely out of nowhere and it was so very very fun. I really appreciate your review!_

_Lady: lol they are completely HOT. I was surprised myself on what was going on between the two of them. Whenever we see her on the series she's never out of sorts and that would completely unnerve me. I could see Weir approaching everyone that had been on the ship and just thought she would be a tad more forceful. I have no idea if there will be a developing relationship between her and Weir but it will be interesting to see how things play out. Thank you very much for the review!_

_Brn: LMAO thank you so very much for a wonderful review. I'm trying to keep John in char and it's good to know that I am doing a good job of that. I am having so much fun writing the two of them and I love the first series, there is just too much potential for mayhem. I am thrilled that your enjoying this!_

_KAT: I'm glad you enjoyed the kiss, the two of them took over and went for it. I could see the talk with Weir coming to a head and I am very glad that you loved it as I was unsure about how it would be received. Thanks for the review I really appreciate it!_


	7. Chapter 7: Talk

Chapter Seven

_She said you don't know me  
>And you don't wear my chains<br>Oh yeah  
>Yeah<em>

_Augusta - Boston_

It was the knocking on her door the next morning that awoke Cass from her deep, wholesome sleep. It was the first time in the past few weeks she had actually been able to sleep through the night and she relished that. Her mind was far from the torrid mess she had been sporting over the past few days, her thoughts felt ordered and precise once more. There was confidence flushing through her system, a sense of self worth that put a smile on her face and she couldn't help but think John was responsible for that.

Safe, Cass thought as she rose from her bed, rubbing at her exhausted features with both hands. Stability and refuge were important in her world and she needed them to help maintain her precarious balance.

"I'm up." she snapped at the persistent knocking at her door, swiping her hand over the locking motion in a bid to open it.

Cass found herself greeted by the scent of instant coffee as she laid her sapphire eyes on Lieutenant Aiden Ford standing before her in the doorway. He was clad in his grey military combats and a black T-shirt.

"Uh hi." Cass said, running a hand through her ruffled dark hair.

"Coffee." Ford told her, forcing the mug into her hand. "Doctor Beckett said you like it sweet."

"I do." Cass said apprehensively as Ford shifted from foot to foot.

It was a sign of anxiety and agitation. It took a second for the memories of last night to filter through to Cass's sleep fogged brain as she stared at the young Lieutenant perplexed. He wanted to talk, that much was clear and she didn't want him to feel uncomfortable with the situation that had presented itself last night. The fact that Ford was here so early in the morning was a concession that he was making to both her and John.

"Do you want to come in?" she ventured.

"Yea." Ford said rubbing his hands together with nervous energy.

Cass moved out of the way of the door to allow him entry to her quarters hearing the door hiss shut behind her as she turned to face him. Ford leaned against the wall, his arms folded over his chest as his foot came to rest on her wall. Cass wrapped her hands around her mug before sitting on the edge of her bed drawing her feet up underneath her.

"I want you to know that your secrets safe with me." Ford started, his gaze fixing firmly on hers. "I won't be telling Weir or anyone else about you and the Major."

"I appreciate that." Cass said quietly, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment as she remembered her actions from the previous evening. "I'm sorry you had to see the two of us like that."

"So long as the two of you keep it to your quarters nobody else has to know." Ford replied with a shrug of his shoulders.

It was that word 'secret' again echoing through her head. She didn't want it to be so sordid but that's what it was becoming. Nobody believed that a relationship could flourish or function in this environment, certainly not between people like them. They were honour bound, their lives and loyalties sworn to their country and to their jobs. Commitment was something they only had for their work and for the sturdy oaths they stood by.

Cass did not want their relationship to become a 'secret', she wanted to lay claim to John as her own. Possessiveness was never in her nature but the urge was resolute and pressing. She wanted him to depend on her if he had to instead of being so painstakingly self reliant. It was eating him up from the inside shouldering all the burdens that were set upon his shoulders, not once did he complain but she saw the strain bearing down on him.

"Well it's not like they can send one of us back home." Cass pointed out dryly in response to Ford's words.

"But they can make your life a hell if they want to." Ford commented as he caught a glimpse at Cass's thoughtful features. "Your wondering why I'm not reporting you to Weir?"

"It's a difficult position to be in." Cass responded wearily. "John's your commanding officer."

"Major Sheppard would never order me to keep quiet about the two of you and the fact that he respects me like that makes me respect him even more." Ford explained simply.

"He's not the kind of person to abuse his power like that." Cass agreed, clasping the coffee to her Wonderwoman T-shirt allowing it to heat her chest.

"No he's not." Ford said into the air between them before he looked pointedly at Cass. "Which makes me question the type of person you are Doc?"

"Are you asking about my intentions?" Cass asked him out loud with the glimmer of a smile.

Ford's eyebrows furrowed into a defined crease as his jaw jutted out and his dark eyes narrowed. It took Cass a second to realize that he took his responsibility to John very seriously and this was for all intents and purposes 'The Conversation'. She had never been privy to it before now and it startled her to find herself in this position. She had never been questioned about her romantic entanglements before and she wasn't sure of the adequate responses.

"Do you care about him?" Ford asked out right, his analytical gaze intent on her features studying her face for tell tale signs of lies.

"Yes." she answered with an honesty that resounded through her heart and soul.

"The Major has a devout sense of duty to this city and it's people, do you think your the kind of person who can take a back seat to that?" Ford requested as Cass took a deep breath to fortify herself.

Lieutenant Ford was pulling out all the stops, he wasn't afraid to jump to the hard questions. He was investigating her long term capability, trying to gauge what her stake was in all of this. If this had been a bit of fun between her and John the two of them wouldn't even be having this conversation but Ford had seen something different last night, something that had made his hackles rise at the possibilities.

Ford viewed Doctor Cass Pierce as a distraction for the most part and he knew that now was a crucial turning point for the Major. He had been deemed the Security Officer of Atlantis and Ford wanted to make sure that there was nothing in the way to jeopardise the future of this city. Job aside, Ford liked John Sheppard, he was funny, smart and loyal, all qualities that he himself revered. Alike many of his friends in and out of the military he simply wanted the other man to be happy.

He had heard the tenderness the Major's voice as he spoke to this woman and it had surprised him greatly. Of all the words he would have used to describe the Major 'loving' was not one of them. It had been a stark contrast to the skilled militarist that Ford was used to seeing and it made him question the doctor's motives. He had no doubt that there was a base attraction between the two of them, he had seen it the minute the two of them had bumped into each other briefly at the research facility in Antarctica before they began this expedition. It was like a current charging in the air when the Major had reached out to steady the doctor. Their initial joy as they greeted each other had come off them both in waves before they recovered their composure.

"I know a thing or two about duty Lieutenant." Cass told him evenly keeping the sting of irritation to a bare minimum. "I won't stand in the way of what needs to be done if that's what your asking."

He took her words with a pinch of salt as he studied her words from every angle before he issued her a warning .

"There's no room to be selfish here." he told her flatly, making the implications clear.

Cass looked Lieutenant Ford dead in the eyes before she spoke, her brain flicking back to that moment over two years ago when she finally understood what the word sacrifice truly meant.

"I know."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! Thank you very much for the adds and the support throughout this story so far. Much love coming your way!<strong>_

_Brn: I am so glad that this is becoming a guilty pleasure for you! I just hope their other stuff mounts up to your expectations! Lol the Weir Alarm crack just made me giggle. I could completely imagine her standing behind them tapping her foot. Thanks for the review!_

_Lady: I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter. I could imagine the two of them brushing it off because it's becoming something important to the two of them. I think Ford's the sort of person who could keep a secret, he holds John in high esteem. I always think that he considers himself as broken a little bit inside. Thank you very much for the review, I sincerely appreciate it._

_KAT: I would be like 'awkward' and try to avert my gaze. I am so glad your enjoying the story and the chem between these two is unstoppable. Lol I haven't watched a lot of SG1, who is little Cassandra? Thankies for the review!_

_Joey: I am glad that your enjoying this story so much. It has been so wonderful to write so far. I always thought that John needs someone to love him. LMAO! That entire line I think suits John completely. Thankfully Cass classes as Medical Staff now which means Carson is her boss so they'll prob gonna get around it that way._

_Rit: I am so glad your enjoying this story, it is so much fun to write! Thankies very much for your wish of good luck!_


	8. Chapter 8: Genes

Chapter Eight

_Me and all my friends  
>We're all misunderstood<br>They say we stand for nothing and  
>There's no way we ever could<br>_

_John Mayer – Waiting On The World To Change_

Doctor Rodney McKay was in their Infirmary and in turn that made Cass a little nervous. She found herself seated at her desk, watching from the pile of paperwork as he spoke to the white mice running around in the plastic container. Not long ago both her and Carson had decided to name each of the rodents after people they had left back home on Earth. Carson had named his mice Mary and Owen after two of his siblings and Cass had labelled hers Annabel and Nicky after her young niece and nephew. It made her anxious to have Rodney in the Infirmary, he was a self certified genius and Chief Scientific Officer of their expedition. Cass found him condescending and impatient the majority of the time and that irked her. She didn't like being made to feel inferior and Rodney McKay boasted of his intellect and of other people's inability to comprehend the same things as he did.

Cass had been brought up to see the good in people and if she was honest Rodney's prickly nature made it hard to see past all of his gaping faults.

"Got your eye on anyone?" he asked the mouse they had deemed as Owen.

"Not really." Carson muttered as he filled the syringe in his hand from the glass vile in his hand.

"Actually, I was talking to the mouse." Rodney informed the other man straightening up as he turned to face Carson. "But now that you mention it some of those Athosian women are pretty hot and we did just save them from the Wraith so we need to trade on that before they discover we're not actually that cool."

Cass snorted in response to that comment as Rodney tossed a small inanimate object between his hands. He turned to glare at her as she tilted her head towards him, a small pout forming on her lips.

"You have something to add Doctor Pierce?" he asked her pointedly.

Cass shook her head before her gaze strayed down to the offworld reports in front of her.

"Nothing at all Doctor McKay." Cass said politely, toying the the biro between her fingers.

Carson tapped the treatment table loudly drawing both of their attention back to him as he spoke.

"Sit down here Rodney."

It was like watching a kid at Christmas rushing down to open his presents. Already Rodney was jumping up upon the table with excitement, his fingers rolling up the blue sleeves of his uniform to allow Carson access to his veins.

"I'm surprised your so eager to volunteer for this Rodney." Carson told the other man stretching out his arm.

"Well you know me." Rodney dismissed as Carson grasped his wrist and reached for the syringe. "Always happy to help."

"Right..." Carson drawled out the word, his gaze meeting Cass's as she set down her pen in order to watch the proceedings.

"I'm surprised you didn't put yourself down for this Cassandra, you could have been the first human to receive the ATA gene now I guess the credits all mine." Rodney said offhandedly as he glanced at the young woman.

Cass's brows arched at Rodney's proclamation as she leaned forward, placing her chin on her hand to review the procedure.

"I like my genes the way they are." Cass informed Rodney before continuing. "As much as I trust Carson I don't want anyone messing with my physiology unless it's a dire circumstance and besides I wouldn't want to be at your beck and call every hour of the day when you decide it's time to 'test' something."

"I resent that." Rodney retorted.

"The only reason you considered getting the Ancient gene in the first place is because your getting sick of people bitching at you about the more important things they have to do with their time." Cass pointed out.

"My work is important." Rodney protested shrilly as Carson tied the tourniquet his bicept.

"Yes it is." Cass agreed. "But maybe people would be more willing to work with you if you were nicer to them."

"Carson are you going to let her talk to me like that?" Rodney bristled, offended by the younger woman's assault on his character.

"The lass got a point." Carson said as he hovered the needle above the most predominant of Rodney's veins. "Any questions before we begin?"

"I'm sorry, medicine is as much of a science as voodoo." Rodney retorted as Cass rolled her eyes at his words. "All I need to know is that this will enable me to use Ancient Technology like Major Sheppard or yourself."

"Yes, hopefully." Carson uttered as Cass rose from her desk and moved so she could monitor the effects of the ATA gene more closely when it was administered. "You are the first human trial."

"Well why now?" Rodney asked as the words filtered through to his brain. "I mean if it's possible we need as many people with the gene as we can get."

"Well actually without proper FDA approval it was virtually impossible on Earth..." Carson glanced up, catching the expression of disbelief on Rodney's face before continuing. "Let's just say it's legal here in the Pegasus Galaxy."

"And completely safe?" Rodney persisted as Carson gripped the other man's arm firmly underneath the elbow.

"As far as experimental gene therapy goes." Carson shrugged as Rodney stared directly at him speechless.

"He is manipulating your DNA." Cass reminded Rodney, gesturing with her hands.

"Maybe I need to hear more." Rodney said withdrawing his arm from Carson's grasp as Cass crossed her arms over her chest.

"We believe Ancient Technology Activation is caused by a single gene that is always on instructing various cells in the body to induce a series of proteins and enzymes that interact with the skin and the nervous system an the brain. In this case we're using a mouse retrovirus to deliver the missing gene to your cells." Carson explained as simply as he could.

"A mouse retrovirus?" Rodney repeated.

"It's been deactivated." Carson reassured the other man.

"If that's the case then why isn't she trying it?" Rodney requested, tilting his head towards Cass.

"I told you, I really don't like the idea of someone messing with with my genes." Cass reminded Rodney. "It's one thing doing it to save somebody's life, it's another doing it as an experiment."

"Can't you order her to do it first?" Rodney asked Carson who frowned at the other man.

"That would hardly be ethical now would it?" Carson said, shaking his head as he jabbed the needle into Rodney's arm, dispelling the liquid gene into his blood stream.

"Any side effects I should know about?" Rodney queried, his gaze darting between the two of them as he toyed with the oval object in his hand.

"Dry mouth, headache. The irresistible urge to run on a small wheel." Carson said with a lilt of humour in his voice.

Cass couldn't disguise the snigger that emitted from her mouth. Rodney scowled at her as he twirled the object in his hand even faster.

"What is that?" Cass asked, stepping closer to catch a glimpse of the item.

"Oh, it's something I found in one of the research labs." Rodney said holding it out for Cass to see. "Something that the Anchients were experimenting with."

"Do you know what it is?" she asked quizzically, looking down at what appeared to be an amulet.

"I'm pretty sure." Rodney answered with uncertainty.

"Which means he doesn't have a bloody clue." Carson informed Cass with a wry smile before stripping off his latex gloves signalling the end to the procedure.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I thought I'd show a little bit of the relationship that Rodney and Cass have! I'll warn you the next chapter is an M rating!<strong>_

_BRN: I always thought that in a way Ford would watch out for John if it came down to it. In a situation like this esp on Atlantis I think the two of them have been men of duty so long it's hard for them to be anything else. LMAO I am glad your enjoying this relationship so much, it is fun writing and they have a completely different dynamic than I am used to writing. There seems such a loneliness in John sometimes and I'm a stickler for enjoying a little bit of happiness._

_Lady: Thank you for taking the time to read that chapter! I wanted to show the impacts on other people in the story as well as developing her relationship with other chars. It can't always be about the relationship. I always imagined Ford to have a protective streak, he has a sense of honour and duty to the Major._

_Shep: Hi! Thanks very much for your kind words regarding the kiss. I wanted to show how they were both different from the other relationships they had had before and of course, these two just have so much chemistry it's impossible to deny it. Lol Ford's not really questioning John, he's watching out for him in a way. And he's questioning Cass really. He knows how deep it's starting to get. I think it's important to get a full well rounded idea of where a relationship can take them and the effects that one could have, esp on their professional lives. You'll have to wait and see what happens :p_

_KAT: I'm glad your enjoying this story and esp Ford's opinion. I was sad to see the loss of Ford but I do have to admit I adore Ronon! So it's a double edged sword. Thanks for the review, I sincerely appreciate it._


	9. Chapter 9: Permanant

**AN: This chapter is rated an M for smut. Read at your own risk.**

Chapter Nine

_Let's go all the way tonight  
>No regrets, just love<br>We can dance, until we die  
>You and I, will be young forever<em>

_Katy Perry – Teenage Dream_

Cass was sleeping, her head was propped up on John's shoulder as they shared his dimly lit single bed in his relatively small living quarters. He had been spending his days with other members of his team investigating each area of the uncharted city. It was slow going but John was anything if not meticulous, the safety of their people was his responsibility and it was one that he took seriously.

Cass had made an appearance an hour or two ago after he had gotten back to his living quarters and he had been glad to see her. He had missed her over the past few days, her absence from his routine had left a painful pang in his chest, one that he had hidden well within the ranges of his mechanic functionality.

The mission was always his priority, it was the only thing at the forefront of John's mind when he was working. He had sacrificed so much over the years to do his job, there was a fierce part of him deep inside which needed to protect and fight, serving in the military catered to that instinct. It was the challenge that John needed to grow and develop as a person, it was also the job that had stripped away any of the personal loyalties that he had harboured.

In the past it had always been a struggle to maintain a normal relationship, women idolised his courage and patriotism but a long haul was out of the question. They always wanted more, they wanted emotions and feelings, someone who was going to be there for them on cold dark nights. It was about them, for those girls and even his ex-wife it had never been about him.

Cass though, Cass was different. Pressure was not her style, neither was manipulation. John understood already that what he saw was literally what he was getting. Over the past few days their lives had taken separate turns, she had spent her time in the Infirmary checking out each of the Athosians refugees that they had taken in and returned to her own quarters at night. They had barely seen each other long enough to exchange more than a quick smile but it appeared she didn't mind. John wasn't used to the lack of grief surrounding his duties. It was refreshing and made everything about Cass more enticing.

The research papers that Cass had been reading were fanned across his chest, the palm of her hand was resting above the steady beat of his heart. She was nestled into his side, her head tucked on top of his left arm. He could feel her long shallow breaths against his ribcage and took solace in the fact she was living and breathing beside him. It was moments like this that he relished, he appreciated the sheer simplicity of their budding relationship. John pressed a kiss to the top of her head as he set his own book down on the night stand. He had brought 'War and Peace.' with him as a means to fill his time and so far the book had proceeded to bore him rigid.

Cass mumbled in her sleep, her head tilting upwards until her face was buried in the curve of his neck. Her soft breathes tickled his skin as she stretched out along the length of his muscular form, her lean legs entangling with his. Her lips crept up along the line of his rugged jaw before her mouth fastened on the sensitive patch of skin at the base of his throat.

John tipped his head back into the pillow, sighing blissfully into the silence as a fiery hot thrill chased down his spine, igniting every single one of his nerve endings as Cass swept the papers from his chest and onto the floor.

"I thought you were sleeping." John murmured as her hand bypassed the hem of his fleece.

Her fingertips traced up along the line of his treasure trail, over his belly button and caressed the ridge wash board abs before climbing even higher.

"I was." Cass whispered in his ear as his own hand followed the line of her back until the pads of his fingertips connected with her cool bare skin. "And then I thought there were better things we could be doing."

"You promised you wouldn't tempt me." John reminded her as he tugged her yellow v-neck t shirt up even higher.

Her teeth grazed that sensitive spot once more sending a fluctuation of heat rushing through his body as Cass trailed hot mouthed kisses down to his collarbone. His skin was prickling in anticipation as her clever fingers explored the contours of his chest under the material of his black fleece.

"I did no such thing." Cass retorted, raising from her passive position along side John until she was straddling his hips.

She leaned over him so her loose, silky dark hair fell over her face as John's rough calloused hands smoothed up and down her thighs. His thumbs lightly brushed the 'V' of her parted legs causing Cass's hips to grind against his in response to the notion.

"We said we were going to take it slow." John told her as his palms dragged up the hem of her uniform, his fingertips raking her tender flesh. "How do you expect me to be a gentleman when you tease me like this?"

He watched the expression of pleasure cloud her features as he pulled her top up and over her head leaving her pale skin clad only in a form fitting lilac bra. Cass watched his face contort with arousal at the sight of her half naked body. Jesus he made her feel so confident and sexy when he looked at her with such a demanding hunger. His hazel eyes were burning brightly with desire as his skilled blistering hot hands stroked up along her waist, his nimble fingers unhooking the bra before he tossed it aside.

John's hands were already cupping her modest breasts, his thumbs circling the outline of her nipples before toying with the erect nubs.

"I don't expect you to be a gentleman." Cass said in between ragged, harsh breaths. "I expect you to fuck me."

John moaned at her words, his mouth fixing over hers, his tongue diving into her mouth seeking out her own as the two of them tangled together amongst his fresh navy blue sheets. His hands were touching her everywhere, stroking, caressing, teasing every inch of her from the waist up until she was tightening and writhing above him like a woman possessed. She didn't hold back, she couldn't. John was stealing away every single one of her inhibitions and kicking them to the curb.

"If we're going to do this." John muttered huskily into the corner of her mouth. "We're gonna do it my way. I'm gonna make love to you, fucking is something I do to girls I don't give a shit about."

His fingertips were digging into her waist, just above the line of her grey trousers as he flipped her onto her back so she lay submissive and gasping underneath his demanding body. Cass's hands were palms up, laying on either side of her head in a subservient gesture as she stared up at him, black hair fanned out across his crisp white pillow. Her pert pink lips were swollen with the heat from his kisses and John found himself satisfied at the position he had her in. This was where she belonged, with him, in his bed.

It had been a long time since he'd touched a woman like this and Cass made it all the more unique with every tiny cry, whimper and word that left her throat. She was perfect in his eyes, from the tiny red scar that nicked the hollow of her collarbone to the way her dark blue eyes glittered with a desire so powerful he could feel it gripping the both of them in drawn out sensual waves.

Cass's hands were already yanking the fleece up and out from in between them, ridding his scorching body of the material before she drank in the entire muscular structure of his supreme male form. He was magnificent. Cass found her fingertips running over the rivets of his skin as she sought out the map of his life etched into the ripples of his chest. John watched her curious features as she enclosed her mouth to the white scar just above his left nipple. A gluttonous groan tore from low in his throat as her tongue flicked over the raised skin, his hands threading in her hair drawing her head back as his lips descended on hers once more.

John was so frighteningly addictive, every single passionate kiss he placed upon her was another step closer she was coming to losing herself entirely in him. Already as his tongue delved into the confines of her hot, wanting mouth, her hands caressing the scars she had helped pattern along the shape of his powerful back, she knew that she was falling. There was such a sense of belonging here with him and John made loving him so vivaciously easy.

Already she was taking the next step, reaching between them so that she could unfasten his combats and her trousers. She wanted this more than she had ever wanted anything else in her whole entire life. John was already shifting allowing her access to his lower body.

"Cassie." he mumbled into her mouth as the palm of her hand rubbed along his increasingly throbbing erection. "Cassie, don't stop."

Her fingers unzipped his combats before she pushed both his underwear and combats down past his hips releasing John's glistening cock. Her fingers enclosed around his molten hot flesh, his growl of desperation echoing through her ears as his hands wrenched the trousers from her own body, leaving her clad in matching lilac panties before he removed those too.

The feel of her slick naked skin against his was driving him insane. The irresistible urge to claim Cass as his own was consuming as he stared into her sapphire eyes and into the very depths of her soul.

"I can't wait any longer." she told him as the tip of his impressive member brushed the entrance to her moist core.

God, she was so wet and ready for him right now, he could feel his instincts taking over as he slipped the foil packet from underneath the pillow and pressed it into Cass's hand.

"I want you to be sure." he murmured, his thumb gliding over the blush of her cheek as his nose trailed along hers until their lips were barely apart.

"I am." she whispered, tearing the foil packet open between deft fingers.

John held himself at the base aiding Cass with the application of the latex sheath. Her skilled, playful hands covered him completely making him arch into her grasp. She released him unwillingly, her fingers threading through his chocolate brown hair drawing his lips back towards her own.

John's mouth smothered Cass's as he penetrated her with an antagonising slowness. Her hips arched into his thrust burying John's cock even deeper into her supple, inviting body. This was the moment that they had been waiting for, they were the missing pieces of each other's lives and finally they were becoming one.

Connecting had never been such a sweet and delicious experience. John found himself drowning in the serenity of the moment as they began to consummate the most basic of acts. They merged together, tongues mingling, hands fumbling and touching every single inch of each other as they rocked in unison.

The sensation of John inside her was amazing. Cass already knew that this was it for her. He was The One and she would never feel like this again if it wasn't with him. John's loud husky moans were like symphony in her ears as they began to pick up the pace. They were close, already her nerves were blazing with the ecstasy of their coupling as he drove her further into that gratifying oblivion.

"I want to hear you say my name." John told her, his voice rough with desperation and passion as he spoke.

Cass was heaven and the moment their climax hit him he knew there would never be another after her. This was more than just a hope and a prayer, this was a mating and he was damn well making sure she knew that she was his. He wouldn't tolerate her with another man and the thought of that made him savage and vengeful.

"John." she cried out, her nails scrapping across his strong shoulders as her inner walls began to tense around cock. "John Sheppard."

"Mine." he keened through gritted teeth as he felt the euphoria erupting like fireworks through his veins. "My Cassie."

Complete, whole, absolute.

Cass gave him all of that and more than he could have possibly imagined. John hadn't believed in souls until now but the instance their orgasm tore through him he knew that any denial he had once had was gone.

The feeling was indescribable.

Imprinting...

That was the only way he could verbalise the intensity of what was happening to them, she had made a permanent mark on his soul, one that could never vanish.

The sheer force of the climax vibrated through the two of them at the height of their coupling. The strength of it erupted through the both of them as the orgasm stole their breath melding their souls together entirely. Elation, joy, love, it all descended on them like a mist as the two of them lay there tangled in the aftermath of their activity. The minutes slipped by peacefully as their kisses became reverent before John removed himself from Cass's body, stripping himself of the condom before depositing it in the bin.

Cass moved allowing him to settle down beside her on his back before he gathered Cass up in his arms and drew her to him. She fit snugly into his side, her legs entwining with his amongst the mess of sheets that barely covered their hips. Her mused up, dark hair, tickled his neck as her head came to rest upon his shoulder, his fingers stroking through it absent-mindedly as he pressed a kiss to her hairline. Cass's fingertips came to rest upon the space where his heart was beating safely underneath the planes of his chest. She closed her eyes against the knowledge that besieged her brain as the endorphins began to fade from her exhausted form.

She now belonged completely to him.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! Just a few little details. This chapter started off with the intention of John watching Cass sleep and having some of his own thoughts about their relationship and then Cass got mischievous. <strong>_

_**Special thanks to everyone who has added and reviewed the past chapters. It's wonderful to see that people are interested in this couple and I truly appreciate it from the very bottom of my heart.**_

_KAT: I love that ep so much because of the great lines and I love seeing the way that the chars develop through out it. The bit where Rodney gets thrown off the balcony and gets back up again was hilarious. It was almost like a Ta Da! Moment. I have just written a cracking scene between Cass and Rodney (which I never expected – they just surprised me) unfortunately it's a little way away, but I can fully appreciate why you adore him! Thank you very much for the review, I am very grateful that you've taken the time to read this story!_

_BRN: lol I love that ep it just makes me laugh completely, I think his desire for the ATA gene completely outweighs the danger in his mind! Thanks for the review!_

_Jo: lol Rodney and Cass sort of have this balanced kind of relationship as we'll see later on but yea I love the two of them snarking. I was avoiding writing Rodney because he's so smart! I am glad your enjoying the story and very grateful for the review._

_Lady: Thankies very much for the review, as always I sincerely appreciate it. I felt I was missing out with Rodney and I wanted an intro to Hide and Seek so it seemed like the perfect way to do it!_


	10. Chapter 10: Hide and Seek

Chapter Ten

_When times are hard _

_I think of you_

_I'll wait for love_

_I'll wait for you_

_Matt White – Wait For Love_

The lights were flickering again and Cass found that overly annoying. It had been happening on and off over the past few hours and now it was becoming more and more frequent. The power surges were disruptive not only to the lighting but towards the other medical machinery. She'd shut down the scanners because she couldn't risk them becoming damaged if the power went haywire. Carson was at a meeting with the other Heads of Operations. It had been called abruptly and in Cass's opinion that usually meant one thing, there was trouble brewing.

God, she hoped the city wasn't going to sink. Cass didn't really want to think that was even a possibility at this point. She doubted that the restricted access call out would have gone out if that was true, which made her consider that it was something else. She had been hearing stories over the past few weeks of ghosts trailing the hallways at night.

Cass had thought that was clearly people's minds playing tricks on them at the time. The Athoians were frightened and the city, she admitted was very unsettling at first. It taken her a little while to get used to it herself. Lately Cass had been hearing whispers among the Athosians of the Wraith and of the spirits of the Ancestors. She, herself had seen nothing to indicate that they were right but then again in a universe where Space Vampires could suck the life right out of your chest with the palm of their hand, anything was possible.

"Doctor Pierce, you have incoming." her comm chimed in her ear with the gruff voice of Paul Deakins, head of one of their Medical Team.

"Bring it straight in, details?" Cass responded, already in motion.

She was already slipping into a yellow plastic apron, one of her nurses was behind her fastening up the bindings as she snapped on a pair of latex gloves from the box along side the automatic doors.

"Lieutenant Ford, he's unconscious but stable. Burns on face and likely chest and upper body, we had to intubate on site." Paul fed the information through to her comm.

"What happened?" Cass questioned, stepping through the ancient doorway into the Trauma Bay.

"Looks like an electrocution, Sergeant Stackhouse is minutes behind us." Paul relayed before hesitating for a moment as he speculated. "Could be something to do with all the power surges Doctor."

"That would be my guess, How far are you out?" she requested, darting a furtive glance at her field kit, trying to decide whether it would be quicker for her to go to them.

"Two minutes." Paul promised as Cass flicked on the Diagnostic Scanner before speaking into her comm.

"I'm ready."

* * *

><p>Lieutenant Aiden Ford was steaming, literally. There was smoke coming off his padded black utility vest in waves from the heat that had fused the zipper of it shut. Cass was hoping for the best in this situation, being struck by electricity played havoc with all sorts of body functions and the results from the initial scan still weren't back yet. Right now, her and her team of trauma doctors were focusing on damage control. They had already hooked him up to a ventilator so that his lungs were getting air, at the very least she was hoping that the paralysis of his respiratory system was only temporary. They were damned lucky the jolt of electricity hadn't disrupted the rhythm of his heart.<p>

"We need to get this off him to assess how bad the damage is underneath." Cass told her team, holding her hand out for a pair of scissors. "It looks like it's fused to his fleece."

Cass was already snipping along the zipper line in order to disconnect the melted plastic and material from Ford's dark flesh. It came away with ease which made her breath a small sigh of relief, the material hadn't fused to his skin meaning he was very lucky in deed.

"Have the results from the scanner come back yet?" Cass asked Doctor Auster as her nimble fingers gently tugged the material away from the younger man's naked chest surveying the damage visually.

The burns were large and ragged in size and structure, patterning Ford's torso with raw intensity. Cass leaned closer examining the flesh and trying to ignore the stench of scorched meat that invaded her nostrils. The wounds were glossy with seeping moisture, the top layer of skin furling backwards and seared with black from where the electricity had struck at his body.

"I need cool water compresses and sterile dry bandages." Cass relayed to the team scurrying into action around her. "Also get an I.V in his arm, he's been losing a lot of fluid from these second degree burns."

"Doctor, the scan." Doctor Auster said, thrusting the tablet into Cass's hands before she flicked through the information.

She was distracted momentarily by the hiss of the automatic doors as Carson swept into the room already yanking on his own yellow apron.

"What have we got lass?" he called out into the room as Cass handed him the tablet containing the details from the scanner.

"He's damn lucky." Cass informed Carson, pointing out the younger man's vitals. "It looks like he got hit with lightning. His internal organs are intact, no swelling in the brain. We have him intubated for now because his respiratory system went into paralysis due to the shock."

"Hence the ventilator for now?" Carson questioned as his eyes strayed to the machine.

"When his body calms down he should be breathing unaided." Cass confirmed before gesturing to Auster who was applying the cool water compresses onto Ford's damaged skin. "I'm running an I.V to help with the fluids he's losing due to the burns. As far as I can tell there won't be much need for a skin graft."

"It looks like you won't be needing me after all." Carson complimented her before setting the tablet down and lingering by Ford's side to catch a glimpse of his burn injuries.

"Carson..." Cass beckoned him to one side. "I don't understand what happened here. The lights have been on the fritz all day and then Ford gets hit by some sort of electricity burst. Should we be on alert in case it causes more accidents like this?"

The question was an educated one. Ford had been lucky that his injuries hadn't been too severe, it would take him days to recover with the technology they had at their disposal. Cass couldn't help but wonder whether someone else may not be so lucky.

Carson's eyes fixated on hers, as he grasped her underneath her elbow lightly in order to guide her away from prying ears.

"It wasn't an electricity surge that did this to Lieutenant Ford. It appears there's an entity loose in the city, it's attracted to the power coming from the generators." Carson explained as best he could. "That's why we're on lock down, the soldiers were patrolling the corridors searching for it when it attacked Lieutenant Ford."

Carson's features were strained, already she could see more words dangling on the tip of his tongue but sensed his restraint. Pieces slotted into place as he pursed his lips together, arms crossed over his chest as he let out a deep sigh.

"Are we in danger?" Cass asked directly, meeting his gaze.

"I don't know lassie." Carson told her honestly. "They'll be fair warning if it does head this way. I hardly believe they'd leave us to fend for ourselves."

Cass nodded her agreement at his words before turning her attention back to her patient.

* * *

><p>The infirmary was running on emergency power, they were using the bare minimal amount of energy they could afford in order to support the basic materials they needed to treat all of their patients. Carson was worried that The Entity, as the two of them had deemed it, would be drawn to the large amounts of energy they used to power the scanners so they had shut them all down once more.<p>

From what little intelligence that she could gather, the situation had gone from bad to worse so Carson and herself had reduced the Infirmary to a skeleton crew and sent everyone else back to their quarters.

There were familiar footsteps treading towards her softly. Cass propped her chin on her hand as she took in John's familiar form stepping towards her. He was wearing his charcoal grey combat uniform, which meant he was ready for action. Things were serious, she had known that from the minute they'd all been forced into lock down earlier in the afternoon.

"Major." she greeted, raising to her feet as John paused at the end of Ford's bed.

His expression was unreadable as he took in the sight of his fallen comrade. His arms were crossed over his firm chest, his jaw set as he stared down at the Lieutenant's sleeping body. The burns were already starting to fade from the intense treatment they had subjected him to. Cass was glad that their technology was so advanced, it made the healing process a lot faster and of course a lot more manageable.

"How's he doing?" John said gruffly as she came to stand beside him

"We've put him in a medical coma until we can get all of our systems online again. He's not in any pain and he's healing up better than I hoped." she relayed the information in a clinical voice.

John needed the facts and she was laying them out in a language that he could understand. There was a struggle across his features, an internal war that Cass had no place stepping into. He had been responsible for this man and he had gotten injured on his watch, it weighted on him greatly as he regarded the consequences. His hands enclosed on the bar of the bed, his knuckles turning white under the strain of how close one of his men had come to death. The situation was already preceding to get worse with every second The Entity was loose.

His distress was evident and Cass wished more than anything else in the world that she could take it away. Realistically she knew that was impossible, John took on the burdens that other people broke under, it was his way. He made the hard choices the ones that other people dared not to face. Her fingertips ran lightly over the knuckles of his fist before coming to rest in the grooves.

"He's going to be alright." she told him quietly, her thumb caressing the side of his hand as the tension of his grip released.

"I'm going after it." John stated bluntly, staring down at her pale hand upon his tanned skin.

He didn't dare raise his head to look into those sapphire eyes, he was terrified of what he might see. This was how it started, the deterioration of every single relationship he'd had began with a mission and ended with a breakup. He couldn't stand to see the tortured heartbreak in Cass's eyes knowing that he'd put it there.

"I know." Cass told him frankly.

That surprised him, Cass could see it in his cautious expression and in his hazel eyes as he inclined his head towards her studying her for lies. Cass opened herself up to his gaze, allowing him to see the sincerity behind her actions. She would never make him feel ashamed or inferior because of his job, he had a duty and she understood that more than most. It was part of John, and Cass would never try to change that. She would never exert the same pressures as the previous women in his life and he needed to accept that.

Cass squeezed his hand lightly before drawing away back into the safety of lamp light. There was faith shining in her features, it lit her up like a star before his eyes as she fixated on him with a knowing smile.

"I'll still be here." she offered him pointedly.

There wasn't a single doubt in John's mind that she was telling the truth.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! Firstly thankies very much for all of your continued support. We never see the true extent of the injuries that people receive on Atlantis, I thought I'd show the impact that The Entity would have upon Ford. <strong>_

_Brn: lol we'll have to see if I do manage to top that. You've made it a challenge. With a man like John who wouldn't get carried away :p Thankies very much for reviewing!_

_Joey: I wanted to make it more than just sex for the two of them, there's a bond between the two of them that needed to be shown and I am really happy that you love it. I thought they needed a safe haven away from the outside world esp with how dangerous Atlantis can be. LMAO I am glad you found it hot. Thank you very much for the review, I really appreciate it. _

_KAT: I am glad you found it hot! I wanted the two of them to experience a connection with each other and I admit I just adore writing the two of them. Thank you very much for the review._

_Monkey: I am so glad your enjoying this story. These two are just bouncing off each other and I love writing them, they are such a joy. I admit I am seventeen chapters ahead in this story so do not worry. I am still writing right now! Thank you very much for the review! I sincerely appreciate it._


	11. Chapter 11: Break

Chapter Eleven

_And I salute you for your courage  
>And I applaud your perseverance<br>And I embrace you for your faith _

_In the face of adversarial forces_

_Alanis Morissette - Surrender_

They were on the pier near the Southern side of the city. Their feet were in the small river that ran from the main area of the city out to the sea. The water was fresh and clean, feeling ultimately soothing upon their skin as their legs paddled lightly in the flow of the water. The sun felt glorious upon Cass's pale skin as her and Carson sat side by side with their jeans rolled up to their knees. Their sneakers were placed neatly side by side in between them as they sat enjoying the rare quietness of a bright sunny day.

After The Entity had been neutralized or rather tricked through the Stargate by a surprising act of courage on the part of Doctor Rodney McKay Carson had decided the two of them needed a break. They had left the night shift supervisor in charge of the Infirmary while they enjoyed a rare day off. They were still in contact if needed, their comms attached to their ears. Cass admitted she liked the comms lot better than the pager she'd been forced to carry during her initial training in the E.R.

"I can't believe you found this spot." Cass said to Carson, leaning back on her hands and tilting her face up towards the sun.

"Aye, I used to do this with my brothers and sisters back home in a little brook where we used to live in Scotland." Carson told her with a smile on his wholesome features.

There were many reasons that Cass liked Carson Beckett but the first one was the fact he made her feel completely at home. He was patient and kind, never making her feel stupid when she asked him to explain some of the advanced technology that they were working with. Admittedly Cass was used to working with more basic implements so she felt spoiled by the amazing amount of tech they had at their disposal.

The friendship that had developed between her and Carson over the past nine months had taken on a more sibling mentality than she had previously expected. Cass had never had an older brother, but she had always wanted one, her sister had tried her best but there was something to be said about having someone to guide you through life's pitfalls.

Cass was used to relying on people in a professional capacity, her job depended on a certain level of trust between her and her team mates. She had never rewarded them with the same kind of bond that she shared with Carson. The truth was she could trust the soldiers she had worked with previously with her life but never with herself.

"What about you? Any siblings?" Carson asked, watching the ripples of the water as he paddled his feet.

"I have a sister back in New York, she lives there with her her two kids, a boy and girl." Cass found herself confiding. "Annabel and Nicky."

"Aw so you have a niece and a nephew." Carson said with a knowing smile. "You must miss them, I miss mine furiously."

"I do miss them but they enjoy it when I drop back every now and then." Cass revealed, running a hand through her loose dark hair. "The way I figure it I'm trying to help make the world a better place for their future or rather I am helping the people who can do that."

At the time when he had recruited Cass, he had been simply content that he had an apt and experienced field medic on his team. She was the best fit for this expedition and her resourcefulness knew no bounds. Circumstance had brought her to his door almost two years ago and he hadn't looked back since.

_The tarmac was hot, in fact it was so hot that Carson could swear that it was sizzling beneath the soles of his shoes. He had never gotten used to the heat in California, it bore down on him, dry and unrelenting as he stood on the airstrip of the military base awaiting the passengers to disembark from the cargo plane in front of him. _

_The sunglasses were fixed on his wholesome features as he stood with apprehension mounting in his chest as the door of the plane opened. Carson had expected to see more next of kin here, awaiting the return of their loved ones to America but so far he was the only one and it took him a second that this was part of the privilege that was his position. He had been recruited to the SGC last year and that allowed him some credibility among the ranks of the military. _

_After seeing those videos that had been delivered by the rebel forces to the military base in Afghanistan he hadn't had high hopes of seeing his close friend Luke Mathews ever again. Seeing the larger Scot restrained to a chair covered in bruises and abrasions had sent Carson's brain into a tale spin. He felt sick at the possibilities that stretched before his friend if America didn't bow to the insurgents impossible demands. He knew how much damage the human body could take and he had forced himself to remember that Luke was tougher than he gave the other man credit for. Carson's mouth had gone dry as he watched his friend thrash and buck at the ropes that held him in place, it hadn't been until the rebel leader had delivered a sharp blow to the back of his head with the butt of an AK-47 that Luke had fallen still._

_It had taken until the next video to realize why Luke was battling so hard instead of conserving his energy. Already Carson had seen the two videos of the other American soldiers who had been killed by a swift bullet to the brain. One had been mortally wounded prior to his death and the other was suffering a broken jaw so talking was out of the question. They were useless to the insurgents but as it turned out Luke and the Doctor were not. _

_Carson's had heart had broken for the female medic as she was wrestled into that chair in front of the video camera. The rebels were old school, they believed that a woman's place was below a man and it showed in their treatment of the doctor as they forced her down by her shoulders into the seat. Already her face was bruised, her lower lip was split as blood dripped down that porcelain skin onto her uniform. An open gash had been visible across her collarbone as the blood seeped into the material of her crumpled uniform. She had read from the paper in her lap with a tremor to her voice and with a numbness in her eyes that had showed her resigned attitude towards the situation._

_Luke had been the first of the survivors to step off of the plane. His movements were stiff and rigid as he took the steps with a lumbering precision. His right forearm was in a white cast clutched close to his body as he descended slowly._

_The doctor followed seconds after, her hair was loose and free flowing over her pale features hiding the extent of the bruising that marred her delicate cheekbones. The black eye was vivid, ugly and purple, her hand was brushing through her fringe so that it fell across her eyes. Luke turned back, glancing over his shoulder at the doctor as he spoke. His entire body was between her and the run way as he scanned the immediate area and Carson understood the gesture well. _

_Luke's protective instincts were still running into overdrive, the two had depended on each other for days in captivity and there was no doubt in Carson's mind that Luke had been thinking of his four sisters in the same position during that dark time._

_His friends aquamarine eyes came to land on Carson as he stood apart from the hurried activity that was going on around him in terms of refuelling and checking the plane. Carson approached the pair as they stepped off the stairway, his arms open as he enveloped his friend in a huge heart felt hug._

"_Welcome back laddie." he said as the other man clasped him tightly with his good hand._

"_Thanks for coming." Luke returned, his voice gruff with emotion as the two men drew apart. _

_It had been later that night when the two of them had sat on the back porch of Luke's beach house sipping beer as they studied the cascading waves in the distance that Luke began to talk. He and Cass had spoken about it on and off on the journey home but Luke needed to cauterise the wound, to flush it out so it could heal. Carson became his confidant as he detailed the horrors of the event, the grief at knowing their friends were being tortured and killed, the helplessness at being confined at an unknown location awaiting death or worse interrogation. _

_Cass had been his reason for holding on, leaving her there alone to suffer the insurgents went against every single fibre of his being. He had grown up with four sisters and Cass was one of his own, protecting her hadn't even been an option. It had made him sick to the stomach letting her flaunt herself to the young insurgent in a bid for freedom. Even more he wished it had been himself that had dealt the final stab that had killed the rebel. He was a soldier, he was used to taking lives, Cass had lost people in the heat of battle but she had never killed before and he watched a piece of the woman die as she stole the life from their jailer. Luke had harboured such guilt over that and Carson had seen the darkness in his friend's eyes as he bleakly filed away the information._

_When Luke was better, Carson had taken it upon himself to read up on the medic who had effectively saved his friend's life. Her expertises were exceptional in trauma situations, she kept a cool head and utilised everything within reach. He had spoke to her superior officers and colleagues, and studied her psychological recovery and then intervened when her application for a fourth tour had been processed. She'd been all set to go when he'd pulled her in for an interview before offering her the position on the spot. _

_It taken all of two days for her to call him with a decision._

"Aye Lass that's true. My mother always said all the worlds ills can be cured by a nice cup of tea. I can't help but wonder what she would say if she met the Wraith." Carson uttered into the air between them as a smile fluttered across his features.

"Your mother sounds like a born negotiator, handling the seven of you. She'd get them to sit down with Weir and Sheppard and we can all work out our differences." Cass commented, light heartedly.

"Somehow I don't think they'll be eating the chocolate fingers that's for sure." Carson bounced back casting a glance at Cass.

The two of them met each other's eyes before breaking into a fit of laughter. It was good to feel the joy filling her up like this. It had been a long time since she'd been able to do anything without restraint and now she felt like she was living for the very first time.

Carson had that way of brightening up things. She had been a pessimist before Atlantis but that was quickly changing. Things had become lighter for her as of late, she found herself smiling a lot more recently and that was really something.

"So what are you thinking of the Galaxy so far? Is this going to be another tour for you? Or are you settling down?" Carson asked her making reference to the eight month long tours she'd spent yearly in Afghanistan.

"If the Stargate doesn't get fixed then that may not be such a bad thing if it was sunny like this all the time. We get a little cocktail bar going over in the corner and some loungers and it'll be a real vacation spot." Cass responded as she stretched out her limbs luxuriously.

It was so relaxing being in the sun like this. It was hard to believe that they weren't on vacation when the weather was like this. She enjoyed the feel of the cool ocean breeze on her skin as they sat so within range of the ocean. It was rare that they had the ability to simply sit back and breathe. The quietness in this area made everything around her seem serene. There was no fear or pain here only contentment. Cass hadn't felt like this in a long time, the freedom was overwhelming. She wondered if she would feel confined again if they were able to return to Earth. Realistically she couldn't stand that thought.

Atlantis made her feel different, for the first time in a long time Cass was herself. It was a person she didn't recognize when she looked back at the past two years. She knew Carson was relieved to see her cheerful side shine, she doubted he was the only one.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I thought it was time we saw a little bit more into the CassCarson friendship. Secretly I adore Carson as a char, I always want to give him a giant hug!**_

_**As usual thank you every adding and reviewing this story: You all make me smile so damn much!**_

_BRN: lol it's a shame we don't sometimes because there's some excellent side chars they could work with. Lorne, for one. I think there needs to be a human element to it sometimes, people do not just get back up after injuries. I always think whenever we see the inside track with the Wonder Team there must be a whole host of people who don't and that leaves them trying to figure things out when they suspect there are problems. Cass is always the one person that would accept his duty and the whole package (nearly said his package there lol) She has the same sense of duty to her patients and in the field. Thank you very much for such an excellent review!_

_Lan: Hi! It's nice to meet you! I am so glad you are loving this fic, I work really hard on it! This all started because I thought it was time for John to have somebody to love him. He deserves to be happy. Lol I do not mind that you didn't review every chapter I would not expect that from you. I hope you continue to enjoy this fic and thanks very much for the review._

_Monkey: I'm glad your enjoying the relationship between these two, they're making it such fun for me to write. I think relationships go deeper than words and I wanted to portray that. I would never leave this unfinished I am having far too much fun with it. A very sincere thankies for taking the time to review._

_KAT: I can see why you loved that ep so much, its a fab Rodney ep! The first time he shows himself as more than the pompous scientist. I am glad that you enjoyed that chapter. I wanted to show just that little bit more of what happened. Unfortunately 38 mins is the next ep I am touching on. Thankies very much for a wonderful review!_


	12. Chapter 12: 38 Minutes

Chapter Twelve

_Her eyes, that's where hope lies_

_That's where blue skie_

_Meet the sunrise_

_Her eyes, that's where I go_

_When I go home._

_Pat Monahan – Her Eyes_

The mission had been a disaster from the very beginning. Over the past week Cass had been supporting Sergeant Bates's team in the field and she had come to appreciate the Sergeant's gruff, serious nature. It had kept her alive more than once in the past month. Bates was serious and hyper vigilant, his attention to detail and procedure matched the permanently stern expression on his features. He was a realist at heart and that showed in his tell it like it is mentality.

More so he was glad to have a medic on his team, over the past few months they had spent on Atlantis their encounters with the Wraith had become increasingly more frequent. Bates liked having options and a medic provided more possibilities for survival offworld.

The minute Cass stamped her foot through the make shift alter in front of the Stargate Cass knew it was going to be a bad day. There was a stone square set in front of the circular structure heaped with a mixture of wild flowers, terracotta pots filled with what she assumed was a mixture of incense. Clearly whoever worshipped the Ancestral Ring had built a mini shrine to it and Cass had just destroyed all of that hard work with one clumsy footstep.

"Doctor?" Bates questioned, his gaze lowering to the clay pot her foot was currently embedded in.

There was saffron yellow paste smeared across the top of her black combat boot, staining it with it's juices as she gingerly lifted it from the mess that she had created. She ignored the sniggers from the soldiers around her as she skipped over the rest of the alter.

"I'm good." she responded, wiping her boot across the plush green grass as the first drops of rain began to splatter on the top of her head.

Cass tilted her head up towards the sky as the water began to pitter patter down upon her porcelain features like tears raining down upon her cheeks. Something was wrong, she could feel it in the atmosphere draining the energy out of every step she took.

The heavens opened abruptly, the heavy dark clouds bursting as the sudden storm of water and hail showered down upon the them. Before they even had time to register it, the rain was pouring down in waves drenching them from head to toe in freezing cold moisture. Already her dark hair was plastered to her head, her uniform sticking to her limbs, weighing her down.

"Let's get this over with." Bates said into the open air, gesturing for his team to move forward, before casting a pointed look at Cass."And watch your step."

* * *

><p>It was the mudslide that eventually called an end to their trip off world. They had been hiking up an unstable path towards a small settlement when the ground had literally slipped from beneath their feet.<p>

Cass been lucky, Bates had lashed out as crumbling layer of soil had broken underfoot and grasped her arm, wrenching her back onto solid ground so hard it would leave bruises for days. One of the other team members Sergeant Myers hadn't fared so well. He had taken a tumble down the embankment and crashed through the dense undergrowth, snagging on shrubbery and branches as he went.

The loud, sickening crack had been audible as both her and Bates progressed down the slope, slipping and sliding their way down towards their fallen comrade. The two of them were covered in mud, it was smeared across their faces and limbs as Myers howled in horrendous pain clutching at his broken left arm.

Between them Bates and herself had managed to splint Myer's arm with two long, firm sticks before securing them in place with medical tape while the rest of their team stood guard watching for trouble. Cass had managed to use her own belt to create an ample sling by lassoing it around Myer's neck and wrist, hugging it close to the Myer's chest. With the help of Bates and herself they had managed to trudge back up the hill at an agonizingly slow pace, supporting Myer's between them.

By the time they had made it back through the Stargate, she was in an even worse state of disarray. She had seen the expressions of solitude upon the features of the staff as her group had stepped into the control room. There seemed to be a revered silence hanging in the air. Usually the control room was a talkative, bustling area and now it was just eerie. The onsite medical team were already taking Myer's from her and Bates as they stood shivering in the vast room.

Yet again that feeling of dread was mounting in Cass's chest as she rose her head up to the balcony that overlooked the Stargate acknowledging Weir's absence. It was rare that the other woman was not there overlooking their return. Weir was a very hands on leader, she liked to make sure that her teams were coming home safe and sound before the initial debriefing.

"You look like hell." Lieutenant Ford told her, his arms crossed over his torso as he stepped forward onto the platform as the Stargate closed behind them.

Cass diverted her attention to the man standing in front of her distractedly, trying to piece together the puzzle that was currently plaguing her senses. Something was wrong here, it was as if they all knew something that she didn't.

"Myers took a tumble down an embankment and broke his arm, unfortunately me and Bates had to follow suit." Cass explained, her eyebrows crinkling into a concerned frown. "You don't look too good yourself Lieutenant."

It was true, his face was gaunt and sallow as he stood before her in his downtime clothes, his trademark cap pulled down over his exhausted features. His back straightened as he met her gaze and she could see the struggle going on behind those eyes. He looked so much like a child trying so desperately to be an adult. There was a lump in her throat as Ford coughed into his fist in an attempt to clear his voicebox.

"The Major was injured off world today, an Iratus Bug attached itself to his throat and was bleeding off his life force. We managed to get it off of him but there were complications..."

"Complications?" Cass repeated, taking in this new information with a clinical detachment.

"To get it off him, we had to shock him with the portable defibrillator. It stopped his heart, it took us a few attempts to bring him back." Ford submitted. "He's stable and Doctor Beckett's looking after him in the Infirmary. He woke up a few hours ago and he seems to be grumpy from the pain but otherwise he's ok."

Cass exhaled deeply, the breath that she hadn't realized she'd been holding was free now and she took a second to grasp back all the niggling strands of self control that were failing her at the current moment. Composure was important right now, if they're relationship was going to work in Atlantis she needed to have a clear head in situations like this. Things like this happened in the field, it was hard for them to be avoided, she couldn't let the flurry of emotions take over like the whirlwind that raged inside her. Worry, fear, anxiety they were all negative feelings that rattled her senses completely, she couldn't walk into the Infirmary and let John see all of those, it would add to the edginess he must already be feeling.

Cass forced herself to focus on the positive aspects of this revelation, John was alive and in no immediate danger. He was safe in the Infirmary and in the best care they had in two galaxies. His outlook was positive and if he could afford to be grouchy then that was a bonus.

"I'll walk you to your quarters so you can change." Ford offered, breaking into the refuge of Cass's thoughts in a bid to spur her into action. "I'll explain more on the way."

"Thank you." she said quietly, fixing him with a knowing stare.

The unspoken words were there in between them, an alliance in the stalemate that had been constructed between them previously.

Ford's respect for the Doc had just risen a notch or two with her reaction to how she had taken the news. He had steeled himself for the worst, prepared to deal with an alarmed, upset girlfriend so that the Major wouldn't have to. Yet she'd handled it with a dignity and reserved calm he hadn't expected. His measure of her was changing dramatically now that he was starting to understand that this ran a lot deeper for her than he had anticipated.

As it turned out Cass Pierce might just be the right woman for the Major after all.

* * *

><p>The incident that John's team had suffered in the Jumper been over four hours ago and now John was sleeping peacefully in the infirmary under Cass's watchful gaze. He had woken briefly after his ordeal according to Carson and stayed awake long enough to assure his friends that he was fine before drifting off again. The Wraith-like bug creature had taken a lot out of him, he was rejuvenating the energy it had stolen from his body.<p>

Cass had sent Carson to bed so she could cover the night shift. The man had been working over twelve hours straight. It would be a lie if she didn't admit that her intentions were somewhat selfish. This was a time she could spend with him unobserved and alone. The urge to protect him was so overwhelming it made her want to laugh out loud. She had never associated vulnerability with John Sheppard but while she sat in the chair beside his bed and watched him sleep she could see the man underneath all the title.

His skin was waxy and pale against the harsh halogen lights of the Infirmary. His chocolate brown hair was sticking up in all directions as Cass checked his temperature for what seemed like the millionth time. She didn't like feeling helpless, it simply wasn't her way. She was aware she was hovering, the nervous energy pulsed inside restlessly. Worry ate up at her insides. Ford had told her the story of how this had happened and of every single one of the thirty eight minutes they had spent trapped in the Jumper. Carson had detailed John's treatment as kindly as possible and she appreciated that in more ways than she could have said.

Cass rubbed at her gritty, tired eyes. She couldn't imagine what it must have felt like for John and his team to have been trapped in such a dire situation and at the end of the day she couldn't think of that. They couldn't survive on a life built up on if's and maybes, Cass refused to even consider it.

The truth was she couldn't, relationships were full of expectations and visions of the future. Their lives were so adamantly stuck in the present it was impossible to think beyond that. Of all the people Cass had met John was more deserving of happiness than anyone. He was bold and courageous, his loyalty knew no bounds. He had his faults, already she had learned he was rash and impulsive but those were qualities that she herself harboured.

"Hi." John's deep voice was rough as Cass rose her sapphire eyes to meet his.

"Hi." Cass returned with a small smile."How are you feeling?"

"Like a horse kicked me in the chest." he answered, wincing as he brought his hand up over his red scrubs, rubbing across the stinging nerves.

"That tends to happen when you get two hundred volts of electricity jump starting your heart." Cass reminded him as she picked up the chart at the end of the bed and unclipped a pen from the clipboard. "Well you have one hell of a Hickey and you need a few days rest but otherwise Carson has assured me you'll be ok."

Cass replaced the clipboard on the end of the bed. There were a thousand things she should be saying to him right now but she could barely bring herself to breath past the ache in her throat as his hazel eyes fixed on her. It was unfair to ask for reassurances, know how close to death he had come tapped into her emotions on a level she had never even considered before. It was debilitating, in the few short weeks they had been together John had made such an impact on her life it was startling.

"Come here." John requested patting his hand on the mattress of the hospital bed.

"I don't really..." Cass began trying to distance herself from the situation.

"Cassie." his voice using that name was like liquid honey pouring over every single one of her senses and she found herself compelled to obey his wish.

Cass sighed out loud before stepping towards his bedside and seating herself beside him so their hips nudged lightly.

"If your asking me to play nurse..." she warned him.

"The thought is now crossing my mind." John told her, bowing his head to hide the fire burning in his eyes at the thought of Cass clad in a little white uniform.

"I'm glad your ok." Cass murmured placing her dainty hand over his, her fingertips playing lightly over the back of his hand.

John caught her fingers in his, interlacing them. The gesture was simple but intimate and he didn't fail to notice that Cass didn't draw away. She stared down at their entwined fingers looking torn. He thought maybe he understood that feeling, being alone for so long was hard, he had stood on the brink many times before now and he knew he would again. Cass deserved better than to be part of something like this but the truth was John was selfish, he needed something to come home to and she was it for him.

"I'm sorry." John said helplessly, as he had said to so many women so many times before.

"You don't need to apologize. I'm not going anywhere." her voice was firm and resolute as she leaned in so their lips were inches apart.

Cass found herself starring directly into his eyes. For the first time Cass noticed the tiniest flecks of green around his irises. His gaze lowered to her pert, rose coloured lips as they parted. She was finding it hard to breath as the air thickened between them, crackling with tension.

She closed her eyes as John's calloused fingertips brushed along the curve of her cheekbone. She could hear her own intake of breath as his thumb skated across her lower lip. The anticipation raced through her body as the fresh scent of his clean, masculine essence flooded her senses.

His lips brushed over hers tentative and exploratory as his hands threaded through her hair drawing her even closer. Every single part of her ached for him, a delirious desire was coursing through her synapses, setting her nerves blazing at the sensation of his hands upon her skin as he cupped her face.

Cass had never felt so alive, there was such power in John Sheppard and she could feel it erupting like a firework in her chest. There was a tenderness in his touch that she hadn't expected and somehow she knew that he reserved that only for her.

They drew apart breathless, John's eyes still fixated on hers as he took her hand gently in his and pressed it to his rampaging heart.

"Tell me you feel that." He said softly as Cass splayed her fingers across his chest.

Cass reached down between them taking his own free hand in hers and placing it on the same spot in which he had placed hers. The two of them broke into jubilant grins at the sensation that passed between them. They were sharing something new and profound with each other, something that they had never experienced before.

"I'm here for you." she promised him fiercely. "I'll never ask you to change who you are or what you do."

He had never heard those words before and it opened up a floodgate inside him. It was an omission of something stronger, a lifeline into the future and he knew at that instant John truly believed her. She was restoring his faith, little by little and building it back up again from the crumbling ruins it had become.

"Cassie." he whispered against her lips as he spoke his own truth. "I trust you."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I was initially going to write this with Cass in the shuttle with them but I couldn't get it to work because when I thought about it I realized the two of them had two very separate jobs and the mission was a Recon Mission. There would be no reason for her to be there. So I decided to turn it on it's head. I really hope you enjoy this chapter!<strong>_

_BRN: LMAO! You have no idea how delighted it makes me to hear that your in love with my OC, I adore writing her because she has so much depth to her. I love writing what happens in their downtime, there's just so much fun to be had esp when they get to S2 onwards because they get all the cool stuff. How much did Sunday break my heart? I was sniffing by the end of it but I can live with Carson clone. You should see what they do for Cass's birthday. I am so glad that you are having so much fun with story. I sincerely appreciate your kind words and the time you've taken to review. _

_Lan:I wanted to show there was more to Cass and Carson than a staff relationship. I would love to be there on vacation if only the Wraith weren't available to ruin the fun. Thanks for the review!_

_Joey: I thought it was time explore more of Cass and Carson's relationship and I couldn't really do that without assessing Carson's reasoning behind accepting her onto the SG program. I'm not sure if my version of 38 mins is really what you expected but I hope you enjoy it! Thank you very much for the review. _

_Monkey: I can't blame you for loving Carson, he reminds me of Matt Parkman in Heroes and I always want to hug him. He's just so lovely and genuine. I love writing Carson and Cass, Carson is always completely selfless and of course she opens up a lot to him in some respects. I was gutted when he died, sniffing and trying not to cry! Thank you very much for the review._


	13. Chapter 13: Freedom

Chapter Thirteen

_You're keeping secrets on your pillow  
>Let me inside, no cause for alarm<br>I promise tonight not to do no harm_

_Brandon Flowers - Crossfire_

_It was day two in their Afgan hell hole and they were hungry, hurt and sleep deprived. Mathews was attempting to conserve strength by curling into a ball and cat napping in the furthest corner of the cell. Connors had been removed from The Cave, the day before for his interrogation. They had spent hours grilling the older man before they had returned him to their cage with a broken jaw and burn marks all over his battered body. He couldn't talk, instead he made antagonizing whimpering noises as Cass cradled his head upon her lap, smoothing the ginger hair away from his deformed features. She couldn't help much with the way the bones were broken in his jaw but she could provide some comfort to his injured form as Rucka prayed to their God on his knees beside her. He was the next to go and on the dawn of her thirtieth birthday he was the first of them never to come back._

Cass's heart was racing when she woke up, she could feel it pounding against her ribcage just underneath John's hand as she jerked awake from the reverie as if she'd just been shot.

"What's wrong?" he whispered into the darkness, his voice still thick with sleep.

His nose was trailing up an along the curve of her throat until he planted a butterfly kiss on that sensitive spot just under the lobe of her ear. His firm muscular body was curled around hers, spooning it lovingly on the compulsory single bed.

"It was a dream." she murmured, daring not to move from the safety of his embrace. "Go back to sleep."

There was shame in her voice, John could hear it as much as he could feel it in the wrought tension that had invaded her muscles. She was like steel, immobile and unrelenting in his arms as he kissed her naked shoulder.

"Cassie." he singsonged her name quietly, propping his head up on his hand before she flopped onto her stomach, maintaining the contact of their nude bodies as she peered at him from beneath her flurry of dark hair.

John's fingertips played along the knots of her spine as he doodled patterns on her supple skin. He knew she found the gesture relaxing, he had spent hours in the aftermath of their love making mesmerising every single contour of her body with his hands.

"We all have bad dreams." he told her, his head coming to rest on the pillow so that their faces were

inches apart.

His fingers were still working their magic, massaging the physical echoes of the nightmare from her taunt form. She'd had the same dream last year as well. She wasn't sure if she could still call it a dream when in reality it was really a memory of an event that had occurred two years ago. There was still a terrible guilt resting there on her shoulders, she knew it wasn't logical. Both her and Luke had survived what had happened in Afghanistan by sheer luck. If it had been the other way around she wouldn't have wanted Connors or Rucka to harbour any issues over her death. After it was all said and done, there wasn't a damn thing left to change.

"Your thirty two today." John stated quietly as his thumb traced over the apple of her cheek.

Cass didn't question how he knew that. John was the ranking military officer to Atlantis, he had every single member of the expedition's files at his fingertips. It did make her wonder how much he really knew about her but she could never bring herself to broach the subject. Somehow she doubted that he would invade her privacy in such a manner. She thought Carson had probably told him about her birthday, he was given her the day off despite her protests.

John's thumb smoothed over her parted lips before his mouth descended on hers as he cupped the side of her face. He placed the most tenderest of kisses upon her pursed lips before he whispered into the corner of her mouth.

"Happy Birthday."

* * *

><p>Being smacked down onto the floor hurt like a bitch. Cass's body was aching all over as she lay flat on her back staring at the swirling patterns on the white washed ceiling above her. Her right hand was throbbing like hell from where she'd slapped out against the fall with her palm upon the green mat absorbing the shock. Her heart was racing from the bout of physical activity as she stayed motionless for a second completely breathless. In the field this kind of behaviour would have gotten her killed, but in the gym on the mat it was ok to stop and catch a second's worth of breath against the fatigue.<p>

Teyla's pretty face appeared in Cass's vision as she blew the dark hair out of her eyes as sweat plastered her fringe to her forehead. Her hand was reaching out to Cass as she studied the other woman lying before her serenely.

"You are getting better." Teyla approved as Cass's hand clasped hers in a symbol of friendship and unity.

"Really?" Cass questioned as the other woman helped her to her feet. "Because it feels like your still kicking my ass all over the place."

The work out was a gift to herself. She would do anything today to keep herself distracted from the dark thoughts that plagued at her. It was frightening how one day could take her back to that terrifying place. She was glad that John had left at some point before she had awoken this morning. Rodney had already commented on her distant attitude at breakfast and Cass knew her restless, irate mood would only get worse as the day wore on.

"That may be true but you are getting better." Teyla told her, without any trace of the smugness that Cass was used to being the recipient of.

"You make it impossible for me to hate you." Cass informed the other woman as Teyla passed her a towel from the built in wardrobe.

"Your hate would be misplaced." Teyla assured her as Cass dabbed at the back of her neck.

"Yes." Cass agreed, slinging the towel over her shoulders. "Yes it would."

It took a few minutes for the two of them to tidy the small sparring room before Teyla opened the door allowing the two of them to exit.

"I really appreciate you teaching me hand to hand combat." Cass said as the two of them walked down the corridor together. "I picked up a few things on and off over the years from some soldier buddies of mine but nothing as disciplined as what your teaching me."

"I think it's wise for you to learn to take care of yourself, especially with your recent trip off world." Teyla informed her sagely.

"It was a brief encounter with the Wraith and not one I care to repeat." Cass admitted, shaking her head at the memory.

Facing the Wraith again was one of Cass's worst nightmares after her abduction the first time off world but fear was something that she had conquered before and she had convinced herself she could do again. The Wraith had become the enemy and it was something that she could use against the terror that they generated within her. An enemy, she could fight back against, it took away the horrific power they had held over her being. That and the lightweight P-90 that Lieutenant Ford had been teaching her to use at the firing range they had created.

It had been close, far too close for Cass's liking. They'd barely been on the planet more than two hours before the Wraith darts had flown over head and they'd been forced to make a hasty retreat back to the Stargate. She and the rest of Sergeant Bate's team had barely been able to dodge the oncoming Wraith stunners before they'd hurtled back through the gate.

She had no doubt with all the hand to hand training in the world that if she and a Wraith went head to head without any weapons she would come off worse but learning these skills may help in other more situations. They hadn't encountered a hostile settlement yet but she knew that they were out there and she'd rather be prepared than the underdog in any fight.

After helping the Athosians set up their new settlement on the mainland outside of Atlantis, Cass had approached Teyla regarding hand to hand combat training. Over the past few weeks as Cass and Carson had helped build and ferry supplies to the growing campsite she had struck up an easy friendship between Teyla and herself. Cass had many questions regarding the culture of Teyla's people and the other woman was happy to oblige. Soon Cass felt comfortable enough to ask the other woman for help defending herself.

The fight between them in the beginning had been nowhere near evenly matched even though it was useful for Teyla in order to gauge Cass's current skill set. The pale skinned woman's blend of Judo, Self Defence and instinct stood no chance against Teyla's controlled and somewhat brutal martial arts. Watching the Teyla move with such grace and fluidity was startling for Cass and being on the receiving end of such power was both painful and immense.

"How are your people settling into their new home on the mainland?" Cass asked the other woman as the pair of them strolled towards the living quarters.

"Very well." Teyla relayed gratefully. "Even without the suspicion of some of the Atlantians, being away from the forest disquieted them. On the main land they feel more at peace."

After John's disappearance during the early hours of this morning Cass had tried to sneak out of his quarters and back to her own. Admittedly it was usually her that disappeared from his bed before John awoke to attend the Tea Ceremony the Athosians engaged in at daybreak every morning. Cass and Teyla had become accustomed to sharing the ceremony alone each morning since her people had left, Cass thought the other woman enjoyed the company as much as Cass enjoyed the serene energy that pulsed through her form after they preformed it.

"Can you wait here a moment?" Teyla requested as they lingered outside the other woman's quarters.

"Of course." Cass replied, leaning against the wall while Teyla disappeared into her quarters.

Teyla reappeared with a traditional wooden tea tray in her hands. Upon it was a small, double spouted, cast iron teapot, two minuscule terracotta cups and delicate whisk made out of beech wood. There was a ziplock bag of tea leaves resting in the small stone mortar and pestle.

"Major Sheppard mentioned it was your Birthing Day today." Teyla said with a knowing smile as she bowed her head. "So from one friend to another."

Teyla placed the gift into Cass's surprised hands as she stared stunned at one of the most thoughtful presents she had ever received. She was truly touched by the other woman's gesture, she hadn't expected anything like this and the sincerity behind such a notion astounded her. Teyla was someone with a loyal heart and a compassionate nature and Cass was glad that she was worthy of the other woman's friendship.

Her cheeks flushed humbly as she met Teyla's gaze ensuring the other woman understood the full extent of her earnestness as she spoke.

"Thank you."

* * *

><p>The Mess Hall was quiet as Cass sat alone at a vacant table, leaning back on the plastic chair. Her research notes from over the last few days were clasped in her hand as she bit into a red apple she had acquired from the canteen. She had spent the past few trips off world gathering a catalogue of diseases and remedies from the local healers of each planet. Carson and herself had decided that it would be a wise move in case the city suffered an outbreak.<p>

"All work no play makes Cass a dull girl." Carson remarked as he sat down across from her.

His tray bumped into hers lightly as he set it down on the table. Cass barely glanced up from reading her papers as she inclined her head towards him in greeting. In reality she was still mad at him for forcing her into this situation, then again she had no right to be angry at him.

The problem was with her. Most of the time she was fine, she had dealt with what had happened in Afghanistan but there were still moments, days even where her strength faltered. She thought that she was hiding that well underneath her aloofness, she didn't want anyone to know how badly damaged she really was inside.

"Can't help it, lots to do." she muttered, placing the apple core back down on her lunch tray.

"Any particular reason you seem to be working harder today than any other? I gave you the day off for a reason lass." Carson informed her, watching the concentration on her porcelain features.

"I told you I would have rather worked today." she said distractedly.

"Come on now Cass. Your being silly." Carson stated, picking up his fork and poking at his food.

Cass exhaled deeply, trying to keep her focus on the words in front of her. She didn't want to think about today, she wanted to work herself into oblivion until she was too exhausted to function. Carson thought he was doing her a favour by giving her the day off. It was completely infuriating and endearing all at the same time.

"I know what will cheer you up." Carson said brightly into the silence between them.

Cass set her papers down as Carson removed something from the pocket of his chinos and pushed it across the table towards her. Cass frowned, her fingertips playing over the organic, green leaves that were wrapped around something hidden inside.

"Open it." Carson insisted, spearing a tomato from his chicken salad and popping it in his mouth.

Cass obeyed, her finger working within the grooves to separate the vegetation parcel wrappings to reveal a slender piece of jewellery. It was a bracelet, made of tightly weaved black cord, in the centre was a flat, beige, oval shaped stone with a rune etched into it.

"According to the Athosians it means freedom." Carson told her softly. "Freedom from your past and freedom in your future. I thought if anyone deserved to have that it would be you."

Cass rose her gaze to meet Carson's and at that minute she sensed the depths of his understanding into her psyche. Carson always saw right through her walls no matter how much she tried to hide things from him. There were things in her past that she was regretful of, choices she had made that had ended badly for herself and for others and Cass had let them shape her. Carson's gesture was monumental in her world and he knew just how many levels this rune worked on.

"You need to let it go." he advised her in his hushed Scottish accent. "You have a real shot at happiness here and your letting what happened back in Afghanistan alter the person that your meant to be. You can't change the past lassie, but you can make damn sure that it doesn't ruin who you are."

His dexterous fingers were already removing the bracelet from it's trappings. Cass lifted her wrist so he could slid it underneath the smooth skin before tying the knot securely at the base of her palm.

Cass stared at her friend completely mesmerized as Carson met her eyes once more. She had fought for her freedom and for that of others. Carson was telling her to stand tall and accept that there was no shame in survival. Just as the thought crossed her mind, she could feel the trappings that bound her snapping like straining ropes as something beautiful and weightless broke free. The surge of tranquillity that besieged her was unique and she could only attribute it to knowledge that she was finally coming to terms with her actions during and after Afghanistan.

"It's time to let it go Cass." he stated firmly, ensuring she caught the meaning behind his words as she met his gaze intently with her own, her lips moving as she formed the most honest words she had ever uttered.

"I already have."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I wanted to show a little more of Cass's friendships outside of John and of course I had to include a little background. If there was ever a song that described John and Cass it would be Crossfire by Brandon Flowers.<strong>_

_**Thanks to everyone who is reading and reviewing at the current moment. You make this story completely worth it.**_

_Brn: MWHAHAHAHAHA, happy evil author laugh. It makes me grin like a fool to know that I've sucked you in with my writing. Your reviews always give me a little thrill because they are so expressive and I have to say thank you for that. You have no idea how much it means to me. I thought if something that bad had happened she'd be able to feel it, esp with the little noticeable differences in the Gate Room. This story is all about love and duty and I thought she would just force herself to shut down all the negative emotions that came with being with someone like John. There's no room for them in a relationship like this and she knows that. Thank you very much for such a emotive review._

_KAT: The back story just flowed when I was trying to work out how she was picked for the SGA expedition. I was trying to figure out what would set her apart from all the other people he must have considered. I adore Carson, he is so genuine and I love the play off between him and Rodney and how the dynamic works. I felt sorry for Clone Carson because there was such a sense of displacement for him and eventually I was glad when Rodney showed him he was still his friend. I could ramble about this forever lol. Thankies very much for the reviews I sincerely appreciate them Ms Dale!_

_Monkey: lol Humans operate a lot on body language and I think it brings more to the table when you show how people feel instead of tell. People can associate with it more because it brings back sense memories of motions they've done or responses to things that they too have experienced. It's about making people feel something off the page and I am really glad that you loved reading that chapter. Thanks very much for the review!_


	14. Chapter 14: Perfect

Chapter Fourteen

_Love me tender, love me sweet _

_Never let me go _

_You have made my life complete _

_And I love you so_

_Norah Jones – Love Me Tender_

The beach was stunning as the two of them sat upon the golden sands side by side, watching the dark water crash across the stretching shore line of the mainland. The campfire John had made out of Hexi blocks and dry sticks was crackling beside them. John's strong arm was wrapped around Cass's small shoulders drawing her snug against his firm body, the fingers of her left hand were interlaced in his as she tilted up her head to look at the stars glittering brightly in the sky above.

The trip had started off as a quick run to the main land in the Puddle Jumper to take some medical supplies over to the Athosians. She couldn't operate the Puddle Jumper without the ATA gene so John had volunteered. It had taken a while for Cass to realize that there was in fact camping equipment stowed away amongst her supplies. A raised eyebrow in John's direction had been returned with a wide smile as he suggested an over night stay on the island.

"You know this is going to cause all sorts of rumours back at Atlantis." Cass stated, her lips caressing the back of John's hand. "Overnight stay in a one man tent away from the Athosians..."

"Yea, you know I kind of got bored with all the midnight tiptoe and the sneaking around." John informed her light-heartedly before his tone changed to something more serious. "You deserve better than that."

"So this is your way of saying to hell with it?" Cass asked him, tilting her head up to meet his gaze.

"They're going to find out sometime, what's the point in hiding it any more?" John said nonchalantly.

Cass raised her hand to her mouth in order to hide the smile that was lighting up her dainty features. John wondered why she did that, why Cass hid her feelings behind a mask. He loved seeing her happy, the way her eyes shone in the moon light captivated him, she looked radiant and blissful as she peered up at him. Her fingers were picking up a sky blue coloured, curved shell from the sand as she toyed with it between her fingers.

"Did you ever used to do that thing where you pick up a sea shell and listen to the sound of the ocean?" Cass questioned as she cupped it to her own ear.

John shook his head, holding out his own hand for the shell. He had heard of it a thousand times before but he had never stopped to actually try out the urban myth, whenever he was at a beach he was usually too busy surfing to even notice there were shells on the sand around him. Cass placed it in his palm before John brought it to his ear, frowning at the roaring sound emitting from the depths of the sea shell.

"I always thought that was one of those rumours you hear as a kid, you know like 'eating your crusts makes your hair curl' and stuff like that." John said handing the shell back to her.

"You know McKay probably has some huge scientific reason behind what it is but I like keeping the magic of it." Cass told him cupping the sea shell between her hands.

"I have something for you." John said abruptly, raising to his feet.

Cass watched as he returned to their tent not ten meters away and before withdrawing something from it. There was a box clasped in his large hands when he sat back down again. Cass studied him quizzically as he held the medium sized rectangle towards her. She took it, setting the gift down on her lap before studying it with curious fingertips.

The gun metal grey lockbox was heavy and made of iron from what she could tell. There were a few faded surf board logos stuck to the lid. The corners were rounded and there was a heavy duty lock on the front, John jangled the keys beside her before taking her delicate hand in his and placing them inside her palm.

"I remembered you telling me about your memory box back home, the one you left with your sister." he told her, gently closing her fist around the keys.

_Just in case_, she had told him as they lay in bed together. She had been away so much she wanted her nephew and niece to have something to remember her by if for some reason she could never make it back.

It was a realistic possibility, one that he had long ago accepted.. As far as his father was concerned John was dead to him anyway after turning his back on the family business to make his own way flying helicopters for the US Airforce. His brother Dave was of the same grain, he didn't approve of John's tempestuous relationship with the old man. They hadn't spoken for months before John had agreed to the Atlantis Expedition. The only people that really cared about him were all here in the Pegasus Galaxy. Ford, Teyla, Weir, Beckett, Cassie, even McKay.

They were his family now. A ragtag bunch of misfits with a variation of skills that differed from his own. He was an easy going, open minded man and he took care of his own people. It was hard for him to show it sometimes, it was difficult for John to explain his feelings verbally. He was emotionally withdrawn until he met Cass and then it was as if she'd stolen his agony right out of his soul. He could feel again, believe that he was worthy of happiness and love.

_Ruined,_ was what he proclaimed himself to be after divorcing Nancy. _Damaged and broken._

_Selfless, courageous, compassionate. _Those were the words that Cass murmured into his ear in the dead of night as those soft lips kissed along the line of his jaw. He had never asked for her praise, he could never ask Cass for anything but when she spoke he trusted that she was telling him the truth. She had given him so much of herself over the past few months, her heart, her body, her soul. He could feel that in every touch, word and caress that she blessed him with.

John had nothing but his dogtags to his name and a few items in storage back at home. He didn't see the point in keeping a lot of stuff when he wasn't around much to enjoy it. The only thing he had to give Cass was himself and he thought that he was a poor prize for what she truly deserved.

So here John was gifting Cass with a piece of himself. The lockbox was something he'd had in his possession since his teenage years. He used to collect baseball cards back when his mom was alive, she had given him the lockbox to store them in along with the pineapple surf board wax he had favoured at the time. It was his most treasured possession in the world and now he was giving it to the most precious person in the world.

"I thought it was time you started to make some new memories." John said quietly.

He watched as Cass unlocked the box with her new set of keys before opening the dense lid before she took the pretty blue shell and deposited it in the lockbox. He could see how much it meant to Cass to receive a present like this. That cute little side smile was making an appearance once more as it curved across her beautiful features. Her fingertips smoothed over the shape of a yellow surfboard as she traced the outline.

"Now it has our first memory." Cass told him, beaming as she tilted her head to look up at him.

God, Cassie Pierce had no idea what she did to him when she looked at him that way, in the way that told him he was everything that she wanted, everything that she needed. Her hand reached out, her thumb brushing along the darkening stubble of his cheeks. John's lips grazed the palm of her hand as she met his intense hazel eyes.

"Thank you for this." Cass murmured against his mouth. "Thank you for all of this."

* * *

><p>Cass's hands were threading through John's messy brown hair as she lay underneath him. She was kissing him like a woman possessed, her hands smoothing over his broad shoulders as his tongue parted her lips, dipping into her mouth and tasting that delicious unique blend of her person. He was powerless against her beauteous form as she writhed with delirious pleasure underneath the hard planes of his body. Her slender thighs were locked around his taunt waist as John thrust inside her inviting supple frame.<p>

Jesus, Cass couldn't get enough of him. He was always so tantalising and so passionately responsive to her kisses and ministrations. His teeth grazed that tender spot just above her collarbone, her head tipped back into the pillow as she called out his name. He knew how to work her up so much she was trembling and begging for more.

His skin was molten hot against hers as the waves of ecstasy claimed her violently, dragging Cass under as she drowned in the euphoria of John's physical ambiance. His hips were moving just that little bit faster hitting that sweet spot over and over again until he held her just on the edge begging for release.

"God John." she whispered against his lips. "God your so damned perfect for me."

Those words were music to his ears, they made him feel every inch the man he was in her eyes. It was amazing how she made him feel, the sense of contentment was incredible. John's mouth enclosed over hers once more, stifling her moans of joy. He was stealing her heart and soul all over again. The sense of belonging she made him feel was amazing. They were each other's salvation. He savoured every moment with her, every time they could be together without boundaries or consequences.

God, she tasted sweet under his lips. Her desperation was in every single one of her cries as her body bucked and tensed clambering on the very cusp of climax.

John was falling, he knew that the second he had laid his hands on Cassandra Pierce. By his nature he was a solitary man or at least he had been before he'd met her. Her tongue was in his mouth exploratory and seeking as her hips nudged against his insistent and demanding that he complete their union. His right hand found hers, their fingers entwining as he picked up the pace.

"Cassie." he mumbled against her mouth indicating just how close he was to their release.

His senses were dazzled by the endorphins that erupted through him. He was wrapped up entirely in Cass and he loved every single second of it. Her taste was on his tongue, her feminine scent in his nose, he could see the rapture on those pretty porcelain features.

Making love to Cass was phenomenal in a way that even he could barely understand. They were communicating beyond words as they erupted together at the highest of peaks. Even without speech he knew that he had claimed her. There was no question that Cassie Pierce now belonged to him entirely as he held onto her gaze.

John felt Cass let herself go completely as her fingertips dug into his knuckles. Her orgasm was already clenching around his dick like a velvet fist. God, he could feel it igniting, inside his soul as she moaned against his mouth. He was holding onto Cass as she crested, her climax drawing out John's. He erupted deep inside of her, a low gluttonous groan leaving his lips before he kissed Cass once again becoming lost completely in this stunning young woman.

Their kisses were lazy and clumsy as they came down from their high. Cass gave a shaky laugh as John pressed his forehead against hers so he could stare into her sapphire gaze.

"Jesus." she laughed out loud at her own exclamation as John's nose traced along the length of hers.

"Is that what your calling me now?" John murmured into her mouth as his lips brushed over hers.

"You are such an egotist." Cass told him, her slim fingers lacing around the back of his neck as she drew him even closer.

"I thought that's why you liked me." John retorted in between long, deliberate kisses.

"Hm, it's one of the reasons." Cass mumbled as John's hands cupped her flushed cheeks before he pressed another loving kiss to her mouth whispering the words.

"Happy birthday."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I didn't want to leave it too long between these two birthday chapters so here's what John gave Cass!<strong>_

_Brn: I want birthday kisses from Shep :( lol. The Teyla thing just came to me while they were fighting, I know that Cass really loves Eastern culture so she'd want to immerse herself in it. Of course, she likes the Athosians too! Carson is just wonderful, he's always got a kind word or gesture and it makes me want to hug him so much. I think it's important for her to have a connection to people outside of John otherwise they're relationship would be unhealthy. Lol I hope this brightened your day! Thank you very much for the review, I do sincerely appreciate it._

_LAN: I'm glad your enjoying the bonds that Cass is forming, it's wonderful to write her developing relationships. I thought Teyla and her would have an easy going relationship like that esp the way Teyla is with everyone. I am glad your enjoying the story. Thankies very much for the review!_

_KAT: I always imagine that things like that would haunt your dreams even two years after. Teyla was so fun to write because the truth is she's so kind and badass it is impossible to hate her! Lol you tell me what you think about John's gift. Thank you very much for the review. I appreciate the time you take to review this story._

_Joey: Thank you so much for writing to wonderfully expressive reviews! I love 38 mins but I also agree it's not a great ep! I thought we needed to see how Cass's life is set apart from John's. I didn't want her as part of the Dream Team as it were. I see that in a lot of fics and I wanted to be a little different. I always think of Ford as a man of responsibility and I thought he would take that on as part of his duty. I loved writing the 'I trust you' part. I thought I love you was far too much for something so soon despite the fact the feelings are there. I wanted John's gift to be a little separate from the others, it's more intimate and private hence the separate chapter!_


	15. Chapter 15: Reprieve

Chapter Fifteen

_Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love  
>Like I'm the only one who knows your heart<br>Only girl in the world...  
><em>

_Rhianna - Only Girl In The World_

John was asleep. His chin was resting on his palm so his head was tilted towards the screen of his laptop as she watched from the solid doorway with a small smile spreading across her features. He'd been burning the midnight oil recently.

Cass had barely seen him over the past few weeks, she'd been covering Carson's shifts at the Infirmary while he worked on some gene research with the Hoffans. The people of that planet thought that they had been working on a vaccination that would stop the Wraith from feeding on humans. Unfortunately they were decades away from getting anywhere with the formula. However with Carson's help and advanced technology it would appear he had stepped up the process and they were getting ready to put a prototype into action.

John had been spending a lot of time offworld recently, mission after mission through the Stargate had taken it's toll on him. She had seen the exhaustion set on his features over the past few days. He rubbed his eyes a lot when he was tired, his handsome features had looked haggard.

Cass stepped into the room, setting the mug of coffee beside the laptop before blowing lightly into John's ear. He jerked awake as his hand slipped out from underneath his chin. Her delicate hand was on his shoulder, her thumb rubbing light circles over the knots in his shoulder.

"Sleeping on the job Major?" Cass teased in a low tone before placing a butterfly kiss upon his unshaven cheek.

"Hm." John uttered, his fingers curling around her slender wrist and gently pulling her arm around his neck so that she was hugging him around his broad shoulders. "Just resting my eyes."

"I don't believe you." Cass's breath ghosted over his ear, as she withdrew from his weary body.

"Hence why you brought me coffee." John responded gratefully as he leaned forward to take the mug between his large hands.

Cass dropped into the chair across from John, crossing her legs as she propped her chin up on her hand watching him intently.

"I appreciate this." John said toasting her with his cup.

"You look like you needed it." Cass told him simply.

That's what John liked about Cass, he didn't feel pressurized by her in anyway. As far as she was concerned he was busy, they would make time for each other if they could. He enjoyed stolen moments like this. It was a moment of silence in his busy mind, a fragment of their connection. She always knew what he needed without the words ever emitting from his mouth.

"All these mission reports just keep piling up." John told her, rubbing his hands over his rugged face.

"With great power comes great amounts of paperwork." Cass said sympathetically, raising her eyebrows knowingly.

"Here's me thinking you were gonna quote Spiderman on me." John retorted before drinking deeply from his mug.

"Spiderman's too whiny." Cass informed him with a grimace. "Batman however, he has a lot of things going for him. Broody, dark and intimidating with the best Detective skills in any comic franchise. "

John rolled his eyes in response to her list before speaking.

"What is it with you and McKay?" he asked her. "The two of you are like D.C's main supporters. Marvel is so much cooler The X-men, The Incredible Hulk..."

Cass snorted at his statement.

"Really?" she scorned. "The Incredible Hulk was one of the best things to come out of Marvel?"

"Whoa, whoa." John held up his hands in mock surprise. "You think I don't know your judging my comic book collection based on the movies you've seen?"

"They were bad John, I mean literally awful. I turned off Hulk half way through because my brain started to shut down at the stupidity of it." Cass informed him, gesturing with her hands.

"See you have to read the comics and see how his story develops. It's actually quite endearing in a large, smashing things kinda way." John told her humorously.

Cass held up her index finger indicating she'd just had an idea.

"Ah ha, I see where the impulse comes from." Cass uttered light heartedly before she pointed at him. "You do the whole John smash thing when you go off world."

"Hey people shoot at me." John told her with a shrug. "I just shoot back. I can't help it if they find my personality a little..."

"Your a smart ass." Cass interrupted as she looked at him pointedly. "That is what makes people want to shoot at you."

"They don't usually manage to hit me." John said with that charming boyish smile settling across his rugged features.

"Please I have seen that bullet hole." Cass reminded him, patting the indentation in his right thigh knowingly.

John chuckled as he ducked his head staring into the recesses of his coffee mug. His fingers were wrapped around the heated mug warming his cool fingertips.

"Your the only one that has." he told her before clearing throat gruffly."Your working tonight right?"

It sent a little possessive streak running right through Cass at that knowledge. That was her claim to him, he wasn't her possession and she would never see him like that but she was glad he was her person. He was dominant and dependable. Each scar that patterned his body was a piece of his history and Cass liked being the only one to know the story behind each and every one of them. She adored running her eager fingertips over the raised flesh and kissing them until John's only memory was of her mouth.

"Sadly." Cass answered in response to John's question.

"Maybe I'll come by." John said nonchalantly. "You know see how people in the Infirmary are doing."

Cass understood the meaning hidden underneath his words. He wanted to see her. She had taken a step by entering his work environment as his partner and yet again their relationship was changing. It showed him she was comfortable with their situation and that he was permitted to do the same. The relationship was becoming more than a secret and John was content with the fact Cass was taking the words he had spoken on the beach seriously. He didn't want what they had to be some sordid and hidden affair.

They were partners, he couldn't tell her to her face yet but he thought this was for life. Cass was more than just his girlfriend. John had never believed in soulmates, hell he had never believed in souls until now but when he looked at Cass he knew that his beliefs were shifting. He felt like God was sparing him from a life of aloneness by blessing him with this woman. She was becoming everything to him and he had never realized he needed her until she had stepped into his life.

Cass cast him a final smile before she rose to her feet and slipped right out the door.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I just want to say thank you for your overwhelming support with this story. It is a joy to read every single one of your reviews and to see you adds in my inbox!<strong>_

_Lan: I am so glad it made you squee, I had such a great time writing it and it all just fell into place. These two just write themselves sometimes. I could completely imagine John giving her a memory box since this is where it looks like they're going to living there forever. I appreciate__the time you've taken to review and just want to say thankies!_

_BRN: Every so often I get an eek moment as in what recreational things can I have them do together but then something always bops into mind. Lol I can imagine that John would want to build memories of their new home esp with the personal things that they share in private. Lol I thought they needed the stability from each other and I am so very glad that your enjoying this story. Thank you very much for you wonderful review!_

_Joey: I am glad your loving this story, it is such a joy to write. Thanks very much for the review!_

_Monkey: Firstly I genuinely appreciate the fact you reviewed two chapters! I am glad you felt so associated with Cassie, it makes me feel like I am doing my job as a writer. I thought if I lived there I would have a wider network than just my partner. I thought a man like John would have been on his own for such a long time so he's probably not used to the feelings he's being engulfed with. I thought between the two of them it;s always been about love, it's completely different for each one of them and I want to show that. Your words have completely made me blush! Thankies very much for such a lovely review._


	16. Chapter 16: The Man

Chapter Sixteen

_Did she tease you for your flirty quips?  
>Did she leave you frozen with the wrong words chosen?<br>You gotta show her why she can't resist  
>Make her blush when you put your hand on her hips<br>So wrap your arms around her body  
>Tell her all she needs to know<em>

_Hanson – Give A Little_

Doctor Rodney McKay was sitting on the Treatment Table in front of Cass as she read through his latest test results. She was biting her lower lip as she shook her head in response to what she was reading on the screen of the tablet that processed the scanner information.

As much as she liked Rodney McKay despite his rough edges, he had the notorious habit of being a known hypochondriac. He was a pain in the ass most of the time but there were moments when he showed genuine compassion for other people. She knew that he cared for the people around him, he was just arrogant and irritating sometimes.

Most times...

"Well the Diagnostic Scanner confirms my findings so far." Cass told him as her fingertips scrolled down the screen of the tablet before she hugged the item to her chest reviewing Rodney with a frown. "There's absolutely nothing wrong with you."

"I have a head ache." Rodney exclaimed, his hands on either side of his head "I can't sleep. I'm jittery."

"How much coffee have you had today?" Cass questioned, arching her eyebrows.

"Eight to ten cups in the past twelve hours." Rodney revealed reluctantly.

"And before that?" Cass prompted tilting her head towards Rodney knowingly.

"I've been up running the diagnostics on the jumper we've repaired and then I was trying to figure out what the little Ancient clicky thingy was for." He told her making a 'Rubix Cube' gesture with his hands.

"So more coffee?" Cass concluded with a grim smile.

"Maybe a few..." Rodney petered off, staring down at his busy fingers before his gaze jolted up to meet hers. "Are you sure it's not a brain tumour?"

"See this?" Cass asked him, holding up the scan of Rodney's brain function for him to see. "We'd be looking for a black mass, your brain is fine. Lack of sleep is making you paranoid Doctor McKay."

"Paranoid, is that what your calling this?" Rodney snapped, raking a hand through his hair. "We're in another galaxy light years away from any real medical care..."

"Rodney." Cass said sternly setting the tablet down on the metal night stand beside the Treatment Table. "Do you really think you would let yourself come here if you didn't believe that you'd be in the best capable hands?"

"Well you could be wrong, doctors have made mistakes before and medicine is not even a real science..." Cass tuned out Rodney's rant before holding up her hand to silence him.

"Do you really want to go there?" Cass asked him pointedly, her hands were on her hips looking firm and authoritative.

"So sleep huh?" Rodney decided to change the subject as Cass nodded her confirmation. "You got anything for that?"

"Not until the caffeine's out of your system." Cass responded sympathetically.

"Any idea when that might..." Rodney trailed off as Cass shook her head.

"Nope."

"So I am guessing I should probably..." Rodney said jerking his thumb towards the doors leading to the quarters.

"Go to bed." Cass advised before jabbing her finger at him. "And drink lots of water."

"And if I die in my sleep?" Rodney questioned, completely serious.

"Then I'll make sure you have a nice funeral." Cass shot back, rubbing her dainty hand over her weary features before she met his gaze once more. "Seriously Rodney go to bed."

Rodney rose to his feet grumbling before he moved towards the electronic doors as they opened. John walked past him through the doorway, his dark eyebrows creasing into a frown before he turned to face Cass.

"What did you do to him?" John asked quizzically as he entered the Infirmary.

"Doctor, patient confidentiality." Cass said tapping her nose lightly. "Let's just say he should probably lay off the caffeine."

"He's stressed repairing the jumper." John conceded, rubbing the back of his mused up dark head before he slipped into the metal stool from the work station next to Cass's desk.

"I understand he's been trying to learn more about it so that he won't feel so helpless if anything like that happens again." Cass responded quietly, as she shuffled the reports between her hands trying to align them.

"Knowledge is power." John agreed, reaching out and encasing her small hands with his larger ones.

"You sound like a fortune cookie." Cass told him as the pads of his fingers traced along the line of her knuckles.

"And do you like fortune cookies?" John asked, placing his palms upon the desk as he hoisted himself up to lean over it.

His lips were curving into that boyish, handsome smile. There was a glint of mischief in his hazel eyes as his nose trailed down the length of hers with a deliberate slowness until their lips were barely inches apart. Her sapphire eyes closed as she felt his soothing calm wash all over her body, her dark lashes fluttered upon her pale skin as John cupped the side of her face with a doting caress.

"Depends what the next words out of your mouth are." Cass teased in her sweet, husky tone.

"You will live a long and prosperous life." John announced, enjoying the sensation of anticipation that was building up between the two of them.

"With you?" she questioned, a smile ghosting across her lips.

"I can't promise you either." John said with an honesty that tore at his own heart.

It was the truth that he had been dreading. His heart was thudding against his ribcage as he closed is own eyes against the reality of those words. It wouldn't be practical to promise her forever no matter how much he may want to. He wondered if she had thought of that, if she'd been thinking of their future the same way he had. John had never allowed himself to think in terms of the long haul and now it was becoming all too potent.

The life span for his job was never determinable and Fate had a way of being cruel sometimes and too many times he had been the recipient of it's vindictiveness. He thought this was one of those times, that she would wake up and realize this wasn't what she wanted. He dreaded that thought, it was like a barb prickling underneath his skin.

"I can't promise you forever." John whispered as Cass kissed the corner of his finely sculptured mouth. "But I can promise you as long as I live."

It always surprised him how much Cass had the capacity to steal away his fears. He hid them well beneath the Major persona he always wore. There was no room for regrets when he was the Major. He was always in control but with Cass he was so furiously out of his depth. In his world the Man always came second, the Man had weaknesses, he was emotional and caring. Over the years he had buried the Man under the cold, metallic shell of the Major.

And now he was the Man all over again.

"You know any normal woman would have run for the hills by now." John mumbled as his fingers threaded through her loose dark hair drawing even closer.

"You were clearly not dating the right kind of women." Cass teased.

John's mouth enclosed over hers, his lips tentative and loving. There was pure emotion in this kiss and Cass could feel it pulsing through her body as he swept her away with the mere simplicity of his touch. God, he loved her, there was no denying that's what this feeling was sweeping through every fibre of his being. Jesus he would never stop wanting to kiss her like this, he could never stop feeling this way about her.

"You know I think I'll just get my prescription filled while I'm here..."

The two of them drew away from each other at the sound of Rodney McKay's voice trailing off at the sight before him. Cass opened her eyes focusing on the man beyond John's shoulder as she pursed her lips together and rose to her feet with a dignity that she barely felt.

"Are the two of you..." Rodney trailed off as John turned on the stool to face the other man unable to keep the grin off of his handsome features as he answered the question with ease.

"Yes." John responded, crossing his arms over his chest. "Yes we are."

"Well..." Rodney trailed off searching for the right words to say. "It seems to be working out for the two of you."

Cass bowed her head, allowing the serene smile to cross her features as she peered up at Rodney through her dark fringe.

"Yea it is." she told him coyly before holding her hand out for the prescription sheets clutched in Rodney's grasp.

"So this been going on a while or is it new?" Rodney asked, indicating between the two of them as Cass busied herself selecting Rodney's medication from the glass cabinets they were stored in.

"Three months." John answered as Cass set out the line of medication bottles.

"And nobody else knows about this?" Rodney asked them incredulously.

"Ford." John responded, casting a glance at Cass inquiring.

"Carson." Cass murmured as she checked the label on the bottle in her hand.

John had expected that. Carson was watchful and protective of Cass. At first he thought it was because the doctor had a crush on the young woman but as he watched the two of them interact he realized the true nature of their relationship was far from romantic. He knew what the love and loyalty between siblings looked like, and there was no desire in the Scottish doctor's eyes when he spoke to Cass. Intellectually the two of them were similar and there was a friendship there that John admired and approved of. Cass wasn't used to having other people in her life to rely on so knowing that there was someone else she told her secrets to made him glad.

Yet John could tell there was something else there beneath the surface of their friendship. A history maybe, a concealed past that she hadn't shared with him. Whatever it was he knew it was harrowing, he had no doubt it was what disturbed her peaceful slumber in the dead of night. He never asked, he didn't want to take her back to that place. Holding her in his arms and kissing away her fears was enough for him right now.

Cass turned around to face Rodney jiggling the ziplock bag of medication bottles in order to get his attention.

"That's everything." she told him with a bright smile as she handed him the bag.

Cass didn't take offence as Rodney checked through the assortment of bottles before he turned on his heel to leave the Infirmary. They watched as he paused by the door before he glanced at them over his shoulder.

"Congratulations by the way."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I hope your all having a wonderful day today! I am catching up on all my chores so wish me luck! I was thinking there's not a chance in hell that these two would be able to keep their a relationship hidden, esp since they both don't really want to anymore.<strong>_

_Brn: We never really see John doing the paperwork and I wanted to show there was more to his job than just running around and being awesome. They get some time together at some point although work keeps them busy. The Lorne thing is an excellent idea for S2 and thankies very much for suggesting it! Mwahahahaha poor Lorne. It'll be handy since I am writing The Siege eps at the moment. Thank you very much for the review and on another note did you get my pm? They got lost by sometimes._

_Joey: I always think that you appreciate things more when you don't expect them and it changes the game a little between them. I am a DC lover through and through and my bros a Marvel fan so there's always debates going on in our house. I believe people can be soul mates, you know when you meet someone you instantly click with and it feels you've known them for years. It's different for diff people. Thank you for such a wonderful review!_

_Lan: lol I could see them having that simple kind of argument and it was nice to have something seemingly normal and ordinary to talk about, kinda like a real couple. Lol I am the comic lover in our house though my bros a close second. I love strong female chars. Cass is probs as surprised as you are. She's never been one for claiming someone but with John, he's different. Thank you for an awesome review!_

_Monkey: lol you'll make my head in flat so badly I won't be able to fit through the door. I wanted to show there was more depth to their relationship than the physical side and that they were taking a step forward making a little time for each other. Thank you for your review, I really do appreciate it!_


	17. Chapter 17: Poisoning The Well

Chapter Seventeen

_Go easy on my conscience_  
><em>'Cause it's not my fault<em>  
><em>I know I've been taught<em>  
><em>To take the blame<em>

_Robbie Williams - Better Man_

Cass had only seen their holding area once during her time on Atlantis and that been during a tour of the City that Weir had given when they were trying to get used to all the new sections that were becoming available to him. The cube of bars were electrified and in any normal circumstance Cass should have been reassured by this but today she wasn't considering what was on the other side of those bars.

The Wraith was called Steve, or at least that was what John had allegedly named him after he had captured the organism off world. It had stuck amongst the militarists of Atlantis and now Cass found herself using the term herself to describe the violent creature.

Steve was watching her, his wide green catlike eyes were on her face as she stepped up beside Lieutenant Ford, medical kit in hand. There was fear crawling up deep inside her. She could feel it's icy cold jaws locking on her heart as she stood before the creature. The last time she had been this close to one of them Colonel Sumner had stepped up and taken over the exchange. There was a greedy, hunger in the Wraith's eyes, it watched her with predatory lust as she stood stock still.

Cass knew why it was choosing to focus on her as opposed to John who stood on her right hand side and Lieutenant Ford who stood on the left clasping a Wraith Stunner. She was the weakest link here, it saw her as a young, pitiful female yet just agreeing to this made her anything but weak.

Doing this would help them to learn from the Wraith and perhaps maybe prevent the cullings that were going on offworld. Carson thought the drug he was helping the Hoffans create could save millions eventually. Cass didn't understand the genetics of it all but she did understand the probabilities.

Carson was still on Hoff, working through the different dynamics of the formula with their Chief Scientist Perna. The last time she had spoken to Carson he had had a spring in his step and he was smiling more than she had ever seen in the entire time they'd been on Atlantis. Cass sensed he had was smitten with the other woman. She was a regal, attractive, middle aged blond woman who shared Carson's enthusiasm for genetics.

Carson spoke about her animately in conversation detailing her brilliance and Cass was glad to see the glimmer in his eyes as he spoke of her. It was rare for Carson to be so fascinated by someone and it was good for him to have another more cerebral person to bounce his ideas off. Unfortunately that left Cass to withdraw the blood they needed to confirm several of the results of their tests.

"Hi Steve." John greeted as he clasped his clasped his hands together in front of him.

The cell door slide open as they stood before it starring in at their captive. There was that moment of pure insight where they simply studied each other before reality snapped back into place with a sudden movement that made Cass flinch. The Wraith was in motion, hurling itself towards her. It's hand was stretched out, that feeding slit parting open as it came straight at Cass. John was in front of her before she even had a chance to blink his gun drawn without a split seconds hesitation.

"Bye Steve." John uttered as Lieutenant Ford jabbed the Stunner into Steve's chest.

The howl of agony that resounded through the confined space physically hurt Cass's ears as Steve writhed and twitched under the onslaught of energy that rattled through his bones. The roar that rattled through the cell erupted once more as Ford struck the Wraith again, this time for longer until the pain or at least the shock of the Stunner rendered it unconscious. At least she hoped it was.

"Right Doc, he's ready for you." Ford said almost cheerfully.

"It is definitely unconscious?" Cass's sapphire eyes straying to the immobile Wraith splayed out on the ground.

Ford poked Steve with the Stunner to prove his point as Cass inhaled deeply trying to steady the trembling of her hands as she gripped the medical kit even closer to her hip. It was a show of failure to display her fear and it was against her nature. It was moments like this that defined a person in the eyes of others as Cass stepped inside the cell. Both John and Ford flanked either side of her as Cass pursed her lips grimly together drawing out the inevitable.

John's presence lingered at the edge of her senses. It was reassuring to know that he would take control of the situation if the need occurred. It was ridiculous to rely on him like that. She was a self sufficient, independent type of person, this was a new experience for Cass.

"Trust me on this one, he's not getting back up." John uttered, sensing Cass's unrest as he tilted his head towards her. "At least not for a while."

"Almost looks peaceful doesn't it?" Ford said brightly as Cass let out turned her head towards the younger man casting him a disgruntled scowl.

"The quicker you get this done, the quicker you can leave." John reminded her.

"I know, I know." Cass sighed as she knelt down beside the unconscious Wraith.

She laid the small medical kit down upon the cool cerement floor before tearing back the velcro and spreading out the implements she needed. Cass pulled on the pair of latex gloves she stored with the kit before selecting a syringe and fixing the needle into it's rightful place.

Five vials...

That's all Carson wanted, five little vials.

* * *

><p>It was an execution. That was the only way Cass could describe what they were going to do. They were condemning a terminally man to an early death at the hands of one of the universe's most brutal creatures. It was monstrous in her eyes, injecting a human being with their test vaccine and feeding him to the Wraith to test it's reaction to the solution. It didn't matter that he had volunteered it was still sickening.<p>

Cass perched on the edge of her bed in the guest room the Hoffans had assigned her. It was a simply furnished small room, with a single bed pressed up against the stone wall. Cass rubbed her hands in agitation over her face as she tried to generate some relief against the roaring torrent of emotions flushing through her insides. She had never imagined that they would end up in a situation like this and she was powerless to intervene.

She didn't look up as she heard the door click open and then shut quietly after John stepped into the room. His presence was authorive and commanding as he leaned against the wooden door with his arms crossed over his broad chest, his foot resting on the firm wood. She could feel his hazel eyes on her, judging her reaction to the conversation that they had been engaged in previously.

She hadn't even had to open her mouth to protest because Carson had done that for her. He disagreed with the Hoffan's obsession with this new drug. A live test was a hideous idea and it had come far too quickly and easily to the people in charge. They were on a very slippery slope and she couldn't help but think it showed that the means served a greater purpose than the method. People should not be dispensable, already she knew the Hoffans had another person lined up and willing to step up if another test were to be conducted.

"Don't." Cass snapped as she rose her head in time to see John's purposely blank expression. "Just don't speak to me right now."

Her arms were wrapped around her waist as she hugged herself trying to ward away the coldness that was residing inside her. She turned her head away unable to look at John as he studied her silently. She couldn't stand to see what he thought of her right now and she was trying as hard as she could not to unleash the furious burning frustration that was pulsing through her veins.

"He's terminal." John said impassively. "He wants to do it."

The dam broke and Cass could not hold it back any longer as the collection of intense, vengeful sensations filled her up.

"Your talking about feeding someone to a Wraith." she snapped, glaring at him. "You know what that's like and your supporting that decision."

"This drug could benefit millions of people all over the Galaxy..." John began.

Already Cass was on her feet, cutting him off with the sweep of her hand indignant. Her eyes were bright with rage as she faced the taller man, her hands coming to rest on her hips, her feet apart. It was an aggressive gesture, the first that John had ever seen. She looked like a small warrior goddess provoking him like this. He wasn't used to being challenged by her and he found himself at a loss.

"It may not work at all." Cass snarled at him. "And the cost..."

"One life." John held up his finger to indicate the number. "One person who volunteered for all those others."

"Do you really think it's going to stop with just one man?" she questioned him, going for the jugular. "God John you don't even know what the long term side effects of this drug could be."

"Well we know what the long term effects of the Wraith are don't we?" John retorted as she raged in front of him.

She was too far gone to see that this was all a front. She was too consumed by her emotions to even see beyond the mask that was starting to slip away from his handsome features.

It was a rare thing, something that he never allowed to happen but he was already seeking out that connection between the two of them. He barely ever questioned his own actions, he was all about the greater good and he refused to show anyone the weight that each decision burdened him with. Yet he could feel his bravo and his defences crumbling as the Major began to slip away leaving the Man in his wake.

"Your just using that as an excuse to feed the Hoffans obsession. As soon as you mentioned this vaccine your eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas." Cass spat angrily. "Carson and I took the Hippocratic Oath John and we know this isn't right."

"Jesus Cassie, don't you think I took an oath too? An oath to protect our people and our allies and if this is the way to do it, I will do it." he found himself bellowing as he jabbed his finger in the small space between them.

"You know where you can stick your oath..." Cass growled back as John's hands settled on her dainty shoulders.

"Do you really think that this doesn't effect me?" John questioned harshly as he stared straight into her sapphire blue eyes, their connection wide open and free flowing. "Look at me and tell me what you see. I mean it Cassie look at me."

For the first time since this argument had started Cass did as he requested and met his gaze head on. There was anguish in his eyes and it tore at her so badly she thought she could feel her heart bleeding inside her chest.

"It's not easy." he told her frankly as his fingertips glided up her throat until he cupped her face in his calloused hands. "But it's the best option we have right now. I don't want to send someone to die like that but we have no choice."

Cass sighed underneath his soft hands as they caressed her delicate cheekbones. He could feel the fight flowing out of her at his admittance. She was seeing him all over again for the first time as the Man and he was letting her. She was seeing his burden, pressing down upon his shoulders as he stood there before her.

This weighted heavily on him even more than he cared to admit. He wished he could turn his feelings off and make decisions like this without doubts because there wasn't any room for them in his life. Cass needed to see this. She needed to see the human side of him, to know that this was difficult and it wasn't something he supported rashly.

Cass had to know it hurt.

Her arms wrapped around his waist as she hugged him against her slender frame her, forehead coming to rest upon his solid shoulder. He buried his face in her silky, dark hair inhaling her sweet feminine scent as he held onto her for dear life. He was so tired right now. The energy drained out of him as he clasped her to his chest savouring the intimacy between them.

"I knew you weren't that guy." Cass murmured into the hallow of his throat, her lips brushing along the tender skin.

"I don't ever want to be the guy that's ok with something like this." he breathed into her ear.

"I won't let that happen." she promised, her gentle, calming hands rubbing up and down the muscular planes of his back.

"I'll be there tomorrow." he whispered. "He won't be alone."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys. Welcome to the first of the 'Poisoning the Well' chapters. Even though John puts on an indignant brave face, I always imagine this would have hit him harder than we saw in the ep.<strong>_

_Brn: I could completely imagine Rodney acting like that esp after 38 Mins. Trying to learn all the intell he can so they can't be in that situation again. LMAO can imagine the smoke alarm going off and water splashing down on them as the siren wails, so, so funny. Thankies very much for the review as always I do appreciate it._

_Shippo: McKay makes me laugh completely because he has the exact measure of himself and I think that's an interesting trait for a char to have. You should see the chap I've written between him and Cass in The Storm! It completely took me by surprise. I thought it was important for people to understand the relationship between Cass and John and why Cass is different from the other women he has dated/married. She challenges him but never his job and I think that's important when it comes to living/working in a military area. Thanks very much for the review!_

_Lan: lol I am glad the chapter made you melt! I thought it was time that the people around them start to accept that there is a relationship happening. I expect it;s one of those unspoken things that everyone knows about and doesn't see a problem with. Thank you very much for the review!_

_KAT: Hey! Thankies very much for playing catch up. I wanted Cass to have something special for her birthday and the two of them are pretty hot together. Sometimes I feel like throwing cold water on them. LMAO I think Cass is hiding when he starts detoxing, I would hate to be around him too. Thank you very much for the review!_

_Monkey: I am glad you thought Rodney was realistic, I struggle with his char sometimes but he always comes through for me. I was surprised by his niceness too, I was going to have him make a comment about John's KIRKING but it didn't pan out the way I thought. The Genii ep doesn't go well for Cassie and the Storm goes even worse, I am excited for you to read those chapters. Thanks very much for the review!_


	18. Chapter 18: Consequences

Chapter Eighteen

_You're not alone  
>Together we stand<br>I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand  
>When it gets cold<br>And it feels like the end  
>There's no place to go<br>You know I won't give in  
><em>

_Avril Lavigne – Keep Holding On_

The Chancellor's Chamber was a sizeable reception area containing a gorgeous mahogany table that Cass found herself adoring as she sat opposite Carson. Her fingers glided over the glossy surface as she straightened her posture in the matching chair that accompanied the assemble. Cass glanced up, catching the quizzical expression on Carson's features at her actions. She appreciated good craftsmanship and this sturdy, arresting piece of decadence reminded her of the table she had back home locked away in storage collecting dust. She had always had a thing for hand carved wood. When she was on leave from Afghanistan her and her sister would take her niece and nephews to the nearest craft or antique fairs in the district. It still astounded her that someone could make something so detailed.

"Do you and the table want to be left alone?" Carson asked her with an amused look upon his weary features.

It was rare that Carson suffered from sleepless nights but as he sat with his elbows resting upon the table reviewing her, Cass could tell that he had had the same amount of sleep that she had. The dark circles under his dark lashes highlighted the red rims of his vibrant blue eyes.

Her cheeks heated at his comment before Cass's hands settled in her lap to prevent her from fidgeting with impatience.

"I used to have one like this at home." she said by way of explanation. "I like the idea of sitting around something like this when you share a meal."

"Ours was more like a picnic table." Carson revealed with a small smile before interlacing his dexterous fingers and bowing his head.

There was a silence between them, it hovered in the air oppressing the two of them as they sat in the simple but luxurious surroundings. It was time to address the elephant in the room and Cass dreaded it with every fibre of her being. The pressure Carson was under was immense and she could see the moral implications chipping away at his soul as he gnawed on his lower lip in agitation.

"I really don't know how much help I can be." Cass said, peering at Carson through the dark fringe that feel over her eyes. "I have a basic knowledge of the vaccine, I'm not sure I even understand the stuff you've been altering."

"But you understand the stage we're at now and why it's important that they suspend the inoculations." Carson submitted. "We can't allow them to vaccinate thousands of people with a drug that hasn't been appropriately tested."

"This has gone so horribly wrong." Cass spoke into her hands as she rubbed them over her gritty eyes. "I'll shed no tears over Steve's death but they should have waited until after the autopsy on the test subject before even considering inoculating their own people."

After injecting the test subject with the vaccination that they hoped would prevent the Wraith from feeding on humans they had all born witness to what could only be described as a monumental event. Steve had tried his damned hardest to suck the life straight out of the test subject's chest with no avail. As it appeared the serum worked and the Hoffans and themselves had rejoiced at this turn of events.

Carson hadn't even known that they were putting the drug into mass production until Perna had informed him that the inoculations had began and she in turn had been one of the first to receive it. It was an idiocy in his eyes and he had marched straight into the Chancellor and told him as much. The results of one test were not enough to determine that the vaccination was fit for the general populace but the Hoffans were in denial, they wanted their line of defence against the Wraith, no matter the cost.

It was several days later that Steve had started to show symptoms of something much more sinister. The Wraith had been weak and irate due to starvation before that had brought him to this planet so when he had broke into convulsions and died originally they had assumed that was the cause of death before Carson had preformed an autopsy that instead showed that the serum proved toxic to the Wraith.

Which in turn led the Chancellor to begin vaccinating their own people with the drug immediately so that they would indeed have not only a defence against the violent creatures but also a form of biological attack. It had been John and Teyla that had stepped in at that point, talking to the Chancellor about the possible consequences surrounding such an idea. If the Wraith discovered that the entire planet of Hoff had been vaccinated with a poison that could kill them when they attempted to feed they would all be slaughtered to prevent the threat from spreading to other food sources.

Six hours after the conversation the test subject had died from acute respiratory failure. Due to the nature of his terminal condition an autopsy failed to show whether the serum had paid a part in his death or not. Carson had argued the point with Perna and the Chancellor but neither of them had budged on their standing of the situation and the vaccinations were still being distributed.

"Lassie." Carson addressed her, leaning across the table with his hands clasped together. "You know the real reason I've brought you here."

Cass pursed her lips together grimly before meeting Carson's stoic gaze with her own.

"It's been three days since the first round of people have been inoculated." Cass responded with the facts he had presented her. "If there were any side effects to the drug we should be seeing them any time now if the autopsy was anything to go by."

"Aye, it's just a precaution. It's our responsibility to provide the best care we can if there any ill effects because of this vaccine." Carson stated like the humanitarian he was.

Cass placed her chin on her palm as the two of them fell back into a thoughtful silence.

She hoped to God that Carson Beckett was wrong.

* * *

><p>The medical centre was heaving. The place reminded him of an institute that pre-dated the nineteen fifties with it's décor and simplistic structure. It was insanely understaffed and ill equipped for the surge of people entering it's doors. There were people slumped in the hallway, leaning against the walls or huddled on the ceramic tiles in what seemed to be an entire queue of sick people. Their wet, rasping coughs filled his ears as he marched down the corridor towards the Treatment Room with intent and purpose.<p>

The entire medical staff looked dishevelled, nurses clad in old fashioned uniforms were wheeling unconscious patients to and from varying locations in a bid to save them. He already knew from Carson's briefing only a few hours earlier that those were the people that they ought to be making more comfortable.

He pushed the doors to the Treatment Room open with both hands, swallowing hard at the sight before him. The beds were littered with people choking and gasping for air, as were the seats they usually used for visitors. Everybody in this room was either completely stationary, locked in respiratory distress or in a flurry of motion tending to the sick and dying.

Cass was in the midst of the madness, barking out orders to the Atlantian medical teams as she thrust things into their hands and pointed in the directions she required them to go. She was fierce and vibrant in situations like these. This was where she flourished and already John was stripping off his jacket and tossing it into the pile of belongings in the furthest corner. His hands were already in the closest sink as he scrubbed them raw with soap before snatching up the nearest set of latex gloves and snapping them on. He found himself in front of Cass as she raised her head to look at him.

What he saw in her eyes haunted him. There was nothing he could say to wash away the blood that marred not only her hands but his as well. Together they had created this problem or at least been part of it. Now was the time to respond to the fall out that was wreaking havoc upon this population.

"I'm here to help." he told her.

Cass pressed a hand held oxygen mask and pump into his hands before gesturing towards the opposite side of the room.

"There's precious little we can do for them but you can assist Carson in the Triage area over there." she said before turning her attention to the nurse that was beckoning her over.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey Guys!It's a lovely sunny day here and I thought I'd give you a new chapter to read. I hope your all having wonderful days! I thought John hates to be useless so he's be throwing himself in where he could in attempt to help people!<strong>_

_Brn: I thought they needed to have some sort of fight between the two of them over this. When it comes to Cass, he always slips back into the Man. I think they're still learning a little bit about each other. They need to understand their places in their professions and in each other's lives and come to a balance. It always makes me really sad to think how much John would sacrifice. Thank you very much for the review!_

_Joey: I love the ramifications that PTW had on the rest of the series. That's one of the reasons I love SGA. I felt so awful for the Atlantian's involvement in the whole affair, they tried to stop the Hoffs at every turn. She has to remember there are two sides to John and I think she's started to accept it. Your review was sincerely appreciated._

_Shippo: Sometimes I feel terrible for John because there's so much pain in him. He's the kind of person who puts himself on the line time after time. It makes me wonder sometimes what kind of person does that but hopefully Cass is healing him just a little. Thanks for the review!_

_Monkey: No worries about reviewing your allowed to have a life! I was surprised the argument turned out as well as it did, I thought they were going to have a proper dirty fight but they both acted like grown ups to my surprise, They are such a strong coupling! Thanks's very much for the review, I do appreciate it!_

_MJB: Hey, thankies very much for the review! I am glad your enjoying the story and there's always something I need to improve on!_


	19. Chapter 19: Damage Control

Chapter Nineteen

_Where do we go from here?  
>How do we carry on?<br>I can't get beyond the questions.  
>Clambering for the scraps<br>In the shatter of us collapsed.  
>It cuts me with every could-have-been.<em>

_Imogen Heap – Wait It Out_

It was late and the two of them were sitting across from each other in the dimly lit Mess Hall at one of the uniformed metallic tables. There were barely any lights illuminating the room and that was the way the two of them wanted it. They didn't want anyone to see how the two of them were drowning at the current moment. The ordeal with the Hoffans had worn them down, they had nothing else to give right now and they were in a place where they didn't have to. Carson felt comfortable in Cass's presence. He wasn't afraid to show the extent of his feelings and he knew that more than anyone that she would be the one to understand. The gruelling images from Hoff were flashing through his brain like photographs every time he blinked.

_Perna..._

Carson's fingers wrapped around the bottle of Ruus Wine before he poured more of the fiery liquid into the plastic mug for the third time over the past hour. The Athosians had gifted him with the bottle the last time they were on the Main Land as a 'thank you' for helping with their treatment plans.

He couldn't bring himself to think of Perna right now, she had been so resolute in her actions right until the end. She had still believed that they had done the right thing in created the serum even thought fifty percent of the population were dying as a result of what they had done. Carson tipped his head back letting the smoky liquid slip down the confines of his throat. It left a fruity tang on his tongue and warm, burning sensation in his chest. His head was starting to spin just a tiny bit as he sagged over the table, his cheek resting on his fist as he reviewed his empty mug before Cass reached out and filled it once more with Ruus wine.

The alcohol was working it's magic, it was draining every single one of his emotions away and filling right to the brim with a numbness he needed now more than ever. They hadn't spoken since the two of them had sat down at this table and started drinking, there was an aptitude and understanding in their silence. So many words were flitting between them unspoken and that was the way it needed to be.

They knew what it felt like to watch the life draining out of someone's eyes as their body quivered and quaked in terror. They say you lost twenty one grams when your soul escaped your body when you died. Carson wondered what the weight was when your soul dissolved piece by piece.

"I'm sorry about Perna." Cass said quietly, her hands wrapped around her mug as she stared into the depths of it.

"So am I." Carson returned gruffly, taking a sip from his mug. "Somehow it doesn't seem right to toast her."

It didn't. He was remorseful over his hand in her death and he would miss her dearly. Perna had been the first person in this galaxy to have even a vague understanding of genetics. They had become more than friends over the past few weeks they had worked together. There had been nothing inappropriate but they had cared for each other and as he held her hand in those final moments he wished he had showed it just a little bit more.

Together they had created something horrific, something that was going to guarantee the extermination of a nation. Their blood was on his hands even if he wasn't the one that actually doing the killing.

"They chose their fate." Cass reminded him as she watched him drain yet another mug of wine. "You tried to stop them numerous times. The only thing your guilty of is trying to shake them out of denial."

"The responsibility is on my shoulders one way or another." Carson stated, his expression completely stoic as he shook his head in memory of the past twenty four hours.

"You've paid your penitence." Cass told Carson as she topped his mug with the remains of Ruus Wine.

Somehow Carson Beckett didn't think that that was nearly enough.

* * *

><p>Cass was tipsy, to say she was drunk was far too strong. The alcohol had not effected her as badly as John had originally thought. He had heard from Ford that the two doctors were drowning their sorrows in the Mess Hall, as it turned out Carson had been the one to consume the majority of the bottle. Cass had simply been the company to his misery. After John had helped Cass get the heavy set Chief of Medicine back to his own quarters and onto the bed the two of them had began a slow, talkative walk back to her room.<p>

John liked his side of Cass, she was chatty and more open. Her guard was down as they strode through the corridors languidly, Cass's dainty hand slipped into his larger one before she clasped it tightly.

"I'm ready." she told him, exhaling deeply before she tipped her head up to smile at him.

He knew what she meant when she said those words and for a single second he considered the possibility it was the alcohol talking. John was sick of playing midnight tiptoe, he wanted to be able to touch his partner how he wanted, when he wanted instead of restraining himself all of the time. Cass had been opposed to the idea, she had told him she simply wasn't ready yet. She didn't want people to judge them for what they were doing and in the end John had pointed out the people who mattered whose opinion they cared about.

"Cassie..." he began.

The smaller woman reached up on tiptoes and pressed the softest, most loving kiss he had ever experienced upon his finely sculptured lips. Her kiss silenced every single protest that ran through his brain. He had been ready since this had started. Cass's hands took his gently, her thumbs running over the grooves of his knuckles as she drew away.

"I'm ready." she repeated.

John's fingertips brushed the strands of dark hair out of her eyes, before he placed a butterfly kiss upon her forehead.

"Ok." he murmured against her delicate skin.

Cass stepped back as John held out his hand ready to take hers. The instant their fingers entwined John knew that she meant everything she said. The intimacy in that simple touch told him everything he needed to know as her hand clasped his. Her head was held high in dignity as the two of them began to walk down the corridor.

He had never seen this Cass before, the brazen, carefree goddess that held his hand as they walked through the towards his quarters. There weren't a lot of people around at this time of night but the ones that were didn't try to hide the fact they were stunned by this show of unity. There were a few that shared a brief smile as they passed by, it was good to see that someone was happy around here.

John could feel that proud smile curving across his features as he leaned in even closer to Cass. They had talked about taking their relationship to the next level a lot over the past few weeks. By doing this Cass was registering a commitment that he had thought she had been secretly shirking. He had been ready for this since the moment he'd laid that kiss on her lips back in the Infirmary all those months ago.

This wasn't a secret any more, this was a relationship.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! I hope you have had a fab weekend! Hopefully getting this chapter makes it all just bit better. <strong>_

_**Thank you to everyone who has added and reviewed me. Truly you guys make my day.**_

_Brn: Your right there was no way out but lose. I thought I'd show how Carson dealt with it that night. When I watched the ep he kinda checked on a patient and I thought he's not a man who would sit around watching other people hard had work. So I imagined he'd throw himself in the thick of things. Lol I'm glad you I made you smile! Thanks very much for the review!_

_Joey: I will admit I debated having them have a large spat but the two of them took over and handled it in their own way. I think it's hard to find peace with something like that but they'll try and maybe it showed them that life can be very fleeting. I sincerely appreciate the time you've taken to review!_

_KAT: I tried to make it as real and as true to the chars as I could possible manage. I am glad I succeeded. It was hard to write something on such a large scale and to make it as personal as possible. Thanks for reviewing both chapters I really appreciate it!_

_Lan: I am so glad that your enjoying this story. I am having a wonderful time writing it. Thank you very much for reading!_

_Ship: I think it's impossible to fix something like this, it's more about learning to live with coming to terms with situations like this. Thank you very much for the review, I am very grateful._

_Monkey: I can completely understand what you mean about falling in love with John because it is so easy to do. I could sincerely imagine him just getting into the thick of things and doing everything he could to help. PTW is wonderful but dreadful all at the same time. It's been such a wonderful chapter to write! To be honest, I am looking forward to getting into some of the Earth chapters I have planned! Thanks very much for the review!_


	20. Chapter 20: Underground

Chapter Twenty

_I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn,  
>I'm surrounded by impostors everywhere I turn,<br>I'm surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn,  
>Am I the only one to notice?<em>

_Gavin McGraw – I Don't Wanna Be_

They had been in the underground facility for two minutes and already Cass despised it. Her heart was thudding against her ribs so hard it was constricting her breathing. She could feel her head spinning just a little from her shallow breathing as she exhaled deeply trying to get a handle on herself once more. The ranks were closed around her, the others were sensing her distress and were subtly forming a shield between her and the threat.

She needed to get a grip, she couldn't allow being in this place to twist her up the way it was. That made her a distraction to the others and that was something they couldn't afford in a possibly hostile situation.

It had started off as routine offworld visit to arrange a trade for food supplies as they were running low back on Atlantis. The Genii were supposed to be a peaceful people that had initially reminded Cass of the self sufficient Amish communities back on Earth. Teyla and the Athosians had dealt with the the hapless farmers time after time over the years and the Atlantians were hoping to establish a similar relationship.

That was until John and Rodney had stumbled upon the Genii's secret underground bunker. Teyla, Ford and herself had been led at gunpoint to an interrogation room in order to join the others. As it turned out the Genii were a lot more technologically advanced than anyone could have anticipated.

After the discussion of nuclear technology Cowen, the leader of the Genii had decided he wanted to show them something, Cass's guess was whatever it was, was attached to the conversation he had had with Rodney regarding nuclear fusion. They were now being escorted through a narrow corridor fixed with heavy set, metal doors that made Cass feel even more claustrophobic than usual. Places like this brought back a lot of memories for Cass, things that she would rather forget.

The walls were close together and restrictive, she was very aware that there was a substantial amount of ground between them and the surface. The lights were little more than a bulb attached to a wire used to illuminate the darker hallways.

It was a completely different situation to the previous one she had been in although it was still a precarious one. There was a musty earth smell that she associated with her time back in The Cave and it was here too seeping from the walls around the group, intoxicating her with it's pungent odour.

She wasn't the only one that noticed it, she had seen Rodney wrinkling his nose as they progressed deeper into the bunker. Cowen was still talking, Cass didn't understand the meaning behind his words. She was fuzzy on any science that moved beyond her field of expertise. What Cowen and Rodney were talking about went far beyond her reach of understanding.

"You do realize that long term exposure to these levels of radiation are dangerous?" Rodney told Cowen, as his forehead wrinkled into a frown at the readings coming from the Life Signs Detector.

"Our scientists tell me otherwise." Cowen responded drolly as he continued to meander at his steady , slow pace at the head of their procession.

"Well their wrong." Rodney stated flatly, clearly trying not to exasperate the situation but rather attempting to make Cowen aware of the dangers.

"Are we in danger now?" John questioned, tilting his head towards Rodney in search of answer.

_Wonderful_, Cass thought raising her eyes skyward. If the Genii didn't put a bullet in their brains, the radiation would probably melt their insides.

"It would take days or weeks at these levels of radiation but I assume the Genii spend days or weeks down here?" Rodney asked Cowen.

"Many of their people have spent their entire lives down here." Cowen boasted, his head tipping upwards with pride.

"They're entire short lives." Rodney muttered, dropping into step along side Cass as he shook his head. "We'll be fine just as long as you weren't planning on having children."

He cast a glance between her and John pointedly. John cocked his head towards Rodney scowling while Cass lowered her gaze to the concrete floor below their shoes.

"Do you find that your population seems to suffer from varying neurological dysfunction or lymphatic tumours?" Cass found herself requesting despite her unrest.

Cowen twisted his head towards her, regarding her with a blank stare as the group drew to a gradual halt. Cass didn't like having Cowen's complete attention focused upon her but she met his gaze evenly with her spine straight and her head high. She would not allow herself to be viewed as weak, especially not to someone they were on unsteady ground with. Despite the Genii's seemingly friendly treatment it was unclear to Cass whether they were still prisoners or allies of these people.

"Do you think you have medicines that can help cure the sickness?" Cowen asked with interest as Cass placed her hands behind her back to hide the tremble in them as she faced Cowen.

"I won't know until I look at your patients." she informed him honestly.

"Major would it be alright for your Doctor to visit our medical facilities?" Cowen queried, angling his body towards John.

John met her gaze squarely. His hazel eyes fixed on hers as he stood rigid and taunt before her. He wasn't happy with this, she could tell from the way he pulled himself up to his full height and by the tightening of his firm muscular structure. He wanted her where he could see her, somewhere safe but he was leaving the decision in her hands.

_Four years in Afghanistan_, he reminded himself,_ she was almost a veteran._

Cass could handle herself, he'd seen her in action over the past seven missions they had worked together since their arrival on Atlantis. She had survived Afghanistan but it was still risky sending her off into the depths of a city that they had no knowledge of.

John's eyes came to rest upon the soldier just over her shoulder. He'd clocked the guy the minute Cass had stepped into the interrogation room and he hated the jealous, possessiveness that streaked through him at the way the young, blonde Genii looked at Cass. His evergreen eyes had slithered over every single inch of her body as they'd sat in that interrogation room addressing the situation with Cowen. He knew what the other man was seeing when he looked his significant other and John wanted to knock his head right off his shoulders as the knowing smirk crossed the other man's lips.

On the surface Cass looked pretty, demure and even submissive from the way she was behaving at the current moment. Her unease was putting his insides in dire straits as it radiated off of her in waves. He could tell that she was twisting it to their advantage, the less of a threat that she appeared the more likely the Genii were to underestimate her if anything came to a head. Cowen was a man used to playing the games of war, John had seen that the instant the farmer routine had fallen flat.

"I'll take Teyla with me." Cass conceded, chancing a glance over her shoulder at Teyla whom nodded her agreement.

"Well ok then." John said grimly, giving his consent.

Knowing that Teyla was with Cass gave him some relief from the savage protective beast that prowled inside him. The Man inside was reminding him that this was his mate and hell have no fury if anyone else dared to lay a hand upon on her. The Major was already shutting that part of him down to focus on the task at hand. There were three other members of the team that he had to think about right now and the more they were able to collaborate with the Genii, the more likely they would all be to get out of this situation alive.

"Sergi, escort our guests to the hospital wing." Cowen ordered the young soldier.

"Yes sir." Sergi responded, bowing his head respectfully to his Commander before he gestured in the opposite direction down the corridor with his right hand. "This way..."

John watched as Cass reluctantly turned her back upon him. He could sense her need for distraction and the discomfort she was feeling at the demeanour that she was portraying. Hopefully she would learn something valuable from her time in their hospital wing, maybe even do some good to score some extra points with the Genii.

Sergi's palm came to rest on Cass's lower back, his fingers splaying over that intimate area as he stood just that little bit too closely in her personal space. Teyla's eyes met his as she cast a glance at the Major over her shoulder, she gave him the tiniest nod of reassurance. John struggled to sooth the writhing anger that snapped and bit at his insides, causing his blood to boil and his hackles to rise.

John Sheppard had never liked playing war games.

* * *

><p>Radiation poisoning. The majority of people in this entire hospital were sick with varying degrees of radiation poisoning. Everyone from the children to the middle aged. There were no elderly here and Cass had never seen so many people stricken with cancer before, but she had seen the studies from Hiroshima. Then the guy she worked on back in New York in the E.R before she'd joined the military, the one that had tried to make an nuclear reactor in his shed.<p>

She'd liaised with the doctors here trying to advise them on a course of treatment to help treat the people who were just shy of terminal. Her first words had been telling them to get the sick above ground but they had shirked her completely. They had dealt with The Sickness for years, they were interested in her medicines but not in her knowledge. They were older, wiser and they had deemed her unworthy of their people and that pissed Cass off.

After the ordeal on Planet Hoff, Cass had felt useless and helpless to intervene. No matter what she said or did they ignored her and that aggravated her in a way she couldn't bring herself to exhibit. This was their own ruin and she could not prevent that, it sickened her though to know that innocent people were dying because of sheer pigheadedness.

Now she was getting an awful tension headache. It had started as a sharp pain stabbing behind her eyes and was now tightening its way up into a monsoon of pain. She had ended up standing in the corridor outside the hospital wing in attempt to sooth away the frustration she was feeling at this entire situation.

"Is there anything you can do for them?" Sergi asked, surprising her as he closed the door to the hospital wing behind him.

"Maybe for some of them. We have a drug called Prussian Blue back at our own Infirmary, we can use it to help the people with minor radiation poisoning but then again none of your people believe that the Uranium is actually to blame for any of this." Cass snarked rubbing at her temples with her fingertips. "Where's Teyla?"

"She's inside trying to talk our doctors into taking your medicines." Sergi said, placing his hand on the wall beside her head, causing Cass to frown at his invasion of her personal space."Is there anything I can do to relieve the pressure?"

His voice was low and gravelly as he spoke, his evergreen eyes dropped to her pert lips. He leaned in even closer and Cass realized he hemming her in. She felt her heart beat accelerate just a little faster as his fingers grazed the blush of her cheek, causing her to wrench away until her back was pressed against the wall. The gesture was too familiar for her to feel comfortable with and it was leaving a bad taste in her mouth. Already his demeanour was shifting from the straight laced guard he had been in the interrogation room to that of a budding Casanova.

"Don't." Cass exclaimed sharply, holding her hands up to ward off his advance.

Sergi took hold of her wrists with his rough hands. Before Cass even had a chance to blink he yanked her even closer to his lightweight frame, crushing her against his chest as his head swooped down to capture her lips with his domineering mouth. The kiss was bruising as he forced it upon her un-wanting form. She tried to tear herself away but he held her firm in an iron clad grasp as she struggled for ownership of her body.

Jesus she couldn't breathe, her lungs were taking in oxygen in short, ragged pants that Sergi seemed to misread as something sexual. One hand pinned both of her wrists to his chest while the other fixated on the zipper of her flak jacket drawing it down until the jacket hung open revealing her simple black T-shirt. There was bile twisting up in her stomach as fear's icy cold fingers took a hold of her completely. She couldn't do this, she couldn't let this happen. She was scared, she wasn't in control.

"Don't fight it. All you have to do is lie there and let me do all of the work. Afterwards you can tell me everything about Atlantis." Sergi murmured as his hand snaked up to her swan like throat until his fingertips were digging into the tender flesh. "You want your friends to live don't you?"

He sensed her resistance faltering. Those words had power in them and he was determined to use every means necessary to get his prize. It was his duty and he had made an oath to Cowen that he would get the information they sought. The doctor was frail willed and naïve he thought. Manipulating her would be easy and he was allowed to take a way a little something for his troubles. She was an attractive woman, there was no question of that. Her pale skin ached to be touched and marred by his own solid hands. Getting her away from Teyla had been easier than he had thought and now it was just a matter of luring her back into his quarters to have his way with her before forcing her divulge the information he required.

The moment she stopped fighting he knew he had won. He released her hands almost instantly allowing them to rest upon his shoulders as he looked deep into those oceanic blue eyes. He could see fear in them, it clung to her like a second skin causing his lust to flare like a moth to a lightbulb. It meant he was in control and soon she would learn to accept his obedience, maybe he could even use it to twist her against her own people. The possibilities loomed before him giving Sergi a sense of satisfaction as he felt her grip on his shoulders tighten just that little bit as his hands slid inside of her flak jacket coming to rest upon her hips. His hands slid up along the outline of her waist until he cupped her modest breasts.

The abrupt pain in his groin was sheer agony as he stumbled backwards, the breath erupting out of his lungs as his knees buckled leaving him in a crumpled heap on the ground. He clutched at his genitalia fighting for air as nausea claimed him like a tidal wave.

The door to the hospital wing burst open spilling Teyla out into the corridor before her observant eyes surveyed the scene in front of her.

Their escort was on his knees on the floor in the throes of what looked to be excruciating pain and Doctor Pierce was sagging against the wall, one hand massaging up and down her throat as she stared at the injured man. Her lips were red and raw as she used the back of her free hand to rub across them once more trying to rid herself of the taste of scum. Her dark hair had been pulled back into a neat bun at the beginning of their mission and now it was loose and dishevelled. Her flak jacket was hanging open and Teyla watched as the other woman tried to use her trembling fingers to zip it back up again to her throat in order to hide the bruising.

"Doctor Pierce?" Teyla questioned as Cass turned her attention onto her, jamming her hands in her pockets to hide the shaking.

"I'm fine." She said quietly as the two women's eyes met for the briefest of second before they fixed on the man on his hands and knees attempting to stand up.

"We need to get back to the others." Teyla told Cass gently, before giving her a pointed look.

Cass understood what that meant. They were in a very precarious position with the Genii at the moment. If she kicked up a fuss about this that would be as good as signing their own death warrants. This was unmentionable in front of the other Genii, by accusing Cowen of ordering this attack she would be condemning them all. The other members of their group could not know what had happened here for the moment, putting them in that position could cause a clash of tempers that was best avoided. However no matter what happened Cass wanted away from this place as soon as possible, the first thing she wanted to do was scrub the filthy touch of this bastard off of her skin.

Cass straightened her spine completely and tilted her head high in a bid to win back her decorum. Her sapphire eyes were glacial as she stared down at Sergi as he hugged the wall for support, her fist clenched. She would not let this go entirely unpunished. She wanted the Genii or at the very least Cowen to know that the Atlantians were not a people they could victimise or fool.

"You can tell Cowen that his game didn't work." Cass snarled, jabbing her finger at Sergi. "I won't be a casualty of the war you think your waging."

"You've made this personal." Sergi told her with a sadistic smile. "I don't take rejection very well."

Cass fixed him with an arctic glare before issuing her own words of warning.

"I swear if you come after me or my people like that again it will end very badly for you."

Sergi's expression was practically predatory as he reviewed her as if she was a piece of meat he was contemplating filleting.

"I look forward to the challenge."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! Welcome to the Genii!<strong>_

_Brn: lol I could imagine Carson being completely hung over the next day. Cass is one of those people who looks after others in times of need, she was always gonna watch out for him if she could. I was trying to figure out a discreet way to show that they were a couple since John is such a private person. Thankies for the review, I am always very grateful!_

_KAT: lol I did too. He needs hugs. He is such a sweet person and I wish that he hadn't died, although I do love his clone. Thanks for the review, I sincerely appreciate it!_

_Lan: I thought it was time for people to learn the full extent of their relationship but because John is such a discreet person I didn't want it to be some huge announcement. Where you surprised by ch20? Thanks for the review, I always enjoy reading them._

_Shippo: I wanted it to be public for the two to them, it deserves to be more than just a secret. I was devastated for Carson, I want to hug him all the time! Thanks for the review!_

_Joey: I thought they needed a little moment to themselves after something like that. We never see what happens in the hours after and I think it's important that we see a human side to these chars. You understand the situation so well and it's wonderful to have a reviewer that appreciates that! I had the image of John wanting to lay claim to Cass and make it more than a secret. Thank you very much for the review. I really am very grateful. _


	21. Chapter 21: Happy

Chapter Twenty One

_Happiness hit her like a train on a track_  
><em>Coming towards her stuck still no turning back<em>  
><em>She hid around corners and she hid under beds<em>  
><em>She killed it with kisses and from it she fled<em>

_Florence and the Machine – Dog Days Are Over_

Cass was quiet, unusually so. She had been all the way through the examination he had given her with the scanner. Usually there was a smile, a laugh or a joke but instead there was nothing but silence. She was regressing into herself. When he spoke to her he thought she wasn't really listening , she was reliving her time in The Cave. Every noise she made in response to his conversation had been non committal but he kept talking. Sometimes that helped with victims of trauma. He didn't know what had happened off world but he knew it was something debilitating.

She had come here with the Major and Carson had seen the unrest within her the minute he'd laid eyes upon her. Carson had never seen such a softness to the other man before today. His gaze when he looked at Cass was tender, his touch was supportive and affectionate as he hovered closely at her side. His hazel eyes were suspicious and inquisitive, seeking and searching out threats to his lover. Hyper vigilance, Carson thought, the Major had been in a heightened state of awareness the whole entire time he had been here.

Carson had seen his reluctance to leave. It had been in the way he wavered for a second too long as he exited the Infirmary. He had cupped Cass's face between his hands and placed a feather light, butterfly kiss upon her forehead before whispered something against her lips. Carson had had to turn away at that instant, he felt he was witnessing an intimate moment between the two of them, something so deeply personal that he should not be a part of it.

It was after that Cass had shut down. She had gone through the scanner without another word as she examined her radiation levels and declared her safe. It was when she had stripped off her flak jacket in order to shrug on her lab coat that he saw the bruising starting to form upon her throat.

"Cass?" he murmured.

Cass glanced up at the sound of her name as she fixed the collar of her lab coat. Her sapphire eyes met Carson's vivid blue and he could see that she was back again, back in the present with him.

"I'm fine." she said with a small smile.

"Are you?" Carson questioned. "I mean really are you?"

"I am now." Cass told him, shoving her hands in her pockets. "There were just a few things that I needed to work through."

Carson crossed his arms over his chest before he leaned back against his desk.

"So do you wanna talk about that?" he said gesturing to her throat.

"I feel like all I've done is talk about it." Cass reeled off the list whilst counting on her fingertips. "Teyla, John, Elizabeth, Ford by proxy. It was humiliating the first two times and now it's kinda numbing."

"I'm guessing the Major didn't take that too well." Carson told her with a grimace.

Cass tilted her head from side to side in indecision. She knew John wanted to rip Sergi's head off for even touching her. She found she liked that in a way, having someone care about her so much someone who wanted to defend her honour. She had seen the way his knuckles had turned white as he gripped the steering column. He was her Commanding Officer, he had needed to know the information at hand, to know what the Genii were capable of. She's watched as the Major had taken control once more and instead of the biting, sharp remarks she had expected there had been nothing but a strained cold silence as John grappled with the raging, primal urges that were banging against the cage he had locked them in.

Cass knew they couldn't afford to throw this possible alliance away because of one Genii's abysmal behaviour. There was no proof that Cowen had ordered Sergi to seduce her but she was very apprehensive about the plan to destroy the Wraith Hive Ship. She wouldn't put it past Cowen to double cross them. He was a dictator, blinded by his own delusions of power. At least that was her view.

"It won't effect the job." Cass told Carson, crossing her own arms over her chest.

To say she was concerned was an understatement but this was just a mission after all and John had survived more dangerous encountered before, the evidence of that was patterned all over his body. He was savvy when it came to the ways of others and he allowed people to underestimate him if it worked to his own advantage. She knew he had kept information from the Genii, she thought it was time for her to take a leaf out of his book and wise up to ventures of others. She'd been trying to build a bridge when she'd offered to check out the Hospital Wing and to provide herself with a distraction against the mounting panic that had started to over come her.

She had seen the apprehension in John's hazel eyes but it was too late by that point. Cowen had already been orchestrating the situation for his own purposes, backtracking would have been an omission of distrust.

"You haven't told him about Afghanistan."

It was a statement more than a question. Carson knew it to be true from the way she turned her face away from him at the mention at the topic. Already he was biting his lower lip in order to stop himself from sighing out loud. Cass may be a whizz out in the field but when it came to love Carson could see she floundered a lot of the time. Emotions were not something that she was used to obeying, she was disciplined and after leaving the military it was hard to get out of that habit. Yet he sensed that wasn't the only reason Cass was holding back. Snippets from conversations with Luke out by the barbecue were coming back to him.

"_She had something to come back to." Luke had told Carson nursing the beer bottle in his left hand. "She has a fiancé in San Francisco, someone to take care of her."_

By the time she'd applied for the next tour to Afghanistan there hadn't been a man in the picture. She'd told him she was single when he had asked her during the interview.

"The last time I told someone about Afghanistan..." Cass trailed off shaking her head.

"He left you." Carson finished, watching as she pursed her lips and hung her head.

"He wanted me to settle down for a long time before that and he thought what happened was the perfect example of why I should stay at home." Cass submitted into the air between them, rubbing the back of her neck absently. "He wanted me to be the trophy wife, maybe work in the E.R if I really had to. He wasn't prepared to deal with the emotional ramifications of what happened over there. The nightmares were troublesome for him."

A burden was the word that she had omitted from the sentence. She had become a burden upon her previous lover and that made Carson furious. Cass was one of the unsung heroes that didn't get a mention from the bigwigs up top and he couldn't imagine what it would be like to live through something like that only to be rejected once you were back on safe ground.

"We started sleeping in separate rooms and before I knew it he was moving out." Cass ended, distancing herself by playing with the pen that she had picked up from her desk.

"Aye well, he sounds like an idiot letting someone like you go like that." Carson said into the silence that fell between them.

A small smile twitched at Cass's lips as flicked the cap off the pen and then clicked it back on again.

"Yes he was." she murmured before the smile curved into a full, radiant grin. "John's so different, he makes an effort to know other people and embraces their faults. He just makes me laugh so much, I don't think I've ever smiled as much as I have since I've been here Carson."

Cass paused for a second as something seemed to dawn on her for the very first time.

"I'm happy here." she found herself confessing. "This is the happiest I've ever been."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! Just a little follow up chapter to the Genii. :p<strong>_

_Shippo: lol wait until you see what Rodney does during the Storm, you'll love him more! I think John's just the right amount of possessive. Sergi may get his comeuppance, he will never let what happened in the last chapter go. Thank you very much for the review._

_Brn: This is nothing compared to the Storm! I am glad I made you so emotional! Your review was a amazing to read, it made me grin like a fool. Lol you know what Shep's like, he's furious but duty will always win out. Thankies for the review, I sincerely appreciate it!_

_KAT: I never liked the Genii either when Cowen was in charge. He well planned universal domination and he was pig headed, the radiation thing makes me want to shake him! Thanks fof a wonderful review._

_Lan: LMAO thank you so much for your support, your kind words made me blush a little. Sergi will defo have his revenge but never one to take things lying down. Thanks for such a wonderful review. _

_Monkey: YOOO! I update a lot so I do not mind if you miss a review or two. I am pretty laid back so no worries I just really appreciate the fact you do review and that they are so fun to read. OHHH you have just given me a wonderful idea! Lol so thankies very much. Lol Cowen always looked sneaky to me and that made me suspicious! Thank you so much for your kind words, your reviews always make me smile!_


	22. Chapter 22: Healing

Chapter Twenty Two

_The experience of survival is the key  
>To the gravity of love.<em>

_Enigma – Gravity of Love_

It was late by the time John made it back to Atlantis. The sky had already turned black and the stars were twinkling overhead. The moon was glaring down upon the city, highlighting the glossy buildings with its glow. Cass would have loved spending a night like this on the mainland, everything was so clear and bright. She adored looking at the twinkling stars in the night sky, he thought that had something to do with growing up in a city.

He remembered that night not long ago that they'd spent lying on the East Pier starring up at the bright stars and naming the constellations.

"_I am calling that one Sheppard's Belt." John pointed out the patch of stars set close together in a straight line, the one that kinda reminded him of Orion's Belt._

"_I think you have had enough of naming things." Cass asserted, counting on her fingers as she reeled them off. "The Puddle Jumper, The Life Signs Detector, the other day I heard you trying to name The Chair, The Battledrome. "_

"_It's a cool name." John defended, his hands coming to rest upon his stomach as they stared up at the sky._

"_Yea, if your a ten year old boy with a plastic sword." Cass snorted as her delicate hand came to rest in the space between the two of them._

"_Your just jealous." John said, patting Cass's hand with his own larger one. "But don't worry when you cure some rare alien disease, you can call it Pierce Pox."_

_Cass elbowed him in the arm causing John to yelp in mock pain. He liked teasing her, it made her nose crinkle and her smile even brighter._

"_Your mean today." John told her playfully as they both turned their attention back to the stars shining in the sky above them._

"_That's what you get for being a smartass." Cass informed him._

"_I thought you loved the words that come out my mouth." John said, rolling onto his side and propping his head up on his hand so he could look at the beautiful woman lying beside him._

_Cass's eyes swept up to meet his as she arched her eyebrows before speaking._

"_Only the dirty ones." she responded with that wicked smile._

_John had laughed at that before he had dipped his head low and stolen a long, sweet kiss from her pert, pink lips. It was moment of bliss in the madness that was their lives and he savoured it. Everything about this moment was complete and utter heaven and John could feel the words rolling off his tongue with a tenderness and sincerity he had never felt before._

"_I love you Cassie." he had murmured under the gorgeous star pricked sky._

_His fingertips had caressed the apple of her cheek, his lips curving into an even wider smile as Cass's fingers were threaded through his untidy brown hair. Her glittering sapphire eyes had met his hazel gaze as his lover spoke her very own truth, one that had made his heart soar and soul elated._

"_I love you too John."_

Now that John was home, he was filled with a sense of purpose and importance. He had been quiet and sullen upon their journey back through the Stargate. His mind was racing, scrambling over the facts and slotting them into pigeon holes to be worked through later. His explanation of Cowen's betrayal to Weir and the debriefing had taken longer than he had anticipated.

John hadn't trusted the Genii from the onset and he had been correct in his assumptions of their leader's character. John had crossed men like Cowen before, the Genii were used to being the main military power in the galaxy albeit a secret one. Like a neighbourhood bully they didn't like the idea of being usurped by the new kids on the block.

The only positive to their mission had been the fact they had returned with a vital piece of Wraith technology but that was a small consolation compared to everything that had occurred over the past few days he had spent off world.

The shower was running when John stepped inside of Cass's room. When they had become a more public item the two of them had had Rodney program each other's specifications onto the door codes for their quarters so they could come and go freely.

Their relationship had progressed enough for John not to assume he was being presumptuous by joining his significant other in the shower. He was already stripping off his leather flak jacket, allowing it to drop to the floor as as he strode towards the bathroom door. His black t-shirt was already joining his jacket before he pushed open the unlocked door and stepped into the steamy bathroom. Already he was fumbling with his combats, his boots had been left by the bedroom door alongside her tidy row of shoes.

John could see the blurry shape of Cass's naked form through the patterned glass as she sang just a little under her breath. He wondered how she could do that? How she could act like nothing had happened back at the Genii's underground compound?

John drew back the glass door to the shower before stepping inside the warm moist space and closing it behind him. He found himself face to face with Cass, his hazel eyes intent on hers as she stood before him underneath the water stream looking amused. She was gloriously naked except for the 'freedom' bracelet that had never left her wrist. The bruises were coming out now more predominantly and John could feel that flash of indignant rage burning up deep inside him as he reviewed them.

He wanted to murder the bastard that had harmed his Cassie, tear him limb from limb from what he had tried to take from her. It sickened him knowing that Sergi had gotten away with it. The Major in him was aware of the ramifications it would have caused dealing with the other man the way he wanted but The Man in him was out for blood. If the chance came John couldn't say that he wouldn't put a bullet in the back of the other man's head.

"He hurt you." John all but growled as he stepped into the steady stream of water allowing it to sooth over his aching muscles.

Cass's hands came to roam over his firm, well muscled chest as he tilted his head down to meet her sapphire gaze. His eyes were fierce as his eyebrows furrowed into a frown as he studied her with an intensity that felt tingles vibrating through her entire body.

"It doesn't hurt so much." Cass hushed, as her fingertips traced along the line of his silver dogtags. "You could kiss it better?"

Those were the words that John had been waiting for. That need to reclaim her as his own was resolute, it had been wrecking havoc on his emotions ever since Cass had detailed the attack on her person. The idea of another man's hands on her especially unwillingly made him want to break something. Having her here in front of him was confirmation that she was ok, but the animistic side of him needed it's own reassurances on it's mate's status.

It was primal, the desires he had right now and when he looked into Cass's eyes, he knew that she felt it too. She was urging him to assert his will, to prove his love. She would never ask for that but he felt it in the bond that was struck up between them. This was a moment where she needed everything that he could possibly give her and he could do that for her.

John had been prepared to play it loving and gentle. He could be caring and slow if that's what she required of him but when he looked at her he could sense that wasn't what she wanted. They were two halves of the same person, they had the same desires, the same wants and needs.

They're bodies were barely touching but already Cass's eyes were brightening with arousal as she took in the sight of his naked body. John truly was a work of art, his entire muscular structure was finely sculptured and etched with the scars that mapped out the trail of his life. Her fingertips trailed up along the white bullet hole that marred his right thigh.

"You know I like it when you touch me like that." John sighed as her hand inched higher towards his throbbing erection.

"I want you to show me that it doesn't matter what he did, that you still want me." Cass requested quietly.

It wasn't a concession she made lightly and John knew that just admitting that had cost her dearly. She was putting herself in his hands, John could never deny her when she spoke to him like this. There was such a desperation in her voice, he would never have heard it if she hadn't let him. Her trust in him was immense and he would do anything to keep her happy and safe.

"It does matter." John told her, his eyes lowering to her pert pink lips as his large hands cupped her delicate features. "And I will never stop wanting you."

His lips descended on hers, tender and loving as his hands came to rest upon her naked shoulders smoothing over her wet skin with a delirious slowness. Cass's flesh prickled with anticipation as their lips locked, John's tongue seeking out the delicious, hot confines of her mouth. The blistering warmth of his hands upon her supple flesh made her arch and moan as she pressed against him with a demanding desire for intimacy.

Already John was awakening every single one of her senses as his fiery fingertips traced along the outline of her lithe shape. His thumbs were already ghosting over her nipples. She gasped out loud into the depths of his captivating kisses as he massaged her modest breasts.

"All I want you to think about is me touching you like this, how my mouth feels on your skin." John's ragged pants were in her ear as his feverish fingers trailed even lower.

Jesus, the noises Cass was making were driving John absolutely crazy. That erotic whimper was so delectable as she responded to him in that dynamic intuitive way of hers. Her nails were raking over his flesh as his fingers slipped between her parted thighs seeking out her moist core. Her lips were parted, her sapphire eyes interlocked on his letting him see absolutely everything as his fingers entered her. His thumb glided over her clit as he curved his fingers slightly, hitting that exact spot that drove Cass completely insane.

Her expression was one of sheer ecstasy as Cass's fingertips dug into his tender flesh. His lips covered hers once more, smothering her moans of pleasure and then disappointment as he removed his hand from the cleft between her legs. John's calloused, sultry hand caressed down the length of her thigh before he guided it up to his hip allowing John access to her most intimate of areas.

Cass was already drawing him closer with her eager hands. She had never felt so desirable before, John did such wonderful imaginative things to her body. His aching member was already pressing at her slick feminine area. The tip of him brushing against her opening denying her of everything that she could ever want. He held her in place, working her up until the pleasure of his ministrations had her in a wanton frenzy.

"Now." Cass pleaded, her hands gripping his firm ass to bring the two of them even closer to completion.

John couldn't resist her any longer. He penetrated her with an antagonizing slowness as his mouth enclosed over hers, stifling her moan of contentment at their union. They were the perfect fit for one another. She empowered him completely. He had never felt so cherished and appreciated before he had met Cass. He had never loved someone so much. He could feel their souls entwining as they connected. They were moving together, John's hand on the shower wall behind Cass for support as he kissed her with everything he had.

Her hands on his shoulders for leverage as John thrust into her supple body. He was close, they both were, she could hear it in his sexy, husky groans as they rocked together in unison. The orgasm was already sizzling through her body, her nerves were erupting with tiny fireworks. The waves of ecstasy over came her completely as she mumbled endearments against her lover's skilled mouth.

"I love you John." she whispered as they crested together. "I love you so much."

They climaxed at the same time, John was calling out her name like a mantra as he clasped Cass to him as if terrified to let her go. She was writhing and bucking as the euphoria consumed the two of them like a drug. There had never been this completeness before they'd met and this sensation was beyond addictive. His fingertips were brushing back the damp strands of dark hair away from her exquisite, pale features as he stared into her beautiful blue gaze.

"I love you too Cassie."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, sorry for the brief authors notes recently! I've been a little busy over the past few days but I have a brief reprieve at the moment. So much so I have just made cupcakes so I am passing web cupcakes out to you all. I hope your all having a great week!<strong>_

_Joey: Apparently I missed your review for the last chapter, I am so very sorry about not writing a reply to you! I do sincerely appreciate your reviews and I just want to say thanks again for reviewing both chapters! The military is one of those fickle things where your on a very fine line. She had to tell him in the end because he was in charge but as you can see he managed to keep his cool for now at least. Who knows what will happen if Sergi makes a reappearance. LMAO! Knowing Cass she probs did put a lot of force in that kick! I wanted to show a side to John that showed even though he has a job to do she's still important to him, so I thought a little brief moment between him coming back to Atlantis and then going back to the Genii would show that! Thank you very much for your continued support!_

_Brn: I thought during all the commotion of that ep they'd need a brief moment where he showed how he felt about her and what had happened. I doubt that he'd leave her to fend for herself unless he really had to. It was a lovely little intimate thing to write. I am glad she has someone to care, I think John would be like that even if they weren't together (just without the kisses) Thank you so much for a wonderful review!_

_Monkey: LMAO! I loved your ramble. I was trying to figure out what the peeps would do back on Earth for a stag do. I think the Storm chapters are after the next two chaps coming up so you don't have long to wait. I'm gonna be honest I couldn't even imagine these two on Earth at the moment. It's weird that Atlantis feels like their home. I had a proper image of them having to leave when the Ancients return to Atlantis and Cass wailing and unpacking again because she doesn't want to leave. I could imagine John ready to leap out and bite anyone he thought was a threat to her. I am literally about to start writing the first Earth chap. Sadly it looks like John's going alone :( Thanks for such amazing and fun reviews._

_Shippo: lol I hate Sergi, he is such a wonderful bad guy for me to play with. Carson is like a stand in dad/bro for Cass and he genuinely has her best interests at heart. That guy wasn't very nice, I think he was after a wife as opposed to a partner of sorts. Lol who knows what John will do? Thanks for the review, I sincerely appreciate it._


	23. Chapter 23: Where the Heart Is

Chapter Twenty Three

_I need  
>A lullaby<br>A kiss goodnight  
>Angel sweet<br>Love of my life  
>Oh, I need this<em>

_Natalie Merchant – My Skin_

They were tangled up in bed together, Cass's clean white sheets draped over their naked bodies as they lay entwined with one another. Her kisses were soft and endearing as Cass's fingertips caressed John's rugged cheeks. It was impossible for her to say how much she loved this man. John was so vitally important to her being. He was like the sunshine after a long and stormy night and Cass couldn't help but think it was time to air all of her secrets. What had happened in Afghanistan played a large part of who she was now, he deserved to know after her reaction to the events surrounding their time with the Genii.

"I need to tell you something" Cass muttered into the nape of John's neck, her lips ghosting along the curve of his throat. "Something about me."

"That sounds ominous." John murmured against Cass's hairline as his fingertips doodled patterns along the trail of her spine.

"I need to tell you why I was freaking out so badlyback in the Genii bunker." Cass told him, tucking her head underneath his chin.

John's fingers combed through her straight, damp hair as he held her close. He had known the instant the group had stepped underground that she had become unsettled and alarmed. Her fear had been horrendous, he could feel it coming off Cass in waves as they progressed into the deeper levels. He had thought it was due to their hostage situation. She may have spent four years in Afghanistan but nothing prepared you for being captured. Sometimes he forgot she wasn't a soldier, the kinsman-ship he felt to her was different from what he was used to when they were wearing their professional masks.

"A year before I met you in Afghanistan my convoy was attacked." her lips brushed against his chest as she spoke, her fingers tracing over the writing etched into his dogtags trying to distance herself from the memories. "We were captured and held in an underground cave for three days before..."

She trailed off unsure how to phrase the next part of her story. John picked up on her indecision as it wavered in the mental space in between them. His mouth went dry at the prospects, he knew the kind of interrogation the rebels used in that country. Women weren't viewed as equals there, their role in society was underneath men. He had kissed the rare scars he had found upon her flesh.

The one on her collarbone, that curved white line that streaked across her temple hidden by her hair, the one that reminded him of the butt of a gun. He had never asked, he had thought they were events from her childhood. Now he suspected they were more.

"Tell me." he mumbled into her hair, his thumb smoothing over the ridges of the rounded white scar at her temple. "I want to know everything."

"I can't tell you that." Cass said quietly, closing her eyes as she breathed in the essence of her shelter.

"What did they do to you?" he whispered again.

"They drowned me." she conceded, her forehead coming to rest upon his firm chest. "I couldn't tell you how many times but it seemed like it went on forever until it stopped."

Dunking, it explained the lack of physical ailments from her time in captivity. The insurgents would have wanted something more from her and it would have been a shame to them to ruin her before they had had their fun. It made him sick to his stomach to imagine her in such a hideous position. He couldn't get the images out of his mind.

_Cass with her hands bound behind her back, the rope knotting her wrists together at the base of her spine. The insurgents hands were tangled in her dark hair shoving her head under the surface of the stagnant water. It flooded her nostrils and mouth as they held her bucking, fighting. She couldn't breath, God she could feel the water slipping down her throat as she tried to splutter and gasp into the icy cold liquid. There was no relief from the chilling depths. She was suffocating, she could feel her chest seizing up against the invasion as she jerked and twisted frantically against her restraints. The darkness twinging at the edges of her vision. They say your life flashed before your eyes but there was nothing but the sting of water against her sensitive eyeballs as she stared into the endless abyss. _

Torture like that only halted for one of two reasons that John knew of, the interrogators had gotten the information they wanted or the prisoner...

"You died." he stated in a voice devoid of all emotion.

It left him empty and numb to consider that possibility. His soul mate lying broken and lifeless was becoming one of his own worst nightmares. He couldn't stand it, the idea of her leaving him made his throat constrict as a pained growl emitted from low in his throat. It was a noise of remorse, of hurt and anger for the plight she'd survived.

Survived...

"Briefly." Cass answered, her palm coming to rest just over the place where his heart beat underneath the tips of her fingers. "And then they brought me back again and started over."

"_Live to drown another day." She had cracked to Luke as she struggled to keep warm against the freezing cold sensation that had invaded her body._

_She hadn't been able to get the heat back into her bones after that, not even when Luke had tucked her trembling form against his body, nestled into the recesses of his flak jacket. Her wet clothing clung to her upper body and she knew without a doubt that they were going to die here._

"_We need a plan." Luke muttered, tipping his head back so it came to rest on the rock behind him. _

_Cass rubbed her hands up and down her arms underneath the protection of the jacket. She remembered the hungry eyes of the insurgent who had dragged her back to their prison, the trail of his hand across her wet shoulder blades before he shoved her forward back into the cage so her weak knees buckled and she lost her balance. _

"_I think I have one..."_

"There are two reasons I'm telling you this." Cass murmured, her lips caressing the sensitive spot just over his heart. "Our lives are dangerous and you need to know that I will do anything necessary to come back, to survive and the second reason..."

Cass closed her eyes tightly against the ache that was building in her throat. The idea of losing John terrified her. Terror was something she associated with a physical attack, feeling like this on an emotional level was something she was completely inexperienced in.

"Your shaking." John uttered as he gathered her even closer against his muscular form.

"If you want to leave I understand." she whispered, her breath tickling across his chest.

"Why would you think that?" he asked her, his warm hands rubbing up and down the curve of Cass's soft, naked back. "Why do you think I would want to leave you after you've shared something like that?"

"It's happened before." Cass confessed unwillingly.

John's brow furrowed for a second before he managed to fit all the missing pieces from their previous conversations into place.

"The Heart Doctor." John remembered.

She had been engaged to a Cardiologist before they had met. She had told him that being away all of the time had put a strain on their relationship, now he realized the real reason that lay behind the breakdown of her engagement.

Cass nodded her agreement. John bent his head capturing her stunning sapphire gaze with his before he placed a butterfly kiss upon her forehead, her closed eyelids, the tip of her nose and finally her lips.

"I'm not going anywhere." John said into the corner of her mouth before gathering up the sheets in his fists and tucking them around Cass's slender frame.

"You always have a way of making me feel safe." Cass murmured as her head came to rest upon his firm chest, her arm wrapping around his waist and snuggling even closer. "You feel like home."

For John home was exactly where the heart is.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! I am so glad you all enjoyed the last chapter! This ones just to show that Cass took Carson's words into consideration so there are no more secrets between her and John!<strong>_

_**Special thanks to very one of you out there who is reading, adding and reviewing. It's great getting your notifications and it makes this fanfic author beam with pride!**_

_Joey: lmao couldn't see Sheppard naming the chair that! I had a giggle myself. I am glad you loved the sex scene. I wanted them to reconnect and I needed each of them to have a reaction to what happened and this was the way it played out! Thanks very much for the review, I sincerely appreciate it!_

_Brn: LMAO! Your the second peep that's mentioned reading more than once and it makes me grin like crazy. Let's face it how could sex with Shep not be hot? Thank you very much for the review, I am very grateful._

_Monkey: Your review was a joy to read! I have gathered you are part marshmallow from the melting thing! I wanted their love scene to be very emotional and sincere since they both care for each other so much. LMAO Cass is clearly trying to sneak attack John from behind that plant! I am so glad that your seeing her in the series, mwhahahaah that must be a sign that I am doing something right. I'll admit Koyla takes a little bit of a back seat in my Storm chaps so I am sorry to disappoint. You can't die of sleep deprivation! Who would write me such fun reviews! Earth isn't much fun solo it would seem lol. Pouty John is a little angsty. I am so glad you love those songs, I listen to a lot of music while I write so it's sort of a hat tip to my inspiration in a way. Hmm I've never been called a hero before, I think I like it! Thankies very much for the review as always._

_Lan: LMAO I have made you into a cookie! The little love thing came from nowhere, I could see John thinking about it. LMAO The shower scene was so much fun to write, I kind of wanted to get a balance between the two of them where it was caring! Thanks for the review, I really appreciate it!_

_Shippo: I could honestly see John doing that but it makes me laugh. Writing that chapter was so much fun! Thank you for the review, I am so grateful for it!_


	24. Chapter 24: The Storm

Chapter Twenty Four

_Help, I need somebody,  
>Help, not just anybody,<br>Help, you know I need someone,  
>Help!<em>

_The Beatles – Help!_

The City was deserted, Cass had never experienced the deathly silence in Atlantis before and never again did she want to. The Infirmary was eerie quiet, she was used to the steady thrum of visitors and the friendly chatter of nurses but instead the place was vacant. The absence of life was unnerving, the noiseless echoes were haunting as she shuffled through the vacuous room checking to ensure each medicinal cabinet was locked.

They had received the news several hours ago that a great storm was on the way, one that had the potential to decimate the City. Already they had evacuated all non essential personnel from the City and all that remained was a team of six people including herself. John, Weir and Rodney were putting Rodney's latest plan into action in order to turn the City into a giant conductor to harvest the energy from the storm into the Shield Generator.

Two Marines were guarding the Control Room and the Stargate while she finished up locking down the Infirmary. With Carson on the main land helping with the evacuations she was left temporarily in charge of their small but capable medical centre. All of their patients had been moved to the Alpha Site already and she had already stocked her own field kit up in case she needed to attend to any injured parties. Cass grasped her green canvas satchel and slung it over her head so the strap was across her chest.

Cass touched the comm lightly signalling the others across the channel.

"It's Doctor Pierce, I'm done in the Infirmary and ready to move onto the Alpha Site." Cass said as she stepped out of the Infirmary, the automatic doors closing behind her.

"You may need to hold your horses on that one Doc," the voice of an unfamiliar Marine told her over the line. "We have incoming, there's been an attack on Manara, we have an Athosian party incoming with wounded."

"Did you receive that Doctor Weir?" Cass prompted.

"Loud and clear, we on route." Weir murmured into the receiver.

"Me too." Cass replied as she swiped her hand over the panel, hearing the locks click shut as the mechanism slipped into place.

The Control Room wasn't far from the Infirmary. Cass broke into a run, her boots slapping across the tiles as she sprinted as she took a corner and sprinted towards the larger room. Already she could see two bodies lying in wretched heaps on the steps leading to the Stargate. She hurried even faster as they came into view, the sight of their grey uniforms hit her like a slap to the face.

Marines...

She slowed as her brain scrambled over the details, her lips parting in horror at the pool of blood stretching from underneath them as their vacant eyes bored into hers. She didn't understand, she had just heard their voices over the airwaves...

Cass's arm was seized in a vice like grasp as she stepped into the Gate Room fully. The fingers were bone crushing as they clenched her arm, hurling her out of the door way and even further into the room. Something solid and cold was jammed into her side and it took Cass a few seconds to make sense of what was happening as she twisted to face her initial aggressor.

A sneer curved across familiar thin lips as vicious, glittering eyes fixed upon hers. The blond crew cut was hidden underneath his evergreen, uniformed cap as he twisted the double barrelled hand gun against her sensitive flesh.

"Doctor Pierce, it's nice to see you again." Sergi uttered at her through bared teeth.

His triumphant smile and empty, soulless eyes reminded her of a shark surveying his last meal. Only sharks didn't torment their food before eating, the graze of the gun metal against her skin was irritating to say the least. His grip on her arm was needlessly painful. She wasn't going anywhere. The room was full of Genii for God's sake, all equipped with firearms.

"Sergi, stop playing with the hostage, there'll be plenty of time for that later." The voice was gruff with the twinge of an accent that reminded her slightly of Russia.

The Commanding Officer was as tall as he was broad, his stature reminded her of a hockey player. His tough, leathery skin was pock marked and indented with what looked like old, healed burns. His hands were behind his back in a resolute satisfied manner as reviewed the interior of the Gate Room in all of it's splendour.

"I'm afraid you have us at a disadvantage." Weir's voice chimed from nearby, drawing Cass's attention to her and Rodney in a similar position on the opposite side of the room. "You seem to know about us but we don't seem to know about you."

"It's the Genii." Rodney submitted, staring hatefully at the soldier's who had swarmed over his Control Room.

Cass clenched her jaw to prevent herself from crying out as Sergi allowed his weapon to dig even further into her flesh. She really didn't see how today could get any worse.

* * *

><p>The Jumper was grounded and it made Ford feel completely ill at ease to be trapped in such a small space with a raging storm howling outside. He had been through storms back on earth but nothing that resembled a hurricane. Already the wind was blowing a horrendous gale outside, trees were practically bending under the tirade of the great storm.<p>

The rain was lashing across the window of the Jumper making a hailstorm of noise as Beckett, himself and Teyla sat in the cockpit area of the small ship. The hunting party they had been awaiting were huddled in the back, wrapped in blankets on the benches that lined the back of the ship.

"This is Major Sheppard to Jumper Two, Jumper Two are you receiving?" The radio crackled with static as the thin, throaty sound of John's voice sounded over the speakers.

Ford was already snatching up the radio and holding it to his mouth before Beckett had a second to reach for it.

"Major Sheppard, this is Jumper Two responding, we're still grounded on the Main Land." Ford informed his superior.

"Your on the Main Land? Well good we have a situation here, the Genii have invaded the Control Room and taken Weir, Cassie and Rodney hostage." John informed the small crew.

"Those fellas who wanted us to help build them an Atom Bomb?" Ford questioned, shaking his head in dismay. "How did they even get through the gate?"

"They were posing as injured Athosians." John relayed. "Look that's not important. What's important is that you get back here to back me up. It looks like they've got a strike force."

"We've got bad news Major, we're grounded at the moment. There's not a chance we can fly in this weather." Carson said out loud into the cockpit, his voice twinged with concern.

"Well that is bad news." John returned as he grabbed the Life Scenes Detector. "Just get here when you can."

"Received Major." Ford told him before setting the radio down and letting out a growl of frustration. "We need to do something."

Ford's fingers flicking over the switches in order to start the Jumper engines before Carson slapped his hand over the other man's, holding it in place. Ford turned his furious gaze upon the the dark haired doctor, his eye blazing with agitation.

"Are you out of your mind son?" he exclaimed, his brows furrowing as he indicated towards the weather. "We can't fly in this."

"Did you not hear what he said?" Ford retorted angrily. "The Genii are holding our friends hostage and trying to take over Atlantis."

"Aye, and I am worried about them too but we're going to be no use to them if we crash land this thing." Carson snapped.

"Carson is right." Teyla intervened stepping between the two men, her calming hands resting upon each of their shoulders. "We will be no help to the Major if we can not fly through this weather. We will have to sit here and wait until we are able to fly."

Ford sagged back in his pilot's chair letting out a growl of fury as he slapped his cap on the control panel.

Lieutenant Aiden Ford didn't do well feeling useless.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! I just want to say thank you to every single person who has read and reviewed this story, we are over 100 reviews and I never dreamed this story would be so well loved! Handing out brownies and cupcakes to every single one of you!<strong>_

_Brn: I was devastated for her too, when this chapter came up I was like "oh Cassie..." I just wanted to hug her. I'm not sure if I have plans for her ex fiancé or not, I have him in my head and he's desperately trying to work his way into the story. Lol the talking naked thing was something I could completely see the two of them doing. I thought after the shower scene the two of them would literally fall in to bed together. I am glad you enjoyed it and of course, I really appreciate the time you've taken to review!_

_Shippo: John was always going to be there I think, he's horrified that the ex fiancé left her and heaven help the man if the two of them ever meet. Thank you very much for the review!_

_Lan: I wanted Cass to eventually tell John what happened after their initial meeting because in a secure relationship its something that he needs to know esp with his profession. I thought it was important for John to know esp with the way life is on Atlantis that she will come back however she can. Thank you very much for your review, I am very grateful._

_Joey: I think they both of ghosts and if anyone can identify with that it will be each other. Lol John hates the heart doctor, if they ever meet I always imagine they'll be some sort of trouble between the two of them. I'm glad you love the little scenes in between, I admit I enjoy writing them! Thank you for a wonderful review._

_Monkey: I adore My Skin, it just embodies Cass to me before she met John. Lol the title was not based on a Norah Jones song, although I do like her. I wanted this chapter to be comfortable and loving enough for Cass to want to tell him and I thought the idea of the two of them in bed like that was tender enough to let her open up. It was a private moment that noone else is privy to. Lol I love his little why would you think I'd leave you moment, he doesn't think she'd a burden at all and I think that opened a lot of doors for Cass. Maybe I have something worse than a break up planned... I love keeping you in suspense. Your review was amazing and can you explain the degree thing to me? Thanks for such a smile worthy review!_


	25. Chapter 25: Risk

Chapter Twenty Five

_As my life flashes before my eyes  
>I'm wondering will I ever see another sunrise?<br>So many won't get the chance to say good-bye  
>But its too late to think of the value of my life<em>

_Rhianna – Russian Roulette_

To say that John Sheppard was pissed was an understatement. Pissed was a curse word that didn't even start to cover the rampaging emotions that were exploding like nukes within his gut. The rage was fiery and his thirst for blood unquenched. His fists were clenched as he listened to the conversation between the Genii, Weir and Rodney over the radio channel. There was so much fury in him right now, John had never felt such a powerful surge of emotion before.

This was his City and now his people were in danger, it had made his blood boil underneath the surface of his skin to know that the Genii had used their weakness against them. He should have known that Callen was an opportunist. Someone had leaked the information that they were vulnerable and the results of that betrayal were proving costly.

Already from what he could gather their Control Room had been swamped with a small strike team of Genii shoulders whose main goal seemed to be to over take the city. Rodney had rather cleverly managed to alert John to their demands without making the Genii aware of his presence by leaning on the control panel that activated the comm system. It had worked only for a few minutes but John now had some leverage to work with.

"_For God's Sake Elizabeth it's not worth our lives, just give him the C-4, the medical supplies and the Wraith Device." Rodney's irate voice had exclaimed over the radio attached to John's ear._

He had four hours until the storm hit, three hostages to rescue before the corridors became electrically charged and God knows how many Genii standing between him and the survival of this city. The odds were not good but the stakes were high, higher than they had ever been for him. Weir, Rodney, Cass...

John felt his chest tighten at the thought of her in the hands of the enemy. It had been days since they had spoken about what had happened to her back in Afghanistan but still her words were fresh in his mind, her abuse antagonizing every step he took. Jesus it was tearing him up inside not to rush in and be her knight in shining armour yet that would be unproductive and the only thing that would come of that was failure. He couldn't stand the idea of her vanishing from his life. Now that he'd had her letting her go again was not an option.

If Cass died then his own destruction would surely follow. His soul would fracture and fragment and before anyone knew it John Sheppard would be no more. He couldn't guarantee he wouldn't do something stupid if she was harmed during this venture. He knew himself well enough to understand he would lose control completely and revenge...

He had never believed it was a dish best served cold.

Trust was never something he gave freely, it took a long time for people to earn it but now John Sheppard was putting his faith squarely not only in Cass's hands, but in Rodney Mckay and Elizabeth Weir's too. He couldn't allow his worries to override what needed to be done here no matter how much it killed him to think of them trapped amongst the Genii.

Cass's words were ringing in his mind as he stood stationary for a second gathering his thoughts and developing plans on the knowledge he had at hand. Her whisper against his heart, echoing in the darkness as they lay entwined in each other.

"_You need to know that I will do anything necessary to come back, anything to survive." _

John ran his calloused hands over his rugged features, even more infuriated by his position. If there was ever a time to start believing in something it was now. It was time to let all of his reservations go, he couldn't hold onto them any more. There was a moment of fear, a fear so intense his throat physically hurt as he swallowed as hard as he could past it before he released every concern that knotted up deep inside him.

_Courage was being the only one that knew you were afraid_, he remembered his mother once telling him.

It was surprising how at a time like this her words always came back to haunt him like the spectator he had once wished for as a teenager.

The Major took over once more, his interior armour slotting into place as he built up his shields like a fortress at the forefront of his mind. He ran his assets through his brain cataloguing each of them and labelling their priorities as he began to build a plan and explore the possible tactics for a situation with this many hostile. He had the home advantage and the element of surprise, he had to make them work in his favour.

There was too much at stake for him to lose this game of Risk.

* * *

><p>Rodney as it turned out could not lie, or at the very least he wasn't very good at it. It hadn't taken more than five seconds for Commander Koyla to work out something was afoot. While Weir was away collecting the Wraith device they had snatched from the Genii the first time around Koyla had decided to question Rodney on the real reason a scientist of his calibre would still be residing in the city. When he hadn't gotten the answers he sought he had unleashed a younger, more aggressive looking Genii upon the scientist. Cass had been forced to watch as Koyla pinned Rodney's wrist to the control panel allowing his soldier to use the serrated edge of his combat knife to pierce the flesh of the scientist's forearm.<p>

There were many times she had treated Doctor Rodney McKay over the past few months, most of his illnesses had been episodes of hypochondria. Cass thought even with being a genius you had to have a few faults. His ability to convince himself of many fictional illnesses was one of them. Yet Cass would never forget the whine of agony that escaped his mouth when that wicked blade has plunged into his skin.

Rodney had spilled every single one of the details of their plan to save the City, yet somehow he had managed to withhold the fact that John was still running around inside of the City. Something Koyla was now well aware of since John had intentionally left a radio in the Armoury for the Genii to find after he had hidden the C-4. Cass understood his main goal at the time had been to strike up a bargain, the hostages go free through the Stargate and John, himself would fly out the Genii, the C-4 and whatever else they wanted out of the City on a Puddle Jumper.

Instead Koyla had threatened to kill them and there had been radio silence ever since from John Sheppard. Cass had no doubt he was still out there somewhere wrecking havoc upon the Genii. The majority of the strike team had been dispatched around the City in search of the C-4 and John, leaving Sergi and a small team of others guarding the Control Room. Koyla had now taken residence in Weir's glass office above them and it seemed to Cass that he was proceeding to make himself at home.

Sergi had dogged everyone of her actions since he had returned to the Control Room from his brief exchange with Koyla in Weir's office. It didn't take a genius to work out what they were talking about and she hoped to God if she was the first one to die they did it quickly.

Currently Cass was on her knees beside Rodney who was sitting with his back pressed against the wall of the lower level of the Control Room. The grey sleeve of his uniform was stained with vivid red blood as Cass clamped her hand over it while gesturing for Sergi to hand over a cotton pad. He had confiscated it over an hour ago from her person, taking great care to work his fingers under the strap that fell across her body. The possibility of using her scalpel as a weapon was gone and apparently he seemed to think she was equally as dangerous with a needle and thread so instead of suturing Rodney's would as required she was forced to make do with temporarily stifling the bleeding.

Cass held her hand out for the wad of bandages as she kept on hand firmly applying pressure to Rodney's cut, it wasn't deep as she has originally suspected but it was long and it was going to scar. She had emitted that information when she had explained what she was doing to Rodney. Somehow she doubted the scientist would take very kindly to the news. Rodney held his arm out to her as she wrapped the bandage over the cotton pad before firmly securing it to his arm with medical tape.

It had been impossible to talk with Sergi lingering so close, so she had let her empathy show through the kindness of her touches as she wrapped his arm. Rodney had met her gaze as she leaned in close, taping the bandage tightly to his arm and she could feel his gratefulness in those eyes of his. She didn't know that he had expected her to roll her eyes at his injury, to brush it off and say she'd seen worse. He appreciated her care in the direness of their situation, it was good to have a comrade in arms so to speak.

"Your finished with him?" Sergi questioned gruffly from behind Cass, raising to his feet as he spoke.

Rodney watched his motions with a curiosity that irked him. When it came to physics, maths or computers he was the guy you went to, a self certified genius. Yet when it came to social skills or studying people's behaviour Rodney didn't get it at all. For the past hour he had watched this svelte soldier stalk Cass like a Lion in the Serengeti and he found that completely unnerving.

There was something in the air, it was convulsive and potent, the awful feeling growing when the other man looked at the doctor. The fact he was touching her so much was another thing that was sending Rodney's brain into hyperdrive. There was no real need to clasp the back of her neck the way he had when she'd knelt down beside Rodney, no reason for him dig his finger tips into her shoulder or stand so close.

The expression on Elizabeth's face at Koyla's mention of Sergi had been what had set him on this trail in the first place. As soon as the word had been uttered, her features had contorted into dismay as her gaze shot to Cass. Something had happened between these two last week in that Genii bunker, he knew it. It had been the reason that John had been so irritant and bad tempered throughout the whole mission, why he had guarded her like his own personal treasure in the days after.

"Just about." Cass answered Sergi, barely bothering to keep the resentment out of her voice.

The other man prodded the back of her skull with his weapon once more, his free hand already seeking out the hair elastic that was holding her hair in a messy bun before he tugged it out. Rodney watched as Cass's entire body tensed at the intimateness of the gesture as her dark hair spilled out to her shoulders, framing her pale features. Every single alarm bell inside Rodney was ringing loudly as Sergi ran his fingers through her kinked hair causing Cass to clench her jaw against the feigned caress.

"What are you doing?" Rodney spat, unable to help himself.

He wasn't a brave man but he couldn't stand to see this any longer. It was intolerable to watch this bizarre display of affection taking place in front of him. Despite how irritating he found Cass most of the time, with her self righteous arguments about how he seemed to lack manners and social skills, she was still his friend and it sickened him to see her being mistreated like this. He knew without a doubt that Sergi was dead if John ever got his hands on him.

"It looks better down." Sergi sneered at him, his malevolent glare fixating on the scientist as he continued to stroke Cass's hair as if she was some kind of pet.

"You know we would probably get on a lot better if you stopped poking me with your gun every chance you get." Cass snapped as her patience at the situation finally began to waver.

Rodney had no idea how she'd managed to sit through that for so long without biting the guy's hand off. He'd seen her in the field and while she was nowhere near the same calibre of fighters as the Marines or Teyla, she was a force to be reckoned with when they were backed into a corner.

Sergi's fingertips raked her scalp as he grasped her hair in his fist and tugged her head back suddenly causing Cass cry out in pain.

"You should have more respect for me." Sergi told her, jamming the gun under the hinge of her jaw roughly.

It had to hurt but Cass barely made a sound. Rodney had felt the tremble of her hands when she had fixed his bandages so he knew that she was scared. Cass was just better at hiding it than he was and he understood the notion of not wanting to give this brute the satisfaction.

"Maybe we can all just calm down and stop prodding each other with weapons." Rodney said, holding his hands up in surrender to remind the Genii that he was not armed.

Sergi was already wrenching Cass to her feet by the grip he had on her hair, she had no choice but to comply as he tugged her against the length of his body. His mouth was near her ear, his breath tickling her neck as he inhaled deeply. Cass rose her eyes up to the ceiling, feeling her chest tighten as he used the gun to trace the outline of her waist.

"I think it's time we finish what we started don't you Doctor?" Sergi murmured, his voice was low and full of intent.

"I don't think that's a good idea." Rodney said, raising to his own feet in indignation at the other man's words.

It was rare that he acted before he thought but in this situation it was understandable. He was never one to be ruled by emotions and usually the only instinct that he followed was hunger but he couldn't let this continue. He wasn't at risk the same way Cass was. He was invaluable to the Genii because he was the only one that could teach them what to do with the C-4 and how to develop their nukes. Cass was punishment for John's defiance in the face of adversary. Killing any of them would warrant a fury that Rodney didn't even dare to consider and if it had to be Cass...

Rodney severely doubted that any of the Genii would be getting out of here alive.

"I can't let you take her." Rodney proclaimed with the shake of his head. "If you do this you are ruining any chance of alliance you could have had with us."

"We're taking over your city. There is no alliance." Sergi informed the other man, as he pointed his weapon at Rodney's kneecap. "Now sit back down before I shoot you."

"Rodney, seriously it's ok." Cass soothed, trying to pacify not only her captor but her friend as well.

They couldn't afford for Rodney to be injured, he was the driving force behind saving Atlantis. All of his theories and plans had saved so many people's lives over the past months. If one of them had to die it should be her, Rodney McKay was simply too damn important to the cause.

"She's a doctor, you can't just take her. You may need her and she's a really good trauma surgeon, she once saved someone's life with a Bic. You can't pass up those kind of skills." Rodney bargained, gesturing wildly with his hands before sighing at the blank look on Sergi's face. "It's a pen, look she has skills that you could need."

"We have our own doctors." Sergi reminded the scientist stonily. "She has no purpose."

Cass could see the logic in his words. The Genii didn't believe the Uranium was harming them and putting one of their own lives in her hands was practically giving her a bartering chip. They couldn't take that chance, she was useless as a pawn to them.

"That's not true." Rodney argued, seething with frustration. "She has medicines, she can cure people."

"The order has already been given." Sergi confirmed their unspoken suspicions. "The disruption your Major has caused can not go unpunished."

Hearing the words out loud was like a bullet to the heart as Cass reviewed her own mortality. She did not want to die, the desire to save herself had never been as strong or as desperate as it was now. She had too much to live for, friends, family, her lover. She couldn't bear the thought of being ripped away from him like that, not when they had just found each other. It wasn't fair that he be punished for doing his job, for saving other people.

Cass didn't intend to die here, she would look for an opening, an opportunity to survive. She wouldn't allow herself to be the willing hostage that Sergi was expecting. She would not willingly stand by and let him kill her. He had underestimated her the first time and she thought he was making the same mistake yet again. Just because she had been so placid while he abused her did not mean that she would go down without a fight. It was simply a matter of biding her time.

"You can't do that." Rodney protested with an expression of outrage. "She is not responsible for..."

The gun came out of nowhere, striking Rodney across the face so hard it knocked him to the ground. He groaned clutching at the side of his face as he lay on the floor trying to breath through the pain that exploded along the line of his jaw. This was why he didn't embark on acts of heroism, he had a low threshold for pain and they tended to get you hit.

"Stop, just stop ok?" Cass erupted shrilly, a twinge of panic in her voice as she turned around to face Sergi, making sure she was between the brutal soldier and the courageous scientist.

It endeared her completely that Rodney was stepping up for her, she knew how much it cost him to actually make a stand but she couldn't allow this to continue. Sergi wouldn't spare a thought to putting a bullet in a limb if it shut him up, she couldn't let him go through that. She couldn't stand to watch Rodney hurt any more than he already was, he had already done to much for her. More than she had ever imagined he would.

"I will do whatever you tell me to do just stop hurting him." Cass promised Sergi meeting his evergreen eyes with a resolve she struggled to erect.

Already she was fortifying herself against the possibilities that loomed before her. She would kill Sergi if she had to. There would be no pleasure in his death but if it came down to it she could do it, the only problem was how. She had no weapon but she had made a promise to fight, she would do whatever she could to walk away from this. It wasn't going to be easy, he was a trained soldier, one of the best if he was part of Koyla's strike force and she was under no illusions of grandeur regarding her own skills.

"Don't you understand?" Rodney rebelled as he managed to drag his aching frame into a sitting position. "He's been ordered to kill you."

Cass's gaze never shifted from Sergi's features as she framed the words on her pert pink lips.

"I'm just another casualty of war right?"

Sergi's mouth curved into a cruel sneer as he regarded her with those cold dead eyes. His expression said it all, she was worthless to him, a commodity. There was no need for niceness between them, he had her exactly where he wanted her, manageable and compliant. He could do anything he wanted and there wasn't anything she could do about it. The moment he saw the defiance die in her eyes was the minute he decided he couldn't wait any more. There was something so special about demoralising someone, about stripping away every single hope they had in the world until they're faith was mutilated. There was no escape and the doctor had finally accepted that.

"Are you going to be a good girl for me or am I going to have to find a way to make Doctor McKay extremely uncomfortable?" Sergi drawled, gesturing to Rodney who looked nauseated by the exchange.

It was demeaning the way he spoke to her and he enjoyed seeing her shoulders sag in response to his words. She was nothing to him and he wanted to make sure she knew it. In time to come he would degrade her and show her how degenerate she really was. He held all the power and she was about to discover what it was like to be a slave for him.

"You don't have to do this." Rodney asserted, there was a pleading in his voice.

They both knew what was going to happen the minute he led her out of his room. Goodbye, she wanted to tell Rodney. Thank you and goodbye, just in case.

"Tell him..." Cass said finally. "Tell him 'I love him' ok?"

It was so acutely personal and the irony wasn't wasted on him. She was asking the most socially defective person on Atlantis to relay her last message. It hurt, Rodney hadn't expected it to hurt so much but it did.

"Bye." he forced himself to speak past the excruciating lump in his throat.

Cass cast him one last watery smile over her left shoulder before she was removed from the room.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I have a busy day ahead of me today full of wallpapering, painting and all sorts of insanity so I thought I'd pop this chapter up for you in case I don't get a chance later. <strong>_

_**I have to admit when I wrote the first draft of this I had no idea Rodney would become such an integral part of this chapter. In the second draft he completely took over and I have to admit I'm happy with the way it turned out.**_

_KAT: No worries, I admit I am a terrible reviewer at the min, there's so much going on in RL! I can appreciate how busy you are and I really am grateful for the time you've taken to review!_

_Brn: lol you wouldn't love me if I didn't leave you hanging! This becomes one of those duty over love arguments, what will John do? I love keeping you in suspense! Thanks very much for the review :p_

_Shippo: I am the cliff hanger queen at the moment! I am glad your enjoying the story so much! Thanks for the review._

_Lan: LMAO! Loved your review was so simple and I achieved exactly what I wanted to with it! Thankies for taking the time to review!_


	26. Chapter 26: Casuality of War

Chapter Twenty Six

_I want to hold you close  
>Soft breath, beating heart<br>As I whisper in your ear  
>I want to fucking tear you apart<em>

_She Wants Revenge – Tear You Apart_

The storm was ferocious, the rain was lashing down like tiny needles upon John's face as he stood beside the ruined control panel of the fourth grounding station. His hair was plastered to his head, the wind blowing like a typhoon in his face as he stood in the midst of the storm screaming into Genii communicator he had snatched off the wrist of a soldier he had killed. It was going wrong, it was all going so horrifically wrong. His rage was bubbling over, his voice hoarse from yelling into the damn thing as those words prickled at his consciousness feeding the murderous beast in the pit of his stomach.

"_Doctor Pierce is dead."_

John didn't believe it, he refused to. It wasn't possible that Cass had died, he would have felt her life being extinguished as part of his soul disappeared along with her. Yet the possibility was tearing up his insides and wrecking havoc on his damaged psyche. The thought of her corpse drove him literally insane. He wanted to destroy something, to ruin and mangle anyone who had had a part to play in her murder.

There was a darkness growing inside of him, one that he greeted with wide open arms allowing it's numbness to overtake him in abundance. He needed not to feel at the moment. The cold, barren wasteland was dragging him in once more drowning him in a sea of emptiness before he came to stand on the abyss once more. He was alone, for the first time since he met Cass he was completely devoid of emotions. He couldn't feel anything, just a strange absence where his heart and soul used to rest.

He wouldn't allow himself to think of the moments he would now live without her. He couldn't stand the echo of her voice in his ears, repeating the same words over and over again like the chorus from his favourite song. Her eyes would never glimmer like diamonds when she gave him that sweet, careless smile. Her touch...

John closed his eyes for a second at the sense memory of her skin contacting against his. He would never be able to kiss her again, to murmur in her ear at night so that she laughed so hard he could feel it vibrating against his ribcage.

"_Your perfect." she had whispered in the early hours of the morning as he kissed her lips, his hands doodling patterns down and along her midriff. _

"_Perfect is a first." John told her, his fingers tracing a circular motion along the dip of her belly button._

"_So was beautiful." Cass admitted, as John's fingertips teased just a little bit lower, hooking on her sweats and caressing the tender flesh underneath._

"_Never?" John questioned, trailing his nose along the length of hers._

_Cass closed her eyes, her breathing hitching as she arched against his mischievous fingers as he sought out the warm cleft between her legs. _

"_Only you." she mumbled against his lips._

He was alone. His happiness had been so viciously snatched away and there was vengeance in his veins. John dealt in violence daily and he was sure as hell going to use it to cause some mayhem for Koyla and his strike team. This has just become personal.

There wasn't time to grieve and John wasn't the type of guy to break down and cry. At the end of this he would drink himself into a stupor but not before he'd taken out the bastards that had killed Cass. He forced everything back, putting up bricks to cover up the raw intensity of his feelings. The wall would hold for as long as he needed, just as it had when his mother had died. He had lost so many people over the years. His mother, his friends and now Cass, he had never expected Cass to become a causality of his troubled life.

"I am going to kill you." John promised Koyla over the communicator before tossing it to the ground and crushing it under his boot.

This was war.

* * *

><p>Irony wasn't wasted on Cassandra Pierce, just like she knew it wasn't wasted on the soldier she only knew as Sergi. Healing people was her life's work and the Infirmary was the sheer embodiment of everything she believed in. It was also the place in which she was about to take her final breaths.<p>

Sergi's evergreen eyes bored into hers as she stood before him. They had been standing like this for minutes and the apprehension was killing her. She was waiting for the next attack, she had been expecting it the moment he'd shoved her through the automatic doors but it hadn't come. Instead he had had her pack their entire stocks of Prussian Blue into a medical kit bag for him before they had come to this point. It was the moment of no return and there was no going back for either of them.

"Strip." he framed the words on his lips, licking them as he spoke.

"Make me." she challenged.

Her defiance was back with a final burst of vigour and Sergi found that commendable. There was fire in her eyes and Sergi remembered this was what it was like when you destroyed someone. This was that last tremble of hope before the end. He knew how to break that down, she wasn't the first person he had diminished and she doubted that would be the last.

That slap resounded through the air like a gunshot as the back of his hand connected with her cheek, turning her head so hard it caused her gasp to echo through the empty room. Already his grasping hands were on her open flak jacket shoving it off of her shoulders and yanking it down her arms and tearing it from her slender body. It dropped to the floor in a heap at his feet.

Cass wrenched away, the backs of her thighs banging against the treatment bed as Sergi's fist grabbed at the front of her T-shirt hurling her closer. She felt the cold, steel blade of the combat knife penetrating through the material of her yellow T-shirt before it brushed across her tender flesh. Her breathing hitched as the knife travelled higher, the point digging into her skin leaving a thin scratch in it's wake.

Sergi's lips were curled into a sneer as he leaned in even closer, pressing the point into the space just under her ribs.

"Tell me that you want this." he growled, adding just the tiniest bit of pressure.

"That I want you to cut me?" Cass hissed through her teeth as he dragged the blade across her stomach.

It hurt like hell. The warm blood was trickling from the incision, leaving a rivet of red seeping through her buttercup yellow T-shirt. His face was buried in her throat as he inhaled the sweet scent of her supple body.

God he wanted her, willing, unwilling it didn't matter. Under duress like this just heightened the lust that was racing through him. She felt so good pressed against him like this. They had a little time together before he killed her, he wanted to look into her eyes at the height of his climax as he slit her throat with his combat knife.

Cass's hand was already slipping towards the holster on Sergi's waist where the double barrelled gun was residing. Her fingertips were wrapping around the grip of the weapon withdrawing it from the holster as Sergi's fingers chased up the inside of her shirt along the line of her rib cage.

"Put the knife down." she uttered, jabbing the barrel of the gun hard into his sternum.

"You think you have the upper hand here?" He asked her as that sick smile twisted across his lips.

"I'm the one holding the..."

The abrupt explosion of pain in her gut was excruciating. Cass screamed in agony at the sudden fiery sensation that lit up her insides as she squeezed the trigger of the gun she was holding. There was a roaring in her ears as the pistol bucked in her hands at the point of recoil.

Sergie stumbled a step backwards, his glittering eyes wide with surprise as he stared at her, the bloody knife still clasped in his hand from where he'd stabbed her. The thick red patch was spreading rapidly across his olive green uniform as his knees seemed to collapse out from underneath him.

"You shot me." he rasped, raising his arm towards his mouth.

It took her a second to realize that he was reaching for the communicator on his wrist. The gun was still level with him, her hands shaking as she tried to hold it steady. The second gunshot hit him straight in the chest before he even had a chance to flick the tiny red button to call for help. His body bucked at the impact before his eyes seemed to glaze over and his body sloped to the floor as if in slow motion.

The gun slipped from her fingers as the adrenaline coursed through her body. It clattered to the ground at her feet as she swayed for a single second whining at the ragged, burning in her stomach. She was barely managing to keep herself upright as she gazed down at the steady stream of life that was pouring out of her own wound through her slim fingers. She had seen enough stab wounds in her years as a doctor to know that this was bad. She was already responding on impulse, her slick fingers already groping for the nearest bundle of heavy duty cotton pads, before she snatched up the roll of gauze along side it.

She only had minutes to grab what she needed before more of the Genii arrived to check out the gunshots. There wasn't a chance in hell she could fend them off, not in this state. Already the adrenaline was beginning to creep out of her system, she could feel her energy diminishing as blood drops stained the pristine tiles of the white floor.

She needed somewhere safe where she could patch herself up, somewhere the Genii couldn't find her or enter, somewhere to ride out the attack on their city until help arrived. She clasped a pad to the bleeding gash before exiting the Infirmary through the set of double doors before her eyes came to rest upon the Teleporter at the end of the corridor.

Safety.

Her mind was working as fast as it could as it flagged up images of her stealing away inside of the closet sized contraption. The Genii weren't imprinted on the mechanism so the only way they could enter was by manually pulling the doors open. They wouldn't even have to know she was in there if she managed to keep quiet, when they had first arrived on Atlantis, they had suspected the Teleporters were small storage areas.

_Move,_ she urged herself as the sound of footsteps echoed further down the corridor around the corner. _Faster._

Cass's hand smashed against the panel as she sagged against the doors, begging them to open as the heavy set of footsteps grew louder. There were two of them, she could hear their chatter as they strode even more quickly towards the 'T' junction at the opposite side of the corridor.

_Please..._

The doors open and Cass hurtled herself inside the confined space, smacking the close button with the palm of her hand as her knees suddenly buckled from underneath her. She collapsed to the floor, writhing in pain at the exertion as the doors closed, sealing her safely inside. Her breath was coming in ragged pants as she shuffled into a sitting position, her back pressed against the interior wall as she struggled to breath through the somatic sensation.

It was only then did she dare to look properly at the stab wound she had just endured at the hands of Sergi. Her hands were trembling when she lifted the cotton pad to inspect the damage. Nausea was clawing at her stomach as she tried to look at it objectively and failed miserably. The incision was deep and ragged, the flesh torn as it oozed blood freely. She was starting to feel light headed, she suspected blood loss was the cause behind it but there wasn't a damn thing she could do about that besides try to stifle the bleeding.

The agony was almost unbearable now, her entire body was shaking as she felt all of her nerves begin to vibrate in shock at the trauma she had suffered. She grasped a fresh cotton pad and held it as tight as she could to the gaping rip on the lower half of her torso in an attempt to stop the bleeding.

A coldness was sweeping in over her body, it wrapped her up like a blanket as she felt her eyes starting to flutter shut as her head tilted back against the wall. There was barely a fleeting second to accept the knowledge that this was how Cassandra Pierce was going to die.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! I'm in a rush at the moment. On the way to work and I thought I'd throw this chapter up for you all to read! Hope you enjoy.<strong>_

_Lan: lol I think if you look into the depths of Rodney's char there's always been a smidgen of courage. I don't think anyone could live with the guilt of not trying to help someone in that situation. Thanks for the review!_

_Brn: AHHHHHH! Pom poms to the face! I thought he would have ago,try reasoning with Sergi, he evaluates the situation in terms of science so I wanted her uselessness to come into play. Hope your hosp visits going as well as could be. Thanks very much for the review._

_Monkey: I will never get bored of your reviews, I only apologize that my own reply is short at the moment. This is what I meant by worse than a break up! Thankies very much for the review, I reallt an grateful._


	27. Chapter 27: Never Alone

Chapter Twenty Seven

_And though I can not see You  
>and I can't explain why.<br>Such a deep, deep reassurance  
>You've placed in my life oh<em>

_Barlow Girl – Never Alone_

There was blood on the floor and the sight of it smeared on the tiles of his Infirmary disturbed Carson Beckett more than he cared to admit. The dead Genii was laying splayed out across the floor in a pool of his own vivid red secretion as Scottish doctor stood over him observing the scene with clinical detachment. Corpses were nothing new to him, over the years he had lost people to violence and studied cadavers but there was something about the state of the Infirmary that caused an uneasiness to settle in his bones. There was something he was missing about this picture, something he was struggling to put his finger on.

There was a wicked combat knife glinting inches away from Genii's fingers as the cold, deceased eyes glared vacantly at the ceiling. There was malice on the other man's features, his final moments depicted upon his face. There were two bullet holes in the corpse, one in the stomach and one in the chest. The stomach could possibly have been survivable if he had received medical attention, the chest wound however had been the killing shot, from the blood that had bubbled upon the dead Genii's lips it was more than likely the bullet had punctured a lung.

It took a few minutes for Carson to realize what the first thing was that was bothering him and that was only because the double barrelled weapon clattered when he accidentally nudged it with his foot. It was the Genii's gun and Carson wondered briefly why the Major had used the man's own weapon upon him before putting it down to survival.

"Hey Doc," Ford's voice broke into his thought pattern as he held up a small leather flak jacket that he had found heaped upon the floor. "I thought Doctor Pierce was supposed to be at the Alpha Site."

Carson's vivid blue eyes landed on the name plate on the lapel of the jacket. 'Pierce' stood out proudly, the letters embedded in the tough material. His stomach was already in knots, twisting and writhing in mounting concern as he twisted his head to look at the scene around them in a completely new light.

"She must have been caught up in the chaos when the Genii attacked the city." Ford muttered as Carson wiped the back of his hand across his dry lips.

"Doctor Beckett." Teyla erupted as she burst through the doors of the Infirmary.

Her voice was twinged with urgency as she stood before him, her strong, warrior's hands sticky with blood. Her face was contorted in horror and concern as she stared at the dead Genii before shifting her focus onto Carson.

"I've found Doctor Pierce in the Transporter but she is severely wounded and it appears she's lost a lot of blood." Teyla informed the two men.

Carson was already moving into action, he was slipping into the private administration area and snatching up his own field kit from the spot beside his desk. There hadn't been a chance to use it so far on Atlantis as Cass took care of the majority of their field cases but he kept it well stocked just in case. His fingers were already fastening on his key card before he swiped it across the panel for the blood reserve, the doors hissing open to allow him access. He was already grasping as much O positive as he could carry and stuffing the plastic carriers into a box they used for organ transplants.

"What are you doing?" Ford exclaimed as Carson grabbed a handful of fresh needles and a line of clear tubing and shoved that on top of the blood packs before closing the carrier. "She needs your help now."

"In exactly fifteen minutes the storm is going to hit Atlantis and the corridors are going to become conductors. The only place that's safe is going to be the Stargate Command area." Teyla reminded Ford from the meetings they had sat in regarding Rodney's plan.

"If I can stabilise Cass, I can move her to the Control Room and treat her properly there while we wait out the storm but I need the right materials to do it."Carson informed the younger man, before he picked up the carrier and progressed towards the exit of the Infirmary.

"Do you think you can get her to the Control Room in time before the storm hits?" Ford questioned the doctor before they reached the 'T' junction of the corridor.

"I'm bloody well going to have to." Carson informed the other man, taking long strides towards the Teleporter further down the corridor.

"Me and Teyla will go help out the Major, by the time you get to the Control Room, hopefully we would have cleared it of the Genii." Ford told Carson as the reached the crossroads of their path. "You need to keep an eye on the time Doc, make sure you both get there before the fifteen minutes is up understood?"

"Aye." Carson agreed before the three of them wished each other good luck.

* * *

><p>The park was everything that Cass remembered and more. The vibrant grass felt plush and dewy underneath her toes as she swung her bare feet forward and backwards from her sitting position upon the wooden bench. She was wearing a flimsy, white, sleeveless summer dress that came to rest just above her knees.<p>

Her father was sitting beside her, the two of them watched the children in the distance giggling as they played joyfully. Cass tilted her head towards him taking in his appearance. He looked exactly the same as the last time she had seen him. He was wearing light denim jeans and a worn, green and black sweatshirt. His own dark hair was mixed with salt and peppered streaks and those familiar dimples appeared as he smiled at her before handing her the strawberry cone of ice cream in his right hand.

Cass took it gratefully before raising it to her lips and licking the blob of strawberry that was running down the wafer cone. Her father was already devouring his own vanilla ice cream as the two of them ate in silence.

"I'm dead aren't I?" Cass said finally.

"Your getting there cher." Her father answered in his warm Louisiana lilt. "You've passed out from blood loss."

"So this..." Cass began, waving her hand at the entire parkland in front of her. "Is all one giant hallucination?"

"I'm here because you want me to be." her father told her, taking the final bite out of his ice cream cone.

"Am I going to die?" Cass asked quietly.

"That's entirely up to you sugar." he drawled, studying the profile of his youngest daughter's face. "I just want you to be happy."

"You won't believe the things I'm doing Papa, the places I've been or what I'm seeing." Cass said with an awe that surprised her.

Atlantis was amazing, living and existing in the Pegasus Galaxy had opened her eyes up to possibilities that she had never allowed herself to imagine. She believed in the strength and good in people, exploring breath taking new worlds and helping where ever she was able. It was undeniable how wonderful that made her feel, how much she was learning and experiencing.

"Or who your seeing?" her father teased with that knowing smile.

Her father never missed a trick in the days he had been alive and it appeared he was still the same in death. Her cheeks flushed with heat at his words as he tapped his temple.

"Everything you know I know." he informed her.

Cass pressed her palms together before settling them between her knees as she pursed her lips together in thought. Clearly this was a figment of her overstressed mind, she had heard of hallucinations during blood loss before but this was her first real experience with one and the frightening part was that it all seemed so very real. The sun was beaming down on her skin just the way she liked it as she bowed her head with a small sigh. Everything was perfect here. She was in no pain, there was no struggle, no battle. It was peaceful.

Yet that was part of the problem, it wasn't real. This paradise wasn't for her yet, there was too much to do back home, so much she needed to help with and fix.

_John_, she thought her heart aching at the thought of what he must be going through. He would blame himself for this, he would cut himself off all over again and it would be worse than before. He would become bitter and he deserved so much more than that.

"You know I can't stay." Cass found herself murmuring as she twisted her head so she could meet her father's sky blue eyes.

There was understanding there. Her father had always been that way. He was the man that she had turned to whenever she'd had a problem and he had always made time for her no matter how silly it seemed. He had been a patient and attentive father in his living years and she knew that he was still exactly the same.

Her motives for returning were selfish but she had been selfless for such a long time she thought now she could take something back from life. The universe owed her in a way.

"You gotta do what you gotta do." Her father told her frankly, his strong arm wrapping around her small shoulders and drawing her into a hug as Cass whispered.

"Bye Dad."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! My room is beginning to take shape. I only have one wall left to paper and I am waiting on a few bits of furniture to arrive! Excited!<strong>_

_**Thank you for all your continued support with this story!**_

_Monkey: lol I can't just save her, it's a little more complicated then that. LMAO I can imagine House just prodding her with his walking stick. I didn't leave you too long! The only problem is with a deadline like that will Carson be able to save her? Lol you know much I love your reviews!_

_Shippo: I could imagine Rodney at least taking a stand for her, he evaluates the situation on a level he understands. John's having a really bad day isn't he at the moment. I really appreciate the time you have taken to review even tho you are on vacation!_

_Brn: I hope your feeling ok, although after surgery I know you must be in a lot of pain. Lol do not worry about the length it's just great hearing from you. Thank you for taking the time to review!_

_Joey: You know I was trying to imagine what Cass's worse nightmare would be and I thought this was probably close. Lol John gets whumped far too often in the series! Thankies for both reviews! I sincerely appreciate it!_


	28. Chapter 28: Dire

Chapter Twenty Eight

_somebody say, "lay down your gun"  
>and when you lay it down get ready to run<em>

_situation dire_  
><em>it's gone away, it's not goin' away<em>

_Twlight Singers – Bonnie Brae_

John was at an incredible loss. In his own haste he hadn't seen the ambush coming and that infuriated him. He couldn't lose anyone else today, Cass's death was too much for him to bear and the possibility of losing either McKay or Weir, maybe both was like pouring acid into the wound and watching it bubble. Even now he was aware that the seconds were ticking by but there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.

At the time he was being damn clever by removing the power supply from the generator. It had taken out the whole power grid in the Control Room so what was left of the Genii strike team couldn't track him. He had managed to get the shield up on the Stargate just in time to prevent the entire fleet of Genii reinforcements from swarming through it and taking over the city.

The fact that fifty five men had died in swift stroke of strategy did not phase John, they were the enemy, invaders who had murdered his lover and were trying to steal his city. He had killed more if he included the dead members of Kolya's original strike team and it still wasn't enough. His savage, vengeful side was still baying for blood and it never be satisfied until Koyla was lying at his feet dead.

John cursed under his breath as he raised his hands in an omission of surrender, his back was to his captors and the power supply was still clenched in his hand. The generator was barely inches away from him and he was still unable to restore the machine to its original order. It would take less than a minute to slam the thing back into the slot and for power to be returned to the Control Room.

"I don't want to seem like a bad prisoner or anything but Koyla's gonna kill one of my people if I don't get this thing turned back on in time." John appealed to the two soldiers holding him at gun point.

"Turn around." the leader of the two ordered, leaving John's entire body rife with frustration as the moments slipped by.

Death by Genii wasn't going to solve any of his problems so it was in his best interests to do exactly what they were suggesting and wait for an opportunity to arise. He had to hope that Koyla wouldn't fulfil his promise or that his two goons would radio in his capture before the time was up. It was their only chance at this moment in time.

John's hands were still raised as he exhaled deeply before turning around to face the two Genii soldiers standing behind him. John's eyes caught movement beyond the two men, he could see the shadows moving as Lieutenant Ford's face appeared in the background followed by Teyla. Beckett was nowhere to be seen. John supposed he was back on the Jumper, the other man was practically a civilian, he didn't blame him for staying behind.

"You turn around." John responded smugly to the two Genii guards who stood with their weapons trained upon him.

"What?" the leader of them sneered incredulously.

"Well if I have to turn around you should turn out." he stated making a swirling motion with his forefinger.

That moment of sheer disbelief gave Ford the adequate time he needed to stun the two guards into submission. Their eyes rolled into the back of their heads as their weapons slipped from their grasp and their bodies tumbled to ground unconscious.

"What the hell took you so long?" John responded, turning on his heel and placing the power capsule into the open cavity of the generator.

"Major, we found Doctor Pierce..." Teyla began tentatively.

John cut her off with the sweep of his hand, his jaw clenched as he shook his head. He didn't want to hear about it, he couldn't listen to the details of her demise. He just wanted to get through this and deal with everything else afterwards.

"We have more important things at stake here." he told her bluntly.

There was no emotion in his voice as he spoke that stunned both Teyla and Ford as they reviewed the Major's hunched shoulders as he reloaded his weapon. There was a coldness in him that Ford had not seen before and it was truly unsettling. He had closed himself off from everything but the mission ahead and although Ford had seen that a hundred times before he knew this was different. The mention of the doctor's name made the Major flinch inwardly, he could see the pain in the other man's eyes as he averted his gaze, exhaling deeply.

"Major." Teyla prompted lightly, placing her hand upon John's arm to draw his attention back towards her. "Doctor Pierce isn't dead. She is very badly wounded but Doctor Beckett is working on her as we speak."

There was a moment where time seemed to freeze, John's shoulders went rigid at the news as he stared at Teyla in complete disbelief. The bitter aching in his chest suddenly stopped as his brain began to register his friend's words on an intellectual level.

"She was holding on when we left Beckett." Ford confirmed, stepping into the Major's line of sight. "He's aware of the time constraints and will be meeting us in the Control Room in less than ten minutes with the Doc."

The relief was momentous. He couldn't vocalise the easing in his lungs at the knowledge. He could breath again, the dark cloud above him was lifting. He wasn't out of the woods just yet, he wouldn't be until Cass was alive and well in his arms but there was hope. His faith hadn't been betrayed, she was trying to keep her promise.

"That's the best news I've heard all day." John told the two of them neutrally, the weight on his shoulders temporarily lifted.

There was a glimmer of the man they knew underneath the surface and Teyla found herself releasing the breath that she had been holding. John Sheppard and Cass Pierce were good people, they deserved to be happy with one another. It wasn't easy to let people inside after you had suffered and even though John never spoke of his own past very much Teyla could see the pieces of his fractured psyche as if they were etched upon his flesh.

"Ford and I will launch an assault on the Control Room. Teyla can you help Beckett get Cass and any of the supplies she needs to treat her into the Control Room. You guys can rush in after we've reclaimed it."

Teyla nodded her agreement before turning on her heel and racing down the corridor back towards the Infirmary.

* * *

><p>Cass was awake but barely, her eyelids were fluttering open so she came to stare up at the ceiling of the Transporter. Everything was fuzzy, there were black dots dancing before her eyes as she blinked rapidly in an attempt to clear her vision. She was cold, she could feel her body shivering compulsively, her breaths coming in forced ragged pants as the pressure increased on the writhing fire in her abdomen.<p>

"Welcome back." Carson's voice was ringing in her ears as her head tipped back to lean on the wall.

"Bleeding won't stop..." Cass mumbled through broken breaths.

Her pallor was ashen and grey, her skin looked waxy underneath the harsh lights of the Transporter. The copper tang of her bleeding was in the air. Carson could taste it on his tongue as he inhaled the metallic scent. He had grown used to it during his years as a doctor.

"I've got it under control for now Lassie but your going to need a transfusion." Carson told her, pressing the palm even harder upon her flat stomach.

The truth was Cass needed surgery. The wound was deep, she was lucky it hadn't lacerated any of her vital organs. He had secured the gash with stitches temporarily until he had the opportunity to use the laser to seal the flesh. They wouldn't hold for very long but hopefully long enough to move Cass to the Control Room in order to wait out the storm.

"Cold." she muttered.

Carson was already stripping his jacket from his arms before draping it over her chest and tucking it around her delicate body.

"This will warm you up in a jiffy." he told her kindly, rubbing her arms for a second to generate some heat.

Carson thread the strap of the field kit through the transfusion box handle so it came to dangle uncomfortably against his hip.

"I'm gonna pick you up now Lass." Carson warned her as he crouched down beside her.

He took Cass's arm and guided it around the back of his neck as she grasped the collar of his tight black T-shirt. His arms looped underneath her knees and back before gathered her up against his chest and rose to his feet. Cass cried out in agony at the sensation as red hot, pain tore at her insides at the abrupt motion. The excruciating noise wrenched at Carson's heart as he settled her in his arms so he could carry her.

"I'm sorry." Carson said in a low soothing tone as he began to take quick steps down the corridor.

Cass's head came to rest on his shoulder, her cheek pressed against his collarbone. She reminded him of a child huddled in his arms like this. She was so tiny, he could hear her choked, shallow breathing as she clung to him for security. There was a moment of silence before she sniggered out loud.

"You ever seen that old movie 'The Bodyguard'?" she asked him as Carson tried to keep her as still as possible.

"I'm a poor stand in for Kevin Costner if that's what your thinking." Carson responded as he kept his eyes open along the corridor as he took careful steps.

"I can't remember that song." Cass said dreamily. "You know that awful song."

"Aye Lass, I'm not singing it you." Carson informed her as Teyla appeared at the end of the corridor.

She took up a guard stance as Carson hurried towards her. Time was running out and he couldn't allow the three of them to get caught out in the corridor when the lightning started to strike. He had no idea how long they had left but already they were in motion once more Teyla leading the way as they jogged through the vacant halls.

"It could be my dying wish." Cass murmured against his chest sounding sleepily.

"Your not dying." Carson told her defiantly. "You just need to hold on a little longer until we can get some blood in you and then you'll be as right as rain."

"I'm so tired." she confided as her eyes fluttered closed once more. "I just want to stay here and go to sleep."

"Cass." Carson said sharply, jolting her abruptly in order to keep her awake.

Her head lulled backwards on it's own accord, her body went slack in his arms. Her grasp on his shirt collar was already slipping as her fingers unfurled. Carson tilted his head downwards slowing his step as they rounded the corner just a few steps away from the Control Room. Her lips were parted, he could barely see the raise and fall of her chest. His eyes fixated on the growing red stain spreading rapidly across the thick material of his jacket. The stitches must have torn at some point during their journey and sure enough when he glanced up the corridor there were splotches of blood trailing along their path.

"Clear." Teyla's voice chimed as she stepped forward into the Control Room.

Carson was steps behind her, the minute he stepped into the wide open space of the Gate Area he was down on his knees laying out Cass's body with the greatest of care.

There were shouts and exclamations behind him but Carson ignored them as he stripped the jacket as gently as he could from Cass's barely breathing body. The stitches had ruptured leaving the gash open once more as blood flowed like tiny rivers across Cass's pale flesh.

He was barking instructions out to Teyla, who was already beside him tearing open the container they used for organ donations and pulling out the blood packs stacking them methodically before she grasped the plastic tubing and a clean syringe.

His field kit was already open, it was the one that he had allowed Cass to pack. His hand wrapping around the tool he needed. Carson had laughed when Cass had added the heavy duty staple gun to the list of tools to include in their field medical kits. They had debated over it for over an hour until Cass relented and told him the story of how a fellow field medic had temporarily sealed a scalp laceration with a staple gun when they had been trapped in an old compound.

After hearing that story he had complied to her demands. Carson had never thought he would have the need to do this, the pros our weighted the cons more than he could have dreamed. He wanted Cass to live, he could deal with infections later. Right now he just needed her to survive. His gaze strayed up to her features as the room seemed to halt around him. She was limp, the tiniest bit of colour she did have was seeping away along with her life. He was glad she was unconscious for this, glad she wouldn't have to feel the sting of the pressure or hear the noise that would erupt as he pulled the trigger.

Carson pinched the skin of her wound together between his fingers before pressed the staple gun to her stomach.

"By god lass, I hope this works."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! I have a day off today and am using it to pick up on my chores! (washing, cleaning and all that jazz.) So I have my Ipod plugged into the sound system while I dance around the house. <strong>_

_**Thank you for all the adds, reviews and reads that this story is getting, I can't tell you how much it warms my heart!**_

_Lan: It never rains it pours! I always love Carson because he's so nice and he keeps a cool head under pressure. Thankies for the review I sincerely appreciate it!_

_Joey: lol I'll be honest with you, I've killed off OC mains before and had the other chars attend their funeral and then later their graveside so nothing is really beyond me lol. I always believe that something must happen when you get so close to death so her dad was a fun thing to put in. I feel sorry for John because he always puts so much responsibility upon his own shoulders! Thanks very much for the review, I am very grateful! _

_Brn: lol It goes from bad to worse sometimes, I always have complete faith in Carson and whenever things go wrong for him you can see him taking the blame. I could imagine John being completely murderous if he lost Weir and McKay too! I'm glad your enjoying the story and thank you very much for the review._

_Shippo: Lmao! Had this image of you yelling DO NOT GO INTO THE LIGHT. I love writing this story it so fun! Thank you very much for taking the time to review!_

_Monkey: I had my own place for three years in uni and then moved back into my parents place. They pretty much let me have free reign with my room, it's been decorated in orange cream and yellows for years and I thought it was time to make it my own since my other plans fell through. Lol I am not making any promises on the state of Cass's life. I am evil so who knows. I think she's spent all of her time being so selfless it is time for her to have something of her own in a way. Thanks very much for the review, they always make me beam like a crazy._


	29. Chapter 29: Faith

Chapter Twenty Nine

_I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing  
>With a broken heart that's still beating<br>In the pain, there is healing  
>In your name I find meaning<br>So I'm holdin' on,_

_Lifehouse - Broken_

Storms had never scared John Sheppard. In fact there wasn't a lot that did frighten the Major besides clowns and he thought he was perfectly within his rights to think they should be regarded with suspicion. He had flown helicopters through sandstorms, navigated through dark clouds and howling winds before but this was different. Right now this storm, right here was killing him.

Cass was the one that disliked storms, back in Afghanistan she had told him she had gotten through them by gritting her teeth and distracting herself. It was the thunder she hated, the noise rattled through her bones and ever since she was a little girl it had made her think that God was angry at her. Cass was far from religious but old habits held strong and though her father had moved from the Louisiana to New York in order to live with Cass's mother he had still retained his religion and passed it along to his two daughters.

John had never really believed in God, he had seen too much to believe that there was some higher power up there watching over them all and yet right now John Sheppard found himself praying.

For two hours the storm had been pounding at the city, relinquishing it's fury upon the tall steeped buildings. Lightning was crackling in the air and John could taste the ozone in his mouth as the thunder rumbled and vibrated through the building.

Cass lay flat out across the floor of the Gate Area. They hadn't dared move her since Carson had began patched her up again. He thought the other man had gone insane when he'd whipped out that staple gun.

John had never allowed himself to have faith in other people before but the moment Elizabeth had put her hand on John's arm to stop him from rushing into the makeshift surgery, he knew that he was starting to. They had all watched in silence as both Carson and Teyla worked on Cass. The people around him were his family and he drew comfort from their stability and strength.

Two transfusions later and her pallor was starting to flush with colour. According to Carson she wasn't out of the woods yet but right now she was stable and that was all that mattered right now.

Cass's head was resting upon his lap, John's fingers combed through her silky dark strands as she moaned out loud. Her sapphire eyes were flicking open and revolving around in terror as she tried to shift groggily. She whimpered as she flexed her limbs, struggling against the heavy coats they had covered her up with in order to keep her warm. John's calloused hands encompassed her face as he stared down into her open eyes, filling up her vision as his thumbs smoothed over the flushed apple of her cheeks lightly.

"Your safe." he murmured in an attempt to keep her calm. "You just need to stay still so you don't hurt yourself."

His words filtered through to her ears as Carson hovered by her side, his fingers capturing her wrist in order to check her pulse. Her breathing became rapid and shallow as Cass tried to tear it away from his dexterous grip, mewing like an injured kitten when Carson refused to relinquish his grasp.

"Cassie." John drawled out her name like a lullaby, drawing her attention back to him. "It's ok. It's just Carson trying to help you."

His gentle fingertips were brushing the hair away from her pale features as she closed her eyes briefly as if gathering strength from his actions. She was disorientated, John had seen it a few times before in the aftermath of an traumatic injury and he would do anything to ease the transition.

"It hurts." she mumbled, allowing Carson to take her pulse.

"You have to be brave just for a little while longer." John told her softly.

"Your the brave one." she reminded him haughtily. "I'm the one that patches people like you up."

"Quite the little miss attitude aren't you?" John teased, almost relieved at her grumpiness.

It was good to see her like this, the real Cass was coming into play. The strong, vibrant young doctor was back. She was bruised, battered and wounded but she was here with him and that meant more to John than he could verbalize. She had come back just like she promised.

"Sergi?" Cass muttered abruptly, leaving John to cast a tense glance at Carson who lowered Cass's arm as he spoke.

"He's dead. You've got nothing to worry about Lassie." Carson said kindly as he warmed her hand between his palms.

John stifled the savage growl that was threatening to leave his throat. Ford had disclosed the circumstances in which they had found Cass while Beckett and Teyla had worked on her. He didn't know the full story but he knew enough to be able to fit the pieces into place himself and he was mortified at the hell his lover had been exposed to. He would never allow her out of his sight every again if he had his way. He knew that it was irrational to think like that but the beast pacing around inside of him was furious that their mate hadn't been more protected.

The reality was he was enraged with himself. His training and assertive militaristic behaviour had prevented him from rushing to her aid like a civilian would have. Duty to this city had come before the individual, even if it was Cass. That didn't sit well with the Man, it made him doubt the extent of his feelings and he despised that.

Part of him wanted to find away to reanimate Sergi and rip the pervert to pieces, the other side of him wanted to curl up around Cass to protect her from harm. These instincts were unfamiliar to him, the primal urges were deep seated and basic. He had never been the possessive type of man before he met Cass not even when he had been married to Nancy. Cass had brought out a side of him he had never seen before, he was more committed to her than he had ever been to his marriage.

"Can you give me something for the pain?" she hissed through grinding teeth as she shifted just a little trying to get comfortable.

She had been lying on the floor now for over two hours and John knew she had to be feeling more than a little stiff. It wasn't productive for her to move, she had almost died when her stitches had been torn out. The staples would hold so long as Cass didn't over exert herself, which in his book meant make any strenuous movements.

"The only things I've got will put you under again." Carson told her gently. "I can do that if that's what you want."

"Will you stay?" Cass asked, raising her exhausted sapphire eyes upwards to John as she nestled into his lap, her cheek coming to rest against his hip.

"I'm not going anywhere." John reassured her with a grim smile.

It was time that Cassandra Pierce came first.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! I have finally finished decorating my room and I am delighted with the end result. I am so glad everyone's enjoying this story and thank you all for reading! X<strong>_

_Shippo: I am so grateful to Teyla as well. She is always very kind and rational and I always imagine she would be able to get in tune with John quicker than the other members of his team. Thanks very much for the review!_

_Brn: I feel sorry for John having to go through that but he's resilient. When I imagined Carson carrying Cass the Bodyguard came into my head so I thought why not run with it. It was a cute thing between Cass and Carson in a serious situation. Lol the stapler was something that has genuinely happened and I thought they would make the best of a bad situation with that they had. Thanks for the review, I really appreciate the time you've taken._

_KAT: The action has been wonderful and rewarding to write. The scene with Sergi and Cass was re-written about three times because I couldn't get the movements just right. Cass is a very rough and tumble char when she needs to be and I wanted to show that she would do what she could to survive. I also wanted to feed in some of the emotional drama we get to experience. Despite his nature I think Rodney is quite heroic in his own normal way and I didn't think it would rest easy with him knowing what was going to happen. On killing Cass? I gotta be honest I've killed an OC before and had people attend her funeral/graveside. I don't see why I can't do it again ;) Thanks for such an amazing review!_

_Lan: lol their not out of the woods yet, I am glad you enjoyed the chapter. The Storm was been such a wonderful but antagonizing thorn in my side. To see that people are enjoying it really makes me smile! Thank you for reviewing, I am so grateful!_


	30. Chapter 30: Aftermath

Chapter Thirty

_That made everything feel better  
>And even then my eyes got wetter<em>

_Rhianna – California King Size Bed_

There was darkness, so much darkness that it scared Cass. She couldn't see a damn thing but she could hear a flurry of voices around her. Carson's broad Scottish accent as well as John's husky lilt. Her stomach was in agony, she could feel the searing pain clawing up inside her as she groaned out loud trying to shift her body in order to ease the constant, throbbing ache.

Her eyelids were heavily, fluttering open as the brief spell of nausea writhing in her belly hit her hard. She rolled onto her side and grasped for the kidney tray she knew they stowed away in the regiment night stand. She pulled it onto the bed just in time before she threw up violently into the small dish. Gentle hands were in her hair, drawing it back away from her face as she vomited again.

Her cheeks were flushed with heat. Already she could feel her skin slick with sweat as the bowl was removed from her shaking hands, a plastic tumbler of ice cold water replacing it. Cass took it gratefully, her hair tumbling down upon her shoulders once more as it was released. She sipped from the water, it felt like heaven down her burning, acidic throat.

Already John was propping the pillows up behind her back as Carson handed off the kidney dish to the small trolley beside him before crossing his arms over his chest and reviewing her studiously. Both men waited patiently for Cass to shuffle into a comfortable sitting position. John took the plastic tumbler from her hands and placed it onto the night stand as she settled down once more.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" she asked the two of them, holding out her hand and watching it tremble with absolutely no control.

Carson regarded her with an sympathetic smile before he allowed himself to speak. It alarmed him how close they came to losing her. He had come to view Cass as if she were one of his siblings and seeing her body torn up like that had fractured pieces of his heart as if it were glass. He had conducted the surgery with Teyla, although the Athosian had limited medical expertise she had listened to his instructions when he had asked her to participate without flinching.

"Your wound is infected from the staples we used to close it." Carson informed her gently. "We've had to flush it with antibiotics and pack it with gauze."

Cass raised her eyes skyward as if to pray as her understanding of the situation dawned upon her through her cloudy brain. The staples that had once saved her life were now making her sicker. They had known that infection was probable when they had stowed away the staple gun in the field kits but Cass would rather take a chance like that than watch someone bleed to death. It was a slow and tortuous experience.

"That means your going to have to take it out and start over everyday until it heals." Cass muttered to herself, sagging back in her pillows.

"Aye lass. You'll be staying with us a little longer than we thought." Carson confirmed Cass's thoughts as if she'd spoken them out loud before excusing himself as a call came over his comm.

Cass sighed turning her head away from John's inquisitive hazel eyes. Her gaze came to fall upon spot where her attack had taken place. The blood had been scrubbed clean from the tiles and the body removed from where it had fallen. She wondered how long she had been out for and decided it had to be more than just a couple of hours if they'd had the time to do that.

It was playing back in her head like a series of grotesque video clips, the instant the knife entered her skin slicing through her like butter. His taunting laugh resounding through her ears as he dragged her unwillingly towards his body, the feel of his breath on her throat as his fingers twisted in her hair.

John placed his large, warm hand over Cass's, his thumb caressing the joint of her wrist bringing her back to the present as her head tilted down to watch his actions. There was a tightness in her chest and her throat felt like it was starting to constrict as tears stung and pinpricked at her eyes.

"Cassie..." he drawled her name like it was the most intimate word in the world.

She let out a shaky breath as she fixed him with those glistening sapphire eyes. There were no walls between them and John was seeing every single ounce of the hurt and fear that was racing through her fragile form. She looked so terribly vulnerable curled up under the white sheets. She reminded him of a scared little girl trying so desperately to be brave.

John reached out, his soft fingers running through her hair as he came to cup her face between his calloused hands. His thumbs chased away the first of the tears as he pressed his forehead against hers so she could see into the depths of his soul through his hazel eyes.

Cass could feel the refuge that he created for her. Her entire universe was in those eyes. He was the beginning and the end for her and he too was so venomously scared. He wanted to fix the broken parts of her mind and soul but he didn't know how. Her distress was his and John was doing everything he could to take it all away.

The exchange between them was wordless. Cass scooted gingerly to the opposite side of the bed allowing John the space to climb onto the bed beside her. Their hips nudged as he wrapped his arm around her slender shoulders and drew her into the solid comfort of his body. He was her security, her guard against the harsh, cruel world outside. She turned her head burying it in the planes of his chest as her fists bunched up in his clean black t-shirt.

John pressed his lips to the top of her head, sprinkling it with butterfly kisses as her defenceless form began to quake against his torso. He gathered her up, clasping her even closer as the first choked sob emitted from her mouth.

Jesus, it ripped him apart hearing her make that noise. It made his heart ache and instincts shift once more as he held her close whispering sweet endearments into her hair. John would never let her go, she was too precious to him to ever lose again.

If he had to spent the rest of his life making her feel as cherished and safe as he could he would do that. He would guard her with every single one of those primal instincts because he loved her with the very core of his being. She was a part of him and hearing her cry like this was like a physical blow as he cradled her.

Cass's agony wrenched at his soul and he never known that something like this could hurt so much.

"You came back to me." he found himself saying. "You survived."

It wasn't come without it's cost, the price weighed heavily upon her head. Yet there wasn't a thing worth having that didn't have a cost. They're relationship had more value to it than John could have ever imagined. He would give up everything for her if that's what she asked but he knew she would never do such a thing and it made that fierce, vibrant love burn even more deep down inside him.

"I love you." she whispered as her forehead came to rest upon his broad shoulder. "I love you so God damned much."

John took her fragile hand in his own and pressed it to his beating heart so she could feel the constant thrum of it's rhythm underneath the tips of her fingers. His lips were pressed against her hair line as he spoke with utmost sincerity.

"I love you too Cassie."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! Hope your all having a wonderful day!<strong>_

_Brn: I wanted something original as well as to run with the ep and what you've read is what I came up with. I wanted to show the divide between the two different sides of John, he's constantly in battle with himself. Thanks very much for the review, you know how much I appreciate it!_

_Shippo: She's not out of the woods yet but she's getting there. I love that Doppleganger ep where Shep is in the boat with Rodney and he turns around to see a clown. Thankies very much for the review!_

_Monkey: You don't have to apologise! I hope you had a wonderful time at the beach! I thought John would step up like the big strong man he is if she needed him and she so venomously does right now. Who knows what will happen to them yet I'm sure I'll enjoy writing it. Thanks very much for the review, I am very grateful._

_Joey: I thought we needed to slow down and see the effects of what had happened. I imagined they would have had to wait out the rest of The Storm. Using staples is horrible but they had to use what's necessary. John's always ready with a quick witted word or two! I am very glad that you enjoyed the chapter and sincerely grateful for the review._


	31. Chapter 31: Control

**AN:**** Rated M for smut!**

Chapter Thirty One

_When I lay with you  
>I could stay there<br>Close my eyes  
>Feel you're here forever<br>You and me together  
>Nothing gets better<em>

_Adele – Set Fire To The Rain_

It had been four mind numbing, relentless weeks of being poked and prodded before Carson had proclaimed her as physically fit. The time she spent trapped in the infirmary, spending her days being drained and by the end laser treated in an attempt to reduce the ragged scarring between her belly button and ribs had almost driven her literally insane. There had been so many things going on in the city and she had been desperate to help.

There had been a brief spell where John had joined her in the Infirmary for a couple of hours as a patient after he returned from an off world mission with cracked ribs and graze from a bullet singed into his skin. Carson had treated him next to Cass's bed so they could converse. John had been sullen and withdrawn when he had returned from his trip to the desert planet. They had lost two scientists to a psychopathic, super Wraith. The battle with the Wraith had nearly claimed not only John's life but Rodney's as well before Ford and some of the Marines had arrived to help.

That was three weeks ago now and John had made a point of visiting Cass as often as his time table allowed and she was content with that. After the storm several areas of the city had been flooded and it was up to John and the Marines to escort the scientists safely around while they checked for structural anomalies.

Last week had been the worst, the city had gone into automatic lock down after sensing an outbreak of a virus that had been laid dormant since the times of the Ancients. She had been confined to the Infirmary while Carson and John had dressed in Hazmat suits and aided the afflicted until they had managed to destroy the virus using a huge electric magnetic pulse.

It had killed Cass not being involved. It made her feel useless especially after she had witnessed the first of the dead being rolled past in her in the aftermath of the cotangent. They had cremated the bodies and put the ashes inside Athosian made urns in order to return to their families if they ever made it back to Earth.

The memorial ceremonies had been quiet reserved affairs which they had all attended and the wealth of respect for those people never failed to astound Cass. Everyone here had felt the resounding sense of loss that haunted the lonely halls of the City.

Life seemed so short and fleeting when Cass thought about what they had been through. John got into death defying situations all of the time, he was the leading strategist here, trouble was in his nature. Cass couldn't lie, she was exactly the same. Their lives were so full of violence and instability that thinking towards the future was pointless and stressful. She couldn't imagine a life without John, here or back home on Earth.

Briefly she wondered if they would have felt this way if they had become an item on Earth and the truth was no matter where they were or what their circumstance the two of them were meant to be together.

Cass swiped her hand over the door panel to John's room and stepped inside when the door slid open. John was lying on his bed, his hands behind his head as he tilted his head towards her He was clad in his regulation tight black t-shirt and grey combats. A small smile graced his lips as she strode towards him with purpose.

"Well hello there Major." Cass murmured seductively, climbing onto the bed until she straddled his hips.

John's large hands came to rest upon the curve of her waist as she looked down at him, her silky dark hair falling over her face as her sapphire gaze met his. Cass's delicate fingertips were doodling heated patterns along the contours of his chest through his clinging black T-shirt. Her lean thighs were hugging his hips as she arched, grinding down against his aching groin. It was clear what she wanted. This was the first time that they had been alone and intimate since before the storm.

John was reaching up, his fingers were tangling through her loose waves guiding her down towards his lips. Her tongue teased along the shape of his pursed lips before she sought out the hot confines of John's finely sculptured mouth.

John had never encountered this aggressive, sexy side of Cass before. He was used to being the dominant one in their relationship but he was enjoying this. Seeing this naughty, wanton version of his lover was driving him insane in ways he had never thought possible. Her teeth grazed his lower lip as her hands entwined with his drawing them slowly up his body until they were above his head in the most submissive of gestures.

This was all about control and he understood her desire to claim it back after what had happened to her. In any other circumstance he would be the instigator, pleasuring her until she was whimpering for release but Cass needed to feel secure and empowered. She was the only person he would ever allow to encumber him like this. Their relationship had never been a balance of power, it was a partnership and this was the ultimate show of trust.

"This is my first time." John mumbled as Cass's blistering mouth fastened on the underside of his throat.

John's head tipped back into the pillow, a low, hoarse growl resonating from his thorax as Cass arched her hips against his, causing a delicious friction against his throbbing erection. Her fiery hot fingertips were already tracing patterns along the line of his ribcage as he thrust up against her clothed moist core.

"Just enjoy the ride Major." she whispered into his ear, dragging his black t-shirt up along his stunning body.

A delicious thrill chased up his spine as Cass drew the t-shirt over his head until his wrists were trapped together. Cass twisted the shirt even tighter, securing his hands in place as she kissed his mouth once more with a fierce and intense passion.

His tongue mingled with hers, his body writhing with desire as her fingers unclasped the fastener on his grey combats. The palm of her hand dipped into his underwear, cupping his thick, shaft with her fingers as she began to massage him.

John moaned in appreciation as he bucked up into her hand enjoying the sensation of her tight ring of fingers wrapped around his cock, jerking him off. Cass's mouth was leaving a trail of fiery kisses marring his torso as she licked and sucked at his firm muscular structure, driving him into dire straits as his body stretched taunt and straining under her ministrations. She was tugging off his combats and underwear leaving John gloriously naked before her as she stepped off of the bed.

Her eyes were firmly fixed on his as she stripped her own midnight blue t-shirt up and over her head, leaving her clad in a simple black bra that quickly followed suit. Her jeans were next, she shimmied them off, down along her lean thighs before stepping out of them. She was clad in a pair of lacy black panties and nothing had ever looked so damn erotic to John before now. She was so tantalisingly out of reach, he knew he could break free of his bonds in a second and close the gap between them but he wouldn't. This was her game and playing it with her was full of enticing promises.

John bit down his lower lip stifling his own aroused groan as she hooked the panties with her thumbs and guided them slowly down her hips.

Cass was gorgeous, her pale flesh was stunning as she stood before him naked and free. He knew every single intimate curve of her beautiful body, he had spent months learning her with his expert hands and inquisitive mouth. He knew what every single one of her cries sounded like in his ears, how her sleek skin felt underneath his fingertips as he drove her closer to completion. She was his forever and always and nothing, not even that fresh injury could change that.

The scar was predominant on her skin. It glared, daring him to reject her as he inspected the indented vibrant pink flesh from his position on the bed. It branded her in his eyes, reminded him that she was a survivor the same way he was. It was another aspect of her person, another piece of her history and John accepted it the same way he did with everything that came along with her. He would never stop wanting Cass, and he would never stop loving her.

She was watching his reaction as he reviewed her with hungry hazel eyes. There was defiance in her gaze and John let that charming, boyish smile curve across his handsome features letting her know that it changed nothing.

"Come back to bed." John beckoned hoarsely. "I want to feel you pressing against my skin."

Cass raised her eyebrows at his request, her expression turning sultry as she mounted the bed once more. She crawled up the length of his legs, her eyes fixated seductively on his as her lips planted rampant, open mouthed kisses up along his tender inner thigh until she reached the shape of his pelvis.

Her tongue flicked out, gradually licking from the base of John's stiff erection all the way up over the head and to the very tip. John's moan of delirium made Cass's lower body moist with anticipation as she tasted the salty pre-cum on her lips. He always tasted so additively delicious and Cass relished having him in her power like this.

John awakened every sexual impulse she'd ever had. She felt like a deviant, risqué goddess in his eyes and the things he did to her body were far beyond the exploits of her previous lovers. She had never fallen in love so vivaciously before she had met John, there had been no one that could ever compare to this astounding man and she knew that no one ever would. The minute he had kissed her that had been enough for her, his name was imprinted on her soul and on her heart.

John cried out as her lips encircled his throbbing member, her tongue teasing the tip as she drove her wet, needy mouth further down his shaft. Her hand wrapped around the base of his cock holding John's arching body in place as Cass sucked at his length taking him even deeper.

John was in a state of complete and utter euphoria, the sight of his cock disappearing between Cass's lips turned him on more than any other lover before her. Cass was so captivating and provocative and the way she was ravishing his body right now was enough to make him believe that he'd died and gone to heaven. His muscles were starting to tense as she tormented him with lavish strokes of her skilled tongue. His lower back was starting to tingle with the excitement of that devastating orgasm.

"Cassie, your driving me crazy." he groaned between hitched breathes as she took him to the edge of oblivion. "Cassie..."

Cass drew away at the crucial moment leaving John hanging urgently on the cusp of climax. He was grinding his teeth and exhaling deeply as the deep thrum of pressure that had mounted throughout his body. He was close, he was so god damn close. He couldn't take any more teasing. He needed Cass in every which way he could have her. She was his aphrodisiac.

This was what she had wanted, him begging and pleading for Cass to make love to him and he would do that for her. He would hand over every ounce of his control he had because he loved Cass so ferociously it scared him. Her thighs clasped his hips as she straddled his athletic frame once more.

"Cassie please..."

She had never heard that tone of his before, that rough, wanting, dangerous lilt that twanged within his voice signalling the end of his self control. Her hand was already guiding his cock towards her most intimate opening. The tip of his demanding erection was pressing against her slick folds before Cass slid down his dick inch by antagonizing inch until he was buried full hilt inside her.

Jesus Christ, the ecstasy was already exploding like bursts of flame in his body as he hissed through his teeth trying to stave off his orgasm as Cass began to rock back and forth to her own climatic rhythm. God, she was so wet and tight, the pleasure was ricocheting through him as her sensual whimpers echoed in his ears like a crescendo to a symphony that only his heart could hear.

Cass was cumming, he could feel her walls clenching like a velvet fist around his dick as her head tipped back, his name rolling off of her lips like a secret meant only for him. His body stretched taunt as he arched even harder into her gripping tightness.

The climax was unbelievable, the waves of pleasure stole away their breath as they erupted at the same moment riding out the intense rapture together in a sea of bliss. They had never felt something to extraordinary before. There was a moment of sheer heaven where there were no barriers, no problems, no responsibilities. Only him and her living, breathing and existing together in one space.

Contentment descended upon the two of them in a lazy haze as John released his hands from the make-shift bonds and pulled Cass down to his level. His fingers were threading through her hair as he smothered her mouth with his own. She radiated both love and happiness as she mewed into his mouth, drinking in his adoration for her greedily.

"Thank you." she murmured in between long, affectionate kisses. "Thank you for loving me."

Her hand sought out his, their fingers entwining as John's free hand glided over the shape of her lithe form, caressing her smooth, naked flesh. Her cheek came to rest upon his collarbone as John closed his eyes, breathing in the tranquillity that resided in his heart and in his soul.

For the first time since the storm he was finally at peace.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! I figured what Sergi tried to do to Cass was all about control so it was time for John to help her take a little back.<strong>_

_Brn: lol I wanted there to be something loving after the nightmare that was the storm. The two of them just took it and ran with it. These two simply write themselves. Thank you very much for the review, it is sincerely appreciated._

_Shippo: Lmao infections like that are a complete painful nuisance. I wanted John to show a little more empathy with the situation and for Cass to struggle a little. It wouldn't be realistic if she just brushed it off. Thanks very much for the review!_

_Monkey: LMAO! You'll come around to my house and give me a stern talking to? LMAO I think I may have just made your wish come true! I thought they needed a moment to love and adjust and it worked out pretty well to my surprise! I hope the sunburn doesn't hurt too badly! Thanks for the review missy!_

_Joey: Thank you very much for a wonderful kind review. I didn't want Cass to just dust herself off and continue like nothing happened, I thought there would have to be a very private moment of break down. I could imagine John would have needed a moment to gather himself too and deal with the psychological aftermath. _


	32. Chapter 32: History

Chapter Thirty Two

_For years I've been holding it down  
>And I'd love to forgive and forget<br>So I'll try to put all this behind us  
><em>

_James Morrison – This Boy_

It was lunch time and John liked lunch, it was his favourite meal of the day especially today because they were serving turkey sandwiches. He was a man of simple pleasures and a nice turkey club sandwich was one of them. That and the mug of coffee that was lodged in the cup compartment of his tray next to his pineapple fruit pot.

Things were good in his world. The city was becoming better than before, there were more quarters for people and they were bouncing back from all the horrors they had been through since their arrival on Atlantis. People were happy around here now. The sun was shining outside and beaming down upon the city as he sat in the Mess Area at his table alone.

He was the first of his team to arrive here while they were off doing other things. Teyla was giving the young Lieutenant Ford a few improvised, martial arts lessons and Rodney McKay was probably off tinkering with an Ancient system or two. It wouldn't be long until he arrived, Rodney never skipped lunch.

Sergeant Bates dropped down into the seat across from him as he bit into his turkey sandwich.

"Major." The sergeant greeted as he set his lunch tray down.

John nodded his greeting as he chewed savouring the taste of his sandwich. It was unusual for Bates to take residence at his table. John had named the other man The Head of Security but they only interacted in a professional capacity. Bates was a serious team leader who led with vigilance and a blunt, commanding presence. John didn't know much about the other man's personal life, on paper and in the field he shone like the entity of discipline.

"What can I do for you Sergeant?" John requested taking a long sip from his coffee cup.

"Sir, I wanted to talk about the off world mission tomorrow. " Bates said, unwrapping his knife and fork from his napkin.

"OK..." John drawled out the word gesturing for Bates to continue.

It was Cass's first off world mission back since she had been attacked and he could tell she was nervous from the constant motion she was in over the past few days. She was distracting herself completely by embroiling herself in work. The whole incident with the storm and the Genii had spun off from an event that had occurred off world.

Cass had told him the other night, after her psychological evaluation with Doctor Heightmeyer, that stepping off world reminded her of the butterfly effect. One mistake out there could have huge repercussions upon the city and John couldn't help but believe she was thinking in catastrophes. Then again they were living in a different universe and the first time he had made a decision it had ended with the whole Wraith race being awoken.

Huh...

Maybe she was right.

"I've been in your situation before Major." Bates stated clasping his hands together on the table.

"They ran out of cranberry sauce before you got your turkey sandwich too?" John responded, frowning at the contents of his sandwich.

"Uh, no sir." Bates uttered before pointing at the dark haired doctor sitting across from Carson. "I'm talking about Doctor Pierce."

John glanced over his shoulder at Cass as she beamed, jabbing her fork at Carson as she spoke. John ducked his head before raising his gaze to meet Bate's eyes waiting for him to address what was on his mind.

"I dated an explosives expert a few years back when I had just joined the Corps..." Bates trailed off his mouth fixing in a grave line as he shook his head, his coal black eyes downcast. "She was injured in action during a field mission in Syria. They managed to get her back home but it was only to say goodbye before her parents pulled the plug."

"I am very sorry to hear that Sergeant." John said genuinely, feeling the wealth of the other man's pain as Bates picked at his salad with his fork.

"What I'm trying to say Sir, is that I think of Doctor Pierce as one of my own and when she's in my team I treat her with the same respect as I treat any of the Marines and I know a lot of the other guys feel the same." Bates cleared his throat before he decided to speak even more frankly.

He liked the Major even if his attitude was seemingly caviller. Sheppard was a decent guy who took care of his people and Bates wanted the other man to know that they had that in common. He doubted the other man would be offended unless he spoke overtly out of turn and he had no intention of doing so.

Bates respected the chain of command. He had joined the Marines to make the world a better place and he enjoyed the rules and regulations impressed upon the militants. Procedures and protocols were in place for a reason. Jenna's death had reminded him of that and he's been a stickler for them ever since. She had been careless and in the end it had gotten her killed. He couldn't stop Sheppard from doing the same, he thought the other man was impulsive sometimes. His self sacrificing nature was an act of heroic suicide but Bates remembered what it was like to have someone to love and protect.

Bates understood the desire to risk everything for someone and he would never fault the Major for it. He had worried about Jenna when the two of them were apart even though at the time he hated to admit it. She had been level headed, assertive and capable and all it took was one little misstep for it to come crashing down around his head.

"I'm just saying that if you were concerned there's no reason to be. We take care of our own out there." Bates informed him, spearing a tomato.

John pushed his tray away from him and leaned back, crossing his arms over his broad chest as he watched the other man eat. In the beginning of the expedition he had considered himself the same as Bates. The other man was guarded every minute of every day and John had been there. He had been defensive and bitter until he met Cass.

There was an unspoken moment between the two men as their gazes met. Bates was the man that John had been and John was the man that Bates could be if he allowed his heart to open once more. Either way Bates was telling John he would protect his investment, nobody deserved the pain that he had experienced at the hands of their duty. Once upon a time he had been the one that walked the line between love and glory and now he was completely alone.

"Someone deserves to be happy." Bates said into the air between them before he set his fork down, his meal practically untouched.

"You'll find someone." John conceded gruffly.

"Not like that." Bates said, shaking his head. "Not ever again."

John understood that, those hours during the storm where he thought he had lost Cass had left him hard and vacant inside. He knew what it was like to lose something so precious but he had never had to live with it. Cass had survived and that was her most cherished gift to him.

Bates was right, John thought as he glanced over this shoulder once more at the woman he called his lover. There wouldn't be another woman after Cass, not ever again.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! I actually kinda like Bates and I thought there had to be a reason for the way he is so here's what I came up with. Admittedly I never planned for Bates to make this appearance but he wanted to tell his story.<strong>_

_Lan: LMAO thank you very much for a wonderful review, it made me grin like crazy!_

_Monkey: I thought they defo needed a moment to reconnect and Cass needed to take some control in this situation. I am glad you loved it, it was such an emotional and fun thing to write. I love that song! I love 'What I did for love' by her. I'm glad you found it so wonderful, it was a joy to write. Thanks so much for the review it made me beam. _

_BRN: It was such an amazing thing to write and I am so glad you enjoyed it. LMAO I think John did too. I am glad they had a moment to reconnect. Thankies very much for the review, it is very appreciated! _

_Shippo: I am very happy you enjoyed this, it's just a matter of carrying on through the series now and seeing how the two of them wind up. I hope you continue to enjoy the story! Thankies very much for the review_


	33. Chapter 33: Sanctuary

Chapter Thirty Three

_But me & Cinderella,_  
><em>We put it all together<em>  
><em>We can drive it home<em>  
><em>With one headlight<em>

_The Wallflowers – One Head Light_

It had started over a weapon, a crashing bolt of energy that had emitted from a nearby planet, striking the Wraith Darts that had been hounding their Puddle Jumper.

They had been under fire, taking hits that they couldn't afford when it had happened. John was an excellent pilot, one of the best but even he hadn't seen much of a way out of that one. With malfunctioning weapons and four Darts on their tail their only chance would have been trying to shake them as they plunged into the atmosphere of the planet below. That was until the pulse of lightning like energy had crackled through the air momentarily blinding everyone in the Puddle Jumper as it destroyed the Wraith Darts tracking them.

They had all been confused, if not a little relieved by the turn of events. His heart had still been thumping against his ribcage in the aftermath of the supersonic burst as he steered the ship until it dipped under the cloud line of the planet.

Their intention had been to search for the weapon and in the process hopefully secure a ZPM, since McKay had declared that could be the only thing powering such a force. Instead they had found what reminded John of a village-like yoga retreat. The natives were a simple people, they're homes resembling the beach huts he had stayed in once upon a time in Thailand. They were dressed in floaty Aztec like assembler but their rituals seemed to favour a more Eastern style of thinking.

McKay had hated every single second of their stay upon the planet. The followers of Athar were a very spiritual group and as a scientist Rodney as it turned out despised religion of any kind. John understood why he thought dismissively of these people's beliefs. Athar was the female equivalent to their God back on Earth, he did not believe in something that he could not see.

Between John and Teyla they had managed to organise a meeting with the High Priestess of the area, called Chaya, with the intention of securing a treaty between the two planets. The simple paradise they had stepped onto would make a great sanctuary for the Atlantians and their refugees if it ever came to it and all they needed was the permission of the High Priestess who had allegedly been in contact with Athar through chanting.

Chaya was a pretty, young woman with an air of femininity and spirituality. Her eyes were the colour of mahogany and when she looked at John , it was always for just a second or two too long before she lowered her gaze. He felt she was seeing something more to him and he didn't like that. It was intimate and personal, not for a stranger's eyes. He had erected his barriers and walls against her insight but that didn't stop her getting in. The compulsion was almost unwilling back on her planet when that swift breeze had rolled in like a caress across his skin.

Once upon a time he would have been attracted to this caramel haired, righteous woman but not now. Chaya was interested though, there was something about his ruggedness that appealed to women even when he wasn't busting out his game and he had used it throughout his twenties for fun. Now he was settling down and there wasn't a chance in hell he would let anything stand in the way of that.

Still John was doing his best to persuade Chaya to change her mind in their people. He had stuck up for her when McKay had besieged his frustrations upon her and that created a small, maybe significant alliance between them. He had invited her here to Atlantis so she could get a feel for his own people and now he was playing escort.

John knew what the Atlantians were seeing while he led around this coy, enchanting woman and he shrugged it off. They could think what they liked about him, he knew there were probably a few rumours about him. He was a nice guy and admittedly he did like to flirt but he would never lead anybody on. Cass was too important to throw away on a passing affair, they had made it very clear to one another that their relationship was a commitment and neither would tolerate the other straying.

Chaya's fingers were tugging on his sleeve as she led him towards yet another item that she found interesting. She had done this a lot over the hour or two and John couldn't tell whether she was doing it because he was her guide or because she viewed him as something more. There was a heat in her touch whenever their hands 'accidentally' brushed while they walked and he found himself pulling away constantly from her wordless questions before he dug his hands into the pockets of his flak jacket. Chaya was inquisitive by nature, she peppered John with questions as she studied varying areas of their city.

"What do you think so far?" John asked, digging his hands deeper into his pockets as the two of them stood on the balcony overlooking the glistening sea.

The view was tremendous and it always had been, this had been the first place on Atlantis where him and Cass had actually shared more than a conversation. He didn't like having another woman standing beside him admiring the view.

"It is wonderful John." she said in her airy, happy voice. "It is amazing to see all of this."

"It's still exciting to me too, everyday we're going further into the city, exploring more and more. We always find new things, it amazes me how much this city constantly surprises me." he found himself confiding.

"I wasn't completely truthful about something." Chaya told him as she placed her chin on her hand and turned her head towards him.

_This was it_, John thought almost gleefully. _She was about to tell him about the weapon._

"Oh?" John questioned, tilting his own head to address her.

"On my planet when I told you I didn't feel lonely..." she hesitated, her dark eyes lowering to his lips as she spoke in a low tone. "Coming here, being with you, reminded me what it was like not to be alone."

She was leaning in close, God John hadn't realized Chaya had even moved until he saw her lips inches away from his.

John drew away quickly as the doors behind them slid open and John glanced over his shoulder to see Cass stepping onto the platform, an elated expression spreading across her features as she laid her eyes upon him. Her dark hair was pulled back into a messy bun as her bangs fell over her delicate features. There was grass sprinkled in her hair and her leather flak jacket was hanging open revealing her own black, uniformed T-shirt that he knew hugged every single curve of her body just right.

Already the sense of dread was kicking in, John felt like he'd been caught doing something naughty. Chaya was studying his reaction awaiting a response as Cass spoke.

"I've been looking for you everywhere." she said before her eyes came to rest on the woman beside him.

Of course she had. He had told her to find him when she got back from her first offworld mission so he could hear all about it and instead she was walking into this super awkward situation. The air was still crackling with tension as John purposely avoided Chaya's gaze.

Immediately Cass was switching into lock down, he could see the walls slamming shut behind her eyes as she focused on Chaya, her hand already outstretched in greeting. She was a naturally polite person, it went against her moral code to be rude to someone with provocation. A weird vibe didn't count unfortunately.

"Cass Pierce." Cass said as the other woman clasped her hand.

"Cass this is Chaya..." John trailed off as the other woman closed her eyes and trapped Cass's hand between both of her own.

Cass's eyebrows furrowed into a confused frown as she glanced at John questioningly. He shook his head indicating he had no idea what Chaya was doing. The air was thickening between them, he could feel without seeing tendrils of physical energy stretching out towards his lover as the breeze ruffled her dark hair like it had his, back on Chaya's home planet.

"Oh I see." Chaya murmured as a smile twitched at the edges of her lips.

Her eyes fluttered open as her dark soulful gaze met Cass's. John watched the exchange between the two women completely intrigued and unnerved by the turn of events. He was already in motion about to separate the two of them before Cass spoke, immediately halting his actions.

"Oh." the word escaped Cass's lips and her face lit up like a kid on Christmas as she reviewed Chaya with interest. "Really?"

Chaya nodded as she withdrew from Cass, her hand already snatching up John's as a surge of energy rushed through him tickling the nerves throughout his body like a skilled pianist. He fought against it, writhing and snapping internally at the invasion like a wild animal.

"Relax." Chaya whispered, her voice rolling over his irate soul like soapy, hot water chasing away his woes. "You'll understand when you see. Trust me."

The beast inside grumbled at her, pawing at the ground as it relented to Chaya's words. He allowed himself to be strong armed until he was looking inside himself for the very first time. His soul was the shape of a crystal ball, it's once glossy surface scuffed and tarnished like it had been used as someone's favourite marble. He couldn't believe it was so damaged, there were pieces of tape covering some of the larger fractures as if to keep it from falling apart. It was only then did John notice that there was writing on it, he would recognize that cursive, elegant scrawl anywhere.

"Cassie..." he heard himself speaking out loud. "Did you write your name on my soul?"

If he had heard this conversation without the context he would have considered himself crazy but being forced to view himself like this gave John a change of perspective. This was his life force, his living entity and it was entirely real. He understood now what had passed between Chaya and Cass. He was filled with a sense of knowing as he studied himself more closely. Whatever Chaya was doing was allowing him to experience himself on a meta physical level and John found himself prodding at the orb with his mind to see what happened. It bounced back at him, coming to rest in the same place as it always resided.

"You've signed mine with a smiley face." Cass retorted.

John noticed his soul seemed to react to her dulcet tones, it seemed to illuminate just a little and he was positive he saw one of the cracks begin to disappear.

John's eyes snapped open as Chaya released his hand.

"What just happened?" John asked the two women in front of him as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Your souls are entwined." Chaya spoke serenely. "They were so damaged before the two of you connected but now the two of you are healing each other."

"How are you even able to do that?" John questioned, his eyes narrowing.

Chaya pursed her lips together as she bowed her head and swallowed hard.

"I've revealed too much of myself. I didn't mean to but I was so lonely back on my planet and I thought that being here with you would change that." Chaya told them apologetically as she glanced at John. "You were so guarded that I didn't realize you were bonded until I met your mate."

"I don't understand." Cass murmured, shaking her head as she took in this new information. "Who are you?"

Chaya exhaled deeply before she rose her head to face the two of them.

"I am needed elsewhere." she uttered.

And then she was gone.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! I hope your all having a wonderful day! Just my little twist on Sactuary!<strong>_

_Shippo: I have no idea where the Bates thing came from but I thought he had a story to tell. I thought they would have the conversation one man to another and I loved the whole turkey sandwiches thing, sometimes I think John is a man of simple pleasures. Thank you very much for the review, it made me grin!_

_Brn: Thank you for the birthday wishes and of course the wonderful banner you made. I sincerely appreciate it and it made me beam like nothing else! I'm sure other people's relationships and stories will come out, it's fun to see how people reveal themselves as the story goes on. _

_Joey: Your first review made me giggle! I'm glad you enjoyed their little moment so much. I thought the Bates thing worked on two levels both as a man and as an officer. I would be a little nervous if I was John over her going out in the field again. I wanted a reason for Bates to be the way he did and that's what came out. I am so glad you enjoyed it! Thanks very much for your review!_

_Monkey: LMAO I can understand why you like John's POV so much, I really enjoy writing him. It was hard at first but now he just flows and takes over. Lmao I wrote some brilliant things for him when he's forced to go back to Earth for a while. I want to hug Bates when I write his little backstory. I admit I also like James Morrison. I am a huge Lady Gaga fan! Thankies for the review, they always make my day brighter._


	34. Chapter 34: All In

Chapter Thirty Four

_Yeah, you know I'm right here_

_I'm not losing you this time_

_I'm all in, nothing left to hide_

_I'm falling harder than a landslide._

_Lifehouse – All In_

It was the first night that Cass had woken up alone in a long time and it alarmed her. She stretched her bare legs out before rolling over onto John's side, her delicate hand reaching out for him blindly. Her fingers grasped cool sheets, marking the fact his absence from the bed was more than merely a few minutes.

Cass understood what was keeping up him at night, it was the same thing that made her own sleepless as it did everyone on Atlantis. They had known for over a week now that there were three Wraith Hive ships striving towards their city and there wasn't a damn thing they could do about it. Without a fully functioning ZPM they were helpless, their shields would barely suffice. They were outnumbered and ill matched.

The two of them were spending their spare time jumping from world to world trying to find a secure Alpha Site in case they needed to evacuate. The possibility of getting home was looking more and more unlikely. Atlantis was the only place they had come across with a Stargate that linked back to the Milky Way, with that gone their only way home would have vanished. They had known this was a possibility before they had embarked on this exhibition, it was different now having the reality looming so close. She couldn't imagine not seeing the joyous faces of her niece and nephew ever again or not being able to hug her sister once again. It simply didn't bare thinking about.

Cass raised her head from the pillow, surveying the room as she rubbed her hands over her exhausted features. Over the months John's room had become as familiar as her own, her eyes sought out the tall thin window that over looked the sea that surrounded their city.

John was standing there beside it, the profile of his rugged features were illuminated by the moonlight. She couldn't read his expression from here but she knew he was deep in thought. His messy, chocolate brown hair was sticking up in all different directions. His arms were crossed over the chest of his black Pirate Panda T-shirt and he didn't seem to hear her as she rose from the bed and approached him quietly.

John tilted his head towards Cass as she looped her arms through his, her palms coming to rest on his firm stomach. John's entire body seemed to relax in her embrace as he sagged against her. This was the side of him that no one else would ever see, the side that needed to share this burden with someone.

"I hate feeling so helpless." he admitted into the silence of the night.

Cass pressed her cheek against the centre of his spine as she hugged him tight. There was solace in her arms, there was a hope in his heart that they could get through this, that the two of them would survive along with everyone else in their city.

There were no words Cass could say to take away what they were feeling. Every single person in Atlantis was scrambling to come up with ideas that would help them keep the city safe from the Wraith but with their lack of resources none of them were feasible. Short of setting the self destruct and slipping through the Stargate to their new Alpha Site, where ever that maybe, there was nothing they could do.

"I've been thinking..." John bowed his head trailing off with a sigh as he looked down at her hands, his thumb caressing over the line of her fingers.

"Should I be concerned?" Cass teased as he turned to face her.

His expression was deadly serious as he cupped her face between his calloused hands. Cass felt her heart beginning to melt at the sincere expression upon his handsome features.

"You know how I feel right?" he questioned her.

His voice was gruff as he spoke, she could sense the well of emotion residing inside of him as she put her palm to the place where his heart beat within his chest. She could feel it's constant steady thrum underneath her fingertips, she could feel her own throat growing tight as she looked back into his clear, hazel eyes.

"I have no doubts." she whispered as John's lips brushed hers with a tenderness that resounded through their connection.

"I didn't know what love was until I met you." he murmured against her lips as his body pressed against hers, his strong arm looping around her waist before he walked her backwards towards their bed.

"I never believed in soulmates." Cass confessed as she drew his t-shirt up and over his head before tossing it to the floor in a heap.

"I wish we had more time." John told her between urgent, spine tingling kisses as he peeled her white tank top away from her naked flesh. "You need to promise me if something happens..."

Cass cut him off with the barest shake of her head, her hands roaming up and down the planes of his chest as she scolded him.

"Don't talk like that."

"Cassie, I don't want to think about it." he told her honestly, capturing her face between his hands once more. "But if something happens to me I want you to be happy."

"If anything happens to you..." she trailed off, unable to bring herself to speak.

_I'll never be happy again._

They could never say those words out loud but they each felt it. Life would become empty and barren, they would live but not truly. Their existence would be patterned with the possibilities of what could have been. They couldn't live not knowing what could have been for the two of them if this all went horribly wrong.

Cass wanted to show him that love was unconditional, that even though their future wavered right before her eyes, she was willing to make that final commitment to her lover.

"Marry me." John whispered into the corner of her mouth as if reading her thoughts. "We may not have much of a future left but I want what little time I can with you as my wife."

"And after?" Cass murmured as John's teeth grazed that sensitive spot just underneath the line of her jaw. "If we survive this."

John's breath ghosted in her ear, sending shivers through her body as his fiery fingertips chased up along the curve of her spine.

"Cassandra Sheppard still sounds mighty good to me."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! I admit this came completely out of nowhere. I was all set for this to come in a later season but John wants what he wants and he has a habit of taking over. I hope you enjoy it!<strong>_

_Lan: You won't believe the trouble 'Sanctuary' gave me. It was hard trying to figure out how to play it. I wanted to make it meaningful to Cass and John but I quite liked Cheya at the same time so it was trying to create a balance. To be honest I didn't know if it would work or how people would receive it, so your review made me feel really happy! Thankies very much for such a wonderful review, it really did make me smile._

_Shippo: I could totally imagine John signing his name like that on Cass, shows his fun side with her. It was so hard to build an image of a soul. Lol in the ep Chaya disappeared back to her planet to save it from the Wraith the same thing happened here. Thank you for the review!_

_Joey: I really liked Chaya and her zen like sense of being and of course I love John. It was a struggle trying to work the ep around Cass and John's relationship. Lol There would be no jealousy since Cass and John are in a relationship so that's why I left it out. Thank you very much for the review!_

_Brn: lmao I could see him responding and acting that way. It makes me laugh to think of the way he is. John's the type of man who claims what's his I think and I like the idea of him having some kind of ownership over Cass and vice versa. Thanks very much for a wonderful review it made me grin!_

_Forahr: It's wonderful to meet you! Thank you for taking the time to review. I am a firm believer in soul mates and the healing of a human being, your words were perfect so no worries I understood what you mean. I thought John needed a woman who could complete and compete with him. It doesn't work having a balance of power in the relationship, these two are equals. It was hard trying to describe a soul visually but your review made me happy to realize all the hard work paid off. _


	35. Chapter 35: Bliss

Chapter Thirty Five

_I'm falling even more in love with you  
>Letting go of all I've held onto<br>I'm standing here until you make me move  
>I'm hanging by a moment here with you<em>

_Lifehouse – Hanging By A Moment_

They were standing on the beach where John had taken Cass for her birthday with the bright sun beaming down on them from the cloudless blue sky above. It felt glorious upon John's skin as the sound of the ocean roared in his ears.

John loved the beach, he had ever since his family had moved to California and his mother had taken him for surf lessons. There was something so amazing about the expanse of sand that nature had created and John couldn't help but marvel at the fact that the wedding to his soul mate was taking place here. He had thought about this long term for the two of them if they ever got home from Atlantis.

They could buy a beach house in Hawaii, settle down. Cass's family could come out for vacation every once in a while. He would take up surfing again and Cass would spend the majority of her time in a bikini sipping cocktails on their own private plot of land.

John liked that idea a lot.

Cass was wearing denim cut off shorts and a white, linen shirt that clung to her slender frame exhibiting her modest, feminine curves. Her dark hair was loose and wavy, framing her pale features. There was vibrant cyan coloured flower in her hair, tucked back behind her ear. It had been too late to attempt to get some form of gown for his bride and if he was honest he preferred it this way. This was the real Cass Pierce.

His own attire consisted of dark jeans and a white button up shirt he'd packed in case of formality. His sleeves were rolled up towards his elbows as they stood before Cyrus the Medicine Man as he chanted over their joined hands.

Watching the small, intimate Bonding Ceremony were a tiny gathering of people that the couple deemed their family. Teyla was standing with her hands clasped together in front of her as a mark of respect. Beside her stood Carson Beckett beaming like a proud father as he watched the ceremony taking place before them. Lieutenant Ford and Rodney McKay were standing on John's side. The younger military man was grinning from ear to ear as he reviewed this activity with joy. He elbowed McKay who was shifting eagerly from side to side distractedly.

Cyrus placed Cass's pale hand on top of John's larger one. She found herself looking up into her soon to be husband's emotive, hazel eyes as he cast that gorgeous boyish smile her way. There was a lifetime in those eyes, a whole world available just for her and Cass embraced it. She was in love with this man and she would do anything for him.

The minute the proposal had been issued she had already known her answer, there was no way she could ever deny him. They were living in precarious times and if there was any future John was it. The idea of spending the rest of her life with him no matter how short it was, made everything the two of them had been through worth it. John had fought for her from the very beginning and she knew that that would continue until the very end of their days.

Cass interlaced her fingers with John's creating a union she could feel humming through her soul as Cyrus wound a slender, silken blue ribbon around their joined hands binding them together. The instant that loose knot was tied it was as if she could feel the magic sparking in the air around them. The connection snapped open between the two of them flooding them with a sense of serenity and love.

Their souls merged together as Cass rose upon her tiptoes and pressed her lips to John's finely sculptured mouth. His free hand was in her hair, drawing Cass even closer as he smothered her mouth with his, consummating their vows with vigour and passion.

A wolf whistle chided through the air as they drew apart causing Cass to laugh out loud. The sound was like music ringing over the salty breeze, dispelling the pressure that had been baring down upon them all. This was a happy occasion and a brief reprieve from the horror they faced in over a weeks time. To see this couple taking a stand against the odds gave them all hope. Hope for themselves and hope for their unstable future.

Cyrus was already undoing the knot once more before he bowed to Cass holding out the ribbon for her to take. She removed it from his hands slipping it into the pocket of her shorts before she found herself enveloped in a huge bear hug.

"I'm so proud of you lassie." Carson muttered as he held her close before he pointed his finger at John. "You better take care of her Major or you'll have me to answer to."

"You can bet my life on it." John told the protective Scot as he glanced at his wife.

Her hand was still interlocked with his as she beamed up at him, that cute smile spreading across her dainty features like a ray of sunshine.

For one day they could allow themselves to be happy.

* * *

><p>Their wedding night was spent on the main land, in a cove Cass had discovered not long ago when she had spent a few days living amongst the Athosians whilst distributing vaccinations. The sea was a vibrant shade of turquoise and the sand was warm underneath their bare feet. The circular stretch of beach was private and secluded, just the right type of place to spend a discreet romantic get away.<p>

There was no time for a honeymoon and that didn't matter to Cass. They had been lucky Elizabeth was kind enough to give them the night off, one without the distractions of the outside world. She had everything she needed right here and she could live with that.

The sun was setting in the distance over the horizon of the ocean casting an orange glow upon the heated sea. It felt so good upon Cass's naked flesh as she bobbed in the salty water, the tiny waves licking at her body as she swum the few feet towards her new husband as he stared at the sensational skyline. The water came up to the centre of John's chest as his arm curled around his wife as her feet skated across the pebbles. Her dainty hands came to rest upon his broad shoulders as he clasped her closer to his slick body.

Even in the salty water she felt so good pressed against him, John could feel himself stirring for a second time as her arms looped around his neck trapping his growing erection between them. Cass was humming to herself as she kissed the salt from his dewy skin, her teeth grazed the curve of his throat as his hands wandered over every single contour of her body. It was another sign of how happy she was and that made John even more exhilarated by their union.

"Stop humming the Jaws theme tune." he whispered into her hair as her fingers laced at the back of his neck.

Cass mewed contently instead as his firm hands caressed over her buttocks, she belonged to him entirely and that sense of ownership was immense. His hands were exploratory, teasing over her skin lightly. He was learning her all over again as his wife. Her position in his life was solidified and part of him rejoiced in that. It was beautiful, frightening prospect but it was the right decision. He was half of a man without her, a desolate empty husk.

"Let's shift this back onto the beach." Cass murmured against his finely sculptured mouth. "You can dry me off."

"That one of my husbandly duties?" John asked her as he guided her back towards the shore.

"One of them." Cass told him, tilting her head as John stepped out of the water and onto the beach.

Everytime she saw him naked she swore her heart beat just a little faster in her chest. The man was truly a piece of perfection, his firm muscular structure looked hand-crafted by God himself as he rose up out of the water like a titan. The white scars that were etched into his back lingered like a map of his life and Cass found herself ducking her head and blushing as her gaze lowered to that tight rounded ass before her gaze trailed down to his powerful thighs. John glanced at her over his shoulder as he used a plush towel to dry off his chest, his dog tags jingling in the silence.

Cass was still as beautiful as the day he had laid eyes on her. Her hair had been longer back then, she'd been clad in tough looking khaki, even then she had carried the weight of the world upon her shoulders and the second they had met all John had wanted was to take it all away. He had made her laugh with his jokes and his easy humour, seeing that smile light up his world the way it did had scared the living hell out of him. He'd been so closed off back then, guarded and defensive after she had gotten underneath his skin. Now he was free and that was all because of Cass.

His new wife was standing naked before him, the water dripping off of her magnificent form as John approached her with the spare towel in between his hands. Her pale skin was glowing in the faded light as she shook out the salty water from the tips of her tousled dark hair. She was perfect in every single way and together they were complete.

John wrapped the towel around his wife's shoulders drawing it to a close at the front of her stunning body as his large hands patted her dry through the material. Cass cast him that familiar blissful smile before she allowed the towel to drop off of her shoulders and onto the wet sand. Her hands came to rest on his hips like a brazen, sensual goddess. John loved how confident she felt, she had told him once that was because of him. He had made her feel like she was worth something. When he told her she was gorgeous and sassy she believed him because he meant those words whole heartedly.

Cass's hands were already taking his as she led him back towards the blanket they had spread out the picnic they had previous eaten upon. Her fingers interlinked with his before she pulled him down on top of her. The heat of his body caused prickles of blistering anticipation across her flesh as his hands trailed along the outline of her slender form. Her lithe legs parted allowing him access to her most intimate of areas as he nuzzled the hallow of her throat, teeth biting down as he entered her in one slow stroke.

Already she was so wet for him and Cass's hips arched off of the blanket, nudging against John's as he thrust inside her. The heels of Cass's feet hooked underneath his strong muscular thighs taking him even deeper with the rocking motion. His hands were all over her body, touching and fondling every single inch of her as his mouth claimed hers possessively.

God she had never felt so rampant and desperate before him, her nails were raking down across taunt shoulders as John picked up the pace. His large hands were cupping her ass as he drove into her supple flesh hitting that sweet spot over and over again. Their love making was basic and primal, Cass could see her own savage instincts coming into play as her mouth fastened on the curve of John's throat marking him as he had marked her as his own.

This was more than just passionate sex, this was imprinting. It was a base vivid action that bared their souls to one another in the most loving of acts. He was hers, there was no question of that. Their adoration for each other was unbridled and Cass could feel herself being consumed by the intensity of their union as John's mouth devoured hers. He was groaning against her lips, that husky deviant moan that turned her on so much.

The ecstasy was sensational, it rushed through Cass like a narcotic as she writhed against her husband's athletic frame. Fireworks were exploding deep within her as her muscles clenched around John's cock. Cass bit down on the nape of John's throat to stifle her cries as she climaxed.

The pain mingled with euphoria as John erupted inside his beautiful, young wife's wanton body. Their souls touched briefly at the most intimate of moments and John could feel another piece of himself slotting into place as he absorbed all of the emotion that Cass felt for him. They were soulmates and their marriage only cemented that.

There was an empowerment from that ceremony, it had fortified them as a couple and as people. He had never felt this the first time, even though he'd been with Nancy over two years. With Cass, he knew that this was for eternity.

John stared down into his wife's sapphire blue eyes as she smiled up at him, the apples of her cheeks flushed from the energy of their love making. She was dazzling, everyday he found himself falling even more in love with her. His mouth descended on hers once more. He wanted to make the most of their time together and Cass drew him even closer he could tell that his wife had exactly the same idea.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey Guys! So it turned out to be a very low key quiet affair. I hope you all enjoyed the brief recess from reality, I know these two did!<strong>_

_Brn: I noticed he had the Panda shirt on during The Shrine and I loved it so I threaded it into the story lol. I don't blame you for stealing it! I love writing the fluffy type of chapters, the two of them deserve some happiness. Thankies very much, it made me smile!_

_Lan: lol thankies very much for such lovely, kind words. They really mean a lot to me. Legally she won't be Cassandra Sheppard because their wedding wasn't legally binding but the hearts still there. _

_Joey: LMAO John just thought it was the right time too. He takes over when I end up writing him. You understand him very well, there's a lot going on, they may not all make it but they know how each other feels and I think that's important in a situation like that. I hope the wedding is what you expected! Thank you very much for reviewing. I do appreciate it. _

_Shippo: lol I am glad your happy about this wedding. I love the two of them and I want them to be happy so yay! Thanks very much for the review!_


	36. Chapter 36: Duty Bound

Chapter Thirty Six

_My hands  
>They only agree to hold<br>Your hands  
>And they don't wanna be without<br>Your hands  
>And they will not let me go<em>

_Leona Lewis – My Hands_

Thirty nine hours and counting until the Wraith descended upon Atlantis and already a plan was in place. Albeit from the pinched expression on Carson's face it wasn't a foolproof one, whatever it was it made him unhappy. Cass understood his dislike of putting his fate in other people's hands. As doctors they were the ones used to being in control yet with a situation like this they were helpless. They simply didn't have the expertises to work with the technology or to create plans that could save the city. Yet knowing that there was a plan, no matter how unlikely it was, was reassuring. It meant there was a chance.

An Alpha Site had been selected and investigated by Sergeant Stackhouse. Over the past few days John had been spending his time in the conference room searching for their safe haven. His team had investigated the short list of suitable planets and determined all but one unsafe.

One planet had even been the real life equivalent to The Lost World. John and his team had nearly been made a meal out of by a T-Rex that had attacked them off world.

Cass would have liked to visit that planet if the possibility wasn't so reckless and dangerous. She had harboured a love of dinosaurs since she'd been a small girl and Jurassic Park was one of her favourite movies. To see a real dinosaur would have been amazing. It was thinking like this that distracting her from the overwhelming big picture. Their chances of surviving were rapidly decreasing.

To make matters worse Teyla and Sergent Bates had gotten into a scuffle with each other over Teyla's alleged 'gift'. Ever since it had been revealed that Teyla could connect to the Wraith through the experimentation upon her ancestors Bates had been gunning for her. Cass could see his point of view, he was the Head of Security, it was his duty to protect the expedition but Teyla had been in full control over herself since the experiment they had preformed back in the Infirmary.

At the current moment Cass was in her own room rechecking her medical kit for the third time since she had restocked a few hours before. She was antsy, she was meant to be on downtime, resting and catching up on her sleep until she was needed but with timer counting down so vividly in her mind, she was finding it hard to relax.

John was sitting on the bed watching his wife intently as she adjusted the strap once more upon the familiar green canvass bag. His fingers were curled into fists which in turn were resting upon his knees. His body was taunt with tension as he straightened his spine and fixed his gaze upon Cass wearily.

He didn't want to have this fight but he could feel it mounting in the air around them. His duty was taking over, not his duty to the job but his duty to her. Marriage shifted things he was finding. She was his priority for now. It hadn't been the same for Nancy, he walked out in the middle of the night at the drop of a phone call without waking his ex wife. Yet for Cass he was different, she made him a better person. He woke her with a kiss when he had to leave her in the night whilst she left a note upon his pillow.

"I need you to evacuate to the Alpha Site." John said quietly.

Cass stopped what she was doing, her shoulders hunched. John could see her drawing the breath in as she steeled herself. They had fought before, Cass rushing back too quickly after the stabbing, the decisions they had made regarding the Planet Hoff situation but this was different. When it came to personal safety they were both careful but Cass always took into consideration John's risky streak. He was never one to leave a man behind. It was a noble quality and Cass admired and accepted that about her husband. The problem was John struggled when it came to dealing with emotions. He wasn't used to loving someone so selflessly.

"You need me to?" Cass repeated his words as she turned to face him, her hand on her hip. "As the Major or my husband?"

Wasn't that the question? As the Major he could simply order her to do his bidding but the relationship was never about that. The moment he allowed the Major to cross over into his personal life was the moment his marriage would crumble and he could never do that to them, no matter how tempted he might be.

"Cassie..." he drawled charmingly.

"Doesn't work on me John." Cass responded firmly.

She had seen that tactic work on other women when he was forced to play the flirtatious rogue in a bid to aid their means. Just hearing that engaging tone turned lesser women into putty in his hands but never Cass. It had been his wit and humour that had enticed her, his boyish good looks had played second fiddle to everything else.

"I should have known that you were too smart for that." John muttered as Cass came to stand between his parted legs.

Her palms came to rest upon his shoulders, her fingertips massaging the ridge of his shoulders trying to sooth out the tension. John's hands rubbed up and down the backs of Cass's thighs as he tilted his head up to look at her.

"Isn't the reason you married me because I'm too savvy to fall for just your pretty face?" Cass asked him as John pulled her into his lap so that she was straddling his hips.

"Promise me you'll evacuate to the Alpha Site?" John asked her, using his fingertips to brush her loose hair back behind her ear.

"And leave you here to set the self destruct button when the Wraith finally do invade ?" Cass snorted. "Not a chance."

"Cassie, come on." John said sternly. "All I have to do is type in my code and follow you through the gate. It will make me feel a hell of a lot better knowing that your waiting for me on the other side."

"No can do John." Cass told him wearily. "Elizabeth and I decided it was better for me to be one of the last ones out of the city in case anything goes wrong. Carson can head up the Medical Team off world if something happens to us."

"And this is the first time I'm hearing about it?" John snapped, his eyebrows furrowing in agitation.

"That's because it's only just been decided." Cass told him, in attempt to pacify her husband. "You were going to find out at tomorrow's contingency meeting."

A low growl emitted from low in John's throat as he expressed his displeasure at the situation. He didn't like being put on the spot like this but he understood the reasoning behind Cass's placement. He was a strategist himself and if it wasn't his wife on the line then the likelihood was he wouldn't have disagreed. The point was Elizabeth still held the highest ranking position in Atlantis, her ideas were sound and she listened to his opinion when they consulted together. If he went to her with this not only was he undermining Cass on a professional level, he would also be challenging Elizabeth's authority and not for any good reason but his own emotional insecurity.

Cass let out a sigh as her forefinger traced along the line of his collarbone through his T-shirt.

"I get it you know?" Cass murmured, her thumb grazing across his clean shaven jaw. "Your not used to the shoe being on the other foot."

John's hand came to cover hers, guiding the pulse point of her wrist towards his lips and caressing the soft flesh. Cass knew he wasn't mad at her, frustrated at the bigger picture definitely but never angry with her. This was a part of her job too and he was walking a very thin line if he chose to interfere.

"I don't like you being in danger." John grumbled stubbornly.

"Usually it's the other way around. I'm the one concerned about you." Cass reminded him gently. "You don't like being on the other side."

"What I don't like is the thought of having you taken away again." John snarked, his arms looping around her waist and pulling her even closer against his inviting body.

"That's not going to happen." Cass asserted, her lips against his ear.

"I won't let it happen." John muttered into her silky, dark hair as his fingers combed through it.

Cass leaned in, kissing his lips tenderly before replying.

"No you won't."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I am exhausted after a long day at work, so I am just putting this up rather quickly. <strong>_

_Brn: I thought they needed to so something simple esp with the Wraith attack coming. They only have a short amount of time to enjoy each other. Lol I thought you'd appreciate the wedding night! Thanks for the review, it made me grin._

_Shippo: lol the two of them could never part after this. Thanks very much for a wonderful review. _

_Joey: I could imagine the two of them having that kind of low key setting for their real wedding. It's so wonderful to see the two of them actually taking that step forward. I am so happy you seem to get the depth of this couple and it makes me smile to receive a review like this._

_Lan: LMAO I am so glad your enjoying all the hot scenes I'm throwing in. I don't see the point in shirking away from it. It's just a celebration of two people very much in love with each other. Thanks for your review, I sincerely appreciate it. _

_Monkey: lol I can appreciate that you have a life so no worries. I'm just glad your still interested in the story. Thankies very much for letting me know your ok!_


	37. Chapter 37: So It Begins

Chapter Thirty Seven

_What should I do I'm just a little baby  
>What if the lights go out and maybe<br>And then the wind just starts to moan  
>Outside the door he followed me home<em>

_Goodnight Moon – Lady Shiva_

Cass was stealing the covers, granted that there wasn't much to steal due to the fact they were sleeping in a single bed. She was curled up away from John in the foetal position, the sheets gathered up around her like a child. The light sound of her steady breathing was in his ears as he listened closely. He was lying on his back, his arm drawn up over his head as he stared at the ceiling through the shrouded darkness.

Cass slept like this when she was feeling insecure, John had learned that after their first month together. Her back was pressed against his side and John enjoyed the sensation of having her so close to him. He was still counting down the hours to the attack like a grotesque time bomb. He couldn't switch his mind off, not even for a second as the cogs turned in his brain. He was used to formulating plans and fighting his way out of impossible situations. People relied on him and he was good at taking care of his own, it was how he progressed so quickly through the ranks. It was also his downfall.

The reason he had accepted the position here was because he had wanted to be as far away from the world as possible. He was destructive and damaging to everything he touched, or at least that was what he had been told after he had ignored his Commanding Officer's orders back in Afghanistan. Even though he had saved the lives of the marines that had been stranded John had crash landed his helicopter after taking enemy fire and put the lives of more men at risk.

Cass mumbled incoherently in her sleep as she turned onto her opposite side before she snuggled up against his comforting chest. Her palm came to rest over his heart, her fingertips splayed out across the soft hair. She sighed into his shoulder, that loving contented noise he liked to hear, the one that set his world to rights.

No matter how much he couldn't sleep, being here with Cass was still worth it. Hell was about to fall down upon every single one of their heads and if this was where he spent his final hours then he'd die a happy man.

"You should try and get some sleep." She murmured into his tender skin of his throat, her lips ghosting across his neck.

"Go back to sleep Cassie." John whispered against her forehead.

Cass allowed her nose to trail up the curve of his throat until her lips pressed a kiss to the line of his jaw. Cass's lithe naked legs entwined with his as she stretched along the length of his athletic form. There was a moment of peace, it descended on the two of them like a mist before the sudden crackle of Cass's radio erupted through the air. She groped for it blindly, muttering under her breath before John reached over her slender body and grasped it for her. The gruff message came through over the airwaves, ringing in their ears as they listened closely.

"_Doctor Pierce, we need you by Generator One. It's Sergeant Bates, it looks like he's been beaten." _

Cass snatched the radio out of John's hand before she scrambled out of bed, searching for her clothes. John was already yanking on his combats as Cass held down the button and spoke into the radio.

"I'm on route with Major Sheppard, get a medical team to meet me at the scene." Cass responded authoritatively, yanking her dark hair out of the collar of her black AC/DC T-shirt.

John was already dressed. Her field kit was grasped tightly in his fist as he swiped his hand over the door panel. Cass was hot on his heels, gripping her comm and affixing it to her ear whilst John talked animately on his. She half listened to the conversation as she removed the hair band from her wrist and drew her hair back away from her face and into a messy bun.

The two of them were already slipping inside the closest Teleporter. John jabbing the button for the Generator while Cass took back the field kit, looping the strap over her head so it settled across her slender body like a satchel.

There was a second where their eyes met and for each of them it was like looking into a mirror, the same thought reflected in them both.

And so it starts...

* * *

><p>The Infirmary was quiet, considering it was the early hours of the morning Cass hadn't expected any different. Her body was alive with nervous energy as she studied her patient in the dim lamp light that was illuminating Dean Bates's bruised features.<p>

Cass didn't even know that that was his first name until she had gone over his medical files. Bates wasn't the type of man to share a couple of personal stories around the campfire like some of the other soldiers but he watched out for her during the course of their offworld trips and now it seemed that Cass was returning the favour in earnest.

"How is he?" Teyla asked tentatively as she stepped up beside Cass.

The bronze woman's arms were folded over her chest as she focused on the man laying stretched out in front of them. There were wires attached to his weakened form monitoring everything from his brain activity to his heart rate. There was a tube leading from the seal over his mouth to a respirator that functioned for him.

Cass had managed to stabilise him when they'd gotten Bates back into the Trauma Bay but it hadn't been easy. He had needed immediate surgery to repair the punctured lung from where one of his five broken ribs had protruded into it. His brain had started to swell from his head trauma during the course of the operation. Carson and her had been forced to put Bates in a medical coma in order for them to relinquish Bates from the pain.

"He's not out of the woods yet, he sustained a head injury that's caused his brain to swell so we've put him in a medical coma otherwise his injuries consist of broken ribs, fractured collarbone, punctured lung. He was lucky he didn't drown in his own blood." Cass relayed, shaking her head in remorse.

Bates was a good man and to see him battered and wrecked like this was harrowing. Despite the scuffle he and Teyla had gotten into earlier on, she knew that he didn't deserve this. As hard as it was to let go of that vicious insult he had tossed her away Teyla was doing so. Sergeant Bates was protecting the people he cared about and after much meditation she understood his concerns about her new found ability. She only used violence when violence was necessary if she could help it and she was ashamed she had let her temper get the best of her earlier.

"I'm joining the others in their search for the Wraith that did this to him, it would appear I am back in their trust once more." Teyla informed her friend.

Cass rubbed her hand over her exhausted features. Ever since that Wraith dart had flown over a fortnight ago they had been having 'technical hitches'. After the attack on Bates they had sent the Forensic Doctor to retrieve the DNA they had found on Bate's hands and uniform. Carson had managed to track it to a Wraith. McKay and Zelinka had managed to determine that the Wraith had beamed down into the city before self destructing it's ship. Furthermore the two of them had managed to alter their short range sensors in order to reveal the Wraith's location.

John had taken a team of men as had Lieutenant Ford to track it down. Cass didn't want to think of the havoc the creature could have caused in fourteen days but if the system malfunctions were anything to go by Cass guessed it couldn't be good.

"You never lost their trust." Cass told the other woman, hugging the tablet to her chest.

"I understand that both the Major and Lieutenant Ford were doing their jobs." Teyla agreed.

Cass wondered how this woman could be so forgiving, the Athosians had been persecuted for years by the Wraith and a few months ago they had suffered through suspicions by Cass's own people. Teyla had a rare insight into human nature, she knew what made people tick and her understanding was second to none. It surprised Cass how compassionate Teyla was after the trauma she had survived. The Athosians were a courageous, resilient people.

Silence fell between the two women as the persistent beeping of the life support machine echoed through air. Cass's palm came to rest upon the back of Bate's bloody fist, her shoulders sagged as she exhaled deeply. It was starting, she could feel it in her bones as the helplessness rose up and claimed her. If one Wraith could do all of this damage without feeding, imagine what three hive ships worth could do.

Cass's grip on Bate's hand tightened as she thought about his bravery in the face of the Wraith that was running around the city. He had taken it on single handy, he had fought for Atlantis and in turn for Earth. Cass just hoped that his sacrifice would be their very last.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I have intended to post this chapter about two or three times in the past few days but things kept coming up. So sorry for the delay guys!<strong>_

_Brn: lol She's stamping her foot and saying no. As far as she's concerned it's her responsibility to stay. She couldn't let John have all the fun and she's certainly not letting him do this alone. Thanks so much for the review, I sincerely appreciate it!_

_Shippo: LMAO I would think like that if I was in Cass's situation. They're seeing all this amazing stuff so of course she'd want to visit a Jurassic Park planet. Thankies for the review!_

_Joey: I could imagine that Cass completely challenges John in that way, he's not used to being in the opposite position and I wanted him to be off kilter. I have to agree in that moment you see everything that embodies Sheppard, strength, determination and that ounce of fear. I adore seeing that brave side of him. Thankies very much for the review!_


	38. Chapter 38: The Acts Of War

Chapter Thirty Eight

_Bang bang  
>He shot me down, bang bang<br>I hit the ground , bang bang  
>That awful sound, bang bang <em>

_Nancy Sinatra -Bang! Bang!_

It was war and war was exactly the same as Cass remembered it from her experiences in Afghanistan. It was loud and disorientating, wretched and impacting. She had no idea of the amount of people she had patched up today but she could count the men who'd died. Cass had lost nine good men so far from various ailments.

The sight of the young Marine caught up in the crash landing of the Wraith dart had been dreadful, hearing his shrieks of pain as he burned alive was indescribable. His flesh had blackened and furled as he screamed and begged for them to help. Cass would never get those images out of her mind, nor would she forget the acidic stench of burning fat that hung in the air.

Carson had been tearing her back as she lunged towards the flames. She had kicked and squirmed like a Banshee as one of Everett's Marines pulled the trigger and put the poor bastard out of his misery. It had been the right call to make but it killed her to see it in action. There was nothing they could have done for the poor guy but that didn't help chase away the demons at night.

Chaos was raining down on them from the heavens as the whistle of Wraith darts cut through the air, piercing her ears with their shrill, violent noise. There was a low rumble vibrating through the corridor from yet another explosion from somewhere above her. The building was holding stable for now but Cass didn't know how long that would last if the onslaught continued. She could hear the bursts of heavy duty gun fired snapping through the silence as Everett's Marines shot at the darts with their huge, mounted rail guns.

The Siege had gone on for over a day now and The Wraith forces showed no sign of letting up. Wave after wave of Dart ships hurtling towards their city and there wasn't a damn thing they had been able to do about it. Their plan of disabling all three Hive ships had gone to hell when the satellite had been destroyed during the process of trying to dispose of the Wraith. They had managed to kill one of the Hive ships approaching Atlantis but the two that were left were just as bad.

Only three more days to go, Cass told herself as she hurried down one of the corridors leading to the main tower. Even as she thought that she knew there wasn't a chance they were going to last that long. Over forty eight hours ago, the SGC had sent a crew of Marines complete with heavy artillery and headed by Colonel Everett into their city through the Stargate in order to help fortify the area until the Daedalus arrived.

The Daedalus was a new spaceship the SGC had built that could travel through hyperspace at immense speeds. It was currently carrying a fully functional ZPM all the way from Earth to the City and would arrive in three days and counting. That would give them the extra power needed to launch a full mounted attack against the Wraith. As Colonel Everett had said when he'd arrived through the Stargate, they only had to hold the city for four days.

Over twenty fours in and things weren't looking so good. Despite the fact they were defending the city with rail guns Wraith darts were still managing to crash land their way into Atlantis. Already the warning had gone up from Teyla that the city was swarming with Wraith.

Which was the reason why Cass was clasping a light weight P90 in her hands, she had used one before out in the field to blast a couple of rounds at a Wraith that had been coming at them. She'd managed to slow it down it before Sergeant Bates had taken it out completely.

Cass was comfortable with firearms, weapons training was an essential part of her integration into the military. She wasn't what you called a sharp shooter but she was proficient enough to hit a target. Cass only wished she had taken the time to learn more instead of...

Well what her and John did in their spare time as probably a lot more fun but if they survived this nightmare then she vowed she'd take Ford up on a few of those lessons he had offered. Anything to maybe give herself more options in the field. If coming to Atlantis had taught her anything, it was to be prepared.

Cass found herself starring down another empty corridor, it was stacked with boxes and from the singe marks and bullet holes in them, she guessed this area had been subject to a fire fight recently. The lack of bodies confused her though, it appeared there were no winners or losers between whoever had fought this war.

Cass let out a sigh of relief as she reviewed the final stretch. This was the last corridor she had to clear before she was home free. Carson had evacuated the final skeleton crew of doctors from the Infirmary, the patients had been sent to the Alpha Site long before the Siege had begun. While the Marines were hunting down the Wraith, Carson and her and decided that she should do a final sweep of the area for any lingering members of staff. Now she was starting to regret that decision.

Only a few more steps and the apprehension that was writhing around inside her gut would hopefully evaporate. There was a prickling in the air and she wasn't sure what it was but something felt wrong, the feeling grew with every step she took. Her eyes were hostile and searching, her ears straining for a noise that was out of place. Her palms were growing just the slightest bit sweaty as her grip on the P90 shifted. The Teleporter was right in front of her, just a few more strides and she would be safe inside of the Control Room.

The first static blue blast missed Cass by a matter of inches, she could feel the crackle in the air as it brushed past her face at an alarming speed. She dived out of the way as the second shot whizzed past her head. She could taste the Ozone in her mouth from the searing energy bolt as she rolled onto all fours and propelled herself forward bolting for cover.

Being hit with a Wraith stunner would immobilise her in the same way in which a Taser would, allowing the Wraith to feed upon her helpless form. Her back was pressed to the pillar she'd ducked behind as her thumb flicked the safety of the P90. She could hear the steady stomp of the Wraith's heavy boots as it stamped closer. Her heart was hammering in her chest and she could feel the anxiety mounting with each clomping footstep. She swallowed hard before she took a deep breath to steady her quivering nerves. She'd seen a Wraith feed off someone and it was an horrendous way to die, the agony in those screams haunted her.

_Shake the panic_, she told herself, _turn it into something useful._

Cass thought about the death of the young Marine that Carson and herself had witnessed earlier in the day. She remembered his screams ringing in her ears like a crescendo. She thought of the other eight people she had tried to save and of Teyla's people who had been the victims of these creatures. The anger was starting to burn like a fuse deep down inside her, she had a long leash as John called it but the Wraith...

They didn't deserve anyone's forgiveness.

Cass glanced at the stack of boxed parallel to her pillar, all she had to do was run to that shelter while getting off a few rounds in the process. Hopefully that would kill it. If not she could reload and try again. Whatever happened there wasn't a chance in hell she could risk the Wraith making it up to the Control Room.

Running away wasn't an option.

Cass swung around the corner, her gun training on the target for the first time since she had encountered the Wraith. It was one of the faceless warrior drones, they were built for muscle and not much else, the ideal super soldier she had been told in the briefings. Maybe she was in luck after all.

The retort of the weapon resounded through her body as the weapon bucked into her shoulder. She was ready for that and took the impact knowingly. She didn't hesitate as she ran pumping bullet after bullet in a close cluster in the centre of it's chest. The echo of the gunshots erupted through the room. She was still in motion when the blast from the stunner hit her square in the chest.

Jesus, it was like being hit with a Taser. Every single one of her synapses exploded like bombs as the electronic pulse surged through her body. The pain was like a thousand needles stabbing into everyone of her nerves. The gun slipped from her hands as lightning slammed through her veins, every single muscle in her body contracted as her knees buckled and she hit the ground face first with a jolt. Her cheek smashed against the concrete under foot. She struggled for control but her limbs were immobile, her body unresponsive as she lay on her stomach. She watched with growing terror as those hand made, leather boots strode tediously closer.

The Wraith's finger's were digging into her shoulder blade, nails raking her skin through the t-shirt as it turned her over roughly so that she was facing the ceiling. Cass was fighting, God damn it she was doing the best she could to move but she couldn't and the frustration was mounting like a furnace. She wanted to scream, hit, lash out but she couldn't. She was completely and utterly helpless.

The Wraith was in her line of vision, it's rigid mask tilting as it angled it's head to look at her. It enjoyed her fear, it drew satisfaction from the terror it sensed underneath her submissive form. It's breathing was in her ears, she could hear it's harsh ragged breaths quicken with excitement as it wrenched open her combat vest to expose her clothed chest. It's fingers flexed, it's hand splaying out as it drew closer to her beating heart. It's fingertips brushed her shirt, stretching the material even tighter across her collarbone.

This was it...

The burst of gunfire shot through the air striking the Wraith in the back. It's body convulsed as black ooze trickled from underneath the edge of it's mask. It sloped backwards, it's hand outstretched, clenching into a fist before the life began to drain out of it.

The garbled sound of voices carried down the corridor. Her brain was struggling to make sense of it all as they drew even closer. She wanted to call out, to move and speak freely but she couldn't. There was a conversation going on over her head and she had no part in it even though they were talking clearly about her.

"It's Doctor Pierce." Ford said as he knelt beside her, checking Cass over "She's been stunned."

The Wraith hadn't managed to lay a hand on her and for that he was grateful. Ford didn't want to consider what the Major would have done if Doctor Pierce had fallen victim to the Wraith. Slaughter wouldn't even cover the atrocities the other man would have committed upon the alien beings in revenge. Doc Pierce would be smarting like bitch when the shock wore off, right now it was up to Ford to make sure that she was escorted to safety, especially in the state she was in.

"Stackhouse, I need you to take Doctor Pierce up to the Control Tower. Beckett's up there, he'll be able to take care of her until the stun wears off." Ford ordered helping the other man gather Cass's limp body into his arms.

Cass was almost spitting with indignation, she was supposed to be better than this and instead yet again she was being carried to safety by someone else. It was so damned infuriating.

"I know you hate this Doc but you've gotta let us take care of you for once." Ford told her as if sensing her dark thoughts.

Cass had no choice but too oblige.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! I hope your all having a great weekend! I have been gutting everything out of the wardrobes and it has taken me forever (I have far too many clothes!)<strong>_

_**Thankies to everyone who has added me to their alerts list! I sincerely appreciate it!**_

_Shippo: I love Bates and I have no idea why, I was devastated when he wasn't in the series anymore! Thank you very much for such a wonderful review!_

_Brn: It's frightening to think we have been through an entire season. The Siege is such a huge thing to take on and I just hope I do it some justice, there's a huge amount of things going on in those eps it's hard to touch on them all. I am glad that the new chapter made you happy and I hope this one did too! Thankies for the review they always make me smile._

_Joey: I thought Bates personified what they were going through in terms of the Siege, we all know that that man and the people of Atlantis would never go down without a fight. I am glad you got that from the last chapter! Thankies very much for the review, it is sincerely appreciated._


	39. Chapter 39: Sacrifice

Chapter Thirty Nine

_We were brave like soldiers  
>Falling down under the pale moonlight<br>You were holding to me  
>Like someone broken<br>And I couldn't tell you, but I'm telling you now_

_Just let me hold you while you're falling apart_  
><em>Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down<em>

_Rob Thomas – Ever The Same_

It was going wrong, horribly inexplicably wrong and there was only one thing left for John to do. The only problem was that John didn't want to do it. Their only chance was to put a nuke in a Puddle Jumper and for someone with the ATA Gene to operate the ship in order to get close to the Hive Ship. It was a suicide mission, one that he had no right ordering someone else to engage in, so that left him with only one course of action.

The Major was all for the idea, that part of John considered duty to be above everything else. Yet the Man in him was resistant, he didn't want to do this. The repercussions of this decision were harrowing and he didn't have much time to consider his options. He had always known that one day it would come to this, he was being forced to pick between duty and love.

This was so much bigger than the two of them. The lives of everyone in this city relied on him and in turn the millions of people on Earth. That responsibility was resting squarely on his shoulders. He was the only one that could stop this now.

_Jesus Christ, poor Cassie_, John thought.

He should have left her alone. He should have played The Major and steeled himself against her demure manner and her kind heart. They never should have gotten married in the first place, she may have been able to survive this if they hadn't. God it was tearing him up inside like nothing he had ever felt before. He had survived all sorts of pain over the years, it had been his closest companion before Cass but now his heart was literally breaking. It was wrenching and twisting in his chest as he lingered in the doorway for just a second longer trying to hold off the inevitable.

Cass was sitting in Elizabeth's office on the sleek leather couch, her palm was rubbing across her chest, right above where the Wraith Stunner had struck her. He knew what she must be feeling, he had been on the receiving end of a blast like that more times than he cared to remember. She was probably feeling that irritating sensation of pins and needles stabbing through her body as well as the tingling in her limbs.

Cass glanced up at the sound of John closing the door behind him. Her sapphire eyes were already studying his face with an intensity that startled him. Her face was changing as she picked the subtle cues that distinguished his handsome features. Her lips parted as she rose to her feet, her eyebrows furrowing as the understanding flooded her features. There were millions of words on the tip of her tongue but only one left her mouth as John came to a halt before her.

"No." she said abruptly, her hands coming to rest on her hips.

"Cassie..." he drawled her name out like a lullaby.

The soft and tender lilt soothed over her raging emotions like a fire blanket. It wrapped her up in their love, sheltering her from the worst as he embraced her tense, rigid form. The energy drained right out of her as John gathered her up in his arms and held her so tightly she was frightened to breath. Her delicate hands captured his shirt, fisting it as she closed her eyes and buried her face in his comforting chest.

She was losing him, she read it in his face, feel it in the way he held her close. John was going to do something crazy and heroic, something he hoped would save them all. She found she couldn't speak, now that the time was here she didn't want him to leave. She would have done anything to just hold onto him until the end of time but rationality would never allow for that. There were millions of people relying on her husband. What kind of selfish person would she be if she damned them all?

There was always a bigger picture. Everyone here would view John as a hero and he would be so badly missed but the population on Earth would never know about the one man that may have saved them. Her anguish was filling her up in waves, she couldn't imagine life without him and even as she tried the agony ripped through her like a bullet.

_This wasn't fair..._

To her immense horror she found herself crying. The tears were stinging her eyes and leaking down her cheeks as her chest vibrated against John as that heaving, choked sob escaped her mouth. John's calloused hands cupped her flushing cheeks as he cradled her face. He could taste the trails of salt on her soft skin as he kissed the first of those glistening tears away from her porcelain features.

Her heart was splintering right against his and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. His mouth lingered barely inches from hers as he stared into those sorrowful sapphire eyes. The chemistry between them was tortured and ragged. It hurt to even breath as John pressed a chaste kiss to her trembling lips.

"I'm sorry." John whispered, his voice hoarse with emotion.

An apology was never going to be enough to fix what he was about to do. Yet somewhere in the bottomless depths of his soul he knew Cass understood. Her fingers were releasing him and John could feel the some part of him dying as she stepped away, her arms hugging her torso as she met his sincere hazel gaze.

"I love you." she told him frankly, her eyes shining once again with a thousand unshed tears. "Now go save the world."

He gifted her with one last rare, boyish smile, the one that told her everything that he hadn't been able to say in those precious moments alone together.

_I love you, I'll miss you, I'm sorry._

"Goodbye Cassie."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! At the current moment I'm sitting in the kitchen baking chocolate cupcakes because my friend has just gotten the job she was after. I've had a long day and my bro was begging me to help make them and as usual I ended up taking over. So everyone help yourself to a cyber cupcake and some strawberry icing with real strawberries.<strong>_

_**Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read, review and add this story!**_

_Brn: I am so glad I made you fell that way, you have no idea how wonderful it was to hear that I made your heart pump and your blood race. LMAO You are so emotive it makes me beam like an idiot. I am so happy your enjoying season one. Lol I routinely cull my room of books and clothes. Thanks very much for such a potent review, I mean that from the bottom of my heart!_

_Shippo: I felt awful for those people, so many of them died. Yet they knew what they were getting into. I think everyone's happy Cass is ok, can you imagine John's rampage if she wasn't? Thank you for such a fun review!_

_Joey: I wanted people to feel what it was like to be in that situation on a wider level and on a personal level. I'm glad you can see the potential for violence Sheppard has. I always imagine him as fierce and protective. There's something primal about him and I love the well of aggression. Thank you very much for writing such a productive and imaginative review. I sincerely appreciate it._


	40. Chapter 40: Home

Chapter Forty

_So close no matter how far  
>Couldn't be much more from the heart<br>Forever trusting who we are  
>And nothing else matters<em>

_Metallica – Nothing Else Matters_

Cass had been crying. Anyone in the Control Room could see that from the red rimmed, blood shot eyes and the blotched complexion. Her dark hair was drawn back into a tight ponytail as she stared at the screen highlighted in front of her. Ever since she'd followed the Major out of Elizabeth's office she had been subdued. There was no emotion in her eyes, she looked dead inside.

Carson stood beside her as she stared at the screen. They were watching the Puddle Jumper weave it's way through the green dots that represented the Wraith Darts on the long range sensor. The silence was stifling and oppressive. They were all waiting with bated breath to see if John's exploit was successful, even if it was they would still have one more Hive Ship to destroy which meant someone else with the ATA gene would have to follow suit. Cass sincerely wished she'd taken Carson's offer of the injection all those months ago.

The radio was crackling with John's hushed voice and Carson caught Cass physically flinching at the sound. Her jaw was clenched as she closed her sapphire eyes briefly trying to draw strength before they experienced the Major's final moments. His hand sought out hers, his fingers curling around her delicate extremity in a sign of unity.

There were no words to express how sorry Carson felt. Over the past seven months Cass had been truly happy for what he suspected had been the first time in a long time, to have it snatched away from her like this was a cruel twist of Fate.

Cass clasped his hand tightly acknowledging his presence. Listening to John's voice and knowing what he was about to do was putting her in a state of turmoil, there was no way she could open her mouth without begging him to come back to her. She wanted that more than anything right now and it was killing her to keep that desperate human side of herself at bay.

Locking down was how she had survived over the years and she would do that again. She couldn't allow herself to fall apart because the moment she did it was all over and there wouldn't be a single piece of Cassandra Sheppard left existing any more.

Their marriage wasn't legal so there were no records of them ever bonding together. They had only existed as husband and wife to each other and to the people around them, back on Earth that wouldn't count for anything. She wouldn't be able to stay in Atlantis without him. It was their home and just knowing that John had died protecting it would eat her up inside every damned day that she remained here. Cassandra Pierce would go back to Afghanistan where there wouldn't be a chance to wallow in her grief.

Right now though she wanted to be Cassandra Sheppard just that little bit longer and this was the only way she could be close to her husband. Hearing his final moments would rip her apart in ways that would be simply irreparable but she would have lived those final seconds with him. He would die knowing that he wasn't alone and that his sacrifice had been for something at the very least.

In seconds it was over as quickly as it started. The red blip that was the Puddle Jumper disappeared and that yellow blob that had been the target miraculously vanished. John's mission had been a success.

Nothing happened for Cass, there was just this crushing, numbing deficiency that resided in the recesses of her body. She could only feel the sensation of Carson squeezing her fingers so hard she thought he may break them. She had expected the grief to cripple her but it didn't. There was a strange absence of emotion that she couldn't explain, her heart was still beating and her soul still intact.

Around her there was a revered quietness. Elizabeth's head was bowed in memory of their fallen colleague, her knuckles white as she clinched her hands together in front of her. Rodney's expression was one of sullen distance as he stared at the screen unmoving. Carson was breathing heavily at her side trying to maintain what fragile slither of control he had left. The techs were working diligently, their own faces painted with sorrow at the situation that had come to a head.

Despite the regret that hung so pungently in the air, there was relief at the fact the plan had succeeded. There was a possibility of beating the Wraith now thus there was hope no matter how fragile.

The radio crackled once more startling every single person in the room into action as that familiar deep pitched voice spoke over the comm system like a spirit.

"_Atlantis this is Sheppard."_

Cass's heart leapt at the sound of her husband's voice resounding over the airwaves. She tilted her head towards Carson whose expression of sheer shock mirrored hers. She was stunned the same way everybody else in the room was. She was elated but weary as she listened in on the conversation. She didn't see how John could possibly have survived that blast and in turn that made her suspicious.

"John?" Elizabeth questioned, her own voice betraying the surprise she felt.

"_What other Sheppards do you know?" _His familiar teasing lilt made Cass break into a small, discreet smile and she knew that this was her husband back from the dead.

"That can't be. We saw the Hive ship go up." Rodney uttered in sheer disbelief.

"I can assure you Doctor McKay that Major Sheppard is both safe and sound." A gruff unfamiliar voice spoke over the speakers, leaving everyone in the Control Room glancing at each other.

"Who is this?" Elizabeth asked the question that was etched in all of their minds.

"_Colonel Steven Caldwell of the Daedalus, we're here to assist you with your Wraith problem." _The Colonel told them over the radio._ "We'll take out this last Hive Ship and be on our way to your docking zone."_

It was starting to make sense now and Cass's mistrustful apprehension was beginning to fade. Rodney had spent an hour over their lunch period explaining the ins and outs of the Daedalus a few weeks ago. One of the parts she had been listening into was the fact it had Asgard beaming technology, which proved exceptionally handy in a lot of situations. It didn't take a genius to make the leap between the Daedalus and John's miraculous escape.

Either way Cass was simply glad at the way the timing had worked out, her heart was still pounding in her chest from the abrupt sense of panic that had started to cloud her insides at the possibility of his death.

Cass could feel the irrational vengeful fury mounting at her husband for almost getting himself killed. The woman in her wanted to yell and scream at him for what he had almost done not only to her but to himself. Yet the doctor was soothing it's counter part with it's cooling temperament. John had been doing his job and Cass could not fault that since the reasoning was sound. It made her sigh grumpily at the position she had been put in. She didn't do well feeling emotional. She had never been as terrified as she was when she had watched that Jumper disappear from the long range sensor screen.

Her knees felt a little weak as the relief flooded through her body like a calming torrent of water washing away all of her pain and dread. He was alive, she repeated to herself. John Sheppard was alive.

* * *

><p>John was looking a little worse for wear when he beamed back into the Gate Room. His chocolate brown hair was more untidy than Cass had seen outside of his quarters and she knew he had to have been raking his hands through it to be that way. An action he only committed when he was anxious.<p>

His hands were buried deep in the pockets of his flak jacket as his hazel eyes searched out the balcony above them that revealed the Control Room. He was searching for her, she could feel his urgency humming through the connection the two of them shared before she called his name quietly, drawing his full attention to her as she waved at him with her fingers.

The minute their eyes met the two of them were in motion. It didn't matter that there were people surrounding them or that they liked to keep their public displays of affection down to a minimum. Her entire universe was in this man and the fact she had almost lost him was still biting at her insides. She wouldn't believe he was ok until she got her hands on him.

The second John's arms wrapped around her slender frame Cass knew that she was home and that her husband was exactly the same man he had been before he had left. Their souls bumped against each other gently reacquainting themselves with reassurances before they merged once more. The alleviation was blissful as Cass buried her face in John's firm inviting chest, her hands fisting his flak jacket in an iron grasp. She couldn't let him go right now, she just needed to hold on for a moment to remind herself that he was here and everything was ok.

John's large hands roamed up and down her back in comforting circles as he whispered to her quietly, his lips brushing her temple tenderly as he spoke.

"I'm home now Cassie." he murmured, inhaling her sweet floral scent. "I'm back home right here with you."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! I hope your having a fab day. It's surprisingly sunny here so I've been enjoying a couple of rays whilst writing the review replies.<strong>_

_Brn: I can't believe your response to this chapter it's made me completely grin like an idiot. I'm glad that you can identify with Cass and the trauma that she was going through. I could just see Shep turning around and giving her that smile as a final kinda goodbye. Thank you for such a moving review, it just warms me deep inside to know that it touched you on such a level._

_Mad: Hey! It's nice to meet you! I am glad you enjoyed that chapter, it was wonderful to get such a sweet response. I loved writing it and I wanted to hug them both when I had finished. Thank you very much for such a great response, I really appreciate the time you've taken to review._

_Shippo: John would have gone ballistic and thankies very much for your opinion on this chapter. Thanks very much for such a lovely review._

_Joey: I have to say your review was on of the best compliments I've received and I am honoured to have got it. You grasp John Sheppard so well and it;s wonderful to know that there's someone who understands his char so well. Thank you very much for the tremendous review and I am very appreciative of it. _


	41. Chapter 41: Affliction

Chapter Forty One

_And Ive lost who I am  
>And I can't understand<br>Why my heart is so broken  
>Rejecting your love <em>

_Trading Yesterday - Shattered_

It was worse now than it had been before and everybody in the conference room knew it. That familiar sense of dread was returning to John. It was foreboding and looming as he sat in the swivel chair, his elbows digging into the arm rests as he swung from side to side in thought. The motion helped him to think, just like a flight or a run always cleared his head. His fingers were tapping out a mindless tune on the edge of the arm rests as he listened to the various people speak.

They had all lost too much over the past four days. There were too many causalities to count, even as he sat here in this meeting both Cass was working with a skeleton crew of doctors and nurses attempting to manage the injured as best as she could whilst Carson was forced to sit in upon this meeting as the Chief of Surgery. He was anxious to get back to his patients, John could tell he felt he was better equipped to help them instead of being here in the conference room. His muscles were straining with impatience as the Scot twiddled the capped pen between his fingers compulsively.

Colonel Everett had been aged by the Wraith, he had lost the majority of his years and no one was sure how long he had left in him. The feeding process was traumatic and John didn't know whether the fact he had survived was a good thing or a bad thing. The dominant alpha male had vanished and now he was a fragile, hollow husk of the man he used to be.

Lieutenant Ford was in an even worse state. They had found him in the ocean outside of the city a Wraith still attached to his chest. From what Carson had derived the Wraith had started to feed on Ford when two of them had hit the water. At the moment of death the enzyme the Wraith used to keep their victims alive during the feeding process had flooded the young man's system. He was stable but critical still, they had no idea how his body was going to react once the enzyme had faded from his body. Ford should not have been ale to survive an hour face down in the icy cold sea but he had and that was because of the drug he was currently on.

They were all so exhausted, every single one of them around this table had been given at least one shot of the powerful stimulant Cass and Carson were distributing in order to keep them all alert and awake. Now was not the time to drop the ball, not with twelve Wraith ships on the way. In thirty six hours they would be subjected to yet another siege, this time with less fire power and resources than the first time. They were vastly outnumbered even with the Daedalus on their side.

Their plans were stunted at the moment they were tossing ideas back and forth into the air and watching Rodney shoot them own like tiny fluttering butterflies.

"If they know we're here, they are simply going to keep coming." Zelinka said into the air around them in his level Czech accent.

"If they know we're here." John repeated the other man's words, wagging his finger as the idea began to form within his brain.

"What do you mean?" Elizabeth responded as the members of the conference room twisted their head towards him.

"What if they thought we were gone?" John prompted, looking pointedly at Zelinka and Rodney.

The two scientists were partners in crime despite their disagreements and inflated egos. If anyone could pull of the technical side of what he was saying it would be these two.

"Then there would be no reason for the Wraith to stay." Teyla murmured beside John as she realized where his line of thinking was heading.

"We make it look like we destroyed the city." John explained as Rodney clicked his fingers and pointed at Zelinka.

"We could cloak it." he shot at the other scientist.

Zelinka gnawed on his lower lip for a second before his face bloomed with an excited smile before he began to explain possibility of their plan succeeding.

"Yes the Jumpers are equipped with cloaking technology by interfacing one with the shield generator we should be able to render the entire city invisible." He told them before his gaze shifted to his laptop an he began inputting the details to run a simulation.

"If the city were to simply disappear wouldn't the Wraith put one and one together?" Colonel Caldwell addressed the issue that was playing through his own mind.

"That's why the Daedalus would beam a nuke right above the city shield and then detonate it, while their sensors are blinded we cloak the city so they see nothing but ocean." Rodney's brain was working a mile a minute as he relayed the information and eventualities at hand.

"What about the radiation?" Colonel Caldwell pointed out.

"The shield should protect us from all of that before we cloak the city." Rodney informed them as Zelinka pursed his lips together grimly.

"What about the hard part?" he asked the other scientist.

"Effectively the cloak will replace the shield meaning that we will be completely unprotected if the Wraith do decide to fire down on us." Rodney said, pulling a face.

"Meaning they would destroy the city which I may remind you all was what we were going to do anyway by pressing the self defence button." John reminded the group.

"What about the Daedalus?" Elizabeth inquired, glancing at the Colonel beside her.

"We make sure our shields are up and we should be fine." Colonel Caldwell assured her.

"Just in case we should get all non essential personal onto that ship." John asserted, already aware it would be too much to hope that Cass would be one of them.

"How much time will this take?" Elizabeth asked the two scientists, swivelling her chair as they glanced at each other.

"A week." said Zelinka.

"A few hours..." Rodney supplied.

"I'll take the second estimate." Elizabeth informed before the meeting was dismissed.

* * *

><p>The Infirmary was locked in a state of subdued silence as every single person in the room froze at the sight of Lieutenant Aiden Ford standing before them. Ever since the enzyme had began to leave his body he had been in a state of severe withdrawal and unpredictable. Only an hour ago he had had Carson pinned to the wall by his throat for telling him to head back to the Infirmary after Ford had sought out Elizabeth. His strength and agility in those tense few moments had been startling, it had taken all of Teyla's resolve to talk Ford into letting Carson go.<p>

They had been under strict orders to sedate the young Marine until they could deal with his current brand of problem but it would appear that the drug had sped up his metabolism and the sedatives they had given him had been processed far too quickly by his system.

With a skill that was beyond Cass's comprehension he had managed to subdue one of the Marines that had been guarding the area and get hold of his firearms, both the P90 and the standard military issue 9mm.

Cass found herself staring down the barrel of the 9mm as she stood between Ford and the rest of the Infirmary. As the leading physician here right now she was in charge and it was her job to manage this situation before someone got hurt. Her heart was threatening to thud right out of her ribcage as she focused on the weapon, forcing herself to take a deep breath to steady her voice and her nerves.

"Aiden you don't want to do that." she said as she allowed her gaze to raise up to the younger man's facial features.

She had heard once on Oprah that it was harder for someone to shoot you if they were looking you in the eyes. Then again Ford was so hopped up on the withdrawal of the drug that it was unlikely he had much control over what he was doing. Junkies were unpredictable at the best of times and Ford seemed to have all the enraged paranoid symptoms but without the shaking and the weakness. His hand was furiously steady as that inky black eye stared at her stonily as if mimicking his alter-ego.

"I will not hesitate to put a bullet in you if you don't give me the rest of the enzyme." Ford told her firmly, his voice cold and unforgiving.

Hearing him talk like that chilled Cass straight down to the core. She knew this boy, the two of them had become friends over the past months, they had been on missions together and Ford had saved her ass more times than she could count. He was usually empathetic and sweet natured now he just sounded violent and callous, leaving Cass seriously doubting whether she would be able to get through to him.

If Cass gave him what was left of the drug there wouldn't be a thing standing between him and the rest of the people in this room. It would be harder to wean him off since his system could come to depend on it and that was the best case scenario.

"Aiden." she tried again, her voice as low and none threatening as she could make it. "There is none of it left."

"Liar." he screamed at her, his face contorting in rage as he raised the gun slightly to her left and fired at the shelves of medical supplies behind her. "I saw you withdraw it!"

Cass ducked throwing her arms up over her face to shield herself from the debris of the supplies as several of the bottles of antiseptic wash exploded a mixture of glass and gel everywhere. The retort of the gun fire echoed through the room causing several people to scream and dive for cover. She was showered in miniature shards of glass and she could feel the sticky splotches of liquid in her hair as she straightened herself up trying to wipe the expression of horror and fright off of her face. Fear was twisting up inside her now, twanging at her insides and leaving that familiar sick feeling in the depths of her stomach. Something warm was running down her face and Cass rose her trembling fingertips to her cheek to find that she was bleeding from a stray shard of glass.

This situation was getting wildly out of control and once more Cass found herself straightening her spine and bringing herself up to her full height, her hands on her hips and a very unimpressed, stern expression on her features as she faced Ford.

He was starting to slip, she could see it in his eyes as they roved franticly around the room as he struggled to maintain the situation. He didn't look shocked by his actions only resolute as he trained the gun on Cass with an eerie sense of focus.

"Don't do this Aiden, we can help you." Cass began again.

"Get me the enzyme." he repeated, his eyes narrowing at the spot just where her heart was pounding in her chest. "I am going to die if I don't get it."

"Your not going to die." Cass tried to assure him inching just the tiniest bit closer to the armed man.

"Your afraid of me Cass, I can see it." he sneered cruelly. "You'd say anything to get me to put this gun down."

"Your not thinking straight." Cass said as calmly as she could. "The drug is messing with your mind."

"Your messing with my mind." he shouted at her, his voice straining like a child throwing a tantrum. "You think I don't know what your doing? Your stalling! Get me my enzyme now or I swear to God..."

The gun swung to the male patient sitting in the wheelchair to the right of him. The poor man's eyes became as large as saucers as the weapon settled on him. The expression on his features was pitiful and Cass could feel her own resolve weakening as she stared back at him wanting desperately to reassure him.

"... I will kill him."

"Ok." Cass said softly, trying not to make any sudden movements that could lead to an escalation.

She turned her back on the gun almost unwillingly before she walked towards the refrigerated cabinet where Carson had stowed away the solitary blood pack of the enzyme. Her fingers wrapped around the handle as she swiped her hand over the key pad before the door hissed open. She retrieved the enzyme before turning to face Ford once more and holding the plastic vacuum pack out to him.

His lips were twitching at the sight of the drug in her palm, already his pupils were dilating at the anticipation of the next fix. She could see his nostrils flare just a little as his eyebrows furrowed once more in disbelief as she snatched it out of her hand.

"Is this it?" he snapped, holding up the pack of the enzyme for empathise.

"I promise you." Cass told him firmly, looking Ford directly in the eyes so he could see her sincerity. "You know me well enough to understand I wouldn't put someone else in danger by lying to you."

"Good call Doc." Ford told Cass, flashing her a wolfish grin before disappearing out of the double doors.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I'm glad you all enjoyed the last chapter! Thank you for all your adds and reviews! <strong>_

_Shippo: Yay! Thank God the Daedalus arrived on time! That was an example of excellent timing! Thank you for the review missy!_

_Brn: lol I could not have left everyone hanging for so long. I could imagine him searching for Cass esp after what had happened in the rest of the ep. Lol I am sad to say no real honey moon occurs although it is wonderful that you desire more. Thankies so very much for such an amazing review!_

_Joey: lol we shall keep tissue boxes at the ready. It's kinda sick that I am happy I made you cry. Lmao I am glad my story is like crack to you! I did enjoy the sun! Thank you very much for such an emotional review!_


	42. Chapter 42: Little Wonders

Chapter Forty Two

_let it slide,  
>let your troubles fall behind you<br>let it shine  
>until you feel it all around you<br>and i don't mind  
>if it's me you need to turn to<br>we'll get by,  
>it's the heart that really matters in the end<em>

_Rob Thomas – Little Wonders_

It had never meant to come to this, John had never wanted this and he had never asked for it but Ford was his responsibility. Not only was the younger man one of his men but he was also a friend and John never turned his back on his friends. Which was why John was hunting down the Lieutenant with a Wraith Scanner. The other man's mind was being warped from the enzyme, his actions back in the Infirmary were an example of that.

The man that Cass had described during that almost deadly show down had not been the man that John knew and worked with. Cass had been in a sheer state of disbelief herself over what had happened. The only explanation Carson had been able to give him was that the drug was making Ford increasingly unstable. The Scottish doctor had likened the sensation of withdrawal to that of heroin, all it took was one dose and you were hooked.

_Violent, unpredictable, ungodly strength and cunning..._

Cass's words were ringing in his ears like the beginning of a Greek tragedy. The evidence was pouring down her face from a gash that would thankfully not scar. There had been warning in her voice and she had made it abundantly clear by the tightening grip on his forearm what she meant when she'd spoke to him. Lieutenant Aiden Ford was dangerous, he was not to forget that in any uncertain terms.

Ford had been exceptionally trained to begin with, hopped up on the Wraith enzyme he was like a super soldier, killing machine when cornered. Cass had begged him to take a team or at the very least a partner to back him up but he knew that this was something he had to do alone. If Ford thought he was under attack it could trigger another episode, it was better if he came out alone as someone that Ford trusted.

Unfortunately it turned out that Ford was a little better than he was at playing hide and seek. They were running out of time, in just few minutes Rodney and Zelinka would be putting their grand plan into action and they couldn't have Ford doing anything to compromise the safety of the people in this city.

"You know I could have shot you several times by now." Ford informed the Major as he stepped out from behind a pillar.

John lowered the stunner so it was pointed at the ground. He wanted to look as non threatening as possible so he could appeal to Ford's more rational nature. His hazel eyes focused on the other man who stood as plain as day before him. The 9mm Cass had told him about was in his hand and pointed toward the floor. The P90 was strapped across his chest as he carried what John assumed was ammo he had pilfered from the armoury.

The expression on Ford's face was sullen and focused. There was no sign of the crazy drug induced side effects he had been expecting, just that serious, fearless gaze.

"Well..." John uttered, pursing his lips together grimly at the declaration. "I'm glad you didn't."

John took a slow, steady step forward as he spoke trying to draw his former comrade closer in order to disarm and calm him.

"Look, why don't you and I go somewhere we can talk." John implored, his gaze lingering on the beckoning open doors to the transporter behind Ford.

Already the other man was mimicking John's movements, with every stride he was taking forward Ford was taking one back. He really did not want to hurt his friend and colleague but it looked like Ford was going to offer him no other choice.

"Your trying to chance me back." Ford accused, his face contorting with agitation. "Just like Doctor Pierce wanted to."

"I'm just trying to help you." John said firmly, his eyes meeting Ford's so the other man could read the sincerity of his words.

Ford halted for a second. John could see the indecision passing over his youthful features as he cocked his head at the Major, studying him as if the two of them were playing a game of chess. In reality they were, John was trying his best to think three steps ahead of the other man but the enzyme was creating a variable that he couldn't even begin to predict.

Ford's upper lip curled into a snarl as he shook his head in disgust. John had no idea what the other man was seeing but he knew it wasn't good.

"No your not." Ford sneered before turning his back on the Major and stepping inside the Teleporter and reaching for the touch screen control panel.

John raised the stunner, taking aim with a skill that had been refined through years of live field action. In less than a second he'd fired the crackling blue bolt of energy at the fleeing Lieutenant striking him smack in the centre of his spine.

Under any normal circumstances Ford would have crumpled to his knees and been rendered paralysed or unconscious by the blast. Instead he swirled around on the spot to face John who gaped at him in surprise.

The expression on the younger man's face said it all as Ford reviewed him with an ugly hatred. John thought he saw a flash of betrayal in his coal black eyes before Ford jabbed the panel with his forefinger causing the doors to the Teleporter to close abruptly.

John hurried towards the machine quickly as the doors opened once more revealing an empty containment area and no clue to where the other man had vanished.

* * *

><p>It had been late by the time John had made it back to Cass's quarters. The last five days had been long, draining and had left John seething with resentment. He was exhausted both physically and mentally but he could not stop reliving the events. The bile was raising up in his throat as he thought of the vast amount of people who had given their lives up for the sake of this city. To say they were unscathed was a lie but they were survivors and they would all live to fight another day.<p>

Their plan had been successful but barely. At the worst possible moment Ford had decided to take a Jumper and zip away through the Stargate to God knows where and John had been unable to follow. As soon as Ford ditched that Jumper he was in the wind.

John's muscles were aching and his soul was battered and raw. His eyes were stinging from tiredness as he could feel the final effects of the stimulant working it's way out of his system. He couldn't take any more, so much death, so much pressure, so much loss. Every time he closed his eyes, he could see the images pattern across his eyelids like a picture wheel. Too many causalities, there was so much blood all over his hands they were raw from where he's struggled to wash them clean.

Cass was already asleep, she was splayed out on her stomach, her right arm dangling over the mattress. Her dark hair was fanned over the pillow, her face tilted into it. Somewhere along the line she had managed to strip off her boots, trousers and flak jacket but not gotten around to removing the rest of her uniform. He guessed she had crashed hard when the stimulant had drained out from her system.

Despite such a set of endlessly horrifying days John found the beginnings of a smile twitching at his lips. He kicked off his own boots, stripping off his combats before shrugged out of his combat vest and yanking off his T-shirt allowing it to drop to the ground. Just taking off those garments felt like a supreme effort to his final reserves of energy. Clad only in a pair of form hugging black boxers and his dog tags, he found himself watching the peaceful raise and fall of Cass's chest. He wanted nothing more than to climb into bed beside his wife and sleep for a week with her huddled contently in his arms.

There had been too many instances today in which they had almost lost each other, almost too many to count. He couldn't afford to think about that, those events had come and gone and if John held onto them he was in danger of destroying their relationship. He loved this woman more than anything in this universe and insecurities like the ones that were niggling around in his brain right now would begin to fracture and rive a wedge right through them.

John couldn't lock Cass up in a tower the way he wanted to in order to protect her and the moment he tried he would become just like the other men in her life. The ones that had seen her as weak because she was a woman, instead what she needed from him was his belief in her and his support.

He was too tired to be thinking like this, he really wanted to crawl under the sheets and feel that loving, calm reassurance that Cass always filled him with. He needed to quiet the restlessness of his tarnished soul and Cass was the only one that could help with that. Right now he needed to get her into bed properly.

John's fingertip trailed from the centre of her forehead down along the delicate shape of her nose. Cass growled at the intrusion into her restfulness as he bopped her gently on the nose not once but twice. Her fingers caught his as she grumbled before she tucked them under her cheek. John chuckled in response to her actions as she crinkled her nose at the kiss he placed upon it.

"Cassie..." he drawled as her tired sapphire eyes flicked open unfocused and groggy. "Come on baby girl, we need to get you under these sheets."

Cass groaned at his request before complying, she rolled onto the furthest edge of the bed allowing John to pull the covers out from underneath her slender form. He climbed into the bed beside his wife allowing Cass to snuggle closer against his warm, inviting chest. John tucked the sheets around the two of them before gathering Cass up in his arms, their bare legs entwining together as he breathed in her intoxicating floral scent.

Cass's fingers crept up along the curve of his naked waist seeking out that the familiar strum of their connection through the skin on skin contact. Her fingertips doodled patterns up and along the ridges of his muscular back as she nuzzled his throat affectionately. Her tiny socked feet were rubbing along his bare ones trying to warm them up.

Cass had felt the distress the instant John had awoken her, it had vibrated through his body like an electrical current twanging at every single of his nerves. No matter how much he tried to shield it from her, Cass could always see what he was trying to hide from her. Not a human alive could go through what John had and not feel some repercussions. Her wandering hand was light, gentle and caressing as Cass traced the outline of his waist. Already his masculine shape was beginning to settle underneath her ministrations.

Her soul nudged his eagerly, she could feel them merging as she gave herself over to him emotionally instead of consummating their love physically. In that instant she could feel everything. Cass could see how badly he was hurting inside, the cracks were appearing on his outer shell from the toll that the past few days were taking on him. He was scuffed and vulnerable right now and he despised feeling like that so fragile.

Her lips met his, they were tender, chaste and sweet as she poured every single affection she had for him through their bonded connection. It washed over John like honey, spreading and filling in the chips and gaps until it covered him entirely insulating him from the harsh world outside.

God he felt like he could breath again for the first time since the Siege had started and it was such a refreshing relief to feel that cloud of darkness shift from overhead.

"How did I survive before you?" he mumbled into the corner of her mouth, his hands roaming over Cass's clothed form.

"You were doing pretty good on your own for a fly boy." Cass teased as her nose traced the line of his until their lips were barely inches apart once more. "Your just not alone any more."

John stared into her beautiful sapphire eyes, finding himself unable to pull away. Somehow she had saved him once more and John would never doubt what the two of them had. It was too special, too unique to ever let go. Cass was his safe haven and he knew without the words ever leaving her mouth that he was hers. Their connection went beyond words, beyond feelings and emotions to something deep down and basic.

They were soulmates, that primal, savage need to protect her would always be there along with the wild urge to claim her as his own over and over again. He had been a lone wolf before he had met Cass and like a wolf when the two of them had bonded they had mated for life.

John Sheppard would never have to feel alone ever again.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! I hope your all having a wonderful day! Today is the start of my week holiday so yay to a little time off and relaxation. I say that but we're having a new boiler fitted over three days in the middle of the week so relaxation is probably a stretch. <strong>_

_Shippo: lol I always want to hug Ford because he's just like a kid in someways. I am so glad your enjoying this story! Thankies very much for the review!_

_Lan: lol I can appreciate you have a busy real life too so no worries! I am enjoying writing this so much, these two just take the story and run with it! Thankies very much for such a wonderful review!_


	43. Chapter 43: Back To Me

Chapter Forty Three

_Take your time I wont go anywhere  
>Picture you with the wind in your hair<br>I'll keep your things right where you left them  
>I'll be here for you <em>

_David Cook – Come Back To Me_

John did not like being a Galaxy away from his wife. He had learned that within twenty four hours of leaving Atlantis through the Stargate and reappearing on the other side in the SGC hidden miles underneath the Cheyenne Mountain Air Force Station. On Atlantis when he slept alone he was restless, he would twist and turn in the sheets or under the sleeping bag in attempt to get comfortable.

Here in the SGC quarters he was in a similar situation, he could simply not sleep. It did not matter what position he managed to tangle himself into, without Cass's warm and tranquil presence beside him, he could not lull himself into slumber. He was surviving on brief cat naps to get him through the days because his body was honed and trained to rest in order to conserve energy. He wondered how she was faring up back on Atlantis, did he consume her thoughts as much as she stole away his?

Not knowing what was going on in the other galaxy was more infuriating than he had originally imagined. Cass aside, he worried about how the rebuilding of their city was going and what the Wraith were up to. Sergeant Stackhouse was a perfectly adequate military leader in his absence but the other man was less experienced than Sergeant Bates had been which was why John hadn't put him in a position of authority to begin with. However with Bates injuries it had been necessary to bring him home to Earth in order to recover.

John turned onto his back once more and huffed as he stared at the ceiling cantankerously. If there was ever a night he needed sleep it would be this one, he had a long enduring day tomorrow. By 9am he would be in Memphis visiting Ford's cousin Corinne to give her the bad news regarding her relative. He already knew it was going to be an upsetting experience, in this case he couldn't give the family any closure or details but he could promise that he wouldn't stop looking for the other man and he was true to his word.

This was the part of his job he hated the most in the world but John wouldn't have it any other way. Explaining to the families or friends that their loved ones had died with honour and dignity was important to him. He had always hoped that someone would be as gracious if he met a similar fate. Back then he had been resigned to dying for his country and now he was simply happy to protect it the best he could.

It was clear as John turned onto his side that he would get no respite tonight and he dreaded the next three and a half weeks, knowing that they would pass as slowly as the past couple of days had. John hated the paperwork that was being forced upon him and he hated the indecision he felt lingering in the air, held over him by the International Oversight Advisory board.

Ever since Colonel Sumner's death, he had been the highest ranking military personal on Atlantis and he had stepped into the role as best as he could. At the time they had been cut off from Earth and the change in hierarchy was a matter of survival for their city. Now that their circumstances had changed the IOA were looking for someone else to replace him and that left John with infirm footing. He was used to being top dog that was true but he would bow to another Alpha male if he was ordered to, that was the way the military was. That may make things harder for him and Cass in the long run since they were not legally married and as far as John's command stretched he was a rather laid back C.O. He was sure he could find away to work around that, whoever they picked and he suspected it would be Colonel Steven Caldwell from his intergalactic experiences, could be talked around into accepting the two of them.

What John actually feared was reassignment.

Being taken away from Atlantis was John's worst nightmare. The city was an anchor for him, it was the place he had deemed his home and now he was facing the possibility of being snatched away from it. If he returned to Earth he would be at the military's beck and call the same way he had been before he'd taken the job in Atlantis. That had destroyed his previous marriage, he had been away from home a lot more than he had intended.

On top of that Cass's contract with the SGC wasn't up for at least another three years by his reckoning so the IOA were perfectly within rights to keep her in Atlantis if she requested a transfer which he assumed they would do since she was the best candidate for the position. He would only really be allowed to see her whenever the two of them had leave together which was four weeks out of every year and there was no guarantee they would be able to have the same set weeks.

God, this was such a mess and the worst part was that John hadn't even been aware that he was up for review until he'd stepped back on Earth. Now he was in danger of letting his relationship slip between his fingers. It was clear that the two of them hadn't expected to return to Earth and now that this problem was looming there was no way to even talk out the options with Cass to try and plot a course of action.

If the decision didn't go his way, he would have only a day, maybe two if he stretched it to pack his personal items before he returned to Earth, barely enough time to throw the news at his new wife before he was gone again.

_For better or worse_, Cass had promised as they lay on the beach together.

Would she still mean that if John was an absentee husband? It was different when the two of them were apart for a couple of days at a time. This month would be the longest time they would have spent in separate quarters since their relationship had started. The distance wouldn't stop his feelings, he knew that in a heart beat.

John supposed there was always Skype if they asked Rodney to help set it up and of course emails if they get some form of internet connection running up on Atlantis, although John wasn't sure if that was possible. Even with all the modern communication at their fingertips it would be a poor second place to actually spending time with his wife, yet John knew he would take whatever he could get. No matter what happened he would do what it took to make this relationship work even with the months of either limited contact from his wife or none at all.

John raked his hands through his untidy, brown hair in frustration. Who was he kidding? Having no contact at all with Cass would kill him. The never knowing if she was ok or not would drive him literally insane. Jesus, John hated this situation, he God damn hated it. He knew Elizabeth was trying her hardest to fix it but he had no idea if that was going to be enough. His military career was chequered since that incident with the chopper crash in Afghanistan. Against someone like Colonel Caldwell...

He didn't stand a chance.

John let out an exasperated sigh before rolling onto his side and flicking on his bedside lamp, his hand was already seeking out the letter he had placed underneath his pillow. His fingertips caressed over the elegant, cursive handwriting as he read it for what felt like the hundredth time. It reassured him carrying a little piece of Cass around him with him, he had found the letter two days ago when he'd placed his large hands in the pockets of his flak jacket. She must have slipped it in there before he had left.

_John,_

_If you've found this I clearly wasn't clever enough about hiding it but then again that was never really the point of writing this letter. My intention was to create something that would make the two of us feel better about the time we're apart. I'm not very good at writing letters so bare with me if I start to ramble, I never know what to put in these things or how other people will feel when they read it. So here goes:_

_I will miss you terribly, I'm not saying this to make you feel worse. I am simply stating a fact. No matter how long you leave for I always end up missing you. Whether it's the way your smile lights up the room when you walk in or that wry sense of humour that makes me crack up in an instant when you mutter something underneath your breath. God, you make me laugh so much John, it's making me grin thinking about just some of the smartass comments you've tossed my way over the past few days._

_I hate sleeping without you, I feel like the bed is too big without you in it and I constantly find myself rolling over in the night and patting the sheets searching for you. Despite your protests you do mutter in your sleep, the other night I woke up to hear you chattering about a turkey sandwich. (and yet again why the Mess Hall had run out of cranberry) I admit I even miss listening to the sound of you talking in your sleep when your away. _

_I know that must seem really pathetic and I am completely blushing as I read back that last line. Anyway I will move on before I lose my nerve about writing this. _

_I want you to know that no matter what happens I am here for you. A chat, a hug, anything you need I will give because I know that you would do the same for me. I meant every word of those vows and even though it wasn't a standard 'Earth' ceremony I am still your wife in every sense._

_Your worrying. I can tell from how quiet you've been over the past few hours and it's unlike you to be so reserved and distant. I think after everything that the two of us have been through (Wraith included) that we can deal with a trip to Earth. _

_I can't say I'm not disappointed at the fact I won't be able to visit my family for a little while longer but just knowing that we have a functioning ZPM fills me with a sense of hope as it does every single other person we have in the city. I guess what I am trying to say is I understand why it is your job to return and I don't resent that. You deserve a little time away from Atlantis, try to enjoy the week back on Earth because it won't be long before your stuck in the Daedalus for eighteen days on your way back to the city. _

_Anyway I think you'll be coming back any minute so I'm going to sign off before you catch me writing._

_Stay safe!_

_All my love _

_Cass x_

John pressed the letter to his chest so it came to rest just over his heart where his love for his wife resided.

_Jesus Cassie_, he prayed, _give me strength._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! I hope your enjoying the aftermath to the Siege!<strong>_

_**Special thanks to everyone who added and reviewed!**_

_Shippo: I adore John, he makes me wanna hug him loads! John is so sweet when it comes to people he cares about. Thanks for the review._

_Brn: Thank you for such lovely kind words. I thought John needed somewhere that he could deem as 'safe'. Cass has the right capacity for John and it makes me wanna hug the two of them! Thanks for such a lovely wonderful!_


	44. Chapter 44: Distraction

Chapter Forty Four

_And I wonder if I ever cross your mind?  
>For me it happens all the time<em>

_Lady Antebellum – Need You Now_

The Mess Hall was busy today and Cass thought it had something to do with the last of the fruit cups being served which was damned disappointing since fruit cups were the best part of their meal. Unfortunately that made her mood a little more sour than usual. Cass used her fork to stab at the pasta on her plastic tray, her motion was almost violent and Cass found herself sighing as she set down her eating implements and selected her fruit cup.

"That does not look like a happy face." Zelinka said as he gestured towards the chair across from her. "May I?"

"Of course Radek." Cass gave him a brisk smile before pushing the chair out with her foot.

"I take it your missing the Major?" the scientist prompted as he sat down across from Cass, unwrapping his eating utensils.

Cass pushed her tray away from her before crossing her arms over her chest and shifting in her seat. She wasn't used to feeling like a love sick school girl. In her previous relationship when she had gone away, the home sickness had been brief and fleeting. It was an emotion that had evaporated after a few days. Now it was so viciously potent, she didn't want to go to their quarters because she didn't want to go to bed alone knowing that she would wake up without John's comforting presence by her side.

She was tired and had been cranky over the past few days, it had taken great power of will to rein in her temper at some points. To make things worse because she was Acting Chief of Surgery there was barely any time for her to go off world or out and around the city with any of the military teams so she was starting to feel like she was cooped up in a birdcage because she couldn't go two steps out of the Infirmary without someone requesting something of her.

All of this gave Cass a new found respect for Carson. The Scottish doctor must have the patience of a saint, she had deduced. Between the paper work and the cataloguing of their medical supplies in order to restock in time to send a list to Earth before the Daedalus took off she swore she was going to start sneaking off world to alleviate some of the agitation she was feeling.

"I know it seems stupid doesn't it?" Cass said, shaking her head as a flush crept over her pale cheeks. "We've spent nine months away from our families and I haven't blinked an eye but as soon as he goes away fro more than a few days..."

"It's not stupid." Zelinka told her, as he focused on using his fork to skewer the pasta. "He's been a constant fixture in your life over the past nine months of course your going to be at odds, I don't think your new role in the Infirmary seems to be helping very much either."

Cass rubbed her hands over her exhausted features, it appeared she was showing a lot more than she intended and she thought that was probably something to do with the weariness too. In one respect she was unnerved that she seemed to be an open book but in another she was glad because it gave her someone to talk to about the pressure she was feeling.

"I hate it." she admitted, looking at Zelinka through her spread fingers. "I like being out in the field meeting people and being active, all I am doing now is shuffling papers and counting medicines."

"May I be frank?" Zelinka requested as he picked up a napkin and used it to wipe off any residual sauce from around his mouth.

Cass nodded her agreement before she propped her chin on top of her hand, watching as Zelinka screwed up the napkin and tossed it onto his tray.

"It would appear that your working harder to alleviate your feelings regarding the Major is that correct?" the scientist asked her.

"Yes." Cass admitted begrudgingly.

"So your not allowing yourself any recreational time." Zelinka stated as a matter of fact.

"Well..." Cass protested before pursing her lips shut as she thought about the prospect.

She had spent the last three days working flat out and catching a few small naps when she could get them in John's quarters. Sleeping in his room was a lot less lonely than sleeping in her own, just having his things around her gave her a sense of reassurance that she knew could never match having the man himself curled around her. There hadn't been time to sort out married accommodation yet, Cass didn't even think there was a protocol when it came to cohabiting on Atlantis. The two of them had simply been falling into bed in who's ever room was the closest.

"No..." she admitted, pondering on when she'd become so needy and dependant.

It didn't sit right with Cass relying on someone so much and she had no idea how much she needed John in her life until he was gone. He was the stability she had craved her whole entire life and now that she had it, letting it go seemed vulgar and self harming like cutting off your own limb. She had never missed anyone outside of her family so badly, and it took her a second to realize that John had become her own family.

Secretly she had wanted what her sister Jules had had for the longest time. The house, the husband, the kids, her sister was always happy, always smiling and always secure. Cass had always wanted a little something like that for herself but she had never deemed herself as worthy, Jules was the responsible one and Cass was the adventurer. Jules had once said she admired that about Cass but the truth was she was only like this because she was so unsettled. She had felt like she was searching for something while she was travelled, like there was that huge gaping hole inside her that demanded to be filled and Cass could never find anything that would patch the gap inside her.

Then she had met John and everything had changed, he was her missing piece and without him she wasn't even a whole person, she was back to being some damaged unhappy person she had been back then. All of her old insecurities were back up in the air and she found herself worrying about stupid ridiculous things that hadn't concerned her in months. She fretted he wouldn't return and if that happened what would become of her then?

_Shake it off_, the voice in her head told her, _build a future._

"You need a project, something to take your mind off work and something that will benefit you and the Major in the long run." Zelinka told her with that knowing smile curving across his features.

Cass regarded the scientist with suspicion and curiosity. It was clear that the older man had something in mind and she was intrigued by the proposal. Zelinka was a completely different breed of scientist to Rodney McKay, he was polite and friendly, Cass couldn't help but consider that maybe that was due to his humble Czech upbringing. Zelinka was also an avid chess player, his logic was flawless and he was the reigning champion of any match that he played against any one in Atlantis.

Before the Siege he had been teaching her how to play chess, it was a game she had always been interested in but had never gotten around to learning. Yet watching Zelinka play was absolutely fascinating, his opponents would spent the longest time contemplating their moves, fingers brushing over the pieces, back and forth until they finally decided to make shift a piece to another square. Zelinka's own moves were lightning fast and abrupt usually resulting in a quick victory.

Cass thought that had something to do with Zelinka's ability to be able to step back and look at the bigger picture before focusing on the small details. She had heard his own work was as methodical and thoughtful as his chess playing.

"I have a feeling this is a lot bigger than chess lessons." Cass stated, studying Zelinka's coy expression trying to get an inkling of what he was suggesting.

"It is." Zelinka conceded "But you'll have a lot of help."

Cass's eyebrows arched at his words as she stared at the Czech completely confused. She had no clue to what he was talking about but she could feel the excitement growing in her belly at this new venture. Whatever it was sounded interesting and already she was dying to understand what Zelinka was talking about.

The scientist rose to his feet picking up his own plastic tray and signalling for Cass to do the same before he spoke.

"Come with me and I'll show you what I mean."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! I've had a busy day today running to and from all over the place and I thought I'd gift you with a new chapter as I am settled at home now. <strong>_

_**Special thanks to everyone who has been reading this story and of course reviewed and added.**_

_Shippo: I want to hug Cass and John so much. He's missing her so much and Cass in return is missing him. Who says that John will actually get home? Lol Thanks for the review!_

_Brn: LMAO" I love the fact I get you so involved in this story. Lol it's different when your with someone physically you get a different type of comfort I think. Yet real love can't be shirked either, what's comfort with out real love. Hopefully they will get some happy moments but who knows what Zelenka has up his sleeve. Thank you very much for such a truly wonderful review!_

_Joey: I am so glad your enjoying this story, it is such a joy to write. When I saw that they were looking at Caldwell for his position I thought why wouldn't John also thing that that man may get the job. I could imagine Cass wanting him to have a little something from her, especially with all that distance. Thank you so much for such a brilliant review, you've really made me smile today!_


	45. Chapter 45: Walking In Memphis

Chapter Forty Five

_Yeah, I got a first class ticket  
>But I'm as blue as a boy can be<em>

_Then I'm walking in Memphis_  
><em>I was walking with my feet ten feet off of Beale<em>  
><em>Walking in Memphis<em>  
><em>But do I really feel the way I feel?<em>

_Marc Cohn – Walking In Memphis_

John had never been to Memphis before today but he found like a lot of the southern suburbs it had just the right amount of hospitality compared to the Northern states. The town where Ford had grown up was just on the outskirts of the city and John wasn't surprised to see that it was flourishing with culture and friendliness. He was currently sitting within Corinne's very beautiful home politely awaiting the refreshments she had offered him. The house was very modern and was designed to be open planned. John found himself admiring it when he had first entered.

Now he was sitting on the couch wrought with regret and apprehension holding a picture frame containing Ford's graduation photograph from the Marines. It had been placed on the coffee table along side several other more personal ones, and John found himself smiling grimly as he reviewed them. He was dressed in a new navy blue suit for the occasion with a crisp sky coloured shirt underneath, there was no tie required as this was an informal meeting but he thought that Lieutenant Ford's family deserved this degree of respect for everything that they had been through.

He set the picture frame down again as Corinne entered the room carrying a tray with a white decanter and two coffee cups, a small jug of milk and a matching bowl of sweetener, all perched on top. John clasped his fingers together as she set down the tray and began pouring the coffee out in silence.

The quiet was restricting and he found when he chanced a glance at Ford's cousin that he couldn't get a read on her emotions. She had been polite enough upon greeting but that could simply be from the way she was raised as opposed to the way she was feeling. John shifted awkwardly and wondered if she could sense his tension.

Delivering messages like this was never easy but it was worse when it was regarding a man that he had considered to be a close friend. His inability to give any details hindered him completely. If the position was reversed he would want as much information as he could get his hands on but in this circumstance he wasn't allowed to give it.

"I appreciate you coming here in person Major, Aiden and I were only cousins but since we didn't have any brothers and sisters we became very close." Corinne told John as she offered a coffee cup to him.

John took it gratefully as he considered her words. He had suspected as much from the photographs and his memories of Ford during their missions and downtime. John had originally thought Corinne was his sister from the way the other man had talked about her and he had been surprised to learn she was in fact a close cousin when he had been seeking out the Lieutenant's next of kin.

"I want you to know that as far as I'm concerned he's still alive." John informed the woman across from him, making sure she could see the earnest sincerity in his eyes. "Until I see evidence to the contrary I intend to keep looking for him."

"But you can't give me any details. You can't tell me where he was stationed or how he went missing or what the chances are that I'll ever see him again." Corinne's stern voice became more vivid with anger as she spat out each sentence.

John found himself sighing as he searched for the right words to say, for something that could reassure this woman maybe even grant her a little peace but there was nothing. Those huge dark eyes were staring back at him accusingly as John gnawed on his lower lip, before his gaze lowered into the recesses of his coffee cup to escape it.

"I'm sorry." he murmured shamefully before he took a sip from the cup.

"This is exactly why I didn't want you to speak with Aiden's grandparents. They can't take this kind of thing right now." Corinne hesitated as John set his cup back down before continuing. "I'm starting to think that maybe I should tell them that he's not coming home. At least I know they would have some closure."

John was already shaking his head at her words, his expression was pinched and pained. He couldn't hide the passing of emotions that were crossing his features and he knew from the way Corinne's own gaze softened that he was already revealing too much of his own personal stake.

"Well, we're not there yet." he said gently in an attempt to comfort this woman.

John himself had never been on the receiving end of one of these conversations and he hoped to God he would never have to be. He felt so useless trying to help this woman, he knew there was never anything he could do or say to relinquish the pain and suffering she must be feeling. He knew a thing or two about hurt and he was devastated at Ford's disappearance despite the fact he was aware of the details and he had the means and capability to possibly locate the other man.

Before he had returned to Earth he had been trying, they all had but Ford was skilled and wily. His training with the Marines upstaged John's air force experience, it would seem that Ford was always one step ahead, covering his tracks.

"You know Aiden mentioned you in that tape he sent..." Corinne began.

John's mind flickered back to the week before the Siege upon Atlantis and the tapes that everyone in the city had made in order to say goodbye to their loved ones. He was surprised to hear that he had been mentioned in Ford's tape at all since their messages were all personal.

"He said you were a good man." Corienne continued as John turned his head away from her. "That he trusted you with his life."

John pursed his lips together so his mouth was set in a straight line. These words should be filling him with an immense sense of pride instead they were stabbing him like tiny needles raking all over his skin. He should have done more for the other man, he should have blasted Ford straight away as many times as possible in order to get him under control instead of trying to talk him down. He should have insisted that Beckett put him in restraints so he couldn't escape. He could have done any number of things but he hadn't and now Corinne and her family were paying the price for that.

"You tell me Major, was that trust misplaced?" Corinne asked him as John swallowed hard past the lump in his throat.

The truth was John Sheppard didn't have an answer for that.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! I thought this was an important chapter in terms of John!<strong>_

_**Special thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed and added! I sincerely appreciate it!**_

_Joey: I could completely imagine Cass as cranky and irate. I completely love Zelinka and I wanted a chance to put him in here. There's just something so sweet about Radek! He is the complete opposite to Rodney. I know exactly what you mean about a room makes more fun. You'll have to wait and see. Thankies very much for such a tremendous review! _

_Shippo: LMAO! It's a secret until the next chapter or two, my lips are sealed! Thankies for the review!_

_Brn: I'm allowed to leave you on a cliff hanger :p lol Trust me Cass wants him home too. Your reviews make me laugh so much because they're so fun. I am defo a ninja! Fly kicking Genii as I go! Thankies for such a cool review!_


	46. Chapter 46: Home Sweet Home

Chapter Forty Six

_If you want it  
>Come and get it<br>Crying out loud  
>The love that I was<br>Giving you was  
>Never in doubt<br>And feel it now_

_David Grey - Babylon_

They were in a part of the city that Cass had never seen before and she had to admit just looking at the stunning beauteous architecture of what they were deeming the Northern Quarter left her astounded. The place was built like an apartment complex back on Earth with an amazing courtyard landscaped into the centre of it. The fountain in the middle was made of the same material as the buildings around them and although it was desolate and the flower beds needed tending but she could see the potential in this place and she found herself instantly falling in love with it.

"It's gorgeous." Cass breathed as she stood next to Zelinka, her sapphire eyes still taking in the details of this extraordinary location.

"Believe it or not that's actually not what I wanted to show you." Zelinka informed her gesturing for her to follow him into the Teleporter.

Cass complied with the unspoken request, her mood instantly brighter. Just seeing something like that in the middle of their city was wonderful and it made her beam at the thought of what this area would look like when it was revitalised.

"This is where we think the Ancients used to live during their time in the city." Zelinka told Cass as the doors to the Teleporter reopened revealing a brightly lit corridor. "After the Siege, we found this location and have begun renovating it in order to generate more quarters to accommodate for everybody on the Expedition, old and new."

Cass nodded her understanding of the situation as they strode to the end of the corridor where a sturdy set of double doors were residing. Zelinka swiped his hand over the mechanism at the side of the door allowing them both access to the area on the other side.

Cass was awestruck. She had never considered that something so homely and decadent could exist in Atlantis. The apartment, which was the only way she could describe the space was marvellous. It was vast and extensive compared to the simple small quarters they were currently residing in. The main living space was huge and three steps let up to what Cass would assume was the bedroom. The whole entire apartment was open planned, the floors were laminated with rich chestnut wood and from the bedroom area there was open access to a balcony.

Cass followed Zelinka inside as the doors hissed shut behind her. It surprised her how much natural light there was in this vast space, it made the rooms aglow. Zelinka beckoned Cass towards the en- suite bathroom, she stepped inside, using her fingers to flick on the light before she took in the spectacular sight in front of her. Cass had only seen a bathroom like this top price hotel rooms. It was gleaming with white washed newness. There was a large corner bath situated on the opposite side of the wall, part of it was shielded by a glass shower protector so it could be used for both.

"God I miss baths." Cass said, looking at the spectacular bathroom longingly.

Over the years she had become used to using whatever she could to bath in, and in the past nine months having the amenity of a walk in shower was a joy but this bathroom was something she coveted. She was jealous of whoever the future owner of this whole apartment was.

"After the Siege Doctor Weir commissioned us to finish this apartment complex starting with this one. It's the largest apartment in the building and we're using it as a template on the rest of smaller apartments." Zelinka explained to her as they stepped back into the main rooms.

"Well she certainly deserves to have somewhere nice to come home to at night." Cass approved as she gazed through the french windows that opened out onto the balcony.

She could see the sea stretching out along the horizon and she wondered what the view looked like late at night with the moon glimmering along the surface.

"Oh, it's not for Elizabeth." Zelinka said, watching at the expression on the younger woman's features as she peered out of the french windows. "It's a wedding gift for you and the Major."

Cass froze for a second as the words rolled through her mind. Her head snapped towards Zelinka, her eyebrows furrowing into a frown as she stared at the scientist as if he'd grown a second head.

"Wedding gift?" she repeated.

Zelinka used his forefinger so that his glasses were sitting comfortably once more.

"Both Elizabeth and I felt it was time for the two of you to have your own place. Separate quarters is no way for a young married couple to be living especially in these times. We wanted to give you something and this is big enough for two people to comfortably cohabit in." Zelinka explained.

"You've given us an apartment?"Cass responded completely dumbfounded. "This apartment?"

"Yes." Zelinka nodded vigorously, holding up a catalogue. "All you need is furniture and the Daedalus brought this back from Earth on it's last round trip."

"Furniture?" Cass repeated as Zelinka put the catalogue in her hands.

"Well I assume the two of you would want a bigger bed and maybe a couch for the living area." Zelinka told her using his hands to indicate where he thought the couch might go.

Cass raised a hand to indicate for him to be quiet for a second while she struggled to scramble her thoughts together. She couldn't believe this, it was like Zelinka had become some bizarre Fairy Godmother in the past five minutes and Cass was struggling to comprehend such kindness.

"Just accept it." Zelinka said patting her shoulder. "The two of you deserve to have a place to call home. I don't think you'll find anyone on this planet that will disagree with this decision."

"Wow..." Cass murmured as she put her hand over her mouth reviewing the gorgeous new apartment that now belonged to her and John. "I don't know what to say."

"Usually it's customary to say thank you." Zelinka teased as Cass hugged the catalogue to her chest. "I would order that furniture as soon as possible so you and the Major can move in three weeks instead of waiting for the Daedalus return trip."

"Which would take two months instead." Cass said knowingly. "I guess I will get onto it."

The young woman was still looking around the apartment in admiration, he had been able to tell the instant that they had stepped into this place that she adored it. Zelinka was glad to see Cass so happy, it was a nice change to the dark cloud she had been carrying around with her over the past few days. The truth was he understood the displacement the young doctor was feeling, he thought she would feel better with a home of her own.

From their previous conversations Zelinka had come to discover that she didn't have a place to call home back on Earth, after her ex fiancé had sold the house she had moved in temporarily with her sister and her family until she was cleared for duty once more. From what he knew about the Major the other man was in a similar boat.

During their chess lessons the two of them talked animately about they're time on Atlantis and about Earth. He had learned that no two people could be more perfect for each other that the demure doctor and the brave soldier. Their marriage had not been a surprise to him, it was clear how much the two cared for one another and both him and Elizabeth had agreed that the union between these two people should be recognized. Having their own place was acknowledgement of the bonding in the eyes of everyone in this city.

The marriage between Doctor Pierce and Major Sheppard had also broken a few hearts along the way. Zelinka doubted Cass had been aware that one or two of the younger scientists had been carrying a torch for her.

The Major however, Zelinka had observed, was very aware of his effect on women and had spent the past few months downplaying his once flirtatious manner. It was clear that he was taking this relationship more seriously than anything he had been involved in previously. The evidence was in the long line of women he had been deliberately dismissing when they tossed a pick up line his way. The Major had made his position abundantly clear, there was only one woman for him come hell or high water.

"I'm gonna go and program both yours and the Major's command codes into the door panel." Zelinka told Cass as he jerked his thumb towards the door.

"Radek." Cass said drawing Zelinka's attention back towards her.

Her smile was enough to light up the room as she beamed at him cradling the catalogue close to her chest. He hadn't seen her this excited before and he thought it was cute in an endearing, paternal sort of way.

"Thank you."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! Hope your having a wonderful weekend!<strong>_

_Shippo: I feel sorry for Ford's cousin and his family. They will never have closure over what happened to their family member and it is so heart wrenching! Thankies for a review!_

_Brn: You can't hate me I am too nice :'( I thought we needed to see this side of John because it is such an important part of who he is and the burden of his responsibility. Lol did you enjoy the revelation? Thanks for such a wonderful review! _

_Lady: Oh you naughty girl! I didn't know you like SGA! Thanks so very much for reviewing! _


	47. Chapter 47: For Better, For Worse

Chapter Forty Seven

_Ever danced with the devil baby? Oh no  
>Make my day<br>Do you feel lucky? Oh no_

_Stereophonics - Devil_

The bar was too crowded for John's taste, he hadn't expected so many people to come into a dive like this around the lunch time shift but as it turned out liquid lunch was more than just a metaphor in Memphis. John had a few hours to kill before he had to be back at the airbase and after what had gone down in Corinne's house he needed a drink to tide him over.

Then another drink just for Ford and then a third to forget how much he was missing Cass. Of course, he then had a beer to chase down the bourbon. John realized that he was consuming more alcohol than the usual beer or two he drank when he was in a bar. He didn't like not being in control of himself and he knew that the current turbulence in his life was clearly having a worse effect on him than he had originally suspected.

John's suit jacket was resting on the barstool to his right, his baby blue sleeves were rolled up to his elbows as he chugged from his bottle of beer. His world was about to be turned upside down and temptation was looming brighter than ever in the corner of his eye. The old John Sheppard would have been more than half way to drunk by now, he'd also have been hitting on the woman next to him, the one in the short skirt sucking the cherry off her cocktail stick.

"Hey there sugar," she drawled as he took a swig of his beer.

Her curious gaze strayed to his left hand, coming to rest on his empty ring finger.

"No ring?" she queried.

John set down his beer bottle, that charming smile spreading across his handsome features as he shook his head at her words. It was the same old pick up line he was used to hearing when he sat alone in a bar. It didn't matter to this woman whether he was wearing a wedding ring or not, it was just a starting point to a conversation that would eventually lead back to some low rent motel room.

"You know a year or two ago I probably would have gone for a girl like you." John said, giving her the once over as he catalogued her assets the way he would have back then.

Sleek bottle blond hair, tanned all over, most likely from a sunbed since there seemed to be no visible tan lines. Her breasts were pushed up and on display in that white, skin tight top she was wearing. Her face was made up as if she was spending Friday night on the town, plump, glossy red lips and thick black eyeliner that made her jade green eyes stand out. She was every man's wet dream in this tiny dive of a bar. She was also trying to be John's afternoon delight.

"What about now?" The blond purred as she gave his physique an appreciative glance. "I could certainly go for a guy like you."

There was such lust in her eyes, pure unadulterated desire was vibrating within her flesh and John found himself repulsed by the neediness in this woman. Before Cass, this woman would have been exactly what he would have wanted. a quick fuck in a motel room, an itch to scratch or a frustration to vent, now she was simply a distraction. A very unwelcome one.

"Sorry, you ain't my type." John informed her, draining the last of his beer and setting the bottle back on the bar.

"Playing hard to get sugar?" she asked him, fluttering those pretty long lashes. "I think I can do a little something for that stress you seem to be under."

Her hand was rubbing up and down his bare arm, sending the hairs on his arms prickling with apprehension as her manicured talons raked his skin enforcing the extent of her intentions.

Shit, John used to be exactly like this woman, prowling in bars for someone to spent the night with. Anything to quench the loneliness inside that had been eating him up. There had been many women before the crash in Afghanistan and then after that no one. Even sex had been something he couldn't console himself with, he had lost several good people that day and that had been all on him.

The blond was waiting and John never remembered being this insistent, if one turned him down he would move onto another more willing participant to fulfil his vices. She was still talking, her tone low and suggestive. He hadn't heard a single word she'd said and it was coming to the point where he would be expected to either slip a room key into her hand or take her himself to that alley around the back. He was far from in the mood for this. He was pissed off with the IOA, with Cass being so stupidly far away, with himself for letting his awful sense of judgement get the best of him.

John snorted rudely at the blond's words as they registered before raising to his feet and picking up his suit jacket before slinging it over his right shoulder.

"There ain't nothing you could do for me that I can't do with one hand." he informed her before brushing past her and exiting through the door of the bar.

His blood was boiling and it wasn't just over the whore in the bar. It was at the possibilities that she had brought to light through her actions. If it was that easy for a woman to come onto him without a wedding ring, what chance would Cassie have when the new marines and other staff that would be shipped out to Atlantis.

John himself didn't like walking around unclaimed, that restless beast was prowling around inside him again, pacing and growling demanding he mark his mate so that no other man would get any designs on her. He had felt this agitation building over the past few days, growing worse and worse with each passing day as his dark mood settled in. He had been trying to keep a lid on it but it was clear that it wasn't happy with the predicament that he faced. He didn't like being away from Cass and if he ended up being reassigned...

He would be an intolerable son of a bitch.

John wasn't sure if it was a conscious decision or not that he ended up standing inside a discreet jewellery store in the heart of Memphis. When he finally managed to pull himself out of his furious thoughts he found himself jabbing his finger at a small array of wedding rings that were cushioned in royal blue velvet fixtures.

"That one." John heard himself saying as he tapped the glass. "That's the one."

He felt it with every ounce of his being as he watched the sales assistant remove the ring from it's plush surroundings. There was something that connected him to this tiny, gorgeous platinum circlet and it's partner ring. He thought it had something to do with the three small diamonds that shone like tiny stars from the ring, glittering in the light.

_Sheppard's Belt. _He found himself smiling as he studied the circlet between his calloused fingers. _Just like back home._

Home...

Atlantis was his home as was Cass. It seemed unfair that he was going to be separated from both of them. If it came to having one over the other Cass would always win hands down. He thought this ring might remind her of him if he was forced to leave. Already when John looked at it he felt he could see so many of their memories etched into it. The very first kiss he had stolen from her in the infirmary, that time she'd yanked him into a Teleporter just so they could have a moment when they were both busy with work...

There were more, so many more and they ran through his head like a series of video clips as he clasped this ring between his fingertips. There was a life time in this ring, he could feel it pulsating through him as he held it in his hand. He wanted Cass to know how he felt when she looked at this ring, to have no doubts that his feelings for her would never change no matter what the distance was between them.

His inquisitive hazel eyes landed on it's partner ring. The thicker platinum band with a single discreet, clear cut diamond etched into the centre.

_Cassie. _John thought as he ran his thumb over the diamond._ His own shining star._

This was his ring. He had known it the instant he had laid eyes on the jewelled duet. John had never seen anything that seemed such a perfect representation of their relationship before. Well almost perfect...

"Can you include an inscription?" John requested as he set the rings down and withdrew his wallet from the pocket of his navy blue trousers.

"Of course, what would you like it to say?" The sales assistant responded brightly as John handed over his credit card.

John thought of what they'd been through, The Storm, The Siege, their pasts. So many obstacles had stood between them because of circumstance, other people and themselves. Their lives were never meant to be easy, their professions would never allow them the peace and serenity that other couples were rewarded back here on Earth. They accepted that as a necessary evil, just like he knew they would if he was forced to leave. They would do whatever it took to make this work because it was their mantra so to speak, no matter what happened they would be there for each other come hell or high water.

John found himself smiling once more as he spoke quietly.

"For better, for worse."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! It's the last day of my holiday and it is lashing down outside so I thought I'd brighten all our days by sending you another chapter!<strong>_

_Buster: Thankies for the review!_

_Brn: Well I don't get an I love you everyday! Lol I am nice to Cass, she suffers a lot so she needs to get something in return. All we need is for John to return home and they may get some happiness after all. That's if he returns that is. Thankies for such a wonderful review x_

_Joey: It's been a wild ride for the two of them so I thought they needed a place for stability and to call their own. Of course I adore hot baths! I thought since John is such a hit with the ladies of course there would be some people sad over his marriage! Thank you for your review, it really made me smile._

_Shippo: lol I wish someone gave me that apartment, it does sound amazing. I thought Zelinka would be the kind of person to help with this project! Thanks for the review._

_Lan: I thought the two of them needed a fairy Godmother and Zelinka decided to take on the role! Seriously Lan don't worry about it just make sure you get yourself well again! Thankies very much for taking the time to review, I do appreciate it x_


	48. Chapter 48: Sweet Dreams

Chapter Forty Eight

_You float on by  
>Oh kiss me with your eyelashes tonight<br>Or Eskimo your nose real close to mine  
>And let's mood the lights and finally make it right<em>

_Jason Mraz - Butterfly_

_Her soft skin was slick from their long, drawn out acts of foreplay. John had never been as vocal as he was tonight. His words were like dirty sonnets igniting her nerves with blistering anticipation as he whispered them in that sexy, husky way of his. They had taken their time tonight, enjoying one another as their hands smoothed over every single scar upon each other's glistening flesh. She had begged and pleaded as he touched her with those deliciously hot fingers of his, stroking and teasing. _

_Yet John was always firm and resolute, driving her to dizzying pleasurable heights until she she felt like she would combust with the ecstasy. It was never enough, each time he took her higher left her breathless and demanding until she could take it no more._

_She was lying on her stomach, amongst her twisted sheets as John pressed the length of his entire athletic form against her inviting shape. They fit together like the answer to a puzzle, their body's perfectly sculpted for one another. His leaking, throbbing cock was rubbing against her core, pushing just against the entrance leaving Cass in dire straits as John proceeded no further despite how much of his own need consumed him. _

_His face was buried in the hollow of her neck, his ragged breathing caressing her skin with every moan that told her how close he was to losing that final thread of his steely sense of control. The curve of her firm ass was hugged by the shape of her husband's hips as Cass arched against him, commanding completion._

"_Stop teasing me." she demanded in a low, breathy whisper. "I need you inside me, loving me."_

_John eased inside his wife's rampant form slow and deliberate, making her feel every single inch of his desire as he penetrated her burning tightness. Cass cried out at the sense of fulfilment that flooded her entire body as John tortured her just a little longer. His mouth was by her ear as he bucked his hips, sinking even deeper until he was buried inside her wanton form all the way to the hilt._

"_I love being inside you like this." he panted in her ear as he began to move in agonizingly slow strokes hitting that little sweet spot that left her writhing with delirious pleasure. "So wet and wanting me so God damn much."_

"_Don't stop." Cass invoked as her skin flushed with the feel of a thousand fireworks beginning to erupt inside her."Please John don't stop."_

_It did things to him when she spoke like that, she could tell from that aggressive little growl that emitted low in his throat as he nuzzled her throat. He was thrusting faster now, harder. Just the way Cass wanted it, they were already at the pinnacle of release. She could feel the euphoria rushing through her veins as her whimpers got louder and louder with each and every motion John made. His fingers sought out hers entwining together as their connection sung between them. _

"_I'll never stop." John told her his voice hoarse from the oncoming climax. "Your mine and I'll never stop loving you like this. Come for me Cassie, show me how much you love me."_

_Cass loved when he talked like that, it was so fierce and possessive, the way a mate should talk. He was a gifted and generous lover and she loved that aspect of him. It tipped her over the edge hearing him claim her like that. She was his and it would stay like that until the end of time._

_She crested at the same time as John, her whole entire being trembled and tensed as he pushed inside her once more making her explode like a newly burning star. John's fingertips dug into her knuckles as that feral, gluttonous groan escaped his mouth, his teeth biting down on the nape of her neck, sucking the flesh there. The abrupt pain mingled with the pleasure making their orgasm all the more intense._

_His name was on her lips as she stretched out underneath her husband. John's face was buried in her neck, kissing that tender spot where he marked her as he mumbled against her skin. _

"_God I love everything about you."_

Cass rolled onto her side, her hand reaching out and seeking out her husband's extravagant naked body. God she wanted him right now, she wanted him so much it caused her entire body to ache with desire and need.

"Hm Major." she muttered in that sexy sleepy voice he told her he loved so much.

Her hand collided with nothing but cool sheets as she stretched out along the length of the bed feeling strangely alone once more. Cass buried her face into John's pillow and let out a groan of frustration at not only their current predicament but her aroused condition. That dream had been almost as erotic as the event itself. The last time John and her had made love was a fixture in her mind. The thought of his hands tracing the outline of her body, of his hot demanding mouth, teasing, tasting, wanting...

Cass was already striping back the sheets from her body and climbing out of bed. She didn't know how much longer she could take this any more. This feeling of impulsive desire was crippling, it washed over her at the most inconvenient of moments, at night, during the day, whenever she was alone with her thoughts for more than a few minutes.

It had never been like this for her before John. In Afghanistan it had been easy to forget that there was someone waiting back home but Atlantis was different, here John haunted her thoughts like a ghost. She thought that was because the two of them had established a home here. This was the place where they'd fallen in love, where they'd gotten married and a few times it had been the place where they thought they'd die.

It didn't take long for the cold water to work it's magic over her flustered skin. It soothed over her skin chasing away the agitating thoughts of her husband's sensual nude body and his skilled hands. It had been two weeks now and although she had been keeping herself occupied over the past fortnight with choosing furniture for the new apartment and decorating it in subtle cream tones with the help of Teyla and Zelinka.

The truth was she had never decorated a room before the past week, there had never been any reason too since she was always away in Afghanistan and before that when she hadn't been away her ex fiancé had hired an interior decorator to design their home. It surprised her how much she enjoyed doing the mini bits of DIY and as it turned out Zelinka was full of handy bits of advice from laying down a plastic sheet so she didn't get paint on the floor, to helping measuring the living area to see of the chocolate brown leather corner couch she wanted to order was going to fit.

Cass hadn't taken these things into consideration until she discussed her choices with the older man and Zelinka seemed to be full of patience when it came to the logistics of decorating. Cass was thankful she had barely been spending over the past few years. The house that she had lived in with her ex partner had been in his name and he had never allowed her to pay any rent for the months she was living there. She had contributed as much as he allowed her to the running of the household but as it turned out she had quite a nest egg saved. She hadn't seen fit to get a place of her own after they'd broken up and her sister Jules had accepted her with open arms until she got back on her feet again and applied for another tour.

So when Cass splashed out on brand new furniture for their new apartment she didn't feel guilty or weary about spending the money in her bank account. It was all her own and she saw it as an investment in their future. When they eventually moved back to Earth they could take it all with them when they got a place of their own where ever they finally decided to settle down. She had managed to order all of the furniture before the Daedalus deadline so it should all arrive around the same time as John did.

Cass just hoped he liked her choices, he didn't know about the apartment yet as far as she knew. She had left the choice of electronic devices up to him so that he would feel like he had played some part of setting up their home. He had been planning to bring some of his own stuff back with him but Cass admittedly had no idea what.

It was stupid for her to be this excited about moving into their new place, even without the furnishings she adored the place. It felt like home and she hoped that John would feel the same way once he saw it. She also hoped he helped with assembling some of the furniture because she had no clue how to build a bed, a bookshelf or a chest of drawers.

_Two weeks_, she told herself. _You only have to wait two more weeks._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! It is terrible, wet and windy here and I have had a truly exhausting first day back in work. Hope this chapter brightened you up!<strong>_

_Buster: I could imagine John being completely wanting to mark his mate and I thought that this would be the best way to do it. Thanks for the review._

_Shippo: lol I would have butted her! John is impulsive and that's what I love about him! Thanks for the review!_

_Brn: I could imagine this sleazy woman coming on to him and John just seeing the way he used to be. I wanted you to be worried about him but I needed John to see what could happen if they were separated and if he hadn't marked her. Just think all those cute marines hanging around the doctor. Lol The thought drives him insane. Thanks so much for making me grin._

_Joey: lol in his mind if it's that way for that to happen to him how easy would it be for another man to come on to Cass. He hates the idea and it makes me laugh so much. Seriously hearing you say that thing about Orion's belt really touches me. It means I'm doing a good job. Thanks for such a kind and sweet review. _


	49. Chapter 49: Through Time and Space

Chapter Forty Nine

_Staring straight up into the sky  
>Oh my my a solar system that fits <em>

_Red Hot Chilli Peppers – Parallel Universe_

It was late, not that you could really tell when you looked out of the window of the Daedalus. The only thing John had seen out of the windows over the past fortnight was the sight of space whizzing by in a blue blur. It made him antsy being trapped on a ship in the middle of space for so long. He liked the convenience of stepping through the Stargate and finding himself some place else. The fact the Earth gate didn't have a ZPM powering it meant that three weeks on this space ship was the only way back home to Atlantis.

_Home_, he thought longingly.

It was his home now, the danger of being transferred had passed after the IOA had promoted him to Lieutenant Colonel and renewed his position in Atlantis. He had no idea what strings Elizabeth had pulled or the magic she had worked upon the IOA but he sincerely appreciated it. The two of them worked well in tandem and removing him would have ruined the precarious balance the two of them had managed to construct.

There was only a week left until their arrival in Atlantis and John was relishing the moment he was able to put boots on the ground and get back into some form of routine. He missed that little place he could call his own. There wasn't much for him to do on the Daedalus, Colonel Steven Caldwell was managing things up top form his command chair and John had unfortunately filled his hand luggage with a few surprises he'd managed to pick up in Memphis and Colorado. He had exhausted the games on his Nintendo D.S and his laptop sadly didn't get the internet in between the Milky Way and the Pegasus Galaxy.

On top of that when he had tried to get to some of his personal effects located in the storage area of the ship he had discovered them trapped behind some huge boxes of flat pack furniture that some idiot must have ordered. Someone on board this ship must be decking out their quarters from the amount of stuff he had struggled to rummage through before giving up.

So now he was heading towards the small designated mess area in order to get himself a drink of tea so he could try and interest himself in reading War and Peace again. After almost a year in Atlantis he was only seventeen pages in, he thought that was more to do with him developing some new, more fun hobbies in his free time.

Elizabeth was seated alone when John arrived in the mess area, she was the only one in the dimly lit room, her chin was perched on her hand as she watched hyperspace whip past the window. John made himself a cup of tea before approaching her table and pulling the chair out quietly as not to jolt her out of her thoughts.

"I'm guessing you can't sleep either." he said as he sagged down into the chair, wrapping his hands around the mug to warm them.

Elizabeth shook her head as she lowered her gaze. There was something different about her at the moment, he sensed a sadness residing underneath her cool, blank surface and he gathered that something had changed on their time on Earth. John sympathised, whatever it was she held her cards close to her chest. He knew that she wasn't going to oblige him an explanation if he asked. They had all made sacrifices for the city, John recognised the signs of losing someone close to you. She had been gone along time with no contact, they all had. Could they really expect anyone else to wait around for them?

John had always thought the answer was no, there had never been enough love in the world to make you want someone who wasn't there for you but he knew that wasn't true. Love wasn't about what you could give a person or what they could give you. It was about accepting each other and laying down everything you had to make it work. Clearly whoever this man was who had broken Elizabeth's heart was unworthy of her affections and John could see that she was blaming herself.

He reached out tentatively, his fingers curling around around her slender hand gently as he met her surprised eyes. He didn't reach out like this to other people, he wasn't that touchy feely kinda guy. It made him feel awkward and he never really knew the right words to say. For some reason right now though he did. He could understand her predicament because he had been there before and he thought maybe that might give her some comfort in a world where she could never show any weakness.

"I'm sorry." he stated simply.

Elizabeth leaned back in her seat, dragging her hand away from his and instead wrapping them around the mug between her hands as she stared into it's dark recesses. Simon's words were echoing in her head as clear as day as she sat before John Sheppard.

_You were gone along time Elizabeth._

"I appreciate that." she said with a shrug of her shoulders before leaning over and resting her elbows on the table. "Did you miss Cass while we were away?"

John clasped his hands together as if in prayer as that coy smile spread across his handsome features. It was embarrassing for him to admit he relied on another person so much. He was used to being the strong, solitary one but somewhere along the line that had changed.

"Every damned day." John told the woman sitting across from him. "I don't know what you said to the IOA..."

Elizabeth rose her hand to cut him off before addressing the issue herself.

"I told them the truth." she said with a hint of sternness in her features at the memory of the battle she had faced against the committee "You were the best man for the job and it should stay that way."

"Well thank you for whatever you did or didn't do." John said firmly, making sure she understood exactly where he was coming from.

"So..." Elizabeth began, changing the subject in order to divert attention to a subject she felt more comfortable about. "Are the two of you going to make it official?"

"I guess that's the plan." John told Elizabeth, his thumb smoothing over the handle of the mug. "We haven't really talked about it with the Siege and then repairing the city."

"You know getting married on Atlantis is one thing but doing it for real back on Earth..." Elizabeth shook her head.

"It is real, the only difference about doing it on Earth is the legal entitlements. We're recognized as man and wife, she'll get my pension if anything happens to me, our wages will go into a joint account so we can save for a little house where ever she wants to move." John shrugged his shoulders as he spoke. "As far as we're concerned we're married."

"You really do have this all figured out don't you?" Elizabeth said with a knowing smile.

"I thought I did." John admitted, pursing his lips together grimly. "That was before the possibility of reassignment got brought up and things got a little..."

John pulled a face to fully display his enthusiasm over the situation.

"I think that's understandable." Elizabeth told him. "The two of you only got married a month ago, being separated so soon seems unfair."

"Unfair doesn't cut it." John informed Elizabeth. "And well being the alpha male that I am I don't like the idea of her wandering around on Atlantis with all the young strapping Marines we've just hired so I took the initiative and got her one of these."

John reached inside his leather flak jacket and withdrew a blue velvet ring box, before he pushed it along to Elizabeth with his fingertips.

"It's not Tiffany's but I happen to think those little blue boxes are over rated anyway." John said out loud as she opened the pretty blue box.

Elizabeth smiled as she stared down at the glittering platinum ring between her hands. She had to admit she never thought that this couple would have come this far. As much as she respected John Sheppard as a friend and skilled militarist she had seen the same hard shell that she had constructed around herself. Elizabeth had never foreseen the demure doctor falling for John's charms, the same way she had never suspected that John would allow himself to fall for anybody. She couldn't think of two people that deserved one another more that Cass Pierce and John Sheppard. Seeing this ring gave her hope, hope for them and hope for her own future.

"Doctor Pierce is a very lucky girl." Elizabeth approved, before handing the box back to him.

"I think I'm the lucky one." John found himself confessing as he tucked the box away once more. "Before her I wasn't really living you know? I was just existing and now I feel like there's a reason for me to be here, a reason for me to keep doing what I'm doing."

"Do you have one?" Elizabeth asked indicating towards the box that John had just returned to his pocket.

John nodded as he pulled out his dogtags showing his own version of their wedding bands threaded through the chain.

"I didn't want anyone to see it until I gave it to her." John told Elizabeth pointedly. "She's pretty observant, she'll figure it out if she sees me wearing a ring on my finger."

"I actually think she has her hands full at the minute with a special project Zelinka and I have set up." Elizabeth said, her eyebrows arching as a smile twitched at the edges of her mouth.

"Special project?" John repeated, leaning forward, his eyes narrowing with suspicion.

"Oh, it's nothing dangerous." Elizabeth told him. "Just something I knew would keep her occupied while you were away, kinda like a wedding present."

"Anything I might be interested in?" John questioned, raising his eyebrows hopefully.

Elizabeth drew a line across her mouth like a zipper indicating that the conversation was well and truly over.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! I've been running the shop today so I am major tired but posting chapters makes me happy! I hope your all having a great day! <strong>_

_**Thanks to everyone who has read, posted and reviewed this story. You all make me beam like a fangirl!**_

_Shippo: I would have cried if I'd woken up the way Cass did to find John was still away. It would have been a happier ending if he was there lol. Thanks for the review x_

_Brn: Lmao I think Cass could have done with a cigarette after waking up like that and discovering she was alone. I hear ya on the wishing John was in my dreams too. Lol Now you know he's on the Daedalus instead, so he's sort of on his way home so that should cheer you up! If I didn't tease you you wouldn't read! :p Thanks for such a funny review! They always make me grin._

_Lady: Well thankies very much. I imagined knowing it was their last 'time' for a little while that John would want to make it last as much as possible. Thanks for the review!_

_Joey: LMAO! It's not really a sex dream if it isn't hot. I would have been so frustrated waking up and finding he was still away. I really felt for her in that respect. Thanks for such an awesome review!_


	50. Chapter 50: Perfect Match

Chapter Fifty

_Don't quit, the way that she moves it  
>She's making me lose my grip<br>And she can get it, sh-sh-she can g-g-get it _

_Kevin Rudolf – She Can Get It_

Cass was losing. It had become abundantly clear the moment she'd stepped into the gym today that she was destined to take a hard fall from the way the rest of her day had gone so far and sure enough as Teyla's knuckles caught the curve of her jaw causing her teeth to clatter together she knew that she had been right.

She was too angry to concentrate, her fury was coming off of her in waves as she asserted more force than was necessary behind everyone of her attacks. Logically she knew there was no reason for her to be feeling so enraged but when it came to John she was anything but rational. Her emotions were hopped up on adrenaline and anger as she struck out, her fist slipping past Teyla as the other woman managed to launch a sharp kick right into her stomach leaving Cass temporarily winded.

Jealousy was not an emotion she was used to and the way it encompassed her right now left her reeling. She was the calm one, the thoughtful one, instead at the moment she was acting like a spoiled teenage girl. Of course, John had other things to do. He was the Commanding Officer of this military base, she got that. That she could deal with.

It was the bimbo geologist hanging off his arm and using that sickly sweet voice on her husband that made her hackles raise.

"_Maybe you could take me off world Colonel Sheppard, show me around. I'm sure I could find something very interesting for the two of us to do."_

Cass had nearly tore the other woman's head clean off when she'd heard those words ringing in her ears like church bells as she drifted past with her orientation group. One of her final jobs before handing off the Head of Surgery position back to Carson was making sure their new crew of doctors and nurses found their way to their quarters and the mess hall in one piece.

Cass hadn't gotten a chance to see John's response to the geologist's offer but she hoped the other woman had gotten the biggest smack down imaginable for hitting on the Colonel. Barely on the city two minutes and already the new recruits were causing havoc, it didn't help that the vivacious red head looked like some sort of supermodel.

This was exactly the reason the two of them should have invested in wedding rings. Cass was under no illusion that they would ward potential suitors off like a charm but it would make them think twice before trespassing on her territory. Jesus she wanted to pounce on him and mark his throat with her mouth right now, just so everybody else would know that he was hers and hers only.

Cass snarled out loud as she slammed her knee into Teyla's stomach and used the exertion of the counter balance to hook the other woman's ankle with her foot in order to land her flat on the mat. The noise echoed through the room leaving Cass suddenly coming to her senses all too quickly as she stared down at her teacher, brushing the hair out of her face with her wrist before addressing the situation.

"I didn't really expect that to work." Cass told Teyla as she tilted her head at the other woman, still clearly stunned by the fact she'd managed to get the upper hand.

Teyla's right leg shot out swept Cass's feet straight out from underneath her. Cass hit the mat hard, her hand lashing out to take the brutal weight of the fall as she ended up staring at the ceiling hissing with pain.

"You let your guard down." Teyla told her serenely as she sprung to her feet. "You can't afford to make the same mistakes with your enemy."

Cass got the distinct feeling that maybe she hadn't had the upper hand after all. Teyla had been trying to teach her a lesson and more fool Cass for letting those rampant, ridiculous feelings get the better of her.

"I have to go and report to Doctor Weir." Teyla said as she looked down at Cass laid out along the mats. "It would seem she wishes to go into more detail about Sergeant Stackhouse's recent discoveries around the city."

"Well thank you very much for the lesson." Cass returned sincerely as she stared at the ceiling and placed her hands on her stomach.

She just needed a minute to cool down, a second for her body to shake off the dull aches from the fight and the agitation that lingered from John's encounter with the geologist.

Cass heard the doors hiss shut as the other woman left. She exhaled deeply trying to get herself into check.

_He loves you,_ she told herself. _You know that, you feel that._

It was true she did know that, she felt it with every single fibre of her being. In the time that he was away her own misery had been partially because she could feel his lonesomeness vibrating over their faint connection as it spanned across the galaxies. It had been like someone was stabbing a knife into her heart feeling John's grief eating him up inside.

A lot had been going on back on Earth, she had heard from Teyla that John had been promoted to Lieutenant Colonel and she was thrilled for him. There had been a lot of people in his younger years that had said John wouldn't make it past Captain, she knew that proving them wrong meant something to her husband, just like the years he had spent proving his family wrong about his own self worth.

"You've been laying there a long time." John's familiar deep voice flooded her senses allowing her to breath for the first time in over a month.

His head appeared in her vision, his inquisitive hazel eyes taking in his wife's pretty features as her face visibly relaxed at his presence. He could sense her destructive tendencies residing just beneath the surface. She was hurt, angry and tired. He could see the dark circles underneath her eyes from where she hadn't been sleeping properly and he wondered if she could see his.

"I just needed a moment to gather my thoughts." Cass told him, rubbing her hands over her face.

"You wanna go a few rounds?" John asked Cass, reaching out his large hand to help her to her feet.

Cass accepted it graciously before brushing the dirt off of her clinging black yoga pants. Even in this ruffled state he could feel his attraction to her igniting low down. Clad in that taunt black sports bra, there was nothing left to John's imagination. That map of riveted scars across her stomach were on display and he longed to let his fingers trail over those ridged white lines. There was nothing about her he didn't love and right now he knew what she needed.

Blowing off steam was the only thing that could sooth whatever demons were possessing his wife. She was mad at him for leaving, pissed because of that red haired minx coming onto him and above all she was angry at herself for allowing those emotions to grip her in such away. She rarely lashed out but John knew she needed to. He could channel her energy into something with more potential, make her let go of her defences so she would open up to him again.

"I'll go easy on you." John promised and that seemed to enrage his wife even more.

That had been John's intention all along, get her to let go of her anger before it built up and became toxic. He was already stripping off his flak jacket before he undid the laces of his boots and removed those too.

Before John had even finished Cass was in motion. She caught his arm in a vice-like grip, pulling it around her waist in order to throw him over her body.

A judo move, he recognized and applauded her decision to try to incapacitate him with one swoop. John dug in his heels and yanking his weight backwards. Instead John's arm snaked around her slender throat loosely, pulling Cass up stretched out along the length of his body. His lips sought out that sweet spot just underneath the curve of her jaw.

"I'm back now." he murmured, tasting the salt upon her skin.

God John had missed being like this with her, being this close, feeling her everywhere around him. Cass's elbow impacted with his solar plexus causing him to grunt at the abrupt pain as she lunged forward out of his arms, following it up with a kick that he dodged quickly by darting to the right.

It was clear his wife wasn't as forgiving as he had originally thought but he used this as an opportunity to gauge her advancement. She was getting better, ever since Sergi had attacked her, John had watched her progression from a distance. His interest in her developing skills was purely selfish. He had never told Cass how much it had shook him up seeing her so close to death and knowing that he had almost lost her cut him to pieces as he relived the moment all over again.

John's moves consisted mainly of blocks and defensive postures as he fended off each one of Cass's attacks with clinical calculation. He couldn't afford to go onto the offence and run the risk of actually causing her some real damage. He would never hurt her, he would never want Cass to be afraid of him. He took a fierce pride in how far his wife had come in the past few months, her diligence and training was paying off.

John had had enough of this fight. He could see Cass was starting to lag, she was exhausted. Her pale features were flushed with exertion and her fury seemed to have filtered down to something more communicable. It seemed like an age since he had held Cass in his arms, since he'd kissed her pert lips and whispered the words 'I love you' in her ear. His distraction allowed Cass to catch him off guard as she slipped under his arm and drove her shoulder into his muscular chest. His balance was all wrong and John ended up smack on the mats, his gentle hands yanking Cass down onto of him as he hit the floor hard.

John found himself lying flat on his back staring into the most beautiful pair of stunning blue eyes he had ever seen. Her thighs were straddling his hips as their body's moulded together into that devine perfect shape. Her breathing was ragged, John could feel the pounding of her heart against his chest as his large hands roved along the curve of her spine.

"Hi." he said, that charming grin spreading across his handsome features.

"God, I missed you." Cass muttered instead, burying her face into John's exposed throat.

John wrapped his arms around her lithe body, hugging his wife even closer against his solid form. It was good to have her with him again, Lord he could never express how much he loved this fierce, passionate woman. Cass's joy resounded through their connection as her cold nose tickled along the curve of his throat causing him to chuckle out loud.

It felt amazing to hear his laugher rumbling in his chest. Cass felt like he had flicked a light switch somewhere inside her and before she knew it everything in her world was just that extra little bit brighter. It marvelled her the way he had the ability to do that, his positivity resounded through him touching everyone and everything in it's path. Whenever John was by her side Cass knew everything was going to somehow be ok.

"Cassie." he drawled, tugging her ponytail lightly. "I need you to get off me before Sergeant Stackhouse leads the tour of new marines in here and we're accused of being exhibitionists."

"You don't like the idea of other men watching me like that?" Cass asked him, lingering just out of reach as she pouted innocently.

John's hazel eyes darkened with possessiveness as that grip on her grew just that little bit tighter. A low growl escaped his throat at the thought of anyone else but him laying a hand on her delicate, porcelain skin. It drove him crazy to think of another man loving her, pleasing her, his name on her lips...

Cass bopped him on the nose with her fingertip diffusing his agitated state of mind with a mere touch. John captured her hand and pulled her down closer so that their lips were almost touching.

"That's exactly how I felt watching that geologist fawn all over you." Cass told him forcefully. "We need to get wedding rings or I swear to God I will become beyond intolerable."

It turned him on hearing her speak so frankly, Cass was rarely the dominant one in their relationship but the idea of his mate staking her claim was enough to tip him over into a frenzy. He was hers and there wasn't a chance in hell any other woman would ever be allowed to touch him.

"And we need to get to my quarters before someone sees me taking advantage of the fact I have you pinned down like this." Cass purred, arching her hips slightly so she was rubbing against her husband's demanding lower body.

"At least then they'd all know who you belong to." John murmured before nipping that sexy, soft spot just under her earlobe.

"John..." she drew out his name like a love song as he fixed his hands upon her hips and thrust up into her.

"I know, I know." He groaned against her mouth as his large hands cupped her ass as he rolled his hips against her lower body. "We shouldn't do this here we could get caught. Anyone could walk right in and see me with my hands all over you."

"Stop making it sound so appetising." Cass ordered as she straightened up.

She was so desperately trying to be the reasonable one here but his warm, firm hands felt so good upon her skin. His cock was already erect and wanting, seeking entry into her supple body as he ground against her causing her to writhe at the thrill that chased directly up her spine.

"Did you say stop?" John asked her as his hands chased up along the outline of her waist until he was massaging her modest breasts, his thumbs teasing over her hardening nipples through the sports bra. "Because I don't think you want me to stop."

Cass's own delicate hands covered his large palms halting his ministrations before she looked down at him, her eyes burning brightly with primitive arousal as she spoke with the most commanding tone he had ever heard leave her lips.

"Get me to my quarters."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, apologies the the lack of chapter last night, I was too busy in the end and too exhausted to post I'm trying to sneak this one in before work!<strong>_

_Joey: lmao I totally had this image of John shoving things aside and grumbling about this person. I don't think he's gonna be too impressed to discover he's going to be the one putting it up. Thanks for the review!_

_Monkey: lol it's not a problem! You are allowed to have a life so seriously do not worry. Just relax and enjoy the story. Thank you for letting me know you were still interested!_

_Brn: I was having one of those what would John do to make it more personal moments when the Shep's Belt thing came to me. LMAO I had exactly the same image. Him fighting his way through it all only to discover it;s his and he has to out it all together. Thanks for such a wonderful review it's really made me smile. _

_Shippo: lol I think she'll be happy, esp after this chapter. I think she'll want to mark her territory. Thanks for the review. _


	51. Chapter 51: Simple Pleasures

Chapter Fifty One

_S is for the simple need.  
>E is for the ecstasy.<br>X is just to mark the spot,  
>Because that's the one you really want.<em>

_Nickleback – S.E.X_

They barely made it back to Cass's quarters. There had been a moment in the Teleporter where John would have happily screwed his wife right there and then. He thought about it as she stole slow, deliberate kisses from his greedy mouth, her playful hands teasing his throbbing erection through his combats. He was straining against the material almost painfully as the doors to Cass's quarters hissed shut behind them. There was an urgency in their ministrations, it was something that came with spending time apart. They couldn't wait any longer to be together.

John's fingertips were already pulling the tie from Cass's silky dark tresses so her hair fell around her shoulders. The sports bra had gone somewhere along the way to the bed and Cass was already stripping his black T-shirt from his taunt muscular body. The swell of her naked breasts against his chest was practically euphoric, the skin on skin contact made him almost delirious as her fingers unsnapped the button on his combats.

John's heated hands cupped her modest breasts causing Cass to moan out loud as John stepped out of his trousers leaving him clad only in those clinging black boxer shorts. His cock was aching and straining against the confines of his underwear. It had been so long since he had made love to his wife and he wanted her in ways that were savage and primal. She was his mate and claiming her was the only thing he cared about right now.

His hand plunged down the front of her yoga pants, bypassing her panties with ease. Already she was soaking wet and he loved that intimate eager whimpering sound she made as he allowed his thumb to caress that swollen nub.

Cass's head tipped back in ecstasy as his fingers entered her, curving ever so slightly to hit just the right spot. Her breathing hitched as John watched her expression contort in bliss. Her skin was on fire as her husband titillated her with his body. His tongue was in her mouth exploitive and fierce as his free hand tweaked and toyed with her left nipple sending his wife into a frenzy. She could feel that intense feeling building up in the base of her spine. Her cries were getting louder and louder, encouraging John as her nails raked across his arms. His lips were ghosting along her jaw, his hot breath tickling her ear as he spoke in that low husky voice that she adored so much.

"Did you touch yourself thinking about me Cassie?" John questioned her, feeling his own desire overwhelming him at the images in his head.. "Did my naughty little wife get off imagining me inside her?"

"Yes." she cried out, as he nibbled on that extra sensitive area just under the hinge of her jaw.

Her pale skin was flushing against his slick body as he drove her even further into arousal. She had no idea how much it turned him on to know that she had spent her time thinking about him doing all sorts of dirty things to her.

"Take your pants off and get on the bed." he commanded, his voice mingled with desire and authority.

Cass's smirk was mischievous as she turned so her back was facing him, before she crawled onto the plush bed on all fours. God, John loved this position and it was entirely appropriate for the way he wanted to screw her. It gave him full control of their love making and the alpha male inside of him was baying it's approval at her wordless suggestion. It was a symbol when she initiated something like this, she was showing him she was his in all entirety.

John removed his underwear before allowing his leaking member to tease along his wife's moist core. His tip was pushing at her wet entrance, his hands were on her hips as he held her firmly in place, watching as she bucked and arched trying to take him deeper. The noises she was making were music to his ears, her breathing was heavy and hitched at every single movement he made against her most intimate area.

"Do you want me Cassie?" he asked her, his hand threading through her hair, pulling her head back as he inched inside her at such an agonizing slow pace before drawing out again. "I jerked off every night thinking about taking you like this, about claiming you as my wife over and over again."

"Do it." Cass begged him, the sheets were bundled up in her tiny hands against the anticipation soaring inside her body. "Please John, just take me."

"Do you realize what you do to me?" he growled as he thrust into her supple body in one long hard stroke. "Your mine, all mine. No one else can ever touch you like this."

Cass was incoherent, his words were doing things to her that she had no possible way to describe. They twanged at her heart strings drawing out the intense building pleasure as John pounded into her wanton body. She was trembling with ecstasy, it was riding up inside her like a tsunami as he possessed every inch of her being.

John was ready to explode, he could feel that powerful familiar tingling in the base of his spine as Cass's walls began to clench and tighten around his dick like a velvet glove. His fingertips left bruises on her hips as he lost complete control of himself.

The groan from his mouth was feral as their souls clashed together with a primal intensity. Jesus he was home all over again. He could feel that reassuring affection flooding over his entire being as serenity descended on upon the couple in a haze of love and adoration.

John withdrew from his wife's delectable body before curling up around her exhausted form. He could feel her weariness leaking over their bond. Her sapphire blue eyes were fluttering closed as their connection strummed between the two of them contently. Knowing that she was here and feeling that familiar sense of unity gave John the strength he needed to let go of his doubts and his fears left over from his time on Earth. Cass snuggled even deeper into the security of John's chest, her fingers entwining with his as she held them close to her heart.

John listened to the sound of her steady breathing as Cass slipped seamlessly into sleep. He could feel her body unfurling and relaxing in his arms as his lips pressed against her hairline. It was soothing to be back with her, already he could feel the cracks in his tortured soul healing as he gathered her even closer.

His mind drifted to that small velvet ring box nestled in the confines of his leather flak jacket. He thought of what that would mean for the two of them in their near and distant future. Cass was his family now, the woman he loved and yet the woman that he knew his biological family would never accept.

Cass wasn't ambitious the way Nancy had been nor was she born from money. Her interest in politics was none existent and after several conversations he had become aware that she had no intention of ever procreating, something that John himself heartily agreed with. She was John's ideal woman and his father's worse nightmare.

A woman who fought for her beliefs, a woman who would never bless his family with the heir his father so desperately sought.

It didn't matter, John never thought of that family any more. His Atlantis family were his main priority and Cass made up a significant part of that. They were loyal and dedicated and they would put their lives on the line in an instant for him.

_It doesn't matter_, John thought. _His other family didn't matter._

Cassandra Pierce was the one that he cared about and tomorrow he would slip that ring on her finger so that every single person in this city understood just how much.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! It has been a long hard week but you have all made it entirely worth it with your lovely , gracious reviews. Without you guys this story wouldn't have come as far as it has, so a special thank you goes out to you all for making me grin with your kind words and hilarious and witty comments!<strong>_

_BRN: I didn't want it all to be fluff and stuff. To be honest I was thinking of all the new staff they had been taken on and how they wouldn't know that John/Cass were taken. I could absolutely see John biting anyone that laid a hand on Cass and of course vice versa. It was something I wanted to play with just a little because I wasn't sure what Cass's reaction would be to watching someone touch her man. I think she's possessive in her own way lol. 50 chaps is a huge achievement, I can barely believe it myself! Handing over massive cupcakes to you and balloons! Thanks for such a cool review x_

_Joey: I did think about it and then I thought about it some more but John wasn't having it. He's very protective of anyone seeing his mate in a state of undress but him. Lol Cass still wants the whole apartment thing to be a surprise so they returned to her normal quarters for a little bit of love. Thank you for such a wonderful review, it made me laugh at the thought of him getting caught like that! Good to know it's not just me who has a dirty mind._

_Shippo: lol I wanted to see Cass smack ten tons of crap out of the Geologist hoe but she's a very restrained person. She has a dignity that I respect. Thanks for the review!_

_Lan: lol was this one a little hotter? I wanted the two of them to be a bit more surprising and a little more kinky! Thanks for the review!_


	52. Chapter 52: Of Beds and Bookcases

Chapter Fifty Two

_It's been a long time since I came around  
>Been a long time but I'm back in town<br>And this time I'm not leavin' without you _

_Lady Gaga – You and I_

The apartment was much larger and vacuous than John could have imagined. He had grown used to living in small accommodation. He had been a single man for a long time before Cass and all he had needed was a place to lay his head. Things were different now, he was different and living alone had become a constant reminder of his own disruptive past. He had had every intention of talking to Elizabeth about moving in with Cass when bigger quarters became available but the Commander of Atlantis had taken the decision out of his hands and instead blessed them with this place.

It was astounding how it made him feel sitting in the centre of their apartment surrounded by flat pack boxes of what would soon be their furniture. Cass had already set out making their place into a friendly inviting home for the two of them. The walls had been painted a warm cream colour which made the place seem tasteful and light. The skirting boards were that slightly darker version of the shade giving the open planned living space a much airier edge.

John had never considered what it would be like to start from scratch, everywhere he had previously lived had already been furnished. Here, the two of them were creating their own place and John found he liked that more than he had ever considered. Home was where the heart was and the two of them were constructing their very own nest. It had never been so important to him before now and he understood it to be part of his natural instincts coming into play, he had found his mate and it was time for him to settle down and help build their territory.

The Man in him was pacified by this and settled into the role of creator with his wife as he wrestled the cardboard away from the sturdy wood that had been provided for their bed. The animistic side of him was sated by last nights love making yet he could sense it wanted more.

_Make it permanent_, it growled in his ear. _Make it so they know she's yours._

John brushed off the urge as his thoughts lingered to the ring nestled at the bottom of the bag he had brought along with him. He had told Cass it contained tools he had borrowed from Zelinka and Rodney but that wasn't true he had been planning an afternoon ride in the Jumper to the beach on the mainland. That had all gone out of the window as his wife took him by the hand and led him to their new quarters.

There was so much to do before the two of them could settle down and move in, the first being to build the bed. John was glad they had beaming technology otherwise there would have been hell trying to get that large, chocolate brown corner couch through the door. John had to admit his wife was exceptional when it came to choosing their furniture, he was surprised at the immense details she considered whilst building their home in her head. Her choices were neutral, there was nothing too feminine or extreme, it was like she constructing blank canvass for the two of them to paint with the personalities of their personal items. Cass seemed to have thought of everything from bed linens to curtains and towels. She had even included a bookshelf for the comics he had mentioned he was bringing over.

John wondered how much this had all cost, their quality of living was far from modest but it wasn't over indulgent neither. When he had tried to talk money she had brushed him off with a shrug simply stating that she was investing in their future and he thought maybe it was time to admit that while he was away that he had done the same.

Yet as soon as John had opened his mouth Cass had already been forcing a screwdriver into his hand and gesturing towards the pieces of bed that she insisted he needed to fix up quickly in order for them to christen. After hearing her describe the various ways in which they could go about consummating their new situation, his mind had switched to other things. It was clear Cass was thrilled about the apartment, they had both lived with other people before but this was different, this was theirs and there would be no memories here but their own. She was chattering excitedly as she described where she thought things should go and listening avidly when he voiced his opinion. He had never seen her throw herself into something so willingly and he adored seeing her smile light up the room as she explained certain aspects of her ideas with her hands. She was so animated and it made him grin when she took his hand and guided him into their bathroom to show him the bath. It was clear she was in love with this place as much as he was.

John had already decided that they would organise joint bank accounts when they eventually made it back to Earth, he had a lot of money saved up over the years from various ventures and he thought she should at least benefit from that and it would give him a piece of mind to know that she was taken care of if anything ever did happen. He didn't have a will and he vaguely wondered now if it would be responsible to have one. Yet when they eventually tied the knot legally everything he owned would go to Cass anyway. The only problem was John wasn't sure how long that would take especially since it didn't look like the two of them would be getting leave any time soon with the staff change over and orientation.

"Bed post connected to the side post, side post connected to the slat posts. Slat posts connected back to the side posts." Cass singsonged as she read the instructions out loud on her lap.

They had been working on the bed over the past twenty minutes and for some reason he couldn't explain John was finding this domestic habit surprisingly fun. He found himself cheerful and happy as he worked alongside his wife in order to provide them with somewhere to sleep. It was the male dominant of him that enjoyed this, creating a home for them was an impulse every single fibre of his being agreed with.

"That's the bone song isn't it? The one you learn as a kid about the skeleton?" John asked her as he stood before the frame of the bed surveying it before he selected another solid piece of wood.

"It's the bed song now." Cass informed him before she resumed singing. "Side post connected to the head board."

"Hand cuffs connected to the head board, Cassie connected to the handcuffs." John sang back humouredly.

"You just had to turn it dirty didn't you?" Cass teased, arching her eyebrows.

"I can't help it if you fill my mind with such naughty ideas." John told her as he dropped down beside his wife and nudged her with his shoulder.

"I have something for you." he murmured, reaching into his bag and withdrawing something wrapped in a plastic Borders carrier bag. "Well some things.

"Oh I didn't expect..." Cass began, shaking her head.

John silenced her with a chaste kiss. His lips brushed over hers softly as his thumb traced the apple of her cheek with a gentleness he reserved only for her.

"I know you didn't." he whispered against her pert pink mouth as he slid the gift onto her lap. "But I wanted to."

Cass's hand slid inside the bag as she withdrew the book from it's packaging. Her face lit up as she tilted her head up towards him with a grin.

It was a copy of George Orwell's 1984, she had told him she'd never been able to get her copy back after she'd moved from her old house. He had wanted her to have something personal while her stuff was still in storage, anything to make Atlantis feel like home.

"Now you have something of your own to put on our bookshelf." John said quietly as she flicked through the pages revelling in that new book scent.

Cass loved that smell, it was the best part about entering a book store. She enjoyed running her fingertip over the spines as she struggled to select a title. She always read the first page of a book and if it didn't grab her then she would replace it back upon a shelf until she found a book that did.

"Thank you." she said softly, hugging the book to her chest.

It meant a lot to Cass that she had received this gift, John could see it in her stunning sapphire eyes as her fingertips chased over the cover. He was an attentive listener, constantly storing and filing things away in his head to use for later.

"Actually I have something else to give you." John told her, reaching into the bag and withdrawing the small velvet ring box.

Cass was speechless as he opened the box to show her the glistening platinum circlet between the plush cushions. There were three glittering diamonds winking up at her as he removed the ring from it's confines with skilled fingers.

"Sheppard's Belt." she found herself saying quietly as John took her dainty hand in his larger one.

"When we get back to Earth." he told her as he slid the ring up and along her slender finger. "I want us to make this official."

Cass was beaming as she stared down at the dazzling ring upon her marriage finger, she hadn't expected this. Their wedding ceremony had been simple and it had strengthened their bond, but this ring completed it. Her heart was overwhelmed by the sheer bliss that that descended upon her soul. She was whole finally for the very first time.

"I would like that." Cass murmured, her thumb tracing over his empty ring finger. "It's the perfect fit."

"Now everyone will know your mine." John told her fiercely.

"What about you?" Cass questioned, feeling her own possessiveness raise up inside her as her hands smoothed up and down his firm chest. "What if I want everybody to know who you belong to?"

John removed his dogtags before taking her hand and tipping the chain upside down so that his own matching symbol tumbled into her palm.

"I wanted you to put it on, it seems right somehow." John admitted as he held out his own steady hand.

Cass raised her eyes to meet John's hazel gaze as she took the ring between her delicate fingers. He wanted this as much as she did, he wanted to belong to her, to be owned as her husband and lover. They had strove for so long to find the missing pieces of themselves and now they were here in the exact place they were meant to be binding themselves to one another for eternity.

Cass pushed the ring gently onto his marriage finger, their connection was singing in the tiny space that separated them. She had never felt so elated before, the joy was popping inside of her like tiny explosions as John captured her hand in his.

"Let's forget about the bed for now." he said, his lips already smothering hers with the most amorous of kisses before the two of them baptised their new home.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, welcome to the first day of my free weekend! I have spent the day catching up on the chores I have been too tired to do during the week and have thankfully been graced with free time. Hope your all enjoying your Saturday!<strong>_

_Lady: Lmao! It was wasn't it? I had this idea that John would let his more primal side take over when it came to claiming his mate. He wants to remind her she's his and this his way of showing her whose boss in a way. I love the man he's so very alpha male! Thankies for the review._

_BRN: We should have pom poms out and be doing our jumps and dances (I can not do gymnastics to save my life.) Jesus we're only in year two, I am up to ch79ish at the mo and I'm coming to the end of yr 2 but your right that's almost another fifty chaps to a year lol I love the fact these two put you in such a great mood, I am grinning like an idiot here. I feel like we should be highfiving for the achievement. Without you guys this story wouldn't be as fun or as great as it is so you deserve a pat on the back too! Thankies for such an inspiring review!_

_Shippo: lol I wish I had got them into a sparring competition. Could you imagine the the bitch fight that would go on there? Lots of smacks and hair pulling. I kinda wanna play that out now! Lol Thanks for the review._

_Lan: lol John and Cass just decided they missed each other too much an went for it because they're dirty like that. It really makes me happy to know that your enjoying these chapters. (I am grinning like a clown.) Thanks for such a wonderful review._

_Forahr: It's nice to hear from you and I have to wholeheartedly thank you for taking the time to review. I wanted to show that this relationship goes beyond spending time together and has a real connection between the two of them. Maybe they're feelings will change down the line to procreating, they have 3 or 4 more years to play out and a lot of things can happen in that time. In regards to the story, I can't stop writing it at the moment. When I am on the way to work I'm writing it on my blackberry and emailing it to myself so I can pick it up at home. During my breaks I am doing something similar. This story has caught me hook, line and sinker in the same way it has all of you! Thankies for such a fantastic review._


	53. Chapter 53: Best Laid Plans

Chapter Fifty Three

_I'm not afraid (I'm not afraid)  
>To take a stand (to take a stand)<br>Everybody (everybody)  
>Come take my hand (come take my hand)<br>We'll walk this road together, through the storm  
>Whatever weather, cold or warm<br>Just lettin you know that, you're not alone_

_Eminem – Not Afraid_

The infirmary was quiet as both Carson and Cass stood in the sheltered area of their shared office space trying to process the information that had just been thrown at them. Privacy was important for this conversation and she had been surprised that she had been brought in on this mission until she'd heard the requirements.

Cass was already dressed in her charcoal grey field uniform, her black tactical vest was in her hands as she regarded the three people in front of her with a mixture of bewilderment and suspicion. As far as she could tell it had started off as a simple trip to collect some vegetation for their botanists to study and it had quickly gone downhill.

"Tell me this is a really bad joke." Cass stated, shaking her head as she recounted the course of events in her head.

A few hours ago Major Lorne's team had been escorting a botanist onto a planet with a severely high radiation level when the sun came up. The team had found a Wraith body with the enzyme pouch removed and reported it to Elizabeth. It was the first creditable lead they had received on Ford's location in months and at the first possibility of their friend being alive John's team were in a Jumper and on route to the planet to join Major Lorne's team in the search.

Several hours later John and Lorne had returned with a request for their most skilled field medic, unfortunately for Cass that just happened to be her. As it had turned out there was someone else on that planet evading the Wraith, someone who was also very desperate.

"You want me to go to an alien planet and preform surgery on an armed man who is holding Teyla hostage?" Cass recapped back to them as John took the black tactical vest out of her hands and held it open for her to shrug into.

This plan seemed idiotic to her but she understood that it was the best they had at the current moment considering how dire the circumstances were. This Ronon Dex character was dangerous. If he managed to get the drop on a skilled militarist like John and an exceptional tracker like Teyla she couldn't see what more they could do than bargain with him. If it helped save Teyla's life Cass would do whatever she could in a heartbeat.

"That's not even the best part." Elizabeth submitted as Cass tilt her head towards the other woman , her sapphire eyes wide in disbelief.

"There's more?" she questioned un-tucking her hair from the collar of her vest.

Already John's fingers were reaching out to help her, he grasped the zipper and drew it up to the middle of her chest as she tied her hair back using the elastic band on her dainty wrist. The two of them worked in tandem with each other and it was intriguing to watch from the outside.

"The Wraith could show up at any moment." Lorne informed her, spine straight, his hands behind his back in a military stance. "So we need to move quickly."

Cass liked Lorne, she found him good natured and proactive. Over the past few weeks she had been working with his team when they went off world. The Major appeared to be an excellent leader respected by his men and kind to the locals that inhabited each planet they ventured. He was nothing if not savvy. That boy next door, sweet smile hid a sharp strategic mind.

"Wonderful." Cass stated in a monotone voice as Carson set a metal briefcase by her feet, along with her field kit and a fitted light kit."Have they found Ford yet?"

"No and we believe McKay's been captured by the Lieutenant Ford which obviously complicates matters." Elizabeth explained with a sigh.

It couldn't be easy being in Elizabeth's position but Cass had to admit the other woman took everything that came her way on the chin. Her logic was always sound and she was entirely reasonable.

According to the rumour mill she had been a negotiator for the U.N in her life before Atlantis and Cass could see those defining qualities when she thought about it. Elizabeth Weir was both diplomatic and fair. She saw the larger picture that other people did not and Cass was more than glad that she was the leader of their expedition. If she was standing here with Major Lorne and John, Cass knew that there were no other options available.

"What would Ford want with Rodney of all people?" Carson asked, crossing his arms over his broad chest. "The two of them were hardly close."

It was true, Cass thought Ford had only tolerated Rodney due to his ability to get them out of insanely complicated situations. That coupled with the fact it was his honour bound duty to protect everyone on this expedition. In fact Rodney and Zelinka had taken great pleasure in winding up Ford with their intellectual games and the other man had never appreciated the fun they'd had at his expense.

"Who knows?" Lorne responded with a shake of his head. "Maybe he saw a familiar face and decided he needed a friend."

Cass admitted she had to agree that may have been part of the reasoning behind Rodney's abduction. Ford had been unstable and paranoid the last time he had crossed paths with any of them, seeing a familiar face may have given him some stability. She just hoped that Rodney wasn't his usual obnoxious self otherwise Ford's patience would run very thin, very quickly.

"Your priority is to get the transmitter out of this Ronon Dex guy." John informed her.

Cass could see the Colonel stepping forward and coming into play and she yielded to it. When they worked together John was always completely in control unless her medical expertises were required and she was used to seeing his other alter ego take charge. She was one of his team for the time being and she could live with that. She trusted John's instincts even with his knack for finding trouble. There hadn't been a situation he hadn't found a way out of yet and she prayed that there never would be.

"I will be hiding on the ridge just above the cave he's taken shelter in with the sniper rifle. At the first sign of trouble I'll take the shot." John tried to reassure her as he picked up the metal case and gestured for Cass to move towards the Jumper Bay.

"I take it that's your way of telling me your an excellent marksman." Cass responded, arching an eyebrow before bidding goodbye to Carson and Elizabeth.

"Well I don't like to boast..." John responded as he flashed her that disarming smile.

Lorne slung the long bag for the light kit over his shoulder with ease as he flanked Cass's other side. It made her feel strangely important being escorted down the corridor with these two military men. Both had determination fixed upon their faces and Cass understood from their tightly wound muscular structure that they were priming themselves for anything that could tossed in their direction when they got back in the field.

As with everything they did there was a degree of risk. They had come to expect that from their lives and they were constantly prepared for it. John had long ago accepted that locking Cass up in an ivory tower wasn't going to save her from everything the Pegasus galaxy had to throw at them. His wife made her own choices and that was one of the reasons he had fallen in love with her.

Yet when it came down to it he would protect her with everything he had. The Colonel in him was honour bound by the duty to his team and The Man in him to the duty of his wife. He trusted her to do her job efficiently and safely, the same way she trusted him. Still it didn't hurt to watch over Cass from time to time just to make sure she wasn't getting herself into any more danger than she needed to.

They were silent until they climbed into the Jumper. John automatically assumed his position as pilot as Lorne took up the counter seat as co-pilot. Cass came to sit in the seat behind John, her hands fixing the seat belt over her waist and drawing it even tighter to secure herself.

John glanced back at her, checking her seatbelt was adequately fitted before focusing on the rest of the take off. Cass settled back in her seat before allowing her thoughts to take over and process the information at hand.

"I'm guessing a Runner is like a fugitive back on Earth?" Cass said into the silence as the two men reviewed the empty Stargate in front of them.

They were waiting for the portal to be activated by the Atlantis Personnel, it would only take a few more seconds before the event horizon appeared and they'd be away to the planet. John raped his fingers impatiently upon the control console.

"From what I can gather it's when the Wraith decide to hunt you instead of feeding on you. Maybe for sport or for training, I'm not really sure why." John told her distractedly.

Which made sense as to why they put a transmitter in this man's back. They needed to keep track of him in order to hunt him especially when other planets and Stargates were involved. She wondered how long he had been on the run, if Ronon Dex had family or friends to return home to. John had said the man was utterly alone when they had woken up in that cave, there was no one with him to keep him company or boost his spirits, just his survival instincts.

"I can't imagine what that must be like." Cass said quietly as the bright blue event horizon flashed up before them.

There was sympathy in her voice and he found that endearing if not worrying. No doubt what this man had been through was barbaric and cruel but if Cass let herself get caught up in the compassionate side to this so quickly she was putting herself at risk. Then again John thought Cass was far from stupid, she wouldn't be letting her guard down for a second with Teyla as a hostage and Ronon Dex waving round his firearm the way he had been.

John paused for a second allowing his mind to drift to what would happen if the Wraith ever decided he was more than just a Happy Meal to them. He would have responded in the same way as Ronon Dex, running from planet to planet alone, never staying long enough to put anyone else in danger.

"Let's hope for all our sakes what we never have to." John said into the silence as the Jumper surged through the Gate.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, introducing Ronon Dex in the next chapter! Thankies very much for all of your kind words as of late. I sincerely appreciate each and every one of you!<strong>_

_Shippo: lol if only Cass was a ninja, it would be hilarious to see her do that. I love the fact he put the ring on her finger too, it makes me grin that he wanted to mark her as his own. Thanks very much for the review!_

_Lady: Cass is a tad more inventive in the later chapters. Which makes me laugh. Thanks for the review._

_Brn: lol I like doing the whole domestic thing with the two of them and I know John kinda likes it too, which I think surprises both me and him. He's never been that type of guy. I love the fact they want to mark each other. LMAO Thank you very much for the song and of course your hilarious reviews._

_Joey: Well you know how the two of them like to roll in terms of their bedroom time. As you said, best laid plans and all that jazz, they've got time to decide. I could just see John being that humorous and the two of them have always been about having a little fun together. It frightens me how far along we are in terms of the season lol! Thanks for your wonderful kind words, they so mean the world to me!_


	54. Chapter 54: Runner

Chapter Fifty Four

_And faster than you can follow me  
>From this lonely place<em>

_And farther than you can find me_  
><em>I'm leaving<em>  
><em>Yeah, I'm leaving today<em>

_Midnight Hour – Running Away_

The trail leading down to the cave where Ronon Dex had made a shelter was dense with vegetation and Cass had found herself struggling to remain on her feet as she stumbled through the dense overgrowth with the portable surgery attached to her. John had managed to steady her a few times but it was still tough going even with his help. At the very edge of the trail she had handed John her firearm at Ronon's request over the radio before he left her with kiss on the forehead and the promise that he would be watching.

That seemed to set the niggling onset of anxiety twisting at her stomach at ease just a little. Knowing that John was keeping an eye on her made her feel just that tiny bit better at the situation she was walking into. She was stepping into the lion's den and as Cass strode into the clearing, dragging the metal case with her she realized that it was a bigger lion than she had originally anticipated.

Ronon Dex was well over six foot tall and he towered over Cass like tree as stopped dead at the sight of him. For a moment the two of them stood apart staring at each other as they studied one another intently. His vibrant green eyes were evaluating her as she knew he had many of the other soldiers. He was studying her for strengths and weaknesses. Cass straightened her spine and tipped up her chin in order to appear more authoritative and controlled than she felt inside.

His long dreadlocks fell midway down his back and had been pushed away from his face as he reviewed her with a stoic expression she couldn't read. There was no tightening in his impressive muscles, no aggression on his features and Cass felt herself relax a little at that fact he either didn't view her as a threat or feel the need to attack. There was no denying that the man must have a lot of skill and power behind him if he had been avoiding the Wraith for a prolonged amount of time.

Teyla was sitting on a rock just beyond the huge man, a grim smile upon her features as she rose to her feet before coming to stand just behind Ronon who hadn't moved a muscle since Cass had stepped into the clearing.

"Hi." Cass greeted, breaking the silence as she pulled the case further into the clearing. "I don't really make house calls but I'm guessing caves don't really count."

She cast a glance at the cave as she spoke, suppressing the shudder than ran through her bones at the sense memory. Different planet, different galaxy. She was sure that this case was a perfectly nice place to take shelter.

"What's in the case Doc?" Ronon asked her as he stepped back and tipped the gun she had just noticed was in his large hand towards Teyla.

His voice was a low rumble, like thunder before a storm and it suited his seemly surly demeanour. Cass clenched her teeth together for a second, annoyed at the fact she had let her initial impression of this man fool her into forgetting about his weapon.

"Surgical implements. Diagnostic tools, various drugs and antibiotics. You know doctor stuff." Cass answered calmly as she drew to a halt and gauged his reaction patiently.

"What?" Ronan questioned looking to Teyla for guidance.

He seemed to draw some reassurance from the other woman despite the fact he was clearly holding her prisoner. Cass tilted her hand slightly watching with curiosity. The grip on Teyla's arm didn't seem to be painful, just sturdy enough to keep her in place and the other woman didn't look alarmed or frightened instead she looked back at Ronon with an empathy Cass had barely seen before. Something had happened in the time that they were left along together, there was understanding between these two people. Maybe they had bonded over the atrocities the Wraith had caused over the centuries. Cass didn't know but seeing Teyla's reaction to the taller man set her own fears at ease, she would remain watchful but if the other woman deemed him safe for now then Cass could work with that.

"Ronon meet Doctor Cassandra Pierce. Doctor Pierce, Ronon." Teyla introduced the two of them cordially.

"I'd say it's nice to meet you but under the circumstances..." Cass drifted off realizing that this sounded rude considering how polite Teyla's greeting had been.

"I understand you have some sort of a transmitter in your back?" she said flicking back to business.

Ronon nodded his agreement, his lips pursing firmly together as she tugged the case into the enclosed area of the clearing. There was a spate of rock there that reminded her of a table and she thought that would probably be the perfect place to set up, it would also put Ronon exactly in John's line of fire if things got out of control.

"Have a seat." Cass said gesturing at the rock where Teyla had been sitting. "And take off your shirt and I'll have a look."

Ronon kept his gun trained on Teyla as he settled himself into the rock and raised his eyes upwards to the Athosian woman as she stood over him.

"A little help?" he requested gruffly indicating to the leather tactical vest he was wearing, along with his shirt and chest holster for a dangerous looking sword that glinted at them.

The gun remained on Teyla as both women helped to remove the items of clothing with a clinical efficiently until Ronon was sitting topless between them. Teyla's eyes widened at the five pointed scar on the man's chest just underneath this leather necklace. He was in excellent shape and well sculptured, he was a fighter, she could see that from his muscle definition and riveted skin. Ronon lowered his gaze in shame as Teyla took in the sight of him. This was a necessity, a chance at freedom for him after seven long years of being on the run. This was a possibility of returning home so he could live and heal amongst his people. He told himself these things as the flush crept up along his cheeks, he didn't want these women to feel sorry for him.

The Doctor's fingertips brushed his skin lightly as she moved his dreadlocks out of the way to gain access to the incision point. He felt his entire body constrict at the warmth of her flesh on his. It had been a long time since he'd interacted with another human being, even longer since he'd felt the comfort of a human touch.

There was nothing sexual about his reaction, the Doctor simply wasn't his type but there was something to be said for the rush of feelings that returned being surrounded in the presence of others. His world had been devoid and silent for so long it had almost startled him when the Colonel Sheppard had began to chatter at him back in the cave. The other military man was conversational and even if it was a tactic in order to get Ronon to set him free Ronon had been relieved to hear it. He had been alone for so long he had almost forgotten what the sound of a human voice could feel like.

Even in the small amount of time he spent with Teyla had been beneficial. Actually having a conversation with someone was a past time he used to enjoy and listening to her voice and answering her questions on his own personal situation had made him feel alive again instead of the animal he had felt that he was becoming.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you." Cass said soothingly as she set the dreadlocks over the curve of Ronon's stiff shoulders.

Her sapphire eyes landed on the vivid red hieroglyph of scars that were hacked into his flesh just inside the curve of his taunt shoulder blades.

"Jesus." she breathed unable to stop herself. "You tried to cut it out yourself didn't you?"

"Yea I tried once with a mirror but I couldn't quite reach." Ronon stated in a monotone voice. "Most of it's from two doctors."

"Butchers more like." Cass snorted as her delicate fingers traced the ridges of the scars as she struggled to find the exact point of the incision.

Ronon liked the Doctor he decided, almost as much as he liked Teyla. Teyla wasn't afraid of him the way the Doctor had been, she had treated him like a person in their brief time together and he could sense that the Doctor was coming into the same line of thinking since he wasn't exemplifying any threatening impulses towards her. If he got the slightest hint that something was amiss he wouldn't be afraid to bargain with the two women's lives.

Cass made a "hm" noise before the left side of her mouth twisted up in a grimace. The noise was a distraction, a welcome one. He hated the apprehension of waiting for something to cut into his skin. He heard her moving behind him and glanced over his shoulder in order to her removing a little box and a minute scanner from the silver brief case.

"Is that Ancestor Technology?" Ronon asked with fleeting interest.

"Uh huh." Cass responded as she flicked on the machine. "Can you hold still for a sec?"

Ronon complied with her request as she ran the scanner along the incision point and back up again pinpointing the location of the transmitter with the detector.

"It looks like I've got it." she said quietly, setting the life signs detector down on the dusty floor along side her. "I'm going to need you to out the weapon on the ground and lie down."

"Not a chance." Ronon rumbled defiantly.

"I've located the transmitter in the soft tissue next to the second thoracic vertebrate." Cass told him, her hands on her hips.

"Good" Ronan said flatly. "Cut it out."

"I don't think that's such a great idea with you sitting up." Cass explained to Ronon as calmly as she could. "I'll need to give you some anaesthetic to make you sleep while I remove it."

"No your not." he stated flatly.

"Stop being so stubborn." Cass snapped. "I'm trying to help you."

"Ronon." Teyla said using her calm and reasonable manner as she stepped between the two of them. "You need to trust us."

"I do." The Runner informed her pointing his weapon directly at her face. "That's why she's here and your still alive. Now get to work Doc."

This was the first show of hostility that Cass had witnessed and she knew from the deathly serious tone of his voice that he meant every single word of what he said. She was under no illusions that they were friends now because she was doing this. The outburst made Cass even wearier of the hulking man, it also made her rethink her course of action.

"I really do not think this is a good idea, I am going to be cutting very close to your spinal column if you flinch..." she warned Ronon, wagging her finger to empathise her point.

"I won't flinch." Ronon told her with absolute resolution.

"Fine." Cass muttered snapping on her latex gloves. "Brace yourself because this is gonna hurt like a bitch."

Cass tore open an antiseptic wipe and spread it across the bare flesh in order to minimise infection. Teyla took the tool tray and hovered beside Ronon in order to aid Cass. She hoped that her presence brought Ronon some comfort if he wouldn't take the pain killers. He wasn't a bad man, he was merely desperate. He had suffered for a very long time at the hands of the Wraith, being constantly hunted, tracked and dogged was no way for one to live.

The scalpel was already in Cass's hand as she spoke.

"Here it comes." she warned him pressing the blade gently against his flesh.

The pain must have been excruciating, she could hear Ronan's grunts getting louder as she cut even deeper into his flesh. Cass used the forceps to force aside the muscle, hearing the large man whimper as she did so.

"I know, I know." she said in a kind soothing voice. "We're almost there."

She picked up the tweezers as the green light flashed periodically from inside the wound. She dig the tweezers inside the open gash trying as hard as she could not to inflict any more damage upon Ronan. The small piece of black alien tech was nestled amongst the cartilage. Cass grasped it tightly, tugging it out with as much dexterity as possible.

"I think I've got it." she said, withdrawing a bloody piece of metal with wires attached.

Cass dropped it onto the ground and used the heel of her boot to crush it under foot. The loud crack was audible through the clearing as she ground it a few more times making sure the receiver was well and truly broken. Ronon began to waver from side to side, Cass managed to grab him under the arms to slow his descent to the floor but it didn't help much considering the man weighted twice as much as she did. Teyla was already crouched by her side as the two of them rolled Ronon onto his side and into the recovery position.

"I think he must have fainted from the pain." Cass told the other woman as she checked the large man's pulse and ensured he was still breathing.

Cass rose to her feet and made the 'O.K' sign with her fingers at the bushes that overlooked the clearing. John's untidy head bobbed up from the dense undergrowth as she gestured for him to come join them.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, apologies on the late chapter! I was exhausted last night when I got home from work so I wasn't up for doing anything more than sleeping!<strong>_

_Shippo: lol I love the moments Ford and Rodney spend together because their so adverse to each other, it completely makes me laugh with the way they behave esp considering how unstable Ford is! Thanks for the review._

_Brn: I love Lorne too, I couldn't avoid having Lorne in this story. He is far too awesome! Lol Cass knows there's military John and her John and the two of them are mutually exclusive. I think military John just treats her like one of the team, where normal John's like MY WIFE! I do love possessive John! Thankies for such a wonderful review._

_Lan: lol for just Ronon or all six foot four men with dreads? lol Well I sincerely hope you enjoyed this chapter missy! Thankies for the review!_


	55. Chapter 55: The Ties That Bind

Chapter Fifty Five

_I'll be there for you  
>These five words I swear to you<br>When you breathe I want to be the air for you  
>I'll be there for you<em>

_Bon Jovi – I'll Be There For You_

It was a stand off just like it had been in Atlantis during the Siege only this time John thought he had the upper hand. The two men were standing apart from each other. John with his back to the forest P90 focused on the young officer and Lieutenant Ford empty handed, standing with his feet apart, inches away from where the Wraith Darts were scanning the surface with their beaming technology.

The situation was escalating more rapidly than John had thought possible. He had hoped they'd be able to snag Ford before the Wraith had made it through the Stargate but that would apparently have been to easy for the powers above.

He took solace in the fact that both Teyla and Cass had made it back to the Jumper and the marines guarding it. If anything were to go wrong here they were in a position to defend themselves and retreat if necessary. Ronon had fulfilled his promise of tracking Ford and in turn saved the McKay from an untimely death at the Lieutenant's hands. There were many a time that John himself had considered shooting McKay more often than not in a bid to get him to shut the hell up but he was never serious, he had never raised a gun to the other man.

That was the indication that things had crossed a line here. Ford was no longer seeing things in black or white, he was simply seeing grey. The strong morale structure his grandparents had instilled when they were raising him had depleted into the most basic of instincts, he was becoming more and more like the Wraith every day. Cold, callous and merciless, there were still traces of Aiden in there, now an then John thought he could glimpse the reminders of the young man struggling to fight through the effects of the drug but they were fleeting and brief.

Too much time alone, too much time spent fight and ingesting more of the Wraith enzyme. They were losing him, John didn't have to be a genius to figure that out. Ford's survival instincts were strong but it left him un-trusting and paranoid. Watching the Lieutenant now was like having a wild animal backed into a corner. He looked vicious and unfocused, there was no fear in his gaze only clinical statement as he surveyed his options before his inky black eye came to rest on John once more. He knew what he was doing, the other man was trying to gauge whether not his former C.O would really put a bullet in him and the answer no matter how much John disliked the possibility was yes.

The plan was wound him, get him back to Atlantis, detox.

Easier said than done from the way things were going down and they were swiftly running out of time. The longer they remained on this planet the worse the risk to his people from the Wraith.

The whistle of Wraith Darts cut through the air, piercing John's ears with that loud wailing shriek. He thought after over a year in the Pegasus Galaxy that he would be used to that noise by now but it still sent shivers of apprehension up his spine, even more so now from his prior experiences with the Wraith.

"We wanna help." John told the younger man from beyond the barrel of his P90.

It was the truth, the time they had spent tracking their friend down was so that they could rid his system of the Wraith drug. John wanted to bring this man home, to restore him to some resemblance of the person he had been. He wanted Ford to be able to go home to Earth and recover the right way with his family around him, loving and caring for him. The younger man deserved that for everything he had done for Atlantis and the galaxy.

Yet what John thought and what Ford wanted were two very different things. Already Ford's fingers were flexing with agitation as his hand dangled precariously close to the holster on his waist. Not long ago John would never have believed that Aiden Ford was capable of killing him but now with that wild, trapped look in his eyes...

John believed that Ford wouldn't think twice.

"Don't do it." John warned the other man, his finger tightening on the trigger.

He really did not want to do this but if he had to...

Ford went for the 9mm at the same time John took aim at his left thigh and fired a single shot. It was a flesh wound, meant to disable the other man so John could get the upper hand and restrain the Lieutenant before dragging him back to the Jumper. Ford flinched but stayed upright, his face contorted in pain at the motion before he rage flickered in his eyes. The 9mm was already in the other man's hand and trained on the Colonel, steady as hell.

John felt the surprise raise up beneath the surface as he kept his weapon firmly locked on Ford. He should have gone down with that shot but it seemed the enzyme seemed to be pumping more adrenaline through his body. At this moment in time he did seem more like a super human instead of the polite soldier John had once knew.

"You are not getting off this planet." John stated as the Wraith Darts flew overhead, their beams skirting over the dense clearing they were in.

They were getting closer, much closer and if this continued John would have to retreat and go about the process of finding Ford all over again. This was his chance, he had the other man trapped, all he had to do was...

"I'll show you." Ford told him resolute. "You'll see."

John had no idea what that meant until the other man hurled himself into the beam of light that had been swarming towards them. Within seconds Lieutenant Aiden Ford had disappeared, sucked up into the depths of a Wraith Dart and there wasn't a damn think Colonel John Sheppard could do about it.

* * *

><p>Ronon Dex had been a Satedan before he'd been moulded into a Runner by the Wraith. The people of that planet were a proud race of people who fought and died with honour. They believed in a just cause and Cass commended their bravery and courage. If they had been anything like Ronan then she would have enjoyed meeting them and learning their customs. They were fierce, loyal warriors and a dedicated people. They had also been massacred.<p>

After returning to Atlantis Ronan's hopes for returning home were high and Cass had been happy for him. She couldn't imagine what the years of aloneness must have done to the Satedan. It wasn't a life to live and she had wished that he would have an easy time from now, that God would smile down on him and let him return home and gain some peace from his experiences.

Instead they had discovered that Sateda had been not only culled by the Wraith but practically obliterated. The city near the Stargate was nothing but a crumbling ruin of buildings, ash coated the pavements and the walk ways like a layer of dust. There hadn't been a person in sight. They had scanned the planet for life signs just to make sure that the city hadn't been abandoned but their effort had proved fruitless. There was no one left on that planet, no living person existed.

Ronon had accepted the news in silence as he reviewed the evidence through a video feed sent through the Stargate by a machine they used called a MALP. The machine helped identify whether it was safe for a team to step into a planet's atmosphere and they had used it as evidence for Ronon to view.

Ronon Dex was the last of his people and he had returned to his guest quarters without uttering a single word. That had been over three hours ago and no one had heard or seen anything of the Satedan since. He was still in his room, Cass knew that from the fact that the guards were still stationed outside of the door. They did this with all visitors to the city just in case of problems, Cass wondered if that would change now that Ronon was considered to be a refugee.

Currently Elizabeth and John were discussing the possibility of Ronon's residency, the Satedan had no home to go back to and he had helped them with their venture. Cass had no idea what the protocols were for situation like this but she knew what it was like to be alone for so long that it ached and stabbed at your soul like red hot knife. Misery was something she had been well rehearsed in over a year ago and she wanted to show Ronon that she wasn't afraid of him and that there was someone there who cared.

There was a white tray of food in her hand piled high with a variation of foods from the Mess Hall. She didn't know when Ronon had last had a decent meal and she wasn't sure if he would be hungry after the news he had received. She nodded at the guards posted outside of his door before swiping her free hand over the panel and entering the room tentatively.

The room was shrouded in darkness and as the doors hissed shut behind her Cass ignored the urge she had to flick on the lights. The fading orange colours from the sunset were filtering through the blinds and casting Ronon's hulking silhouette on the wall across from him. He was sitting on the bed, his back and left side squeezed against the white washed wall, his head resting on it. His left knee was bent, his elbow resting upon on it comfortably. His right leg was stretched out in front of him with his large hand resting upon it.

"I didn't know if you were hungry so I brought you some food." Cass said into the stillness of the room.

Ronon didn't answer, he simply staring at some invisible spot on the wall like she hadn't even spoken. He wasn't with her right now, he was away in some distant place reliving memories and processing through the thoughts that were rattling around his head. She couldn't say she knew what he was going through but she could offer him some human contact. She thought it was invaluable to have someone by your side when you were grieving and she hoped she could bring some reassurance.

"Do you mind if I sit a while?" Cass asked the Satedan respectfully.

Ronan didn't say a word and when she looked into his expressive green eyes she saw nothing. It was like the man was dead inside. The abyss, Cass thought. She had teetered on the edge of this cliff the same way as he was now. She had fallen into the deepest depression after her experience in the Cave, she hadn't been able to save Connors or Rucka from their fate and she didn't understand why she had been one of the survivors.

After Harry had left she'd hidden her agony from Jules for the longest time. It had been a daunting and hellish aftermath, some days she didn't even see the point of getting out of bed but the thought of other people out there going through something worse spurred her on. The laughter of her niece and nephew as she forced herself to engage with them gave her hope and taught her how precious life was once more. Her priorities shifted and afterwards she had found that it didn't hurt as much as it had. Isolation had nearly earned her a death sentence in those early days and that was something that she had never confessed to anybody.

Cass took a seat on the bed alongside the Satedan, close enough so he could feel her presence but not enough to be stifling. She sat with her own legs stretched out, her dainty hands resting on her lap as her head leaned on the wall behind her.

The quiet was oppressing, it hung in the air wrapping Cass up like a blanket and hiding her from the outside world. She wondered how Ronon could stand it, moving from world to world with no connections. It was worse now because there wasn't even an anchor to link him back to the person he had been on Sateda. Cass knew a thing or two about losing your sense of self, it had taken a long time to get it back and even when she did it had taken meeting John to make her feel like a complete person.

"I'm sorry." Cass whispered finally.

Her delicate hand reached out across the barrier between her and Ronon before she clasped his large palm lightly in her own. There was nothing else she could say to sooth the trauma but she would be here ready if he did need her.

They seemed to sit there in the growing darkness for an age, Cass watched as the shadows merged into blackness until there was nothing else left for her to focus on. The tension finally seemed to sag out of Ronan's body as he released one long shuddering sigh before he squeezed her hand in return.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, it has been a long, exhausting set of days for me and it's only going to get worse since I am managing the store over the next two weeks. Keep your fingers cross that nothing goes wrong!<strong>_

_Shippo: lol I could imagine John doing his sneaky thing in the undergrowth. He's protective over his team and there wasn't a chance in hell he was leaving his friends alone with a very well trained warrior! Thankies for the review!_

_BRN: lol some parts of the series I keep the same and some I twist and change. I think there are so many opportunities to raise such hell with what they all go through and endure and we know that it must make longer for them to come back from their experiences. I am so glad your on the edge of your seat. I am really enjoying writing this story and the places it's taking me! Thankies for such a cool review. _


	56. Chapter 56: Insatiable

Chapter Fifty Six

_Turn the lights down low  
>Take it off<br>Let me show  
>My love for you<br>Insatiable_

_Darren Hayes - Insatiable_

The bathwater was sensational and luxurious across John Sheppard's aching flesh as he sank down into the depths of the gloriously hot water. Whatever the weird assemble of bath products were that Cass had organised in the little wicker basket thing seemed to be working their magic on his tense irate form. He was more of a shower guy usually but there was definitely something to be said for baths.

It had been a sham of a day and he was tired, angry and pissed off by the way that it had gone. They had come inches away from capturing Ford and getting him back to Atlantis and somewhere along the line John had failed. Yet he couldn't see what he could have done differently. Wraith stunners took a long time to work on Ford and John hadn't had one of those anyway. He had taken the only non lethal course of action available and even that had resulted in nothing. The Wraith enzyme had made Ford even stronger than John could have imagined and bullets hadn't worked. John wondered what there was left to do if they ever met again, would he end up being forced to kill Aiden Ford just so he could bring his family some peace?

That would never be an option for John, he lived primarily on a kill or be killed basis usually. Although he did believe in the greater good and as far as he was concerned if Ford had managed to escape that Wraith Dart then he was out there wrecking up a death toll of the Wraith. John didn't quite believe that the Lieutenant was a security risk to Atlantis just yet, not in the same way Colonel Caldwell did.

John thought about Ford's family back home, of his grandparents and cousin who resided back in Memphis still waiting news of their relative. Would it have been better to simply tell them that he was dead like Corinne had suggested? John believed that there was hope in the absence of a body but he couldn't deny that he understood where she was coming from. There was no closure to being told your loved one was MIA. He knew that the book was certainly still open for him, until he literally saw or heard about Ford's death he would continue searching for the other man.

On the other side of the coin there was now Ronon to worry about. John hadn't realized they were taking in a refugee when they had brought the other man on board Atlantis. As far as he had been concerned he was simply helping a victim of the Wraith get back home, something they had done several times before. Only this poor bastard's world had been culled and then obliterated by the Wraith and he was stranded with them without no friends or family or a home.

Elizabeth had considered setting him free amongst the Athosian settlement on the mainland but John thought that kind of life would simply drive the other man crazy. He had seen Ronon in action, the other man's skilled were honed as a warrior, he was ex military and John thought he may be able to find a suitable place for the other man to fit in here. Ronon hated the Wraith as much as they did, maybe more and he knew that no matter what happened the Runner would always go back to extracting revenge on the creatures that had murdered his people. It's what John would have done if he was in that tedious position.

He'd give Ronon some time before he brought the subject up. He wanted to offer the other man stability and a home but John thought the wounds would be too raw from what they had learned about Sateda.

John closed his eyes against those thoughts. Now was the time to switch off from work and focus on his home life. He needed to relax otherwise this job would take over completely and he couldn't afford to let that happen to him again. He edged lower into the tub so the bubbles were up to his chin.

He wondered where Cass was. The last time he had seen her he'd been entering a briefing with Elizabeth and Colonel Caldwell, whilst she was heading to the locker room in order to change out of her combat gear. That must have been several hours ago. He had assumed that she must have headed back to the infirmary to write up her mission report. She was more organised that he was, John would put off his reports for as long as he was able. Cass liked them out of the way with as soon as possible. He considered the probability that she had fallen asleep at her desk again. It was becoming a hazard as of late with all the training she had been engaged in with the new field medics.

John pulled himself out of the bath and yanked the plug out before grasping for the towel he'd left on the silver rail beside it. He had tossed his clothes in the laundry hamper when he had first began to run the bath. He dried his body with the towel before wrapping it around his waist and securing it. He swiped his hand over the door panel before stepping into the darkened bedroom.

The bedside lamp was lighting up his side of the bed from his night stand. He frowned as his gaze shifted to his wife already tucked under the covers. Her head was propped up on her hand as she watched him stride into the room. His untidy, damp brown hair was jutting out in all directions from the heat of his bath, the white plush towel was hanging low on his hips. A thrill of heat pulsed through her body at the sight of his almost nude body. His dogtags were hanging around his neck resting just above the place where his heart resided. His firm muscular structure was on display as rivets of water trailed down along the definition of his body.

John knew exactly what he was doing to her, that charming smile was curving across his handsome features as Cass smoothed over the sheets with that sassy look in her eyes. She slinked across the bed towards him on her hands and knees. She was wearing that pearl, white silky night dress that he adored so much. It draped across her skin, hugging her curves as she rose up on her knees in front of him. Her head tilted upwards as John peered down at her. Her loose dark hair fell across her slender shoulders as John's hand cupped the apple of her cheek affectionately.

His thumb traced over the outline of her lips as he met her mischievous sapphire gaze. Her fingers reached for his towel, unhooking it with her fingers and allowing the material to fall to the floor.

"Opps." Cass uttered.

John tipped his head down towards his wife, his lips brushed hers gently as he cupped her face between his calloused hands. His tongue traced the shape of her lips before he dipped inside her mouth seeking out that lovable unique taste. Cass's hands settled upon his hips to steady herself as her husband explored the heated, wet confines of her mouth. Her nipples were already hardening through the delightfully soft material, John could feel them rubbing against his chest making him moan in delirium as he guided Cass's supple form until she lay flat on her back underneath him.

Her kisses were like sunshine chasing away the dark cloud that hung over his head like a storm. Her caress was blistering as her teasing fingertips traced swirls all over his athletic form. He was hard, throbbing and wanting, he pressed against his wife's moist core through the silk, gasping at the sensation of the luxurious material across his erection.

John's hands were smoothing up and down Cass's lithe thighs, his fingertips were slipping under the fabric of her nightdress. Cass's nails raked down his back igniting his nerves with fiery pleasure as his hands gripped her ass shifting her into the position he wanted her in.

"Now." Cass whispered against his lips. "I want you inside me now."

"Patience." John tutted as he drew his wife's nightdress even higher up her svelte body.

Her scars were on display, that wide, vivid gash and those thin slender slices from where that monster had toyed with her. She hated them, she despised looking at them in the mirror while she dressed, they made her feel ugly, reminded her of a time where she was scared and powerless. He thought she was exquisite, elegant and dynamic. There wasn't a part of Cass he didn't love, he wanted Cass to feel his adoration as his tongue trailed along the ridges of her scars. Cass shivered underneath the feel of his blazing hot mouth as he teased along her stomach following each of the lines until they disappeared into smooth pale flesh once more.

"No panties?" John murmured as he placed fiery, open mouthed kisses up and along her flesh.

"I wanted you too much." Cass confessed through ragged breaths.

Cass's palms skated over her husband's blistering hot skin as they moulded against one another. John was dragging that silky nightdress over her head and tossing it completely from the bed as his wife's thighs locked around his waist. His head dipped as he captured her left nipple between his lips, sucking it gently into his mouth before running his fervent tongue over the erect nub. Cass's hands were clutching the sheets as John played her body like his favourite instrument. John lavished Cass's right breast with the same amount of attention before he arched his hips against his wife's.

His aching erection was nudging against Cass's moist core. John smothered her groan of ecstasy, kissing his wife' pert pink mouth as he sunk into her tight wetness. She responded in that deliciously sexual manner, her hands were already sliding down the shape of his back until she cupped his ass drawing him even deeper as she moved. Her teeth grazed his lower lip as he rocked against her in slow deliberate thrusts hitting that just the right place inside her.

Cass's whimpers cascaded through the air beneath his demanding lips. He kissed the corner of her mouth, the line of her jaw and the hollow of her throat before he covered her lips once more with his. Their souls were singing, he could hear the dulcet lullaby ringing in his ears as his wife writhed and bucked to the rhythm of his thrusts. Being inside her always felt so good and this woman was always stealing away his heart all over again as he made sweet passionate love to her.

Cass's pale skin was already starting to flush pink at the impending orgasm, the connection between them was soaring as John drove her past the point of completion with skilled, dedicated strokes. His name was on her lips as she crested. A thousand dazzling fireworks erupting through her nerve endings as the pleasure stole through her veins and claimed her entire being. Her inner walls were clenching around her husband's impressive length as she came, shoving John over the edge along with her. His groan of glutinous euphoria resounded through her as his body stiffened and quivered uncontrollably at their union.

Her pink lips captured his, her hands running through his mused, brown hair as she drew him even closer. Their kisses were full of idolisation and love for one another as John's hands roamed all over his wife's sated body.

"My day just got better." John mumbled as he nuzzled her throat.

Cass laughed as she wrapped her arms around her husband, drawing him into a tender embrace. It had been a horrible day but being here with John like this made everything just that little bit more bearable. There was happiness radiating inside and she could feel it taking over the both of them like a wave as John pulled the covers over the both of them before whispering the words.

"Round two?"

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, apologises for the late chapter. Work has been keeping me very busy and I am exhausted by the end of the day. Anyways I hope you all enjoy this one!<strong>_

_Brn: I always want to hug Ronon during that ep because he has lost so much and in the cave he looks so haunted by what's happened to him. I could see Cass reaching out a little, she knows what it's like to be facing depression and she doesn't want him to teeter into the abyss. Thankies very much for such a Wonderful review._

_Joey: I thought Ronon needed a little bit of emotional support, guys don't really talk about that kind of stuff but girls do. I adore the relation between John and Ronon, they're best buds for life me thinks. Who knows what adventures I can come up with, I've been batting around a lot of ideas as of late. Thankies fir the review._

_Shippo: In the series we don't see Ford for a while so I am staying Canon to that for the moment. Besides I think Ronon is a lot more fun to play with. Thanks for the review._


	57. Chapter 57: Ghosts

Chapter Fifty Seven

_Can you help me? I'm bent.  
>I'm so scared that I'll never<br>get put back together.  
>Keep breaking me in,<br>And this is how we will end:  
>With you and me, bent<em>

_MatchBox 20 - Bent_

Ronon's dreams were filled with blood, ash and darkness. There were glimpses of silver flashes in the night as the sound crashed in his ears causing his pulse to race and his heartbeat to pound in his chest like the rush of drums. It was loud, so loud it hurt his ears. The whistling was back, that loud, shrill familiar shriek that had haunted every breath he had taken in the past seven years and before that even longer. The agony was trembling through his body as he remembered the fire burning, twisting up through the windows of the hospital, swallowing his lover Melena as she cried and screamed into the air around him.

When he had woken up this morning she had been the first thing on his mind. That crushing sense of grief and loss was weighing on his chest so heavily he could barely bring himself to move. It had taken every ounce of his will power to raise from his bed and brush the claustrophobic cloud aside.

Although Melena had been dead for seven long years, the wound was still fresh and rancid. Now it was festering at the news that Sateda had fallen. Every measurement of the person he had used to be had been stripped away and vanquished. Now Ronon Dex was just an desolate husk of the warrior he used to be. He didn't have a place any more, he had nothing.

The Mess Hall wasn't as busy as usual, he had started to arrive at a later time because the staring made him feel uncomfortable. As usual his two military guards were flanking every single one of his movements. Ronon understood why he was under guard, it made people here feel safer knowing that they could be protected from him. His size was hulking and intimating, they didn't realize there was a person underneath his gruff, impassive exterior.

The truth was Ronon didn't know what to say. It had been an age since he had interacted socially with people and if he was honest his blunt, brisk manner didn't seem to go down so well with the people on the floating city. Instead Ronon listened to their chatter, most of it was mindless or inane but he did pick up some things that interested him from the conversations.

Teyla had some sort of gift he didn't fully understand. The Atlanians talked about it with a revered air, something to do with the Wraith. There were many who did not like it, they thought it made her dangerous but there were others, the ones that mattered that respected Teyla in the way that she deserved.

Ronon was organising people into two separate categories in his mind. The ones he liked and the ones he didn't. Him and Teyla had a lot of things in common, they were both outsiders to the city and he found himself discussing his opinions with her more freely than with anybody else in this place.

Sheppard was ok, Ronon seemed to constantly surprise the other man with his skills and abilities. It was clear the other man hadn't expected Ronon's military skill to be so advanced. Ronon had to admit that it felt good impressing the other man, the two of them challenged one another as equals. Sheppard readily admitted that Ronon was a better fighter than he was and he did not resent it. Instead he patted the other man on the back with that care free grin. He was becoming a comrade again in the eyes of the other man and it had been so long since he had felt that kinsman-ship.

Beckett was friendly. He was a humanitarian and his easy going nature made the procedures that Ronon had to endure all the more bearable.

Cass slipped down into the seat across from Ronon, her smile bright and cheery as she set down the white tray containing her lunch. She had been grinning a lot the last few days, he had no idea why. She was an enigma to him in some ways. Teyla, he could understand, Sheppard's mindset contained the same basic pattern as his own but Cass was something different. The woman was sunny and polite but Ronon knew there was more underneath the surface. She had skimmed the abyss the same way he was doing now. Compassion was not something he had understood before Teyla, Sheppard and Cass had showed him what it meant to be human once again. He had lived like an animal for so long the savage impulse primal impulses were hard to shed.

The two of them sat in silence for several moments as Cass twisted open the bottle cap off of her water. Her mannerisms were relaxed and calm as she took sip from the plastic bottle.

Ever since that night when he'd discovered that his home world had been destroyed the two of them had developed an alliance. Ronon had experienced comfort for the first time, he had learned of how the simplicity of a human touch could heal. Being around other people was helping to smooth out some of the jagged blades that were stabbing at his soul.

Already Sheppard was offering the next step of his transition. Ronon needed a purpose and Sheppard needed another team member. It was another chance to fight the Wraith with logic and planning, it was an opportunity to decimate them on a larger scale, a possibility to free the galaxy. Ronon had to take it, his conversation with Teyla only enforced that. The Atlantians were their best hope.

People were looking at them again, Ronon could feel their eyes like prickles on his flesh like needles. He clenched his jaw together fighting the urge to resist snarling. His fuse was getting longer but barely. It had been such a long time since he had had to reign in his temper and he was still struggling to grasp the fluid, agitated animal inside him.

Cass didn't seem to notice, she smiled at him before she picked up the sandwich between her delicate hands and began to eat. He didn't like being the centre of attention, especially when it was negatively derived to someone he had started to envisage as a potential ally. He knew it was because the doctor was married. Each night when she came to his quarters there would be a fresh set of guards and he could tell they were unhappy with their arrangement from the scowls on their faces.

Sheppard had started visiting not long after the unrest had began, Ronon could never be sure if someone had said something to him about his wife or whether he had worked out what was going on on his own. Either way the rumours revolving around Cass and himself seemed to stop. It was nice to have some male company and a few nights out of the week when Cass was working Sheppard would bring over a beer or two.

Sometimes they would head over to Sheppard's after a sparring match and watch a movie before taking separate showers. Other times him and Cass would talk about his home world or whatever else came to mind. Between Sheppard Teyla and Cass, he felt no judgement and it was helping him flourish just a little more as a person. Ronon felt like he was taking back snatches of his life that the Wraith had stolen from him. He was more assertive and more in control of his actions now.

"He offered me a position on his team." Ronon said into the silence between them.

Cass set down her sandwich before clearing her throat to acknowledge his words.

"Are you considering it?" she asked, pushing her tray away slightly so she could rest her elbows on the table.

"I'm not sure yet." Ronon stated flatly.

Cass nodded her approval at his decision. She didn't want Ronon to feel overwhelmed by any pressure in his new home. She wanted the other man to feel like he had a safe and stable area to come home to even if he didn't take up John's offer. She knew a thing or two about being rootless, not having somewhere to return to made the prospect of coming back even more difficult.

"You still have plenty of time." Cass said with a small shrug. "You'll make your decision when your ready."

It was simple and Cass understood that. Her priority seemed to be his well being and Ronon found that oddly endearing and somewhat suspicious at the same time. She seemed too good to be true sometimes, over the time he had been here Ronon had found himself telling her things that he hadn't spoken about in an age. He always regretted them but with all honesty it was also a relief.

With every telling, it felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest and he thought that she would not use it against him. So far he had been right, his intuitiveness told him Cass was safe, that she was fierce and loyal. The only reason Ronon was still alive right now was because he trusted his instincts, it was simply his human side he was at war with. Being alone so long had made him mistrustful and withdrawn, trying to move past that was hard but he was trying, it seemed that everyday was a battle to fight.

"Why aren't you on his team?" Ronon asked abruptly, dunking his bread into the gravy on his tray.

Cass tilted her head from side to side indecisively before answering.

"It would complicate things." Cass said simply before launching into an honest explanation. "I couldn't be objective in the field if John was danger all of the time. It would drive me insane actually seeing the trouble he gets himself into and my mind wouldn't be on the mission. I trust his team to watch his back."

Ronon got that and the implications that went along with it. He sure Sheppard felt the same way, emotions made you irrational in the field. He'd fallen privy to that in the onset on Sateda's war against the Wraith, he had bartered everything he had to get Melena off that planet and in the end it had broken his heart when she had chosen to stay.

"He trusts yours?" Ronon grunted as he grasped the jug of water and swigged from it.

"Me and my team are kinda new, I've never had a one before. I was sort of interchangeable until Major Lorne requested me, now that there's more field medics to go around it's easier for me to stay in one place. I still jump in on other teams from time to time for more complex missions but Lorne's team is my priority." Cass informed the other man. "John wouldn't have picked him if he didn't have some faith in the man's ability."

"Lorne's a strong strategist and a good fighter." Ronon agreed knowingly, thinking of some of the training sessions he had been involved with. "He's got your back."

"Thankfully I agree with you. The team's getting stronger with every mission we go on. They're very professional and kind to the locals. I couldn't ask for more." Cass said contently.

"I don't get you." Ronon told her bluntly. "I don't get why your like this. I don't get why you care."

Cass gaze fixed on him as she stared into his vibrant green eyes. He was telling the truth and she could see there was no harm in his statement. She wanted to tell him it was in her nature, that strength and compassion were qualities that every single member of the human race held within them. That wouldn't be honest though, that would be a lie.

"I know what it's like to be scared and alone and to think of someone else suffering like that..." Cass trailed off, shaking her head.

Something had happened to her, Ronon could see it's ghost wavering behind her eyes as she spoke. Whatever it was had scared her, she had been there feeling his emotions, reliving them as her own. There was a moment of understanding between the two of them as they sat there in the Mess Hall against the business.

Ronon made sure that Cass could see the full weight of his earnestness as she stared into his forest green eyes, gaze lowering to his lips as he rumbled in that familiar way.

"I get it."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, thankies for such wonderful reviews. I have had a wonderful day today and I hope yours has been the same. Thanks to each and every one of you!<strong>_

_Shippo: lol I could imagine this little untidy patch of dark hair sticking out of the bubbles and his eyes. I think he secretly likes bath esp when they sooth his aches and pains!_

_Buster: I have been there and done that with Firefly, long ago! Love it so very much! Thankies for the suggestion tho!_

_Shep: Lmao I so want a John Sheppard! Thank you very much for your compliments. There's lots of little sex scenes smuggled into the story so I hope you continue to enjoy it. _

_Brn: LMAO! I love that kinda naughty moment when your doing something you shouldn't be. Your review certainly made the chapter worth writing!_


	58. Chapter 58: Instinct

Chapter Fifty Eight

_I'm a survivor  
>I'm gonna make it<br>I will survive  
>Keep on survivin' <em>

_Destiny's Child - Survivor_

It started with a teenage girl called Ellia. Only she wasn't a normal teenage girl, she was in fact a Wraith. John hadn't known that Wraith could even bear children, the idea of two Wraiths together making babies put images in his head that nightmares were surely made of.

The forest around him rustled in the breeze as he stood in a dense clearing, his ears straining to listen for any sound that seemed out of place. This was not how he had envisioned spending his time off world but he took the rough with the smooth and this was certainly one of those more complicated missions.

John and his team had thought that this would be simple. Hunting down a lone Wraith in the forestry that was tormenting a local village was practically child's play, especially when they had Ronon with them. The large man had been an asset to John's team even though there had been a few teething problems initially in the beginning. Ronon wasn't used to taking orders and John had had to assert his authority on one occasion, that had seemed to straighten things out.

Ronon, being the skilled tracker and hunter that he was had followed the trail back to a huddle of caves etched into the cliff face. Instead of finding the violent monster they had been expecting they had come across Ellia the teenage Wraith and that had then turned into something much worse once Ellia had taken the serum that Carson had left unattended for a few minutes.

Somewhere in the insanity she had become a supercharged crazy Wraith, she had destroyed the other Wraith survivor with nothing more than a simple twist of the head, severing his neck from his spinal column. The move had saved McKay but Carson had been sure in his retelling of the event that that had not been Ellia's main intention.

Now they were out in the woods attempting to capture Ellia so they could try and reverse the effects of the serum. The only problem was that Ellia seemed to be feeling uncooperative. This was the classic nature versus nurture argument all over again and as far as John was concerned nature had won out this time.

Ellia's Wraith instincts were at maximum potential and that was more than regrettable, he wasn't beyond compassion and if he could he would bring Ellia home.

There was movement behind him and John found himself spinning on his heel, bringing his P90 up to his shoulder in order to aim and found himself confronted with empty air. His heart rate was accelerating but he was still in control. Fear was twinging at the edges of his nerves but the Major kept it at bay with his rationale and armour. John had taken down many Wraith before, this time wouldn't be any different.

Even as he thought that he could feel the winds of Fate change as it breezed around him. There was apprehension flooding his senses as he heard the sound of claws scraping across bark. In that split second everything changed. Ellia chose that time to reveal herself, she sprung up into the mossy, fallen tree to his right and hissed at him.

There wasn't any word he could use to describe the monster in front of him, although hybrid sprung to mind. Somewhere along the way Ellia had converted back into her full Wraith nature and more. The left side of what had previously been her pearly green pallor had converted into a vibrant royal blue brushed over what looked remarkably like scales. Her left eye was crimson red and glared back at him as she snarled and spat at him through longer, malevolent teeth.

"Ellia..." John spoke her name in an attempt to draw whatever may be left of the teenage Wraith back to the surface.

Instead she sprung at him. In those split seconds John managed to get three maybe five shots off at the Wraith hurtling towards before she impacted with his athletic form. His P90 was wretched from his hands and skated across the leafy ground as he hit the floor on his back with a pained grunt. His combat knife was already in his hand as Ellia bore down at him.

He was holding her at bay the best he could as she writhed and squirmed, her hand snaking towards his chest. He blocked her manoeuvre with his forearm, her talons sunk into the flesh, cutting deep into his skin as she hissed and snapped at his face. She was stronger than a normal Wraith and the more John fought against her relentless, ferocious attack the weaker he felt himself becoming. She was getting the upper hand and his muscles were trembling with the pressure she was exerting from attempting to bear down on him. That clawed talon felt like it was ripping apart his arm as it drew even closer to his chest.

John bucked under Ellia's weight as she flexed her claw pressing it just over his heart, it dug into his flesh causing his head to tip back in rage and pain as she raked his skin.

A familiar howl of rage echoed through the air as a red blast of energy came out of nowhere striking Ellia in the side, literally throwing her off of John's body. Despite the fiery liquid running down his arm and the intense burning in his chest John was on his feet in a second, drawing his 9mm from the holster at his side and pointing it directly at the hybrid. Ronon was beside him, his weapon trained on the furious Ellia as she recovered almost instantly. He hit her again with the blast from his weapon and then again until she was writhing with agony.

"She tried to feed on me." John panted as the two men stood side by side.

His back was bruised, he had no doubts he'd be feeling the effects of that fall in the morning. His arm felt like it was on fire from where Ellia had sliced through the skin. It was still bleeding, he could feel the blazing hot trail dripping from his wrist.

"She's gone." Ronon said as he used his thumb to flick the switch to kill.

Ellia lunged at John again without warning. John pulled the trigger of the 9mm, the retort resounding in his ears as he fired again and again along side Ronon. They didn't stop until Ellia stopped moving. Her body was splayed out, her face still etched in violence as the blood blossomed across her simple peasant clothing.

There was nothing he could have done, it was her or them. It still didn't make him feel better, there had been potential in this young woman. She had been just a girl, growing up in a place where she didn't belong. Ellia had always been destined to be an outcast and now she was dead.

John felt Ronon's large hand clap his shoulder in a show of comradeship. There was empathy in the other man's touch as he stared down at the body of the creature that Ellia had become.

"Come on buddy let's get Beckett to take a look at that arm." Ronon rumbled as he tilted his head in the direction they had come from.

John allowed himself to follow Ronon through the bustling woodland, his hand clasped over his injured arm in attempt to stifle the bleeding.

The funny thing was it didn't seem to hurt that much anymore.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! Hope you are all having a wonderful weekend. I've had the time off and have been catching up on all the chores I've been ignoring during the week. <strong>_

_Joey: I think Ronon is very inclusive and I think only people who understand what he went through can really idenitify with him. He needs patience and care in a way. lol sometimes silence says it all. Thankies very much for the review!_

_Shippo: lol the idea of John in a bubble bath puts tingles running through me. Ronon is very prodominant throughout the story so no worries. Thank you for the review._

_Brn: No worries on the vacation, you are allowed time off. I love showing all the different friendships between them all. Evan and co love having her on their team and of course Ronon deserves friends even if he is a little rough around the edges. Thankies for the review!_


	59. Chapter 59: Conversion

Chapter Fifty Nine

_I can't escape this hell  
>So many times I've tried<br>But I'm still caged inside  
>Somebody get me through this nightmare<br>I can't control myself_

_Three Days Grace – Animal I Have Become_

Something was wrong, John didn't know what but he could feel it crawling around inside his head like a venomous snake inflicting him with it's toxins. It had started simple, things that he hadn't really noticed. The concern over the fact the wound Ellia had inflicted on him had disappeared and been replaced with nonchalance. For the first time ever he had managed to outrun Ronon and then he'd followed that up with beating Teyla at her own martial art, one handed.

Just working out with the attractive Athosian had caused his instincts to shift to other more primal thoughts, there was a savage and primal need stirring in his groin and it was not coming from him. He had had to leave gym before he indulged in something he regretted.

Already the presence in his mind was seeking out another way to fulfil it's lustful demands, his body was out of control, working on it's own accord as he marched towards his quarters catching the eye of every single attractive female that he stalked past. His wife was in their quarters and the presence was determined that it would either take her or whatever else flung itself into his path.

John was fighting it, he would not let this monster that was possessing his form anywhere near his wife and the beast inside him was furious that it even had access to her. It was biting and snarling against the cage that the snake had managed to trap it in as John tuned back in to find himself talking that red haired Geologist that adored him so much.

The words were not his own but he could hear his voice saying the disgusting, vile things as his fingertips caressed the swell of her cheek. He tried to wretch himself away but found himself unable to move a muscle as the monster controlled his actions. He was drowning in it's senses as it invaded him once more, trying to twist and mould him into something more pliable.

Maria wanted him, he could smell the arousal seeping through her skin as her laugher jingled through the air. He had her cornered in this corridor and she seemed to enjoy the dangerous, wild glint in his eyes. She was leaning in even closer, the stench of her citrus perfume inhaling through his nostrils as the beast inside him whined that low enraged growl. The toxins were taking over John, he could feel the poison ripping through his veins and stealing away parts of his mind as Maria licked her plush red lips.

John never would have looked twice at this red haired geologist, in fact he avidly stayed away from her because he knew she made Cass feel uncomfortable despite the fact his wife had never uttered the words. He was sinking even deeper into forbidden territory and he had no way to stop it. He found himself whispering in her ear, illicit things that were only meant for Cass.

The beast was pawing at his mind, scratching and howling trying to break free of its trappings as his body responded on its own instincts. Despite himself, his skin was feverishly hot with anticipation and he was hard as Maria's fingers played along the rungs of his belt buckle. Her bright eyes were on his as she pursed her lips together in that sultry pout. The beast was infuriated, it was flashing up images of his mate, biting and snapping trying to shake John out of the spell he seemed to be caught up in but it was useless.

The cage was getting tighter and he was struggling to breath inside his own mind. The corruption was already too strong, it was draining every drop of John Sheppard away and replacing him with this careless monster that was trampling all over his life. It was driving him crazy, he was going literally insane in his own prison, screaming and pounding at the walls trying to break free.

God, this was getting even worse than he had imagined, his own hands were on Maria's waist drawing her even closer so she was pressing against his firm body. Her fingers grasped his labels as he dipped his head, his lips smothering Maria's with his own. She tasted sickly sweet under his mouth as his tongue delved into the recesses of her mouth.

The beast inside him was going ballistic at the betrayal to it's mate. It was throwing itself against the walls of his mind, roaring in protest as Maria pulled him even closer, her nails raking across his stomach, underneath his T-shirt as he slammed her back against the wall in haste.

This was so wrong, so violently, sickeningly wrong but John had no control over what was going on. He yelled, punched and struggled against the monster holding him captive, grappling with it but the monster was unrelenting. It wanted this, it wanted to take Maria right here and now and it didn't care about it's host or the consequences.

It appeared neither did Maria.

John sensed Cass's presence before he saw her. As the monster turned his head towards her he could feel the exact moment that her heart literally broke and it maimed him. He could feel their bond splintering into a million pieces as her soul shredded before his eyes. He knew what she was seeing, Maria in his arms, his swollen lips and hungry gaze. He could feel the monster appraising her as she stood before him, every single one of her walls slamming down into place as she mounted her defences. Her expression was practically glacial as she reviewed him jaw clenched, and fist curled.

The pain from the shattering of their bond crippled him, he could feel it tearing him into pieces deep inside as she turned on her heel and walked away. The monster was satisfied once more, that one wasn't good enough, it thought. This one was better, more curves, delicious lips and wanting, always so wanting.

This son of a bitch was killing him, it was destroying everything he loved. It was trying to murder Cass with it's evilness so that he would give in and let it take over. John Sheppard wouldn't take this lying down. It's demolition of their bond gave him the blinding rage and agony he needed. He unleashed the excruciating pain he was feeling upon the monster. He could feel it all swarming through him as he directed it at his target, taking full advantage of the surprise it felt at such an horrific sensation.

For a moment John was back in the driving seat as the monster wailed and fought inside him. He pulled himself away from Maria whose hands had been delving into places he would rather they didn't and threw himself into the Teleporter, smacking the button for the Infirmary in an instant. He didn't know how much time he had left before the monster took over again and he needed to be contained before this got any worse.

There were other circumstances at play here, a much bigger picture and John would do anything he could to prevent it from compromising the city. He hurtled into the Infirmary, barely allowing the double doors to open as he squeezed through with a frantic sense of urgency. The monster was back and it was recovering quickly, he barely had any time left before it took over again.

Carson was in front of him, his eyes wide as the Colonel grabbed him by the labels of the lab coat he was wearing, his hazel eyes boring straight into the other man's as his entire body began to tremble in exertion. Sweat was tumbling down his brow as John ground his teeth forcing himself to speak the words that were rolling around on the tip of his tongue.

"Help me."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! All hell is breaking loose over here at the moment. I don't know if the riots in the UK have made the news where you are but unfortunately they're hitting a little too close to home over here. I don't usually do the whole asking people to pray or hope thing but if you are of that disposition spare a prayer for my area please.<strong>_ _**Special thanks to everyone who read, reviews and adds this story, you make writing it truly worth it!**_

_Shippo: lol I think everybody felt sad for Ellia because she was simply trying to be a normal girl but it didn't work out for her. I wanted to hug her so badly! Thanks for the review!_

_Joey: I kind of needed to show how it developed or rather where it started for John. I can imagine Sheppard freaking out a little bit but we both know that the retrovirus dulls that for him as well as brings out his instincts a little more. Thanks so much for a fab review!_

_Brn: lol it's gonna be a bumpy ride I can ensure that. lol I can imagine John quivering at the thought of bugs after that. I would be! Thanks for the review!_


	60. Chapter 60: Prevarication

Chapter Sixty

_Battered sore and high on hurt  
>Out of line and out of words<br>Lost for love and lost for air  
>That is how you leave me here<em>

_The Saturdays - Lies_

The wedding ring was the first thing to go. Cass couldn't stand the sight of the small platinum circlet on her finger after what she had just bore witness to. She had torn it off and hurled it across their bedroom in a haze of red mist before grabbing her duffel bag from underneath their bed. Her mind was racing, the images flashing across her mind like photographs as grief filled her. She hated him, she had never thought that it was possible but she actually despised the man she had married for putting her through this suffering.

Jesus she hadn't realized that this could hurt so much, the pain was worse than any physical blow he could have been dealt. Something had died inside her when she'd seen him touching that woman, his hands running over her voluptuous frame, his lips kissing her...

Cass gripped the end of their wrought iron bed, her knuckles white as she stared at the empty sheets before her. Only a few nights ago the two of them had made love in this bed, they had fallen asleep holding hands, John whispering sweet endearments in her ear. She had been happy, she thought he had been too but obviously she was wrong. How could she have been so wrong?

She could feel the agony wrenching at her insides as the loneliness filled her. Their connection was dwindling pathetically, she had locked it down the second John had laid his hands on that bitch. She couldn't blame Maria, all of this wasn't her fault. Damn it she wanted to though, she wanted to give John the chance to explain himself but she wasn't one of those women that stuck around when their partner cheated on them, it just wasn't in her nature. She would never be able to trust him again and their relationship would become trivial and meaningless as it deteriorated, they would make each other miserable. So the only option Cass had was to leave.

Already Cass was shoving her clothes into the duffel bag, she wasn't thinking clearly, she didn't know what she was picking up and putting in there and she didn't care. It was methodical and practised, she needed to do something with her hands to stop that violent compulsive feeling from taking over. She wanted to smash something, to destroy everything the same way her husband had done to her.

Cass was devastated, she didn't understand how John could do this, how he could snatch everything he had given her away again? This wasn't him, she couldn't believe that he would ever cheat on her but the evidence was in front of her face stealing away her energy.

She found herself sitting down on the bed, staring at the wall with both of her hands pressed together between her knees. She was hurting so badly she had no idea how to fix the shattered pieces inside of her. She was at a complete loss, there were emotions, thoughts and feelings all running rampant inside trying to fit together clues that didn't exist.

Her eyes were stinging, the un-shed tears burning at her eyeballs as the lump in her throat turned into a mournful ache.

_Don't cry_, she told herself, _don't give him the satisfaction._

It was too late for that now, the hot salty tears were leaking down the flushed apples of her cheeks as she sat there alone in the silence. The sorrow was overtaking her in waves as she thought of life without her husband.

_Empty..._

The bond between them was thin, a mild trickle poking at her soul. She had slammed the door shut when she had seen John molesting Maria and now this was him tentatively knocking at her defences. Cass was resolute, she blocked him out, erecting her walls even higher than before so he could not climb over them. He was still there deep inside of her, resilient and insistent. Their connection was still there, unwavering, she wondered how that could be when she could feel herself falling apart around it.

Cass had never felt so alone in her life. Cass wrapped her arms around herself and put her head between her knees, forcing herself to control her breathing. She didn't understand why she wasn't enough. Why couldn't he love her?

The sobs were coming now, they racked her chest with painful constrictions as she hugged herself tightly. Her whole body vibrated and trembled as the entirety of her situation dawned on her. She had never realized how much she relied on John, how much strength she drew from his presence. Now her world was collapsing down on her like never before.

Her comm was chirping to life in her ear, as it always seemed to at the worst of times. She straightened her spine, swallowing hard before she touched the radio in her ear briefly to listen.

"_Doctor Pierce, we have a medical emergency in the Infirmary. Beckett needs you ASAP."_

Cass was already raising to her feet, rubbing the palm of her hands over her weary features. It appeared no matter how much grief she endured the world would always keep turning. She wondered if she should as for some leave after this, take some time off, go back to Earth.

"Details?" Cass requested sharply before she splashed cold water on her face in order to take away the redness from her blotched skin.

She was not one of those women that could look beautiful when she cried and the cold water seemed to sooth some of the traces of her upset away but not all of it.

"_Doctor, it's your husband."_

* * *

><p>John was lying flat out before Cass on a bed in the Infirmary. He was still clad in his uniform grey combats and black T-shirt. His hazel eyes were staring at the ceiling as he let out a small sigh of impatience. It hurt to look at him, she wanted to run her hands through that untidy dark hair and sooth away every one of his fears.<p>

She understood now, this was John but it wasn't at the same time. She hadn't known about what had happened off world until Carson had filled her in and now she was at risk of losing him entirely. The retrovirus that Ellia had infected him with wasn't breaking down the way that they had hoped, instead it was altering his DNA, changing him gradually into a creature much like the one that had given him the virus in the first place.

God, how could she have thought that her husband would have ruined their life together? John loved her, he cherished her. He would never do anything to hurt her willingly. She was horrified by her own damnation of his character. Her own insecurities had overridden her completely and she had allowed that. She felt so stupid, so ridiculous and so guilty. John would never have thought her capable of such things and she had all too quickly jumped at the possibility of him being entirely responsible for his actions.

Cass forced those thoughts aside so she could focus on the bigger problem at hand. Her focus was changing again, she had another priority now. Her husband was her main concern.

In a matter of days John Sheppard would be gone and replaced by the monster that was writhing around inside of him struggling for dominance. Carson was working on a plan and all Cass could do was wait and see what the fellow doctor came up with. Her skill set was as a trauma surgeon, whereas Carson's lay in Genetics and Biochemistry. She wouldn't even know where to start. She kept thinking about how scared he much be, how horrifying it must be to have something take over your body and watch it live your life.

Yet there was something stopping her from taking those actual steps and going over. That hurt and that fear of feeling like that again was still resounding inside of her and it was something she couldn't shake. Distancing herself was a matter of survival for her, it had worked in the past and now that their connection was fractured she was sure it would work here again but the question was did she want to do that?

John had been no more in control of his actions than she had been when she had locked herself down against their fragile bond, he didn't deserve to go through this alone. Right now she was staring at her husband and not the animal inside of him. They had injected him with a viral inhibitor in a bid to slow the retrovirus down and it seemed to have worked in keeping the monster at bay. He was John Sheppard once more.

"You should talk to him." Carson said quietly in his comforting Scottish lilt. "He's hiding it very well but if I was him I would be scared to death."

Cass drew in a deep breath as she nodded, steeling herself as she uncrossed her arms and progressed towards the bed on which her husband was lying. The wedding ring on his left hand winked at her as she buried her hands in her pockets and took slow, steady steps towards him.

John couldn't look at her, his head was tilted away as she approached. She could see the tension wrought in his shoulders as he hunched over. His jaw was clenched as he exhaled deeply. He didn't want to face her, didn't want her to see the shame on his features for what he had done. She had been torn apart by his infidelity and he couldn't bring himself to see the pain in her eyes.

Cass tried to speak past the lump in her throat but found that she couldn't. He looked so alone sitting there and Cass knew he must be feeling the absence stretching in the space between them. She wanted desperately to provide him with some comfort but she was terrified of giving that part of herself away again.

_It wasn't John_, she told herself.

He squeezed his eyes shut, grinding his teeth together as he felt for their bond but it was nothing but a wavering thread barely binding the two of them together. She was cinching it so tightly he could feel nothing of her presence except the fact she existed and that was all. There was no comforting presence or lingering security, the monster had taken it away when he had broken Cass's heart. God, it ached inside him, that loss of her faith was eating at him worse than that monster ever could.

"I don't blame you." Cass whispered as her delicate hand enclosed over his clenched fist smoothing over the tense ridges of his knuckles.

The door opened between them and instantly he was flooded with an entire wealth of emotion. Affection, reassurance and above all love, it coursed through him like a narcotic drowning out all the misery that had surrounded him. His muscles began to unwind as his rigid form relaxed at the familiar sensation that claimed him. Cass's soul nudged his tentatively, it seemed almost apologetic as it rubbed against the scuffed damaged edges of his own.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." John told her, his fist uncurling until his fingers entwined with Cass's in that sweet, intimate gesture.

He understood that this wasn't forgiveness, it was acceptance of his actions. It had not been him touching that woman, desiring her and Cass seemed to grasp that. It didn't take away the guilt he felt over but it made it bearable. He didn't blame Cass for her own actions, he couldn't say he wouldn't have done the same.

"I should have known that something was wrong, that you would never do that to me." Cass told him. "I'm so sorry that I didn't trust you. I should have trusted you."

"It's hard to deny something like that when the evidence is right in front of your face." John said, squeezing her hand in his. "I would never do that willingly."

John could feel her nestling against his soul once more and curling around him protectively. For the first time since this ordeal had begun he could breathe. He believed with her at his side he could fight this monster and he could survive this. There was hope in his soul and Cass was the reason for that.

"I feel more like myself when your here." John murmured as he stared down at their linked fingers.

Cass's thumb caressed over the vibrant blue veins of his hand as she spoke light heartedly into the space between them.

"Then I guess I ought to pull up a chair and stay a while."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, thankies so much for all your kind words and prayers. I am keeping my fingers crossed for tonight!<strong>_

_**I thought maybe you all deserved another chapter!**_

_Buster: And she gets worse! I hate Maria and her char, she causes so much friction for the two of them. Thanks for the review._

_Shippo: I feel so sorry for Shep and Cass because Maria is so vicious! I think John's too scared of hurting Cass to go after her. The retrovirus in him isn't her biggest fan. Thankies very much for such a fab review!_

_Joey: I know I didn't like writing it but it is part of their story so I managed to battle my way through it. I'm glad I made you feel so much with writing that chapter, it has made me smile like you wouldn't believe. Thankies very much for such a fab review!_

_Brn: Thanks for the prayers! Seriously I thought at one point Cass would bite her but she is too restrained and she has bigger problems. Lol well someone needs to show Red whose boss, but I can't say too much. I just want to hug John so much because he can't control what happens! Thanks for your amazing review!_


	61. Chapter 61: A Friend In Need

Chapter Sixty One

_Every step I'm takin'  
>Every move I make<br>Feels lost with no direction,  
>My faith is shakin'<br>But I gotta keep tryin'_

_Miley Cyrus – The Climb_

The five of them were in the conference room, gathered informally as they talked through the options ahead of them. Cass knew she had only been invited to this meeting because of her relationship with the Colonel. If she was anyone else they would have left her out of it until they had a more solid plan of action but Carson had argued that she needed to be in on this in order to help with John's care.

The argument had been an easy one to win, the truth was that John was more calmer and lucid when she was around and the more information she had at hand the more secure she could make him feel. That also meant there was no possible way for her to get on this mission, her role on Atlantis was too important for her to be out in the field. Instead Carson had offered himself up forward in her place, Elizabeth had deemed him the best qualified for the task due to his knowledge surrounding the Iratus bug and the requirements for a counter serum.

If she was honest Cass wouldn't have felt comfortable going anyway, her job wasn't what was important here. As far as she was concerned she was John's wife first and foremost and he needed her now more than ever.

"The Ancient Data Base has a lot of bug information." Rodney told the room as he stepped into it, the automatic doors hissing shut behind him. "We know what planet it's on, we know that it likes cool, damp, dark places to lay it's eggs."

"Shouldn't be hard to locate." Major Lorne said knowingly already scanning his brain for possible locations.

He was perched on the conference tables beside Carson who was standing to attention, his hands buried deep in his pockets. He looked tired and Cass knew that the other doctor had been working solidly over the past twenty four hours in attempt to solve this problem. John was a valued member of this expedition and he had put his life on the line several times for the city and it's people. As soon as news of his illness had filtered through to the other doctors and amongst the military ranks people were flooding in trying to help figure out ways in which they could support their Commanding Officer.

Several of the more senior doctors had held meetings with Carson and had come up with the idea of implanting Iratus bug DNA into John's system in order to counteract the retrovirus. The only problem was they needed stem cells from a fresh egg which was why this meeting was being called.

"Wait a second, the last time we ran into one of those bugs we almost lost Sheppard." Elizabeth reminded the small group. "How do you expect to just walk into one of their nests?"

Cass had to admit the woman had a good point. John had accidentally ran into its spiderweb-like home before the thing had attached itself to his throat. Stepping into a whole nest of the bugs would be even more dangerous.

Rodney pursed his lips together for a second before he considered the problem. The man worked with physics on a daily basis but Iratus bugs were beyond his line of thinking. Ask him to hot wire a Jumper and he was fine but throw a strategic plan in the midst and his genius only stretched so far, it was the reason that Sheppard could always beat him at chess. His mind simply didn't think in that way no matter how huge his desire was to save his friend.

"I don't see any other choice." Carson said from his position in the group. "We need the Iratus stem cells and the best come from embryos. With them we might actually have a chance at saving Sheppard, without them he'll die."

Lorne bowed his head, his hands clasped in front of him as he regarded the information at hand. The situation was risky at best but the Major had no doubt that his Commanding Officer would do this for him if the roles were reversed. Sheppard was the type of man who upheld a strong morale structure, he had drilled the other military men and women on the base that they would never leave a man behind and so far he had been true to his word no matter what the chances were of him scraping through with his own life.

Seeing his wife standing across from him now with her hands clasped before her looking more quiet and reserved than usual was like driving a stake through the part of him that would have put the brakes on this mission. Cass Pierce was one of his people, they served on the same team together and he despised the idea of one of his people having their hearts broken like that. At the end of the day they had to try. Already varying people were volunteering for whatever the Colonel needed doing in terms of recovery. There was a team in place if they needed back up and Lorne had been proud to see the support network that was in place to help the Colonel and his team.

"So this is the only option we have?" Elizabeth confirmed as she scrolled through the data on her tablet.

"Time is also an issue." Carson told her pointedly.

They needed a decision on this as soon as possible, the narrow window of opportunity was shrinking with each passing moment and he couldn't bare the idea of the Colonel falling victim to this creature once more. He had seen the hybrid that Ellia had shifted into and if he was honest that monstrosity had haunted him through every single day. Not only was Sheppard his friend, but he was also a very skilled man when it came to fighting. There was no doubt in his mind that if he turned completely that they would be forced to put him out of his misery before he could cause harm to anyone.

His gaze shifted to Cass as she listened to the debate and he hated the idea of doing that to her. The two of them had been through more than their fair share of heart ache and although Carson knew that living on Atlatis would never make things easy, he thought it was unfair if the galaxy claimed her husband when she had only found him such a short while ago. The two of them had been destined for each other from the onset and he was determined no matter what happened he would fix this mess.

Elizabeth's sigh echoed through the room as the four others held their breath awaiting her decision. They were putting all of their eggs in one basket here figuratively speaking. Yet this seemed like the only way that they could help John. He deserved the same respect that he awarded others but she wanted to make sure that this group of people were aware of the risks before they sped off head first into a potentially fatal situation.

"You have no idea what'll happen." she told them.

"There is only one certainty and that is what will happen if we do nothing." Carson argued, his hands on his hips and his shoulders square to show he was done having this continued debate.

"We all understand the risks Doctor Weir." Lorne injected into the air between them as Elizabeth's brown eyes fasted on him. "And I believe that Colonel Sheppard would do the same for any one of us."

He fell short of asking anyone in the room to raise their hands if Colonel Sheppard had saved their lives. That would not be good manners and it was clear he must be the calm one in this situation. Everyone here had some personal connection to the Colonel at stake and he would be the one out there in the field giving orders. He needed to remain focused on the safety of the group and what was best for them. He knew that everyone here would lay their lives down for Sheppard in a heartbeat but he didn't want anyone to be reckless in this endeavour.

Rodney's gaze met Elizabeth as he nodded his agreement. How many missions had he been on when Sheppard wasn't pulling his ass out of the fire? He couldn't count the amount of times the other man had saved his life. Despite the fact they argued like cat and dog over ridiculous things, they were still comrades and there was a kinship in that. That and the fact he couldn't really deal with the idea of Cass moping around the city if they didn't do this.

Elizabeth stood regal and silent for a second before she bowed her head and nodded before the words escaped her lips.

"Permission granted."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! Riots are still continuing here, we're hoping they die down but it was a little bit close last night. Fingers crossed that we get through it all in one piece!<strong>_

_**Thank you all very much for the kind words you given me! **_

_Shippo: lol thankies very much for your concern. I can't keep John and Cass apart, they just gravitate towards each other! You'll see more of Maria don;t worry, she's not the type to fade into the background. Thanks for the review!_

_BRN: lol I'm glad you've felt all that, it really makes me happy to know that I've managed to build up such emotions. LMAO! Red will be back and who knows what havoc she can cause. Thank you for an awesome review._

_Joey: I'm sorry I made you cry! I thought they needed a little bit of hope, it won't be as easy as it was in the series and who knows what'll happen. Thank you for such a wonderful review!_


	62. Chapter 62: Bitch

Chapter Sixty Two

_Maybe I'll admit it  
>I'm a little bitter<br>Everybody loves her but I just wanna hit her_

_Saving Jane – Girl Next Door_

Over the past few months of living in Atlantis Ronon Dex had managed to sort the good people out from the bad, or rather he had organised them into groups of people he liked and people he disliked and in the middle were the people he just didn't really care about. Most people fell into that category, they didn't talk to him so he had no real interest in them, there were very few people on his like list. His team were amongst the privileged few, as was Weir and the two doctors but there was only one person on his dislike list at the current moment and it was the vulgar, red haired annoyance called Maria.

According to Teyla she was a doctor too, not a medical one but a scholar like McKay. Ronon didn't really understand her purpose here or why studying rocks was even useful but he knew that Weir must have had her reasons for needing someone like that.

It had all started back when they'd returned from a mission on the planet with the prison island, news had spread the minute that Weir and Lorne had departed that Sheppard's team must have been in trouble. There had been a suitable breath of relief when they had returned home along with their rescuers and Ronon had liked that sense of unity, it made him feel part of something larger, the way he had back on Sateda.

It had been that night when the red haired harpy had first propositioned Sheppard. Him and the Colonel had gone for a run to clear their minds and he had discovered the other man had left his water bottle in the gym. Ronon had followed him to return it only to walk in on something he had could only describe as blatant. He had seen Sheppard bat away come on's before and this was different. The expression on the other man's face had been as dark as thunder at the words that were emitting from Maria's mouth. Sheppard had never told Ronon what the woman had said to him but Ronon had had an idea or two.

Maria seemed to think that him and Cass were having an affair behind Sheppard's back and he had overheard her talking out that theory with a couple of her friends during lunchtime. They thought he was primitive and dumb, they called him a caveman behind his back and Ronon didn't care about that. It was what Maria was calling Cass that really riled him. The other woman was branding her a whore for their friendship and Ronon knew the reality of that was envy.

He had spoken to Teyla about it briefly, he had considered withdrawing from Cass in order to take the pressure off his friend but Teyla had set him straight. Cass would not take that lying down and she would be hurt if he decided to that. Teyla suggested that he simply ignore the rumours. In the end the people who were important knew the truth so why should other people matter. Ronon had to admit it was good advice and Teyla seemed to be correct in her assumptions. Sheppard was still the the same off world and in Atlantis, his worries for his wife's safety not her fidelity and Ronon approved.

Still Maria got underneath his skin with her malicious ramblings. He didn't know what her problem was but he didn't like it. Sitting here now at lunch struggling to eat in order to gain subsistence for the mission ahead he could hear her voice piercing his ears with that irritating laugh. He knew what she was laughing at, he had heard Cass and Beckett talking back in the Infirmary about Sheppard's erratic behaviour.

Ronon had seen how humiliated Cass had been when she admitted what she had stumbled on before Beckett had called her to the Infirmary. Her cheeks had flushed bright red and he had seen the relief flood her features when Beckett had confirmed that it was part of Sheppard's animal instincts coming into play because of the retrovirus. She had been crying before that, her skin had still been blotchy from the tears that had trickled down her cheeks and her eyes were still red rimmed. He had noticed that she wasn't wearing her wedding ring but he had not drawn her attention to that fact.

News of Sheppard's illness had not reached the general population of Atlantis. The militants of this society were playing their cards close to their chests as were the doctors, they had bigger worries on their minds than spreading gossip.

His temper was starting to surge as the other woman's words floated over the air from the nearby table, she had her back to him but he could hear her loud and clear and the vile things she was saying.

How Sheppard needed a real woman and not some pathetic, inexperienced doctor to fulfil his needs.

The words were vindictive and spiteful and Ronon heard the table actually creak as he gripped the wood so hard he thought it might snap in his hands. Teyla had been sitting across from him, listening to this whole exchange with mounting fury. Her eyes had narrowed and she set down her sandwich in the same polite manner as she did everything else before excusing herself and raising to her feet. Ronon bared his teeth at his friend, his brow furrowing in indignation. Teyla's hand came to rest his arm, pacifying him with the simplest of touches as she met his gaze head on.

"I will tend to this." she told him before with drawing her hand from his arm.

"You need to or I will." he said gruffly.

From the dangerous glint in his forest green eyes, Teyla took that to mean that he would be taking a more active approach, possibly involving his stunner. After hearing that vile woman's malicious words she had a mind of her own to take a more violent approach. Maria's friends were already leaving the table when Teyla decided to slip into a seat across from the other woman.

The two stared at one another for a moment, Teyla's expression revealed everyone of her intentions and more as Maria's gaze slipped away and down to her tray.

"You seem to be saying a lot of things about Doctor Pierce that are completely unfounded." Teyla remarked, clasping her hands together as if in engaging in a discussion.

"They're not unfounded. She's holding onto a marriage that clearly doesn't work any more why else could Sheppard be looking elsewhere for company?" Maria responded smugly.

Teyla's smile was strained at best but she was a master at negotiation. There was nothing more she wanted than to wipe that smirk off this vicious woman's face but she was the calm one here and she had to handle this responsibly otherwise it could end up hurting Doctor Pierce even more.

"You seem to be misunderstanding what happened between the two of you earlier on today. Colonel Sheppard is currently very ill, one of the effects of his sickness is that his instincts are very primal. You were not the only woman that he attempted to seduce and I doubt that he was very selective about his choices."

Teyla's eyes swept up and down the length of Maria's body as she spoke, showing significant distaste at her low cut top as she spoke.

"Is that the best you can come up with?" Maria scoffed, her long red hair flowing down her back as she tipped her head back to laugh.

"See for yourself you foolish girl, he is in the Infirmary with his wife by his side doing everything she can to help him survive." Teyla snapped at the other woman as she jabbed her finger at her. "You are a nuisance and if you continue this campaign of lies against Doctor Pierce I will ensure that your next visit to the mainland will not be as gratuitous."

"Are you threatening me?" Maria responded, a slight tremble in her voice as she spoke.

Teyla could see the indecision flickering in the other woman's eyes as she spoke and she decided to quench it before Maria got any more ideas on making Doctor Pierce's life hell. She rose to her feet, placing her palms flat on the table as she leaned over the other woman.

"It is only a threat if I am not being sincere and let me tell you that right now I am very sincere. Both Doctor Pierce and Colonel Sheppard are very dear to me and if I hear you say another word against them I will cut your tongue out myself. Do I make myself clear?"

Her dark eyes were like burning coals as she fixated on the other woman without blinking. Maria turned her head away, her teeth gnawing at her lower lip in a sign of defeat as she spoke.

"I understand."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys. I am going to be honest, I would be terrified if I was on the receiving end of Teyla's wrath.<strong>_

_**Thanks for all of your prayers! The riots seem to be dying off now, fingers crossed!**_

_Brn: I love their sense of team and unity. They would all die for Sheppard, we see him step up to the plate so many times it was nice to see the other members doing the same for him. Lol I hate Red too she's such a bitch! Thankies for such a funny review!_

_Shippo: I would well hug Lorne, he just seems such a sweetheart. Lol I would bite Maria if she was real! Thanks for your prayers an the review!_

_Joey: I thought it was time the tables turned in that respect! Lol they both have a different sense of logic and John is really smart in a simpler kinda way than Rodney. (Mensa don;t you know! Lol) Thankies for such a wonderful review x_


	63. Chapter 63: Kafka

Chapter Sixty Three

_Ain't falling a part, or bitter  
>Let's be bigger than that and remember<br>The cooling outdoor when you're all alone  
>We'll go on surviving<br>No drama, no need for a show  
>Just wanna say<br>I got you_

_Leona Lewis – I Got You_

There were two guards outside of their quarters which was not the way that things had been when Cass had first gone on her excursion to the Infirmary. John had decided that their quarters were a more secure location than the Infirmary, he didn't want to run the risk of lashing out the same way he had in Elizabeth's office. There were too many potential casualties available and there wasn't anywhere that would make John comfortable and afford him what little freedom he had left. The real John Sheppard didn't want anybody to get hurt so he locked himself away in their quarters with a guard posted at the door.

Her hand reached out, preparing to swipe over the light switch before John's voice rang though the air stopping her in her tracks.

"Leave the lights off."

It was a command, there was no mistaking that and Cass complied, withdrawing her hand from the switch before stepping entirely into the room. The doors hissed shut behind her leaving Cass standing alone in the darkness. She could feel his presence in the room and that gave her comfort until her eyes adjusted.

His back was to her as he sat on their bed in the same place that she had that morning. His eyes were fixed on some invisible spot on the wall. It frightened her how still he was. Usually he was active, always moving, constantly in motion. Now his silence greeted her once more. It wasn't just the verbal void that struck her as odd, it was the inner one. For some reason John was shielding her away from himself and their connection.

Even though he had closed his own door Cass could still feel the agony of what he was going through leaking out from beneath the gaps. It sought her out, plucking at her heartstrings like a well tuned guitar. John was all tied up in knots and the more he fought the tighter the noose around his neck was getting. It was antagonising watching him struggle through this, worse knowing that he was trying to cut her off from experiencing what he was going through.

"Are you ok?" Cass asked quietly as she stepped towards the bed.

"My body's turning into a giant bug, what do you think?" John snapped.

He hated the way his voice sounded when he spoke to her. It was callous and cruel, making him sound like he was sneering at her attempts at compassion. Cass brushed it aside as if it were nothing. He had known she was patient when the two of them had gotten together but he had never realized just how much until this situation had arose.

Cass sat down on the bed beside her husband as John twisted his head away from her so she could only see the profile of his handsome features. His teeth were grinding together as he wrestled with the retro virus inside of him. It wanted to hurt Cass so badly it was killing him. He could feel it stabbing at his insides, trying to wear him down over and over again. The sheer effort it took to remain himself was tremendous, he could feel pieces ebbing away with every passing moment.

"I think that you should probably be glad that we know why this is happening as opposed to the poor guy in the Kafka novel you were reading, where he just woke up like that." Cass said with a lilt of humour as her delicate hand came to rest upon his knee in a show of solidarity.

That simple touch brought him straight him back to the man he was as her words floated into his ears. He found himself smiling despite everything that was happening right now. It was good to know there were some parts of himself still intact. He remembered reading 'The Metamorphosis' by Franz Kafka only weeks ago. Cass hated Kafka, she had gotten three pages through 'The Trial' before tossing it back to him in frustration. She despised the way the author wrote and his bleak outlook on life.

Right now John was drawing his own parallels with 'The Metamorphosis'. He was turning into a bug just like the protagonist had and the only way out he was seeing to this situation in order to protect the people he loved was death, only the monster deep inside that was controlling him wouldn't let him. It was getting stronger with every single second, the inhibitor he was on was keeping him lucid but the retrovirus was still spreading.

"No good can come of reading any Kafka book." John found himself saying. "You get infuriated by things you don't understand."

"John..." Cass began, her voice taking a different, more softer tone. "I heard about what happened in Elizabeth's office."

"I'm losing control." John confessed quietly. "It's becoming more frequent."

"Will you look at me?" Cass whispered as her arm slipped underneath his separating his clasped hands.

"I don't want you to see me like this." he muttered, raising his eyes skyward.

There was shame in his voice, such a terrible disgust at what he was becoming. Cass could feel it slithering towards her through the cracks in his walls. John was trying so hard to stifle it but she could feel it shifting inside him, taking over. Her hand came to rest inside his and she poured everything she had into that touch.

Her adoration for him was shining like a beacon in the darkness as she kicked down the door between them and stepped inside. Her fingertips played over his soul with a tenderness that he understood was only for him. Cass was smoothing over the rough edges, the palm of her hand caressing the worn and battered orb inside him.

_Get out,_ he screamed at her, mentally._ It wasn't safe._

The monster was writhing around inside of his soul, smashing against the marble like interior with a lustful vengeance. It wanted her dead. Even now it was showing him images of his own large hands wrapping around Cass's pale throat and choking the life right out of her.

Cass's fingertips were stroking a pleasant pattern across the surface of his soul, it was meant to be reassuring and comforting instead he found it distracting. The beast inside him was responding to Cass, letting it's guard down as her fingers stroked through it's fur contently. It's mate was here and it wanted to lavish her with attention and play.

The orb was cracking, the monster was hammering at it, using it's own body to batter against his defences. Shit, it was winning. He could feel himself breaking under it's blood thirsty onslaught. Already his own hand was snaking towards her physical body and seizing her wrist in a bone crushing grip.

"Stop." he snarled at her as he jerked himself away from his wife.

Cass yelped in pain, flinching as she drew away from him, her sapphire eyes wide in surprise as she saw his face for the first time. The right half of his flesh was etched with blue swirling scales that covered his chin and cheekbones. His eye was bright yellow, the pupil forming into a slit. His expression was purposely blank as he reviewed her.

"John..." she murmured, reaching out her fingertips to touch his face.

His reflexes were lightning quick and his fingers dug into her wrist as he grasped her once more twisting her arm back until she hissed in pain.

"Don't touch me." John roared, releasing her once more.

He was torn, Cass could see the war being waged underneath the surface as he battled the monster that was going ballistic inside of his body.

"Get out." John's voice was hoarse as he withdrew to the furthest corner of the room, his back pressed against the wall as his hands raked through his hair in frustration, gripping it at the roots.

He sank down along the length of the wall until he became a tiny huddled ball. It broke Cass's heart to see him ruined in this way, already she could feel his soul was in tatters from yet another battle he had been forced to fight. She had never seen him look so vulnerable and she knew without a doubt that the retrovirus was winning.

Cass dropped down onto her knees before her husband's quivering form as John wrapped his arms around his torso. She could feel his fear trembling over their connection as it welled up inside of him. It had never been this vibrant before, she could taste it in the air as she shuffled into a sitting position beside her husband so that their bodies were touching once again.

"You can't stay with me. It isn't safe." John asserted, tilting his head back against the wall and screwing up his eyes tightly shut. "I'm losing myself Cassie, this thing inside me wants to hurt you so badly..."

"I know." Cass said simply as her thumb rubbed over her aching wrist. "It wants to take everything away so you lose sight of the person you are."

"I don't know how long I can fight this." John confessed into the air between them.

Cass was the only person he would admit this to, the only show of weakness he would ever share. His head came to rest on her shoulder as he absorbed solace of her inviting form. He could take refuge for a few seconds so long as Cass didn't try to get in again. He had locked himself away in that ivory tower. She felt the distance, he could tell and it was driving her crazy to be so apart from him.

"I'm right here, fighting with you." Cass whispered against John's hairline.

It was a promise, one that they both would keep.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! It has been a long hellish day so it's a bit of a relief to be home and posting. Last day running the shop tomorrow so wish me luck!<strong>_

_Joey: I would have been terrified of Teyla if I got on the wrong side of her. I imagine she's vicious when it comes to protecting the people she loves. Lol She'd throw Maria's tongue on the floor and stand on it before she walked away! Thanks for such an awesome review!_

_Shippo: I keep thinking it could have been worse, it could have been Ronon getting involved. I can imagine him twisting her head off and booting it across the room. Lol I would hug Lorne too, he's such a wonderful man. Thanks for the review!_

_Brn: lol I would be shivering too! She is frightening! Lol RED is evil, do you really think it would stop her? Lol Angry Ronon makes me gooey, he is just so primal and sexy. Lol we'll have to wait and see who knocks her down a few pegs. Thankies very much for such a fun review!_

_Lan: It would have been way awesome if she'd butted her, but Teyla has to negotiate. Cass was too logical, she would have said it doesn't matter and given her the finger. Ronon would have dumped her in the sea or buried her. Don't worry about not reviewing and I sincerely hope you get better soon! Thankies for reviewing I really appreciate it! _


	64. Chapter 64: Companionship

Chapter Sixty Four

_I wont go  
>I can't do it all alone<br>If this ain't love, then what is?  
>I'm willing to take the risk<em>

_Adele – He Won't Go_

"**I'm sorry but the mission was unsuccessful." **

Elizabeth's kindly voice was stilling ringing in Cass's ears like a church bell as she stood alone on the Eastern Balcony trying to hold herself together. She wasn't the only one feeling the weight of this burden impressing upon her shoulders. She had seen the dejected faces and mannerisms of John's team when they had trekked back through the gate.

Carson hadn't been able to look her directly in the face, his gaze was on the floor staring at his shoes when they had had the conversation in Elizabeth's office. She knew he was blaming himself but Cass simply didn't have the capacity to reassure him that what was happening to John had been an accident and he wasn't at fault. She was shouldering too much and she could feel it bearing down on her so much that she could barely breath. She couldn't lose John, she simply couldn't.

Cass didn't know how to function without him any more. She had spent her whole life waiting to meet him and now Fate was trying to snatch him away again. It wasn't fair. The point was it didn't have to be fair. Life wasn't that way inclined, it owed them nothing and Cass was left to sit here stranded amongst this sea of regret without a paddle.

There was nothing she could do, at least that's what they were telling her. Without those eggs there was no hope, John was rapidly declining and time was running out. There was a sense of urgency still present inside of her and it shook her to the core to know that there was nothing for her to do. She was used to fighting and battling for people's lives against death but this wasn't her war.

It frustrated Cass to the high heavens and she felt herself rubbing her hands over her eyes in an attempt to get some clarity on the situation. There had to be something she could do, anything. She nudged their connection for reassurance and found it strangely dormant. Whatever John had done had locked her out indefinitely. She couldn't even sense him on the other end and that worried her. Did it mean the monster had taken over completely or as her keeping her out for her own protection?

Jesus, she missed him. She missed the security and solidarity she felt when she was around him, how he made her laugh with one of those hilarious quips, she even missed the way the left side of his mouth curved up when he was struggling to keep a straight face.

Cass didn't want to think about what would happen to him once these twenty four hours were up. Carson had said the changes would be irreversible but Cass wasn't sure if she could really believe that wholeheartedly. To her there would always be piece of him buried deep down inside and she would carry on believing that a part of her husband still remained. She knew that was foolish, she thought as she laced her fingers together and stared out across the turmoil of the sea. She was a doctor and that part of her understood the implications and effects of John's condition, it was the wife that was having a problem holding it together.

Unfortunately Cass had been the wife more and more since their marriage. It wasn't a persona like the doctor was, it was who she actually was and she couldn't change that. She had to stay strong for John because he needed someone in his corner fighting for him. If she admitted defeat it would be like giving up on him and he would never do that to her.

No matter what happened John had always had her back, even over the rumours about her and Ronon. They had never verbally conversed about it but she knew that he was protecting her reputation by avidly showing his support of their friendship.

The sorrow that crashed down on Cass was tremendous, her heart was bleeding out drop by drop as the grief stole away all logical comprehension of the situation. Her eyes were burning once more as the ache in her throat returned. She had promised herself she wouldn't cry, that would be admitting that the worst was going to happen but the truth was Cass couldn't see a way out of this. Her hands covered her pale features as her elbows came to rest upon the railing. God, why couldn't this be easy? Why weren't they allowed the happy ever after?

Cass heard the metal doors hiss open behind her. She didn't need to turn around to know that it was Ronon, she would know his hulking presence anywhere. He didn't say anything as he approached her, he could see the quiver of her shoulders as she pursed her lips shut so she didn't betray herself. He understood the desire to grieve privately, she didn't want anyone to see how badly she was hurting deep inside and he respected that but Cass didn't deserve to go through this alone.

His huge hand came to rest upon her shoulder as she bent her head forward to hide the salty tears that were cascaded down her exhausted features. She had been putting everything she had into this over the past few days and it was ruining her.

Ronon understood that she wanted to find a solution and to spend every single moment she had with her husband but it wasn't healthy to bottle it up like this. They were all going through something similar. Sheppard played such an active part in their lives it was hard to imagine what the universe would be like without him.

"I just need a minute." Cass told Ronon through ragged, broken breaths. "I just need a second to pull myself back together."

The larger man gently turned his friend around until she was facing him. Her once dazzling blue eyes were lifeless and dull, they shone with the tears that were trickling down her face as she stared up at him like a frightened child. He wanted to take the pain away, he would do anything to fix Sheppard but even that dedication wasn't enough. His thumb chased away one of the stray tears that were seeping down her flushed cheek as she stared up at him with the most devastated expression he had ever seen upon a woman. She reminded him of Melena in terms of the sight before his eyes.

That vapid despair when she looked at him was so vividly potent and it cut him so violently he felt something inside him wrench. Sheppard would want him to take care of his wife and Ronon would do that for his friend. He would give her the comfort she sought because the other man could not right now. He knew that he would be no match for her husband.

His love for her was that of a friend, he couldn't provide the security or the connection that she had with Sheppard but he could give her some assurance. She wasn't the only one that cared, Cass wasn't fighting this war alone. His hands grasped her shoulders as he drew her against his larger stature. Her forehead came to rest upon his chest, her fists gripped his rough shirt tightly as she let out one long choked breath.

Ronon's huge hands rubbed up and down her back in soothing circles as the first of her sobs wrecked her body. The front of his tan coloured shirt was becoming moist with her tears as her body vibrated and quaked with heartache. There were no words that came to mind when he cradled this woman close, only the immense desire to care for her after everything she had given him.

Cass had treated him like a human being, she had seen his inner scars and had helped to heal them with her understanding and compassion. He would never be free of his past but she had helped him turn his attention to a brighter future and with Sheppard's help he was becoming a man of his own destiny.

Sheppard was another one of his friends, that man had worked his way into his trust with the cunning and subtleness of a wolf. He had always had Ronon's back, in the field and on Atlantis. He had taught Ronon how to fit in the best he could without being condescending and his acceptance had become wide spread amongst the others. Ronon's bearded chin came to rest on top of his friend's dark head of hair as she clutched onto him like someone whose hope had been completely shattered. He cradled her even closer, sheltering her from the wave of agony that was threatening to overcome them.

"It'll be ok." he told her, his gruff voice full of emotion as he spoke. "I promise everything will be ok."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! Hope your having a good weekend! My reign of shop is over and the boss is back tomorrow (thankfully) <strong>__**Thankies to everyone who has read, reviewed and added!**_

_Shippo: I think Ronon would well eat anyone that tried to hurt Cass or his little family. I know poor John, he's so ill at the moment! Thankies for your review._

_Brn: lol if only I could fix him but that's not how things work in the Pegasus Galaxy. Lol if only murdering Red was a priority. Thankies for such a funny review!_

_Joey: How bad do I feel for the two of them trying to survive what's happening. I always want to hug John in these eps because you can feel his helplessness at this situation. Thank you very much for such a wonderful review. I sincerely appreciate it!_


	65. Chapter 65: In Sickness and Health

Chapter Sixty Five

_You don't wanna hurt me,  
>But see how deep the bullet lies.<br>Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder.  
>There's a thunder in our hearts, baby.<br>So much hate for the ones we love?  
>Tell me, we both matter, don't we?<em>

_Placebo – Running Up That Hill_

Night had fallen by the time Cass had managed to gather up the strength to visit her husband. She knew that by now Elizabeth would have given John the news on his condition. Cass could not have been the bearer of bad news, Elizabeth had put her foot down when Cass had demanded that she let her speak to John. She had thought that the other woman was carrying too much upon her shoulders.

"Share the burden," Elizabeth had said. _"Your not the only one that cares about him."_

The emotional distress was wearing on her and Cass knew it had to be evident upon her features. Elizabeth had stepped up and taken this bullet and now it was time for Cass to take her role as John's wife once more. That brief interlude with Ronon had focused her mind, it had given her a sense of reason and in turn a plan. They had a final shot before Cass lost her husband completely and despite Elizabeth's adamant argument she was going to that cave.

Cass had taken a risk telling Lorne of her plan. He had been the one that had ordered the team back away from the cave. The one that had held her hands between his larger ones as he looked her in the eyes and apologized with entire sincerity. In the end that was what had give Cass the idea to use him as her pilot in the first place, his remorse and sense of honour trapped him. She had known that he would feel obligated to uphold her plan and she had twisted it against him. It would be easy for the two of them to steal a Jumper, dial the DHD and head for the coordinates of the cave, when they returned they would face a variety of punishments but at least John would have a shot at survival. He was her priority above all others.

Their quarters were shrouded in complete darkness when Cass stepped inside. She could barely see anything more than the outline of their furniture as her eyes adjusted to the night. She wondered if this was the Iratus bug instincts coming into play, their natural habitats were damp, lifeless caves in the depths of the foothills. If Cass was right her husband would probably be located somewhere near the bathroom. She cursed as her foot clipped the coffee table, sending a shock of pain vibrating through her leg as she kilted off balance.

Hands were already on her shoulders, talons raking across her soft skin as they righted her progression. Cass's fingertips splayed across her husband's chest as he steadied her. There was something so intimately familiar about the gesture and for a second Cass forgot about the predicament they were in. Her palms rubbed up and down the contours of his chest before he drew away once more becoming one with the darkness.

Having him back away like that reminded her of why she was here. Cass wanted to reach out and touch him once more, to hold him close and kiss his mouth. To do that would be dangerous, she would be putting herself in the hands of the enemy as it were. John had told her that the retrovirus wanted to kill her, for some reason it judged Cass as a threat, she thought it was something to do with the bond that they shared. John had managed to keep a single shred of his humanity hidden in the fine threads that made their connection and Cass was doing everything she could to protect it.

Already Cass could feel his presence fading. The touch of his soul was faint, it's remains were the only thing she could feel as she sought him out. If her plan didn't work they would both end up losing each other and she wanted to say just one more goodbye to the real John Sheppard in case that happened. He had long since stopped taking the Inhibitor because the retrovirus was building up an immunity to it.

Any suggestion to continue it had been thwarted by the monster inside of John so Cass was going to do this the hard way if she had to. The barest shine of moonlight was showing through their curtains illuminating parts of the room. She turned to find John standing in front of her once more as the light flashed across his face. The transformation had progressed even more, the powder blue ridges had spread up across his handsome features, his tender hazel eyes had turned into a sordid yellow and both of his pupils were now slits. The creature didn't resemble John any more and it regarded her with an uncharacteristic head tilt as it leaned in close studying her face.

"John..." she murmured. "Are you still there?"

The creature said nothing in return to her words, instead John's hands functioned of their own accord. His fingers curled around the hilt of the combat knife on her belt as John wrenched it from the holster. It glinted in the darkness with it's wicked, dangerous edge.

Cass felt her heart rate increase just a little bit more as her lungs constricted. She didn't know if this was John or the creature in the driving seat, either way she was not comfortable with the vulnerability she was suddenly feeling.

John's pressed the combat knife between her hands, he wrapped her fingers around the hilt of the weapon so that she was grasping it before he guided the knife up and under his ribs. It took her a second to realize what he was doing, what he was asking her to do. The point pricked against his skin as he exerted the tiniest bit of pressure upon her wrists.

"I need you to do it." he rasped in a voice she barely recognized. "It won't let me do it."

"I can't." Cass whispered. "Your asking me to kill you."

"Better for the both of us." he muttered as beads of sweat trickled down his forehead.

His hands were quivering now and she could see that he was fighting a battle, giving over his last ounce of control to send her this message. He wanted to die, he would rather kill himself than mutate fully into the malevolent force that possessed him. That was her husband, the brave, courageous soldier, always willing to sacrifice himself for the greater good.

"Done it before..." John hissed through his teeth as he ground out against the monster. "Should be easy."

It was a betrayal of the information she had given him and that prickled at her like a barb beneath her skin. It showed how far he was willing to go to get what he wanted. Death would never have been so welcomed and she could not deal him the final blow. It was frustrating and left her with a stomach full of acid at the thought of fulfilling his request. She couldn't, not when there was still even the slimmest chance of bringing him back.

"No." Cass told him resolutely, her heart wrenching inside her chest at the thought of his absence from her life. "Your asking me to murder you..."

"I'm asking you to save me." he whined low in his throat at the excruciating agony that wrecked his body.

John was losing this battle, she could tell. Any minute John Sheppard would be gone and the creature would have returned. He was making their last moments ever so hard to fathom. The pressure was building up between them as he leaned in closer trying to force the sharp point of the knife through his flesh. The creature wouldn't let him, his restraint was a captive to it's will and John despised that, in one simple action this would all be over but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

"Cassie." he spat her name like a curse as the creature took over once more.

His hands slipped from hers, severing the connection as his head tilted down to gaze at the knife nestled between her hands. His eyes widened as he took a step back away, his face contorting in rage as he put the pieces together like a puzzle. The slap came out of nowhere as he roared with indignant rage.

It stung as he struck her cheek, turning her head with the force of the hit. She found herself gasping with the pain as her hand clapped over her glowing flesh. The knife tumbled out of her fingers in surprise as she straightened her spine and came to stand before the creature once more. His nostrils were flaring as his fists clenched and unclenched. His eyes were blazing as he stared at her. It hadn't been John who'd hit her, she could see the creature lurking behind his eyes as he struggled and fought for control.

"You made him do that." Cass snarled at the creature, her hand reaching behind her back for the weapon she had tucked within the waistband of her combats. "You can so whatever you want to me but whether you like it or not you are going back on that inhibitor."

Cass knew what the monster was going to do before it made the move. She saw the indication in the way it's muscles coiled ready for it's next strike, the murderous glare in it's eyes as it howled with fury from her husband's mouth. The doors were hissing open as the guards responded to the unrest but it was too late the creature was already in motion.

Cass was ready, her arm swung up the Taser grasped firmly in her hand as she jabbed it into her husband's chest and pressed the trigger as his razor like talons scraped across her throat. It burned like hell but it didn't faze her, the creature writhed and jerked as the volts smashed through everyone of it's delicate synapses rendering it immobile. It's knees buckled as she pulled the trigger once more. It stared into her eyes hatefully as she watched it with a clinical detachment.

It was no longer her husband, it was a creature that needed to be put down so that she could become one with her husband once more.

Something warm was trickling down her throat like a fiery river, she ignored it as the creature fell flat onto it's stomach before Cass tossed the Taser aside. She was already unclipping the zip ties from her belt as she straddled his hips and drew his limp arms behind his back. She had no idea how long it would take for the creature to recover but Cass was taking no chances. The sooner they got John to the Infirmary and on the inhibitor the better. She bound his wrists together with not one zip tie but two.

"Get him to the Infirmary." Cass instructed the two guards as she rose to her feet above her bound husband.

"I think you need to go too Doctor." Captain Meyers informed her as he peered at the blood trickling down her pale flesh, staining the collar of her shirt.

Cass clasped her hand to the scratches embedded deep within her flesh. The blood ran freely through her fingers as her pulse quickened.

A cut was all it had taken for John to get infected.

Cass hoped it took a hell of a lot more.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I am on holiday next week! So I am over joyed for the little rest! Hope your all having a wonderful week!<strong>_

_Brn: I was thinking there is not a chance in hell that Cass would be able to keep herself together. I think it's too much for anyone to bear esp when your trying to be strong for somebody else. Where would be the fun if they were happy? It would be way boring! Thankies for just an animated review!_

_Joey: lol I thought Ronon would step up and take on the 'male' role in Cass's life for a minute esp when he holds John in such high regard. I am sorry I made you cry! *handing out tissues! Thank you for such a wonderful and emotive review!_

_Shippo: lol I don't like writing a sad Cass it makes me want to hug her! Thanies for a wonderful review. _


	66. Chapter 66: To Love, Honor and Obey

Chapter Sixty Six

_Anything that's worth having  
>Is sure enough, worth fighting for<br>Quitting's out of the question  
>When it gets tough<br>Gotta fight some more_

_Cheryl Cole – Fight For This Love_

John's office had been changed since his absence had begun. The model planes had been moved from the desktop to elsewhere and Cass found herself disliking the change. Ever since Colonel Caldwell had stepped into John's shoes he had been making potent changes. It had started with an email briefing the new security protocols and had progressed rapidly into something worse. He was now mixing up the Stargate teams and it was causing much displeasure amongst the people in those teams. It was like her husband had never been in command, the essences of John were washed away in a haze of order and formality.

The office was more organised now and neater. There were no traces that her husband had even existed. Her collar rubbed across the bandage taped to her throat, causing it to itch in irritation. She had been called to answer to Colonel Caldwell after John had been recaptured. He had escaped from their custody as they had been transporting him to the Infirmary.

The instant she'd heard the snap of the plastic ties she knew that she had underestimated the power of such a creature. In an instant she had been vaulted across the corridor, her forehead cracking against the wall from the shove it had given her. She had seen stars for a moment as the pain exploded in her head and a moment was all it took for it to disable the guards. The monster had been gone before she'd even had a second to turn around and face it. Two clear broken zip ties were the only thing that remained in place as the creature moved with an inhuman speed down the corridor.

That was on her head, John's fate had been in her hands and she had blown it. Yet fury was coursing through Cass's veins as she stood firm, shoulders back and head tilted upwards, her icy cold gaze focused on that spot on the wall beyond Caldwell's shoulder. Her fingers were laced behind her back as she stood on point ready for the tongue lashing. She was coming up to breaking point, she could feel the reigns of her temper pushing at her boundaries, clawing at the walls.

Caldwell had tried to condemn her husband, while he was on the run the other man had ordered strike teams in attempt to reclaim him. He had given them the order to pursuit with deadly force before Elizabeth had corrected him.

"What the hell did you think you were doing?" Caldwell all but screamed at her as she stood before the desk. "You put everybody on this base in jeopardy, you should be thankful that Meyers and Ryan were not more seriously injured."

"You know what I was doing." Cass told him firmly. "I was taking him to the Infirmary to give him the last if the inhibitor."

Caldwell leaned back in his chair as he reviewed the woman before him, his fingertip tapping against his temple. Her jaw was clenched as she stood defiantly. He knew what she had been doing, he may be a military man but he was still a human being. He understood what may lead her actions to this standpoint but he could not tolerate them.

John Sheppard had been a dangerous man before the Iratus Bug DNA had mingled with his own. All of that training and intuition was now in the hands in the enemy, an angry and enraged one. He would be recommending termination for Sheppard when his time was up. He knew too much about Atlantis and the SGC to allow him to venture out into the wild.

"I understand your position Doctor..." he attempted to empathise.

"I doubt that." Cass snapped abruptly. "You told them to take him down with deadly force."

"That thing..." Caldwell snorted hunching over the desk so his eyes were level with Cass's. "... is not your husband any more Doctor Pierce. It's a hybrid."

"He is not a hybrid, he's a human being and how dare you steal away his rights." Cass snarled in disgust, jabbing her finger at his chest. "And for what? Because you want his position, his job?"

"You are out of line." Caldwell yelled at her.

"I'm out of line?" Cass retorted, her voice raising with indignation. "I never thought I'd see the day where pride took priority over a human life. My mistake was just a convenient way of justifying the means to you securing this position."

"I'm warning you Doctor, watch what you say because I'm not above throwing you in the brig for what your implying." Caldwell told her, his eyes burning like hot coals as they both stared at each other with a ferocious anger.

The collar of her flak jacket was open allowing his vision access to the dip of her throat as his gaze slipped to the hem of the white bandage secured to her pale skin. His hand lashed out suddenly, grasping her collar between his fingers and yanking it away from her neck in order to study the wound. Cass jerked away, straightening up and folding her collar back into place to cover the injury once more. She already knew that it was too late, Caldwell was calculating his next move as he stood rigid on the opposite side of the desk. His arms were crossed over his chest as she bowed her head, her hands clasped in front of her in humility.

"Doctor Pierce, did Colonel Sheppard infect you?" he asked her outright.

Cass cleared her throat as she rose her gaze to meet Caldwell's head on. There was authority in his eyes. He was running a risk assessment, she could tell from the way his eyes squinted looking for any signs of displacement and change.

"No." she reported, feeling the wound beginning to itch as if it knew it was the subject of their discussion.

"Did he scratch you?" Caldwell corrected himself.

Cass gnawed on her lower lip in agitation before raising her eyes skyward as if in prayer. She knew how quickly their conversation was going to go down hill if she answered the truth but she had to. Lying was never in her nature unless there was a just cause and this just didn't seem to cut it.

"Yes." Cass said into the space in between them. Caldwell touched the comm in his ear briefly and before Cass even had a moment to stop him, he was dialling up a security team to their location.

"I told you I wasn't infected." she implored, her eyebrows furrowing as she shook her head.

"Do you really expect me to take your word for it?" Caldwell asked her as the doors to John's office hissed open behind her revealing Major Lorne and Captain Jackson.

"Major Lorne, I command you to take Doctor Pierce into custody. Lock her in the brig and get Beckett to run the same tests he did on Sheppard." Caldwell ordered, his voice full of authority as he spoke. "I won't have this base compromised a second time."

And with that tone of dismissal Cassandra Pierce was escorted out.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! Sorry for the late post! It's been major busy over the last few days trying to get everything fixed so I can go on vacation without worrying about leaving something behind or undone at work. Thankfully it's over for the next week and abit!<strong>_

_Brn: God how much do I want to hug them (that's if John didn't try and claw me with his talons.) lol I am not actually going anywhere on my vacation, just catching up on a few things and with a few people. (also trying to get a little training in for a Charity Walk I'm doing for Alzheimers.) You must tell me all about ChiCON when you get back! Have a fab time! _

_Joey: I wanted to include Cass in the scene and I didn't want her to underestimate him or be a push over. (frankly that's not her) Who knows what will happen to her or not. I have to say your review really made me laugh because I could completely imagine it! Thankies so much for such a hilarious review!_

_Shippo: I hope he gets better too, I couldn't imagine going what he I going through. He's a strong dude so fingers cross__ed he makes it! Lol I don't know what will happen with these two but I do keep my fingers crossed for them. Thankies for you emotive review!_


	67. Chapter 67: Monster

Chapter Sixty Seven

_And now I know who you are  
>It wasn't that hard, just to figure you out<br>(Now I did, you wonder why)  
>(Why not before, you never tried)<br>(Gone for good, and this is it) _

_Nickelback – Figured You Out_

It was dinner time and Rodney ate when he was nervous or anxious. Sheppard had always joked that there wasn't a time that he didn't seem to be eating. Now was one of those times where he should be pushing his food around his tray in distaste instead of filling his stomach. Yet he couldn't stop eating. Stress eating was his thing and the pressure was now more stifling than ever. Sheppard had been confined to the Infirmary in the throes of a medical coma whilst Cass resided in the brig, locked away until she cleared all medical testing.

Cass had been injured during John's escape, she had ended up with a bleeding gash across her throat from John's newly formed talons and a bump upon her head. They were not sure if the retrovirus could be carried through something as simple as that of a cut. When Sheppard had been infected they weren't sure if it had been through a blood to blood transfer or not. To lose one friend to this evil would be one thing, but to lose two would be devastating. Hence why he was eating.

Carson was trying his best to rally his army of doctors, Rodney had never seen so many egos pushed aside for the sake of one cause before. The doctors were different from his own scientists, they were more humane, they rallied around their own and supported them like a network. Sheppard had become important to them through Cass and their respect for him knew no bounds.

There were hours left before the changes became permanent and they lost the John Sheppard that they had all come to know and love. Even with his genius Rodney could not have seen a way out of this, he simply didn't have the knowledge or the experience to work with genetics and it made him feel useless. He was used to having all the answers, to making others feel inferior with his intelligence.

He had taken to walking around the labs in a bid to clear his mind, or rather in attempt to focus on the problem as he saw it. It had chased around his mind over the past few days like a spectre. He had watched Sheppard's condition worsening with every breath the other man took and it wrenched at his guts like fiery pokers that the answer alluded him.

Seeing the effect it had had on Cass had made everything even worse. There was a strength in that woman that Rodney had never seen in anybody else. Despite the fact she was not part of their team she was a part of their family, his affections towards her were similar to that of Jeanie his own sister. He had not seen her fall apart during the course of this ordeal instead she had involved herself in it wholly, shouldering the turmoil like it was a challenge instead of a burden.

Sheppard needed someone of that calibre to support him during his life. He needed someone who was there by his side willing to fight for him and Cass was that person. Seeing the two of them together gave Rodney hope for his own future. Sheppard was a difficult man to care for, his life was etched with danger and he wore his humour and his valour like armour. Seeing him, the way he acted with Cass showed Rodney a different side of the man. A caring, gentler nature. Their love had convinced him that such a feeling did exist. That it wasn't an abundance of chemicals rushing around the brain.

It was the sound of his friend's name as he walked past an open doorway that led Rodney to draw to a halt and listen closely. He was nosy by nature, he always had been. His ears pricked up as he lingered by the doorway as that vile musical laughter twinged in his ears.

Maria Defoe...

Any other woman with such vivacious curves and plush kissable lips Rodney would have gladly swooned over but there was something poisonous inside this woman. He had sensed it from the instant he had seen her eyes brighten in response to Sheppard's arrival. She had been after him since day one and she despised Cass. He had taken her aside one and issued her a verbal warning for the way she had been talking about a Senior Member of staff.

Her words were crass and marred with a hatred Rodney couldn't fathom. Maria spoke about Sheppard as if he were revered, like he was a prized possession to be snatched for the taking. Cass was merely an opponent in a game she didn't know nor care that she was involved in.

Maria had branded Cass a whore, the rumours regarding Sheppard's wife and Ronon had slipped from her tongue in a power play to debase the marriage. Lorne had waded in and spoken to his C.O regarding the rumours and Rodney had watched Sheppard's cleverness step into play. He had eased his way into the friendship, formulating his own and drawing Atlantis's eye away from that of his wife and the hulking caveman.

Rodney was far from subtle in response to the viciousness of the other woman. He had snarled his disagreement at such behaviour and every single member of the science team he commanded knew that he would not tolerate that ridiculous gossip.

Now listening to the obscenities spewing from that harpy's mouth it made him feel nauseous and rife with agitation. His temper was quick to erupt, he had a short fuse in general but hearing this bitch dismantle his friend's reputation in a time where she needed support was rage inducing and then to have her lay claim to Sheppard as if the man was her most cherished possession...

Rodney McKay rarely snapped completely but when it came to his friends he defended them with everything he had.

* * *

><p>The Infirmary wasn't Rodney's favourite place even though he spent the majority of his time here. His bouts of hypochondria were well known to the doctors there and he drew reassurance from being treated by Carson and Cass, the two were patient and good natured in regards to his tantrums. The place was always cheerful and the nurses were always smiling, now everyone was quiet and reserved.<p>

Rodney had never seen such silence in the Infirmary before, the air of tragedy was descending upon the hospital and the apprehension of what was to come in the next few hours was weighing down on every single person here.

The curtains were pulled around the lone bed at the end of the Infirmary in a bid to give Sheppard some privacy away from prying eyes. Once they had recaptured him they had put Sheppard into a medically induced coma in a bid to ease the pain and the violence of the transition. Carson had been afraid the other man could break through his restraints as those uncontrollable urges coursed through him.

Maria was walking along side him, he could tell she had no idea why he had ordered her to accompany him here. He had torn her apart with his words back in his office, he had no idea why Doctor McNally had hired her as one of his geologists but as the Head of Science in this galaxy there wasn't a chance in hell he was standing for any more of this crap.

Rodney knew what women saw when they looked at Sheppard. He was like Captain Kirk on Star Trek with those rugged good looks and athletic physique. It was understandable that they fall for the other man on a base level but they never truly got to know the person underneath the charming mask he displayed. There was more to John Sheppard than the heroic military man they had heard stories about but girls like Maria never saw that. Her infatuation with Sheppard was about to come to an end, Rodney would make sure of that.

His hand clenched around the curtain as he drew it back revealing Sheppard's sleeping form. Her horrified gasp was audible throughout the Infirmary, her eyes turning as wide as saucers as Maria's hand covered her gaping mouth.

"Do you think you could have handled this?" Rodney challenged the red head beside him. "Can you still 'love' him now that you've seen what he's turning into?"

"That is not Colonel Sheppard." Maria snapped. "That's a monster."

"It's what Colonel Sheppard is turning into because of the retrovirus I created." Carson said quietly as he stepped up on the other side of the woman.

"He's going to be like this forever?" Maria asked, swallowing hard as her eyes took in Sheppard's blue, scaly complexion.

Carson's expression was glassy and strained as he crossed his arms over his chest, shifting uncomfortably. The situation was eating him up inside, he was responsible for this atrocity and the poor Colonel was suffering the consequences. He would never wish this upon anyone, epically not the Colonel and Cass.

There was such guilt churning around inside of him, it was an emotion he entirely deserved. He had put a death sentence on John's head and maybe even on Cass's if her tests came back positive for the retrovirus. He was sickened by how out of control everything had gotten. Carson had never foreseen any of this and if he had he would have stopped himself from even taking that case when they left to meet Ellia.

It was too late to consider what he should or should not have done, twenty/twenty hindsight was no use to them now. They had to deal with the consequences of his actions.

"We've run out of options." Carson told the two of them quietly. "So if you have any goodbyes to say I would do it while you still can."

"I can't..." Maria stated backing away, her hands held high in front of her as if to ward off the unconscious creature in front of her. "It's not him, that's not John Sheppard that's some hideous monster. I can't..."

"Then go." Rodney snapped furiously. "You can barely stand to look at him right now. He deserves someone who can stand by his side and hold his hand through this."

Maria's gaze shifted to Sheppard's ridged, powder blue claws before she pursed her lips together and shook her head quickly.

"I am not that person..." the other woman stammered.

"No your right." Rodney sneered "Cassandra is, Cassandra is the one that has been dealing with this whole mess, Cassandra is the one that's currently locked in the brig because she risked infection so that she could comfort her sick husband."

"Rodney..." Carson warned, as he reached out and grasped Rodney's arm in attempt to calm the other man's temper.

"No. She needs to hear this." Rodney declared as he tore his arm out of Carson's grasp and faced Maria once more. "While your out there saying God knows whatever lies enter your thick skull, his wife is in here trying to save his life. That woman that you hate so much is twice the person you will ever be and after this is over if I hear that you've even breathed either one of their names I will have you transferred back to Antarctica so fast your head will spin."

There was fire in his eyes as the scientist spoke, Carson had never seen him look so fearsome before and he commended it. He had been aware of Maria Defoe but not the extent of her lies. In Rodney's position he would have been doing the same thing if he hadn't been so heavily distracted. There was intent and conviction in the scientist's words and he knew from the look of terror that passed through Maria's eyes that she too understood that this was more than just a threat.

"I take it we have an understanding?" Rodney said pointedly as he crossed his arms over his chest.

Maria cast a final look at Sheppard as he slept, her lip curling up in disgust at the monster that lay before her.

"Yes."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! Day three of my holiday and I feel like I have done so much! I am sincerely enjoying the time I have to myself at the moment. <strong>_

_**IN regards to this chapter, I thought Rodney would be the one to finally give Maria the boot in the ass and fingers crossed you enjoy his moment!**_

_Shippo: How much did you wanna bite Caldwell, I was growling at him like a puppy when I wrote this. I am having a lot of fun on vacation so far! Thankies for a smashing review!_

_Joey: I admit Caldwell grew on me too later on. During the Conversion he was a complete pain in the ass. I can not tell what will happen with the retro virus, it caused so many problems in the series on so many levels! Lol Cass knows it's a necessary evil. Although she is not happy about it. Thankies for such a wonderful review!_

_Monkey: It is wonderful to see you! lol You don't have to worry about the reviewing thing, it was a pleasure to read such a lovely review! I was never good at writing marriages but this one seems to work and I am happy for them. It was amazing to hear your thoughts on the story so far and I am glad you are enjoying it! I am sorry to say that Lucius only gets a mention so far but who knows what I'll be doing with him. Again thankies for such an amazing review!_

_BRN: It's nice to see you back. Just got your pm and I will be pming you back tomoz! Caldwell makes me wanna bite him too! Lorne just gives potential for everything and it makes me want to hug him. He is so sweet and loving. He makes me squee. I am glad you had such a fab time! Thankies for such an awesome review. _


	68. Chapter 68: The Healing Touch

Chapter Sixty Eight

_Close your eyes and let time tick by.  
>In this life, it's OK to cry, sometimes.<br>It can be hard to see when it's right in front of you.  
>You gonna smile sometimes,<br>_

_Bowling For Soup – Much More Beautiful Person_

John's heart was pounding, his blood was racing through his veins and his skin was literally crawling right off of his bones. He was itching all over, a thousand tiny ants were trailing across flesh biting and chewing on his sinew. His hazel eyes snapped open, roving around the white curved ceiling as he writhed and wrenched at the restraints holding his hands and feet in place. His spine arched, bucking and jerking as he screamed into the air until his throat was raw and hoarse. Agony coursed through his muscles, igniting his synapses as he cursed out loud, spitting out the most extreme of words. He thrashed and bellowed, tearing at his limbs trying to break free.

John had no memory of how he had ended up in this place but he despised it. He fought like a restrained animal, lashing out in fury against his bonds. His flesh was on fire, the burning sensation was excruciating as beads of sweat poured down his forehead. His clothing was clinging to his body with perspiration as black spots danced across his hazy vision.

Cass was back, he could feel her loving, consoling presence by his side as her fingers enclosed on his balled fist. Her touch was light and tender, her thumb caressing over the tendons in his tense hand. She spoke in a quiet soothing tone she used only for him, it washed over John like the cooling waters of a waterfall, stealing away his confusion and terror in an instant.

Cass always had a way of pacifying John. The agony stabbing into his nervous system was beginning to subside, his fist unfurled, his fingers stretching out and linking with Cass's. The fight was leaving him and all he could feel was exhaustion filling him up deep inside. He could rest now, Cass was here standing over him like a guardian angel protecting him from harm.

The beast inside of him was beginning to settle. It was war ravaged and scarred from it's battles. It was hurting so badly all it wanted to do was curl up and rest. Cass's soul seemed to take up residence beside it as it prowled along the confines of his flesh. There was time now to recover and lick it's wounds. It curled up into a ball along side her, enjoying the feel of it's mate's hands stroking through it's soft fur. The petting was blissful and the beast huffed through it's snout in contentment as it placed it's head upon her lap.

"I know." Cass whispered into it's fur as she hugged the beast even closer. "I know it hurts."

John's soul was shattered, she could feel the broken shards through their connection before she gathered them up with the most gentlest of care. The beast had been trying to defend those pieces of itself but it couldn't fix them, it didn't know how. It took her a long time to assemble the jagged fragments into some sort of order and even longer to put the remains of John Sheppard back together again.

There were gaps left in the orb and it was fractured more than she had ever seen it. Cass hugged it to her chest, cradling it as the beast snuggled even closer to her inviting form. It's cheek came to rest upon her stomach as it's tail wagged slowly in joy.

Cass closed her eyes allowing the back of her head to rest upon the wall behind her. Now that she was sure John was safe she could feel the weariness taking over her body. She had almost lost her mate today and the relief of finding him again was immense. The beast's warm form was like a comfortable shelter wound around her and for the first time since this whole ordeal had started she found herself completely at peace.

* * *

><p>It was getting late when Carson decided to check in on John and Cass. He had left the couple unattended for a few hours in order to give the two of them some peace and privacy. Cass had barely left John's side over the past few days, she returned to their quarters for an hour or so here and there to change, to shower and maybe to sleep.<p>

Although the dark circles underneath her eyes told Carson something different and Carson knew a thing or two about that. He'd offered her sedatives but Cass had refused, she wanted to be clear and alert in case John woke up.

The Colonel was recovering well to Carson's relief. The blue scaly patches were receding slowly, it was creeping back down the hallow of his throat, the same way it had come up. Listening to his hoarse screams on and off over the past few hours had been harrowing. Mentally John was becoming more comprehensive from what Carson could gather but he was still in a tremendous amount of pain.

The retrovirus was relinquishing it's hold but it wasn't without some toll, Cass's presence seemed to sooth his more lucid moments. John didn't seem to remember much but he did remember Cass. It would be a matter of weeks before all traces of the retrovirus disappeared from his system, maybe longer before he returned to active duty. Carson had been monitoring the other man closely but the problem was he had no idea what the possible long term or short term side effects the retrovirus would have upon John Sheppard.

The only good thing to come out of this whole mess was the fact that Cass's tests had come back as negative. After a little more studious scrutiny Carson had discovered that when the Iratus bug had bitten John over a year ago, it created a strain of antibodies floating through John's immune system. When Ellia had cut John, she had infected him with the retrovirus and instead of fighting it off the antibodies had absorbed it and and began to mutate.

Carson knew that he had been hovering, Cass had been gracious enough not to point it out but he knew his concern for them was borderline obsessive. He felt responsible for what had transpired over the past few days and it was duty as a friend and a doctor to take care of these people. They were his family here upon Atlantis and Carson would do anything he could to protect his family.

He found himself staring at the navy blue curtain as he thought of the word 'family'. This would cause problems in their immediate future if the two of them decided to start a family. There was a danger that John's DNA would still retain some aspect of the retrovirus and there was a possibility that if the two of them had a child that the retrovirus would be passed along to the baby. In terms that they would be able to understand the chances of miscarriage would be higher as well as birth defects.

Carson was convinced he had damaged the young couple, their hopes and dreams had been perhaps ruined by his mistake and he would do everything in his power to repair it. The guilt was crushing him little by little, Cass had told him that this was not his fault, that it had all been one terrible accident but that didn't change how he felt. He had taken away something precious from the young couple and he was lucky that John Sheppard had the heart of a lion otherwise this could have had a very different ending.

Carson stepped through the gap in the curtain separating John Sheppard from the rest of the world. He stopped dead at the end of the bed, hugging the computer tablet to his chest as that shy, contented smile spread across his dark features.

Cass was curled up in the chair beside John's bed, her sapphire eyes were closed, her head tilted towards her husband. Her expression was tranquil, her pert pink lips were parted and her chest was raising and falling peacefully in the throes of sleep. Carson had no idea how she did it but she was always there but there was a calm that emitted from Cass, he felt it drown him like an aura as he stood watching the young couple for the briefest of moments. The two of them had each other and for now that was all that mattered.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, sorry it has been a few days. I have been pretty busy at the moment, reorgani<strong>__**sing myself and so on and so forth but I have been writing so have no fear for the story.**_

_Brn: Maria needed the slap in the face and Rodney can be so brutal sometimes that's why I thought he would be the ideal person to dish out a little home truth. Who knows what will happen to her? I like to think she transferred out after this. Thankies for such a wonderful review and of course the pm made me grin like a crazy!_

_Monkey: I hate Maria too! She's a crazy little home wrecker. Rodney is a char I absolutely love but find so hard to write sometimes! I love him when he gets a backbone. There's that scene in an ep called The Queen, where he's about to be fed upon and he is so very brave. I think he represents every realistic person on Earth. LMAO I had this thing in my head about Cass telling John that she was divorcing him for Lucius and he's just like 'I don''t think so...' and Wraith stuns her. It would have been fun to do. I may do a few ep excerpts at some point. What would have happened if they were involved in certain eps. Thankies very much for such an amazing review._

_Joey: God I know what you mean when he goes on one of those rants, I would hate to be on the receiving end of one of them. I love in the series the little disputes him and Colonel Ellis have. They really hate each other. I think it helps that he has the authority and the power to follow through the possibility of sending her back to Antarctica. Well recovery is a bitch! Thankies for such a exquisite review!_

_Shippo: Rodney is such a fun char to play with but he is so hard to write. He really makes me stop and think about what's going on. I wish I could high five him for his ability to do what he can for his friend! Thankies very much for your review!_


	69. Chapter 69: Batteries Not Included

Chapter Sixty Nine

_Yeah, it's plain to see  
>That baby you're beautiful<br>And it's nothing wrong with you  
>It's me, I'm a freak<br>But thanks for lovin' me  
>Cause you're doing it perfectly<em>

_Adam Lambert – What Do You Want From Me?_

John was in hell, literal and metaphysical hell. He had been a good man or so he had through but God was kicking him in the ass while he was down and that pissed him off more than he could say. He fumed as he shoved the pile of clothes into his black holdall without thought. After hearing the news he was going back to Earth, he had dumped all of his drawers out onto their shared bed in a fit of frustration and agitation.

Jesus, this was infuriating. He did not want to go to Earth, he wanted to stay here in Carson's capable hands recovering from the retrovirus in the place he deemed his home with his wife. Instead they were sending him alone to that stupid planet in that ridiculous galaxy on medical leave. The whole thing made him want to kill someone, particularly the IOA for coming to this decision in the first place.

He found himself growling as he stormed into the bathroom and removed his green toothbrush from the blue polka dot cup that Cass and him shared. He liked that cup, his wife had picked it out and clutching his toothbrush in his hand he thought it would look lonely in his new bathroom without it. John removed Cass's yellow toothbrush from the cup before setting it back on the basin of the sink. It looked solitary against the stark whiteness. Huffing he turned his back on it, cup and toothbrush in hand before chucking that into the bag too.

His guitar was already zipped up into it's hollow black case. He had left the Johnny Cash poster in a frame above their bed for his return. John found himself glowering at the empty made bed as he thought of the nights that his wife would spend in here alone and restless. She hated being away from him as much as he did her, he had no idea how they were supposed to spend three months apart.

That was how long Carson had deemed it would take for him to return to active duty. Three whole months, that was twelve weeks on Earth with nothing more to do than rest and apparently relax, which he could actually have done here if the IOA weren't so up their own asses. Somewhere during the past fortnight he had spent in the Infirmary a lot of decisions had been made about him that he hadn't been aware of.

According to Elizabeth, her hands were tied and it didn't help that the IOA didn't register Cass and his Athosian Bonding Ceremony as a real marriage so she hadn't been taking into consideration regarding any discussions. They were apparently supposed to just grin and bear the separation. There wasn't even time to tell her because the IOA had struck again with their idiocy and decided once more that it had to happen today while she was off world giving shots to disadvantaged children on some God forsaken planet he didn't care about. God he was so enraged by this situation he could scream.

The doors to their apartment hissed open and John found himself twisting his head towards the door to see his wife enter still clad in her field uniform, an irate expression upon her features. Her eyebrows were furrowed as her gaze came to land on the polka dot cup resting on top of his jumble of clothing.

"They are making me go back to Earth." John snarled as he tossed his underwear into the side pockets of his bag. "And I am taking this cup because I like it."

"Ok..." Cass drew out the word before pushing her dark bangs out of her eyes.

"Ok? is that all you can say?" John snapped turning to face her as she assented the three steps leading to their bedroom area and opened their wardrobe. "I tell you I'm getting sent back to Earth and all you can say is ok?"

"We are getting sent back to Earth." Cass corrected as she stood on tiptoes, her hand groping along the top shelf that was just out of sight. "And can you see my dufflebag?"

"We?" John questioned a little more calmly as he reached under the bed and pulled out the missing item before setting it upon the bed.

"Do you really think I would let you go without me?" Cass asked him, grasping an armful of clothes before dumping them in a huge pile onto the bed.

"I didn't think we had a choice." John told her as he sat down on the bed, his palms pressed together between his knees.

"Lucky for us, we have some good friends in high places." Cass informed him as she began to fold her clothes and stow them away in the dufflebag. "Carson as soon as he heard, managed to get me transferred into a temporary position at a hospital near the SGC. He says with all the extra staff we have they can spare me for three months."

"Oh." John remarked, leaning back on his hands.

Well that solved one of his problems, he thought as his wife peered up at him through her loose dark hair. Things suddenly felt more manageable, he could cope with being away from Atlantis but the idea of being away from his wife for that long filled him with frightening thoughts of lonesomeness and dread. He didn't want to admit that he had been feeling a little insecure since the retrovirus had taken him over. His body was still marred with patches of the rough royal blue scales that had spouted and he despised looking at them in the bathroom mirror. He refused to get changed in Cass's presence, he didn't want her to see the spiralling blue veins that crawled up over his flesh, the ones he hid underneath this shirt. It was bad enough he had to expose the damage to Beckett but Cass...

It wasn't masculine to admit that he didn't feel attractive any more. He hadn't done so much as kiss Cass since he had regained control of himself. He was terrified of transference and that infringed on every single interaction they had. She was acting as if nothing had happened, as if he hadn't become some horrendous monster, as if he hadn't lashed out and hit her.

The memories had been returning fast and free flowing since the retrovirus had been neutralised. There were things John regretted, too many things for life to return back to normal for him just set. He was having problems readjusting on an intimate level, things weren't right in his head and he couldn't show love when he didn't feel worthy of accepting it. He knew he had been coming off as cold recently and it struck him once again that Cass was here yet again stepping in to take care of him. It was becoming something that seemed to be happening all too often.

John raked his hands through his untidy brown hair before he sighed out loud. He did not enjoy feeling weak but that's what he was right now. He was a pathetic, hollow shell of the man he had once been. He had been a courageous warrior and now he was fractured and broken. He could feel himself sinking into a transient negative space as his hand rubbed across his stomach absent mindedly.

"You don't have to come." John said gruffly, his head bowed as he clasped both of his hands together. "You love working here in the field and you have your own team and responsibilities."

Cass tilted her head towards him, her expression masking the hurt she felt at his suggestion. She knew that it was going to be hard for John to recover from what he had been through. It would have been difficult for anybody but it seemed to be hitting John particularly hard. He had been hiding himself away from her recently, their connection was still there but he hadn't been allowing her anywhere near him mentally or physically. He was distant and she was doing everything she could to be understanding of the matter but she was finding it hard to bare.

Cass wasn't used to being alone any more, John had changed her in ways that made her like the person that she was today. Without his love that was nothing, it left her frightened and on edge. They had been skating around this topic for a few weeks now and she thought maybe it was time to lay her cards on the table.

"I want this." she told him quietly, one hand on her hip as she reviewed him. "I don't want to stay here alone wondering what your doing every day and if your going to decide to come back."

"You don't think I'll come back?" John repeated her words as he stared at her incredulously.

Cass pursed her lips together before she rose her eyes to the ceiling as if in prayer. She didn't know how to explain what she was feeling. She didn't want to add any unnecessary pressure to her husband but they had promised that they would always speak the truth to one another no matter what the cost.

"You've suffered a huge trauma, not just physically but mentally too. An alien presence took over your body and your brain. It made you do things that you hated, things that you would never do..."

Cass trailed off as John rubbed at his gritty eyes with the palms of his hands. He was tired, she could tell from that tiny exhausted groan that emitted from his mouth as his shoulders sagged.

"I'm not good at this talking thing." John said abruptly as he indicated between the two of them. "So you've just gotta stick with me for a second to understand where I am coming from here."

Cass frowned at his words before nodding her agreement.

"It is going to take a long time for me to recover from what that thing did to me." John told her, his voice twisting in disgust. "I don't know if Beckett's spoken to you about it but our future isn't looking so good."

Cass folded her arms over her chest before meeting his husband's hazel eyes.

"Your talking about the possibility of having children aren't you?" she said softly.

John hung his head in shame, his fingers fiddling with his wedding ring as he spoke.

"The chances of us having a healthy baby go from unlikely to abysmal. That bug thing is a part of me now, what it changed inside me can't be undone."

Cass sat down on the bed beside him, her hand came to rest on his knee, her thumb smoothing over the ridges of his jeans reassuringly. She understood what this was about. Children were a part of it but so was inadequacy. John's whole world had been tipped upside down by the retrovirsus, he had lost his strength, his fertility and now he was being sent back to earth like a broken part in a well oiled machine. One thing at a time would have been manageable but all at once was too much for anyone to bear.

"You are trying to offer me a way out." Cass as the realization dawned on her.

"I want you to know that there is a way out if you need to take it. This whole bug thing effects you too, you didn't sign up for this." John uttered as he wrapped his arms around himself, hunching over.

"I knew perfectly well what I was getting into when I married you." she said calmly as she nudged him with her shoulder. "I've never wanted to have children, we've talked about this."

"It's different when your making the decision and when the decision is made for you." John told her , his voice raising as he spoke.

"I get it." Cass said quietly as she kneaded her fingers together. "It's out of your control and it's making you feel powerless."

"I feel like my whole life's spiralling out of my hands." John murmured hugging himself. "It's like everything's falling apart and I don't have the tools to fix it."

Cass leaned into John's unresponsive form. His body was stiff with stress as she tucked herself against him reaching out for him along the threads of their connection. John resisted shirking away from her intimate touch. Yet Cass was unrelenting, she stomped her metaphysical foot at his reluctant to bond with her.

She was back inside him again as he stood before her clasping the orb between his large calloused hands. It was held together with barely anything, the glue she had used the first time to repair it wasn't holding. John was barely keeping himself from falling apart.

"I don't know how to fix it." he told her with that haunted look in his eyes.

"It takes time." Cass said quietly as the palms of her hands enclosed over his, flooding him with bounds of warm energy that seemed to seep through him and into the tarnished marble. "You have to rebuild it piece by piece."

"Like glass?" John asked feeling something inside fit neatly into place.

"It's more resilient but the creature did a lot of damage to you, some of the shards don't fit any more." Cass said as she surveyed the orb in his hands.

"You fit." John returned, opening himself up a little more to his wife's caring presence.

"I'll always fit." Cass murmured as her hand reached up between the two of them so her palm came to rest just over his heart.

"How do I..." John's gaze lowered to the orb he was holding as he stared at his fractured soul before correcting himself. "How do we move on from this?"

"You have to give yourself to me again." Cass told him, her fingers cradling the globe.

"I don't know if I can." John whispered as his grip on his soul tightened. "I've lost so much of myself."

"That's ok." Cass said with a gentle smile, her thumbs stroked over his reminding him of their unity. "I can wait until your ready."

"What if I'm never ready?" John asked her worrisomely.

She wasn't used to seeing him so vulnerable. His insecurities were resting upon the surface like never before and Cass could see his flesh had been stripped bare until there was nothing left. All of his valour and honour had been removed, his armour had been ruined and the Man was left standing trembling and cold.

"I'll still be here." Cass affirmed as the two of them stared into each other's eyes.

John drew in a shaky breath before he thrust the large marble into his wife's hands. It was rough and uneven around the edges, digging into her fingertips as she clasped it.

"It's yours." he told her. "Batteries not included."

The soul came to life under Cass's fingers, it flushed with light as she stood there concentrating all of her strength and energy upon the most intimate part of her husband. It was like conducting an intricate surgery, she could feel the pulse of the mechanism in her hands as she catheterised each of the damaged spots with her own soul.

"You won't believe how amazing that feels." John sighed contently feeling the wealth of his wife's love resounding through the core of his being.

It was sensational to be reacquainted with Cassandra Sheppard, her touch ran over every inch of him like silk as she massaged the contours of his soul back to life. He had wasted so much time recently trying to force the pieces of himself back together but now Cass was fitting them into place with surgical precision. wife had always had the healing touch and now for the very first time she was using it on him.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey, this is one of my fav songs of all time and it is just perfect for this chapter! I hope your all enjoying the week!<strong>_

_Brn: lol I think it's sweet that you want to whisper. It's like we're watching over them! I could see John having that little protective side of himself. The dude was a lone wolf. I think it's time for them to have a little time together and esp to enjoy their little marriage. Thankies very much for such a wonderful view. _

_Shippo: I'm glad I had you so emotive! I am so glad that John is ok, it could have gone horrendously but thankfully they're both good. Thankies for such an amazing review._

_Monkey: lol It is sad, the whole thing about kids but the truth is I don't think these two want children so it's sort of beneficial in a way. To be honest after all the radiation John's been close to I doubt he'd be able to have kids in the show. I imagined Carson would take this all upon his shoulders. Lol the recovery process is never going to be as smooth as you hope, that's simply not realistic. I promise I will think about doing the excerpts. Thankies for such a pragmatic review! _

_Joey: lol I didn't doubt that you would notice what was going on with the good old mutant DNA. Lol Maybe I have a good old surprise coming up you never know and I do agree they do need a little recovery time to heal and have fun together! Thankies for such an amazing review!_


	70. Chapter 70: Stepping Stones

Chapter Seventy

_The future I cannot forget  
>This aching heart ain't broken yet<br>Oh God I wish I could make you see_

_Cuz I know this flame isn't dying_  
><em>So nothing can stop me from trying<em>

_Adam Lambert - Time For Miracles_

They were standing in front of the Stargate, fingers entwined as they stood before the glimmering blue event horizon. Just a few steps and they would be leaving Atlantis for a quarter of a year and returning to Earth, the place that they were supposed to be calling home. It felt like they were going on a sabbatical they they were leaving their real home and travelling to another far away place. Atlantis had become their place and in turn leaving it behind felt wrong and strange. John would have liked to have stayed here to recover, he would have felt involved instead of excluded.

Major Lorne was taking over his duties whilst he was away, John trusted him to do the job with as much assertiveness and care in which he did everything else. So he could be reassured Atlantis was in safe hands even if they weren't his own. It would kill him being away from this place unaware what was going on but he could manage it he thought, if Cass was by his side.

His heart was heavy as he squeezed Cass's hand tightly in his own. They had given away their quarters and furniture so someone else could make better use of them. There was no point to Elizabeth holding them until they returned. Three months was a long time especially with the growth of the exhibition, they were constantly taking on new staff all of the time and homing them was a priority. The SGC would be putting the two of them up in an apartment near the command centre so they could be on call if anything was to go wrong with John's recovery.

The worst was over now according to Beckett but he had insisted on regular weekly checkins with the doctors on the base just to ensure that everything was going to plan. John had agreed somewhat unwillingly, things had changed now that he had fallen in love. There wasn't just himself in the picture any more, there was Cass also and his health ought to be a priority now more than ever.

"So three months back on Earth that should be fun." John attempted to sound cheerful as he balanced his hold all upon his shoulder.

"We can see our families." Cass said excitedly. "I don't start at the hospital for another month."

Her sapphire eyes brightened with happiness at the prospect. John knew that Cass missed her older sister and their small family every day. She had a hard time letting go of the reigns, just like he did but now was the time that work took a back seat to everything else.

"I want to meet your family." John paused before correcting himself. "Our family."

"I like it when you say that." Cass said, leaning into John's firm shoulder. "Will we go see your side of our family?"

"I'm not sure yet." John answered her as he turned his head towards his wife.

Her expression was curious as she tipped her chin up to meet her husband's unsure hazel gaze. His lips pursed together in a grim fine line. His thoughts had been wrapped up in a similar possibility. He had been near death so many times over the past few years and he had never returned to the house that he had grown up in. Yet things had changed and he was married once more. Cass was a woman worthy of him, he hoped that his father and brother would see that in time. It had been so long that he wasn't sure what his father's response would be if he turned up on his doorstep to introduce his new her.

His father had adored Nancy, they were of the same mind set, they roamed in similar circles and could debate business strategy and politics until the early hours of the morning. Cass was of a sharper, less ambitious mind and a kinder soul, he wondered whether he would see her strengths as weaknesses.

Patrick Sheppard had turned cold after their mother had died, there had been little time for his sons, he had searched for comfort in the recesses of his work. John had become the rebel of the two boys, the constant trouble he was in drawing his father's attentions. Dave, his brother had gone the other way. He had sought out their father's approval by working his ass off and fulfilling every single one of the man's obligations and more.

John had become the black sheep of their family and in turn he had decided as soon as college had become an option he would get as far away from his father as he could. The rows about John attending Stanford were legendary and it was only too soon that his father had given into his demand in an attempt to get him as far out of his sight as possible.

"I guess we should get going." John muttered, casting a final glance at the gateroom over his shoulder.

"We'll be back before you know it." Cass promised her husband, her thumb caressing his knuckles in reassurance before the two of them stepped through the gate.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! This return to Earth has been on the cards for such a long time and I am glad that your finally getting to read it. I thought that John and Cass would deserved a little break!<strong>_

_Brn: I adore Adam Lambert and I have been dying to use that song for so long! I'm kind of a bit glad that you spent your time crying. It was a chapter that I am very proud of and it was so enjoyable to write. I am also glad you had the sense to re-read it. lol There will be no Vegas wedding, I think Cass is a bit too classy to do the Vegas thing. It's important that the two of them have each other and Thank you for such an emotive review!_

_Shippo: I adore that song so much, it's just so potent! I think the two of them are just so well connected to each other. Cass just brushes off his inadequecies. Earth should be fun, maybe you'll get to meet their families! Thankies very much for such a wonderful review. _

_Monkey: I wanted their intimacy and trust to be apparent. John has such a faith in her and Cass has such a patience for him. I think when your in love with someone you have to take the good with the bad, it becomes about them as much as it is abou you. I am glad you love it so much, I have put so much work into this story and it means the world to me that you appreicate it so much. Thankies for such an excellent review. _

_Lan: lol I'm glad I managed to give you goosebumps, it was such an amazing schapter to write! Thankies for taking the time to review._


	71. Chapter 71: Rain Drops

Chapter Seventy One

_Right or wrong, don't it turn you on?  
>Can't you see we're wastin' time?yeah<em>

_Do you wanna touch? Yeah_  
><em>Do you wanna touch? Yeah<em>

_Glee - Touch Me There_

It was raining in Colorado Springs. Huge heavy droplets poured from the dark thunderous sky as the lightning flashed across the street. The storm had rolled in suddenly and without any warning at all. Cass was already soaked through by the time she'd made it back to their apartment. It was their eleventh day back on Earth and she had been exploring their new area whilst John was at a scheduled appointment in the SGC. She had offered to go with him but he had declined. He wanted to do this for himself and Cass had conceded because she knew she would drive him crazy with hovering.

Water was dripping off of Cass when she let herself into their shared apartment. John was already standing there in his chocolate brown leather jacket, cell phone clasped in his hand just as hers started to ring. He snapped his own shut leading Cass's Bon Jovi ringtone to stop abruptly.

"I was about to come get you." he told her, indicating to the rental car keys on the coffee table in front of the couch.

"Well I appreciate the gesture." Cass said as she stripped off her light jacket and hung it up on the coat rack.

John found his attention slipping to his wife's sensual form as she turned back to face him. Her loose dark hair was wet and tousled falling around her delicate, porcelain features. The sea blue vest top she was wearing clung to her modest curves like a second skin from the moisture as did her figure hugging denim jeans.

His wife was still as stunning as ever even though she had been caught in the rain. She was glowing with the same contentment that he felt brimming in his chest at the sight of her. Something seemed to have settled inside of him. He didn't feel so hopeless any more, he felt lighter, more energetic and confident. He could feel himself mending inside, all the threads of his consciousness rehabilitating themselves with every passing day. A droplet of water trailed down the curve of her throat and John found himself fascinated by it as he imagined himself licking it off her silky soft skin. It had been an age since he had loved his wife, since he'd thrust into her adoring flesh and whispered sweet words of endearment into her ear.

"You look so beautiful like this." he found himself saying, his fingertips brushing away the damp hair away from her face and back behind her ear.

Cass's sapphire gaze lowered to his lips as her small hands slipped inside of his jacket, gripping his black T-shirt and pulling him taunt against her slender form. Her back pressed against the door as John cradled her face in his hands so he could stare into her bright eyes. His whole world existed in his hands right now and he could see the notion reflected inside of Cass as her lips quirked into that knowing smile.

His lips brushed against hers tentatively as his thumb trailed along the line of her jaw. She tasted intoxicating as John's tongue parted her velvet soft lips. Cass was already pushing the jacket from his shoulders until it lay crumpled on the floor. He could feel the press of her wet clothing against his T-shirt as she drew him even closer until their hips were touching.

Cass moaned into his mouth as his lower body slotted perfectly against hers, he was always the most perfect fit. The only thing between them was the thin layer of material they were both clad in and John thought just having that brief distance was simply unbearable.

It had only been a matter of weeks but Cass still craved him like never before. His molten hot fingertips were gliding down the cool skin of her bare arms igniting her senses with anticipation. His mouth left hers before his lips fastened on that tiny sweet spot just under the curve of her jaw. It drove her wild when his teeth grazed that sensitive place, her breathing hitched in ecstasy as her head tipped back exposing her throat.

"We need to get you out of this wet clothing." John's husky voice whispered in her ear sending a thrill vibrating through her.

His fingers were already toying with the hem of the vest top before Cass raised her arms up compliantly. John peeled the item of clothing from her body with a deft slowness, his hungry gaze taking in the contours of his wife's flesh as he revealed her glorious form one inch at a time. She was clad in a lacy black bra, the colour making her pale skin look practically translucent. Cass's fingers hooked the loops of John's jeans as she yanked him back to his rightful place against her.

John was already removing his T-shirt, it joined his jacket on the floor before he wrapped his arms around his wife's cold skin pulling her into his warmth. The skin on skin contact was beyond pleasurable. The connection seeped between the two of them as their lips met once more, flooding every single nerve in they possessed. They were filled with a sense of love and adoration for one another as they kissed.

John's palms were chasing up along the curve of his wife's spine until his fingertips came to the clasp of her bra. He withdrew the underwear from her curvaceous form allowing it to fall to the laminate floor before he cupped her modest breasts within his blazing hot hands. Cass's head tilted back as she arched into his touch, her dark hair falling over her shoulders. John watched the expression on her face contort in sheer bliss as he dipped his head, allowing his tongue to tease the gap between her breasts. His thumbs caressed her erect nubs before John captured her nipple in his fiery mouth, Cass gasped with appreciation, her fingers running through his messy brown hair as he lavished her with that dynamic sexual touch.

His mouth smothered hers again as he rubbed his erection against the seam of her jeans causing a delicious friction between the two of them. His arms were wrapped around Cass's body guiding her back towards the couch until she was laid out before him, naked from the waist up. His ravenous, hazel eyes were watching Cass as his molten tongue teased along the pattern of her scars, his nimble fingers unding the button of her jeans. Her skin was on fire with delirious pleasure as John stripped the soaked material from her legs, along with her panties.

John was already showered her inner thighs with deliberately slow kisses as he worked his way higher until she could feel his breath against her slick moist core. Cass gasped as his blistering mouth enclosed on her clit, his feverish tongue flicking over her in long draw out strokes. His mouth was sensational, his ministrations exquisite. His tongue was doing things to her that should be forbidden, one hand was gripping the couch cushion as she keened out loud while the other was buried in John's hair urging him on. He was taking her higher and higher with every single skilled stroke.

She could feel the tidal waves of pleasure were dragging her under like a rip tide as her mews got louder and more desperate. John pulled away abruptly, leaving Cass hanging on the cusp of orgasm before he kissed a purposeful sultry path up her body until he met her lips. She could taste herself in his mouth as her tongue explored the confines of him. It kindled the possessive, primal nature deep inside of her. She was happy to no end that she was the only one that would very experience his dexterous tongue and deviant hands.

"You taste delicious." He murmured against his wife's pert lips as she unbuckled his jeans and shoved them down his muscular thighs.

Cass was already reaching between the two of them, her lithe fingers wrapped around his erection guiding him to her moist core. There was something so wickedly sexy about his wife desiring him so much. It made everything about their physical reconciliation all the more sweeter. He smothered her whimper of relief with a kiss as he penetrated into her wanton body as slow as he could muster. He wanted her to feel every inch of him sinking into her as she bucked up into the thrust, taking him all the way to the hilt.

There was a rush of emotions coursing through the two of them as they're souls merged completely for the first time since the retrovirus had stolen John away. It was like sunshine exploding all around them as John began to move in gentle, drawn out thrusts. Cass's legs wrapped around his waist, her ankles hooking under the curve of his buttocks drawing him in even deeper. Her palms were roving up along his muscular back, her nails raked along his skin with each and every tilt of his hips.

"God Cassie, I missed this." he breathed against her lips as he stared deeply into his wife's sapphire eyes. "I missed you."

Her skin was flushing pink with pleasure as the rapture raced through her veins like a narcotic. John was everything to her, he was her heaven, her soul mate and above all her husband. There was a unity in their love making, it strengthened their bond and made them resilient. Cass could feel John's joy resonating through her soul as he kissed her lips with the tenderest of care.

"I love you." she whispered against his mouth.

Fireworks were popping all around her as the connection around them sizzled and crackled in the air. Cass grasped him even harder as the orgasm claimed her violently, stealing away her breath and her heart at the same time. She bit John's lower lip as she climaxed. The tightening of her walls around his cock tipped John over the edge as the euphoria mingled with the gratifying pain. His fingers were mingling in her damp hair as he erupted inside of his wife with the most powerful orgasm of his life.

"Marry me." He murmured, his voice raw with sincerity as he stared into his wife's beauteous gaze. "Marry me for real here on Earth."

Her eyes were sparkling with that familiar glint of elation as she gave him the answer to his heartfelt question.

"Yes."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! It was wonderful to get such an amazing response from you all over the past few days esp since I have been ill. You have all really cheered me up! So thankies for your kind words!<strong>_

_Shippo: Glad your enjoying the update, it was just a short little bridge chapter to address a few things that will be coming up. lol I have written all the family chapters so your in for a treat! Thankies for such a kind review._

_Joey: I also think they should have addressed the issue of what Radiation would probs have done to him. Long term with the DNA I honestly think they would need to screen for things if he ever did properly settle down. I think they're both very broken people in terms of their histories and so on and to find someone who can heal what's going on inside is very important. I am glad they've found each other. On the IOA I agree with you, I don't actually remeber a time where they have been worth having around. I love that little ep with Woolsey where him and John have that conversation about how he's broken all sorts of protocals and John's just like welcome to Atlantis. I'm not going to give away any details of their time on Earth you'll have to read :p Thank you for such wonderful and emotive reviews. I really appreciate it!_

_Brn: lol you make me wonder if you sit there thinking through all of my possible twists and turns. I have a proper image of you as an evil mastermind in a chair stroking a kitty and pondering what I'll do next. Thankies very much for a funny review!_

_Shep: Firstly thankies very much for playing catch up, I sincerely appreicate the time and effort your putting into reading this story. lol I am a firm believer that sex is an expression of love esp for these two and of course it's a fun part of the relationship. I don't shirk the bad stuff so why should I avoid the good. I'm quite enjoying the fact I have managed to keep you captivated. I hope that you'll be safe through Irene! Is your place ok? Lol I love their apartment and I think they're very sad they have to give it up, but it was their decision. God could you imagine them not coming back? Thankies very much for reading and for writing such wonderful reviews._

_Monkey: I am also very sad their leaving but I'm sure they'll return. (fingers crossed) I think they have a life togetehr no matter where they are but I always think of Atlantis as their real home. It was fun to write the Earth chapters but I was also getting as restless and homesick as I think they would be. Your words are so kind and sweet, it makes me feel liek there's really people out there who get this story and all of the work I've put into it. You have truly made me grin like a fool today and I really needed that so I really want to thank you for such an amazing review!_

_May: Hey, it's nice to meet you! You aren't the only one begging me for a Ronon story. My beta has managed to persuade me to write out fav Satedan a little romance so if you keep reading maybe your wish will come true! Thankies for taking the time to review, I really appricate it. _


	72. Chapter 72: The Family Man

Chapter Seventy Two

_I'm coming home  
>I'm coming home<br>Tell the World I'm coming home  
>Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday<br>I know my kingdom awaits and they've forgiven my mistakes_

_P Diddy – Coming Home_

New York state still looked exactly the same way as John remembered it as they sat in the back of the taxi watching the world go by. They had taken a cab from JFK airport in order to get to Jule's town house in Nassau country. Just being in this area made his palms sweat and his heart beat a little faster in his chest. It seemed like fate that Cass's family should live in the same vicinity of his own and just being near his father's house made him feel like a sixteen year old boy all over again. Cass was pointing out things, her voice was a excitable as she indicated to the memories she retained here, despite the fact she had declared Atlantis as her home, it was clear she missed this area and her family.

John wondered what Cass's family would think of him, that thought had been so far from his mind until today. There had been the heart doctor before him, he couldn't quite live up to that but he would do his damnedest to prove he deserved Cass.

Jules and her husband resided in the suburbs and their house was typical of the area. It was stood tall and proud amongst it's neighbours, the lawn was neatly trimmed and tidy. The porch was in excellent condition and there were homely trinkets in the windows as he reviewed them. The door was already opening up as the taxi came to stand still outside of the house. His wife was already bolting from the cab as two, young dark haired children ran down the path with chants of "Aunt Cass" ringing ringing through the air.

John handed over his credit card to the cab driver between two fingers before climbing out of the cab pulling their bags along with him. Cass's duffel bag settled over his shoulder and his hold all clasped in his opposite hand. He found himself grinning as he watched his wife crouch to receive the two children with wide open arms. Her love for them was fierce, he could feel it reverberating through their connection as she held them close and peppered the two of them with kisses. There were eyes on him, he could feel them watching and his gaze swept upwards until they came to rest on the lone woman standing in the door way with a brilliant, bright smile upon her wholesome features.

The resemblance between Cass and Jules was astounding. There was no doubt that the two of them were sisters, they had the same raven black hair that they had inherited from their father. Their eyes were the same shade of sapphire blue, it was only when Jules began to step closer to her sister that John began to notice the more subtler differences. Jules's hair was longer than his wife's, it was tied back in an elegant pony tail that suited her own delicate features. There were laughter lines at the edges of her mouth from what seemed like a life time of contentment.

Cass rose to her feet, the small children clinging to her legs as her older sister hurtled towards her and swept her into a heartfelt hug. They had their own bond, John could see it spreading in the relief and love between them as they clasped each other close.

Already Cass was gesturing for him to step forward and meet their small family. Her face was lit up like a kid on Christmas day as John took several steps forward. The children were hiding behind Cass's legs still, they peered up at him curiously from behind their aunt regarding him with a mixture of interest and suspicion.

"You must be the husband." Jules greeted with a welcoming smile as John rubbed the back of his head sheepishly at the attention that was focused upon him.

"Jules this is Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard. John this is my sister Jules." Cass introduced as her sister nudged her lightly with her body.

"Lieutenant Colonel huh? You did do well." she told her sister, causing John to blush as Jules raised her eyebrows knowingly.

"And these two rugrats..." Cass said crouching down and wrapping her arms around her niece and nephew. "... are Annabel and Nicky."

John tilted his head down so the children could see his friendly grin as he gave them a finger wave. Nicky, the older and seemingly braver of the two slipped from behind Cass's legs, his hands behind his back as he took in the man in front of him.

"Are you our new Uncle?" he asked bluntly.

"I guess I am." John said letting go of the hold all before crouching in front of the little boy so the two of them were at eye level. "I'm guessing your the man of the house?"

"My daddy's away and he left me in charge but you can help me if you want." Nicky offered John with a shrug.

"Well ok then." John said, nodding his agreement for empathise before Nicky took his hand and began to guide him towards the porch.

"First we need to put all the toys away and then we need to build a Lego castle so the plasticine monsters can attack it." Nicky told John as the two of them mounted the steps.

Lego...

John's eyes lit up at the prospect, he hadn't played with Lego since he was a kid. He used to love those tiny coloured blocks. He knew it was stupid to be so excited about playing with toys but he was still a little boy at heart.

"He doesn't like it when Michael goes away, he takes on too much responsibility for a child of seven years old. Another male presence may be good for him." Jules murmured to her sister as she grasped John's hold all.

Cass held out her hand for her five year old niece to take, the little girl's hand slotted perfectly into her own as she beamed up at her aunt almost shyly. Cass expected this, it had been over eighteen months since she had seen her family and Annabel had been four years old. Cass was a new person to her in a way and she couldn't expect the little girl to trust her just yet.

In truth Cass was anxious about her sister's opinion on her new husband. The other woman had the uncanny ability to pass astoundingly accurate judgements on people even from such a brief first impression. Jules decided to put her sister out of her misery.

"So John seems to fit quite nicely into the family, better than Henry." Jules uttered pulling a face. "That was not a good match for you."

Cass matched her sister's look of distaste at the other man's name. Jules had hated Henry from the onset even though she had attempted to play nice for her sister's sake. He had arrived in her sister's life as an annoyance at first, sending her flowers and plying her with theatre tickets and so on. The two of them had met at a Charity Fund-raiser for the Homes for Heroes Charity and before Jules knew it the two of them had been dating in between Cass's leave from the military.

Jules wasn't sure how the arrangement had worked in the beginning stages but she had been positive that Henry had been seeing other women during the intervals her sister was away. Cass had told Jules that it was unfair for her to be away so much and it wasn't her right to ask somebody to wait around for her. Jules had argued if Henry truly loved her than the wouldn't be able to look at another woman.

To make things worse Henry had been a snob, upon visiting he had insisted on staying at a hotel after gauging their humble furnishings and Jules had heard him and Cass fighting in the yard in hushed voices about how staying in a place like this was beneath them. In his eyes they were the poorer side of the family and he did not enjoy mingling with them. Her sister had nearly had an aneurysm over that, Jules had only seen Cass truly furious twice in all the time they had grown up together and that was one of them.

John though, John seemed different. The poor man had looked positively nervous about meeting their small family when he'd climbed out of that cab but he had seemed to settle in easily enough. Despite her weariness she already found herself liking the man. His feelings for Cass seemed authentic, there was something in the way he watched her interacting with the kids that really spoke to Jules. She could tell he adored her sister from the way that quaint smile that had blessed his handsome features as he stood on the sidelines. He was happy when she was happy and Jules thought that was an important quality in a relationship.

"Did you manage to book the church? I know it's short notice but..."

Jules cut off her sister's worrisome tone with a reassuring look.

"It is all organised." She told Cass as they strode up the steps Annabel in tow. "The reverend will be conducting the ceremony in a week's time so you have nothing to worry about in that respect."

Cass paused on the porch before turning to her sister so they were face to face. She wanted Jules to see the gratitude in her eyes. Her sister had been nothing but supportive when Cass had called her up and recruited her help into making this wedding happen. Ever since Cass had dropped the bombshell that she had gotten hitched while 'abroad' Jules had been dying to meet John Sheppard, she wanted to size up the man who had captured her sister's heart.

Already he seemed to be fitting in, it warmed Cass's soul to see the way Nicky had taken to him. She could feel the bonds of family already being forged as he integrated himself into their home. Barely five minutes in and he was already in the lounge, cross-legged helping to organise the Lego bricks into corner pieces and straight blocks. Annabel detached herself from her aunt before she anxiously approached Nicky and John, clearly wanting to join in on their playtime.

"I think Annabel should build us a stable don't you Nicky?" John said conspiratorially as he pushed one of the smaller green Lego boards and a portion of bricks towards Annabel. "All good castles need a stable for the knight's horses to live."

"You have to make sure that it fits around the horse." Nicky instructed his sister as pressed the Play Mobile horse into her hand.

Jules and Cass watched from the doorway as the exchange took place. Cass found herself surprised by how comfortable her husband seemed to be around her niece and nephew considering he didn't interact with children in any constant way. If there was ever a sign of how much he belonged in their family the two of them had just bore witness to it.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! Thankies very much for such a lovely set of reviews and of course the adds! They have really made me smile. I do feel a lot better today but my stomach is still off so I'm still a little blah!<strong>_

_**The 300th reviewer gets a box of cookies! **_

_Alice: That's because it was an after sex type but as it's a second proposal there's not much weight on it. It was a wonderful pretty scene to write and I am so glad that they finally took the step forward and decided to do it for real on Earth. I'm glad you enjoyed it!_

_Shippo: lol I also love the fact they get an Earth wedding for their family. I adore they're family time. It was so fun to write. They needed that overly reconnection and I am so glad they got it Thankies for the review!_

_Monkey: LMAO I am so so glad you got your birthday wish. It was wonderful to see you so happy and I am sincerely glad that your enjoying it. They did need a sweet reconnection and I'm glad John is seemingly getting back on his feet. I want to hug him for it. Your kind words have made me blush, you say exactly what every writer wants to hear and I just want to thank you for such a meaningful review._

_BRN: LMAO I was like OMG poor kitty when you threw her down. Who knows what evil I have planned. I bet you will never guess mwhahahahahhaahahah! I am literally 30 chapters ahead with this story so :p Thankies for such a wonderful funny review!_

_Joey: It totally is recovery sex! I thought with everything that had happened between them they needed a little time to reclaim each other to be honest it is so fun to write the Earth chapters and how the relationship works on that level. I can confirm you get to meet both sides of the family! Thankies for such a superb review!_

_Lan: lol I can never write a sex scene between these two that doesn't sizzle, they are just so dynamic and loving. I think it's time for the two of them to do it for real esp after the whole thing with the IOA and Cass not having any rights with their Atlantis ceremony. I really appreciate the time you've taken to review._


	73. Chapter 73: Domestic

Chapter Seventy Three

_It's been a long time since I came around  
>Been a long time but I'm back in town <em>

_Lady Gaga – You and I_

John liked Jules and Michael's home, he decided. It was a fun, welcoming, friendly place and he found himself growing feeling comfortable here with every mounting second. Jules was a wonderful host, she was interesting and funny and talked animately with her hands the same way Cass did when she was excited.

Over dinner the other woman had been regaling them with stories about her and Cass's childhood paralleling them to her own children's. It was engrossing listening to stories about his wife as a young girl, Cass didn't talk very much about her childhood, the same way he didn't talk much about his. Her parents car accident had shaken her up more than she let on and he understood what it was like to have your whole world snatched out from under your feet.

John could tell Jules was glad to have Cass here to help with the children, he had to admit they were a handful. He wondered when he had become one of those people that was glad to hand them back at the end of the day. He had already decided over a year ago that kids weren't for him, his life was too dangerous and just watching Jules with them reminded him how truly vulnerable they made a person. He had only just accepted the way his marriage made him feel he didn't think he could give any more of himself away. He was a selfish man and he would readily admit that when asked, he loved his wife and he would never do anything to lose her and the possibility of having a child could just kill her from the information Carson had given them before the two of them had left. John didn't want to take the risk. He was complete when he was a round Cass, the pursuit of a child was not their cross to bear.

Yet watching Cass with her niece and nephew made him reconsider the decision he had come to over the past few weeks. John had decided that a vasectomy was their best method of contraceptive, it was a permanent solution to the problem that they faced in the long term. He found himself wanting to ask Cass if she had changed her mind on kids, she was so frighteningly natural with these two children and when he thought harder with the ones back home that she took care of.

There was a guilt residing deep within him, it was a negative inadequate emotion that made him feel unworthy of the woman he loved. It should be a decision not to have kids instead of the best possible course of action.

"You didn't have to do the dishes." Jules conceded, leaning in the doorway as she watched John drying a plate with a chequered tea cloth.

John shrugged his shoulders in response to that comment. Of course he didn't have to do it but if Jules was gracious enough to invite them to stay in her home then it was the least he could do. Besides the other woman was starting to show tell tale signs of exhaustion from the past week she had spent as a single parent. Michael, her husband was away in Florida brokering a new business deal for his firm.

"It seemed only fair considering you cooked." he told her with a hint of a smile. "Although it's a little like playing 'Where's Waldo?' trying to find where everything belongs but I think I've got it down."

"You had to open every cupboard twice I take it?" Jules teased as John lifted a small pile of plates into an over head cupboard.

"Lets put it this way, it took me a long time to find where you keep the cutlery." John mentioned casually.

Jules found herself smiling at that as John pursed his lips together, searching for the right words he had wanted to say from the beginning of this visit. The fact they were alone right now with Cass out of earshot, reading the kids a bedtime story seemed like a good time.

"I want to say thanks for making me feel so welcome." he told Jules as he folded the tea towel up between his hands. "She was worried about how you were going to take the news that the two of us had gotten hitched."

"To be honest John I was concerned about the kinda man that made my sister completely lose her head. She's not usually ruled by her heart but when she is it's usually an all in thing. She speaks so highly of you I thought you were too good to be true but now..." Jules trailed off as she studied the man in front of her with avid sapphire eyes. "I think your exactly what she needed."

"She's exactly what I needed." John confessed, leaning against the kitchen work surface and crossing his arms over his chest. "I've never been in love before I met Cassie. She has this way of making me smile even on the most terrible days."

A smile tweaked at Jules's lips as John spoke. The expression on his face was the most sincere she had ever seen and she knew her instincts had been on the money this morning when the two of them had first met. From what she had seen of John so far, he seemed ideal for her sister. He brought out a wonderful, brighter side to Cass that she had rarely seen since her ordeal in Afganstan. Cass was smiling all over again and for the first time in a long time she looked happy.

"I got the two of them off to bed. Annie was a little clingy but she settled down after a while." Cass said as she entered the room.

She was wearing her grey college sweats and a black Star Wars R2D2 T-shirt. Her dark hair was tied back in a messy bun with stray strands of hair falling around the pale features of her face. John thought she looked so cute when she dressed like this, she was a self confessed nerd at heart and they shared a love of the cult classics.

"They've missed you." Jules informed her sister simply. "And so have I."

"I know." Cass uttered, rubbing the back of her neck as she sighed.

There was remorse in her voice as she spoke before wrapping her arms around her lithe body. John knew how she felt about leaving her family behind, it was hard for her to walk away each time but she did it for her country. They were working to make the world a better place and Jules understood that, it was just hard sometimes, waving goodbye to Cass and wondering if she was ever going to come back.

After that last visit to Afghanistan it was like a ghost had been returned to back to the US. It had taken her sister along time to open up and talk about what had happened over there, after Henry had left Cass had appeared at her door with a duffel bag and red rimmed eyes and Jules had taken her in. It killed her to see her sister struggle to deal with so much trauma in such a short space of time and Jules would never forgive Henry for leaving when her sister was at her most vulnerable. Cass had managed to pick herself back up but Jules had been concerned when Cass had returned to work. Her job would never be easy but Cass seemed to find it enriching an that's what was important to Jules.

Now the other woman's eyes were flickering to her partner in crime as he stood watching the exchange uncomfortably. He hadn't had to endure this conversation since Nancy and it was strange watching it from a different point of view especially when he could see both sides of the debate yet this was not an argument. It was a fact, Jules was stating a truth and it showed John his own personal issues when he realized that Jules wasn't trying to make Cass feel bad about being away so often. This was the way a real family was supposed to be supportive, understanding and caring. Jules was so viciously proud of her sister, it was in the pictures that adorned the mantle piece and the way she talked to the other woman that made all the difference.

"You had better take care of my sister John Sheppard." Jules warned the Lieutenant Colonel as she came to stand before him, her hands upon her hips.

She looked more formidable than he could have imagined, it was like staring into the eyes of a lioness as she circled her cubs. He felt his insides quiver just a little at the potential threat. Jules meant every single word she said. John nodded his agreement before he spoke.

"I promise."

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><p><em><strong>Hey guys! I have taken the day off work to recover from my stomach bug so I thought I'd update! I think it's time to crack open the champagne! We've made it to 300 reviews and I think that's something worth celebrating. Special thankies to all of you that support this story! Your the ones that keep the fire burning!<strong>_

_BRN: I admit I never saw it getting to 300, I also never saw it continuing as long as it has but I'm nowhere near finished. Lol I will fulfil your wish because I am feeling kind (and a little fragile today) Yes there are 2 chaps dedicated to John's family or rather to his father! Thankies for such a wonderful review!_

_Alice: lol I loved that little interaction he had with Madison in the ep where Rodney's sister was kidnapped, he seemed to be a bit of a natural and very subtle. I think he was very nervous about meeting Jules but thankfully she sees the real John Sheppard. Kids will adopt anyone if they feel they like the person! Thankies for the review!_

_Shippo: You are not the only one that hates Henry, he is such a shit. When I was writing that chapter I was gobsmacked myself by all the stuff that was flooding out about him. I am really glad you enjoyed the chapter and I had a lot of fun writing it. Thankies for the review!_

_Monkey: First off I hope you had a fantastic birthday because you really deserve it and of course, thankies for taking the time to review. The kids were so fun to write despite the fact I was dreading it for ages before hand. And who doesn't love legos! Thankies for such an awesome review._

_Joey: LMAO For Everything else there's mastercard! LMAO I can imagine John buying his own legos to play with back on Atlantis. He would happily spend time with the kids because as you said he is still a big kid at heart. You put it in exactly the words I was thinking. Cass's lack of kids does get explained (I think it's in the next chapter) but I'll do a quickie now. She doesn't understand what would make people want to bring kids into a world that is so ravaged and wartorn especially when they're are children already out there without homes. I think she's seen too much to allow herself to get caught up in the family life. She acknowledges she's too selfish for children and particularly in they're jobs they make you very vulnerable. Hope that clears a few things up! Thankies for such a potent review!_

_Whiskey: Hey! It' nice to meet you and congrats on being the 300th reviewer. I am from a house with 5 bros and they all love to play with kids toys when we dig them out the loft! I think John's one of those easy going people that sort of slots in anywhere and that's what I love about him. Thankies for taking the time to review. I sincerely appreciate it._


	74. Chapter 74: Sisterhood

Chapter Seventy Four

_We can be strong  
>We can be strong<br>Out on this lonely run  
>On the road to love <em>

_Lady Gaga – Highway Unicorn_

It was late when Cass woke up alone in the guest bedroom. She was lying on her stomach twisted amongst the sheets, her eyes closed against the sun that was steaming in through the gap in the curtains. She raised her head disorientated, frowning at the empty space beside her. John was gone, Cass didn't know where but from the sounds of excitement erupting through the open window, she'd say he was the back yard giving Nicky a run for his money.

There was a heavenly scent floating through the air and Cass found her stomach growling in hunger as she flopped onto her back. Her hand was snatching up her watch, checking the time. It was past ten am and Cass couldn't believe that she had slept in so late, she hadn't done that since before she'd gone to Atlantis. This always happened when she stayed at Jules's house, there was a safety here and it showed in her ability to sleep. She forced herself to raise feeling groggy and more relaxed than she had in a long time. Everything was right in her world, she was back here on Earth with her family and she was getting married. Real married.

The idea sent a thrill through her and she found herself grinning from ear to ear as her gaze lingered on the platinum ring on her finger. Despite the intimate ceremony they had had back on the mainland in Atlantis, there was something to be said for having a ceremony back home with their family. Cass had always imagined Jules to be present at her wedding, the woman was the only other survivor of her birth family.

Cass rose to her feet and grasped John's navy blue Stanford hoodie off the back of the chair and pulled it over her head before digging her hands into the pockets of it. It smelt like him and Cass revelled in that delicious aroma. She loved his masculine scent, it made her feel comfortable and at ease.

Jules was cooking pancakes when Cass arrived in the kitchen. There was already a stack on the table in which Annabel was digging into.

"Morning." Cass greeting as she slinked into the chair beside Annabel.

Jules poured coffee into a mug before turning to face her sister, a chortle of laugher emitting from her lips as she set it down in front of Cass.

"It's the hair isn't it?" Cass muttered raising her hand to pat it down.

"You always have god awful bed hair in the morning." Jules smirked with that good-natured smile.

Cass stuck out her tongue in response before wrapping her hands around her coffee mug and taking a sip from it.

"He's pretty good with kids." Jules complimented as she glance out of the window.

Cass followed her gaze to where John was playing soccer with Nicky. The older man was applauding whilst Nicky had his shirt over his face yelling in triumph.

There was a pang of guilt in her chest, it had crossed her mind that he would make a wonderful father. It was cruel for Fate to have snatched it away from him but maybe that was the way it was supposed to be for the two of them. Cass had never wanted children of her own, she didn't understand how people could bring children into a world that was so war torn and ravaged. There was danger at every turn and she admitted she was a very selfish person in terms of owning her own life. A child was a huge responsibility and she had seen how vulnerable that made the parents. They were distracted and consistently watchful of their children, their thoughts consumed of the tiny being. Cass couldn't imagine being at the mercy of such feelings, not when it came to the bigger responsibilities that were resting upon her and John's shoulders. A world relied on them, maybe even a universe and children were a luxury that could ruin the both of them.

"John's a big kid at heart." Cass said looking away and focusing on the coffee mug in her hand.

The back door creaked as John and Nicky barrelled in, chatting animately about Nicky's latest goal. John's hazel eyes came to rest on Cass as she sat there at the table in his clothing and he felt a well of affection and ownership swell in his chest. Just seeing her wearing his hoodie made him surge with pride at the woman before him. This was his mate and this was they're family. He was happy with the surge of unity that blossomed through the bond as he placed a kiss on his wife's cheek before straightening up and sniffing the air.

"Whatever your cooking smells amazing." John said gratefully as he slipped into the seat beside Cass, his fingers stretching out across the table and seeking out hers.

He was having a good time, she could tell from that surge of happiness that radiated through their connection. It made Cass feel complete being here with him, she had been concerned about Jules reaction to her new husband but she seemed to be enjoying his company and she knew that them being here made things a little easier on the other woman.

"Well I thought since the two of you had probably been eating rations or some God awful food alike , that pancakes would be a lovely treat." Jules said with a shrug of her shoulders.

"The food's not that bad where we are, but the pancakes are very much appreciated. We don't get to eat such wonderful cooking too often." John told the other woman as she set down a stack of pancakes between the two of them to share while she rustled up some more.

"And where exactly are the two of you working?" Jules asked almost casually before casting a glance at her sister.

Cass narrowed her eyes at Jules crossly, it was a gesture John recognized from her time spent with McKay. The man had the ability to rile even the most patient of people and seeing Cass's dark eyebrows furrow in such a manner took him back to thoughts of Atlantis and wondering how his team was getting on without him.

"We would tell you if we could." Cass said softly.

"I know, I know." Jules responded, dismissing her own question.

Jules had know better than to expect an answer from her sister but she had thought maybe this time she would slip up. It drove her insane not knowing where Cass was living, whether it was dangerous or not, if she would ever see her sister again. Cass was doing something so incredibly brave but Jules couldn't help but wish it was someone else's sister in her place.

"You know I do everything in my power to make sure she's safe." John tried to reassure the other woman as he met her gaze head on. "She's as precious to me as she is to you Jules."

There was a tenderness and sincerity in his voice that Jules associated with every single time he spoke about her sister. His emotions were genuine and she knew what the implications were of John telling her this. There was a painful lump in Jules thought as she turned away so that the small family seated around the table wouldn't notice it. She loved her sister more than life itself, it was the only companionship she had had since their parents had died, she had been the grown up of their relationship and she had cared for Cass as if the younger woman was her own child. It was good to have her back even if it was a for a little while, there wasn't a day when she didn't think about Cass.

She could feel her younger sister's presence lingering behind her before her familiar delicate arms wrapped around her waist and Cass's buried her face in Jules's shoulder as she hugged her.

"I know it's hard and I'm sorry." Cass murmured into her ear as she squeezed her sister even tighter so Jules could understand how apologetic she really was over the circumstances she created.

Jules turned around and embraced her sister whole heartedly, over her shoulder she could see that John was entertaining the children with simple slight of the hand magic tricks involving a quarter he had pulled from his pocket. She let herself fall into his private comforting moment with her sister.

"I respect what you doing, you wouldn't be you if you did anything else." Jules whispered back as she clutched onto her sister like a life line.

The two women broke apart smiling as they stared into the same set of eyes. They were there for each other, for better or worse.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I braved work this morning despite feeling ill and have had a hideous day! No rest for the wicked I guess! Hope your all having better days than I am! <strong>_

_Alice: I always think that John's the kind of person who makes friends anywhere (when he wants to.) I love the ep where they're leaving Atlantis because the Ancients came back and Ronon sorta hugs John, it's a really sweet pal moment between the two of them. I thought that Jules would kinda want to see the man that is John Sheppard and she is anything if not direct! We will not get to meet Henry although I would have liked to write it. That chapter of Cass's life is well and truly over and they don't see each other anymore. Thankies for a wonderful review. _

_Brn: lol John makes anything look sexy so dishes are no problem. Lol I loved writing Cass as a little nerd, she makes me laugh so much in that respect. I thought we needed to see the domestic side of them, besides all work and no play makes John a dull boy! I think the talk was about due, she doesn't have an older brother and Jules was a surrogate mom to Cass in some ways hence why she is very protective. Thankies for such an awesome review!_

_Shippo: I am feeling a little better, just a little run down and sick but it's better than I have been over the past few days. I looked like hell yesterday. It is sad that they will never be parents but there are other options available to the both of them and they don't really want children anyway. Thankies very much for such a caring review._

_Monkey: lol I think from all his playtime with the children that she has accepted him. Also I think she kind of sees that these two are made for each other. That's what I love about Jules, she understands everything to the finest detail. I have had a great time writing these chapters! Ohh what did you get? Send me a pm and tell me! Your review was not crappy. I am always weird after a nap! Thankies for such a fun review!_

_Joey: lol if John even thought about hurting her I think Jules would have beaten him up. I agree on that being John's greatest fear. I love that in the eps we do see into his inner mind that his main fear is himself and hurting others. I agree with youbut they have their reasons. They may adopt at some point but who knows, they have their whole lives ahead of them. Thankies for such an inspiring review!_


	75. Chapter 75: Home Sweet Home

Chapter Seventy Five

_Father, I'm going through some heavy things  
>It seems like this world ain't getting any better<br>The more we try to get closer to You  
>The farther we run from Your throne<em>

_Group1 Crew – Please Forgive Me_

They were starring at each other and John did not like it one bit. He'd been watching the wordless exchange between Cass and his father for over two minutes and admittedly their silence was beginning to agitate him. He recognized his father's stance from one he had seen in the board room and from behind the desk in the study whenever John was being scolded for one of his youthful, misadventures. It was a stern unforgiving expression, one that John disliked the fact Cass was being subjected to.

It was a test of wills and the first to break away was always the loser. Despite Cass's demure, naïve appearance, she was anything but weak. She took on his father like a furious lioness. They're expressions were both blank but their eyes told a different story. In Cass's sapphire eyes he could see the feral defensive primal side of her at the forefront. In his father's there an abyss, it was vast and empty, stealing souls and words from men much more powerful.

"You can both stop now." John said into the eerie quiet between them. "Dad, Cassie your freaking me out."

Cass broke away first, her attention diverting instantly to John and the unrest within his voice. Her fingers sought out John's, clasping his hand in reassurance. Patrick's gaze lowered to their unionised hands.

Cassandra Pierce wasn't the same breed or calibre that Nancy had been. Nancy had barely been able to look him directly in the face the first time they met. She had been fully aware of the power he harnessed and her ambitious nature had made her agreeable. This one was different, Cass wasn't intimidated by him, she had withdrawn from his stare not as a matter of weakness but out of concern for his son.

When he'd first received a call from John he had suspected his son had got himself into trouble again. During his teenage years the boy was a hell-raiser warranting calls at three am from the police station over speeding or drinking violations. Things between them had gotten worse when he had joined the military and their relationship had deteriorated after John's divorce to Nancy. The two of them had said some pretty hurtful things to each other over the years but their most explosive argument had been about his son's priorities in regards to his marriage. They hadn't spoken since then until two days ago.

Cass was like a puzzle for him to suss out, over the years he had been protective over his sons especially after their mother had died. He knew the weight of responsibility his business empire put upon their shoulders. The women that flocked towards them were trying to trade up for their money.

Dave had experienced the full weight of that over the years, his older son had thrown his heart into each relationship and gotten burned more. John was different, he was savvy, he took what he wanted and at the first sniff of an ulterior motive he was out of there. At one point that had worried Patrick, he thought it showed his son's inability to settle down and it made Patrick concerned for his future.

When John had brought Nancy home Patrick had thought that his son had changed, that he'd accepted love into his heart and that his priorities had shifted. Nancy was the ideal daughter in law, she was charming, intelligent and powerful in her own right. The kind of wife a Sheppard should have or at least that was what he had told John. He had never meant those words. His own wife Sharon, had been serene and compassionate, money and power hadn't meant a damn thing to Sharon. He was her soulmate, her person and she had been the most wonderful mother that he could ever have imagined. The adoration she had for those two boys was immense, she had given them so much time, love and understanding and when she had died it was like someone had hollowed out his insides and left him with nothing.

Devastation didn't cover what he had been going through or what if he was honest he was still going through. There would never be another woman after Sharon and her death had left him barren and cold with no capacity for love. He was ashamed to say he pushed his sons away, the reminders of his late wife were etched in their features and mannerisms. He couldn't stand to look at them so he had ignored those two young boys, left their care in the hands of someone else.

It had taken years to come to terms with Sharon's death and when he had woken up from the hovel of misery and grief he had fractured relationships with the two people they had both held dear. Dave had come running back with his arms wide open but John didn't forgive so freely. They hadn't spoken to each other in four years and Patrick hadn't foreseen that ever changing. John was cursed by his own stubbornness and the two of them were at a stalemate.

Patrick's gaze flickered to John as his fingers laced with his new wife's. The smile on his son's handsome features was tender and sweet. It was Sharon's smile, the one she had held for him all those years ago. There was something to be said for the woman that had led his son to contact him again.

John had mentioned he was on medical leave, Patrick wondered if that had anything to do with the change in heart. His son was paler than he remembered, he appeared to have lost weight. If he looked close enough he thought he could see a tiny fleck of grey in his son's mahogany coloured hair. It made sense, the way Cass was constantly touching him to reassure herself he was still there and still breathing. He had found himself doing something similar when Sharon had received her diagnosis. He would spend hours lying beside his wife, his fingers entwined with hers as he cradled her to his chest.

"I know you can't tell me what happened to you." Patrick said into the quiet, his own hazel eyes firmly holding his son's gaze. "But I'm glad your ok John."

There was resolution in his words and John believed his father when he spoke. He could feel the world shifting around him once more because things were changing. His father was no longer the arrogant, cold business man he was used to and John was no longer the stubborn unforgiving youth he had been. He had grown up in his time away, he had seen so much over the past year, too much to let it all just go to waste. The retrovirus had almost killed him and it had put a lot of things in perspective. His war with his father was something else that needed to be laid to rest.

"Dad..." John began leaning forward as he released Cass's fingers and rubbed his hands together. "I want to apologise for everything..."

Patrick rose his hand to cut off his son's apology.

"We both said cruel things to each other, let's just leave it at that. It's all water under the bridge now son." Patrick informed the other man.

John bowed his head as he pursed his lips together. His father was right, the two of them had said such hateful things, in the face of trauma they had divided and now it was time to honour his mother's memory and end it. She wouldn't want them at each other's throats like they had been over the past few years.

"Dad, there's something I want to ask you." John said with a tinge of anxiousness in his voice as he cast a glance at Cass. "We are having a ceremony next week..."

"I'll be there." Patrick told his son. "You just tell me when and I'll be there."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I have had a much better day today! Feeling a lot better today and I can eat! So yay! I have had a really good day and I am exhausted but I am going to be working on the next few chapters!<strong>_

_**In 'Outcast' we learn that John's father wanted to put aside their differences. I'm kind of running along with that theme. **_

_Monkey: I do feel better and thank you very much for the well wishes! Lol you have to remember things change and maybe there will be a chance for the two of them in the future. I love all the things that you got for your birthday. It sounds like you had an awesome time. Lol I get major angry after a nap, or at least grouchy. Thankies very much for your support with this story, I genuinely appreciate it._

_Shep: lol I am sorry that I made you sad. I think he will make a wonderful Godfather/Uncle to Toren when he comes along. Lol unfortunately he does get the snip and I think that's the right decision for him. I think John needed the time to get better and to focus on something other than Atlantis. In terms of Jules husband, I kept him away because I wanted the storyline to be more about Jules/Cass/John. Jules is the most important person in Cass's life. He will be back in time for the wedding! Thankies very much for your review!_

_Alice: lol Jules is a more straightforward version of Cass and that's what I love about her. I was thinking she would want to know more about this secret mission they were on, esp after Cass's issues with Afghanistan. Thankies very much for reviewing!_

_Brn: lol If they ever did run off, it would be to somewhere like Hawaii where the two of them would have their private little beach house and they'd spend all their time on the beach. It will be shortlived I think but the two of them will be happy. LMAO! I like the idea of Pancakes being that kind of food. I love the whole sister relationship between the two. Thankies very much for such a fun review._

_Shippo: Hey, I am getting a lot better now so thankies for asking. The two of them would be amazing parents for some lucky child, but I doubt there will be a child. It's sad but realistic. There would be no one to look after a child if they both perished. Thankies very much for your review!_

_Joey: lol I love the way that you manage to get this story on all the different levels. It's wonderful to remember all the love and sorrow that exists in one room. I have so many memories of our own kitchen and of our family time. Your review made me smile so much because it was on the mark! Thankies very much for such a wonderful review!_


	76. Chapter 76: In Laws

Chapter Seventy Six

_It took me back to the end  
>Of everything<br>I taste it all I taste it all  
>The tears again<em>

_Adam Lambert - Sleepwalker_

The house that John had grown up in, or rather one of the house's was actually a ranch set on acres of wide open land. They had driven past the small stable and the empty fields on the way in and Cass had wondered if John's father had kept horses. Now her answer was standing here right in front of her in the form of a friendly chestnut brown mare.

Cass didn't know she liked horses until she met this one. It had wandered over to her when she had been spending some time in the garden near the fence allowing John and his father to get some personal time together. The mare was a stunning creature, it was strong, athletic and beauteous. It had huffed at the back of Cass's neck while she was leaning against the fence before nudging her ponytail with it's nose.

She understood this to be affectionate and was thankful the mare hadn't taken it upon itself to chew on her hair. Cass reached out slim, delicate fingers and used them to stroke the mare's nose. It shook it's head in dislike before prodding at her pockets for hidden treats.

"I'm sorry." she told it, petting it's neck instead which it seemed to enjoy. "I don't have any treats for you."

The horse snorted as if in disbelief making Cass chuckle out loud. Horses it appeared were much like humans, they were capable of empathy and displaying their emotions. This one appeared to like her even with the lack of treats, it was making low noises and and nuzzling her throat now.

"You are such a friendly horse." Cass clucked to the mare as she smoothed over it's hair with her fingertips. "And very pretty."

"She likes you." Patrick said from behind her.

She turned her head towards John's father as he stepped up beside her, his hands digging into his pockets before he removed a bag of sugar cubes. He took Cass's hand lightly in his older withered one and placed a sugar cube inside it.

"Starbuck here likes sugar cubes." he said patting the horse on the neck as he spoke.

"She has already searched my pockets for treats." Cass informed her father in law as she held out her palm to Starbuck. "I take it someone was a little obsessed with Battlestar Galactica when they decided to name her."

The horse nibbled at the sugar cube, it's lips tickling her skin as it's rough tongue licked the creases of her palm. Cass's nose wrinkled as she tried to suppress the giggle escaping her lips.

"Sharon used to ride her when she took the boys out for treks. She adored this horse as much as she loved those two boys, I couldn't bring myself to get rid of her after Sharon died. She was a huge fan of Battlestar Galactica back in the seventies, she used to watch it with John when he was very young." Patrick revealed, handing her another sugar cube.

"I'm more of a comedy girl as opposed to SciFi but I know John still enjoys it. He's been catching up on the reruns while we've been back on..." Cass stopped herself just in time, she found herself looking away before finishing the sentence. "...back home."

"I've meaning to ask you Cassandra, hows John really doing?" Patrick asked gruffly. "He's a tough kid but I know he puts up a front."

"You have him pegged." Cass told the older man, both hands stroking Starbuck's neck. "I'm not going to lie to you Pat, we almost lost him and the recovery is long and tedious but I would rather go through that with him then feel as helpless as I did when things started to go wrong."

Cass hated remembering that time. It had been dark and dismal, there had been a very thin shred of hope for them both and the outlook had been bleak. It chilled her deep inside to recount how she had almost lost her husband. Even now she would wake up in the dead of night and check that John was still alive and breathing. She understood that this was paranoia at it's best but it set her mind at ease.

"You were there?" Pat said, clearing past the lump in his throat.

"Every inch of the way." Cass assured him. "I couldn't stand the idea of going through that alone and terrified."

"People don't realize how debilitating it is to watch someone you love begin to wither." Pat responded knowingly.

There was silence between the two of them as they watched Starbuck begin to graze nearby. There were so many things that Cass wanted to say but the words just wouldn't come out because she knew that Patrick wouldn't want her sympathy. His concern was for his son now his primary focus and she wanted Patrick to know that he didn't have to worry about John while he was away.

"I want you to know that I would do anything for John. Your son means the world to me." Cass said quietly, laying her cards out on the table.

"When I look at the two of you, I see the way Sharon and me were." Pat told Cass as he shook his head. "I'm glad that he has that but at the same time it frightens me. You don't understand how much it ruins a person to lose someone like that. Sharon's death decimated me, it makes me sick to imagine John in the same position."

"I know how vulnerable it makes us to have what we have but at the same time it makes us stronger. Can you imagine what the world would be like without love? It gives us something to fight for. We have been through so much, we've lost so many people and John makes everything so much easier to endure." Cass found herself explaining her most intimate feelings to her father in law. "In an ideal world the two of us would be living on a beach somewhere but the world is far from perfect and we have to be thankful for what we have."

Cass glanced up, misreading the shocked expression on Patrick's face leading her cheeks to flush with embarrassment as she held up her hands in mock surrender. She hadn't meant to reveal so much about herself. Those were private beliefs, things that she rarely shared but the words had come spilling out of her heart before she'd had time to stop and consider how they may sound to this rational man in front of her.

"I know, I know. I sound like a fortune cookie or a manifestation of the Deli Lama." she said with a shake of her head.

"You sound like you see the bigger picture." Patrick responded, using his hands for empathise.

"Sometimes I do." Cass agreed. "But you can't be human if your completely objective and I am anything but objective when it comes to your son. He's just the most amazing man and he has this ability to make me laugh no matter how dark the day seems."

"Laughter is important in a relationship." Patrick told her earnestly. "And I'm glad John has you in his life to help him through the tough spots."

"It cuts both ways." Cass murmured, her bangs falling across her features as she spoke. "I'm very lucky to have him."

Patrick smiled as he patted the younger woman's hand with his own. This was his daughter in law, a woman he was proud to have integrated into his home.

"Welcome to the family Cassandra. Your going to fit right in here."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! I really loved writing this chapter, it made me beam like crazy to write about the horse! I hope you all enjoy the chapter.<strong>_

_Brn: lol I could see the two of them having this sort of stand off. I imagine he stared down all of John and Dave's girlfriends. I think it was important for there to be a reason for what happened and I could only accept that something that would have cut them all pretty deep would have had such an affect. I wanted to hug teenage John for everything that he went through. Thankies very much for the review!_

_Joey: I thought it was very important that there was a reconciliation between them. I really felt for John in that ep esp when Dave pointed out that even as his own brother he never really knows him. Also the fact his father didn't feel so horrible towards John anymore. They needed to be brought back together me thinks. You have completely hit the nail on the head here with the devotion part of things and I hope that is what this chapter shows. Thankies for such a emotive review._

_Monkey: I am so glad that the two of them managed to reconcile, I enjoyed writing this! Lol I feel like this is a complete miracle for them esp after the way that they parted. I am a lot better thankfully but also very tired because I was working all day today. Lol Not for their own children! Thankies very much for such a wonderful review!_

_Shippo: I love the fact that the two of them made friends and I adore the idea of him being at the wedding. It will be such a wonderful day. Nancy may come into the story at a later date but not right now. Thankies for the review! _


	77. Chapter 77: Trust

Chapter Seventy Seven

_It's a beautiful night,  
>We're looking for something dumb to do.<br>Hey baby,  
>I think I wanna marry you. <em>

_Bruno Mars – Marry You_

The chapel was a small, sacred place that was both beauteous and spiritual. John could feel the pulse of humanity trembling through the planet as he stood at the simple alter in a black fitted suit, his hands clasped in front of him. The champagne rose attached to his lapel matched the crisp shirt he wore underneath the jacket, his top two buttons were undone adding a slightly more casual appearance to style. His dark hair was neater than usual, he had artfully tousled it this morning instead of leaving it in it's usual wayward state.

"Last time I did this on Earth I was still drunk from the night before." John muttered to Ronon who was standing beside him in similar attire.

The taller man was standing with his spine straight and his large hands were tucked behind his back. The baby blue shirt contrasted with the simple red rose attached to his own lapel. There wasn't anyone in the world or rather in the galaxy he would have preferred to be his best man much to Rodney McKays highly vocal disbelief. Ronon had fought for him and with him. The other man had protected and taken care of his wife in her time of need and John knew that Ronon would do it again without the slightest hesitation. This marriage was a contract that would bind all of them for life.

Their friends from Atlantis had arrived in New York the night before from Colorado. Elizabeth had allowed them leave Atlantis to attend the wedding on the grounds that they were to return first thing tomorrow morning. Already Rodney had been complaining about their lack of relief time upon Earth, Carson had patted his friend on the back good-naturedly while Teyla had simply rose her eyes to the heavens as if praying for patience.

John couldn't have imaged what it must have been like for the group being cooped up on a plane with McKay. He was surprised they'd all made it off in one piece considering the expression of thunder on Ronon's features when John had picked them up from the airport.

His father was sitting behind John with his brother Dave, the older man had managed to conjure his brother from the depths of the corporate world and summon him to this chapel. To John's surprise Dave had greeted him with a handshake and a smile that showed genuine mirth at the situation. They hadn't spoke face to face in four years, more due to John's inability to return his brother's messages. His old man had already been introducing himself to Michael and Jules, thanking them for helping to put this shindig together.

Within moments they were all chatting like they'd known each other for years and laughing raucously as they swapped stories about the bride and groom much to John's chagrin. His father had even made friends with Jules's children, taking the time to crouch down in front of them and introduce himself before peppering them with questions about their favourite toys. Seeing his father like this reminded John of his childhood and once again he saw the man that had once been his true hero.

"You nervous?" Ronon asked clearing his throat as he cast a glance at his friend.

John tilted his head from side to side as he judged his own answer. There was a mild anxiety lingering in the restless pit of his stomach. He was unnerved a little, frightened that Cass would change her mind after everything that had happened. Being on Earth made things different, it was an easier life and what if she had decided this wasn't what she wanted?

"A little." John admitted reluctantly.

"Huh." Ronon responded gruffly. "I thought you never got nervous."

"This marriage is a big deal to me." John said rolling his shoulders. "I wouldn't blame her if she didn't show up."

"But you don't believe that." Ronon stated bluntly.

John shook his head, his lips twitching into a small smile as he turned his head to meet Ronon's gaze with sincerity.

"The heart always outweighs the head when it comes to Cassie. I don't believe she'll walk away." John told Ronon with brutal honesty.

Ronon was looking at something over the top of his head John twisted his head to see his wife standing in the doorway. She was a vision in white. The dress was strapless and made of silk, it clung to her sensual form making her look like some of sort of angel sent from heaven to save him. Her dark hair was wavy, there was a blue orchid in it that matched her stunning sapphire eyes. Carson was by her side beaming like a proud father as he escorted her down the aisle just behind Annabel who made just the cutest flower girl John had ever seen.

Just having that thought made John realize how much he had changed since meeting Cass. He had never thought that he would get married again and now here he was surrounded by people who loved both him and his wife to be.

"Your a lucky guy." Ronon said clapping his back so hard that John almost toppled over.

Cass gave him a bright smile as she held her head up high. The expression of bliss upon her pretty features made his heart thud even harder in his chest as the calm descended upon him, just the way it always did.

"Yes I am."

* * *

><p>John trailed his fingertip down along the smooth soft silky skin of his wife's navel as he lay beside her on the plush king-size bed. The dress was long gone, John had unzipped it from his wife's lithe body and pushed the material away from her ivory skin hours before. It had dropped into the floor in a ceremonious heap until Cass had stepped out of it, still clad in silver stiletto heels. The white bra she was wearing was strapless and made of French lace, it hugged and lifted her breasts extenuating her figure as she lay before him in that tiny filmy g-string.<p>

Her hands were stretched up above her head, bound to the wrought iron headboard in their hotel room with a tie he had packed just for the occasion. There as a blind fold over her eyes as his fiery hot finger traced along the line of that delicate underwear chasing down over her naked mound under the material before he teased over her slick moist core causing Cass to whimper in anticipation.

John had wanted her like this for so long but he had never wanted to test their trust especially since he was aware of her history. He would never want to make her uncomfortable but Cass had asked about his fantasies and told him how she wanted to make one of them come true. As it turns out she quite enjoyed the idea of having him take a little more control in the bedroom.

The idea of being at John's mercy filled her with a sensational thrill, he had awakened her sexually over their time together. She had never known the act of making love could be so pleasurable and exquisite. He gave her more excitement than she could ever ask for, he was dynamic and wondrous underneath the sheets. His inventiveness knew no bounds and it appeared that they were crossing a newer, fun set of ideals.

"I like having you like this, teasing you with my mouth and fingers. Keeping you at my mercy." John whispered in her ear as his fingertips grasped a chilled strawberry.

He used the small piece of fruit to trace a line down along his wife's pale throat. John's molten hot tongue followed the pattern left by the cold fruit before he guided it between her modest breasts. He kissed that delicious spot, his thumbs teasing her nipples through the confines of that lace bra as she writhed and gasped in response to his sensual touch. He was so good at manipulating her body, it responded to him like his own personal instrument.

John used the strawberry to trace the outline of her mouth, Cass's breathing hitched at the caress upon her succulent lips. John popped the strawberry into her mouth, kissing away the juices from the corner of her pert pink lips.

His own lips enclosed over hers, his tongue dipping into her mouth and tasting that sweet taste of honey that came with Cassandra. Her desire was more than evident, he had used his fingers and tongue to lead her to climax twice over the past few hours and each orgasm had been more powerful than the next. He knew what she really wanted, what his wife was craving right now and John was finally ready to consummate their marriage. He longed for the fulfilment that came with making love to Cass, there was a sense of urgency to his ministrations. The mild bondage was his own chance to worship his wife, to show her how devoted he was to her pleasure.

"I want to see those beautiful blue eyes." John murmured as he lifted the blindfold and removed it from her.

Her porcelain skin was flushed rosy pink from their foreplay, her sapphire gaze was bright and dazzling as she stared at him with arousal and supreme want. God, her husband had worked her up into such a fine, deliberate frenzy. She was aching for him in every sense of the word.

"Have you finished playing with me Colonel?" she asked him in a breathless voice as she arched an eyebrow.

John was already stripping the restraints from his wife's slender wrists. His fingers were nimble and gentle, searching for bruises and thankfully finding none. Cass's hands were already entwining in his tousled hair, guiding him even closer so she could kiss his finely sculptured lips and taste the salt on his skin. John's fingers caught on the thin straps of the g-string before he tore it from her lithe frame.

"Make love to me." Cass whispered against John's clean shaven jaw. "I want every fibre of my being to belong to you."

"You already belong to me." John rasped in a husky voice, his hand was already guiding his cock to his wife's slick folds. "Just like I have always belonged to you."

The moment John sank inside the confines of his wife's amazing body the two of them were lost to anyone but each other. Cass's hands roved up John's muscular back, her fingertips brushing over his scars as she arched her hips towards his until her husband was buried inside her to the hilt. Her head tipped back into the pillow exposing her throat to John's adoring lips as he thrust inside her with long intense movements. His fingers interlaced with hers pressing her hand into the mattress as she chanted his name like a mantra. John was hitting just the right spot, Cass's body was stretching taunt underneath him, her whimpers getting louder and louder as her fingers dug into his firm body.

Jesus, she was on the edge, she was tightening all around him, her sapphire eyes were starring into his own hazel ones as the connection between them suddenly snapped open and their souls merged in the most intimate of ways.

It was like hurtling up to the highest peaks of heaven, the ecstasy was incomparable. Nothing could ever take away this feeling of joy that erupted through the both of them. Their love was washing over them like waves in a serene sea. It was tender and powerful, gripping the two of them and uniting them as one.

Fireworks were exploding like thunder rumbling through every single one of Cass's synapses as the euphoria stole away her breath. They loved each other more than anything else in the world and it radiated through Cass like a burning star.

"My wife." John whispered as the two of them stared into each other's eyes. "My wife Cassandra Sheppard."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, it has been a truly horrendous day, I got out the shower and found my ceiling literally raining onto my bed. Obviously I was late to work and madness ensued as only it can on a Monday. All is good now though, managed to get it fixed and put my room back together and now I am in my jammies!<strong>_

_Shippo: lol now that Patrick is involved it kinda sweetens the Earth deal. I thought they needed a moment to make friends with each other, Patrick needed to understand who Cass and the role she'll be taking in his life too. Thankies for the review._

_Joey: lol I have been watching Battlestar Galactica. Lmao! I know what you mean about lone wolf type of men, there's something about them that draws you to them. I think Patrick had to gauge his own reaction to the new person in John's life. I think he recognizes their love for one another and that's what I love about that chapter. Thankies very much for such a wonderful review. _

_Monkey: I think Patrick needed to judge Cass in order to get a grasp of the woman that his son is marrying for real on Earth. I think in a way Patrick is frightened of John going through the same kind of grief that he did when his wife died! I do feel a lot better now! Thankies for such an awesome review!_

_Brn: I love the idea of them just kicking back and spending time together. It's like the honeymoon they never had or a vacation. I wanted to see how the two of them functioned back on Earth without the stressors of Atlantis and I am glad the two of them have managed to maintain relationship. I loved the horse too, it came out of nowhere. Maybe one day they will settle down back on Earth. Thankies very much for such a brilliant review._


	78. Chapter 78: Cherry

Chapter Seventy Eight

_Well she ain't no Cinderella  
>When she's getting undressed<br>'Cause she rocks it like the naughty wicked witch of the west_

_Nickleback – Shaking Hands_

They were back home in Atlantis and Cass wasn't surprised to see that it hadn't changed much at all since the two of them had left over three months ago. After three weeks cooped up on the Daedalus she had begun to get a little stir crazy and being back on firm ground and in the fresh air was a refreshing relief. Admittedly the journey had been a long pleasurable experience, John and herself had barely left their room unless it was to eat or exercise athletically. They had taken the title of newly weds entirely to heart and Caldwell had commented upon it during one of their informal meetings when he was relaying messages from either Atlantis or Earth.

Their apartment was exactly the same as they had left it. Obviously Elizabeth had been sending someone into clean it every once in a while because the place was gleaming. She had told them that it was their own space and even when they were away it was unfair to have anyone else infringe on their home. Cass was grateful for such a notion despite the fact it had been her idea to 'give away' the apartment. The idea of other people sleeping in their bed, or watching their TV did give her the creeps.

John was grinning when they stepped inside their home. His bags were instantly dropped by the door before he strode towards their bed and flopped down upon it, hands behind his head as he starred up at the ceiling. Cass found her pert lips curving into wide smile at the sight of her husband's boyish nature returning to him. She had missed this about him, his ability to be effortlessly fun. His confidence was restored after the retrovirus and Cass was seeing the old John Sheppard coming out to play again.

It filled her with a sense of contentment as she watched him prop himself up on his elbows, a mischievous grin spreading across his handsome features as those dynamic hazel eyes fixated on her. He patted the cream coloured bed sheets beside raising his eyebrows in that naughty manner that showed every one of his intentions.

"So we're having one of those moments are we?" Cass asked as she slinked up towards her husband with slow purposeful movements.

Her dexterous fingers were already undoing the buttons of the black combat blouse she was wearing until it hung open revealing a lacy scarlet red bra that extenuated every single one of her assets. It made her skin glow in the fading light from the orange sunset as his wife stripped the material from her slender shoulders letting it flutter to the floor.

"I haven't seen that before." John commented, shifting on the bed as his erection sprung to life within the confines of his jeans.

Cass placed her delicate hands on his knees as she leaned in close enough to kiss his finely sculptured lips. The air was rife with anticipation as she stared into her husband's intense hazel eyes, her hand cupped his arousal through his jeans and began to stroke his stiffening cock through the denim. John arched into her touch as she watched his facial expressions closely, judging how every single ministration affected him.

"There's a lot of new things you haven't seen." Cass whispered, her lips brushing his with the briefest of touches as she spoke. "I went lingerie shopping and bought all sorts of new and interesting things."

"I would like to see them." John told her hissing in relief as she unzipped his fly, releasing his throbbing dick.

"Your the only man who'll ever get to see them." Cass promised, the light tickle of her breath in his ear causing a long hot thrill to chase across his needy flesh.

Her slim fingers curled around demanding cock, creating a tight ring around the base. John let out a low groan of approval as her hot little hand began to move up and down his leaking cock.

"It turns me on seeing you like this, knowing how much you want me." Cass murmured as her teeth grazed his earlobe, sending his blistering flesh into a delicious frenzy.

"I haven't even seen the panties yet." he breathed as Cass nuzzled the curve of his throat with her teeth and tongue.

He whined as Cass withdrew from his rigorous body with an antagonising slowness. Her fingers grasped his wrist leading his large hand down his lower body before she wrapped his own fingers around his demanding erection.

"I want you to show me how much you like what you see." Cass told him as she straightened up.

Her eyes were bright with excitement as she watched her husband's lips quirk into that knowing, sexy smile. He made her feel so confident and erotic when he looked at her like that. She was a goddess in his eyes and watching him stroke himself while he viewed her like a voyeur was titillating. Cass had never been an exhibitionist before but John made her feel beautiful and empowered in ways she had never considered possible.

John had never seen something so tantalising as he watched his wife undo the button and zipper before gently shimmy out of those clinging black jeans. The matching scarlet thong barely covered anything, leaving his imagination rampant at all the possibilities ahead of them. He was jerking his cock even faster now, his body was flushing with heat as he arched into his own rough hand.

Cass turned her back upon him, casting a sultry glance over her shoulder. Her smouldering gaze was enough to make him want to reach out and touch her exquisite slim body but he didn't allow himself the notion. This was her game, her steamy little strip show and he would allow her to keep the upper hand for now.

Her heart shaped ass was on display, another one of his favourite assets. The thong made it look even more enticing and John bit down on his lower lip to stifle the moan that escaped his throat as he imagined running his hands over that firm, smooth flesh. Her fingers curved around the tiny waistband before she removed the panties in the risqué manner he had ever seen.

His breathing was hitching and it was music to Cass's ears as she stepped out of the thong and took deliberate, diminishing steps towards her stringent husband. She removed the bra, tossing it to the floor with the rest of her clothing before she looked down at John, her sapphire blue eyes dominating as she spoke.

"Get undressed."

It was a simple command, one that John obeyed as quickly as he could. His shirt was barely off his shoulders before she was pushing him onto his back in an aggressive show of affection before she straddled his waist.

Jesus, this was his first encounter with this stripper-like version of his wife and he was adoring every second as the scenario continued. This was Cass at her finest, inventive, dynamic and above all self-assured. She was opening John up to a whole new world of possibilities and exploring each and everyone of them with her was his new favourite hobby.

John let out a loud hoarse cry, his head tipping back into the sheets in rapture as Cass sunk down on his aching cock in one fluid motion. His hands enclosed on her hips as she began to rotate her hips keeping him taunt deep inside her. The sensation was the most pleasurable he had ever experienced. His handsome features contorted in ecstasy as her hands swept all over his firm chest, nails raking across his skin at her own earthshaking exclamations. She was riding him even harder, driving his throbbing cock into her tightening wetness with short, rapid thrusts. His fingertips were gripping her hips as he ground his teeth together struggling to fight off the overwhelming tingling in his lower back as it threatened to consume him. He was so god damn close it was killing him.

Cass exploded like a star, blossoming before his eyes. Her head tilted back, her dark hair tumbling down her naked back as she called out his name in a haze of sheer euphoria. Her skin was glowing from their activities and just the sight of her at the height of orgasm tipped him straight over the edge and into oblivion. His whole entire body was jerking from the force of the release as it tore through him like a rogue firework popping and sizzling over every single one of his synapses. He was roaring Cass's name like a prayer before she swooped down to his level and stifled his wanton noises by kissing his delectable mouth.

His hands were on her luxurious skin, caressing down the length of her spine and roving her body as her tongue dipped into the fiery hot cavern of his mouth. He could feel his heart beating against hers as she stretched out along his athletic frame. John was still panting in exhilaration when she broke away from his mouth, her head coming to rest on the muscular curve of his shoulder as he gathered her up in his strong arms. They're bare legs entwined, Cass's small feet rubbing against John's in that familiar reassuring gesture.

"You've been holding out on me." he breathed against her hairline as he nuzzled the top of her head.

Her laugh vibrated against his chest causing him to smile in mirth at the symphony in his ears. She had no idea what it meant to him to hear her giggle like that. Cass propped herself up until she was staring into her husband's loving hazel eyes.

"You have worked some serious magic on me John Sheppard." she told him, shivering in delight as his fingertips began to trail in circles across the small of her back. "I would never have entertained the idea of doing anything like that before you."

"I like the idea of being the one to pop your cherry." he teased with an arch of his eyebrows.

"Your a bad boy." Cass stated, before snuggling back down into the sanctuary of her husband's arms.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, just throwing up a quick chapter before work since I have to stay late tonight!<strong>_

_Shippo: lol the wedding was fun to write and of course, the wedding night was even better! ;)_

_Joey: I thought that Patrick would be making a special effort for his youngest son. I am thinking Jules and Patrick probably interact a lot whilst on Earth while the other two are away. Lol I think John and Ronon are practically bros too, it made sense for Ronon to be his best man since McKay has Carson. Lol I though that the two of them would get a bit more exciting in terms of their sex lives now. Thankies for a wonderful review!_

_Brn: lol Have you heard Train's 'Marry Me?' I love it even more than the Bruno Mars song. Lol John was always a keeper and I imagine him to be a little inventive! Thankies for a review that made me laugh!_


	79. Chapter 79: Contagion

Chapter Seventy Nine

_I walk a lonely road  
>The only one that I have ever known<br>Don't know where it goes  
>But It's home to me and I walk alone<em>

_Greenday – Boulevard of Broken Dreams_

Cass wasn't talking. She was simply sitting there on her wheelie chair staring at Carson Beckett as he cleared his throat anxiously awaiting some form of response to the news he had just given her. Her sapphire blue eyes were wide and apprehensive, her thin eyebrows curved into frown as she took in the information trying to slot the pieces together. Her pink lips were set in a grim line as she laid her palms flat upon her desk, a sign that she was attempting to gather her thoughts. Her expression was unreadable. Carson couldn't tell what she was thinking and he had no idea of what the right words were to say to his colleague.

"Your sure?" Cass asked him in a voice completely devoid of emotion.

Carson crossed his arms over his stocky chest as he regarded her sympathetically. He despised being the bearer of bad news, especially when it came to Cass. Her and the Colonel had been through enough as it was without the retrovirus coming back to haunt the two of them.

That familiar surge of guilt was wrestling inside him, it scared him how normal it was becoming to bear this burden of responsibility. The retrovirus was the bane of his life, the same way the Hoffian drug had come to be. He had come to live with horrors that had occurred because of his work but this was cutting far too close to home.

"I did the blood work myself." Carson confirmed in a stoic voice.

Cass's hands raked through her loose dark hair, gripping it to ease the trembling that was jutting through her nerve endings. She slammed her mental walls down on her connection to John shielding herself away from his inquiring mind. She couldn't deal with him right now, she couldn't feel, couldn't think.

"What's going to happen to me?" Cass asked Carson as she mimicked his stance by folding her arms over her chest. "Should I be preparing myself for..."

She couldn't bring herself to say the words because the images were rife in her mind already. She remembered what John was like during his time where the retrovirus was wrecking havoc on his system, she had a lesser strain but there was bound to be some residual effect from that. She had so many questions but her mind was racing, she couldn't pick just one out of the air the way she wanted to.

Carson sank down into his own roller chair before scooting over towards his friend as she put her head in her hands. It was like a hole was opening up in the ground below her and she was falling so fast and hard she had no idea which way was up.

_This was not happening_, Cass told herself. _This can not be happening._

"I have no idea." Carson said gently as he carefully praised her fingers away from her face. "It's a different strain to what we saw in the Colonel. It tricked it's way through your immune system pretending to be one of your cells which is why we hadn't detected it sooner. Over the past months it's become part of your cellular structure."

Carson held her delicate hands in his own as he met her harrowing gaze. There was so much despair in her features, her future was up in the air once more and he was determined to do everything he could to take care of Cass. The retrovirus had had three months to incubate with in her body and he had no idea of the damage it could have done to her.

In the Colonel's circumstance it had invaded every single part of his body causing him to devolve into some sort of basic creature that they suspected had existed before the Wraith. From what he could see of Cass it appeared to be doing nothing but he wouldn't be able to tell until he got her under one of the diagnostic scanners.

"We can't tell John about this." Cass murmured, shaking her head sullenly. "Not until we know for sure what's going on. He doesn't need anything else to feel guilty about at the minute."

"Aye lass." Carson agreed as Cass exhaled deeply.

She was scared, he could see it in her eyes as she withdrew from him and wrapped her arms around her torso. Carson had never seen her look like this before, every ounce of colour had drained from her pale features and she looked positively terrified.

If Carson was honest he thought he would be a basket case in her situation. They were doctors, fear of the unknown wasn't something they usually dealt with and Cass was one of those people who needed to know what they were fighting in order to utilise her tools in preparation. Carson clasped Cass's hand kindly, squeezing it once before guiding his friend to her feet.

"I won't let you go through this alone." Carson promised her. "We'll just take a quick look, see what's going on in there and discuss a treatment plan."

That was hopeful at best. Cass could see that Carson was trying his best to be positive but no matter what he said she knew the outlook was far from good. John's DNA was pockmarked with the remains of his own encounter with the retrovirus, she may have gotten a smaller dose because it was depleted by his human aspects and she supposed that was a good thing when she thought about it. Carson had said it had manifested in a different way compared to John's. He'd had direct contact with the source, a larger surface area had been contaminated.

Cass had gotten hers through something stupid like a scratch. Maybe there was some hope after all. She pulled herself together as she rose to her feet feeling heavy and dull. She was searching through her mind through the past few months wondering if there was a possibility she could have contaminated anybody else . If she had given this to someone else it would have huge consequences for the SGC. She hadn't made love with anyone but John, she always double gloved in the E.R she had been working in...

She thought about the kisses she had given her niece and nephew as they had left and pushed the thought away almost violently. The retrovirus wasn't spread through skin to skin contact so they were safe at least.

"I guess we should get this over and done with." Cass said with resolution before she climbed up onto the scanner table and lay down flat upon it.

Silently she prayed that Carson had made some terrible mistake.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! All I can say is things never go the way people plan.<strong>_

_Brn: I adore Train, the whole album is amazing. Lol I was sending it through at 6 am before work so it didn't slip by you at all! I thought they needed a little break time before the storm, because you know there is a storm coming. Lol I couldn't stop that little moment even if I wanted to. Their still in the honey moon period. It's Wraith time ROAR!_

_Joey: Sheppard knows best ;) lol I always imagine him being inventive and bringing out that trait in others. Thankies for the review!_

_Shippo: I always think that John would be a little bit naughty and he brings that out in Cassandra! I am glad you enjoye__d this chapter!_


	80. Chapter 80: Moral Code

Chapter Eighty

_This time I'm mistaken  
>For handing you a heart worth breakin'<br>And I've been wrong, I've been down  
>Been to the bottom of every bottle<br>These five words in my head scream  
>Are we having fun yet?<em>

_Nickleback – How You Remind Me?_

It was late and Carson Beckett was drinking. It was unusual to see the dark haired doctor engaging in anything more than a thimble of scotch whenever there was a special occasion but over the past few minutes Elizabeth had stood in the doorway and watched the doctor knock back more than his usual amount of the amber substance. There was something weighing on his conscience, she could tell from the distant stare in his eyes as he sagged in his chair behind his desk.

His shift has finished hours ago and here he was in his own private office trying to chase his demons down with alcohol. Normally he would stay and keep an eye on some of his more serious patients but he didn't have them for them tonight, he only had time for his own woes and worries. His life or at least part of it was spiralling out of control he thought.

He was still an excellent doctor, he tried to be a good friend and a fair boss but the aspect of him that dabbled with Genetics had become wayward and surly. He had never been hit this badly by anything he had worked on before. He had sat through trials, watched patients live and die because he was giving them another shot at life with his research but he had never effected someone close to him.

Seeing Cass in dire straits over the retrovirus that was bubbling away inside her was like watching some painfully slow movie unfolding before his eyes. The scan had shown that the retrovirus had taken over her immune system completely, it was embodied in each and everyone of her cells. It was worse than what had happened to the Colonel, where as they were able to stop the retrovirus progressing with him, it had already run it's course with Cass. He was ashamed to say there was no cure and that the damage was irreparable.

The only good news that had come out of this was the fact that the cells were seemingly dormant. They simply floated around her body quite happily instead of trying to harm her in the same way as John's had. He had told Cass that that was something to be thankful for.

_Thankful..._

The word had rolled off his tongue sourly as his hand grasped the tumbler even tighter. He shouldn't have tried to tinker with the Wraith DNA, he should have left it well alone, if he had maybe his friends would be intact instead of trying to figure out a way to live with their afflictions. Even though he had believed that sometimes the means satisfied the end, he wasn't sure if he could live with any more consequences stemming from this mess. Too many people had gotten hurt already, people that he cared about.

There was a light rapping on his open door and Carson found himself raising his head and staring into the most intense set of jade coloured eyes he had ever seen.

"Is this seat taken?" Elizabeth asked as she pointed at the patient seat directly across from his desk.

Carson gestured to the chair, tipping his glass towards it as an indication that she should sit down if she wanted. Elizabeth took up the invitation, placing her hands on her lap as she regarded him clearly concerned at the tumbler clasped in his hand.

"You appear to be taking the news harder that Cass is." Elizabeth stated as she settled back in her chair.

"Aye, because it's my bloody fault." Carson said as he sipped the neat whiskey in his glass.

His Scottish accent was more pronounced when he had been drinking Elizabeth noticed, the dialect becoming easier to pick up. She thought he intentionally toned it down around the people of Atlantis so they would understand him more when he spoke. She liked the way the lilt of his accent sounded as he talked, she was used to his calming overtones but she viewed them as somewhat clinical. Carson Beckett was a kind man but he was always taking an emotional step back away to shielded himself from what was happening.

It was a logical step, he was more rational when he was objective and she was the one person who could definitely understand that. Right now thought she was seeing a different side to him, she was seeing the man as opposed to the doctor and she found it new and somewhat frightening in a way. She was someone who always kept her guard up, her personal moments were had in private away from prying eyes where there would be judgements cast upon her character. She couldn't afford to show her true self to anybody for fear of being viewed as weak and the leader of this expedition should be anything but that.

"No Carson, it's my fault for ordering you to do it." Elizabeth reminded him as his cornflower blue eyes lowered to the contents of his glass. "You said there may be a possibility of creating an retrovirus and I wanted you to test it upon a living Wraith specimen. It was just misfortune that Ellia got her hands on it before we had a chance to perfect it."

"Well it's a fine mess I've managed to cause since I've got here. I contributed to the extinction of half of a planet's population, killed an innocent wee Wraith girl and ruined the lives of two of my friends, clearly I am doing a fine job." he muttered before draining his glass dry and slamming it down on the table.

"You have also saved hundreds of lives whilst you've been here in the Pegasus Galaxy." Elizabeth argued, using her fingers to reel off the list. "Not just on our expedition but on other planets too. You diagnosed Scarlet Fever and managed to save a whole village of people, you've helped the Athosians and very other allies upgrade their health care and provided help to people who are in dire need of medical assistance at the risk of your own life. You've given people hope against things that have plagued their settlements for hundreds of years and that is no mean feat Carson."

The room was swimming a little as Elizabeth's words penetrated through to his brain. He had done those things, they were part of his job and he hadn't been alone in dishing out medical help to people who needed it. The truth was he wasn't sure if all those good things outweighed the bad, he was still paying penance for everything that had occurred back on Hoff. He still dreamed of Perna laying in that hospital bed and croaking her final breaths through parted cracked lips. Her voice was still a rasp, just like it had been in reality.

"I think you need a new Chief." Carson told her as he rose to his feet, swaying a little under the influence of the alcohol. "I want you to take this as my verbal resignation. There is a Doctor Jennifer Keller back on Earth who would be marvellous in this position."

Elizabeth rose to her feet, her eyebrows creasing into a curt frown as she placed one hand on his broad chest to prevent him from walking out of the room as he intended.

"We'll talk about this when your sober." she told him, her voice dropping an octave as she felt his warm beating heart thudding against her palm.

It had been a long time since Elizabeth had touched a man. She had no idea how much she missed it until Carson covered her hand with his holding it in place. She tilted her head up to say something but the words died in her throat when she met his tempestuous blue eyes. There was nothing she could say to take away the burden of responsibility in those eyes. She felt like she was looking at a kindred spirit and not for the first time there was a powerful stirring deep within her when she looked at this man.

Carson's gaze lowered to the shape of her lips. Elizabeth was an attractive woman, he had always thought that, but only recently had he been entertaining the idea of her in a more personal role in his life.

They were both in positions of power and they had talked about their responsibilities over dinner in the Mess Hall plenty of times. He had confided his crisis of faith regarding the Hoff experiment and she had murmured a few words about the loss of her long term partner because of the expedition. Elizabeth loved Atlantis and her research into the Ancients more than anybody on this base and he had stumbled upon her many a night in her office reading up on the texts they had decrypted from the data base.

During their conversations, he had discovered he liked listening to her talk, it was rare to see her excited about something. History intrigued her and her lucid tones illuminated with pleasure when she talked about the spirituality associated with Ascended.

"Elizabeth..."

The way he said her name was like something exotic. Perhaps it was the alcohol that was making him fearless but Carson was finding the temptation to kiss the dark haired woman before him impossible to resist.

He leaned in, his lips brushing over hers in the most tenderest of kisses. It felt better than he could have ever imagined, the soft press of her mouth against his left him yearning for more. She withdrew suddenly, her fingertips pressing to her lips as she stared at him speechless with startled eyes.

"I have wanted to do what for a while now Elizabeth." he found himself saying by way of explanation.

"Carson..." She whispered with a shake of the head. "We can't..."

It was another blow, another kick whilst he was down and beaten. There was nothing fathomable about her words, he didn't think he could say anything to change her mind so instead Carson Beckett simply left Elizabeth Weir alone with her thoughts.

* * *

><p><em><strong>In all honesty I think every person is allowed one moment of madness and Carson has just had his. <strong>_

_**Thankies to every body who has read and reviewed and added this story. The chars wouldn't have a home if it wasn't for you guys.**_

_Brn: lol I am a writing assassin! I would have been a mess too if I was in Cass's position, how bad did I feel for the poor woman? Lol the honeymoon is way over and the kid gloves have come off! Thankies for such a funny review._

_Shep: Thankies very much for reading and reviewing the past few chapters it's really made me grin and I sincerely appreciate it! They had a very hot encounter and I wish the two of them could have some more. I feel for Cass and John, it's like they never get a reward for their tough times. Lol Try chapter 112 so far!_

_Shippo: I don't either but you never know the havoc it could cause! Thankies for the review!_

_Joey: I don;t think she could hide it for too long, John would way track her down if she was being evasive. I couldn't let them be happy for that long! Thankies for a wonderful review!_


	81. Chapter 81: Through The Looking Glass

Chapter Eighty One

_I'm falling even more in love with you  
>Letting go of all I've held onto<br>I'm standing here until you make me move  
>I'm hanging by a moment here with you<em>

_Life House – Hanging On A Moment_

Quarantine sucked. Being confined to the isolation room and the en suite bathroom was becoming a truly infuriating experience. Despite the fact the genes were apparently dormant, there was still some concern to whether or not Cass was actually infectious to other people. She had received this strain of the retrovirus when the infected version of her husband had lunged at her and scratched her throat.

Three months had apparently been a sufficient enough period for it to make a comfortable nest inside of her body. She had spent the past few hours going over the past twelve weeks searching for abnormalities in her own behaviour and finding none. She had been happy back on Earth, there had been no abundance of strength or vigour, she had suffered briefly with a cold that had been doing the rounds but that was all in terms of illness.

"You look bored." John stated from his position in the bay overlooking the isolation chamber.

His husky voice was a little tinny from the speakers it vibrated through and Cass found herself tilting her head up towards her husband, pulling a face as she set down her book on her lap. John gave her a finger wave before grabbing hold of a wheelie chair and guiding it towards the huge open plan window so he could look down at his wife curled up in the comfy chair beside the standard issue bed.

John had barely stepped back through the Stargate when Carson had pulled him aside to relay the news to him of Cass's affliction. The apprehension had been tight in his chest as he had followed the other man through the maze of corridors with a million thoughts rampaging through his mind. Carson had been explaining everything to him but he was barely stumbling over the words in his head as he tried to formate them into something that made sense.

"It's different from when your in your own apartment doing these things." she told him gesturing at her laptop and book. "I know it's for the greater good but I don't think anybody likes being told they can't leave somewhere and I guess I'm skipping dinner with you tonight."

Her tone was apologetic, he knew she was disappointed to have missed their date but obviously that could not be helped in the current circumstance.

John thought he was the one that should be apologising for getting her into this mess in the first place. He hadn't been in control of himself at the time but the retrovirus had known exactly what it was doing when it had taken that swipe at her. It had been aiming to rip her throat out but having a mate to procreate with was second best.

When Carson had declared her clear of all virus's the first time around John had been jumping for joy. The retrovirus's back up plan had been unsuccessful and for that he was thankful. As it turned out the retrovirus was a hell of a lot sneakier than any of them had given it credit for. It had contaminated his DNA so that if John did procreate, his children would also have similar genes maybe an even stronger version because it would develop at the same rate as the foetus.

With that in mind both Cass and him had agreed that a vasectomy was in order to prevent any 'accidents' from occurring. That week of recovering from the procedure had been well worth the piece of mind. Now to discover that she too had been infected made him even more glad that he had gotten that aspect of their lives sorted. If she got pregnant now, there was no possibility that their child would come out 'normal'.

"Dinner can wait." John said, waving his hand dismissively. "The real question is how are you holding up?"

Cass shrugged simply.

"I still feel the same." she said finally. "It seems dumb to say I never expected it but after the first set of testing, I thought I was in the clear."

"Yea." John responded sadly. "Me too."

"It doesn't change anything." Cass told him, trying to lighten the mood. "The cells are dormant, I'm still the same as I was before we knew."

"We're the same now." John said gesturing between the two of them. "That's what it wanted if it couldn't kill you."

"I guess that just makes the two of us special then." Cass said arching her eyebrows in mirth.

She was still trying to make light of the situation despite how scared she must be feeling and John treasured that. He placed his chin on his hand as he studied her down there all alone. Their eyes met and he let his soul reach out and nudge hers in that familiar playful manner. Cass's lips twitched at the feeling of unity flushing through her system at the gesture.

"You got your little travel chess board on you?" John asked his wife before he reached into the pocket of his flak jacket and pulled out his own.

Cass reached down into the bag she had asked Carson to retrieve for her before they had decided that she should go into quarantine. She pulled out the little wooden rectangle that paired with John's before opening it and placing it flat upon the table. Zelinka had given each of them a small wooden chess set as a wedding gift as something to do in their downtime whilst off world.

"I have this and battleships." Cass revealed as she set up both sides of the board as if John was sitting across from her as John did the same.

"Let's see if you've gotten any better at chess since we last played." John told her with a knowing smile before the game commenced.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I have had a truly hideous day that included cheesecake erupting all over my bag and personal belongings. It has just been that kinda day but it's over now and I am watching Spooks!<strong>_

_Joey: I wanted to smack Elizabeth and all of her sensibilities silly. I swear she needs a talking to or a smack. I liked the idea that there was someone that each of them could share the burden of responsibility with. Carson deserves to be happy and fingers crossed at some point he will be. Thankies for such an astounding review!_

_Brn: Lmao I have my Rock right here for you to fall for! Mwhahaahahhaah lol who knows what mischief crazy drunk Carson would cause if let loose. I dread to think of the consequences! Lmao! I know you have a love/hate relationship with down time. On one side your all for a little romance and on the other you love the action! Well it's time to buckle your seatbelt me thinks. Thankies for such a wonderful review!_

_Alice: I can go with things being insane, sometimes after work I barely get a chance to breath so seriously do not worry about being a constant reviewer. Have a wonderful birthday and thankies very much for the review!_

_Shippo: lol it's unfortunate that Carson doesn't have a lover! He's the one person I thought would deserve to be truly happy! Thankies for the review._


	82. Chapter 82: Health Warning

Chapter Eighty Two

_'Til all my sleeves are stained red  
>From all the truth that I've said<br>Come by it honestly I swear  
>Thought you saw me wink, no<br>I've been on the brink, _

_One Republic - Secrets_

Cassandra was sleeping when Rodney checked in on her. The light in the isolation chamber was off but the night vision on the camera was on showing her restless slumber. The white sheets were twisted around her body, her dark hair was already a bird's nest from the constant tossing and turning he guessed she had been subjecting herself too.

"How long has she been like that?" Rodney asked Teyla as Cass moaned out loud in her sleep.

The sound was weak, like listening to a kitten crying out in the night and Rodney felt he was witnessing something intensely personal. His own nightmares were full of clocks counting down until the minutes until something terrible was going to happen, they were filled with Wraith and the inability to make his fingers work whilst the self destruct alarm donged loudly in his ears.

Sedatives were common practise in his life along with an assortment of tablets for various other ailments he harboured. He had even been taking trips to the resident Psychologist Doctor Heightmeyer in attempt to deal with some of he issues that he was suffering with.

Being off world could have a great effect on your psyche, having lost so many people over the past year and being in such constant life threatening situations wore down your mind in ways you never realized. He had gone on pretending that he was fine for such a long time but sometimes the pressure became too much and he needed to work through that so that he didn't end up letting down his team when they needed him the most.

"She has nightmares sometimes like we all do." Teyla confessed to him passively. "I imagine going to sleep in a strange place is a little disconcerting for her."

The other woman was sitting a long side the darkness of the window, her eyes fixed on the little screens in front of her that revealed the screens of the cameras. Teyla knew a thing or two about being tainted by the Wraith and she also remembered what a truly terrifying experience it was to await news about your own condition. She did not want Cassandra to feel alone the same way in which she had the majority of her life.

The other woman had been kind to her over the time they had spent together and the two of them were very close in terms of their friendship as was Teyla and the Colonel. The Athosian felt like she owed it to the both of them to make sure that Cassandra was as comfortable as possible.

"Well I would find it a little disconcerting myself if I had some alien retrovirus thing making a home inside of me." Rodney submitted, peering into the darkness below through the glass window.

"She is being very brave about this, as is the Colonel." Teyla spoke quietly. "I'm not sure I could so calm about this given the circumstance."

"There's not much more you can do when your in a situation like this." Rodney told her, shaking his head as he folded his arms over his chest, leaning against the surface of the desk. "Sheppard's still in that meeting with Caldwell, Weir and Beckett, I could hear him shouting from the control room."

"I have the feeling that Colonel Caldwell is less than sympathetic in regards to Cassandra's medical care. He views her as unruly." Teyla murmured as she rubbed at the bridge of her nose with her forefinger and thumb.

"What do you think they're saying?" Rodney asked her, shaking his head at the situation.

He had his own thoughts on Caldwell's suggestions and none of it was good. The man thought with a clear and concise military mind, if Cass was a threat to the expedition his response would be to eliminate the problem.

"I'm sure that Colonel Sheppard will tell us about it when he's ready. Meanwhile we should focus our attention on the matter at hand." she said gesturing towards the monitors. "You look exhausted Rodney you should go to bed."

Rodney shook his head before he pulled out the spare roller chair so he could sit along side his fellow team mate as she watched over their friend.

"I'll think I'll stay a while." Rodney said hesitantly before adding. "You know make sure that the equipment doesn't malfunction or something."

Teyla bowed her head, hiding her smile behind her hair before she spoke.

"I'm sure both Doctor Sheppard and the Colonel will appreciate the peace of mind."

The set of double doors behind them opened and both Rodney and Teyla cricked their neck in that direction in time to see Ronon entering the observation chamber. He paused upon seeing them, his vibrant green eyes seeking out the security monitors beyond his two friends as he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Couldn't sleep." Ronon uttered as the doors closed behind him.

Teyla kicked the spare chair towards him with a controlled movement of her foot. Ronon took it before pulling it up close to the window and casting his gaze into the darkness below. He hoped that their presence would give Cass and Sheppard some comfort.

Family looked out for each other, even their strange little family.

* * *

><p>The tension in Elizabeth's office was potentially explosive, the tense atmosphere was a cesspool of threats and violence. The majority of it was coming from John Sheppard as he sat rigid in one of the guest chairs, his knuckles practically turning as he clenched them tightly in his lap. His teeth were were grinding and he was doing his very best to maintain the very thin leash he had on his own temper.<p>

Caldwell was still talking but John could barely hear him over the roaring in his ears. The beast in him was furious and vengeful, it pawed across his mind demanding blood at what the other man was suggesting. His mate was in trouble here and the beast would do everything in it's power to defend her especially when she was suffering and vulnerable.

Just take a deep breath, John told himself. You need to be logical about this.

_The beast griped at the sensible Colonel, snapping it's jaws and baring it's teeth at the military man as he crossed his arms over his chest._

"_Do you really think that this is going to help her?" The Colonel questioned the beast. _

_The beast snorted it's reply before laying flat on it's stomach and placing it's head between it's paws. It was yielding to the Colonel, they had been trying it it's way for God knows how long and they were getting nowhere it was time for one of the more thoughtful aspects of John Sheppard to take control of the situation. _

John could see Caldwell's point of view, the retrovirus had been a danger when he himself had been in the throes of it's grasp. Caldwell himself was no stranger to being under the influence of another being. Last month before their return the other man had been possessed by a Goa'uld who had forced him to almost destroy Atlantis, an act that Caldwell in reality would have died before committing. To him the spread of the retrovirus was something that needed to be stopped before it started and at the cost of one life against the few it was clear to see which direction in which his morale compass was pointing.

"You can not seriously be listening to this." John exclaimed to Elizabeth as he gestured towards her sitting behind her desk. "He's talking about using Cass as a lab rat for the rest of her life if she's found to be infectious. There is a law against experimenting on human beings if I recall."

"It's not like we can let her out of the isolation chamber and she is the perfect candidate to run tests on to see how the retrovirus will effect humans in the long and short term." Caldwell argued laying out the basis for his side of the debate.

Carson stared at the military man clearly appalled at the turn of events. How had this gotten out of hand so quickly? They were talking about a circumstance that they were unsure was going to lead to fruition. As far as they knew Cass may not be able to pass on the retrovirus from blood to blood contact. The Colonel hadn't been reinfected and he had spent a lot of time in Cass's presence intimately and otherwise, maybe the retrovirus infected women differently. The truth was they simply wouldn't know until the test results came in, which Carson hoped was at any given second.

"Cass is a human being, how would you like being locked up, poked and prodded?" Carson shot at Colonel Caldwell, the lilt of his Scottish accent becoming more pronounced with his agitation.

"Who isn't going to be any use to us in the long run if we discover she can infect other people with this illness." Caldwell pointed out from his position in the seat across from Weir. "What happens if the cells suddenly decide to become more active? Then what do we do?"

"Then we treat it like any other long term illness, people can live with HIV for years if it's handled correctly. We'll make sure we deal with this with the same precaution." Carson informed the other man, his hands on his hips, fortifying his stature.

Part of him couldn't believe he had just likened the retrovirus to HIV but he knew it was time to start thinking realistically. The days of feeling sorry for himself were over and people were relying on him all over the galaxy to make this work. If he could figure out how to balance the human compounds more than they may have a fighting chance on taking on the Wraith. Ideally in a way Caldwell was right, Cass was the first human contaminated with the retrovirus who had actually remained herself and humanoid. Caldwell's method was off and Carson refused to have anything to do with forcing Cass to do anything against her will. Living in such confinement wasn't right for any person.

"Well what do you propose we do?" Caldwell questioned each and everyone of them as he jabbed his finger at them. "If it turns out she's infectious and it gets out there won't be a person on this base that will allow themselves to be treated by her. She'll become an outcast and is that really what you want for Doctor Sheppard?"

There it was, an emotional means of entrapment. The consequences of their actions were open in the air between them and not a single person could open their mouth and protest Caldwell's point. Cass would be paying a steep price for something that had not been her fault and that struck home in each person who knew and cared about the other woman. Her career would be in tatters, her reputation soiled. Everything that made up parts of the woman they loved would be wrenched away from her and it was heartbreaking to imagined her stripped down like that.

"The results have just come back." Carson said, after his computer tablet beeped to life.

His dark eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he studied the information in front of him with vigour, double checking the findings. His blue eyes rose to meet John's before he broke into a wide grin as he spoke.

"Congratulations Colonel, your wife is in the clear."

John's face lit up at the news as Carson placed the tablet on Elizabeth's desk and flicked it towards her with his fingers. Caldwell folded his arms over his chest before straightening his spine in a defensive posture. His mouth was set in a grim line as his dark eyes bored into Elizabeth's imploring for her to consider the possibilities.

"What are the chances in Doctor Sheppard becoming infectious?" Elizabeth requested as her eyes puzzled over the information.

Carson shook his head as he leaned over the desk and tapped the screen.

"According to the results Doctor Ague has sent through, the strain of the retrovirus that Cassandra has does not spread from carrier to carrier. Her immune system has made it apart of her in a similar manner as the Colonel's. It appears males seem to spread themselves in an attempt to make as many viable mates as possible in order to procreate. The female side of the retrovirus serves to protect them from diseases and so forth in order for them to cater to their offspring. We believe this is the way the Iratus bug has survived over the years." Carson explained to the group.

"Are you saying that Cass can't get sick?" John queried, his eyebrows arching at the possibly.

"I won't know until I run more tests on her." Carson informed the other man. "It may just give her a higher resistance to illness but I doubt she'll be free from all ailments."

"My suggestion is that we keep her under observation, monitor her and let Doctor Beckett conduct his tests in order to gauge if Doctor Sheppard has something more useful to offer." Caldwell advised.

"With all due respect." John butted in as politely as he could. "I think we should at least give Cass a little time to come to terms with living with having that thing inside her before you start using her as a pincushion. Your not thinking of the psychological ramifications of this."

"I'm sure she'll understand that time is of the essence when it comes to the testing." Carson dismissed John's concerns with a wave of his hand. "It shows that the retrovirus is actually working."

"You want to go ahead and be the one to address that situation then be my guest but trust me Cass isn't gonna like it." John enforced the subject by staring at Carson pointedly.

"So this is settled then." Elizabeth said into the open air between the two men as she rose to her feet. "Doctor Sheppard is to be released from quarantine immediately. If she wants to contribute to the retrovirus testing than she by all means is free to do so, if not then we respect her decision. Agreed?"

Her tone made it perfectly clear that she would not withstand argument from anyone on the subject. At the end of the day Cassandra Sheppard was still a person and her choices should matter.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! Had a wonderful day of catching up on chores and on all the little bits I needed to get done. <strong>_

_Brn: lol it wasn't a sexy game of chess but it was a fun one. I wanted to show their little private moments because I firmly believe that's the stuff we miss in the series. I love the fact that their intimate even when they are apart. Thankies for a wonderful review!_

_Shippo: He is so sweet and I love the extra little attention he gives to her. They have a true connection and thats what I adore about these two. Thankies very much for the review._

_Joey: They want to see if she's infectious enough to pass it through her blood if there's a problem. They don't want her to pass it along whilst doctoring. LMAO strip chess would have been awesome! They just wouldn't be able to touch each other. Thankies for such an awesome review._


	83. Chapter 83: Tides of Change

Chapter Eighty Three

_The struggles I'm facing  
>The chances I'm taking<br>Sometimes might knock me down, but  
>No I'm not breaking<br>I may not know it, but  
>These are the moments that<br>I'm gonna remember most_

_Miley Cyrus – The Climb_

Cassandra was livid. John had never seen his wife like this before and it scared him just a little. It was rare that she exhibited a temper and when she did she went off like a bottle of shaken soda. He was currently sitting on the couch trying to watch the 'A Team' while she slammed things around her desk, reorganising things without purpose.

John turned his head towards her, watching her movements with morbid fascination. She was gnawing on her lower lip, her eyes were narrowing and every so often she was making a low growl in her throat while she scrunched up paper and tossed it at the bin.

The anger was coming off her in waves, he could practically feel it in the air around him as she slapped the top drawer of her desk shut and moved onto the next. John had felt this brewing for weeks now, ever since she had been released from quarantine and he wondered what had finally tipped her over the edge.

He hit the pause button on the movie before peering over the couch reproachfully. He was unsure how to approach this, did he just go straight at it or should he be more tactile? His instincts were already coming into play as he rose from the couch, tossing the remote back onto it before striding towards his unsuspecting wife.

Cass was still engaged in a full out war with her second drawer, she didn't even feel his presence slinking towards her until his strong arms wrapped around her slender shoulders, hugging her tightly from behind. He buried his face in the hallow of her throat, his nose trailing up along the curve of her neck until his lips reached her ear.

"Talk to me." he beckoned, feeling Cass's body sag against his as the energy drained right out of her.

"It's Carson." she said quietly, her delicate hand rubbing across John's palm as she leaned back against her husband's inviting body. "I feel like I'm his pincushion."

"The tests are necessary, we need to make sure that the retrovirus isn't going to make you sick." John whispered against her sensitive flesh, giving Cass pleasurable goosebumps.

"It's not going to make me sick. He knew that weeks ago, he's been using that as an excuse to take as many blood samples as he could for the next stage of his retrovirus testing." she spat, her voice raising an octave.

John's entire muscular structure tensed at her words, his own temper being called to attention by the information he had just received. He had been waiting for news on Cass's condition for weeks and Carson had known...

"He wants to try the retrovirus on a live subject." she griped, her fingers squeezing around his wrist at the thought as she screwed her eyes tightly shut. "He wants to see the effects it'll have on me and a living Wraith."

"No." John responded savagely to the suggestion, drawing her even closer into his protective frame.

There wasn't a chance in hell John was letting any version of that retrovirus near his wife. He didn't care what Carson thought or how safe it supposedly was, he was not experimenting on his wife like she was one of his God damn lab rats. The serum had done enough damage to the two of them to last a life time and he would not tempt fate.

"I told him under no uncertain terms was I allowing him anywhere near me with that thing." she told John with venom in her voice.

"Good." John told her resolutely, his lips pursing against her flesh in a grim line.

"Which of course turned into a question of ethics..." Cass trailed off, tilting her head back on John's shoulder sighing at the memory.

The two of them had gone at it in the worse possible way inside their private office space. Carson had accused her of being selfish and she had tossed her own test results on his desk exclaiming that the retrovirus was making him into an awful person for trying to strong arm one of his friends into doing it's bidding.

"He's under a lot of pressure. The retrovirus could save a lot of people if he gets it right." John tried to be diplomatic but he had to admit he was finding it hard to stick with Carson's view of the situation.

"Yea well he's going to have to do it without me." Cass told John stoutly. "He has all the blood he wants. There's more important things I could be doing with my time."

John had sensed her restlessness as of late. She was unsettled being holed up in the Infirmary, handing out sedatives and band aids. She had barely been off world in weeks and he knew that infuriated her more then she cared to admit.

The temporary replacement on Lorne's team was in danger of becoming permanent and he knew Cass thought that Carson had a little something to do with that. Keeping her close would safe guard the little treasure she had stashed away inside of her DNA, endangering their asset would have made no sense. Yet it was unfair on her. Cass wasn't made for staying in one place. She yearned to travel, to see things and explore and it was cruel keeping her rooted to one place without a cause. His wife needed to feel useful and the Infirmary wasn't fulfilling her needs.

"I need to tell you something." Cass uttered as she turned in his arms so that she was facing him.

John found himself looking into woeful blue eyes as she rubbed her hands up and down his chest reassuringly. He could already tell from the expression on her face, that he wasn't going to like it. He could sense something was coming to pass, a change as it were. Their lives were shifting once more and the momentum was gathering in the air around him.

"Elizabeth has asked me to go to the refugee camp." Cass blurted out in a rush. "She thinks that I can do some real good there, the people need aid and they need to know their safe and they can receive the medical care they need."

The refugee camp was a temporary shelter that Atlantis had set up on a nearby habitable planet, it was housing various survivors from the most violent Wraith cullings until Atlantis was able to find them a long term solution. The only problem was that the total of refugees was raising everyday and they were needing to expand the facilitates and supplies constantly.

"And you've already done some of that type of work before and during Afghanistan." John summarised, feeling troubled by the direction this conversation was heading.

His fingertips were already reaching out and smoothing away the hair away from her pale, pretty features. He knew what was coming next but it made his heart ache at the thought of the two of them being separated.

"Your going aren't you?" John uttered as Cass's placed her forehead against his chest, tucking it under his chin.

"Yes." she whispered, her fingers tracing over his dogtags underneath his black teshirt. "I've been trying to talk to you about it over the past few days but you were off world most of the time and then Carson was playing 'Stick the needle in the Cass'."

"You realize what this means?" John spoke into her dark hair as he inhaled her sweet, soft scent. "The two of us can't be together the same way we are now."

"I know." Cass told him, tipping her chin up so she could read the expression on his handsome face. "But this is something I have to do. I know you understand that."

He did and that was the worst part about being connected in such away. John knew that being stuck here in Atlantis was killing her and that his wife was meant for more, so much more than sticking around the Infirmary. It was selfish of him to want her to stay and have her entirely to himself. Yet the thought of waking up alone each morning was piercing his chest deep inside.

"I knew I'd have to let you go sometime." John murmured as his thumb brushed across the apple of her pale cheek.

"We can make it work." Cass said as his hand cupped her cheek lovingly. "They'll be email and Skype."

John had never wanted anything to work so badly before now. When he'd left Nancy each time he was ok with the constant lack of contact, it hadn't bothered him but with Cass...

He guessed he would have to pull out all the stops if this was what it took to make her happy, the same she had with his constant trips off world. They could deal with this, they were strong and resilient, some time apart may be healthy, give them a chance to miss each other a little.

"I can drop by from time to time." John conceded as Cass stared back at him hopefully. "Maybe say hi, see how your getting on."

He didn't want to make a big deal of this, because the moment he did, he knew he would crack and beg her not to go away. He couldn't protect her when she wasn't by his side and he had become too used to fighting in her corner recently. She didn't need him any more, not in that respect and now was the time that she had to spread her wings and find her own independence once more.

_It's not forever,_ John told himself. _She's not leaving you._

"I'll be coming back to see you." Cass promised him, her hands sliding down to his waist and before she hugged him as hard as she could against her supple body.

John gathered her up tenderly in his arms before clasping her close. He wasn't ready to let go yet, he needed to just keep her with him in this moment for a few more seconds so he could come to terms with the news.

"This is why I love you." Cass murmured as she listened to the beat of his hurting heart. "Your not afraid of letting me go.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! Just a little twist in the story. Cass has always been the kind of person that needs to be out there and active hence why her and John work so well. The two of them have a uniquw understanding of one another!<strong>_

_Brn: lol I love Caldwell in the series and I always thing he sees the bigger picture and he is genuinely looking out for the greater good as he sees it. Lol Do you really think that John would let Carson get away with that? Lol I could see them all hanging out and watching over her. Cass is part of their little family and they have all bonded. Thankies very much for an awesome review!_

_Joey: I can't tell whether it's a good or bad thing that I was able to give you the creeps. I understand why your thrilled but I also get your edginess. I think Caldwell thinks in terms of good for the cause no matter hoe unpopular this may make him and Carson's getting sucked into a similar mentality. Thank you for such an emotive review!_

_Shippo: lmao you make me blush with your praise. There was no way that she was going to be stuck locked up forever. It would have killed her. Thankies for such a wonderful review._


	84. Chapter 84: Cloud Spotting

Chapter Eighty Four

_In cards and flowers on your window  
>Your friends all plead for you to stay<em>

Sometimes beginnings aren't so simple  
>Sometimes good bye's the only way<p>

_Linkin Park – Shadow Of The Day_

The sky was clear and the bright sun was shining down on Cassandra Sheppard as she lay flat on her back clad in a white vest top and denim shorts, John's aviator shades pulled down over her eyes. It was her last day on Atlantis and Cass was determined to spent exactly the way she wanted. Her packing was almost completely done, she had used her dufflebag and John had graciously loaned her his hold all. She was taking her clothes and a few personal effects, everything else was being left here at home in her and John's apartment.

Their home was still exactly that to her and this was something that she needed to indulge in order to fulfil a part of herself that felt the urge to be independent. Cass loved John more than anything in the world but there was still a part of herself that was selfish, that part desired more from life and helping people was what she aspired to. It touched an intense deep part inside of her to know that other people were suffering and that she could do something to help them in their time of need.

The human race was built on compassion and solidarity, it was their duty to help others and she believed entirely in that. Her delicate hand was resting upon the book she had been reading before it had grown too heavy for her to hold. She had become a big fan of Stieg Larrson when they had lived back on Earth and was now reading the second book in his famed series.

A large shadow fell over her, blocking out the sun like a hulking cloud. Cass didn't need to open her eyes to know that it was Ronon standing over over. The grass beside her shuffled as she propped herself up on her elbows as her friend came to alongside her.

Ronon was sitting cross legged beside her on the plush grass. His large hand resting on his ankles as he stared at the stream in front of them, the trickle was echoing through the quiet space as they sat watching the flow of the clear water.

"Your leaving tomorrow." Ronon stated in his gruff rumbling voice.

"Yes." she responded mimicking her friend's stance.

They had talked about this and Ronon had made it entirely clear that he supported Cass's decision to remove herself from Atlantis temporarily but she could see in his forest green eyes that he did not like it. There were many reasons for that and she had attempted to pacify each and everyone of them with patience.

There were a lot of eventualities and Cass couldn't help but admit that they were well founded. The refugee camp was a hotbed for discontentment and fear, they could be dangerous places which was why there were soldiers in place to help protect the people that were giving out aid. Ronon did not like the fact that he did not know any of the men guarding the camp, neither did he like how easy it could be to slip a spy into the ranks of the refugees.

Ronon's worries were the same as Sheppard's in some capacity. Cass's personal safety was his priority. She was smart and resourceful and he knew that she was capable of taking care of herself, he had seen the scars from her own encounters etched into her flesh. They had swapped war stories, he knew how she had gotten them and why Sheppard guarded her so closely. The idea of losing Cass terrified the other man and Ronon couldn't say he blamed him. He knew what it was like to have your heart and soul ripped right out of your chest and he wouldn't let his friend go through the same trauma as he had. It was a true, living hell.

Yet this was what Cassandra wanted and Ronon had to admit that he respected John Sheppard for allowing his wife to follow her calling. There was excitement in Cass's eyes, and in her motions when she talked about going offworld again. Ronon could tell that Atlantis had come to drive her stir crazy the same way it did him from time to time and he couldn't blame her for wanting a purpose of her own.

"Gonna miss ya." Ronon said finally into the comfortable silence that stretched between them.

A small smile graced Cass's features as she tilted her head up towards the sun.

"I'll miss you too." Cass told him, her fingers playing over the woven freedom bracelet on her wrist.

So many times over the past few days she had told herself she would go and see Carson but the truth was she couldn't. She still hadn't forgiven him for placing the retrovirus before her, she was a good person, she could admit when she was wrong but she was not wrong with this. The retrovirus was more trouble than it was worth in her eyes. She deserved an apology for his actions and Carson at the moment was too damn stubborn to give it.

"I want you to have something." Ronon said, holding out his forearm to reveal his tan coloured, wrist sheath.

He used his forefinger to reveal a small, slender blade hidden within the threads of the wrist band. Cass frowned as she watched his motions with interested. She hadn't realized that he kept weapons hidden on his person but she supposed it did make sense considering Ronon's experiences.

His large hand took hers gently, upturning her palm before he placed the tiny knife inside of her hand before closing her fist around it.

"Keep it on you at all times." Ronon told her gruffly. "Just in case."

"Thank you." Cass murmured as she placed the knife down besides her unlaced black and white Converse. "I need to ask something of you."

"Go ahead." Ronon said, tilting his head towards her.

Cass bowed her head, biting her lower lip in agitation. Although that this was her decision to leave for a little while it didn't make things easier. She didn't want to leave John all alone here but she needed to do this for herself. Her husband was kind and understanding but she could tell that under the surface it hurt him that she was leaving. Letting her go was hard for him, she was frightened that he would become reckless in her absence, that their time apart would distract him. She did not want to undermine him or his command so she was asking this of Ronon one friend to another.

"Look after him for me." she requested in a quiet voice. "I know what he's like, all the trouble he gets himself into. Make sure he doesn't get himself caught up in anything he can't get out of."

"So basically keep doing what I'm doing." Ronon said with a humorous lilt as he nudged her with his shoulder.

Cass found herself chuckling as she raised her head to meet the Satedan's knowing smile. Ronon was right, John was a member of his team. Ronon had always had his back in the past and that wouldn't change in the future. She had to trust his team to support him, the same way he supported them through their trials and tribulations.

"I don't know why I even asked." Cass told him as her hand rubbed along the back of her neck.

"Make sure you check in." Ronon advised.

"I don't think John would let me go if I didn't promise to check in." Cass said seriously as she pulled out the dogtags she was wearing around her throat to show Ronon. "He got Rodney to make me these, apparently there's a transmitter somewhere that keeps track of me at all times."

"Smart man." Ronon said as he took the dogtag between his fingers, his thumb running over the surname carved into them.

"He doesn't want people to know I'm his wife." she told her friend.

It had hurt her when John had first approached the subject of returning to her maiden name for professional purposes. She enjoyed being Cassandra Sheppard, it was a rite of ownership and loyalty. It was a name that showed that she belonged to one man and no one else could touch her. It commanded respect for their bond and when John had asked her to hide it she had seen the pain it caused him in which to do so. Her name was his name and they were two halves of the same soul, to revert back to Pierce would make her vulnerable to other men's affections but John was willing to pay the cost if it kept her physical essence safe.

"It protects you." Ronon contributed releasing the dog tags. "If there's a spy in the camp, an attack..."

"I know." she said softly as she tucked the dogtags back inside her vest top. "It just doesn't feel right somehow."

"It's temporary." Ronon shrugged simply. "It doesn't change who you are."

Cass toyed with the wedding ring upon her finger, her thumb smoothing over the platinum edges as she let out a sigh. He was right, Cass knew it. Sacrifices had to be made and giving up her name was one of them. If John could live with that then Cass could too.

There was silence between them once more as they both tipped their heads up to the clouds that were sweeping across the beauteous blue sky. Ronon pointed his finger up to a full white cloud that was drifting over head.

"Looks like a sword." he stated.

"That's not a sword." Cass retorted with a snort. "It's a turtle."

Ronon rolled his forest green eyes up towards the sky at her suggestion. Truth be told he really was going to miss Cassandra Sheppard.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, another wonderful and busy day! I am now relaxing and catching up on Spooks! Hope your all having a nice evening!<strong>_

_Shippo: I think he's thinking in terms of the cause and the benefits a fully functioning retrovirus could have. Who knows if they can make it work, the two of them are independent and were like that before Atlantis and they're like that now. Thankies very much for such a sweet review._

_Shep: LMAO I know the feeling, the two of them were always this way and I think they have to put the good of the mission as it were above everything else. Sadly no little Sheps but they can be awesome aunties and uncles to the kids that other people would have. I think everyone has a cause that they would give up everything for and I could see that Carson's could be this! Thankies for such a wonderful review._

_Brn: lol I am being evil and mysterious! This story really twisted me up in regards to the turns it takes. Even I am surprised by where it's gone. Lol I totally read that as nailed Cass on the floor. It made me giggle! Thankies for such a fun review!_

_Joey: There's no rest for the wicked, and well the two of them a little wicked in regards to one another. Who knows which direction this will take? I am constantly surprised by this whole story, it's frightening the way this story takes on a life of it's own. Thankies for such a potent review!_


	85. Chapter 85: Goodbye My Lover

Chapter Eighty Five

_Oh and I'll let you go  
>I'll set you free<br>And when you see what you need to see  
>When you find you come back to me <em>

_David Cook – Come Back To Me_

"I can tell when your pretending to be asleep." Cass informed her husband as she closed the book she had been reading and turned her attention to the problem that had been brimming between them for the past thirty minutes.

By the time she had gotten in it had been late in the evening and she had arrived home to find her husband already tucked up in bed with his back to her. At first she thought he had been sleeping, the raise and fall of his chest seemed peaceful and he hadn't responded when she had flicked the bedside lamp on nor when she crawled in beside him.

It was only when she had been reading 'The Room' had she realized that something was distracting her and it had taken her a few moments to realize what it was. His shoulders were tense, she could see the way his muscles were furled as if they were waiting for some sort of deadly assault. His body was curled away from her in defensive posture and it took Cass a second to realize that there was a reason that he was doing this, that he didn't want to talk about the strange energy that was shifting between them.

"John Sheppard are you sulking?" she asked incredulously, setting the book on the night stand and propping her head up on her hand.

"No." he responded grumpily, his eyes screwed up tightly.

"You are." Cass proclaimed, her warm sensual form curling around his.

Her knees were tucked behind his and her arm threaded around his waist so she was taunt against him as her breath ghosted lightly on his neck. He loved being wrapped up by her, she was so generous with her love and he could sense her confusion in regards to his behaviour. She was leaving him willingly and it made him revert back to the time his father had walked out the door leaving both David and himself in the hands of a nanny. His father hadn't come back for the longest time and he feared that the same would happen to Cass.

Back then he thought his father had left because of his bad behaviour, he supposed it had been his fault and had buried the misery the best he could. Now he felt he was in the same position all over again, with somebody he loved tearing herself away from him to get as far away as she could. He knew that wasn't the case and the logical side of his mind was constantly reminding him of that but the emotional side was still that child in need of reassurance and patience.

Cass could sense his distress under the surface, it pricked at John's skin like a twisted barb wrenching and gnawing at his insides. She buried her face into his the crook of his neck inhaling his clean masculine scent. Her hand sought out his, her fingers linking with his, forging their connection. John grumbled as she gently knocked on the door to his soul, refusing her entry.

"I don't have to go." she whispered into his ear. "I can stay here with you if that's what you want."

It meant something to John to hear her say those words and he knew it was a concession he would never allow her to make. To ask her to stay would make him a hypocrite and he would be no better than her ex for begging her to stay.

"No you have to go." John said turning around in her arms and clutching her close to his firm athletic body. "You wouldn't be you if you didn't."

John gathered Cassandra up in his arms so that the two of them were entwined. She fit him like the missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle, hearts, bodies souls. Every inch of him belonged to her and it killed him to let her go.

"Promise your not leaving because of me." John uttered against her silky soft flesh as he clutched her even closer.

"You know better than that." she said quietly as her fingers combed through his untidy brown hair. "I love you John, I would never walk away like that."

"I just needed to you say it." John told her as his hot fingertips traced along the trail of her spine though her loose Star Wars T-shirt.

"I need you." Cass whimpered tugging at his Pirate Panda T-shirt, her left leg hooked around waist drawing his lower body against hers.

Their hips bumped as John's mouth fastened on his wife's pale throat. His kisses were tender and loving as his hands descended down to her ass gripping it tightly in his hands as he ground against her moist panties.

"Let me make love to you." John breathed in her ear as his fingertips enclosed on her black panties. "Let me commit every single inch of you to memory so when I'm thinking about you it feels like your right here with me."

"Show me." Cass murmured against his rough skin as his nimble fingers drew her panties down just over her perfect ass. "Show me how much you love me."

"Always." John whispered as he starred into Cassandra's stunning sapphire eyes.

His thumb trailed over her parted pink lips causing Cass's breathing to hitch at the sensations that coursed through her flesh. Her husband's lips trailed along the shape of her mouth before he let himself caress his wife's sensual mouth with his own. His tongue dipped into the molten hot confines of her mouth. She tasted divine.

It wasn't hard for John to believe that his wife was an angel sent down from heaven just for him. His hands were running through her silky dark hair as their kiss deepened. John could feel himself drowning in Cassandra as her hands began to explore his athletic form, he ached for her touch and the feel of her fingers stroking over his muscles was like being blessed by a saint. His wife did amazing things to him with the simplest of touches, he was going to miss her so fiercely it ate him up inside. He would make her remember this and him. In turn she would remember them and the awe-inspiring relationship that they had. Their marriage would stretch beyond the distance and they would keep it alive with the strength of their love.

"I love you." he muttered removing her shirt.

She looked so glorious when she was naked, Cassandra was a goddess in his eyes and so astoundingly responsive to every single ministration he inflicted. Their kisses were growing more heated and passionate, Cass's delicate hands were removing John's T-shirt from his shoulders. He growled out loud at the brief seconds that she was out of his grasp. The moment the top was gone his mouth covered hers once more, his hands gently grasped her wrists tipping her onto her back so his almost naked form covered her own. They fit together like they were made for one another.

The alpha male in him was demanding control, it wanted to take over and show her exactly what she meant to him, to make it so that she would never leave. Her rough side was coming out to play the same way his was, her teeth grazed the skin of his throat as his hands gripped her ass thrusting against her moist core teasingly. Her nails raked across his back causing him to grunt in pleasure as the pain mingled with the intense anticipation that was prickling under his firm flesh.

"You make me so damn hot when your like this." Cass groaned, her palms slipping under the waistband of his black boxers and cupping his bare ass dragging him closer. "It turns me on knowing how much you want me."

John stifled her words with long drawn out kisses as his underwear was stripped from his pelvis. He groaned out loud in delight as Cass's slim fingers wrapped around his hard, throbbing erection guiding it to her soaking wet core. She wanted him so badly it was burning her up, her skin was flushed with desire as John held himself at bay, the leaking tip of his cock pressing against her slick folds.

"I'll always want you." John told her, his voice rough with the emotion of his truth. "I'll always love you, always need you."

"Prove it." she asked of him as she stared into his eyes with a startling clarity. "Make love to me and prove it."

John dipped his head to capture her lips as he sunk into her sensational form. She arched up under his body, his arm grasped her around the waist holding her close as he buried himself all the way to the hilt. Her lithe legs fastened around his hips so that the two of them were joined as one. His free hand was supporting his upper body so he could look into her dazzling eyes as the two of them made rampant, sweet love.

He knew Cass by touch alone, and he could feel her fingertips ghosting all over his salty skin as she memorised every single muscular contour of his body. It never ceased to amaze John how strong their connection was, he could feel her love and adoration for him welling up inside of her as they moved together towards completion. Every single moan and cry that tore from her lips was fuel to his addiction. He craved her like the most potent of drugs and he wouldn't relax until he completed her over and over again. This maybe the first time they would make love tonight but it would not be the last. John Sheppard was determined to make sure that tonight was the most memorable time of his wife's life.

Cass was close, he could feel the implosion in her body building up as his spine began tingle at the height of their blissful union. Her inner walls were already beginning to tighten around his cock in that distinct exciting way. His name was on her lips like a beautiful mantra as she climaxed, her head tipping back into the pillow, dark hair fanning around her intricate features.

Their orgasm was incredible. Cass's knees clenched his hips as the gluttonous cry of contentment erupted from his throat. He was drowning in the euphoria as they're souls merged together in the haze of sheer bliss. There was nothing that ever came close to this feeling of joy and he knew that nothing ever would. His lips descended on hers, sweeping his wife up once more in the most tender of kisses.

She was his soulmate and John knew there wasn't a chance in hell this woman was ever going to leave him.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, sorry it's been a busy week. I have been training people on this new lottery regime thing going on in work! I hope your all having fab weekend!<strong>_

_Brn: lol I didn't drag it out so much as show the two most important people to Cassandra. It hurts them both to give up their name but it is understandable. Lmao imagine there were transmitters in her socks, she comes in and he's sewing her socks back up. Lol he nailed her in the bed instead! Thankies very much for such a wonderful review!_

_Chelsi: lol it makes me grin to hear you say that. I can see Cass in the series too! I love the fact I have managed to make you feel that way. Creating Cass had been one of the most invigorating experiences in my writing and I enjoy creating all the different aspects. It was hard to write a friendship without any chem but it works well between the two of them. I think it's challenging doing your own storyline and I am attempting to do that. Thankies very much for such an amazing review._

_Shippo: lol I hope you enjoyed this little look into their private moments! Thankies fir such a sweet review!_


	86. Chapter 86: Camp Refugee

Chapter Eighty Six

_It seems so wrong to even try  
>But taking a chance never felt so right<em>

_Everlife – Go Figure_

The Refugee Camp was more organised than the ones that Cass had been involved with back in Afghanistan and before that Pakistan. The living areas were actually small, organised buildings instead of the segregation of shanty towns and haphazard tents that she was used to. The houses were tiny and put together with quick and easy to gather building materials that she recognized from the projects in New York and some of the southern states after Katrina had hit.

There were miniature homes were well organised and stretched out along the expanse plush greenery of the land both far and wide. Already Cass was beginning to see the personal touches of what was supposed to be a temporary homestead. There were wind chimes, tinkling in the air as they hung outside some of the doors. Cass knew in some cultures people that believed that wind chimes warded off evil spirits, she wondered if the people here were hoping that they would act as a talisman against the Wraith.

There was a toilet block divided into the woman's and men's cubical and beside that a concrete shower block. Cass was surprised by how sanitary this place was, the other camps she had been to had been rough and the conditions had contributed to horror of the people's situation. Even now though she could see the reason she was needed here. An elderly man was propped up against the wall outside of his house, pressing soil from the ground to the deep wound in his knee in attempt to staunch the consistent bleeding. The sound of a baby howling was cutting through the air, it sounded in pain and it broke Cass's heart to hear such a pitiful cry.

Beside her John lingered closely, his presence was reassuring as was his teams as they strode through the camp taking in their surroundings with interest. John was hyper vigilant, his hazel eyes flickered over the encampment constantly assessing the area. He was unfamiliar with the military men but Lorne wasn't, he had told John that they were trustworthy and would fight to the death for their cause. John wanted to believe the other man, he well and truly did, but his wife was precious to him and he was putting her into the hands of his fellow soldiers.

The respect was marked on their faces every time they nodded or greeted him. Stories of his expeditions and personal values had spread through their ranks. Many were impressed by John's courage and nobility, he had a reputation for being humorous and easy going. John and his team had arrived at the camp under the guise of supporting Doctor Pierce and with the intention of measuring the security of the encampment. A few people were aware that he was married but they had been told of the importance of concealing Cass's identity. They had vowed to keep an eye on her, Lorne and his team would be doing regular check ins to ensure the camp's safety.

"This is remarkably well put together." Rodney complimented as they strolled through the varying lumber buildings.

His voice displayed just how incredulous he found this. Cass guessed that he had never been to a real life refugee camp before, not many people willingly had. He had expected the same kind of degradation that she had from the images he had seen upon the news.

"Yea, I gotta say whoever's running this place has it pretty well organised." Cass said with a shake of her head. "I was used to seeing tents made out of blankets and plastic sheets."

"We don't know how long it could take to find a suitable planet for these people." John responded to his wife's words as he stepped up along side of her. "So we set up for a long term stay just in case."

John had sat in on a lot of the meetings regarding the refugee camp when it had first began as a glint in Elizabeth's eye. She had wanted to know what kind of military resources would be at her disposal and John had been curious about the pretence of such a thing. They had caused a lot of damage since they had arrived in the Pegasus Galaxy, awakening the Wraith was only the start of it, it was only fair that they give a little something back. A safe place for the survivors of the cullings to live was the least that they could do.

"Where do the supplies come from?" Ronon asked curiously, his cautious green eyes taking in the clash of various cultures.

Ronon was surprised to find the people here in such good spirits, there seemed to be no fighting or restlessness between them. He thought he understood a little about that, they were trying to make the best of a bad situation. It startled him how a common evil could unite people. The majority of people here had suffered at the hands of the Wraith but they still retained their spirit.

Atlantis was giving them the same hope that it had given him. Ronon was constantly finding himself surprised by the acts of human kindness and compassion he came across. People that went out of their way for strangers seemed alien to him after being on his own for so long. The truth was there was only a handful of people he trusted and that was because they had proved themselves as worthy. He would never be the same calibre of person as Cass or Carson, his humanity didn't stretch that far but him and Sheppard had a thing or two in common, Teyla was more able to see the bigger picture when it came to situations whilst he acted on impulse.

His gaze came to rest upon a compact athletic woman with cappuccino coloured skin similar to his own and the most expressive dark eyes he had ever seen. Her layered, chestnut coloured hair was tied back away from her face into a ponytail as she clutched a clipboard to her chest listening intently to woman talking animately. It was clear that she was an aid worker from the uniform white tank top and khaki combats that she was wearing. Her boots were army regulation just like his team's.

There was something about her that left him feeling different inside, there was no word to describe how he felt when those onyx eyes flickered towards him. It was like the planet stood still for a single moment and there was nothing but the two of them standing apart watching each other. He wanted to reach out and touch that flawless skin and see if it felt as soft as he imagined it would underneath his large fingertips. His heart began to beat a little faster as she turned her head back to the woman she was conversing with and answered her question.

Sheppard was talking, seemingly responding to his own question moments before. Ronon tuned back in catching the back end of the conversation about how the camp was beginning to become self sufficient from the vegetable gardens and mini farms that people were beginning to become involved with. Ronon understood that routine helped people function and he considered the possibility that the structure and freedom that Atlantis provided for them was what was keeping the refugee camp peaceful.

"I'm gonna check out the perimeter." Ronon told John as he scanned the forest beyond the main site of the camp.

If there was any threats towards the refugee camp he would find evidence of them there. The trees were a tall enough vantage point to see into the encampment and the foliage would keep someone well hidden. The soldiers here maybe good at their job but they didn't have the same tracking skills that he did. He knew it would put Sheppard more at ease if he took a look and confirmed that he was simply being overprotective over his wife.

"Do you mind if I speak with some of my people?" Teyla asked John eagerly as they watched Ronon's progression through the crowd of people. "Several of them are working here as teachers helping school the children and doing other things."

"Be my guest." John told her before tapping at his ear piece. "But keep in radio contact."

"Is that food I smell..." Rodney trailed off as he caught sight of sign that simply read 'Mess Hall' on the outside.

He pointed at the building, meeting John's knowing gaze as he jabbed his finger at it.

"I have to investigate that." he informed them before drifting off towards the heavenly scent.

"I guess it's just you and me." Cass said with a hint of mischief in her eyes as she raised her eyebrows. "I think I need help to find my quarters Colonel."

John gave her mock salute as he spoke.

"Yes Ma'am."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, two chapters in one night! You guys are getting a treat!<strong>_

_Monkey: Congrats on the classes and no worries about school restarting. I know how busy it gets so no worries. It makes me sad to think of her going but John had to let her go or risk being hypocritical. Lol I am glad your enjoying the story and thankies very much for such a wonderful review._

_Shippo: thankies for such a fab review. Going to the camp is a different kind of thing for the two of the two of them and I am thrilled to mess about with something outside of the series._

_Brn: lmao his hands are everywhere in that chapter and I think that's just what the two of them needed. Lol I will admit there is a storm coming and its tremendous. I didn't even see it coming. Thankies for an awesome review._

_Joey: lol you shouldn't feel behind, your allowed a few days off. LMAO I think you have guessed part of what's going to happen in the Ronon side of things. The dogtags are needed but it is a bit like a kick in the nads for the two of them. I love writing the John and Cass intimate moment, it kind of reminds me there is love in the world. Thanks for such a stunning review!_


	87. Chapter 87: Old Friends

Chapter Eighty Seven

_We won't say our goodbyes you know it's better that way  
>We won't break, we won't die<br>It's just a moment of change_

_One Republic – All We Are_

The room were Cass was staying was small and intimate, it boasted a single bed much alike the ones they had been used to on Atlantis before larger living quarters had become available. There was also a desk in the corner, a simple set of wardrobes and a nightstand. The walls were white washed and the bed was already made which John found a little surprising. It was like someone had already set up for her arrival and he wasn't sure if he found that reassuring or slightly suspicious. John kicked the door shut behind them, dropping Cass's hold all on the floor whilst she sat on the bed, bouncing a little to test the mattress.

John found himself coming to rest beside her, their hips gently touching. They're clothes brushed slightly as John rose his hazel eyes to the ceiling, taking in the dimensions of the room.

"So this is home for the next twelve weeks huh?" he murmured, his gaze lowered to the carpet.

Cass leaned back on her hands, tilting her head so she could see the profile of her husband's face. She could sense his unhappiness radiating over their connection, he was losing her or that was what it felt like. They had lived side by side for so long it was hard to separate from her. This room looked lonely, made for one person. For his person.

"It won't be too long." Cass said with more confidence than she felt.

There was so much that needed to be done here and that was simply on the surface. On the way in she had observed the queue of people waiting for the clinic and found herself appalled. That were a lot of people that needed help here, more than she had realized. She hoped that twelve weeks was enough time to make a difference here, they certainly needed the help. Cass reached out and placed her palm over John's larger hand, her slender fingers came to rest in the grooves of his knuckles as they entwined.

"You'll email me when you can?" John questioned.

"Every day." Cass promised, her cheek coming to rest upon his broad shoulder.

John buried his face in her silky dark hair, inhaling her sweet feminine scent. This would be the last time he would be able to do this for a little while so he had decided to make the most of it while he had the chance. Cass released her hand from his before facing her husband and sliding into his lap, her legs parted, her knees coming to fit snugly on either side of his hips as he supported her. John's firm hands roamed up and along the curve of her spine. His palms felt hot and sensual through the material of her yellow T-shirt as his fingertips skated up her vertebrae.

"I'll miss you." Cass whispered against his lips as she stared into his loving hazel eyes.

"Show me." John requested, his fingers tugging at the hem of her shirt, his nails raking her flesh.

She gasped under the sensation of his hot fingertips grazing her skin. His free hand was already in her dark hair, gripping it in a fist and guiding her pert lips back towards his mouth. Cass covered his mouth with her own, stifling the groan that emitted from his delectable throat as her delicate hand slid between them cupping his erection. His skilful tongue eagerly parted her pink lips thrusting into the deliciously hot confines of his wife's supple mouth.

There was a brief knocking at the door that interrupted the two of them. John didn't want to stop, his hands were already roaming higher cupping her breasts through the lace bra. His thumbs caressed over her erect nubs as he nuzzled that soft spot under the hinge of her jaw. Cass's grip tightened on his shoulders as she cried out at the intense heat that rushed through her. God he was so good at turning her on, his taste, his smell, his touch, every single inch of him was flooding her senses as his teeth grazed her tender flesh.

The knocking was coming again, only this time louder and more urgent. Cass pulled away causing John to growl outloud at the intrusion as she rose to his feet. The snarl on his handsome features mirrored her own as she smoothed down her hair and awaited John to rearrange himself before her hand fastened on the door handle yanking it open.

The surprise on her face was evident, even from across the room as she stared at the man standing across from her completely startled. Already John's instincts were flicking from lover to protector, he was rising to his feet already, standing just behind Cassandra as a sign of support.

The man in the other side of the threshold was a threat but not in the way that he had originally thought. Even from a male point of view he could see that the other man was good looking. That fine black hair fell across his forehead in an artful tousled style, his chocolate brown eyes brightened at the sight of Cass. That chiselled jaw and charming smile were directed at her without even a second thought to the other male standing in the room or the wedding ring upon her finger. He had crossed men like this before, hell he had been one of these men once upon a time and he despised the fact that this attention was being lavished upon his wife.

"Cassandra Pierce aren't you a sight for sore eyes?" the other man greeted before sweeping her up into one of the most intimate hugs that John had ever laid witness to.

His blood was boiling in his veins pursing through his body like a wild fire as he ground his teeth together in fury. His fist was clenched by his side as John fought against the violent emotions that churned inside his belly. His five o'clock shadow brushed against Cassandra's pale cheek as his toned physique pressed up against her lithe body in a gesture that was all too familiar for John. He watched the other man's hands chase the same pattern his own had along her spine before she removed herself from the other man's embrace.

"Drew!" she exclaimed, holding herself at arm's length. "What on Earth are you doing here?"

"I'm heading the camp, just like back in Afghanistan." Drew informed Cass, with his arms crossed over his chest.

Drew's eyes were already raking Cassandra's body, focusing on each of her sensual assets as she stood before him. It was overtly sexual and the bastard didn't even bother to hide it. Cass shifted under his gaze, it was clear that it was making her skin crawl being reviewed so closely.

"I thought this place looked way too organised..." Cass trailed off as her thoughts drifted to the endless line of people outside of the clinic.

"To be honest, I'm glad your here." Drew said, leaning even closer into Cassandra's physical space. "As you can see I need some help with the medical side of things. You can be my right hand woman just like last time."

Cass smiled before taking a step away so John could join in on the conversation.

"Drew this is Colonel John Sheppard, John, this is Drew Hartford. The two of us used to work together at a camp in Afghanistan after the insurgents raided several villages in the North." Cass explained as cordially as she could.

John could see from her body language that this was a very uncomfortable situation for her. He didn't know whether that was because she was reading his own enraged stance or if it was something to do with the personal history between her and Drew. He knew something had happened there, he couldn't tell what exactly but he knew it had been romantic and he hated it. The thought of leaving this budding Casanova alone with his wife made him want to tear something to pieces.

"Ah Colonel Sheppard I've heard a lot about you from some of the Marines around the base." Drew said with that knowing smile as he stuck his hand out to shake.

"All good I hope." John responded as he took the other man's hand in his own.

He squeezed Drew's hand tightly as the two of them made eye contact. It was a show of dominance and John was determined to prove that he was more than just a Jar Head to this man. It mattered to him for Drew to understand that there was someone watching out for Cassandra, someone who was looking out for her interests. Drew pursed his lips together in a grim line as John released the other man from his iron clad grip.

There had been something in Drew's eyes that had triggered something inside of John, it made him even more weary of the other man and he wasn't sure why. It ran deeper than the potential threat to his mate but he couldn't place it. Drew's attention had already shifted back towards Cassandra and he was uttering something about giving her the guided tour of this place. John tuned back in in time to hear her agree to the suggestion.

"I think I'd like to tag along, if that's ok with the two of you." John broke into the conversation. "Get the lay of the land and all that..."

"I think that's a wonderful idea Colonel." Cass said brightly as she flashed that knowing grin at her husband.

Drew scowled at him over her shoulder, his expression one of dismay and disappointment. Just seeing those emotions on the other man;s face left John with a bitter taste in his mouth and an overwhelming sense of dread.

It was clear the next twelve weeks were going to be a living hell.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, having a busy week but I hope your all doing ok! <strong>_

_Brn: lol I like to make my girls feel special. Lol I am building something for you guys and it has been one crazy little ride so far. Lol I imagine Lorne would be doing his part to keep Cass safe. Thankies for the lovely review._

_Shippo: lol I could see Rodney would do that and I am so glad you have enjoyed the chapters. Thankies very much for such a wonderful review._

_Monkey: I am so very sad too. It started off as twelve weeks but who knows what will happen. Lol what do you think John will feel like! Lol I am glad you liked Rodney! Thankies very much for reviewing! _


	88. Chapter 88: Strangers and Lovers

Chapter Eighty Eight

_No cares in the world didn't have a plan_  
><em>I turned around and I caught his eye<em>  
><em>He made me lose my concentration<em>

_Basement Jaxx – Oh My Gosh_

The sound of the leaves rustling in the wind was the only sound that Ronon paid attention to as he stood in the centre of the quiet forest simply listening to nature taking it's course. It was rare that he got to be alone in such an expansive area and he enjoyed being here, it had become home during those seven long years he had been on the run from the Wraith but now he had his own place, his own safe haven.

Yet the forest still held a special compartment in his heart, he had learned to camp, hunt and fish in the woods and they always gave him a sense of comfort. He was in tune with this space, when something was strange he knew it, just like he did now.

It was whilst following Sheppard's request to check the camp's security that Ronon had noticed that there had been some activity to and from the forest. It had piqued his curiosity and Ronon knew that this meant something. He could see that there was something larger at work but he struggled to make sense of it.

There had been footprints in the small clearing he was standing in. They were older than the previous batch, the other ones were a few days old at best. Two men he thought from the sizes, their meetings had been regular, one coming from somewhere deep in the forest and the other from the encampment. There were signs of other people here too but that hadn't lasted long according to the drag marks that slipped deep into the recesses of this place. It wouldn't take long for scavengers to rifle through the remains, there would be nothing left but bones if they found the graves at all.

Ronon's ears pricked at the sound of twig snapping in the distance. Whoever it was, was close by. He had been distracted by his thoughts and he was kicking himself for that. Ronon's hand crept down to the weapon he carried in the holster attached to his hip. His large fingers curled around the grip before he tore it from it's leather bindings and pointing it directly at the tree line. His thumb flicked it to stun as he focused on the target as it made it's way through the dense under grow.

It was the same woman Ronon had seen back at the encampment, the one that had filled him with curious fascination. Her small hands were raised on either side of her head in a gesture of surrender as she stepped into the clearing meeting his evergreen eyes with her own dark ones. There was interest in her gaze and deep down he could sense fear radiating from her as well as resolution. That was odd, he had never been able to feel something from another person so abundantly before. In fact it was more than that, he could feel her presence as if it was somewhere hidden amongst the essence of his being.

"What are you doing here?" Ronon asked her gruffly, his aim not faltering.

Every instinct in his body was telling him to put his weapon down but he ignored them. She was still a threat and there was something badly wrong when something inside of him was saying otherwise.

"I've been looking for this place for a while." the woman told him, her tone conversational as she indicated towards the trees.

Her voice was upbeat, cheerful even as she spoke. There was something inside of him that wanted to bound out and play, she brought out a side of him that he thought had been massacred over the past seven years. The fact that it was back so forcefully put him completely on edge.

"Why?" Ronon responded, tilting his head as he tried to scramble the pieces together.

It was important that he didn't lose focus, all these feelings were bubbling up inside of him and Ronon didn't like it one bit. Things were slotting into place as he stared at her trying to work out what the hell was going on. He wasn't used to feeling like this. Completion was something that he could only dream about but when he looked at this woman he thought he saw a deity and that wasn't to be trusted.

"Because someone's stealing from the camp." the woman told him. "And whoever it is has been meeting in the forest with their contact in order to get whatever supplies they're taking onto the black market. Now I know where they meet I can find out who the traitor is and report them to Atlantis."

Her words were frank and honest. Ronon could feel the sincerity echoing through her voice as it chimed within his soul. He had never been touched there before, he had never acknowledged the broken orb that resided inside of him and now he was being forced to confront it and the power it had over his actions. Ronon found himself already dismissing her as a threat, his hand was already guiding his gun back to his holster on it's own accord. He sheathed it before crossing his arms over his chest trying to protect himself from this woman's influence.

Just seeing her body shift into a more comfortable position was enough to satisfy the beast prowling around inside of him. For some reason it liked this stranger and that left Ronon questioning it's motives. He hadn't felt this way before, with Melina there had been something like it but this was all consuming.

"Why do I feel as if I know you?" Ronon found himself blurting out.

The woman shook her head, looking as confused and conflicted as he did as she mimicked his defensive pose by crossing her arms over her chest.

"I don't know." she murmured full of understanding as she stepped tentatively closer to the hulking man. "But I feel the same way."

"So you have a problem we need to fix?" Ronon grunted, mesmerized by the warmth that flowed across his skin as this woman lingered within his personal space.

"I think so." she answered him cautiously.

"Then I know just the people to help."

* * *

><p>"I hate him." John erupted as Cass closed the door to her bedroom an hour after they had taken the tour of the facility with Drew Hartford.<p>

Cass rose her sapphire eyes skyward as she sighed out loud, twisting the lock on the door. She had known the instant that she'd seen Drew standing in the doorway that working here was going to become complicated. That was the way Drew always made everything, it was in his nature. Yet she couldn't fault him when it came to his job, he was the best in his field which is why he had been selected to run this camp.

"I don't like him much either but unfortunately that's the hand we've been dealt." Cass muttered as she sagged against the door, her fingertips rubbing her temples trying to sooth away the tension that was knotting in her forehead.

"He certainly doesn't seem to see it that way." John said into the open air between them causing Cass to narrow her eyes at his tone of voice.

"That's his opinion." Cass retorted, crinkling her nose in distaste as she folded her arms over her chest.

John recognized this as her defensive posture and decided to approach this situation from another direction, He could already see Cass receding into herself, the same way she did every time she felt threatened. He understood that she had given him a lot of patience and a lot of leeway regarding their separation and now it was his turn to do the same. He didn't not want to walk away from her on a bad note especially with Drew hovering around in the wings. The other man's interest in Cassandra was clear and the less reason she had to be unhappy with their marriage the better.

"There's a story here and I would really like to hear it." John said, struggling to keep the twinge of irritation out of his voice.

The truth was, watching Drew parade his wife around as if he owned her sent his hackles right up. There was a possessiveness in the way the other man touched her, he could see it in his mannerisms and the way Cass drew away from every brush of Drew's fingers. It reminded John of the way Sergi had touched her when they were in the Genii Bunker and from the way Cass inwardly flinched he could tell the ordeal was fresh in her mind too. People didn't realize when something like that happened to someone you cared about that you also experienced the effects and it had taken every ounce of John's self control not to wrench Drew's arm out of it's socket as he watched that hand splay its fingers over Cassandra's lower back.

"He's different." Cass remarked distractedly, her mind racing in thought. "He's different now to the way he was back then."

"In Afghanistan?" John prompted, furrowing his brow into a frown as he studied his wife's change in demeanour.

There was something strange going on, he can feel it rippling under the surface as she focused her attention elsewhere. He didn't know where she was going mentally but he had never felt so locked out before. He reached out a hand, his fingers curling lightly around hers bringing her back to him.

"Where did you go?" John asked her, feeling a surge of uncertainty waver through him.

Cass focused on him, her sapphire blue eyes were on his hazel ones as she shook her head looking as bewildered as John felt.

"I don't know..." she trailed off and cocked her head as if listening to something. "I keep having this weird feeling..."

"What feeling?" John persisted, his concern evident in his voice.

Cass snapped back into reality once more before she pinched the bridge of her nose at the gnawing headache that was beginning brim right there. She didn't have headaches very often and this one had come on as if out of thin air.

"Sorry, my senses are all freaking out because I haven't slept properly over the past few days." Cass muttered, rubbing at the pain exploding in her temples.

John pulled open one of the velcro pockets on his Tactical Vest before removing a small packet of painkillers and placing them into her upturned palm. He was already handing her the canteen of water he kept on his person in case of an emergency.

"Thanks." she said gratefully, before popping two of the painkillers from the foil packet before handing it back to him.

She swallowed them along with the water before returning the canteen back to her husband as well. His hazel eyes were on her, curious and watchful as he put it back in the appropriate place.

"It's just a headache." she assured him, nudging him gently with her body. "Maybe someone shouldn't have kept me up all night."

"I didn't hear you complaining." John reminded her with that sexy, teasing lilt. "In fact weren't you the one climbing on top of me at three am after bringing me to full attention."

Cassandra shivered at the memory of John's calloused hands roaming all over her naked body, his hot breath on her tender flesh as he brought the two of them to climax. Her cheeks were flushing with heat as she cleared her throat and bowed her head with that cute innocent smile.

John didn't want to break their little moment of contentment but if he was to have any peace of mind while Cass was away he needed to know the truth about what happened between Drew and Cassandra.

"We were in Afghanistan a few years ago." Cass began, sensing John's discord. "He was running this hovel of a refugee camp and I was playing doctor to the people who'd been forced to flee some of the villages in the North. When you do the rounds of the camps, you get to know the different Aid Workers, the long term doctors and everybody who keeps the place stable."

Cass dropped down onto her bed, running both of her hands through her loose dark hair as she slipped back into the time line of her history. Some of her worst memories revolved around that camp, there had been such a feeling of hopelessness and degradation there. She had lost so many people over the weeks she was there. The unsanitary conditions made them weak, too weak to fight against infections and anything else that came their way. Add to that the constant barrage of attack they were under, supplies had run pretty thin.

"I was working with nothing." Cass told John as he sat down beside her. "Everyday we were receiving more and more causalities from the villages, from the fighting, through disease and exhaustion. It was harrowing and it just chips away at you inside. You become dead inside because your giving out so much of yourself and more just keeps coming, demanding more of you."

"It drains you." John murmured in understanding as his hand came to rest upon Cassandra's knee, his thumb gently rubbing the shape of the joint. "Strips you down to the bone and leaves you open and raw."

"That's what I love about you." Cass told him, her head coming to rest upon John's steady shoulder. "You get how it feels."

John pressed his lips to Cass's fine, silky hair inhaling her sweet, homely scent.

"I've been there once or twice." he whispered, kissing the side of her head.

"I was feeling the pressure and I was so God damn tired..." Cassandra trailed off, her lips clamped together unable to speak the next words for fear of her husband's judgement.

"Drew was there." John finished for her. "You slept with him."

"Henry and I were having an off period..." Cass found herself shaking her head venomously. "It's no excuse for what I did but I just wanted to feel something, anything."

"How many times?" John asked quietly.

"Just the one time. I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror after that, Drew wanted to continue the affair but I couldn't. Even after all the girls that Henry had been with while we were together what I did was still wrong and it didn't mean anything to me." Cass informed her husband, rubbing her hands over her face after she withdrew from him.

She was ashamed. John could see it in her hunched shoulders as she exhaled deeply, hiding her face between her fingers. John hated the thought of Drew's greedy hands caressing his wife's body, of those words he'd whispered in her ear while he was inside her curvaceous frame. Jesus, if he'd hated Drew before he fucking despised the man now.

"I trust you." John said finally, his warm, reassuring hand rubbing up and down his wife's spine while he did the impression of a pincer with the other. "I just don't trust him. He's too grabby."

Cass laughed as he tried to pinch her hand like a crab. That musical giggle was worth everything to him, he knew Cass would never betray him in the way she had Henry. It was easy to think once a cheater always a cheater but he had been no better in his earlier years. Cass had done for emotional comfort in a time where there was no stability, John had simply done in an attempt to release his frustration. The important thing was he knew that there wasn't a chance in hell that she would screw Drew Hartford but the question still remained did Drew know that?

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, just quickly posting before I go to work. I knew you would all hate Drew and who can blame you?<strong>_

_Shippo: I hate Drew too! You can see him doing the whole creeper thing and I love the fact your annoyed he interrupted! Thankies for reviewing!_

_Brn: lol remember it never rains it pours! I love the fact this has you so agitated, LMAO! Can you imagine how possessive he would be if he made Lorne do that? Lol they'd be spending the whole day in bed with Shep showing Cass exactly who was hers. I like surprising you! Thankies for such an emotive review._

_Joey: lol I think that's a good idea myself esp with this chapter's info. Lol I don't like Drew either, I hate writing him and I would invest in John's spider sense too. Thankies for a wonderful review._

_Alice: Sorry to hear that. Lol I think John knows there was something lurking under the surface and it's different when it's your wife. I imagine he's protective of her in general. Lmao I I know what you mean, she's hardly just gonna leave willingly._


	89. Chapter 89: Hope

Chapter Eighty Nine

_Our hearts don't lie (the feeling),  
>We just can't hide (When it's right),<br>So don't waste my time (Boy believe me),  
>Our hearts don't lie (Oh woh<em>

_Gabriella Cilmi – Hearts Don't Lie_

She was called Hope and just like the word she lit up everything inside Ronon, awakening emotions that he had never felt before. His heart was singing with joy and his soul... Well he never really believed in souls until he met her. It was ridiculous that he should feel this way so quickly. At first he'd thought it was some kind of pheromone effecting him the same way when Lucius had come to Atlantis but this was different.

That chemical Lucius had used had descended on his mind like a fog back then clouding his judgement. What Hope was doing was gentle and passive, her calm, level headedness crept over him like a water soothing away all of his rough edges and making him feel at ease. It was hard for him to fit in with people, he never knew what to say, his silence made them uncomfortable and in turn they shyed away from him.

Hope wasn't like them, he sensed a kinship inside of her that was stronger than any bond he had ever developed before. He wasn't sure about what was going on but he was enjoying it. It had been such a long time since he had felt anything but the hollowing numbness that was writhing around inside of him. He occasionally felt flashes of rage, of frustration and sadness but never anything this powerful.

Hope felt like home and it had been such a long time since he had found himself a sanctuary like that. Ronon had his own four walls back at Atlantis, his own room, his own stuff but he had never had his own person, not completely. He had been jealous of Sheppard and Cass's relationship for a little while in the beginning. Anyone could see the love brimming between the two of them, they didn't even have to speak to understand what the other was thinking and it was riveting to watch the words that were exchanged with only the barest of glances.

Sheppard had tried to explain it to him once when Ronon had asked about the connection but Ronon could never quite understand what he was talking about. The idea of someone knowing you like that had made him shiver, he had done such terrible things throughout his life, he didn't want anyone else to see his most private thoughts or memories. Now he was thinking maybe that wasn't too bad after all. Just spending a little time with Hope was reminding him of what it was like to share part of himself with someone and although it was scary, it also fulfilled him in ways he had never even dreamed.

This wasn't him, he never let his guard down. For seven long years Ronon had survived as a fugitive of the Wraith with hyper vigilance and violence, now his survival instincts were twisting and changing in order to include Hope.

Their hands brushed accidentally as they stood side by side. Her cappuccino skin was soft and balmy and Ronon resisted the urge to link his fingers with hers. Instead he chanced a glance at the profile of her face, studying her unique beauty while the two of them were alone.

Hope was gorgeous, her chestnut hair was shining under the sun as she tilted her head up towards Sheppard as she conversed with him and the rest of the team. Her movements were graceful and athletic and he could tell she had an impressive, lean body underneath the black vest top and grey combat trousers she was wearing.

He imagined, his fingertips creeping along the line of her ribcage as he slowly drew that vest top up along her magnificent form. He wondered what her mews of pleasure would sound like ringing in his ears as he nuzzled that delicate, petite throat with his hot mouth. He wanted to feel her tiny hands rubbing over his chest, tracing the lines of his hard muscular chest as her teeth grazed his lower lip.

Hope nudged his body gently with her own drawing his attention back to the conversation they were embroiled in. Ronon cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck with his large hand looking guilty at his train of thought. It had been over seven years since he had touched a woman and he worried about his abilities if a relationship ever did come to pasture.

"So let me get this straight." Sheppard said, his arms crossed over his chest as he stood well within his wife's personal space. "Someone is stealing supplies from the camp and redistributing them within the grounds and outside to the villages and towns."

Something had happened between them, Ronon could see it in the way Sheppard stood so close. It was protective and possessive, he knew the other man coveted Cass like she was his most precious treasure but something had set his instincts into overdrive. Just by simply glancing at Cass he could tell her patience was strained, he rarely saw this dark, angry side of her but she had grown more and more agitated with every sentence that had left Hope's mouth.

It was the same fierce emotion he could see on Hope's decadent features as she spoke. The two women were cut from the same cloth, they cared about the people in this camp and to see someone taking advantage of them was like receiving a personal insult.

"I've worked in a few camps before as an Aid Worker, I know how important it is to keep a registry of the more lucrative supplies in case something like this happens. When I first discovered that people were using mediations that hadn't been prescribed to them, I confiscated them and traced the batch number. Every single medicine I found was supposed to be locked up in pharmacy's storage facility. There was no record of them ever being prescribed in the log and it's not just for one doctor." Hope explained as simply as she could so that Teyla and McKay would understand.

"What kind of drugs are we talking about?" Teyla requested.

"Painkillers, antibiotics, anything that could be of value." Hope responded.

"Have you been to Drew with this?" Cass asked the other woman cautiously.

Ronon noticed she didn't look at Sheppard when she mentioned this 'Drew'. It was as if she could already predict the scowl that was spreading across Sheppard's features. Hope's dark eyes met Cass's head on as she answered the other woman's question.

"He said he'd look into it." Hope said with a twinge of helplessness in her voice. "That was a month ago."

Ronon hated hearing that desperate plea in her tone. It made him feel like he should be helping her, it was true that they should be doing something about this. There was so much need in this camp and for someone to be twisting it for their own gain made his blood boil with indignant rage. His nostrils flared as her raw anger became his own, his nostrils flared as he met Sheppard's watchful gaze.

"We need to do something." Ronon stated gruffly.

Sheppard's gaze roved to his wife as she pursed her lips together grimly at the implication that passed between them.

"I'll take care of it." Cass said finally, her hands on her hips.

"I'm leaving Ronon here until this is cleared up." Sheppard informed her in an authoritative tone that gave no leeway for an argument.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." Cass agreed before turning her attention to Hope. "Would you mind getting a hold of the logs so we can compare them against your registry?"

"Of course." Hope said with a brisk nod before she took off back towards her quarters leaving the small group behind.

"This couldn't just be simple could it?" Cass muttered to herself as she shook her head in disgust at the situation.

Ronon's forest green eyes were still on Hope as she swiped her keycard letting herself into the concrete building residing beside the clinic. Cass was was right, this couldn't just be simple.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, thankies for such a wonderful response to the past few chapters! Posting before work again!<strong>_

_Brn: LMAO! This is as bad as it gets right? Maybe someone needs to casually drop it into conversation. I imagine Ronon would be less than tactile. Drew knows she's married hence the ring no her finger just not to who. Lol I am throwing a few curveballs at you! Thankies for such an awesome review!_

_Joey: I'm glad you understood what I was trying to get at in the last chapter. There can be no secrets in a relationship like that and at the end of the day John will always love and understand her because he's been there before. Don't worry you will see more of Hope and Ronon. Thankies very much for such an amazing review!_

_Alice: lol I think John's fine over the Drew thing as he said it's Drew he doesn't trust hence the leaving Ronon there to help out if things get sticky. Drew needs a smack if he tries. Thanks for the review!_

_Shep: I can understand why you feel like that. I would be the same, lol I would be molesting him every night when he got home. The two of them need their independence, who knows what will happen with Cass but I am enjoying writing it. You will find out what the plan is. Thankies for a wonderful review._

_Chelsi: lol you know I don't mind! Your reviews mean the world to me and thankies for reviewing so much. I feel for this couple and it makes me wanna hug them for having to endure this separation. Drew is just intolerable as you know. Who knows what will happen with Hope! Lol your review was simply awesome and you know I love you for it! _

_Shippo: lol I am enjoying writing it and of course I adore Cass and John. Drew is scary and it is annoying to write him. I really like Hope so fingers crossed everybody does. Hope you get better soon!_


	90. Chapter 90: Inbox

Chapter Ninety

**FROM: Weir, Elizabeth**

**TO: Pierce, Cassandra**

**SUBJECT: Alpha Site**

_Doctor Pierce,_

_After speaking with Colonel Sheppard regarding his recent visit to the Alpha Site, he informed me of the curious situation you have found yourself in. I wish I could say that things like this didn't happen but we both know from prior experience that there are always people who will take advantage of those in need. _

_I think it is suitable for you to check in with Atlantis fortnightly in respect to this matter in order to give you time to survey the damage. I need you to compile a list of all the missing drugs/supplies so I can apply for more from the IOA._

_Speak to you soon._

_Elizabeth Weir_

* * *

><p><strong>FROM: Beckett, Carson<strong>

**TO: Pierce, Cassandra**

**SUBJECT: Apology**

_Cass,_

_I have written this email what seems like a thousand times and nothing ever seems to convey how sorry I am for my behaviour before you left. I was acting like an ogre and I sincerely apologize for the way I treated you. Somewhere along the line I got so caught up in the project I was working on that I forgot about the friend that I hold so dear. I responded callously to your situation when I should have been supporting you and I feel terrible about being too stubborn to make peace with you before you left for the Alpha Site. _

_So I am hoping and pleading that you'll give this old Scot a chance to prove that your friendship does mean the world to him. _

_Hope your well!_

_Carson_

_PS: Say hello to the big man for me!_

* * *

><p><strong>FROM: Sheppard, John<strong>

**TO: Pierce, Cassandra**

**SUBJECT: Distance**

_Hey Cass,_

_I'm a little disappointed you couldn't make it out to Atlantis but I do get that the Chicken Pox and Shingles are no laughing matter especially with the limited resources you have at your disposal._

_Nothing much new is happening here, Rodney's started harvesting Stargates for some Intergalactic Bridge he wants to build so he's got me flying all around the Galaxy collecting them. Apparently when the thing is fully functional it will only take us thirty mins to get back to Earth and vice versa, there's a lot of technical stuff involved and I zoned out when he started to explain. I miss the days of shooting things and blowing stuff up. :(_

_How is Ronon doing? I would have expected him to have returned by now but apparently he seems to like it out there, maybe something to do with that Aid Worker Hope that you were telling me about in your last email? Either way keep an eye on him, you know he has a knack for finding trouble and we don't need any more on our doorstep._

_Tut, tut on making me think of all the wonderful places my hands would be roving over if you were here right now. I lie in our bed at night imagining how you taste underneath my lips as you give that sexy little moan. You have such a dirty mouth and listening to you describe all those naughty things makes my mind run rampant at the possibilities of what we'll get up to once we see each other again._

_If this chickenpox thing is still going on in a week, I'll try and hitch a ride with the medical supplies so we can get a little time together. The sex aside, I miss waking up next to you every morning and kissing that cute little button nose of yours. The bed's too big with you gone..._

_Anyway, I'm gonna hit send._

_Missing you_

_John_

* * *

><p><strong>FROM: McKay, Rodney<strong>

**TO: Pierce, Cassandra**

**SUBJECT: Your Immediate Return (URGENT)**

_Cass!_

_You need to get back here right away. Ronon will pack your stuff for you just get yourself through the Stargate before your husband drives me literally insane. _

_Do you know what he's been doing while your away? Hounding me! Every evening while I'm working in the lab he comes in and starts playing Golf on the Wii using the huge Ancient Monitor I have in there. I have no idea how he managed to get both technologies to work (I suspect Zelinka had something to do with it.) AND! He doesn't use the strap to keep the Wii remote attached to him so at any moment that thing can go hurtling through the air and destroy one of my experiments._

_I have tried talking to him but he has clearly stated that whilst your away he will be indulging in this past time constantly as he needs to work on 'his swing'. WE DON'T EVEN HAVE A GOLF COURSE HERE!_

_As you know my work is both critical and important not only to Atlantis but the whole entire galaxy and of course Earth. I would be grateful if you could put a stop to this nonsense either by returning or at the very least demanding that he cease this kind of activity in my lab!_

_Kind Regards_

_Rodney McKay_

* * *

><p><strong>FROM: Lorne, Evan<strong>

**TO: Pierce, Cassandra**

**SUBJECT: Missed Visit**

_Hey Cass, _

_Just checking up on you since you've missed the last two visits home. I warn you any more and I think there will be hell to pay from the Colonel. He's getting a little restless and antsy about the fact he hasn't seen you for a month and he's taken to muttering about some Drew guy while he beats the crap out of the punching bag. (I have no idea what this is about but I am guessing it's some private marriage thing)_

_Anyway I really just wanted to make sure you were ok! I hear there's some sort of sickness going around at the moment and I'll keep my fingers crossed you won't catch it._

_That aside, our team still misses you. The new guy we got saddled with had absolutely no idea how to camp, I caught him trying to rub two sticks together when we were camping offworld instead of using the hexy blocks and the lighter. He also snores... LOUDLY._

_Hope your having a great time doing what you do best!_

_Evan :)_

* * *

><p><strong>FROM: Sheppard, John<strong>

**TO: Pierce, Cassandra**

**SUBJECT: Skype!**

_Cassandra, _

_You can not leave me hanging like that! All I can think about is your delicate hands all over my body. Your sweet lips wrapped around my cock as you look up at me, teasing me with that hot little tongue of yours. God, I am getting hard just thinking about all the filthy things you do to me Cassandra. I would give anything to be with you right now, holding and kissing you. There are so many things I want to tell you, so many things I need to express. _

_I need to see you as soon as possible, so Skype at 7pm. _

_This is NOT a request._

_Love John_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, good morning! A little easy chapter to show that people miss Cass on Atlantis.<strong>_

_Shippo: I hope your feeling a lot better! I do like the idea of Ronon getting a new love interest. He needs someone to give him some love, hell he deserves it. Thankies for a wonderful review._

_Brn: I'm glad you like Hope, I'm really enjoying writing her. Lol the biggest twist is yet to come so you'll have to wait and see what happens! Lmao I can imagine Cass's T-shirt and she tanks you very much for it! Thankies for an awesome review!_

_Joey: Ronon needs a bit of love, or rather he deserves it. Even though he is so strong I think emotionally he is very vulnerable. I can imagine John snapping the perpetrator into a million pieces. Thankies very much for such a wonderful review._

_Alice: I was also feeing that too but to be honest am glad they didn't get together, I was feeling him and Amelia towards the end of the series. If I wrote Ronon his own story it would take over and this one wouldn't get an ending. Thankies for the encouragement. _

_Chelsi: lol it could be all about Ronon and Hope, they have a habit of taking over. I wanted people to see that emotional side of Ronon. I thought it made it all the more realistic when people could associate with what was happening. Thankies so much for such an amazing review!_


	91. Chapter 91: Fireside

Chapter Ninety One

_Maybe this is wishful thinking,  
>Probably mindless dreaming,<em>

_Taylor Swift – Back To December_

The logs were crackling on the campfire as the two of them sat in the darkness staring into the bright flames licking up towards the night time sky. There were pinpricks of silver above them and Hope wondered briefly if the stars in this solar system had names the same way some of theirs did back on Earth. There was warmth brimming from the blazing fire, it coated her skin in the most wonderful of ways against the chill in the midnight air.

Herself and Ronon had been sitting here with some of the other people from the camp after their evening meal before they had drifted off back towards their concrete homes. It was a beautiful night, the sky above them was cloudless and Hope found herself tilting her head back to observe it as she sat closely beside Ronon.

Hope enjoyed his physical presence, it made her feel safe and secure. She didn't have to be anybody else when she was with Ronon, he was never asking anything of her, there were no expectations. She liked that sense of normalcy, in truth she craved the stability that came with the huge man. There was something about the warrior that drew her in, Hope felt a compulsive desire to know Ronon. She waited to join with him, to understand him and become one with his psyche. The urge was primal and demanding, she found it hard to fight against it whenever she was near him. In reality she didn't think she had wanted to.

Sitting beside him like this made her feel like she was at home. She was comfortable and peaceful, all that exhaustion and rage that had built up inside her over the course of their joint investigation into the missing supplies depleted in these moments alone together. She savoured the seconds that she was in his company, they were personal and intimate. There was no doubt in her mind that part of her belonged to Ronon, she had known it the second she had laid eyes upon the man.

The instant he had appeared it was like a part of her soul was fitting back into place, a piece that Hope had never realized was actually missing. For the first time in her life she felt whole and complete, her soul sang with happiness at discovering it's mate. It wanted to rush out and greet him, to play and cuddle but Hope had held it back.

It wasn't hard to see that he was damaged inside, that something horrendous had happened to him and it had scared not only his body but his soul as well. There was a sadness in his gorgeous jade green eyes and she felt like she was the only one he allowed to see it. His personal strength was an example of the sheer capacity of his will power, he had been broken down and depleted but she could see that he had managed to put himself back together again.

No matter how much the human sides of each other tried to distance themselves it appeared that their souls intentionally sought each other out. Many times over the past few weeks she had found herself slipping into a seat beside him, their clothes rustling at the closeness of her presence. He never seemed to mind her proximity, in fact she thought maybe he enjoyed it as much as she did. Simply being alongside him was enough for now, Hope didn't want to press him into anything he wasn't ready for. Despite his hard exterior he was delicate and she couldn't stand the idea of him feeling forced or pressurised.

"We used to do this back home in Holualoa. While my parents were working the late shift at the coffee farm, we used to go down to the beach with a couple of kids from the village and watch the tide come in." Hope found herself telling Ronon as she shuffled just a little bit closer to his inviting warmth.

"What's it like?" Ronon asked her in his rough rumbling tone. "The place where you live."

A smile twitched at the edges of her pretty mouth as Ronon watched the grin curve across her exotic face at the memories that possessed her. She looked dazzling in the light from the camp fire, her chestnut hair was sleek and loose falling past her shoulders as her fingers toyed with the slender beaded bracelet upon her wrist. He was scared to approach her, he knew that people found him frightening because of his size and his barbaric nature. He had led a lonely existence over the past seven years and only now was he beginning to let people in. His social skills were not up to scratch and he understood that Hope in the very least was tolerating him.

Ronon longed to reach out and touch her, he wanted to use his fingertips to brush that sleek fringe out of her dark eyes. He wondered if her cappuccino coloured skin would feel as soft as it looked under his touch. The animal in him wanted mark her as their own, it wanted to take her to their bed and sate her lovingly before curling around Hope and nuzzling her while she drifted off to sleep.

"It's beautiful." Hope told Ronon, the sound of her voice washed over his skin almost blissfully as he sensed her contentment. "People call it a paradise and it is when tourist season dies down. There's beaches and the volcano gives the area such plush greenery. Everything's alive and vibrant, the sea is just the most amazing colour. The way of life there is full of culture, it's rich and idyllic. Everybody's good to each other, they're kind and the sense of community is overwhelming."

"If home is so great why did you come here?" Ronon asked in his usual blunt, quizzical manner.

"People need to know that there's a safe place and that someone cares for them and their needs." Hope said gesturing to the concrete huts around them. "These people are going through the worst time of their lives. They need someone in their corner fighting for them, reassuring them."

"Your good at what you do." Ronon approved earnestly. "The people here trust you, they listen when you talk."

"They listen when you talk too." Hope pointed out, her shoulder nudging his jovially.

"That's because they're scared of me." Ronon informed her before he tilted his head down to look at her, his dreadlocks hanging loose on either side of his face. "Your kind, those people believe in you. They listen to you because they know you care about them, they can trust you."

"Why do you care about the people here?" Hope asked him quietly as she stared into his entrancing jade eyes. "I know you do."

"I've been there." Ronon said carefully before letting himself open up just a little bit more. "If Sheppard hadn't taken me in, I'd probably still be scurrying around in the woods foraging for food and hiding from the Wraith. I help out the only way I know how. Teaching these people to defend themselves, how to hunt and survive they may need that one day and when they have the skills they become self reliant."

"Your helping people get back on their feet." Hope responded with understanding as she made sense of the words that had come out of his mouth.

Over the past few weeks Ronon had spoken quietly of his past. Every time he mentioned a little tidbit she filed it away in an attempt to scramble together the pieces of the puzzle that made him up. She knew he had been a Runner, that he had suffered at the hands of the Wraith although he had never gone into detail. She could see those marks etched into his soul like violent scratches that festered and scarred. She longed to take away those terrible memories and help him make new ones.

"It's important that they try." Ronon told her with a fleeting remembrance of his own situation. "It's the first step of recovering, they need to make something of their own and take control of their lives once more."

"Is that what helped you get through it?" Hope asked him quietly.

"Atlantis gave me a purpose." Ronon found himself revealing. "And that's what I needed. I needed to feel useful and the fact I get to kill Wraith is an added bonus."

He expected his revelation to startle her, he thought the proclamation that he wanted to kill again would send her running to the hills but to his immense surprise it didn't. There was acceptance in her expression and Ronon found himself wondering if had anything to do with the devastation that she helped these people live with day in and day out.

"Have you ever..." the question died on Hope's lips as she gestured to her chest in order to indicate being fed upon.

It was rude of her to ask such a personal question, she knew that but she had forgotten her manners for a second because Ronon made her feel that she could ask him anything. He had lulled her into a false sense of security and her natural curiosity had won out.

"No." Ronon answered gruffly, shifting uncomfortably as his defences rose again. "But I've seen it happen."

He didn't want to think of the friends he had lost on Sateda, the people he had seen massacred and fed upon. They haunted his dreams most nights, leaving him heaving and screaming in his sleep. He had not had a peaceful nights sleep in such a long time.

"It scares me." Hope admitted quietly as if trading her secret for one of her own. "Being here and hearing these people's stories..."

It sent a shiver up her spine at the thought of those gnarled, gangly creatures. She had seen the damage they had caused and the extent of the horror they caused. So many people were homeless and this was just the ones that had survived the cullings. The idea of being fed upon filled her with dread and terror, she couldn't imagine what it must feel like having your life drained out of you year by year.

Ronon could sense her fear, it clung to her like a fog, developing as they spoke about the Wraith. She was frightened of them and rightly so. The animal inside of him disliked her discomfort, it wanted to wrap her up in his arms and gather Hope up close to make her feel protected and safe. His instincts were already shifting on their own accord.

"Come here." he murmured, holding out his toned muscular arm.

Hope shuffled closer until her lithe body fitted snugly against the firm planes of his own. Her head came to rest upon his shoulder as his arm wrapped around her securing her against his hulking form. Her scent filled his nostrils as he buried his face into her hair, inhaling deeply. He was learning her smell and he found it to enticing. Hope's hand came to rest upon his broad chest, her thumb smoothing over the creases of his tanned vest as she tucked herself into the shelter of his arms.

Hope let out a surprised laugh as Ronon's cold nose brushed that sensitive spot just underneath her ear. It was good to feel her giggle vibrating through her as Ronon clutched her to him. It was simple, the way he felt towards her right now and he would stay like this forever if she allowed him. His animal side nudged at her inquisitively inviting his mate to come out and play.

It was all the encouragement Hope needed. Her soul bounded out from inside of her connecting with his in a moment of sheer euphoria. It was like heaven had descended upon the both of them as they sat curled up together. Ronon chuckled into the back of her neck, his breath tickling the delicate skin as Hope relaxed entirely, settling in for the night.

The two of them stayed like that until the fire died and all that was left was the red hot embers.

* * *

><p><em><strong>I want to thank you all for such an overwhelming and wonderful response to the last chapter. It was a very fun thing to write. I hope you all enjoy this little snippet!<strong>_

_Monkey: lol I wanted to show everyone's reactions to Cass being away but I didn't want to write so many chapters focusing on it. SO the emails seemed the best ways. I could see that Rodney would be infuriated having John in his lab messing with stuff. Lol well the love is well deserved for Ronon I think. Thankies for such a magnificent review._

_Chelsi: lol You keeping up aren't you. You seriously don't have to review but I do appreciate it! Lol I could just see Rodney freaking out over John spending the time in the lab messing with his things. I tried to make them all different. It's only a pity we didn't see the Skype call. Thankies for such an amazing review!_

_Shippo: LMAO! Everyone loves Rodney's email because it is just so Rodney, it makes me grin to see the way the other man is effected by what is happening. I could see Lorne doing a little smiley. Thankies for the review._

_Joey: I am so glad you liked it, I was a little unsure how people would adapt to it. Lol I could see their response's to John's behaviour too and it made me giggle. I imagine that John would be taking her being away the toughest. He's so used to being with her it's hard when she's gone. Now that it's gone so well, I may consider doing more of those chapters. Thankies for such a wonderful review!_

_Brn: lol I am so glad that I am still managing to surprise you. LMAO I can see John just stealing her away. Your mine and your coming home kind of thing! Thankies for such a potent review! _


	92. Chapter 92: Lonesome

Chapter Ninety Two

_Contempt loves the silence  
>It thrives in the dark<br>With fine winding tendrils  
>That strangle the heart <em>

_Natalie Merchant – My Skin_

It had been a month since John had seen his wife and there wasn't a thing about her he didn't miss. Every morning when he woke up he reached for her slender form only to find her pillow cold and her side of the bed annoyingly empty. He hated waking up alone. In the past it hadn't bothered him, but now that he was with Cass his perspective on things had changed.

His toothbrush looked lonely inside that little blue polka dot cup that resided in their bathroom, the little cat model Annabel had given her was absent and their sheets had been washed since she had last slept in their apartment so her smell no longer clung to the soft cotton.

The fact was he missed his wife badly and their lack of contact had only made things worse. They had emailed back and forth over the past month but they were no match for the real thing and neither were the video conversations they had had on Skype. Cass had looked down in their most recent video call, she was weary and exhausted, he could see the dark circles under her eyes and the strain within her features. No matter what she said, he knew she wasn't sleeping and that world that she had stepped into was tearing her up inside just like it had before.

Hence why when this medical consignment had been beamed in off the Daedalus he had nominated himself to transport it. He was getting a little sick of all the cancelled visits between the two of them and if he was honest he was pretty sure that Drew Hartford had a little something to do with that.

Everytime Cassandra had been due to return to Atlantis there had been a some sort of medical emergency that required her attention. The chickenpox thing, could hardly be avoided but he wasn't sure it was necessary for her to stay to run the follow up procedures or for measles epidemic that had turned out to be a false alarm.

Their investigation into the black market operation was slow going. Ronon had been scoping out the initial exchange site and it seemed that it had now been abandoned by the smugglers. Cass and Hope had been recording the batch numbers of the missing medicinals, whoever was running the operation had been stealing huge chunks of medical supplies and they were struggling to locate the stashes of pills. They had found one or two hiding spots over the past couple of weeks and the people with the pills had been locked in the temporary holding cells until they relinquished the information. At least that was the story.

Sitting in Cassandra's quarters alone gave John an almost homily feel. Drew had informed him that his wife was still wrapped up in quarantine so he probably wouldn't get a chance to see her. The other man had made him feel foolish for dropping in unannounced and it was clear that he thought that John's interest in Cass was a threat to his own goals. John longed to wipe that smug smile off the other man's features, it had taken every single ounce of his strength not to put Drew in his place. Cassandra was his wife, God damn it and the leader of the encampment was acting like he owned her.

John ran his hands through his untidy brown hair as he perched on the neatly made bed looking around the room. It was decorated with touches of things that reminded her of her life back on Atlantis. That little wooden cat that Annabel had given her was resting on her bedside table overlooking the bed like a protector. John smoothed his hand over the crisp sheets, imagining Cass lying there on her side, her slim fingers wrapped tightly around the little statue, clasping it to her chest as she slept.

John kicked his shoes off and lay flat on his back in attempt to get comfortable in the single bed. His right hand slid under the pillow as his left came to rest upon his stomach, his fingers briefly touched something that felt like photo paper. He grasped it curiously before pulling it out and holding it up before his inquisitive hazel eyes. It was a polaroid photograph of the two of them, one of his favourite from the camera that Lorne carried around with him.

Cass was leaning into him and laughing, her bright grin lighting up the image as she giggled at the snarky comment that had just left his lips. He was looking into her stunning sapphire eyes, his fingers entwined with hers as he grinned at the expression on her face. His thumb traced over the outline of her features and he found the corners of his mouth quirking into a small smile at the knowledge that she kept the memory of him so close to hand.

John returned the picture to it's rightful place before sitting up abruptly at the sound of Cass's key twisting in the lock. He was already on his feet as she entered the room, her dark hair falling over her sullen features as she shut the door.

"Hey." John greeted.

The knife was out before he even had a chance to blink, the flash of silver reflected in the light as she span around to face him. John held his hands up in surrender so Cass could see that he was unarmed. Her vibrant blue eyes were wide with fright, her breathing was ragged and her entire body wrought with tension. He hadn't seen her so hyper vigilant in such a long time, it usually happened because she didn't sleep and the last time she was like this had been after Sergi had attempted to gut her.

"Jesus John I could have killed you." she snapped at him, slipping the knife back into it's hiding place. "What are you doing here?"

This was not the reception John had been expecting and he didn't understand why she was reacting like this. He reached out for her with his soul, bumping against hers lightly. Cass didn't respond, instead she sat upon the bed, leaning over to unlace her boots. Her fingers fumbled with the laces, she didn't seem to be able to untie the knots.

"Here, let me." John uttered quietly as he dropped down to his knees before her.

His dexterous fingers untied the knots in seconds before he gently removed the boots from his wife's tiny socked feet. His warm hands gently massaged her ankles before he rose up on his knees so that their faces were inches apart. John's fingers combed through her silky, dark hair drawing it away from her pretty features so he could look into that beautiful gaze.

There was so much tragedy in her face, so much desperation and hopelessness. She was a ghost of her former self, it's like his wife wasn't here any more. There were only traces of her broken psyche left trailing in the wind like a shredded flag. John cupped her face between his loving hands, his thumbs smoothing over the apples of her cheeks as he stared into the depths of her soul.

Cass had withdrawn completely, she had done this before and John understood that this was her way of protecting herself from all of the horrors that she had been experiencing over the past month. This was no picnic, the damage the Wraith had caused was still potent in the air outside. He could smell the stink of fear as he marched through the encampment.

Cass had been combating it along with an assortment of illnesses but it had stripped away her flesh leaving her open and raw. The only way to save herself from being affected was to lock herself away from the emotions that clouded her judgement but it was so painfully, hard to release them once you lost the key.

"Cassie, quit hiding from me." he murmured. "I'm here to help."

The sorrow swept through her like a tidal wave stealing away every single thought that she had ever possessed. It made her chest ache and her throat sore as she struggled to repress the pressure building up inside of her. The hands that were resting on her lap curled into fists as the sensation of numbing grief overwhelmed her. She couldn't feel anything and every time she tried it was like coming up against a brick wall with no way to climb over it.

John kissed her pert pink lips chastely and it was like drowning as the violent surge of emotion flooded her system like a narcotic. Her lithe body was moving instinctively as if on it's own accord and she remembered feeling like this once before only back then it had been wrong and destructive.

Her tongue was in John's mouth savouring his taste as she forced him backwards until the two of them lay tangled up upon the floor. She didn't bother with removing his shirt, nor her own instead her fingers were already undoing the zipper of his combats and dragging them down past his athletic hips. John knew what this was, he could feel her urgency bubbling under the surface of her skin as she tore off her own combats and straddled his hips.

Cass needed this, she needed to feel something other than the darkness that was eating her up inside. Right now he was just a willing participant, someone to fuck the despair right out of her. John refused to be that soulless stranger, she was his wife and he would make damn sure that she knew how much he loved her while she screwed him.

Cassandra sank down upon his throbbing erection letting out a loud cry of reckless pleasure as she took him all the way down to the hilt. This was it, the moment where nothing else mattered. This was the most carnal and basic of desires and she adored every second of the blissful silence in her head.

Fucking was simple, an act of lust without complications. She could be selfish during this time, she had no more of herself to give. She immersed herself in the sound of her own heightened breathing and the slamming of flesh as she rode the man under her with a primal, savage instinct. The orgasm was building up inside of her as he pistoned in and out of her, his fingers digging tightly into her tender skin as the deep gluttonous moan erupted from his throat.

Jesus, she was going to come. She teetered on the cusp as John's fingers entwined in her own pulling her down so she could look into his hazel eyes at the moment of climax. The raging orgasm was tearing through her like never before, exploding like burning stars in the night. She watched through the haze of ecstasy as John's mouth formed three simple little words that yanked her soul from the brink of the abyss and straight back into his welcoming arms.

"I love you."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I have just completed the Charity Walk I was doing for Alzheimer's and got myself a shiny medal. Having such a wonderful weekend and I hope you guys are too!<strong>_

_Brn: lol I am singing that too, it makes me grin to see Ronon getting a little love. I also tried to make the relationship very different from Cass and John's! Your allowed to like them both. I do! Thankies very much for an awesome review._

_Chelsi: We both know Ronon deserves someone patient and loving. It makes me wanna hug him when I see him look sad in the series. Lol I just couldn't get into writing that Skype call unfortunately but I would have loved to see it myself! Thanies for all the encouragement and time you have taken with me on this story. I sincerely appreciate it. _

_Lan: I hope you had some wonderful time off. I adore the fact that you are so invested in the relationship and of course, in this story. I am thrilled your enjoying Ronon! Thankies very much!_

_Shippo: I wanted to show their different interactions, the two of them are so sweet. I am glad Ronon has someone to rely on. Thankies for the review!_

_Alice: I am so glad your enjoying Hope, she is one of my fav chars. I am having an excellent time writing this story! I thought Ronon needed someone patient and understanding. Thank you for the review!_


	93. Chapter 93: We've Got Tonight

Chapter Ninety Three

_This is what I thought, I thought you'd need me.  
>This is what I thought, so think me naive<br>I'd promised you a heart, you'd promise to keep.  
>Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep.<em>

_AFI – Prelude 12/21_

They were lying naked and entwined together in the tiny single bed. The clean white sheets were tucked up all around them as they nestled even closer to one another. Cassandra was curled up into a ball, her knees tucked up, her slim fingers clutching John's wrist and holding his palm securely against her chest. He could feel the pounding of her heart under his calloused fingertips as he nuzzled the curve of her throat with genuine affection. His athletic frame fit entirely around Cassandra protecting her from the outside world, the rough palm of his hand was gliding over her cool flesh smoothing over her splendid form with slow soothing motions.

"I'm sorry." Cass muttered, her sapphire eyes squeezing shut, trying to keep away the feelings of remorse and helplessness at bay.

Cass was broken inside, parts of her soul were unravelling in his hands and John was barely able to hold the fragments of his wife together. He was nurturing her the best he could but he couldn't cure a disease without knowing what it was. He needed to find the root of the problem before he could even begin to abolish the symptoms.

"Tell me." John breathed in her ear as his fingertip doodled an intricate pattern across the shape of her hip. "Tell me what made you shut down like that."

"Two children died today." Cass whispered as John listened closely, his face buried in her silky dark hair. "They're parents were desperate for help so they traded everything they had for the black market antibiotics but they're not meant for young children..."

Cass clamped her lips shut unable to say any more. The words were lodged in her throat like Lego bricks. It hurt to think about it let alone talk. She was failing everybody here so badly. If she had treated more people quickly maybe they wouldn't have had to buy the drugs in the first place. These deaths were on her head.

"It's not your fault." John told her, gathering his wife up in his arms and cuddling her even closer.

"I should have done something..." Cass uttered with a deep sigh.

"Can you see a way in which you could have changed things?" John prompted, his nose trailing along the delicate shell of her ear.

"No..." she admitted.

"But it weighs on you." John murmured knowingly. "It crushes your chest until you can't breath."

"It makes it worse knowing that this bastard is getting away with it." Cass muttered bitterly. "That they don't care that they are killing children."

"You care." John said, his fingers running over the scars etched into her flat stomach. "That's what's important. Your trying to stop it."

"I'm not trying hard enough." she told him crossly.

"Maybe that's because someone keeps throwing up road blocks." John pointed out wearily.

Cass had been asking herself the same question over the past few weeks. Every time she requested a visit to Atlantis, it was denied for some reason or another. The first had been the chicken pox outbreak and then it had progressed to other less important reasons. She just thought it was busy because it was the first time the camp had a Chief Doctor around. Yet the more she thought about it the more she considered that that wasn't the real reason she was seemingly stranded here.

"You think..." she trailed off, her thoughts converging together as several incidents came back to haunt her.

Drew making it extremely difficult for her to get hold of the medical paper work, the bodies of those two children being whisked away so quickly. The fact he had banned anyone from talking to the parents even though she has expressed how important it was.

"Call it paranoia but he has been making it awfully hard for you to return to Atlantis." John reminded Cassandra, his five o'clock shadow rubbed cross her bare skin.

"God, it sickens me to say that it would make a lot of sense." Cass said with disgust in her voice.

She couldn't see how anyone could do his to another person especially Drew, they had been through wars together. They had seen how the land was ravaged and the people desecrated, they had treated the wounded and cared for the sick. They had dedicated their lives to this cause and she couldn't imagine ever turning a profit from people's suffering. Yet she knew the toll that being around these camps could take on a person and Drew had been at this job a hell of a lot longer than she had been.

"How long can you stay?" Cass asked her husband, switching her focus to more immediate things.

If Drew had been playing both sides than she would find the evidence needed to prove it, if he hadn't then he didn't need to know that he had been a suspect. Right now Drew and everything else that had happened over the past month wasn't important. It was John Sheppard that was, her loving husband was here nuzzling and stroking all over her body with his skilled hands and she could feel herself starting to awaken and respond.

"Tonight." John whispered as he placed short, seductive kisses upon her exposed throat. "I have to leave before before nine am."

Her head tilted back against his shoulder, a low moan escaping her pert lips as John's wandering hands came to cup her modest breasts. His thumbs were already tracing the shape of her nipples bringing them to attention as his teeth grazed that sexy little spot at the nape of her neck. He was hard, and his hot, leaking cock was pressing against Cass's sexy little ass before his hand guided it to just the right place.

"Your so wet." John breathed into her ear. "It turns me on so much knowing that I'm the only person who can do that to you."

Her drawl of pleasure was like a symphony igniting the raging fire in his synapses as he held onto her hips and entered his wife ever so slowly. Cassandra felt like every single one of her dreams were coming true as their connection hummed to life in a sudden burst. She could feel her adoration for John sweeping over the two of them as he drew out before penetrating her all over again with that wickedly sensual technique.

John buried his face into her silky dark hair, his breathing quickening into ragged pants as he began to pick up the pace. God being buried so deep inside of Cass was amazing, her inviting tightness hugged his dick from all sides causing him to drown in the ecstasy that consumed him. She was such an extravagant lover, so beautiful and unrestrained. She did things to him that no other woman could ever compete with. Their skin was slick with sweat as they moved even faster in tandem, Cass's shrill whimpers were getting even louder by the moment and John didn't care who heard them. She was his and he was damn well proving that not just to her but to himself.

Their souls were converging and John could feel the exact moment when the two of them became whole and complete. They were one with each other for the first time in such a long period and John savoured every single second of the joy that resonated through him. Cass was here as his lover and his wife and above everything else his soul mate. She was made for him just as he believed with every single fibre of his being that he had been created for her.

Her hand caught his, her small fingers entwining with his larger ones as she began to quiver and writhe. John's lower back was already tingling with the impending orgasm as Cass's moist core gripped his throbbing cock like a velvet fist. She was coming, he could hear it in the incredible way she said his name, in the way her hand clasped his even harder. He bit down on her naked shoulder, marking her as his own as his climax ripped though his athletic frame like a rip tide causing him to jerk even deeper into her.

Their bond was strong and cathartic as they lay in the haze of euphoria simply listening to the sound of each other's heavy breathing. They stayed connected for the longest time before John finally withdrew and flopped onto his back, his muscular arm stretched out inviting Cassandra further into his embrace. She was already snuggling into the shelter of his arms. Her head came to rest in the crook of his neck, her fingertips idly doodling patterns upon his chest. John placed a butterfly kiss upon her forehead, his own fingers combing though her fine hair as he closed his hazel eyes against the weariness that besieged him.

For one night everything was right in his world and he was determined that it would stay that way.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys another quick chapter before me and my bros have dinner! It's Craig's birthday so we are having a huge meal. <strong>_

_**Thankies to all the new adds to the story. **_

_Shippo: I am so glad they got to see each other too, I can imagine John prowling around Atlantis all pissed off and full of frustration. Not a fan of Drew either, I definitely suspect there's something going on there. Lol it was very fun! Thankies for the review._

_Brn: I know it hurts to see someone you love responding like that, esp when they're all alone. The attacking thing just happened I was all ready for a nice convo and suddenly she was on him! LMAO I can totally imagine you typing an email to Drew entitled hands off! Thankies for such a marvellous review it really made me laugh._

_Alice: I thought they needed a little moment even if it was rough and abrupt. I haven't written from his POV but we do get to see a more darker side to Drew. Thankies very much for reading those stories I had completely forgotten about them. You will get to see a darker side of thing so don't you worry! Thankies for the review!_

_Joey: Thank you for the two reviews, I am really enjoying writing this. I wanted to show a little bit of a different side to Ronon and I thought gazing into a campfire would be something that he would do. I think Cass needed to assert herself and take back a little control and it seemed like John enjoyed it ;)_


	94. Chapter 94: The Puppetmaster

Chapter Ninety Four

_My body is sanctuary  
>My blood is pure <em>

_Lady Gaga – Electric Chapel_

Blood. It was the life force that ran through every single living thing's veins. There was so much potential locked away in the crimson fluid. So many possibilities, all of them were entwined in these tiny strands of DNA. Michael's future was here, locked away in the tiny vial between his fingers, this was his cure for the human sickness that had been plaguing him since he had escaped the planet that he had been held hostage upon by the Atlantians.

Too many shots of the retrovirus had made him become more like them than he had ever wanted to be and he was cursed to wander the universe with that lonely agony writhing inside of him. There was no place for a creature of his kind so he strove to make one. His experiments in breeding had failed. He no longer had the Wraith reproductive organs, instead he was left with human pieces, things that stirred in the presence of his female food. Michael hated the weakness that came with that feeling, the release was so frighteningly pleasurable. He understood why humans practised reproduction, it was such an intricate desirable experience but there was no successful end game.

The aim of it was to make a child and he could not do such a thing. He didn't have enough human DNA to impregnate a human woman. He craved companionship and already he could feel his Hive's unrest at their lack of queen.

There was a solution to that problem and it had taken him so long to find it. Michael hadn't realized that the connection had been in place until he had felt her presence in the refugee camp. He had been receiving his latest test subject from his contact in the camp when he had stumbled across her once more. He had suspected that she was different biologically than all of the others and had managed to acquire a sample of her blood from his contact at camp.

It had been a long time since Michael had felt that kinship to another person. The two had met on Atlantis. The whole time he had resided there he had felt this strange connection to the young doctor even though she had been absent from the majority of his course of treatment. Yet when he looked at her he felt something he could only describe as intimate.

There was something deep inside of those kind blue eyes beckoning to him from underneath the surface. He felt his mind surging towards it and somehow in a the brief seconds they were together their minds linked. She didn't seem to notice, she had continued checking his vitals as if nothing had happened.

Michael had thought she was ignoring their connection. He had wondered why at the time, had he insulted her in his past? The feelings he had for her led him to believe that they had been in a relationship before his capture by the Wraith.

It hadn't taken that long for him to spot the platinum wedding ring on her finger and wonder who it was that she belonged to. It made him feel jealous and inflamed when he realized it was the very man he was beginning to hate. Sheppard was watchful of him, at first he found this acceptable as the other man's underling but the mistrust between the two men had grown and turned to hate after Michael's real identity became apparent.

There was so much fury inside when he thought of Sheppard, it bubbled and grew until his muscles flexed and he could stand the feeling no more. He was losing his focus so he switched his thoughts back to the one thing that mattered at the moment, regaining his queen.

Michael watched the crimson fluid as he tilted the vial from side to side between his fingers. She had been the answer to all of his woes all along, he just hadn't had the information at hand to know it at the time. He had long suspected in the months after his escape that there was something of the Wraith locked inside of the young doctor but now he had the proof.

That feeling had mixed itself into a cocktail of chemicals, he wanted that companionship more than anything. The two of them were still different but once he got rid of that human side he would help morph her into the perfect blend of Wraith and human. They would be exactly the same.

Michael pressed open the lid of the centrifuge before inserting the blood inside. There was a lot he had to do in such a short space of time. It was critical he analyse the components and find the correct balance for his own version of the retrovirus, he couldn't afford to make any mistakes.

* * *

><p>Cass was dreaming, she had had enough of these dreams lately to know when it was happening. The colour was always stark, like someone had turned up the contrast on a television set. The edges were blurred just a little, her peripheral vision was fuzzy at best. Yet her normal sense of sight was heightened and her focus was just where it was supposed to be, on the man directly in front of her.<p>

She had been here before in the past weeks, they had been frequent since her arrival at the refugee camp as had the headaches. As usual she was sitting in the Mess Hall, just like the first time they had met and the dreams she'd had later.

Cass had never liked the way that Michael made her feel. She had had minimal contact with him during his treatment. She'd been called upon to check his vitals when Carson was stuck off world, the experience had been surreal. The Wraith that had been captured looked disturbingly human, it was surprising and nauseating at the same time. He had spoken to her in that level benign tone and she had answered his questions with words that were as honest as she could muster. She had no idea why Michael featured so predominantly in her dreams. He had been killed not long ago when John had been forced to destroy the planet of where they had created a colony of human type Wraith.

Their hands were resting on the table between the two of them, their palms face down. They stared at one another with clear open eyes. There was knowing in his gaze and Cass didn't like it. She felt like he was seeing right through her, stripping her flesh down to the bone like an animal.

Her head was pounding. There was violent pain gnawing behind her eyes and a throbbing in her temples as she took in the human features of Michael's face. She had been having a lot of headaches recently, she thought it was due to stress from the precocious situation she was in. John had been at her to use the full body scanner at the clinic to ensure that the head aches were not a symptom of something more sinister. She'd taken his advice in order to give not only him but herself a peace of mind. The lab had taken her blood to run some tests but they had all come back negative. There was no physiological reason for her to be feeling like this so the effects must be psychological.

"It hurts doesn't it?" Michael stated, almost sympathetically.

"Yes." Cass responded.

If he was in her head, he would know the answer anyway. There was no point in lying. The only logical reason for this was guilt, an unconscious emotion that lurked under her flesh because of what Carson had done to this man in the name of the retrovirus.

"Soon there won't be any pain." he told her flatly. "You'll become what you were always meant to be."

"What does that mean?" she asked him with curiosity, her fingertips rubbing at her temples.

"Freedom." Michael answered just as enlightening as he had been before. "Freedom to do whatever we wish. I can feel her inside you, scratching away trying to get out."

"Her?" Cass queried, already disliking the response she was receiving.

"All those instincts you keep suppressed, it's time you stripped away the confines of your human prison and embrace what you are truly meant to be." Michael said as he dismissed the question with the wave of her hand.

"Your dead." Cass reminded him, her voice strong as she reviewed the humanoid Wraith. "You've been dead for months and your talking a lot of spiritualistic mumbo jumbo."

"Your like me." Michael told her simply. "We're the same."

"We're nothing alike." she refuted. "This is my mind messing with me because I'm exhausted. It knows that I'm worrying about the possibly the retrovirus is causing the headaches."

"We shall see." Michael stated with a great deal of foreboding in his voice. "You'll see."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Now you've all met the wizard behind the curtain! There wasn't a chance that the contact in the camp was doing everything all by himself.<strong>_

_Shippo: Your gonna wanna hurt him more afterwards me thinks! Thought the two of them needed a little time to reconnect back on a loving level! At least you now know whose pulling the strings. Thankies for the review._

_Joey: lol I think they needed to talk about it and this was the only way the two of them really could and of course John was a little desperate to show her how much he loved her and bring her back to him. I agree with you hence why the two of them are so disgusted, the only thing they nee now is proof! Thankies very much for such a wonderful review._

_Shep: They definitely needed the reconnection esp after spending so much time apart. I could imagine John walking out of her room whistling now that's a little happy. Someone needs to take him down! Thankies very much for such an awesome review._

_Brn: LMAO I always imagined in this instance that she was pretty loud too. Then again its John after all so how could you not be. LMAO! YOU know me far too well my friend. Thankies for such a funny review!_

_Alice: They needed their moment! I hate reading back those stories because its trouble for the sake of trouble. There's no depth to them really! They were a stepping stone on the writing scale if that makes sense! Thankies for reading them though and this story!_


	95. Chapter 95: Saving Grace

Chapter Ninety Five

_Romeo save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel.  
>This love is difficult, but it's real.<br>Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess.  
>It's a love story, baby, just say yes.<em>

_Taylor Swift – Love Story_

The light was still on in the office that Hope shared with several other Aid Workers but then again Ronon had expected that. It was a small, confined space crowded with desks. Space was a commodity that the refugee camp could ill afford. Everyday the numbers of refugees were raising and they were struggling to accommodate for them all. Hope's registry was longer than it had ever been and Ronon could sense the pressure closing in on her from all sides. He wondered how she dealt with that, he watched her shoulder the burden of responsibility with her back straight and her head tilted up.

She was a warrior of a different kind, emotionally strong and resilient. Ronon had spent enough time with her to know that she fought for what she believed in, that she fought for the people that couldn't help themselves. The same way he did.

Ronon had been watching her from the open doorway for the past few minutes, gauging her from a distance. Her chestnut hair was drawn back into a messy bun held in place with chopsticks. The sleek bangs fell across her exotic features as she propped her chin on the palm of her hand, her small fingers using her ball point pen to scribble on the report she was writing. The noise of the pen scratching against the paper was echoing through the silence of the room. The motions were vicious and jagged, she was pressing down even harder as her anger at the situation grew and grew.

Ronon knew a thing or two about the rage that was building up inside Hope, he could see it licking at her cappuccino coloured skin like dark flames, burning scars upon that impressionable flesh. It was the type of nightmare that sucked you dry and crushed the life right out of you. The fury would possess every single inch of you if you let it and Hope was giving it free reign inside her toned, meromorphic form.

_Let it go,_ he wanted to say. _Just let it go._

It was easier said than done. How did you release such a violent, passionate emotion without destroying anything around you? The truth was you couldn't. Something had to bear the cost of all that fury and all that wickedness that was eating you up inside.

Her shoulders were tightening with the progression of the thoughts that rambled through her mind. Ronon observed Hope's knuckles turning white as she bore down on the pen until a brutal crack exploded in the silence of the room. It was like a gunshot breaking through the peace, Hope opened her hand allowing the frail plastic shards to drop onto the desk as she glared at the offending item in disgust.

She shoved her chair away from the desk and rose to her feet before turning to see him standing in the door frame watching her. His jade green eyes were on her features and she knew that Ronon wouldn't judge her for what was happening now. There was compassion and understanding in his eyes and she felt that fuel that had been accelerating the vengeful force inside of her slowly drain away at the knowledge of his presence. In his hand she spied a small pudding pot, he held it up so that she could see it was butterscotch before tossing it to her.

"You need to eat something." he told her as she caught it.

Hope collapsed back into the chair as the fierce energy evaporated completely, making her feel empty and cold. The vehemence was something she could deal with, it empowered her and gave her strength but this feeling was something she couldn't battle against. It was like being trapped under the ice with no way to break through the surface. She could feel herself slapping against the layer above her, struggling to breath against the freezing sensation rushing through her veins.

Hope dropped into her seat, trying to hide the slight tremble of her hands as she popped the plastic lid and released the plastic spoon. She lifted the lid to her mouth and licked the butterscotch pudding from the foil.

The notion was almost erotic, Ronon felt that deep sexual feeling flushing through his groin at the simple gesture. God, everything she did was so sensual and titillating, he was sure Hope had no idea what she was doing to him. He knew he shouldn't be feeling like this, not when she was upset but there was raw intimate energy stirring up between them just like always.

Ronon stepped into the room, the flat heels of his boots clicking on the tiles as he strode towards Hope. His large fingers wrapped around the back of the wheelie chair before he moved it so it was in front of Hope. He took the seat as Hope watched him reproachfully over the tub of butterscotch pudding.

Her woeful brown eyes fixed on him before she set down the empty pudding pot. Her slim fingers crept across her lap until she took his hands in her own bridging the connection between them. It felt like she had broken the surface and could finally breath again. Warmth was twinging at the edges of her body, her fingers were tingling as Ronon's larger hands encompassed hers lovingly. The heat was welcome, it chased through through her veins thawing out her empty emotional husk.

Ronon could see how desolate she felt, how there was nothing that anyone could do to take away the pain of losing not only those two innocent children but for failing their families as well.

"Come here." Ronon uttered, reaching out to draw Hope into his lap.

Hope complied almost against her will. She was finding that she could never refuse Ronon. In the beginning the bond between them had frightened her, it was potent and overwhelming, stealing away her sense and reason. She wanted this man more than she had ever wanted anyone else before, but she knew what would happen as soon she allowed herself to engage herself with him and she was terrified of the consequences. A relationship between the two of them wouldn't work, they lived in two different galaxies. How could she expect them to survive?

Yet Ronon was already pulling her into his lap. Her humble frame curled into him instinctively, her cheek came to rest upon his shoulder as he gathered her up into the shelter of his arms. He was impossible to resist, he made her feel safe and protected.

Hope inhaled his sharp masculine scent, it was zesty and fresh. He reminded her of the forest, entirely natural and pragmatic. She buried her face in his chest, her modest fist clutching his tan shirt for support. Ronon cradled her close, her arms wrapped around his neck hugging him even closer. Her cold nose trailed over that tiny tattoo that marred his throat, her delicate lips enclosing over it so she could place an affectionate kiss right there. Ronon tilted his head back, hissing through his teeth at the surge of pleasure that vibrated through him. Her hands gripped his dreadlocks as Hope placed another light kiss on his jaw, this one more tentative than the last.

Ronon was stiffening under the feel of her supple form. Hope could feel it as he drank in the sensations that were encumbering him. Her lips ghosted along the shape of his chin as he tilted his gaze to look down at her. There was desire in those eyes, it was smouldering. God, he wanted her so badly, his erect member was straining against his brown leather pants, his nostrils flaring in anticipation.

Her lips were inches from his, she found herself staring into those jade green eyes and seeing everything she ever wanted inside them. Ronon was restraining himself, his control was threaded at best, there was nothing more he wanted to do than sweep everything off that desk and take her upon it. The urges were primal and savage, he wanted to claim her as his own, to mark her and declare her his for eternity.

This was love in all of his glory and he wanted to embrace it. Ronon had craved it for so long, it physically hurt to think about Hope not being in his life. He could sense the skittishness inside of her, the minutes ticked by like hours as he took the full brunt of her gaze. She needed to see that he was invested, that he was here no matter what happened.

"Trust this to happen to me." she whispered against his mouth.

Ronon could feel the soft brush of her lips as she spoke. It was barely a kiss but it meant the world to to Ronon. It showed him he wasn't a lone in this puzzling connection and that made him feel contented.

"What?" Ronon muttered as his nose trailed along the length of hers until their lips were barely touching again.

"I've fallen in love with a man from another universe." she murmured.

"Hm." Ronon made the noise low in his throat before speaking. "I like the sound of that."

"I bet you do." Hope said quietly.

"I want you to be mine." Ronon rumbled, his voice rough with the concession. "I want you to belong to me."

"I'm sitting in your lap." she reminded him tenderly, making sure she met his gaze so he could see the truth in her dark eyes. "I'm kissing your mouth."

Hope closed the gap between them, her lips caressed his with the utmost fondness. Her gentle, soft hands cupped his handsome face with the most loving of care as Ronon gathered her even closer. It was amazing, how right her mouth felt upon his. This was everything he had ever wanted and everything he had never expected. His lips parted hers, his tongue teasing it's way into the hot confines of Hope's mouth so he could deepen the kiss and explore her further. She was his saving grace and Ronon vowed that he would never let her go.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, just because we love Hope and Ronon x<strong>_

_Brn: And if you didn't see that coming it makes you wonder what else I have cooked up. LMAO Thankies very much, I will take a bow! Thanks for such a shocked review!_

_Shep: Maybe it's all connected! Retrovirus creates a Wraith side, Wraith side seeks out Michael, Michael seeks out Cass but in the end is there a much darker purpose in mind? Lol seriously thankies for such a wonderful review!_

_Joey: You can stamp your foot as much as you want :p lol we haven't even touched the surface of bad this can get yet :p Mwhahahahahahahaha (sorry evil cackle there) Thankies for such an awesome review!_

_Shippo: That's the point, admittedly I am a little evil. You will have to wait and see what happens! Thankies for the review!_

_Alice: lol You'll see why more clearly as the story goes on! Thankies for a wonderful review._


	96. Chapter 96: Breakfast In Bed

Chapter Ninety Six

_How I want you, give me just an hour.  
>You seem like an angel.<br>No one compares to you._

You're the best book I ever read.  
>You're the smartest thing I ever said.<br>You're breakfast in bed.

_Train – Breakfast In Bed_

For one night everything was O.K in John Sheppard's world. He slept peacefully through the night for the first time since Cassandra had left and when he woke up it was the early hours of the morning Cass was wrapped around his body, her knees tucked up behind his. Her palm was resting over his heart so she could feel the beating through her fingertips.

The feel of her warm breath on the back of his neck was a beautiful, reassuring thing to wake up to. His fingers clasped the hand on his chest lightly before he brought it to his lips. He kissed her wrist softly before Cass propped her head up with her free hand and nuzzled his bare throat affectionately.

"Good morning." Cass whispered, placing an affectionate kiss upon his rough unshaven cheek.

"Hi." John murmured, rolling onto his opposite side so he could face his wife.

It was hard for him to consider that this would be the last time he looked into her stunning sapphire gaze for a little while. He had forgotten what it was like to wake up beside his wife, to feel her love and want washing over them. He missed their lazy days together in bed, intertwined in one another. He missed the press of her skin against his in the darkness.

Back home he enjoyed listening to the sound of her shallow breathing beside him in the dead of night. It was pacifying to know that she was alive and breathing beside him. He had dreams sometimes, or rather nightmares that she was gone and he couldn't find her no matter how hard he looked. Those were the nights he woke up in a cold sweat, his heart racing and his chest straining with the desire to breath.

Lately John had been having these nightmares all too often. He would awake and reach out for her just to find Cass's side of the bed vacant and cool. It was those nights that he would remember everything that had happened between the two of them.

It would start with their first kiss when he had pretended to be ill in the hospital. He had been scared then, unsure and overwhelmed by the heightened emotions that had been building inside of him when he thought about Cass. He took himself through the journey of their relationship. He felt their moments of triumph and the harrowing tragedies. He relived everything when he was alone. He would lie on his side and recount the memory of her pretty features as if she lay beside him the same way she was now.

John reached, his palm cupping her face gently. His thumb traced over the delicate shape of her pert pink lips as she stared into doting hazel gaze. He hadn't got a chance to appreciate her last night, not like this. His rough hands cradled her cheeks as his lips brushed the lids of her closed eyes. She meant the world to him and he had this feeling churning up inside, this scared violent dread sitting in the pit of his stomach.

There was no reason for John to feel like this, the sensation of loss wasn't real. Cassandra was here under his hands right now but he couldn't help but think that something was brewing under the surface. There was a plan in place that was bigger than either of them and the sense of foreboding was almost oppressing. He had never believed in fate or a higher power but after he met Cass he had started to. There was no reason for the two of them to meet again other than destiny and he knew what it was like to feel the tide beginning to change.

"Your going to get frown lines." Cass informed him with that familiar teasing lilt.

Cass put her arms through her husband's, hugging him even closer to her loving, supple frame. She was his home and he didn't want to leave her here in this encampment. He wanted to hide her from the world and protect her but he couldn't. Cassandra made her own path, just as John made his. It was the way that their relationship had grown, they were both independent and there were times that it would be like this.

"I have to leave soon." John told her, closing his own eyes as he clasped his beautiful wife to him.

He inhaled her feminine, sweet scent absorbing her with every single one of his senses. His calloused fingers combed through her silky dark hair before trailing along the small ridges of her spine.

"I know." she whispered, snuggling into his firm grasp as he held her tightly. "But I just want a few more minutes with you like this."

John placed a butterfly kiss upon her forehead before allowing himself to be claimed by that resounding sense of serenity that was pouring out of Cassandra. She was happy right now and that was all that mattered to him. He could lie here in her tranquillity forever but that wasn't the way that their lives were. Maybe one day in the distant future...

Yet for now he could stay like this, even if it was only for few more minutes.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, just a happy little chapter between our fav couple! Also a big round of applause for the story! We are over 400 reviews! None of this would have been possible without all of you wonderful people so thankies to everyone that takes the time to read and review. <strong>_

_Chelsi: I will bite the alert for you! *chomp! Ronon and Hope are just the sweetest couple, I think he totallyneeds someone to love him. Whenever I write them I just want to squee. I love writing Cass and John moments because their so funny and cute. Michael scares me but he brings so many evil possibilities to the story and I have to say the turns it has taken have surprised the hell out of me. Thankies for leaving me such an amazing review! You know how much I appreciate it!_

_Brn: lol I am a jumping sprite Ninja. I will make you love Ronon! What's the problem with loving the man? He's so rugged in cute and attractive in a different way to John. Thankies for such a fun review!_

_Joey: Ronon does deserve all the love that anyone can possibly give. Lol the writers do have all of the power but you have to believe in the imagination. As far as I can tell the chars just do what they want in this story. I hope you continue to enjoy this story! Thankies so much for such an awesome review._

_Monkey: I am so glad you are enjoying Hope and Ronon. I am so glad that your enjoying the ride with this story. It was amazing to write about the two of them enjoying each other so much. Michael is such a wonderful bad guy to play with. Thank you so much for such an astounding review and high five on the 400 reviews!_

_Alice: I am so glad that Ronon finally gets a little of what he actually deserves. I'll keep my fingers crossed the story will keep you captivated! Thankies very much!_

_Shippo: I am so glad that the two of them got together as well. They need a little love! Thankies very much for a cool review._


	97. Chapter 97: Calling All Detectives

Chapter Ninety Seven

_I gather proof, I follow leads  
>They all uncover your dirty deeds<br>No need for you to even testify  
>You do the crime... Yeah<br>You gotta do the time  
>Case closed <em>

_Marie Serneholt – Calling All Detectives_

Cass had already been inside her office for two hours by the time Hope arrived at the clinic with cup of coffee for each of them clasped in her delicate hands. She was earlier than they had agreed but Hope had found herself restless the majority of the night, tossing and turning before she ended up flat on her back, staring at the intricate patterns on the ceiling.

There had been a lot of thoughts running through her mind last night after Ronon had left her at the door to her quarters, a lot of impulses that had been burning up inside her. It had taken every inch of self restraint she had not to invite him inside so they could continue their passionate session. He was willing, she could see it in his half lidded jade green eyes as that rumbling moan escaped his throat. His body was taunt and wanting, it had sent an impatient thrill through Hope's small frame feeling how much he wanted her.

Yet Hope could feel Ronon's emotional resistance. There was always a small part of him pulling away from her whenever they were together. Hope didn't know what secrets he hid but she could sense the shame that resided deep down inside of him. It vicious and potent, he didn't think he deserved to be happy so he wouldn't allow himself to fall the same way she had. Their connection was both a blessing and a curse.

It hurt Hope to know that he wasn't willing to share himself as deeply as she was but she was willing to be patient, there was so much depth to Ronon. There were levels of him that she had barely even scratched.

Cass glanced up as Hope entered her inner sanctum, stacks of paper were spread out over her simple beech coloured desk. Her dark hair was tied back into a neat bun, the same way it was everyday. Her clothing was the standard regulation uniform of a white blouse and beige chinos, the expression on her face was focused was her fingers turned the page to the document she was reading. She cast the other woman a warm smile of greeting before gesturing for her to sit down.

Hope nudged the door behind her closed with her foot before accepting the invitation and setting the mug of fresh coffee down upon the only free space on Cass's desk. Over the past few weeks she thought she had gotten to know the other woman considerably well. Cass was friendly and warm to everyone. She treated the refugees with kindness and solitaire, she listened to their stories and tried to comfort them when they were ill or upset. Watching her in action made Hope's heart lighter, Cass was someone else that cared, someone who could bring peace to the trails and tribulations that plagued the refugees.

"Looks like you've been here a long time." Hope said, tilting her head to read the words on the page in front of her. "I take it Colonel Sheppard had to leave early this morning?"

Hope had known the instant she had met the two of them that they were lovers. There was no hiding the raw attraction that crackled in the air between the two of them nor the lingering looks or the near perfect understanding of a simple gesture. It seemed like there was a whole conversation going on beneath the surface when the two of them were in the same room together, even when they were engaged in their own set of tasks.

"I actually don't think he should have been staying the night." Cass commented wryly, arching her eyebrows in a cross between gratefulness and disapproval.

It was clear that Sheppard was the rule breaker in the relationship. Hope had heard stories of his exploits from other soldiers and refugees who had encountered his team and they were a mixture of heroic and almost unbelievable. When Hope had asked Cass or Ronon about them the two of them had simply shrugged them off, she had learned that there were elements of truth and the two were more modest than anyone had given them credit for. It hadn't taken long for Hope to realise that this wasn't some extra-marital affair that Sheppard and Cass were engaged in, the two of them actually were husband and wife.

Sheppard as it turned out kept his wedding ring on the same chain as his dogtags and a lot of things had started to slot together for Hope when she thought of the couple. She understood why the two of them kept their relationship a secret, Sheppard was the highest ranking military officer on Atlantis, there was a lot to gain from somebody snatching his wife. Hope understood that he had no say in the matter to his wife's relocation, from the time she had spent with Cass she had learned that the other woman headstrong and motivated. The poor guy hadn't stood a chance when she had made up her mind.

"You look a lot better for it." Hope offered the other woman. "I'm glad you weren't alone last night."

Hope meant every word of it. Cass looked refreshed and focused, ready to take on their task with vigour. When she looked at Cass last night Hope had seen her own reflection in the other woman's pretty features. The wrung out expression on her face was the same that had haunted her own when she had retreated to her desk.

"Actually that's something I wanted to talk to you about." Cass said, straightening the papers in front of her.

"I've already promised I won't tell anybody about you and the Colonel." Hope reminded her, sipping from her coffee cup.

Cass waved her hand dismissively in regards to the statement. She knew that Hope wouldn't betray her secrets, she was good people. Cass was a woman that trusted her instincts but she also protected those that were close to her fiercely. Ronon was one of her own and she could tell simply from watching the way him and Hope interacted together that things were getting serious between them. Ronon deserved to have somebody of his own, someone to love and hold him after everything he'd been through. Yet that had to be the right person, someone who would have the strength and patience to go the distance for the huge man.

"It's about you and Ronon." Cass responded quietly as she met Hope's gaze head on.

"Oh." Hope murmured. "I guess if anyone would have noticed it would have been you."

Cass laced her fingers together as she leaned back in her seat trying to find the right way to go about this conversation. Hope seemed like she was the right person for Ronon but she needed to know what she was getting into. Getting into a relationship with Ronon would be no walk in the park, he was damaged inside and he needed someone to help heal all the the broken pieces of his soul. She couldn't stand to see him get hurt all over again.

"Ronon..." Cass began, pursing her lips together before allowing herself to speak. "Ronon's tough on the outside but inside..."

She trailed off, raising her eyes to the heavens. Cass didn't want to betray Ronon's trust by blurting out the details of their past conversations. The experiences they had discussed had been private and harrowing. If Ronon wanted to tell Hope about them it was his choice.

"He's been through a lot." Cass said into the silence between them.

Hope's small hands were wrapped around her coffee cup warding off a non-existent chill. She knew whatever had happened to Ronon had been destructive and horrifying. Hope had seen his demeanour before when she was a detective for the Hawaii PD, Ronon had the classic essence of a survivor. She knew there was something tremendous and heart wrenching trapped inside of him, she also knew how bitter that could make you as a person and how hard it could be to talk about something like that.

"I know." Hope told Cass with all honesty. "And I am prepared for that."

Cass nodded her approval before addressing the papers on her desk.

"I kinda need your help with all of this." Cass gestured with both hands. "And we're on a time limit."

Hope frowned as she surveyed the organised array of documentation. They had spent days pawing through paperwork and gotten nowhere, the reports they needed had been in Drew's custody and he wouldn't let them investigate without a valid reason. Two dead kids should have been enough but he had stated that the reports had been lost during a flooding in the administration sector of the camp. The flooding was real enough but the destruction of those reports...

Well from the evidence that was currently laid out in front of her Hope, Drew Hartford had been lying. That was interesting.

"How did you get hold of this?" Hope asked out of curiosity as she set her mug on the desk and picked up the nearest stack of paperwork.

"You really don't want to know." Cass informed Hope without looking up from the paper she was reading.

"You broke into his office while he was off world didn't you?" Hope exclaimed as she put the pieces of the puzzle together.

John had actually been the one to do the actual breaking and entering. Apparently all those years of getting into sticky situations had landed him with a pretty sweet set of skills in escapism. Lockpicking was only one of the tools he had at his disposal.

"Noone's the wiser if we get this stuff back in Drew's office by tomorrow morning." Cass pointed out, trying to side step around the moral implications. "And while he's not here to throw a spanner in the works, I've got some of the nursing staff counting the current medical supplies we have in stock. We have to see if anything else has vanished since the last count."

"You found anything so far?" Hope requested, waving her hand over the files Cass was reading.

"Maybe..." Cass reported, her voice devoid of emotion. "I'll need to compare it to your registry."

"You really think that it's him?" Hope queried, shaking her head as she thought over the past few years she'd spent on and off with Drew in a variation of camps. "It could explain why Drew's camps were barely ever hit by the insurgents. If he was trading off to them under the radar they would have honoured an agreement to keep the supply line going."

Cass tilted her head towards her partner in crime as a grim smile spread across her features.

"Spoken like a true detective."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! It has been a long hard week but I am enjoying the weekend! I hope you are too!<strong>_

_Alice: I thought the two of them deserved a little time together with what's coming and to be honest I love writing a more intimate and dynamic side of John, he keeps so much hidden in the series. Thankies for the review. _

_Joey: The two of the needed to be together even if it was for a short time I can totally imagine John finding an excuse to go off world to see his wife. I think their mutual respect and independence is what makes the two of them different from other things I have written and I sincerely enjoy the challenges they set me. Michael was a truly despicable bad guy but I adored him and that amazing fight scene that eventually led to his death. Thankies for a tremendous review!_

_Chesi: Your not the only one screaming John don't go! I wish they could have a happy simple existence but it's never that way in the franchise! Thank you for such a amazing review and for all the time you put into this story._

_Brn: lol that is exactly what I am doing! I think you need a little bit of love and reassurance before I smack you around a little. (this is way starting to sound like some sort of abusive relationship!) I am glad you enjoyed the fluff, it was such a joy to write! Thankies very much for such an awesome review._

_Shippo: I don't want him to leave either, I wanna cuddle him and make him stay! Thankies for a wonderful review!_


	98. Chapter 98: Misdirection

Chapter Ninety Eight

_Know y'all bin patiently waiting, I know you need me, I can feel it,  
>I'm a beast, I'm an animal, I'm that Monster in the mirror,<br>The headliner, finisher, I'm the closer, winner.  
>That's when under pressure with seconds left I show up. <em>

_Usher - More_

There had been no prior warning to Ronon's return though the Stargate. One minute the Gateroom was quiet and the next he was striding through the wavering event horizon with all the bells and whistles erupting around him as he strode through. He was greeted by Sheppard and Weir hurrying down the steps as the Stargate shut down behind him. The expressions on their faces, were concerned and urgent. His sudden return meant something was happening and that had sent up the hackles of every single person who observed the purposeful walk of the Satedan.

Ronon drew to a halt in front of his two friends holding out the hefty brown envelope between his large hands. He hated the fact he had to be the one to deliver this evidence but Cassandra had been right in her decision. Someone needed to stay vigil in the camp and Cass was the only person who stood a fighting chance of upholding some form of authority there. Ronon was the only person she trusted to escort this evidence back to Atlantis. He had had Hope's word that the two of them would stay close to one another and safe.

Ronon despised leaving the two of them alone to fend for themselves, he was meant to be the one there protecting them, but Cass had rationalised that the threat was on Atlantis wrapped up in a series of briefings.

"She said you would know what this meant. She's grouped the relevant reports together." Ronon told Sheppard as he placed the envelope into the other man's hands.

Sheppard took it from his friend and tore open the seal before withdrawing the paper work and skim reading the first page written in his wife's familiar cursive scrawl.

"Evidence tracing back the blackmail market drug operations to Drew Hartford and more." he summarised, his thumb flickering through the pages before he handed it to Weir.

"She wants you to send word the minute you've apprehended him." Ronon shot a wolfish grin at Sheppard as he rubbed his hands together almost in glee. "So let's go get him from the meeting."

"What meeting?" Weir responded, inclining her head towards Ronon.

"Hartford." Ronon prompted, his strong brow ridge knotting together as he crossed his arms over his chest. "He's been here since yesterday."

"Drew Hartford hasn't been on Atlantis in months." Weir informed Ronon with the shake of her head. "His reports are all digital."

"Since I've been in the camp he's left for Atlantis four times over two months." Ronon told the head of their expedition.

A lightbulb illuminated inside of Sheppard's head, Ronon could see the explosion of thought erupting through the other man's mind as his hazel eyes narrowed in irritation at the simplicity of what had been going on right under their noses.

"That's why nobody has noticed him moving the medicines in and out of the camp." Sheppard said, putting his hands behind his head and raising his eyes skyward. "Nobody thinks anything about someone moving supplies back and forth to Atlantis."

"Only if he's not coming to Atlantis where is he going?" Weir asked curiously.

"There's plenty of planets with people in need of those medicines. It could be any one of them." Ronon pointed out knowingly.

"So we take a security team to the camp and meet him at the gate when he comes back through." Sheppard plotted, casting a glance at Weir for her approval.

"Take a team and bring him back here when you've apprehended him." Weir ordered, cradling the report close to her chest. "I want to see how long he's been at this and if it was going on back on Earth."

"You wanna head back and tell them that we're coming?" Sheppard offered his friend.

The request was entirely selfish, already he could feel something shifting inside of him. It was like an hourglass turning and the sands of Fate were changing course. He had no idea what it was but he knew it was bad, it caused a nagging ache in his gut. It was a feeling that he couldn't shake no matter how hard he tried and at the exact moment his eyes met Ronon's he knew that the other man felt the violent force wrenching at their lives. The warrior's face twisted into a pained grimace, his nostrils flaring as he bared his teeth.

"You feel that right?" John asked his friend, his own features etched in bewilderment as the sensation of dread washed over him.

"Something's wrong." Ronon stated before all hell broke loose upstairs on the viewing platform.

The flurry of activity above them, combined with the sound of McKay's shouting was all the reason the two needed to take action. Sheppard was taking the steps two at a time before he reached the second floor, his studious hazel eyes darting from screen to screen, his ears pricking as he tried to decipher the information that was assaulting his senses from all angles.

"There's a Hive Ship approaching the planet where the camp is based." McKay cried out in dismay.

It was at that moment that Sheppard felt his heart beginning to race. That intense, horrendous feeling was coming back ten fold. God, it was choking him...

Almost immediately he could feel the Colonel beginning to slide back into control. That side of his personality clenched all of his emotions, cinching them in an iron clad grip. Now wasn't the time to lose it, now was the time to act and take control of the situation.

"We need to get a team out there now." Sheppard yelled, tapping the comm on his ear. "I need Teyla and Lorne's team in the gateroom immediately."

"Be there in five." Lorne's calm voice uttered over the airwaves.

"We can't use the Stargate to get to the planet." McKay informed Sheppard. "They've triggered the gate from their end the way they do when they're starting to cull."

"How far out's the Daedalus?" Ronon snapped into the fray, glowering at McKay as he sorted through their options.

"Two days." Weir submitted, her eyebrows furrowed deep in thought. "They're on their latest supply run from Earth."

Ronon's questioning gaze switched straight to Sheppard pointedly as the other man's brain scrambled over the other possibilities. They needed speed and force of they were going to get to that planet in time and the only ships they had at their disposal were Jumpers. Even then it was a sixteen hour trip to the planet hosting the refugee camp. The Wraith would be long gone and the camp culled before they even had a chance to react.

"McKay, what's the nearest planet to the camp with a Stargate?" Sheppard erupted, his mind already stringing together the beginnings of an idea.

Already McKay was picking up the threads of Sheppard's plan and racing ahead to the finish line.

"PX- 231." he told the two men, swirling around on the chair to face them. "It's thirty minutes away from the camp if we take a Jumper."

There wasn't a question of whether he was going or not. As far as McKay was concerned there were a lot of lives at stake including the life of someone he cared about. The fear he felt at confronting the Wraith wasn't easily cast aside but for this there would be none of his usual flakiness. There was simply too much to lose.

Sheppard was already in motion, Ronon following closely behind as they moved with strict purpose. Sheppard tapped the comm on his ear once more before speaking in a disciplined, firm voice.

"Teyla, Lorne. Meet us at the Jumper Bay."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! A little prelude to what's about to kick off. Hope you all enjoy the ride.<strong>_

_Brn: lol it is a rollercoaster ride, but a fun one! Now they have the evidence all that remains is catching the guy that orchestrated it, which may prove a little difficult. Lol I can imagine John having a nice dart board with his face on it. Lol I can imagine Ronon killing Drew he hates him well enough. Thankies for a wonderful review. _

_Joey: LMAO I could defo see Shep doing the whole lock picking thing and it's never as easy as you you'd think. I hope that Ronon opens up to Hope too! Thankies for such an awesome review. _

_Alice: LMAO Yea they are and they are ready to rock! It's not as easy as it looks for them. Things just gotta whole lot bumpier. Thankies very much for such a good review._

_Shippo: I know I really want to give John a hug right now! It'll only get worse for them all. Thankies for the review. _

_Shep: You were right and of course, it's about to get messy! I wish John was there and Ronon. Thankies for the review!_


	99. Chapter 99: Regrets

Chapter Ninety Nine

_I know I can't take one more step towards you  
>'Cause all that's waiting is regret<br>Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore  
>You lost the love I loved the most<em>

_Christina Perri – Jar Of Hearts_

The earth was smouldering, the stench of scorched wood and flesh was hanging in the putrid air as John Sheppard stood and surveyed the land. The concrete huts were now ruined hovels smoking from the blasts from the Wraith Darts as they swooped in.

There had been a camp back in Somalia just like this. John would never forget the day he had stepped into that supposed safe haven and seen the momentous nauseating display of what human beings could do to one another. After the rebels had and purged the camp of all of it's supplies, they had raped the woman, slaughtered the men and left the children to die amongst the shattered remains of their parents. They had destroyed everything, the people, the camp, even the land has been desecrated. Yet the way he felt back then was nothing compared to the sickening grief that was eating up his entire form today.

There were barely any of the dead left here in this wretched place and it had murdered a little piece of him deep inside when he had had to study the unique features of every single aged female corpse trying to decipher whether it was his wife or not. She wasn't here and neither were the majority of the people that had lived in this temporary accommodation. It was unusual for the Wraith not to leave a trail of dead in their wake. They usually used a culling in a manner similar to that of a drive through McDonald's, using people as Happy Meals.

The people here had been taken instead, John could only assume as snacks for the Wraith's road trip across the Galaxy. That pissed him off to no end. The Wraith played with their food, they liked to insight terror so they could taste the seasoning of fear as they drained the last of the years right out of you. That could be happening to his wife right now, those clawed, gnarled talons could be raking that pale skin of hers before it fed on her life force.

John couldn't stand the images in his head, flashes of her fright were haunting him back in the Jumper before they had even arrived. Since then there had been nothing, every time his soul sought out hers, pinging over the wavering connection between them it found a strange absence. There wasn't anything on the other end, just simply empty space.

Did that mean that his Cassandra was dead?

John didn't know but he refused to think about it. If she could have found a way to survive she would have, they had located several dead Wraith in various areas of the camp. The people had fought but in the long term it would appear they had been overcome by the superior enemy.

"Found more Wraith dead near the office." Ronon said gruffly as he came to stand along side John. "Looks like it was booby trapped with C4 and a tripwire."

"Sounds like our girls." John uttered, squinting into the bright light as he shook his head at the carnage in front of him. "They would have wanted to take out as many as they could to give them a fighting chance."

A silence fell between the two of them as they stared across the destruction and devastation that littered the land. It was a desolate wasteland compared to what the dream that it had used to be. They had created a shelter for these people and a home, then it had been torn up and gouged by the Wraith.

_God, Cassie I should never have let you come here._ He thought raking his fingers through his untidy brown hair.

"Don't." Ronon's voice cut through John's thoughts like a knife, severing all the vile images that were patrolling through his brain. "The more you think about it the more it'll drive you crazy."

"I can't feel her." John admitted, his voice rough with emotion as he turned his head away. "I'm so used to being with her and now there's nothing."

"Doesn't mean she's gone." Ronon stated bluntly.

"No it doesn't." John agreed against the painful twisting of his heart before casting a glance at his friend. "It doesn't mean Hope's gone either."

Every single muscle in Ronon's body tightened at the implication. He was trying desperately not to allow himself to think of what this culling could mean. He couldn't afford to lose anyone else the way he had Melena, especially not Hope. He didn't think he'd survive if something happened to her. The animal inside of him was frantic and roaring with fury. They had come onto his territory while he was away and stolen his mate, the possessive enraged side of him wanted nothing more than to tear the Wraith bastards to pieces until they handed her over. She had better be untouched when he found her otherwise he was bringing down that fucking Hive himself.

The growl of indignation left his throat compulsively and John found himself agreeing with the very notion. The Wraith shouldn't have even realized this camp was here, he wondered what had led them to this space and then considered the fact that Drew Hartford was still mysteriously MIA. The other man would know better than to deal with the Wraith, they had been briefed before they had set up the camp on the dangerous species. Yet it would make sense, if Hartford had given them the location of the camp to spare himself if he'd run into trouble during his illegal dealings. That was the only way that someone would give up this location.

There were plenty of reasons to attack the camp when he thought about it more in depth. It was a plentiful food source, also a way to send a message to those on other worlds who may have considered opposing the Wraith but information could also be another thing to toss into the equation. They could glean details of Earth from the minds of the Aid Workers who had lived there, maybe not it's exact location but they may be able to out together a way of getting there and if they had someone even more predominant maybe they could even find a way to attack Atlantis.

_Cassie..._

The more John continued to think the more sense it began to make. The Wraith had captured live subjects instead of simply feeding on the ground as usual. The people who couldn't tell them anything would be stored as food but the people who could...

He couldn't imagine them giving anything away willingly. Suddenly his wife's fate became a lot darker that he ever could have anticipated. Torture was nothing to a Wraith, they drank in terror and sorrow like a fine wine, guzzling it down until the next round. There would be no mercy from them, no reprieves. John himself had been captured so many times it was hard to count but he was lucky enough to escape and that was through a mixture of skill, stubbornness and pure fortune. Cass and the others lacked the tools that he had, he didn't see how they could stand a chance.

"We need to get back to Atlantis." John said, his voice eerily devoid of emotion.

"You got a plan?" Ronon asked gruffly, arching an eyebrow at Sheppard's sudden change in demeanour.

"I got Rodney to place a transmitter in Cass's dogtags." John told the other man as they hurried over to the Stargate, where McKay was working on the DHD. "If he can fiddle with the long range sensors, he may be able to track the Hive and discover their current location."

His paranoia may have been a saving grace after all.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys. As you can see the ball has started rolling! It's also not as easy as you'd think!<strong>_

_Shep: You were right heartache will ensue! You can bet he's kicking himself over the whole thing too! Poor guy needs a hug! Thanks for a wonderful review._

_Brn: lol and it gets so much worse! Can't wait to see what you think of the little twists that come up later on. Thankies for a thrilling review!_

_Ast: Thankies very much for taking the time to review and I am glad your enjoying the story!_

_Alice: The end results a long way off yet, we're still feeling the effects way down the line! Thanks for a wonderful review._

_Joey: lol I love the fact you are so involved in this, the situation gets a hell of a lot worse so best hold onto your seat. Thankies for a very emotive review!_


	100. Chapter 100: Haven

Chapter One Hundred

_I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head  
>They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed<br>Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone_

_Blue October – Hate Me_

The first thing that hit Cassandra Sheppard when she woke up was the sensation of agony ripping right the way through her abdomen as she lay flat on her back staring up at an unfamiliar ceiling. The sound of her heavy breathing was echoing around the room as she tried to get up and failed miserably.

Something was digging into her wrists, soft leather straps were binding her hands palm down onto the cool metal table beneath her. Her boots were missing but she was still wearing her socks, it was as if the boots had been taken as an after thought. Her ankles were also restrained, she could feel the same bindings that held her wrists pinning her feet in place.

The cold metal surface beneath her body reminded her of an operating table. It felt cold upon her exposed flesh leading Cass to realise that something was hideously wrong in the clothing department. She tipped her head upwards trying to look down her body and she was surprised to find the white linen blouse she had been wearing was missing. She was clad only in her sleek black sports bra with matching black boy boxers. There was a large white bandage stretching across her abdomen covering God knows what.

Hot salty tears were leaking out of the corners of her sapphire eyes unwillingly as she jerked her limbs against the bounds wrestling and bucking as the panic set in. Her breathing was coming in ragged pants as the rush of memories flooded her system like poignant narcotic.

_The whistle of the darts were piercing in her ears, she could hear the screams of the refugees as an explosion rocked the building so violently she thought it would crumble around her head. Her side arm was already in her hand from the top drawer of her desk, her thumb flicking the safety off the Glock. Hope appeared in the doorway clutching it for support as the building quivered, her hair was a state of disarray, there was a gash across her forehead that was seeping blood from her hairline straight into her eyes. _

"_You alright?" Hope had asked, wiping the back of her hand across her forehead. _

"_It's a Wraith attack." Cass responded, yanking out her bottom drawer. "We need to take down as many as possible."_

_She was already yanking out a small paper bag and tipping the contents out onto the desk. There were several components Hope recognized but had no idea what to do with, she was surprised that Cass did. _

"_Should I be asking where the C4 came from?" Hope inquired as Cass shoved the Glock into Hope's hand._

_Hope adjusted her grip on the weapon, it fit into her hand like it was second nature. Once upon another lifetime it had been. Being a cop was still in her blood, all the training and experiences were coming back into play and Hope felt that wave of calm flood through her system just the way it always did when it came to a tense situation. That's why she had joined the Peace Corp, she was good at thinking on her feet._

"_John is not the only one that's paranoid." Cass muttered as she drew out a piece of fine wire._

_Being paranoid wasn't the only thing that John had taught her._

Cass strained against the restraints, yanking and tugging her arms, trying to twist her wrists at the same time to force some leeway. There was no give, the material didn't even buckle. It simply held her in place, unrelenting and immobile. She wrenched again in frustration, arching her body causing the table to quake as she writhed and screamed out in anguish.

She collapsed back onto the metal table, her muscles shaking with exertion as she cried out in pain. Her abdomen was on fire, it was like being stabbed all over again. She didn't understand, there were fractures in her memory, a disembodied voice floating in through her mind. She was disorientated and confused, lonely and scared. She clenched her small hand into a fist as she tried to slow her frightened breathing.

Panicking wasn't going to get her out of this situation, she had to breath through it. Her wedding ring was biting into her soft skin conjuring up images of her husband, trying to sooth away the intense pain and the fear that riddled her. She reached out for him along the length of their connection.

John was there waiting just like he always was as her soul hurtled at him. She crashed into his arms like a distraught child seeking out comfort and strength. There was a warmth in his touch, a sweet reassuring caress as he gathered her close, his lips brushing her dark hairline.

"I'm scared." she whispered into the darkness that surrounded them.

"I know." John murmured as he held onto her with every single fibre of her being. "I'm coming for you, you just have to hold on a little longer."

Cass nodded as she buried her face deep into the planes of John's firm chest. He was her shelter, the only person who could take her away from all the despair that she was feeling. This wasn't going to end well, she could feel that knowledge sweeping up inside of her as she wrapped her arms around John's waist folding into him entirely. They merged together for a brief second and she felt her soul breaking apart so that she could place a little piece of herself safe deep down inside of him. She needed him to have that, to have something in case she couldn't come back to John. She didn't work well without the facts and the only thing she solidly knew was that her body was in immense physical pain.

Cass tilted her head up to meet her husband's baleful hazel gaze as he stared down at her. He was barely holding on by a thread the same way she was. She couldn't stand to lose him and she knew that it worked the other way around. John would do everything in his power to get her back, Cass trusted in that, she trusted in him.

His calloused fingertips trailed along the apple of her cheek as he leaned in even closer absorbing the very essence of her being. If he could have one wish, it would be that she was back here on Atlantis with him. His fingers raked through her silky dark hair for what seemed like the last time. This moment was so bitter sweet, already Cass could feel things were changing between the two of them. They weren't in control any more, some higher entity had snatched away their fate and was spinning them in opposite directions.

He was alive beneath her fingertips and that was all that mattered right now. This would be the last time that they would be together. That she knew for sure. There would be nothing after this and in a way that hurt more than anything the Wraith could ever do to her.

"I guess this is goodbye for a little while." Cass said quietly, placing the palm of her hand upon his chest where she could feel the steady beating of his heart.

"Don't say that." John said, his voice firm and resolute. "You can't say that."

"Because you know it's true?" she questioned, raising up on tiptoes in order to press her lips against his.

John didn't want to admit it, he couldn't stand the idea of letting Cass slip through his fingers. She was his everything and the instant she had gone missing it had felt like someone had snatched his entire universe. His thumb smoothed over her pert pink lips, his nose trailing along the length of hers until their mouths were inches apart. He could feel her ragged breathing against his skin as he pressed a feather light kiss to the corner of her mouth.

"Just promise me you'll hold on." John said quietly. "Do it for me."

"You know I will." Cass promised, her delicate hand clasping his free one.

Their fingers entwined tightly. John was having a hard time with the possibility of letting her go, he wanted to stay here forever, to keep hold of her and protect her fractured soul. Yet this wasn't all of Cass, this was just a part of her and if he wanted the real thing he needed to go out and take her back.

"Kiss me." she beckoned, drawing John even closer. "Just give me one last kiss to hold on to."

"You'll have me to hold onto soon." John murmured against her lips.

"I look forward to it." Cass told him as her fingers raked though his untidy brown hair.

Their lips met in the most gentlest of kisses, there was nothing comparable to this feeling of being here with her. Her hands were roaming all over him as if she was cataloguing his entire being to memory. She needed this brief moment of with him and he understood that. Being lost in her all over again was stealing away his pain, his grief and his doubts. Her tongue parted his lips delving deep into the hot confines of his mouth. He could taste her desperation mingled in with her desire and it mirrored his own.

They broke apart panting and reluctant. Already Cassandra was withdrawing from his hands and fading into the darkness that surrounded them. He reached out for her again but her fingers slipped from his grasp and he found himself clutching at nothing but empty air.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, thank you for such an overwhelming response to the previous chapter. I was curious to how you were all going to deal with it!<strong>_

_Chesi: I have no idea what's going on with these alerts. Have you checked your junkmail filter? When I changed mine it started to put everything in there! LMAO you had exactly the same idea as I did regarding the hot, infuriated men folk! Lol I sincerely hope I live up to your expectations! Thankies for such a tremendous review!_

_Alice: lol is she going to live for long? To be honest it wouldn't be the first time I killed an OC off. If we think about it the story has to end sometime and it is about John's journey as opposed to hers. Thankies for a wonderful review. _

_Shippo: Thankies for the double review it was so sweet of you! I don't think even McKay could save them from their fate!_

_Monkey: LMAO I am not making promises, a lot goes on in the series and you have to think of the effects that could have on a person. If I wake up and your using a brain stealing machine I will bite you! Lol I promise I will write to the end. I am about 23 chapters ahead at the min so there are plenty stored up for when I get busy. How much do I love Ronon? I always want to give him a hug when he does his sad little earnest expression. Thankies for an awesome review!_

_Brn: The Happy Meal thing came out of the blue, I just thought about it like that and I could see that John would too. It could take a while to get her home and to be honest who knows what diabolical schemes Michael has planned in the meantime. Thanks for such a fun review!_

_Joey: I love the way those two are in that chapter, you can just feel the dire need to claim their women back as their own. I loved the way they reviewed the scene and walked the very thin line between being a lover and a soldier. It was one of my fav chapters to write. Thankies for such a stunning review!_


	101. Chapter 101: Human

Chapter One Hundred and One

_I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing  
>Just prayed' to a god that I don't believe in<em>

_The Script – Break Even_

There was blood smeared on Hope's pretty, exotic features, that was the first thing Ronon noticed when her image came through the video link that had been set up through the Stargate. They'd received Drew Hartford's IDC and Chuck, the usual Stargate Tech had announced that a video feed was being sent ahead. Elizabeth had conjured the team to the Gateroom in time for the video to be exhibited.

The instant Ronon laid eyes upon Hope's dishevelled frame he hadn't been able to tear his gaze away. His nostrils flared in outrage, his fists clenched so tightly that the skin stretched over knuckles turning them white. The right side of her face was swelling slightly from the yellow and green bruising that marred her face, her inky dark left eye was bloodshot from where it looked like someone had punched her.

Hope wasn't looking at the camera, her expression was defiant, her jaw sticking out and her eyes focusing on something beyond the camera. Her arms were pulled behind her back, thrusting her modest chest forward. Ronon could only guess that her hands were bound behind her back. She was on her knees struggling to keep her balance as she wavered from side to side disorientated.

"Look at the camera Hope." that sickly familiar voice chimed.

Hearing that deep rich voice sent a flash of rage sparking through Ronon's consciousness as he growled out loud at the sound. Hope let out a sharp cry as the horrendous crack lashed out through the room as a very human hand slapped her injured cheek. The force of the blow twisted her head causing her chestnut hair to fall across her face as she spat vivid red blood onto the floor.

He had no doubt that Drew Hartford was the man behind the camera. It was his ICD and that was definitely his voice and he was the one hurting his woman. It wasn't the Wraith's style to beat down on people, they would tear the life straight out of her but using their fists was something they saved for battle. To beat someone the way Hope was beaten was a human element to the torture he knew she had been enduring.

"I told you to look at the camera." That cold voice snapped again.

"Go fuck yourself ." Hope spat her voice hard and emotionless.

The hand reached out again cupping her chin between brutal fingers. Ronon could see them digging into into her tender flesh as her head was yanked to face the camera. Ronon was snarling, his face contorting in vengeful fury as the camera zoomed in on her disgruntled features.

"I hear you Chewie." John muttered, his voice completely devoid of emotion.

The best way to deal with this situation was to disconnect, but it was easier said than done. It was difficult to watch someone you love being so brutally tortured and John didn't envy the other man. He wished he knew what had happened to Cassandra although that thought was selfish in the face of what his friend was going through.

Drew's worn face appeared in the view of the camera as his fingers snaked through Hope's chestnut hair, gripping it in one hand and tilting her head back until Hope let out a gasp of affliction. The other man's eyes were red rimmed and out of focus, in the days he had been away he had forgone shaving. There was sweat trembling down his brow as he turned that almost maniacal grin to the camera. Hope ground her teeth as his grasp tightened. He was standing behind Hope now, watching as her chest heaved with exertion.

"He's been taking the enzyme." Carson Beckett murmured into the silence of the room as he tried to wrench himself from the images in front of him.

Drugs...

Drugs didn't change what was happening right now and Ronon wasn't going to tolerate that as an excuse. What the man was doing to his woman made him want to tear something apart. There was a sickening, convulsive urge to break something, there was fury rushing through his veins. He would tear Drew Hartford to pieces with his bare hands for what he was doing to Hope. He would destroy every bone in Hartford's body for this nauseating display.

"He wants revenge for what you did to him." Drew spoke into the camera. "And Ronon Dex I hope your watching."

"After the nominal amount of Wraith we've ticked off around the Galaxy it would be lovely if he was a tad more specific?" Rodney snarked, his eyes averted from the screen.

He couldn't stand to watch what was happening on the screen right now. He had had brief encounters with Hope but he understood how much she meant to Ronon. His hulking man got the same look in his eyes that he saw in Sheppard's when it came to Cassandra. Watching this was like being caught up one of those goreflicks that were so popular on Earth, he couldn't stand to watch Hostel but the felt like this was twisting into a live version and they were all completely powerless to stop it.

Hartford's palm was on her delicate shoulder, fingers creeping past her collarbone in a gesture that Ronon found disturbingly intimate. His fingertips undid the top button of her blouse and then another, causing the black combat blouse she was wearing to open up and reveal her cleavage. It was the most that Ronon had ever seen of Hope's athletic body and he resented that he was seeing that side of her in this way.

"You don't want to see this Ronon, it will do no good." Teyla murmured, her hand rubbing up and down her friend's arm in a bid to comfort him.

A growl emitted low in Ronon's throat, it was primal and savage. The urge to protect his mate was overpowering and the fact he was forced to watch this débâcle was making his blood boil with fire and molten hot fury.

"I'm not going to fuck her." Drew assured them as if reading Ronon's thoughts. "Hope here, was never my type but I'm sure Sheppard would know all about that wouldn't you?"

John felt that surge of ferociousness completely encumber his body, he was going to kill Hartford for his part in all of this. The other man deserved the most painful death imaginable for dragging all these people into his fucked up games.

His thumb chased up the curve of Hope's throat as he arranged the collar of her shirt so that the maximum expanse of her chest was on display.

"You have information don't you Hope?" Drew muttered, wrenching her hair once again so that she was immobile against him. "Information about other camps, about other people like our dearest Cassandra."

"Leave her the hell alone." Hope snapped, writhing and twisting in Drew's grasp as he laughed that taunting, soulless chuckle.

"That's out of my hands." Drew informed Hope as his gaze shifted to something beyond the sight of the camera.

_What the fuck was that supposed to mean?_ John found that acidic sickness raising up in him all over again at the implications.

Hope's onyx eyes followed the line of his vision, her eyes widening in terror at whatever she was seeing. Ronon could already see her heart rate accelerating, her struggle was becoming more desperate and it took a few minutes for Ronon to see why.

There was a Wraith in the room, it was starving and sick. Ronon had seen it before when Wraith captured others from a rival Hive, sometimes they would let their prisoners go insane with starvation taking pleasure in watching them wither from hunger.

The Wraith that was approaching Hope was gaunt, it's skin was paler than the others. It's white hair was straggly, hanging loose down it's back and over it's shoulders. There was a tattoo in the shape of a star inked into the flesh around it's left eye. It shuffled as if it was suffering, it's arms were attached to a brown leather belt locked around it's waist preventing it from raising it's arms in order for it to feed. One of the cuff's was undone, the Wraith was already flexing it's hand in anticipation.

"Oh my God." Elizabeth's gasp of repugnance was audible throughout the room.

It mirrored the thoughts of every single person watching this communication. This was despicable, it was nauseating to witness one of their own trapped in this position. The worst part was that Elizabeth understood that the Wraith would never have considered this an option. Recording the torture of your enemies was an entirely humanistic approach to the war that they were embroiled in. Her stomach was wrought with apprehension as they watched the final minutes.

Drew's hands came to rest on Hope's shoulders holding her firmly in place as the Wraith advanced. Ronon could feel his heart beating against his ribs like a violent hummingbird. He couldn't stand to watch this but he would force himself to. Her misery was his own and he would go endure every second of this with her. This would not be her burden alone if she survived.

Hope was fighting, Ronon could see the strain in her body as she bucked and struggled against her capturers. The Wraith's hand was outstretched, every second seemed to last hours before it placed it's taloned palm upon Hope's bare chest.

It was then that the screaming started.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, sorry you had to wait a little while for the chapter. It has been horrendously busy over the past day or so, we are doing Xmas stuff in store!<strong>_

_Pdx: Hey, it's nice to meet you. Thankies very much for the congrats and I sincerely appreciate the fact you took the time to review x_

_Brn: lol I know it's a little sick that I'm happy I made your eyes a little wet. You know he's going to try, John will do everything in his power to get Cass back even if it kills him. Lol It gets worse, who said this story would have a happy ending? Thankies very much for an emotive and exceptional review. _

_Shippo: I know the story keeps you on your toes! I hope that they somehow survive this too! Thankies very much such a wonderful review!_

_Alice: lol you know what I am like ruining char's lives for them. I'll keep my fingers crossed for a happy reunion. Thankies very much a good review!_

_Joey: That was a coinky dink! I have been dying to use the song for ages. Lol for some reason I can imagine John and her having a nice romantic C4 session. Lol I don't have an other half to worry about thankfully. Thankies for a awesome review!_


	102. Chapter 102: The Incubator

Chapter One Hundred and Two

_Sex and violence  
>Hit me with a lover, burns so bright<br>And one is just the other  
>Sweetest tastes, never gonna leave you<br>Even when it hurts you, breathe it, breathe it_

_Scissor Sisters – Sex and Violence_

Cass's woke up to a pounding headache, worse than anything that she had ever experienced before. Over the course of her time at the refugee camp she had been getting headaches like this with more frequency. It didn't take genius to work out that it was some how connected to whatever was going on here. Cass wanted to put a hand to her head, but her wrist jingled still restrained by her side to the metal operating table.

Her body was cold, she could feel the goosebumps raising all over her flesh at the coolness that settled over her semi naked form. Nothing had changed in the time since she had passed out. She was still clad in her underwear, the bandage was still covering her abdomen and she was still in excruciating agony from whatever wound was underneath it. Her limbs were stiff from her lack of movement, her shoulders ached and her wrists and ankles were bleeding and raw from struggling against the restraints. She wondered if this was part of the torture, lying here for hours on end with nothing but her own thoughts. The panic had long since subsided, acceptance had filtered through.

It took her more than a few minutes to shake off the disorientation and realize that there was another presence in the room. One that she recognized from the dreams that had been plaguing her consciousness as of late. It wasn't possible, she thought as heavy set footsteps drew closer to the table she was attached to. Yet it was the only real solution to what was happening.

The Wraith weren't acting in accordance of what they knew, for her to be strapped to this table for so long was out of character. The culling itself had seemed strange, from her experience with the Athosians the Wraith usually fed, destroyed and left. Instead they had captured all that they could preserving human life. For what purpose? Cass pondered as she tilted her head towards her captor. Even as she caught a glimpse of his humanoid features she thought she knew.

Experimentation.

Long, white fingers stroked the dark hair away from her features and it took the tensing of every single muscle in her body to prevent herself from flinching. It was clear that she was here for a reason, once they had been on the bridge to becoming friends and now...

Well Cassandra wasn't sure where they stood.

"We are friends Cassandra." Michael's voice echoed through the recesses of her mind. "More than that in fact."

It felt like a needle stabbing into the space behind her eyes, she ground her teeth together at the sensation until it passed before releasing a long deep breath of relief.

"Get out of my head." she croaked.

Cass felt the moment that he disconnected from her brain. It was like someone was pulling the plug and suddenly the surge of power that was erupting through her mind stopped. The headache was fading now, it ebbed out of her like a small river until the pain in her temples had drained away completely.

"It's an automatic reaction after being apart forso long." Michael told her, tugging the stool beside the operating table and seating himself upon it so that they were almost face to face. "I did not mean to cause you discomfort."

"You were doing it in the camp weren't you?" Cass asked as everything began to make a crazy sort of sense. "God that's what Drew was doing wasn't it? He was trading with you."

"In return for the enzyme and my guarantee that the camp would be protected." Michael added helpfully, his fingertip trailed along her bare arm as he surveyed her half naked form stretched out before him.

"You culled the camp." Cass reminded him, as bile raised up in her throat at the intimateness of the gesture.

"It was the only way to get what I wanted." Michael told her, his hungry gaze shifting to analyse her assets. "I needed more subjects for my latest batch of experiments."

"Is that what I am?" Cass snapped as he reached out and traced the line of her black sports bra. "An experiment?"

"No." Michael uttered sincerely. "You are so much more than that. I knew that you were different the first time we met."

Cass's breathing accelerated as his fingertip dipped lower into the curve of her belly button, his finger trailed along the longest of her scars causing her to shiver as he stroked the sensitive flesh.

"Do you find this arousing Cassandra?" he asked her, watching the expression on her face with interest.

Cass shook her head vehemently, her eyes were burning at the prospect at what was going to happen here. She couldn't resist whatever Michael chose to do but she could fight it, she could survive it. God, she wished that John would just swoop in like a white knight and rescue her but the possibility of that was shrinking.

"I find it disconcerting." she managed to get out against the lump in her throat.

Michael sighed, his shoulders sagged as he furled his fist so that he was no longer caressing Cassandra's skin. There was no point in coercing the unwilling, not when he had already completed his initial aim. His original plan of turning her into his Wraith Queen would have to wait until after the anointed time. Wraith Queens had a different set of reproductive organs than humans and he would never be able to fulfil his biological destiny if he turned her now.

"Perhaps in time you will change your mind." Michael stated hopefully as he turned his attention back to her facial features.

"I doubt that." Cass said staring up at the ceiling.

Already her mind was wandering away from him and towards another man. The one that had put that shiny bauble upon her finger. That enraged Michael, anger was a purely human emotion and it filled his body like a forest fire burning up inside of him.

"You should forget about him." Michael snorted unhappily. "Sheppard's not worthy of you."

"Uh huh." Cass muttered, sounding bitter. "I think I'll forgo the marriage counselling from super Wraith."

"Your loyalty is admirable." Michael informed Cass as he placed his palm upon her firm stomach, fingers splayed. "Do you think he'll feel the same while you grow with my child?"

Cass's head snapped towards him in disbelief, her sapphire eyes were wide in horror as she fixated on him.

"You know that can't happen." she told him, her voice quivering as the terror of the prospect filled her entire form.

"I beg to differ." Michael said, his thumb tracing the shape of her belly button. "After gathering a sample of your blood from Mr Hartford, I began to experiment on possible treatments..."

"What treatments?" Cass burst out abruptly.

"I was planning to give you several doses of the improved retrovirus so that your Wraith DNA would be the more predominant, eventually the changes would have been irreversible and you would have been exactly the same as me. You would have taken your rightful place as queen of the Hive." Michael explained to her as he rubbed across the bandage lightly.

"You were going to turn me into a Wraith?" Cass exclaimed, wincing as Michael pressed down on her stomach as she tried to shirk away from his touch.

"That's still the plan but your human side has one more function it needs to provide." he said like a proud Papa as he stared down at her naked belly. "Can you feel him inside you already?"

She felt sick and violated as she tipped her head up to stare at Michael's fingers doodling along the length of her scars as if he owned her. She hated the fact he could touch her like this, it was too intimate, too affectionate. Cass was struggling to digest the information that had just besieged her, there wasn't a chance in hell she was going to willingly have Michael's baby. The half Wraith, half humanoid creature was trying to use her as an incubator for the next stage of his experiments.

"I conducted the surgery while you were asleep. You may feel some minor discomfort over the next few days but don't worry the embryo has been accepted to your system. You should exhibit some symptoms over the next few weeks." Michael told her in a calm, reassuring tone.

Cassandra wanted to scream, she wanted to break loose of these bonds and to murder him for what he had done to her. The rage was vengeful and the frustration burned away at her like never before. The son of a bitch had committed one of the worst sins that could be inflicted upon a human being, he had impregnated her unwillingly. She could not believe that that this was happening to her. It was the most vile and perverse thing imaginable to Cassandra and the invasion made her feral.

"You bastard." she snarled as her temper ignited like an inferno sweeping it's way up inside her. "You forced this on me the same way they forced the treatment on you. This makes you worse than them! Your a monster Michael, you are a God damn monster and I will not be having this baby. Atlantis will find me and then your little experiment will be worthless."

A sickly smile curved across Michael's deformed features as his nostrils flared at the challenge ahead. There was so much she didn't know, yet she was so forceful and demanding even given her current predicament. He had chosen the right mother for his child and it would grow up fierce and strong like both of it's parents.

"They won't be looking for you." Michael told Cassandra firmly.

Cass let out a shrill, hostile laugh at his words.

"You think they're going to leave me here in your capable hands?" Cass retorted, yanking at her restraints.

"Actually I think Sheppard's going to have his hands full with his new wife." Michael informed Cass as her own familiar silhouette appeared behind him in the open doorway.

"Cassandra..." Michael addressed the woman lying on the operating table as an exact replica of herself stepped into the dim light. "Meet your replacement."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Well guys now you have it! This has what's been going on in Cass's side of the story!<strong>_

_Shippo: How much did you want to hug Ronon? I was writing it and saying 'sorry' to him for causing such havoc! The Wraith is a little hat tip to Todd, hopefully you'll understand what is happening to Cassandra at the minute. Thankies for a wonderful review!_

_Brn: I am really jerking you around aren't I? Lol Thankies for the pm! I am gonna listen to that song in a min. I am so glad that these two are in your mind constantly. I am thrilled I am able to manipulate your emotions with my writing! Thankies for a stunning review._

_Shep: I loved writing it but I really wanted to hug the both of them for going through so much trauma. I hope you enjoy (is that the right word?) this twist in the story. Drew deserved the worst fate imaginable. Thankies for an awesome review!_

_Monkey: lol I am a little glad I am making you suffer! I hope this chapter answers your question about what happened to Cassandra! You missy, will have to wait and see what happens. I was way ahead when I posted to be honest. Then when I get too close to the current chapter I reduce posting so frequently. Lol we have a possible ending but I am not sure yet. I sincerely hope that you feel better soon! Thankies for such an astounding review x_


	103. Chapter 103: War

Chapter One Hundred and Three

_And if I only could,  
>Make a deal with God,<br>And get him to swap our places_

_Placebo – Running Up That Hill_

Pain. It was the only thing that was keeping Ronon Dex hanging on while Hope was in the hands of those monsters. Her shrill screams were still ringing in his ears like flashbacks from his most cruellest of nightmares. He had lost track of the amount of years that had been claimed from her youthful form. Ronon had watched his mate's olive skin crinkle and wither as she aged decade by decade. Everytime he saw another year being stripped away from Hope, he knew was less time that he would get to spend with her.

The process has been slow and her whimpers of agony had stabbed him repeatedly in the heart like a hunter's knife. He was bleeding out inside the same way that she was. He didn't know if she would recover from the hell that she had been exposed to. Beckett had said that the feeding process was a traumatic experience on the human form and the elderly survivors of the Wraith lasted only a matter of months at most.

If this proved to be true that Ronon would ensure that the time he did have left with Hope would be the most happiest of her remaining life.

His large fingers ran over the indentation of his fist left in the frame of the metal locker. His hand was aching, the skin was broken and blood was smeared across his white knuckles. There was so much rage burning up deep inside of him, so much anger, so much fury. He had entered the locker room and sat upon the wooden bench preparing himself for the moment Sheppard said the word go.

The problem was the silence gave him time to think. Ronon had sat here and absorbed every single image he had been privy to and in turn he had lost it. Helplessness didn't cover what he was feeling, he would have given everything for their positions to have been reversed. He would have given his life a thousand times over for Hope and it had taken until now to gauge the entire depth of his feelings. He would still love her, no matter what she looked like or how frail she would be. That's what love was, it was accepting the other person for exactly who they were and he would do that for Hope.

Ronon dropped down onto the bench once more as the adrenaline drained out of him. The truth was he didn't even know if she was alive any more. There was no proof that she was dead, the video had been turned off long before they had reached the stage of fatality but he had seen enough to know if Hope did come back, she would come back damaged.

He'd barely allowed himself time to think about Cass, he couldn't bring himself to think about what had happened to her. Clearly there was something they didn't understand going on under the surface, Hartford had said that she was out of his hands and Ronon couldn't help but wonder what that meant. Did it mean she was dead?

He didn't want to consider that possibility. It would mean that he was giving up on Cass if he did. Sheppard was barely keeping himself together at the moment. Although his motions were controlled and automatic, Ronon could see the same wild beast that had pacing behind his own eyes waiting to be unleashed. He wasn't sure how Sheppard was managing to hold on but he assumed it was something to do with distancing himself from the situation.

Ronon didn't understand how he could do that, Cassandra was the love of the other man's life. He was inconsolable at the images he'd seen of Hope being abused so badly, if Sheppard had seen something similar Ronon suspected he'd already be on the war path flying his Jumper all over the Galaxy until he got a bead on his girl.

As luck would have it they were waiting on McKay to track the dogtags that Sheppard had forced him to rig with a transmitter, the signal was apparently intermittent at best. Where ever Cass was located was somewhere that blocked the signal periodically and that's why it was causing the genius so much God damn trouble.

Ronon let out a frustrated growl into his large hands as he ran them over his exhausted features. He hadn't slept since the culling had happened, he couldn't bring himself to close his eyes and see the images that he knew would haunt him in his sleep. He should have stayed with the two of them and sent one of the soldiers ahead. He had thought they were safe but clearly he had been wrong. He had spent the time in between the culling and the video going over things in his head. Had there been a sign that this was going to happen? Had he been too wrapped up in his own blossoming romance with Hope to see the bigger picture?

Hope, she was in this thoughts again. He relived that last night they had spent together in the office. He remembered the texture of her silky hair underneath his fingers, how tender and soft her lips felt as they brushed over his. He had never felt so deserving of someone else before, he had never desired someone so badly. He had wanted Hope that night, her soul and her body. Ronon had wanted to make her his, he wanted to show her the extent of his feelings but she wasn't ready. She was barely coming to terms with the chemistry that blazed between them, he had been letting her make the moves. He had placed his heart in her hands and let her set the pace.

He had lost track of the hours that they had spent cuddling together. Her kisses had been poignant and sweet, Ronon had enjoyed the time he had spent exploring the confines of her mouth. He had spent so much time learning all the little things that made up his beautiful exotic woman. He loved the way her nose crinkled just a little when he made her laugh. Her dark eyes were the most expressive that Ronon had ever seen, every time he stared into them he felt like he could see right into her soul. He knew that he was the only one privy to seeing that side if her and he adored the privacy of the notion.

Ronon swallowed hard against the lump in his throat, it was an aching mass restricting his breathing. He found himself getting lost in the darkness once more as the guilt crashed in like a wave washing over his head. He couldn't breath at the thought that the two of them may not return, Ronon couldn't imagine life without his mate or his friend. The world would become a very barren place for him. There would be no home for him if they didn't come back. His life would be about revenge, about massacring the bastards that had hurt them.

If Hope died...

There wouldn't be a shred of humanity left in Ronon Dex.

The door to the locker room banged open as Sheppard swept through, that determined, purposeful look upon his features. The team was behind him, Lorne was already barking out orders that Ronon could only guess Sheppard had give out prior to his entrance.

"Come on Chewie, we've got a location." Sheppard uttered, tearing open his own locker and yanking out his Tactical Vest.

Ronon rose to his feet, his hand already snaking down to his gun so his thumb came to rest on the switch that flicked between 'stun' and 'kill'. Sheppard watched the motion with a clinical detachment and he found himself agreeing with the unspoken statement that passed between them.

They would be taking no prisoners.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, it was wonderful to see such an amazing reaction to what Cass and Hope are going through!<strong>_

_Shep: I am glad your enjoying all of this. The story arc is such a wonderful thing to write and so challenging. Michael is purely malevolent. Thank you for all your continued support!_

_Brn: lol the aim of the game is to throw you out of the loop and I am glad that your are so surprised. I've never written something this extravagant and frightening. Lol, I'll keep my fingers crossed I keep you on your toes! Thankies for a great review!_

_Chesi: I am so glad you are enjoying this story! ON the topic of Drew I can imagine Ronon tearing him to shreds for what he has done to Hope. Lmao I love writing grumbling Ronon, he is so sexy and primal. Thankies so much for a fab review!_

_Joey: Your right Drew deserves all the evilness that can be showered upon him! I sincerely hope that there is a happy ending but who knows what will happen. I am glad your shocked and I wouldn't call it fearless lol Thankies for a wonderful review. _

_Shippo: Who knows what crazy things could go wrong with the rescue. I wanted to hug Ronon so much and smother him with kisses!_

_Alice: It's too late it's happened and it is so bitterly sad that she's pregnant with Michael's baby. It kills me to write it. Thankies for such a wonderful review._


	104. Chapter 104: Live and Let Die

Chapter One Hundred and Four

_But if this ever changing world  
>in which we live in<br>Makes you give in and cry  
>Say live and let die<br>_

_Guns and Roses - Live and Let Die_

They were underground, that was the first thing Hope had acknowledged since she had been thrown back into her cell. The whole facility where they were being held in was a giant cave with passageways and rooms etched into the stone. It was cold in here, there were breezes bellowing through the confines of the compound causing Hope to shiver in the cool air. Her slender fingers combed through her chestnut hair brushing it back from her exhausted features.

The trauma of the feeding had drained every single ounce of energy that Hope had. Every time she had gotten a hair's breath from dead, Drew had forced the Wraith to restore her life to her year by year. It was torture for the both of them, the only good point to it had been the fact her youth had been returned, which meant that Drew clearly still needed her for something.

Hope had lost count of the amount of times that the captive Wraith had drained the life right out of her and then brought her back again. It had been a hazy plateau of both torment and ecstasy. There was a very thin line between life and death and every time she had been yanked back had been practically euphoric. Having life stolen away year by year was complete agony but having it given back was beyond pleasurable.

They were keeping her alive, Hope had no idea why. During the heinous hours she had spent having the life sucked out of her she hadn't spilled any of the details they had requested. She would never betray other people to this tortuous fate, what she has been through had only reaffirmed that belief.

Cass was sitting beside her, her knees drawn up to her chest and her arms locked around them. She had been huddling like that since Michael had brought her to this God forsaken place. The second she'd stepped in the cell, the woman had been trying to put together an escape plan. Hope thought that was admirable, after she had been tossed back in here they had apparently moved on to Cassandra.

"I guess it would be too much to ask Drew to help us outta here." Hope muttered, her head coming to rest on the wall behind her.

Cass said nothing, she simply stared at the barred door as if expecting them to magically spring open. Hope thought the other woman may be in shock, she was responding as if she hadn't just endured hours of torture at the hands of some genetically mutated Wraith. Then again Hope guessed people dealt with things in different ways, she hadn't allowed herself to fall apart because she was so adamant about finding the other survivors of the refugee camp.

"They're gone." Cass muttered as Hope relayed her thoughts to the other woman. "Michael's already used them for his experiments and left us locked in here with that."

Her gaze shifted to the lone figure huddled in the opposite corner of their cell. The disgust in her voice was evident as was the curl of her lip. Hope understood her hate for the race, she had seen so much destruction at their hands but if Hope was honest with herself she didn't believe that the Wraith was any more in control if this situation as they were.

Todd, as she had named him was as much a prisoner in every right the same way that they were. He was being used as an inhumane instrument of torture and he was also suffering. Hope had never thought she would have compassion for a Wraith but in the time they had spent together alone in this cell they had struck up a sort of truce. They had hatched their own escape plan before Cass had been tossed in with them and no matter how much the other woman disagreed she wouldn't break her promise to the lone Wraith.

There were footsteps ringing out through the silence that had fallen between the three of them. Over the hours Hope had been dragged to and from the cell she had come to recognize the familiar sound of Drew's boots treading towards them.

"This is it Todd, get ready." Hope said quietly as she rose to her feet.

Todd shuffled forward as Cassandra slung back against the rock face of the wall in attempt to give them space in order to subdue Drew. His hateful face appeared in the corridor, his expression as dark as thunder as he drew even closer. Hope had come to fear that look, every time he came to her cell he was full of a malevolence that Hope had never seen prior to their time on Atlantis. She wondered if he had always been that way.

"Now give me the keys." Ronon's familiar rumbling voice filled the hallway as her mate stepped into view.

Hope couldn't describe the feeling that filled her up at the sight of the hulking Satedan. Her heart was soaring, she couldn't believe the contentment that filled up her tiny form. Just seeing Ronon here made her feel like everything was going to be alright, she could breath again for the first time since the culling. All that time she had spent as a victim, thinking she wouldn't be able to get through that abominable hell had paid off because when she looked at Ronon she knew he would help her survive this nightmare.

Ronon's gaze softened when he laid his eyes on her, she could see the animal prowling behind his eyes studying her intently. She could feel it taking in the damage she had taken and she refused to shirk away from it. There was no sense in hiding what had been done to her, she needed help and she wasn't too proud to ask for it. There was no shame in admitting vulnerability, not to Ronon.

"Lorne, we've got Cass and Hope. Keep searching for the others." Sheppard ordered as he stepped up beside Ronon, snatching the keys from Drew's hand with an impatience that Ronon understood and matched.

"They're dead." Cassandra told her husband as her small hands grasped the bars, her woeful blue eyes meeting his.

He expected to lose himself in that gaze, he expected to see everything in there just like he always did but instead all he could see was blue. There was no spark between them, no chemistry and when John thought about it, he chided himself for expecting it. She had been brutally tortured, the people she had been protecting had died, of course Cassandra would withdraw. He couldn't feel her when he reached for her, all there was was a crippling numbness right where her soul should be.

That scared John Sheppard more than he cared to admit. Having his wife back was paramount to him but he felt like he was looking into a barren, empty husk. For some reason she looked lifeless and dank, he had never seen this side of Cass but he was determined to help her through it no matter what the cost.

His eyes shifted to the lone Wraith fading back into the shadows, he had never seen one rattled before but it appeared that this one was unnerved by their appearance.

"His names Todd and he's a prisoner here just like us. They captured him from another Hive." Hope told them as John inserted the key into the door and unlocked it.

"Todd?" John repeated as he tore the door open.

Ronon snarled at the Wraith as he reviewed it with a cold primal rage. It had fed on his mate right before his eyes, the creature didn't deserve to live. He raised his gun and locked the diabolical creature in his sights as he flicked the switch to kill.

"Ronon." Hope uttered as she stepped in front of the Wraith with her arms spread. "You can't kill him, it wasn't his fault. They've been starving him."

"You have sympathy for him?" Ronon snapped, his jade eyes glowing with disbelief as he focused on Hope. "After what he did to you?"

"If you want to blame anybody blame Drew or Michael, they're the ones that set him on me." Hope reminded her mate. "Look I made a promise that we'd let him go and I can't break that, he was going to help us escape."

Ronon growled before he twisted his head towards Drew, his nostrils were flaring in fury as he regarded the other man with loathsome glare. He was scum and he deserved to die for what he had done to that camp.

"Chewie, let him out, we're taking Hartford back to Atlantis and we'll drop Todd off on the way." Sheppard informed he other man with an authority that left no room for questions. "Secure Hartford's hands, we'll release Todd's when we get to the outpost."

Ronon grunted in response before doing as he was told and shoving Hartford in front of him, Todd the Wraith followed suit, keeping his head bowed as he followed Hartford. Cassandra was already up front with Sheppard, the other man was leading the way with his P-90 prepared and ready for action.

Ronon cast a glance at Hope who was lingering closely by his side, he could feel her joy at being rescued radiating from her soul. He could also feel how broken she was inside, shards of her soul had been hacked out and it was taking everything in Ronon's power not to gather her up into his arms and kiss away those bruises on her pretty face. She cast him a grim smile, one that didn't quite meet her eyes. Ronon cleared his throat before turning his attention to the job at hand.

It was time to get the people he loved out of this hell hole.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey peeps, sorry this chapter is a little bit late. I went to see Rihana last night and she was awesome!<strong>_

_Alice: It is devilishly crap for them, I wanna hug both John and Ronon! Thankies very much for the review!_

_Brn: LMAO I love the whole thing you have going on with the chars, you so involved with them. It's terrible to watch someone you love getting hurt! Thankies very much for such a wonderful review!_

_Joey: I wanted to show the depth of their feelings and how it effects the both of them. Lol I think Cass is going to need friend. I really like writing Ronon in love, it's sweet! Thankies very much for such a stunning review!_

_Shippo: lol Seriously do you think that's the worst thing he's done so far? Just you wait! Thankies very much!_

_Chelsi: I adore Ronon and I really hope that everything turns out ok for him. I want to hug the poor man for everything he is going through. Ronon is a very sexy man and I am glad he's so protective! Thankies very much for such a wonderful review!_


	105. Chapter 105: From Hell

Chapter One Hundred and Five

_I'm gonna drink my tears tonight  
>I'm gonna drink my tears and cry<br>Cuz' I know you love me baby  
>I know you love me baby <em>

_Lady Gaga – Government Hooker_

Hell, Cass was in literal hell. She had been confined to a tiny room inside the Hive ship with no hope of escape. There was only one way in and one way out and that was through the organic webbing which unfortunately only responded to fully fledged Wraith DNA. She had spent hours trying a series of ways to escape this stupid little cell and nothing had worked. The webbing was too thick for her to pull apart and her hands were already throbbing from her attempts to stretch the rubbery skin like material.

Jesus Christ everything was hurting inside and out, she was reliving the past six hours trying to make sense of everything that had happened. Her mind was stumbling over the turn of events and she was having problems trying to come to terms with the fact her friends and her husband had just rescued a Clone of herself. It felt like she was trapped in some kind of insane late night Scifi movie. She didn't even know clones could exist, if she hadn't seen the completed version herself she wouldn't have believed it.

Cass looked down at the splinted finger on her left hand from where the bitch had broken it. She had refused to give The Clone her wedding ring, she had told it it would have to pry the platinum silver circle off her cold dead hand.

_The Clone seemed to have taken great joy in trying to wrench open Cassandra's tiny fist before it snapped her finger. The clear cracking sound was drowned out by the sound of her own high pitched scream at the sudden burst of white hot pain. It liked listening to her cry out in agony as it snatched up her wedding ring. Cass had been forced to watch while she slipped it onto her own marriage finger, admiring her new adornment with a sickly sweet smile. _

"_Your man made a good choice." The Clone had smirked, staring at the pretty ring._

_Cass had said nothing, her teeth were clenched together in fury as she stared up at the ceiling with tears trailing from the edges of her eyes. It was humiliating to be treated like this especially by someone who was essentially herself. Or rather an evil version of herself, there was malice in the other woman's gaze as she stared down at Cass tilting her head in a way that was so oddly familiar that it gave Cass deja vu._

"_Don't worry I'll take good care of him." The Clone told her with that similar sultry smile. _

_Cass tilted her head towards the The Clone, her sapphire eyes narrowing as rage flooded her system once more. It was bad enough that Michael had knocked her up and created this sickening monstrosity but for this stupid fake version of her to actually bait her like this, God it made Cass's blood boil. There wasn't a chance in hell John was going to fall for her little charade. There was more to them than flesh and vows, there was a deep intimate connection that could not be broken or weathered and the instant that this hussy even tried to touch him Cassandra was sure he would bite her hand clean off._

"_Do you think he won't be able to tell the difference between the real thing and some cheap copy?" Cassandra had snarled at her Clone._

"_I've got everything that you've got." The Clone reminded her, exemplifying her modest curves. "And I'll make sure Sheppard knows how grateful I am for rescuing me."_

"_Don't you God damn touch him." Cass spat at her Clone. "I swear to God I will kill you if you touch him."_

The Clone had simply laughed and walked out of the door without so much as a finger wave. She wanted to murder the bitch for what she was going to do to her husband. Cass perched on the tiny cot in her room and sunk into the deepest corner drawing her knees up to her chest before burying her face into them. Michael had told her that the rescue team had arrived and stolen away Hope and The Clone just as he was transporting her back to the Hive ship.

The news had shattered her final thread of hope. She was positive that John would have come for her, that somehow he would have known that The Clone wasn't the real version of Cass but it wasn't true. Instead he had left her here alone to bear the bastard child of a Wraith hybrid. God, there was so much despair rising up inside of her, the sea of hopelessness was drowning her. There was nothing she could do anymore, she had done everything that was humanly possible to escape this place and it hadn't worked. Michael was breaking her down exactly the way he wanted to and she was powerless to stop it.

She wondered what was doing to happen to her now, already she could feel her body adjusting and shifting to accommodate the new life form growing inside of her. Michael had said it would only take a few hours until her body came to terms with the ongoing change. He had used an accelerant during the surgery in order to speed up the process of her pregnancy. She hadn't bothered to tell him that this whole experiment was probably going to be a waste of time.

Back when Cass had been discussing options with Carson he had told her that she wouldn't be able to carry a child beyond the four month mark, her cells just simply couldn't handle it. This endurance was only serving the purpose of keeping her from becoming some sort of Wraith. After her shift as an incubator was up Michael would be switching her purpose to that of the Queen of his ship.

This was the lesser of two evils. It was still perverse and sickening to be in this position but it was better than the alternative. At least for now she was still human and that was the best she could hope for until she was rescued...

Cass felt that familiar well of sadness raising up inside of her once more. There had already been a rescue operation and they had taken the Clone instead. Now Cass was trapped in a Hive Ship with no way off it. Even if she could escape this room she had no idea how to get off the ship, she couldn't pilot a Dart. She was completely helpless.

Cass rubbed her hands over her exhausted facial features. She would not allow herself to cry, that would not help this situation, she needed to figure away out of here herself. Maybe when the Hive landed, she'd be able to find a way off this nightmare. Then she could get back to John and save him from her Clone.

God, she didn't even want to think about what they were doing right now but the images were flashing through her head like a movie. If she was at home they would be making love and the thought of watching her husband's hands caressing The Clone's body nauseated her. It would be her lips that he was kissing, her skin that he was stroking. She couldn't stand the idea of him whispering all those sweet endearments into the other woman's ear.

God Cass missed him. Her eyes were burning with tears as she sniffed, struggling to hold back the emotion that was bundled up in her throat. She wanted John to be here, holding her in his arms and making her feel safe. Hot salty tears leaked down the apples of her cheeks almost compulsively. She couldn't help the way she was feeling, she couldn't switch off the facet of emotions. She was alone and scared and she needed her husband, she needed him to know that The Clone wasn't her.

Cass reached out for him along their connection, he was there but she could sense that he was busy. Probably with The Clone, Cass felt bitterly. He was probably tending to her needs, loving her the way he should be loving his real wife.

_John?_ She queried. _John can you hear me?_

There was nothing, no answer, no acknowledgement. It was like the real Cassandra Sheppard didn't even exist.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! It has been a busy day, I have been in work doing the Christmas set up hence why I haven't had time to update!<strong>_

_Brn: lol I am so glad that you are getting wrapped up in this story, that's what I strive for. Lol your words are too kind! I feel so sorry for John at the min, he thinks he's getting his wife back. I honestly think that John will need a punching bag after this or at least a holiday! Thankies very much for such a splendid review!_

_Shippo: lol unfortunately it didn't quite work the same way as they would have hoped. I really love the song too, it's my fav James Bond movie! Thankies for the review!_

_Alice: lol I don't think he's going to handle it very well! I hope that their revenge is sweet too! Thankies for the review. _

_Chesi: You are right to be worried about Cass, this must damage her mind and soul so terribly. Carson and John will be wonderful help. I just pray that she manages to hold on. Drew needs to be murdered horribly, he is such a dick! Thankies for such an amazing review!_

_Monkey: I think your the only person who has realized that before this chapter. I feel so God Damn sorry for what Cass is going through right now! I am glad that your loving this and it thrills me that your caught up in this story! I am glad you had such a good time at the Comedy Club! Thankies for an astounding review._


	106. Chapter 106: Shelter

Chapter One Hundred and Six

_I'm falling apart  
>I'm barely breathing<br>With a broken heart  
>That's still beating<br>In the pain  
>There is healing<br>In your name  
>I find meaning<em>

_Lifehouse - Broken_

It was late when Ronon felt it. It burst through his consciousness like a stone bring thrown into a serene pond, it's ripples still plaguing his mind as he jerked awake. Anguish filled him as emotions so raw they felt like they had been flayed from beneath his skin haunted him. It was fresh, like a wound that had just been ripped right open. He hadn't felt like this since Sheppard had rescued him from his own crippling despair back on that planet with the furiously hot days. It took a few minutes for Ronon to sort through the overwhelming feelings that were coursing through him, the disorientation from sleep made him weary and confused.

Hope...

Ronon realized that this bundle of hopeless emotions was coming from her. She was scared, the terror seized her like a vice, choking the life right out of her. Ronon was already drawing back the cool sheets and pouncing onto his feet. He snatched up the light grey sweats that he used for runs against Sheppard, yanking them on in record time before pulling on a white v-neck T-shirt over his bare muscular chest. Ronon was already slipping through the doors to his quarters and heading towards the Transporter.

Ronon knew what it was like to be frightened and alone. He could feel her attempts to repress the sadness that flooded her system. She had lost everything in the culling, all her personal effects had been destroyed and the life that she had known had gone up in smoke.

Ronon knew what it was like to lose your position, to have everything you possessed snatched away from you. Hope didn't have a role any more and he knew that that sense of displacement was hard on her. Couple that with her experiences at the hands of Michael and her dreams had become the stuff that nightmares were made of. She had survived something that could only be described as heinous, that residual effect would leave patterns on her mind for years to come.

He raked both hands through his long dreadlocks securing them at the base of his back with a simple hair elastic he kept braided around his wrist. The feeling was getting worse with every step he took. He could feel the devastation filling her up and Ronon wanted nothing more than to take it all away.

Ronon pressed the small notch for the doorbell inside Hope's apartment. He knew she was up, he could hear her moving around on the other side of the metal doors. There was no hiding from Ronon, not with the connection that ran so strongly between them. He wondered if she knew that, if she knew that he was experiencing everything she felt. It was a double edged sword at best.

It meant that Ronon would never be able to shroud his own feelings away from her and he found that difficult to come to terms with. He had always been a solitary man even in his past relationships. His thoughts and feelings were his own and he enjoyed the solitude immensely. Sharing them with anybody else verbally was hard for him and to do it so naturally through a mental bond was frightening. Yet Ronon would never be able to ignore it.

The doors glided open revealing Hope standing before him clad in the burgundy pyjamas they gave to the patients in the Infirmary. Her layered, chestnut hair was bedraggled and her onyx eyes were rimmed with red. There was no way to hide the fact that she had been crying, there were tears still rolling down her cheeks as he stepped inside her quarters, his heart literally aching with the desire to absolve her fears.

His thumb reached out, smoothing away the salty tears that slipped down her flushed cheeks. Her eyes were glistening as she stared up at him sadly. He was seeing everything and she was letting him. His large hands enclosed on her shoulders drawing her tiny lithe body closer to his protective male form. Ronon's strong arms wrapped around Hope cradling her with the entirety of his love. He wanted her to feel everything he felt for her. He would shelter her from whatever harm that came her way, he would tear her enemies to pieces, he would die for her.

Hope clutched at his shirt soaking it with her tears before she broke down completely. Her sobs were antagonized and cut him deeper than any blade ever could. Her entire body vibrated with the sorrow that ran through her veins, his fingers played along the knots of her spine as he whispered sweet endearments into her hair as he inhaled the sweet scent of orange blossoms.

"I love you," he whispered to her. "I will never let anything hurt you like that again."

Those words made all the difference. They were promises, vows that Hope understood Ronon would keep until his dying day. He meant everything he said and that admission of love, well there had never been anything that had touched her so intimately. She believed in him and everything he stood for. The shelter of his arms was a welcome relief from the horrific dreams that had torn through her sleep. It was only when she was alone did she begin to come to terms with what had happened to her. Up until then she had been running on adrenaline, bolstered by other people. There hadn't been time to think because there were so many problems to solve. Yet in the quiet when she closed her eyes, she saw Todd's hand stretching towards her like a spectre out of the darkness and that pain...

It was indescribable.

Ronon could feel her settling, that restless, rampant fear was beginning to evaporate as her crying began to subside. His lips brushed her forehead delicately. He was always gentle with her, he was painfully aware of his large structure and the damage that he could do to her humble frame by accident. He would never wish Hope to be scared of him, the thought was worse than any emotional damage he could bare.

The hug was becoming more intimate than comforting, he could feel that familiar chemistry twisting in the air around them and he ignored it. Now was not the time for his body's sultry demands, now was the time for strength, he would be whatever Hope needed and right now she needed him to be there for her. To hold her and tell her that everything was going to be alright.

They were already moving back towards the bed instinctively. Ronon refused to release her from his grasp, he had become far to accustomed to having her by his side and he could feel her panic every time she felt his grip begin to loosen.

"I need you to stay tonight." she mumbled into his chest.

Her lips were so tantalisingly close to his heart, it filled him with contentment to have her this close, to know that she needed him as much as he wanted her. They're lives were entwined in ways that were not their own. Ronon firmly believed that their destiny belonged to the stars and their meeting had been no coincident. He used to question what higher power would create a galaxy full of creatures called the Wraith? Why would they allow such suffering and torment?

Then Atlantis had intervened after seven long years of living entirely on his own survival skills and he began to wonder if they had been the thing that saved him. He would never admit how much they had given back to him, he would be eternally grateful but he felt all of that was leading towards this. He could appreciate Hope now because of his experiences and he had a firm, first hand knowledge of what she was going through. He would never turn down her request to stay with her. If he had things his way, the two of them would be curled up in his quarters right now sleeping the night away.

Ronon was already taking charge of this situation, he understood that right now she could barely function, that the intense mental agony she was in was too much to deal with. He would not take advantage of her vulnerable state. She was his and the desire to claim her surged through him vividly whenever the two of them were alone together but this wasn't about sex for Ronon. It was about love and loving somebody so much that you were afraid of losing them because you knew that a part of you would vanish too.

He pulled back the bedsheets, guiding Hope onto the bed so that they were lying side by side as he drew them back up over their bodies. They were making eye contact again, their forms were entwined with one another on every level. Ronon could feel her soul opening up to him little by little. The animal inside him decided to investigate, it padded towards her lightly as not to alarm her. It's cool wet nose prodded her tentatively before tilting it's head to monitor her response. It understood that she needed to lick her wounds and that in itself was a private process. Hope clasped it's shaggy features between her metaphysical hands before the animal let it's tongue loll out of it's mouth playfully. To her immense surprise she found herself laughing at it's cute, frolicsome expression.

The sound was music to Ronon's ears, he felt her entire world light up inside of him as she tucked her face into the curve of his throat in a gesture of unity. A smile was creeping across his own features as he buried his face in her silky hair once more and gathered her up close. He could feel her mind easing away from him and slipping into a tranquil rest. He had no idea how long he lay there listening to the sound of Hope's soft, even breathing but Ronon knew that for the next few hours she would be in a peaceful, serene sleep.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I thought you deserved a little Hope and Ronon time!<strong>_

_Monkey: You are not the only one that would batter her to death! Michael will never be a nice person, he's just made of evil. I am so glad that you are so enthused about this story, your words were so kind and they made me grin. Thankies very much for such a splendid review!_

_Brn: lol there was a lot going on in that chapter! It's true that I am sitting here like some evil villain cackling wildly. Thanks very much for such a wonderful review!_

_Alice: You are so right! Cass will murder her for touching John! Thankies very much for a good review!_

_Chesi: No body said that I was a nice girl :p He'll have to figure things out for himself but who knows how long it will take! Thankies for your kind words, they are sincerely appreciated. _

_Joey: I want to hug Cass as much as you do. Poor John, I want to smother John with love for the trauma he is going to experience! Thankies very much for a splendid review!_


	107. Chapter 107: Just A Dream

Chapter One Hundred and Seven

_Cos I can still feel it in the air  
>See her pretty face run my fingers through her hair<br>My lover, my life, my shawty, my wife  
>She left me, I'm tied<br>Cos I knew that it just ain't right_

_Nelly – Just A Dream_

There was something wrong. John wasn't sure what it was but he could feel it echoing through their connection like a wind chime blowing in the breeze. John couldn't expect everything to be alright simply because they had rescued his wife from Michael's clutches. She was bound to be distant, Cass had been through something hateful and traumatic but for some reason John had expected more. Ever since he had escorted her back from the infirmary she had been remote and aloof. Instead of leaning into him the way she usually did when she was tired he could see her drifting away.

Even when they had gotten into the apartment her behaviour had been odd. She had strolled through the place taking in everything as if she was seeing it for the first time. Her fingers caressed the little wooden horse that her father had carved for her when she was a child, it matched the similar set she had bought Annabel at a craft fair back home. He thought of that little cat that she had used to sleep with back at the camp and found himself saddened by it's lost, he knew Cass would be too.

John had watched as she pulled open the drawers searching for her pyjamas, it taken her a while to find them but he understood what she meant when she said she needed a few minutes to re-familiarise herself with all of their belongings. Being held in captivity really made you miss the small stuff, he guessed.

If he was honest all he had really missed was her, her sweet feminine scent, the press of her skin against his and the touch of her lips when she kissed him. There was a strange feeling to her, John could sense something 'other' and he couldn't put his finger on what was wrong.

_There is something wrong,_ John thought. _It shouldn't be like this. _

The two of them were lying on opposite sides of the bed with the hugest gap between the two of them. She had attempted to seduce him before when she was getting undressed, his lovely wife had began to strip off her clothes in the most tantalising way possible and John simply couldn't respond to it. His mind knew this was his wife, but his soul and his body wouldn't accept it. Her kisses had fallen on an unwillingly mouth and John was surprised to find them different. She didn't kiss like his wife, her mouth was unfamiliar and her motions were like a stranger roaming his athletic frame.

It made him feel queasy and ill to have this 'other' Cass touching him, he had taken her delicate hands in his and apologised for his reaction, he had lied saying he was exhausted and he just needed rest. He thought he'd seen a glimmer of something behind her blue eyes, John didn't know what it was and he had never seen it before. She had sighed in disappointment before turning around and changing into a black silk chemise and matching pyjamas shorts.

That was another thing that sent alarm bells ringing in his head, Cassandra was like him. When they did wear pyjamas it was something comfortable instead of revealing. He couldn't deny she looked amazing wrapped in black silk but he missed the Cassandra that wore cute, nerdy T-shirts to bed. He loved that sweet, pretty side of her that curled up in his arms. Instead now he was stuck with this cool, reserved woman laying on the opposite side of the bed to him.

The two of them never fell asleep apart when they were in the same bed, Cassandra always gravitated to the nearest source of heat in the bed. Even when they were fighting he always woke up with her cuddled up to his sleeping form.

John stared up at the ceiling, his arm thrown over his head as he sighed out loud. This wasn't his Cassandra, he could feel it deep inside. He wondered how the hell he was supposed to reconnect with his wife, she deserved the best of him but he couldn't offer her any part of himself. He seemed to be closing off and withdrawing from his soulmate, something he promised that he would never do.

John closed his eyes and rolled onto his side away from the sleeping form of the woman he had married wondering what had caused his feelings to change.

The beach was still as gorgeous as the day the two of

* * *

><p>them had gotten married. The stunning blue sky was clear and the sun was beaming down on John Sheppard as he closed his eyes and let himself enjoy it's loving warm caress. The sand under his bare feet was hot but enjoyable, he could feel himself unwinding already as his wife's small hand slotted into his like it belonged there.<p>

John tilted his head towards Cassandra as she stood behind him staring out to sea. It was calm and tranquil out there, the way it had been on that day and Cassandra looked amazing. Her dark silky hair was loose and free flowing in the breeze, fluttering around her pale features. She was wearing the same white linen blouse and denim shorts she had been wearing for their wedding. He understood that this was a dream, that was the only way they can be here together feeling like this.

His heart was singing again, there was a sudden moment of unity as Cass squeezed his hand tightly in hers. Their soul's touched briefly and John felt himself sigh in relief as her love resonated through him.

"Your really here?" John asked her quietly.

"Yea this is all me." Cass agreed sounding sad at the prospect.

"What's going on?" John murmured as the fractured thoughts floated around his head. "How come I can feel you here but not at home?"

"Isn't that the million dollar question?" Cass said with the shake of her head.

"I don't understand." John told her, clutching her hand even tighter.

"She's not me John." Cass stated, her pert lips turning into a sulky pout.

This was the wife that he knew and loved. This was Cassandra in all of her glory, smart and straight to the point. This was the piece that the one at home was missing, this was her heart and soul. He wanted to ask what had happened to her, had the trauma cause her to break apart? Was she forced to hide that part of herself to live through the torture?

"I know." John muttered with agitation. "I knew the second she kissed me."

Cass let out a low growl at his words causing John to chuckle as he wrapped his arm around her slender shoulders and gathered her closer to his firm athletic frame. It was good to have her in his arms, she felt like home and John wanted nothing more than to feel like this forever. He inhaled her soft, angelic scent. God, John had missed this, he missed her and everything that came along with her. John hugged her even closer, drawing her into the comforting shelter of his arms. It was clear she was struggling, he could see the war going on behind her sapphire eyes before his chin came to rest upon the top of her head.

"Occam's Razor." Cass whispered into the confines of his chest.

"The simplest explanation is most likely the correct one, no matter how improbable?" John responded, his eyebrows furrowing into a thoughtful frown. "We didn't rescue you did we?"

"No." Cass said burying her face into the planes of John's chest.

"We brought back someone else?" John queried.

A cold calmness was sweeping through his veins. It was a ridiculous suggestion, it was impossible but it would make sense. He didn't feel connected to the Cassandra back home, she was different, the things she did, the words she used. God it wasn't his Cassandra, it was a replacement. This had to be some sort of sick joke. He wanted it to be but he knew in his heart that it wasn't true. This was his Cassandra and she was still in Michael's hands, locked away somewhere.

"I'm sorry." John said, his voice full of remorse. "Jesus Christ Cassie, I am so sorry."

"Just come find me ok?" Cass responded with desperation in her tone. "Just promise that you'll find me."

"I will." John assured her. "If it's the last thing I ever do."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I am having an excellent day today, I have written two chapters and experimented with making Banoffee Cupcakes, they turned out pretty well!<strong>_

_Shippo: Thanks for reviewing both chapters I really appreciate it! I thought we needed a little glimpse into Ronon and Hope because they have been going through some stuff too. I enjoyed writing them!_

_Alice: lol I could imagine that too and let's put it this way the clone would entirely deserve to be pistol whipped and shot. Lol Ronon and Hope are a totally amazing couple, Ronon deserved so much and I hope that he gets everything he deserves! Thankies for the review. _

_Joey: I think Ronon has the power to heal her and vice versa, the two of them need each other in ore ways that they know I think. LMAO I am so glad that we have the same thought on Ronon and his animal. Thankies so much for a wonderful review!_

_BRN: I am glad you found this sweet, I really enjoyed writing it! Thankies for such a great review!_

_Monkey: Hope is so lost at the moment and it makes me wanna hug her. I love Ronon's reaction to her, they are so connected at the moment. Thankies very much for such a splendid review!_


	108. Chapter 108: Wishes

Chapter One Hundred and Eight

_I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing  
>Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in<br>Cause I got time while she got freedom  
>Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break<em>

_The Script – Break Even_

Cassandra, or rather the thing that claimed to be her was gone by the time John woke up and not for the first time in over a month he found himself relieved to find her missing from their bed. He had become convinced over the time he had spent with his wife that she was not what she seemed. His Cass was kind hearted and caring, this one was selfish and deceitful. There was purpose in every single one of her actions, he could see the calculation in her dull blue eyes as she reviewed him.

John knew he was a pawn in a much larger game. It was disconcerting to say the least. The dreams were getting worse, they were coming in waves every single night and they were so real he swore he could feel his wife's tender flesh as he caressed the apple of her cheek. He could feel her desperation getting more frenzied every time she visited. Her strength was fading, he could feel her getting weaker with each connect she made. There was something else going on inside of her, something she wasn't telling him about and it was creating a strain on their connection.

John had spoken to Elizabeth about this a week after their return from the caves where Michael had been holding Cass and Hope. He had told her that they hadn't brought back his wife, they had returned someone else in her place. It made him feel sick to think of Cass trapped back there in Michael's hands, who knew what he was doing to her.

Elizabeth thought that the problem was with him, that he had detached himself so much from the situation when it was happening that he was having problems trying to reconnect with his wife. She said it was only natural for him to feel estranged from someone he loved after they had been through something so horrendous. She had suggested a trip to go see Doctor Heighmeyer to deal with his attachment issues.

Her dismissal was infuriating. Admittedly he did have some issues but they were not clouding his judgement on this. This Cass was not his own and he God damn wanted his wife back even if he had to steal a Jumper and find her himself. He understood that Elizabeth would not let him venture out without some sort of proof. Yet he wasn't exactly sure how he was supposed to go about doing that.

At first he had suspected Elizabeth had been right, his own mind was playing tricks. Cassandra wouldn't speak to him about her experiences and that made him feel inadequate. He had asked her to go see Heightmeyer but she refused, in fact she had laughed at the possibility at discussing her private life with a stranger.

That had been one of the deciding factors for John, his Cass had spent hours chatting with Doctor Heightmeyer after she had been attacked by Sergi. It had given her nightmares and damaged her mental condition until she had gotten the help she needed. She had given Kate Heightmeyer flowers for getting her to move past the event. This Cass couldn't tell who the hell Kate Heightmeyer was.

John rolled onto his back, his arm coming to rest above his head as he stared at the ceiling wishing that things were different. He had believed that wishes never got you anywhere but his Cassandra had believed. She made wishes on shooting stars, whilst blowing out candles and when she tossed pennies into fountains. John was more of a man of action and he thought that the 'other' Cassandra was of a similar mind set. That meant that he had to step up his game if he was going to figure her out.

John pulled back the bed sheets and rose to his feet, stretching out all the muscles in his back and causing the vertebrate in his spine to pop. He ached from the tense position he had been sleeping in over the past few nights and he had taken to wearing a T-shirt and sweats to bed every night so that 'other' Cass wouldn't get any ideas the same way she had the first night.

John shuddered at the thought of her attempt to seduce him, it filled him with nausea to think of her taking off her clothes and flaunting his wife's body in such a manner. He knew what she had been trying to do since day one and he wasn't going to fall for it. Sleeping with someone built up a bridge of trust, a relationship formed between the two of you and if 'other' Cass had succeeded in making him believe that she was his wife she would have a powerful ally on her side.

Fortunately he wasn't the only one that thought something was going on with Cass. Ronon had commented on her brisk, almost irritable nature when he had asked her to give Hope a tour of the city. Carson was surprised by her sudden interest in the retro virus and the progress he had made in the past few months. Teyla had quietly taken him aside two days ago and informed him that something seemed off with his wife, she was distracted and weary.

Teyla thought that she was hiding something, that Cass was more guarded than usual due to her one word responses. McKay thought that her renewed interest in the city protocols was an affect of her abduction, the other man had pointed out to John that he would probably be equally as paranoid about security if he had been in the same situation.

Separately all of these little things could be attributed to post traumatic stress, together they showed John that there was a glaring flaw in Cassandra's psyche. The fact other people were beginning to notice made him realize there was much more to this than his own mind creating problems out of thin air.

John raked his fingers through his untidy brown hair before his gaze strayed to the silver picture frame that was resting on Cass's mahogany dressing table. It was their wedding day and Jules had insisted that the two of them partook in being photographed just like in any normal wedding. They had posed for what seemed like hours, each frame getting sillier and sillier in the tiny, green plush gardens of the chapel. That was one of his favourite images in all of the universes.

Cass looked stunning, her wedding dress clung to her modest curves, adorning her like an angel. Her straight dark hair had been wavy and free flowing. The vibrant blue lotus flower matching her stunning eyes. John, himself had never looked happier than in that moment, he had been hugging Cassandra from behind, she looked relaxed, fitting into his body like she belonged there.

_I'll find you Cassandra._ He promised her, before reaching for his comm and clipping it onto his ear.

John had asked Carson to run every test imaginable on the blood and DNA samples that Cass had given him when he had been checking her over after the abduction. He had relayed his theory to Beckett expecting to be scorned or ridiculed but instead he had found that the other man had been on his side.

He too had noticed Cassandra's odd behaviour over the past few days and it didn't settle right with him. He had spent a lot of time over the past few years with Cass as a colleague and a friend. John should have trusted that the other man would know that something wasn't right and sure enough Carson had already been engaging in his own second set of testing before John had made his request.

"Beckett? It's Sheppard. You go those test results back yet?" John questioned as he searched through the shared wardrobe for his grey combats.

"Colonel, I was just about to call you. There's something you need to see." Beckett informed him, his deep Scottish lilt twinged with concern.

John rubbed his hand over his unshaven features at the sound of the other man's voice. He already knew from the way that Beckett was talking that he had been right in is assumptions. John touched the comm once more as a sense of urgency filled him. They had a traitor on their turf and John Sheppard was ashamed to say that it was his own wife.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, sorry this one is a little late. Work has been busy as hell and I have done a little over time over the last few days!<strong>_

_Brn: lol he knows but the problem is getting other people to believe in it too. Poor John appears to be carrying the torch alone for now. I'll keep my fingers crossed that he does find her but you never know what might happen! Thankies for a wonderful review._

_Shippo: I hope so too, but who knows what will happen. Michael won't give her up easily and that is the frightening part. Thankies for the review!_

_Alice: I thought that song was very appropriate for what the two of them were going through. I think he will do a lot worse than that if push comes to shove. Thankies very much for the review!_

_Joey: OMG I know what you mean, I was also screaming at him to realize before something happened between the two of them. No matter how evil I was I could never write the two of them together. It would be wrong and horrid. I keep my fingers crossed it ends well! Thankies for an awesome review._

_Monkey: lol as you can see he can't do much without proof although he would love nothing more than run after his wife and bring her home. Cass is having an awful time, it makes me wanna hug her. Thankies for such an amazing review!_


	109. Chapter 109: Slow

Chapter One Hundred and Nine

_Her lips, her lips  
>I could kiss them all day if she let me<br>Her laugh, her laugh  
>she hates but I think it's so sexy<br>She's so beautiful  
>And I tell her everyday<em>

_Bruno Mars – Just The Way You Are_

Bed was swiftly becoming Ronon's favourite place. He had never been one to laze around between the sheets. He rose when the sun did and packed his days with flurries of activity, starting with a run and ending with several sparring matches between Sheppard and the Marines. Only now Hope was in his life and he had been spending his nights in her bed just holding her close against him in the way that she belonged. She was the perfect fit for his body and soul. He was calm when she was near, he had never been so happy and contented as he was right here and now huddled against her.

Hope was tucked into the spooning frame of Ronon's protective form. He slept with his back to the door in case of incoming danger, his body shielding Hope from harm. It was an unconscious urge that was ingrained deeply into the primal side of his being. He couldn't stand watching Hope being tortured by the Wraith and he would do everything he could to make her feel safe and to set his own mind at ease. The animal in him curled around his mate's body tucking himself in even closer. She was his and he would never let her go.

The human side of Ronon was responding to this closeness in the usual way it did when he woke up in the morning. The erection he was struggling to hide within his sweats was growing more insistent by the second as his large hand settled on Hope's small waist, his thumb lightly caressing the line of her rib cage. His cold nose chased up the curve of her throat followed by the warm sweet kisses he planted upon her flesh. He loved feeling her against him like this, it felt so right. Ronon knew that she belonged here with him for eternity.

Hope stretched out along the length of Ronon's body unfurling like a kitten, her ass came to rest right against his pelvis causing a delicious sensation of friction against Ronon's aching cock. He growled in approval into her ear compulsively as she arched just a little more against his hips. Ronon's fingers skated across the hem of the large T-shirt that she was wearing. It was his own and it gave him a sense of pride to see her adorned in it. It was a sign of ownership to him, she was allowing him to become her partner and it was just another shining example of how comfortable they were becoming with one another. His heated palm lightly massaged her smooth, bare thighs caressing them in an affectionate manner.

He was only just getting used to touching her, it had been so long since he had been anywhere near intimate with a woman and he understood that there were boundaries between them that he didn't want to over step. Hope was someone who brought reassurance with the simplest of gestures, she was used to showing affection, she never had to hide her emotions and Ronon was learning by example. He found it hard to reach out, he shirked away from it because he feared rejection but even now he was changing and re-adapting to be with this amazing woman.

When they walked down the corridor Ronon would linger in Hope's proximity enjoying the chemistry between them and wondering whether it would be ok to take her hand, to put his arm around her shoulders, to kiss her in public. She seemed to sense his unsurity and she would make the decisions for him. Her tiny hand would slip into his and instantly he would clasp it gratefully, he enjoyed showing other people she was off limits. He constantly bared his teeth or snarled at any of the marines that seemed to take an interest in his woman.

If Hope found this overbearing he would have tried to stop immediately but she seemed to take having a mate like Ronon in her stride. It was one of the things that made her perfect for him. She was easy going and laid back, she could put him at ease in seconds and that was no mean feat.

Now Ronon was more distracted by other things, they hadn't engaged in any sexual conduct and he worried about his abilities as a lover. It had been a long time since he had made love and he wanted to give Hope the most pleasurable experience imaginable when the event eventually did happen between the two of them.

He hadn't discussed these feelings of inadequacy with anybody else, maybe at one point he would have with Cassandra but since she had returned to Atlantis she had been distant and surly. He could see the strain on Sheppard's features day in and day out. The man seemed to walk around with a permanent grimace on his face as if he were in physical pain constantly. Ronon thought maybe that's what it was like when you could feel your mate suffering deep inside. Their pain became your own and it was hard to separate the two at the best of times.

Hope brought Ronon's fingers up to her lips, they brushed over his fingertips like tiny butterflies, leaving him quivering with anticipation as her tongue flicked out and teased his large digit. She allowed his fingers to trace the shape of her collarbone before it glided into the dip of her breasts.

His own mate was being naughty now, her petite palm came to cover his own as she guided his hand further down her body. His fingertips grazed over her panty covered mount lightly, he could feel the heat from her sweet core, his finger dragged over her clit feeling that delicious moistness through the material. Hope's entire body arched into his as she let out a sexual whimper of appreciation. Ronon thrust against her gently, moaning into her ear at the wondrous friction that rubbed across his leaking cock.

He wanted her so badly it hurt. He wanted to feel completed, to connect with her on every level but this was dangerous territory, ground that he sensed that they were both unsteady on. He felt the need to clear the air, no matter how embarrassed it made him feel.

"Haven't done this in a while." Ronon grumbled against the nape of Hope's neck.

Her hand was already reaching back and threading through his dreadlocks guiding his hot, sensual lips back to the curve of her throat so he could resume his ministrations. She was burning up inside, she was desperate and wanting for him but she sensed that they needed to move slowly. Ronon wasn't ready for such a full on emotional experience, despite his gruff and tough exterior he was fragile inside and this was the time to tread lightly.

Their relationship was budding in the most stimulating of ways and at times it could be consuming. She was frightened that she was becoming too reliant on him, she couldn't sleep without his hulking frame wrapped around her. She simply didn't feel safe when he wasn't there.

"Me neither." Hope admitted in a breathless tone as his firm, blazing hands cupped her breasts. "We'll take it slow, do what feels right."

His thumbs traced over those rosebud nipples, toying with them as her breathing hitched with delirious excitement. Her mate may have claimed to be out of practice but it was clear that he was a dedicated and skilled lover. He played with her sultry form, exploring her with agile fingertips. He liked the femininity of her curves, the tenderness of her flesh under his palms.

The noises she made were like nothing that he had ever been privy to before, they filled him with a sense of awe and confidence. Ronon's fingers crept under the waist band of her panties, his hot moist mouth caressing her cappuccino coloured skin. She tasted like honey, every inch of her was luscious and extravagant under his tongue.

"Do you want this?" his voice rough with that dynamic sizzling tension as his fingertip tapped her clit, sending waves of ecstasy vibrating through her sensitive nerve endings. "Do you want me to touch you here?"

"Yes." she cried out, her head tipping back onto his broad shoulder. "God yes."

His fingers were already seeking out her most intimate opening, his thumb skated over her clit, stroking the erogenous nub as he listened to the sound of Hope's breathing turn into ragged little pants. The change excited him in ways he could never have imagined, he was creating those feelings inside of her, he was the one showing Hope how devoted he was to her with each and every single little touch he bestowed on her body.

He slipped a finger inside of her causing her whimper in pleasure as he entered her. His teeth grazed her skin with a love bite as he nuzzled her throat lovingly, moving his finger in slow teasing motions until he found that sweet spot.

Hearing Hope drawl his name like that ignited every single aspect of Ronon's furious possessive instincts. He needed to make her come, he needed her to know that her pleasure was important to him. It turned him on so much to have her wrapped up in him like this. She was all his, every single part of her was becoming his own and Ronon adored it. She was riding his finger now, her whimpers were growing louder with the loss of her inhibitions as he stroked her into a frenzy.

Every single thing about Hope was turning him on and heightening his own arousal. Her movements were getting more and more desirous, she knew what she was doing when she rubbed against his erection. He could barely hold back the tidal wave of euphoria that was building up inside of his body as his lover teased him through their clothes. He was on the edge, after seven years this simple non penetrative contact between her body and his groin was more than he could bare. His grunts were getting louder as he moved in time with each of Hope's thrusts. He was on the pinnacle of pleasure, he could feel it stealing away his breath as he buried his face in the back of his mate's neck breathing in her unique scent as he came with wild abandonment.

Hope's synapses were blazing at the sound of Ronon's climax. It pushed her over the edge sending a thrill through her body at the knowledge that she had caused such an extravagant feeling in her mate. Her skin was prickling with the deviant, raw sexual energy that possessed her.

Ronon was doing things to her that no other lover before him had ever begun to come close to. Her insides were exploding like billions of tiny little stars as she called out Ronon's name, her body stretching taunt against his as the climax built up like the crest of a wave. She orgasmed powerfully, her entire body quivering with the ecstasy that consumed her. This was heaven in all of it's glory and at the heart of it was her mate, that reverent, spectacular man that chased away all of her fears.

Ronon removed his hand from between her legs, his kisses were gentle now and tentative. He was waiting to see her reaction, trying to judge whether she would regret his venture into a more physical relationship. Hope rolled onto her back, her dark eyes seeking out his as she stared at him lovingly. There was a world made just for her in those jade green eyes and she knew she had just given every ounce of herself over to Ronon.

Ronon smiled down at the blissful expression on his lover's girlish feature as he placed a butterfly kiss upon the tip of Hope's nose before whispering against the soft, flushed apple of her cheek.

"Love you."

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><p><em><strong>Just a little RononHope to bring a bit of sunshine into the darker parts of the story! A batch of Crunchie Cupcakes are coming your way guys.**_

_Shep: I am thankful she couldn't seduce him. I don't think he would ever forgive himself if she managed to. There wasn't a lot of time for the clone to learn Cass or her mannerisms so she's kinda coasting it at the moment. And your right John does need his real wife, Wraith baby be damned. Thankies for such a wonderful review!_

_Joey: I know could you imagine what they'd all be saying! I think he'd prefer to keep an eye on it rather than let it wonder around freely. I think he tried to go with Weir's explanation and realized that didn't stick. It's a good question and you will have to wait and see to find out. Thankies for an exceptional review._

_Brn: lol well you know I am full of surprises and if I gave you an adequate answer it could ruin any possible plot turns I may have cooked up. Lol I have already written everything I need to in regards to Cass, I know what happens :p Thankies for such an awesome review!_

_Shippo: lol your not the only one that wants him gone. John just wants to murder the bastard for what he's done. John's resilient, so lets keep out fingers crossed that it works out ok. Thankies for a wonderful review!_

_Alice: lol I love The Script! My fav song is Break Even. Lol OMG when the two Cass's meet up it'll be hell on Earth me thinks. I adore writing this storyline! Thankies for the review._


	110. Chapter 110: Betrayal

Chapter One Hundred and Ten

_Who do you think you are?  
>Runnin' 'round leaving scars<br>Collecting Your jar of hearts  
>Tearing love apart<em>

_Christina Perri – Jar of Hearts_

New Athos was situated on a dense forest planet far, far away from the floating city of Atlantis and yet easily locatable by Stargate. It was where Teyla's people had settled down after the destruction of their village by the Wraith. The clone had brief memories of that, apparently it was one of it's host's most predominant fears, it ignited an uncontrollable surge of terror in her veins to think of what it was like to be culled. It wasn't her own fear, it was Hers.

The clone didn't fear the Wraith. When she had been created Michael had told her that the strain of the retrovirus she was carrying would poison any Wraith that attempted to feed off her. She was toxic to every single one of them. In the long run that hadn't mattered, Michael's ship was full of hybrids. The beings were more humanoid than Wraith but the characteristics were still there. They couldn't feed but they were still merciless, they lacked compassion the same way she did.

The host had a lot of memories of John Sheppard. It had taken a very special man to capture her heart and it seemed the sex with him was practically addictive. There were so many instances in which they had made love and the clone found herself rolling her eyes at the that particular phrase. The host thought that she meant the world to Sheppard, she didn't understand that a man like him was a waste of her own time and effort no matter how good he was in bed. Still she may have to take a tumble in the sack with him, see if he was as skilled as her counter part remembered.

Maybe she could kill him afterwards, she mused. The clone thought about it often while he slept beside her, she thought about the ways in which she could do it. It would cause such disarray in the ranks if they were to find Sheppard killed in his bed at the hands of his own wife. He deserved to be punished for his role in Michael's conversion.

The clone smiled to herself at the thought of Sheppard's face if he ever learned what had become of his real wife. It was almost worth letting slip just to see the horror taint those boyish features, the tables had been turned and now the woman he loved was becoming the one thing that Sheppard hated the most in all the galaxies. There was justice in what was happening to her host and she couldn't help but applaud Michael for the irony.

She wondered briefly how their baby was doing. Was it growing in her host like the two of them had hoped? As a replica the clone could not conceive a child, it had all the right anatomy but it simply didn't function which was why they had had to capture the real Cassandra Sheppard in the first place. She was the only one with the right ratio of human to Wraith DNA that could incubate the child that they had created inside of a test tube. After that they would be able to create stronger, more powerful hybrids and eradicate the Wraith completely. Her host would be long gone by then and Atlantis would be just another smouldering set of ruins.

As it turned out her host was well known amongst the Athosians and the clone was welcomed into the settlement with open arms. Everywhere she went there was always a child nearby, grasping at her hand or clutching onto her trousers. It appeared Cassandra Sheppard was good with kids whereas the clone was not, she grew impatient with their constant ramblings and the way they clung to her. She kept shooing them away back to their parents.

Teyla had tried to explain away Cassandra's behaviour with fatigue but even she was having trouble forcing herself to overlook the other woman's ignorant mannerisms. It wasn't like the other woman to be so rude and it just added to Teyla's increasing suspicions that something wasn't quite right with the other woman. She had asked to come here with the Athosian and now she was acting as if she couldn't wait to leave.

There had been something prodding at the Athosian woman since Cassandra had returned nd it wasn't good. Her behaviour was strange and inconsistent and Teyla couldn't help but contemplate the possibility that there was something badly wrong with Cass's spirit. She knew what it as like to have your power stripped away from you and how hard it could be to come to terms with that but she had never seen such a response to trauma as this. She feared for John sleeping beside this woman at night.

Cassandra Sheppard used to shine with the love she had for her husband, it was in her voice as she spoke and in her hands when she gestured between the two of them. Now all Teyla saw was resentment. She wondered if Michael had somehow brain washed the other woman into thinking that they had left her to be captured by the Wraith.

Maybe this wasn't Cassandra at all but some hybrid creature that Michael had created along with all the others. There was some truth in that, she thought. Michael was an excellent scientist. They had seen the evidence over and over again in the times that they had encountered him. Could he have created his own spy in Atlantis, someone that even the most highest ranking officials would never suspect?

Teyla's blood ran cold at the possibilities that sprung to mind, if that were true then it was plausible that Michael had also engineered the escape that they had in engaged in in order to free both 'Cassandra' and Hope. Was it a possibility that there were two spies on Atlantis? Teyla didn't know Hope well enough to judge if there was a discrepancy in her behaviour but for Ronon's sake she sincerely hoped that her suspicions were unfounded.

It was clear how their friend felt about the pretty petite woman. Teyla had never seen him so docile and gentle before he had met Hope and she found herself genuinely happy that he seemed to be settling down. If anyone deserved contentment it was Ronon. The hulking Satedan was finally letting someone get close to him again and she truly approved of Hope and her demeanour. Ronon needed someone who had a soothing effect on his psyche and Hope was the kind of person that eluded placidness.

It was gratifying to see the two of them holding hands as they strode through the corridors on their way to lunch or simply on a tour around the city. Ronon looked satisfied with the turn of events, Teyla knew that the last thing the Satedan had expected was to fall in love but that's what had happened and she was a firm believer of that the heart wants the heart gets. She just hoped that this wouldn't end as badly as it she imagined it could. If Hope turned out to be an altered version of herself she couldn't envisage how Ronon would feel.

Teyla found her eyes drifting to Kanaan as he wrapped his hands around a clay cup full of fruit juice. His eyes were on her once more, his small smile getting even brighter as his gaze lingered on her toned athletic form. Their relationship had started to shift recently, she could feel the winds of change in the air around them as it became more intimate. Teyla felt like she was starting to notice Kanaan for the first time not as the boy she had grown up with but as the man that he was destined to be.

Teyla found herself paying more attention when he spoke and she wondered when he had gotten so wise? While she was away making the galaxy safer for her people Kanaan was right here caring for them on their new homeworld. He had stepped up into his role as leader the same way he took to everything else, he was a serious man and he had always been that way ever since they were children. Her people needed someone who would speak for them whilst she was away and Kanaan had become that mouth piece.

When they were together, it was as if the two of them were still children. Kanaan showed her all of his vulnerabilities when they were alone and she found her own guarded defences slipping into nothing. Kanaan was the only person she could ever entirely be herself around, he knew every aspect of her heart and soul. They shared the perils of leadership and he was the only man in the world who could ever truly understand the entirety of her being.

"There is something not right." Kanaan remarked under his breath as he sat down beside Teyla, his studious oak eyes were on Cassandra as she sipped from the cup of fruit juice in her hands.

"You also sense it?" Teyla requested as she tilted her head towards her life long friend.

"I thought it was suffering but it is not." Kanaan told Teyla with the shake of his head. "It's intent."

"The more time I spend with her the surer I am that it is not Cassandra Sheppard." Teyla revealed, wrapping her arms around herself as she leaned in closer.

"She has changed too much, there is no love in her eyes, no hope or compassion." Kanaan agreed knowingly. "She has no love for the children or for our ways."

"It is not my friend." Teyla stated with the shake of her head, feeling a great sense of loss deep within the recesses of her soul.

"I am sorry, dear one." Kanaan uttered, his palm patting her hand. "Betrayal is hard to stomach."

"I'm not the one that's been betrayed." Teyla said, raising her eyes skyward, wishing she could see beyond the stars to the place where they had left their friend in the hands of a hybrid named Michael.

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><p><em><strong>Hey guys! Hope your all having a wonderful weekend!<strong>_

_Alice: lol I thought they needed a moment. They both needed a little safety and security from one another and I can imagine the passion being a little to much to bear. Thankies for a wonderful review._

_Brn: I take it your starting to like Ronon and Hope! Mwhahahaha it's all part of the plan. Your words are so kind and I have to thank you for making me grin like hell. I really feel for John, the poor guy is going through hell!_

_Shippo: I am so glad you loved Ronon and Hope. I think it's time for Ronon to be happy and I am so glad that everyone seems to be enjoying them as a couple._


	111. Chapter 111: White Torture

Chapter One Hundred and Eleven

_Four cold walls against my will  
>at least I know he's lying still<br>Four cold walls without parole  
>Lord have mercy on my soul<em>

_Adele – If It Hadn't Been For Love_

It had been more than a month but in Cassandra's mind it seemed as if she had been confined in this tiny solitary room for years. There were days, maybe weeks where she spent the time alone with her own thoughts and feelings. There was such hopelessness in her heart, it was filled with longing and sorrow as she sat here for hours replaying years worth of memories in attempt to force herself away from this situation.

Nothing could change what was happening to her right now, her body already being put through it's paces struggling to accommodate the rapidly growing baby inside of her. Already morning sickness was plaguing her daily existence, she found herself hunched over the built in bathroom so many times over the past few weeks she was afraid it would kill her. She managed to keep herself hydrated with the food and water that Michael provided but she was very aware that she was walking a very thin line.

The accelerator in her blood was waging a war against her as it helped the building blocks of life establish themselves within her unwilling system. Cass felt her jaw tighten at the remembrance of Michael's 3d scan of her abdomen, his equipment was crude and created from what looked scrapyard pieces of old hospital machinery. She did not know how he acquired such an dissemblance of items but she was glad that he hadn't decide to go the old fashion route.

Examining her like that would have been a bigger intrusion, it would have been worse than any type of torture he would have put her through. Just having the hybrid's fingertips caressing her growing stomach was enough to make her nauseous all over again. When he spoke to her he spoke of 'their child' as if this baby was something the two of them had conceived through love and want.

Maybe he believed that somewhere in his mind, he was emotionally fractured enough to delude himself. He wanted this baby more than anything, it played a part in a grander scheme of things and Michael had made it very clear that Cass was more than simply a host to this baby. He wanted her as a life partner, someone to help him control his network and to praise his cause.

She knew what he was doing by keeping her in isolation like this, solitary confinement was called 'white torture' in some countries back on Earth. It was a way to psychologically break down a person without causing them any physical harm. Michael knew enough about her to control the stem of information she was fed, he told her intimate details of what her clone had been doing and the aspects of Cassandra's own life that she was living. He told her that John was happy with the clone. That she had slotted into Atlantis the same way that Cass had before and nobody was any the wiser. The intelligence was being fed directly to Michael and they had no clue about the traitor they had in their midst.

Cass had tried to tell herself that it wasn't true, that it had been a work of fiction but it convinced her that nobody was coming to help her. They didn't even realize that she was missing. Michael was trying to convert her and she was so tired of fighting him. He invaded her mind whenever he got the chance bridging the gap between the two of the them. He was trying to close the distance and every second he spent in her head flicking through the filing cabinet of memories was like having her entire being raked over hot coals. Already she was aware that her psyche was damaged, she could feel the splinters of it being torn from her soul as she sat on the tiny bed with her knees drawn up to her chest.

Michael was stealing away all of her humanistic aspects and trying to turn her into the same vengeful creature that he had become. The thought of John in bed with her clone, holding her, kissing her, fucking her made every single one of her furious impulses boil up inside of her.

The baby was encouraging it, she could feel it's urging as it embraced the fiery rage inside of her. It was more Wraith than human, she could feel it's tendrils wrapping around her mind in the time she spent alone. The baby was the only thing that she could talk to now, she was losing herself piece by piece. Between it and Michael there was nowhere else for her to turn.

Sleep was the only constant in her life, the baby was draining her of energy causing her to become more fatigued and exhausted than she could ever have realised. Being pregnant was disruptive to her health and she doubted that she could ever survive the birth of this child. Her dreams were the only saving grace in this case. They were the only connection she had back to John, even if they gave her a false sense of security it was worth the few minutes of peace.

Waking up was always like entering a war zone. The serenity of her dreams never transferred into her real life scenarios, she still woke up afraid and unnerved. The reality was nowhere near as pleasant as her dream state. She would spent hours in her memories with her husband, together they talked hand in hand through the sunny, floral meadow talking about the picnics her family had had there when they were younger. In her dreams they would spend hours touching, laughing, making love. The thought of John kept her sane but it was a wavering thread and each passing day it was fraying until it was finally at a snapping point.

Pain was rattling up through her bones causing her hands to quiver as the agony took over lithe form completely. There was a stabbing twist inside of her abdomen, it felt like something was retching free inside of her. She clamped a hand to her mouth to stifle the moan of torment that escaped her lips. She couldn't allow Michael to know what was starting to occur deep inside of her, she was too frightened that he would spend his time attempting to stop it. Her breathing was coming in wet laboured pants as she struggled to control the panic that was raising up in the confines of her chest.

_Breathe,_ she told herself. _Just breathe. _

The hurt was more antagonising that she could ever have imagined, it rankled at her insides shredding them to pieces with it's claws. Her eyes were stinging with tears, her chest was literally aching from the sobs that were jerking through her flesh.

The heated salty trails were flowing from the corners of her dull sapphire eyes as she stifled the sobs that echoed through the small room. Already blood was trailing from between her legs, she could feel the baby waning deep inside. She had warned Michael that she had not been built to carry this child but he hadn't listened and she supposed the accelerator had made her uterus an even more hostile and unstable place for the new life form. No matter what happened from here on in the galaxy was safe, at least from the potential damage this foetus could have caused. It didn't matter if she died along with this baby, in the scheme of things this miscarriage was worth her life.

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><p><em><strong>Hey guys, sorry for the late chapter. I didn't mean to keep you all hanging. Work has been a nightmare in terms of xmas and at the min there's a rail replacement bus service on which means I get home later. The good news is I have treated myself to the new kobo ereader which stores books and docs and I am thrilled with it! <strong>_

_Brn: how do you think John feels? Poor guys climbing the walls with the clone. They just need to get all they're ducks in a row. Thankies for an awesome review!_

_Alice: I love Teyla and I really enjoyed what they did with her in s4 and 5 making her that little bit darker. Lol the clone needed a nickname and she is just the embodiment of evil! Thanks for a wonderful review._

_Shippo: I love writing Ronon and Hope, its just so simple and they are so happy. I think I have developed a crush on him since I've been writing him. On the walking dead, I watched the first ep and hated it! My dad adores it but its just not my thing even though I like zombie flicks usually! Thankies for such a cool review._

_Joey: lol I was thinking the more time they spend with evil cass, the more likely it is to show. I think they have given her a certain amount of leeway attributing her symptoms to PTSD from being snatched but I think its come to the point where they are past making excuses. I am not gonna be running a huge Tey and Knaan thing, and I won't be running Tey's preg storyline either. I think Michael's had enough story time and running that will just bore people in the long run. I have never really felt John and Teyla. Ronon and Teyla yes tho. He's really supportive over the baby and they have a lot more in common in regards to everything. Thankies for such a splendid review! _

_Monkey: lmao if only Teyla would, it only means that they'll have to tread very carefully now that they know about super clone. Maybe she gets her just desserts and maybe she doesn't. Trust me you are gonna hate her a lot more soon enough. I won't be running the Tey preg or Knaan lost storyline. They did do the story line in a rush because they wanted to write in real Tey's preg. I am glad you enjoyed the Ronon and hope chapter, they are just such a sweet and awesome couple to write. I have fallen in love with Ronon too, just writing him has way made me develop a crush on the poor guy. I think it's always best to write brief reprieve from the madness. Some bright moments go along way. Lol I hope this chapter answered some of your queries! Thankies for such an amazing review_

_Shepp: everyone is simply attributing the behaviour as PTSD from her hell with Michael. The clone doesn't want to be like Cass, its like all of Cass's bad sides have converged into one form. I think there is a chapter in the near future that is going to leave you screaming. Thankies for taking the time to review! I sincerely appreciate it! X_


	112. Chapter 112: The Calvary

Chapter One Hundred and Twelve

_Yeah, it's been a ride  
>I guess I had to, go to that place, to get to this one<br>Now some of you, might still be in that place  
>If you're trying to get out, just follow me<br>I'll get you there_

_Eminem – Not Afraid_

The meeting was one of the most sombre that Rodney McKay had ever attended. They were all gathered in the conference room around the huge oak spacious table. Elizabeth was setting at the head of the table, looking extremely grave, her fingers were knotted together and rested upon the surface in front of her as she stared into her own reflection contemplatively. Flanking her on either side was Sheppard and Colonel Caldwell.

Sheppard looked determined, his jaw was set and Rodney could see the muscle twitching in his cheek, another severe sign of stress. His fists were clenched so hard McKay could see the knuckles of his hands were turning white.

Caldwell looked positively enraged by the turn of events, his eyes were narrowed and his finger was tapping at his temple in that agitated way of his.

Ronon was leaning back in his seat, his bulging arms were crossed over his chest as the hulking Satedan stared at the centre of the room shaking his head over and over again. He was biting his lower lip, a trait that McKay associated with the same feeling of repugnance that burned in the back of his throat. Hope was beside him, her lips pursed together in shock and disbelief. She had been the one to spend the last few hours with Cass in that cell where they were being held and according to Carson she was one hundred percent human.

Lorne was sitting beside her, his fingers clasped tightly around a pen tapping out a tune that appeared to have no rhythm. He fiddled when he was agitated and the noise was echoing around the silence of the room while

Carson Beckett hugged the paperwork to his chest waiting for the news he had just delivered to sink in. This was a sensitive operation, one of the worse that Rodney had ever been involved in. This betrayal vibrated through every inch of his core. He had participated in such an act unknowingly and he wasn't the only one who had played such a dreadful role.

They had been unwittingly conned and it pissed him off that Michael had been a step ahead of them. The key to this plan was preparation, to create something as ingenious as a clone Michael had to have incredible resources at his disposal and time. They could only reason that Hartfort had given him a sample of Cass's DNA, they couldn't ask the other man because he was still in a coma from an overdose of the enzyme. Some people simply didn't survive the come down.

Beckett had told them that Hartford wouldn't last the night, his screams of excruciating agony were confined to the isolation chamber. Only a rare breed of people survived the horrendous side effects of a come down like this and Hartford simply wasn't one of them.

Sheppard couldn't help but think that was exactly what the other man deserved, he only wished that Hartford could have been sober enough to tell them what was happening to Cassandra.

"So what your telling us is that we've had a Replicator running around Atlantis for the past month?" Caldwell remarked in tempestuousness as he struggled to comprehend the details. "How did you miss that?"

"She's not a Replicator." Carson informed the other man haughtily. "She's not made up of nanites, I wouldn't have missed that on the scans."

"So when you say clone..." Lorne prompted cautiously. "You literally mean like something out of Star Trek?"

"I mean that Michael managed to get a snippet of Cass's DNA and created this thing out of test tube and that's what's been living and breathing with us for the past four weeks. Physically it is Cass, she's the same down to the DNA which is why when we checked her over after she came back there were no anomalies." Carson explained as patiently as he could.

"Except in her behaviour which could have been explained by post traumatic stress." Lorne found himself adding as the pieces started to slip into place.

"It was only by looking deeper that I was able to ascertain the truth behind the woman we brought back with Hope. Her Telomeres are thirty percent shorter than they should be for a woman her age which means this is not the real Cass Sheppard." Carson informed the room his Scottish accent becoming more pronounced as he held up his hand to cut off Caldwell. "And before you say it, I have tested Hope, she is everything she says she is."

The relief was evident on Ronon's face as he huffed through his nose at the suggestion. He would know if his mate wasn't who she said she was, the same way Sheppard had known all along. The irate Satedan was kicking himself for having not seen it before now. He had allowed himself to be wrapped up in other things and he hadn't noticed that there wasn't a chance this could be the real Cassandra Sheppard. He had thought she wanted him to keep his distance, he understood how hard it was to repair yourself and recover after such an ordeal. Now he knew the truth and the guilt that they were all feeling was chewing him up deep inside.

They had left her behind, Ronon didn't know how she would begin to forgive them for that. Hope sensed her mate's distress, it coursed through her as the remorse rattled through him violently. She felt what he was going through, the emotional paces that he was enduring and the crushing sorrow he felt. Her fingers crept into his lap under the table, her soft fingertips gliding over the indentations of his knuckles slotting between the gaps in his fingers.

Ronon tilted his head towards her, she could see the woe in those jade green eyes and she felt a similar feeling raising up inside of her as she felt those hours she's spent in the company of the clone tick by in her memory.

"I think the question becomes what happened to the real Cassandra?" Elizabeth said quietly.

"Currently imprisoned on M2S-985 in one of Michael's secret hideaways." Rodney announced to the room as he tapped the screen of his tablet twice bringing up an image on the large screen behind Weir. "I implanted a transmitter on the set of dog tags we gave Cass before the refugee camp was culled. I took apart the ancient shield device and used the DNA conduit so it would only work when attached to Cassandra. If it's taken away from her it would cease to work."

"So she's still wearing it?" Caldwell questioned.

"Yes." Rodney nodded his affirmation with enthusiasm. "All I need is a few minutes tinkering on the Daedalus with Hermia to calibrate it to the transmitter's frequency and we can zip in, beam her up and bring her home. The place she's being held isn't shielded otherwise we wouldn't have picked up the signal in the first place."

"What about Michael's Hive?" Caldwell responded, surveying all the angles.

"It's not in the area." Rodney informed them.

"Which is why we have to go now." Sheppard remarked, his voice devoid of all emotion as he rose to his feet, palms pressed flat onto the surface of the table.

The Colonel had taken over once more and the man was buried deep within him. This mission was the most important one that he would ever embark upon. His wife's life hung in the balance, he didn't know if there was any part of Cassandra left anymore.

The dreams they shared had stopped and their connection had become thin and wavering. He couldn't feel her, couldn't reach out and touch her. He took this as a sign that she was losing the battle that she had been embroiled in. She was dying inside. If they were going to launch a rescue mission it had to be now while there was something left for them to save.

"Bring her home." Elizabeth summarised as she rose to her feet.

"The clone?" Sheppard questioned, his voice glacial as he spoke.

It was clear what exactly he thought should be done about the situation. Sheppard wanted the clone putting down like a damn dog. Elizabeth met his soulless hazel gaze with one of equal measure as she spoke.

"I'll take care of her."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! Hope you didn't have to wait too long. It's been a busy week for me and yesterday I was offered another job for my company supervising in a struggling store closer to home. The position is only temporary but it should be fun. So fingers crossed for me when I go in on Nov 1st! <strong>_

_Alice: lol I categorise myself as a good person too but in this circumstance it wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing if she miscarried. God, I totally feel for her in terms of what she's going through. Thankies for a wonderful review._

_Shippo: lol my dad adores it and so do loads of other people I know. I want to hug Cass so much for what she's going through! Lol I hope the supernatural moments did the trick. Thanks for a cool review!_

_Brn: lol I know! I am sorry I am so evil :( you not the only one that wants to kill the clone and trust me on this one, she hasn't even done the worst damage yet. I hope this chapter brightened your day a little. The crew is on the way! You know I have to challenge myself as a writer and this is the only way to do it. I am seriously loving mine to death, I need to get a cover for it tho, it lives in a little WHS bag at the min and it is not adequate protection against someone as clumsy as me. Example: yesterday my bag toppled off the seat and spilled the contents of itself all over the floor. I was like nooooooooooo. The Ereader was fine thankfully. Thankies for such an awesome review!_

_Shep: Cass is having a miscarriage (thankfully) the idea of her going through labour alone and with that thing scars the hell out of me. I think Michael would prob give her a C section in preference of the actual birthing experience. Hopefully this chapter gives everyone a bit of relief. Thankies for a wonderful review!_

_Joey: God knows what John will find by the time he gets there. You have hit the nail right on the head in terms of Michael's reaction to this. When an experiment goes wrong try again til you get it right. Hope this chapter settled some of your fears. Thankies for such an invigorating review!_

_Monkey: lol imagine what John will be like? He will want to murder the bastard for laying his hands on his wife. Lol what's the point in writing if your not willing to push the boundaries and it's kept you all hooked! Lol I didn't leave you hanging to long! Thankies for such an emotive review! _


	113. Chapter 113: Save My Life

Chapter One Hundred and Thirteen

_And he's a real good guy and he,  
>he Wants to save her 'cause he's<br>More than been there all before  
>And she's, she's so confused and his, his heart<br>Is breaking and he  
>Dreams she's knockin' on his door<em>

_Pink – Save My Life_

The miscarriage was over but Cassandra was still bleeding. It was natural, she reminded herself as she sat huddled on the bed, the fresh sheets drawn around her shoulders. Her cheeks were still wet from the tears she had shed after Michael had learned of her miscarriage. She was trying so hard to be strong, but she was failing miserably. She had never felt so desolate and empty before now. Despite the fact she had showered she still felt dirty and used, there was no way to scrub the metaphorical blood from her skin.

Michael wanted to try again as soon as possible. She had begged and pleaded for him to stop, to give her some relief. She didn't want to have his baby, she had never wanted a child. Yet Michael was relentless, he called her 'lover' as he smoothed the hair away from her exhausted features. He told her how important it was that the two of them try to have faith. This new child would be the glue that would hold them all together.

As soon as the bleeding stopped he would be implanting another embryo inside of her, this time forgoing the accelerator, she would be made to carry the child for the entire nine months if he succeeded to get her pregnant once more. Michael would keep doing this until he got what he wanted from her and she would be forced to endure the trauma of birth.

She couldn't survive this and there wasn't a way out of this for her, there was just this dismal, oppressive feeling stifling every aspect of her being. She was drowning underneath it all, there was so much despair inside of her, Cass found it practically debilitating. She couldn't handle going through this all over again, knowing what was expected of her was nauseating. She was being treated like a breeding horse and it was killing her.

Cass pulled the covers even tighter around her trembling frame as she ground her teeth together trying to breath through the panic that fluttered in her chest. The idea that she would never see John again crippled her, she would never hear his husky voice, see that amazing boyish smile, she would never get to hold him or say I love you again. Had she said it before he left? Cass didn't remember, all she knew was that she would die at the knowledge that she would never be able to feel his touch again.

She thought about the clone and her role in this. How much damage had already been done to Atlantis? What secrets had she discovered? Cass wondered what would happen when John had outlived his usefulness. Already she knew that the clone would kill him, she was bred from hatred and rage. She didn't believe in compassion or feelings. Cassandra hoped that John worked it out, that he would outsmart the clone before she managed to murder him in his sleep.

John would know the difference...

She couldn't protect John any more. His life was out of her hands, the same way that her own was out of his.

The trip was long. It was eighteen hours too long and John didn't know what the hell he was supposed to do for the duration other than pace back and forth along the area of the bridge, taking fugitive glances at the window beside him as hyper space blitzed by.

He felt like he was in a daze, that his life was simply passing by moments at a time. He had wanted this for so long, he wanted to be correct in his assumption but the problem was that meant accepting a much darker shade of the truth. He had left his wife in the hands of a killer, one that deemed himself a scientist. Sheppard had never been one to shirk the truth and he was entirely aware that he wasn't likely to get her back completely. Who knew what Michael had done to her? He couldn't bear the thought of her being ruined and broken, it fractured his heart into millions of tiny pieces.

"You keep pacing like that, your going to wear a hole in the hull." Caldwell remarked from the doorway as Sheppard came to a halt in front of him, his hands clasped behind his back. "We're there by the way."

"McKay?" Sheppard responded, the apprehension in his voice evident as he touched his comm briefly.

"I'm on it." McKay muttered as the rhythmic tap of buttons became apparent over the speakers. "I'll be beaming her straight into the infirmary."

"I'll meet her there." John confirmed as he twisted around and darted away through the doorway leading into the maze of corridors that led to his wife.

It wasn't long before he reached the small hospital area, he slipped through the huge double doors instead of waiting for them to open fully. He simply didn't have the patience to wait any longer. John found himself breathless as he took in the sight before him.

His wife was standing there clad in a simple white, shapeless gown that reminded him of something from a hospital. It fell to her knees, swamping her lithe frame with the papery fabric. Her dark hair was loose and free flowing, falling straight down her back. He felt his insides quiver as he laid his hazel eyes upon her. Her skin was gaunt and paler than he had ever seen her, she looked ill. There were dark circles under those dull blue eyes and her lips were dry and cracked.

He spent the past few hours debating all things that he would say to her when they had this moment, how he would apologize, how he would make everything up to her. Yet they were at a stage where none of that mattered any more because she was right here and safe. That was all that mattered.

John was taking shaky steps forward, he could feel his legs trembling as he approached his wife as if seeing her for the first time. There so many things to talk about and he wanted to hear everything she had to tell him but right now all he wanted more than anything else in the world was to hold her. The medical staff were already snapping into action and the ship's Doctor Keller was stepping forth to aid his wife.

John moved past them, his strong, loving arms furling around Cassandra, drawing her into the shelter of his comforting form. She collapsed against his body, her fists gripping his black T-shirt tightly as she buried her face into his firm chest, inhaling the familiar masculine essence that made up her husband's smell. She felt so tiny and fragile against him, her knees buckled from under her as she held onto him for dear life.

The relief was imminent, touching her again was like having a rush of narcotics pursing through his blood stream. He was holding her ever so tightly, his lips brushing the apple of her cheek as he whispered sweet endearments against her skin.

"Tell me that this is real." she breathed in that low, frightened voice of hers. "Tell me that this is happening and I'm not trapped there making this up."

He hated the fear he could sense within her heart, it hurt him to hear the cracking of her tone as she struggled to comprehend the bridge between reality and hope.

"I missed you Cassie." John murmured as she clutched onto her husband in desperation. "And this is entirely real."

He closed his eyes and reached for her along the fraying threads of their connection. She was closed off and scared, his fingers combed through her hair, something he knew that reassured and calmed her. He tucked her into his body, so that the two of them were pressed along the length of each other. His heart thudded against hers through their clothing and it was one of the most intimate feelings that John had ever been privy to.

"I love you." Cass mumbled as she tilted her head so that she could meet his hazel gaze for the first time since the ordeal started. "I don't think I said it before you left."

Her sapphire blue eyes were glistening with tears as she stared up at him, her delicate palms rubbing up and down his muscular form as if she was struggling to believe that he was real. She had never looked so vulnerable and John wanted to give her back all of her security, to promise he loved her and that he would protect her no matter the cost.

"I know." John told her, his voice rough with emotion as he saw all the hurt that was fracturing her deep inside. "I always knew."

"Good." Cass nodded, swallowing hard past the aching lump in her throat before turning her attention to her body's agonizing protests. "I think I need medical attention."

"Let's do that." John murmured, allowing her to draw away first. "Then we can get you home."

"I would like that." Cass uttered as John's fingertips trailed along the curve of her cheek.

His thumbs chased away the salty tears that was leaking from his wife's lovely eyes as she sniffed trying to hold back the sobs that were vibrating through her chest.

"I'll stay." John confirmed as she began to fall apart in his hands. "I'm going to stay right here with you."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys. At least you didn't have to wait too long to see her rescued!<strong>_

_Joey: I understand what you mean about about not being a vindictive person. I think Shep can see where they are coming from in respect to the fact her behaviour could be attributed to PTSD but I agree with you in terms of how hurt he must feel. I think at the moment there's simply no time for him to sit there and think about his own betrayal in a way, he's too worried. Also this may show his friends that his instincts are right on the money. _

_Brn: lol I think you can cancel your trip to Atlantis don't you think? The clone freaks me out as much as Michael as for the evil, well your just gonna have to wait and see that happens. As you can see she's a little traumatised by what happened to her! _

_Alice: Well we'll have to see how that pans out between Weir and anti Cass, it's never as easy as you think. There will be a little evilness coming up. _

_Shep: As you can see she is safe and sound, albeit a little bit traumatised from her experience and the clone is not done yet!_

_Shippo: I am so glad you enjoyed the chapter and a very happy birthday to you!_


	114. Chapter 114: Wrath

Chapter One Hundred and Fourteen

_Whenever I start feeling strong I'm called a bitch in the night  
>But I don't need these 14 karat guns to win<br>I am a woman I insist, it's my life _

_Lady Gaga – The Queen_

There was something wrong, the clone could feel it echoing through her mind setting off alarm bells as she sat deadly still staring into the flames of the fire, licking up towards the sky. Her spine was ramrod straight, her delicate hands clasped around the terracotta mug as the immense sadness overwhelmed her.

The baby was dead, she knew it. That little bundle of joy had been created from the same strain of DNA that she had been. The two of them had had a bond, she had felt it's connection beginning to form to her own and she had nurtured it with her mind. Now it was gone, there was a strange absence inside of her. She felt empty and hollow now, all of her efforts had been for nothing and it made her eyes sting as she rose them skyward focusing on the bright stars above her.

She knew her host had something to do with this. There was no way this miscarriage was natural, Cassandra was a doctor she would know ways to terminate a pregnancy and that was what the selfish bitch had done. She had stolen away that precious little life and snuffed it out. The clone had warned Michael when he spoke of his plan, she had told him that her host would not be submissive. She could not be expected to carry another man's baby willingly.

Michael had promised her he had had it under control, that he would never let Cassandra harm their child, and her host would be tossed aside after the baby was born. Their child would be returned to it's real mother and it would grow up learning about it's true place in the universe under her loving care. Yet Cassandra had robbed her of that privilege, she couldn't be a mother on her own and that baby had been her only hope.

The clone wanted to weep, the sense of loss was resounding through her heart like never before. She had never felt anything so destructive, it felt like a knife had been jammed into her chest and was carving through her insides. When she looked at her own reflection she would see the face of her child's killer staring straight back and that knowledge haunted her. Michael would want to try again, he would use the new strains of DNA he had taken from Cassandra during her captivity and create another baby the same way he had this one.

Yet it wouldn't be the same. The clone wouldn't be able to feel the baby in that familiar, knowing way. They wouldn't have the same bond, the new baby wouldn't be her own. The clone wanted to kill Cassandra, it wanted to make her host suffer in the worst possible way imaginable and it knew exactly the way to do it. She would enjoy the long hours she would spend alone with Cassandra discussing every single intimate detail of her husband's death.

The clone would make it last, she wanted to see the light fade out of John Sheppard's hazel eyes as she tortured him to death. The clone wanted to hear her host's choked sobs as she recounted the sound of his hoarse screams. She would make Cassandra beg for mercy and she would afford the other woman the same curtsey as she had awarded the baby.

That child hadn't stood a chance.

* * *

><p>The hyper space window was a mixture of stars and blue light as the Daedalus hurtled through the universe towards Atlantis. They would be there in a matter of hours and then finally his wife would be back where she belonged.<p>

The blood was pounding in his temples, he could hear the rushing of it in his ears as he struggled to come to terms with the information that Doctor Keller had bestowed upon him. His hands raked through his untidy brown hair repeatedly, a notion that he rarely allowed himself to indulge in. It was a show of grief, of self loathing and restlessness. His stomach was twisting in knots, his guts were writhing as the sickness crawled up deep inside of him.

What Michael had done to his wife was still a form of rape, it was one of the most disgusting perversions imaginable and the hybrid had wanted to subject her to it over and over again until he got what he wanted. Implanting a baby inside of her had been a nauseating violation on every level and he would see that Michael burned in the deepest pits of hell for this vile atrocity. He couldn't imagine what it must have been like for Cassandra being forced to endure that horror alone. The torment and the terror she must have felt knowing that day by day that creature was growing inside of her.

The miscarriage had been a blessing in his eyes, he saw it as God's Will once more taking control of a situation that had spiralled out so vastly out of control. He didn't even know how to fix this. There were too many broken shards slipping from his hands and he couldn't hold everything together. There was so much anguish coursing through him, so much rage fuelled by the actions of that monster.

And in the middle of it sat Cassandra, alone and so terribly afraid of what he would think of her for allowing this to happen. That was the reason she was locking him out, that was the reason she refused to let his soul anywhere near hers. She viewed herself as tainted and ruined, Michael had warped her so badly John couldn't see a way to repair the damaged soul inside of her.

Right now she was sleeping, Keller had shot her up with a sedative in order to allow Cassandra to rest. Ever since she had arrived on the Daedalus she had been edgy and hyper vigilant. The sight of a needle had sent her into cold sweats as she murmured over and over that this was all a dream, that she was going to wake up restrained to Michael's operating table, pregnant once more.

The fear in her sapphire eyes had killed him, he had tried to sooth her, keeping his voice low and firm as she wriggled and protested in his arms but in the end he had won out. She seemed to sense that he had her best interests at heart even if she thought that this couldn't possibly be real. She had been the one to request medical attention, her rational side understanding the needs of her body but the emotional part of Cassandra was so deeply traumatised it wasn't sure what it was fabricating in order to protect her.

He had left her in Keller's care after she had given him the news of his wife's tremendous ordeal. He had needed a minute to absorb the information, some time to come to terms with what had happened. He wasn't sure if that would ever happen, he couldn't make peace with this until he had Michael's mangled corpse at his feet.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey Guys! We are on the verge of 500 review and I want to thank every single one of you for making this story possible. Without your continued support Cass and John's adventures would not exist! So from the bottom of my heart thankies!<strong>_

S_hep: I am so relieved that they have rescued her too but she's experienced so much trauma whose to say what the side effects will be and I'm sure Michael isn't going to give up without a fight since John has snatched back his wife esp with all the new intell from the clone about Atlantis. To be honest they needed something uncomplicated. I couldn't leave John in dire straits any more._

_Brn: lol I think you should defo keep it an open ended ticket. Your right not to trust me. Lmao I have one of those images from misery in mind, with you turning up at my house. You wouldn't like it if it was all soft and soppy. Thankies very much for your kind words, it was hard to imagine how the two of them would respond to the rescue. As you can see Cass is far from fixed._

_Joey: lol I'll keep a tissue box handy for you. I think Cass thinks the rescue is too good to be true after everything she's been through. It will be a slow process but healing is like that. She's resilient and that is the main thing. You have hit the nail on the head in regards to this couple! _

_Shippo: I think everyone is breathing a sigh of relief at the moment. After everything they have been through they deserve a little rest! _

_Monkey: lol it ain't Shep's fault, the poor man has been trying to tell everyone for over a month now. Poor Cass is going to need lots of hugs and gentleness. As you can see Keller did it for her which I think is a blessing in a way. I am so glad that I made you feel so emotional! _

_Alice: lol I want to hug Cass so badly for what she's going through and John. At least she's back and safe, that is the main thing!_


	115. Chapter 115: Crazy With A Cause

Chapter One Hundred and Fifteen

_Here it comes ready or not  
>We both found out it's not how we thought<br>That it would be, how it would be  
>If the time could turn us around<br>What once was lost may be found _

_Lifehouse – It Is What It Is_

It was a nightmare, one that Rodney would never wish upon his worst enemy but it was happening right now to his friends and he was powerless to stop it. Cass and John had experienced so much over the course of the expedition and as Rodney looked down at his friend lying here unconscious he wondered if any of it was worth it. He was rarely the type of person to doubt the cause but when it hit him on such a personal level it was hard not to face the consequences of their actions.

Michael had been their responsibility, they had morphed him into the rejected hybrid that he was today and in turn this was their fault. They hadn't known what they were getting into and they had greatly underestimated the Wraith that he had once been. He was a brilliant scientist and a skilled warrior, they should have seen that in the first place. They should have remembered that revenge was a dish best served cold to the Wraith and they were merciless with their antics. Their experimentations on Michael had only served to give the lunatic a cause of his own.

"I knew it wasn't you." Rodney told his sleeping friend as he lingered by her bedside. "She was much too cordial, too interested in my work."

There was humour in his tone but there was also pain. He harboured so much guilt over this, ever since Beckett had told him about the clone it had weighted upon his being like never before. He went over the signs regularly in his head, wondering how the greatest genius in two galaxies had not spotted it sooner. If he was honest he thought it had all been about self deception, he hadn't wanted to admit the possibility that the clone hadn't been the real Cassandra, that would mean accepting that they had committed the unforgivable and left their friend back in the clutches of Michael.

Keller had told him of Cassandra's ailments after John had left the Infirmary. Rodney understood that it was too much for the other man. It was bad enough for him but for John to know that Michael had sullied his wife...

Rodney shuddered at the thought as his hand sought out Cassandra's limp fingers. She felt cold under his touch, like she was lifeless. Keller had commented about her emotional state during their discussion. She had been disorientated and confused, she had been so frightened they had sedated her so they could run all the relevant medical tests. Michael had stolen away her spark and Rodney wondered what she would be like once she was on stable ground.

Keller had expressed concern over the mental ramifications this could have upon Cassandra. Rodney's primary thoughts had been on the miscarriage but Keller had rightfully pointed out that the real Cassandra had been MIA for over a month now with a clone living in her place. The sense of displacement when she got back to Atlantis could be overwhelming.

"John knew." Rodney said responding to his thoughts on Sheppard. "He knew from the beginning but none of us really believed him, we thought he was just freaking out over the fact you'd been captured. It turns out he was right."

Rodney pursed his lips together grimly. He wished he'd paid more attention to Sheppard, he'd noticed the two of them had grown apart but he thought that was a marriage thing. It was only now that he was putting the pieces together. Michael had never intended for them to find Cassandra, he hadn't counted on those dogtags. How could he?

"Your back now and that's all that matters." Rodney muttered, clasping her hand between both of his before rubbing them together in order to warm it. "We'll take care of you now, well Beckett probably will but I'll be there too, to help eat the hospital food."

"She is listening you know?" Keller said kindly as she tapped the tablet in front of her to monitor Cassandra's brain activity.

Rodney nodded his awareness. He hoped that Cass was listening, he had wanted to come down here and check on her, maybe even to ask for her forgiveness. It wouldn't be right to venture in to that domain yet, he understood that it was a precarious time and the important thing was to let Cassandra know that she was safe and secure.

Jennifer Keller drew the tablet closer to her chest as she reviewed her patient. She couldn't imagine what it must have been like for Cass going through that trauma on her own. They shared the same profession, they had the same ideals, the same hopes and wishes for this galaxy and it made Keller reconsider her desire to be there. It wasn't too late to return to Earth and pick up a more lucrative job, but she had wanted to help people and to explore new possibilities.

Keller wasn't sure whether to take this as a testament to her future here on Atlantis but she was determined not to allow herself to be dissuaded by what had happened to Cassandra. Doctors did this back on Earth, they went into war zones and dangerous places all the time trying their best to help people. They stood firm against the pressures and the intimation that was bestowed upon them. Cassandra was one of the brave ones, she had been one of the first to step into the fray and Keller would make sure she wasn't the last.

Rage was a human emotion and unfortunately for Michael it was the one that was controlling every one of his impulses at the moment. He had arrived back at his compound to find the hybrids in disarray and his Queen missing. Nobody seemed to have any idea of what happened, she had simply been there one moment and then she had vanished the next.

* * *

><p>Michael's fist impacted the silver surgery tray, the noise clanging through the room as the instruments scattered upon the floor. The fury was erupting through every one of his senses as he stared at the table where they had conceived their child. She would have been ready over the next few days, they could have tried again to have another baby but instead Atlantis had stolen her away. He found himself roaring at the ceiling in the indignation as it rushed through his veins. She was his and now they were going to find out all those precious personal details he had shared with the woman he called his lover.<p>

He found himself at the helm of his computer, his nostrils were flaring as he struggled to grapple with the fiery emotions that burned inside. By now they would have found out about the clone and she would either have been captured or killed. They would have kept her alive he supposed to glean information and that was their folly.

His finger strayed to the interactive interface as he selected the clone and pulled up her stats, she was still alive, still healthy. As far as he knew she would be in the heart of Atlantis and that was what he needed to destroy. That would be the only thing to relieve his anguish, they had stolen everything away from him and now it was time for them to discover how that felt. They needed to feel what it was like to have everything they loved wrenched away from them.

Michael drew up the information that the clone had stowed away on that tiny transmitter she had left for him on New Athos. There was a plan forming in his mind as he surveyed schematics, he had a way of taking back his Cassandra and of destroying Atlantis once and for all.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, sorry for the late update. As this is my final week in work there are a lot of loose ends to tie up so I've had to stay late over the last few days. :(<strong>_

_Brn: lmao I can imagine you sitting at your computer throwing your hands up in the hair yelling with joy. Lol John will absolutely murder Michael when he gets his hands on the guy and it is like a complete punch in the gut to him. I couldn't imagine what it must be like to discover something like that. Your right revenge is a dish best served cold._

_Joey: They have a very long road ahead of hem but I keep my fingers crossed that the two of them can get through it. It is a clash of desires of wants, John can never let this go and we know Michael won't stop until he gets what he wants. Cass needs help to get through this, I just hope that she can learn to deal with it. Who knows if John will still be around after the clone has her way with him?_

_Shippo: lol who knows if that will happen? I think Michael won't stop until he gets what he wants. _

_Monkey: lol I'll keep my fingers crossed that it plays out that way but at the end of the day it makes me wonder who she's going to drag down with her. Lol I adore Ronon and Hope and we do get to see a different side to our Hope, she can be quite the badass when she wants to be!_


	116. Chapter 116: Wait It Out

Chapter One Hundred and Sixteen

_Where do we go from here?  
>How do we carry on?<br>I can't get beyond the questions.  
>Clambering for the scraps<br>In the shatter of us collapsed.  
>That cuts me with every could-have-been. <em>

_Imogen Heap – Wait It Out_

They were sitting across from one other in the Mess Hall on Atlantis. Cassandra's hands were wrapped around a mug of tea, heating her palms as she perched on the edge of her seat, head bowed as she stared into the milky liquid. She hadn't had a cup of tea in over a month and the privilege wasn't wasted on her, she enjoyed being back among the living.

"You know my sister always says a good cup of tea cures all the world's woes." Cass spoke for the first time since they had arrived back home.

The only other words she had uttered had been to ask for clothes, which Keller had dutifully handed over. For some reason Cassandra had felt the urge to roam, she had been trapped in a single space for over a month now and the idea of not being able to walk around killed her. John had been dutiful and kind. He had taken her arm gently in his own before they walked the corridors of the city in silence as Cass tried to familiarise herself with their home once more. There was no pressure from John to talk, no need for explanations, just the blissfulness of having him close beside her.

They had come to a halt at the empty Mess Hall, John placing the palm of his free had against his forehead scolding himself for not thinking about food earlier. Cass didn't think she could stomach a meal so she had made a cup of tea instead. It was surprising how much pleasure being able to do something like that gave her, she knew it was the sense of freedom in her actions that gave her the mirth. John had palmed a few biscuits and slipped one towards her in a bid to get her to eat.

"You always say that about a warm bath and chocolate." John reminded her, his larger hands coming to rest upon hers as she clasped the cup.

The physical reassurance was a welcome relief. She had worried about how John would forgive her for what had happened. She thought he'd shun her, how could she expect him to deal with her miscarrying another man's baby? He hadn't mentioned it despite the fact Cassandra knew that Keller had told him.

There were so many things that the two of them had to talk about but Cass couldn't force herself to open the wounds right now. She needed to feel safe and loved and John seemed to understand those impulses. He had been by her side constantly and if she was honest she needed the company. She had spent such long periods of time alone that she had come to welcome Michael's visits. She knew what Michael had been trying to do to her and she revolted against it violently. Everything he had told her was bullshit and the living proof of that was sitting right here holding her hands.

"John I need to know..." Cass broke off, tilting her head away from her husband.

She couldn't bare to say the words out loud, just thinking about it was making her nauseous. The clone would have tried anything necessary to get her claws into John and make him believe that she was the real deal.

"I didn't sleep with her." John stated abruptly, answering his wife's unspoken question. "She tried but I knew it wasn't you, she didn't have the same light in her eyes, her smile wasn't real. You do this cute thing when you grin, the left side of your mouth quirks up."

"You have no idea how good it makes me feel to hear you say that." Cass said as the immense relief filled her up.

John could feel her beginning to thaw a little, her iron clad grasp on her soul was beginning to loosen. He knew that he had to take his time with her. Cassandra was like a Rubix cube and he had to unlock her secrets piece by piece. He was in for the long haul, it didn't matter how long it took for her to recover, he would be with her every step of the way.

John prodded another biscuit towards her with the tip of his finger. Cass found herself picking the treat up and taking a bite out of it simply to appease him. She understood the desire he felt to feel useful and that was no fault of his own. She wasn't sure if she could be fixed. Time was apparently a great healer but she wasn't sure if the wound was too deep to catheterised.

"You need to take it a day at a time." John advised wistfully as he studied the downtrodden expression upon his wife's pretty features. "It's too big for you to handle otherwise, too hard to deal with and absorb."

"I haven't even begun to process it." Cass told him, with the shake of her head. "It's like I've just woken up from some horrendous nightmare. I remember every single minute of this crashing silence and that sickness you get in the pit of your stomach when your so scared you forget how to breath..."

She trailed off looking lost as the feeling of confinement stifled her once more. Her heart was pounding in her chest, she could feel it hammering against her ribcage as she took a shallow breath trying to gain control of her racing mind.

"Cassie."

Her name drawled from John's lips like a sonnet, his hands clasped hers back to the soothing heat emitting from the mug. He ducked his head so he could meet her averted gaze with his loving hazel eyes.

"Your safe now." John promised her. "I won't let him touch you ever again."

He was adamant in that statement. The minute he had laid eyes on her, he knew instantaneously that his wife was an emotionally battered woman. She was barely holding on at the moment and it murdered him inside to see her struggling so badly. She had been trying to hold herself together since she had awoken in the Infirmary on the Daedalus but John could see the strain it was causing her. He didn't know whether she believed him when he spoke, being so close to her and yet so far was painful but on some level he understood the emotional barricade.

Cass had been through an ordeal and shutting down was the brain's way of protecting itself. There was a lot to process and returning to normal life would be hard for her after all the safety behaviours her body and mind had put into place to cope in captivity.

"Can we go back home for a little while?" Cass asked him in a small voice. "I need to see my family."

The thought of returning to Earth scared John a little. They had made a home here on Atlantis and a life with their friends, he thought once Cassandra got her feet back on the ground back on Earth that she might not want to return to Atlantis and where would that leave them? He pushed all the niggling selfish thoughts away as he raised her dainty, little hands to his lips and kissed her palms.

"Whatever you need to do." he whispered against her soft skin.

It felt like his warm breath was stirring the life back up inside of her. She could feel the familiar thrum of pacifying heat racing through her inner core. She needed to feel alive again but her instincts were on overdrive. She had to get as far away from Michael as possible and Earth was the ideal safe heaven. She would learn to bury what had happened to her and in turn she wouldn't have to worry about being snatched up again while off world. She would be happy back home, free from all the terror and anxiety she knew would follow this attack.

"What if I don't come back?" she asked him softly. "What if I want to stay?"

John pursed his lips together grimly at the thought. He could leave Atlantis if she requested it, it would take a little work to screen for a replacement but the option was possible. The truth was though, John had felt more at home in this place than he had anywhere else in his life. He didn't want to leave but he would if it helped Cassandra. He would do anything for his wife and if he had to give up this place then he would wave goodbye to it all in a heartbeat.

"Then we could get that little beach house in Hawaii, or that town house in Boston we were looking at when we were staying with Jules, the one with the trees out front." John murmured as he rubbed her cool hands between his own trying to generate some warmth into her pale skin.

"I would like that, I think I would like that a lot." she told him seriously as their eyes met once more.

She was being entirely honest, John hear it in her words as she spoke. He had no idea if this was a symptom of her trauma but he knew she meant every word of it. He tried to imagine being 'normal' and found that it was impossible. He wondered how they would compromise, a long distance relationship perhaps. He had no idea but he wasn't thrilled on finding out.

"If that's what you need..." John heard himself saying as he stared deep into his wife's sapphire gaze.

He never thought the day would come when he had to choose between Atlantis and his wife.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, hope your all having a great weekend. Last day in work tomorrow and I had an excellent day after receiving some gifts!<strong>_

_Brn: lmao writing is good for the soul mine and your both apparently. Seriously though if John ever gets his hands on Michael he will murder him without a second thought. I am currently working on chapter 138 at the min so don't worry about waiting for chapters! _

_Alice: lol I have no idea how I am going to play Jen and Rodney if I am at all. I have enough on my hands juggling hope and Ronon at the moment. Who knows what intell the clone gave Michael, he made into Atlantis in season 5 after all. _

_Monkey: do not worry about my job, I am being sent to help out another store for three months because they're struggling over Xmas and then its either back to my store or staying there depending on the circumstances. So I am safe. There's nothing to stop Rodney and Keller from gravitating towards each other. I won't be writing them in any detail, as I said I'm juggling too much with Cass and Hope's relationships, I can't balance a 3rd coupling. _

_Shippo: lol I think there isn't a person reading that doesn't want Michael dead. John esp would love to murder him. Everyone seems to love Rodney when I write him, I never understand why!_


	117. Chapter 117: Time

Chapter One Hundred and Seventeen

_Sometimes this life can get you down  
>It's so confusing<br>There's so many rules to follow_

_Savage Garden – The Animal Song_

Ronon was pacing. His strides were long, frustrated and full of boundless energy. Hope was watching with interest, her head following him as he tread across the floor. It was like watching an angry predator stalk across the Serengeti. His finely toned muscles were working in tandem as she reached the end of the room and turned to conduct the same motion he had been engaged in for the past thirty minutes.

For some reason Hope found that fascinating in the same way she found everything Ronon did. The man was truly a god, when she looked at him and his impressive physique, she saw everything that he embodied. He was a warrior, a leader and a commander, he had a presence that demanded respect and a mind that was sharper than anyone else she had ever encountered.

Over the past few weeks she had learned to gage her mate's moods simply by tapping into the bond between the two of them. It was intriguing and Hope spent immense amounts of time examining it and testing the way her thoughts would sometimes zoom along it when she closed her eyes and concentrated really hard. Ronon had told her off about doing it whilst he was in meetings or around other people.

She had been toying with images of the two of them entwined together making love last time. She had been imagining the way that Ronon's rugged hands would feel caressing her naked flesh as she writhed under his gorgeous sexual form. She could hear the ragged, grunts of lust in her ears as he entered her lovingly stretching her with his large member. She longed to have him inside her and feel the long sweet strokes as he rocked against her hips and brought her to completion. She hadn't realized she was feeding the images to Ronon at the time. He had received every single detail of her reckless sultry thoughts and had apparently spent the rest of Rodney's Midway Bridge explanation shifting awkwardly to hide and relieve the aching erection in his trousers.

Hope had seen that look in his eyes when he'd returned to their room, it was euphoric and lustful and in seconds he was kissing her into submission with his demanding hot mouth. He had stripped her of every single thread of clothing, his fingers were exploitative and wanting as his tongue followed the contours of her body. He had dipped between her legs, his blazing mouth felt so good pressed against her moist core as he kissed her sensitive clit, the same way he had kissed her mouth.

"Taste so good." he had mumbled against the sensitive flesh of her inner thigh.

The sensation was so frighteningly intense, it had caused her to buck against his mouth in ecstasy as his flaming tongue stroked along her wet lips before coming back to her clit. The pleasure had been delirious, Ronon had taken her so high she had become entirely incoherent as he teased her with his greedy, deviant mouth. She had cried out his name as she came so powerfully her entire body arched off the bed. Ronon had kissed his way back to her mouth, his tongue seeking out hers as his hands caressed the shape of her feminine form.

Hope had reciprocated in kind, she couldn't wait to tear Ronon's clothing from his body. She had seen him naked before and he was truly the most amazing man she had ever laid eyes on. His chest was sculptured by his muscular structure. She knew he kept in top form so that he could battle the Wraith but the sight of him without a stitch of material left on him made Hope want to ravish him. He was glorious, her hand had already been cupping his hard leaking member as her lips fastened on that sexy little tattoo inked upon his throat. He had told her that it represented his rank within the Satedan Military Services, he was proud of it the same way he was of his people and heritage.

There was a light dusting of hair across Ronon's chest, it felt coarse under her soft palms as Hope rubbed her hands up and down his pectorals. She loved touching him, she loved watching his response as her slim fingers stroked as she teased his erection.

Hope nuzzled at his throat impatiently. She wanted him in ways that were basic and primal but Ronon wouldn't let her consummate their romance yet. He had told her that she had to be sure about the two of them before indulged in that level of physical pleasure. The experience, he had explained, would bond the two of them for life and Ronon simply wasn't ready for that level of commitment yet. Their relationship was almost too good to be true, it was a whirlwind of emotional highs and furious desire, he didn't trust it not to be snatched away from him, the same way his life had been on Sateda.

Hope's mouth had descended on Ronon's leaking cock, taking the majority of his length, she was skilled and her lips felt sensuously tight locked around him. He had moaned and arched his hips slowly as her tongue swirled over the tip. Hope took him even deeper into her mouth as Ronon's fingers raked through her silky chestnut hair. She had driven him insane with those pleasurable ministrations until he couldn't take it any more. He had warned her when he was close, the erotic movement of his hips had grown more rampant, his grip on her hair had tightened and his groans of ecstasy were getting deeper and more pronounced before he orgasmed into her mouth.

The way he said her name had been gluttonous and it had sent thrills chasing through her body as she kissed her away up his nude sexual form, planting kisses upon the planes of his muscles. That had been hours before they'd found out about Cassandra and the clone, now the two of them were preoccupied by their own participation in the event. Now she could sense her mate's restlessness as he walked up and down the room continuously.

Hope knew what was causing it. The real Cassandra was back on Atlantis, her footsteps echoed like a ghost as she walked the halls with her husband. She wasn't the same woman that they had left behind, she was a shadow of former herself. Her warm blue eyes had been closed off and she had bowed her head and said nothing to Hope as John had led her past them with an apologetic glance. She didn't expect Cassandra to forgive them. How could she when they had left her behind to be harmed in the hands of a monster?

"I know how badly you want to see Cass." Hope said, her voice kind and steady. "But we need to give her a little time to readjust to being in the city again."

"Just wanna make sure she's ok." Ronon stated bluntly as he came to a halt and crossed his arms over his chest.

His jade green eyes fixed Hope with an imploring stare. It was like a little boy begging his mother to go play with his sick friend. Cassandra and John needed time to repair and reacquaint with each other. Too many people would make Cass uncomfortable and that was the last thing Hope wanted to do. She felt for the other woman, she really did. She had only spent a few days in Michael's hands but she had more than a few grey hairs from her experience.

"John told us that she was recovering, we have to trust him." Hope reminded him gently. "We don't to put Cass under any more pressure."

Ronon snorted a response and Hope could tell that he was thinking that returning home couldn't be any worse than what she had already been through. Ronon had forgotten the other player in this whole shambling mess that had been made.

Another woman had been living Cassandra's life for the past month, Hope couldn't imagine what it must be like slipping back into your life to find it had been disturbed by someone else. She thought that wouldn't help when it came to dealing with Cass's recovery. She wondered if John had told his wife that the clone was currently residing in their brig.

As soon as the clone had stepped through the Stargate with Teyla, all weapons had been diverted her way and she had been escorted by a stern faced Major Lorne and a crew of three marines to the cells. They weren't taking any chances when it came to the dangers that she presented and Hope could tell that Doctor Weir was hoping to glean some information from the clone in regards to Michael.

Hope doubted that the leader of the expedition would be able to reason with the malicious thing. She had cackled when Lorne had secured her wrists, the sound had chilled them all to the core as they watched her being led away. The cooperation made Hope suspicious, with Cassandra back the clone would have every reason to try and evade arrest. Yet it was as if she knew something, like this was part of a plan and Hope could simply not figure it out. Nobody else seemed to be alarmed by the behaviour of the clone so Hope pushed her niggling thoughts to the back of her mind and focused on the ore important factors at hand. At the end of the day what did she know compared to the residents of the city?

Ronon was still looking at her in that sulky manner of his and Hope found herself smiling despite his child like antics. She knew how much he cared for Cassandra, the two had a deep platonic friendship and Hope respected that. Ronon huffed through his nose drawing Hope's full attention back to him again. Hope patted the bed along side of her, signalling for him to sit down. Ronon flopped down beside of his lover, his wrists coming to rest upon his parted legs as he hunched over.

Hope straightened her spine before pursing her lips together grimly as her small hand rubbed in soothing circles along the curve of his tense shoulders.

"It just takes time." Hope reassured him. "You know what it's like dealing with something like this. She's closed off at the moment, she may be a little bit more open tomorrow."

"Hm." Ronon grunted before rubbing his hands over his face in exasperation.

"There's nothing you could have done." Hope told him knowingly. "We all feel the same way but the important thing is she's home and she's safe. We need to make her feel that way, it's hard to believe that after experiencing something so horrific. It doesn't help that there was another woman taking her place, living her life."

"It should be dead." Ronon growled in response to the mention of the clone. "It's gonna screw Cass up some more."

"We'll help her through it." Hope murmured as she placed her head upon his broad shoulder, her small hand sliding inside his larger one.

"Yea." Ronon answered simply. "We will."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! Happy Halloween and thank you for such marvellous reviews!<strong>_

_Brn: lol 139 is underway! There is a few years until they finally get home, I don't even know what they consider home at the moment, Earth or Atlantis! I thought as a principle of marriage and everything she has been through he would put her first even at the risk of ruining his own happiness. _

_Shep:I hope she is too otherwise that is going to be one long distance relationship for the two of them. Who knows what she needs to do to repair, when I think about it there's only so much a girl can take._

_Joey:Thankies for such a wonderful review regarding ch115, I thought Rodders would have to be on the Daedalus to do his thing with beaming Cass up. In a way she was his friend and it would really sting to see the results of something you have created. It devastates me to consider her leaving for good but I think the char needs a little time to heal to revisit her roots as it were. I think forcing John to return to Earth would ruin him in a way and I don't think she would force that upon him if she was thinking straight. _

_Shippo: Thankies so much, you are always lovely and supportive! It will be slow but she will get there I hope!_


	118. Chapter 118: Yours

Chapter One Hundred and Eighteen

_I may not have the softest touch  
>I may not say the words as such<br>And though I may not look like much  
>I'm yours<br>And though my edges may be rough  
>And never feel I'm quite enough<br>It may not seem like very much  
>But I'm yours <em>

_The Script – I'm Yours_

The bleeding had stopped. Cass guessed that was something to be thankful for as she stood alone in their shared bathroom before casting a glance at the door. It was ajar, she had made sure it was open just a crack so that she could hear John moving around in the other room. The need to be near him was overwhelming, the truth was she didn't want to let him out of her sight for a single second. She was terrified that if she did that he would simply disappear.

She couldn't stand the thought of leaving John's side, the possibility of her being left all alone again scared her in ways that she never could have imagined. She had always been independent and strong, she could stand on her own two feet but now Cass had to admit that she was struggling.

Cass believed that Michael had tried to ruin her, he had done unspeakable things to her body and it had caused a fracture in her soul that terrified her so damn much. She didn't know if she could be fixed, right now she was troubled and she knew that. It was hard for her to feel safe and secure even though she was home on Atlantis. Hyper vigilance was a symptom of her anxiety and she knew she had to take control of her life again now that she was back here and living it.

In the other room she could hear John clearing his throat and flicking on the plasma television he had secured to the bedroom wall across from their bed. He had sensed her discomfort when he strayed too far away from her so he was purposely making more noise than usual whilst getting ready for bed and Cass was grateful for that thoughtfulness. It was his way of showing her he was still there waiting in the wings if she needed him.

The truth was Cassandra needed her husband now more than ever. Her life had fallen apart when she had been kidnapped by Michael and no matter how many times she had tried to slot the pieces of herself back together she found herself unable to make the pieces fit the same way they had before. John had told her it would all come back naturally. She was still in shock and her defences were still teetering and tall. She didn't know how to strip them down, she was too used to supporting them and her mind hadn't quite accepted that she was on stable ground.

The main reason was because Cass couldn't understand how John could even feel the same after he had learned the truth about what she had been carrying inside of her. It sickened her all over again to think about it.

Cass glanced up at her own gaunt, sallow features in their shared mirror. She looked nothing like the woman she had been before. There was a thin streak of white embedded in her dark hair, she could see it profoundly as she ran her hand through her hairline. She was sure that would never fade, she wondered briefly what John would think of this new development. She barely recognised herself, how could she expect John to love her when she was breaking into a million pieces?

Cass exhaled deeply as she shook her head, starring deep into the reflection. She had to get through this, it was killing her slowly and that was exactly what Michael and that wretched clone of hers wanted. It was stealing her ability to live, draining away every inch of her sanity. In short, it was winning.

Cass stole another glance at the door before swallowing hard. Already she knew she had spent too long in the bathroom. She thought John had guessed that she was trying to get herself back together before coming out hence why he was giving her the space to do what she needed.

His empathy had been what had attracted her to him in the first place. Meeting him in Afghanistan had been an act of fate, he had been in her surgery because he had rescued a kid from a car bomb. He had been fighting for his country and protecting the natives of the area during a time of war, they didn't get more heroic than that she thought.

_Take a deep breath and face him._ Cassandra told herself.

John was the most non-judgemental person she knew, he was also the person she cared about most in the world. If his opinion on her changed she had no idea what she would do. It was doubts like that that trapped her, it made it impossible to put one foot in front of the other and take that leap. She couldn't open the connection between them because she was so traumatised and afraid that he would reject her when he saw how damaged she really was.

In the background Cass could hear the soundtrack to Cars playing and she found a small smile twitching at her lips. Her husband was simply amazing, the instant she heard that DVD playing she knew that everything was going to be ok. It was her feel good movie, the only thing she watched when she was feeling so run down and exhausted and John knew that. It brought back a flood of happy memories, it reminded her of simple, happier times and nights spent curled up with her niece and nephew while they all watched Lightning McQueen's speedy adventures. The fact he put on the DVD showed how well her husband knew her. He wanted to cheer her up, he wanted her to feel safe and collected, to distract her from the horrors that wages through her mind.

It was an olive branch in a way, a chance to let go of everything that had happened to her and grasp onto the tattered remains of her normal life. They could do that again. The two of them had picked up the pieces before and John was showing her that he was willing to go the distance no matter how long it took.

Cass found herself stepping tentatively into the doorway. John was already in bed, the navy blue sheets were pulled up to his lean waist covering his lower body. The remote was perched on his nightstand, ready to be picked up. He was wearing his classic Pirate Panda T-shirt as he reviewed her from the bed.

His wife looked like a small child, her hands clasped in front of her as she pursed her pink lips together. She looked so timid and nervous and it cut John down to the core to see her like this. Cass was always so confident and strong, there was a quiet strength inside of her that he had always admired but now he simply couldn't see it and it broke his heart to see her look so dejected.

"I can take the couch if it makes you more comfortable." John uttered already drawing back the bedsheets as if to climb out.

"No." Cass said abruptly causing John's head to tilt up towards her.

John was studying her with inquisitive hazel eyes as he lowered himself back onto the mattress. Cassandra took a small step forward, her delicate hands rubbing together as she approached the bed. John drew back the sheets on her side before he altered the pillows to the way she liked them.

Cass climbed in beside her husband before meticulously tucking the sheets in around her tired body. Her palms were resting upon her lap as she stared at the screen before them. John picked up the remote and pressed play before he lay beside his wife. He had left the lamp on his nightstand on so that if she fell asleep she wouldn't wake up in complete darkness. Somehow he knew that would frighten her, he already knew that she was going to have nightmares. They were unavoidable.

There was so much distance between the two of them right now although they were lying side by side. John loved his wife, he would do everything he could to help her but there was only so much he could do. The rest was up to Cass.

"I love you." he whispered into the chasm that stretched between the two of them. "It doesn't matter what happened with him, not to me. All that matters is the fact your safe."

"I'm having trouble accepting that." Cass admitted as she stared up at the ceiling. "I want everything to go back to normal again but I don't understand how it can."

John turned onto his side so that he could see the profile of his wife's beauteous features, her skin was glowing in the soft lamp light. The familiar scent of her shampoo flooded his nostrils as he inhaled deeply, breathing her in. Cass followed suit, she wanted to look into her husband's hazel eyes and see into the depths of his soul. She wanted to explore him once more, to prove to him and herself that she was still capable of experiencing love.

"Let me show you." John murmured as his warm fingers wrapped around her tiny hand before he clasped her palm to the centre of his chest.

His heart was beating that steady, rhythmic thrum underneath her gentle fingertips. John was right here, living and breathing and she couldn't help but feel that familiar sense of adoration as John stared into her sapphire eyes. She could see everything in those eyes. Their past, their present and their future. She found herself beginning to open up as John's emotions flowed over her unstable soul. His love shrouded her in adoration, filling in the cracks as it smoothed over her like warm soapy water. He was perfect, she had always thought that and now he was healing her the same way that she had healed him after the retro virus had stripped him raw.

John's nose trailed along hers as their souls sought each other out along the fraying threads of their connection. He allowed himself this moment of bliss as he felt Cass begin to concede, his hand was cupping the side of her face, his thumb trailing over the blush of her cheek as their lips lingered inches apart. He longed to close that space between them, he could feel their chemistry lingering in the air around them as Cass's breathing hitched just a little.

"Don't be afraid." his voice was low and husky as he spoke against her parted lips. "It's just me."

Those words seemed to make all the difference to his wife. Something inside her seemed to snap as her soul broke free of it's restraints and hurtled towards his own. They clashed together like a crescendo resounding in his ears and John was overcome with the immense sensations that exploded in every single one of his senses as Cassandra kissed him.

It was like falling in love all over again and John found himself delving deeper into the hot confines of his wife's mouth as he gathered her up into the comfort of his body. Cass had never belonged so much to one person before she'd met John and now that intense feeling of ownership was back with vigour as she nestled even deeper into her husband's firm chest. He was the only person who could steal away her fears and give her back the very piece of herself that she had lost in the month she had spent with Michael.

The two of them broke apart reluctantly, John's fingers were threading through his wife's silky, dark hair as he guided her head into the crook of his neck. He could sense her weariness as his lips brushed kissed the small grey streak in her hairline. Another reminder of an experience that his wife had lived through. He was so proud of her for holding on the way she had and he let her feel that as he cuddled her beneath the fresh, clean sheets of their martial bed.

Cassandra Sheppard fell asleep knowing that she was safe and loved.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! Sorry that it's taken so long to post. My new store has been busy as hell. My boss has screwed up his back something awful so I walked in on my first day and have ended up managing the place. So far so good though!<strong>_

_Joey: Hell I agree with Ronon. The thing is evil and no good can come of having it on Atlantis. I love the fact you grasped that the clone is completely expendable. I have to agree with you, nobodies really paying attention to the clone. I think Ronon and Lorne would just do it off their own backs. I could see that Ronon would want to wait, he's lost so much and it's hard for him to commit entirely._

_Brn: lol I'm taking a bow at your kind words. Hope and Ronon needed a moment to themselves, I quite like the way their relationship is going. Cass knows and appreciates it, it's just about getting herself more confident with herself. There isn't a person on Atlantis who wouldn't want to get rid of her. _

_Shippo: I did have a very nice halloween, we had a few trick or treaters. All of them were small children and we gave them toys and candy. Lol your words are so kind, they've really made me smile. The next level seems so far a way lol and I don't think Hope can wait either._


	119. Chapter 119: Eye for an Eye

Chapter One Hundred and Nineteen

_I said, hey, girl with one eye  
>I'll cut your little heart out cause you made me cry<em>

_Florence and the Machine – Girl With One Eye_

The cell was larger than the clone had anticipated and instead of metal bars she was confined within some sort of crackling electronic force. Like the city, it had been constructed by the Ancients and the clone knew that the only way out of this place was through the door she had been shoved through. She was constantly monitored by two guards posted at the door all around the clock. There was nothing to do in here other than think about her actions. There was no regret in her thoughts only malice.

Cassandra yet again had ruined something of hers and the clone was getting wary of her host's nuisances. She knew that Michael must be infuriated that the other woman had managed to escape, he would have wanted his chance to impregnate her again. To the clone this made all the difference, it put her host back within her reach and she could construct her revenge for the life of her own baby, the one that Cassandra had intentionally sabotaged.

Over the last forty eight hours the clone had been subjected to a varying degree of interrogation at the hands of the Atlantians. She had frowned at their antics, her mouth kept firmly shut as they attempted to glean information from her. Their intentions were clear and she discounted the threats they had tossed her away. No matter what happened, she was destined for armed transport to Earth.

Apparently they would be sending her to Area 51, where experiments would be committed upon her flesh for genetic testing. They were trying to work out how she had been created and if they could duplicate the process. Major Lorne had cruelly informed her that she would spend the rest of her life living out the sentence that she had attempted to put upon her host.

The thought of being forced to endure such an horrific mode of torture did not sit well with the clone, it made her uncomfortable and for the first time ever she felt a swell of icy cold fear clambering through the pit of her stomach. Maybe she was human after all. Michael had always told her that she was more than that, destined for greater things because she didn't have the emotional range to encumber her. She thought maybe she just didn't have the same feelings as her host, clearly she was entirely different person to Cassandra Sheppard.

Since she had lived on Atlantis she had seen how very different the two of them really were. Her attraction to John Sheppard was entirely physical, she liked the way he looked but not the way he talked and she didn't get his jokes. The clone didn't care about the people here, she didn't like kids or those annoying people that apparently needed her help. She simply didn't have the nicety, she didn't give a shit that Ronon had a new girl, or McKay was working on another power source for the city. It wasn't anything to do with her as far as she was concerned, this wasn't her life.

The clone wanted freedom, she wanted Michael and the life that she deserved with him. They deserved to be happy in the universe of their making. All the hurt and the pain that her maker had endured needed to have been for something. There needed to be an act of vengeance in his name, all of this could not be for nothing. They could be happy she thought, when Atlantis was destroyed the two of them would find a way to have another child and the universe would be their playground. The clone firmly believed in that dream. It was the only thing that had kept her resolute over the past two days.

Already she knew that Michael must be formulating a plan to get her out of here. Her maker wouldn't just leave her to be tormented in this pitiful place. She knew he was already working on something, he had to be. Of course, she was barely one to stand still and wait to be rescued. She'd find a way to help herself somehow, there were still a few tricks she had up her sleeve. She wasn't like her host in that respect, she wouldn't wait around to be saved.

Already Elizabeth was stepping into room once more. She was the humanitarian of the group that much was clear, Lorne had been her interrogator for the majority of her stay. The Major had seemed so soft when he had thought she was Cassandra, he had been sweet and they had spent their lunches discussing the new guy on his team. Now she had seen his frightening, dogged side. The one that showed no mercy. Lorne was scathing and hot tempered, he thought she had gotten one over him and in a way he was right. The fury that he felt was really at himself. Maybe she could use that.

Elizabeth signalled for the Major to open the door, Lorne frowned in distaste as he followed the unspoken command. It was clear what he thought about her willingly climbing into the cell with the clone and the clone thought he was right. In the manacles she should be harmless. 'Should be' was the operative set of words here.

Elizabeth was supposed to be playing good cop, the clone thought. She guessed that the other woman would offer her a deal of some sort, maybe try and turn her against her maker. The clone would never do that. Michael had given her the gift of life and together they were going to have a future.

"Are you comfortable?" Elizabeth asked as she dropped down onto the bench beside the clone.

"The foods a little crappy and I miss the bed." The clone shrugged, before crossing her legs gracefully.

It was terrifying how much like Cassandra this creature was. She looked like the young doctor, she even spoke with the same easy eloquence but beneath her blue eyes was a monster. One that had gained Elizabeth's trust almost automatically. She should have listened to John when he had told her that it wasn't his wife. She thought he was struggling with the vulnerabilities of his marriage and his job. It was hard to detach yourself from such an horrific set of circumstances and Elizabeth thought that John had been deluding himself when he had accused Cassandra of being someone else.

"I can try and make you more comfortable." Elizabeth offered as she lowered her head to meet the clone's blue eyes. "But I need a little something in return."

"You want to know what Michael wanted with Cassandra's baby?" The clone uttered as she tilted her head to meet Elizabeth's gaze.

"I already know he wanted to improve the Hoffan anti virus and weed out the Wraith." Elizabeth informed the clone.

That was surprising. It would appear that Cassandra had been told more than the clone had ever anticipated. Michael had been trading secrets with the enemy, she wondered what that meant. Did he like her host better? Or was it a simple slip of the tongue?

In the end it didn't matter, it just gave her another reason to put the bitch down before he got here. She glanced at Elizabeth's long slender unprotected throat. It wouldn't take a second to wrap the manacles around it and choke her. The moment wasn't here yet but it was coming and she could feel the apprehension growing in her body. Her muscles were already coiling, ready to spring.

"I want to know what he'll do now. What steps will he take?" Elizabeth asked the clone before glancing at Major Lorne as his radio crackled.

The lights went out, it was for the briefest moment but the clone took full advantage of the opportunity. Her wrists were already looped over Elizabeth's neck, the rigid chain of the manacles was digging into her tender flesh stifling her ability to breath. Elizabeth choked as she was wrenched to her feet and drawn back against the clone's body. The chain was crushing her wind pipe. She thought she was going to die, her fingernails raked cross the clone's arm but there was no give in the chain. The pressure was getting too much, her face was beginning to turn red as she panted and writhed.

"Drop your god damn weapons." the clone demanded, her voice filled with violence. "Or I will strangle the life right out of her."

Lorne snarled as his finger tightened on the trigger. The clone was using Weir as a human shield, there wasn't a chance that he could get a clean shot unless he went through the leader of the expedition and even then there wasn't a guarantee the shifting of weight wouldn't break Weir's neck.

Lorne placed his gun on the ground as Meyers did the same. The two men held up their hands to show that they were unarmed as the clone forced Weir to shuffle forward out of the cage.

"Get in." She ordered as she tightened her grip on Elizabeth's throat.

The other woman's movements were becoming slack. Elizabeth was getting weaker as she struggled for air but there was nothing. There was no hope, no rescue, just the rushing of blood resounding in her ears as her knees seemed to slip out from under her. The black spots were dancing in her vision and then as if by magic she could breath again.

Elizabeth fell to her knees, gasping as she was released abruptly. She cumbered on all fours, sucking in as much oxygen as she could. The clone stepped around her, scooping up the gun that Lorne had set down before she smashed the panel for the cage mechanism locking the two marines inside.

"You won't get away with this." Lorne snarled as he lingered near the buzzing energy beams holding him hostage.

Elizabeth clambered to her knees, her palm caressing her throat. She winced at the bruising already marring her pale throat. It hurt like hell, her heart was racing in her chest, pounding against her rib cage. She had to do something about this situation, she had to help.

The clone stared down at the brunette on her knees in front of her. She tilted her head as her thumb flicked the safety off the weapon as she pointed it directly at the back of Elizabeth's head.

The last thing the other woman heard was the sound of her name being hoarsely screamed by Major Lorne as everything went black.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys. Yet again it's been a busy week, I got stuck in my shop last night with the alarm having a fault. I ended up staying there for an hour and a half which was a pain but it was nice to get home and relax after the end of stressful day!<strong>_

_**Special thankies to everyone who has added and reviewed this story!**_

_Alice: Thank you for the well wishing, it's been challenging this week but in a fun kind of way. I thought they needed a little while to fix everything or at least to reacquaint. I still love The Script!_

_Brn: lol thankies so much for your kind words. I wanted to make it as lovely and tender for the two of them as possible. They have been through so much as a couple, esp as of late so I though they deserved a little time to themselves to reacquaint and begin to heal. _

_Shippo: lol Cass deserves a little happiness and so does John. I wanted them to have a moment of togetherness and just a step in the right direction into getting better._

_Joey: I am so glad you under stand that this happened to the two of them, it was a scary thing to endure. They are simply glad to have each other back, I thought they needed a new beginning after everything that's happened to them. Nothing can ever be the same again for these people and they needed to move on. LMAO! I can't say what happens to the evil one!_


	120. Chapter 120: Ownership

Chapter One Hundred and Twenty

_Here I am, a rabbit hearted girl  
>Frozen in the headlights<br>It seems I've made the final sacrifice_

_Florence and the Machine – Rabbit Heart_

_It was happening again. Cass could feel the world shifting once more around her as she found herself sitting down in the Mess Hall with her hands resting palm down upon the surface of the table. She had had these dreams before, it meant Michael was close. She didn't wonder how it was possible she simply knew that it was true. _

_Cass found herself resisting the supreme urge to scream. It was building up in her chest with that familiar surge of terror, she was freaking out deep inside. She could feel the icy cold tendrils of fear climbing up through the pit of her stomach. She was scared, so scared that it hurt to breath. Panic was vibrating through her chest as she swallowed hard and forced herself to look up into her captor's cat-like eyes. _

"_You can't do this." Cass whispered softly. "You can't come here and you can't take me."_

"_You'd be surprised by what I could do." Michael told her knowingly. "I came here to collect what's mine."_

"_Cassandra's not yours!" John's furious voice spat venomously from the seat beside her. _

_Cass twisted her head in surprise in time to see her husband sitting in the plastic chair next to her. John's jaw was set, his teeth grinding together as he glared at the monster in front of him. His arms were crossed over his broad chest, his hazel eyes were narrowed in hate as they came to rest on the loathsome creature on the opposite side of the table._

"_You come anywhere near Cassandra and I will tear you into fucking pieces." John seethed as he unfurled from his position, jabbing his finger on the table for empathises._

"_You think you can stop me Sheppard?" Michael taunted, raising his white eyebrows as he studied the other man with a malicious smile. "I'm here right now on Atlantis searching for your wife."_

"_Why do you think I'm here?" John sneered at the hybrid. "You'll never be able to find her. I'll make sure of it."_

"_I can walk through her mind Sheppard, I can read her thoughts. Cassandra can't hide from me." Michael reminded the other man with a small smile. "She'll soon be mine."_

"_This is the last time that you will ever be able to enter her mind." John informed Michael, his movements controlled and full of intentions._

"_You under estimate the strength of our connection. There will always be that element of Cassandra that I will always be able to touch." Michael told John with vengeance in his gaze._

"_You forget who infected Cassandra in the first place." John told Michael with a snort. "And who has a more powerful connection to her than you ever will ever have."_

_Michael tipped his head back and cackled that horrendous laugh. It hurt Cassandra's ears to hear that nauseating sound ricochetting around her head. She put her hands to her ears to stifle the sound as it stabbed into the depths of her brain. Michael's fingers were raking over her mind and she knew that he was in there already, flicking through her secrets and there wasn't a damn thing that John Sheppard could do about it. _

* * *

><p>Something was wrong, John Sheppard could feel it in his bones as he lay in bed staring at his wife's beauteous features. She looked so pretty while she slept, he had missed her serene expression and the way her delicate frame fit so perfectly against his. He enjoyed having her back in his arms and feeling the raise and fall of her chest against his own as he smoothed the dark hair away from her porcelain skin with his fingertips.<p>

John couldn't explain the contentment he felt with Cassandra back home where she belonged. The time they had spent apart had been decimating, feeling her pain over the distance had damaged parts of him deep inside. It had felt like someone was stabbing him repeated and knowing that he hadn't been able to do anything about it had made him feel truly powerless. John wasn't a man that was used to feeling helpless. He was always in control, he was the dominant one, the risk taker and the strategist.

When it came to Cassandra he was emotional and possessive. Knowing another man had laid his hands on her made all his primal and savage impulses run riot through his system. He wanted to claim her as his wife again. To show her that she was his and she would always be his. It was too soon to even consider making love to his wife again. She was so damaged inside it scared the hell out of him, they couldn't connect in the same way they once had.

The pregnancy had destroyed a part of Cassandra and John mourned it's lost. Parenting a child had never been on Cass's agenda and to have it forced upon her was a crime against nature. He knew that she was dealing with it in her own demure way, the miscarriage had been a relief to his wife but it was still an horrendous experience that she had been forced to endure alone. He wished he could have been there, even if there was nothing he could have done physically, he would have been able to bring her some comfort.

Yet there was no point of wallowing in the past when the future demanded his much more immediate attention. Cassandra was still a walking target, whenever she stepped off world she would be put in the line of fire and John could not afford to have this happen to her again. She was too fragile and vulnerable to survive what Michael had put her through once more.

The truth was John wanted to send her home. He wanted her staying with their family in New York, Jules would take care of her the same way she had after Cass had been abducted in Afghanistan. The woman was a force of nature as far as John was concerned and she would know how to put the world to rights for her sister. The kids would provide the type of therapy that was lacking on Atlantis and his father would be in the picture silently watching over his wife the same way he had followed John's military career over the years.

Cass needed time away from all the bad things that had happened here, it would make her objective to what she had been through and perhaps in time she would come to terms with it quicker. Hell If John was completely honest with himself even Earth didn't feel far enough away from Michael for his liking. The son of a bitch needed to be put down like the rabid dog he was. He couldn't help but consider the possibility that this was karma coming to bite them back in the ass. They had experimented on the Wraith and in turn it had gotten it's revenge by doing the same to his wife.

John would have given anything to have switched places with Cassandra. He would have suffered any torture the hybrid could have thrown at him if it would have saved Cassandra from the trauma that she had experienced.

He wondered what would become of them now. After he had recovered from his own bout of the retro virus the two of them had considered transferring back to Earth and setting up a home in an awesome little town house in Boston. It needed a little work but John knew the two of them had been willing to put the effort in. They hadn't settled on the idea, they were both too antsy to settle down in one place and they both enjoyed he thrill of meeting new people and exploring other galaxies. They were kindred spirits in that respect or at least they had been.

Cassandra, he thought was ready to leave Atlantis now. He had sensed the truth of her words and he knew that he couldn't expect anything less from his wife. They had had some amazing adventures together on Atlantis but they had also been through so much. Maybe it was time to pack it all in and go home to roost. His spirit was still restless and he knew it wasn't his time to let go of this amazing new world just yet. He would do it for Cassandra if that was what she wanted.

John decided he would do something more regular if she needed, transfer to a different airbase and teach some of the newbies how to fly. He already knew the mundaneness of that life would break him down. He would sacrifice everything he was for Cassandra if she asked. Love was about making the person you cared about happy and he would do anything to see that radiant smile light up her features once more, even if it meant selling his soul to the devil.

His wife mumbled in her sleep, it was grumpy and angry sounding. Her eyebrows were already forming that irate frown as she shook her head as if warding off something attacking her dreams. Michael had contacted Cassandra through her dreams before, what would stop him now?

That thought filled John with a sense of dread. He couldn't keep her safe forever, he was delusional if he thought it could. He reached out with his soul for Cassandra, nudging hers cautiously. He could feel the familiar chilling feeling creeping off of her as he examined it closely. He could already see smoky black tendrils stretching across the surface of the once shiny orb, like greedy grasping fingers burrowing into the cracks of Cassandra's soul. John batted them away, growling at the infiltration.

Cassandra's haunted sapphire eyes snapped open suddenly fixing John with her terrified gaze before her pert pink lips began to move framing the words that John dreaded to hear.

"Michael's here."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! Just another little chapter to keep you going!<strong>_

_Alice: I am trying to keep my updates as regular as possible but my RL is so busy at the current moment. I'm bringing work home in order to catch up on it so I am not getting much time to myself. Your gonna hate the clone even more after what she ends up doing in a few chapters time. Mwhahahahahahah_

_Brn: And just to throw another little spanner in the works here's Michael! I love throwing you on the Roller Coaster it is just so much fun!_

_Joey: I thought she would strive to be everything that Cass is not. I imagine to find out that you were a clone of somebody else would sincerely displace a person. It's like she's fighting the war between duty and selfishness and in a way I quite like that because where norm Cass would pick duty she goes the completely opposite way. On some level she didn't want Michael and the real Cass together. Well I did try and toss up for a while whether she would or wouldn't step into that cell but I thought she would to show that she's not a afraid and to try and secure a trade. As we can see that didn't end too well._


	121. Chapter 121: Thorns

Chapter One Hundred and Twenty One

_And if I had a clue I'd know exactly_  
><em>What to do<em>  
><em>If I were the wiser of the two.<em>

_Red Hot Chilli Peppers - If_

John had a plan, he always had a plan and Cass trusted him implicitly. So when he withdrew the Glock out of the night stand and told her to get dressed, she had obeyed almost immediately. Her senses were going haywire, it as like something was flicking a switch inside of her and she found herself lacking the control she was usually able to grasp in a troublesome situation.

Cassandra Sheppard was well known for her ability to keep a keep a level head in the most precarious of circumstances however when it came to dealing with Michael she could feel the blood in her veins turn cold and her stomach clench in anxiety and fear. Her breathing became constricted as she found herself sitting on their couch in her jeans and her black ACDC T-shirt with her hands resting in her lap. Her entire body was quivering, she had never felt like this before and the fact she was rendered so powerless astounded her.

Cass couldn't stand the idea of being used by the hybrid again. She was a breeding mare for his purposes and Cassandra wasn't strong enough to survive that again. The thought of seeing Michael again terrified her, she was struggling to deal with the trauma she endured and she would be subjected to a fate worse than death if she fell into his clutches again. She was falling apart at the idea. It was spinning around and around in her mind as images of what he would do to her flashed up in her head like intimate photographs.

Michael wanted her in every which way and it made her feel sick and violated. She could sense his intentions flooding through her body like a corruption as he penetrated her brain the same way he had back then when they were alone in the facility. She tried to block out the hideous, nauseating sensation of him invading her. She was defenceless and she could feel Michael's malevolent barbs prickling at her skin embedding themselves even further under her flesh.

There was pain ripping through her mind as she tried to fight him. It was tearing apart shreds of her humanity as she closed her eyes against the devastation that was being wrecked upon her soul. Michael was whispering in her ear, she could hear the echo of his words and sense the full weight of his intentions. He would never let her go, he would chase her to the ends of the universe if he had to but she would always belong to him.

John dropped to his knees in front of his wife as she shook compulsively, seeing her like this scared him. She was usually so strong and resilient but now she was anything but. She was a wreck and he understood why. Coming face to face with this nightmare was more than she had counted on, there had barely been time to heal before the wound was ripped open again. His reassuring, loving hands cupped Cassandra's pale features, her sapphire eyes flickered open and he saw so much sorrow in her gaze, so much excruciating pain.

"He's trying to figure out where I am." she told her husband, her voice breaking with the implications. "He's in my head, crawling all over my mind."

"Fight him." John demanded fiercely. "You are not a victim. Do not let him treat you like one."

Cass drew in a deep breath, her hands clenched into small fists as she struggled to gain control of her ragged breathing. Michael's talons was scratching at her, demanding entry as they hooked under her flesh once more peeling it back so he could attack the soft centre.

"I will never let him take you." John promised, whispering the words against her pert pink lips as his hands raked through her silky dark hair. "Not now, not ever."

Cass allowed the sound of her husband's voice to overwhelm everyone of her senses. She needed to get a grip on herself, she couldn't let Michael control her. John was here and he was never going to let the hybrid steal her away. John kissed his wife once more, his lips caressed hers as he forced all of his emotions into her beautiful form. He needed her to know how much he loved her, how much he cared for his admirable wife and how he would never let her go.

He wished he could protect her from the hell Michael was inflicting upon her mind but this was something Cassandra had to do on her own. He couldn't step inside her head to help her, God knows how much he wanted to. Cass was struggling, he could see it in her pained features as she let out a shallow stunted breath.

John reached out along the threads of their connection before he came up above the barrier of her mind. Cass was standing before him, her vulnerable, frightened frame was twisted up in sharp, jagged thorns that were buried deep within her tender flesh. They coiled around his wife, binding her arms to her sides as she whimpered and rocked in an attempt to loosen their grasp.

John could feel the toxic poison seeping into his wife's soul from the tightening weeds. It was Michael, he could feel the hybrid's presence leeching off of her, stealing away her essence and choking the life right out of her as one of the vines slithered around her pale delicate throat. She was losing and John couldn't help but wade in to defend her from this threat.

Michael's manipulation of his wife was about to come to an end. His metaphysical hands were already locking around the sordid black vines that were embroiled within his wife's defences. They burned his fingers as he gripped them tightly and wrenched them from Cassandra. His palms were stinging as he tore the thorns from his wife's skin and crushed them underneath his boot. The squelching noise pierced his ears like an icepick, it sounded like a scream stabbing through his brain every time the repeated the action.

"You think I'm gonna let you fuck with her head again?" he spat through grinding teeth as he ripped off the final pieces of her binding. "She's mine and I will make sure you will never get to lay your hands on her."

John snarled in fury, his nostrils flaring as he stripped off the final pieces of Michael from Cassandra's scathed flesh. He heard the final screeches of Michael's ruined connection as he stomped on the writhing slug like creature beneath his boot.

He found himself suddenly back in his body, his hazel eyes fixated on his wife's sapphire gaze as he smoothed back her dark silky hair away from her porcelain features.

"You broke the connection." Cass whispered in wonderment against her husband's finely sculptured lips. "You saved me."

"Not yet." he told her, placing a chaste kiss upon her nose. "But we'll get there."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! I could imagine John Sheppard always wading in to save the day and this chapter is no different to his usual rescues. <strong>_

_**Hi all the new people that have added the story to their favs!**_

_Alice: I know it's all going down on Atlantis! The clone! Michael! All the bad guys are loose. Well I think soon enough Michael may score a win on the team courtesy of the clone._

_Brn: lol I would be leaping into his arms as well! Then asking for the gun! Clone Cass is about to get so much more eviler!_

_Shippo: Don't worry! I know how hellish RL can be and I'll keep my fingers crossed that you do amazing one the exam!_


	122. Chapter 122: Til Death Do Us Part

Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Two

_French finger tips, red lips, bitch is dangerous_

_Watch me apply the pressure  
>All decked in lace and leather<em>

_Britney Spears – Lace and Leather_

The city was silent and desolate. It was unusual for John to see Atlantis so absent of all it's glory, it felt like a ghost town. It was eerie as he strode down the empty corridors, he was used to seeing the place look so vibrant and lively. Ever since Michael had come through the Stargate in one of heir own Puddle Jumpers, the power had been out in the majority of the city. He had known this was coming, Michael would never have been able to leave well alone.

His mind drifted back to Cassandra sitting back in the panic room that he had created just under twelve hours ago. If he was honest he had hoped he would never need to use to it but he was so very glad about his fore-planning. Cass would be safe with Rodney and Zelinka, the three of them were residing in one of the hidden labs that the Ancients had created with a CCTV network that the scientists had managed to hook up with their laptops and a networking encryption.

John knew it would drive Cass insane being confined into such a small area but the truth was, he needed his own peace of mind. He couldn't protect her if he knew that she was in harm's way. John was sure that Michael couldn't stand a chance in hell of finding her, not since their connection had been broken.

John wondered if Ronon had already made it to the armoury. He had no doubt that him and Teyla would be snapping into action trying to find a way to beat the hybrids hat were now swarming all over the city. John only wished that Hope remained safe and sound, from their conversations he had come to know her as the seasoned cop she had once been as she walked the beat in Hawaii. Yet he had never seen her in action, Teyla had assured him once that she could hold her own but he hadn't had the time to view her fighting skills. He was sure his friends were safe and that his worry was something to be pushed aside.

John heard the gunshot a millisecond before he felt the blazing hot bullet rip through his abdomen, tearing up his insides as it gouged a fiery path through him. His knees buckled as the excruciating agony exploded in his guts. His hands pressed to the free flowing wound in his torso, blood seeping through his fingers as he struggled to apply pressure to the ragged hole.

He could hear the click of boots upon tile as familiar footsteps took slow, purposeful strides towards him. John tilted his head up towards his assailant as blood bubbled on his lips. His breathing was becoming constricted and he could hear that moist rasp as he struggled to breath through the hurt.

His wife's familiar features stared down at him as she pointed the gun at his chest and cocked her head to one side studying his antagonized form as he started to slip backwards across the tiles. His head made a resounding crack as it struck the floor and for a moment there was blissful nothingness before he was jerked back into the world.

"I should leave you to die like this." the clone told him as his hazel eyes fasted on her wide and alert. "I'm told being shot in the stomach is a very painful way to perish."

"Go to hell..." John cursed, choking on the copper taste in the back of his throat.

"There's no way for you to come back from this Colonel Sheppard." the clone said merrily as she prodded his side hard with the toe of her boot, causing him to hiss in anguish. "Your dying and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it."

She kicked him right in the ribs, knocking the air right out of his lungs. There was a brief second where he couldn't breath because the pain was just too much. He rolled onto his side in an attempt to clear his airway, hacking up blood and saliva onto the floor.

"I hope Cassandra can feel your life ebbing away." the clone snarled as she crouched down so she was in his eye line. "The same way I could feel my child's after she murdered it."

Her fingers snaked through his untidy brown hair, yanking his head back so she could see the expression of humiliation on his face as she tormented him. His features were set in determination as he stared at the clone with malice in his eyes. She wanted to see him bloody and beaten down, she wanted to hear him beg but John knew there was no reasoning with this psychotic version of his wife so he wouldn't waste the energy, not when he needed it to live.

The clone released her grip on his hair before raising to her feet once more and dusting herself off.

"Don't worry." she laughed as he reached for her foot, grabbing at her ankle. "I'll tell your wife how you died with such dignity."

She crushed his fingers with the heel of her boot listening with a thrill of pleasure to his scream of agony before she left John Sheppard alone to die.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, so the surprise twist in the plot. I never expected it myself.<strong>_

_Alice: I think after this both the clone and Michael are going to be in the shit! I don't think Atlantis is going to take Shep's death lying down._

_Joey: I am sorry to hear about the flu, I hope your starting to feel better at the very least! It's a shame John never made it to Michael because I would have loved to see him destroy him! _

_Brn: lol firstly I want to say please don't kill me, it was the clone! Your gun may come in handy and if you ever had a reason to hate the clone this is it._


	123. Chapter 123: Death Becomes Her

Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Three

_And you can see my heart beating  
>You can see it through my chest.<br>Said I'm terrified but I'm not leaving  
>I know that I must pass this test<br>So, just pull the trigger_

_Rihanna – Russian Roulette_

It was the worst agony that Cassandra could ever have imagined and it was quickly getting worse. She could literally feel the pieces of her soul being ripped apart as she struggled to breath against the emptiness filling her up inside. Her heart was tearing itself apart in her chest as the threads of her connection to John snapped completely.

She found herself screaming as her hands raked through her hair trying to block out the madness that coursed through every inch of her body. Her mind reached out for John frantically only to find nothing.

There was a bleak emptiness where he had once resided and instantly the lonesomeness began to fill her up with the worst, most crippling depression that she had ever experienced. Grief didn't describe the sensation that was eating it's way through her, it was dark and poignant and it stole away every inch of her sanity.

There was a certainty inside of her and as much as she wanted to disbelieve it, she knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was the truth. John Sheppard was dead.

There were hot salty tears leaking down her cheeks as the message finally sunk in. She couldn't breath at the thought of never hearing that husky laugh ringing in her ears or seeing the way her husband's boyish grin would light up the room. She would miss everything about him, she didn't think she'd ever be able to sleep again without him by her side, how could she live without him?

Warm hands were rubbing soothing circles along her arms before they draped around her, drawing her into a loving embrace. Cassandra clasped onto the only other person in the world who could understand the hell that she was enduring. Her small fists gripped Hope's black T-shirt tightly, she buried her face in the other woman's shoulder as the sobs wrecked her entire delicate frame.

Hope clasped Cassandra to her chest as the harsh, unbearable noise erupted from her quivering form. It was the most horrendous sound she had ever heard in her life and she knew exactly what it meant. She didn't know how to comfort the other woman, there was nothing anyone could say to take away the devastating heartbreak so Hope simply stayed there cradling her friend as she cried. There was only one thing that could ruin Cassandra like this and she could feel the sorrow emitting from the other woman in tsunami-like waves.

"He's gone." Cassandra uttered through broken speech. "He's gone."

Rodney and Zelinka looked on in absolute horror as her words filtered through to their brains. They were scientists, they understood that emotions were created by chemicals and that technically a link shouldn't exist between two people but they both firmly believed that John and Cassandra Sheppard had been made for each other.

"That can't be right." Rodney said, his voice turning shrill as he stabbed his finger upon the keyboard of his computer in order to bring up the surveillance footage from the corridors that led to the Armoury.

"Do you think she would be this distraught if it wasn't true?" Zelinka pointed out, his eyes never leaving the broken young woman in front of him.

Rodney felt sick as he reviewed the scene through the monitor of the laptop. Sheppard was lying flat on his back, his limbs splayed out limply. His hazel eyes were wide open, staring dull and lifeless at the ceiling as crimson blood trickled out of his mouth. There was a gaping wound in his stomach, creating a large, vivid blood pool around his body.

It was impossible, Sheppard could not be dead but the evidence was irrefutable as Rodney ran a life signs detection in that stretch of corridor. He already knew that it was going to come back negative, there was too much blood loss for him to have survived.

"Nothing." Zelinka murmured as the search came back.

His shoulders sagged in desolation as he clamped his lips together and shook his head. It was a shock to the system, Sheppard had survived so much and for it to end like this...

A silence fell like a fog across the room as they all stood stationary in a sombre state of shock. A hero had died today, Sheppard had been a man of action and of moral structure. His death would not be in vain, they would all make sure of that.

"I'm sorry." Hope whispered as her fingers stroked Cass's hair, like a mother trying to comfort an upset child.

She meant every word of that apology, she couldn't imagine what the other woman was experiencing. Ronon meant the world to her and if he had been killed, he knew that she would be beyond inconsolable.

"I'll kill both Michael and his pet." Cass muttered into Hope's shoulder, her voice full of venom as she spoke. "I'm going to make them suffer for this."

That vengeful rage was creeping up inside of her as she withdrew from Hope, her glistening sapphire eyes were a blazing inferno as she reached for the gun tucked in the waist band of her jeans.

The look in her eyes scared Hope, this was what it was like to be void and desolate. There was none of the usual warmth she had grown used to seeing only a chilling coldness to the woman as she stepped around her. There was no compassion in Cassandra, no soul. Her movements were mechanical as she used the back of her hand to wipe the tears from her flushed cheeks.

"What the hell are you doing?" Rodney snapped as she stepped purposely towards the door.

"You think I'm going to let him get away with this?" Cass snarled in a voice that froze the blood of everybody in the room.

They had never seen her like this, they had seen her angry to the point where she couldn't speak before but they had never seen her so vacant. She was hollowed out and empty. Cassandra Sheppard didn't exist any more, this was the Cass Pierce who had survived Afghanistan. The same one that had killed Sergi in self defence.

Suddenly Rodney discovered he understood how the clone had come to be that violent, evil thing. Michael had based it's development on the qualities of Cassandra that he liked and it had used this version of Cass as a template. He had never been frightened of Cass until today, the expression on her face practically dared him to argue with her. If it came to a physical fight between her and Michael he knew that neither would survive, she would claim his life with her final breath.

"You need a plan." Zelinka tried to explain to Cassandra gently. "You can not go about this half cocked."

"Put a bullet in him, that's the only plan I need." Cassandra told them, her tone growing more destitute.

She was so far away right now, she had cut herself off from them and from everything else. The pain had been transformed into energy and in turn it was something she could use. When the numbness had started to edge in she had welcomed it with open arms. The other emotions, the grief, the sorrow and the fear were useless to her. She had to focus on the task at hand, there was only one thing that mattered to her now and it was killing Michael. He had started all of this, he had taken so much of her away. He had stripped away her humanity and put the final stake in her heart.

Hope stepped in front of Cassandra, blocking her exit from the room. She had a couple of inches on Cassandra, not many but enough. Her eyes met the other woman's as the potential violence stirred between them. Hope wouldn't let Cassandra do this, she could not let her friend sacrifice her own life for nothing. This was what Michael wanted, he wanted Cassandra on edge and irrational, he wanted her to slip up and make a mistake so that he could have her all to himself. Hope would not allow that.

There wasn't just Cassandra at stake, there was an entire universe, maybe more if Michael got what he wanted. If she was thinking logically Cassandra would have remembered that and she would have agreed what an awful idea it would be for her to stroll right into his clutches. Yet she was lost to them at the current moment, her soul mate had been murdered and Hope knew that Cassandra had felt every single burning, twist of agony that John Sheppard had endured.

"John wouldn't want you to do this." Hope pleaded with her friend as Cassandra bowed her head looking pained at the mention of her husband's name.

"John is dead." Cass stated, her voice rife with fury. "What he wants doesn't matter any more."

"There maybe a way to bring him back." Rodney said quietly as his index finger tapped out a tune on the keyboard of his computer.

Cass's head whipped towards him, her expression fierce and urging as her clear blue eyes bored into him. Rodney flinched under her intense gaze before clearing his throat in order to speak.

"I'm just spinning here but when Todd was feeding on Hope, he would drain her dry and then jump start her heart again using the same feeding mechanism to give her back her years." Rodney explained as Hope crossed her arms over her chest, shifting uncomfortably at the memory. "She was literally dead for several minutes at a time, at once point they left her for half an hour just to torture Ronon before they brought her back."

"I hardly think Michael is going to just give Colonel Sheppard his life back." Zelinka submitted into the conversation.

"He will if we offer him something he really wants." Rodney said, his gaze switching back to Cassandra as he addressed the elephant in the room. "She tells him, she wants to see Sheppard alive before she trades herself for him."

"Rodney." Zelinka admonished. "We can not let her do that."

"We're not really going to do it." Rodney scoffed at Zelinka's attitude. "That's just the distraction. By that time Ronon, Teyla and the Marines will swoop in on them and save the day."

"That are so many things wrong with that plan." Hope reminded Rodney, tutting at his suggestion.

"Actually I just got the internal comm system back online." Zelinka informed the other three people in the room. "So we can contact other people in Atlantis, I think I can cut the Control Room out of the loop until we need to contact Michael."

"It'll work." Cass told Hope as she reapplied the safety to the Glock that John had given her and set it down upon the table.

The other three people let out a sigh of relief before they began to put the plan into action.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! If someone murdered by significant other I would probably become as murderous as Cass has.<strong>_

_Alice: I am also damning anti Cass to hell, she is so needlessly evil! The power is called 'Thrall' and it's what I use when I write lol Don't stop writing your story, your must keep writing! Let's hope tat someone catches up with the anti Cass and puts her in her place._

_Brn: I had images of having bitten fingers because of that chapter. Lol I can never leave this story for too long! It's my literary baby! LMAO! I think every single person in Atlantis is after the clone for one thing or another. We'll have to see what happens to her!_

_Shippo: Thankies for the two reviews, I am really grateful for the fact you took the time to backdate them. LMAO I am so glad your enjoying the series and I was also very surprised by the twist this took._

_Joey: I think hope is what makes us human and your allowed to have a little bit of it. Carson is a little bit of a miracle worker but I doubt even he could bring our lovely Colonel Sheppard back from the dead. Thankies for such an awesome review, it's really made me smile._


	124. Chapter 124: Proof Of Life

Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Four

_There might have been a time  
>When I would let you step away<br>I wouldn't even try but I think  
>You could save my life<em>

_Adam Lambert – What Do Ya Want From Me?_

John Sheppard was falling, he could feel the cool air whipping past his limbs as he hurtled through the star pricked darkness. He had been peaceful before he had started this free fall, he had been floating through space contemplating his time on Atlantis and a second later he was suddenly in motion. He had never thought that he would end up going to heaven, he had killed too many people, made too many bad decisions...

He had mourned his own loss from the world. He had resented the fact he had been forced to leave his friends, his family and finally his wife. He doubted that she was going to be taking his sacrifice very well and he longed to return to her. He wasn't ready to move on yet, there was still so much to do and he wasn't prepared for death and the great beyond or whatever you wanted to call it.

So when he hit the ground with a thud, he was almost grateful to be feeling some sort of physical upheaval, it meant that he was alive again. His hazel eyes snapped open as his entire body jerked in response to this return. He imagined this is what being reborn felt like.

His abdomen was on fire, there was sharp stabbing pain still eating up at his guts in a similar way to before he had slipped away. It was excruciating but it was better than before. He could breath again, there was no blood choking up his lungs, his airway was clear. That was an improvement.

The ceiling of the Gateroom loomed up ahead. The bright yellow slates reminded him of the sun and John realized that he was glad to be alive despite the fact his head was spinning and he was completely disorientated. He wondered how it happened and he knew instinctively that Cassandra had something to do with it. She would have fought for his life, he knew if the roles were reversed he would have done anything to get her soul back into her body the same way she would...

_Oh hell Cassie, what have you done?_ He questioned as he groped for their connection with his mind. She was absent, it was strange to reach out and find nothing awaiting him. It was like staring into an endless oblivion and he had no idea what that meant but it scared the living hell out of him.

He struggled to move his hands, it took him second to realize that they were bound tightly in front of him with a plastic ziptie. He tugged and wrestled with his bindings, trying valiantly to rotate his wrists to gain some slack. Already he knew it was pointless unless there was a blade or something sharp nearby. His chest was beginning to hurt, his writhing and fruitless struggle was making the aching wound in his abdomen throb consistently. He snarled in frustration, his chest heaving with exertion as his breathing echoed through his ears in rapid pants.

CASSANDRA! He howled in every direction inside of his head. His beast was infuriated and frantic he could feel it pacing the confines of his mind, it's nose pressed to the ground as it tried to sniff out it's mate. There was absolutely nothing, no trail, no record that she had even existed beyond his memories.

He growled out loud, hissing between his teeth in angst as he cursed this God damn mess. He had never been so pissed off before. He had been dead two frigging minutes and already Cass was running off to do the first stupid thing that popped into her head.

"Easy now Colonel, we wouldn't want you to hurt yourself again would we?" her serene teasing lilt was in her ears but it wasn't Cassandra talking.

Slim fingers were combing through his untidy brown hair as those soulless blue eyes stared down at him. The left side of her mouth was twisted up in that malicious smile as she placed her palm flat against his wound and pressed down onto his stomach. John cried out at the sudden exertion of pressure on his lower body, it felt like someone was plunging a molten hot knife into his insides.

"You crazy bitch." John snapped as she began to doodle patterns around the ragged bullet hole.

"That's not a very nice way to speak to your wife." The clone tutted with a sultry pout.

"You are not my wife." John spat as he struggled to draw himself into a sitting position.

The clone regarded him with interest, tilting her head as he glared at her, his breathing laboured. His chest was heaving with exhaustion as he focused on the vicious woman crouched in front of him. He wondered how she could have fooled anybody into believing that she was his Cassandra. The malevolence on her features made her look ugly and tainted. If they had been alone, he would have attacked her but as it stood they were surrounded by hybrids, all of them looking for an excuse to extinguish his life. He didn't understand why he was back. His murderer was looking him straight in the eyes and smiling. Well if that didn't give him a sense of foreboding...

"She loves you very much you know?" the clone said conversationally, her blue eyes were calculating and cold as she reviewed him. "You make such a pretty bargaining tool."

John grimaced as her fingertips graced his stubbly cheek, rubbing against the coarse hair in a way he found irritating and painful. Every time she lay her hands on him, it made his stomach knot in disgust. There was a very thin line between love and hate and he was experiencing true loathing at the hands of this woman.

"It's time." that familiar gravelly voice concluded as John twisted his head up towards the balcony overlooking the Control Room.

Michael was standing before them as if he was the monarch of their unique city. Both of his hands were resting upon the railing as their eyes met over the distance. His temper erupted like an inferno tearing through his body as he fixated on the other man. A million images rampaged through his mind, the memories of his wife's fear and the knowledge of that the hybrid had done to her and in turn was still doing to her. His hatred was reflected in the Wraith's eyes.

John Sheppard was the only thing standing between Michael and Cassandra. The sooner as she relinquished that love, the sooner she would become his to mould and shape. It was a battle of wills and John could see that he was not in a favourable position. He had been captured by the enemy and his death seemed to have shattered the only connection that had been keeping Cassandra stable and logical. She was going to do something stupid, he could feel it with every fibre of his being.

"Not that I don't appreciate the life line but what was the point of letting her kill me if you were just going to being me back again?" John spoke out loud, inclining his head towards the clone.

"She wanted proof of life." The clone answered as her nails raked down the side of his face.

"Doctor Weir?" John fished hopefully.

"Your wife." The clone corrected curtly, before holding up a small handheld radio he recognized from their armoury. "Which is why we have this radio."

"She's offered to trade her life for yours." Michael informed the other man as he descended the stairs slowly, like a king striding towards his throne.

John pursed his lips into a grim line, his jaw clenching in agitation as his heart began to pound even harder against his ribs. He wanted to scream and curse as the frustration and the terror built up inside of him. What did Cassandra think she was doing? This was bigger than just them, she was putting the universe at risk for him. He wasn't worth that, he would die all over again if it meant that she would stay as far away from Michael.

"So you brought me back." John said, his throat aching with emotion as he swallowed hard.

It was such a sacrifice, one that would destroy him even more than death. It made him sick to think of Cassandra in Michael's thrall, of her bearing his child. It made him want to kill something. No matter what happened he would prevent Michael laying his hands upon his wife at all costs.

He struggled to believe that this was part of a larger plan. Cass was irrational when it came to him and that made her reckless, she wouldn't have the fore-planning to put a plot into action. He hoped their friends would stop her from wrecking this havoc down upon them, her desperation would mask the truth behind what was really going to happen here.

He hoped she knew that Michael didn't have any intention of giving him back to Atlantis alive.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! The truth is I could never leave John Sheppard dead for too long not when those so much fun to be had!<strong>_

_Alice: To be honest I would flip out if I was Cass but she is seriously badass when she wants to be, she frightens me a little bit when she goes cold like that. Lol the 'thrall' is both a gift and a curse!_

_Shep: Your got your wish!_

_Joey: lol someone needed to save him and the genius's wouldn't let Sheppard die. I like the fact you clearly understand the darker aspects of humanity. Could you really forgive Michael after everything he had done or the clone? Cass would do anything for John and killing for him wouldn't be a problem._

_Brn: lol I think everyone should be afraid for Michael, every single person on Atlantis is baying for his blood. LMAO I don't want broken Cass turning up at my door! She would kill me and then there would be no more chapters! _


	125. Chapter 125: Roulette

Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Five

_You think you know me  
>Know what I do<br>But all you think about is what it all means to you_

_Basement Jaxx – You Don't Know Me_

The Gate Room had never been such a frightening place before now. Cass strode through the empty halls of the Control Tower like a sacrificial lamb preparing to be led to the slaughter. In a way that was exactly what she was. For all intents and purposes she was walking these corridor alone so that she could offer up her life in return for her husband's. The deal had been brokered but Cass was under no illusions, Michael never intended to return John to her. Her husband was a thorn in the hybrid's side and whilst he lived Michael could never have hold of her completely.

Cass brushed between two of the hybrid's turning her head to meet their gazes with a fearlessness that surprised herself. This wasn't about her anymore, it was about John and the fate of city. It shouldn't be personal, she knew that and she knew that John would kill her if they both survived this. She had put herself in an awful position for him and he would detest that with every fibre of his being. He would have been the same if their roles were reversed.

The problem was they were too similar in that respect. They would lay their lives on the line for whatever beliefs they had and that was a dangerous part of their natures. It was the reason they understood each other so well, she needed to remember that right now.

Their connection had been shattered by John's death. The minute his soul had left his body had been the moment their bond had been severed and it had yet to return. She wondered if that had something to do with the intense desire she had to re-establish herself again, she needed to come to terms with herself before she let herself be drawn in again by her husband. John was the most important thing in the world to her and the fact Michael has him in this position pissed her off to no end.

Rodney had showed her the video footage of the clone murdering her husband, they had been unable to get audio but Cassandra hadn't needed to hear any of the words that were coming out of that vile creature's mouth. It made her blood run cold to see that bullet enter his body, his expression of agony had torn through her soul as if she was experiencing the exact same feeling herself. He had held on for minutes after that venomous monster had walked away. She had watched him struggle to crawl to the Transporter, blood trailing from between his finely sculptured lips before his movements became more restricted and his muscular form slumped with lifelessness.

Michael clearly hadn't realized they had surveillance in the Gate Room. They had monitored his progress as he retrieved John's corpse and laid it out like a figure on a crypt. They had bound his hands with zip ties before Michael had spent what seemed like hours with his palm planted flat upon her husband's chest forcing the life into his body.

Hope had told them with a pink twinge to her cheeks how euphoric the feeling was. Being yanked back from the brink of death was a relief that matched no other. She had seen that emotion in her husband's handsome features when his hazel eyes flickered open. He had been groggy and disorientated, symptoms she associated with one of his worst hang overs. She knew from experience that waking up in Michael's presence was worse than any morning after he could have endured.

Now Cassandra was here, ready to meet her fate. She believed in God, she thought there had to be something larger at work to bring both her and John together. Faith was the only real thing she had to hold onto anymore. As she took step of trepidation towards the Gate Room, she took solace at the fact that Ronon and Teyla's strike teams were taking up residence near by. She was not in this alone and when the time was right they would swoop in and put an end to all this madness. She would do anything to be the one to but the bullet in either Michael or the clone but her husband was much more important. Cass would do anything to save him.

Cassandra straightened her spine and tilted her chin upwards. She would show no fear, John was worth more than that. Michael could not win this battle.

Her footsteps echoed through the room as she took long purposeful strides into the Gate Room. The hybrids were flanking her wordlessly, Cass felt like they were stalking her movements as she progressed even further into the room. Already she could feel the eyes shifting to her as she appeared at the doorway. She ignored the prickle on her skin as she drew to a halt in front of her quarry. Her pale blue eyes fixated upon Michael as she stood before him, her hands clasped behind her back, her feet set apart. It was a typical military stance, one that she adopted when she was decking her armour.

Michael grinned at her as he opened his arms wide as if they were long lost lovers. Cass stayed stationary, her dark eyebrows arching into a frown as she stared at Michael with contempt. He lowered his arms, his smile fading as he tilted his head studying her expression.

"No matter." Michael decided knowingly. "We shall have time for re-communing later."

"Where's John?" Cass responded directly, arching an eyebrow in question.

Michael bowed his head, his expression looking pained before he stepped out of Cass's way revealing the treasure that she sought. John Sheppard was kneeling on the floor, his hands were bound behind his back. A white gag had been forced between his teeth smothering the sounds that he was emitting as he fought and writhed against his bonds.

The look in his hazel eyes was pleading with her not to do this. It hurt her like hell to see him like this, she wanted to comfort him, to tell John it was ok, she had a plan. Yet she couldn't so instead she was playing this twisted game of chess with Michael. John was more than a pawn as were all of her friends. No one was disposable to Cassandra.

The clone was standing behind him, her mirror image was glaring at her hatefully as her fingers dug into John's shoulder. Cass found herself clenching her jaw tightly at the sight. Seeing the other woman made her blood boil and the fury in her became a raging inferno. She had killed her husband once and she knew without shadow of a doubt that she would do it again in a heart beat.

"Release him." she uttered, tearing her gaze away from John's before returning her full attention to Michael.

"Gladly." Michael said, nodding towards the clone.

The blade in the clone's hand glinted wickedly as she withdrew it from the black sheath on her belt. Cass's heart was in her throat at the sight of that serrated, jagged edge. Her chest constricted as she reviewed the other woman's motions in morbid fascination. She used the blade to scrape along the curve of her husband's throat, nicking the sensitive flesh that aligned his collarbone.

"Michael..." Cass's tone was one of deadly warning.

"He can't exist." Michael explained to her, jabbing his finger at Sheppard. "He needs to die for his sins."

"What about your sins?" Cassandra questioned, her voice cold and desolate. "How will you atone for the people you've massacred?"

Her eyes never left the knife as it drew even more perilously to John's throat again. It was time to make a move, already she could feel her muscles coiling subtly as she watched that tiny bead of blood trickle down John's neck.

John's gaze locked on hers once more, he seemed to be willing her to end this. If he had to be sacrificed so be it, but Cassandra would never allow him to do that. They were soulmates and if he died Cassandra Sheppard would simply cease to exist.

The clone cackled as her slim fingers raked through John's untidy hair and yanked his head back to expose his jugular, her lips were next to his ear, her malicious blue eyes fixated on her counter part.

"How does it feel to know everything you've fought for is going to waste?" she asked John in a voice that sounded almost intimate. "Michael is gonna use her up until there's nothing left and then I get to put her down..."

The gun shot cracked through the room like thunder, the sound resounding a thousand time louder as it reverted through the hollow structure. Hot red blood was splashing across the ceramic tiles as both John and the clone collapsed like a marionette whose strings had been cut.

It was then that all hell broke loose.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, the rescue mission is afoot peeps but at what cost!<strong>_

_Alice: lol I could completely imagine Cass just storming up to Michael and the clone and popping them both in the face with a handgun. I wish she could just do that and the thrall is upon us again!_

_Shippo: lol I am so glad I made you speechless, it means I am doing my job properly. Jesus I think both John and Cass are jumping for joy over his alleged resurrection!_

_Brn: lol I have evil planned! No seriously you'll have to wait and see. Lmao I love the fact you've become my precious bodyguard. I have written up to 144 so your safe now._

_Shep: Hope your enjoying the story__**!**_


	126. Chapter 126: Between Life and Death

Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Six

_She makes it look easy  
>In control completely<br>She'll get the best of you...every single...time  
>Thought by now you'd realize you should<br>Never underestimate a girl _

_Vanessa Hudgens – Never Underestimate A Girl_

The Gate Room exploded with chaos and Cassandra was caught in the middle of the crossfire. The air was alive with the pulse of energy as the sound of P90 fire rang in her ears, deafening her completely. Bullets were whizzing past her and striking Michael straight in the chest, his rigid form twitched with the force of every impact but the hybrid did not go down.

Cassandra was already in motion, her athletic form diving towards her husband as he lay immobile underneath the sprawled out corpse of the clone. The first bullet had struck the clone right between the eyes. Lorne must have decided they couldn't wait any longer before giving the order to shoot.

The blood from the head wound was spreading across the rivets in the tiles, Cassandra didn't even have to glance at the clone to know that she was dead. Nobody could lose this amount of blood and still survive. Her boot squeaked, slipping as she stepped into the vivid red pool reaching out for her bound husband as he struggled to buck the dead weight off of him.

The relief that filled her at the sight of him was immense. She had been frightened that the clone had managed to finish the job before that gunshot had rang out. Already the Gate Room was being swarmed by members of the SG Teams, the hybrids were well trained and moved to greet the combatants as if on an unspoken order. Bodies were swarming around her as the two groups merged into one before the battle began to wage.

Cassandra dropped down to her knees beside her fallen husband. She used all of her strength to shove the lifeless clone off of him before grabbing the combat knife that had slipped from her counter part's fingers and using it to cut away the black, plastic ziptie binding John's hands together. Her husband was quickly scrambling onto his hands and knees wheezing, before he tore away the gag that stifled his words.

"What the hell did I tell you..." he snapped as he rose up on his knees, his palm covering the bandaged wound in his abdomen.

His eyes narrowed as he fixated on something behind her, there wasn't even time to glance over her shoulder before his hands gripped her arms, yanking her out of harm's way. Talons scrapped across her scalp, trying to firmly grasp her hair and failing as it slipped through greedy fingers. Cass hit the floor hard on her left side, the knife still clutched in her fist as her husband slipped protectively in front of her like a wolf protecting his mate.

Michael was standing over them, his palm outstretched revealing that slit he used to feed off his prey. His white, gnarled features were contorted with rage, his nostrils flaring as he bore down on the couple in front of him with malice in his gaze.

"I tire of these games Cassandra." he hissed as his eyes fell on his beloved, lingering cautiously behind John Sheppard.

John's fingers were already groping for the blade in Cassandra's hand, she leaned forward discreetly pushing it into his palm as she reeled up on her knees to face Michael.

"This isn't a game Michael, these are real people your playing with." Cassandra told the hybrid with the shake of her head. "They may be worthless to you but they are not to me."

Michael's slit pupils came to rest on John as the other man struggled to his feet. He wavered on both feet and for one sickening second Cass thought that her husband's knees were going to buckle. The tyrant before them cackled at the sight.

Sheppard was a broken, injured man. Michael had been sure to return his years to him but not enough to heal his wound completely. It had to hurt, the human body was weak and un-resilient. Killing him would be easy, it would take minutes to feed before he moved onto Cassandra. She would learn the penance for betraying him, he would drain that fight right out of her body before he took her and made her with child once more.

"You think you can protect her Sheppard?" Michael scorned as he reached out and grabbed John's wrist, bending it backwards towards breaking point. "You are weak, pitiful."

John swung the knife up in his opposite fist, it cut through the hybrid's flesh like butter. John used every inch of his strength to jam the knife up between Michael's ribs in attempt to pierce his evil black heart. Michael howled out loud, his palm smashed against John's chest flinging him backwards with an immense amount of force. John hit the wall with a grunt of pain as agony ripped though every single one of his muscles.

Cass was scrambling towards him as his limp body crumpled to the floor. Michael roared in fury, his hand shooting out and grabbing Cassandra tightly by the throat. His fingers were vice-like as they dug into the sinew of her neck cutting off her air supply. Cassandra's hands were wrenching at Michael's grasp as he dragged her across the ceramic tiles towards Star Gate.

"When we get home, I am going to teach you about respect." Michael snarled into her ear as he drew Cassandra against his solid form, rendering her immobile.

Cassandra was struggling, her nails raked across Michael's face as she fought and writhed against Michael, desperate to get free. His hand was beginning to tighten, his grip was bone crushing and with every single inch of pressure he exerted was enough to make Cassandra's vision fade and her chest constrict.

Michael's free hand was rifling in his pocket, he brought out a tiny black remote that he had tuned in wirelessly to the DHD. He pressed the small button instantly causing the Stargate to ignite to life. The fear was back with vigour, it swarmed over insides like an icy chill pursing through her veins. She could not go through that Stargate. The instant she did she was lost and the game that she played was over.

Cassandra squirmed and wretched as he clutched her even closer, guarding her like she was a precious treasure. The shimmering blue event horizon was looming ever so closer and Cassandra was digging her heels into the tiles in an attempt to still their progress. Michael was stronger, he yanked her off her feet as he hurtled towards the Star Gate.

Hope was the only thing standing between them, Michael had taken one look at her and dismissed the petite woman even when she raised the firearm level with his head. There was no warning, no threats or reasoning. Hope simply took aim, her almond shaped eyes narrowed for a brief second allowing her to select her mark before her finger tightened on the trigger to Ronon's weapon.

The power behind the laser was incredible, she could feel the heat scorching from the gun as it struck Michael straight in the face, twisting his entire body away from Cassandra. The other woman tore away from the hybrid's grip, her knees buckling as she clutched at her throat, taking in huge gulps of air.

Hope took a step forward, Ronon's gun still trained on Michael's immobile form. She wasn't taking any chances, this monster had tried to ruin the lives of people that she cared about and there wasn't a chance in hell that she was allowing him to continue his reign of terror. Michael was like a rabid dog, he needed to be put down before he caused even more damage. Her thumb flicked the weapon to the more powerful setting, the one Ronon described as 'kill'.

If she let him live Michael would just find ways to come after them over and over again. Cassandra would never be free of him.

Hope's mind flitted to his other contributions, they were still cleaning up the mess surrounding Michael's release of the Hoffan drug. People were still dying because he had decided to unleash it upon unsuspecting populations. She thought about the people in the camp, the ones that had been in her care before Michael had captured and experimented on them all. Where would it end?

Hope didn't think it would, so the solution was staring her straight in the face. She never took a life lightly. She had killed two people before today, both in self defence during her time as a cop on the Island and they had haunted her thoughts for months afterwards. Yet Hope didn't think she'd lose any sleep over killing Michael, this would be justified.

Hope cast one final glance at Cassandra, before turning her full attention to Michael's unconscious form and pulling the trigger.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I hope you didn't have to wait too long for the conclusion!<strong>_

_Cotton: It's nice to meet you and thankies very much for the review! Lorne would you believe? He took the shot when all the options had ran out. I think if Rodney could actually make the shot I have no doubt he would have done it!_

_Joey: I thought it was quite apt considering the danger that they were in. lol As you can see the clone suffered a death that was less than fitting. I wish she'd gotten worse but I needed her out of their hair. Cass couldn't recover if the woman was alive. I think when Cass needs to be she can be a bad ass but in the aftermath it could hit her like a ton of bricks. _

_Alice: lol Cass is a bad ass and we all know she would do anything for John Sheppard. I adore Carson, killing him in the show was an injustice but I could never do anything to harm him!_

_Shep: lol apologises but I am a little fond of cliffies!_

_Brn: Lmao you are way my cheerleading bodyguard. I wonder what this chapter did to you. MWHahahaha getting you hooked is all part of the game. _


	127. Chapter 127: Ever The Same

Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Seven

_You can run into my arms  
>It's OK don't be alarmed<br>Come here to me  
>There's no distance in between our love<br>So go on and let the rain pour  
>I'll be all you need and more<em>

_Rihanna – Umbrella _

John Sheppard was an immense amount of pain, even the painkillers that Carson had slipped him didn't seem to make much of a different to the aching agony in his lower body or his weary muscles. The bullet had been a through and through, which according to Carson was a blessing in disguise, it meant that the other man didn't have to fish around inside of him trying to find the missing slug. Thankfully Carson had discharged him from the Infirmary under Cassandra's watchful eye, he was on bed rest tonight and as much as he despised sitting still, he had to admit that was the only thing he wanted to do.

John groaned in frustration as he shifted causing his abdomen to ignite in fresh pain. He had felt like this before and he knew that this was good pain, the mending kind. When he'd been shot in Korea it had taken months for his thigh heal, Carson had said with Michael's interference it would only be a matter of weeks until he was fit for duty.

Even then that wasn't the end to this saga. He was on medical leave until he could pass the fitness tests for work again, he knew those would be a cake walk. He had come back from worse in the past. It was the mental stigma that he would carry around with him for months after.

John had always known that Cassandra and himself were alike, he thought that was the reason that he had been attracted to her in the first place. He had seen a glimmer of himself behind her warm sapphire eyes, he could sense the same lonesomeness that he had once felt. That was the first time they had met but it wasn't until today that they realized how similar they really were.

Cass had put her life on the line today for him. She had constructed a meticulous risky plan to return him to her arms and John wanted to ream her out so badly for it. He wanted to be furious with his wife, to question her actions and call her insane for putting herself and the universe in harm's way. Yet he simply couldn't bring himself to do it.

More than anyone he could understand why she had made that decision. It was a dangerous one but it had paid off in the end and John couldn't bear to question what would have happened if it hadn't. He didn't need to think about it, he had survived and their enemies were dead, he wished it stopped there.

Michael had gotten what he wanted in the end, he had broken their connection and John had no idea how the hell they were going to get it back. It wounded him to be so close to his wife and yet so far apart. He couldn't feel her there anymore and that scared John Sheppard more than he cared to admit. He felt lonely without her presence.

Cassandra stepped back into the room from her shower, her dark hair was damp and fell across her shoulders in loose waves. She was wrapped up in John's navy blue dressing gown, it highlighted the paleness of her skin as she approached their bed cautiously as if waiting for him to explode. She was waiting for him to pull rank on her, to reassert his authority and set the balance once more but John simply didn't have the energy to act like the Colonel anymore. He needed his wife more than anything in the world right now.

Cassandra padded towards him across the beech coloured laminate flooring. She sat down beside him on the edge of the bed, her sapphire eyes seeking out his hazel ones as he watched her submissively. He didn't know what to say, the emotional chasm seemed to stretch between them before Cass leaned over and placed a gentle butterfly kiss upon her husband's finely sculptured lips.

There was a tenderness in that kiss, it was an expression she reserved only for him and that knowledge still sent a happy little thrill chasing through John as he returned the gesture with vigour. She tasted sweet, her mouth was still as pert and inviting as he remembered. His tongue explored the intricate shape of her lips before he parted them with her tongue, seeking out the confines of his wife's mouth.

Their bond was beginning to reform, John could feel the tattered shreds beginning to knit back together again as their kisses became more urgent and pressing. His hands were in Cass's silky dark hair, combing through it with his fingers, drawing her even closer.

"You brave, crazy woman." John mumbled into his wife's mouth.

"I think that's rich coming from you." she retorted, her thumb lightly traced over the graze on his cheek where the clone had used the knife.

"Funny." John uttered as his hands reached out for the knot on the dressing gown Cass was wearing. "I want to see you."

"Would that have been your dying wish?" Cass asked her husband as his deft fingers loosened the belt.

"To hold you and love you." John corrected her as the dressing gown fell open. "That's what I would have wished for."

His hazel eyes lowered to the slither of his wife's naked body that was on display. Cass reached up and stripped the fabric from the rest of her body so she was standing so gloriously bare in front of him. She was amazing, her curvaceous form was so ridiculously stunning. She was battle scarred, the trails of her fights were written like a map on her snowy white flesh. John watched her sensual movements as she returned to her sitting position beside her husband.

"Your so beautiful." John whispered, his calloused fingertip traced the slender curve of her collarbone.

"And you are so devilishly handsome." Cass complimented with a small smile as her hands rubbed up and down her husband's well sculptured muscular chest.

Her fingers paused as she reached the large white bandage that was wrapped around his waist. She sighed as her sapphire eyes took in the square padding that covered the wound underneath the gauze. She had lost him once today and this would be a permanent reminder of how close they had come to losing one another. The thought made her chest constrict, she couldn't fathom the well of emotions that filled her at the memory of that crushing hopelessness.

"I love you." she told him earnestly as she tilted her head up to meet his gaze.

"I think today proved that." John reminded her before tapping the empty space on her side of the bed. "Even if I can't make love to you right now, I want to feel the press of your skin against mine."

There was something cathartic and healing about skin on skin contact and John knew that it was the right way to repair their bond. Just having Cassandra here with him was repairing the fragile threads that had been severed and he could feel the inklings of her feelings towards him as his wife slipped into bed beside him. She was instinctively curling up into his side and John rose his arm to accommodate her, so her head could rest on his chest. He gathered her up in one arm and drew her even closer to his naked form under the sheets. He closed his eyes and inhaled her soft sweet scent as her palm came to rest upon his chest. He could tell she was seeking out his heart, trying to convince herself that it was still beating in his ribcage. It had devastated her when he had died, he had seen the hardness in her pretty features when she had confronted Michael, her rage had been controlled and her wrath vengeful. He hadn't seen that side of Cass for a very long time.

Her long lithe legs entwined with his own bare ones as her fingertips ghosted along the shape of his ribcage almost absent mindedly. She was doodling little swirling patterns over his flesh and John found that immensely satisfying.

"You can't die again." she said quietly, burying her face into the hollow of John's throat, her breath turning shallow as her lips caressed his skin.

"Look at me." John requested in a hushed tone.

He tilted his head down towards his wife as she sighed, placing her chin upon his chest and met his hazel gaze. She saw the wealth of the world in those eyes. There wasn't anything that she wouldn't do for her husband and she had proved that today.

"I will never willingly leave you." John told her, his voice speaking the God's honest truth as he brushed a stray strand of hair out of her eyes. "No matter what happens, you and me are forever."

"I suppose that will have to do." Cass said with a teasing lilt before she placed a kiss upon his nose and the two of them settled down for the night.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! Just putting up a quick chapter before work. <strong>_

_Shippo: I am glad you enjoyed these two chapters and thankies very much for reviewing both of them. _

_Alice: I was devastated when Carson died, I was sniffing and everything. After seeing that little Atlantis funeral I was like poor guys! I with anti Cass got more but this was the only way to get rid of her in the end. Michael is dead and as for Cass fingers crossed her recovery goes smoothly._

_Brn: lol I am a bit of a scrapper so your right about 'easy' lol I promise for the moment everyone is happily tucked up in their beds but you have to wonder will there be a fall out from this?_

_Joey: lol I feel like high fiving you over the deaths of clone and Michael. I thought we needed to see that side of Hope, it's different mentioning it and then seeing it for yourself. _

_Shep: I am glad that your happy that their dead! I am too! John and Cass's priorities at the time were each other and I wanted to show that side of Hope. Lol there defo is more to this story, it's just the conclusion of that segment._


	128. Chapter 128: Fate

Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Eight

_You're the only one I'm dreaming of  
>You see I can be myself now finally<br>In fact there's nothing I cant be  
>I want the world to see you'll be with me <em>

_Train – Hey, Soul Sister_

Ronon couldn't take his jade eyes off Hope as she stepped through the doors to the shared quarters. There was an immense fierce pride welling in his chest when he looked at his woman, she had proved herself today in the battle field and Ronon couldn't be more in love with her than he was at the current moment. His heart swelled as he remembered the dominant expression upon her exotic features as she in front of Michael with no fear and pulled the trigger of his gun. The shot had been exceptional and he had saved Cassandra from a fate worse than death.

It was when she stood over the immobile hybrid that her true strength shone through. She was doing not only her friend a service but the universe too by finishing off the tyrant. Afterwards she had raised her almond shaped eyes to see his watching her and they had shared a brief nod of understanding.

It was moments like that that reminded him that they were meant to be, the two of them were soul mates and she was the perfect match for him in every single way. His mate had protected his pack like it was her own and if there was anything that solidified their connection it was her desire to protect the people that she cared about.

It was then Ronon had decided that he was ready to take the final step in their relationship. He had been withholding his body's demanding impulses, he knew Hope wanted him and he wanted every inch of her wanton and crying out in pleasure as he loved her but now was the time. He could feel it in his heart and in his bones. The heat of battle was over and everyone was safe in their beds, now was the time to commit, to release his issues and start the new chapter of his life.

Seeing that raw, savage side of Hope had chased away all those niggling little fears he had had about being rejected. She had never seen the side of him that was both a warrior and a hunter until today, admittedly he thought that she simply didn't have that primal instinct but she had proved him wrong. Now his sexy little warrior woman was currently pulling the hair tie from her chestnut hair, glancing at herself in the mirror as it cascaded across her shoulders before she replaced it upon his nightstand.

His jade eyes reviewed her actions hungrily as he reached out and let his large fingers run lightly across her scalp and through her hair. He had discovered that she liked that not long ago and he was eager to engage her in more physical affection than he had permitted himself before. She was his now, forever and always.

Hope tilted her head back as Ronon continued to rake his fingers through her hair, massaging her scalp and tugging lightly at the ends. She sighed blissfully, leaning against his solid form content with his notions.

"It's so relaxing when you do that." she told him, watching the expression on his face through the mirror in front of him.

Ronon met Hope's gaze evenly as they stared at their reflections. They made an unique couple and that endeared Ronon even more to her person. He was a rare man, there was only one of him in two galaxies and he had chosen to be hers. She was so lucky in that respect, lucky to have come here to Atlantis, lucky to have met her soulmate.

Ronon had told her that luck had nothing to do with their meeting, he believed that their destiny belonged to the stars and that they were fated to be together. Hope liked the idea that some higher power had conspired to get them together. It made their relationship the more special to her. There would never be another man after Ronon, noone could compare to sexy Satedan in any respect. She felt like he was the missing piece in her life, the prayer that had finally been answered. She communicated this to him over their bond and her lover beamed that tender, knowing smile in the mirror.

Ronon gently turned her around to face him so he could look upon her with his own eyes. His large hand cupped the side of her face with a softness unlikely to his size, his thumb trailed along her lips smoothing across the outline. He couldn't take his eyes off her and he never wanted to, she was perfect and there wasn't a thing he would not do for her.

"I'm ready." he heard himself whisper as he tipped her chin up towards his gaze so she could see the truth in his eyes.

"I know." Hope said, closing the distance between them as she rubbed both of her hands up and down the planes of Ronon's hard chest through his dark shirt.

Her lips brushed over his as she rose up and tip toes and kissed him. It was like drowning, in an instant everything about Hope was sweeping over Ronon and pulling him away from every care he had ever had in the world. He had never known what it was like to immerse yourself so deeply in someone before he had met her. Her soul sung out to his and Ronon found himself willingly giving her every part of himself as a gift. His tongue dipped into the warm chasm of her mouth and his passion ignited at her extravagant taste as his hands threaded through her hair once more pulling her taunt against his body firm form.

Hope's hands were already ridding Ronon of his clothes as he walked her back towards the bed, gently laying her down upon the plush sheets. His shirt was gone, she had tossed it over her shoulder without a thought to anything but the feel of Ronon's skin against her own. He was blazing to the touch, his hot flesh was warming hers as Ronon stripped Hope of her T-shirt leaving her clad only in a simple white bra.

Once upon a time back on Earth she would have worried that she wasn't sexy enough for this man but when she looked into his eyes she saw the reality of his feelings. She felt his desire prodding against her moist core through their trousers, the delicious friction causing them both to moan out loud.

"My little warrior woman." Ronon said forcefully as his mouth fastened on the side of her throat, his hot tongue swiping at that sensitive spot driving Hope into a frenzy.

Her nails raked across his bare back as his firm hands gripped her ass, squeezing it tightly before he yanked her clothed lower body against his. Ronon ground against his mate, making sure she could feel every inch of him through their clothes.

"This is for you." he teased her as his teeth grazed her earlobe. "All of me was made just for you."

Hope cried out as he thrust against her wanting body once more, sending a pulse of pleasure straight through her groin. They had been working towards this moment for such a long time and she wanted nothing more to claim Ronon and make him her own. Her hands skated along his ribs, she could feel the strong muscles under her fingers as she delved between them, her dexterous fingers unlacing his leather trousers. Ronon helped to shirk them off, before his attention to his mate's own clothing.

"Off." he demanded, glaring at her bra.

Hope complied with that devastatingly sexy smile before Ronon smothered her mouth with his own once more. His kisses were becoming more possessive, his tongue was seeking out the confines of her mouth as his palms enclosed over Hope's naked breasts. His thumbs circled the delicate circle of her nipples before he focused on the hard rosebud nubs. Hope arched into his grasp, her legs locking around his waist as Ronon began to move against her once more simulating sex.

Her mate detached himself from her glisening lips before lowering his head and capturing her right nipple in his fiery mouth. He sucked for a second before allowing his tongue to lavish attention upon her breast. His hand was already snaking down between them, his deft fingers unzipping Hope's combats before he pushed them further down her legs along with her panties. Hope kicked them off as Ronon's tongue swiped a deviant path towards her left breast. His hand was already slipping further down her athletic form before he sought out the damp cleft between her legs.

Hope was soaking, all their playing and teasing had worked her up so badly she was practically begging for him to take her right now. His thumb caressed her clit making his lover moan his name as he pleasured her. He loved watching the way her face contorted in ecstasy.

"Now." Hope cried out as she gripped her mate's broad shoulders. "I need you now."

Ronon gripped his leaking cock at the base and guided it towards Hope's most intimate place. His tip brushed her slick opening causing Ronon to grunt in exaltation as he entered her slowly and with care. Being inside his woman was complete and utter heaven, her walls hugged every inch of him before he drew out and then pushed in deeper. His strokes were shallow and slow as he helped his lover to accommodate his impressive girth and length.

Hope's thighs locked around his hips, her ankles hooking under the curve of his ass as she drew him into her body all the way to the hilt. Ronon buried his face in her throat growling in rapture as their bond blew wide open. The sensation was euphoric, Ronon had never been so connected to another human being and the moment their souls touched he knew that this was it for eternity. He wanted to marry Hope, to have cubs with her and raise them amongst their pack.

Hope was making those delicious little mewing noises, her keening was getting louder as they rocked together unable to tear themselves away from each other's gaze. Ronon could feel his climax building at the base of his cock. The ecstasy was too much, he was struggling to control himself as he pleasured his lover even harder than before.

Hope was on the cusp, her noises were getting louder, their love making was becoming more urgent as they rushed towards the finish line. They crested at the same time, Hope's inner muscles tightening around Ronon's cock until he came more powerfully than he ever had before inside of his mate. Hope's hips bucked against his as she cried out his name, clutching onto her mate for dear life. She had never had an orgasm this intense before, the pleasure was still ricochetting around her body as she sagged back into the pillows feeling content and sated.

Her Satedan nuzzled her throat happily before his lips met hers in a gentle, loving kiss. She could feel the wealth of his emotions underneath the surface and Hope understood how much their coupling meant to Ronon and in turn what it would mean for them.

"You have me forever." Hope promised as she wrapped her arms around Ronon and hugged him close.

Ronon Dex had never been happier.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys. I think we can all agree that this has been on the cards for ages with these two and Ronon simply couldn't wait any longer. <strong>_

_Alice: I'm sorry to hear you have flu and I hope it subsides soon! *hands you real chicken soup. They needed to reconnect but it's gonna be a hard road for them in the long run I think. It would have been a better twist, I wonder why they didn't do that? I think maybe because Michael wouldn't have had the time or the equipment to make a clone before they rescued Carson from that planet he was stuck on with them._

_Shippo: I completely forgot Thanksgiving was coming up for you guys! Happy Thanksgiving! I think it's just a case of being with each other and their bond with just keep returning little by little. _

_Brn: To be honest after all the horror they've been through with everything I thought they needed a little sweet time. I honestly do think there is something cathartic about skin on skin contact so it seemed right to play it like that. They are completely comfortable with one another so it works very well I think._

_Shep: lol I think John was worried, it must be a huge shock waking up and finding such a huge piece of yourself has vanished but hopefully we have reassured him. _


	129. Chapter 129: Displacement

Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Nine

_Story of my life  
>Searching for the right<br>But it keeps avoiding me  
>Sorrow in my soul<br>Cause it seems that wrong  
>Really loves my company<em>

_Rihanna - Unfaithful_

The Mess Hall was quiet for this time of day and Cass couldn't help but feel a little joy at that fact as she slipped into the seat across from Doctor Carson Beckett. Carson glanced up at her, his baby blue eyes startled at her sudden appearance before a friendly smile spread across his lips.

"I didn't think I'd be seeing you for a good few days." He revealed as he set his ploughman's sandwich back down on the white tray and reviewed her analytically.

Cass let him appraise her with his own skilled eyes, she could tell he was looking for fractures in her armour to heal instead of exploit. Carson was a kind soul and Cass thought it was time that the two of them out their relationship back to the way it had been before the retrovirus had taken over their lives. He still cared about her, she could see it in his eyes as he took in her weary features and her slumped posture.

Back when she had been working in the refugee camp there hadn't been time to reply to his apology email. It had been playing on her mind a lot since Michael had captured her. Whilst she was holed up in that cell alone she had gone back over the last things she had said to people in her mind and she was unsatisfied by her own fear and anger that she had directed at Carson. Perhaps if she had let him run more tests on her they may have found another way to get cure Michael and the hybrids that he had created.

"Carson I want to apologise..." she began as her rose her eyes to meet his, Carson held up his hand to cut her off.

"It's water under the bridge." he told her kindly.

Cassandra pursed her lips together and nodded her agreement and it seemed so easy that the friendship between the two of them was fixed. Yet that was the way it had always been with Carson, he was so easy going and good natured that it was hard to stay mad at him.

"How are you Lassie?" Carson asked her with genuine interest.

Cass rose her eyes to the heavens as if searching for an answer. There was no simple way to answer that question. Her capturer was dead so those fears that had buried themselves in the forefront of her conscientiousness shouldn't exist any more but the truth was they still did. She was scared of setting foot off world, frightened that she was still broken and she wondered during her most torrid of nights whether she would ever truly be whole again.

On top of that she harboured anxieties about her husband, she would listen to his breathing in the darkness terrified that somehow it would stop. She wanted to beg him to come home with her, to go back to Earth and settle down to be normal but the truth was she could never ask that of him. It wasn't in his nature to be passive and it would kill him taking a regular job. She loathed herself for thinking like that, it made her no different from the other women who had graced his life. The ones that had seen the hero and tried to tame him.

After being confined for so long with Michael, Cass had begun to find Atlantis claustrophobic, the only way to get off the floating city involved the Stargate or a Puddle Jumper and there was no place in the Pegasus Galaxy that really likened to home. She wanted to curl up alongside her husband and recuperate without having to face the stares or the whispers behind her back. Everywhere she walked it seemed the clone had touched and she would find herself imagining what the other woman had done while she strolled carelessly through the city.

Even their apartment wasn't sacred, she had pulled out her favourite silk blouse this morning only to find the faded scent of cigarette smoke attached to it. When she had asked John he had revealed the that clone had developed the habit in her last few days of being undetected. Cass had tossed it immediately in the trash. The thought of another woman wearing her clothes and living her life knocked her sick. She had had been in the process of throwing away the majority of her wardrobe before John had realized what she was doing and pulled her gently away from the piles of clothing heaped upon their bed.

They would get her new clothes he had told her, she needed to stop dwelling on the other woman and focus on rebuilding her own life. It was easier said than done, she found things in put in places that seemed alien to her. Cass had liked the way she had ordered her life before the clone had come along and it seemed the other woman had destroyed it with the swipe of her hand. The apartment was no longer her sanctuary any more, she found herself despising being alone in there, especially after the bitch had reordered her book shelf.

"Not good." Cassandra admitted to Carson sullenly as her hands rubbed over her pale features. "I feel like she's ruining me from beyond the grave. It makes me wonder how no one noticed. She changed so much stuff, I feel like I've stepped back in to someone else's life. I don't know who I am any more."

"Your Cassandra Sheppard." Carson reminded her as he reached out across the table and gently pulled Cassandra's delicate hands away from her face. "And your the strongest woman I know."

"I wish I could believe that." Cass uttered in distress.

Carson's warm soothing hands came to rest over hers as he pressed her palms to the table looking directly into her sapphire eyes.

"You care about people." he told her in his comforting Scottish lilt. "You like silver, not gold. You love trawling flea markets back on Earth because it reminds you of the times your father used to take you after church. You love chocolate ice cream and hate spinach with a vengeance. The only thing that you and Rodney will ever agree on is your love of the Barenaked Ladies."

"She changed the songs on my Ipod." Cass grumbled sounding less upset and more irate. "And the passwords to my email."

"Aye, she was nothing if not annoying." Carson agreed with the shake of his head. "You can't let her rule you like this. Now is the time to take back your life and make it your own again otherwise your going to let it destroy you."

"I know." Cass told her friend. "I'm just finding it a little overwhelming. I was fine when I was fighting something but in the aftermath I have no idea what I am supposed to do."

Carson pulled open the plastic packaging to his peach fruit cup.

"You need to rediscover who you are." Carson explained her most complicated of feelings. "You feel disconnected and uncertain. You need to learn who you are again."

Cass raked her hands through her hair before she cast a glance at her husband as he sat with the members of his team picking at his food. She knew that even two weeks after he had received the bullet wound it was still giving him grief. John tried not to let it show in front of the men underneath his command, vulnerability to him was like putting a bloody carcass in a swimming pool full of sharks. Yet Cass could tell from his restricted movements and stiff posture that he was in agony. He was under enough pressure right now, he didn't need to deal with her nuisances.

John Sheppard had been through enough because of her.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I am really sorry it's been a while for you. Work has been horrendous with Xmas! We start late nights this week and I am working the first one!<strong>_

_Brn: lol Imagine me in black zipping around the room and throwing words at people written on paper ninja stars. The big man needed a little bit of love and it was a long time coming. I love the two of them as a couple and I am so happy they finally 'consummated' it._

_Thorne: If they had worked it right it would have been an excellent twist and I would have loved it. I am glad your feeling better. I despise being ill because I want to do so much but unfortunately you can't when your sick. Ronon and Hope have such an amazing bond, they're very primal people when it comes to each other. _

_Shippo: Thankies very much for such an amazing review. They finally took that final step and I can imagine Ronon being very protective and inspired about showing Hope exactly how he feels. _

_Joey: I thought John and Cass needed a little time for one another. Their connection is still repairing itself so I thought they needed to move a little tentatively. Lol as far as Ronon's concerned why not get to it soon as. I think he'd like a family of his own and I adore the protectiveness I imagine he would have for them. He totally sees his friends as his pack!_


	130. Chapter 130: Attentive

Chapter One Hundred and Thirty

_All I want is for you to be happy_  
><em>And take this moment to make you my family<em>  
><em>And finally you have found something perfect<em>  
><em>And finally you have found…<em>

_Red Hot Chilli Peppers – Harder To Concentrate_

The shower was roaring hot, the boiling water prickled upon Hope's cappuccino coloured skin as her fingers threaded through her hair rinsing out the remains of the conditioner. She loved the way the water felt on her flesh, it eased out all those little nagging little aches that plagued her muscles from Ronon and hers constant love making. Ever since the two of them had consummated their relationship, they had found it hard to keep their hands off of each other. Every second they spent alone together ended up in heated, passionate kisses and wandering hands. The truth was she couldn't get enough of the hulking Satedan.

Before Ronon, Hope hadn't had any sexual contact for over three years and her last encounter had been less than satisfying. Now Hope realized that she simply hadn't lived until she met Ronon Dex, her man did things to her that no one else could ever match.

Her man...

The thought of Ronon being hers, wearing her love marks in public sent a deviant thrill chasing through her. She had never been possessive until she met Ronon, she had never wanted to claim someone as badly as him. Ronon clearly enjoyed it, he made the most delicious noises during their love making and Hope adored seeing the expression on his rugged features as she rode him into oblivion.

She had never had such an attentive lover, the things that Ronon did to her drove her completely insane. She had never orgasmed from oral sex before but Ronon's skilled deviant tongue had brought her to climax in minutes. He was well versed in the acts of love and his confidence was growing with every single encounter they had together.

Already Hope could feel her mate stirring in the other room over the thrum of their connection. She still marvelled at their bond and it's potency. She had never felt so in tune with another human being before. Already her mate was calling out for her along the placid threads, she could imagine her lover's hand creeping across the sheets as he reached out for her.

When Hope had left their bed, Ronon had been sprawled out on his stomach, his grizzled features buried in curve of her throat. It was the most carefree she had ever seen him and she had stayed nestled up in his arms for hours just enjoying the sensation of her lover's hot naked skin pressing against hers.

Ronon was already seeking her out, she could feel her mate stalking towards the bathroom, feeling out her presence. She could feel the cool air whooshing though the bathroom as he opened the door and closed it swiftly behind him. Her man was still naked when he stripped back the shower curtain and revealed Hope's nude form.

The look in his jade eyes was practically primal as he took in his mate's lithe body as the rivets of water trailed down the gentle curves of her body. He knew every inch of her skin by touch alone and right now he wanted to lick that tiny droplet that was chasing it's way between her pert breasts.

Ronon stepped into the shower before drawing the curtain back into place. His lover was already marvelling at his rigid muscular form as the water from the shower rained down upon his copper coloured flesh. He was truly something to behold, Hope's small hands were already smoothing over the planes of that solid chest as she tilted her head up to Ronon with a bright smile.

He could feel the tremendous power of her love seeping over their connection. It poured into his soul like sunshine seeking out all of the shadows inside of his being and bathing them in it's life. She was his ray of Hope, that's what he had taken to call her when they were alone together as he nuzzled her throat and kissed her delicate lips.

Ronon's cupped her face in his strong hands, cradling it like she was his most precious possession. In truth she was. There would never be a person who meant more to him than her. Their souls were cut from the same cloth and when he was inside her he felt complete and whole. He loved her more than he could ever say so with every action he tried to show her. His affections had once been few and far between but not now, Ronon wasn't afraid to show his mate how he felt. He could no more hide it from her now than she deny her own feelings.

"You are insatiable." Hope whispered against her mate's lips.

"You make me this way." Ronon told her gruffly, allowing her to see his honesty before he captured her mouth with his own.

The kiss was tender, the soft caress of Ronon's lips upon hers filled Hope with a sense of belonging. He was always gentle with her, always careful and slow until she demanded more. She liked how familiar this was to her, how she had learned the little things that drove her mate wild. Already their dynamic was changing once more. Hope had never needed someone the way she needed Ronon, their chemistry was already sizzling in the air as Hope's tongue parted Ronon's lips, her hands threading into his dreadlocks dragging him closer. Her back came to rest upon the cool tiles as Ronon's entire body pressed against the length of hers.

The way they fit together was beyond perfection. Ronon's large aching erection was trapped between their slick wet forms as he growled with appreciation into her mouth. His large palms came to rest upon his mate's breasts, his thumbs teased her rosebud nubs as her exploration of his mouth became more frenzied. Her skin was on fire as Ronon's hands caressed the outline of her beauteous form, her skin felt so soft under his hands. He loved her more than anything in the world and he would spend the rest of his days showing her.

Hope's breathing heightened as Ronon's rough hands slid down over her heart shaped ass. He squeezed it gently pulling her taunt against him. Hope was touching her lover everywhere, her deft fingertips were stroking over his hard exuberant muscles before they chased down the shape of his spine. She graced the scars on his chest with kisses from her adoring lips, her tongue ran over the thin, white lines, her lips sucking out the puckered flesh driving Ronon into a haze of delirium.

Hope honoured scars as a badge of courage and when Ronon had first stripped off his shirt to reveal his body to her eyes he had been shy and apprehensive. Yet she had felt his lover's awe at his nakedness. Her almond eyes had shone with the wealth of her love as she caressed every inch of his being.

Ronon was ready for his mate, he had been ready the instant he woke up. His cock was always aching for her, he needed her right now.

"Want you." he grumbled, his eyes lowering to hers as he sprinkled her eyelids, her nose and then her mouth with light, affectionate kisses.

"You have me." Hope told him as her slim fingers wrapped around his throbbing erection and guided it to the parting of her legs.

Ronon groaned in desire as the head of his dick brushed the hot moist area between his mate's legs. His hands lifted Hope so that she was just the right height for them to take their pleasure. Hope's thighs locked around his broad waist as she buried her hands in her lover's dreadlocks. Ronon supported her entire body as he entered her with immense care watching as her head tipped back, her wet hair cascading down her shoulders, his name on her lips. He thrust up into her alluring tightness burying his face in the hallow of her throat as she whimpered at the explosion of pleasure that erupted through her body and soul.

Ronon's ragged breathing was on her skin as they leisurely drove each other to the point of completion. He was hitting just the right place inside of Hope, that tiny little sweet spot was sending resounding waves of ecstasy trembling through her body. She could feel it like static electricity dancing under her skin as she gave herself over to Ronon completely.

Ronon's teeth grazed the nape of her neck, his blazing hot mouth sucking on that familiar sensitive area as he bit down lightly. She knew that he was marking her and it turned her on even more to know that he was claiming her as his in a way that everyone could see.

Ronon's groans were like music in her ears as his pace began to quicken at her urging. She was riding him like a stallion, taking every inch of him as her orgasm drew closer. They were getting louder, the two of them were wild with abandonment as they made love. Completion was the thing that they craved and it was only seconds away.

The euphoria hit them both at the same time drawing his name from Hope's lips as Ronon bit down hard as his entire being trembled with the strength of their climax. He held his lover tightly, hugging her to him as she shuddered in his arms from the sheer force of their orgasm. Their souls touched as Hope's inquiring lips sought out Ronon's, her heart beating against his in unison. She was still panting as he set her down safely onto the shower floor.

Ronon groped for the towels as Hope turned off the water. He wrapped the plush white towel around Hope's shoulders and used it to pull her closer. Her arms wrapped around his wet body, holding him fiercely as his hands busied themselves drying along her back as he kissed the top of her head.

"You gonna let me dry the rest of you?" he questioned her, his voice full of mirth.

"I want to dry you." Hope countered removing the towel from his hands.

Ronon had never had someone respond to him like this before. He had never had someone who focused on him completely or contemplated his needs. Hope was always one step ahead of him, he liked the affection she had for him and the fact she showed it in public. Her delicate hands were already on his hulking figure as he allowed her to pat him with the towel as if he were a child. No one had ever treated him like this before and he relished it. He felt content enough to curl up in her lap sated and happy. When they had finished he took his mate back to bed and showed her once more exactly how he felt.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! I thought you may like a little bit more of Ronon and Hope. Someone deserves a little love!<strong>_

_Thorne: I thought they needed to mend that bridge, they hadn't had a chance to do that previously and the air needed clearing. That's what I love about Carson he would never let anything go too long without a reason._

_Shippo: Carson needed a moment to fix things between them, the man is a sweet heart. Him and Cass have the closest bond you can have with a friend!_

_Shep: I thought it had been far too long without Carson, they need each other in their lives. They have that really true friendship. I think Cass is mad at herself for allowing the clone to get the best of her, it must be terrible to be in that position but she needs to heal. Maybe someone will have a chat to her. _

_Joey: Your right she need to remember that and someone needs to tell her. There's a lot going on at the moment and the two of them need to support each other. LMAO I loved your analogies and of course, Jules will give Cass a kick in the ass._


	131. Chapter 131: The End Where I Begin

Chapter One Hundred and Thirty One

_Sometimes tears say all there is to say  
>Sometime your first scars wont ever fade, away<br>Tried to break my heart  
>Well it's broke<br>Tried to hang me high  
>Well I'm choked<br>Wanted rain on me  
>Well I'm soaked<br>Soaked to the skin_

_It's the end where I begin_

_The Script – The End Where I Begin_

Doctor Elizabeth Weir was packing. Today was one of the worst day of her life and she was having a problem trying to stomach the bitter pill that the IOA had shoved down her throat. It had been two weeks since Michael had invaded Atlantis and it was time for someone to step up and take responsibility for everything that had happened.

The instant that Elizabeth had stepped into that conference room in the SGC she had known that she was on trial. Her actions had been called into question over everything. Why hadn't she deemed Colonel Sheppard's warnings about his wife more credible? Why hadn't she ensured that the woman was thoroughly tested before allowing her to roam the city? How had Michael gotten hold of the intell that had allowed him to penetrate their defences? There were more, so many more and the only answers she had were examples of her own bad decision making.

There was so much destruction left behind in the wake of this disaster and the IOA were focused on damage control. Cassandra Sheppard was being sent back to Earth immediately to recover from the psychological trauma that she endured at the hands of Michael. Colonel Sheppard was remaining on Atlantis to oversee the change in command.

To make things worse since the refugee camp had been disbanded there was no reason for Hope to be on Atlantis so the IOA was demanding the termination of her job and her return to Earth. That would kill Ronon, the Satedan deserved to have someone and now she felt cruel and callous to be taking her away.

The doors to her apartment slid open and Elizabeth glanced over her shoulder to see Colonel Sheppard striding into the room, his expression clouded with dismay as he reviewed the boxes stacked up beside of her.

"It's true?" John questioned as his hazel eyes lowered to the books cradled against Elizabeth's chest as she turned to face him.

John could not believe this was happening. He had received the news just minutes ago from Carson about Elizabeth's dismissal. She had confided in the Doctor the second she had gotten back from the SGC, he had seen how distraught she was when she had stepped through the Stargate. Anybody else and Elizabeth would have shirked away from the probing questions but Carson was kind, she knew her distress was safe in his hands and he would never judge her.

The fact he had shared the information with John spoke volumes. She had been unable to break the ice in relation to her termination, the news hadn't quite sunk in yet. Even as she stood here wrapping the bubble wrap around her most precious of items she couldn't quite believe that she was leaving the place that had become her home over the last three years. She loved Atlantis, everyday she learned something new about this place and now she was leaving it.

"Yes." she stated, bowing her head and staring at her shoes. "Effective immediately."

John was raging. Elizabeth had done so much for the expedition, she had created peace between numerous worlds. They had trade agreements because of her negotiations and the IOA were putting everything off kilter. She had done her best in an extraordinary situation. John certainly didn't blame her for her decision making in regards to the Cassandra situation. She had done everything by the book. Then again maybe that was the problem.

John couldn't imagine who else would take her place, who could live up to that name sake? Would people accept a new leader? He understood that they would have to but it wouldn't feel like the same close knit family that it did to him.

On the opposite side of the coin he realized that his thoughts were completely selfish. The next logical step for the IOA was either to promote someone on Atlantis to Weir's previous position of power or for them to bring in one of their own lackeys. Either way John did not like the options. He didn't like the idea that the IOA could be turning their eyes towards him. He did not want to be leader of the this expedition. He was already shouldering his fair share of responsibility, he didn't think he could bare any more. He liked going off world with his team, he wouldn't be able to do that if he was in charge of the city.

His decisions would be momentous and the pressure of making them would bleed into the other aspects of his life. His marriage to Cassandra was already strained, he couldn't imagine what it would do to them if he ended up in that position. There would be no time for her, he thought.

"I'll talk to them, I'll tell them what a stupid mistake their making." John told her stubbornly, his arms crossing over his chest trying to put up a defence against the situation.

Even as he spoke John knew that it would do no good. The IOA were not ones to be easily swayed and if Weir hadn't been able to defend herself, John knew that he had no chance. They had been looking for a way to dispose of Weir since the Siege almost two years ago.

"It won't do any good." Elizabeth said truthfully as she wrapped the beautiful Athosian pottery in the plastic bubble wrap. "It was my call and this is the penance I have to pay."

The truth was someone had to pay and it was Elizabeth's turn to step up to the plate. The people in this city had already endured so much and if she tried to contest the decision there was a possibility the project may be at risk. The city needed someone strong to lead it, someone that understood the dangers and that could negotiate on an abstract level without letting their personal feelings get in the way. John Sheppard was not that man but she feared that was the way the IOA's decision was heading. The city wouldn't be lead into ruin under his command but she was afraid that the personal cost of such a position would be too much to bare.

"It won't be the same without you Elizabeth." John said rubbing the back of his neck agitatedly.

Elizabeth cast a glance at the open window, the sea breeze was bellowing into the room and the scent of fresh salt water was in the air. She would miss going to sleep to the sound of the ocean. She loved this place more than she had loved anyone in her life. There was a homeliness here and when she had arrived on this city she was at peace. Atlantis held so many wonders, she had never been challenged as much as she had since she had been here.

The older woman turned back to John Sheppard, their eyes meeting in mutual sadness before John picked up the roll of bubble wrap.

"I'll wrap, you pack?" he offered before Elizabeth nodded in agreement and the two of them began to work in silence.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, sorry for the length of time between chapters. It has been a busy day at work!<strong>_

_Brn: lol they needed a fluffy sort of moment. I think after they cracked that dam it has become impossible to stop, esp when Ronon had abstained for ten years. I thought Ronon needed someone that was going to care about him in the same way he cared about them. He is such a sweet heart!_

_Thorne: How surprised was I to discover the actor doesn't really speak with a Scottish accent? I like him better with it. Lol I love writing Hope and Ronon, the two of them just have such a primal love. I adore writing Cass and John too, they need a little moment to each other. _

_Shippo: I love Hope and Ronon and writing them is so much fun. They're love is so primal and sweet!_


	132. Chapter 132: Lei

Chapter One Hundred and Thirty Two

_But it's ok to say that you love me  
>I think of you, still think of you<em>

_Cee-Lo Green – It's Ok_

Fury. It wound up through Ronon's veins and mixed with his anguish as he smashed his fist in to the punch bag with as much force as humanly possible. The red plastic bag swung practically off it's hinge, creaking as it hit the wall behind it with a loud, abrupt impact. The sounds of his own harsh breaths were cutting through the air as he smacked it again and again.

The rage was hiding something worse. He could feel the pounding of his heart as he clutched onto the bag for support, his grizzled cheek pressing against the bag. The sweat was running down his forehead from exertion causing his face to stick to the wrinkled plastic.

He snorted in indignation as he recalled the past few hours. He had been trying to block out everything that Weir had said when they had been sitting in her office but it was impossible. His mate was leaving him and it killed Ronon in every sense of the word. For some reason he had never seen this coming, once he was happy he had expected it to stay that way but now...

The IOA had just pulled the rug out from right under his feet.

The beast inside him was furious, it padded around the confines of his soul baying in ferocity at the unjustness of this situation. It was a nightmare, his own personal hell. Hope was his woman and now they were taking her away.

There was no job for Hope here so effective immediately she was being removed from Atlantis along with Cassandra. Cassandra had a job to come back to if she chose to. Hope...

Ronon had no idea if he would get to see her ever again. This was always going to be their folly. How were the two of them supposed to maintain a relationship when they were caught between two galaxies? The thought of the distance made his heart ache like never before.

He wanted to destroy every member of the IOA, to snarl at them and ask them if they had no feelings of their own. Ronon withdrew from the punch bag, his muscles sore and stiff from the bruises that were beginning to form all over his olive coloured skin. After leaving Weir's office he had had to get away from it all.

Hope had sensed Ronon's restlessness under the surface of his skin. Her sorrow had stabbed at him deep inside, he wanted to comfort her but he had sensed that she needed some time to absorb the information.

They had both gone their separate ways after that. He assumed Hope had gone back to their quarters to pack for her journey tomorrow. He had come here to let off some steam. He'd challenged a couple of marines who had been training and trounced them completely. Ronon had battered the living hell out of them, the marines had left the gym with their tails between their legs and sporting horrendous aches for the next day. The truth was Ronon Dex was in the mood to kill someone and it was best for them to leave before anything more than their pride was seriously injured.

"I thought I'd find you here." Hope uttered as she leaned against the wall beside of the door.

Ronon turned his head towards her, his jade eyes seeking out his lover as she pushed off of the wall and stepped towards him.

"Is this how you want to spend our last night together?" she asked him, her almond eyes studying his hulking form intently.

"I wish it wasn't our last night." Ronon grumbled, his voice even deeper in his emotional state.

Hope could feel how much it would hurt him when she left. Already he was withdrawing into himself trying to stifle the blow he thought was coming. He didn't see how this could go on any longer and that thought murdered Hope. She loved him, there was no doubt that the two of them were two parts of the same person. She didn't understand how they live apart after the time they had spent together. She had to try though. This relationship meant the entire world to her and she would do anything she had to help it survive.

"I have something for you." she said coyly, her cheeks flushing lightly as she stripped the woven three pieces of ribbon out of her pocket.

Ronon watched as his mate took his large hand in her smaller more delicate one, turning it palm up. Hope looped it underneath the joint of his wrist and pulled the weave taunt against his flesh.

"It's called a lei, usually we make them out of flowers as garlands but I thought this was a little more private." Hope told him as Ronon studied her intricate work with interest. "The red ribbon means passion and courage."

"Like us." Ronon declared as he watched her exotic features, feeling his heart throb at the sight of her.

"Like us..." Hope agreed before continuing. "The orange stands for endurance, for what we are going to be experiencing while I'm away and the yellow for how happy you make me."

Ronon regarded her silently as the words filled him up inside like sunshine chasing the darkest clouds away. He had thought they were through but Hope clearly had other ideas. Her fingers secured the knot at his wrist before she placed a butterfly kiss over it.

"And this means everlasting love." she uttered as she rose her eyes to meet Ronon's.

A small smile twitched up at the edges of Ronon's lips. His fingers cupped her chin and tilted her head up so he could stare into her beautiful eyes.

"You wanna give this a shot?" Ronon questioned as his mouth lingered so damn close to her own.

Hope could feel his warm breath on her face as her hands rubbed up and down the wool vest he was wearing. It clung to his well muscled form framing his attractive structure.

"Do you really need to ask me that question?" Hope asked him as her fingers raked through his dreadlocks drawing him even closer.

"I thought..." Ronon trailed off unable to speak the words.

"Never." she informed him, her fingertips trailing along the outline of Ronon's sensuous lips. "It doesn't matter how far apart we are, there will never be anyone else but you."

Ronon's strong arms wrapped around his mate's adoring form as he gathered her up into the confines of his chest. His lips graced her forehead before he buried his face into Hope's hair, inhaling her soft sweet scent.

"Gonna miss you." he murmured against her balmy skin, peppering her eyes, her cheeks and finally her mouth with tender, brief kisses.

"A little separation could be good for the soul, give us both a chance to miss each other." Hope whispered as she kissed the corner of Ronon's mouth.

"I wanna come with you." Ronon told her as he nuzzled that sensitive spot just underneath the curve of her jaw. "Sheppard said they owe me leave."

"That will be something to look forward to." Hope said optimistically, her head tipping back as Ronon's teeth grazed her throat.

"Need to give you something to remember me by." Ronon rumbled in her ear, grinding against his mate in that slow, seductive manner.

"I would like that." Hope spoke in that suggestive tone, arching even further against Ronon's lower body as his large hands kneaded her ass.

It wasn't long before Ronon was guiding Hope back to their quarters to give her a passionate present of his own.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! It been an exhausting few days but I finally found time to put up this chapter!<strong>_

_Thorne: I know when I heard him talk in his normal accent I was like WTF! NOOO! He was much better as a Scottish man! The two of them do need a little time together, poor Cass and John deserve a little time together. I just hope they get it._

_Brn: lol I am just stealing the rug to keep warm because it's pretty cold over here. It's true, what will the boys do without their partners. Will it be all doom and gloom?_

_Shippo: I am glad you liked the plot twist!_

_Joey: I did contemplate killing Elizabeth but I thought that Cass and John couldn't handle that after everything that has happened. I will tell you straight away that Carson will not be harmed as of yet! Lol I bet you'll be leading the revolt!_

_Shep: She did make a good leader but my fav was Sam, she was just the perfect person for the job. I love the fact the city itself seemed a little unsure of Woolsey. It wouldn't let him out of the conference room that time and it made me giggle. You will have to wait and see!_

_Black: lol It's nice to meet you! You'll have to wait and see what becomes of our hero and heroine! Thankies very much for the review!_


	133. Chapter 133: Life Line

Chapter One Hundred and Thirty Three

_Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone.  
>I hear you call my name and it feels like<br>Home._

_Madonna – Just Like A Prayer_

The lamplight was shining through the crack in the open blinds as Cassandra sat sagged in her chair starring at the glass of bourbon on the desk. She had been seated in her office for the past two hours, ever since she had been informed that she was to be sent home on medical leave and John was to stay here on Atlantis as Head of the Expedition.

Her fingers wrapped around the chequered glass before she began to swill the liquid in a circular motion. She knew she had been struggling before she'd cracked open the bottle, sitting here staring at this untouched glass made her realize just how much.

With John gone she wasn't sure she would be able to function. Elizabeth had informed them that he was on the IOA's permanent shortlist. They didn't know if this was going to be long term, if it was he would need her support when he was forced to make the hard decisions. She wanted to be there for him but the truth was she wasn't even sure if she could rely on herself at the moment.

There was a throat clearing from the doorway and Cass glanced up to see Hope lingering there, her eyebrows raised as she nodded at the glass in Cassandra's hand.

"Drowning your sorrows?" she asked her friend before she stepped inside the room and dropped into the visitor's seat.

Cass reviewed her friend for a second taking in her damp chestnut hair and concerned expression. It was clear what her and Ronon had gotten up to after they had received their own set of news. Cassandra didn't blame them, there was so much fear and uncertainty in their lives, their love was the only sure and constant anchor. That was the way that Cassandra felt about John. He was the one thing that kept Cassandra stable at the moment and without him...

She wasn't sure if she could stay sane.

"I don't think I'm that far gone." Cass murmured as she clasped the glass with both hands and stared down into the amber liquid. "Not yet anyway."

"John's looking for you." Hope uttered as she studied her friend's exhausted features.

It was clear that Cassandra hadn't been sleeping, there were dark circles underneath her eyes. Her pale pallor looked sallow and gaunt, she looked hollowed out and ruined. Nothing like the same humorous woman she had met in that refugee camp.

"I know." Cassandra said distractedly, her fingertips circling the rim of her glass as if she was playing a fine instrument. "I just need a little courage."

Hope reached out across the desk as removed the glass from Cassandra's delicate fingers before she set it back onto her side of the desk.

"I think you already have enough courage." Hope stated knowingly. "I think you owe him a little of your time."

"He's going to leave me." Cassandra found herself saying in a dull, vacant voice. "It's happened before."

Her sapphire blue eyes clouded with sadness as she stared into the distance, her mind drifting back to her time with Henry. She had thought that he would have waited for her, that he would have been patient and understanding but the truth was it was never in her ex's nature. He had told her it was too much to expect from someone before he had walked out and left her to pack. She had been so broken and traumatised back then, the same way she now.

If she gave John the space, she thought he would remember what it was like to live a simpler life. One where he didn't have someone clinging to him whilst they tried to put the broken pieces of their life back together.

Hope snorted indignantly at the words as she narrowed her eyes at the woman across from her. She had seen that Cassandra was struggling and tried to do the best that she could to be as sympathetic about her endurance but this was the final straw. John Sheppard had literally died for his wife and here she was debating whether to drown her sorrows instead of spending their last night together.

"That man went to the ends of the universe trying to find you, he put up with that stupid clone because he thought Michael may kill you and he still sees you in exactly the same light even after you were forced to carry Michael's demon child." Hope's tone sounded icy as she glared at her friend irately. "The problem is with you. You feel like your not worthy of him and I'm telling you Cass, you need to stop the self depreciating bullshit because everything he's done should show you exactly how much he loves you."

"How can I expect him to forgive me for bearing that monstrosity?" Cassandra snapped back, her eyes glistening as her features contorted into that fearsome expression

"Jesus, could you have been any more unwilling?" Hope challenged her friend's line of thinking. "Michael practically raped your DNA, he locked you in a room alone for days on end trying to break down your will and when it all went horribly wrong he tried to do it again."

"Do you know what it's like to try and live with that?" Cass responded, her voice getting higher. "To come to terms with that bastard did to me? How can I expect John to?"

"John adores you, what Michael did to you doesn't change the way he looks at you Cass. You can see it in his eyes and in the way he talks to you. John Sheppard loves you and your hurting him by being like this."

Cass ran her hands through her loose dark hair, looking downtrodden and beaten. She knew that Hope was right, that she had been having a pity party for herself for far too long. She needed to take control of herself once more and begin to deal with the issues that plagued her. It was too much to bear alone and she knew John was itching for her to at least talk to someone about the ordeal that she had been through.

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start living." Hope said knowingly, her voice softening. "You have this wonderful man waiting to show you how much he cares about you and your blocking him out. Your making him feel inadequate and it's not fair to him Cass, he needs to feel loved too."

Cass conceded that she had been taking a lot from her husband over the past fortnight. He had been showing her generous amounts of affection and she had been shirking him. She had barely noticed how he was feeling, she'd been too wrapped up in herself to realize. Right now he was probably fretting over his role as Head of the Expedition, it was unclear whether that was going to be a permanent position or not. She knew her husband would not want that burden.

All the way through his life he had been shouldering responsibility, this seemed like another natural progression. John enjoyed being out in the field and talking to people and he was good at his job. To throw him into something that was more of an administrative position was cruel in a way.

_I'm sorry,_ she told him over their connection flooding him with genuine apology.

The response was instantaneous the animalised part of his soul nudged at her gently before nipping her fingers lightly.

_Don't be stupid_, it seemed to be telling her. _This isn't your fault._

It was right, she wasn't to blame for what happened to her but she was responsible for the way she was behaving. John Sheppard deserved better than this. He had put his life on the line for her a thousand times over and eventually he had died for her too. No matter what situation she got herself into she was sure that John would always be there to help her in whatever way was necessary. They belonged to each other in every way and it was time that Cass reminded herself of that.

"I owe him my life." Cass uttered as her gaze strayed down to the wedding ring on her finger.

This was the first time she actually felt like it was hers again. Ever since Lorne had handed it back to her, the platinum band had felt alien and strange on her healed finger. It was hard to believe it was her own once again. Cassandra was starting to view the ring for what it was now, a symbol of love and unity. Her husband had saved her from a living nightmare and he had paid the price for her freedom with a bullet in the gut.

"You don't owe me a thing." John responded quietly.

Cassandra rose her sapphire gaze to see her husband leaning in the doorway to her office almost casually. His arms were crossed over his broad chest as his hazel eyes lowered to the undrunk glass of bourbon that sat upon her desk.

"That would be my cue to leave." Hope said with a small smile before she rose up from her seat and vanished from the room.

John closed the door behind him lightly before he sighed out loud, his lips pursed together in a thin grim line.

"Have you been drinking?" he asked his wife directly, tilting his head pointedly at the glass.

"Nope." Cassandra replied as she stood up and stepped around the desk.

"Cassandra..." John began, there was worry in his handsome features as he rubbed the back of his hand across his lips.

"It's ok." she told him, coming to a halt in front of John's immobile form. "I'm ok."

The surprise in his face was evident as Cass wrapped her arms around her husband's athletic frame. Her lithe body pressed against him as she pulled him into a loving embrace. Her warmth flooded over John's soul with caring and reassurance. Cassandra could sense how disquieted John had been by her behaviour, how concerned he had been. His own arms folded around his wife's slender shape as he drew her even closer, tucking her head under his chin as he held onto her.

"I love you." she whispered into the confines of his chest, her breath caressing the place where his heart resided. "I want you to know that no matter what happens I'm here for you."

"You have no idea how good it is to hear that." John murmured against her hair line.

His lips brushed over that familiar grey streak that was embedded in her hair. He had been shielding her away from the extent of the pressure he was under while she worked through her own issues but now he could feel himself buckling under the strain. If there was ever a time he needed his wife it was now.

Her delicate fingers were stroking up along the knots of his spine, easing away his tension in seconds. John closed his eyes, exhaling blissfully at the sensation. She always knew the way to calm his rampaging mind and he could feel himself unfurling and relaxing under her ministrations.

"Hm, you did need to wind down." Cass commented feeling John's rigid composure beginning to slip.

John didn't respond verbally, instead he let his body do the talking. He arched into Cass's lithe frame, his fingers combing through her silky dark hair as he allowed himself to become enthralled by her.

"We need to go home." Cass informed her husband as she drew away so she could look into his curious hazel eyes. "I want to make you feel better."

Cassandra's fingers laced through her husband's before she guided him back to their apartment.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! Yet again it's been a busy week in work and the weather is crappy as hell so I thought I'd brighten both our days with a new chapter!<strong>_

_Thorne: lol I promise they will get a little time with each other as you can see coming in this chapter. Lol make as many posters as you want, I'll just keep using them as backgrounds for things and if I am honest I like variation!_

_Brn: You bet your ass I am gonna go through with this! How do you think John and Ronon feel? Poor guys all alone without their women, it ain't gonna be pretty!_

_Joey: LMAO! You will have to wait and see what happens but I love the fact your so emotionally involved in this. I have to say it's not gonna go well for the Marines taking on the two of them in that state._

_Shippo: I think she hates that she's leaving too, I just want to hug them both and promise it'll all be ok!_


	134. Chapter 134: Reaquinted

Chapter One Hundred and Thirty Four

_But tonight I'm not afraid to tell you  
>What I feel about you<em>

_Teddy Geiger – For You I Will_

John was in sheer heaven. It had been such a long time since he had felt safe and secure, the only time it happened when he was under Cassandra's hands. He used to think people who relied on their spouses were weak. The truth was when you met that person, the one that made you feel like you had found the missing piece of yourself it showed you that you didn't have to be on your own. He couldn't imagine living the same lonely existence that he had before Cass.

"You know how long it's been since we last did this." John murmured as his fingertips brushed the stray strands of hair out of her sapphire blue eyes.

"Too long." Cass drawled as her palms caressed the planes of her husband's muscular chest.

The two of them were in their bed, the sheets tangled amongst their slick, passionate bodies as Cassandra nuzzled her husband's throat with her lips and teeth. Their trail of clothing was strewn in a pathway towards from the doors of their apartment all the way up into the bedroom. It had been a slow and intimate transgression, it had began with long sensual kisses. Their hands were smoothing all over each other, touching and teasing over the ridges of each other's scars. Her fingers felt glorious as they trailed along every inch of his hard flesh. Her whimpering noises when he touched her caused that familiar surge of adoration to flood through his veins. She was his, she would always be his.

Cassandra's hot breath was on the curve of John's neck as he kept a slow, tedious pace. They had been making love in this sitting position for what seemed like hours now and every single moment had been more delirious than the next. She had had him moaning her name the instant she had guided his aching cock inside her tight moist centre. There was nothing in the world like being inside Cassandra, he had missed the feeling of contentment that came with knowing that you completely belonged to someone else.

John's hand cupped Cassandra's chin gently, guiding his wife's lips within inches of his own before he kissed her with vigour. He poured every inch of his desire into her mouth, his tongue delving into her depths as his fingers ran through her silky dark hair.

Her breathing was getting more erratic, he could hear the hitch in her cries as she tipped her head back so her hair was cascading over her bare shoulders. She was rampant and uninhibited, John loved seeing her like this, his sexy little wife was allowing herself to lose her control under his hands. For a moment there was no defences or boundaries, there was just the two of them enjoying one another.

Cassandra's moans were ringing in his ears, each one getting louder and louder as John buried his face into his wife's throat, his teeth grazing the sensitive spot underneath her ear. His name was on Cassandra's lips as her skin flushed with the anticipation building up inside of her. John was so good at making her feel complete and whole. The love she felt for her husband was amazing, she could feel how much he cared for her in every caress he gifted upon her flesh. There was a healing in his touch, it was such an astonishing feeling.

"I love you." she murmured in her husband's ear as the orgasm crested. "God John you have no idea how much I love you."

"As much as I love you." he whispered as his wife's wet core began to tighten around his throbbing cock, tipping him over the edge.

Their climax was incredible. They were drowning in the ecstasy that washed over them as they clutched onto each other for dear life. Their connection was open and free again and they could feel their souls merging together effortlessly. This was what they had been missing for so long, this bond had been there under the surface but now it was working at it's maximum potential and John Sheppard had never been so happy.

"That was amazing." Cassandra breathed against her husband's skin as she planted butterfly kisses across his bare shoulder.

John gathered his wife's beauteous form up in his arms as he tumbled backwards into the bed pulling Cassandra down on top of him. She curled up against his side, her naked legs entwining with his as John guided her palm to her favourite place above his heart. His lips brushed that familiar grey streak as he pressed a tender kiss upon her head.

"You know I do want to go home with you?" John murmured into his wife's hair before placing his cheek upon it.

"I know." Cass said as she snuggled into her husband's comforting form. "It's not your fault, you have a responsibility here."

"I made a vow to you." John said quietly, his fingertips chasing up and down Cassandra's spine as he spoke. "I want you to know that it's still important to me."

Cass propped her head up on one arm as she turned her attention completely to her husband. John looked back at her, his hazel eyes taking in her pretty features. Cassandra had missed being able to look at him like this, he looked so handsome and sincere. Weir's leaving was taking it's toll on her husband already. She could sense his insecurity under the surface. He didn't know if he could lead the expedition if it came down to it but he would do it if he had to.

"You know I have complete faith in you." Cass told him as she leaned over and kissed his nose. "No matter what happens."

"Hm..." John agreed as he used his fingers to tip her chin up so that their lips were inches apart.

"Do you need me to prove it again?" Cassandra asked her husband in a low sultry tone as her hand snaked under the sheets to the stirring in his groin.

John moaned out loud, arching into her fingers as they wrapped around his sensitive, hardening cock. Cass captured John's mouth with her own, her tongue dipping into his hot, wanting cavern as she massaged his erection. Already he was arching into her hand, his own wandering fingers seeking out the cleft between her legs.

"You are unquenchable." John whispered knowingly as placed his hands upon her hips and shifted her until she was straddling his lower body. "I wanna see you above me, riding me."

His words sent a pleasurable thrill all the way through Cassandra as she looked down at her husband's lustful expression. He had no idea how much it turned her on to see that erotic look in his hazel eyes. John's rough hands were smoothing all over her soft curvaceous form, caressing every inch of his wife. She felt unbelievable to his touch, there had never been a woman who shone as much as she did. It was like God had plucked the stars right out of the sky and put them in her beautiful eyes.

She was looking at him like he was a god stretched out before her. All those reservations that they had harboured were lost and now it was all about making this night their own before Cassandra had to leave tomorrow.

His wife slid down his impressive length, her hips gyrating against his plunging John Sheppard straight back into heaven.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, you wanted Cass and John reacquainting and here it is!<strong>_

_Shep: lol Cass needed a little kick in the ass and I thought Hope was just the person to give it to her. I hope you enjoyed this little reconnection scene, the two of them needed it._

_Brn: I'm glad I made your week, you deserve to have a good one. It is going to be better when the two of them get it back together. Everybody needs a bit of fluff and I'm glad these two have had a moment of their own. Your words really mean a lot to me and I'm glad that I managed to create something that touched you!_

_Thorne: lol I hope you liked this moment better, they needed a little release as it were. Take your time on the poster I am not going anywhere. The 'thrall' has begun!_

_Shippo: lol I hope this chapter made you grin, the two of them are happy with each other now and I think that's what counts._

_Joey: I thought Hope was just the right person to kick Cass's ass into shape. Lol You know that Shep wouldn't abuse his authority in that manner and sadly the IOA won't let him fix things. _


	135. Chapter 135: Like It Or Not

Chapter One Hundred and Thirty Five

_I've been put down, picked up and put off.  
>I've been held up, pushed and shoved around.<br>You got me falling over and over.  
>I've been drifting this side and upside down.<br>I do it all for you.  
>You know I'll be a fool for you.<br>I keep thinking I've lost something; I look down and it's only you._

_Darren Hayes – Like It Or Not_

The Gate Room was a hive of activity and Cassandra realized that it had been a long time since she had seen such a flurry of people at work. It appeared their return to Earth was also being used as an opportunity to hand back some of the equipment that had been broken by their time off world. There was apprehension in her steps but there was excitement too, since the two of them had gotten reacquainted last night she found there was a spring in her step.

It had started with a kiss, a light peck to the lips as she clasped his hands in her own. She had meant to comfort him, to show him that she was there for him whenever he needed her and that kiss had developed into so much more. Before she knew it she had found herself unbuttoning her husband's shirt to fulfil that desire she had for skin to skin contact. They had missed each other so much and there was such joy in their union. John had began to doubt her feelings for him, he had been struggling with the burden on his shoulders before Cassandra had made it more bearable.

"Your going to be ok right?" John asked her, his palms cupping her face lightly in his hands.

"I get to run around and play with the kids all day." Cass uttered as his thumbs caressed the apples of her cheeks. "It's you I worry about."

"I've got these guys to take care of me." John reminded Cassandra. "Hopefully the IOA will make their decision soon and I'll be coming back to join you."

"I would love that." Cassandra told him honestly before she allowed her lips to brush his.

John melted into the kiss, his hands sliding down her shoulders as he drew her even closer against his solid form. Cass's arms looped around his waist securing the two of them together as the wealth of their love washed over one another. It felt glorious as their souls merged together, already the animistic side of her husband was nuzzling her contently. It's rough tongue licked her face causing the metaphysical side of Cass to laugh out loud as she scratched the wolf behind the ears.

"I know how much you'll miss me." she told it, hugging the wolf around the neck as it's cold wet nose prodded her cheek.

The wolf whined as she withdrew, the noise was like a bullet through her heart as she rose to her feet. The wolf crouched low on the ground, it's head between it's paws, it's hazel eyes looking up at her woefully.

"We'll be together again soon." Cass promised the wolf. "If you can't make it back, I'll come here again."

The wolf seemed to like that, it stood up and padded towards Cassandra, nudging at her hand demanding more attention. Cassandra obliged by petting the wolf on the head playfully.

"I have gotta go." Cass told the wolf before planting a kiss between it's eyes.

Cassandra withdrew from her husband, the hustle and bustle of the Gate Room coming back into focus as John let out a low growl. Cass pressed a finger to his lips to silence the noise, her pert lips twitching in that sweet, amused smile.

"Be good." she warned him. "Carson has strict instructions to email me if you do anything stupid."

"What do I get if I fulfil your request?" John teased in his husky, sultry tone.

Cass poked her husband in the centre of the chest.

"You'll have to wait and see." she returned with raised eyebrows.

"I look forward to it." John uttered with that boyish smile of his.

The siren was already wailing in Cassandra's ears, she glanced towards the Stargate as the Event Horizon burst to life. It reminded her of the surface of the sea when she stared into it.

"That's my cue." Cass said, pulling a face of displeasure.

John reached down and picked up her dufflebag, he helped to place it onto his wife's shoulder comfortably.

"Say hi to the kids for me." John requested, pulling the collar of Cass's leather flak jacket out from under the strap of the bag.

"I will." she agreed before pressing a chaste kiss to her husband's lips. "I meant what I said."

"The 'I love you' or the 'be good'?" John questioned with a humorous lilt.

Cassandra gave her husband that look, the one that said she was entirely serious on both fronts. John crossed his arms over his chest, his heart already feeling the distance stretching between them. Although he knew it would make his wife happy to go home to their family, he would miss her terribly.

"I'll be back." Cassandra said with her best Terminator impression.

John chuckled before folding his wife up one last time in his arms. The hug conveyed everything that he felt and more.

_I love you,_ it said. _I will miss you so terribly it hurts to think about it._

All too quickly it was over. Cassandra was withdrawing from his arms and sighing as she glanced over her shoulder at the Stargate and the group that awaited her. Hope had already managed to disconnect herself from Ronon. Their tall friend was standing in front of the steps, his eyes focused primarily on the woman he loved. His expression was sullen and agitated, Cass could tell he was burying a huge amount of emotion underneath that hunched posture. She knew that him and John would take care of each other, they were like brothers at heart.

Cass found herself standing next to Hope at the bottom of the ramp, the other woman was staring into the Event Horizon, her eyes glistening and her expression resigned. Her jaw was set as she focused straight ahead. Cass knew how awful it was to walk away from your man, the first time was always the hardest especially when it was completely unwilling. Cass's hand slipped inside Hope's, clasping her friend's tightly. Hope seemed to relax at her touch, her shoulders slumped as she dared to spare Cassandra a glance.

"It won't be too long." Cass said quietly. "A few weeks and then he'll be able to come and see you, the time will fly by."

"It's only a few weeks." Hope repeated taking a shaky breath as she forced a smile across her exotic features.

The thought of leaving Ronon behind was breaking her heart into a million places. Her mind drifted to this morning and the time that they had spent together. She had awoken wrapped in Ronon's loving grasp. His warm, naked form had been curled around her body in a protective manner. His facial hair had felt so deliciously scratchy on her bare skin as he nuzzled her throat drawing her even closer with that possessive urgency.

They had made sweet, passionate love in the early hours of the morning, Ronon had uttered such gratifying endearments into her ear as he took her in the most basic of ways. She didn't think she'd be able to live without her lover. They had been so involved in each other's lives over the past few months that breaking apart was more hurtful that she ever could have thought.

"You can call or email me." Cass offered breaking through Hope's thought's before she continued. "I know what it's like to be in this position."

"I may just do that." Hope said, linking her fingers through her friend's.

"Are you ready?" Cass asked Hope as the two of them turned their attention to the rippling Event Horizon.

"As I'll ever be." Hope responded sadly.

Hope cast a final glance at Ronon over her shoulder before the two of them stepped through the Stargate.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! Sorry it has taken me so long to post again, life has been manic! I have been working all hours that God sends and it has made me exhausted. I have literally been dragging myself in and straight to bed!<strong>_

_Joey: I have to be honest when I say this, the two of them write themselves. I know they needed a little emotional reconnection and I wanted them to repair emotionally otherwise I wouldn't feel they would survive the separation. Lol I can not tell you what will happen with Hope and Ronon, my lips are fully sealed. _

_Shep: lol I am glad you think so, I wanted to make this sexy but also a very emotional experience for the two of them. I'm sure your not the only person who wishes they were Cass at that moment. _

_Brn: I had an image of you slapping your knee. Thankies so much for wonderful words. They really make me smile. I think John needed some hugs and kisses and who am I to deny him?_

_Shippo: I am so glad you enjoyed this, the two of them needed a little one on one time!_

_Thorne: I am so glad you enjoyed this! I am so glad the thrall is working overtime on you. We need to get you a John Shep my love! I have ten more chapters so far and am working on more!_


	136. Chapter 136: Family

Chapter One Hundred and Thirty Six

_Do you think you can cope?_  
><em>You figured me out - that I'm lost and I'm hopeless<em>  
><em>I'm bleeding and broken, though I've never spoken<em>  
><em>I come undone in this mad season<em>

_Matchbox 20 – Mad Season_

Once upon a time home had been a town house in New York with a freshly trimmed lawn and a freshly painted porch. After that it had been pent house apartment in San Francisco with virtually no furniture due to Henry's desire to follow the modernistic trend in those days. Yet she had always loved the humble furnishings of her sister's house, the comfortable couch and the pictures of the family mounted upon the mantle piece in a collection of haphazard poses. The house was lived in and had more soul than any where that she had ever been before. This was her safe haven, her sanctuary and Cass could already feel herself beginning to relax in a way she hadn't been able to since before Michael.

Her sister swept back into the room carrying a mug of tea in each of her hands. Jules was under the impression that a mug of tea could cure anything and Cassandra thought that maybe she got that from their mother. Her memories of their parents were sometimes brief and fleeting but she would always remember that whenever they were upset, their mother would always get them into their most fuzziest pyjamas and wrap their favourite blanket around them before she pressed a cup of milky tea into their hands. She would talk in that lovely, hushed tone of hers as she hugged each one of them closely like the tiniest kittens seeking refuge from the outside world.

Cass would never forget her smell, it was a demure and low key, made up of jasmine and something a little more exotic that she had never been able to place. It was moments like this that Cassandra missed their parents more than ever, her father had always had a way of setting the world to rights and her mother simply had the ability to take away all the negative feelings that hounded her steps.

Jules passed the blue and pink polka dot mug to her sister. The kids had bought Cass this mug for Christmas and she had kept it here nice and safe for when she returned so they could see her use it. Just having some of her things here made her feel like there was a place right here for her. She needed that, she needed to know that there was still a place in the world for her and now she knew that it still existed she felt happier, like a weight had been listed off of her shoulders. For some reason that seemed to set Cass at ease.

Jules dropped down into the seat beside of her, she angled her body so her back was against the arm of the couch and her legs were crossed in front of her. Her sapphire blue eyes regarded the profile of her sister's porcelain features with studious interest. There was something wrong, she had seen it the instant that Cassandra had appeared on her doorstep. Her sister looked thinner than before, there had been apprehension in her features when Jules had pulled open the door. The first thing she'd noticed though had been that streak of grey that had appeared in her sister's silky dark hair. It was clear as day and a definite indicator of something traumatic. Cass was different than before, her demeanour was more withdrawn and the light in her eyes had faded just a little.

Jules had whisked her sister inside, thankful that her husband Mike had taken their children out for the day to spend a little Daddy time with them. He had been working hard lately but the news had come through over the past week that he had secured one of the highest ranking clients. All of his time away had paid off and now he was able to come and shower his wife and children with the love and respect they deserved.

"What happened?" Jules requested, prodding her sister lightly in the arm with her finger. "Can you tell me?"

Cassandra stared down into the recesses of her mug, her lips pursing together in a grim line as she warmed her palms on the surface. The truth was she didn't know what to say, the secrecy agreement she had signed years ago when she had first gone to Atlantis prohibited her from speaking the real version of events so she decided to edit it the best that she could so her sister would understand.

"I was captured." she could barely spit the words out and when she did they felt like she had swilled her mouth out with acid.

"Did they hurt you?" Jules questioned, putting her mug down on the sturdy, wooden coffee table. "Cass did they..."

Jules's voice trembled as she trailed off unable to complete the sentence. She was frightened of the answer, something had damaged her sister deep down inside. Jules could feel the broken pieces of Cassandra's soul knitting together like a wound fresh from surgery. Something had ravaged her and it killed Jules to feel the inner injury.

"No." Cassandra's answer was firm and resolute and Jules found herself breathing out a sigh of relief. "But it was pretty bad."

Jules shuffled closer to her sister who was staring into the distance. Cass was away somewhere else reliving God knows whatever hell she had been through. As bad as this was it seemed that her sister was starting to deal with it. She didn't seem as closed off as she had the last time something like this had happened, there was a security in herself and Jules knew that was the difference. John Sheppard must have worked some wonders on her sister. Cass set her mug down along side Jules before rubbing her hands over her exhausted features.

"I'm sorry." she muttered, wrapping her arms around herself. "I didn't want to tell you, you don't need to deal with this."

"Your an idiot." Jules informed her sister, her arm snaking around Cass's shoulders and drawing her even closer.

Cass's head came to rest on her shoulder as she snuggled into her sister's embrace the same way she had when they were children. The gesture was so familiar that Cass found her chest aching from the bubbles of emotion that broke upon the surface. Her body began to quake and quiver and Jules held on even tighter, her cheek coming to rest upon her sister's head.

"I'm sorry." Cass wheezed, shutting her eyes tightly as her eyes burned and stung. "I'm just so happy to be here."

"I know." Jules uttered into her sister's hair, meaning every word she said. "I'm glad your here too."

* * *

><p>It was late when Mike got back with the kids, nine o'clock was past their bedtime and Annabel was already asleep cradled in his arms as Nicky used his dad's set of keys to open the front door. The young boy seemed to like this new sense of responsibility. The time that Mike had spent away had seemed to make his son grow up and Mike felt like that was on him. He wanted his children to remain as happy and innocent for as long as possible. He wasn't sure if he would ever be ready for the day they grew up, in his eyes they would always be his kids.<p>

Jules was nowhere to be seen by the time they stepped into the living room but Mike spied the two mugs on the coffee table. One was the usual one his wife used and the other they reserved for Cass. His sister in law's duffel bag was propped up against the side of the couch. There was no sign of her husband's stuff which seemed unusual to him but then again John Sheppard did work for the military maybe they hadn't been able to get time off together. Yet Mike had a bad feeling about this.

John Sheppard was the type of man that would follow his wife to the ends of the Earth, he was dedicated to her in the same way that Mike was to Jules. He knew that the separation was not something the other man would take easily.

It made him think that something was going on with Cassandra, the hairs were prickling up on the back of his neck the same way they had the day she had turned up at their door all those years ago. He cared for Cass like she was his own sister. When their parents had died Jules had become Cass's guardian and the two of them had welcomed her into their home. They hadn't been married then, he had just been made Junior Executive at twenty five and Jules had just secured a job in a teaching position helping children with special needs.

Both Jules and an seventeen year old Cass had spent the night snuggled up together in their bed. The two of them had fallen a sleep clutching each other's hands like little girls. He hadn't minded, the two of them had always been close and he knew Jules and Cass were a package deal. After that they had given Cass her own room, she had lived with them during medical school and her fellowship at the nearby hospital.

After Cass had joined the army as a field medic the house had been lonely and empty. Mike had mourned Cass's leaving the same way that Jules was. He had grown used to her and she had become the sister that he had never had. Not long after they had discovered that Jules was pregnant with Nicky and the rest was history.

"Come on bud," Mike jerked his head towards the stairs. "It's time the two of you went to bed."

Nicky didn't even protest. The little boy was dragging his feet as he slowly made his way up the stairs and towards the bathroom in order to brush his teeth and wash his face. Mike followed him, detouring by Annabel's room instead and gently setting his daughter down on the bed.

"Baby." Mike murmured smoothing the dark hair away from his daughter's features. "Come on baby we need to get you changed."

It took a while to rouse Annabel and get her into her pyjamas, his groggy daughter was unhappy to be awakened from such an exhausted sleep. The child had been delighted by the sights and sounds of the zoo where Mike had taken them, both kids had been but all that walking around had exhausted them.

It didn't take long in the end to get them both to sleep, Annabel had fallen back asleep as soon as she was tucked back up in bed. Nicky had already been dozing when he had stepped into his son's room, he had ruffled his dark hair and placed a kiss upon his boy's forehead before closing the door quietly behind him.

Next Mike checked in on his wife and her sister, he found himself leaning in the doorway smiling as he reviewed the two of them huddled together in the centre of their marital bed like children. Jules was curled around Cassandra who was drawn up into the foetal position, cuddling the bed spread to her chest. The two of them looked peaceful like that, he knew before hand it had been a different type of story but Mike was glad they had each other.

Mike crept into the room, retrieving his pyjamas from the open chest of drawers before treading out lightly. He shut the door as silently as he could before retreating to the room they kept for Cassandra and John and climbing under the sheets. He closed his eyes, feeling contented that everybody in his house was tucked up in bed safe and sound.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, yet again I am still very busy at the moment so I am posting as much as I can. Thank all of you for your patience and I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas!<strong>_

_Thorne: I don't blame you for wanting one of your own! I have not watched any of Series Seven yet I just haven't had the chance! I love Dean and Cass though! I would be clinging to John and Ronon in this chapter screaming I am not going!_

_Brn: lol I know, I just want them all to be happy *sob LMAO You know Cass will go berserk if she caught you and John together! _

_Joey: lol I think both Ronon and Hope are devastated that they have to be separated. You know the big man isn't going to take it very well! LMAO! I would be the same as you in that respect, I wouldn't want to leave him!_

_Shippo: Thankies for the review! I wish they didn;t have to leave but that's the way their cookie is crumbling at the current moment!_


	137. Chapter 137: Ohana

Chapter One Hundred and Thirty Seven

_'cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me  
>And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be<br>Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet_

_The Script – The Man Who Can't Be Moved_

Hawaii was still the bright sunny Paradise that Hope had grown up in. She enjoyed the cool breeze on her exotic features as she gazed at the sea crashing against the white sandy shore. It looked refreshing and inviting and she loved the scent of the salt in the air. This place was so natural and she knew Ronon would like the feel of the place. She had noticed over their time together that he seemed to enjoy places that were rich and vibrant with culture, the older the better. She thought if had been given the chance he would be a history buff.

Hope missed him, they had been away from each other for two weeks now and it still ached like hell. She could feel her chest tightening at the prospect of never returning to him. Over the past few days it had really sunk that she was not returning to Atlantis. Her job had been terminated so she was unemployed, she could reapply to the Peace Corps if she wanted, she knew she would be snatched up in an instant but it would be admitting defeat.

Cassandra had told her to cool her heels for a while to enjoy being back at home without any responsibility. Hope had savings so she wasn't drowning in that respect. She could keep her bungalow the same way she had been keeping it in her time away. Even though the place was small, it was bigger than their quarters had been back on Atlantis and Hope found the vast space slightly intimidating. She did not like sleeping alone at night, she found herself starring at the ceiling contemplating what Ronon was up to. She had received a few brief emails from John detailing her mate's exploits.

The emails were humorous and Hope could tell that Ronon had been over John's shoulder telling him what he wanted the other man to write. Ronon could read but he had never learned to write more than a few words. On Sateda he had never needed to. He had grown up outside of the city in one of the agricultural villages. He had only moved into the city to join their militia after the death of his father. Their stories had been passed on by word of mouth and she enjoyed the tradition herself when the two of them stayed out at night looking at the stars or warming their hands by a lit fire.

Hope tilted her head back towards the sun allowing her chestnut hair to fall over her athletic shoulders. She had missed the feel of it on her skin and the sight of her home land. The truth was she missed being on dry land. The floating city was a great place to live and work but being here on Honolulu reminded her what it was like to feel anchored to a solid place.

Kana Kalua had been watching his daughter sitting upon her vibrant red beach towel for a long time now. There was a restlessness to her spirit, he could sense it in the air surrounding her. There was a worldliness to her now, something that she had never had before. It was something that came with experience and Kana had listened to her words carefully as she had described her time in captivity and eventually her rescue. The story had reminded him how strong his daughter was and how stubborn she could be. Her mother had pestered her for more details but Hope had held firm and resolute, she could not tell them the full extent of what had happened to her but Kana could sense that she had been to the other world and back, their ancestors had protected her as was their duty throughout the generations.

Death was not something traditional Hawaiians like himself and his family were afraid of, nothing could break the ties that bound their family together, not even death but that did not stop him worrying for his daughter's safety when she was away. He prayed every night to the ancestors and he knew they heard him, they guarded Hope the same way they protected all of his five children.

Now he prayed that they would sooth her heartbreak with their wisdom and lend her their courage. As much as she tried to hide it his daughter was in a precarious situation, she had taken a lover back where she had been stationed, something that was practically unheard of from Hope. Over the years she had had only two serious boyfriends and Kana had seen straight away that those boys had been unsuited to his daughter's fighting spirit.

Hope needed someone of equal heart, someone who had her strength and perseverance. Kana believed that his daughter had found it while she was away, she smiled more these days even after her painful experience. She had told both himself and his wife about her man with pride in her eyes and with honesty in her soul. Her love for him shone like the brightest stars and Kana couldn't help but grin at the glory of it all. This Ronon had a warrior's soul, Hope had told them and Kana could see that his daughter had discovered her perfect match. He wanted to meet her man and to read into his entity to ensure that his feelings were genuine.

"You've been staring at the sea a long time my daughter." Kana said as he dropped down beside Hope, his gaze straying to the sea.

It was beautiful, he had always thought so. Not once had he left the islands, everything he needed had always been right here. He did not expect the same from this children, by nature they were curious and anxious to explore the world. His four boys had stayed on the islands, one had become a chef, two more were police men and the youngest was a social worker.

Hope was the only one that had ventured further. She was inquisitive by nature, her mind worked over complexities with ease. He had always known she was destined for more, the Peace Corps had been a saving grace after she had been shot in the leg. Being a cop was everything that Hope had ever aspired to be. When she had lost her career, Kana had thought she'd lost her way until she found the Corps. He knew her work was fulfilling, he could see it in her spirit whenever she returned from her adventures.

"I missed this." Hope told her father as she placed her head on his shoulder, the same way she had done as a child. "There was sea where I was stationed but it wasn't like the island. Whenever I come back here it feels peaceful."

"Don't let calm the water fool you." Kana said knowingly as he stared up towards the darkening sky. "There's a storm on the way, these old bones can feel it."

"Your as old as you feel." Hope reminded her father, straightening her spine.

"The family are coming over tonight." Kana told his daughter with a broad. "I know your brothers are dying to see you. Kanoa and your mother are cooking."

Hope liked it when those two got together, it was usually a party on the tongue and you could taste the love in the food in every single bite. She herself wasn't a bad cook but she wasn't anywhere near the same league as those two although her mother had attempted to teach her. Her mother always told her that she didn't have the right sort of tranquillity to be a simple home maker, her hands were made for more than building just her own home.

"So we're holding up in the house until the storm blows over?" Hope queried, peering up at her father through her chestnut bangs.

She reminded Kana of her younger self, the innocent young girl who had never been scared of storms or of much else. His daughter was fearless in all sorts of ways, whereas the boys their fears had been of ghosts, of darkness and in Kanoa's case storms.

"You know your brother likes to be around the family when a storm hits, it takes his mind off things." Kana recounted as he looked out towards the sea as it crashed against the shore line.

The water was becoming more unpredictable and torrid as they spoke, already the wind was picking up and blowing a chill across his bare arms as the material of his blue vest flapped in the wind. It would be an hour before the storm hit at most.

"Come on we need to leave and get back home before the rain comes down otherwise we'll end up like drowned rats." Kana told his daughter as she tilted her head up to the quickly clouding sky.

"Too late." Hope murmured as the first droplets of water fell upon her cheeks like tears.

Kana snatched up Hope's beach towel from the sand as she stood, shaking it out before using it to cover both of their heads as they retreated back to the family home.

* * *

><p>It was late when Hope found herself sitting in front of her brother's laptop, her fingers tapping rhythmically on the keyboard. The small computer was positioned on her lap as she ended up seated upon the couch snuggled between the two largest of her brothers.<p>

Noah and Malie were the cops of the family, Noah worked with Narcotics whilst Mal dealt in death on Homicide. Both of her brothers worked out regularly in order to maintain their own high standard of physical fitness. When they were growing up all of her girl friends had had crushes on either one of her burly brothers, it was still the same now. She could understand why, both had the same almond eyes as Hope had inherited from her mother. Their hair was dark, thick and luscious and they had been blessed with her father's charm and their mother's knowing smile.

Thunder was rolling in he background and already the rain was pouring down in sheets loudly against the glass window panes. The storm was in full swing and her brother Kanoa was in the kitchen concentrating on cooking a wonderful meal with their mother. The smells from the kitchen were heavenly and Hope knew it was simply a matter of time before she was called to the table.

Hope distracted herself by checking her inbox, she'd left her Blackberry in her beach bag and she couldn't be bothered searching through the contents and getting sand everywhere to find it. She was surprised to see she had email and by who it was from.

**FROM: Dex, Ronon**

**TO: Kalua, Hope**

**SUBJECT: You**

_Hope,_

_Just learning how to use this, screen's weird and keys too small for my fingers. Dunno what to say other than miss you. Our bed feels lonely without you, too big and empty. Wanna see you soon. _

_Love you_

_Ronon _

Hope found herself smiling at the sheer effort that went into this email. Ronon was suspicious of computers, he didn't understand them therefore they were something to be weary of. The fact he'd taken the time to type out this email meant something to her. It showed how much he cared about her and how he was trying to overcome the obstacles between them.

Hope clicked on the reply option before beginning her own email to her mate.

_I miss you too..._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and your on the way to an awesome New Year! We've had one of those holidays, my brother was admitted to hospital on Xmas Eve with Appendicitis and had his emergency op on Christmas Day. Thankfully he was out of hosp on Boxing Day so we could give him a second Christmas.<strong>_

_Brn: There's no need to cry (hands box of tissues) I wanted to show the strength between the two of them and how they have come to rely on each other over the years. LMAO You can't claim research! I wouldn't want to get in between them either! Cass has homicidal tendencies when it comes to her man!_

_Joey: lol In my family I am the only sister out of six kids so I get all the boys problems! I am so glad you enjoyed this chapter, I wanted to show the relationship between her and Jules a little more since for a short tiem they've only had each other to rely on._

_Shep: I am glad she found comfort in her sister too. Sadly John has been told to stay on Atlantis by the IOA, with Weir gone he's the only one they trust in charge at the current moment. I agree he's been through hell and needs time to heal but they need Atlantis to be safe at the moment and he's their best bet._


	138. Chapter 138: Seven Shades of Pain

Chapter One Hundred and Thirty Eight

_With all these things that have happened to me  
>I kept them all in<br>Why do you keep on telling me now_

_The Beautiful South – Keep It All In_

John Sheppard couldn't breathe. All the air had rushed out of his lungs at the impact of him being slammed full force onto the floor, his abdomen exploded with agony as John hissed a curse through his clenched teeth. The ceiling of the gym was moving in and out of focus and he tried to blink in order to clear his vision.

"Sheppard?" Ronon's gruff voice was ringing in his ears but John found himself unable to speak against the scream of anguish that he was choking back.

There was fire lancing through his muscles, pressure digging into his organs with the sole intention of ragging them out. John let out a shaky breath trying get control of himself as his hand sought out his wound, feeling for blood. He wondered if he had somehow torn the damn thing open.

"I didn't hit you that hard." Ronan said holding out his hand to help his friend up.

John glowered at Ronon before taking his hand and wincing as the excruciating pain tore through him all over again. His features contorted in agitation as he felt warm flowing from his body. Jesus, he couldn't even blame this on Ronon because Beckett had warned him not to train too hard.

Ronon had been going through the Marines on the base like they were new recruits. Hope's absence had left a gaping hole in his heart and Ronon didn't deal with hurt well. At first John had thought that the other man was just working off a little bit of steam but it had been three weeks now and still Ronon was responding with violence to his missing lover.

Ronon wasn't the only one who was having problems dealing with missing their loved one. John was more used to spending time apart from Cassandra since that was the nature of their jobs but it didn't make it any easier. In fact this time it was even harder for him to let her walk away through the Stargate since his wife was more vulnerable now than she had ever been. He longed to hold her the same way he had the night before she had left, he wanted to hear her laugh as he tickled her and see her smile as she looked down upon him. More than anything he wanted to make sure that she was doing as fine as her emails dictated, it made him fret and John Sheppard was not the type of man to be worrisome and unsure.

"Your bleeding." Ronon stated, his eyebrows furrowing as he studied the vivid red stain spreading rapidly across Sheppard's grey t shirt. "And your pale."

"I'm fine." John dismissed as Ronon helped him to his feet.

His reliance on the other man rankled him immensely although he was grateful that Ronon didn't say anything as John clutched onto him for support. John was glad they'd been sparring alone otherwise he knew this would be gossip for the entire city. He couldn't look weak, not when they were in such a precarious position.

Their chain of command was wobbly at best with Weir's departure and as good as he was at holding people together he knew it was his strength that was his most precious asset. People on the base saw him as fearless and when if he faltered the whole damn house of cards would crash down. He had earned his respect by going up against the odds and showing no weakness and he could not change that now.

"I can walk." John wheezed clutching at his side trying to stem the bleeding and the pain.

Ronon didn't change his pace or the position of his arm supporting Sheppard around the waist, he practically dragged his friend the extra few feet towards the Teleporter. Sheppard didn't protest anymore. As much as he hated to admit it he needed help and Ronon had the strength to help him. Ronon would never use this against him and that was important, he was the only one that Sheppard trusted with this vulnerable side of himself.

"Shoulda told me to go easy on you." Ronon informed the other man in the silence of the confined space. "Didn't think it was that bad."

That irked John more than he could say. Before he had had gotten shot, going easy wouldn't have been an option but now it was the only pace he could live at. He couldn't run at his usual distance or speed, there wasn't a chance in hell he could match Ronon so he trained alone in the dead of night whilst everybody else was asleep. It burned off the extra frustration that was churning up inside of him, without Cass he was anxious and uneasy. He wanted her back in his bed where he would kiss away her nightmares and sooth her troubled psyche.

"Your not the only one that needed to blow off a little steam." John stated grumpily as he thought back to his empty bed. "You think it's easy for me sleeping alone and wondering if Cass is doing ok or whether she's just pretending?"

It wasn't easy, Ronon knew that. He watched Sheppard enough to know the other man was off his game, part of that was due to his physical injury and the rest, he guessed was due to the emotional issues surrounding his death. Things like that changed a man, it could make you or it could break you. Ronon couldn't help but think that Cass's leaving didn't help the circumstances. Sheppard needed his own support network and although Teyla had stepped up to help him out in every way that she could, it wasn't the same as having your mate nearby.

"Never met anyone as strong as Cass." Ronon reassured his friend knowingly."She'll make it. You both will."

Hearing that made a difference to John. Ronon wasn't one for lying for the sake of saving someone's feelings, he spoke the truth on every level. His bluntness was one of the reasons he liked the other man so much.

"You need to stop beating the crap out of the Marines." John stated, changing the subject to the other issue that needed addressing. "And don't say they need the humility because we both know this is about the fact your not dealing with Hope leaving."

"Miss her." Ronon conceded before adding. "Makes me mad."

"I think it makes you frustrated." John informed the other man as his hulking friend practically dragged him towards the infirmary. "You don't know how to cope with it so your hitting everything in sight."

"So?" Ronon countered.

"So I need those Marines in the field and you need to learn that you can't let those emotions control you. It's ok to miss her but it is not right to take it out on other people." John explained as patiently as he could.

"So what am I supposed to do?" Ronon asked Sheppard pointedly.

"Since your favourite things are fighting, firing and since you met Hope the other f word..." John trailed off trying to think of a constructive hobby that would capture Ronon's interest. "You heard of surfing?"

"No." Ronon said flatly as the doors to the Infirmary opened revealing Doctor Carson Beckett standing before the two men, his hands on his hips and his dark eyebrows furrowing in irritation.

"What did I tell the two of you about sparring?" he questioned without waiting for an answer. "Your the third person I've had in today Colonel Sheppard and Ronon, you need to get a grasp on that temper of yours."

"I caught him in the side, think his wound's opened up." Ronon stated, ignoring the agitated tone of Carson's voice.

Carson sighed before patting the treatment table signalling for John to climb onto it. He pulled the curtain around to shield him from prying eyes as Ronon helped John up onto the device. He was already hissing with agony as the pain riled up against the movements he was making.

"You don't have to stick around." John told Ronon as he found himself staring at the ceiling once more.

"Need to check out my handy work buddy." Ronon said, folding his arms over his chest as he took up position beside Sheppard's head like some form of guardian angel.

"The two of you continue like this and I'm going to have to tell your respective partners." Carson tutted as he set to work peeling up John Sheppard's bloody T-shirt. "I think you'll find them less amused than I am about your turbulent behaviour."

Ronon snorted at the threat, his nostrils flaring at Carson's suggestion as his vivid blue eyes flashed up towards the hulking Satedan.

"You don't think I will son?" Carson challenged the other man, his expression deadly serious.

"Don't push him Ronon. Cassandra gave me hell when he emailed her about the last time this happened. Hope will be exactly the same if she finds out your injuring the Marines." John warned, flinching as Carson began to clean away the blood that was drying near his navel.

Ronon grunted something unintelligible in response to Sheppard's words but already the cogs in his mind were turning. If Beckett told Hope, she would worry he wasn't coping and he didn't want her to worry, he wanted her to be happy. That meant he had to find another outlet for all this excess energy that was bouncing around his body.

"So..." Ronon began hesitantly. "Tell me about surfing."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! We have just made over 600 reviews so it's time for an Atlantis party! <strong>_

_Brn: LMAO you know it's love when Ronon emails! Poor dude has a thing about technology in my fic and he's unsure of it. _

_Joey: lol it was a true pleasure writing Hope's family. They sort of developed themselves in their own little ways. I thought Ronon would try and make the extra effort esp since he is missing her so much. I knew Hope would appreciate the contact from her lover so I am thrilled for the two of them. My bro is doing well. He came out of hospital on Boxing Day and has been recovering really well over the past few days. He got a NERF gun for Xmas so he's been shooting me with it and I can't retaliate because he screams surgery at me. _

_Thorne: Not a prob on reviewing the last chapter, I know how busy life gets esp during the hols. I really enjoyed writing the Mike bit, I could see them as children just hugging up to each other. Let's hope that Ronon and Hope manage to make it through this separation._

_Shippo: I always wanna give Ronon a huge hug, esp when he's going through something troubling or traumatic. I a glad you liked it._


	139. Chapter 139: It Is What It Is

Chapter One Hundred and Thirty Nine

_Too long we've been denying  
>Now we're both tired of trying<br>We hit a wall and we can't get over it  
>Nothing to relive<br>It's water under the bridge  
>You said it, I get it<br>I guess it is what it is_

_Lifehouse – It Is What It Is_

"_Don't move." Ronon breathed into his mate's ear as his fingertips entwined with her slender digits pinning Hope's wrists to the mattress above her head. _

_His nose trailed down the curve of his lover's throat following the path left by his molten hot mouth as he showered her luscious skin with kisses. She tasted so good underneath his tongue, she was like the sweetest fruit that he had ever tasted and his craved her in the most sexual of ways. _

_The two of them were naked, their flesh slick with perspiration as they lay tangled up in the fresh, cool sheets. His impressive cock was inside of her, his entire length pressed against that delicious sweet spot driving Hope further into delirium. His hips were pressing against hers as she strained for release, tiny little whimpers keening from her throat. _

_This was about Hope, about driving her insane with the pleasure he gave her and making sure she had no reason to look elsewhere for male company. She was completely under his control and Ronon enjoyed playing this dirty little game with his mate. She was his and this was just another way of showing her. He could never deny her anything for too long, already he was straining, trying to stave off his orgasm and prolong the pleasure for his lover._

_This was the most blissful of tortures, he knew his woman had thought that she was beginning to learn all of his tricks but in reality Ronon Dex hadn't even started showing his skills yet. Her inner muscles were already clenching around his dick as he held Hope right on the cusp. Her breathing was hitched and ragged, her olive skin was glossy as her head tipped back into the pillow at the height of ecstasy. _

"_Look at me." Ronon demanded in that rough gravelly voice. "I want to stare into your eyes while I make you come."_

_Hope gasped, that explosive tingling sensation pulsing through her entire body as her almond eyes fixated upon Ronon's jade gaze. His expression was full of tenderness, his eyes blazing with eroticism as he began to move in slow sensual movements. The pleasure was intense and not once did Hope look away from his brilliant stare. _

_She was gorgeous, Ronon thought. Immeasurably perfect._

_The moment she climaxed was the moment Ronon Dex fell even more in love with her. There was such a strong connection between the two of them and her euphoria was burning through him like nothing he had ever felt before. He had never experienced anything as gratifying as making this woman his own and the knowledge of that sent him careening over the edge in a haze of elation._

Ronon placed his forehead against the cool shower wall, his nostrils flaring in frustration as he remembered the last time he had made love to Hope. His domineering side had come into play and he found himself lost in her all over again. He missed that feeling, the contentment that she created could not be replaced and he felt sad without it.

The stinging hot water was raining down on his skin like needles as he stood under the spray of the shower allowing the heat to sooth over the bruises that were coming out all over his bronze skin. Some of the Marines had gotten some good hits in before he had taken them down and finally after a month of scrapping with the young soldiers John Sheppard had had enough.

The other man was still nursing his injury, he had been commanded by Beckett to take it easy and Ronon felt bad for putting Sheppard in a position he knew that he too would have despised. After that Sheppard had become surly and grumpy. After the last Marine had been sent to the Infirmary with a broken nose he had made it clear that the brig would become Ronon's new home if he didn't cease and desist.

Ronon hadn't even bothered to challenge the decision, the rational human side of him could see Sheppard's point but it infuriated the beast inside of him. He knew he was teetering somewhere on the boundaries of out of control and now without an outlet he was forced to do the thing that he was spending all of his time struggling so valiantly to avoid.

It was time for Ronon Dex to face his feelings.

It was a struggle, more of one than he had ever realized. He was used to acting upon his impulses and thinking about it later. That was what running from the Wraith had taught him and somehow those instincts had helped him to stay alive over the seven years he had been a Runner. He's spent so long surviving that way that he had forgotten what it was like to be a real human being. It was a behaviour he would have to learn all over again if he wanted to stop the incredible rage that was building up inside at the unfairness of this situation.

There were decisions to be made, ones that Ronon could not quite wrap his head around. He couldn't go on like this, he knew that well enough. He missed Hope furiously but he still had a duty to this solar system. He wouldn't be able to leave the Pegasus galaxy until every last Wraith was dead, his pride simply would not allow it and he knew that on a very basic level Hope understood that. She had seen the damage of what they could do and counselled the survivors of their attacks. She never said it but Ronon was acutely aware that those words haunted her soul in the same way that his own endurance had ravaged his.

Yet he wanted to be with his mate so badly that he thought it was tearing him apart inside to be separated from her. He would move to Earth and set up roots there in an instant if his nature bade him but the truth was it didn't. No matter how much he loved her, he wouldn't be the same man if he released his hatred of the Wraith. He would go insane wondering what was going on outside the boundaries of that small planet and he knew that Hope would sense his restlessness which in turn would make her unhappy.

Ronon had concluded that this was the only way forward for the two of them. He got five weeks of leave a year which meant he would get to see Hope for a grand total of thirty five days out of three hundred and sixty four. He did not like that calculation, it wasn't enough for him. So the two of them were screwed.

_Absence made the heart grow fonder,_ Hope had said to him before she had left.

_No,_ Ronon thought bitterly. _Absence just pisses me off._

It made him wonder where that left the two of them. They were stuck between a rock and a hard place and it made Ronon consider whether it would be kinder to simply cut off all ties and let Hope go. It would scar him deep down inside to wrench himself away from his lover. His heart, body and soul wanted her in every meaning of the word. Leaving his mate was going against nature and his animistic side was rebelling frantically against him. He had lost too much already.

Ronon switched off the shower before stepping into the cool air and grasping the nearest towel and patting himself dry before he put on his clothes. It depressed him thinking like this, Hope and him were the kind of people that could go the distance given the right set of circumstances, the only problem was it appeared that the whole galaxy was conspiring against them. He could feel his mate's sadness as it trickled over their connection. She missed him, he could feel it in his bones and it devastated Ronon that he couldn't reach out and strip those feelings away. He had never meant to fall in love and take on the responsibility of another person but he was holding Hope's precious heart in his hands and the only right thing to do was to hand it back to her no matter how much it would shatter his own.

John's laptop was glowing when he entered his bedroom. The other man had lent it to him so that he could email his mate whenever he needed to. His inbox was already open displaying his lover's latest email. In it she was detailing all sorts of interesting things about her home land, Ronon liked reading about what was happening in her life and he took solace in the fact her family seemed as loving and supportive as he had always imagined they must be. They would take care of her.

Ronon found himself dropping down into the seat in front of his desk, his large fingers already beginning to type out the most heart wrenching thing had had ever had to write.

_Hope,_ he began. _This isn't working..._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Sorry for the delay guys but it has been insane over the past few days. Apparently there's no rest for the wicked in my case. We are doing Valentine's Day set up already!<strong>_

_Brn: I am so glad you enjoyed it. I wanted to show how the two boys are dealing with their loses in two very separate ways. Ronon just likes hitting things to vent his frustration and that's what I kind of like about the Satedan. LMAO I could imagine Ronon just doing F words!_

_Shippo: I am glad you enjoyed this chapter. I well thought Ronon needed a distraction from everything that was going on._


	140. Chapter 140: Love's The Greatest Stealer

Chapter One Hundred and Forty

_Look I'm sorry that I hurt you  
>You look a million dollars and a dime<br>Time's the greatest healer  
>But love's the greatest stealer of all time<em>

_The Beautiful South – How Long's A Tear Take To Dry?_

_He's left me..._

Those were the first three words that Cassandra Sheppard was able to comprehend when she received the phone call on her cell at six fifteen in the morning. She had placed the purple Blackberry to charge upon her nightstand the night before and as usual forgotten to turn it to silent. The next thing she knew she was being dragged out of the first deep, comfortable sleep she'd had in two months by the chiming of her ringtone. Her hand had shot out of the covers, groping for the offending item before she had hit the 'talk' button.

Nobody rang at six in the morning, not unless it was an emergency and from the state Hope was in on the opposite end of the line this was clearly an injury of epic proportions. Her friend wasn't the type of girl to break down over something ridiculous and when the words had rushed out of her mouth Cassandra had found herself struggling to believe them.

Ronon Dex loved Hope, everyone could see that. It was in the way he looked at her so tenderly and the deep husky tone he used when he spoke to her. The man doted on her completely so Hope's words were simply not adding up. Her sleep logged brain stumbled over the details as Hope told her how she had been getting up to go surfing and decided to check her email. The rest was history.

Hope was crying now, Cass could feel her pain lancing through her own heart like a knife. She couldn't imagine how distraught the other woman must feel, the thought of John leaving her made her feel sick to the stomach and her eyes burn. She wondered what he knew about this new turn of events, his emails had been brief recently which she guessed was more due to his responsibilities than to anything else. She didn't want to bother him with this but she was acutely aware that sometimes Ronon and herself were more alike than she cared to admit when it came to their feelings. They would do anything to protect their loved ones from heartache and pain.

Hope had prevented her from making a terrible mistake before her return to Earth. Cass had been ready to give up on her marriage because she thought that her husband deserved better than the broken, ruined woman that she had become. She thought Ronon was going through something similar, maybe he thought a long distance relationship between Hope and himself wouldn't work so he was trying to spare her the heartache.

It was harder for Ronon and Hope than it was for her and John. Ronon came from a completely separate universe and a whole host of responsibilities that kept him rooted to that place, his life and his home were there whilst Hope had a family here on Earth, one that she could never leave on a permanent basis. Atlantis was their middle ground and their compromise so to speak.

"It's tearing me up inside." Hope said quietly. "I can feel how much this is hurting him, how awful he feels but he's blocking me out."

"It happened to me." Cass reminded Hope. "I thought John was better off. Ronon must feel the same way."

"I don't understand that." Hope uttered her, sounding completely drained. "We're the people that are supposed to help you."

"It's a coping mechanism, you don't want to burden the people around you." Cass responded, altering her pillows so she was sitting comfortably in bed. "Ronon has abandonment issues, every time he finds something of his own, it's snatched away from him and the IOA terminating your job is just another example of that."

"It doesn't have to be like this." Hope said with sigh. "We can survive this."

"A relationship like yours shouldn't be about endurance." Cass replied sadly as she put the puzzle pieces into place. "It deserves more."

"Have you spoken to Ronon?" Hope asked her friend quietly, thinking Cassandra sounded far too knowing about this situation.

"No." Cass assured the other woman. "I just get what's like to be on the other side of the coin."

Hope was satisfied with that response. She knew that Cassandra and Ronon had a close connection. It went beyond friendship. Their bond was deep, as close as any two people could be in an platonic fashion. She had once wondered about the two of them, Ronon talked about Cass as much as he talked about Sheppard and when she had asked him if they had ever had a 'moment' her mate had chuckled at the prospect. Cass had never and would never be his type, they didn't have the same mindset nor the same capacity for other people. Cassandra helped him to rationalise his emotions instead of acting upon them.

"What do I do about this?" Hope sighed, raking her hands through her chestnut coloured hair.

Cassandra bit her lower lip as she shook her head trying to consider the best approach. The problem was Ronon was a million miles away and the two of them were stuck here on Earth. The only way to contact him was through email and according to Hope, Ronon had gotten McKay to deactivate his account. There was another way to get to Ronon, a sneaky way and it would be an unfair card to play...

"Leave it to me." Cass said, reaching down to the side of her bed and grabbing her laptop.

"I've gotta go." Hope sighed at the knocking on her front door. "My brother Mal's here, he's wants to hit the waves before the tourists come to life."

"Is Mal the Narcotics one or the Homicide one?" Cass asked conversationally.

"The Homicide one..." there was the sound of a deep, gruff voice in the background and then Hope tutting. "She is cute and no she is not single. She comes to visit and you are leaving her well alone."

Cass laughed out loud at the one sided conversation before signing off from the phone call and replacing her cell on her nightstand. The netbook came to life at the push of a button revealing Cassandra's Inbox and an already open email from her husband. She hit the reply button before getting ready to type out a new email.

**FROM: Sheppard, Cassandra**

**TO: Sheppard, John**

**SUBJECT: Ronon**

_Hey John,_

_Sorry to bother you when I know you must be busy as hell right now. I'm not one for sticking my nose into things but I have to ask this. Do you have any idea what the hell is going on with Ronon? I just had a phone call from Hope, apparently Ronon has sent her an email breaking off the relationship. Has something happened? Has he mentioned something to you? More importantly is he ok? _

_I know that no matter what happens you'll take care of him and maybe help him straighten this mess out. I know what it's like to be in that place, to feel like there's no way you can rely on anyone you love for the fear of burdening them. You and Hope managed to convince me that I wasn't alone and not to give up on our marriage, I think you can do the same for him. He's so alone and it doesn't have to be that way, nobody should go through life like that._

_I hope your doing ok and that being the Commander isn't running you ragged. Try and relax a little John, it won't be long now before Colonel Carter gets there and we can be together again._

_All my love _

_Cassie_

_x_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, sorry it's been a little long. Work is running me ragged at the moment but thank you all so much for your continued support with this story!<strong>_

_Thorne: By now you should have realised I am the type of writer that can do anything Mwhahahahaha. I do love Ronon and Hope but who knows what will happen to them in the long run. _

_Brn:lol I love the conflicting emotions you have, your clearly torn between slapping the hell out of me and clapping. I think we all know that life can't run as smoothly as you want sometimes and things just hit you out the blue, I really wanted to hug Hope in this chapter._

_Shippo: I wanted to show how hard it is for him to trust people and to let go of her. He loves her so much he thinks he's doing the best for them._


	141. Chapter 141: Self Destruct

Chapter One Hundred and Forty One

_But if there's a pill to help me forget,  
>God knows I haven't found it yet<br>But I'm dying to, God I'm trying to_

'Cause trying not to love you, only goes so far  
>Trying not to need you, is tearing me apart<br>Can't see the silver lining, from down here on the floor  
>And I just keep on trying, but I don't know what for<p>

_Nickleback – Trying Not To Love You_

The tavern was the same as every other one of it's kind that Ronon had frequented over the years. Off world the whiskey, as Sheppard called it was little more than moonshine. It burned on the way down, igniting Ronon's throat and warming his stomach with it's amber fire. Back before the Wraith attack on Sateda, he had drank himself stupid with his team mates when their was occasion for it.

There had been so many victories to celebrate and so many losses to mourn, now he was drowning his own sorrows.

The past few days he had found himself stranded in an abyss of darkness and it reminded him of the seven years he had spent on the run from the Wraith. There was nothing in his soul but a crushing numbness and it killed him deep inside. There wasn't anything left for him any more, Hope was long gone. Their connection was a ruined thread, fraying and twisting. He had thought that something like this would snap it but it was more resilient than that.

Ronon could feel every inch of the agony that his mate was experiencing and it doomed him to endless nights of sadness. He would lie awake at night, staring at the ceiling, his heart literally ripping apart at the thought of spending the rest of his days alone.

The halls of Atlantis felt claustrophobic and oppressive. Although Hope hadn't been on the base very long her spectre seemed to haunt the halls. It had been their home for a short period of time, the place where he had fallen completely in love with his mate and given himself over to her, now it was just a sickly reminder of something that Ronon could never have. He had gotten restless and stir crazy on the floating city and had asked Sheppard for some time to occupy himself off world while everything was quiet.

The Satedans that had managed to escape the Wraith attack had been considering forming a colony on another more habitable planet and although he knew none of them he thought it may bring him some peace to be around his own people. He'd gotten as far as the tavern before that had ended. The good thing about Satedans was that you never ended up drinking alone. He'd ran into a crew of mercenaries he had commanded during his time on Sateda and now they were all sitting around the table boasting about their Wraith kills as they clanged their tankards together.

It had been a welcome relief to see that his friends had escaped the Wraith attack that he had thought had claimed their lives. They had told him how they had gotten out of the complex they had been attacking through a network of tunnels etched deep into the hillside. Ronon had barely survived the battle himself, he had spent a long time in hospital after he had managed to fall through the Stargate, coincidently that had been how he met Melena.

Tyre was the small slender warrior of the group, Ronon knew that the other man had lightning quick reflexes and he had been part of Sateda's Honour Guard before he had transferred to the militia. He had been the one with the contacts, the tactical member of the group. Tyre was how they got their intell, he had been leading their group since their escape from the tunnels.

Rakai was still tall and muscle bound, he was larger than Ronon remembered but nowhere near his height and size. He could tell the other man was still hot headed and nothing had stemmed that red blooded interest he had in women, his eyes had never left the bartender's daughter as she strolled around the room.

Tyre and Rakai were seated across from him, grinning like fools as toasted yet another successful mission. The tales they had told him were incredible and reminded him of simpler times when there were no feelings to complicate things only killing of the Wraith. The happiness at being with these people made him beam, these were his team mates and he couldn't help but consider the possibility that he was being given a second chance with them. As one chapter of his life closed another one was opening. Maybe he was meant to help protect and rebuild a new Sateda.

Ara was leaning into him again, so close he could smell the scent of the forest that clung to her skin. Her long dark hair was tied back in a practical manner and she still looked as good as she always did clad in her make shift uniform. All the way through their time here, their bodies had been brushing and she had been looking up at him with those inviting moss coloured eyes. They had been lovers once upon a time, after the heat of battle the two of them would fuck like animals. Ara was wild and untamed, their coupling had been almost violent every time, leaving scratches, bite marks and bruises.

She was nothing like Hope. There was no softness to his ex lover, no laughter in her eyes and her smile never made him feel warm inside. She was exactly the same as she had been back then, the same thing he wanted to be now. He wanted to silence the emotions that were racing through his mind. He wanted to forget about Hope, about her beautiful almond eyes and her sweet soft lips.

When Ronon looked at Ara he saw the man he used to be, fearsome, strong and courageous. He could be that man again he thought, the answer was starring him straight in the face. He could leave Atlantis and move around from planet to planet with his own team once more taking out the Wraith. Their numbers had dwindled since they had first engaged in their battles, they needed him to take care of them just like they always had.

"So what's after this?" Ronon asked the group, feeling the drink beginning to take it's effect.

"We like it here. We're thinking of staying on a few more days." Tyre responded, using the jug to pour more mead into his tankard. "That's one of the nice things about not being tied down. You go where you want, and you leave when you're not wanted."

There was meaning behind his words and when his hooded dark eyes rose up to meet Ronon's he could tell the other man could sense his unhappiness. His friends knew about his sense of displacement, they had known him for far too long and he was far too drunk to hide behind his blank mask. These were his people, he didn't need to.

They knew about Atlantis and how the residents there had taken him in. He was known throughout the galaxy for apparently being seven feet tall with the strength of ten men. Ronon had told them that people liked to exaggerate but secretly he was pleased with hearing his own living legend. Tyre had put two and two together and here they were discussing the doubts that even he hadn't known he'd had.

"You're their ally. Their guest. Me, Rakai, Ara, we're your friends. I don't doubt they're good people, They helped you out when you needed it, and from what I hear, they've done more to hurt the Wraith than anyone. You've got to respect that. But it doesn't mean you've got to commit to them. The way I see it, now that we're back together…you belong with us." Tyre stated flatly as he poured more of the mead into Ronon's tankard.

What Tyre was saying made a sort of sense to Ronon. He had always considered Sheppard his friend but it hadn't started out that way, Sheppard had loved the idea of having him on his team because of what he could offer. They're relationship was mutually beneficial, they had the same goal to defeat the Wraith and that's what had forced his decision to stay there. Now that he had found his people once more that could change. He could come back and live amongst them and run ops with these guys once more, the way they had back on their home world.

Ronon found he liked that idea a lot. It was uncomplicated and easy. His jade eyes flickered to Ara as she rested her chin upon her palm, nodding in agreement to Tyre's words. Her eyes raising towards him gauging his interest as her hand squeezed his knee under the table. Ronon found his jade eyes upon her, reviewing her sharp features with renewed interest as her hand began to climb higher up his thigh. There was no inclination to stop her, the alcohol he had consumed tonight made his head spin and his inhibitions slip. There was nothing waiting for him on Atlantis and he was a free man, he could do as he pleased.

"We should be getting ourselves to bed." Tyre said raising to his feet and gesturing for Rakai to follow suit.

His dark eyes flickered between Ronon and Ara knowingly as that familiar smile crept across his lips. It had been no secret in the past that the two of them had been fucking and that Tyre acknowledged it made Ronon feel almost nostalgic. There was no judgement here, the same way there never had been with his fellow Satedans. If Sheppard was here, he would be going ballistic at the notion of Ronon with another woman.

Already things were moving faster than he had ever anticipated. The drink made him slow when it came to thinking and he was swiftly losing control. Ara was on his lap, her thighs straddling his hips in the chair as she kissed him like a woman possessed. She tasted of whiskey, her lips rough and bruising as she stifled his mouth with her own, her tongue plundering him. The chemistry was mounting in his veins, he needed something simple to get Hope out of his head, something to numb the pain.

"Room now." He declared, his eyes glowering with something animistic as he managed to tear himself away for just a second.

All he wanted right now was to grab Ara and fuck the feelings he had for his mate right out of himself. He was not this weak man, he was a warrior and he would damn well prove it. He would the tear the clothes right off this woman and screw her anyway he wanted.

"RONON!" His name echoed throughout the room like a gunshot.

He twisted his head towards the sound of his name seeing Teyla standing beside him, a look of fury painted upon her usually placid features. Ara growled at the other woman, baring her teeth like a lioness as she draped herself over Ronon possessively. Teyla's eyes widened at the threat, Ronon could see the pupils darkening as she reviewed them and he knew that he was in for a world of trouble.

Lorne was lingering behind the Athosian, his lips pursed grimly together in distaste at the sight before him. He had liked Hope and Ronon together, they were an interesting couple and Hope was a sweet woman giving time to anyone she thought needed it. She was the first person he had showed his paintings to, the only person on Atlantis he had ever revealed his secret to.

Ronon gestured for Ara to climb off of him much to her disgust before adjusting himself accordingly and raising to his feet so he lumbered over Teyla, his face and voice devoid of emotion.

"Your needed back on Atlantis." Teyla told him frankly, her eyes boring into his. "Colonel Sheppard needs to speak with you."

"Good, because I have a few things I need to get off my chest." he growled pushing past Teyla and barging Lorne with his shoulder as he exited the tavern.

Teyla sighed, her eyes meeting Lorne's as he shook his head at the turn of events. This did not bode well for any of them.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! I hope your all having such a wonderful day!<strong>_

_Thorne: lol I maybe the cruel kinda writer. Who knows? I think Ronon's certainly feeling the brunt of things! After this I think I just wanna hug Hope too!_

_Brn: I imagined Ronon being firm and pig headed about this, it's just the kind of person he is I think. He's not great when it comes to dealing with his emotions. I thought these would be issues that he would need to deal with and the RL side of things kind of gives an edge that we don't see very often. _

_Joey: Thank you very much for taking the time to leave so many reviews! I sincerely appreciate it! I'm sorry to hear about you knee. I hope that you feel better soon! I wish that Ronon could find away around this too! Well I think your onto something there, maybe Sheppard's already onto getting a counsellor. Hope doesn't want to be set free at all, she just wants to dig her heels in and stay. I imagine Ronon may get a slap after this chapter!_


	142. Chapter 142: Under A Starry Sky

Chapter One Hundred and Forty Two

_Cause these are the days worth living  
>These are the years we're given<br>And these are the moments  
>These are the times<br>Let's make the best out of our lives..._

_The Calling – Our Lives_

The night was cold, Cass could feel the chill of the breeze in the air as she tilted her head up towards the sky, her arms wrapped around her body as she huddled in the warm, thick, charcoal coloured cardigan. The stars were twinkling down at her as she found herself smiling at the sense of peace that descended on her.

It was strange that she should feel that serenity but she didn't question it, it was moments like this that she felt close to her husband even at the distance that stretched between them. It had been two months now since she had looked upon his handsome features and she missed him more furiously each and every single day.

She wondered if he was looking upon the same sky right now, thinking about her in the same manner. Today was a special day for him and sadly the two of them couldn't be together. She knew what John thought about his birthday, he played it off like it wasn't happening, like it was just a normal day. It would go unmarked the way it did every year because that's the way he wanted it. Since they had been together John had had three birthdays and they had celebrated each one in private, intimate ways.

The first had been days before their wedding on the beach, she had placed one of the Love Heart candies inside of a small box that had used to contain her earrings. John had opened it with bated breath, that boyish grin spreading across his handsome features as he read the words out loud.

"Love you."

It was simple but John had appreciated the understated gesture more than he could say. His hazel eyes had shone that night with contentment as she stripped off his clothing piece by piece.

The second had been several days after their Earth wedding during their honeymoon period. It had involved a bottle of chilled Moet being licked off of her husband's naked muscular form.

The third had included one of John's most intimate fantasies. He wasn't an exhibitionist but the possibility of getting caught was a huge turn on for her husband. So last year she had decided to make it come true. She had shown up to his office in a midnight blue wrap around dress and perched upon it as he scribbled his signature on the remaining reports. She had climbed into his lap and whispered against his lips that he had to keep quiet in case anyone came by. John's papers had ended up flung on the floor along with everything else that had been on his desk. They had made love on the surface of John's polished desk, it had been exhilarating knowing how risky it was.

This year since the two of them couldn't be together Cassandra had another idea. Not long ago Patrick Sheppard had managed to rescue the vinyls that John had collected through his teenage years and his early twenties. There had been a flood in the garage and the vinyls were thankfully untouched by the water that had ruined such a vast amount of both David and John's childhood.

John would have received them a few weeks ago when the Daedalus had made it's return trip to Atlantis. The only problem was that the record player that John had used was ruined so Cass had put all her spare time into tracking one down at the antique fairs in Boston. Thankfully a dealer had called her back earlier this morning saying he'd managed to locate one. Cass was going to pick it up tomorrow with Patrick, he was an excellent judge when it came to stuff like this.

Jules and Mike had made Patrick an honorary member of their family while Cass and John were away. They invited him to dinner every Sunday and in the summer he had taken the kids on horse rides through his property. Their family had been bonding in their absence and Cass was glad that Patrick wasn't spending too much time alone any more. He had been isolated for such a long time before John and him had made up.

Even though John had remained on Atlantis, Patrick still engaged her as one of his own. He had never had a daughter, he had told her on one of her visits to his home, but he had always wanted one. They had spent long periods of time together over the past two months, Cass understood she was the only connection she had to his son while he was away. She told Patrick stories of her husband's antics, enough to make him laugh but not enough to reveal the truth behind his location. Patrick seemed to enjoy the segments, Cass was showing her father in law the man that his son had become.

"Aunt Cassie..." Annabel's curious voice chimed from behind Cassandra. "Mommy says it's time to say goodnight."

Cass glanced at her niece over her shoulder, a warm smile crossing over her tired features.

"I'll be up in a sec Annie." Cassandra answered before she turned her head staring back up at the sky.

"Are you missing Uncle John?" Annie asked her aunt as she stepped up to the edge of the decking squinting up at the stars.

"I miss him as much as I miss you guys when we're away." Cass uttered to her niece as she dropped down into a sitting position on the stairs of the deck.

"It makes me sad when you go away." Annie told her frankly as she crept up next to her aunt immediately seeking out the comfort of her adult form.

Cassandra gathered the little girl up in her arms so that Annie was sitting on the same step that she was, her back pressed against Cassandra's chest. Cass wrapped the oversized cardigan around the two of them to keep them warm as they both angled their heads up towards the sky.

"You know when I'm away and I look up at that sky I think about you and Nicky and your mom and dad and how happy I'll be when I see you again." Cass said, kissing the back of her niece's head as she hugged her close.

"I want you to stay and I want John to come home." Annie pouted, squirming in discontentment.

Cassandra was silent for a moment. She understood her niece's plight, everything in a child's world was black and white. Annie hadn't learned that life was often fraught with shades of grey.

"We can't always get what we want Annabel, sometimes there are needs greater than our own." Cass found herself saying almost stoically as she contemplated her own decisions over the past three years.

Annie tucked herself up even closer into her aunt's protective form. Cass cradled her niece even closer burying her face in her beautiful dark hair and closing her eyes. The decision had already been made to return to Atlantis, it had been a tough one to make since so much had happened but it was the right one. She couldn't blame the city for what had happened to her, the memories that she retained were a mixture of both good and bad but inevitably the happy ones had won out. She had had the best times of her life on that floating home of hers and she was determined that she would have many more.

"It's time for bed baby." Cass said, hugging her niece tightly.

Annie gave no response. Cass ducked her head to find that the little girl had already fallen asleep.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I thought it was time to have a little catch up with Cass and see how she was recover from everything that happened with Michael.<strong>_

_Shippo: I had to cause a bit of drama and of course Ronon was hurting too so I wanted to show the kind of mind set he was in!_

_Thorne: Imagine trying to explain that to Hope! I would be less than understanding myself and if I was Teyla I would have grabbed him by his dreadlocks and hurled him out of there!_

_Brn: I thught there had to be some backlash from what happened for Ronon and in general! Who knows what the men will say to one another? You'll have to wait and see :p_


	143. Chapter 143: Goodbye My Friend

Chapter One Hundred and Forty Three

_Cause when push comes to shove  
>You taste what you're made of<br>You might bend, till you break  
>Cause its all you can take<em>

_Rascal Flatts - Stand_

Leaving Atlantis was one of the hardest things that Ronon Dex had ever had to do but it was the only way he could take that final step forward. He had been living too long in the past caught between the vicious, harrowing cycle of attempting to choose between his Satedan friends, Atlantis and his mate. He had been pulled in so many different ways over the past few days, it had left him rattled and confused. He was not a man used to having options and once he had held too many but now there was only one.

It had taken him far too long to come to terms with what he was doing. After that night in the tavern with the Satedans he had been sure that he wanted to vacate the city. He had stormed into Sheppard's office with the intention of roaring at the other man and tossing his resignation across his desk. Yet that hadn't been what had happened at all.

He had collapsed in the guest chair with a huge huff of breath, his head in his hands before he poured out the whole sordid story of the night's events. It made him feel sick to remember his antics with Ara, he had betrayed himself and his mate and it wounded him to know that he was weak and selfish. It had torn him up inside and he expected judgement at the hands of his friend as he relayed the story but Sheppard hadn't looked upon him with wrath or vengeance.

Sheppard had simply sighed as he came to sit in his own chair, his lips pursed together grimly. Sheppard had never strayed but he had doubted. After the retrovirus he had pushed Cassandra away, far away. The two of them had been strangers living separate lives even though Cassandra had tried to resurrect the ridge between them. Sheppard had told Ronon that he wouldn't have blamed his wife for leaving him in those days, he had wanted it, subconsciously he was trying to drive her to it but Cassandra had not relented.

The point Sheppard was making was that it was easy to stumble and Ronon was not the only person that had a crisis of faith. The important part was to trust that the other person would be there to prop you up when you fell. There was a reason Hope had chosen him and Ronon should believe that he was enough for his woman. Hope made him want to be the best man he could be and he had no idea how to achieve that.

The starting point was now, he had to show her that he was committed, that she was more than just a casual fling that he had tossed away once she returned to Earth. Ronon had never contemplated how his breaking it off may look to Hope, he had thought she would understand his efforts and accept them but the more Sheppard talked the more Ronon Dex realised he had been hideously wrong.

He had treated his mate the same way he would treat a wench in a bar, terminating their relationship when it required more effort. Cutting off contact had hurt like hell for him, imagine what it must be like for Hope isolated there on Earth with no mode of speaking to him, wondering what she had done wrong. The thought of that stabbed him in the chest like the bluntest of knives, he could feel the realisation sawing through his ribs and penetrating his heart as he allowed himself to be encumbered by her feelings.

Their connection was minimal at the moment and Ronon suddenly understood exactly how Hope must have felt when he slammed down his own walls and blocked her out. She had tried for such a long time to get him to merge with her again and he had denied her cruelly. Eventually she had given up and erected her own defences against the pain that was carving her up like a butcher deep inside. Now he was the one that couldn't get in. She ignored his pleas and his constant knocking and Ronon couldn't blame her for that, he had hurt her deeply with his reaction to their distance.

It was around that time when Ronon had begun nudging around Hope's defences that he had began to sense something 'other' about his mate. He didn't know if it was the space between them or the fact she was blocking him out that made him more sensitive to the colourful little star that seemed to drawing energy from her but Ronon was suddenly very aware of it's presence.

He had nudged it gently trying to discover what it was and it had bumped him back in curiosity shimmering with joy when it linked with him. The life form was tiny and innocent and Ronon didn't think that Hope even realised that it was there attached to her. It slipped easily and and out of her walls as if it had some sort of magic key and Ronon found he liked it when it huddled up to him and he would curl around it protectively as if by instinct. The logical side of his nature told him not to trust it, it was strange and new, possibly a parasite that manifested in Hope after her return from Atlantis.

The animistic side of him told Ronon it was his job to nurture it whilst him and his mate were apart. It seemed to like him a lot and over the past few days he found himself playing with it and feeling it's joy at the new games they invented. He wondered if it was a small part of Hope that still wanted to be with him, that tiny beacon of her that just couldn't let go. Whatever it was he cherished it, he showered it with his love and adoration, kept it safe while it slept which was often.

Ronon was interrupted from his thoughts by the sound of his doorbell chiming. He edged around the bed to swipe his hand over the panel allowing the doors to open and reveal Sheppard standing on the opposite side. His hands were clasped together in front of him as his hazel eyes drifted past Ronon and came to rest on the hold all resting upon his friend's bed.

"You about ready to go?" John asked the taller man before he glanced at his watch.

Ronon cast a glance over his shoulder before he nodded slowly.

"Think so."

"Well your wearing Earth clothes so that's a good start." John said gesturing at his friend's attire.

Ronon was clad in navy blue denim jeans and a high quality white cotton shirt with a grey waist coat. John didn't really follow the fashion back home but he was pretty sure Ronon was in style now. Hope would be a fool not to go flinging herself back into his arms, the clothes made the Satedan look trendier and more astute.

Ronon glance down at himself and shrugged. The clothes were more comfortable than they looked and he dressed in a way that he hoped would impress Hope, since she had helped him pick the clothes out when they had been considering a vacation to Earth.

"Listen, I need you to do something for me." John uttered abruptly as he stepped into the Satedan's quarters.

His hand was already reaching for his back pocket as he pulled out an envelope and held it out to Ronon. It had John's block lettered scrawl upon it stating his wife's name in bold text.

"Hope will know where to send it, just make sure she gets it." John affirmed as Ronon tried to tug the letter out of his clenched hand.

"You know it would be easier to do that if you actually let go of the letter." Ronon said frankly, yanking it out of John's grasp.

"Just make sure she gets it." John persisted.

The letter was important to him that much was clear. Ronon could feel the weight of it between his fingers. There was a lot to be said for a man to put his feelings down on paper and he could feel the intensity of the words trapped inside the envelope. Cass and John had had no private moment for almost three months now, email didn't quite cut it.

"I will." Ronon promised as he turned his back upon John and grasped the black hold all he had loaned off of John. "I'm sorry you can't come with."

"Yea me too." John muttered in sincere agreement. "But someone's got to welcome Colonel Carter."

Colonel Samantha Carter had been deemed their new Commander and according to Sheppard they couldn't have picked a better person. She was an expert in Replicator technology and had been travelling through the Stargate for over ten years with her team. She had the gift of experience and Ronon couldn't help but consider that she may be a little more cut out for the job than Doctor Weir had been. Sheppard would be relieved to hand over the chain of command, it had been a troublesome endurance for his friend, made worse by the fact his wife wasn't there to support him or help distil some of the pressure.

They still didn't know whether Cass was returning to Atlantis or not. Sheppard had not approached the topic for fear of pushing his wife into making a snap decision. Her therapy sessions were going well apparently and she was enjoying the time she was spending on Earth with her family.

Ronon was happy for her in that respect, she was surviving what had happened to her but he was worried for Sheppard. There had to be a million questions running around his head. Would Cassandra be coming back and how would they function if she didn't? He doubted it would be as pathetic as the way he had handled things with Hope, a marriage wasn't something that you could simply quit. Sheppard hadn't mentioned it and Ronon knew he wouldn't. He was a private man and his worries were always kept locked away from everybody else until the time came to either express or make a decision upon them.

"It'll be ok, you know that right?" Sheppard's voice broke through his thoughts causing Ronon to wince.

"Yea, I can see why she would wanna take me back after I smashed her heart into a million pieces." Ronon said as he hoisted the strap of the hold all over his shoulder.

"Your taking a big step by going to see her." Sheppard pointed out. "I know it'll mean a lot to Hope that you ventured onto Earth alone."

"Yea." Ronon said glancing down at his attire once more.

It made him feel different, he knew when he looked in the mirror that he looked considerably more sophisticated than he usually did and he was torn as to whether he liked that or not. Was that the kind of man Hope liked back on Earth?

"Just be yourself." Sheppard uttered, patting his buddy on the back. "She fell in love with the real you remember."

Ronon inhaled deeply before holding his head up high, collecting himself for that walk through the Stargate. No matter what happened when he got to Earth, Ronon Dex was bringing back his mate.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, sorry it's been a little while. As usual work has been hectic with Valentine's Day set up. I have worked nine days straight so far.<strong>_

_Thorne: I wanted to show how Cass interacted with the kids. Annie is the cutest little girl. We have a little time to go until she goes back to Atlantis. I think Cass would have if she'd been there. _

_Brn: I think John is upset to be missing family time but it's part of his job sadly. Lol I wanna hug them both for being apart so long but it is part of the healing process._

_Shippo: Annie is cute, that's what I love about her. Kids always speak their minds around that age._

_Joey: I could see Ronon reverting back to the person he was when he met up with his old team. I think his bravo was hiding his real feelings. I thought Patrick would needed to have some support of his own. Lmao I was way gonna make a joke about John unwrapping his gift. _


	144. Chapter 144: Laying Claim

Chapter One Hundred and Forty Four

_Yeah, it's plain to see  
>That baby you're beautiful<br>And it's nothing wrong with you  
>It's me, I'm a freak<br>But thanks for lovin' me  
>Cause you're doing it perfectly<em>

_Adam Lambert – What Do Ya Want From Me?_

The sun was shining upon Hope as she stood upon the hot sand, propping her yellow and green surf board up against the wooden changing shed. Water was running off her tanned flesh causing her white and red tropical bikini to cling to her skin as she tipped her head back, running her fingers through it to shake out the beads of moisture.

Ronon watched from his vantage point as she removed the rubber band from her slender wrist and fastened her chestnut hair into a ponytail. She was stunning, he had been watching her surf the waves for the past twenty minutes and he had found himself entranced by her graceful movements. She belonged on the waves about as much as he belonged in the fray. He had never found himself so captivated before and now he simply couldn't take his eyes off his mate.

Just being in the presence of her slender athletic form made his heart thud even faster in his chest. Their connection was much stronger now, he reached out for her tentatively over the threads of their bond as she bent down to scoop up her towel and beach bag.

Hope stopped for a second, her almond eyes closed as Ronon invaded every single one of her senses. He could feel her confusion as she allowed him to flood her mind with his being. Within seconds it was over, Hope's walls were slamming down upon Ronon and blocking him out the same way she had done when he had broken it off.

Ronon took a step forward and stopped dead in his tracks as another male invaded his territory. It sent a pulse of possessiveness through the Satedan to see the way this man approached Hope with such familiarity. He was dark haired like the majority of locals on the island but he didn't belong here, he was a tourist in Hope's world.

Ronon had been watching him since Hope had taken to the water. The tourist hadn't taken his eyes off her the entire time she was on the waves. Ronon found himself snarling as the tourist lingered within his mate's personal space, his gaze dipping to her cleavage as he spoke to her with that low, humorous tone he knew that men used when they found women attractive. It sent a spiral of indignant rage bursting through his body like a firework.

Already his instincts were slipping into play, the animal in him was infuriated by this display of chatter between the tourist and his mate. He was moving on his own accord, he could hear the tourist's words ringing in his ears as he took each step closer.

"So I was thinking dinner at the Hilton, the restaurant has some great dishes and I have one of the top suites." he told her raising his eyebrows knowingly.

The thought of Hope with another man made Ronon feel sick, it fuelled the tornado of emotions that was whipping up inside of him. The idea of this guy's hands on his Hope, kissing her soft lips, stripping off that clinging bikini top before moving onto her bottoms.

"She's taken." he growled as he stepped up along side Hope as his large hand came to rest upon her lower back protectively.

Hope flinched at his touch, her body responding almost involuntarily to the lingering feel of her mate's familiar skin. Her head twisted up towards the Satedan with bewilderment as her eyebrows curved into an irate frown at the sight of him. The tourist was making his excuses and backing away as he took in Ronon's huge frame and unimpressed expression.

Hope was already rounding on him as the other man disappeared. Her hands were on her hips and the look of fury on her exotic features scared him a little. He wasn't used to being intimated but Hope managed to do it with just one look. Ronon bent his head down low, his body language subtly becoming submissive in a bid to calm the tirade of anger he could feel directed at him. He deserved anything she tossed at him and he would take it like a man.

"How dare you lay claim to me like that?" Hope snapped as she stared up into Ronon's jade green eyes, her finger jabbing at the hard muscles of his chest. "What gives you the right?"

Ronon pursed his lips shut, forming a tight grim line with his mouth as he used their connection to prod her lightly. Their bond was his claim to her and he made the point wordlessly causing Hope's almond eyes to flicker with annoyance.

"What the hell are you doing here anyway?" she said turning her back on him as he snatched up her damp towel from the sand. "And how did you find me?"

Ronon had already picked up her surfboard and was carrying it underneath his arm when Hope turned her attention back towards him. There wasn't a chance in hell she was going to be able to wrestle it from him and she thought he may just be of some use before she set him away.

"Your dad was at your house." Ronon said almost cheerfully at the memory of her father's friendliness as Hope dipped into her bag and pulled out a pair of denim shorts. "He told me where to look."

"That doesn't answer the first question." Hope retorted as she stepped into her shorts and drew them up over her bikini bottoms.

The truth was, she didn't trust herself around Ronon. She had only been in his presence for a matter of minutes and already her body was betraying her mind. Her brain was filled with images of the last few days they had spent together. She knew he responded badly to overwhelming emotions, he had shut off and headed to the gym when they had received the news on her transfer. She shouldn't have been surprised by his abrupt decision to end it. She knew that everything he had ever treasured had been snatched away from him but it had cut her to the bone when he had decided to call it quits.

"Want you back." Ronon stated bluntly as he met her gaze with earnest.

It took all of Hope's strength to tear herself away from this man and his bleeding heart. It couldn't be this easy, it shouldn't be. Yet she could feel herself falling for him all over again. He was being chivalrous by carrying her surfboard and he knew he wouldn't offer up the favour if he didn't care. The gesture meant something to him, it was a display, a small token of his affections and Hope wasn't sure whether it was enough or not. She wanted to let him in so badly but trusting him again after what he had done was hard.

_Wasn't love about forgiving though?_ She asked herself._ About loving someone else and accepting their mistakes?_

"It's easy to say that." Hope uttered, pulling on her navy blue vest top and slipping her feet into her lime green flipflops.

"Came here for you and I'm wearing these Earth clothes." Ronon offered hopefully, pulling at the fabric of his white shirt ensuring she took notice.

"They suit you." Hope conceded.

The smile that illuminated Ronon's grizzled features made her heart swell in her chest. She had missed seeing the way it lit up her world whenever he stepped into a room. It pained her to act so cold towards him but he had to learn that his behaviour was unacceptable. He did look good, the white shirt suited the colour of his bronze skin, the top two buttons were undone revealing a sexy slither of his broad chest. The waistcoat hugged the shape of his firm form drawing more attention to his muscular shape and those jeans...

They fit him in such a way that it was sensual. Girls had been checking Ronon out during the entire time that they had been talking and he paid them no heed. He only had eyes for her it would seem and the well of pride that Hope felt at that knowledge was fierce and possessive.

"Can we talk?" Ronon asked her directly as he tilted his head, his expression woeful.

Hope felt the fight drain right out of her at the sound of his deep sorrowful tone. She hadn't been the only one hurt by his actions, Hope could see the self inflicted wounds etched into her lover's soul from a mile away. She nodded her agreement before speaking.

"I know just the place."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I thought you deserved a little treat since I've had the weekend off. One more week and I am off for a whole week so yay!<strong>_

_Shep: I think it is a huge step for Ronon to go to Earth alone and I am keeping my fingers crossed he is going to be good. As for John you will have to wait and see what happens with him. Cass and John do need a little time together. Sorry if the time is unclear, it has been about three months since Cass and Hope went home._

_Brn: LMAO I was literally about to quote the Walrus line from Alice in Wonderland at you then because there's so many questions I want to answer but I must keep my lips sealed. I admit the boys deserve a little peace. As for the star who knows what it could be? A parasite she's picked up? A G'ould or maybe a little piece of her that still loves Ronon? I think the 3 months have dragged for John, he just wants his wife back safe and sound. It's so sweet that your missing me :p I've had the whole weekend off and it was my friends birthday so we went out for that and had a really great time! I have been writing behind the scenes so don't you worry. X_

_Joey: I am really glad your enjoying John Sheppard. In the series he always looks so conflicted when it comes to emotions. I thought Ronon needed to know that someone had been there before and that there was someone else fighting in his corner. I always think that Ronon must feel terribly alone sometimes. Who knows what it is at the moment? It could be anything!_

Thorne: LMAO! Ronon has always and will always love Hope. There was never any denying that fact, its just how he chose to deal with it. LMAO I am a bit of a romantic sometimes I admit!


	145. Chapter 145: Seperation Anxiety

Chapter One Hundred and Forty Five

You touch these tired eyes of mine  
>And map my face out line by line<br>And somehow growing old feels fine  
>I listen close for I'm not smart<br>You wrap your thoughts in works of art  
>And they're hanging on the walls of my heart<p>

The Script – I'm Yours

_It was Cassandra's last night on Atlantis before she had to head back home to Earth and they had spent the past few hours making sweet love under the sheets of their shared bed. The two of them were tangled up in one another. John was lying flat on his back, his naked body entwined with his wife's as she propped her chin up on his chest and stared into his hazel gaze._

"_I love your eyes." she told him as she studied the flecks of green that speckled around his pupil. "Nearly as much as I love that smart mouth of yours."_

_John found his lips twitching into a small smile at his wife's teasing lilt as he drew her even closer against his nude form, enjoying the sensation of flesh pressing against flesh. They were inseparable at the moment, he was forever connected to Cassandra and it would be that way until the end of time. Her love washed over him as her lips lingered inches from his. She was so tantalisingly close and he knew before this night was over he would take his wife all over again. _

_Her kisses were like rays of sunshine as she sprinkled them upon his forehead, nose and chin. He was not a touchy man by nature but when it came to Cass he adored having her affections rained upon him. Hearing her loving words and feeling the brush of her skin made his soul sing happily. Moments like this were blissful and John savoured every one of them._

_Cass was kissing his chest now, her lips descended over the space where his heart beat out his natural rhythm as she whispered against the hard muscular planes of his chest. He needed to hear these things, he needed to know that she would be waiting for him back home, that she was still in love with him even after suffering such a terrible ordeal. He didn't rely on people often but he needed Cass in more than just a physical essence. She was the one that helped him stay strong and his resolve would only strengthen in the face of adversity knowing that she was in the background waiting for him._

"_I love the way your heart beats against mine, it reminds me that I'm yours and yours alone and that I always will be." she murmured before her lips crept up along the curve of his throat, her nose tickling the delicate flesh._

"_I love how you think and how understated your intelligence is. I love seeing the mathematician in you coming to life and how excited you get when you work on those brain training puzzles. Your eyes start to glitter and I feel like I can see all the pieces slotting into place inside your head."_

_John's large hands smoothed his wife's unruly dark hair away from her sincere features, his fingers combed through that familiar streak of grey before he tucked it back behind her ear._

"_I wish you could see yourself through my eyes then you can see how beautiful you really are, out here..." John told her as he met her glittering sapphire eyes before prodding his wife in the centre of her forehead. "... and in there."_

"_You make me feel that way." Cass informed her husband, resting her chin back upon his chest. "When you look at me I feel special and wanted."_

"_That's because you are all of the above." John teased as Cassandra snuggled closer against his exhausted form._

_There was something so right about having his wife in his arms. She was everything he loved and believed in and the two of them were in a haze of complete an utter bliss. Moments like this were rare but John made sure he etched them all to memory for the times they couldn't be together. Tomorrow a new day would come and by noon he would be all alone once more._

That had been three months ago and John Sheppard's desire to have his wife by his side again was becoming more than overwhelming. His bed was lonely without her and their apartment lacked her presence. It had stopped becoming home and had turned into the place where he slept and bathed. Her stuff was still round him and it was serving more as a reminder of what he was missing at the moment.

He was in a dark mood today, he was scared that Cassandra wasn't coming back because he could feel her happiness shining brighter than a star over their bond. He didn't know what had made her light up like that but he thought it had to be something to do with Earth and it made him feel inadequate. He hadn't felt contentment like that from his wife for a long time and the fact it was happening there on Earth made his chest constrict a little at the thought of only seeing her five weeks out of the year.

It would devastate John to be stuck in that timetabled regime. A week at a time to cram all of his thoughts and feelings into, he would miss years with Cassandra. He wouldn't get to see her grow or change as a person. New things would begin to define his wife, he wouldn't recognize her habits, she would meet new people...

John hated that idea worst of all. Who knew what kind of men would try to involve themselves with her? He trusted Cassandra but he didn't trust strangers and although he knew her own judgement was sound, it still irked him. His wife could sense his distress over their bond and she zoomed in as fast as she could in an attempt to hamper it. Her love washed over him like hot soapy water, soothing over his doubt and filling his head with loving reassurances. He wished that she was here so she could cuddle him close and kiss away all the darkness that was beginning to creep inside his heart.

_I'll be back,_ she promised, whispering like a ghost in his ear.

His insecurities were still at the fore front of his mind as he found his metaphysical self curling around her grumpily. The wolf in him wanted it's mate back with him so he could ensure her safety. He wanted to be curled around her nuzzling her happily as they recreated their home around each other once more.

_Just be a little more patient,_ Cassandra pleaded.

The wolf huffed through it's nose at the words before turning it's back on her metaphysical image and placing it's head between it's paws once more sulkily. He could feel her presence sneaking closer and he pretended not to notice. He didn't like ignoring her but he wanted her to know that this distance between them couldn't last for eternity. She would have to make a decision so he could figure out what the hell he was supposed to do about this whole separation mess.

_Don't be like that,_ she said quietly as she came to kneel beside the wolf, her fingers scratching idly at the space between his ears. _We'll be together again soon._

The wolf closed it's eyes, allowing itself to get caught up in the sensations that Cassandra alluded. It felt so good when she petted him like this, he enjoyed it more than he cared to admit. He found himself creeping forward a little so that his head came to rest upon her lap. He could never stay mad at her for long and she was good at finding ways to diffuse his temper. The animal in him sighed at the attention that it's mate lavished upon him.

John had no idea how long the two of them stayed like that but the next thing he knew he was being rudely brought back to the present by the chime of his doorbell. He bade his wife goodbye reluctantly before rubbing his hands over his haggard features and checking the time on his watch.

_13.52pm_

It was time to greet Colonel Samantha Carter.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! Good news! I am on holiday from work from Sunday so that means there is a lot more free time for a week. Yay!<strong>_

_Brn: LMAO I am glad that you are missing me! I thought that Ronon and Hope needed a little reunion, they deserved to clear the air a little bit. Lol well you have the little sliver of happiness for John and Cass, even if it is a memory. _

_Thorne: lol I could imagine that Hope would get annoyed and flustered. I would have been the same esp in Ronon's absence. _

_Shippo: I am so glad that you enjoyed the chapter!_

_Joey: lol can you imagine that coming out, I would be horrified. I wouldn't be able to deny Ronon anything if he turned up in my life again!_


	146. Chapter 146: Surrender

Chapter One Hundred and Forty Six

_We'll go surrendering to our lives  
>When you sleep, I'll be there<br>To kiss your lips, to breathe your air  
>Right or wrong, it can't go on<br>After this night, we'll leave it all behind _

_The Calling - Surrender_

Hawaii was beautiful, more stunning than Ronon Dex ever could have imagined. He could feel the hum of nature all around him as he leaned against the hood of Hope's green open topped Jeep. The place where she had parked over looked the dazzling topaz sea. They were surrounded by plush dense forestry that seemed to stretch for miles over the hilltops that looked like mountains. It was amazing how breathtaking the view was.

There was a peacefulness that was flooding through his veins and he knew that another piece of himself was slotting into place. He had never expected to find a mate after everything had survived and now he thought he may have found a home and that shocked Ronon more than anything else in the world. He knew that his destiny lay beyond the stars cutting down the Wraith but maybe after that him and Hope could settle down here and raise a family. That was if Hope still wanted him.

Ronon's gaze slipped sideways to glance at his mate as she stared out across the shoreline before them. She had barely spoken two words to him in the time that they had taken to drive to this place. He had tried seeking her out over their connection but Hope had locked herself down once more. Even her exotic features remained dispassionate, he couldn't feasibly see how he was going to change her mind after all the hurt he had inflicted upon her but the truth was, he had to try.

"I knew you'd like this place." Hope said quietly breaking the silence between them.

Ronon hadn't bothered putting up any walls since he'd touched down on the island. He wanted Hope to see the honesty of his feelings, she needed to know how he felt but he had never been a man of words. There were so many things whirling around his head but they simply wouldn't leave his mouth. He was terrified of saying the wrong thing and losing his mate for good.

"Not good at this." he heard himself grumbling as he crossed his arms over his broad chest. "So many things I wanna say but I don't know the right way to fix this."

"Speak from the heart." Hope advised as she turned her head to focus on her mate as he stared out to sea.

He was awe inspiring, when she looked at him she saw her future stretched out before her in a way she had never contemplated before. She had never seen herself with a man like him. Ronon was wild and untamed, he was who he was and he could never change, those aspects of him were ingrained into his nature the way that loyalty and duty were.

"Never loved anyone like you." he said frankly. "Been a long time since I had someone and it was never as strong as this. She was never a part of me the way you are."

Ronon paused as his body began to unfurl, the tension in his shoulders sagging as he decided to throw all of his cards onto the table. He had nothing to lose but Hope. It had been almost ten years since he had been involved with anyone and it had never been like this. The love he had for Hope was potent and powerful, his heart had never been fuller than it was when she was around.

"I made a terrible mistake." Ronon rubbed the back of his neck as he spoke. "Ididn't know how to handle the rush of feelings with you gone. I missed you too much, worse than being stabbed or shot. Couldn't function right."

"Your not the only one that felt like that." Hope reminded him with an irate lilt to her voice. "What do you think it's been like for me? I've been here worrying about what craziness you've been getting yourself into. Can you understand how maddening it is knowing that I'm not there to see you coming back through the Stargate?"

"I can feel it." Ronon admitted. "I can feel how worried you are but you don't need to be. Shep's got my back, so have Teyla and Rodney. You know we keep each other safe."

Hope sighed, her shoulders loosened as she played with the bracelet on her wrist. Ronon could read her mind sometimes or at least he could use their bond to peer into her soul and she thought that's what he must be doing right now. She spent a lot of her free time thinking about him and what kind of insanity he was getting up to. His job was dangerous, she had always known that and she dealt with the demons that plagued her mind in regards to his safety. When they were apart it was worse, she felt each and everyone of Ronon's emotional scars and there were many of them.

"Do you understand how much you mean to me?" Ronon queried her as he turned his head and looked directly into Hope's almond eyes. "Do you know how hard it is to come here, in these clothes and act like I'm like everybody else?"

"Yes." Hope responded as she met his jade gaze evenly. "Yes I do."

"Do you know how much I've been holding myself back since I've got here?" Ronon questioned her as his eyes lowered to her sensual lips. "All I wanna to do is hold you and kiss away all of the doubts that I created by being so stupid."

"Why don't you?" Hope asked her lover as she inched a little bit closer.

The two of them were standing in front of her car, their clothes barely touching. Once more Hope felt like she was drowning, it was always this way with Ronon, he stole her heart away every time she laid eyes on him. His thumb stroked along the curve of her cheek, brushing that stray strand of hair away from her almond eyes.

"I need to make sure you forgive me first." Ronon told her as the adoration he felt for his mate rushed through his veins like a narcotic. "I need to make sure you know I won't leave you again. It doesn't matter about the distance any more, your too important to me to let go of."

Those words were like honey soothing over her soul. She shouldn't be letting it go this easy. In the past she would have been kicking and screaming if any man had put her through what she had experienced with Ronon. Yet she could feel her heart already pounding in her chest as Ronon lingered within her physical proximity.

Her olive skin was prickling with anticipation as his thumb traced the outline of her lips. She couldn't tear herself away from him, his jade eyes pinned her in position as his broad, firm chest pressed lightly against hers. Their hands touched briefly as they dangled by their sides. Ronon's fingers sought out Hope's before they intertwined.

"I can't go through it again Ronon." Hope whispered, squeezing his hand tightly. "You can't leave me again."

"Never." Ronon agreed gruffly as his nose traced along the curve of his mate's until their lips were barely parted. "Know in your heart that I'm yours."

The kiss was one of the most intense that Hope had ever experienced. Ronon's velvet lips caressed hers with a delicacy that seemed alien compared to his size. He was always gentle with her and this time was no different. His large hands came to cup her exotic features as his tongue delved into the hot chasm of her mouth. Their souls touched briefly and Hope could feel herself becoming entirely immersed by her lover's emotions. He was scared and exhausted. He had been holding himself together until this point but now he couldn't hide what he was feeling. Ronon Dex knew he was a mess without Hope and now he was showing her everything.

It was the vulnerability that hit Hope first. Ronon was a man who showed no weakness, not to anyone and now he was exposing himself to her prying eyes. Fear, lonesomeness, sadness, those were all things that her mate deemed as weak in the eyes of others. Hope was the only one that he allowed to view this side of him. He was damaged and fractured, he always had been ever since the violent death of his parents at the hands of the Wraith.

"I can only give you myself." Ronon mumbled into his lover's mouth as he gathered Hope up into his arms. "Every inch of me belongs to you if you want it."

"I want you." Hope uttered as her arms wrapped around Ronon's waist hugging the Satedan even closer. "I only want you."

Ronon's lips brushed his mate's forehead and she could feel the jubilation bubbling up inside of him as he clutched Hope even closer to his body. She was his forever and always.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, sorry it has taken me so long to add another chapter. I have been writing like crazy and even I have surprised myself with some of the storylines we have coming up.<strong>_

_Brn: lol trying to pacify you here but there's not much more I can do for them at the moment. LMAO If I suddenly get a person shaped box in the mail I will not sign for it! I love writing wolf John and Cass is so in tune with him even when he is trying to be distant. _

_Thorne: Thought you'd enjoy a bit of Ronon!_


	147. Chapter 147: On Tour

Chapter One Hundred and Forty Seven

_I'm willing to do anything  
>To calm the storm in my heart<br>I've never been the praying kind  
>But lately I've been down upon my knees<br>Not looking for a miracle  
>Just a reason to believe<em>

_Savage Garden – Hold Me_

Colonel Samantha Carter was everything that John Sheppard remembered from his brief encounter with her several years ago. She looked a little older now but then again so did he. It was the weight of experience and John knew that burden better than most. The difference was that Sam wore it a lot better than he did. There was a warm smile on her homely features and her cornflower blue eyes were graced with wistfulness as she stood before them were her hands clasped before her.

She looked regal in her navy blue dress uniform and in an instant she had captured the entire room's attention with a kind and friendly smile. Already she was setting minds at ease with her careful words. Sam was already building a union between herself and the people of Atlantis, she was one of them. She had suffered her own trials and tribulations at the hands of the Stargate and her reputation spoke volumes.

They had all made sacrifices over the years, both personal and professional. Their loyalty had been tested and their moral codes strained. Sam and him were cut from the same cloth, she understood duty and honour as the same code that John lived by. Already John was taking strong strides forward, his lips curving into a welcoming smile as he held his hand out to shake hers in mutual greeting.

"Colonel Sheppard, it's good to actually see you in the flesh as opposed to video conferencing." Sam beamed at him.

He could tell she was genuinely happy to be here and that sent him reeling with relief. Atlantis needed someone who could be strong and who would care for it and he knew that Samantha Carter would do that. He was handing over something precious and Sam was gladly accepting it.

"Like wise." John uttered with real meaning behind his words. "Let's show you to your new digs and then we'll give you the tour."

"Good, I have a few things I need to go over with you and then you can get packing." Sam said as the two of them fell into step along side each other.

"Packing?" John echoed, his eyebrows furrowing into a frown in confusion.

"Yea for your trip back to Earth, your wife's back home isn't she?" Sam asked, her eyes flickering up towards his features and studying him intently. "I thought you might want to get in a few weeks leave, God knows you of all people deserve it after what happened with Michael."

Those bright blue eyes were upon him once more and he saw a wealth of understanding in them. It was hard to maintain a relationship in the best of circumstances but in the aftermath of something as horrific as Michael's attack...

Well John thought the two of them had a little more staying power than most.

At this point he hadn't seen his wife in almost three months and that was killing him. They had emailed back and forth almost daily but it was not the same as talking to the real person. Seeing Cass in the pictures she attached made him wish that he was back on Earth too.

Still it was good to see her smile, he had been worried that she wasn't telling the truth about her recovery and he found himself emailing her sister in order to make sure that his wife was being entirely honest. Jules was a saving grace when it came to his own sanity. She understood his concerns and her reassurances were realistic. Cass was getting better, she was no longer the anxious, frightened young woman she had been when she had left Atlantis. According to Jules, she was in high spirits these days. That was good, John, thought, his wife deserved to be happy.

There was a silence between Sam and John as they strode idly through the corridors of the city until they reached the courtyard of their building. It was beautiful here and idyllic. The fountain was trickling that familiar low flow and he heard Sam's breath catch as she took in the vibrant natural beauty that stemmed from the garden around them. John found his gaze lingering upon the marble bench that was directly across from them.

_It had been a long time since he had sat in this courtyard and appreciated the serene beauty and the last time had been with Cass. He remembered running his fingers through his wife's silky dark hair as she lay across his lap. His aviators had covered her sapphire blue eyes as she stared up at the sky, her fingers threaded in the grooves of his hand as it rested flat upon her stomach. _

_It had been warm that day, the sun had been shining upon them as they relaxed in the quiet area. Already the tip of her nose had been turning red, her fair skin was always sensitive to the sun and their venture into the courtyard had been unplanned. He had planted a kiss upon the tender flesh before the smile curved up across his wife's pretty features lighting up his entire world as she captured his lips for the briefest of moments._

That was before Michael had invaded their lives, before Cass had vanished off the face of the universe. Those nights with her absent haunted him constantly, they reminded him of that time when he had been forced to live without her, not knowing where she was or how to get her back. His bed was cold and lonely place these days and although he had had offers to fill the space left by Cassandra, John Sheppard had shirked everyone of those women. The thought of someone else even touching him in that way made him feel nauseated and violent. Everything he was belonged to his wife and he refused to cheapen their marriage by even entertaining the idea of another woman taking her place.

When he thought about his nights spent alone with the clone it made him feel sick and uneasy. They had never consummated the relationship despite the fact the other woman had tried her damnedest. Even after she had died, John had been tormented by his own insecurity surrounding his own death. The clone was not his wife, he understood that. It had been the anti-Cass that had put the bullet in his gut and then tortured him before his real wife had rescued him.

After Lorne had killed the clone and Hope had shot Michael there had been debate about what to do with the bodies of the tyrants that had caused so much misery. Rodney and Carson had argued that science could learn from their counterparts whilst Teyla had pointed out the psychological affect that keeping the bodies would do to the morale of the city. John could see both standpoints but in the end he had breathed a sigh of relief when Elizabeth had decided to incinerate the corpses after taking samples for the scientists.

John had personally overseen each of the cremations, he wanted to make sure that there wasn't a chance in hell Michael could escape death again and the clone...

That was more for Cass's peace of mind.

It had brought his wife a sense of peace knowing that the clone's ashes had been blasted into space along with her maker's. They wouldn't be able to harm her ever again, their friends had made sure of that.

Sam was speaking, John tuned back in from his thoughts to find himself standing outside the doors to Sam's quarters. Already their new Commander was striding into her new digs, her expression was a picture of awe as she stared at the room with a grin upon her homily features.

It had been a long time since she had seen accommodation that was like this, John could tell. He thought she had expected something more dour, the way it had been when they first moved to Atlantis. This was more comfortable than Sam had imagined and already she was beginning to see the potential and allure of the floating city.

She turned her vibrant blue eyes upon John, they were glittering with mirth as he waited patiently in the doorway gauging her reaction with a small smile of his own. There was a nervous tension in his body, she could see it in way his shoulders were set as his hazel eyes gazed back at her. Sam thought she would be the same way if she had been through something similar. She had read about Doctor Sheppard's plight in the files that she had been given when she accepted the position and she didn't blame Sheppard for the edginess she could feel buried under the surface of his skin.

"You better get packing." Sam said cheerfully, the polite dismissal evident in her voice. "You don't wanna miss the return trip."

John was already in motion thanking God he was finally going home.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, a little treat for you all!<strong>_

_Shippo: lol your wish is my command and I hope you continue enjoying the story._

_Shep: I know what you mean, it kills me not writing them together sometimes. It has been a long time for them both. _

_Brn: I am gkad it tugged at your heart strings! Lol John won't believe it's my fault! Not after I explain that Cass misses him loads! I am writing ch160 right now so don't you worry._

_Thorne: Lol John's going home man! WWWWWOOOOOT!_


	148. Chapter 148: Had Me At Hello

Chapter One Hundred and Forty Eight

_Gotta feel you and be near you  
>You're the air that I breathe to survive<br>Gotta hold you, wanna show you  
>That without you my sun doesn't shine<br>You don't have to try so hard for me to love you  
>Boy, without you my life just ain't the same<br>You don't have to try so hard for me to love you  
>You had me at hello!<em>

_Beyonce - Hello_

Bed was Ronon Dex's favourite place at the moment. Hope's cool thin sheets were sticking to his hot naked skin as he made love to his mate in ways that were beyond intimate. Their loving was primitive and basic and Ronon enjoyed pleasuring his woman in all the ways that he had been gifted with. Hope was delirious with ecstasy as Ronon drove her to yet another searing peak. Her fingertips dug into his bronze skin even harder as he moved in slow sensual motions, his jade green eyes never leaving her flushed features.

_Can you see how much I love you?_ He seemed to be saying with every inch of his being. _Can you see how I can't live without you?_

Ronon knew without a shadow of a doubt that his mate understood those primal emotions that seared through his flesh. She needed to know he cared, how far he was willing to go for her. He had come to her solar system in Earth clothes searching for her so he could tell her how dark his life had become without her. His heart was a cold and barren wasteland without Hope.

Ronon bent his head low and kissed his lover's sensual lips. She tasted sweet, like strawberries and exquisite chocolates. His tongue delved into her hot needy mouth, Hope's hands were raking through his dreadlocks drawing him even closer into her adoring form. She kissed him like he was her final lifeline and it was always that way for Hope. Whenever their lips met she felt like she was falling for Ronon Dex all over again.

This man was her saviour, her guardian and above all her soulmate. Having him here in her bed was a dream come true. The past three months had been regretful and destitute, there had been a hole in her heart that only he could fill.

His lips tasted like salt as Ronon rained more delicious kisses upon her greedy mouth. Hope could never get enough of him. No matter how many times they became enthralled in one another it was never enough for her, she would always desire him, she would always need and want him. There was no substitute for the way her Satedan made her feel. His body fit perfectly into the grooves of her own whenever the two of them were entwined and the feelings that he created inside of her were beyond anything that she had ever experienced.

Hope arched against her mate as he sunk inside her tight, wet core once more, a gluttonous groan expelling from his mouth. His face was buried in the hallow of her throat, his breath warm and ragged as their flesh melded together. She had lost count of the amount of times that Ronon had made her come since they had started this endeavour, every time he would hold back his own release savouring her pleasure with hungry jade coloured eyes. He was skilled in the art of love and his only want was to bestow as much ecstasy unto his mate as he could.

Once more Hope could feel her body tingling with that feeling of a thousand tiny fireflies dancing around inside of her. Her cries were becoming more shrill as her athletic thighs tightened around her lover drawing him in even closer.

"Come for me." she whispered in that harsh ragged way of hers. "I want to see you climax."

Ronon's sensual moan emitted from low down in his throat as he plunged even deeper into his lover's sensual form. She was everything that he could have ever dreamed of, his world was right here cradled in his hands. Hope's fingertips were digging into his back once more and Ronon welcomed the pain as it mingled with the intense pleasure that was building up in the base of his demanding cock.

His lover was on the pinnacle of release, he could feel her whole body beginning to tremble under his form as he made love to her rampantly and with an almost wild abandonment.

"Hope." he mumbled into her hair as he felt their souls began to sing in unison.

Their connection was humming back to life, he could feel the severed threads beginning to heal themselves as they drove each other even closer to completion. His mouth captured hers, his tongue entangling with Hope's as the two of them crested at exactly the same time. She clung to him as the wave of euphoria exploded through the both of them in a haze of rapture.

Bliss couldn't cover what Ronon felt in that moment of unification. Serenity flooded his nervous system as his soul fell back into sync along with his mate's. It had been such an age since he had felt so completed. His mouth was back on Hope's, smothering her whimpers of release as they began to come down from their high. His large hands were smoothing away her chestnut hair away from her tanned features before he placed a kiss upon her cute little nose.

"I missed you." he whispered, his lips brushing the curve of her mouth. "I want this with you forever and eternity."

"You have me." Hope uttered, her dark lashes fluttering closed as she let out a contented sigh.

"Forever?" Ronon queried as he withdrew himself from his mate's wondrous form.

Ronon rolled onto his side, propping his head up on his pillow as he reviewed his mate from his vantage point snuggling even closer. He hated being away from her even if it was for only a few seconds. The skin on skin contact was cathartic, whenever they touched he could feel all of his barriers slipping away and Hope's ambiance was blinding. She was the most beautiful person he knew, that he would ever know.

"Hm..." Hope murmured wearily as she snuggled into Ronon's strong, muscular form. "Always."

There was such security that came with her Satedan, Ronon made Hope feel safe in a way that she had never realized she had needed before. Her cheek came to rest against his shoulder as his large hand came to cradle her face, his fingertips trailed over the curve of her cheek. He could feel her beginning to drift away as he caressed her skin like she was the most precious treasure that he coveted.

In truth she was.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I hope your having a fab day! This is the final day of my holiday so fingers crossed for future writings.<strong>_

_Thorne: lol not quite daily but as regular as possible. I will try my best. Cass and John will be back soon! I just want to hug the two of them._

_Joey: I know! It has been far too long for John and Cass. I really adore writing them. Sam is my fav leader of Atlanis, its because she's so sweet but such a badass at the same time. _

_Brn: lol I think he's already packed, he's chucked some clean underwear in a bag and that's it he's off! Lmao I can just see John putting Cass over his shoulder and carrying her out and back to Atlantis. _

_Shep: I feel like saying yea! High fives all around guys!_

_Shippo: Doing the little go John dance!_


	149. Chapter 149: Shy

Chapter One Hundred and Forty Nine

_I'm not going to come down  
>Down off of these clouds<br>All these heroes come and go  
>But you're still standing<br>You teach me to rise up  
>To open my eyes up<br>All these heroes come and go  
>But you're still standing<em>

_David Cook - Heroes_

John Sheppard was beaming, he couldn't keep the grin off his features as he stared at his wife's surprised expression at the sight of him standing on her sister's doorstep. Cassandra, he could see was in a state of shock and awe as she prodded him directly in the centre of the chest with her index finger as if checking he was really there.

His hazel eyes were already analysing his wife's sensual form as she stood before him clad in figure hugging jeans and a sea blue v-neck T-shirt that revealed her gorgeous curvaceous shape. His wife had gained a little weight since he had last seen her and John found that he liked it. It gave her more definition than before and he took it as a sign that she had been honest when she'd told him she was happy here.

Yet it was her familiar dark hair that captivated him. It was shorter than he had ever seen it, falling past her chin but above her shoulder and John found he enjoyed the edgier look it gave his wife. Her hand went to the back of her neck rubbing it subconsciously as his gaze fixed upon her.

"I needed a change." Cass said anxiously before John reached out and ran his fingers through the silky dark strands.

Cassandra's body seemed to relax at the sensation of his touch as he allowed his fingertips to caress the soft apple of her cheek. She was happy to see him, he could feel it thrumming over their bond as she sought him out instinctively.

"I like it." he told his wife before clearing his throat and clasping his hold all tightly in his hand. "You gonna invite me in?"

Cass's cheeks flushed with embarrassment as she stepped back from the front door, allowing him entry to the house. She had been too caught up in him to remember her manners and it made her feel silly and shy. John was still exactly the same as when she had last saw him. His untamed chocolate brown hair was sticking up in all directions, there hadn't been time to shave before leaving Atlantis and it showed in the way he wore his five o'clock shadow. To Cassandra that just made him all the more handsome, there wasn't anything she found more attractive than this version of her husband.

John was already making himself at home in the kitchen by the time Cass had closed the front door and followed him into the recesses of the house. Jules had suddenly decided this morning that her and the kids were going into the city on a day trip to see the zoo and from the mischievous glint in her husband's eyes when he had appeared at the door she thought maybe he had something to do with that.

"You planned this." she stated as she watched him flick on the kettle and set out two mugs from the draining board.

"I wanted a little time alone with you." John agreed, before he turned to face her, his back coming to rest against the work surface.

Cass crossed the distance between the two of them, her arms slipping through her husband's before she clasped him close against her body. John gathered her up into his embrace, enjoying the feeling of her lithe body pressing against his. It had been such a long time since he had held his wife and he had missed everything about moments like this. His lips brushed her familiar grey streak as he pressed a kiss to her hairline. Cassandra was the missing piece of his soul and the way it felt when she fit herself back into his life left him awestruck. He had missed her whilst they had been apart but he had had no idea how much it had affected his psyche until he had her back in his arms again.

They stood like that for the longest time, John's hands were rubbing soothing circles along Cassandra's back as he buried his face in her hair and inhaled her familiar sweet scent. There was no need for conversation, already their souls were linking together. Cass tilted her head up to look into into her husband's hazel eyes, her cheeks turning pink under the intensity of his gaze.

"You shy all of a sudden?" John asked her, his lips twitching into a small smile.

Cass pressed her palms flat against her husband's chest smoothing up and down the creases in his taunt, black t shirt. The planes of his muscular chest felt hard under the material and Cass remembered what it was like to stroke her fingers all over her husband's hot naked flesh.

"A little." Cass admitted feeling her heart rate quicken. "It's like I've been thinking about you for months and suddenly your right here with me."

"I didn't mean to be away so long." John said apologetically. "I know it was only meant to be a few weeks..."

Cass's fingers linked around the back of her husband's neck as she looked deep into his hazel eyes silencing his words as she pressed her velvet soft lips against his mouth. John's response was fierce and instantaneous, his hands were in his wife's hair guiding her closer against his rigorous form as his tongue plundered Cassandra's mouth. Already the passion was stirring up between the two of them, their unique chemistry was crackling in the air as Cass's hands roamed her husband's chest once more.

They were breathless by the time they drew away, Cass's forehead came to rest upon her husband's as he gave her that familiar wolfish grin. There were things that the two of them needed to talk about, they knew that but right now they just wanted a moment of peace, a second where they could reconnect with one another without being forced to deal with any of the responsibility that had been thrust upon their shoulders.

"I missed you." Cassandra found herself saying as she placed her hand over her husband's heart so she could feel it beating within the confines of his chest.

He was her everything and having him back here with her made her feel alive again in a way that she could never replicate. John Sheppard was a part of her that could never be replaced and over the past few months she had been faced with that stark reality more than once. He had died for her and Cass couldn't help but feel that with the dangerous nature of his job that that could happen all over again. She couldn't bare the thought of losing him and even more she couldn't stand the thought of wasting the time that they could have together by running off and leading a separate life back here on Earth.

Cassandra loved her family but there were things that she could never ask them to understand about the way she had been living over the past few years. There was a darkness inside of her that she had been forced to face and it was a part of her that would never go away no matter how much she tried to hide it. John readily accepted that side of his wife, the same way he accepted everything else. Both of them were cut from the same cloth and her family didn't need to know the lengths that she would go to in order to survive.

"You know how hard it is living without you?" John uttered as he stared into his wife's beautiful sapphire gaze. "I can't function right, there's no heart and soul in me. I'm just empty again, running through the motions like I did before we met."

There was such an honesty in his words and she appreciated it. Over the years John had come to despise the person he had been before he met Cassandra, the man he had been back then had been a walking suicide mission. He would have done anything in order to protect his ideals but there had never been any real emotion behind his actions. He had been mechanical and meticulous in all areas of his life.

"I wanna be with you." John continued, his thumb tracing over the pert pattern of her lips as he spoke from the heart. "If we have to leave Atlantis to do that, I can live with that decision."

It was a choice that she had questioned over and over again in the past couple of months and the answer was always the same. As much as this place was her home, she didn't quite fit with the normalcy of being back here on Earth. She wasn't meant to settle down yet, she could feel that knowledge singing through her bones as she stood before her husband acknowledging the impatience in his eyes. He had already waited so long for an answer and if she was honest, she was being unfair by denying him one. There was still so much of herself left to find out there and she was sure that her fate lay with Atlantis.

"You don't have to live with that decision." Cass murmured as she kissed the corner of John's sensual mouth. "We're not leaving our home."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I had the most hellish first day back today but re-reading this chapter has made me really happy! Hope you guys enjoy this John and Cass chapter.<strong>_

_Thorne: We are here baby! On Skin Deep, I have tons of ideas but it's just about getting time to write them. If I focus back on that story I will lose focus on this so it's swings and round abouts. _

_Brn: LMAO your wish is my command. I hope you enjoyed this little snippet into their marriage. I thought they had a different kind of relationship to Hope and Ronon and I wanted to show it. Maybe it's time for them all to be happy._

_Shippo: I am glad your enjoying Hope and Ronon, they are having a good time and they are fun to write. _

_Joey: I am really happy you liked this chapter, it was very fun and sweet to write. _


	150. Chapter 150: Night To Remember

Chapter One Hundred and Fifty 

_You're just a fantasy girl  
>It's an impossible world<br>All I want is to be with you always  
>I give you everything<br>Pay some attention to me  
>All I want is just you and me always <em>

_Maroon 5 - Stutter_

The restaurant was a beautiful place that over looked the dazzling lights of New York City. It was a small private hole in the wall kind of place and that was the way John liked it and from the peaceful expression on his wife's pretty features he knew that she did too. The dim, romantic light shined in her sapphire blue eyes as she tilted her head towards the window they were sitting alongside observing the twinkling skyline.

Cass pushed back a stray strand of her shoulder length dark hair back behind her ear before her chin came up rest upon the palm of her hand. In the background a local jazz band was playing sweet dulcet music, it was rare that she listened to this type of music and she wondered why she didn't. The placid sounds were striking chords somewhere deep down inside of her, it soothed away her worries and took her to a place full of soft relaxation.

John's knee was pressed against hers lightly underneath the table, she could feel the heat of his skin through the material of his jeans as it rubbed against her naked skin. It was playful and teasing, Cass enjoyed the simplicity of the motion. It had been an age since they had been able to interact like this and Cass had missed it more than she cared to admit.

Even back on Atlantis it had been hard to get an evening like this. The two of them usually spent their time alone in bed or watching movies on the couch, there weren't many options when it came to going out on dates but the two of them managed.

Still John had wanted to take full advantage of the time the two of them had together on Earth. His hand was already creeping across the white linen table cloth, his fingers brushed hers gently before their hands entwined. Their connection was humming as Cass peered up through her dark bangs, meeting her husband's stunning hazel eyes. She could see his love for her burning brighter than any beacon ever could and it warmed her heart in ways she could never explain.

That handsome smile of his was creeping across his lips as he reviewed her in silence. Whenever John looked at her lately he felt like he was drowning in her ambience. His wife was different now than she had been before she left, she was stronger and more open to him than she had ever been. In the beginning he had had to clamour walls and fight through barriers to get to her heart but now he saw everything. There was no guards in place or doors to shut him out, there was only Cassandra baring every single piece of herself for his eyes only.

The candle in the centre of their table was flickering as it reached the end of the wick, casting shadows across the surface. They had been here for hours simply soaking up the scenery and enjoying the menu. The remains of the chocolate torte they had shared sat between them as John reached out with his free hand and used his thumb to rub off a tiny smear of dark chocolate from the corner Cassandra's lips. Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment as John shook his head with that knowing smile.

"Can we go up to the room?" Cass requested, her voice low and tentative as she spoke. "I hear it has an excellent view."

Her gaze was already sweeping over her husband's firm physique and it made John's flesh prickle with anticipation at the wordless suggestion. It had been almost four months since they had laid eyes on each other's naked forms, it had been such a long time since they had been able to make love to one another and John ached for the acquaintance of their bodies.

"Is that what you want?" John asked his wife with that familiar mischievous glint in his eyes as he leaned in a little closer, his knee bumping hers again under the table. "Or was there something else you were hoping to catch a glimpse of?"

"Why don't you take me upstairs and find out?" Cass reciprocated, with that flirtatious smirk of hers.

John beckoned to the waiter for the bill before the two of them retired for the night.

* * *

><p>John Sheppard was astonishing, Cassandra had always thought so, right from the very moment that the two of them had met in Afghanistan. Back then she never knew how amazing he could be, she understood that he was heroic, impulsive but only after the two of them had begun a relationship did she truly realise how impressive John Sheppard really was. His capacity to love went beyond the boundaries of a normal person and his loyalty was resolute. He would do anything for his loved ones and Cass treasured that quality in more ways than she could count.<p>

Tonight had been perfect, it was simple and unique. Cass had enjoyed every moment alone with her husband and she knew she would enjoy many more. His gentle hands were already smoothing over her bare arms as the rough skin of his hands roamed the exterior of her body. John's mouth was lingering dangerously within reach, his lips were so tantalisingly close as he stared into her beautiful eyes. Their clothing rustled as the two of them brushed against one another, eager to consummate their skin on skin contact.

"So about this view..." John murmured placing the softest of kisses upon the corner of her mouth. "What was it you wanted to see first?"

"All of it." Cass whispered against his lips, her hands rubbing up and down the contours of his muscular chest through the material of his sky blue shirt. "I want to see all of you."

John's thumb chased along the line of Cassandra's jaw, his fingertips caressing the curve of his wife's delicate throat before he pressed his lips against hers. She tasted like cherry from the chapstick she had used earlier, John savoured the taste as his tongue delved into the recesses of her mouth. His fingers were running through her silky hair as Cass deepened the kiss even more. Her hands clasped at his shirt, the material bundling in her tight fists as she yanked him even closer to her lithe frame.

There was an aggression in her motions now. There was desperation and desire and above all need. It was the kind of need that could drive a person crazy if they didn't get their substance of choice and Cassandra could feel herself slipping into that narcotic driven frenzy as John's teasing fingertips trailed down her spine until he reached the zipper on her little black dress. He was so devastating and so maddening at the same time.

There was tenderness in his touch and she knew that he was setting the pace for the rest of the night. He was devious in that way, his mouth told of promises that she knew he could keep, his hands were drawing down the zipper so tediously slow allowing his thumb to tease each and every tiny knot of her spine.

"Your impatient." John said, his voice low and throaty before his mouth placed a kiss upon the nape of her neck.

Cass pressed against his strong body, her head tilting back as a long sigh expelled from between her plush lips. She didn't trust herself to speak as he drew the dress from her shoulders, allowing it to fall from her body into a heap at her dainty feet. The look in her husband's eyes when he stepped back and reviewed her was hungry and demanding. Already a possessive growl was bubbling in his throat as he took in the image of pure sexuality in front of him.

Cassandra was completely naked and he was struggling to wrap his head around the fact that she had been sitting across from him the entire night wearing nothing underneath that sexy little dress. The black patent leather, spike heeled shoes were still upon her delicate feet and they gave her that deviant, dynamic edge he was used to seeing back on Atlantis. This was his wife in all of her glory.

"So about that view?" Cass propositioned, her hand coming to rest upon her hip as she cocked it.

"It's gorgeous." John told her as he strode up towards her beauteous form. "I like the fact it's mine, that it'll always be mine."

Cass's fingers crept up the trail of buttons that lead to the collar of John's shirt, he stood perfectly still as she undid the first button followed quickly by another. Her fingertips traced the bare skin, smoothing down his fine chest until his shirt hung open. John enjoyed the feel of her dexterous hands as she pushed the material from his broad shoulders. Her sapphire eyes were already taking in the planes of his chest, her fingers ran over his scars with a softness that made John feel revered. He had no idea how Cassandra did this to him, she made him feel like a man again, her man. She was his shelter away from all the evils of the world, the one place in which he could be himself and was loved for it.

"Does it hurt?" Cass asked as her fingertip chasing along the white line of the scar on his stomach before her palm came to lay flat upon it.

She wished that she had been there for his recovery, that she had been able to help him deal with the trauma and the agony that he had gone through because of the clone. It pained her that she hadn't been here to support him when he needed her. John had told her it was ridiculous to think like that, he was strong, he could handle it and he had handled it yet it still rankled at Cass that he had had to.

"Not anymore." he told her as he captured her fingers with his own and brought them to his lips.

He kissed her fingertips softly before he brought her hand to his cheek. His hazel eyes met hers as he placed another kiss upon her palm and finally on her slender wrist. Cass shivered at the sensation of his hot tongue caressing her pulse point.

"I love you." she whispered as she propelled her husband back towards the fresh double bed.

John came to lie on his back, his eyes never leaving his wife's amazing form as he tugged her along with him. His trousers were gone leaving John clad only in his tight black boxers, his impressive erection was on display through his underwear, tantalising Cass as she came to straddle his hips.

John's hands came to rest upon his wife's thighs as he ground up towards her moist core, his palms moved up along the outline of her curvaceous frame until he reached her breasts. His warm hands cupped her breasts as he thrust against her once more causing delicious friction between their sexes. Cass wouldn't be able to take any more teasing if they carried on like this. Her pale skin was already prickling with anticipation as John writhed under his wife, his thumbs caressing the nubs of her nipples until they were erect.

"John." Cass panted his name outloud, that sensuous, begging whine twinging in her voice. "I can't wait anymore."

The truth was John needed this just as much as she did. He couldn't wait any more, the two of them had been apart too long and John needed to feel his wife locked around him once more. She was already removing his underwear with a tenderness that he loved. She was already soaking wet from all of those touches and from all of the teasing and that turned John on so damn much. Her pert lips were back on his, stifling her groan of ecstasy as John positioned himself at her hot, wet entrance and penetrated her slowly.

Cass could feel every single inch of her husband as he slid into her tightness and it was practically euphoric. His fingers raked through her dark hair as she smothered his moan of adoration. Cass was arching her hips against his with long drawn out movements that stole every single breath. Her chest was pressing against his, he could feel the hammer of her heart against his as he kissed her sensual mouth.

Their souls were taking flight once more, John could feel the moment that the two of them bonded together through the haze of fireworks that was exploding through every single one of his synapses. Cassandra was making the most extravagant noises as he held her body tightly against him. He could feel her orgasm tingling through her entire body as she quivered in his arms, her moist centre clenching around him as she screamed into his mouth.

Having Cassandra respond so powerfully tipped John directly over the edge. His hands grasped Cass even tighter to him as he erupted so hard it made his head spin and stars explode into his vision. The sensation of being wrapped up in Cassandra was amazing and all this love he felt for her was brimming up in his chest as he gathered her up in his arms and pressed his lips to the white streak in his wife's silky hair.

Life didn't get much better than this.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys just trying to post a sneaky chapter before work. We're doing a fire drill today and the temperature is freezing outside so wish me luck :(<strong>_

_Joey: I wanted to something to show that their relationship was a little more mature than Ronon and Hope's. That it was a marriage. They are reserved quiet people when it comes down to it and I wanted something that would capture the emotions and be a bit more private and unique in terms of them._

_Thorne: lol Cass and John were made for each other, I can't believe how well they have taken off as a couple!_

_Shep: I thought after spending that time apart they would be a little tentative and nervous around each other. It's always that way after you've not seen someone for a long time I find. It wasn't weird, I just think that the two of them are also very independent people and the happiness shows that she_ _is healing from what happened and she's actually enjoying being around her family more than anything._

_BRN: Lmao I am so glad your happy, I had real fun writing this chapter but I'm gonna be honest I didn't think either of them would be able to last very long, given the circumstances!_


	151. Chapter 151: Not Too Distant Future

Chapter One Hundred and Fifty One

_There's a drumming noise inside my head  
>That starts when you're around<br>I swear that you could hear it  
>It makes such an all mighty sound<em>

Louder than sirens  
>Louder than bells<br>Sweeter than heaven  
>And hotter than hell<p>

_Florence and The Machine – Drumming Song_

It was morning again and John couldn't help but revel in the luxurious feeling of being able to spend the time wrapped up in bed with his wife. He had no idea what time it was but he could tell it was early from the dimness of the light that was wading in through the crack in the open curtains. His wife was still sleeping beside him peacefully and he thanked God that her dreams had been serene.

Cass's dark hair was fanned out across the pillow, her pert pink lips were apart as John watched the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest. The white sheets were wrapped around her slender form and John's large feet were rubbing up and down her dainty ones as their naked legs entwined. Cass sighed contently as John gathered her up in his arms so her naked form was pressed entirely against his hot skin underneath the sheets. Their faces were inches apart and John found himself caught up in Cassandra all over again as he watched her restful slumber.

It was rare that he was able to grab a moment like this. Their lives were always so chaotic and busy , it was hard to appreciate the little things but right now he could and seeing his wife so at harmony with herself made him feel alive again. It was like his insides were glowing with contentment, he could feel her sheer radiance caressing his skin as they lay side by side. John placed a kiss upon his wife's pretty little nose. Cass responded by wrinkling it in that cute way of hers before John placed another feather light kiss upon her closed eyelids.

"What time is it?" she mumbled, her voice husky with sleep.

"Early." John murmured against his wife's porcelain skin. "Go back to sleep Cassie."

Cass wrapped her arm around her husband's waist, drawing John even closer to her alluring body. The two of them fit together just like always, they were like a puzzle that God himself had created and pieced together. The press of his skin against hers was the most exquisite sensation in the world and Cassandra knew she was blessed to be experiencing this serenity.

Everything they had been through together, all the highs and lows were worth this brief time they had to enjoy one another. In a matter of weeks their lives would be turned upside down again when they travelled back to another universe far, far away from this one. They would have responsibilities and objectives, their focus's would be elsewhere but for now they didn't have to worry any of that. All that mattered was one another and Cass wouldn't trade a single second alone with her husband for the world.

There was always something about John that seemed to dazzle her, she was astounded at his ability to make her feel safe and secure with the briefest word or touch. It was a gift he had, she thought, she had seen it work on other people many times before in the heat of an explosive situation. He always radiated calm and control, she was the only one that got to see the human side of her husband. All the outsiders saw was the Colonel but only a select few saw past his mask and she was glad that he had decided to let his guards down three years ago. To her he was the most splendid man she had ever known and he was hers, her husband and her soul mate.

Cass giggled as the wolf inside of him nudged her with it's cold nose playfully. She liked this side of him, the animistic part of his soul was instinctive, it read her feelings and responded to them with glee. Sometimes she wondered what he saw when they merged together. Was she still herself?

John was already answering that question through the pathways of their bond, his mind through up pictures and sounds and scents that he seemed to associate with her before a memory frittered across her vision, rolling like an old home made video.

There was a woman grinning at them, her smile was as bright as the sun as she glanced at them over her shoulder. She was beautiful, her skin was the colour of ivory, her cheeks were pink from the cool air as she used her wrist to brush the dark hair away from her forehead. She was clad in one of the older Atlantis uniforms, the ones that were charcoal grey. Her sapphire blue eyes were vivid and intense before she tore them away from them to focus on the elderly person in front of her. There was something almost otherworldly to this woman, compassion practically glowed from within her as she spoke in sweet comforting tones after uncapping the syringe from her medical kit.

It took Cassandra a long time to realize that the woman in the mental reel was herself and it surprised her immensely. In John's eyes she was flawless, there was a beauty to her that emitted from somewhere deep inside and it was always there below the surface.

"That's what you look like." John whispered against her lips, his breath tickling her skin as he spoke to her outside of their connection. "That was the time we were on MXZ-233 and the elderly people were getting sick. You were so gentle with them and so kind, they were all so frightened but somehow you made them believe in the medicine and believe in you."

John placed a butterfly kiss against the corner of her mouth, his large hands rubbing up and down the length of her back, his fingers drawing swirling patterns that delighted every single one of her senses.

"That was the moment I fell in love with you." John admitted as Cass made a complacent noise at his motions. "I thought if you could do for them, what could you do with a broken old soldier like me."

"You were never broken." Cass told him, her lips brushing the rough stubble of his jawline. "You were just a little..."

"Battered?" John submitted with that familiar roguish smile twitching at his decadent mouth. "I notice you didn't correct the 'old'."

"Depends if your planning to retire at forty." Cass teased knowingly. "You could move to Palm Springs, take up golfing full time..."

"Your making it sound more and more appealing." John informed his wife as he stretched out along the entire length of her body like a cat.

It was a cathartic sensation having John unfurl against Cassandra's body, his rough hands were awe inspiring as they roamed up and down her soft pale skin, playing a seamless tune across her flesh.

"A few years on the green, maybe a couple of years chasing around the kids..." John trailed off pursing his lips together and letting out a sigh of frustration at his own stupidity.

"It's ok." Cass whispered, snuggling even closer to her husband so their lips were virtually touching before she continued. "You can teach our adopted children how to play football."

"Kids were never something we wanted..." John reminded his wife as his fingers combed through her short dark hair.

The look of concentration upon his handsome features showed Cass how hard her husband was trying to shield her away his emotions regarding that situation. Cass understood that something had changed inside of the two of them. The two of them had been forced to grow up over the past few months and their priorities had changed. They were no longer selfish and needy. Michael had tried to destroy them in every way he possibility could but he had failed spectacularly. They had re-established themselves, not only as a couple but as individuals.

"Do you want children with me?" John asked his wife simply.

There was no judgement under the surface, just this thin thread of hope that John was struggling to hide ever so badly. The truth was Cassandra had opened him up in ways that he had never thought possible. She had taught him that he was capable of love and throughout their time together he had learned that he had such an immense capacity for love. It brimmed up inside of him with an intensity that could not be stifled. It showed in every single one of his actions over the past few years and all the time it was growing stronger as his small family expanded. He would do anything for those closest to him.

John was happy on Atlantis with Cass and their surrogate family but for a while he could feel that there was something absent from their bond and it had taken the longest time to work out exactly what that was. The two of them were destined for more and when he had seen his wife interacting with Nicky and Annabel it had hit him like a freight train. His chest had tightened and his breathing had become constricted at the sharp ache in his chest and the sudden lump in his throat. Cass would be a wonderful mother, he had always thought so from the very beginning.

After the upheaval with the retrovirus the two of them had been adamant that children were not an option and that had been the right decision to make at the time. John didn't regret his vasectomy at all. He would rather know that Cassandra was safe from the issues that would have surrounded her if they had had an 'accident'. His mind had been at ease since then and there wasn't a price he could put on that.

Yet still the urge to procreate was still there or at least the urge to nurture. The fact the two of them couldn't have kids wasn't the end of the line there were thousands of kids in the system that needed someone to love and care for them. Who wasn't to say that when the two of them did settle down back home on Earth that they couldn't consider the possibility of adopting or fostering.

"One day." Cass answered finally as she looked directly into her husband's hazel gaze. "In the not too distant future."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys. Just a little change of heart for these two!<strong>_

_Brn: Happy Wedding Anniversary! I am so glad that you enjoyed that chapter. I wanted a little bit of romance for the two of them and to make it as unique as poss! I was way going to make a joke about a full moon._

_Thorne: They are very stubborn but that's the fun part of it though!_

_Joey: I am very glad you loved that chapter! It was wonderful to write. You totally get where I am coming from with the difference between relationships and marriages. I could see John salivating over the fact she was naked under that dress and Cass feeling very sexy over it. _

_Shippo: I am so glad that you enjoyed this chapter, I had great fun writing it. _

_Shep: I am glad you enjoyed the imagery. They needed to reconnect again and I am so glad they did!_


	152. Chapter 152: Domestic Bliss

Chapter One Hundred and Fifty Three

_So come here  
>And never leave this place<br>Perfection of your face  
>Slows me down, slows me down<em>

_Maroon 5 – Never Gonna Leave This Bed_

The mornings in Hawaii were truly magical in Ronon's eyes. Ronon loved waking up to the scent of the sea every morning, he could hear the rush of the waves roaring in his ears as he breathed in the salty tang of the ocean. The first few days he had been on the island had been a dream come true, all he had done was laugh, play and fornicate with his mate and that soothed out the fractured pieces of his soul.

It was good being back with Hope. She was the light of his life and it had taken this long for him to accept his own reliance upon her. The truth was he needed Hope in his life more than he had ever needed anything before and he was determined to keep her. Her family were quickly becoming his own, at first her brothers had been suspicious of the new man in her life but somewhere along the line he had managed to convince them otherwise. Now he was taking surfing lessons from Noah and learning basic cooking skills from Sam, the chef of the family.

So far he had learned to make a few simple meals and he enjoyed the motions of creating something. The sensation felt homely, like he was building a nest for the two of them. This was the domestic bliss that he had thought he could never have again when he was a Runner. He had given up on the possibility of ever living normal life and here he was now doing something that seemed so natural for the woman that he loved.

Hope was still asleep in the bedroom. Ronon had left her stretched out in the middle of the bed, the sheets pulled up over her light grey short pyjamas. When he had first arrived on the island Hope had always been up and awake before he had, he would usually wake up in bed alone in time for her to enter dripping wet carrying a surf board.

Lately it hadn't been that way, Hope had been sleeping in a lot, not that Ronon minded. He liked waking up next to her and taking the time to appreciate his mate. It was a rare, quiet moment and he enjoyed seeing her beautiful face in her peaceful slumber. It was at these times his inner Lion chose to investigate that little star that danced around inside of her. It was stronger than before, it was shining more brightly than he had ever seen it and Ronon couldn't help but feel contented at that knowledge.

While Hope slept he would spend hours curled up along side her playing with the little star and teaching it new things. The beast in him was instinctual when it came to the tiny being, it was fierce and protective, cradling it with his body and growling in protest when it strayed too far. It was getting big now and it's thoughts and feelings were concise and responsive. Ronon thought the more he nurtured it, the more it came to grow.

It's attachment to Hope was always there, underneath the surface. Ronon could always feel it as they went about their day to day activity, it hummed like a pulse entwined in the threads of their own deepening connection. He had learned not to question it, he was experiencing so many new things lately and sometimes he found them overwhelming. He wondered if he deserved this happiness and he coveted it like it was about to be snatched away all over again.

It was that line of thinking that had gotten him into trouble in the first place, it sowed seeds of doubt in his mind about his own abilities to sustain a relationship in the long term. Sheppard had told him to turn the problem on it's head, there was a woman that loved and accepted him for all of his faults and nuisances.

It was a precious thing to find in a time that was so fraught with danger and fear. Hope generated stability for Ronon, she gave him the foundations of something secure and helped him to balance his emotions. If he was honest he had been a lot calmer since the two of them had been together and Ronon could feel himself developing in to something more than the wretched man that the Wraith had turned him into.

"Hm, what are you making?" Hope asked as she bumbled into the kitchen, her hands busy tying back her wild chestnut hair as she strode towards him.

She was wearing a sky blue, linen robe that hung open revealing her short pyjamas. Her arms threaded through his, wrapping around his waist, her dainty hands coming to rest on his stomach lightly. Her entire body was pressed against his back and Ronon found himself closing his eyes for that brief moment savouring the sensation. Things didn't get much better than this.

"Smells like pancakes." Hope said as she peered around Ronon's muscular arm at the pan on the stove.

"Alot of them." Ronon responded, glancing over his shoulder at his mate as she cuddled up to him. "You sleep ok?"

"Like the dead." Hope informed him, rubbing her cheek against his firm muscles.

"There's coffee in the pot." Ronon uttered knowingly. "Just how you like it."

Ronon had observed Hope's habits over the past few weeks and he developed a sense of the person she was back home. He understood how she liked certain things in her life and he made sure to give her everything that he possibly could. Just doing little things like that made a difference to him, it was his way of apologizing to her for wrenching himself out of her life. Everyday he tried to be a better man, he wanted to be the type of person who was worthy of his mate's affection.

Hope was already slipping down onto one of the chairs at the small circular table, her hands were wrapped around the coffee cup cradling it to her chest before she turned her attention to the batch of mail that Ronon had brought in from the cyan mail box outside. She liked the way that they appeared to be in tune with one another. She knew that he was trying to find ways to heal the rift that he had created between them. She had told him time and time again that it was water under the bridge but if she was honest it was nice to have Ronon living with her.

Hope had never co-habited with a man before, she was a fiercely independent woman and when one of her past boyfriends had suggested it, she had dug her heels firmly into the ground and resisted. At the time she had thought she simply wasn't ready but the truth was she hadn't met the right man until then. Back on Atlantis she hadn't questioned the nature of their relationship despite the fact that they practically lived in Ronon's quarters. It felt natural to Hope and easy, Ronon had never made a big deal out of it and she thought that took some of the pressure out of the expectations of taking such a huge step.

Hope flicked through the envelopes in front of her with interest. She didn't get much mail, a few bills, a postcard every now and then from a cousin who was backpacking around Europe but nothing really exciting. There was a thick envelope was nestled between a bill and her latest postcard from Hamburg. She frowned in curiosity at the typed name and address on the front before using her fingertip to open it eagerly. She tipped the envelope upside down spilling the documents onto the table so that she could read them.

It took a few moments to smooth out the paper so it was flat enough to read. Her heart was already starting to pound against her ribs as she took in the official letterhead, before her eyes flickered downwards devouring the words as quickly as she could. Snatches of sentences filled her brain and it took a few seconds for anything to actually penetrate her brain.

_Funding a new project..._

_Your expertises were highly recommended..._

_We hope you accept this position..._

"Looks important." Ronon stated as he set her plate of pancakes down in front of her before taking a seat across the table from Hope, his hazel eyes studying her intently.

Her entire demeanour had changed in the space of the time it had taken her to read that letter and it made Ronon suspicious. He could read Hope's emotions as clear as day over their connection and he could tell she was in shock at whatever was typed upon that paper. He didn't like surprises and it made him tense to think that something else was coming their way. His muscles were already furling and he could feel himself erecting walls against whatever blow was next to come.

"Ronon..." Hope uttered, her entire face illuminating like the sunshine as she broke into the biggest smile that he had ever seen. "I'm going back to Atlantis."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, sorry for the late updates. Work is rife with sickness and I seem to be the only one immune to the strain. Anyway that aside, it appears Ronon's becoming a little bit more domesticated!<strong>_

_Shep: I wanted to show a little bit more of those two but I don't want people to think it's getting old and stale. So your words really meant a lot to me!_

_Brn: lol it's the evil streak in me, it just comes out to play every once in a while. I would love to see John and a baby, I can imagine how sweet it would be to seem him doing the late night feeds or playing with it. _


	153. Chapter 153: Always

Chapter One Hundred and Fifty Four

_I'll be there till the stars don't shine  
>Till the heavens burst and<br>The words don't rhyme  
>And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind<br>And I'll love you - Always _

_Bon Jovi - Always_

The night was young and it was Ronon Dex's last night on Earth with his mate. It had all flown by so quickly, it seemed like yesterday that he had turned up here pleading for her to give him a second chance. Their relationship had only gotten better since then, he felt stronger and more firm. There was much more going on beneath the surface than there ever had been before. Their souls were whole again and there was more to them as a couple. There was a responsibility, that was brimming between them and somehow instead of feeling scared and overwhelmed, it felt right.

The moonlight was shining down upon the beach as the two of them strode side by side in a comfortable silence. The gentle waves were lapping lightly over Ronon's bare feet as the water rolled around his ankles. He enjoyed the sensation immensely, it as serene and calming. It had been such a long time since he had felt so at peace and it was all because of the woman next to him.

The joy between the two of them was resonating through their connection. Ronon took solace in the bliss that his mate felt, he could feel her contentment vibrating through him and he loved that. Their hands were entwined and Hope was beaming like a fool, her head tilted up so the moonlight cascaded down her glossy chestnut hair as it fell across her shoulders.

Ronon had never been so awe of anyone before. Hope had swiftly become his world in the short time they had been together and this was the safest that Ronon had ever felt. His life had always been fraught with violence and fear, he always managed to channel his terror into rage. It was something he had become accustomed to over the years, it gave him defences and safeguards against a world that had treated him cruelly. The only person he had ever had to rely on was himself.

"And now me." Hope spoke out loud in that soft voice of hers.

Ronon hadn't realized that he had been broadcasting so clearly and he knew there was no point in trying to hide his thoughts. He never wanted to block out Hope, not the way he had when he had been trying to cut her out of his life. His soul was always open to her, now and for forever.

Ronon squeezed her dainty hand lightly admitting his silent gratification, his other hand was in the pocket of his cargo shorts fingering the tiny circular band he had hidden in the material. The moment the two of them had met he had known that Hope was the one for him, that look in her eyes and the compassion in her soul. She was made for him and she always had been. Fate had drawn the two of them together and it was up to him to make sure that two of them stayed this way.

The news that she was coming back to Atlantis had caused him such elation. In those months that they had spent apart his lonesomeness had been crippling and his life practically unbearable. He knew that it had been the same for her, he had touched the darkness inside of his mate when the two of them had reacquainted and he despised that he had caused it. Ronon never wanted Hope to feel that way again, he wanted his lover to know that he was here to stay come hell or high water.

"Hope..." Ronon began gruffly as he drew to a halt.

"Ronon." Hope countered, her eyebrows raised in question at the seriousness of his tone.

She tilted her head up to meet his hazel gaze. There was a sparkle in Ronon's eyes when he looked at her, his sensual mouth was quirking up at the edges as he stared down at her lovingly. There was such openness in his stare and Hope found her hands rubbing up and down his broad chest. Tomorrow Ronon was leaving to return to Atlantis along with John Sheppard, Cassandra and herself would be following the week after.

Going back to Atlantis was like a dream come true. Somehow the problem that they had faced had been solved, she suspected Cassandra had something to do with that. No matter what had happened she thanked God for giving her a second chance with her soulmate.

"Love you." Ronon whispered as Hope leaned in even closer.

Her tropical scent was in his nostrils, that unique blend of coconut and something richer lingered on her skin. He could feel himself already getting lost in her eyes before his gaze lowered to her sensual mouth.

"Love you too." Hope uttered, pressing a feather light kiss to his lips.

It was short and honeyed with desire, their chemistry was building up once more swirling around them like magic as Ronon deepened their kiss. His tongue parted her lips, seeking out more as his large hands came to rest upon his mate's hips drawing her even closer to his hard form. He growled with satisfaction as Hope's teeth grazed his lower lip teasingly driving Ronon completely wild.

"Got something for you." Ronon mumbled against her mouth as the rush of prickling anticipation pulsed through his skin.

"Hm, I bet you have." Hope whispered as she kissed the corner of his mouth, her hands already skating down to his abdomen and toying with the waistband of his shorts.

Ronon's large hands came to rest over hers gently, preventing Hope from taking their rendezvous any further. Hope stared at his hands for a second, clearly puzzled by the turn of events. She had no idea why her mate was stopping, she could feel his urgency for intimacy through the threads of their bond. It was powerful and consuming but there was more to it now. Something more important than sex and Hope struggled to connect the dots on what was preventing her mate from making love to her.

"Patience." Ronon uttered tenderly, that familiar sly smile curving over his lips.

It was the same smile he used when he was about to do something sneaky, she had seen it a handful of times over the time they had been together and Hope instantly knew that Ronon Dex was up to something.

Ronon's large fingers were already delving into the pockets of his shorts, his calloused forefinger sought out the tiny ring before he clasped it between two fingers and pulled it out. He took Hope's small hand in his before sliding it onto her ring finger up to the place where it should have always resided.

Hope found herself starring at the white gold eternity ring with a mixture of shock and disbelief. The ring was a slender, open weaved Celtic design. It was simple and elegant and the fit was perfect. Ronon was still holding her hand, admiring his handiwork as his thumb ran over the precious metal. The moment he'd laid eyes on it back on their day time visit to the mainland, he knew it belonged to Hope.

"You and me..." Ronon murmured as he dipped his head so he could meet Hope's stunned gaze. "What we have is forever."

She could sense his earnestness as he spoke, it made her heart ache and her eyes sting with the sentiment behind his words.

"You don't have to marry me today but soon, when you decide your ready you let me know." Ronon told her, pressing his forehead to his mate's.

Hope laced her fingers through Ronon's dreadlocks, guiding his mouth within inches of her own. The trepidation hung in the salty air around them as she whispered against his lips.

"When we come back here, I want to leave again as your wife."

Ronon's fingers combed through his mate's fine hair as he pressed his mouth to hers in a demanding, greedy gesture. Fireworks of happiness were imploding inside of him and he couldn't stifle the intense surge of desire and contentment at the thought of Hope being bonded to him in such a way. She was already his in every sense of the word but marriage would be his final show of commitment to her, everyone would know that they belonged to each other and furthermore he would have his very own family.

The thought thrilled him in ways he never imagined it could. He wanted to wake up next to his mate every single day, he wanted to watch her grow with their cubs and play with them once they were born. He had never considered settling down, once upon a time it had never been an option available to him but ever since he had met Hope he had started wanting things and now she was making every single dream he had come true.

Hope was already melting into his firm, hard muscular form. She was returning his kisses with an urgency he had never encountered in such depth. Her kisses were hot and blissful as she rained them upon his wanting mouth, her entire lithe body pressed up against his. Ronon's tongue parted her lips, exploring the delicious cavern of her mouth with finesse as his hands began to slowly roam his mate's sensual shape.

Hope whimpered into his mouth as his fingertips slipped the straps of her black vest top away from her shoulders, leaving her upper body taunt and gloriously naked as Ronon shirked the top down to reveal her modest breasts. His warm hands were gentle as he covered the naked mounds with his palms, his thumbs lightly running over the swollen nubs. She cried out into his mouth causing Ronon's chest to rumble with appreciation at the sizzling desire that tore through his mate's body. She was more sensitive lately and Ronon found himself enjoying the fact that he could bring her to climax in a way that seemed almost effortless. It turned him on so much making her come for him before he took his pleasure, hearing her breathing his name at that pinnacle moment awakened all of his most primal urges.

It never mattered where the hell they were in her bungalow. If she looked at him with that gleam in her eye while he was doing something as simple as running his hand up and down the curve of her spine, that was it for him. It had led to some intriguing situations when they were out in public, the changing sheds when they were getting ready for surfing, the bathroom in a bar they'd been enjoying a few drinks in, in Hope's car, on the bonnet of Hope's car, multiple times on the beach...

Already Ronon was guiding his mate back onto the sand so he could have better access to her body. Later he would be cursing himself for getting carried away again on the beach because he would long periods of time trying to wash the gritty sand away from places that were best left unmentioned. Yet for now he had no control over his primal urges. His mate had just promised him her life and the beast in him was demanding he solidify that vow by claiming her as his own all over again.

His hand was already sliding down the front of Hope's, leaving a fiery trail across her skin as removed the vest top from her hips and the short denim skirt that she had been wearing. His jade eyes never left her face, watching every expression of ecstasy that crossed her pretty features as his hot fingertip trailed up from the line of her lilac sheer panties darting around her belly button and then up between her breasts before he used it to trace her pouting mouth.

Hope's tongue flicked out, licking up the large digit before she sucked it into her mouth teasingly. Ronon was already hard from their playing but now he ached in a manner that was almost painful, his leaking cock was rubbing against the material of his shorts causing a friction that was almost pleasurable. A growl rumbled from low in his chest causing Hope to take the finger in her mouth even deeper as she raised her eyebrows as if in challenge.

The shorts and shirt were practically torn off by Ronon as he removed his finger from his mate's mouth before he came to kneel before her almost naked form. She looked like the most radiant woman in the universe stretched out before him in just her panties. She was wet and ready for him, he could see the dampness on the thin material as he reviewed her through hooded eyes.

"Are we going to do something about that?" Hope asked him, as she rose herself up on her elbows and nodded at his glorious erection.

Ronon's answer was wordless, he looked at her like a predator sizing up it's prey. His motions were primal and basic as he crawled over her body allowing his hot skin to grace hers as he stretched out above her. His mouth sought out hers once more, his tongue delving inside of her needy cavern as her hands threaded through his dreadlocks. His large cock was between her athletic legs, pressing against her moist core through the thin material of her panties. The sensation drove her delirious, her hips were arching up against his, demanding more of him as he rubbed even harder at her clit with the head of his moist member.

Pleasure was already zigzagging through her as her breathing became more stunted, her hands gripping him even harder as he continued his ministrations. His demanding mouth was now on the curve of her throat, his tongue licking over another one of her erogenous zones as her climax began to raise like a wave inside of her.

"Ronon..." she called out his name as the orgasm claimed her violently.

Her entire body rose against his hips, her head tilting back into the sand as Ronon bit down lightly marking her at her most pivotal moment. The ecstasy was sensational, her heart was pounding against her rib cage as the fire works exploded through her nerve endings. Ronon was still kissing her neck as she began to come back down, her body was tingling with the aftermath as her lover's lips brushed against her earlobe, his breathing tickling the shell of her ear.

"Are you ready for more?" he asked in that deep, rumbling tone of his as his cock rubbed against her moist panties once more sending electric pursing through her system.

All Hope could do was nod her response before her mate stripped off her panties and began to pleasure her once more.

* * *

><p><em><strong>When I heard this song after such a long time, the first thing that came into my head was Ronon and Hope during their separation and the chorus just seemed absolutely perfect for this chapter!<strong>_

_Sarah: Hi, it's nice to meet you and thanks very much for the review. You'll find out a little later about Hope's new position. I promise John and Cass will be making their own return soon enough!_

_Brn: lol I know you can see him as a father, it would be so sweet to see him cuddling a little baby inside of his jacket. I can answer neither way! Everyone is feeling a little better in work._

_Thorne: I loved the idea of Ronon becoming more domesticated. I thought he would go the extra mile for Hope, in trying to make things work. _

_Joey: You understand exactly where these two are coming from in terms of being parents. They are the kind of people who have such a wonderful capacity for love and who knows what will come along for them in the future. _

_Shippo: I am so glad that they are returning to Atlantis!_


	154. Chapter 154: Catch Up

Chapter One Hundred and Fifty Four

_'Cause everything is out there  
>And there's no limits out there<br>We could be reaching out for anything if we try enough_

_Lighthouse Family - Raincloud_

John Sheppard had had no idea how badly he had missed Ronon Dex until he found himself sitting across from the huge hulking mass of man in the canteen of Stargate Command. The two of them were sitting across from each other at the small metal table. Ronon took up an entire side, his elbows perched on the very edge of the steel frame as he clenched his knife and fork between his large fists. The metal tray in front of him was heaped with a variation of food, whilst John's hands were clasped around a cup of coffee as he nursed it.

Him and Cass had shared breakfast with their family this morning. Jules had made something that had been the equivalent of a leaving feast. His dad and his brother David had surprised them by turning up at eight and before they knew it, they were in the middle of a meal that seemed large enough to feed the five thousand. John had to admit he had enjoyed the mirth that was coming from around that table. There was such joy and happiness from the people around him. It was strange to be in an environment that radiated such support, he was used to getting silent, disapproving looks not jovial good natured ribbing.

It left John wondering if it was something he would ever get used to. His previous relationships had filled him with dread whenever he had been deployed or called away by work, he had taken to sneaking out so he wouldn't have to see the disappointment in their eyes when he took another phone call. With Cass it was different, it had always been different and her understanding of the situation was one of the reasons he had fallen in love with her in the first place. There was no guilt in taking a phone call, no deep sighs or locking herself away before he had a chance to explain. Her family were the same, when he had had to take that phone call to signal his ride was ready there was no irritation only acknowledgement that their time with him had come to an end.

It was his father's reaction that had shocked him the most, he had glanced up at the older man to find him smiling with something that looked like pride in his eyes. Seeing that was still hard to get used to, being pulled into a manly hug by his brother Dave was another first. The two of them had been cold to each other in their teenage years, always vying for their father's attention. At John's wedding they had settled for a hand shake and a short embrace, at the time it had felt a little awkward since it was the first time they had seen each other in a couple of years.

This time around though, it felt natural and he thought there was a possibility that Dave was actually going to miss him. Jules had casually mentioned that it wasn't just his father that happened to come to dinner lately, his brother did too. Cass had admitted to regaling Dave with stories of John's exploits over the months she had been back on Earth. It seemed that Dave wanted to reacquaint with his blood and was trying to accomplish it at his own pace. John was fine with that, their father had his email address if Dave wanted to maintain contact.

Leaving wasn't easy, then again it never had been. Annie had been clingy until Cass had spoken a few words to her and he knew it would be harder when her aunt came to leave in over a week's time. He didn't envy Cass in that respect but he knew Jules would smooth it over somehow, the way she always did. Cass would keep in contact with her family through emails and with little pictures that were cleared by McKay and the IOA so she would still be in their lives through some form of communication.

Walking away from Cass was always the hardest part. Even though it was only a week, it would seem to stretch like a life time. His mind was still full of the three months the two of them had spent apart and the harrowing lonesomeness that had dogged his steps. He hadn't wanted to let her go once he had wrapped his arms around her slender form. She had fit him in the way she always did. She was perfection and the way she made him feel was incomparable.

Ronon was his usual quiet self, his attention was on his food as he scooped up hunks of meat and shovelled them into his mouth. Yet there was one significant difference in the other man's behaviour, Ronon Dex was smiling. Ever since he had stepped onto the underground base, the edges of his mouth had been twitching like he was hiding the world's worst kept secret. Ronon was usually so good at keeping secrets, so John assumed it was something that the other man wanted to tell him. He just wasn't sure how.

Over the past two years in which they had been friends, Ronon's social skills had been lacking for want of another word. The other man had been spent seven years of his life being hunted by the Wraith, travelling from world to world and surviving in the wilderness.

"So did Hope not feed you while you were away?" John asked as he gestured to the heap of food between them.

Ronon didn't even bother to glance at John as he took a gulp from his pint glass of water before answering.

"We had breakfast..." Ronon conceded with that wicked glint in his jade eyes.

John caught his drift with raised eyebrows before he lowered his gaze to his coffee.

"I'm guessing that didn't include food." John teased with a tilt of his head before going fishing. "Anything exciting happen in Hawaii? Extracurricular activities aside."

"You were right about surfing." Ronon shrugged. "Spent a lot of time doing that, got engaged, did more surfing, learned how to use a BBQ."

"Told you, you'd enjoy surfing." John uttered before backtracking over the conversation. "Got engaged?"

"Getting married when we go back." Ronon stated, wiping his hands on a white napkin before raising his jade eyes to meet John's. "You gonna be my wingman?"

To say he was touched was an understatement. When Ronon said he was going to Hawaii to fix things, he'd expected a little grovelling not a proposal. For some reason though the news of another Atlantis wedding didn't surprise him, Hope and Ronon were more than just a couple, they were soulmates. Sometimes when John saw them together he thought of himself and Cass, they interacted in the same way, communicating entirely without words.

"Your asking me to be your best man?" John clarified.

Ronon's heavy eyebrows curved into a frown as he looked pointedly at John.

"Not like I'm gonna ask McKay." Ronon said with a shrug of his shoulders as John grinned at him. "You gonna do it or not?"

"I'm in." John informed the hulking Satedan. "So ceremony..."

"Up to Hope." Ronon dismissed with a shake of his head. "Just want her, don't care about how."

"I bet that's been happening a lot while you were in Hawaii."John teased his buddy.

The two of them barely talked about sex although both knew that the other man was very active. It was a code when you were partnered, John thought he had far too much regard for his wife to allow their antics to become gossip. From the smug, satisfied look on Ronon's features John had already gotten all the information that he needed. Ronon was a very happy man in that respect as was he.

"How's Cass?" Ronon asked instead, his gaze returning to his food as he poked at it with his fork.

John's thumb ran over the SGC logo on the white coffee mug as he debated how to answer the question at hand. Physically Cassandra was in better health than she had been, mentally, she was still healing. She still woke up in the depths of the night, her face ashen and her heart racing. He knew that it would be a long time before Michael was erased from her psyche.

"She's good, getting better every day." John told Ronon honestly. "It takes time to come to terms with what happened to her but she's dealing with it healthily."

"Good." Ronon stated flatly. "Miss having her around."

John pursed his lips together before lowering his gaze to the depths of his coffee cup as he spoke.

"Yea me too."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, sorry it has been a while. I've spent the beginning half of the week very sick with the same illness that struck down a lot of people in work. All I have done is sleep since!<strong>_

_Joey: Your right Hope is a very lucky girl. Jason Momoa is my ideal man in that effect! He is such a wonderful person (from what I gather from interviews)_

_Brn: lol I am so glad you clarified that the sexy hug wasn't from me. To be honest I was completely surprised that the two of them decided to take that step. They are all going home and it will be lovely for them! It's their own choice to return and we know it will make them all very happy._

_Shippo: I am so glad you loved this chapter. _


	155. Chapter 155: Take Back The City

Chapter One Hundred and Fifty Six

_I love this city tonight  
>I love this city always<br>It bears its teeth like a lion  
>And spits me out after days<br>But we're all gluttons for it  
>We know what's wrong and it's right<br>For every time it's been hit  
>Take back the city tonight<em>

_Snow Patrol – Take Back The City_

Home sweet home. That was the first thing Cassandra Sheppard thought as she stepped through the Stargate and into the familiar Gate Room. She was one in a thong of people that were coming to the city and she could see the awe and the excitement on their faces as they surveyed the new city. She had been like them once, hell she still was. This place still fascinated her, it held so many secrets that they had yet to uncover and that made life all the more exciting.

Hope was by her side, a backpack on her shoulder as she strode through the crowd confidently. Cass was glad to see her friend and that time away had done wonders for Hope's golden complexion. The woman was practically glowing with happiness at being back here. Cass didn't blame her, there was such relief at being back although she was slightly apprehensive. The nerves were understandable after all the stuff that had actually happened to her but the point was to beat them. There were a lot more important things on Atlantis.

Even as the thought took her, she found her sapphire blue eyes raising to the balcony that hung overhead beside the stairs leading to the Control Deck. She didn't need to look to feel her husband's hazel gaze upon her. Her flesh was already prickling with warm anticipation and she could feel his metaphysical being swooping down like a guardian angel to greet her. It wrapped her up in it's jubilant nature making her grin as she looked up at him.

Just seeing his boyish smile illuminate his handsome features made her heart beat just a little bit faster. She had forgotten how good he looked in the newer Atlantis uniform, the black leather flak jacket clung to his shoulders like a badge of honour. His combats were also black hugging his hips just right as he leaned over the railing, his hands clasped together as he watched her. It gave her a thrill knowing that she was the only one in the room he had eyes for.

John straightened his spine as Colonel Carter appeared beside him, his fingers linked behind his back as he tilted his head down to the grouping of people below them once more. His wife was gone, lost in the crowd of people. It didn't matter, he knew exactly where she was heading, they would catch up later and make their home their own once more again.

It would be a while before John could reacquaint with her and he was sure in the meantime that Cass would keep herself busy. Carson was already making happy noises about having his second in command back under his wing, it hadn't been the same with his wife gone, not for any of them.

"She down there?" Sam asked as she came to stand beside the other Colonel.

Her baby blue eyes were analytically scanning the crowd of people who were coming through the gate for the woman who had somehow managed to capture John Sheppard's heart. Sam had heard a lot about Cassandra Sheppard over her time here, she was revered and respected. Her and Sheppard were like a real life fairytale according to some of the stories she'd heard. She was interested to meet the other woman and to learn what kind of person she really was.

"Just missed her." John stated with the shrug of his shoulders. "You'll get to meet her later."

Sam crossed her arms over her chest leaving the two of them in an companionable silence. Sheppard had been recalled back to duty in order to introduce the new marines to the way of life on Atlantis. Ronon had followed up as his second in command in regards to the training.

Back on Sateda Ronon had been a Commander on his very own team, John sought to utilise those skills. The other man had gained his trust undoubtedly over the years that they had served together, he thought it was time that the Specialist took a more proactive role in the militaristic side of things.

The Satedan had made Atlantis his home and it was time for Atlantis to give the man a little something back. Ronon deserved to have an established life here. John didn't know how long they were going maintain a presence in this galaxy but they needed to make the best of their time here. Ronon needed to feel like he had a place where he belonged and with all the other changes in his life, it was the other man's time to take more responsibility if that was what he wanted.

John was already surprised by all the other leaps and bounds that he was making. As soon as he had gotten back onto Atlantis, the Satedan had turned up at Colonel Carter's office to renew his relationship status and to request bigger living quarters for himself and his fiancée.

John had spent the majority of yesterday helping his friend move into his new quarters. It hadn't taken long, Ronon didn't have much stuff, two or three boxes at best. John had helped put up a few shelves and some brackets for a surf board that he had ordered. He had procured a coffee table at one of the markets they had attended off world with Teyla while negotiating a trade agreement. He had bought other nik naks, things that he had found that he liked.

John had noticed a lot of polished dark wooden ornaments when they had gotten back from their offworld shopping trip. It showed him a different side to his friend, Ronon was allowing himself to be a little frivolous and John was glad. It meant he was finally ready to make a den here and settle down. By the time they had finished fixing up the place it didn't look too bad, it was a little bare but otherwise it was a really nice apartment with Ronon's furnishings. Seeing touches of Ronon surprised John, it was like seeing his friend's soul painted upon the walls although he had ribbed Ronon about the burgundy comforter that was spread lovingly across the double bed. He could tell that creating a den for his mate made Ronon happy and John felt such pride at his friend's efforts to carve out a life for himself.

The crowding of people below them was dispersing, various personnel from Atlantis were leading groups from the Gate Room in order to deliver their introductions to the city. Already they could see McKay herding his own group of scientists, his gestures were impatient as he guided them into the corridors.

Ronon was already on the lower deck, his large frame sticking out from the throng of people as he hoisted Hope's backpack over his shoulder. His free arm was already slung over his fiancée's lithe frame guiding her in the direction of their new shared quarters. John could tell that he was staking his claim intentionally and he didn't blame the other man. There was a deep and savage instinct to protect what was their own and John understood this was part of that age old mating dance.

"Your smiling." Sam commented as she tilted her head up towards her male counter part, her long golden plait swishing as she moved.

"Everything is in it's rightful place." John stated frankly as he straightened his spine and clasped his hands behind his back.

"Haven't you got an orientation to get to?" Sam reminded him lightly, arching her eyebrows.

John checked his watch and winced as he caught sight of the time. He would be a few minutes late but he would make it. Lorne was probably already up there, reading the new Marines the riot act and giving them their orders. He had come to rely on the other man during the months that he was in charge and the Major shouldered the responsibility well. It was only recently that John had began to notice that there appeared to be cracks appearing on the surface.

Since he had returned from his vacation to Earth he had detected a change in his second in command's demeanour. Lorne appeared to be more surly than usual, his mood darker. He didn't interact as much with the men in the same way and John had noticed that he was becoming more and more distant as time went on. He had enquired subtly into Lorne's missions whilst he had been away and found that nothing out of the ordinary had happened, there was certainly nothing that would influence his behaviour in such a manner. His physicals with Beckett had turned up nothing but bumps and bruises, things that appeared on the job and off it.

John had summarised that something was going on in the other man's personal life and he wasn't sure how to broach it. Lorne was a very private man and John respected that. There want a lot he knew about the Major except he liked to paint and had grown up in San Fransico and those were details he had gleaned from his wife when she had been back on Lorne's team. The truth was that when John and Lorne were in the same room together, they talked mainly about work or sports. In everything else Major Evan Lorne was a complete enigma.

Sam was looking at him pointedly now and it reminded John why he was even thinking about Lorne on the first place.

"I'm gonna..." he trailed off pointing in the direction of the training room.

Sam nodded her agreement before turning her attention back to the grouping of new recruits.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I am so sorry it has been so long. Times been flying by with work as I have been managing the shop which entails working all sorts of crazy hours. The good news is that I am off next week so that means plenty of writing!<strong>_

_Shep: I hated the fact John was such a pain for his family and you could see how awful he felt when Dave told him his dad had wanted to make up with him. I wanted to show the difference between what John had already experienced with Nancy and his own family and a group of people who supported his actions and I think Jules pulled it off nicely. Glad you enjoyed the boy's bonding time._

_Thorne: lol I have no idea when their wedding is going to happen, there's so much more important things on the cards for them all coming up. :p_

_Brn: I am so glad your enjoying this story, it really makes me beam to see you so excited. I wanted to show everyone's reactions to coming home and it was a little fun to see Ronon staking his claim lol._

_Joey: As far as these dudes are concerned their personal life is their own. I couldn't imagine the two of them gossiping. The ep Sunday really set their relationship in terms of what the two guys do when their hanging out. The fact they didn't know anything about each other's personal lives really spoke volumes to me about how much these men value their privacy and their friendships._

_Shippo: I am very well now thank you! I really did sleep a lot. It was about 16 hours straight and when I went to work the next day my boss sent me home so I slept loads more! You may have to wait a little while for the wedding._


	156. Chapter 156: Welcome Home

Chapter One Hundred and Fifty Six

_I wanna take you with me  
>To life with no more yesterdays<br>We can start again awake and so excited  
>And change the way we always push <em>

_Train - Parachute_

Carson Beckett had never been so pleased to see someone until Cassandra Sheppard walked through the doors to the Infirmary. It had been a long, hard endurance without his right hand woman and finally it was all over. They had managed but Cass had a way of making things easier. During the course of their time working together she had proved to be an intelligent sounding board to the unusual ailments that plagued them in this universe.

Anthony Castanza was a poor replacement for Cass, the man was adequate but he wasn't made for leadership. Carson wasn't sure why the IOA had chosen him to temporarily fill Cass's position. The other man didn't take the same precautions as Cassandra, he wasn't kind or patient and his thought processes were focused only on the military personal instead of the larger picture.

Cass was always thinking bigger, the possibility of aid and refugee camps in other worlds had always been a larger focus of hers and Beckett has already put things into place to ensure that they could help the people that needed it. It was the reason he had brought Hope back to Atlantis, or at least one of them. Before Cassandra had gone missing the two of them had talked about starting an aid project but all possibilities of that had been put on hold with everything that had happened with Michael.

During Cass's time on Earth, the civilian side of things had become her focus. She had spent a lot of her time making proposals for the project in order for Carson to submit to the IOA. The Aid Project had been a success and before they knew it the proposal had gone through and the two of them were wading through staff lists. Hope had been their first choice, she had the knowledge and experience to manage the project both efficiently and productively. Beckett was satisfied at the time that the two of them were on the same page and now he was excited about beginning something that was both new and beneficial to Atlantis and the Pegasus Galaxy.

"Lassie, it's good to see you." Carson greeted opening his arms and embracing his friend with genuine affection.

He was happy to see she had gained a little weight. Before she left Cassandra had lost a lot of weight due to the depression that had plagued her existence. Her figure was now fuller and more curvaceous, it looked good on her. In short she was healthy and that was everything that Carson had prayed for.

Cass responded by hugging him tightly, she had missed Carson furiously over their time apart. He had always been her comfort, the older man challenged and inspired her. He was a wonderful, compassionate man. Seeing the way he cared about other people touched her dearly, the man had a healer's soul and it made Cass happy to know that they were all in safe hands.

"I missed you Carson." Cass uttered as the two of them released each other grinning.

"Aye Lass, it hasn't been the same around here without you." Carson informed her as he came to lean back against the observation table. "How are you doing?"

"Better." Cass told him honestly. "I'm ready to be here again, ready to make this place my home again."

"That's good." Carson said, his vivid blue eyes trained on Cassandra's, reading everything she had to offer.

There was that bright familiar glint in her sapphire blue eyes as she returned that intense knowing look. There was a familiar impulse raising up between them and the both of them couldn't help but grin like two children who were ready to get into mischief. The truth was they were an amazing team, they bounced off each so easily it was frightening sometimes to watch. John had told that to Cass once. He said he had a similar dynamic with Ronon, it was an instinctive professional drive and the two of them thought in tandem, complimenting each other's skills and filling in where the other was lacking.

"We have a lot of catching up to do." Cass uttered, gesturing between the two of them. "And I would like to do that as soon as."

"Over lunch?" Carson asked her. "I haven't had a chance to eat yet."

His stomach grumbled accordingly before he placed a hand upon his stomach chuckling as Cass shook her head. Carson was already stripping off his white coat before hanging it up on the peg in what used to be their shared office.

"Your beginning to sound like Rodney." Cass teased her counterpart with raised eyebrows before her eyes came to linger on her old desk.

She had never seen something so disorganised and haphazard before now. There were manilla files heaped on top of one another alongside a closed laptop. There was an SGC coffee mug set on the corner of the desk without a coaster and she could already see the coffee ring permanently etched into the wood of the desk. She was already tutting in distaste. Her desk had always been the most immaculate thing in her life, her work life was always controlled. That was the way it always had to be. Order was the key to running a flawless mission, that and tactical planning.

"How the hell can he find anything in this mess?" Cass asked, shaking her head in disapproval.

"Aye." Carson agreed, his eyebrows already etching into a frown at the sight before him. "It'll be gone by tomorrow and then you can have everything restored back to it's original place."

The truth was Castanza's desk had been an eyesore for the past few months, Carson believed that an untidy desk was the result of a cluttered mind and he had certainly been seeing that over the past few weeks. Clearly Castanza was having trouble juggling his responsibilities in terms of the work that Carson had seen coming from him over the past months. His mission reports were short and the details sparse, already Colonel Carter had taken the other man aside once or twice over the fact he had been late handing them in.

"I'm going to inherit this disorder aren't I?" Cass muttered, waving her hand at the general uncleanness.

It irked her badly seeing the state of disarray. It was a sign of laziness and that was a luxury they could not afford when it came to medical care.

"Think of it this way." Carson said in his playful Scottish lilt as he took her elbow and guided her from the room. "At least you'll know where everything is once you've finished."

Ronon was nervous. He was not a man who was usually overcome by anxiety, he was used to facing his fears and literally beating the living crap out of them. He faced danger of all sorts on a day to day basis so something as simple as showing Hope their new apartment shouldn't scare him as much as it did. Yet the truth was it terrified him more than any Wraith ever could.

He had taken a few liberties with their relationship and in the past Hope had let them slide. He was a difficult man to be with, there was no denying that but he strove to make things easy for his lover which was why he had selected and fixed up the apartment in the first place. Now he was starting to think that that wasn't such a good idea.

The two of them had never talked about living together, it had never come up in their time in Hawaii, at least not as a discussion. They had cohabited for that time he was on Earth and Ronon had to admit he liked the domestication more than anything else but he had never asked Hope her thoughts on it. He didn't think it had even consciously crossed her mind if he was honest. He had been so happy when he'd gotten back to Atlantis he thought his insides would explode at the contentment. He wanted to turn that potent felicitous energy into something more. He wanted to build and create a sanctuary for his wife to be so there would always be a safe and comforting place for her to return to.

Now Ronon was beginning to think he had rushed. Hope hadn't said a word since she'd stepped through the double doors he had forced McKay to program their I.D's into, and Ronon was having a hard time reading her since she seemed to be so overwhelmed by what he was showing her.

"If you don't like it, you can go back to your old quarters." Ronon offered sullenly, crossing his arms over his chest as he retreated into himself.

The thought of going back to a smaller room with a single bed made his shoulders sag. This was a gesture of commitment for him and it had only just occurred to him that Hope might not be ready for something like this. They had been moving fast and he would be the first to admit that but he didn't see the point in waiting around if they could make each other happy.

Hope tilted her head up towards him, her expressive dark eyes filled with disbelief and something that Ronon couldn't quite read.

"Is it ours?" she asked him, turning her head back to the simple living area.

"If you want it to be." Ronon stated gruffly, his jade eyes analysing his mate trying to read her body language.

"I really want that." she said in a voice that sounded almost breathless as she stepped further into the room, her finger trailing lightly over the hand woven, Athosian tapestry that Ronon had hung upon the wall.

It was hard to believe that this was all theirs. She had never expected this but it was everything that she could have wanted. Ronon's energy was already here, the marks of his life and soul decorating their space with fierce pride.

Ronon's presence was lingering behind her, she could sense his relief flowing over as his strong muscular arms wrapped around her waist. His chin came to rest upon her head, his back pressing along the length of hers as she allowed herself to cuddle even deeper against his loving form. She couldn't stifle the delight that was rebounding through her body, Ronon basked in it, burying his face into her hair and inhaling her unique exotic scent as he felt their souls moulding against each other at the utopia that the two of them were constructing. His breath tickled her ear as he whispered against her soft skin the words that he had longed to say since his mate had entered their den.

"Welcome Home."

_**Hey guys! I am having an horrendous week so I decided to quickly deliver another chapter!**_

_Joey: I understand what you mean but I think your right about the whole thing about it being an action show. I quite liked Harmony because it showed Rodney's interaction with the kid and how they would do anything to help people. It was a funny ep at times. Carter is my fav of all the Atlantis Commanders, she is so warm and rational. I really liked the idea of Ronon finally adding his own touches to the place, I wanted to show him finally making a den for his mate. _

_Shippo: I hope you feel better soon! I think Cass is glad to be back! Thanks for reviewing on the chapter. _

_Brn: I could completely imagine Ronon making a den for his mate, as far as he's concerned this is his home. Woot! Cass is home! I can think of some other people who are happy to see him back. Your not the only one that likes Lorne._


	157. Chapter 157: Foreplay

Chapter One Hundred and Fifty Seven

_And just like the ocean under the moon  
>Well that's the same emotion that I get from you<br>You got the kind of lovin that can be so smooth  
>Gimme your heart, make it real<br>Or else forget about it_

_Santana - Smooth_

The lights were on when John Sheppard got home, a signal that his wife was home and it made the burdens on his shoulders just a little lighter at that knowledge. For months he had returned home to an empty desolate place and now that had changed. Coming home to Cassandra filled him with a sense of contentment that rivalled no other. He had forgotten how something so simple could make him feel. Just having her back where she belonged helped to balance out all the nagging doubts that plagued his existence.

Cassandra was no where to be seen in the small living area but there was a pile of reports placed neatly on the coffee table. He knew his wife was antsy about resuming her position under Beckett, it was nerve wrecking after what she had been through, he got that more than anybody else but she was supported. His wife was the type of person to jump right in with two feet and he guessed that's what she had been doing before he came in.

John stripped off his leather flak jacket, hanging it up on the pegs he had installed along side the door before bending over to unlace his boots. He toed them off placing them in the tidy shoe rack under the coat pegs. Long ago he had noticed that Cass kept her shoes all neatly in a row along side the door, so he had built her the shoe rack to keep things organised. His own boots looked massive alongside her dainty ones, it wasn't hard to imagine what a child sized version of their shoes would look like. John found himself pursing his lips together at that thought.

It was unsettling that the possibility of children was still on his mind. After the discussion they had had back on Earth, he had been pacified with the possibility of adopting in a couple of years when their lives settled down and they made a permanent home on the planet. It surprised him that his thoughts were still of a paternal nature and he shook off the image of tiny army boots to focus on something that was much more real and solid.

The bathroom door was ajar and steam was bellowing out from the thin gap between the frame and the door. It was an invitation and John accepted it with vigour. He used his rough palm to open the door before stepping into the steaming bathroom and closing it behind him.

Cassandra was in the bath, her short wavy hair was clipped away from her pale features. The bubbles were covering the majority of her slender form as she sank in deep beneath the water. Her sapphire eyes focused on him as he took slow deliberate steps towards her. He came to perch on the side of the bath, his hazel eyes darkening with arousal as he took in her submerged body.

"Are you planning on joining me?" she requested, her eyebrows arching with mischievous intention.

"I haven't taken a bath with you for a long time." John said as he rose to his feet.

His hands were already yanking off his black T-shirt revealing his toned muscular body. Cass let her gaze drift down to his chest, mentally cataloguing all of the scars once more. It made John feel revered when his wife looked at him like that, the way she ran her fingers over the marks that were etched into his sensual flesh made him tingle and ache. John began to undo the the buckle on his belt wrenching the tongue out of it before stripping out his trousers and underwear.

Cass shifted in the bathtub allowing her husband to slip into water until he was seated behind her. His strong arms wrapped around her, guiding her backwards so she came to rest against his chest. His thighs encased hers so they were pressed against one another as close as could be. His lips brushed along the curve of her jaw, kissing her dewy skin.

"I remember the reason we stopped taking baths together was because your hands wandered." Cass murmured as her husband's calloused palms soothed over her bare thighs.

"Well how do you expect me to behave when your all naked and wet?" John uttered into her ear, his breath causing her skin to prickle with anticipation.

His hands were moving, lightly parting her thighs as her head tipped back into the the hallow of his neck. His fingers were doodling patterns on the sensitive flesh of her inner thigh. His erection was already hard and throbbing, Cass feel it pressing against her buttocks and lower back. It turned her on knowing how much John wanted her at this moment, there was heat flushing through her insides and desire flooding down to her lower regions.

"You make me want you so God damn much." John said roughly as he arched his hips against her lower back creating friction and sending a delicious pulse of pleasure through his groin.

His fingers crept between Cass's legs seeking out her moist core. His thumb came to rest on Cass's clit as he slipped a finger within her hot tightness. She gasped out loud as he began to strum her body like a finely tuned instrument and it made little fireworks explode underneath John's flesh. She always needed him, she had told him that a thousand times but the reactions of her body told him things that her mouth never could. He adored the way she shivered and writhed against him when he hit that particular spot deep inside of her. The sound of her panting breath was in his ears, he could hear her whimpers of pleasure as his thumb chased over her clit lightly.

"Jesus John." Cass gasped, her nails raking across his thigh as her hips arched even further into his hand.

The ecstasy that was building up inside of her was immense, she could feel pulse of euphoria trembling through her body as John stroked her to climax. She was on the pinnacle of release, her entire form quaking against her husband as he pleasured her mercilessly.

"I love hearing you call my name when you come for me." John growled into her ear as he slipped another finger deep inside his wife.

She cried out as she came, her whole body tensing against her husband as the orgasm crested stealing away her breath. It flushed through her system like a fire, burning her up with undeniable pleasure and making her delirious with it. John held onto her tightly, nuzzling her throat as her nails raked his arm and his name sounded through the air.

This was just foreplay to him. As soon as he got his wife out of the bath, he would take her back to bed and make love to her properly. He adored listening to the noises she made when she was underneath his hands, he would spend hours bringing her to climax tonight, over and over again.

Cassandra came to rest against him, he could feel her muscles relaxing as she placed her head upon his damp chest trying to catch her breath.

"Good?" he questioned, placing kisses along the curve of her exposed throat.

"Amazing." Cass corrected, her cheeks flushed with exertion from their playing.

Her heart was still beating rampantly in her chest as she came down from her high. John had always been a narcotic, he was like a drug chasing through her veins making her addiction even more potent. She was still craving him even now, the longing was worse than before and the desire was mounting up again once more. Their foreplay was always a light relief for the major event and she could still feel her husband's rigid member pressing urgently against her back as his teeth grazed that tiny sweet spot underneath her ear.

"Let me take you to bed." Cass murmured as she twisted her head to see the profile of her husband's handsome features.

John Sheppard didn't need to be told twice.

* * *

><p>They hadn't even made it out of the bathroom. They had managed to get out the bath but after that everything went to hell. The sight of his wife naked, her eyes shining so brightly in her heightened state of arousal was enough to tip him over the edge. He couldn't control his urges when it came to Cassandra, there was something about her that made his control snap. It had always been this way. In the beginning he had had all these personal rules, he stuck by them religiously and then he'd met Cassandra and he'd broken every single one of them.<p>

Cassandra was the same way, the two of them were cut from the same cloth in that respect. It had never been her intention to get involved with him but from that first meeting in Afghanistan they had been destined for one another, it had just become a case of admitting it. He had never believed in love until he had met Cassandra and now he was right in the place where he deserved to be.

His wife was being mischievous, John found himself slammed against the bathroom door buck naked. Her tongue was in his mouth, exploitative and needy, his hands were raking through her short hair as their kisses became longer and more demanding. Their towels were long gone, John didn't know where and he didn't care.

His skin was on fire from all the deviant touching his wife was doing, her skilful fingers stroked over the sensitive pattern of his scars leaving him gasping in desire. The palm of her right hand cupped his crotch, her gentle fingertips caressing his silky skin as she allowed it to run up the length of him. John arched into her hand as her slim fingers wrapped around his hardness.

"God, that feels so good." he groaned as she pumped him lightly, her thumb running over the head of his dick.

"I know something that will feel a lot better." Cass uttered, her sexy tone sending a thrill right down John's spine.

She dropped to her knees in front of him and John found himself in a state of euphoria as he watched his wife lick up along the length of his throbbing erection. Her sapphire blue eyes were on his face, burning with an intensity that made him moan as her lips enclosed around the crown of rigid cock. Her tongue flicked over the tip plunging him straight into heaven.

Cassandra's skills were beyond measure and John found himself crying out loud as she took him even deeper into the moist cavern of her mouth. He was at her mercy and that got him off in more ways that he could count. There was only one person he could ever surrender himself over to and she was on her knees right now blowing the hell out of him. His fingers were tangling in his wife's silky dark hair as she moved with slow antagonising movements that drove him literally insane.

"I love it when your on your knees like this Cassie." John groaned from low in his throat as his lower back began to tingle with the imminent implosion.

Sweat was running down his brow as he struggled to stave off his orgasm. God it was coming, his breathing was ragged and harsh as his wife tormented him with her tongue. She was too good at manipulating his body and this was the most delirious of pleasures.

"Fuck." John cursed as his grip tightened on his wife's hair. "I'm coming Cassie."

Cass sucked him even harder, her mouth slick and wet as she took him even deeper. John couldn't hold off any longer, she was driving him crazy with that sexy little mouth of hers. He let out a long throaty groan as he climaxed suddenly, his whole body tensing as the haze of fireworks exploded through his synapses.

Cass removed herself from her husband before raising to her feet looking pleased with herself as she took in her husband's sated form, sagging against the bathroom door. His chest was heaving as he panted loudly, struggling to catch his breath. His hazel eyes flickered open catching sight of her standing before him, completely nude with her hands on her hips.

"You are a wicked woman." he accused her, stepping away from the bathroom door and gathering his wife up in his arms.

John loved feeling the intimacy of skin on skin contact, it was the reason he slept naked with Cassandra. There was something cathartic about being close to her in that way. Cass clung to her husband, her arms wrapping around his waist and drawing him even closer so she could feel the beating of his heart against her own.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys. I thought I would brighten up your day by giving you a little CassJohn love!**_

_Shippo: lol I adore Ronon and Hope's relationship, it's more playful and animistic than John and Cass. Carson is one of my fav chars!_

_Brn: Train are playing here this year and I am debating on whether to go! I adore them! I think it's time for everyone to move forward with their lives. They need to grow and expand as people. I think your in for a little surprise with Lorne!_


	158. Chapter 158: Liar

Chapter One Hundred and Fifty Eight

_And now the bitter chill of the winter  
>Still blows through me like a plague<br>Only to wake up with an empty bed  
>On a perfect summer day<em>

My world just feels so cold  
>And you find yourself<br>Walking down the wrong side of the road

_Maroon 5 – I Can't Lie_

It was after three am and Major Evan Lorne still couldn't sleep. The events of two nights ago were still whirling around his head like a hurricane. There was anxiety gnawing at his guts as he rolled onto his side glaring at his alarm clock in frustration. The minutes ticked by like hours as he focused on the laptop he had slammed shut over forty eight hours ago. The memory played like a scene from a movie in his head and Lorne found himself despising every fibre of his being.

_The sun had already set on Atlantis and Major Evan Lorne was lying stock still on top of his crumpled sheets in the darkness starring at the blank ceiling above him. His heart was beating rampantly in his chest, his slick sweat soaked body sticking to the sheets under him. His arm was tucked behind his head and he could hear his own ragged breathing echoing in the silence around him. _

_The naked man next to him stretched out, his long limbs brushing along the length of Lorne's as he groaned in that familiar satisfied way. It had been a long, rough session but the two of them had been sated. They didn't do this very often but when they did it was spectacular. Lorne was an excellent lover, better than a lot of men that Castanza had over the years and he knew all the right buttons to push._

"_It's time for you to leave Tony." Lorne stated as he pulled himself up into a sitting position and reached for his underwear. _

_It was dangerous for the two of them to be doing this. Homosexuality was banned in the military, the 'don't ask, don't tell' policy was stronger than ever in these times and Atlantis was a small military base. It shamed Lorne that he had to hide what he was but at the same time he knew he was not alone in his conundrum._

_All the way through his career in the military he had found himself part of an underground closeted group of homosexual military men. They seemed to seek out each other for respite and to share their secrets, they would never reveal one another. It was an unspoken code between them, one that had been passed along the years. Over the years Lorne had had casual liaisons with other men, a relationship was out of the question and Tony was the latest in a short line to scratch his itch. _

"_I should be honoured you let me stay this long." Tony snarked as he managed to bring himself into a sitting position. _

_He groped for his trousers in the darkness, his smooth hands grasping them tightly before he tugged them on. Being part of the medical crew meant that he did not face the same issues surrounding his sexuality that Lorne did. It was allowed for him to be openly gay if that was his choice. Tony enjoyed having his freedom to enjoy other men. _

_That was why it was so important to Lorne that he leave under the cover of darkness. The other man was terrified of being found out, Tony knew what it would do to Lorne if he was discovered. Being dishonourably discharged for being a homosexual would ruin the other man's life, that was part of why he had chosen Lorne in the first place. The Major had a lot to lose if Tony ever found himself in a pinch._

"_You know the way it has to be." Lorne uttered as he ran his hand through his own mused up hair. _

_He could never look at Tony after their rendezvous, there was always a guilt residing inside of him. He felt like he was betraying the job by doing this and the people around him. He was a confidant for some of the people on Atlantis, he listened with earnest while they told their secrets like a priest at confession. Lorne knew that the Sheppards could not have children and the disappointment that bred inside of Cassandra because of it, that Ronon used to paint the stories of his ancestors back on Sateda before the Wraith had attacked. _

_Yet there was no one on this floating rock that he could ever bring himself to confide in. He couldn't run the risk of telling his friends, he could have the news of his sexuality getting back to his C.O. He had the utmost respect for Colonel Sheppard and he couldn't stand the possibility of putting the other man in that position nor the look of disgust in his eyes. He liked things the way they were and he would fight to hell or high water to keep them that way. _

_Tony was on his feet, pulling on his black T-shirt over his broad frame. He wasn't that much taller than Lorne, a couple of inches here or there. He had played football once upon a time and he was still built in the same manner, he took pride in his shape and worked out regularly. Lorne found his gaze lingering on Tony's back as he watched the other man dress. It was his dark hair and dark eyes that had attracted him in the beginning, the other man was charming and made him feel at ease. They had nothing much in common beyond taking mutual pleasure from one another. _

"_I could have left in the morning." Tony retorted tilting his head back towards Lorne so the other man could see the profile of his face._

"_We both agreed not to make this into something it's not." Lorne reminded the other man as he sought out his baby blue shirt pulling it on over his own bare chest._

"_Because cuddling makes it a relationship?" Tony questioned with irritation._

_Lorne had ignored the question. Under normal circumstances with someone he cared about, Lorne would have loved to have spent the night wrapped up in a lover but this little more than a casual fuck._

There had been a very heated exchange between the two of them after their tryst and as far as Lorne was concerned that night had been the end of their agreement. He didn't agree with the other man's opinions on the current Aid Project and the things he had said about Hope left a bad taste in Lorne's mouth. Tony was a petty man ruled by ambition and Lorne despised that he hadn't seen it until it was far too late.

_Lorne rose to his feet rose to his feet, grabbing a plush white towel from over the back of his chair and slinging it over his shoulder._

"I want you gone by the time I get out of the shower." Lorne told him frostily before stepping into the bathroom and allowing the door to shut swiftly behind him.

Now he knew what had transpired in the time that he had spent in the shower and it made him sick to his stomach. He had been working on his laptop before Tony had surprised him with an unplanned visitation at one fifteen am, stupidly he had left himself logged in when things had started to get hot and heavy between them. He hadn't even closed the laptop.

Lorne had returned from his shower to find his quarters empty much to his relief but there was something that had been bothering him and it didn't take him long to figure out it was the fact his laptop was shut. In that moment Lorne had felt the room spin as he pulled up the history of activity for over the time he had been absent.

At 2.22am Hope Kalua's staff file had been accessed. What the hell would Tony have wanted with that?

Lorne had confronted the other man eighteen hours ago and it hadn't been pretty. Lorne had demanded to know what Tony was doing on his laptop and threatened to report the breach of security protocol. Tony had hit back with a question of his own.

_Do you really want your C.O and your fellow Marines to know that your a fag? _

The question had made Lorne's blood run cold at the implications. To report the crime would be admitting that the other openly gay man was in his room at the dead of night and Lorne knew exactly what would happen if he did so.

The words 'dishonourable discharge' were still clanging around his skull like a bell. If he reported it his career would be over, if he didn't Lorne wasn't sure that he would be able to live with himself if there were ramifications to what he had allowed to happen.

Lorne flipped onto his back, both hands raking through his hair as he grappled with the strain.

To tell or not to tell?

* * *

><p>It was late but Ronon Dex wasn't ready to go to sleep just yet. He was simply too excited, his heart was ready to burst at the contentment he felt as he lay next to his mate in their new double bed. Even though there was more space now for the two of them Ronon still found himself curled up in the middle of the bed, spooning his sleeping fiancée. His broad back was to the doorway leading into their bedroom, it was a defensive posture. He sought to protect his mate from anything that came through that door. His gun was in his night stand, close to hand in case of danger. He had already lost a lover once, he would never allow anything to happen to Hope.<p>

Ronon drew Hope's body even tighter against him and she grumbled in her sleep at the movement, clasping his hand and pulling it even closer to her heart. They were both completely naked and Ronon was comfortable with that. He liked the press of skin on skin contact, it made the connection between them brim even stronger as their souls merged together once more.

Hope was so worn out with all the excitement surrounding their new home that she had exhausted herself. Ronon had to admit he was becoming increasingly worried about how fatigued she was becoming. Even back on Earth she had spent a lot of time sleeping and it concerned him. Now that she was back home he had decided to broach the topic with her. They could trust the doctors here, Beckett and Cassandra were the best at what they did and they would figure out whether he was worrying too much or if there was a genuine ailment.

The beast in him was sated for the evening, it was curled up around his mate protectively watching the dazzling little star dance around wearily. Despite the fact he was dog tired it was his duty to make sure the tiny twinkling thing didn't get up to any mischief, at the moment it seemed to be quite content with playing it's funny little game. He was happy with that, so long as it was ok and his fiancée was guarded he was content.

The star zipped towards him as he lay his head down between his paws, it came to nuzzle at his throat before tucking it's self underneath his chin as if it was it's rightful place. Ronon didn't mind it's familiarity, he had long since come to terms with this extra piece of Hope's soul and he continued to nurture it in the best way he could. It cuddled even closer to him, eluding warmth as Ronon snuggled it. Whatever the thing was, it was a part of him too now and Ronon could not deny it any affection.

The spark was sleeping now, he could feel it's soothing harmonies vibrating through his body and it set his mind at ease. Ronon's eyes began to flutter closed and he found himself settling in for the night.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! Lorne surprised me too with his revelation but noone can chose their sexuality and Lorne certainly didn't. <strong>_

_Sarah: Hi, it's nice to meet you again. I am so glad that your enjoying this story and that you took the time to review. At some point I will get some time to work on Parallel but not at the moment, there's too much going on in my life. As for the 38 Min request, I'll see if I can dig it out for you!_

_Joey: I am so glad that you enjoyed the hot and steamy session they had. I think the way they feel for one another is never going to die._

_Shippo: Thank you very much for your kind words. I haven't got time to write a Carson/ OC story at the moment but I really hope you find one that you love. _

_Brn: lol I am seriously considering it! It is so good to see the two of them together again. Well your either gonna love me or hate me for Lorne!_


	159. Chapter 159: The Sound of Silence

Chapter One Hundred and Fifty Nine

_Hello darkness, my old friend,  
>I've come to talk with you again,<em>

_Simon and Garfunkle – The Sound of Silence_

The canteen was quiet at this time of the morning and that was the way that Lorne liked it. He wanted to be alone with his thoughts. It was going to be a long, hard day and the issues that clouded his mind weren't helping. His eyeballs were itching from the lack of sleep over the past two nights and the eyedrops weren't helping as much as he would have liked. He'd knocked down a couple of stimulants to get him through the day but that hadn't kicked in yet so he was on the coffee.

This situation was killing him. All Lorne had wanted was to do his duty and then everything had gone to hell. He shouldn't have even considered fraternizing with Tony but he had been lonely. They went through such harrowing situations day in and day out that it made a man think. There were so many instances where Lorne would sit there and think about how lucky he was to be alive. It made a person consider a few things, for example who would miss him when he was gone.

Sometimes when he looked at the way Sheppard and Cassandra were together it made his chest pang with jealousy. Sheppard was besotted with Cassandra, it was clear to anyone who knew them that they were meant or one another. He had never seen such a tenderness from his C.O until it came to his wife. She was his most coveted and treasured possession.

Lorne had been on the receiving end of Sheppard's concern when she had been rotated onto his team, the other man had an utmost respect for his wife's independence but he had also had cause to worry. Lorne had seen the scars that marred Cassandra's body and he had promised his C.O he would do everything in his power to keep her safe. Over the years he had kept that promise, Cass could hold her own in a fight but he had always made sure that she had gotten back through that Stargate in one piece.

Lorne wished he had someone like that in his life, someone that he could confide in and who would worry for his own safety. In his earlier years he had screwed around but now as he came into his thirties he was craving more than casual encounters, he wanted intimacy. Lorne wanted to come home to someone who thought about his needs and desires.

"You look like hell." Cass uttered as she dropped down into the seat across from him, her white plastic tray clattered upon the table.

"I remember when you used to be such a polite young woman." Lorne said, his chin coming to rest on his hand as he surveyed Cass with interest.

"Was that before or after I became a member of your team?" Cass retorted, wrapping her hands around her coffee cup and raising her eyebrows.

"You tell me." Lorne returned, his lips twitching into a small smile.

There was silence between the two of them as Lorne's gaze lowered to the swirling black liquid inside of his coffee mug. What he wouldn't give to be able to speak his mind right now. He knew what the next words were out of Cassandra's mouth and he was already formulating an answer. That was the way his brain worked, it thought in terms of limitations and damage control.

"So what's got you looking so glum?" Cass asked him, her expression turning attentive as she reviewed the military officer analytically.

Lorne shrugged his shoulders half heartedly. He didn't want to lie to Cassandra, she was his friend above everything else but he couldn't tell her the truth. It would put her in a position that would be awkward at the very least. Her husband was his C.O and if he told her that he was gay that could change things between them. He couldn't stand the thought of forcing her to keep his secret and he desperately needed a friend right now even if he couldn't be completely honest.

"I just miss the people back home." Lorne found himself saying without looking up from his coffee mug. "My sister sends pictures and they write emails but it's not the same as being there with them."

It was true he did miss his family, he missed them more than he could ever say so technically he wasn't lying. He already knew what his sister would say about this situation, she would be smacking him on the back of the head and questioning where his integrity had gone. That was also another reason he felt so God forsaken awful. He knew what he should do but he simply couldn't find the courage to do it.

"No it's not." Cass agreed knowingly as she picked up her spoon and began picking at her oatmeal. "Your due some leave soon though aren't you? Are your plans to go visit them?"

Lorne found himself back on safe ground. His family were something he could talk about and he relished the freedom of speech in that respect, he didn't have to watch his wording at the moment and that allowed him to breath easy for the time being.

"Yeah in a month or so I'll be heading back to San Francisco for a fortnight. I basically spend all that time running around after the kids and trying to cram as much fun as I can into that time frame." Lorne told Cass knowingly, watching as she used her spoon to draw a figure of eight pattern in her oatmeal. "You nervous about coming back?"

"It's been a while since I've done this job." Cass said with a thoughtful sigh. "I'm not sure if people around here are gonna trust me to do it again after what happened with the clone."

"She wasn't you." Lorne reminded her firmly. "She was evil and twisted, we were lucky she didn't take it upon herself to kill anybody while she pretending to be you."

Cass nodded her agreement to that statement. That was the one thing she was grateful for when it came to the clone, in order to keep her cover the clone had had to adhere to the same high standards that Cassandra herself did. That meant treating people to the best of her ability.

"I know that." Cass said more to herself than to Lorne. "It's not like I'm going to be treating many people today anyway. Have you seen what Castanza has done to my desk? It looks like it's been ransacked."

Lorne's shoulder's went rigid at the mention of Tony's surname. He found himself sitting ramrod straight as the implications of Tony's betrayal blazed through his mind once more. He couldn't believe he was stupid enough to trust the other man. He felt like he was watching the pendulum of a grandfather clock swinging in inside of him as he struggled to make a decision. Cass was right here in front of him, would it really be that hard to utter the truth to her?

She was looking at him now, her sapphire eyes concerned as her dark eyebrows knotted into a crease in the centre of her forehead. He didn't know what she was seeing on his features but he was becoming paranoid that they had known each other long enough to read one another.

Before he knew what he was doing Lorne was already on his feet, the chair abruptly squeaking behind him. Cass flinched at the sudden action, her pale face tilted up towards him clearly startled by his sudden change in demeanour and his actions.

"I'm sorry." he said as calmly as he could. "I need to get to a team briefing."

And with that he was gone.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, more Lorne goodness for you all! I just wanna hug the guy!<strong>_

_Brn:lol my aim is to surprise the hell out of you! Tony is evil, he is pretty much horrible. I'll reply to your pm in a sec. If you don't get the reply let me know because sometimes is a little funny with pms. _

_Joey: lol you are definitely right with the Ronon thing, he will chew Tony out if he does anything to his mate. I think you have the right mindset for John, the problem is can Lorne let himself trust his C.O?_

_Shippo: I am really glad you enjoyed this chapter, I worked so hard on it!_


	160. Chapter 160: Health Scare

Chapter One Hundred and Sixty 

_Our lives are made  
>In these small hours<br>These little wonders,  
>These twists &amp; turns of fate<br>Time falls away,  
>But these small hours,<br>These small hours still remain_

_Rob Thomas – Little Wonders_

Being back in the Infirmary was like riding a bike and Cass wasn't sure what she had been so worried about. This was the sort of thing she lived for and she had forgotten what a rush it could be working in a place like this. Certainly her hands were full but she liked the busyness, it kept her sharp and her mind focused. There was a lot of history for her written in these walls, she had saved a lot of people and she had suffered here too. Her blood was written into the area and that was a bond that could not be broken, every day she stepped into the Infirmary was another day she faced one of her fears and the acknowledgement that she was overcoming them was exhilarating.

There was a lot of work to do and the majority of it was catching up on everything she had missed over the past few months. That included reading through all of the case files to see what ailments had disrupted the lives of Atlantis in the time she had been away. It was important to keep on top of stuff like that for the future, all of the information would come in useful in case something similar happened in the future.

They were out of their element here in the Pegasus Galaxy, they saw things that were similar to things they had experienced back on Earth but they also saw things that were so out of their league it took a great deal of out of the box thinking to treat. Cass knew that was of the reasons Carson had hired her originally, she wasn't afraid to venture into uncharted territory and she would use any means necessary to save someone's life.

Unfortunately in order to get back on par with everything that had occurred in Atlantis during her absence that meant tackling the desk. Castanza had basically left a nightmare for her to deal with, the other man was an inconsiderate ass. She had heard of him before in her circles but she had never had the pleasure of meeting the other man. She wasn't sure she wanted to after experiencing this rather creative mess. She thought it had been left purposely for her to clean up and she took it as a mark of disrespect. She would never have considered leaving this for someone else had she been in his position.

From what Carson had said during their conversation over lunch the previous day, Castanza had come in to the job both cocky and arrogant. As soon as he had heard about the Aid Project they were setting up he had applied for the position to head it. The other man had some experience but when they had looked at his records the projects he had been involved in had all been failures. After talking to several of his references they had learned that was partly due to Castanza's inability to multi-task. He had single minded focus when it came to his job and that could be an excellent quality in the right set of circumstances.

The Aid Project however required a more dedicated eye and that was why they had chosen Hope for the job, before everything had happened at the refugee camp she had been practically micro managing the scheme. It was well above her pay grade but that hadn't mattered at the time, she ensured that everything was running smoothly because she cared abut what happened to those people. They were vulnerable and homeless and she had done everything to ensure that they were looked after and safe.

The events at the camp still haunted Cass, the same way she knew they did Hope. The two of them had cried for the people that had been sacrificed for Hartford's selfish gain. It was hard not to feel guilty over their deaths but the truth was it would serve no purpose. The only thing they could do was mourn the loss of the refugees and learn from the tragedy that had occurred. She had burned a candle in the church back home for them as often as she could.

The desk was clear now and for that Cass was thankful. She had spent the majority of the morning organising the mass amounts of file and paperwork that had been left spread across the surface of her desk. It did her the world of good claiming it back as her own again, this was the place where she belonged and it felt good to take her place back in the world again.

There was a gentle rapping upon her door, it echoed through the quiet room causing Cassandra to raise her head from the file that she was engrossed in. There had been a hell of a lot going on while she had been away and from what she was reading she understood that her husband had down played it a lot more than Cass had originally thought. John had had his hands full.

Hope was standing in the doorway, her athletic shape leaning in the wooden frame as she gave her friend a finger wave. She was wearing, her new black Atlantis uniform hugging every curve on her athletic form as she tossed something onto Cassandra's desk.

Cass picked it up between her fingers examining the small, rigid, leather square. It was a coaster, much like the one that Cassandra had used in the past, the one that had gone missing after her desk had been vindicated.

"It's to cover the coffee stain." Hope said, pointing at the discoloured circle etched into his desk.

"I haven't even laid eyes on the guy and I hate him already." Cass told the other woman as she placed the coaster over the stain.

Hope's gaze lowered to the metal bin, it was heaped full of rubbish that had been swept off the desk

"I can see that." Hope uttered with the shake of her head. "The guy's an asshole, I've been hearing all sorts of interesting things about myself over the past few days."

"Anything interesting?" Cass inquired with a raised eyebrow as she leaned back in her seat.

"The only reason you gave me the job was because I'm sleeping with Ronon." Hope said frankly as she slid into the seat across the desk from Cass. "That was the nicer way of saying it."

Cass made a noise of disgust at the suggestion, clasping her hands together as she rested her elbows deep into the arms of her seat.

"The reason you got the job is because your the best at it." Cass said forcefully. "I hate the fact that idiot is spinning such a line of crap about you. Clearly Ronon hasn't heard or the guy wouldn't have a face left."

"No." Hope told the other woman. "And I pray that he never hears it."

"We are always protecting them from themselves." Cass said knowingly before running her hands through her loose dark hair. "The same way they're protecting us."

"Ain't that the truth." Hope spoke with conviction before bowing her head and biting her bottom lip. "Cass, I sort of need a favour."

Cass's sapphire blue eyes focused on her friend suddenly, concern was etched into her porcelain features and Hope suddenly felt very exposed. Admitting there was something wrong made Hope feel like she was being stupid but the truth was she was just so tired all of the time. Now that it was making Ronon worried she thought it was time to get checked out. She couldn't stand the sight of his furrowed brow, his anxiety riddled their connection and Hope didn't want to give him any cause for concern, he had already been through so much.

"I haven't been feeling too great lately." Hope fretted. "I've been sleeping a lot, I'm tired all the time and it's wearing me down."

"Have you had any other symptoms?" Cass asked her friend with interest.

"A little nausea every now and then, I've been getting a lot of headaches and some back pain." Hope relayed as she thought about how she had been feeling over the past few months. "I know what your thinking and there's not a chance I'm pregnant."

Even as she said that she knew it wasn't true. Ronon and her had been like wild animals since the two of them had finally gotten it together, there hadn't always been time to be careful. She had gone back onto birth control after they'd started having sex but didn't always take it religiously, it was possible that the two of them could have created a life sometime in the aftermath of Michael before she had gone back to Hawaii.

"When was your last menstrual cycle?" Cass responded, flicking the desk top calender back to the previous month.

The truth was Hope didn't remember when she had had her last period. There had been so much going on over the last year that all the months had run together, she knew it had been a while. There had been a few light bleeds when she had first gotten back to Hawaii but nothing since.

"Three, maybe four months." Hope muttered as she rubbed her hands over her weary features.

Cass raised her eyebrows, trying to hide the expression of knowing upon her pale features. Hope had gained a little weight over the time they had been away, just a couple of pounds but it was enough to be noticeable.

"Let's get you on the scanner." Cass suggested, raising to her feet and gesturing for Hope to follow suit. "It'll clear both our minds."

Hope nodded her agreement, she followed Cass with tentative footsteps until they reached the large Ancient piece of machinery. It reminded her of an MRI machine just without the casing. Cassandra held her hand out for Hope's black leather, flak jacket. The other woman handed it over to her and Cass folded it over her arm before setting it on the empty bed along side of them. Hope came to lie down on her back as Cass pulled the scanner over her friend's immobile form. She picked up the tablet activating it as the scanner came to life and the green laser swept up and down Hope's body.

"Anything yet?" Hope said quietly, her hands coming to rest upon her stomach.

Cass was silent for a moment, her sapphire blue eyes were blinking rapidly as she struggled to take in the information that was unfolding before her. She pulled the scanner away from Hope allowing the other woman space to sit up, her dainty feet dangling a few inches off the floor.

"Congratulations." Cassandra found herself saying as she handed Hope the tablet so she could catch the first glimpse of her unborn baby. "Your thirty weeks pregnant."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I am having a great day today. I managed to get tickets to see Nickleback play and Train too. I am so very excited!<strong>_

_Joey: It's a very careful balance for Lorne. It made me want to hug him so badly. The poor guy has been struggling like hell. The thing is John extending that courtesy could get him into trouble with anyone that found out about Lorne's sexuality._

_Brn: I am glad you loving it. I couldn't tell you what I have planned for the poor dude but I'll try and make it as painless as possible. Lol Thank God Michael is dead otherwise that might give me a terrible idea. _

_Shippo: lol you didn't have to wait to long for the next chapter and I am glad your enjoying this story._


	161. Chapter 161: Offspring

Chapter One Hundred and Sixty One

_Well, now it's etched in stone  
>That I can't survive alone<br>You have the missing piece  
>That I need so desperately<em>

_Kate Voegele – Only Fooling Myself_

Thirty weeks pregnant...

Hope had no idea how the hell she was supposed to process the information. It had been over an hour since Cassandra had delivered the news and she was still reeling from the announcement. She hadn't noticed the signs, the thought hadn't even entered her brain. Cass said that was possible sometimes, if the baby was high up under the rib cage there was less ability for it for to move around. The growth was confined within her bone structure so that she wasn't showing as much as she would have if it was lower down.

All of the other symptoms...

Hope had simply put them down to readjusting. It was hard going back to life in Hawaii without Ronon, her heart had been broken in the cruellest of ways and she thought that it was stress that had been making her feel sick. Cass had asked her if she wanted to know the sex of the baby but Hope already knew, the instant she had laid her hand on her stomach she had know she was having a boy.

That weird little star she had been dreaming about had suddenly come into fruition and Hope understood that strange feeling she had been getting recently. Her bond with Ronon was deep but there had been an extra layer to it and now she got why. The two of them had created a life and the knowledge of that left her in awe, it also left her a little scared.

Their relationship had moved faster than she had ever anticipated and whilst Hope loved the thought of Ronon becoming her husband, a baby was a completely different ball game. She had no idea how her fiancé was going to respond to that one, this was so out of the blue she had no idea how he would feel. The last thing she wanted was to overwhelm her mate.

They had never talked about children, if she was honest she thought the two of them had years to contemplate that. Ronon had always thought that everything that had happened to them was written in the stars and Hope share the same belief. They had found each other somewhere in between two galaxies and that had to be fate.

Hope sighed as she came to lay flat on their bed staring at the ceiling, her palms were splayed over her stomach as she closed her eyes letting the exhaustion watch over her. She wondered what the baby was doing right now?

The transition to the metaphysical world was sudden and her beast was awoken with a jolt. Her eyelids were heavy as she let out a grumble, shaking off the grogginess. The minute she opened her eyes was the moment her entire world changed. There was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen curled up into a little ball in front of her. It was a golden cub, a tiny perfect creature. It shifted from side to side before raising it's head and opening it's mouth in a wide yawn. Hope watched herself fascinated by it's actions before it's jade eyes flickered open.

That was the moment she fell in love, she had never seen anything so gorgeous and she knew that this was her baby. She and Ronon had created this amazing thing and in an instant she had felt a rush of love for this bundle of joy. The cub blinked back at her, his ears pricking up as he spotted his mother. He let out a cutest roar of greeting before attempting to raise to his paws shakily. He was still a little unsure on his feet and Hope moved forward prodding the cub with her nose in encouragement. The cub mewed, arching it's back like a kitten at the attention before rolling over playfully to reveal his underside.

Hope nuzzled her son, his little paws tapping on her snout excitedly as she tickled him with her cold nose. She could hear his squeaks of laughter as he wriggled around underneath her onslaught. She loved the happy little noises he making and it made her heart sing like nothing else.

God this was her son and already her love for him was unconditional. She could feel her heart brimming with adoration as the two of them played with one another. There was nothing quite like this sensation and she knew this was something special, this was the type of bond that was created between parents and their children.

The cub was getting tired now, she could feel it's energy wavering over their connection so she gave it one final teasing prod. He rolled onto his belly exhausted, his snout coming to rest upon his paws, his tail waving happily from side to side. His jade eyes were bright and full of fun as Hope settled down along side of him ensuring that the cub was pressing right against her flank. He cuddled even closer against his mommy, burying his face in her soft golden fur as she curled around him drawing him closer. He was safe and he was happy. Hopefully when he woke up it would be time to play with daddy.

* * *

><p>It was late when Ronon got in and he was feeling the events of the day with vigour. His muscles were aching like hell but it was good kind of pain. It had been an excellent work out for him, it was rare that he got this kind of exercise outside of battle and it was exhilarating. Tomorrow he and the team would be going off world hoping to re-establish some trade agreements and they would be taking Cassandra and his mate with them.<p>

The lights were on which meant Hope was in and he could see her leather flak jacket folded over the back of the couch. It was a welcoming sight, he enjoyed the domestication more than he had ever thought he would. The thought of having someone to come home to meant the world to him. There was no more lonesomeness or desolation, no more climbing into cold sheets and sleeping alone. It thrilled him knowing that his mate was here, he could be at peace around Hope. He didn't have to defend himself with her and his vulnerabilities weren't weaknesses, they were all part of the man and Hope had never seen them as something she could use against him.

Already he could feel his fiancée stirring in the bedroom over the threads of their connection. She had been sleeping again and that worried him. He wasn't the kind of man that showed his fear but when it came to Hope, he cared too much to let his worries pass by. She hadn't been well recently, he had noticed it back in Hawaii and it had followed her here.

There was a flood of happiness, it was so radiant it blinded him. Yet there was also anxiety, he could sense it lingering under the surface of her being as he heard her moving around in the other room. It made him nervous, he wondered what could fill her with such a contradiction of emotion. He didn't like her feeling afraid. He stalked purposely through their living room before entering into the bedroom.

Hope was perched on the edge of their bed, her dainty hands pressed between her knees as she looked up at him with wide almond coloured eyes. He could feel the trepidation vibrating through her as he came to take a seat alongside of her.

"You ok babe?" he asked her, his voice etched with concern.

His muscular arm draped around her shoulders, drawing her taunt against his large form It felt so right having his mate in his arms.. Her head came to rest upon his shoulder as she inhaling his familiar musky scent. Ronon's lips brushed her temple before his chin came to rest upon the top of her head.

"Ronon..." Hope trailed off biting her lower lip as the palm of her hand came to rest upon the centre of his chest so she could feel his beating heart underneath her fingertips. "Ronon, I'm pregnant."

There was a second where Ronon didn't know what the hell to think, his brain was exploding with the news as he struggled to compartmentalize it. He had so many questions but they seemed irreverent as he honed in on his mate's ever growing anxiety. His silence was putting her on edge and he couldn't stand that. There was a fierce swell of pride growing in his chest, he could feel it pressing against his ribs as his heart soared with elation. They were going to have a baby!

"Makes sense." Ronon spoke, grinning into Hope's hair as his fingers combed through it affectionately in a bid to sooth her. "How far?"

"Thirty weeks." Hope countered, her athletic form beginning to uncoil under his hands. "We weren't exactly careful..."

The tension was beginning to seep out of her as his hands came to cradle her pretty face. She was his everything and now she was giving him things that he had never have dreamed of.

"Doesn't matter." Ronon cut her off, his hand already seeking out the tiny little life growing in her stomach. "Just matters that we're happy and it's healthy."

Hope found herself breaking into a smile at her mate's words. Her hand came to cover Ronon's own, her own fingers settling in the gaps between his knuckles. The way he looked at her was so soft and tender, it made her eyes sting at the prospect that faced them.

"He is." Hope said, the wealth of her fiancé's adoration choking her up.

"He?" Ronon questioned, dipping his head to capture his mate's beautiful gaze.

"We're having a boy." Hope confirmed, her throat constricting as Ronon's forehead came to rest upon hers.

They were already delving into the metaphysical. Ronon could feel his beast rushing forward enveloping him as their souls merged together in a haze of euphoria. His mate was already there, her long body wrapped around the precious little cargo she was protecting. The sparking thing was gone and it took Ronon a minute to realize that now that they knew what it was it had taken on a different kind of shape.

The cub was nestled into Hope's side, his face buried into her fur for comfort. It was the most heart wrenching sight he had ever seen and all of it was his. The cub mewed, stretching out along Hope's soft belly before rolling onto his opposite side and raising his head sleepily. His eyes were barely open in his tired state but Ronon could see that they were his own eyes staring right back at him. The cub yipped a greeting as Ronon moved towards this amazing bundle of joy. He poked the cub with his snout, inhaling deeply as he scented his son.

The cub laid his head back down between his two front paws enjoying the attention from his father. His eyelids were already growing heavy once more. Everything was right in his world now that his daddy was home.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I thought I'd give you a bit more information on Hope's pregnancy and of course, Ronon's response!<strong>_

_Thorne: lol we had to fight for the tickets I'm telling you! I think by this point everybody knew she was pregnant except for Hope. She's close to eight months but to be fair I did a lot of research on unknown pregnancies and they are a hell of a lot more common than I thought. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter!_

_Joey: lol I did a lot of research on surprise pregnancies and they are more common than I originally thought which surprised the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure she was counting light bleeds as periods and she knew the stress was probably affecting her too. I hope you enjoyed this chapter._

_Brn: I am in love with both groups so I can not wait! I know what you mean about writing to feed the muses, mine likes to dance to my Ipod. I promise I am not up to anything! Lol if Tony's the trash. I'll help. _


	162. Chapter 162: Ruined

Chapter One Hundred and Sixty Two

_I've got something to say but now I got nowhere to turn  
>It feels like I've been buried underneath all the weight of the world<em>

I try to hold this, under control  
>They can't help me<br>'Cause no one knows

_3 Doors Down - Changes_

The stars were out and they were shining brighter than ever in the gorgeous night sky. Lorne was surprised that you could see them twinkling up there due to the lights from the city but he liked them. There was something so calm and peaceful about this view and Lorne wished that he could keep this sensation in his heart forever. He wanted to paint this sky, so he could encompass the tranquillity it gave him. Yet he knew that not even a painting could silence the thoughts that rambled through his head.

He was trying to work out Tony's game plan but he had no idea what the other man was up to. The feeling of impending doom was pressing down upon him so violently that sometimes he found it hard to breathe. Lorne knew that there was some sort of end game that he wasn't seeing. He should be able to see this, he was trained to work outside of the box but his feelings were clouding his judgement. He was all torn up inside and it killed him to think of the hurt that could be unleashed upon the people he loved. He wished there was someone he could talk this out with but there was nowhere left for him to turn.

There were footsteps behind him and Lorne didn't have to turn around in order to know whose they were. His stomach churned as the other man stepped up beside of him, his elbows coming to rest on the cement work as he looked out to sea. That sharp tang of masculine aftershave overwhelmed him as that familiar dark, curly head of hair blew easily in the breeze as Anthony Castanza's muscular form leaned forward.

"Thought I told you to stay away." Lorne stated frostily, causing Tony to wince at the unforgiving tone in his former lover's voice.

"I thought that was just talk." Tony responded frankly, his chocolate coloured eyes straying along the length of Lorne's athletic form.

The man had muscles in all the right places and he was a glorious sight when he was naked. Tony could recount the way Lorne's supple flesh felt under his fingertips as he traced over each and everyone of those nasty scars. He was one of the best lovers that Tony had encountered and the way that Lorne touched him ignited a passion that Tony hadn't felt in a long time. He knew that Lorne was pissed. Tony was an oppitunist at heart, he couldn't help himself and Lorne should have known that after all that was the way the two of them had started. They had been grappling together on the mats in the gym, skin pressed against skin, hard bodies wiggling against each other, their ragged breath filling the air. Lorne's face had come within inches of his in attempt to alter his firm grip on Tony's arms and that was when they had seized their moment.

Lorne's eyes were already upon him, his lip hiking up in contempt as he fixed Tony with an almost glacial stare. Tony should have expected this. Lorne wasn't a stupid man and he despised being trapped between a rock and a hard place. Tony knew the instant he had seen the dark rage clouding Lorne's attractive features that he knew that he had been using his computer for a little opportunistic espionage.

The way that Tony was looking at him made Lorne's temper soar as his dark eyes brightened with hopeful desire. Even if he had liked Tony, the smug bastard had betrayed him in one of the worst ways possible and for Lorne that was unforgivable. You didn't turn against someone if you cared for them. You didn't betray their trust and make them feel beyond worthless.

"You came for a hook up?" Lorne snarled indignantly. "You have a fucking nerve."

Tony straightened his spine, his shoulders rolling back as his defences were built back up. He had done a bad thing to Lorne but he would make it up to him. He knew what Lorne liked and how to make him forget that he had even used his laptop to steal Hope's security access.

The Major's icy blue eyes were focused on him, his chiselled jaw tightening as he clenched his teeth in an attempt to recapture his control but he could feel it slipping away like ice falling through his hands. Tony was despicable and his patience was wearing very thin.

Tony had already stepped closer, his fingertips were creeping along the buckle of Lorne's belt as he lingered closely within the other man's personal space. He could smell the fresh cleanness on Lorne's skin as the other man's entire muscular structure turned rigid. He could tell that he was getting under Lorne's flesh, it was in the way he set his jaw.

"Come on Evan, don't be like that." Tony murmured in a low husky voice.

It was the tone that he always used when they were alone together. His voice lowered an octave as he used the Major's given name, he wanted the sound to roll over Lorne's body like silk. He wanted to draw the other man in and bind him to his form so that he would never tell his role in Hope Kalua's downfall. It didn't have to be about love, a relationship between the two of them only had to exist until after he had taken his rightful position and after that the two of them could go their separate ways without fear of rebuke.

The punch came out of nowhere. Lorne didn't even realize he was swinging until his fist impacted with Tony's nose. The crunch of bone echoed in his ears as his fist connected, the copper tang of blood was in the air as Tony's nose broke on impact. The other man lurched backwards, letting out a roar of agony as his hands cupped his bleeding face.

"You used me." Lorne snapped, jabbing his finger at Tony's chest as his dark surprised eyes fixated on him. "You screwed me to hurt someone that I care about."

"And what the hell are you gonna do about it?" Tony sneered, his voice muffled from the smashed bone. "Is that little bitch really worth your career?"

There was a silence and the truth was that Lorne didn't have an answer to his question because Tony had just hit straight on the mark. Whatever was going on was bad, he could feel the malevolence emitting from the other man whenever Hope's name was even mentioned. Ambition was his largest flaw. It was what made him cruel.

"Your not going to do anything Evan." Tony informed him, his gaze hardening as he stared at his former lover, rivets of red trailing down his face. "This has to play out or I will tell the Colonel how he's more your type."

Lorne was furious, he was almost spitting with rage at the audacity of the man in front of him. Part of him longed to rip that smug idiotic smile off this asshole's features but he knew there would be back lash from that. If Tony took the broken nose to Sheppard, Lorne risked spending time in the brig. It took every ounce of control to keep his vengeful emotions at bay as he watched Tony turn his back upon the mess that he had created.

The light in the Infirmary was dim when Tony arrived, his large hand still clasped over his nose as thick blood trailed down his broad wrist. The bleeding had been staunched on his progression over here but the pain in his entire nasal cavity left his eyes watering with agony. He had been in some close calls in the past but a broken nose had never been one of them. It hurt like a bitch and already he could feel it swelling. Lorne had a mean right hook. Tony only hoped that it wasn't a nasty break, it would be a blot on his handsome face until he managed to get back to Earth for the plastic surgery to straighten it.

The lamp was on in the office and through the open blinds Tony could see Cassandra Sheppard hunched over her desk scribbling on her note pad, she looked entranced in her work. There was a frown curving over her pale features and Tony wondered if it was because she had discovered that a bottle of Oxycontin was missing.

Tony was the only person who knew where the tablets were and the damage they were doing as they spoke. In a short while Cassandra would pull the records of all the security codes used to access the cabinet and discover that her good friend Hope Kalua was responsible. A simple blood test would confirm that the woman had been taking the medication over the past twenty four hours since he had switched out the vitamins that had been ordered with her prescription with the Oxy. He had to make the switch as quickly as he could. He couldn't risk Ronon Dex finding out that he was involved, there was no doubt in his mind that the other man would murder him if it was ever discovered.

In the end Hope would look like someone who had turned to narcotics in order to cope with her life here on Atlantis. Who could blame her after the turn her life had taken back on that refugee camp?

Tony had heard stories about that when he had come back to Atlantis. There had been a lot of rumours flying around. He'd heard about a hybrid named Michael snatching Cass, about Hope being fed upon by a starving Wraith. Over the months he had been here Tony had treated victims of Wraith attacks and he had learned to despise the creatures. He didn't envy Hope for going through that but he could use it. It wouldn't be hard to believe that returning to the city had tipped her over the edge, that a dependency on drugs had occurred to help her deal with the pressure.

The job as Project Manager would be his and everything would be exactly where it should be.

Cassandra glanced up and he could see her sapphire blue eyes coming to focus on him as he stood like an idiot, cupping his nose, his grey T-shirt sporting droplets of blood. She moved stiffly as she rose to her feet as if she had been sitting in that position for a while and she hadn't realized. Her hand was on her back supporting her as she straightened trying to loosen the muscles supporting her spine. She didn't like Castanza. It wasn't just about his inability to do her job or the fact he was an inconsiderate asshole, it was the general feeling of uneasiness that she got from him.

There was calculation in his eyes, she was used to working and living with clever men but this went beyond that. It made her hackles raise, in fact it reminded her of the way Drew had been before his untimely demise. It wasn't just her hypersensitive nature, other people felt it too. Carson didn't like the man, he thought Tony was an opportunist and the other man hadn't taken rejection very well when Carson had informed him that his application for the project had been unsuccessful. It wasn't just that, there was something more under the surface. Whatever it was felt like poison, she could feel it's toxic malevolence whenever Hope was around and she didn't think the broken nose was a coincidence. Cass just hoped that Ronon wasn't involved.

"What on Earth happened to you?" Cass requested, her tone low so not to awake the other patient's sleeping in their hospital beds.

"Sparring accident." Tony grunted, coming to sit down on an empty hospital bed so that he was closer to Cass's height.

Cass was already snapping on latex gloves as Tony removed his hand from his face to show her the injury. Already Cass's fingers were were tipping up his chin so she could get a better look at Tony's nasal cavity. Tony winced as her gentle fingertips prodded along the swollen area before smoothing along the ridge of his nose.

"Well, I'm guessing you know it's broken." Cass said releasing Tony's face from her grasp and pursing her lips together sympathetically.

"Can you fix it?" Tony asked cautiously.

"It's gonna hurt." Cass warned him, her eyes studying the breakage trying to decipher the best course of action.

"Just do it." Tony snapped, his hands grasping the mattress of the bed preparing himself.

"Deep breath." Cass advised calmly before grasping his nose and yanking it in order to set the bones straight.

Tony snarled as his nose exploded in excruciating pain. His fists clenched on the metal frame of the bed, his nails leaving indentations in the mattress. Almost instantly he could breath again and he found Cassandra's sapphire eyes surveying her handy work.

"Is it straight?" he asked her, raising his fingers up to follow the trail of his nose.

"Yea." Cass responded as she stripped off her latex gloves and tossed them in the bright yellow hazardous waste disposal unit. "But you are gonna look like hell in the morning."

Tony had expected as much. At least his nose was going to heal straight so his face wouldn't end up ruined. Cass turned her back upon her colleague, picking up the clipboard in order to jot down the details of the incident. At least tomorrow it wasn't his life that was going to be ruined.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! It has been a really busy week for me with everything that has been going on in my life. It's Easter break at the moment so it is complete madness in work.<strong>_

_Brn:lol that was until I followed up wit this chapter wasn't it? Just to remind you that somethings lurking in the background ready to strike. Lol as you can see Evan can take care of himself, I thought it was time Tony got a little punishment for what he's doing. _

_Shippo: I think they would love to meet the baby too!_

_Thorne: When you hear some of the stories that I have you'll be amazed. You don't have to wait to long to find out the name!_

_Joey: I could completely see the little baby cub running around and playing with mom and dad. LMAO I can imagine him being a mini Ronon!_

_Gamer: It's nice to meet you and thank you very much for taking the time to review. Lol I do write for real on the side. I love throwing curve balls at people and if I am honest I get thrown for a loop all of the time!_


	163. Chapter 163: Turmoil

Chapter One Hundred and Sixty Three

_No light, no light in your bright blue eyes  
>I never knew daylight could be so violent<br>A revelation in the light of day_

_Florence and the Machine – No Light, No Light_

It was long past midnight when John Sheppard went in search of his wife. It had been a long time since he had had to do something like this and it made him feel on edge ad uneasy. It was unusual for her not to be already in the apartment when she was not on call. John hoped that this was not the beginning of a new pattern, he was frightened that this would be a coping mechanism for his wife. Overworking was a sign that something wasn't right in her world and John bitterly hoped that that wasn't the case.

Already as he stood in the open doorway of her office he knew that something was wrong. Cassandra was perched at her desk, her face in her hands as she sighed out loud in frustration. He knew this posture and it made his chest tighten at the sight of it. This was resignation, this was his wife giving up on a problem that was clearly plaguing her. John was moving instinctively, his large hands came to settle on her delicate shoulders, his thumbs massaging the tense muscles at the base of her neck. He could feel the knots unwinding beneath the surface of her flesh as Cass's head tilted backwards, her eyes closed and pink lips parted in relief.

"Wanna talk about it?" John asked quietly.

Cass swallowed hard, he could see the lump in her throat as she did it. Something was keeping her mind was preoccupied and John understood that she was grappling with the burden of responsibility. He could feel the weight crushing her as she struggled to keep her head above the surface. Cass opened her sapphire eyes and John found himself staring straight into them as her mouth framed the words that were troubling every inch of her soul.

"There's a bottle of Oxy missing." she submitted into the air between them. "Hope's security code was used to access the area it was stored in."

The implications of those words exploded in John's head like a gunshot, he could feel them bouncing around inside of his skull like a bullet as he released his wife's shoulders suddenly for fear of accidentally hurting her by squeezing too tightly. Instead his hands settled on the back of her chair, his nails digging into the plastic as the scenario played out in her head.

Only Doctors were allowed to access the secured cabinet where the most powerful of drugs were kept, Hope's access code had been granted all privileges when she'd been given her new position. He never for a second thought that she would abuse it in any manner.

That also begged the question about why she would have stolen the Oxy in the first place. Oxy was a painkiller prescribed to patients when Morphine just wasn't cutting it. The type of people who got hooked on it were people who were in constant physical pain...

There was another side effect to Oxy, one that he himself had experienced when he had been taking the drug after substantiating what at the time they had thought was a debilitating back injury back in Korea. The drug could give the receiver a consistent feeling of euphoria and John could see the benefits of that especially after everything that Hope had endured.

What the younger woman had gone through at the hands of Michael was nothing to be undermined, having the life drained out of you was an intimate and vile experience. To have that used as a method of torture over and over again, John wouldn't blame even the strongest Marine for cracking. After that things had moved fast for her and Ronon, maybe that also played a factor as well as the displacement between Earth and Atlantis.

"It could make sense." John said slowly as he released his hands from the back of Cass's chair and scooted around her desk in order to take a seat in the visitor's chair.

"It doesn't." Cass said resolutely, her arms crossing over her chest in a manner that John recognised as defensive.

"Cass..." John began in a bid to explain his point before his wife cut him off with the shake of her head.

"She wouldn't take Oxy John, not now anyway." Cass asserted, before leaning forward on her desk and shuffling through a few of the papers that were spread out in front of her.

_Not now anyway..._

Those words made John's ears prick up and his hazel eyes were already narrowing in suspicion as he focused upon his wife's distracted form. Cass refused to looked at him as she flicked through the paper work in front of her, her lips pressed tightly together. She was hiding something, he could tell by the way she was so fixated on the pages in front of her despite the fact she wasn't reading the words written upon it.

"Where's your evidence?" he asked her as he found himself sliding into a more professional approach.

He was the Head of Security on this facility and already he could feel the Colonel stepping in and pushing the husband aside so he could get to the bottom of this matter. The Colonel wasn't plagued with emotions, he was all about facts and as much as it pained John to play this card, it was the only way his wife was going to spill her guts. As a husband he would take her word that Hope hadn't stolen the Oxy despite which way the evidence was pointing, but as the Colonel, he needed more and if he was going to get to the bottom of this mess this was the only way to do it.

Cass grimaced as she reviewed her husband's impassive features. She hated it when it did this, he looked so cold and impartial but she understood why he drew on this suit of armour and she could live with it if in the end it served it's purpose and helped their friend.

Cass removed a piece of A4 paper from the pile she had tidied and pushed it towards her husband so that it was facing him. It was a graph of some kind, John could see the low spikes depicting several things that he didn't understand as they stood alongside the highest peak. At the top of the peak Hope's full name was typed out alongside today's date. He gathered that this was a test of some sort, maybe blood work but he had no clue what it meant.

"Hope hasn't been feeling very well lately, she came to me today and I took a tested her blood to check for the usual problems. If she was taking Oxy it would have shown up in this column." Cass said pointing to one of the lowest peaks on the chart.

"What's this one?" John asked with interest as he pointed at the highest one.

"That's her hormone level." Cass responded shortly, refusing to elaborate.

John could feel that this was going to be a battle, he was going to literally drag this information from his wife's lips because whatever the secret was she was never going to volunteer it. He thought he already had an idea as to what it was but he needed the confirmation if he was going to support Hope when this became an investigation. His position on Atlantis superseded any doctor/patient confidentiality clause that may have existed so the fact his wife was harbouring information was purely based on moral high ground.

"Why would it be so high?" John queried, his eyebrows raised as he looked at Cassandra.

His wife clasped her hands together, shooting him a look of desperation as he regarded her objectively. He could already read the message in her sapphire eyes and the Colonel in him chose to ignore it.

"I need to know everything." he enforced, his expression hard and unyielding.

"She's pregnant." Cass submitted into the air between, the expression on her face infuriated that she had been forced to betray her friend's trust.

The news wasn't as surprising as Cass had expected it to be. John had already had a brief idea after Ronon had casually mentioned Hope's sleeping pattern and sensitive stomach but he needed it to be a fact as opposed to a suspicion.

"And that's why you think she couldn't take the Oxy?" John stated frankly.

"That and the fact, Hope has a really delicate system after what happened with Todd." Cass informed her husband. "We have to be careful what medication we do give her in case it gives her a bad reaction. We would never give her anything near as powerful as Oxy because the chemicals clash with anything that even resembles the Wraith enzyme and we know it takes a very long time for all traces of that to be removed from the nervous system."

"So if she did take Oxy it could make her sick?" John questioned, his eyebrows furrowing in concentration as he tried to look at the larger picture.

"There's no 'could' about it. It would make her very ill." Cass empathised by jabbing her finger at the elevated hormonal spoke on the chart. "She would more than likely lose the baby as well and I know for a fact she doesn't want that."

"O.K." John agreed with the information at hand.

It all spoke volumes about why Hope wouldn't take the Oxy herself but that didn't mean she wasn't stealing it for someone else. It made his stomach twist to think that way about one of his friends but they needed to tackle the next set of problems before they could present this case to Colonel Carter. They needed all their ducks in a row if they were going to show that Hope wouldn't do this.

"The problem is the security log." John pointed out to his wife as she drew out a piece of paper indicating the details of the theft. "Hope's code was used to open the medication cabinet, that code is unique to her and no one else would have access to it. So how do you explain that?"

Cass ran her hands through her short dark hair clearly frustrated at the information that she had spent the last few hours grappling with.

"I can't." she admitted reluctantly. "Hope left the Infirmary before that was time stamped, I don't know what she did afterwards but I was locked in this office with the blinds down trying to get through some of the paperwork Castanza left me to deal with."

"She wasn't with Ronon." John told Cass, nipping that thought straight in the bud. "We were training the new Marines around that time."

Cass sunk back in her, her small delicate hands rubbing over her pale features as she let out an exasperated sigh at the situation.

"I know she didn't do this John." Cass said resolutely and John found himself wanting to believe that more than anything right now.

"Then let's prove it." John responded raising to his feet and gesturing for his wife to follow.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! I currently have a horrendous cold and am rolling around on the couch watching NCIS in a bid to recover. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter!<strong>_

_Thorne: lol I think Castanza deserved exactly what he got. Poor Lorne though, he deserves some happiness._

_Brn: lol I love to surprise you! I really appreciate what you said about being fresh, it's hard to keep a story going this long but I am enjoying it. Who knows how it will turn out for Lorne? The poor guy might not get the happy ending he deserves. Tony will do everything he can to get what he wants. _

_Shippo: I want to hug Lorne so much right now, the poor guy feels so alone and he deserves so much more than what he has. _

_Joey: Tony is a complete ass and I really hope he gets what he deserves. Who knows what will happen with the prescription? It could be fatal for Hope and then where would Ronon be. I don't think the man will settle until Tony is dead if anything happens to their baby. _

_Gamer: It's such a terrible position to put Lorne in and I really just wanna hug the guy for everything he's going through now. Tony deserves the very worst! The problem is military protocol. Sheppard as a man won't care but the military does have a strict don't ask don't tell policy and they do have to follow it. Lol I just think if you guys take the time to review, you at least deserve a reply!_


	164. Chapter 164: Breathless

Chapter One Hundred and Sixty Four

_If I give up on you I give up on me  
>If we fight what's true, will we ever be<br>Even God himself and the faith I knew  
>Shouldn't hold me back, shouldn't keep me from you<em>

_The Calling - Stigmatized_

When Hope woke up her heart was racing. She could feel the vital organ pounding against her rib cage like a jack hammer and it hurt like hell. Her entire body was on fire, she could feel the flames licking across her flesh. She was drenched in sweat, her white vest top and boy boxers were moist clinging to her hot skin. Her head was spinning, she tried to raise it off the pillow and was struck by the most potent feeling of vertigo and nausea that she had ever experienced. Hope swallowed hard against the lump in her throat, listening to the rattle of her own shallow breathing through the darkness as she fought off the dizziness.

Her abdomen was hurting, there were lances of pain stabbing her over and over again in the gut and that more than anything scared the living crap out of Hope. It meant there was something wrong down there and already she could feel over the fleeting fragile connection she had to her child that he was clearly in distress. The baby was frightened and so was Hope, something was badly wrong.

"Ronon." Hope called out into the oppressive darkness. "Ronon."

Her lover was already waking, his head bolted up from the pillow at the sound of his name. His hand reached out for Hope coming to rest upon her stomach. Their connection was going into over drive, the instant his eyes flickered open was the moment he was flooded with the sudden horrendous burst of emotion. His heart was swallowed up by the terror that was writhing through his mate's form. It killed him to feel such emotions coming from his fiancée, every single protective instinct was erupting inside of him as he sat up quickly.

"Babe..." Ronon urged, his voice gruff from sleep. "Babe what's wrong?"

"I need help." Hope whimpered through laboured breaths. "Something's not right with the baby."

"Can you move?" Ronon asked his lover as he drew back the sheets in order to remove himself from the bed, his free hand stretching out to flick on the bedside lamp.

His gaze was drawn to the dark stain creeping slowly across the cream sheets. It was coming from between her legs and the sight sent a pulse of horror running through him at the prospect of what was happening right now. He couldn't lose Hope and he couldn't lose their baby, the two of them were his world and if they disappeared there would be no more Ronon Dex.

"Babe, I'm gonna carry you." Ronon informed his fiancée, trying to keep the tremble out of his voice. "We're gonna get you to the infirmary, Cass and Beckett will take care of everything."

Ronon gathered his lover up in his arms with the utmost care. Her tiny frame felt limp and cold against his solid form as he strode towards the double doors that led to the outside world. Hope's head came to rest upon his broad shoulder, she was tucked into him like a child as Ronon began to run.

Time was of the essence, already he could feel the baby's life waning. The cub was wailing, Ronon could hear his high pitched whine in his ears as he darted into the Transporter and smacked the button for the infirmary with his elbow. Hope was beginning to fade, the life was draining out of her body. Ronon could feel it ebbing away as the doors to the Transporter hissed open and it sent the beast in him into a panicked frenzy.

"BECKETT!" Ronon roared as he bolted from the Transporter and through the double doors that led to the Infirmary.

The blue eyed Scot was already in motion, his delicate hands patted the closest bed gesturing for Ronon to put his lover upon it before he reached for the tablet computer with one hand whilst tapping the small black radio at his ear.

"I need Doctor Sheppard to report to the infirmary immediately."

* * *

><p>Cassandra Sheppard was running, the soles of her army boots were slapping against the tiles of the corridor as she sprinted towards the infirmary. Castanza was seconds behind her, his large frame struggling to keep pace with her lithe form. The two of them had been going over some of his paper work when the call had come in about Hope. Cassandra had been propelled into motion instantly at the news of her friend's condition and Castanza had followed suit in order to assist.<p>

The Transporter was up ahead the doors already closing from where someone had just exited. Cass dived through the doors to the Transporter and smacked the button to the infirmary with the palm of her hand. Her heart was pounding in her chest, her mind racing as she struggled to catch her breath for a second waiting for the doors to reopen at the entrance to the infirmary.

The doors didn't budge. Instead the lights flickered before the whole tiny containment unit powered down completely leaving her trapped in complete darkness with the sound of her own ragged breathing echoing in her ears.

"Are you God damn kidding me?" she yelled at the ceiling, smacking where she thought the control panel would be with her hand.

There was no response from the contained space, she couldn't hear anything outside of the Transporter at all. It was like being trapped in a tiny soundproof box, a metal coffin as it were. Cass felt her blood pressure rocketing at the thought and forced herself to take a long deep breath in attempt to control the terrified impulses that were rushing through her body. She couldn't understand how this could happen, had the power grid gone down in the entire city?

Cass slammed her palms against where the metal doors had been, the sound vibrated through the box as she let out a growl of frustration. Castanza had been right behind her, he would know she was in here. He must be trying to pry the doors open from the other side, she thought. Her own hands were searching in the pitch blackness, slipping over the smooth surface looking for the parting of the doors. Her fingertips sought out the groove before she tried to grasp the edges in order to pull the doors apart. Her fingers slipped from the metal causing Cass's elbow to smash against the wall beside her. The sound echoed through the confined space as she yelped in the darkness before letting out a string of curses.

"This can not be happening." Cass screamed as she slapped at the door in frustration.

She knew she was losing it, she could feel the hysteria bubbling up inside her like a whirlpool as she threw herself at the entrance to the Teleporter in rage. Hope needed her and she was being held captive in this ridiculously small space with no radio and no way out. The silence that greeted her was stifling and the darkness rendered her blind. This was what sensory deprivation felt like, she thought as she banged her fist on the doors in an attempt to call attention to her situation. Where the hell was Castanza?

Cass sagged against the wall behind her, swallowing hard against the panic that was threatening to overwhelm her. She wondered how long it would be before someone found her in here, she also had another concern. Admittedly she had never paid attention when McKay explained the structural integrity of the city but she was pretty sure that the Teleporter was air tight, as in there was no fresh air getting in or out of this box. She was sure as hell knew that there weren't any vents in here, the temperature in the Teleporter was already beginning to soar. Cass unzipped her heavy leather flak jacket and peeled it from her slender frame allowing it to drop to the floor in a puddle at her feet.

This wasn't going to be her final resting place, she told herself. McKay would work out she was trapped in here before the air ran out, Castanza was probably getting help right now and Hope was in Carson's hands. She had complete faith in the other man's abilities so she knew that Hope and the baby would be fine in the end.

Cass allowed herself to slide down the wall until she ended up in a sitting position at the bottom of the Teleporter. She'd probably only be in here for twenty minutes and she'd feel silly for freaking out the way she had when the lights had first gone out. There was nothing else to do but count down the seconds in order to distract herself from the intense claustrophobic feeling that was starting to overwhelm her.

One Mississippi, two Mississippi...

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, thank God I have recovered from my cold. I just have a bit of a sniffle instead.<strong>_

_Thorne: lol I don't watch Glee anymore, I'm not sure why, the storylines were getting a little boring for my tastes or rather the songs were. Do you think she's innocent?_

_Brn: I am so glad that your still enjoying these chapters, the story still simulates me enough to write it and I feel there's still so much to tell sometimes. I think John walks a very fine line sometimes in regards to husband and Colonel, I wanted to show more of the Colonel with the last chapter. I really hope Evan does find the confidence to do just that._

_Joey: I hope that they manage to sort things out but the military is an unrelenting being in that respect so maybe Lorne will have to decide between living his life freely or the military. It looks like Hope is already in trouble and poor Lorne is the type of person to feel that guilt. _

_Sheppard: Unfortunately Hope doesn't have an alibi around that time which makes everything worse. I wish the best for Lorne but it makes me want to hug him for being blackmailed in such a way. _

_Shippo: lol Thankies for such a wonderful review!_


	165. Chapter 165: Don't Ask, Don't Tell

Chapter One Hundred and Sixty Five

_I never did get along with everybody else  
>I've been trying hard to do what's right<br>But you know I could stay here all night  
>And watch the clouds fall from the sky<em>

_The Killers – River Is Wild_

Colonel John Sheppard's office was stifling, the walls seemed to be closing in on Major Evan Lorne as he sat upon the visitor's chair, his hands clasped neatly together in his lap. Already he could feel his palms sweating and Lorne fought the urge to wipe them upon his crisp black combats. It was rare that he was prone to bouts of anxiety but this was one of the most harrowing and shameful moments of his life.

Sheppard hadn't said a word since Lorne had told his story, his expression had remained a blank impassive mask throughout the telling and Lorne could make no guesses on how he was being judged through Sheppard's eyes. That made everything worse in retrospect.

Sheppard was a man that he both admired and respected. The Colonel was everything that Lorne could have wanted as a leader and more. He was a skilled militarist and excellent tactician, he thought five steps ahead of the enemy if circumstances allowed it and he would go to any lengths for the city and it's people. It was a hard balance to maintain but Lorne had to admit that Sheppard did it very well. He had lost count of the times that The Colonel had laid his life on the line, he made the difficult decisions that others shirked and carried through his actions.

Lorne had never realized how much the fear of disappointing him dwelled upon his mind until that moment. He found his spine straightening at the direction of his thinking and gave himself a mental kick up the ass. Sexuality wasn't a choice and if the Colonel was so adversely against it, the other man wasn't the right person to hold in such high regard. He understood that Sheppard had a job to do and it pained him that this would be the end of what had been a promising military career but in the end confessing everything a relief.

Knowing that there was someone else in the loop watching Hope's back lifted a humongous weight off of Lorne's shoulders. Someone needed to stop Tony before he could do any more damage to Hope's reputation and John Sheppard had the power and the means to do it. This was a sacrifice that Lorne was willing to make, he couldn't live with himself if anything happened to Hope because of his negligence.

The letter of resignation was still sitting in the centre of Sheppard's desk where Lorne had left it. The envelope was untouched and it rested in the space between the men like a time bomb waiting to explode. Lorne could practically hear the seconds ticking by as the silence stretched.

"I'm guessing you know what this will do to your career?" Sheppard asked his second in command as he looked pointedly at the envelope.

"Yes Sir." Lorne agreed knowingly.

"And your telling me anyway?" Sheppard concluded, speaking more to himself as opposed to Lorne.

The truth was he wouldn't have blamed his second in command for sitting on the information that he had just divulged. What Lorne was doing was life altering, he could see from the droop of the other man's shoulders that the loss of his military career would be a devastating change. The fact that he had decided to do the right thing endeared even more to his C.O. His second in command was so fiercely loyal it would be more than a shame to have him removed from the service.

In truth Sheppard thought the military view on homosexuality was bullshit. Your sexuality didn't prevent you from doing your job and Lorne had proved that countless times during his stay here on Atlantis. Sheppard knew that protocol called for an immediate dismissal especially since Lorne had come right out and admitted that he was gay but there had to be way around this. Lorne deserved better than this and Sheppard felt he owed it to the other man to try his damnest to help him maintain the life that he had worked so hard to create.

Tony Castanza was already becoming a larger problem than Sheppard had ever thought he could be. He had listened to his wife gripe about the other man when she returned home from work but he had never thought of the medic as dangerous until now. Blackmailing Lorne was an act of indecency as a human being and it indicated that there were larger things at play here.

The problem was without any hard evidence, everything else was circumstantial. Sheppard could already see Castanza claiming that Lorne's allegation was that of a spiteful lover and Lorne's testimony would be called into question because of the stigma he would carry from a dishonourable discharge or a disgraced resignation. He could even bring doubt into the situation by claiming it was Lorne that was reading through Hope's personal files since it was his terminal that was used to access them.

The missing Oxy could be something but Sheppard thought that Castanza was too smart to have kept the tablets, it did make Sheppard question what the other man would have done with those tablets. He could have fetched a fair price if someone needed them badly enough.

"The truth is Sir, I can't live with myself if anything happens to Hope because I didn't speak up about Tony. She has been through enough as it is." Lorne answered his C.O honestly, his hands still clasped tightly in his lap.

Sheppard pursed his lips together as a grimace spread across his weary features. He had to make a decision but his sense of duty to Major Evan Lorne was stronger than it had ever been. He wanted to protect this man from the shit storm he knew was going to rain down on him. His job dictated that he relieve Lorne immediately and strip him of his position before sending him straight back to Earth.

"It's ok." Lorne uttered in a quiet voice as he saw the conflict crossing over his superior's face. "I've made peace with this decision. Do what you need to do."

Sheppard reached for the envelope that was resting in the 'No Man's Land' between the two of them. This was the kinder thing to do, if he allowed Lorne to resign than his homosexuality didn't have to become a matter of public record. There would be a possibility of work in the private sector or for a civilian contractor if that's what he desired. Sheppard found himself staring at the plain white packaging, his fingertips brushing the bold black scrawl idly. The moment he opened it would be when everything changed and to do that to someone he respected so much broke a small piece of him deep inside.

The radio was chiming in his ear and Sheppard found himself replacing the envelope back in the centre of the desk before he touched his fingers to his ear in order to answer the call.

"Sheppard." he grunted, thankful for the interruption.

"Colonel, we need you up here." Beckett's brisk Scottish accent was in his ear sending a tingle of alarm resounding through all of his senses. "We have a situation up here that needs your expertise."

"What kind of situation?" Sheppard requested gruffly as he rose to his feet abruptly.

"Ronon's just brought Hope in with severe abdominal cramping, I hate to say this but it looks like she's suffering from an overdose. I'll have to wait until her bloods come back to be positive but it looks like Oxy maybe the culprit." Beckett recounted gravely.

"How's Ronon taking it?" Sheppard asked the other man, gesturing for Lorne to stand up.

"Not well." Beckett said frankly before changing the subject suddenly. "Is Cassandra with you?"

Sheppard frowned at the oddity of the question before answering.

"No but she definitely has her radio on her." Sheppard submitted, feeling a sickening churn vibrate in his stomach.

"Well if you see her, I could definitely do with her help." Beckett responded with frustration before hanging up.

Hope was desperately sick and his wife was nowhere to be found, that couldn't be a coincidence Sheppard found himself thinking as he turned his full attention to his second in command who was standing at full attention.

"Your letter of resignation will have to wait." John informed the Major with agitation. "We've got a situation up in the Infirmary."

"Situation?" Lorne echoed, already dogging Sheppard's heels as he broke into a jog heading towards the nearest Transporter.

Sheppard glanced at Lorne over his shoulder to make sure he was still with him before he broke into a sprint.

"I'll explain on the way."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! It's been a busy week but my reign of managing the store is over (thankfully), so yay! I can get on with more writing.<strong>_

_Thorne: I actually really loved Jesse but what he did to Rachel was cruel. Finn's whole relationship thing bores me to death, esp when he was obsessed with Quinn. There's no way Hope took the medication on purpose especially when she was pregnant. I just wanna hug them all! _

_Brn: lol I didn't think anybody actually listened to the music when I posted it, it's actually kind of nice to know that someone actually does. I am so glad you loved the song and I am tossing you a box of tissues. I feel awful for Cass, I couldn't imagine what it must be like being literally trapped in the Transporter. Lol you got your wish for Evan to make things right!_

_Shep: I just wanna hug Ronon for the pain he's going through and I hope to God that the baby ends up ok. You know what Castanza is like so I will let you draw your own conclusion for now. I hope Carson could work some magic but who knows with this kind of problem._

_Shippo: lol Poor Cass is going ballistic in an attempt to get out. I feel so sorry for them all esp Ronon, the poor dude could do with some good news. _

_Joey: I love the fact you are so adamant that it can't happen. Ronon can't lose his family, I couldn't imagine what he would be like without them. Castanza is such a bastard it's a possibility that he was the one that locked her in there in the first place. Lorne is gonna have to make a decision sooner or later. Thanks so much for your kind words, I really appreciate them all._

_GamerGirl: You don't have to apologize, it's not your fault you are sick and I am very sorry to hear it. I hope you feel better soon (I sincerely do). I think Ronon will snap Castanza in half! _

_Izzy: I am so glad your enjoying this story and I can tell you it is such a thrill to meet you. I have no plans to end it yet. I thought John Sheppard was so lonely in the series so he needed someone who could be there for him and make him smile. You are so right when you say that Ronon deserves all the happiness in the world._


	166. Chapter 166: Chaos Theory

Chapter One Hundred and Sixty Six

_Lost, but now I am found  
>I can see, but once I was blind<br>I was so confused as a little child  
>Tried to take what I could get<br>Scared that I couldn't find  
>All the answers<em>

_Lana Ray – Born To Die_

The situation in the Infirmary was out of control, John Sheppard had seen it the very instant he had stepped inside of the room with Lorne hot on his heels. The waiting area was in such a state of disarray that John didn't know where to look first. Glass crunched under his boot as he tread across the broken fragments of a heart monitor that had been smashed against the white tiles. Several chairs were overturned and there was a sizeable dent in the plaster from where one of them had collided with it. This mess had Ronon's name written all over it and that sent a thread of trepidation and terror jolting through John's system.

Already he was seeking out his friend with inquisitive hazel eyes. It wasn't hard to find Ronon in this small room, his stature outshone them all as he stood in the furthest corner, his fists clenched so that his knuckles were white and his nostrils flaring like an vexed dragon. John recognised this pose and he was glad that Teyla was already on hand to help. Something had enraged Ronon, someone had pushed him in his already emotional state and that had sent him into this fit of aggravation.

Teyla was talking quietly to their friend as he quivered with barely contained frustration, her voice was low and soothing even to John's ears as they drew closer but the words were doing nothing to pacify Ronon. His muscles were still rigid and coiled, ready to strike. It would appear that only Teyla's small hand on his tattooed forearm was the only thing keeping him at bay.

Ronon's vengeful jade eyes weren't even focused upon Teyla, they had come to rest on a tall, broad shouldered man who was lingering in the doorway leading to the medical bay with blood staining his white teeth from where John guessed Ronon had punched him in the mouth.

"Does someone want to tell me what the hell is going on here?" John erupted, using his most authoritative tone in order to draw the attention of the entire room.

"He accused Hope of being a drug addict." Ronon spat from across the room, his body lurching forward as his lip curled into a snarl. "He said that she did this on purpose to get rid of the baby and then he tried to inject her with something when he thought I wasn't looking."

"I'm afraid Mr Dex is mistaken." Tony submitted, slipping his hands into the front pockets of his coat. "I asked him if he was aware that Miss Kalua had taken any drugs recently because she seems to be suffering the effects of an overdose..."

"Liar!" Ronon roared as he lunged for the other man, his large palm shoving Teyla out of the way.

Both John and Lorne were already in motion when Ronon's entire body collided with Tony tipping them both onto the floor. His huge hands were locked around the other man's throat as his knees straddled Tony's hips preventing the ex football player from getting any type of leverage on the hulking Satedan.

John grabbed one of Ronon's arms whilst Lorne focused on praising the other hand from Tony's throat. Tony was already turning red, his lips were moving but nothing left his throat but a thin rasp that echoed in their ears amongst their grunts of exertion. His dark eyes were starting to bulge from his head as his large body writhed and struggled against Ronon's superior form.

"Ronon buddy, you have to let go." John ordered through grinding teeth as the Satedan smashed Tony's head against the floor.

"I will once he's dead." Ronon uttered coldly exerting more pressure around the young medic's throat. "He's trying to hurt my family."

"Ronon..." Teyla warned as she came up behind her huge friend welding a Wraith stunner in her right hand. "This will not solve anything."

Ronon didn't respond, he simply bashed Tony's head against the tiles once more causing a smear of blood to spread across the snow white porcelain. He was too far gone to stop himself right now, this man was a conniving, evil monster, why else would he try to inject Hope when Beckett's back was turned? Why else would he hide the syringe in his pocket? The fury inside of him was like an inferno chasing up the tallest tower, every single one of his protective instincts had gone into overdrive and he would not stop until the threat to his mate and his baby was eliminated.

"Forgive me." Teyla uttered to her friend before she pulled the trigger of the stunner sending a jet of energy straight into Ronon.

The effect was instantaneous, knocking Ronon out completely. His grip on Tony's neck loosened enough for Lorne to tear his hand away completely as his body sloped forward landing on top of his victim as he gasped for breath. Together with Lorne, they managed to roll the unconscious Satedan off of the panting medic allowing him the space to catch his breath.

"Nice work." John complimented Teyla as she set the stunner down before dropping to her knees besides Ronon to check his vitals.

"He's fucking insane." Tony choked out bringing their attention back to the problem at hand. "He needs to be put down before he kills someone."

Lorne had managed to get Tony propped up into a sitting position against the wall, the medic's hand was clasping his throat, his busy fingers massaging the bruised muscles. Lorne knelt beside Tony, his head tilting up to meet his C.O's gaze with a questioning look in his eyes.

"Search his pockets." John stated his voice devoid of all emotion as he stared down at Tony with barely contained disgust.

"Evan..." the warning was clear in Tony's voice as he turned his head towards his former lover, his intentions vivid.

"Save it." Lorne snapped at the other man as his hand plunged into Tony's jacket pocket. "I told him everything."

"You know that your second in command's a fag?" Tony sneered disbelievingly, watching John's expression of revulsion at the term.

Lorne's cheeks coloured in humiliation at the word as it was delivered. He hated being called that, it made him feel dirty and ashamed of what he was. John's temper flickered to life at the insult to his second in command, what he wouldn't give to wipe that ridiculous look of Tony's face right now.

"I don't see what his sexual orientation has to do with this situation." John pointed out as Lorne withdrew a syringe from Tony's pocket followed by something that looked vaguely familiar.

"Syringe is full of air." Lorne informed the Colonel, with a shake of his head before facing Tony. "Did you really think you were going to get away with this?"

"I don't know what your talking about." Tony responded with smirk.

"You were going to inject an air bubble into Hope's blood stream effectively killing her and the baby that she is carrying." Colonel Samantha Carter answered for him as she stepped into the room flanked by two Marines, Rodney who clasping a computer tablet to his chest and a dishevelled looking Cassandra. "In order to gain control of the Aid Project."

"You can't prove that." Tony refuted, struggling to climb to his feet.

"Actually yes we can." Sam stated her hands clasped in front of her. "After the incident with the missing Oxy, Doctor Sheppard had Doctor McKay install cameras in the ward and the pharmacy. We have you on film attempting to inject the air bubble into her arm before Ronon pulls you away."

"That was before you locked me in the Transporter by the way." Cass asserted as her sapphire gaze came to land on the control crystal in Lorne's hand.

"Which I let her out of after checking your inbox for encrypted emails." Rodney submitted gleefully before turning his head to Cass and gesturing to the Infirmary. "Speaking of which, shouldn't you be..."

"Already gone." she replied before stepping through the double doors and disappearing onto the ward.

"Emails?" Lorne questioned, his eyebrows curving into a frown as he struggled to make sense of all the information that was being discussed.

"Actually they were quite insightful really..." Rodney informed the others in the room before casting a glance at John. "They explained a few things that we were curious about ourselves."

"Do you have any idea what he's talking about?" Teyla asked their C.O with curiosity.

"After everything that happened with Drew Hartford and Weir's dismissal we thought that someone in the IOA must be trying to sabotage the expedition." John explained to the other's in the room before addressing McKay. "Are you saying you found evidence of that?"

"Even better I found out who." McKay told them all as he turned around the tablet to let them all see the image of the middle aged Chinese woman on the screen. "Remember Xian Shan?"

"Xian Shan happens to think that the Atlantis Project is a waste of time and money, thankfully the other members of the IOA do not agree with her opinion hence why her motions are constantly overruled and probably the reason our appraisals didn't go as well as we would have liked." Sam replied looking pointedly at John.

"It appears she's been paying people to throw a spanner in the works in order to prove that the Project isn't viable. Remember Maria, the red haired geologist?" McKay asked John, who cringed inwardly at the mention of the name.

He did not want to remember that harpy, an accidental indiscretion with her had almost ruined his marriage. McKay continued despite his friend's obvious discomfort.

"Well she was paid to split you and Cass up, the emotional instability was supposed to prove your judgement was impaired allowing her to take your position on Atlantis and shut it down from the inside. Drew Hartford was supposed to over exceed the medical budget and show that Weir wasn't in control of things on this side of the galaxy, Xian didn't account for him getting hooked on the Wraith enzyme which is where that plan failed."

"And him?" Lorne asked indicating towards Castanza whose pallor had turned an unhealthy shade of white at the implications.

"Castanza was told to do whatever he deemed necessary to prove that Atlantis was a 'money guzzling hell hole' as she so lovingly put it." McKay responded with agitation as he allowed his gaze to flicker to Tony for the first time.

Rodney didn't like his city being referred to in that manner and he made sure that Castanza was aware of that.

"And that included killing Hope?" Lorne snarled at Tony, considering the wisdom in not letting Ronon kill this hideous excuse for a man.

"Whatever was necessary." Tony said quietly as his dark eyes fixated upon a spot on the floor.

"You really are despicable." Lorne snorted, shaking his head in disgust before nodding to the two marines standing guard at the doors leading from the Infirmary. "Get him out of my sight."

Silence descended upon the room as they watched Tony's hands being bound at the wrist by the two marines before he was hurled up by his arms and dragged from the room.

"All the evidence we've collected will be sent to Stargate Command and they'll follow it through on their end." Sam said into the empty air as they watched Tony's removal with contempt.

"That doesn't undo all the damage that has already been done." Lorne heard himself saying as his gaze came to rest on the unconscious Satedan sprawled out across the floor, his head in Teyla's lap.

"No." Sam agreed as she folded her arms over her chest. "But it does mean that Hope and Ronon won't have to look over their shoulders anymore."

"Hope's in good hands." John reminded the Major knowingly.

Lorne nodded his agreement and wondered if he'd still be around by the time Hope recovered to beg for her forgiveness.

_**Hey guys. Sorry you have had to wait for this chapter but it has been a terrible week for me. Please enjoy!**_

_Brn: lol I am jumping in my chair too. Go Evan! Evan is going to have to come to terms with what he is and the consequences of his actions. The ramifications are like a ripple. Lol I am so very glad you like the music, it is a mood setter for me. It's easier to concentrate on setting a scene. I am glad your enjoying this!_

_Thorne: He is happy enough to listen to him but the problem has consequences that eventually Evan will have to face up to. I am surprised Castanza isn't dead by Ronon's hands by now._

_Joey: It's in fates hands but if we're honest I would hate to see what would happen if Hope and the baby were lost. Castanza needs to be murdered and blasted into space. I wish that Sheppard could rip up Lorne's resignation but things don't always play out the way we want. _

_Gamer: Poor Sheppard can understand exactly what's going on but the problem is that the consequences have to occur although it breaks my heart. Thanks for such kind words!_

_Shippo: Thankies for such a wonderful review. _


	167. Chapter 167: The Naming Game

Chapter One Hundred and Sixty Seven

_Oh dear you look so lost  
>Eyes are red<br>And tears are shed_

_Augusta - Boston_

Ronon Dex was trapped inside a living nightmare and the implications of that were driving him literally insane. He had been sitting in this waiting room for what seemed like hours unable to tear himself away from the room for fear of missing some vital news in regards to his lover and their child. He didn't give a damn that he was still sitting in his pyjamas or that his large feet were entirely bare. His head was in his hands, his elbows digging into his knees as he replayed the last few hours he had spent with Hope before they had drifted into sleep.

"_We are not naming him after my father." Ronon stated clearly with a defiant shake of his head for empathise. "Kalra means 'bloody' and I don't want my son to grow into that legacy."_

_Hope pulled a face at his declaration, her eyebrows arched in response to his words as she crossed off the name on the sheet of paper she had scribbled on. The two of them were sitting upon their bed tucked under the warm sheets. Hope was propped up against Ronon's chest, the back of her head resting upon his shoulder as she reviewed the list of baby names with an eager eye._

_Ronon's strong arm was wrapped around her shoulders, drawing her even closer into his loving embrace. His free hand resting upon the place where their beautiful baby boy resided happily sleeping inside of his mother. He couldn't keep his hands off of his lover and Hope didn't seem to mind. He could sense her need for reassurance underneath the surface of their bond. He knew that she had expected him to back away from her, she must have spent hours fretting about his reaction to their child before finally breaking the news to him._

"_We want something that encompasses both heritages, I want this baby to have some understanding of his roots." Hope said, her pen tapping against the notepad on her lap as her forehead creased in concentration. _

"_Kai means 'rejoice' on my world." Ronon supplied, thinking about his feelings regarding the creation of his son._

"_It means 'ocean' in my culture." Hope said knowingly as she wrote the name down and tilted her head to look at it. _

_There was something about the name that felt right, it seemed to settle in a place inside of the two of them. It conjured the image of a happy and strong child, one with Ronon's jade eyes and unruly dark hair. His life burned so brightly before them and Hope found herself curling up against her mate as Ronon beamed at the future that the two of them were creating._

That future was fading fast, Ronon could feel it slipping away through his fingers as he hunched in his chair struggling to hold onto the fine threads of control. He was struggling to comprehend how this could be happening. He was terrified he would never get to hold his new born son in his arms or see Hope's loving brown eyes shine with adoration for their child. That fear was eating him up inside, if he lost his family there would be nothing else to live for in either universe. He would spend his days killing all the Wraith he could lay his hands on and he would die alone.

Teyla was sitting beside him, her hand rubbing along his curve of his spine in reassuring circles. Ronon's distress was imminent, everyone in the room could feel it seeping into their bones as they lounged in the waiting area desperate for news. It had been two hours since Cassandra had drifted into the Infirmary to help Beckett and there had been no news since.

John was sitting on the opposite side of Ronon, his body prone and rigid, his arms folded tightly over his chest. John hated not being in control. In this situation he could do nothing, it was out of his hands and beyond his expertise. It made him feel useless, he wanted to take away Ronon's pain and ease his trauma but the damage was already done.

Castanza had put Oxy in the bottle of vitamins that he had supplied to Hope and she had been taking them as the bottle prescribed. That with Hope's sensitive system had caused an overdose which had rendered her with seizures, in turn this had created foetal distress for the baby that resided inside of Hope's womb. If Cass and Beckett didn't manage to get the other woman stabilised they would be delivering the baby via emergency C-section. John wasn't sure what complications that would cause, premature babies were born with a whole host of medical problems, some were even long term.

Lorne was sitting beside his C.O, his foot constantly tapping against the white tiles as he stared at the doors across from them. It had been a timely evening and he was very aware that this could stretch long into the night. Lorne had decided that he would stay here for as long as it took to see this through. This would be his final act on Atlantis before his removal from duty.

The double doors that led to the Ward hissed open revealing an exhausted looking Cassandra Sheppard clad in sky blue scrubs. Her dark hair was scraped back into a dishevelled bun at the nape of her neck. Ronon was on his feet in an instant, his jade eyes frantically searching Cass's sapphire gaze. Cass reached out, her delicate hands taking Ronon's huge hands in her own as a small smile crossed over her weary features.

"They're both stable." Cass informed the hulking Satedan as he stared at her wrought with apprehension. "They're gonna be ok."

The change in Ronon was indescribable. His entire body relaxed at the news, his expression jubilant as he threw his arms around his friend to embrace her. The others were on their feet huddling around them in order to join in the happiness that was brimming over from Ronon's psyche.

"There's more." Cass told Ronon as she drew away from the bear hug she was embroiled in, her hands still in Ronon's. "The Oxy caused a severe drop in Hope's blood pressure which sent the baby into distress, we had to do an emergency C-Section to remove the baby from the womb."

"Is he ok?" Ronon asked abruptly.

His mind was racing with the implications surrounding such an operation. He wasn't sure whether a baby could survive outside of the mother if it was delivered that early. His son was strong, Ronon was aware of that but the world was a scary place and Kai would be so little and vulnerable. He knew that there could be complications with premature babies but that didn't matter to him. He would love his son no matter what happened.

Cass gave Ronon's hands a reassuring squeeze before she continued her explanation in the simplest terms she could muster.

"One of the effects of the Oxy is that it speeds up cognitive development and lung capacity in babies, the downside to that is the effect it has on Mom which why it isn't used for that purpose. Although the baby is pretty premature he has developed the facilities to survive outside the womb without any of the problems that premature babies usually suffer. So in short the baby is doing very well."

The relief that Ronon felt pulsed through him like a typhoon stealing away the torrid storm of worry and terror that had plagued him over the past few hours.

"Kai." Ronon corrected quietly. "His name is Kai."

"Would you like to see him?" Cass asked kindly. "Hope is still in recovery at the moment but Kai would love to meet his daddy."

"Can I see her too?" Ronon responded eagerly.

The desire to see his mate was fierce. Admittedly he trusted Cass's judgement when it came to all things regarding healthcare but he loved Hope and after Castanza's psychopathic rampage he needed to see that she was ok with his own eyes.

"We need to wait a while for her to come out of the anaesthetic but after that, I promise you can spend as much time with her as you want." Cass informed her friend, maintaining eye contact with him to enforce her words. "Everything's gonna be ok Ronon."

Ronon hung his head as he processed the news. Even as Cassandra spoke in that low forceful voice he found the information hard to take in. After everything that had happened it sounded like a miracle.

"Thank you." Ronon uttered, pressing his forehead to Cassandra's in a gesture of gratitude. "Thank you so much."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, well after what has been a roller coaster of a week I have resigned from my job so I am officially unemployed. It was a tough decision but it was the right one for me in the end. All I can ask is that you wish me luck in finding another job ASAP!<strong>_

_Brn: Your not the only one glad for Tony's departure. I hate that man with a passion for what he did to Lorne and you'll find out soon that someone else does too! Ronon is the type of man that is so fiercely protective over his family that he watches everything that goes on around them. Lol I would love for Evan to settle down and be part of a family!_

_Joey: I hope that this chapter settles your mind a little bit in regards to Hope and the baby. If I was writing a darker John I probably would have airlocked him out of a Jumper. To be honest as I was writing the chapter I was like wow and I can tie in this and this and this! It was a joy o have everything pull together._

_Gamer: I am glad you loved that chapter and thank you for all of your wonderful and kind words. I do appreciate it!_

_Shippo: How much did I hate writing it? The man was a bastard for saying such an evil thing and I know we weren't the only people who wanted to murder him for it!_


	168. Chapter 168: Practice Makes Perfect

Chapter One Hundred and Sixty Eight

_Your beautiful inside _

_And your beautiful to me_

_And you don't have to change anything_

_Sons of William – It's Easy To Love You_

Baby Kai Dex was the smallest, most beautiful thing that Ronon had ever seen in his whole entire life. He had a flock of fine dark hair, the colour the exact same match to his father's. In the years to come Ronon knew that it would become naturally tousled instead of the sleek, straight style worn by his mother. The baby's flesh was the same caramel colour as Hope's and his eyes...

Ronon had never seen such wonderful expressive jade eyes.

Already he was in awe of his son, he had the tiniest button nose and his lips were pink and pert continuously etched into the shape of an 'o'. He couldn't believe that he had helped create something so perfect. The baby was clutched close to his chest, it's fragile soft skin pressing against Ronon's heart as he held the baby against the patch of bare chest with the utmost care.

Cass had recommended the cuddling in order for the two of them to bond especially after the two of them had endured something so traumatic. Ronon couldn't thank her or Beckett enough for their role in Kai's arrival. The two of them looked exhausted but he could tell they were abundantly pleased with themselves from their grins.

"Didn't expect him to be so tiny." Ronon found himself uttering, amazement in his voice.

"Anyone's tiny compared to you." Hope murmured from her upright position in the hospital bed.

She had been watching her lover with their child for the past few minutes and she found herself unable to stop the grin of contentment spreading across her pretty features. Her heart was melting as she took in the sensational sight, she felt a surge of love and adoration for her mate and for the amazing being that the two of them had created.

The anaesthetic had worn off over an hour ago and she was still feeling fuzzy from the pain medication she was on but even all of that didn't outshine the joy she felt over the birth of their baby. There wasn't enough words to describe the felicity that coursed through her veins. For Hope this was the first chapter of the rest of her life, she had never felt so complete.

"You wanna say 'hi' to mommy again Kai?" Ronon murmured, his lips lightly caressing the baby's forehead.

Ronon reached forward and placed the swaddled infant into his mate's awaiting arms. Kai settled against her chest, grumbling at the motion before he settled into comfort of his mother's hold, his delicate cheek pressed against the top of Hope's breast.

"Hi baby." Hope said quietly as she stared down into her son's inquisitive jade eyes.

Ronon's fingers brushed the stray strands of chestnut hair from his lover's cheek back behind her ear. His fingertips were tender as they chased along the line of her cheek.

"I'm so proud of you." Ronon found himself saying in earnest as he took in his happy, little family. "You've given me more than I ever could have dreamed of."

"I didn't expect this." Hope said with tears glistening in her eyes as she tilted her head to stare at the infant snuggled in her arms. "I didn't expect to feel so much love for somebody else or for him."

The instant Hope had held their child was the moment the bond between mother and son had sprung to life. In the womb she could feel the connection to their baby even when she hadn't known about his existence, there had always been an extra part of her when it came to Ronon and now she understood what it was. The two of them were big believers in Fate and everything that had happened to them and between them had led to this wonderful conclusion.

"I'll always love you." Ronon told his mate as he used his thumb to brush away the tear that had managed to escape down her cheek. "I'll always want and protect the both of you."

Hope swallowed back the emotion that ached at the back of her throat. She was overwhelmed by the strength of the adoration that she felt for this man. He had stolen her heart and healed her soul, they had made this stunning baby boy with their love. Ronon's vow simply cemented how perfect everything was right now, he had made every single one of her dreams come true.

* * *

><p>It was two in the morning when Cassandra Sheppard finally crept into bed along side of her husband wearing nothing but a black vest top and matching boy boxers. She was exhausted beyond measure and all she wanted to do was curl up next to her husband and sleep the rest of the night away.<p>

The past twelve hours had been some of the longest in her life. Having to operate on her friend had been a harrowing experience but the moment Kai let out that high pitched wail, it had been the moment that all the pieces fell into place. Hope was alive and the baby was healthy, that was all that Cass could have prayed for.

John was lying on his stomach when Cassandra pulled back the sheets on her side of the bed, his face was buried deep into her pillow, his dark untidy hair sticking up at all angles. He was completely naked except for his tight, clinging navy blue boxers that hugged his ass just right. Cass took a second to admire her husband's fine physique, she reached out her fingertips trailing lightly along the knots of his spine. There were scars etched into his flesh, thin white lines from where he had suffered for his cause and for other people. She knew the stories to each and every single one of them and she revered her husband for his acts of humanity. This man was her own and she had a fierce sense of pride in that knowledge.

John was already stirring when Cassandra pulled the covers back over the two of them, he didn't sleep well when his wife was absent from their bed. There was something about her that radiated more calm and security than he ever could have imagined. Her flesh was cool when she settled down beside of him. John reached out for her, his muscular arm wrapping around her waist and drawing her into the shelter of his inviting body heat. He buried his face in the curve of her throat, his stubble grazing along her sensitive skin as his lips ghosted up along the line of her jaw. His feet rubbed along Cass's dainty ones in attempt to heat them. Cass's silky soft legs entwined with his own as his lips linger precariously close to her delectable mouth.

"They ok?" he murmured against the corner of her mouth.

Cassandra sighed at the gentle press of his lips against her tender skin. Her fingertips chased over the planes of her husband's chest before she placed her palm over the white splatter shaped scar on his abdomen.

"They will be." Cass told her husband as she watched her fingers trace the shape of his agile form. "Ronon's staying the night in the Infirmary, it's important that they bond with the baby after something so traumatic."

"You want one." John uttered, his nose trailing along Cassandra's so that they were staring into each other's eyes, their lips inches apart.

"John..." Cass pleaded as she gazed into his knowing hazel eyes.

"Cassie." John returned, using his thumb to smooth away a stray strand of hair away from her cheek. "I know you and I can feel how much it hurts."

"I thought I'd come to terms with it." Cass admitted quietly, her delicate hands cupping her husband's cheeks. "But seeing the way the two of them were with Kai..."

John knew how that could twist someone up inside, how much it could damage someone's psyche. They needed this out in the open between them or it would fester and rot their relationship from the inside.

"I'm sorry." Cass whispered into the darkness.

"Your not the only one that wants it." John reassured his wife, his lips kissing her closed eyelids with a softness he reserved only for her. "Maybe in a few years we can have it."

"I don't know how long I can wait." Cass told her husband in a low tone. "I have this feeling deep down inside as if I'm waiting for something and I just can't place what it is. It feels like something's missing."

"I feel it too, it's like all the pieces are in the right place but there's this gap right here..." John uttered, using his fingertip to circle the place where her heart resided.

"God, we're so broody." Cass found herself laughing out loud at their conversation. "The first sight of a new baby and this is what we end up talking about."

"It's good to get these things out in the open." John told his wife with understanding before he stole a long, sweet kiss from her mirthful features. "Besides it doesn't mean we can't practice."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! I wanted to show both sides of the coin in terms of Kai's arrival so here it is. So far I have had to call backs for jobs but they have been too far away for what I would prefer to travel but it must be a good thing I am hearing something back. So keep your fingers crossed for me.<strong>_

_Brn: I am so glad you enjoyed the previous chapter. Lol I feel like tossing a tissue box at you! We are in their happy days. God, if I had a chance to meet Sheppard I would pounce at him._

_Joey: I'm glad that your enjoying the story, I put so much work into it it becomes a thrill to know people still love it after so much time has passed. I couldn't have Ronon lose his family, he has lost too much already. Lol you are giving me bad ideas about tossing Castanza out of an airlock!_

_Shep: lol I have no idea why Kai popped into my head but it seemed right in the moment and in line with both Hope and Ronon's beliefs. I am completely at peace with my decision, it was just the way it worked out. Thank you so much for your encouragement. _

_Shippo: Kai is like a tiny bundle of fun, he is so sweet and such an awesome little kid! _


	169. Chapter 169: Stronger

Chapter One Hundred and Sixty Nine

_Thanks to you I got a new thing started  
>Thanks to you I'm not broken-hearted<br>Thanks to you I'm finally thinking 'bout me  
>You know in the end the day you left is just my beginning<em>

_Kelly Clarkson - Stronger_

The breeze on the balcony was refreshing given Major Evan Lorne's current state. He hadn't slept for days and that weariness was creeping up on him now more than ever given the fact the caffeine and the adrenaline were seeping out of his body. He had lived for days in a constant state of hyper awareness. The fact he didn't have to any more was a welcome relief, it meant he could enjoy his last night on Atlantis in peace.

The salty air twanged in Evan's nostrils as he inhaled deeply. The sound of the waves crashing against the marble walls of the city gave Evan a sense of homeliness that he knew he would miss. He was never this settled when he had been posted elsewhere, for some reason Atlantis gave him the same security and the stability that San Francisco did.

God, he would miss this place. The city itself had enchanted him with it's charms, he simply wished he had taken more time to appreciate it's beauty. The portraits he had managed to paint in his sketchpad didn't do this home away from home any justice. He wanted more time to create the sense of reverence it gave him, to have his water colours touch people in the same way it had captured him.

It was the people that he would miss the most. He had met so many extraordinary personalities here, some that he even considered to be his closest friends. He would worry for them back on Earth, it would be strange being an outsider once more but he could live with that if he was forced to.

The doors behind Evan hissed open and he found himself glancing over his shoulder in order to meet the stunning blue gaze of Carson Beckett. Evan always got lost in those eyes, they were vibrant and bright with flecks of hazel spotting around the pupil. There had always been a kindness in the other man and Evan admired that. He adored the other man's compassion, he was always patient and caring, willing to go the extra mile for a person in need.

"I thought I'd see how you are doing Laddie." Carson said as he took up residence along side the taller man.

"Better now that I know their ok." Evan told the other man, tilting his head towards the doorway indicating he was talking about the Dex Family.

"You did a good thing Evan." Carson informed the Major, his hand patting the other man on the back.

Evan closed his eyes blissfully at the feeling of Carson's dexterous fingers rubbing along his shoulder blades. It was a wonderful sensation, knowing that someone cared about him. He had needed to hear those words to absolve his guilt over the situation. Evan's shoulders sagged as he finally let go of the burden that had been pinning him down all this time.

"It makes a difference..." Evan stated giving Carson that knowing smile. "...hearing that from you."

There was something about that smile for Carson Beckett, it was like seeing the sun rise on the Scottish Highlands. His heart pounded just a little quicker when he looked directly into Evan's eyes. He would miss this man and it made him so ridiculously sad that tomorrow maybe the Marine's last day on this reverent city.

"What Tony did to you was sickening." Carson found himself saying, the words coming out of his mouth in a vengeful tone.

His temper always soared whenever he thought of Tony and Evan together. The young marine had given his trust over to the other man and he had tossed it away like a piece of trash. It left Carson wondering what kind of damage this would do to Evan in the future, would Tony's betrayal leave him unable to commit? Evan didn't deserve that, he didn't deserve to spent his time without being cared for, he was a wonderful, benevolent man and Carson only wished that Evan would be happy no matter what the forthcoming days held.

"It was about sex." Evan stated plainly, his fingers kneading together as if in prayer as he looked out to sea. "I was lonely for someone else and I allowed him to take advantage of that."

"It shouldn't be like that." Carson said shaking his head crossly. "You should be with someone that cares about you, someone that loves the person who you are."

"It doesn't work like that." Evan told Carson in a flat tone, glancing sideways at the doctor as their bare elbows brushed lightly causing the tingle of electric to tingle right through the younger Marine.

"Yes it does." Carson said abruptly, his bright blue eyes taking in the handsome profile of Evan's chiselled features.

He was perfection in a way that Carson could never describe. It was as if some unworldly sculptor had etched this man into a marble and brought him to life. He was graceful and smart and the fact that he was hurting deep inside cut Carson down to the very core. He wanted to take that pain away, to show Evan that love didn't come with a cost and he didn't have to hide away any aspect of himself.

Evan was looking at him now, his hard exterior softening as he allowed the mask he had been wearing to slip entirely. It crumbled like the walls of Jericho into fractured pieces as he allowed Carson to see everything that he was feeling at that very moment.

The emotional over load was tremendous. It drowned the both of them like a tsunami, sweeping over them with it's awesome power. The universe was such a vast, solitary place and if there was ever a time to take a chance on something it was now. It was time for Evan to do something that he had wanted to do from the very first time he had met the doctor.

His large hands was already on Carson's unshaven cheeks, the dark stubble feeling silky underneath his fingertips as he tilted up the other man's chin so that their mouth's were inches apart. Carson could feel his heart pounding even harder against his ribcage as the whirlwind of chemistry whipped around inside of him. His skin was prickling with anticipation as Evan lingered just out of reach waiting for Carson to take that final step.

"I've wanted this for so long." he said in his rough Scottish accent as his eyes dipped precariously to the shape of the other man's delectable mouth.

Evan closed the gap between them with the tiniest of movements. His lips brushed over Carson's timidly, seeking the other man's permission before Carson's warm hands settled on his lower back drawing him even closer. There was comfort in this man's arms, there was security and something more powerful than the two of them could ever have imagined. The passion they felt for one another was ferocious but it was symptom of a much deeper emotion, one that neither of them dared put a name to.

"You have me for tonight." Evan whispered against Carson's lips, his hands running through that thick dark hair in a manner that was almost possessive.

Carson drew the other man even closer again and let his body do the rest of the talking.

_**Hey guys! I thought it was time that Evan get some love and Carson seems to be the man that he wants. I would love to see where this goes and I hope that you guys do too. **_

_Izzy: Thanks very much for your kind words, it is going ok but it can be so mind numbing! I'm glad you enjoyed the previous chapter, I really wanted to portray Ronon's feelings regarding the whole situation and I'm glad I was successful._

_Brn: I am tossing the boss at you cutie. Cass and John are perfect together. I want a piece of that man too. I wanted to show how she felt in regards to seeing her husband after such a tremendous day. I wish that the two of them could be happy one day but it doesn't always work out that way sadly._

_Joey: It seems odd doesn't it that there's no overwhelming dark force looming overhead. Maybe it is a prayer for the two of them, the only problem is I don't know how God will grant it. Thanks very much for your well wishing. _

_Shep: It is such a powerful image isn't it? I love the image of this huge powerful man cradling his baby and Kai is such a cutie. John had a vasectomy because it was really unsafe for her to get pregnant because she wouldn't be able to carry it to full term. _


	170. Chapter 170: Own The Night

Chapter One Hundred and Seventy

_Tell me have you ever wanted  
>Someone so much it hurts?<br>Your lips keep trying to speak  
>But you just can't find the words<br>Well I had this dream once;  
>I held it in my hands<em>

_Lady Antebellum – We Own The Night_

The breeze was fluttering in through the open window causing the navy blue curtains to waver in the darkness. The light of the moon was flooding into the room silhouetting the two men laying in bed together in each other's arms, dozing. Carson Beckett was curled up around Major Evan Lorne, his stubbly face buried in the curve of Evan's neck as he placed sleepy, tender kisses upon his flesh. Evan reached back, his nimble fingers raking through Carson's dark thick wavy hair with a contented sigh.

They had moved things to Carson's room when their kisses alone on the balcony had become more torrid and heated. People finding out about Evan's sexuality wasn't a big deal any more considering Tony's explosion of expletives during his incarceration. It didn't matter who knew anymore, his friends accepted him for who he was and would be happy if he was happy. It had taken him a few hours to come to terms with that, one clap on the back from Ronon and a shrug from Rodney had showed him how much it didn't matter.

Carson's nose trailed along the line of Evan's jaw, his hot intricate mouth following suit, swiping with his tongue. Evan twisted his head in order to look into Carson's startling blue eyes, their lips inches apart, the tension brimming up between them. It was amazing how this man made him feel, there had been plenty of lovers in his time alone but none had come close to instilling anywhere near the emotions that Carson did. All the two of them had done was make out but it meant more to Evan than he could bring himself to say.

The two of them were in Carson's plush single bed, their bare legs tangled together as they lay side by side in the darkness, hands touching and stroking over the clothing that was still attached to either man. They were still wearing their T-shirts and underwear and eventually Evan would have loved to take his time with Carson. He wanted to explore all aspects of the other man, to learn more about his would be lover's mind, body and soul.

As much as he wanted to it would be unfair to ask Carson to wait for him when he was sent back to Earth. He knew that Carson spent his vacations with his family back in Scotland and infringing on that would be cruel. So the two of them had only tonight together to get everything between them out of the way. It didn't matter how far they went, Carson had already exceeded every single one of Evan's expectations.

Evan reached out, the palm of his hand grazing across Carson's clean shaven features before he cupped his lover's cheek. His thumb traced the outline of Carson's lips and watching in fascination at the erotic moan that escaped his lover's throat.

"You know I've wanted this for a long time." Evan uttered against the corner of Carson's mouth, allowing his muscular body to press along the length of the other man's. "I didn't know if you felt the same way and if we ended up with something I wanted to be more than just a secret."

"I wish I'd said something sooner." Carson responded, his arms wrapping around Evan's sensual form, his fingertips chasing up the contours of his lover's back digging into his flesh when Evan kissed him.

The muscles were firm and hard underneath the material of his lover's baby blue T-shirt. It made Carson's dark head spin, imagining the hoarse noises that Evan would make as his tongue teased it's way up that sexual chiselled chest.

Carson had never thought of himself as gay before he met Evan. He had never been attracted to other men before he met the Major but there was just something about Evan Lorne that stirred both his heart and his lower body. He had tried to ignore it over the time that they had spent together but it had grown and in turn morphed into something new.

When the whole sorry story had come out about Castanza and Evan, the first emotion that Carson had felt was jealousy. It wasn't a pang, it was a whole vicious emotion that slammed him in the chest so hard he was struggling to breath through it and when he found out what Castanza had done not just to Hope, but to Evan as well, he saw red.

The betrayal of such trust infuriated Carson in ways he hadn't been able to understand at first. Evan didn't deserve the position that he was in and it broke his heart to see that the other man was trapped. Evan was one of the strongest people Carson knew and it showed from the fact he had put everything on the line to reveal Castanza's true nature.

"That doesn't matter." Evan told Carson in a husky, sultry tone. "You have me right now."

His molten hot mouth enclosed over Carson's possessively, his tongue parting his lover's lips as he delved deeper into the other man's mouth. They melted into one another, their hips bumping, their chests urgently pushing against each other as they struggled to get even closer.

Carson was responding fiercely to his Evan's ministrations, his dexterous hands were roving underneath his T-shirt, stroking those tightening muscles with eager motions. The fiery desire was beyond intense. The well of passion was building in the tiny gap between them, there was potent mix of emotions gathering in Evan's chest as he nipped Carson's lower lip wrenching a rich moan from his delectable mouth. Carson was here now under his hands and he wanted to make love to this man and make him his own.

Their kisses were becoming needy and demanding. Evan's rough skilled hands tantalised Carson's sensitive, broad chest causing fireworks to explode underneath his skin. Carson was writhing under his touch, he arched into Evan, groaning with appreciation into his mouth before Evan drew his lover's T-shirt up and over his head before tossing it off of the bed.

Having Carson in this position was like a dream come true. The other man was firm in exactly the way that Evan had been fantasising about over the past few months. There was a thin pink scar on the right side of his body alongside his belly button where Evan guessed he had his appendix removed. His fingertip traced the line inquiringly watching Carson shiver under his ministrations. It turned him on knowing what he was doing to his lover and that was evident through both of their underwear.

"I've never done this before." Carson found himself confessing almost shyly as Evan's warm, careful hands ran over the dark coarse hair on his chest.

Carson's dark head tipped back into the shape of the white pillow as Evan's teasing fingertip traced along the line of Carson's clinging underwear causing him to curse out loud at the consuming sensation. Jesus, he wanted more from Evan. He wanted his hands touching every inch of him.

"I don't want you to feel uncomfortable." Evan whispered to his lover as he stared into Carson's beautiful bright blue eyes. "I would never want you to feel that way."

It had been so long since Carson had the receiver of any physical pleasure and Evan could tell from the responses that he was drawing out from the other man. Evan was more than skilled enough to relieve a little of Carson's tension but he wanted this to be more than just scratching an itch. He would do anything for Carson, anything at all.

Carson's dexterous hands were moving on their own accord, his warm palms were gliding across his lover's skin as he drew Evan's t shirt up over his head and removed it from his body before he shimmied up into a sitting position. He looked like Adonis, sculptured perfectly in order to fit Carson's cuddlier form. His blue eyes were vibrant and bright as he took in the man before him, the arousal making him even harder at the thought of him pressing against his skin. He wore his scars like a badge of pride and Carson was glad of that fact, that was the way it should be for someone as brave as Evan.

It didn't take a genius to see the fear in Evan's eyes at the prospect of their union. Carson understood it more than anyone ever could. His lover was terrified of rejection, after all Evan had already lost so much. Carson wrapped his arms around Evan's perfectly sculpted form drawing the other man even closer so that Evan was straddling his waist with his thighs. The two of them fit together in the most perfect of ways.

Evan needed to feel cared for, Carson had long decided. He needed to know that he could drop all of those boundaries. Evan should know that he was loved and desired by someone for who he really was.

Carson allowed his fingertips to trail up Evan's spine as his nose teased along the length of Evan's until their lips lingered within inches of one another. The anticipation was killing his lover as Carson's hands skated underneath Evan's underwear and cupped his buttocks grinding himself against the other man. Evan whimpered at the friction of the material against his more sensitive area, his blazing blue eyes fixated on Carson allowing him to see every ounce of pleasure he was giving away.

"I want this with you." Carson whispered against Evan's collarbone, his breath hot and balmy as it caressed the other man's flesh. "I've wanted this for a very long time."

The words touched Evan deeply, he could feel them healing parts of him that he had never realized were truly broken until this very moment. This was different from everything else that he had ever experienced and it took one single blissful moment for Major Evan Lorne to understand why.

This was love, pure unadulterated love.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I wanted to show a little more of Evan and Carson's relationship and how much it meant to the two of them. I hope you enjoy it!<strong>_

_Shippo: They do seem like a really good couple and I am so happy they found one another. They deserve a lot of happiness!_

_Joey: They definitely do and I am so happy the two of them found one another and decided to take things a step further. It all depends on what Colonel Carter can do but it seems unlikely :( Unfortunately they have to play this entire situation by the book otherwise I would love to airlock him!_

_Brn: lol I admit I am punching the air too. They are such a wonderful couple and I would love to push them further. Unfortunately him leaving seems a given!_


	171. Chapter 171: Alone Time

Chapter One Hundred and Seventy One

_I feel so strange because of you_

_I have everything to lose_

_I wouldn't have it any other way_

_If this turns out to be a dream_

_Please don't wake me_

_I don't want to leave this place_

_Phillip Larue - Found_

Sleep had been elusive for Ronon Dex, just as he knew it would be during the aftermath of what had happened. His mate and his child were in a vulnerable position and it was his job to protect them in any way that he could. He couldn't afford to lose them, not now not ever. Hope was still asleep, her exotic features were peaceful as she slept off the effects of the previous few days. Their lives had changed so much in such a small amount of time, it was no wonder she had to rest.

The baby was nestled in his arms, his tiny chubby features were tranquil as he slept. His caramel coloured cheek was resting upon Ronon's chest right where his heart beat happily in his chest. Kai was swaddled in a fresh blue blanket, his tiny little hat perched entirely over his head to keep the heat in. His thick dark hair felt like feathers underneath Ronon's fingertips as he stroked over Kai's delicate features. The baby wrinkled his nose, his nostrils twitching at his father's ministrations before he let out a grumble of irritation.

Ronon had spent a lot of time with his son over the past few days and he enjoyed every single second of it. He was learning the baby's mannerisms the same way he had began to learn his mate's habits. He had observed Hope for a long time before he made his move and now he was discovering his son in the same way.

The diapers had been an eye opener, he didn't know how such a little thing could make such a foul smelling mess but he knew that Kai couldn't help it and it was part of his duty as a father. He liked feeding his baby, it tapped into some savage sense to provide for his family and bottle feeding his son was a part of parenting that he could indulge in as well.

Hope was watching them. Ronon could feel the weight of her dark gaze upon them as he cradled their baby boy. Her expression was serene, her hand resting upon her stomach as she lay back in the plush pillows. There was something so amazing about watching Ronon with their son.

His jade eyes were bright and shining with adoration as they lowered back to the tiny being lying on the crook of his arm. She understood what he was feeling, their son had been a surprise from the start but he was a welcome one. The infirmary had been providing everything they needed so far since their little bundle of joy had made an appearance into the world but he would need his own things at some point.

"How are you feeling?" Ronon asked his mate in a low hushed tone.

"Good, a little sore but otherwise I'm doing ok." Hope supplied as she smiled at her lover in a bid to reassure him.

Ronon was a force of nature and she could feel the rage that was still burning up underneath his skin at the indignity of what Tony Castanza had done to his little family. Castanza had done something horrendous and in a more private moment John Sheppard had informed her that the bastard would pay for every single thing he had done to her and to Major Lorne.

Hope couldn't help but let her thoughts stray to her friend. They had spoken in the late hours of the night when Ronon had taken Kai for a walk around in an attempt to lull the infant to sleep. Lorne had apologized for his role in Castanza's plot. It didn't take a genius to see the guilt that plagued the Major. It ate at Evan the same way it had at her when they had discovered it had been a clone and not Cassandra who had come back from Michael's base.

It hadn't surprised her to learn of Lorne's sexuality, she had seen the way that he looked at Carson when he thought that they were alone and it was full of desire and longing. She understood the prejudices of the military and of the sacrifice Lorne had made in divulging the information to his C.O. He had thrown away his career for the lives of her and their baby, Hope was thankful for that and regretful of the consequences. She knew what the penalty was for homosexuality in the military and it upset her that Lorne was falling victim to it.

"I wanna get him some stuff today." Ronon said out loud breaking into Hope's line of thinking. "Cassandra helped me make a list last night."

"That would be a good idea." Hope agreed as Ronon rose to his feet and approached the bed. "Poor baby hasn't got a thing and we get to escape the Infirmary tomorrow."

Her fingertip stroked along the tiny curvature of their son's minuscule hand, his skin was soft and smooth and that unique baby smell filled her nostrils making her heart swell with love. They had made this beautiful creature together and he amazed her in every single way.

"You gonna be ok if I disappear for a few hours?" Ronon asked, his observing jade eyes were on her delicate features taking the small facial cues that made up her reaction.

"I'll be fine." she assured him before she pursed her lips into a small smile bearing down at her son. "Me and Kai will get to know each other a little better."

The baby let out a cry of agreement, his jade eyes flickering open so he could say 'hi' to his mommy.

* * *

><p>It was too early for Cassandra Sheppard when the alarm clock went off. The loud resounding tone was blaring in her ears jerking her from what had been a short, deep, comfortable sleep. It had been less than four hours before John and her had fallen asleep wrapped up in one another and she could still feel the exhaustion weighing upon her.<p>

"I'm up." Cassandra grunted at the alarm clock, her hand flailing out and tapping at the nightstand in search of the offending item.

John was already moving alongside of her, his arm had been wrapped around her naked slender waist. He untangled himself from her lithe form as he heard his wife's valiant struggle to find the clock. He reached across her sensual form, his nude skin caressing hers as he smacked the alarm clock off.

"Got it." he uttered in his sexy, rough voice.

His muscular form settled over his wife's, his mouth descended on hers, brushing over her lips with the softest of kisses.

"Good morning." she whispered against his mouth as her hands roamed along the defined curvature of his back.

"Hm let me see what I can do to make it better..." he teased as lips sought out that sensitive spot underneath the curve of Cass's jaw.

His mouth felt so good against her skin, she could feel his heat mounting as he began to harden against her inner thigh. God, she was already wet at the prospect. It wouldn't take more than a simple movement before they were joined as one again. His palms were already ghosting over her breasts causing her nipples to harden.

This was perfect right now, he was perfect...

The chiming of the doorbell cut through the air as Cass let out a needy moan. John's entire body sagged as he let out a frustrated growl at the intrusion. He wanted to ignore that sound more than anything in the universe right now but he knew that his duty required him to do anything but that. Cass was already looking pointedly at him as she cleared her throat.

John shuffled out of bed like a petulant child before yanking on his clothes as he muttered under his breath. His grey sweatpants managed to cover the evidence of his arousal and he cast a glance at Cassandra over his left shoulder as the doorbell chimed once more.

She looked like a goddess tangled up in the white sheets. She had drawn them up to cover her breasts in order to give herself some modesty and to keep him from getting distracted. Her dark hair was dishevelled in that deviant way that said she had been up to no good.

"Don't move." he ordered her, that wicked mischievous glint in his hazel eyes. "And do not start without me."

Cassandra rolled her sapphire blue eyes amused by his words before stretching out across the middle of the bed alluringly.

"I'll be waiting." she purred, her palm rubbing across the empty space beside of her.

John bit his lower lip before disappearing through the door of their bedroom and into the living area. He swiped his hand over the door panel allowing the double doors to open revealing Colonel Samantha Carter standing before him, her fingers linked behind her back.

"Colonel, it's time to talk about Major Lorne."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, just a little update for all the kindness you've shown to me!<strong>_

_Joey: I wanted to show their love for one another even though the two of them only have a short period of time together. I am surprised by how well the two men work together as a partnership!_

_Brn: lol they would just kick him back again. Fingers crossed that something good comes out of this whole mess for them. They deserve to be happy but the course of true love never runs smooth._

_Shippo: I think we can all keep our fingers crossed._


	172. Chapter 172: Brokering

Chapter One Hundred and Seventy Two

_You made a deal, and now it seems you have to offer up  
>But will it ever be enough? <em>

_Florence and the Machine – Rabbit Heart_

Carson Beckett was in heaven. That was the only way to describe the amazing sensation that was pulsating through his body. Evan was curled up around his sated form, his chin tucked into the curve of Carson's shoulder. Their fingers were entwined as Carson held their hands close to the centre of his chest. He could feel Evan's even breathing against his back as he snuggled closer in his sleep. He never would have taken the other man to be the type of person who cuddled up to his lovers but Evan was surprising him in more ways that Carson could ever have imagined.

Evan was a gentle and tender lover and what Carson lacked for in experience he made up for in enthusiasm. They had spent the night entwined with one another mumbling sweet endearments as they made love in the darkness. It had been his first time with another man and it had been the most exquisite pleasure that he had ever experienced. Carson knew that there was no one else for him after this, there wasn't another person who would be able to take Evan's place in his heart.

The Major mumbled in his sleep, his lips brushing over the shape of Carson's broad, naked shoulder, his grasp on the other man's hand tightening. Carson wondered what Lorne was dreaming about right now. Was he happy with their situation or was he thinking about the day to come?

Carson dreaded what would happen when it was their time to rise. He was fully aware of the implications of Evan's confession to the Colonel the other day and he fretted for his lover and more selfishly their future. It wasn't until now that he realized how much he needed Evan, his days were brighter with the younger man in his world. It astonished him much a simple gesture or word from the Major could cause his insides to light up like a thousand tiny fireflies were flitting about inside of him.

"Stop worrying." Evan muttered into Carson's ear, his breath lightly ghosting in his ear. "I can feel your shoulders tensing up the more you think about it."

Evan knew what Carson was thinking and he wanted to banish all those worries from that handsome head of his. Unfortunately he couldn't give his lover the reassurances he needed, his future was unstable at best but he hoped that once he had returned back to Earth that the two of them would be able to organise something more stable if Carson wanted. Evan hoped to God that was what he wanted. He didn't think he could handle the rejection if he didn't.

"I like having you like this, love." Carson uttered in his broad Scottish accent as if sensing Evan's distress at the possibility of being separated. "I hate the idea of you being punished for something you have no control over."

The situation was something that they couldn't thwart no matter how much they may want it. Fate was a cruel mistress, but Evan didn't regret the time they had spent together last night or this morning. He relished the intimacy between the two of them, this was the closest he had been to another human being in such a long time. It was horrible to be pulled away from the other man but he would make the best of the time they had left together.

Evan sighed as he propped his head up on one hand, gently guiding Carson's cuddly form until his lover was lying flat on his back. Their blue eyes met and Evan felt that familiar surge of affection flood through his nervous system as he reached out, allowing his fingertips to trace over the apple of Carson's cheek. His dark stubble felt silky underneath his fingertips before he allowed his thumb to ghost over the shape of Carson's lips.

"It was my choice." Evan reminded his lover, immersing himself in what little time they did have left together. "And I like it when you call me 'love'."

"Good." Carson told the other man as he ran his finger's through Evan's short hair. "Because I like saying it love."

Evan smiled that sexy, gleeful grin as Carson's fingertips toyed along the chain of his dogtags drawing him even closer so that their lips were inches apart.

"No matter what happens today, I want you to know how much I care about you." Evan whispered against the corner of Carson's mouth as his hot muscular body covered his lover's causing Carson to arch against him. "This was more than just one night to me."

"Prove it." Carson dared him, his dark eyebrows arching in challenge.

Major Evan Lorne had never turned down a challenge in his whole entire life.

* * *

><p>Colonel Samantha Carter's office had never been so intimidating to Major Evan Lorne. He could feel his insides quivering at the prospect of leaving Atlantis and Carson but he was ready to accept his punishment. He couldn't refute his sexuality so all of this was merely procedure. He would be dishonourably discharged and back on Earth so fast that his head would spin.<p>

Colonel Carter was perched at her desk, her hands clasped together as if in prayer as she studied him intently with vibrant baby blue eyes. Her golden hair was threaded into a long plait, pulling it away from her face. Carter was one of the people who Lorne truly respected, she was conscientious and good natured, yet there was a personal strength inside of her that truly shone. He was glad that she was the leader of this expedition, he knew Atlantis was in good hands with her around.

Colonel Sheppard was standing along side of Colonel Carter, his hands behind his back. His hazel eyes were trained on Lorne, his expression unreadable as the younger man mirrored his stance. He would show weakness in front of his . He would be strong like the Marine that he was, he had done nothing wrong in terms of gross misconduct.

Lorne stood with his head high, his shoulders rigid and straight. Sheppard was proud of the Major at that moment, he retained his dignity even in the face of adversity. He had to bite the inside of his cheek to avoid the smile that was twitching at the edges of his mouth.

"You know why we're here?" Colonel Carter asked the Major as she studied him intently.

"Yes Ma'am." Lorne stated clearly staring back at the leader of the expedition.

"You know the protocol regarding the allegation?" Carter persisted.

"Allegation?" Lorne questioned, crushing sensation on his chest relieving just a little.

"That your a homosexual." Colonel Carter told Lorne, her blue eyes flashing with sympathy at her turn of phrase. "As it happens we have found no evidence to affirm the allegation, at the moment it's simply Castanza's word against yours."

"It means that we're giving you a choice." Sheppard informed the other man, his mouth becoming a grim line as he laid the options out in front of his younger officer. "You can continue in the same way as you have been by leaving this office and keeping your relationships discreet but if you openly acknowledge your sexuality we are bound by the military code of conduct to remove you from active duty and you will be immediately discharged."

The words tasted awful on his tongue as Sheppard spoke out loud. Lorne was in a terrible position, he was being forced to either keep his sexuality a secret or to leave. Sheppard couldn't see the other man having much choice and that rankled him. Lorne deserved better than this but this was the only way forward at the current moment. At least until the military changed their stance on homosexuality.

If Evan was honest it wasn't even a tough decision any more. Ever since the events of this morning he had been determined to do everything he could to stay on Atlantis. Yet the victory seemed hollow now that it was here. Nothing was out in the open, he was still denying his sexuality and in turn that would mean denying any future relationship he would have with Carson.

As far as he was concerned Carson deserved to be more than just another secret to keep in the closet but he wondered if his lover was ready to come out of the closet? Things had moved fast between the two of them and he understood that Carson was a private man. The choice should be theirs not a dictation of the job.

The truth was Evan would rather be here with Carson Beckett than apart from him and in the end that made his decision even simpler.

"Colonels..." he addressed the two of them. "I'm here to stay."

"That's what I like to hear." Colonel Carter said with a smile as she shuffled the paperwork between her hands.

Lorne rose to his feet understanding that this was a dismissal. He could hear John Sheppard barely a hair's breath behind him as they stepped into the empty corridor. John paused waiting for the door to hiss shut behind them.

"Evan." John found himself saying as his hand came to rest on the other man's forearm, drawing him to a halt. "You need to know that I don't care. Your a great Marine and you should know that I consider you a friend, a good one."

"Thank you Sir." Lorne told his C.O. knowingly. "I appreciate that."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! I have had a wonderful day and I hope you all have too!<strong>_

_Shippo: lol I know Ronon and his baby are so cute, I love the way he is with Kai!_

_Sheppard: That was definitely a mood breaker, we'll have to see if they pick it up later on. Ronon and Hope made the cutest little being!_

_Brn: I am so glad you enjoyed the baby scene. I wanted to show this big handsome man in awe of this tiny being he helped create. Lol How do you think John feels? Poor dude wanted some love and Colonel Carter ruined it all. We'll have to see if it works out later on for them. _

_Joey: I am so glad I managed to capture such a potent moment. I think Ronon is going to be having a lot of those days and there's a lot of firsts for him. The poor couple just wanted a little time to themselves and honestly I think John was avoiding the conversation the best he could._


	173. Chapter 173: See You Again

Chapter One Hundred and Seventy Three

_I got my sights set on you and I'm ready to aim  
>I have a heart that will never be tamed<br>I knew you were something special  
>When you spoke my name<br>Now I can't wait to see you again_

_Miley Cyrus – Can't Wait To See You Again_

Lunch was a meal that Carson Beckett usually enjoyed. It was a period of time when he could take a break from his duties and enjoy a little moment to himself away from all the pressure and the taxing demands of his position. Today though, today he couldn't do that, his head was swimming with the thoughts of his lover's current predicament. He worried for Evan, it was impossible not to when his partner was in such a dire position. It didn't look good, Carson knew that. Evan had all but admitted his sexuality in front of a whole room of people.

He knew their friends would turn a blind eye to the announcement but the problem was that John Sheppard was Evan's commanding officer and this was something that the other man couldn't ignore. He understood the Colonel was a man obligated by his duty, there were rules he had to follow and that he in turn expected other people to follow. Yet John Sheppard was well known for bending the rules. Maybe that could play in their favour. Maybe he could find some way to help.

Carson despaired at the probability of Evan being snatched away from him. The two of them had only acquainted recently but Carson couldn't stand to have the younger man away from him. This was different from the missions that Evan went on, this was life altering for his partner and there wasn't a damn thing Carson could do to help.

Carson took another bite of his sandwich, chewing it mechanically as he stared at the table deep in thought. It tasted like cardboard in his mouth as he swallowed hard against the anxious lump in his throat. This couldn't be it for the two of them, it wasn't fair. After everything that had happened on Atlantis they deserved to be happy, the universe owed this to them. Carson pushed the tray away from him towards the centre of the table. With the worry gnawing at the pit of his stomach, he just didn't feel hungry anymore.

"Your gonna need that to keep your strength up Doc." Evan's jovial, familiar voice cut through Carson's thoughts as he used his long fingers to push the tray back towards Carson.

Carson glanced up in surprise, his vivid blue eyes watching as Evan slipped into the seat across from him. His light brown hair flopped across his forehead in that manner that Carson found wonderfully sexy. He was wearing that handsome good natured smile of his, the one that told Carson 'it was all going to be ok'. Carson had come to love that smile more than anything over the past couple of days. Their knees brushed under the table, the touch was brief and fleeting but Carson found a familiar thrill chasing through him at the proximity to his lover. It was always this way with Evan, he was always making Carson feel things that he never knew existed before the other man.

"So?" Carson prompted as Evan reached out and stole a cherry tomato from the salad heaped on the side of Carson's plastic tray.

"I'm here to stay." The Major informed his partner before popping the fruit into his mouth and grinning like a fiend. "Sheppard and Carter didn't think there was enough evidence to hold up the allegation."

Carson recognised the statement for what it was. There was veiled meaning behind Evan's words and it pricked at Carson's consciousness. John was doing everything he could to keep his second in command on the base and Carson sincerely appreciated what John had managed to do for the both of them. He knew that Evan's sexuality didn't matter a single bit to the Colonel. As far as he was concerned Evan was an excellent soldier and an awesome team leader. Atlantis would suffer a great loss if the Marine was removed from active duty.

"Aye." Carson spoke honestly as he propped his chin up upon his hand, giving his entire attention to his lover. "I would have missed you."

He meant every word and he knew Evan could see the joy blooming in his chest at the news that he was staying. It made such a difference to have Evan by his side and he wanted to reach out and show Evan exactly how much it meant to him that he was staying on their floating city.

"Now you won't have to." Evan murmured quietly, his baby blue eyes showing the utmost sincerity.

Evan's foot nudged Carson's underneath the table tentatively. He knew what his lover was attempting to do and he applauded it. Their connection was brimming at the brief contact and Carson wanted more. It was impossible to show the exhalation he felt at the fact that Evan was staying, he wanted to throw himself at Evan and kiss him until he was breathless. Instead he thought he'd try something a little more subtle. His ankle hooked around Evan's drawing the Marine's leg just a little bit closer. Evan's baby blue eyes widened at the motion but Carson could tell he enjoyed the thrill that chased up his spine in the same manner that Carson did.

"Are you busy tonight love?" Carson asked his counterpart, his voice dropping an octave so they wouldn't be overheard. "I thought we could do something together."

More than anything Carson wanted to celebrate their good news. He knew that the predicament had been weighing on his lover more than the other man let on. Evan was better than most at shielding his emotions. Carson thought that had to be from years of trying to hide what he was. He wanted Evan to know that it didn't have to be like that with him. Carson would never reject his young lover, not after everything he had given him.

"I have patrol until eight after that I'm all yours." Evan said softly in a tone that made Carson all warm inside.

_Yours..._

The word made Carson happy on levels that he could barely admit to himself right now. The thought of Evan Lorne belonging to him was compelling. He didn't want this situation to be a casual thing for them, he wanted a relationship and to support Evan come hell or high water. The possibility was there to investigate, the possibility of that for the two of them. His feelings were easy, he wanted Evan in every way imaginable but the principle was harder than he ever could have imagined. If they indulged in this it would mean keeping one another a secret and Carson hated that.

Yet he could live with it. He would do anything for Evan and if that meant being overly cautious about the way they interacted with one another then he would conduct himself accordingly.

"Until tonight then Doctor." Evan uttered as he rose to his feet, leaving Carson alone with his thoughts.

* * *

><p>It was the champagne that caught Carson's attention when he returned to his desk. It was perched in the centre of his desk in it's dark green bottle, the gold shiny top glinting in the light. His heart skipped a beat as he stood rigidly still, transfixed by the gift.<p>

Carson's dexterous fingers wrapped around the glistening glass as he tilted the bottle towards him chest so that he could see the embossed cream label. Moet was inscribed in gold, it's letters glittering as a bead of condensation chased down the slender shape of the neck. The bottle itself was chilled meaning that this had been residing in someone's fridge for a while, leaving Carson to wonder who had been saving this for a special occasion and how did they know that he had something to celebrate.

Someone knew and the thought of that scared Carson right down to the core of his being. Over the past few days the two of them had been like teenagers stealing kisses at every given opportunity. Had someone seen them? They thought they had been careful in that respect, always checking for nearby personal before they allowed themselves to indulge in one another. How could Carson have allowed that to happen? He had jeopardised Evan all over again.

"I thought it was apt." Cassandra uttered from behind her colleague, her hand coming to rest on the centre of Carson's back as not to alarm him.

Already she could feels his muscles tensing underneath her palm and she withdrew it abruptly to prevent him from feeling any more discomfort. She thought her gift would be a lovely gesture at the time but after seeing the anxiety on her colleague's features she thought maybe she would have thought things through a little more.

"It's from you?" Carson queried, his heart rate beginning to even out once more as his shoulders sagged in relief.

Cass was the one person he did trust to keep their relationship to herself. In a way it was a relief that she knew, it meant he could talk to someone about the curious mixture of emotions he could feel swirling through his being.

"Yes, I thought you and Evan deserved a break." Cass ventured, her gaze curious as she studied Carson's expression of fading nervousness. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean..."

"No it's fine Lassie." Carson dismissed her apology with a wave of his hand. "I just thought we were discreet."

"You were." Cass remarked with a shrug of her shoulders. "I just happened to notice Lorne sneaking out of your room the other morning on the way to the Infirmary."

To be fair Cass had been indulging in a little rendezvous of her own in one of the alcoves with her husband at the time, so she was hardly one to judge what Carson was getting up to. In fact the past few days had been the happiest she had ever seen her friend look. Him and Evan deserved one another after everything that had happened. She had always thought there was a chemistry between the two of them, it gave her a sense of satisfaction that the two of them were now acting upon it.

"We're trying to keep it private." Carson said in a quiet voice, his lips twinging with the reminiscence of a smile.

He remembered the morning that Cassandra was taking about and it made him tingle deep down inside. Evan had woken him with a gentle kiss to the forehead explaining that he was already late for patrol as he stood before the doctor completely dressed. He hadn't wanted Carson to think he was sneaking out on account of what they had done together. Carson had started to raise but Evan had pushed him back down lightly, reminding his lover that they had barely slept the night before and he needed to get some rest. His goodbye kiss had been long and lingering, it was filled wih unspoken promises of nights to come.

"He makes you happy." Cass stated knowingly as she nudged Carson's shoulder with her own, snapping Carson out of his reveries. "That's a good thing."

"Aye but it's also risky." Carson said with the shake of his head, before rubbing his hands over his weary features.

"Everything worth having has it's risk." Cassandra reminded him, as she stepped towards her desk in order to flick through some of the reports that had landed on there from the night shift.

"I don't think I've ever heard anything so true." Carson found himself musing as he rubbed his palm against his stubbly jaw line.

There hadn't been time to shave this morning. He had stayed in bed wrapped up in the comfort of Evan's arms until the last possible moment. He had been frightened that he wouldn't see the other man again, that he would be sent home and that would be it for the two of them.

"He cares about you." Cass submitted into the space between them. "I think he has for a long time."

It had always been there, Cass thought. It was just a matter of waiting until the both of them had been ready and now that it was happening she couldn't be happier for her two friends.

"Aye, it's never quite been like this with anybody else." Carson admitted as he slumped against his own desk, sitting on the edge. "When I think about Evan it's like all the missing pieces fall into place."

"That's the way it's supposed to feel." Cass informed her friend as she toyed with her wedding ring. "It makes things easier, having someone to support you like that. How you feel about them is unconditional and it becomes a partnership."

"Is that what's happening?" Carson asked himself, his fingertips strumming out a tune on his desk.

It felt like that. Things felt easier with Evan around, more manageable. They had supported one another through some terrible times over the past few years.

"You tell me." Cass uttered, running her hands through her silky dark hair, drawing it away from her pale features.

As usual that familiar steak of grey slipped from her grasp falling into Cass's eyes as she tied her hair back with the black hair tie that had been secured to her wrist.

"It's frightening lass, the way I feel is powerful and consuming." Carson admitted, shuddering with pleasure at the depth of emotion in Evan's vivid blue eyes when he looked at him. "But it feels right, it's easier to be myself when I'm with him."

The weight of his feelings for Evan did worry him. Carson was frightened that he was falling too hard, too fast. He didn't want to overwhelm the other man by admitting that he had fallen in love with him but the truth was Carson wasn't great at hiding his emotions.

"I'm glad your happy." Cassandra told her friend with a genuineness that touched Carson deep inside.

"Thank you lass." Carson smiled as he held up the bottle of champagne once more. "And this is very much appreciated."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! I have been revisiting SGA in my time off and I am still in love with the series now more than ever!<strong>_

_Joey: I wish that they didn't have to hide who they were and their relationship but as you said it was the best idea for now. To be honest I am loving their little love story so it will probably be featured here quite a lot. I am glad your enjoying it._

_Shippo: lol it is very cute, I love writing them. I think Lorne is sad he has to hide it but he understands its a necessary evil. Carson will take care of Lorne anyway he can._

_Brn: LMAO well I don't think John is one to forget about something like that, I think he's plotting time to themselves. Lol don't hulk out on me! I am so glad Evan gets to stay!_


	174. Chapter 174: Won't Give Up

Chapter One Hundred and Seventy Four

_I won't give up on us  
>Even if the skies get rough<br>I'm giving you all my love_

_Jason Mraz – Won't Give Up_

Cassandra Sheppard was thinking about sex. She had been trying venomously over the past several hours to avoid the vivid intense fantasies that were assaulting her mind but she couldn't stop the images or the sensations that were pursing through her body. She blamed John for this, the two of them had barely seen each other over the past few days due to alternating shifts. Her skin was already feverishly hot and she was more sensitive now than she had been for a long time. She was walking down the corridor to the nearest Transporter hoping to drop into their apartment for more than five minutes in an attempt to catch up with her husband. Knowing her luck he wouldn't be available.

A familiar, warm hand cupped her elbow guiding her lightly at a quicker pace towards the Transporter. She didn't need to turn her head to know that it was John who was by her side. The light brush of John's fingers across her flesh sent a shiver trailing down her spine at the memories of what those hands were capable of in a private setting.

"My poor Cassie." John teased in a husky voice. "You look like you need some relief."

Cass pursed her lips together tightly, her ivory cheeks flushing just a little at the seductive tone in her husband's voice. She cast a glance at him as he focused on his target. The grin playing across his lips was mischievous and his hazel eyes were bright with arousal. It made her heart pound with excitement.

"You told me to wait." she reminded him in breathless whisper. "And I always do what my Colonel tells me."

She knew what that would do to John and the words weren't wasted. Her entire body tightened as his attention became completely focused on her. His eyes had darkened in a furious consuming desire that rushed like a narcotic in his veins. Cassandra had just stepped into dangerous territory and he knew what she was craving even more badly than he was.

They had played this game before when John needed to feel in control or when Cassandra needed to relinquish it entirely and it turned John on in a way that was almost feral. After Michael they could never play with bindings, Cassandra could never stand the feeling of entrapment, it made her frightened and panicked. He refused to put her in that position. He loved her too much. So they played their games in other ways.

Right now he could feel the recklessness building up in his wife. She had given so much of her time and herself over to other people during the past few days. It was her turn to be selfish and John could help with that. Jesus he could feel her need to lose control pulsating underneath her skin.

Already John was yanking her into the Transporter and Cass was complying as his willing victim. His fingers were already seeking out the 'lock' button on the console securing their privacy. Apprehension was in the air, mounting between them. Each of Cass's breathes were hitching with excitement as he leaned in even closer trapping his wife between his muscular form and the flat metal wall. His palm was placed against the wall as his lips brushed over hers with the tenderest of kisses.

"Do you have any idea what I'm going to do to you?" he whispered against her succulent mouth.

Cassandra didn't say a word, her sapphire blue eyes lingered on his decadent mouth as the sexual tension built up between the both of them. She wanted to touch him but that was part of their game, she wasn't allowed until he said so.

His thumb was caressing the line of her delicate jaw using it to guide her face away from him, instead allowing him access to her vulnerable throat. His teeth grazed that pleasurable spot under the hinge of Cassandra's jaw causing her to whimper at the euphoria. She was ready, John could feel it as his erection strained against his combats in a painful manner.

"Were you a good girl?" he breathed in her ear, causing her head to tip back at the sensation of his breath on her delicate flesh.

"Yes." she uttered, her beauteous form trembling with delirious pleasure.

"Do you want me?" he asked her, his dark stubbly cheek rubbing against Cassandra's.

His firm chest was pressing against hers, her small hands were curling up into balled up fists. She was trying to prevent herself from touching him. God, her husband was doing so much to her right now. She was wet, she was soaking through her panties at the game that they were playing. Here, they were in this tight confined space inches away from the outside world. It made everything even more enticing.

"Yes." Cass whispered in that needy tone.

"Unzip me." John told his wife as he maintained eye contact.

He was intoxicating and there was no way she could deny him. In this scenario she enjoyed obeying him, he would never try to make her do anything she didn't want to. This man knew exactly what she needed. Cassandra drew down the zipper on his combats, her gaze on her husband's lips as he licked them after making a relieved sigh at the motion.

"Touch me." he commanded.

It was heaven. The moment Cassandra wrapped her slim fingers around his impressive cock was a moment of sheer unadulterated bliss. He groaned into her hair as she ran her silky fingers over his molten hot flesh. He thrust into her grasp as she allowed herself to use slow, shallow motions, ones that she knew would drive him absolutely crazy.

"That's it Cassie." he panted as that dynamic fire chased through every one of his synapses. "Oh God Cassie that's it."

Jesus, she was getting so much pleasure out of this, it was rare that she enjoyed being so subservient but this was exactly what she wanted. The anticipation was killing her, it was taking every ounce of her will not to arch her hips and generate some friction between her clothes and her needy sex. She wouldn't allow herself to come until John told her, he had all of the power and that was the point of this delicious game.

"Stop." John demanded, his fingers clasping her wrist lightly removing it from his trousers. "Turn around."

His hands were already on her hips aiding her in his request. Cass placed her palms onto the wall in a bid to steady herself. John reached around his wife's slender waist, grasping the leather tongue of her belt and loosening it before he undid her trousers. His large hand bypassed those sexy little black panties seeking out the heat of her moist sex.

His wife was soaked and that was everything he needed to know. She was getting off on this just as much as he was. His fingers hooked either side of her panties before he drew them down over the deviant curve of her ass.

"You ready for me Cassie?" John asked his wife as his fingers threaded through her hair guiding her head to the left so that he could kiss that pretty porcelain throat.

"God yes." Cass answered as John wrapped his own hand around his needy cock guiding it to his wife's moist core.

"You know the rules." John told her in that gruff sexual tone of his. "Not until I say so."

That was the biggest turn on of them all for the both of them. John adored pleasuring his wife, she was sensational and he knew what that exact moment of climax would feel like when he uttered that one word.

That moment of penetration was spectacular and Cass had to bite her lower lip in order to keep the sound of her ecstasy at bay. Her whole body was on fire as he entered her slowly until he was buried inside of her to the hilt. John bit down on the curve of his wife's shoulder at the explosion of that amorous sensation.

The pace he set was slow and powerful as his hands came to rest on Cass's curvaceous hips holding her in place. Her breathing was becoming even more erratic with every thrust as he sunk into Cassandra over and over again. Those tiny, little noises that she was making were echoing in his ears driving him even closer to the point of no return. Cassandra was ready, her pale skin was flushing pink as she wavered on the cusp, trying to stave off her orgasm. John couldn't take it any more, her muscles were clenched around him on the brink, gripping his cock until he reached his climax.

"Come." he commanded abruptly.

The orgasm was earth shattering. It exploded through out the two of them like a nuclear weapon stealing away their breath as the two of them hit paradise. John bit down on her shoulder to stifle the hoarse grunt of exhalation that erupted from his lips. The sensation was devastating, causing Cass's knees to go weak at the sheer force of it. She let out a strangled cry of ecstasy as she quivered in the aftermath, John's arm looping around her waist in order to support her.

John placed a gentle kiss upon the teeth marks embedded in his wife's supple flesh. The fingers of his free hand interlaced with hers as he pressed it against the wall.

"You said you wanted to try something different." he remarked as he nuzzled her throat lovingly.

"I know and you have just completely blown my mind." Cassandra informed him tilting her head back to rest on John's collarbone.

"Trust me, the feeling is mutual." John chuckled against Cass's hair as he cradled his wife even closer to his loving form.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, sorry it has been a busy week for me. Things are looking good on the job front, hopefully I will find out in a few days!<strong>_

_Brn: lol I love the fact the two of them are together, they are my fav couple at the moment and it's a challenge writing them. LMAO! This chapter proves there's some very horny people in Atlantis._

_Shippo: I am so glad you loved that chapter but it was really hard to write!_


	175. Chapter 175: True Colors

Chapter One Hundred and Seventy Five

_But I see your true colors  
>Shining through<br>I see your true colors  
>And that's why I love you<br>So don't be afraid to let them show  
>Your true colors<br>True colors  
>Are beautiful like a rainbow<em>

_Cyndi Lauper – True Colors_

Painting was such a pleasure. It always had been for Ronon Dex and he was surprised to find that after such a long absence that it still was. He had always loved the swirl of bright colours and the firm feel of a brush in between his fingertips. His strokes were always long and concentrated, he enjoyed working with reds and blacks, they created the battle scenes from his culture, the stories his father used to tell him when he was much younger. Yet today Ronon was working with a warm, glossy yellow.

The oil paints that he was using were Lorne's. Ronon himself preferred water colours, he liked the smooth delicate whirls that could be created with just the twist of paint brush. Yet in this situation the oil paints were more apt for his need, he wanted something solid and permanent to go on the white washed walls of what used to be Hope's little office.

Lorne was working on the opposite side of the room, a selection of blues, white and greys at his fingertips as he dabbed and weaved the paintbrush like a magic wand. Ronon had watched him work over the hours they had spent in a companionable silence and he wondered if Lorne knew how captivating his landscapes of Atlantis really were.

The image of the city was bright and beautiful. Lorne had managed to capture the entire essence of their home and Ronon could already see how it would look through his child's eyes. He wanted Atlantis to be a magical place for his son and that was exactly the way his friend had portrayed it.

"Looks good." Ronon approved, turning his attention back to his own illustration.

Lorne dipped his paint brush in the sky blue paint pot before adding to the skyline of his image. It had taken a lot of work to create this picture but it was entirely worth it. Baby Kai would have an amazing new home to move into.

Ronon was working on the opposite wall. Lorne had long ago deduced that he was painting a picture of lion's on the landscape but it took him a while to appreciate the image fully in it's essence. Ronon had drawn his family, the daddy lion standing tall and watchful over it's mate as she nuzzled the tiny playful cub with the jade green eyes. It was the embodiment of the Dex brood and it made Lorne grin like a fool.

"I wanna say thanks for including me in this." Lorne found himself murmuring as he painted over the brief white lining of a cloud.

"Liking men doesn't effect your ability to paint." Ronon informed Lorne bluntly with the shrug of his shoulders. "Don't get why people care. You and Beckett are happy, shouldn't be a big deal."

Lorne's jaw dropped as his head pivoted towards the hulking Satetan who glanced up and caught the expression of surprise on the Major's features. It was no secret to him that the other men were courting. Ronon had a keen sense of when things were changing and he had seen the difference in the way that Beckett and Lorne interacted with one another.

"You smell like his soap." Ronon explained briefly, waving his large hand dismissively in Lorne's direction.

Lorne tilted his head towards his left shoulder and inhaled deeply. It was faint but he could smell that clean fresh scent that made up Carson's unique odour. He wondered if anybody else had noticed his change in hygiene products or whether it was just one of Ronon's uncanny abilities. The two of them weren't close or at least they hadn't been until recently. Lorne had always regarded Ronon as Hope's partner but now the two of them were becoming more than that. Ronon's acceptance made a difference to Lorne, it made him feel appreciated.

"Is it really that obvious?" Lorne asked the other man, feeling abundantly concerned.

Ronon shook his head in response, his tongue poking out from between his teeth as he concentrated on his own painting. He understood that it was a big deal for Lorne to like men which was why he appeared alarmed.

"Used to seeing it." Ronon stated honestly. "Nobody cared on Sateda, by the end we all had bigger problems."

"The Wraith?" Lorne questioned curiously, feeling the turning of their relationship.

"Yea." Ronon responded in a monotone voice, signalling that their conversation was well and truly over.

* * *

><p>Bath time was a frightening prospect for Hope. Over the past few days whenever Kai's hygiene had needed to be addressed Ronon had taken care of it because she had been unable due to her recovery after the caesarian. Now it was her turn and she had no clue on where to begin. Back home she was good with children, she had baby sat for her cousins hundreds of times but none of their children had ever been so little.<p>

Kai seemed oblivious to his mother's problem. He was happily contented by the brightly coloured mobile circling his head. Rodney had made the delicate structure from pretty plastic shapes that reflected the light. It had been invaluable in capturing Kai's attention whenever Hope needed to distract the infant. His little feet were moving in slow motions as he tested out his limbs in his small plastic crib.

"There's nothing to be nervous about." Cass said reassuringly as she set down the plastic basin full of warm water.

"I have no idea what I'm doing." Hope admitted to her friend, looking alarmed at the prospect before her.

"Check the water temperature, if you think it's too warm we can add some cold and then you just keep a firm hold of him while you bathe the little guy." Cass told Hope in comforting tone.

Hope looked from the baby to the basin of water and back again. She knew how to hold the baby but there were so many variables to input into the situation. Did she submerge her entire arm with the baby? If she used to hands to hold him, how was she supposed to wash Kai?

"It's trial and error." Cass informed her friend as if reading her mind.

"Your gonna stay right?" Hope questioned Cassandra, watching as the other woman spread out a soft white towel. "Just in case..."

"I'll stay." Cass agreed, seeing the nervousness in her friend's almond eyes. "But there will be no 'just in case'. I promise you'll be fine."

"Ok handsome, let's get this show on the road." Hope said to Kai as she trailed her fingers along the surface of the water testing the temperature. "Seems cool enough."

"Good." Cass approved crossing her arms over her chest as she watched Hope begin to unbutton Kai's baby grow.

There was something so sweet about seeing Hope interacting with her child. Despite what her friend thought she was a natural with the little boy. Sometimes after such a traumatic birth there would be problems with the mother and baby bonding but Hope and Kai took to one another automatically, just the way a parent should. She had to admit that it stung a little to see this, knowing that she herself would never be a mother but that wasn't anybody's fault. She was happy for her friends, they were wonderful parents and Kai would be a well loved child.

Using both hands Hope picked up the baby and eased his small, vulnerable form into the warm water until he was submerged up to his shoulders. Kai didn't seem to fuss as he lay within the tiny make shift bathtub and from his playful motions he seemed to enjoy it. Hope was beginning to relax a little now, Cass could tell within the way her friend's body angled towards her son and with her gentle, soothing words as she used a soft flannel to wipe along his delicate body.

This was a mother's love, it was so innocent and free. It made Cass's heart ache until she forced herself to swallow past the lump of emotion balled up in her throat.

"Your doing really well Hope." she managed to whisper, her pert lips pursing into a small smile.

"I know it's hard for you." Hope said quietly, keeping her almond eyes transfixed on her son. "And I appreciate what you've been doing."

"You guys mean the world to me." Cass uttered as her dainty palm smoothed over the little boy's damp hair. "I would do anything for anyone of you."

"Good because as usual I have another favour to ask of you." Hope submitted into the air between them, raising her eyes to watch her friend's reaction.

"Anything." Cassandra smiled briefly as she met Hope's gaze.

"I need you to take over the Aid Project for a little while." Hope requested as Kai flailed his little limbs happily in the water. "I've talked to Colonel Carter and she agreed your the right person for the job, at least until Ronon and I have sorted out some child care for this rugrat."

"Can we agree that this will only be a temporary situation?" Cass questioned pointedly. "I don't want that responsibility in a long term capacity."

"You won't have it forever." Hope promised, bopping Kai on the nose with her moist fingertip causing him to scrunch it in displeasure. "And I have done a lot of the work, it's just a matter of assessing a few villages for me."

"I can live with that." Cass agreed watching as Hope lifted the baby out of the water and placing him inside the fresh, soft towel.

Kai let out a wail of irritation at the change of atmosphere as his mother began to pat down his sensitive skin as tenderly as possible.

"Already he takes after you." Cass told Hope grinning as she affixed a clean nappy onto her son. "He's a little water baby."

"Ronon's already talking about the days when he can teach him how to surf." Hope murmured as Cassandra handed her a new pastel green baby grow. "I can already see him growing up big and strong like his father."

"You'll have two of them to contest with." Cassandra reminded Hope as she picked up Kai and cradled him close to her chest so he could feel the familiar constant beating of her heart.

The baby huddled against her heat, sated by his mother's comfort.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, sorry it's been so long but we have been having an amazing week of sun. The heat here has been incredible so I've been lapping up the rays while I can. (I am still pasty white tho.)<strong>_

_Brn: I am so glad that I make you feel that way, it really makes me grin like an idiot to read your reviews! They light up my day! LMAO! I could just see them in the aftermath both thinking 'wow'. I always imagine John as a little bit wicked and adventurous._

_Joey: LMAO I am so very glad you thought so, I wasn't sure how it would go down for some people considering it was a very fine balance of control. I haven't really written anything like that before so it was good to branch out. _

_Izzy: You can tell your husband he's very welcome ;) It was fun to write and explore a different side to them. I am glad you enjoy the way I write John. To be honest I was a bit unsure how people would take him at first since he fell so hard for Cass but I am loving the way they write each other!_


	176. Chapter 176: Babble

Chapter One Hundred and Seventy Six

_It don't matter  
>Just to know that you love me<br>I'm laying in bed  
>With a whole lot of wonder<br>Going through my head_

_Scissor Sisters – Baby Come Home_

Cassandra was beautiful but then again John had always thought that. Every time he looked at her, he could feel his heart beating just a little bit faster in his chest. Whenever she was around there was magic in the air and his world was a lot brighter with her in it. She was his life and she always would be.

Right now, the woman of his dreams was asleep next to him. Her dark wavy hair was splayed across the pillow, whilst her left hand was tucked underneath it. Her pale face was tilted up towards him, her pert pink lips were parted as she exhaled. Her expression was peaceful and serene as John's thumb rubbed loving circles along the bumps of her spine underneath the pretty silk of her pearl coloured night dress. Their bare legs were entwined, their hips nudging against one another. John could feel the raise and fall of her chest against his own as he watched his beautiful wife sleep.

Sometimes he would spend hours at a time just lying beside her, taking pleasure in the solace that he received from Cassandra. There was always an aura of calm radiating from his wife. Her peaceful moments were the ones that soothed his soul. It meant she felt happy and secure and John couldn't ask for more.

It had been a long month since both Xian Shan and Anthony Castanaza had been taken into custody. Both would be serving long sentences in a secure facility. John was relieved that they were out of his hair, it meant he could focus on more important things. Since baby Kai had made an appearance his team had been a member short whilst Ronon was on paternity leave so he'd been forced to work a fresh recruit into rotation.

The young Marine was over eager and enthusiastic, it was the exact opposite of Ronon's quiet demeanour and John found he hated it. He despised not having his buddy by his side. It made him feel uneasy and if he was honest he didn't quite trust anybody else to have his back the same way he did Ronon.

It was stupid to say he missed his friend due to the fact he saw Ronon often enough but if he was honest he was a little bit sad that he didn't get to hang out with his friend the way they had before the baby. Children, John understood, were time consuming and his buddy was ridiculously happy so John supposed he could let it slide. He should have known that this would have happened when they started breaking off and starting families, he guessed he just hadn't expected it to occur so soon.

On top of that Cassandra had started making trips off world with Lorne's team in order to fulfil her duties for the Aid Project. Admittedly John had grown used to his wife working in the infirmary, he liked the knowledge that she was safe in her working environment. Unfortunately Cass was made for the field and he couldn't deny his wife something that made up a part of her being. Despite Cass's reassurances that she would be careful, the memories regarding her abduction by Michael were still fresh in John's mind. It was too easy for something to go wrong out there, it had happened to him or members of his team often enough. Yet he couldn't keep his wife locked up in a gilded cage.

Cassandra was the same as him when it came to roaming, that's why their relationship worked so well. It just killed him that he had to watch her walk into danger once more, then again, wasn't that what happened every time he stepped through the Stargate?

Cass never mentioned how she felt about that to him but he knew that it had to hurt. His fingers raked through Cass's dark hair as he drew her even closer. His lips brushed over her hairline as she wrapped her arm around John's waist so that she was pressed along the length of his entire body. Her presence was loving and tender as she kissed the space where his heart beat contently in his chest.

John cradled his wife as close as he could. Tomorrow she would be stepping foot off world again, returning to a planet that needed their help in one of the worst ways possible. All he could do was support her in the very best way he could, the same way a husband should.

* * *

><p>Kai was talking, or at least that's what Ronon thought his little bundle of joy was attempting to do. Over the past few days the baby had become more receptive to not only his parents but the company of their social circle too. Kai was too young to start formulating words but he had begun to babble in his cute high pitched voice whenever there was a pause in Ronon's speech. The baby grew infuriated if someone didn't answer back, he would wave his tiny scrunched up fists on either side of his head, his little face tightening into a neglected pout as he wailed loudly for attention.<p>

Over the past month Ronon had grown to despise that sound. It cut through him to hear his son distressed and he couldn't help but turn his entire attention to his baby's needs. During the day he would take over their child care duties in order to give Hope a little time to herself. He knew that it was important that she maintained her own identity outside of the baby and he was happy to take up some of the slack.

They both shared the night shift. Ronon had lived through disrupted sleep more than most people had but evading escape from the Wraith was nothing compared to the shrill shrieks of his child. Although Hope and him shared the night duties, Ronon always got up regardless of it being his turn or not. It was a protective instinct he thought, he wanted to ensure that his family was happy and safe. He didn't sleep well when Hope wasn't in their bed.

Hope was sitting cross legged on the floor in a pair of grey sweats and a white camisole. Kai's back leaning against her stomach as she dangled the brightly coloured child safe mirror in front of his face causing Kai to squeal in delight as he bopped the mirror with his fist.

"Can you see my eyes Kai?" Hope asked her son, pointing at her own face in the mirror before pointing at his. "Can you see your eyes Kai? Here they are!"

This was how connections were made for children, Ronon knew. His mate was already teaching their child and he found it endearing to watch their routine. She had slotted into the role of a mother instantly, the second Kai had appeared her maternal instincts had developed and Ronon found he enjoyed seeing this side of her. It was ridiculous how proud he was of his lover. She excelled in everything that she did and raising their child would be a challenge that Hope was more than capable of tackling.

Ronon found himself dropping into a sitting position in front of his small family, his dreadlocks falling over his shoulders as he leaned forward with a tiny smile spreading across his rugged features. Kai reached forward, his hand outstretched grasping for his father's hair, patting it lightly with his open palm.

"That's daddy." Hope whispered against their son's fine dark hair, her eyes on Ronon's as she spoke.

Kai let out a rush of babble as his father's face came into view. It was clear that their son was excited by the presence of his father. He rocked slightly in Hope's arms with exhilaration as he conversed in his own language with his daddy.

Ronon grinned indulgently at his son. His large finger reaching out to chuck the baby underneath the chin as he responded to his son's ramblings with words of his own. Kai paused, his wide jade eyes watching the movements of his father's mouth as Ronon told Kai a story about a cub, just like him, with a mommy and daddy who loved him very much.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! I hope that your having a good day. We are on a bank holiday weekend at the moment so all of the family are home so it means a busy day for me with all those bros!<strong>_

_Joey: I wanted to show some interaction with Hope and Kai since it's primarily been between Ronon and his wonderful little son. I have always thought that Ronon wouldn't care if someone was outted and I am so glad I was able to show it. I think everyone wants the Sheppards to have a baby, the only problem is they lack the ability to do it. :(_

_Brn: I am so glad that you enjoyed the chapter. I read an interview with the writers ages ago that if they had carried on the series that they would have made Ronon a painter. I thought we had to balance out his violent side with something a little Zen like. As far as Ronon is concerned it doesn't matter to him if Lorne likes men. _

_Shippo: lol I wanted to show how cute Kai is and that Ronon adores being a father!_

_Shep: I am so glad you make an exception for Cass and John!_


	177. Chapter 177: The World You Love

Chapter One Hundred and Seventy Seven

_I fall asleep with my friends around me  
>Only place i know, i feel safe<br>I'm gonna call this home_

_Jimmy Eat World – The World You Love_

Breakfast was a noisy and delightful affair as it always had been over the past couple of weeks. There were two tables pushed together with an assemble of chairs parked haphazardly around them. Ronon and John were sitting across from one another, their trays mounted with food and their coffee cups perched neatly alongside them.

The baby was perched between him and Hope in the pram that they had purchased at the Athosian settlement. It was a gorgeous wicker basket lined with wool woven from their sheep like creatures. It was set upon a sturdy wooden contraption with wheels that ran easily over the floors of their vibrant city. It had taken Ronon such a long time to check it's security before he even considered putting the baby inside of it. Kai was laying flat on his back, his tiny fists on either side of his head as he babbled in response to the sound of his mother's voice as she spoke animately to her friend, Cassandra who was seated at the opposite end of the table.

Lorne sat beside Hope, his hand placed in front of his mouth to hide the smile that was creeping across his features at the story his lover was telling. Carson's humour was the highlight of his mornings when the two of them had spent the night apart. It was tricky maintaining a relationship under the radar but the two of them made it work. Some nights they would steal a movie from Hope or the Sheppard's extensive collections and curl up on the old sofa in Evan's room. Other times he would listen to Carson tell him stories from his home land. Scotland sounded like a wonderful place to Evan, he would like to visit there one day.

Rodney was talking to himself as he tapped his tablet and chomped on his toast. He'd been working on repairing some of the power consulates from the city recently and he was eager to see how his new plan of attack would work. Teyla was listening objectively to Carson's story, an indulgent expression upon her features as she smirked at the humour of his tale.

This was the first time in a while that they had all managed to share a meal together as a family. It was a nice idea and one that every single one of them was enjoying immensely. It was good to have the group back together again and it was a joy for them all to have Kai in their midst. They wanted the baby to know that he was well loved and there were people who cared about him. Admittedly Hope had thought that the baby would be overstimulated by the amount of people that surrounded him but the child seemed to be in his element. Kai loved meeting new people it would seem.

"You talk a lot when your nervous." Evan pointed out to Carson as he used his spoon to stir his oatmeal.

"Nye lad, I'm not anxious." Carson said, shaking his head and flashing Evan that brilliant smile of his. "I've got you to protect me."

"And I would give my life to do that." Evan promised, his fingers creeping across the table towards Carson's perfectly cut triangular toast.

"God knows you've done it often enough with this one." Carson uttered, digging her elbow into Cassandra's ribs to draw her attention to their conversation.

"That is such a lie." Cass snorted indignantly at her colleague. "I can hold my own better than most in the field."

"Aye whatever you say Lassie." Carson teased, pushing a piece of toast towards his lover's creeping hand.

Evan took it gratefully, chewing on it happily as he watched his two doctors bicker like the two of them were children again. It was fun to see the way the two of them interacted outside of work, Cass was like one of Carson's many sisters. He liked the relationship the two of them had, it was carefree and sweet. It reminded Evan that they were all part of the same family, no matter what happened.

"You encourage him too much." Cass informed Evan, kicking him in the knee playfully underneath the table.

Evan yelped at the teasing blow, jerking his leg out of Cassandra's path.

"You better watch yourself Pierce, or next time we'll leave you behind on some planet with no running hot water." Evan teased his team mate jovially.

Cassandra stuck her tongue out at her friend giving her the cutest childlike expression Evan had seen in a long time. He liked seeing Cass like this, she had shed a lot of darkness in the past couple of months. There had been a time after Michael had abducted her that Evan had thought he's never get to see that smile ever again.

The baby was out of the pram and balanced solidly in Hope's arms, cradled to her chest. In her free hand was a bottle of formula as she guided the teat towards Kai's wanting mouth. The baby suckled hungrily as his father untucked a soft wash cloth from underneath the pram and folded it over his arm. His son had a habit of spitting up after his meals so it was good to come prepared.

"I've never seen you so domesticated." John uttered, pointing his spoon at his buddy. "It kinda suits you."

"You worried I'm gonna retire my guns?" Ronon asked his friend with that familiar knowing look.

John shrugged his shoulders as his gaze strayed downwards to the bowl of blueberry granola. He would miss his buddy if he decided to be a father full time but he could understand the reasoning behind it. Having a child changed things and John would understand if Ronon needed to be there to watch his child grow up. He had earned that right. It didn't change anything between the two of them, John was happy for his friend.

"The option is there if you wanna take it." John offered up as he cast a glance at the huge Satedan.

"We've talked about it." Ronon admitted to his friend as he tilted his head towards Hope as she fed Kai. "I need to help make the universe a safe place for my little boy, she understands that."

"Good." John agreed nonchalantly. "I didn't wanna have to break someone new into the team, you know the chemistry would be off."

"Plus I always got your back." Ronon pointed out as he reached over and dabbed at the milk bubbling on Kai's tiny pout. "By now you would have been Wraith fodder."

"Fodder's not the word I would have chosen. I have been known to hold my own against a few Wraith." John stated, shifting in his seat.

"Do not start whipping out the scoreboards." Hope warned the both of them. "I will not listen to the both of you discussing your most epic Wraith kills."

"They always do this. It's their thing." Cass said conspiratorially to Hope. "When they first met the two of them spent days comparing weapons."

"That is..." Hope trailed off searching for the right word.

"It's a military thing." Evan supplied from his position at the table. "When I first met Ronon, the first thing I wanted to do was check out his fighting skills. Sometimes it's hard to find an adequate opponent."

"Which is why we always pitch Ronon up against teams of three Marines." John stated honestly. "He needs the challenge and they need the training."

Ronon grinned smugly at his buddy's words. They were correct and if he was honest as much as he loved being a father he did feel like the old Ronon was starting to disappear. His identity was important to him. During the years that he had been on the run he had lost so much of himself but now he had it all back and more. He knew enough about himself now to understand that he needed to head back into work, it was a part of who he was. Hope was encouraging, that was why he had chosen her as a mate. She knew his deepest desires and she would never hamper them.

Ronon cast a glance down the table at the rest of his precious family. They were all laughing and smiling, it had been a long time before they had all been together and this happy. This was his pack and he would die trying to protect it.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I have been writing up a storm over the past three days and it has been such a wonderful experience for me. Fingers crossed you guys will enjoy it too. <strong>_

_Joey: I am sincerely glad you enjoyed that chapter, it was such a fun thing to write and I could imagine little Kai enjoying his daddy's story. I feel like this is the stuff we didn't see in Atlantis and I would have loved to experience it._

_Shep: Thank you very much, I am glad you enjoyed it!_

_Shippo: I love how cute Kai is, he makes me wanna snuggle him so much!_

_Brn: lol to be honest I thought you must have been too busy to actually review. LMAO I think John and Cass love any time they get alone too, their jobs are so hectic. I would love a nephew like Kai. You are so right about the action. But you do have some fun chapters before hand!_


	178. Chapter 178: In Loving Memory

Chapter One Hundred and Seventy Nine

_If I could walk on water  
>If I could tell you what's next<br>I'd make you believe  
>I'd make you forget<em>

_Matt Nathanson – Come On, Get Higher_

The night was a long one, it always was this time of year. No matter how much Carson Beckett struggled to fight away the torrid memories associated with this day he could never truly shake the feeling of loss that encumbered his being. It had been a decade since he had lost his brother but he would never forget it. He knew back home his family would be gathered around at his mother's home near the loch preparing to light a single solitary candle in the front window in memory of Owen.

Carson had never said it out loud but he knew that it was his fault his brother had died. He had known for a long time that Owen used drugs recreationally but he had never suspected heroin. Maybe if he had known how bad the addiction was he could have forced his brother into rehab instead of finding his lifeless splayed out corpse in the shabby bedsit where he had come to live. The needle had still been sticking out of his arm and that had been the only thing that Carson had been able to see before the entire horror of the situation had collapsed down upon his shoulders.

The grief had almost killed their mother. Having to break the news to her had been the most harrowing experience of Carson's life. He still dreamt of that agonising sob ripping through her frail body as she collapsed into his arms. He had never seen his mother cry before that day, not even at his own father's funeral.

Carson wondered what she would think of his relationship with Evan. His mother was a good Christian woman and she openly chided Carson in that sweet manner of hers about when he was going to settle down and find himself a wife. He wasn't sure if she would find the fact her son had fallen in love with another man a problem, maybe she would simply be happy at the fact he was contented. Despite any misgivings she would have about their relationship Carson knew that she would like Evan, she would see him for the kind hearted, decent man that he was.

"You ok?" Evan asked his lover as he held out a cup of steaming tea. "You've been very quiet today."

Evan didn't drink tea. He liked sugary coffee and hot chocolate but upon discovering Carson's enjoyment of the beverage, he made sure to keep his little kitchen area stocked. He wanted Carson to feel comfortable in his surroundings and to build the two of them a little home away from home as it were.

Already Evan's magnificent blue eyes were crinkling at the corners with concern as Carson accepted the refreshment gratefully, his lips pursed together in a grim smile. Evan had noticed his lover's mood had been sullen over breakfast and his attempts to cheer up Carson had apparently fallen on deaf ears. Throughout the day he had noticed the doctor become increasingly preoccupied even during their limited time together. There was no jovial tones in his voice and his eyes looked numb and devoid of all emotion.

If Cassandra knew something she wasn't telling, the woman had a capacity for secrets and upon mentioning Carson's odd demeanour she had shot him a sympathetic look and left him with nothing more than a simple squeeze of the shoulder.

"I'm sorry love." Carson apologised, feeling his heart sink at the expression of worry on his lover's features. "I guess I'm just not good company tonight."

Carson set his mug down on the floor along side Evan's battered couch before raising to his feet.

"I'll go." he uttered, turning his head towards the door distractedly. "I'm sure I'll be right as rain tomorrow."

Evan's hand reached out, slotting into Carson's as if it was the most natural thing in the world. The truth was Evan belonged with him and the gesture was soothing to his soul. His lover paused in his tracks, his gaze straying to their linked fingers as a deep breath escaped his stocky chest.

"Carson." Evan drawled his name in that familiar tender way as he tugged his partner lightly back towards his welcoming form. "If I've done something I'm sorry."

Carson stared at Evan surprised at his words, his dark eyebrows etching into a frown at Evan's apologetic expression. He was making such a mess of things, his poor lover thought that this was all his fault and it shamed Carson that he had made Evan feel that way.

Carson stepped into the embrace, his strong arms wrapping around Evan's muscular frame cuddling him close as he buried his face in Evan's neck inhaling that clean fresh scent. There was something so pacifying about being around his partner and he could feel Evan's soul responding to his own, caressing it lovingly.

"It's not you." Carson whispered against his Evan's soft skin. "It's a bad time for me."

Evan's lips brushed Carson's dark hair line and said nothing. He knew there wasn't a word he could utter that would make everything all right for his lover, instead he let his large palms rub soothing circles along the line of Carson's spine. It was a silent sign of companionship, one that Carson appreciated as Evan held him close.

"My brother died a few years ago today. We usually go to my mum's and light a candle in the window so that his spirit gets a little bit of guidance." Carson found himself admitting as he rose his beautiful blue eyes to Evan, gauging his reaction.

Owen, Evan remembered the name from one of their previous conversations and he knew that Carson blamed himself for not seeing how bad things really were for his brother. He had barely allowed himself to grieve while he took care of their mother and helped organise the funeral. Evan thought that manifested itself in his behaviour when the time came around again. Owen's anniversary gave his lover the opportunity he hadn't had to mourn in the past.

"I have a candle." Evan said after a moment's silence. "And I have a window."

The implication was there as Evan drew away from his lover to go in search of the cream candle and the lighter he kept for emergencies. To be honest McKay had blown out the power a few times in the living quarters so he was really just being prepared but he didn't mind handing them over to Carson, his need was far greater right now.

Carson was already by the window when Evan returned. The Major pressed both of the items into Carson's dexterous hands before taking a seat back on the couch to watch the ritual. Everything Carson did fascinated him and this was a different side to his doctor, this was the spiritual part that was coming into play. Carson set the candle upon the stone window sill before taking making the sign of the cross and then lighting the candle, his brow furrowing in concentration as he stared into the darkness outside.

The burden on Carson's shoulders was clear although Evan wasn't a hundred percent sure what caused it. He obviously felt some responsibility for his brother's death. Evan didn't know how realistic it was to assume that he could have prevented whatever tragedy had occurred but he could still see the oppressive guilt that plagued Carson's heart tonight. It had taken over his lover like a spirit that needed exorcising. They both had secrets, things that neither of them were proud of but this was eating at Carson the same way it had been over the past decade.

Evan found himself raising to his feet again as he watched Carson with apprehensive eyes. Evan didn't know if touching him was going to help or hinder the doctor but he thought it was time to break the cycle of loneliness. Carson shouldn't have to feel alone at a time like this. His strong arms wrapped around his lover's waist lightly so not to startle him. His warm reassuring palms came to rest on Carson's firm stomach as he pressed his chest against Carson's back. It took a moment but Carson allowed himself the luxury of leaning back into the security of Evan's loving arms. Evan could feel the tension beginning to melt out of Carson's rigid form as he allowed himself to accept the comfort that came with being wrapped up in Evan's tender embrace.

"I love you." Carson whispered into the air between them, his fingers threading in between Evan's knuckles.

Evan's heart blossomed at the emotion in Carson's voice as those three magical words lit up his entire world. He had been holding off on his own proclamation, frightened that he would scare his new lover away. Yet now was the right time, he could feel it in his bones before the most honest word he had ever uttered slipped past his lips.

"I love you too."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys. I have been working like a bad ass these week writing and catching up on all sorts of bits and pieces so this is my gift to you!<strong>_

_Brn: I am really glad you liked it. They needed a little happiness in their lives. I think they need to see there are things worth fighting for and this is a good memory for them all. They will need good points in their future. LMAO That is such a funny idea, imagine seeing him doing that!_

_Shippo: lol Kai is amazing I want to hug him all the time._


	179. Chapter 179: Feelings

Chapter One Hundred and Seventy Nine

_They tell us everything's alright  
>And we just go along<br>How can we fall asleep at night  
>When something's clearly wrong<em>

_Nickelback – When We Stand Together_

The cafeteria was quiet this early in the morning and the two men sitting at the table were used to having the area to themselves at this time of day. This was a habit of theirs from the old days, when the two of them had been a pair of soldiers shooting the breeze and comparing military tactics. It had seemed like a life time ago but the bond between the two of them was still as strong as ever. There was still a diverse sense of kinsman-ship brimming between Ronon and John, just like they always had been. John Sheppard appreciated Ronon's friendship more than he could say in that respect. The other man always had his back when it came down to the crunch.

The Colonel always ended up in the cafeteria when he couldn't sleep. Cassandra was out for the count in their bedroom, she had been exhausted from all of her trips of world recently and John thought it was unfair to keep her awake with all of his tossing and turning. He'd gotten up instead to get himself a hot drink. Hot chocolate sometimes helped sooth his troubled thoughts but it wasn't helping in this situation, he doubted anything would. The last time that this had happened something terrible had occurred and John couldn't stand the memory of how he had felt when Cassandra had been abducted.

Ronon liked to walk when he couldn't sleep, there was something about the constant motion that settled his mind. It was the same when he exercised, his thoughts became focused when his body was moving. Kai also enjoyed the sensation, the baby found it soothing to be huddled in his father's arms while he strode down the corridors of their beautiful city.

The baby had been particularly preconscious during the early hours of this morning. His cries for attention had awoken his parents on more than one occasion tonight and Ronon thought that Hope deserved a proper rest. Kai could be exhausting sometimes and Hope was baring the brunt of their child's demands. He had taken Kai out of the apartment for a little fresh air, upon their walk they had come upon the Colonel seated at the same table they always sat at. His hands had been wrapped around a steaming mug of hot chocolate and his eyebrows had been furrowed in that trademark frown that caused him to look even deeper in thought than usual.

Kai was wrapped up snugly in a yellow baby blanket with a smiling sun embroidered on it in white. His tiny lips were in the shape of a pout as his drowsy jade eyes fluttered closed. The little boy was falling back to sleep much to Ronon's satisfaction as he nestled his son even closer to his chest in the crook of his arm. Ronon would prefer to have this conversation without any interruptions.

Ronon recognized the look in his friend's eyes, it was the same haunted look that he had had when Cassandra had told him that she was going away. Ronon hoped everything was ok between the two of them. It was rare that Cass and John fought and when they did both would be sullen and silent until the issue was resolved. Whatever the problem was something was badly wrong in John Sheppard's world and it was Ronon's job to fix it if he could. John had stepped in when Ronon had needed him, no matter what the circumstance and Ronon would do anything he could to return the favour.

"I know that look." Ronon uttered in a low tone in order not to disturb the sleeping baby. "And it's not a good one."

"I have an awful feeling." John admitted to his friend, his hazel eyes full of foreboding as he knitted his fingers together around his mug. "I have this horrible feeling sitting right in my gut and I can't shift it."

"Is it the same feeling as last time when Michael took Cass?" Ronon asked cautiously, his chiselled expression twisting into concern as he stared back at John.

John swallowed hard against the aching lump in his throat as he nodded his reply to the question. Last time he'd had this ominous feeling Cassandra had been taken from him by that maniac hybrid Michael. John has never been one to believe in precognition but he did believe in following his gut instinct and right now it was screaming at him that something was badly wrong.

"You told her?" Ronon queried, hugging his son even closer to his chest.

He had had feelings like that. Right before the Wraith attack on Sateda he had had that familiar sickening knowing that something horrendous was going to happen. He had sold all of his possessions to get Melena off of that planet and she still hadn't taken his offer. It had nauseated him that he had been right. Ronon shook his head to remove the cobwebs from his memory as he glanced at Sheppard. Their women were stubborn, they dug their heels in when the going got tough and that was an infuriating and admirable quality.

John shook his head in response to Ronon's question, lacing his fingers together on the back of his head as his hazel eyes rolled upwards to the ceiling. Telling Cassandra would make absolutely no difference, his wife would do exactly what she wanted because that was who she was. What she was doing with the Aid Project was important to her and to the people whose lives she was helping to change. Jesus, this was that refugee camp all over again.

"She'd still go ahead with the mission even if you did." Ronon confirmed his friend's thoughts as he placed the palm of his hand on the belly of his child, holding him in place as he moved in his sleep.

"Yea." Sheppard agreed, sagging back in his seat running both hands through his untidy dark hair. "And I don't want to seem like an overbearing husband by muscling into her team and I don't want to overshadow Lorne's command. I trust Lorne to keep her safe."

"But you don't trust that feeling." Ronon added as his thumb lightly caressed the feather light hairs on the top of his son's sleeping head.

"No." John muttered, cupping the mug in his hands again. "No I don't."

"Last time when we stepped through that Stargate..." Ronon trailed off, a chill running up his spine as he remembered that breathtaking, fearful emotion that had oppressed him when they arrived at the refugee camp.

"It was devastating, I know." John summarised, taking a long deep sip from his mug.

The sugary chocolate goodness rushed through his veins like a narcotic. Usually it would chase away the negativity that thrummed through him but even the hot chocolate couldn't fight against the depressed feeling that was surging up inside John Sheppard.

"You can't risk it." Ronon told his friend as a matter of fact. "You'll never forgive yourself if something happens."

"I can't wrap her up in cotton wool." John responded in an exhausted voice.

"But you can keep her safe." Ronon said frankly. "And that's what's really important."

John thought Ronon Dex may have a point.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, sorry about the lack of posts but it is a busy week for me. I am 25 on Friday and I am organising a party for the Saturday so all of my attention is being spent on that at the current moment! Keep your fingers crossed everything goes right!<strong>_

_Shippo:I thought it was time for the two of them to fess up to their feelings, they keep everything bottled up and its time to admit the truth. _

_Brn: I can totally see Evan being a little bit embarrassed and charming at the same time when he's introduced as Carson's partner. (He's so much more than a bf) He's never done the whole meet the parents so I can completely imagine him being nervous over the whole thing. _

_Joey: Thanks for the two reviews, I sincerely appreciate it. My family is exactly like that. I grew up with five bros and then we all invited out friends around so it was insane how many people could be in our house at one time. I don't think Carson's mum would care either so long as he's happy. I can see Evan being really nervous though. He's never met anyone's parents. _


	180. Chapter 180: Flu

Chapter One Hundred and Eighty

.  
><em>Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear...<em>

_Dashboard Confessional - Hands Down_

Cassandra Sheppard had the flu. It had come on suddenly over the past twenty four hours rendering her completely immobile. His poor wife was beyond exhausted, there were dark circles underneath her sapphire blue eyes. The sound of her sniffing had kept John up during the night as well as her constant tossing and turning. She had kept pulling the covers up and then pushing them back down again as her body temperature went from one extreme to another. She had run herself down into the ground with all the extra work she had been piling on and of course her immune system had suffered.

John had to admit that he wasn't too unhappy with this development. That sinking feeling he had been having recently had subsided just a little but it was still there residing in the pit of his belly. There was something brimming inside of him, he thought there must be some larger forces at work guiding things. John didn't feel in control the same way he usually did.

The only good thing that came out of Cassandra's illness was the fact that meant she couldn't embark on the mission today. It was selfish John knew but the husband in him was more than thankful for God gracing his wife with the flu.

Cassandra propped her head up on her hand as she watched her husband dress in his military uniform. Despite the fact she felt like utter crap, she could still appreciate the divine form of her husband. He was toned in all the right places and sometimes she would find herself unable to comprehend that he was really hers. His black combats hung low upon his waist as John groped for his matching black T-shirt. His untidy dark hair was sticking up at all angles as she reviewed him from her position in their bed. His jaw were still lined with that gorgeous matching stubble, the type that felt soft underneath her fingertips when she traced along the plains of his ruggedly handsome face.

"How are you feeling?" John asked her, his voice still husky from sleep as he pulled his T-shirt on over his bare chest.

Cass made an exasperated noise before placing her head back onto the pillow looking forlorn and irate. She wasn't used to be inactive, usually his wife was bounding with energy so John could empathise with her frustration. Whenever he was forced to endure bed rest it always made him stir crazy and he understood that Cass was exactly the same in that respect.

John returned to the bed, climbing back onto his side on top of the covers and laying down beside his wife so that their bodies were parallel but there was still a gap residing between them. His hand reached out, tucking the sheets even more around Cassandra as she looked him with those pitiful eyes.

"You are not a good patient." he informed her, with an amused smile.

It was the truth and Cass could not contest it. She hated lounging around in bed when there was so much work to be done. It made her feel guilty and inadequate which in turn made her moody. John however was much worse. He ended up in the infirmary with injuries on a far more regular basis than she did and he complained a hell of a lot more. He was the worst patient a doctor could have because he ignored medical advice unless you kept your eye on him. She had lost count of the times she had glowered at him until he agreed to follow her wisdom.

"Better than you." she retorted, straightening her aching form out under the covers.

It hurt every single one of her muscles to move but she did anyway. This illness was some type of flu and it had ridden her body of energy causing her muscles to ache and protest at every action. From all the symptoms she had treated from other patients over the past week she had learned that this virus stuck quickly and left very much in the same manner. Hopefully she'd be feeling a lot better after taking some cold medicine and sleeping for the next few hours.

"Hm, that's true." John admitted, capturing Cassandra's dainty hand in his own and entwining their fingers.

Even when his wife was sick she was still the most radiant person in the world to him. Just seeing her snuggled up under the quilt in her warmest flannel pyjamas with mused up dark hair made her seem adorable in his eyes. He would have loved to stay in their apartment and take care of her but as usual his job called and his attention was being drawn to other matters.

John placed a chaste kiss upon his wife's forehead, his fingertips brushing away a stray strand of dark hair away from her pretty features. He would do anything to this woman. Even when she was ill, she was still the embodiment of everything he desired.

"I'll bring the soup and some crackers." John assured her before pointing out. "You didn't eat anything last night."

"I know." Cass murmured with a pained expression. "I was just so tired. How can I still be so tired?"

"You need to get some more rest." John told her in a soft tone as he pressed his lips to her forehead once more as a gesture of farewell. "I'll come check on you in a few hours."

* * *

><p>The locker room was colder than usual but Major Evan Lorne didn't mind, he was used to the cool temperature by now. Before every mission he would spend a select amount of time checking through the equipment that his team would use to ensure it's functionality. It was a habit he had gotten into after the incidents with Drew Hartford. He wouldn't take the risk that someone could have sabotaged his team. It was a lengthy process to ensure everything worked accordingly but it gave him a piece of mind he would otherwise have lost.<p>

He was checking the last pocket of his black tactical vest when Colonel John Sheppard entered the room. He heard the quiet click of the door closing before he raised his eyes to his superior nodding his head in way of greeting.

"You got a minute?" John asked as he stepped even further into the room, drawing Lorne's full attention.

"Of course sir." Lorne stated, putting the vest back in his locker and shutting it. "How's Cassandra doing?"

John crossed his arms over his broad chest pursed his lips together at the thought of his wife curled up alone in bed resting. He could feel her soothing overtones in his soul as she slept deeply. He was glad that she was broadcasting so loudly, it made it easier to check in on her.

"Still laid up in bed with the flu." John informed the Major, who grimaced at the Colonel's words.

The two men shared a look that said they were on exactly the same page. Cassandra was not a good patient, they both knew that from experience. Once she had fallen into a hunter's trap off world and twisted her ankle so badly she was barely able to put any weight on it. Getting her boot off had been a nightmare. Cassandra had protested against returning back home to Atlantis and she wouldn't let any of them come to her aid when it turned out she could barely walk.

In the end Lorne had ignored her objections and swept her off of her feet and into his arms as if she were a child. She had growled and snapped at him until they had gotten her back to the Infirmary where it turned out that her ankle was in fact fractured.

"That means your getting Beckett on your team." John informed the Major, acutely watching his expression.

Cassandra wasn't the only one that had witnessed Lorne leaving Carson's quarters. The two of them had been engaged in their own romantic tryst during one of John's early patrols. As far as John was concerned if the two of them were happy then so was he, especially if it didn't interfere with their jobs. Which incidentally was why he was here in the first place. It was an awkward subject to attempt to bring up and John could feel Lorne's baby blue eyes upon him, waiting expectantly for him to continue.

"I know about you and Carson." John began watching Lorne's expression shut down at the mention of him and his partner. "And it's ok, it's good that your dating. You seem to make each other happy and I am cool with that."

The relief on Lorne's features was evident and it made John realize that he had just accidentally alarmed his second in command without meaning to. It was a sticky patch that he would have to learn to navigate over in the future but he was learning, it was the first time he had had to broach this kind of subject with an officer underneath his command.

The men found themselves seated on opposite benches, facing one another. John looked at his hands as he rubbed one over the other in an attempt to generate some heat.

"I don't want your relationship with Beckett to get in the way of this mission." John told the other man from his own previous experience. "I know what it's like being in the field with someone you care about and I know sometimes..."

"It won't." Lorne confirmed straight away. "I've worked with Beckett before when you were on leave. He's no Cass but he fits in well."

"You can't let your feelings for him complicate things." John reasserted, maintaining eye contact with Lorne. "I know you probably think I am a fine one to talk, but if it came down to it I would do the right thing. We both would. I need to know that you will do the same."

There was silence between the two of them as they stared each other down. Lorne was the first to look away, his jaw clenching tightly as he cleared his throat. He hoped that it never came to a point where he had to choose between Carson and his team. The act of losing lover would bring him to his knees. He would do it though, if he was forced to but he wouldn't be the same person afterwards. He would be a broken hollow husk.

"I won't let my feelings get in the way." Lorne promised, returning to look at his superior.

There was a determination in his eyes. John could see the same dedication as his own reflected in the Major. The both of them were military men with a strong sense of duty and honour to their cause but the problem was their loyalties were divided. They had other people in their lives, people who deserved their full attention and it was a horrible feeling. It was like being torn in two.

"It doesn't get any better." John informed him honestly as he clasped his hands together as if in prayer. "In fact it gets worse, because they go out and do stupid things. When your not there they do even stupider things, the only difference is you don't get to hear about it, you get to read about it in mission reports instead."

Lorne chuckled his acknowledgement at the statement. He hadn't thought about that side of things but he understood that reading about his wife's exploits was something that John had to endure. He wondered how many times the Colonel groaned when he saw that Cassandra had risked her life to save someone else. It had to weigh heavily on the other man, he felt the burden of it on his own shoulders already and they hadn't even shipped out yet.

"I appreciate this." Lorne told his superior officer as he gestured between the two of them. "It's never done this before."

"Worked with someone you dated?" John queried with interest.

"Dated in general." Lorne corrected, a blush creeping up his cheeks.

"So everything before this was..." John groped for the correct word, his mind fumbling over the possibilities.

"... casual." Lorne submitted bleakly.

"Well can't say I've not been there before." John said tipping his head from side to side in deliberation before adding. "With women, not men."

"Yea Colonel, I got that." Lorne returned with a humorous smile.

It was at that moment that the door to the locker room opened and the rest of Major Lorne's team filed through signalling the end of their conversation.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! Thanks for all of your wonderful reviews regarding the last chapter. it was brillant to get such fab response for this story!<strong>_

_Nat: He is such a softie when it comes to his baby! He defo is a Papa Bear, there isn't a chance in hell he's gonna let anything happen to his baby boy. I hope everything turns out well for them too._

_Shep: I don't think John could ignore that feeling, it's weighing on him so much at the current moment. lol I think John wants to just wrap the quilt cover around her and protect her from the world. _

_Brn: Thanks very much, it will be wonderful! LMAO The only thing John can do is pop Cass over his shoulder and dump her in their apartment. _

_Joey: lol thankfully he didn't need to do anything to keep her safe, fate gave her a cold instead!_

_Shippo: lol I think Ronon is always right too and if he's not he's gonna be grumpy as hell. _


	181. Chapter 181: Chicken Soup For The Soul

Chapter One Hundred and Eighty One

_You turn, turn, turn, turning me on  
>Like a slow fire burn<br>I know that it's wrong  
>Still I run, run, run, run right into you<br>Yeah, I run, run, run, run right into you_

_Matt Nathanson - Run_

To John's immense surprise Cassandra was up when he went to go check on her early in the afternoon. It had been hard to get away from the mountain of paperwork that was stacked upon his desk especially with Colonel Carter constantly reminding him how she needed the mission reports ASAP. Admittedly John had left them to the last minute so now he was paying the penalty for that lack of discipline.

Cass's head perked up when she saw her husband step into their shared apartment, a small smile blessed her beautiful features as she pressed pause on the DVD she was watching on the big T.V. His pretty little wife was wrapped up in one of his thickest sweaters, the charcoal grey garment hung loose on her slender form and she had rolled the sleeves up just over her elbows while her fingers skated over the tablet computer set on her lap. She was wearing lighter grey baggy sweats and her black wavy hair was tied back into a messy bun.

His hazel eyes flickered to the T.V, the bright happy faces of the Monsters Inc cast were frozen on the screen indicating that she was near the beginning of the movie. Cassandra always watched Pixar films when she was feeling crappy, they took her back to when she was child again curled up in her father's lap. Their stories always ended happily and sometimes both of them needed to be reminded that they did exist.

The two of them could never watch Up, they had barely made it through the first five minutes before Cass had switched it off with tears in her ears. John had to admit there had been a lump in his throat when he envisioned himself in the same position as that old man. He couldn't say that he wouldn't have become that sad, lonesome character if Michael had succeeded in keeping Cassandra.

"Your supposed to be resting." John pointed out to his wife as he balanced a steaming bowl of chicken soup in one hand an a sachet of crackers in the other.

"I think I've managed to sleep off the majority of it." Cassandra concluded placing the tablet down on the coffee table. "That and the cold medication Carson gave me seems to have worked some wonders."

"You are looking a lot better." John admitted, placing the bowl of soup down on the table.

He raised his hand, pressing the back of it to Cassanda's forehead in order to check her temperature. This morning before he had left she had been practically burning up, now she seemed to be at a more normal temperature. He dropped onto the couch beside his wife, satisfied by the latest development.

"I feel a lot better." Cass told him, pushing that streak of grey back behind her ear.

"You need to eat." John prompted opening the sachet of crackers and prodding them towards his wife, alongside the soup bowl.

"I'll try." Cass said with a weary expression as she rubbed her unsettled stomach lightly. "My tummy is still a little bit queasy."

"At least try and eat a little." John persisted, reaching over and stirring the soup in an attempt to make it look more appetising. "Otherwise I'll tell Jules that your not taking care of yourself."

Cass narrowed her sapphire eyes at him, her dark eyebrows furrowing with indignation.

"You wouldn't." she said trying to gauge the extent of her husband's threat.

"In fact, I think I'll send her that email now while I have a second." John remarked, reaching for Cassandra's tablet.

Cassandra's dainty hand came to rest over her husband's preventing him from picking up the offending item by pinning his hand to the table.

"I am not afraid to give you this cold." she told him pointedly, her gaze dropping to his mouth with a tiny smile.

John raised his free hand used it to gently cover her pert pink lips as she lingered dangerously in his proximity. He could already feel the beast in him stretching out towards her, wanting to play and kiss his wife into oblivion. The fact she was clad in his clothing made her all the more enticing, he wondered what she was wearing underneath that mass of material and it made his skin flush with anticipation at the possibility that it could be nothing.

"Behave." John managed to say as he jerked himself away from the image of Cassandra lying naked underneath him.

"But you like it so much better when I don't." Cass mumbled against the palm of his hand, the sensation of her soft lips tickling his skin.

"Your trying to seduce me so I forget about the soup." John countered, trying to keep his mind on his purpose, instead of those sexy lips wrapped around his throbbing cock. "You forget I'm a seasoned military man, I don't bow to enemy."

Cassandra's slim fingers grasped his wrist and pulled it away from her mouth revealing a petulant grin. Things had clearly developed into something more than John had originally realized. His wife's eyes were burning with mischief as she struggled onto her knees pushing John's arm up and bringing their bodies even closer together so the material of their clothes brushed lightly.

"Your putting up a good fight Sheppard, but I can see the evidence from here." she said looking pointedly at his erection as it strained against his combats.

Clearly fighting Cassandra wasn't working. The truth was Cass gave as good as she got when it came to arguing and John knew when his woman wanted something, it was more often than not that she got it. So the only way to work around that fact was to offer her something better, something that she had been hounding him for over the past couple of weeks.

"Eat the soup and I promise I will take you camping." John uttered abruptly causing Cass to freeze in her tracks as her eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas.

"Just the two of us?" she questioned softly, all the fight draining out of her body as her attention was drawn to more urgent matters. "No military training exercise like last time? Because I really don't want to do that twenty mile hike ever again and the thought of sharing you with all those marines..."

"No separate tents and definitely just the two of us." John affirmed placing Cassandra's hands back down in her lap before pointing at the bowl and the crackers. "But only if you eat the soup."

Cass picked up the bowl of soup cradling it in one hand before scooping up some of the crackers and dunking them into the warm liquid. John watched as she picked up the spoon and began to sip from the implement. She was taking small bites but at least she was eating, that was something he wouldn't have to worry about. John sat in silence, lounging back on the couch as he watched his wife slowly devour the contents of the bowl.

Cass set down the empty ceramic before drawing her legs up underneath her and propping her head up on John's shoulder as her hand groped for the control for the DVD.

"I can only stay for a few more minutes." John told his wife as stubbly his cheek came to rest upon his wife's head.

"I know." Cass murmured as her fingers threaded through John's connecting the two of them once more.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys. My birthday is over and done with now and a wonderful time was had by all. <strong>_

_Joey: I wanted to show an exchange between the two men. They both have a duty especially to Cass and the city. I had to show the thin line they walk between duty and love._

_Sheppard: lol I bet John's sitting there thinking how lucky he is that she got sick too. I think they needed to have that chat in order for things to get back to normal between them all. _

_Brn: lol I think she'd willingly accept anything that would make her feel better at the moment including snuggles from John. _

_Shippo: lol she's feeling better already :p_


	182. Chapter 182: Sexy

Chapter One Hundred and Eighty Three

_You're so delicious  
>You're so…soft<br>Sweet on the tip o'my tongue  
>You taste like…sunlight<br>And strawberry bubble gum_

_Matt Nathanson – Faster_

Hope was nervous, more nervous than she had ever been in her whole entire life. The worst part was that she knew that theoretically she had no reason to be. She knew that when Ronon and her had mated it had been for life. She worried about what he would think of her body now that the two of them had had the baby. She still carried a little extra weight from her pregnancy, her shape was more curvaceous than it had ever been and she wasn't sure how she felt about that. Cass had told her that it made her look more womanly but Hope had no idea if that was true. She didn't feel more feminine, she just felt anxious.

For the past few months she had been nothing more than a mother to their precious child and she was frightened that it was the way that Ronon saw her. When she looked in the mirror a ghost looked back. She wasn't the same woman as she used to be before Kai and she was feeling at a loss. Her identity was slipping through her fingers and there was nothing solid for her to hold onto anymore.

Hope stared down at her underwear drawer, her fingers stroking the lacy material of a cyan coloured baby doll. She wasn't sure whether Ronon would find her attractive anymore. He hadn't made a move on her in the past few months. She wasn't sure whether that was because the two of them were so exhausted or whether he just didn't see her that way. Should she put on something sexy? Would he like that? She wasn't sure what he would like to see her in. She wanted to reacquaint with him so badly.

Ronon was leaning in the doorway watching his mate with interest as her thin eyebrows furrowed into a frown as she allowed her fingertips to trace over the delicate material of her special drawer. There was magic in that drawer, deviant sexual magic.

The prospect of sex daunted Ronon Dex. He wanted Hope so badly in every single way but the problem was he was terrified to approach her on the subject. Kai's birth had been traumatic for the both of them and he was terrified of hurting his mate.

As much as Ronon loved Kai he had to admit that the kid was a handful. Dealing with their baby was a full time job and when Teyla had offered to take their son off their hands for a couple of hours the two of them had jumped at the chance for a moment of reprieve. Being a parent became a part of who you were and both of them were feeling a little loss of identity. The truth was they both craved the intimacy that came with reconnecting with one another.

"I miss you." Ronon admitted into the air as he closed the bedroom door behind him.

Hope bowed her head, the palm of her hands rest on the drawer in order to close it. Her cheeks flushed, it was as if she had been caught doing something wrong. Ronon moved closer to his mate, his strong hands wrapping around her waist, hugging her closer to his hulking form. He buried his nose into her chestnut hair, inhaling the sweet intoxicating scent of her citrus shampoo.

"I miss you too." Hope whispered, leaning into the embrace.

"You smell so good." Ronon uttered, his thumbs caressing the sliver of naked skin that was bared between Hope's jeans and the sunny yellow camisole.

It sent a thrill of desire pulsating up Hope's spine as her head tipped back coming to rest on Ronon's chest. They stood like that for a few moments basking in the re-establishment of their connection without the interruption of their child.

"He's a handful." Hope found herself saying as her mind pondered over how different the two of them had become since Kai had appeared in their lives.

"Yea." Ronon agreed, cradling his mate against his hulking form growing more accustomed to the feeling of being in a couple once more. "Dunno how something so little can be so loud."

"Do you..." Hope hesitated, feeling a unsure before she forced herself to spit out the question. "Do you wish things were the way they were before?"

It took Ronon a second to understand what his mate was asking him. 'Before' to him was being a Runner and it took himself a second to jerk away from the memories of that traumatic time. He remembered what it did being alone for so long. The grief had crushed him and the lonesomeness had dogged his footsteps until he became more of an animal than a person. He would never want to go back to that, not after finding Hope and creating such a beautiful baby boy.

'Before' to Hope was different and Ronon finally realized that there had been a problem hiding deep down inside of his mate that he hadn't been aware of. Even now as he gently nudged at her consciousness he could tell that she was stifling it away from him. His arms hugged her even tighter to his loving form, his lips brushing the back of the back of her head with the tenderest of kisses as he struggled to comprehend what was bothering his mate. He could feel her trepidation humming through her skin and it unnerved him that she was trying to keep everything to herself.

"Before there was a piece missing." Ronon murmured to his mate, his large hands smoothing up and down her curvaceous form lovingly. "Now I feel whole and completed. I know it's hard and it can be draining but the two of you light up my world and I wouldn't change that."

Hope was touched by Ronon's words, they rang true in her heart and she found herself turning around in his strong arms in order to face her fiancé. Her delicate palms came to rest on his chest, her fingertips stroking over his impressive chest through the material of his tan vest top.

"I don't know what you like anymore." she found herself admitting as she focused on the coarse threading of Ronon's clothing. "I don't feel sexy, I'm scared that your going to look at me and think that this is all some horrible mistake and you won't find me attractive."

Ronon stared at his mate completely dumbstruck at her words. His stunning, sexy woman was admitting that something that seemed ridiculous to him. He loved her beyond reason and the idea that he wouldn't love her any more sent a pulse of determination echoing through his system. He wanted to lavish her with attention and show her just how much she meant to him.

"I'm scared of hurting you." He told her as his large hands cupped her gorgeous exotic face, his thumbs trailing over the apple of her cheek. "Didn't know if everything was ok down there and I didn't want you feel forced."

Hope's relieved smile was like a ray of sunshine, lighting up the darkest corners of his soul. He could feel her starting to open up more now as they began to lay their issues down on the table. They had been working as separate units lately and Ronon thought maybe it was time for the two of them to join as one again.

"Your the most precious thing in the world to me." Ronon uttered as he stared into her almond eyes. "I want you so badly it hurts."

There was power in those words and Hope couldn't help but find herself ensnared by those amazing jade eyes as Ronon made his intentions more than clear. She felt silly for doubting him, even now she could feel the fire rising up in her mate like an inferno sweeping through a forest. His desire was consuming, she could feel it taking over the both of them as they stood in each other's arms simply transfixed in the moment.

Ronon's deft fingers threaded through Hope's sleek, chestnut hair tilting her face up even closer to his so that their lips were barely touching. He was restraining himself, she could tell from the flare of his nostrils and the shallow pants of his ragged breathing.

"I'm an idiot." she whispered, feeling the feather light brush of Ronon's lips against the corner of her mouth.

"My idiot." Ronon admonished before capturing her mouth entirely.

His lips were tender and imploring as he allowed himself to get lost in the threads of their budding connection. His fingers combed through her silky hair drawing Hope even closer to his needy form. He cradled her against his broad chest. She leaned into his embrace, her arms slipping through his, her fingers linking at the base of his spine. Hope's lips parted, allowing Ronon further access into the recesses of her wondrous mouth. His tongue teased around the shape of her lips teasingly before the muscle delved into the confines of his lover's hot mouth.

Their kisses were becoming even more passionate and Hope found herself wrapped up in what felt like a tornado of emotions. Her love for Ronon raced through her veins like an endorphins, it's heat chasing all over her athletic form and searing straight down to her groin. Already her hands were roaming underneath the hem of Ronon's tan shirt seeking out his roaring hot skin. Ronon shivered at the feel of his mate's tingling fingertips chasing up the curve of his spine.

"Babe." he whispered against her moist lips, his jade eyes full of questions.

Hope wanted him, she wanted her mate more than anything in the whole entire world. The moments of doubt were beginning to fade away as Ronon looked at her with hungry desperate eyes. He needed the same way he need oxygen to breath.

"I think this needs to come off."she told Ronon, indicating to his tan coloured vest.

The item of clothing was gone in a matter of seconds, tossed on the white tiled floor beneath their feet. Ronon was already wrapping himself around Hope's glorious form, his naked chest burned through Hope's camisole as he guided her back towards their luxurious double bed. Hope drew away for a second, raising her arms above her head as that graceful smile crossed her beautiful features.

"Undress me?" she requested.

Ronon looked like all of his Christmases had come at once. He growled lovingly under his breath as his large hands slowly rose her pretty little camisole up and over her head leaving her clad in a sunny yellow bra. Ronon's gaze was drawn to the shapely curvature of her breasts, his fingertips trailing along the line of her Cartesian scar before he allowed his eyes to take in the expression on her face.

"Your beautiful." Ronon uttered as he studied her intently.

"Show me." Hope beckoned, sitting down on the bed and patting the spot beside her.

It didn't take long for Ronon to strip the clothes from Hope's delectable body, one layer at a time until she was laid out in front of him so gloriously naked. He kissed and stroked his mate into a sensational frenzy, watching as her caramel skin glistened under his ministrations. Her high pitched whimpers resounded in his ears like a crescendo as Ronon took his mate higher with every single motion. It turned Ronon on to hear those sexy dynamic noises emitting from Hope's parted lips. He was so desperate for her it killed him. His impressive cock was ramrod straight and leaking at the thought of finally reuniting with his soul mate.

Hope's chestnut hair was fanned out upon the plush white pillow, her palms were laying open on either side of her head in a gesture of complete surrender. Her lips were forming a perfect 'o' in slow ragged breathes as she stared back at her mate with those mischievous almond eyes. There was a 'come hither' expression on her gorgeous features. One that Ronon could not ignore.

Ronon was completely nude. His handsome form dazzled Hope as she took in his amazing physique. His muscles were finely chiselled, his scars etched deep into his bronze flesh like a map of his life. He was god to her, every inch of him was perfect and Hope adored the deviant look in his smouldering eyes as he reviewed her delicious form. His cock was aching now, straining against the condom that he had slid over his demanding member. As much as they loved Kai, they had both agreed that another child would be too much for the two of them to handle so this time they had decided to take precautions.

He used his muscular body to blanket Hope's athletic form. The skin on skin contact was euphoric, the desire between the two of them was mounting as the tension between them popped and sizzled in the air around them. Hope arched into his hulking frame wantonly, fitting against him like the missing piece of his soul.

Ronon's lips brushed over his mate's with a tenderness he reserved only for her. The kiss was long and sweet as Hope's dainty hands glided along the shape of his muscular back, swirling red hot patterns along the slopes of his flesh. He arched into her languid touch as Hope's tongue delved into the recesses of his mouth igniting Ronon's primal soul in a haze of fire.

Hope's legs parted settling on either side of his hips, her knees hugged his waist as her ankles hooked underneath the curve of Ronon's firm ass drawing him even closer to her molten hot core. She couldn't get enough of her mate, her fingertips dug into his muscular back as his rigid cock pressed against her moist opening sending Hope into a heated frenzy as Ronon managed to withhold his savage urges.

"You want me babe?" Ronon whispered into her ear, his voice low and husky as he exerted just the slightest bit of pressure.

"More than anything." Hope whimpered, her fingertips digging into his taunt back as Ronon eased himself inside of her.

The thrust was deep and slow, drawing out the ecstasy as Hope moaned his name out loud. It sounded angelic coming from her perfect mouth and Ronon found his heart surging with pride as he withdrew and thrust again. That exquisite moment of ecstasy overtook the two of them as Ronon buried himself inside his lover up to the hilt causing her to gasp out loud as he hit just the right spot. His large hand sought out hers, his fingers entwining in her own as he linked the two of them for what felt like an eternity.

The two of them began to move in long practised strokes. Their souls were merging as they leisurely pushed one another to climax.

There were fireworks exploding in the air between them, the pleasure was mounting as Ronon began to pick up the pace, rocking against his mate's gorgeous form, his jade eyes watching every single expression on her face. Hope's shrill groans were becoming louder as Ronon tilted his hips hitting that exact spot that would push his fiancée over the edge. She cried out as Ronon's grasp on her hand tightened. Her fingertips dug into the space between his knuckles as she cried out his name. her body tightening in all the right places, hugging Ronon's cock like a velvet fist.

Ronon threw back his head in rapture as the two of them climaxed at exactly the same time. The groan that left his throat was savage as he claimed his mate as his own once more. Ronon smothered Hope's delicious mouth with his own, silencing her screams of ecstasy as they echoed through the room like the finest music he would ever hear.

Their hearts were beating against each other in unison and in that moment of sheer, unadulterated bliss Ronon saw the moon, the stars and heaven inside his woman's soul. It was at that moment that he decided he couldn't wait any longer. It was time to say 'I do'.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I have been puppy-sitting over the past few days so there hasn't been much time for me to get on the internet since my bro doesn't have it set up yet. For those of you that love Carson and Lorne, I extended one of their earlier scenes from this story to add a little bit of loving smut between the two of them. The story is called 'More' and if your interested feel free to read it. <strong>_

_Brn: lol I would love to curl up and watch movies with Shep. Cass is a lucky girl! _

_Brown: Hi and thank you very much for taking the time to review, I sincerely appreciate it. I feel that in the series that John has such a huge capacity to care for his people and he needed someone who felt the same for him. Hence Cass was created!_


	183. Chapter 183: Life & Death

Chapter One Hundred and Eighty Three

_My heart is under arrest again  
>But I break loose<br>My head is giving me life or death  
>But I can't choose<br>I swear I'll never give in  
>I refuse<em>

_Foo Fighters – The Best of You_

Something was wrong. John Sheppard could feel it like a deep set ache in his bones as his hazel eyes watched the seconds on his watch tick by. He was perched upon the bench in the locker room, the same way he had been since he had left Colonel Carter's office. He had had this sick, churning feeling rotating in his stomach ever since Lorne's mission to Arcadia had been announced and as it turned out he was seemingly right. John had thought that the sensation of dread that made insides quiver deep inside was affixed to Cassandra but it turned out he was wrong.

The sound of the clock ticking in the background of the cold air was piercing through every single nerve of his body and he wanted so badly to do something, anything but until that final hour was up there was nothing he could do.

Lorne's team was over an hour late for their check in and that was more than a little unusual for his second in command. No matter what happened Lorne was always prompt, it was one of the Major's more admirable traits. He understood the necessity of the deadlines and like a good old American boy he hated to make anyone worry because he knew how that effected other people. Lorne was conscientious like that.

A lot could happen in an hour. John knew that better than anyone, his experiences had taught him that time was the most valuable factor when it came to planning a rescue mission. They had run out of it back in Afghanistan because the higher ups had deemed it too risky to rescue his fellow soldiers from the desert. If he'd gotten there an hour earlier maybe things would have been different, instead the chopper had been shot down because the area had turned into a hot zone. Harriet and Windsor were already dead but Williams was badly injured. He had died before they had made it to the safe zone.

That loss haunted him to this very day and the superiors that didn't like him went to extreme lengths to remind him of the events. It was something that still prickled under his skin some days and it haunted his dreams on the darkest of nights. He didn't want Lorne and those other men to become another nightmare, he wanted them to live and laugh about his concerns over a couple of beers.

It was time to move. The urgency was throbbing under his skin as he puzzled over the backgrounds of his people trying to weigh up the mathematical possibility of survival. Lorne had survived capture before, albeit not completely unscathed. The Major and his men were trained by the best in survival and resistance. Beckett was the one he was primarily concerned about. The doctor was a civilian, his training was informal at best. He wasn't a soldier like the others but he was smart. Beckett's wits had kept him alive before, there was no reason they shouldn't now and that was only if they were in trouble.

John was on his feet, his fingertips already creeping towards the combination on the metal locker in order to gear up. Both him and Colonel Carter had agreed that if Lorne hadn't returned in exactly an hour after the rendezvous then his team would go after them. There was a running joke between Lorne and himself over the tallying amount of rescues they embarked on. He hoped that they could still continue that when this was over.

Ronon was already entering the room followed closely by Teyla with Rodney trailing up the rear. His team were sullen and silent as they went to their own lockers and began donning their gear. That feeling, the one he was having was stirring in the air between all of them. The sense of dread was overpowering, it hung over the group like a sickness, plaguing their thoughts.

John closed the metal door to his locker, the dull click echoing through the air as he turned around to review his team. Rodney was struggling with the zipper on his combat vest. Sheppard didn't want to mention the couple of pounds it looked like the other man had packed on over the past couple of months but it looked like it was beginning to show on the other man's stout frame. Teyla was already going to the scientist's aid, helping to untangle both the fabric and the metallic zipper around his snug fit.

John caught the flicker of amusement gracing Ronon's rugged features as he watched the interaction with mirth. It was clear that with Ronon otherwise occupied with his mate and his new born that Rodney had been slacking off on his physical training. When he went back into full rotation they would have to work on that. He wanted the other man to be the best that he could be instead of the liability that he could possibly become as a civilian in the field.

This mission was an unspoken favour to Ronon Dex. He was technically still on paternity leave for another month but it wasn't a possibility for him to not be involved. He had a kinship to Lorne and the other man deserved his full attention even if this turned out to be something trivial.

"You ready?" John questioned the remaining two members of his team.

Teyla and Rodney both nodded their agreement before their group headed towards the armoury.

* * *

><p>The area was blackened and smouldering by the time they reached the small village of Arcadia. It was the only thing left standing in the tiny crumbling hamlet. The stench was incredible, it made John's mouth go dry at the prospect of what lay ahead. The tang of copper and burnt flesh was twanging on his tongue making his stomach lurch and wretch. He swallowed hard against the lump in his throat as his hazel gaze surveyed the wreckage in front of him. It was hard to be analytical and detached when you were seeing so much devastation.<p>

They had been able to see the thick grey smoke back from the Stargate and it had made John's heart accelerate. They had ran through the region, over dense forestry and rough terrain before they made it to the site of this disaster. The village had been massacred, the bloody charred remains of it's inhabitants were scattered in the street in straight lines. The skin had been stripped bare and melted from the bones by the crippling intensity of the flames. The corpses were twisted and crisp, their skeletal mouths framing silent, horrified screams as they lay amongst the ashes of their loved ones.

Rodney was already bent over and wrenching in the bushes outside of the village with Teyla guarding his six. McKay was sensitive when it came to death and decay, he wasn't used to seeing this kind of horror and if John could shield him from the worst of it he would.

"Wasn't the Wraith." Ronon told the group as he crouched down in front of one of the ruined bodies. "The bodies are still warm, the fire must of burned out a couple of hours ago."

It sickened John to see his friend run his large fingers through the barren chest cavity of one of the cadavers but it was necessary. If the Wraith hadn't caused this mess then it left John to ponder what had and in return what had happened to Lorne and his team.

"Got a bullet." Ronon uttered grasping a small glossy bullet in between his large fingers. "Small calibre, rifle round."

John crouched down beside his friend in order to get a better look at the round in his hand. The bullet was in good condition considering it had pinged through flesh and cartilage. It was an older round, one that John recognized from an off world version of an AK. There was only one set of people they had ever encountered who used this type of ammunition in the Pegasus Galaxy.

"Looks like the Genii." John commented, feeling his jaw clench with indignation at the news.

"Why would they do this?" Ronon asked, his gaze fixated on the tiny crumpled form huddled up to the chest of another.

A child, John realized as his gaze strayed along the straight line of bodies. He could see other dead children's bones mangled with those of their parents. He couldn't imagine what that must have been like. He had never been a parent and he would never become one after the retrovirus but he could still hear the frightened pleas of the people who had dwelled in this village ringing in his ears.

"I don't know." John whispered, his voice rough with emotion as he rose to his feet with Ronon following suit.

Already the larger man's gaze was roaming, his jade eyes studying the dusty ground surrounding them before he strode towards an open doorway and tilted his head.

"They dragged them out of the houses and set them in a rows, ready for an execution." Ronon confirmed the line of thought that John had been considering. "Trying to draw Lorne and his men out."

"Lorne would have surrendered." John submitted as his own hazel eyes fixated on a bloody splatter on the ground. "He would have sent someone towards the gate to get help and gave himself up to save these people."

"Got Lorne's boot size right here." Ronon uttered in a quiet tone beside the splash of blood. "There was signs of scuffle, they shot him here."

"Not much blood, could have been a flesh wound. Maybe something to get him to back off?" John questioned, trying to gauge Ronon's opinion as the hulking man straightened his spine.

The moment Ronon's entire body went stiff was the moment that John realized that that fragile sliver of hope that he had been clutching onto evaporated. His buddy was hovering in front of a row of four bodies, his head bowed as his long dreadlocks fell over his shoulders as he withdrew the knife from his tan coloured wrist sheath.

"Ronon?" John questioned in a hushed tone as he came to stand beside his friend's crouching form.

"Dog tags." Ronon stated, his knife hooking underneath the chain that was located around the crisp corpse's throat. "Lorne's."

John knelt down beside his friend, mimicking the motion with his own knife on the next body. His eyes flickered over the silver etchings as he shook his head bitterly at the turn of events. These men hadn't deserved this, the same way the villagers of this settlement didn't. Vengeance was already throbbing through his veins like an a snarling beast. The rage was flushing through his entire body at the atrocity that had been committed here today.

"Got Sergeant Asher here." John informed his colleague with the shake of his head as he envisioned the balding Marine before moving onto the next. "Got Lieutenant Clare here."

"Which means that should be Carson." Ronon told John sullenly as he pointed at the corpse at the end.

The weight of the situation was crashing down around his ears right now and John found it hard to breath as his eyes fell on the charred Scottish patch that had been stitched onto the melted leather flak jacket. It was confirmation, the only one that Carson would have until they got him back to Atlantis.

"I need to radio this in." John said as he climbed to his feet, swallowing hard against the ache in his throat.

"I'll stay." Ronon told his buddy as he stared down at the burnt bodies of their friends.

He just hoped that his presence would bring them some peace.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Well the poop is hitting the fan now. I think John and co are going to go postal over the deaths of Lorne and his team!<strong>_

_Joey: I wanted to show their relationship trying to get back to some kind of normalcy. I know a baby is a huge change in your life and I thought they needed a little mommy and daddy time. They needed to re-establish their identities. I am so glad that I managed to get it on the mark! LMAO at least you don't do the old college sock on the door kind of thing!_

_Shippo: I am so glad that you loved that chapter. They deserved a little time off._


	184. Chapter 184: Grief Stricken

Chapter One Hundred and Eighty Four

_Truth be told I've tried my best  
>But somewhere along the way<br>I got caught up in all there was to offer  
>And the cost was so much more than I could bear<em>

_Sarah McLanchlan - Fallen_

Cassandra Sheppard was trapped in a living, breathing nightmare. That was the only way to explain the reason that she was starring at the four familiar, black body bags laid out in the morgue through the plain glass panel of the decontamination room. She was trying to gather up the strength to go in there but she couldn't bring herself to take those final steps. Grief didn't come close to describing what she was feeling at the current moment.

When John had first broken the news to her all she had felt was the crushing numbness cascading down upon her. Now that whirl wind of tremendous emotion was whipping around inside of her like an uncontrollable tropical storm and she was powerless to stop it. It killed her deep inside to know that she would never again experience another one of Carson's kind words or see Evan's boyish smile. Sergeant Charlie Asher had been an insightful, philosophical member of their team whilst Lieutenant Hector Clare had managed to overcome a tragic history with gangland violence to join the Marines. He had been practical and reassuring while he had helped her distribute medical aid off world.

They were each special and unique in their own ways and she wondered who would talk to their families. Carson had made her promise not so long ago that if anything happened to him that she would be the one to inform his mother of his loss. She wasn't sure if she could deal with that in reality but the promise was one that she could never break. Doing that would betray Carson's memory and she wouldn't allow that to happen.

Her sapphire blue eyes were stinging now, she could feel the well of emotions building up like pressure inside her head as she thought of all the times that Carson had supported her over the past four years and how lost she was wandering around the universe without him. Losing Carson Beckett was like losing a part of herself all over again and it was beyond devastating. He had been the man that had walked her down aisle, the only person she had ever trusted to confess just how devastated she was about her inability to have children. He had been her confident and the best friend that she had ever had and now he was gone, cruelly disposed of by the Genii for a reason that she could barely conceive.

There was no solace from that reality and the sorrow was like an oppressive wave drowning her with it's desolation. She wondered if it had happened fast and if her friend had felt his heart literally breaking as he witnessed the death of his lover. Lorne would never have let Carson step into the fray, he protected the other man with his life because he had so much more to lose. Cass swallowed hard, choking back the frantic well of agony that was building in her chest. They didn't deserve this, fate was cruel and unfair in regards to the two men and it made her so infuriated she wanted to lash out and strike something in retribution.

She felt so God damned angry, she didn't understand what had prompted the attack on the village or how any other human being could allow that to happen. It was an act of sheer, unadulterated evil and the soldier in her demanded revenge for the blood that had been spilt.

Her small hands were clutching the cool metal sink for support as the first heart wrecking sob tore through her lithe body. It never failed to surprise her how much it physically hurt to lose someone that you loved. Her entire form was aching with anguish as hot salty tears began to roll down her pale cheeks. She was being torn apart deep inside and there was nothing at all she could do to stop it. The heartbreak was all consuming and it was stealing away every tiny measurement of her control.

The double doors behind her hissed open and Cassandra found herself in an extremely compromising position as she struggled to regain control of her tirade of emotion. She couldn't bring herself to look at the person who entered although she knew from his warm, comforting presence alone that she didn't have to hide the violent riptide that was coursing through her. John's hands were already on her delicate shoulders guiding her as gently as he could towards his sheltering form.

Every ounce of her agony mirrored his own as he fought as hard as he could to keep his emotions buried under the surface of his skin. Cassandra needed him to be strong right now because the fact was she couldn't be. She had lost her entire team today and John couldn't wash away the guilt he harboured over the fact he was glad that she hadn't been among them.

Her tears were soaking through the soft material of his black T-shirt causing it to stick to the skin underneath. He could feel her falling apart as he nudged her soul ever so gently with his own. She was bleeding inside, he could feel that precious life force flowing right out of her and there was little he could do to catheterise the wound.

They had both lost people today. Carson had been more than a friend over the past few years, he had been the lynch pin of their surrogate family. He was encouraging and caring, always sparing a moment for a concern no matter how ridiculous it would seem. He had been with them through some of the hardest times in their lives and now his life had been ripped away and extinguished in some stupid vendetta. It was hard for John to even fathom, his logic was searching for ways to understand the reasons that could have led to the massacre in the village but he found that he couldn't comprehend such a heinous event.

Jesus, he wished Lorne was here to talk this out. How many times had they sat in his office tossing tactics and theories back and forth like a football? The other man had been someone he trusted beyond measure. He understood the constraints of John's job and many a time he had proved himself to be an excellent advisor. Military status aside Evan was someone John counted as a friend. The man had a way of observing what other people were feeling and he made them feel valued and respected. John had no doubt at all that he had died a courageous death, he could already see Lorne as the soldier he was coming out to the Genii who were holding the village hostage completely unarmed and ready to surrender himself for their safety.

Devastation didn't cover what the two of them were feeling right now and John wanted so desperately to lie to his wife and tell her there had been some terrible mistake and that they didn't know the men that resided inside those body bags. Yet the truth was harder to swallow than any bitter pill and the grief that struck them would leave scars etched into their beings that would never truly heal.

John hugged her even closer to his shaking form, terrified to consider what the alternative to this situation would have been if she hadn't been too ill to indulge in the mission. He buried his face in her silky black hair trying to hide the tears that were forming in his own eyes at their shared loss. He inhaled her pretty intoxicating scent, struggling to distance himself from the horror that plagued his mind. He could see how the whole sordid event played out in his mind and it shredded through all of his emotional defences like they were nothing but paper.

Jesus, this was killing him in ways that he couldn't describe. Seeing his wife like this was debilitating, it made him feel helpless and he was not a man who was used to that emotion. His fingers were stroking through Cass's dark hair in a slow soothing manner as he cradled her sobbing form. He hated that noise, it was a sound of pure primal pain slicing his heart into tiny pieces. His lips graced her hairline as he tried to find words of comfort in a place where there was no such thing.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! Wow it has been such a long week, I have been puppy sitting and I swear it is like having an infant. On top of that I had two job interviews yesterday in the torrential rain!<strong>_

_Joey: lol I'm gonna let you think what you want if it makes you happy but I think Cass's reaction sums it all up!_

_Shep: lol I can't promise you anything and that's the sad part. As you can see their all devastated._

_Guest: Carson was out with them, so one of these is his dead body too :(_

_Shippo: I know everyone is completely gutted over this! :( _


	185. Chapter 185: Loss

Chapter One Hundred and Eighty Five

_Turn on beyond the bone  
>Swallow future, spit out home,<br>Burn your face upon the chrome  
>Yeah, oh yeah!<em>

_Metallica - Fuel_

The training room was empty but that was the way that Ronon wanted it at the moment. The Marines who had been practising grapples on the padded mats were long gone. They had challenged him to a bout and the truth was Ronon had been too enraged to resist. He had taken on the four men with fury and vigour, pounding the living hell out of them until each one of the Marines was begging for submission. They had left the gym with their tails between their legs, nursing not only bruised egos but damaged bodies too.

It was safer for everybody else right now if he was alone with his rampaging emotions. He was aware of his own potential for violence and he couldn't allow himself to be alone with his mate and child with this vivid, savage beast mauling everything around it. Hope needed the best of him and right now he was at his very worst.

They were keeping the news of the team's demise on the down low until they had DNA confirmation. The only people that were in the loop were commanding officers or people who would have direct contact with the bodies. He dreaded the idea of breaking the news to Hope that the people who they regarded as part of their pack were dead. He couldn't stand to see the grief on those exotic features or feel the pain as it tore through her soul.

The rubber red punch bag was creaking as it swung heavily back and forth with each and every punch he administered. He didn't bother to regulate the force in which he used to batter the bag. He needed to channel his emotions into something more manageable but he was finding it hard to get a grip on the furious rage that dwelled within him. The anguish he felt was primal, it ripped through him like a knife stabbing him in the chest over and over and over again until he couldn't breathe.

Carson was a good natured, compassionate man. He was the humanitarian of the group, when things hadn't made sense for Ronon Carson had taken the time and the patience to explain it to him. He had been so confused in the early days. He had had noone he would have called a friend and he made it hard for anybody to even contemplate getting close to him. Carson had invested so much time and effort into him as a person, he had been one of he people who brought him back from the abyss, one of the people he could trust whole heartedly with anything and now that brilliant man was gone. Lost, because of some ridiculous feud with the Genii. It made him so mad he wanted to kill something.

It wasn't just Carson he would miss. Asher and Clare had been good men in their own right, they had been the type of people who had your back no matter what the cost and he had helped Lorne select them out of all the others whom had been picked to come to Atlantis.

Jesus he couldn't believe that Lorne was gone. The other man was always so careful and in the end his kindness had been his downfall. Ronon had seen the evidence of what had happened in the footprints in the dust. He was excellent at reading situations like that and the images were imprinted on his mind like one of Sheppard's videos.

The villagers had been rounded up like animals into the centre of their humble place of prayer. The buildings were all too burnt for Ronon to get a proper indication of whether some of them had fought or not but he gathered from the position of some of the corpses that it hadn't been easy for the Genii to manoeuvre everybody into the one place. They would have used the hostages to barter Lorne's team out of their hiding places. He had counted seven Genii footprints, they had been wearing their standard issue boots in a variation of sizes. A kill squad possibly, definatly a select team of people.

He could envision Lorne stepping out into the prayer area, his hands held up in surrender and away from any of his weapons in order to prove that he was no threat. Lorne had been subject to torture during one of his tours in Iraq, he had been kidnapped when his convoy had been attacked delivering medical supplies. He had given himself over to the rebels in order to secure the safety of the others and it had worked on some level. They hadn't been interested in civilians.

Lorne had been smuggled into Syria under the cover of darkness and held for three days in the basement of a run down mental hospital before he had managed to escape back over the border towards the Amercian check point.

Ronon had seen the scars etched into the other man's flesh when they had been changing and he had dutifully kept his mouth shut at the long vivid, raised welts. He knew what they were from although he'd never had the experience himself. Lorne had seen him looking and given him that curt nod of his before he pulled the shirt back over his body.

It hadn't been until months later that the other man had revealed the truth behind his war wounds. The two of them had been sitting around knocking back a couple of beers after painting the baby's nursery when the Major had finally started talking. The alcohol had loosened his lips and before he knew it the story was pouring out of the other man, one soldier to another. The things that other human beings did to one another never failed to amaze Ronon Dex, sometimes they were just as bad as the Wraith.

It was horrendous that Lorne had survived that traumatic event only to be murdered like this. There was no consolation to the Major's loss, only the sickening twist of contempt towards the people who had stolen his life away.

There had been tracks a couple of miles away from the Stargate, ones that Ronon had recognised as Carson's. He had been on his way to the Stargate, Lorne must have sent him to get help and to get him out of harm's way. The plan had failed miserably, Carson had been jumped by two members of the kill team in the woodland. He had put up a gallant fight against them but it had been in vain, the beating they had cast upon him had caused the doctor to spit blood out onto the muddy floor.

They had dragged him back to the village kicking and fighting like a man possessed before they had thrown him to the ground in front of Lorne and the other members of his team. It was at that point Lorne had lost it, there was confusion about what had happened but Lorne had ended up getting shot in a bid to pacify him. Not long after that they had been forced to kneel in the dirt like dogs before some psycho had placed a bullet in the back of each one of their skulls. The only upside to that was that the group hadn't been burnt alive.

The accelerator that had been used to douse the bodies had been gasoline. The people of Arcadia had been humble and simple, their houses consisted of wood and straw. Their tools were implements they used to farm the crops they so badly needed in order to survive. They had no means to create the liquid nor any need for it.

Which meant that the event was pre-empted. The Genii had brought the gasoline with them and that showed intent. This had never been meant to end another way. The poor people in that village's only crime was to ask Atlantis to aid, they hadn't even realized that they were part of a trap to lure in a bigger fish.

Ronon's hands were hurting like a bitch. His knuckles were raw and bloody, the copper liquid was hot as it flowed between his fingers and dripped onto the floor. He didn't know how long he had been pummelling the punch bag but he was aware of the acute agony that resounded through every single core of his being. His muscles were aching with exertion as he sagged against the swaying rubber bag clutching it for support. The sheen of sweat coated his exhausted form and he knew what he needed more than anything was to shower before he curled up beside his mate but he couldn't allow himself to do that. He had done well with shielding his emotions over the past couple of hours but if Hope laid eyes on him he was more than screwed. He couldn't break her heart like this.

At least not yet.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I thought I would use Ronon's mad CSIHunterman skills to show what happened to Lorne, Carson and their team. **_

_Shep: I wanted to show the depths of their grief. Carson had experienced so much of their lives with them esp in terms of their hardships. It breaks my heart to kill him off._

_Joey: lol well I think you had better keep your fingers crossed because there aren't any guarantees. Lol funny how you should say that. When I posted this chapter I was having a bad puppy day, the little thing was being so naughty. Your words make me blush so much!_

_Brn: I have sent you a pm, let me know that you have it! It can be a pain in the ass with pms. _

_Shippo: I am glad your saddened by this chapter! _


	186. Chapter 186: Pity Party

Chapter One Hundred and Eighty Six

_We can't escape the basic facts  
>How cold it can get<br>There's nothing to protect ourselves  
>When the rain gets us wet.<em>

_Scissor Sisters – Only The Horses_

"It's not them."

The silence in the conference room was stifling after Cass uttered those words and there was a dumb struck moment where everyone stared at Cassandra as if she had gone completely insane. She could tell from the way Rodney was looking at her that he was struggling to decide whether Carson's death had finally pushed her over the edge.

"I think your going to have to explain that one to the group." Colonel Samantha Carter submitted into the air as beside her, John nodded his agreement.

Ronon's arms were already crossed over his chest in that familiar defensive gesture as he narrowed his eyes slightly. She could tell from the blank expression upon his tired features that he was already on emotional lock down. As far as he was concerned he needed to know the facts, he couldn't afford for his emotions to cloud his judgement. It had killed a part of her to think that her team were dead and now that fragile flicker of hope was back. It was a good feeling, it meant that there was a possibility they could get out of there alive and Cass had to hold onto that. She had to believe that everything was going to be ok.

Teyla was seated in between Rodney and Ronon, her fingers clasped together as if in prayer as she studied Cassandra with a perplexed expression. This was a mystery to her, one that she was struggling to puzzle out. She had seen the burned bodies after they had been hurled back to the morgue. They had been wearing the same clothes as Lorne and his team had been, she had seen the dog tags that were draped around their necks. In her mind there had been no question that her friends had been murdered.

"I have run their DNA three times and it doesn't match what we have on file for any of them." Cass confirmed as she leaned forward in her seat, her elbows coming to rest on the surface of the large square table. "These people are not ours."

There was affirmation in her tone. Everyone in the room could see the grim determination that glowed from her physical presence. Her voice was stronger now than it had been since Cass had received the news about her team. There was promise resonating from her and by God it was infectious.

"It would explain why the bodies were burned." Ronon said finally into the open forum as he contemplated the possibilities that the news created. "They didn't want us to I.D them straight away."

To be honest, he wasn't sure he could trust this good fortune just yet. His instincts were telling him to trust Cassandra's tests and to help formulate a plan in order to rescue their friends but the locked down version of himself was having trouble accepting that they could be so fortunate. Even as he thought that he knew it couldn't possibly be true. The Genii must be keeping their men for a reason and as far as he could see there were no good ones. Lorne may have survived being flayed within an inch of his life in Syria but Ronon worried for Carson.

Carson was soft compared to Lorne and Ronon wondered if that was why the two men worked so well. If the Genii found out about the two of them they were screwed, they would use Lorne to gleam to information they wanted out of Carson. The doctor couldn't stand the infliction of pain upon others, he was like Cassandra in that way. The minute the Genii started on Lorne would be the minute that Carson would give them exactly what they wanted.

Cassandra at least had the experience of battle. When the chips were down she was a born survivor and she would lash out if she was forced into a corner. Cass would do what she needed to do when the time was right, she would do what she could to get out of a heinous situation. Ronon didn't know if Carson had the emotional strength to do the same. The man was a healer, not a warrior.

"You mean there is a possibility that they're still alive?" Rodney's shrill voice erupted as the news finally sunk in.

The scientist's heart soared at the prospect of their friends being alive. Carson was one of the people he was closest to, not only on Atlantis but on Earth too. The two of them were polar opposites but as friends the two of them worked. The fact there was a chance to rescue him and the others...

Well Rodney knew they had to take it.

"I am inclined to believe if someone went to this much trouble to trick us into thinking their dead then it is likely that Lorne and his team are being held somewhere." Teyla submitted her opinion into the conversation.

They had to be logical about the situation and she wasn't sure why the Genii would go to such lengths in order to grab Major Lorne's team but the fact that they had meant that they were important. The Genii wouldn't have gone to all this trouble of massacring a village to hide what they had done otherwise. Teyla felt for those people, she had traded with several villagers for corn and labour. They were humble and gentle people struggling to rebuild themselves after an horrendous culling by the Wraith. They hadn't deserved to be victims again but Teyla had learned that life was far from fair. She would see to it that their loss would not go unpunished, she would see to it that their deaths would not be in vain.

"They went to a lot of effort." John remarked out loud, his diligent fingers rapping out a cartoon theme tune on the surface of the table as he collected his thoughts. "They managed to remove the team's clothes and their dogtags. I know that wouldn't have been easy if they weren't somehow subdued. They're used to getting dinner before being stripped butt naked."

"It would explain the wagon wheel marks by the gate." Ronon offered as he rubbed the back of his neck. "We thought they were stealing valuables and supplies but a wagon of that size would have the capacity to hold four men especially if they were unconscious."

"We also checked the blood that you thought could be Lorne's." Cassandra added, cradling the small tablet computer closely against her chest before looking pointedly at Ronon. "You were correct, it matched him."

That didn't bode well, Cassandra thought as she hugged the tablet even tighter. If Lorne was injured it meant the chances of the team escaping on their own were dropping significantly. As far as she knew they were all trained in escape and evade techniques, the same way John and the other soldiers had been. She knew that gave them excellent chances but Lorne would slow them down in that respect. It wasn't a factor that they would leave their Major behind, not even after he had ordered them to.

"So Major Lorne is injured?" Sam asked Cassandra, her blond eyebrows arching with concern as she pondered over the details.

Sam loathed the thought of their men suffering at the hands of someone else. She had been in SG1 for ten years and she knew that being captured was more than an unpleasant experience. It was important that they collect as much data as possible so that they could minimise the risks during a possible rescue mission. Sheppard was already rearing to go as were the other members of his team. Atlantis didn't lack for volunteers in that respect, the people here were alike a family and families protected one another.

"Yes." Cass responded, her voice betraying her anxiety over the knowledge. "I can't tell how badly."

"Carson will fix him up." Rodney inserted confidently as he shifted in his chair to get comfortable. "That man is a whiz with a needle and thread."

It was true that Carson could work medical magic, Rodney had seen it with his own eyes. He teased Carson constantly, scorning his trade as guess work but the truth was Rodney had a lot of respect for his counterpart. The man had created miracles out of the most dire of situations so he had the utmost confidence that Lorne would return to them practically unscathed.

"I doubt the Genii would be stupid enough to hand them a means of escape" John reprimanded the scientist's logic. "Something that small can be used as a weapon. You could jam it in someone's eye..."

Sam thought this was the ideal time to interrupt Sheppard's external monologue despite the fact that Ronon seemed to be heartily agreeing with the other man's theory. She held up her hand signalling the end of that line of conversation before getting the conversation back on track.

"Needles aside, we need to figure out a way to handle this." Sam explained to the rest of the room as she steepled her fingers together in thought. "We can't just go ahead and accuse the Genii of murdering an entire village and abducting four of our people without any physical evidence."

The Genii had posed a problem for Atlantis time and time again and after reading the mission reports Sam thought that the majority of that was to do with their leader Cowen. All the way through history it was the same thing over and over again. Nations doing heinous things to one another under power hungry dictators. Sam saw the same evil vindictiveness in Cowen as she did in Hitler and Stalin. She was glad that the Genii hadn't successfully conquered nuclear fusion, she thought they were dangerous enough as it was. To accuse the Genii would be an act of war and it was something that Atlantis could ill afford if they were wrong.

"We know the attack was pre-empted as per Ronon's suggestion." Teyla input before fixating on a key piece of information. "And we have the only remaining bullet that managed to survive the fire unscathed."

They were lucky they had found the bullet at all. If they hadn't had Ronon's keen eyes they probably would have missed it completely.

"Neither of which gives us a direct tie to the Genii." Sam pointed out to the group. "We are on very uneven ground with them at the moment and we need to be certain before we accuse them."

"So what your saying is we get to sit on our hands and do nothing while Lorne is dying in some bunker somewhere." Ronon barked into the air as he cast the full weight of his gaze upon their Commander.

"Now wait a second buddy." Sheppard broke into the conversation, holding up his hand as a sign for Ronon to back down. "Nobody is saying that at all. We need to formulate a plan that isn't going to get anybody else captured or killed..."

John Sheppard was cut off by the sound of the Stargate's internal alarm shrieking through room.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, sorry for the late update. I've had a cold for the past week and it is killing me. I wake up in the night coughing and it kills my chest, that aside I bet you guys are glad this chapter showed up. <strong>_

_Brn: To be honest I forgot I returned the pm. It is completely heartbreaking for the team and it's no wonder that Cass was crying her eyes out. _

_Shep: You were right on their deaths being fake for the moment, but there's not a chance that they'll all get back alive. _

_Guest: lol I love the fact that you are denying it completely. I can't promise that everyone will make it out alive! Lol he is already murdering my socks!_


	187. Chapter 187: Hell Bound

Chapter One Hundred and Eighty Seven

_Starting from here, let's make a promise  
>You and me, let's just be honest<br>We're gonna run, nothing can stop us  
>Even the night that falls all around us<em>

_Tatu – Not Gonna Get Us_

Hell, that's what his team mates were calling this place but Major Evan Lorne had been to hell and back and this was nowhere near as brutal as what he had once experienced. Still this was pretty bad, they were trapped underground in what looked like the holding area of a concrete bunker. There were no windows in their medium sized cell and no natural light. The bars that held them captive were thick and solid, the outside of them coated chicken wire so they couldn't reach through and injure the guards.

It seemed very specific for an area that was used to hold prisoners and from its glimmering appearance he would say that it was new, possibly even put in place with them in mind, which in turn showed forethought. Everything about the attack seemed to have been pre-empted and that enraged Lorne even more than he could have imagined. Innocent people had been murdered for the luxury of them being captured and Lorne was struggling to understand why. In fact he was fighting to understand anything at the current moment, the nauseating pain he was in was stealing away his thought process.

The agony in his thigh was excruciating and it was getting worse the longer that the injury remained untreated. Somewhere after they had been stunned with Wraith stunners their Atlantian uniforms had been stripped from their unconscious forms and they had been clad in what he could only assume were off duty clothes the members of the Genii army wore. Lorne forced himself to ignore the vulnerable feelings that chased through his mind at the intrusion. Now was not the time to feel violated, there was far more important things to worry about.

Somewhere in those blissful hours of nothingness the Genii had bandaged up the bloody bullet wound but they had failed to do anything else. When Lorne had awoken again in a haze of stomach churning pain his trousers had been soaked through with the blood. Carson had managed to make a tourniquet out of a belt that Asher had discovered he was wearing, he had torn the material of Lorne's trousers to create a sufficient gap over the wound in order for his lover to retain some aspect of his dignity. Ever since Carson had been sending his time shaking the bars of their prison cell and yelling for a guard in order to get some more medical supplies to deal with the injury. So far noone had been very forth coming.

Lorne was aware that he was losing a lot of blood and the hot, muggy air that filtered through to their prison cell just made an even better breeding ground for an infection to take place. His temples were pounding, it was like he could feel each individual heart beat as it thrummed through his body. His head tipped back against the wall behind him as that familiar sensation of tiredness swept through his body once more. It had been happening on and off over the last few hours and he found himself accepting the knowledge that he was going to die here, whether it was from blood loss or infection. As far as he was concerned so long as his people found a way to survive that would be ok.

"Major, can you hear me Major?" Lieutenant Hector Clare's familiar Hispanic accent cut through his fading consciousness like a blade destroying the feeling of serenity that was flushing through Lorne's system.

"Go away Lieutenant. I'm trying to sleep." Lorne muttered irritably as his eyes began to flutter closed again once more.

"You had enough sleep when they stunned us." Hector retorted, his caramel coloured hand grabbing Lorne under the chin and directing it upright again so he could slap his cheeks. "Doc, he's fading again."

Carson was back and that made Lorne feel both happy and sad at the the same time. He didn't want Carson to be here, he wanted his lover tucked away somewhere safe where he wouldn't be in harm's way. He realized that this was how Sheppard must feel every time he let Cassandra loose through the Stargate and he was suddenly able to empathise a lot more with their C.O's plight.

He could see Carson's handsome features lingering perilously close to his own as his lover used gentle hands to apply more pressure to the constant throbbing in his leg. There were words in the air, too rapid and too many to understand all at once but that didn't matter, the truth was he enjoyed listening to the soothing lilt of his partner's voice.

There was bruising starting to form around the socket of Carson's left eye, it matched the cut just under the arch of his dark eyebrow. Lorne remembered that yelp of hurt erupting from his lover when he had been smashed in the face with the butt of the gun and it pierced his heart to see that it still marked him. Carson was innocent in all of this, he didn't do anything to deserve that hit.

"I'll kill him for hurting you." Lorne found himself saying venomously as his fingertips reached out and skated along the shape of the colourful contusion. "I'll kill him for all of this."

"Aye Major you can save the killing for when you get a little bit better." Carson comforted Lorne gently pulling his face away from the other man's touch.

This was a situation that the two of them couldn't allow themselves to succumb to. The moment they showed weakness to their captors it would give them something to use as leverage and they couldn't allow that. He loved Lorne more than anything else in this world, he would do whatever he can to save him, no matter what the cost.

"Lieutenant Clare, I need you to elevate his feet. Sergeant Asher bring the bench over here so we can prop them up." Carson barked at the other two members of his team.

Between the three of them they managed to lie Major Lorne flat on his back, his head was resting on Carson's lap as the other two men placed his feet up upon the bench. His pressed the back of his hand to his lover's pale cheeks, he was losing his colour at an alarming rate. The warmth was fading from his skin as he lay still, savouring the touch of his lover's pacifying fingers as they sought out the pulse in his throat.

"His heart rate is slowing." Carson told the other two men with the shake of his head. "He won't last much longer if he doesn't get more fluid in him."

"It's ok." Lorne murmured as his cool hand came up to clasp Carson's fingers lightly. "Carson it's going to be ok."

It wasn't and when Carson raised his stinging, vivid blue eyes to look at the other two men seated on either side of the bench he could see that they knew it too. The same desperation they felt surging around inside of his chest was reflected in their eyes. This man was their commanding officer, they liked him, they respected him and it was their duty as comrades to do the best they could to help him survive. Asher was already climbing to his feet and heading towards the bars of their cage.

"I'll keep trying to get their attention." Asher uttered, shaking the bars in frustration.

Hector slid off the bench and onto his knees beside Major Lorne before he tore off a strip of the grey button up shirt he had been clad in. The bandages that had been stifling the bullet wound were soaked in sticky, congealed blood and already it was leaking onto the floor and collecting in a growing puddle.

"I don't know how much good this is gonna do Doc." he said out loud, his voice twinged with despair as he exerted more pressure onto Lorne's bleeding wound.

"I'm to die here aren't I?" Lorne uttered in a weary voice as he rose his eyes to meet Carson's bright baby blues.

The worst part was Carson Beckett thought his lover might be right.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, the cold is clearing up finally! So yay for me! I thought I'd lend you a little bit of insight into what Lorne and co are going through.<strong>_

_Shippo: I know the feeling about being ill lol. I have been a complete grumpy bitch over the last couple days because I can't sleep with the coughing some times and it weighs on my chest. lol I get what you mean, so no worries. Thank you so very much for taking the minute to review. _

_Shep: lol you were right! But I can't speak for the rest of the chapters, as you can see Lorne is in a bad way. To be fair it's about time for another tragedy in this story. I am feeling a lot better, it just weighs on my chest a lot at night unfortunately so I am not getting a lot of sleep at the moment. _

_Joey: lol I think everyone is keeping their fingers crossed. To be honest Cowen was one of my fav bad guys too! He was just such a dick, I felt like slapping the back of his head a lot of the time for being such an idiot. _

_Brn: lol I like mixing it up a bit, it's like I get an idea and I take it and run with it. Honestly I think you will love how it plays out!_


	188. Chapter 188: War Crimes

Chapter One Hundred and Eighty Eight

_30 minutes, a blink of an eye  
>30 minutes,to alter our lives<br>30 minutes,to make up my mind  
>30 minutes,to finally decide<em>

_Tatu – 30 Mins_

_Ladon Radim._

Cassandra disliked the man. She had ever since she and McKay had been captured by the Genii during the storm that had engulfed their entire floating city. For years she had never had a name for the scientist who had taken control of their Stargate but now she did and it rolled off her tongue with a sour, bitter taste. His was just one of the many faces that haunted her nightmares from that traumatic night. They floated in her vision always lingering behind Sergi, just over his shoulder wavering in and out of sight.

Cass would never forget his sallow features or those piercing ice blue eyes of his. Nor the way they had flickered away from her when Sergi had yanked her from the room. He had known what was going to happen, the same way as everyone else in that place had and he had been willing to allow it.

That knowledge sickened her. Edmund Burke had once said 'All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.' She didn't know if Landon was a good man or not but she knew deep down in her own heart that if she had been in his position there wasn't a chance in hell she would have allowed her man to do the same. The only person she hated more than Ladan Radim was Acastus Koyla, she hoped there was a special place in hell reserved for him.

John's warm, reassuring hand came to rest on her lower back discreetly as their eyes fixated on the screen in front of them, Landon's pale features bobbing into view. Cass's anger and her dismay were resounding from her body in waves and John understood the place where it was coming from. He was so proud of her for overcoming that feat, a lesser woman would have let the terror of the storm consume her but his wife was strong willed and assertive. She hadn't let the events of that night shape her life but it was logical that she would harbour some issues regarding what happened. Lord knew that he did. If he ever met Koyla again, he would eliminate the man on sight.

"Atlantis base, this is Ladon Radim. Come in Atlantis base." his voice felt eerily familiar and it sent a chill prickling right up the length of Cassandra's spine. "Atlantis base I know your there."

"We may as well pick up." Sam said as she leaned forward, her finger pushing down on the button for the speaker. "Ladon Radim this is Atlantis base. What can we do for you?"

"I am speaking to you on behalf of our leader Chief Cowen. We would like to initiate a trade." Ladon revealed with a knowing glint in his eye.

A trade. Cass shook her head in disgust at the notion. Her team's lives was hanging in the balance and they were nothing but pawns to these people and this whole thing was some nauseating game of chess. Jesus, she wanted to break something. She wanted to scream in indignation at the audacity of these people.

"What do you think have for us?" Sam requested in order to confirm they were both negotiating over the same thing.

"Have you really not noticed that one of your teams were missing?" Ladon asked incredulously.

"Are you talking about Major Lorne's team?" Sam persisted, her tone dropping with aggravation. "The ones you abducted after you massacred an entire village?"

It was at that moment that Cass found she respected Colonel Samantha Carter in a way she never had before. She had never seen this side to the other woman and she recognized the same fighting spirit that resided in both her husband and in Ronon Dex. Sam was more diplomatic than most but she could play hard ball with the best of them.

There was silence from the other end of the line. Ladon's startling blue eyes widened before his lips clamped together in a thin, grim line. He hadn't known about that, Cassandra realized. The surprise and the horror on his features empathised that fact and she wondered if there wasn't a possibility that she had misjudged this man just a little.

"I had nothing to do with that." Landon said quietly.

"Really?" Sam questioned, venom rife in her voice. "Because I find that hard to believe."

"Does it matter?" Landon asked as he looked balefully into the camera. "Or would you like your men returned to you in pieces?"

"How do I know their not already dead?" Sam pushed prompting Ladon to gesture to someone off screen.

Carson Beckett appeared beside Ladon, his wrists bound behind his back as he stood stout and proud beside his captor. There was bruising on his face, it was dark around the circumference of his eye. There was a small cut just under his dark brow leaking blood onto his eyelid. His dark hair was wild and tousled with bits of God knows what embedded in it. He was dressed in grey, shabby clothes that looked big on his frame.

"You want to say hello to the people at home Doctor?" Ladon asked their friend as he clapped his hand upon Carson's broad shoulder.

There was a face lingering just over Carson's shoulder. There was a taller man standing behind him with a weathered face that showed he had seen far too much action over the past years. His dark eyes glinted with malice from underneath his olive green cap as that twisted smile curved over his rough features.

The memory of that face knocked Cass sick, there was bile in the back of her throat as those dark eyes seemed to bore straight into hers. She knew that Koyla couldn't see her through the screen but it still made her breath catch and her heart pound even harder against her chest. That maniac had Carson...

"Major Lorne is sick, he requires..."

The white gag was in his mouth, stifling his words in an instant as it was forced between Carson's teeth. The other man was pulled taunt against Koyla's stringent form as his bright blue eyes widened in terror. It hurt Cass to see this, knowing what that man was capable of caused her entire body to turn rigid at the prospects before them. There wasn't a chance that Koyla would any of them get away unscathed. He would want all the intell on Atlantis he could get and he would use any means necessary to obtain it.

"We're ready to hear your demands." Sam spoke into the speaker in a surprisingly neutral voice.

"Really?" Koyla said in his gruff, gravelly voice. "That is good news."

"Our demands are as followed." Landon spoke, starring into the screen once more. "We know you have ten Jumpers. We want all of them for the safe return of three of your men."

That was one of the most stupidest things Cass had ever heard in her life and she watched as Rodney and John exchanged a confused look.

"It's not like they can fly them." Rodney said quietly, out of earshot of the speaker. "They don't have the Ancient Gene."

That wasn't the only concerning thing about Landon's words and Cass found herself covering her mouth with her hand at the implications ahead. They were only offering three men, it left them open to consider what had happened to the fourth.

"Only three of them?" Sam questioned, her voice filled with caution.

"Yes." Ladon clarified before looking directly into the grainy screen. "We would like to exchange Doctor Beckett for a war criminal you currently have residing in your midst."

"A war criminal?" Sam queried, her bright baby blues shifting towards John etched with confusion.

Ladon nodded, his piercing blue eyes starring directly at her through the screen before replying.

"I believe you know her as Cassandra Sheppard."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, sorry it has been such a while. I'm not sure what's going on with but they still seem to have some unresolved issues. Thanks for being so patient with the site and this story. <strong>_

_Brn: I knew this must be you! As soon as you mentioned the white kitty I was like it's my girl. As soon as I read the first line back to myself I knew it had to be something with Hell in the chapter. Lol obvs you can hear my evil laugh! LMAO I am inclined to believe the big Satedan carries Hope._

_Guest: I have no idea why is being such a pain in the ass but it is! I hope they manage to find them in time too, poor Lorne is failing fast. _

_Shippo: lol because your in shock due to what has happened. So glad you enjoyed the chapter!_


	189. Chapter 189: Semper Fi

Chapter One Hundred and Ninety

_Don't tell me if I'm dying  
>'Cuase I don't wanna know<br>If I can't see the sun  
>Maybe I should go<em>

_Thriving Ivory – Angels On The Moon_

The high was euphoric, the best that Lieutenant Hector Clare had ever had. Then again he had used heroin before with his buddies in the gang back home before he had gotten out and joined the Marines. He had never experienced such a rush before, it was unnatural and toxic, he knew but it felt more pleasurable than the best sex he had ever had.

There was an intense tugging sensation in his throat before the pit of his stomach dived in ecstasy like when you hurtled down from the top of a roller coaster. It made him feel sick for a second before the sensation shot right up to his head making all the dark hairs on his shaved scalp prickle with what felt like molten hot anticipation.

"Oh God." he heard someone mumbling in the back ground. "Oh God yes."

It took a second to realize that it was his voice, it sounded so distant and far away, like he was at the far end of a tunnel. That was impossible he knew but he couldn't deny that somehow heroin made anything possible. Teasing heat cascaded over his caramel coloured skin causing a pleasurable tingle all over. There was a brightness infiltrating Hector's vision and he realized that someone had clearly turned up the contrast on his life.

The room he was being held in had been dark and dank when he first arrived and now it was like the sun was raising and shining colour everywhere so he could see again. Nothing mattered anymore, he didn't care that his hands were tied to the chair behind his back with a rope that cut deeply into his flesh of his wrists. The burns across his shoulder blades didn't hurt anymore, in fact they felt delightfully tingly.

There was a climax building inside of him, it was similar to an orgasm except it didn't start in his nether regions. It came from somewhere deep inside, his soul maybe? He thought his soul would be shiny right now, glittery and sparkling. Hector shuddered as the sensation claimed him entirely, it was an amazing thrill rushing through his veins like the narcotic it was.

"You like it don't you?" Koyla's accented tone was like music ringing through his ears and Hector found himself sagging forward in order to listen harder.

Hector didn't answer, his head tipped forward, his chin coming to rest on his chest as his long lashed eyes fluttered closed. Koyla grabbed the younger man's face, his large weathered hand encompassing the line of his jaw as he guided the other's gaze up to meet his. The Lieutenant's pupils were huge and they contracted in the light as the bulb above them swung in the light breeze. The rubber tourniquet was still tied around his captive's arm, ready for the next hit of the drug.

"You want more?" Koyla asked Hector. "It'll start wearing off in a couple of hours and trust me the come down is gonna hit you hard."

"I'm good man." Hector uttered through pursed lips. "I feel so damn good."

"Talk to me." Koyla persuaded as his coal black eyes fixated on the young Lieutenant's. "Tell me what I want to know."

Hector began to laugh. His manic cackle resounding through the room like a distant echo causing Koyla's eyes to narrow in agitation. This was always the problem with the opiate that they created from their poppy fields. Addicts were incoherent until withdrawal hit and it was only when they hit that all time low that they begin to ramble. They would tell you anything just to get another dose and that's what Koyla was counting on. He realised his captive's face before turning his back on the hostage, picking up that tiny glass vial between his eager fingertips. A fresh syringe was already in his hand as he stuck the needle into the top of the vial and drew back the plunger until there was a sufficient amount of the clear liquid inside.

"I've got nothing for you." Hector grinned like a jackal as Koyla turned his full attention back to the restrained man. "You snagged the wrong team man, I can't tell you nothing."

"That's not true." Koyla told the Lieutenant as he put a little pressure on the plastic utensil. "I'm sure there's plenty of information in that brain of yours."

"I know how to make pop tarts." Hector cracked up with a wry chuckle. "That's the only thing I know how to cook."

Koyla's twisted smile crept across his mouth as he reached down and used two fingers to trace the line of a vivid blue vein on Hector's arm until he reached his previous injection point.

"In a few minutes you'll be telling me everything I want to know." Koyla informed the other man as he drove the sharp metal into his arm before he pressed down on the plunger and emptied the opiate into his captive's body once more.

"You haven't even asked a question yet." Hector pointed out, the words sounding thick on his tongue as bright stars exploded in front of his eyes and his head lolled back.

"Alright." Koyla sighed before asking the question that had been plaguing them ever since they had snatched the Atlantis team. "Why was Doctor Beckett on your team instead of Cassandra Sheppard?"

"Sick." Hector expelled as his extremities began to tingle once more with that pleasant, orgasmic sensation.

Koyla nodded his agreement at the answer. It was sufficient, they had been planning this raid for months ever since they had found that monstrosity's abandoned laboratory buried deep in the hills. It was infuriating that that woman had escaped his wrath once more but that could be rectified. After all Cassandra Sheppard wouldn't want Doctor Beckett to die in her place.

"What do you know about her aversion to the Wraith?" Koyla asked as he leaned against the small table beside the door, his eyes firmly on his captive.

"Nothing." Hector said, shaking his head for empathise before he shuddered as the narcotic began to climax once more. "Never been tested."

Hector was talking too much, the logical side of him was being drowned in a haze of smoky opium but he was sure of that fact. Any questions about Cassandra couldn't be good and it made him query the real reason they had been attacked. Were the Genii after her? It would seem so and although his mind was beginning to slip away from him all over again there were some factors of his personality that stayed firm and resolute. He would not endanger his team mate, he cared about the lone woman on his team the same way he cared about Lorne and Asher. They were all comrades and he would lay down his life to protect them in anyway he could. That's what being a Marine meant.

The drug was taking over his senses all over again as it flooded his system with it's bitter sweet sensation. Nothing should feel this good, it was like a thousand hands were smoothing all over his tattooed body and Jesus, it felt amazing.

"Semper Fi." he found himself mumbling as he struggled to get a grip on his straying thoughts.

The words were tattooed across his chest like a mantra. He could feel them etched into the recesses of his soul and he drew upon them now for strength in his most dire time of need.

"Semper Fi." he repeated once more as he looked Commander Acastus Koyla straight in the eyes.

_Always loyal, always faithful._

It was the Marine way.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! Sorry it has been a while but RL has been kicking my ass. I've been busy running round to recruitment agencies and job interviews, it's been so stupidly busy here you wouldn't believe. <strong>_

_Sarah: I just keep writing until the story finishes. I don't plan chapters I find it is too restrictive. It will be coming to an end soon though I can tell you that. We're on the last run of the story. I am glad your enjoying the story, it means a lot to hear you say that._

_Shep: I intentionally injected Koyla into the story. I feel like he has more of a sadistic streak that Ladon and I need Ladon for something else. Well, we'll have to see how Cass, John and Sam all feel about the situation. _


	190. Chapter 190: Dark Side

Chapter One Hundred and Ninety

_There's a place that I know  
>It's not pretty there and few have ever gone<br>If I show it to you now  
>Will it make you run away<em>  
><em><br>Or will you stay  
>Even if it hurts<em>

_Kelly Clarkson – Dark Side_

Ladon Radim was not a bad man nor was he misguided. Out of all the people involved in this operation he was the only one that didn't appear to be blinkered to the full extent of Cowen's insanity.

During his many years of service Chief Cowen had been a strong and dedicated leader to the Genii and he had advanced their scientific research so much that they were the first in their cluster of planets to have almost full nuclear capability. The idea of having so much viable, raw power underneath his fingertips was consuming and Ladon had watched as the man he had once admired converted into a crazed megalomaniac. It had started with the attempted acquirement of Atlantis and developed into something even darker.

There had been no reason to murder the citizens of that village and ruthless as Koyla was he would never have instigated something that tremendous without orders. They had been witnesses to a crime and they needed to be silenced. That was a matter of fact to Cowen but Ladon's world wasn't shaded with that kind of thinking. He was a man that lived in a land of greys and even he couldn't pass off the massacre of that poor village as justified.

Ladon wished that he could have said that this was the only time he had ever been ashamed to be called a Genii but over the past few months his unrest had become more predominant. The things that Cowen was ordering him to do were monstrous, he could never condone human experimentation but Cowan had made it very clear what would happen if Ladon baulked at the nature of his duty. Ladon couldn't back out now, there was too much at stake and he was the final line of defence for the vulnerable little bundle that they had named Subject B.

Carson Beckett was beside him, his hands were still tied behind his back despite the fact that Ladon was sure that this man would be no danger. They were standing in the tiny white washed medical wing of the underground bunker, the florescent light glaring off the paint giving the room a hypersensitive brightness. Near the back wall was a small, well used,wooden work station where Ladon conducted the majority of his research, along with a microscope and an elderly computer. A small metal shelving unit was pressed against the left wall, harbouring medical supplies.

None of that interested Carson, his attention instead was drawn to the clear plastic tub sitting like a crib on the right side of the room. It looked similar to the one they had used for Kai on Atlantis when he had first made his grand entrance. Curiosity was piquing at his consciousness, coupled with a chilling sense of dread. Whatever was in that tub was moving around a little, he could hear the sound of material rustling with every motion it made.

His heart was beginning to thump even harder against his chest as he drew closer, apprehension rife in the air. He was becoming very aware of the fact his hands were bound behind his back and it was unlikely that he would be able to defend himself if anything attacked. He had been suspicious from the start as to the reason that Ladon had lead him into this room. He would bet a year's wages it was because of whatever was shifting around in that thing.

A wail cut through the air, it sounded like a kitten mewing for attention. He knew that sound, he had heard it recently and he knew what resided in that clear, plastic tub.

"Is she yours?" Carson found himself asking as he starred down at the beautiful baby girl lying flat on her back.

Landon shook his head in response. Doctor McKay had tried to warn them that their shields were dangerously insufficient for the levels of radiation that they had been producing but Cowen had waved off his attempts. It wasn't until a few months later when Ladon's sister Dahlia had begun to get sick that they realized the sheer magnitude of the forces they were playing with. Ladon himself had gotten checked out not long after his sister had discovered she was terminal. They had managed to cure the tumours they had found but unfortunately they couldn't cure his infertility.

The infant couldn't be more than a couple of days old. There was a familiar tuft of untidy dark brown hair gracing her minuscule, scrunched up features as she waved her tiny fists on either side of her head. Her pert pink lips were pursed in a sulky 'o' as she wiggled her little feet in irritation. It wasn't the sight of the tiny baby that shocked Carson, it was her eyes.

They were a vivid sapphire blue. Carson had only seen eyes like that on one person throughout the entire duration of his life and she couldn't bear children.

Ladon was already withdrawing the combat knife from his belt, it took him a second to cut the rope that was binding Carson's hand's together before he returned it to his holster. Carson was working automatically, the shock was evident on his features as he rubbed at his wrists lightly, struggling to comprehend what was seeing.

"I don't understand." he said finally, his bright blue eyes flickering towards the other man.

"Last year we were expanding our mining project out into the hills." Ladon began as he moved onto the opposite side of the plastic tub. "We found a laboratory sealed inside of the rock, it had been abandoned and disused. The technology was some of the most advanced we had ever seen, it looked like the kind of stuff that you had in your Infirmary last time we were on Atlantis."

Ladon reached down, his lips spreading into a small smile as he chucked the baby under the chin with his fingertip. The baby wobbled her fists lightly the way she always did, Ladon liked to think that she enjoyed the sensation. They weren't supposed to touch her unless it was a necessity like feeding or diaper changing. Cowen hadn't wanted anyone to bond with the baby, there were bigger plans in motion for her.

Those plans were what Ladon feared, the only good that could come out of this experiment was if this baby could somehow beat the odds and escape this place. He hoped that the baby could catch a break, she deserved better than the life that was laid out for her.

"The lab belonged the the humanoid Wraith Michael, it appeared that he had been using it as a research facility for the early stages of the experiment he had been preforming on Doctor Sheppard. He left some of her samples amongst a catalogue of others. It would appear that his contact inside the refugee camp was stealing specimens in order to aid Michael's research into human biology, amongst them were Colonel Sheppard's from before his procedure." Ladon told the other man. "The information was brought to Cowen's attention and I was appointed to the task."

Things were starting to slip into place for Carson now and he couldn't believe how much of a domino effect existed in this situation. Before John's vasectomy, he had provided sperm samples so that him and Cassandra could revisit the possibility of children at a later date. That was before they had discovered that his wife had also been infected with the Iratus DNA rendering her unable to bear a child. Several of those samples had gone missing upon Drew Hartford's disappearance and Carson thought that he was looking at the product of what would have happened if Cass and John had ever made a baby.

"You introduced the two samples to one another and implanted it in a surrogate?" Carson questioned starring down at the child with a dumbfounded expression.

There was no denying it, he thought as he took in the baby's pale delicate features. Carson knew those eyes anywhere and that hair...

"The first mother miscarried." Ladon informed the other man sadly. "She is the product of the second. We used all the samples we had up on creating her."

"They won't give you Cassandra." Carson stated quietly as Baby Sheppard's tiny hand enclosed around his pinkie finger.

"I know." Ladon said, his lips pursed together grimly before he decided it was time to reveal the worst part of this entire débâcle. "Do you know what Michael thought the Iratus gene in Doctor Sheppard could do?"

"Yes." Carson found himself uttering. "He thought she would be invulnerable if a full blooded Wraith tried to feed on her."

"It's true." Ladon told Carson, blinking rapidly past the stinging in his eyes as his fingertips pulled down the top of the soft yellow baby gro to reveal the faded red hand print burned into the baby's tender flesh. "They tested it on her."

There was a moment of pure silence as Carson took in the sight before him. Revulsion filled his stomach causing bile to raise up in the back of his throat as Ladon released the material before turning his sorrowful blue eyes upon Carson. His heart was bleeding deep down inside of his chest and that surge of furious anger and indignation was raising up from the depths of his soul.

"Jesus Christ man!" Carson erupted turning his full attention onto Ladon, his knuckles were turning white as he clutched onto the plastic tub for support. "She's a wee baby not a lunch box!"

"Don't you think I know that?" Ladon retorted his blazing blue eyes showing the extent of his fury. "They took her when Cowen had me running around like an idiot and by the time I realized what they had done it was too late. Do you think I wanted any of this to happen?"

The sound of the baby's cry cut through the air, piercing the both men's eardrums like the sharpest of knives. Carson reached down into the plastic tub and placed his hands gently underneath the baby's tiny form before placing her in the crook of his left arm so she was coddled against his stout chest. The infant began to sooth instantly and Carson wondered if it was because she sensed his dedication to her safety, no matter what happened he wasn't leaving her in this place.

"You need to make this right." Carson stated as he cradled the baby even closer.

"Why do you think your here Doctor?" Ladon asked his counterpart knowingly.

Carson watched as the other man crouched down beside a black dufflebag that had been carefully placed alongside of his desk before unzipping it. Inside were a collection of various coloured wires all neatly linking into a digital console that appeared to be a clock. Carson had seen enough movies to know that it was a bomb and he found himself shielding the baby protectively from the sight.

"When the time is right we're going to collect your men and head towards the Stargate." Ladon informed the other man. "As soon as we're through I will detonate this bomb and this whole place including Cowen, Koyla and their men will burn for what they have done."

Carson looked down at the tiny infant in his arms, the glowing red fingertips from the Wraith just visible under the neckline of her babygro. He thought of the gunshots ringing in his ears and the shrill screams from the villagers as they were murdered one by one by Koyla and his men. Justice needed to be served for what they had done.

"Let the bastards burn."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!<strong>_

_Shippo: lol Koyla is an evil thug and I really wanted a chance to get him into the story again!_

_Joey: Koyla is definitely the best bad guy in the show, he is such an evil SOB. The prospect of Cass being a war criminal is laughable. Who knows this may call some conflict between John and Cass? I thought they must have drugs in the Pegasus galaxy and their own version of heroin seemed reasonable. I sincerely hope that Hector manages to stay strong._

_Shep: I hate him too, he is such a brilliant bad guy for John. He's just so resolute and evil. LMAO! Your right he is the anti Sheppard! I'm glad your enjoying Koyla's little role._


	191. Chapter 191: Abstract

Chapter One Hundred and Ninety One

_Cause when you given up  
>No matter what you do it's never good enough<br>When you never thought  
>That it could ever get this tough<br>That's when you feel my kind of love_

_Emeli Sande – My Kind of Love_

The conference room had been cleared of people ever since Ladon's message had been delivered and now instead the staff working inside of the Control Room were listening to the irate shouts of the married couple coming through the solid metal doors. The Sheppards had been waging their war on one another for the past fifteen minutes and the dispute showed no signs of letting up. Everyone had a pretty good idea what the couple were arguing about and noone envied the position that either party was in.

Ladon had announced that Cassandra Sheppard was to be delivered into Genii custody approximately three hours after his message had been heard and there wasn't a chance in hell Colonel Sheppard was going to let that happen.

Chuck the Gate Technician didn't blame Colonel Sheppard one bit for his stance on the demand. He liked Cassandra Sheppard, he had seen the broken, ruined woman who had returned from Michael's clutches and his heart had literally ached for the couple in the months after when they had tried to piece the fractured shards of her humanity back together.

Nobody had deserved what had happened to her and he didn't need an insight into the Genii to know what fate would behold her if they did trade her life for their men. He had been one of the first ones to return back to the base from the Alpha Site and he had helped clear up the mess that Carson Beckett had found in the Infirmary. He had heard McKay's shaky recounting of what had happened during the storm and he couldn't believe that Cassandra had had so much courage in the face of such a tremendous adversity.

The woman hadn't come away unscathed, he had seen the marks on her pale flesh when he'd walked into the unisex locker room where they kept their stuff to gear up. It had been an accidental glimpse as she pulled her vest down over her bra but there was no avoiding the fact the angry red slashes were etched into her skin. Sergi had been more of a sadist than anyone could have imagined and it made Chuck feel sick when he thought of what his fellow Genii might do to their 'war criminal.'

The 'war criminal' accusation was a complete and utter fabrication. At first everyone in the Gate Room had been perplexed by the association. During their time on Atlantis they had all had some form of interaction with Cassandra Sheppard through the infirmary or in a casual sort of way. One of the things she was not was the callous, vicious woman that Ladon Radim had described. She had killed Sergi Cowen in self defence, it was not the planned assassination that the Genii claimed.

It gave Chuck a great deal of faith in humanity as a whole when he saw people defy the odds the way she had and he prayed to God that she would just accept Colonel Sheppard's decision and let them mount a rescue mission some other way. From the sound of her raised her voice that wasn't going to happen any time soon. It was rare that the two of them argued unless it was over something deadly serious. Colonel Sheppard had an unusually laid back personality for a military man and Cassandra was the type of person who took everything in her stride. They had never had a fight this fierce before today, at least not one that he had heard about.

"Do you not understand the correlation of bad things happening to you whenever the Genii are involved?" John snapped at his wife. "If you think what they did last time was bad imagine what the hell they'll do to you if your in their long term custody!"

Chuck flinched at that remark, trying to ignore the raging tempers erupting from the next room. Normally they couldn't hear a damn thing out of that stupid room but then again noone was yelling the way these two were.

Next to him Amelia cleared her throat as she struggled to keep her attention focused on the console in front of her instead of listening to the ongoing battle next door. They shouldn't be listening to this, it was beyond personal but there wasn't a chance in hell that any one of them were going to break it up. They didn't want to get caught or worse, dragged into the crossfire.

"Those are our men out there, they are our friends and they are my team!" Cass retorted, her voice shrill with indignation. "Lorne is injured, Lord knows how badly and you are dismissing the only chance we have of getting them back safely. I am one person John and one person and a Jumper sounds like a swell idea compared to the alternative."

It was an awful idea, everyone in the Gate Room thought so but at the minute they had to admit it was the only card they had left to play unless McKay was able to pluck a location out of thin air.

"Are you even listening to yourself?!" John snarled, his tone full of frustration and Chuck could already imagine the other man raking his hands through his untidy dark hair. "Do you think your team could live with themselves knowing that you traded yourself for them? Do you have any idea what we all went through to get you back the last time?! Do you think I was the only one that was sick with worry, being driven literally insane with the idea of you out there alone? Well let me tell you something, your team was almost court marshalled because they tried to take a Jumper so they could go flying around the entire universe looking for you!"

Chuck remembered that incident well. The roars from Weir's office had echoed all over the base causing everyone who heard them to shrink away in fear they would be next. It had never been revealed who had given them access to the Jumper Bay in the first place and the other men had thankfully kept Chuck out of the conversation.

"I have to do this John." Cass pleaded. "They're good men, they don't deserve what they're going through right now and you know I never rush into anything lightly."

John Sheppard let out a bark of laughter at her words, it sounded bitter and cold even to Chuck's ears. He knew what was happening right now and he wondered if Cassandra had any idea that her husband was locking down all of his emotions. Chuck understood both sides of the argument but he was seriously routing for the Colonel in this one.

"Oh baby girl that is rich, it really is." John responded and Chuck chided Cassandra inside for even pushing the argument this far. "The first thing you wanted to do when Michael attacked was going running up to him so you could spare us all the battle. You weren't in your right mind then and you aren't now."

There was silence now and everyone in the Gate Room strained their ears trying to pick up the quiet overtones that were now alluding from the conference room. Colonel Sheppard had hit the nail directly on the head and there was no defence against his words.

"It doesn't help anyone if we agree to their trade." John said quietly. "There is no guarantee that they will fulfil their part of the deal and if we lose both you and Beckett the medical side of things falls into a state of disarray and we can't afford that, not now."

His tone was different now. It was the soft, tender lilt that he reserved for Cassandra only. It was at that instant that every single person in the Gate Room wanted to applaud Colonel Sheppard for his valiant efforts in the face of such adversity.

"And I can't lose you again Cassie, I can't..." John's voice trailed off and Chuck felt his heart swell at the surge of love that was now emitting from that room.

That was the first time any of them had ever heard John Sheppard sound so desperate. They had seen it written on his worn out features when Michael had stolen away Cassandra but there had always been hope in his voice. Colonel Sheppard was their hero, how many times had he willingly given his life for every single one of them? Every single person living on Atlantis trusted him with every fibre of their being.

It took a moment for the staff in the Gate Room to realise the truth that lingered behind his words and their duty suddenly became abundantly clear to every single one of them. There had been enough sacrifice over the years and the Sheppards had survived more than their fair share of upheavals. There wasn't a chance in hell Cassandra Sheppard was getting off this city, they would all make sure of that.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, hope your all doing well! Sorry I have been a little MIA, I have secured a job which starts fully on the first of Sept but in the meantime I am working on editing their website. I hope you enjoyed this chapter!<strong>_

_Joey: Imagine how John and Cass are going to feel when they find out. I don't think vengeful is going to cover it! Ladon just wants rid of them but you are right they don't deserve a quick death. I'll keep my fingers crossed but they need to get out of there first and I can't guarantee that they all do. _

_Shippo: It's an uncharacteristically cold remark from Carson but I thought he would be like that from what he had just been privy to._


	192. Chapter 192: Iridescent

Chapter One Hundred and Ninety Two

_Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?  
>You build up hope, but failure's all you've known.<br>Remember all the sadness and frustration,  
>And let it go,<br>Let it go._

_Linkin Park - Iridescent_

To say that Hope Kalua was upset was an understatement. Ronon could feel the waves of discontentment rolling off his mate like a restless sea and he couldn't say that he blamed her. On the outside she was holding it together but inside Hope was a mess. Ronon could see the metaphysical aspect of her in his mind's eye and it was terrifying. That worry was wrapped around her like a shroud of black clouds, the sorrow was etched into her beautiful, cappuccino features. Ronon would do anything to sooth away the pain in his mate's expression.

The only problem is that he couldn't take away the root of the problem. Lorne and his team were still out there somewhere having God knows what done to the by the Genii and Rodney was still screwing around trying to find them. Lorne's team had been missing over twelve hours now and each passing moment was like a nightmare that was waiting to play out.

Hope in Kai's nursery when Ronon found her. His mate was standing over the crib in the brightly coloured bedroom watching their son as he slept peacefully under the pretty mobile that his Uncle Rodney had created. The kid loved that thing, Kai couldn't sleep without it.

"I wish the whole galaxy was as serene as he is when he sleeps." Hope whispered as Ronon came to stand beside her threading his fingers through hers to entwine their hands.

The connection to her mate was beyond comforting. Despite the fact that Hope's whole world was going to hell Ronon still provided her with a security and stability that rivalled no other. She hoped that was how Carson and Lorne felt around each other, the two of them needed that now more than ever. She knew that if there was a way to survive that they would find it.

"I'm sorry that it doesn't work like that." Ronon submitted into the air grimly, feeling Hope's grip on his hand tighten just a little as she bowed her head.

Her shiny, layered chestnut hair fell over her pretty face shielding her expression from his view. He could feel the surge of sadness echoing through her tired form and it made Ronon want to murder every last one of the Genii for bestowing such a vicious feeling upon his mate.

"I keep flashing back to when Michael had me." Hope's musical voice cracked just a little as she spoke. "And I keep remembering all the noises I could hear when he was hurting the other people. Their screams were ringing in my ears and I keep going back there..."

Ronon's warm, loving hands were already on his fiancée's shoulders as he gently drew her into the shelter of his strong arms. Hope buried her face in the comfort of his chest inhaling the rich, masculine scent that came with her mate. He was here with her right now and she should stop allowing those memories to rule her imagination. The truth was it was harder than she could have imagined. Some days she felt like she was invincible, like what had happened to her could never touch her ever again and others she felt like it was taking over. She would never be free of it, it had turned her into the person that she was today but that didn't mean she should let it control her.

"Can't think like that babe." Ronon whispered against her hairline, his soft lips felt like sunshine kissing away the darkest of her fears. "You'll just drive yourself crazy."

"I just hate feeling so useless. They're my friends and we have to just sit here and wait while the Genii do God knows what." Hope uttered quietly, her delicate finger tips toying with the neckline of Ronon's black T-shirt.

"I know." Ronon murmured sharing his own feelings of discontentment. "Don't tell McKay I said this but he's the best. If anyone can find them it's him."

Hope wrapped her arms around Ronon's waist, pulling him even closer against her body. He needed this as much as she did, his life was fraught of all things dark but Hope and Kai were rays of light in his world. The embrace meant everything to the both of them and they allowed themselves to become absorbed in each other's entities. No matter what awful things were happening there was always solace in one another.

Kai grumbled as he began to rouse from his heavy sleep, interrupting the moment that they had been locked in. His tiny hands rubbing at his minuscule features diverting their attention back to their child.

"Did that sound like a growl?" Hope asked her mate curiously as she peered into the wooden crib to see her son wiggling contently at the sound of their voices.

"He's taking after daddy already." Ronon announced proudly as he leaned down and picked the baby up with both hands.

" I can't believe that you were ever that small." Hope teased her fiancé, a smile creeping across her lips despite the circumstances.

Kai began moving his little legs in pleasure as his father propped him up against his broad chest, his voice happily cooing loudly as his hand patted Ronon's bearded chin. He loved moments like this, his son always looked elated to see him and Ronon revelled in that emotion. When he had become a Runner he had believed that eventually he would die at the hands of the Wraith, he could never have imagined that he would have such a wonderful fiancée. The prospect of a family had been completely off limits to him, he could barely stay in one place long enough to take a breath, settling down had been completely out of the question.

His own father had never been big on physical affection. A pat on the head before he vanished for another mission Lord knows where and that was it. Ronon had grown up with his Grandpa instead, that man had taught him so much about the world and about doing the right thing. He had been there for Ronon when he needed him and Ronon had been there for the old man when he had started to get sick.

His Grandpa would have been proud to see his little family, he wished that he could have been here to meet them. He would have loved Hope and in turn baby Kai. The child was made up of all of Ronon's good parts and he could see Hope's sunny disposition in his radiant little features and in turn that made Ronon beam like the fool. His family brought out the best in him and Ronon hoped that over the years he would be able to show them how much.

"Hi buddy." Ronon said kissing those tiny fingers as they graced his lips.

Kai let out a squeal of delight at the sensation as he patted his father's mouth again in order to receive more kisses. He would never be able to deny his son any of his attention, his little man was just too damned important to him.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! Sorry for the delay but it has been busy as hell here. I had to make a load of cupcakes for a fundraiser and I have been editing my new company's website!<strong>_

_Shippo: Thank you very much! I hate that he is hurt too :(_

_Joey: Apparently fanfic is being a pain in the ass about people reviewing at the moment. LMAO I think they'll proper mob her if she tries to get off world. It is sad that John doesn't know about his baby yet :( Thankies so much!_


	193. Chapter 193: Comrades

Chapter One Hundred and Ninety Three

_I'm wide awake  
>And now it's clear to me<br>That everything you see  
>Ain't always what it seems<br>I'm wide awake_

_Katy Perry – Wide Awake_

The heroin was substandard. Hector had come to realize after the crazy narcotic induced high had begun to wear off. He didn't know whether it was because the Genii had cut the drug with something or whether Pegasus Poppies weren't as potent as the ones on Earth and right now he didn't care. The warmth was flowing out of his veins like a waterfall, leaving a icy cold chill in it's wake. The shakes had begun not long after that, it was a violent, joint wrenching quivering that jarred every single one of his muscles. It wasn't as worse as the first time but it was bad.

The beating had made everything harder. He hadn't been able to fight Koyla off the same way he would have if he was physically fit. Shit, he had made the Commander so God damn angry and he was feeling the effects of every single hit as he lay curled up in a ball in the furthest corner of the room. The agony in his ribs was concerning, from experience he knew that at the very least several were cracked. His breath was coming out in long drawn out wheezes as he struggled for control against the outrageously reckless feelings bubbling up inside of him. His eyeballs were raw and gritty and he had a severe case of cotton mouth.

Commander Koyla was insane, Hector had discovered. He also harboured one hell of a grudge against the Sheppards. The words were still ringing in his ears as the older man had described every sickening intimate detail of what he intended to do to Cassandra Sheppard. The mental images were torture, the doctor was one of his comrades and he would die here in this pitifully dark room before he allowed Koyla to get his hands on her. Saying that Hector didn't plan on dying here anytime soon. There was too much at stake, he had three other people to be concerned about right now.

Hector knew Lorne was in bad shape, the Major had been shot in the leg back at the village and as much as Doctor Beckett was doing to help it was clear to all of them that he required more resources than they had access to at the current moment. When he'd been dragged away to this interrogation room the Major had been fading fast and Asher had been his last line of defence. The doctor had been spirited away by Ladon Radim a little while earlier and he cringed to consider the treatment that the Beckett was receiving.

Hector needed to do something, it couldn't end like this for them. A Marine never gave up, not on himself and not on his brothers. He would not allow Lorne to die here, not when he was finally happy. When you worked as closely with someone as they did you noticed when something changed about their demeanour and it didn't take a genus to ascertain that Lorne was involved with someone. It had only been today when he had witnessed that rather intimate moment between the Major and his doctor that he realized that it was Carson Beckett.

Hector didn't care which way either men swung. They did their jobs the way they always had and that was all that mattered to the young Sergeant. He had an immense respect for both men. His body began to unfurl from it's unnatural position. His limbs were in antagonizing pain as he stretched them out carefully checking for broken bones.

The pain lanced through his ribs once more as he struggled to his feet, clutching onto the wall for support. He lifted his foot up, his fingertips delving into his grey sock before he removed the lock pick he taped to the inside of his left foot. It had been a habit he'd developed back after his gang initiation, it had been handy when it came to breaking and entering. In his experience cops and bad guys always the pockets, sometimes they even checked the boots but they never checked the socks. The Genii had removed the majority of his clothes including his boots and dogtags but they had let him keep his underwear and his socks.

It took longer than Hector cared to admit to pick the lock on the door, his hands were still shaking and his fingers were fumbling with the metallic pick. He had never been so overjoyed to hear that dull familiar click.

The lock popped open and Hector placed his tremblingly palm on the doorknob. He only had one shot at this and he knew he had better make it count. All he had to do was make it to the Communications Room he'd been yanked past on the way to this interrogation room. There had been one guard in there and Hector thought the man looked more like a civilian than a soldier. All he had to do was make it twenty feet to the console so he could contact Atlantis and then the rescue party would know where they were.

Hector twisted the door knob slowly before pulling the door open quietly until there was enough of a gap for his slender frame to fit through. There was no one in the corridor and Hector was relieved at that fact, he didn't think he was up to a fist fight at the current moment. Apprehension was rife within the young man's form as he pressed himself against the wall and crept along to the open doorway of the Communications Room. This had to work, three other lives depended on him.

Hector peered around the door frame and found himself staring at the back of the lone Genii who sat in his wheelie chair operating the communications system. He had noticed during the duration of their stay here that the Koyla only had a limited supply of guards. This was a large research facility from what he gathered of the layout but the security was minimal. Saying that the cell that they were locked in was pretty escape proof, so they had clearly done something right.

A device seemly alike their own DHD was seated beside the communications console. Hector knew there wasn't a chance in hell he would get a radio signal to Atlantis without opening the Stargate. Doing that would reveal his position and he was in for a world of pain once that Koyla got his hands back on him, which would be almost immediate. His fingers hovered over the symbols on the machine as he considered his options. The truth was there was no other way to do this. Lorne was bleeding out as he stood here, there was no time for another possibility. Hector had to make the sacrifice.

Stealth was supposed to be one of his fortes as a Marine but in his current condition Hector wasn't sure he could manage it. His eyes strayed to the gun on the Genii's hip, it looked like an old Colt his mom's dealer had used to keep in a brown paperbag under the couch. Something like that could blow a hole right through you, which meant he couldn't get this wrong. He just hoped that the civilian sitting in front of him wasn't jittery otherwise things could get ugly.

Hector shuffled towards the Genii as quietly as he could, flexing his arm in preparation or his attack. Just because he was unarmed didn't mean he didn't have a few tricks up his sleeve. He was almost upon the man when the lone Genii seemed to sense the creeping shadow of his presence. By that time it was too late, Hector's arm was already looping around his throat. His elbow locked underneath the younger man's chin as he pulled the other man taunt against his firm chest. His muscles were quivering from adrenaline pulsing through his system as his forearm crushed the windpipe cutting of the Genii's air supply.

It took five seconds for the sleeper hold to take effect. The young Genii slumped in his arms leaving Hector trembling with exertion as he managed to lower the other man down onto the floor as quietly as possible. He was beginning to feel light headed and his nausea was back with vigour, washing over him in waves.

Hector could feel his knees beginning to quake as he slammed his palms on the console for support. The symptoms of withdrawal were back and this time they were coming on worse than ever. His heart was racing at an unnatural pace and he could feel the beads of sweat starting to collect on his forehead. His brief moment of lucidly was subsiding and he knew that within moments he could be reduced to a ruined, disruptive mess.

It was with that thought that Hector Clare began to dial.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys! This was one of the hardest chapters to write in terms of this story. Hector is a new char to play with and his predicament was one that was a complete pain in the ass to write. I sincerely hope that you enjoy this chapter!<strong>_

_Shippo: lmao Kai is so cute, if I had a niece or nephew I would like them to be like Kai. I think he takes after Ronon a lot. Thanks for the review!_

_Joey: lol I think Cass is going to go to pieces when she finds out they have a baby! I think the road to hell is paved with good intentions with these next few chapters so I wouldn't bank on everyone making it out unscathed. I really appreciate your review!_

_Shep: LMAO to be honest I have this image in my head of Cass going for Ladon. I don't think John will be able to let Koyla live if he gets anywhere near him. Koyla is my fav bad guy in the whole series. I think Ronon would just knock Cass out or sling her over his shoulder if she tried to escape Atlantis. Thanks very much for taking the time to review!_


	194. Chapter 194: Liar

Chapter One Hundred and Ninety Four

_Say it if you want to and say it if you will __  
><em>_But if you don't say what you are thinkin' __  
><em>_No, I won't take too kindly to it. _

_The Cranberries - Liar_

The blood was the first thing that Ladon Radim noticed when he stepped into the Communications Chamber. It was vivid red and thick in texture, smeared across the keys of the glistening metal panel that they used to control the Stargate. Already the images were playing in Ladon's head as he reviewed the scene with critical eyes.

To his left stood Commander Acaustus Koyla, his back was rigid and straight as he stared down at the crumpled form of the young Lieutenant Hector Clare with malice. His dark, violent eyes reminded Ladon of hot coals as they bore straight into their target. Without a word he raised his shiny black boot for what Ladon guessed was not the first time and kicked Hector Clare directly in the ribs. The Lieutenant howled in agony as the blunt sound of breaking bones cracked through the air, making Ladon's stomach lurch at the sound. Hector curled up as small as he could in order to protect those vulnerable vital organs from the onslaught.

The Atlantian soldier was in a bad way and it didn't take a genius to work out that in his absence that Koyla had been torturing the poor bastard for information. Ladon wasn't sure if the initial beating had occurred before or after they had found the Lieutenant in the Communication Centre. Ladon could already see that familiar glazed look in his eyes as he rose to all fours shakily. His limbs were quivering as he hissed through his teeth attempting to retain some dignity. There was a glossy sheen coating his caramel features as he struggled for breath.

Ladon had seen this before, sometimes they used the opium in order to help control pain unfortunately it also created addicts. That was what this man was becoming and he knew that if the Lieutenant actually did manage to survive Koyla's treatment that the road to recovery would be tedious and rocky.

"Be careful with him." Ladon uttered as he crossed his arms over his chest. "I still need to collect more samples."

"One less Atlantian wouldn't effect your research." Koyla sneered, his fingertips playing over the barrel of his gun.

Koyla's intentions were perfectly clear. His ruthless, vengeful streak was rife and Ladon could see the potential for violence stirring up behind his black beady eyes. His hatred for the Atlantisians was unbridled, Sergi's death had been the tip of the ice berg. The two men had had a unhealthy connection. It was like watching a budding socio-path find his ideal partner, they were the most fearsome team that he had ever encountered. The two of them together were terrifying.

After Sergi had been killed it was like Koyla had lost a limb. He had spiralled for a while destructively, he had put everything he had into training more soldiers and making plans to eliminate the key players in Atlantis. After the incident with the Brotherhood, his venom had become more directed, anything associated with Atlantis would cause a rage so furious it was frightening to behold.

Chief Cowen had decided to use that, he had made Koyla into his trained rabid dog. He'd twisted the other man's desire for revenge and created a weapon to use against anyone who crossed him. Ladon had no doubt what Koyla's orders were for him when he outlived his usefulness. That was just one of the reasons that Ladon thought it was time to put the other man down.

"Major Lorne is dying." Ladon pointed out, giving Koyla a knowing look. "The infection has tainted his blood so it will be useless if we tried to withdraw more. After him Lieutenant Clare is the best chance we have of replicating the gene."

It was a lie but it flowed from Ladon's mouth smoothly. The trick was to lace a grain of truth when you lied. Major Lorne was dying and without antibiotics and surgery he wouldn't last the night. Their time was running out which meant that Ladon would have to make his move sooner rather than later. He was used to playing these games. For years he had been engaged in a battle of politics and he had become well versed in the manoeuvres that were required in order to allow him to achieve his goal.

"You have Subject B." Koyla stated coldly.

The mention of the baby caused a flare of anger to pulsate through Ladon's veins. He struggled valiantly to keep the expression on his face neutral as Koyla's dark eyes flickered upwards, that cruel smile playing across his lips. The Commander was taking great satisfaction in what he had done to the Sheppard's child. In his vicious mind he was extracting his revenge on the people that had stolen away his partner in crime. It was clear that Koyla didn't view her as a child, she was just a pawn in the personal vendetta he had against her parents. The thought of that made Ladon seethe deep inside.

"Her DNA is inapplicable. We need to break down the problem with the Ancient gene before we are able to replicate the same effects." Ladon informed the other man, hiding the annoyance in his voice by injecting some superiority. "Mixing it with Cassandra Sheppard's DNA seems to have diminished it's initial potency. Even if we had the Jumpers we wouldn't be able to get them off the ground."

Another lie and it was one of the easiest that he had ever had to tell. There were so many lives at stake here, not just the baby or the Atlantians. Chief Cowen was heading down a dark path that Ladon didn't like and he was stringing along the Genii to the point of destruction. The baby had the strongest Ancient gene that Ladon had ever encountered, it went above and beyond her father's. He managed to hide the smile that was fighting to tug at the edges of his mouth at the thought of the humorous havoc that a child with a gene that strong would cause on Atlantis.

Koyla's coal black gaze strayed back down to the Lieutenant at his feet. There was blood on the floor, it was mixed with saliva and phlegm as the young soldier's wet cough echoed through the room. That wasn't a good noise, Ladon knew that from experience. He had seen Koyla beat a man to death when he had been on his task force and his inevitable death had started with that sickening rasp.

"Get their doctor to look at him." Koyla demanded, his upper lip curling up in disgust. "I don't want you to waste any more time than you have to on them."

Ladon nodded his agreement, clasping his hands behind his back like a good Genii soldier. He hoped that Carson Beckett would be able to do something to help the young Lieutenant. He had given the doctor some supplies so he could help with Major Lorne but he it was really just a way of making the soldier feel more comfortable.

"Before you go I need you to check if his message got through." Koyla said quietly, jerking his head in indication at the console. "I suspect he was trying to dial Atlantis."

"It will take several minutes." Ladon informed the other man as he moved towards the Communications Console.

"You better pray to your God that that message never got through." Koyla said menacingly as he crouched down beside the quivering soldier. "Otherwise I make the rest of your miserable existence a living hell."

"Bite me." Hector snapped, hissing through grinding teeth.

Koyla tipped his head back and laughed out loud. It was a vile, wretched sound that sent a chill vibrating through every single person in the room. The kid had spirit, Koyla had to give him that but that was part of his enjoyment. He wanted to stamp on this man's spirit and destroy everything he stood for. He licked his lips with anticipation, he adored the sensation of destroying someone's will. There was a power in doing such a thing and in a way that was his own narcotic. Endurance was the key, dragging out the torture until the moment they broke, well that was the most euphoric climax of all.

"He tried to dial the code but he couldn't get the last two symbols." Ladon told Koyla as he studied the codes and etchings on the screen.

"That's a good thing." Koyla smiled that twisted, disturbing grin as he rose to his feet. "Chief Cowen is on his way, I would hate to delay his visit."

"We wouldn't want that now would we?" Ladon responded as he knelt down besides the shaking soldier, looping his arm around his neck in order to guide him back to his cell.

Hector didn't resist the aid, he leaned into the other man gratefully accepting his help as he was guided from the room. Ladon was different from the other Genii, there was compassion in his eyes, he didn't like what was happening here and Hector knew that he was on his side.

"You lied." he murmured under his breath as they progressed slowly into the depths of the building.

"Yea." Ladon admitted in an equally low tone. "Tell Beckett to be ready."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, sorry for the huge gap between posting. I have been major busy since I started my new job, I've barely had a moment to myself but excuses aside thanks so much for sticking with me!<strong>_

_Joey: I am sincerely glad that you enjoyed the chapter. It's always a little unnerving playing with a new guy because it's like having a fresh canvas to work with. I think Hector views Cass as one of his people and Marines always protect their own. They've been on the same team for a while and they seem to just gel very well I think. They all lay their lives down for one another and I think anyone of them would do it if the roles were reversed._

_Guest: I think everyone was screaming run Hector!_

_Brn: I am so glad that you loved these chapters and I do appreciate the time you've taken to review. I just wanna hug the two of them!_

_Shippo: I think you may have found yourself pleasantly surprised with this chapter._

_Pesto: I am so glad that your enjoying the story. I have worked so hard on it and I appreciate the time you've taken to review. _


	195. Chapter 195: Trying Not To Love You

Chapter One Hundred and Ninety Five

_But if there's a pill to help me forget,__  
><em>_God knows I haven't found it yet__  
><em>_But I'm dying to, God I'm trying to__'Cause trying not to love you, only goes so far__  
><em>_Trying not to need you, is tearing me apart__  
><em>_Can't see the silver lining, from down here on the floor__  
><em>_And I just keep on trying, but I don't know what for__  
><em>_'Cause trying not to love you__  
><em>_Only makes me love you more_

_Nickelback – Trying Not To Love You_

Violence was in his blood, John Sheppard had always known that. In his college years he had discovered he could brawl with the best of them. He had lost count of the amount of times he had been kicked out of bars for scrapping over the years and it had taken a long time to realize that he could turn that into something in which he could help people with. Joining the air force had been like a breath of fresh air for his troubled, undisciplined soul. The vigorous routine had given him the structure that he had lacked growing up, his furious energy had been moulded into something more tangible and he had learned to exert control over his own impulsive nature.

The military had given him so much over the years and it had made him into someone of worth. It had also taught him to care about other people, he had learned about comradeship and brotherhood. It was also a place where he could bury his feelings and hide them from the world without being questioned. After all hadn't that been why he had started flying choppers in one of the most remote parts of the world anyway?

Those had been simpler times, they were less complicated by the conflicts that he faced here on Atlantis. Back then it had been rare for John to have a personal investment in anything that happened during missions. Now he was a better man, one with a loving wife and friends who had stood by him through some of the most harrowing times of his life.

John was never one to dwell on the bad things that happened, he thought that living a life like that was pointless and depressing, he tried to focus on the positive aspects of the future. Something which he had never been able to do before he had met Cassandra. He couldn't imagine a world without her now, he could handle anything with her by his side holding his hand. That was one of the reasons he couldn't let his wife go on this mission, he couldn't stand the thought of losing her all over again.

He had never told Cassandra what it had done to him knowing she was out there in Michael's clutches. He couldn't speak about the internal agony that had tore through his soul or the guilt that had plagued him in the time he had spent trying to find her. Seeing her broken and shattered had almost killed him in a way that had been incomparable.

Carson had been the only one to witness him throwing up after receiving the news of how she had been violated by that monster. The physical reaction to the horror of his wife's endurance had been a wake up call. He pretended to the outside world that he was unaffected but the whole series of events had damaged him far worse than he cared to admit.

John struggled not to assert his protective instincts every time she stepped through that Stargate. The beast in him would always roar and snap and fight, demanding that he shield his mate away from any harm that could befall her. It remembered the emptiness and the wretched agony that came from seeing her in such distress. It was rare that John prayed but every night he was forced to endure her absence he had asked God to bring her back to him, to keep her safe and whole.

John had no idea how long his wife had been watching him as he stood in the chilled locker room, methodically putting each layer of his gear on. Usually he was in tune with her presence, she would shine like a beacon at the edge of his consciousness but he had been too preoccupied with his own thoughts to pay any attention to her.

"How long have you been standing there?" he asked distractedly as slipped his muscular arms through his black tactical vest.

"Only a few minutes." Cass responded with a shrug of her shoulders before she stepped into the room.

John watched her with reproachful, hazel eyes. He couldn't read her at the moment, all of her emotions were locked down the same way his were. He wondered if she was here to plead her case again. They hadn't spoken since the fight they had had in the conference room before they had received Lieutenant Clare's message. Things had spiralled and there had been plans to be made, they had kept a distance from one another and now they were at the crunch once more.

With the Daedalus still a fortnight away their options were limited. John had decided the best way to attack this situation was to go about it as stealthily as they could. His team would take a cloaked Jumper to the location that Lieutenant Clare had radioed from and attempt a rescue mission. It was risky but it was the only way they may be able to save Lorne's team from the Genii.

John hadn't changed his mind and Cass knew there wasn't a damn thing she could do that would cause him to rethink his decision. That wasn't why she was here, no matter how mad she was she couldn't let him walk away without saying goodbye. She couldn't stand him walking away without a kiss for luck.

John was fiddling with the zipper on his vest, his head bowed trying to hide the forlorn expression on his handsome face. He wouldn't allow himself to get into an argument with her again. He was the Security Officer on Atlantis and he had the final say on who came on the mission and who stayed. The soldier in her should respect that, he would order her if he had to.

Cass stepped forward, her petite form invading her husband's personal space. John shivered at the sensation of her warmth flooding over his soul as she lowered every single one of her defences. Her love washed over him like a soothing wave as her dainty hands enclosing over his strong fingers. His chin tipped upwards and he found himself staring into her sapphire gaze as that quaint, embarrassed smile crossed her features.

"I wasn't thinking about you." she found herself saying in a hushed tone. "It took a while for me to remember how distraught you were when Michael broke me. You never said anything but I could feel how much it was tearing you up inside to see me fall apart like that."

John said nothing. He would neither confirm or deny her words because that mean that they were real and he didn't want to go back to that horrific dark place. He didn't want Cass to go back there either.

"I am trusting you to do the right thing." Cass said quietly as she turned his palms over so her fingertips could follow the heart lines on his hands. "Because I can't be there to help the people we love and you have to do it."

"You know I will." John told his wife raising her right hand to his lips, they brushed over her knuckles tenderly. "But you have to promise to behave while I'm away."

Cass rolled her sapphire eyes playfully at the motion before removing her hands from his and instead lacing her fingers behind his neck allowing her body to press against his. John wrapped his arms around his wife's lithe form, his large hands came to rest on her lower back, drawing her even closer as he stared into those beautiful eyes.

"I suppose I could do that until you get back." Cass murmured, raising up on her tiptoes so their lips were inches apart.

"You will do it until I get back otherwise I will set Lorne and Carson on you." John responded, trying to lighten up the mood in regards to his mission as Cass disengaged her fingers from his neck.

"Carson would just laugh at you and Lorne would more than likely roll his eyes." Cass uttered with a tight smile, her palms coming to rest upon her husband's firm chest. "Just bring them back ok?"

"You know I will." he whispered into his wife's silky dark hair as he hugged her close.

It felt glorious being wrapped up in her husband's arms. She pressed her cheek to his chest, the sound of his heart beating had a calming effect upon her concerned psyche. Her body relaxed at the sensation of his fingertips combing through her hair.

"I gotta go." John murmured against his wife's hairline, before reluctantly drawing away until his hands were resting on her waist.

"I know." Cass uttered, placing a kiss on husband's delectable mouth.

Her lips were feather light as they brushed across his mouth, stealing away his breath. John found himself smiling at the sensation of her soul brushing against his supportively. With her in his corner he could face anything and he would go into battle knowing he was loved and wanted.

"I really needed this." John told his wife as his thumb caressed the apple of her cheek.

"Me too." Cass said before the two of them broke apart. "Just be safe ok?"

"Always." John promised before he set out to rescue their friends.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I hope your all doing well. It has been manic over here, my new job is keeping me busy as hell and I don't think that's a bad thing. I am considering on embarking on Nanowrimo this year, is anybody else?<strong>_

_Joey: I thought I would flesh out Ladon's motives a little in my story because I think he's a potentially rich character in regards to how you can play with him. I'm not 100% sure what his role is going to be in the next few chapters but I'm sure he'll work out what he's going to be doing. I love my job, it is better than I could have dreamed!_

_Brn: All the way through this I just want to hug them all and tell them it's gonna be ok. I've been in talks with my beta and we're gonna be bringing in a char death over the next few chapters. _

_Shippo: I am glad you enjoyed that chapter, keep your seatbelt on for the next few chaps. _


	196. Chapter 196: Smothered

Chapter One Hundred and Ninety Six

_Wherever you're standing, I will be by your side  
>Through the good, through the bad, I'll never be hard to find <em>

_Emelie Sande - Rivers_

It was time. Ladon could feel the nervous energy pulsating through his body as he stared down at the precious, sleeping baby girl swaddled in his arms. She looked so tiny nestled into his chest like this, her delicate lips were parted in a silent 'o' as she inhaled and exhaled silently. He had never met something so cute before and his heart ached as his gaze travelled to the spot on her small chest where that Wraith hand print had been burned into her skin.

The kid didn't deserve that, her only flaw was being born into this cruel world through science as opposed to a loving family. Bea, as he had taken to calling her was better than that. Ladon had long since given up on calling the baby Subject B. He knew the name was meant to depersonalise her, to make her simply another experiment instead of the vulnerable human being that she was but Ladon had never felt that way. Bea had fought so valiantly to stay alive during not only her conception but her birth and subsequent trauma.

Fatherhood had never been something that had appealed to Landon but then again he had never been around small children. There was something about little Bea that brought out his protective instincts and he was determined that no more harm would come to her.

"Come on baby." Ladon whispered as he balanced his own leather brown satchel of research on his left shoulder. "It's time to go."

Apprehension was churning in his stomach as he took that first step through the door of his laboratory and into uncharted territory. Once the door clicked shut behind him, he knew that there would be no going back and for the sake of his people Ladon knew now was the time to act. There would be no better opportunity than this in order to launch his plan.

Cowen had arrived half an hour ago and he was eager to see the results of what he deemed their 'little experiment'. There had been bile crawling up the back of Ladon's throat when he had said those words. Cowen's dark pig-like eyes had lit up when Koyla had taken his old friend's arm, guiding him towards the common room for refreshments whilst he filled their Chief in on all the gory details.

Ladon knew that Cowen's plans for Bea would exceed each and every one of the horrific thoughts that was rolled around his mind at the current moment so that meant that they had to leave. The baby was nestled against him as he travelled down the corridors to where the prisoners were being held. It hadn't taken him long to come to this decision. Leadership of the Genii had been slipping for a long time, now it was time to take control of the situation.

* * *

><p>Major Evan Lorne was dying and there wasn't a damn thing that Carson Beckett could do to save him. The colour had all but gone from his lover's pallor, leaving a sickening grey shade to the Major's flesh. Carson had lost track of how long Evan had been unconscious, it seemed that they had been sitting inside this cramped, terrible cell for weeks when in reality it had only been a couple of days. His fingertips were combing through Evan's fine light brown hair as he lay complacently in his lap. He couldn't pretend that Evan was sleeping, not with those rasping shallow breathes echoing through the silence of their prison. The only upside to this was the fact that Evan couldn't feel any pain any more.<p>

"I'm sorry love." he whispered, past the growing lump in this throat. "I know you deserve better than this but I can't do anything else."

Evan said nothing. The Major was too far gone to even realise that Carson was talking and that broke his heart more than anything else in the world. Evan was always attentive, that was one of the things that Carson loved about him. He always knew the right words to say in a time of crisis. Except now he was dying and there were no words anyone could say to take away the crippling whirlpool of grief that was sucking Carson under.

His chest was aching so badly he thought he couldn't breath. He was drowning and the moment that Evan died would be the very moment that Carson Beckett would give up and suffocate. His eyes were stinging and his throat burned with the injustice of it all.

In the corner Hector Clare was shivering despite the fact the temperature was beginning to soar. His entire body was drenched in sweat as he stared vacantly at a spot on the wall opposite them. Carson didn't know what he was seeing but he was beyond hope until the heroin was out of his system. They couldn't wean him off it without methadone so the young Marine was being forced to accept his withdrawal cold turkey. The screams had been the worst, they had been raw and hoarse echoing off the walls like a cruel, taunting mantra, there were streaks of blood on the walls from where Hector had clawed at it in an attempt to get away from his hallucination.

Asher had been the one to step in. The truth was with Lorne incapacitated and Doctor Beckett gradually falling to pieces it was left to him to control the situation. He had spoken to Hector in a low, soothing tone, managing his fears in a way that was rational. Hector was a logical man and the longer that Asher talked, the more he seemed to calm down. He had ended up huddled against the other man, his eyes squeezed firmly shut like a child trying to block out the monsters hiding under his bed.

The sound of footsteps was resounded through the arches of the concrete bunker they were being held in, getting louder and louder the closer they came to their prison. Asher and Carson shared the same fearful expression before glancing down at their ruined counterparts.

"It's my turn." Asher told the doctor, his voice completely devoid of emotion as he removed himself from Hector's side and rose to his feet.

Carson knew what he was doing and it made him feel sick to think how glad he was that the Sergeant had volunteered to be the next victim of the Genii. He wanted to be holding Evan when he passed away so that when he was set free from this intrepid hell hole he would know that he was loved and...

The explosion was momentous. The volume of the noise was incomprehensible, drowning out every shred of sound. He felt the flaming heat searing at his skin as he threw himself over Evan's limp form to shield his lover from the worst of the blast. He couldn't see, couldn't feel, couldn't think. The only thing that mattered was the sensation of Evan's heart beating weakly against his.

The concentrate walls around them were starting to crumble as the structure began to sway unsteadily from the velocity of the explosion. They were going to be buried alive down here and that thought terrified him almost as much as the prospect of losing Evan. Debris showered down on them from the ceiling, striking Carson in numerous places all over his body. He waited for the crushing sensation, the one that he knew would end it all.

He had been right when he had said they were going to die in this hellhole, he just hadn't expected it to be quite like this.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, thank you very much for sticking with me on this journey. My job is currently very time consuming and I am indulging in some side projects with a few locals charities so a lot of my time has been taken up by writing up proposals an grant requests. However I have spent the weekend writing for this story and I am pleased to say that I have a few more chapters waiting in the wings so there shouldn't be so much time between updates. <strong>_

_Brn: lol great minds and all that jazz. I have literally been swept off my feet over the past few weeks. On Friday I didn't leave work until 9:20pm and I'd been in since before 8:30am, hopefully that should be dying down with Xmas and such. LMAO! Maybe I was teasing you about char death who knows. I think sometimes it can be a fine line between them in terms of work and home life and I think John gets that more than Cass does sometimes. I couldn't get out of my head how terrible she would feel if he went out to rescue her team and he was hurt or killed and the last thing they'd said to each other was in a fight._

_Shippo: Ask and you shall receive :p_

_Sheppard: They are very connected and I don't think she could ever let him go on a mission with the aftermath of a fight lingering. I think because Cass is a little more emotional than John and a little closer to the situation in a personal way, she responds with her heart a lot more. Whereas John can sort of sit back and assess things in a more logical manner. Nano wrimo. Is a writing competition where you write 50k words in a month, basically you write a novel in 30 days. It can be utterly exhausting but it is well worth it. _

_Joey: It has been a long time and I'm glad you found it worth the wait. I am always surprised when a chapter like the previous one comes along, because it just reminds me of how right the two of them are. I think if Sheppard had hooked up with anyone I would have liked to see little moments like this in the series. I agree with you on Ladon's char, I watched the Coup the other day and I was thinking he is pretty cold in that ep until it comes to his sister. It's just trying to tap into that emotional thread, that's why I think the baby somehow brings out that softness. He's protective but it's at an arms length kind of thing instead of an all in kinda thing. _


	197. Chapter 197: Everything That Dies

Chapter One Hundred and Ninety Seven

_Everything dies baby that's a fact__  
><em>_But maybe everything that dies someday comes back_

_Bruce Springsteen – Atlantic City_

It was the light that Carson remembered, it was bright and stung his eyes as the darkness hedged fuzzily around the edges of his vision. There were words chiding over the ringing in his ears, they were muffled and mangled so badly that he didn't understand the meaning. The world was moving quickly, he caught flickers of images like the shutters of a camera capturing stills. They were jumbled up pieces that he struggled to form into a logical order. The ceiling above him reminded him of Atlantis, he could barely focus on the warm, cream coloured tiles as they slipped by like markers on a road at an astounding speed.

The numbness was ebbing away and that sickening, agonising pain was stabbing through his left side, just under the hollow of his rib cage like a thousand tiny knifes. With very passing second he found it was becoming more and more excruciating to simply breath. There was an animistic sound tearing out of his throat, wrenching at his vocal cords as he began to shudder against the agony building up within him.

"Carson." a soft, soothing voice broke through the crescendo in his ears, drawing his attention to focus on the person keeping pace beside him.

Pretty sapphire blue eyes flooded his vision, that familiar grey streak in Cassandra's dark hairline stood out against the violent blurs of light. Even with the sky blue surgical mask pulled across the lower half of her features, he found her presence oddly reassuring. At least he did until he saw the vivid red blood coating her pale, latex covered hands.

He thought of the faint beating of Evan's heart against his own as their prison caved in. He remembered how ashen his lover looked as the time slipped by, how close he was to death's door before the world crashed down upon them.

"Evan." he wheezed, tasting the metallic pang of copper on his tongue as the pressure on his chest increased. "Evan..."

Everything was spinning again, it was like the world was beginning to move in slow motion and Carson found himself fixating on the shiny surface of the operating table as it loomed even closer. Something was badly wrong, he could feel it in his bones. His eyes were stinging as Cassandra shook her head in response to his words. That haunted look in her eyes, Jesus it was like the sky was falling all over again.

"He's in surgery." Cassandra submitted, her delicate hand squeezing his arm reassuringly, accidentally leaving bloody fingerprints across his cool, waxy skin. "You need to worry about yourself right now."

"Lost too much blood." Carson panted, his breath coming in ragged gasps as he struggled against the limits of his straining lungs.

"Your lungs are soaking it all up." she murmured, tearing off her dirty latex gloves, before she adorned another clean pair. "You have several metal shards penetrating through your left side, they've caused internal bleeding into your chest cavity, that's why your finding it hard to breath."

Carson knew that that meant, he understood the principles of her words. He was effectively drowning in his own blood and if they didn't do something quick this was how he was going to die. The logical side of him got that, it was telling him to relax and let Cassandra take care of him. It was the emotional version of himself that was going haywire, the beast inside of him was screaming for news of his lover. The possibly of losing Evan scared him more than death ever could.

"Evan..." Carson cried out, breaking off at the end as he felt the first prick of the IV in the crook of his arm. "Evan..."

That wonderful sense of euphoria began to flood through his system. He could feel it's could icy fingers drowning out the agony as his eyes rolled back into his head. The narcotic induced drowsiness began to filter through to his brain, shutting down every one of his pain receptors as he began to slip away into darkness.

"You did the right thing." Doctor Jennifer Keller murmured into the silence of the operating theatre, watching as Carson's unconscious form was transferred to the operating table. "Telling him the truth would have damaged his chances of survival."

The guilt was there, gnawing at Cassandra's consciousness like a rabid dog. Jen was right, Cass knew that, but it didn't stop her from feeling so God damn awful. She couldn't focus on the remorse right now any more than she could on the crippling grief that was threatening to overwhelm her. The moment she let in those emotions would be the instant that her judgement became impaired and she wouldn't allow that. She needed every ounce of her concentration in order to fix Carson. It was what Evan would have wanted.

* * *

><p>Brain dead, that was how Doctor Auster had described Major Lorne's medical condition. Those were words that sent a chill running right through Rodney's spine as he stood over his unconscious friend. He had hoped that Lorne would live after he had coded in the Jumper but he had never expected his wish to be granted in such a cruel way.<p>

The ventilator was the only thing that was keeping Lorne alive right now, Rodney watched the rise and fall of the Major's chest mournfully. He was clad in a simple white hospital gown with the covers of the metal rimmed hospital bed tucked in around his waist. The life support machine beeped ominously along side him, alerting them to every beat that Lorne's dying heart took. There hadn't been much they could do by the time they'd gotten him back to Atlantis, the decision had been made to keep him on life support until Carson was out of surgery so that he could say a final goodbye.

The thought of Carson's reaction to the news of Lorne's demise felt like punch in the ribs every single time. He knew that he acted selfishly, he wasn't as courageous or heroic as the other members of his team but he cared just as much. Knowing that Carson's whole world was about to crumble down around him was harrowing and he didn't think that any of this could have been more unfair.

Over the past few months he had been one off the select few that had been privy to the developing relationship between Lorne and Carson and he had watched as his two friends blossomed with happiness from the time they spent in each other's company. Always when they were in a comfortable environment there was touching. Lorne was a very physical person socially, he responded to people by making contact, always with a shoulder squeeze or a pat on the back. With Carson the gestures were always more affectionate. Rodney had often witnessed the Major placing his arm around the back of the Scottish doctor's chair, his thumb absent-mindedly rubbing the tension from between his lover's shoulders. The two men were good for one another, that was abundantly clear, so for this to happen was savage twist of fate.

Rodney couldn't fight the immense surge of loss that was penetrating his body. This was an injustice in his world, they had been so damned close to saving Lorne and now the Major's life had slipped through their fingers. Helplessness wasn't a feeling that Rodney was often acquainted with. He was a genius, his brain always came through for them even if it was in the final hour. As a child he had grown up without educational boundaries, he devoured knowledge and had a keen sense of thinking outside of the box.

That was why he was holding the syringe in his hand. The sample of nanites he had collected from the war with the Replicators had just been sitting there on his list of things to do for months now. He had been sitting in his lab, struggling to absorb the news of Lorne's demise when he'd thought about the nanites. He had remembered that time last year when Jeannie and himself had been kidnapped by Wallace. He had fixed the nanites that time with Todd's help with the programming and in turn saved Jeannie from suffering the same fate as Sharon, Wallace's daughter. He didn't think he could do anymore harm if he injected them into Lorne's system. The Major was already brain dead, hopefully the nanites would respond in the same manner as they did with Jeannie. Best case scenario Lorne was fixed and in the worst case...

Well let's just say he had Replicator Disrupter nearby just in case Major Lorne wasn't exactly the same as he had been before.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, I thought it was time for another update. Fingers crossed that the nanites actually work a little magic on Lorne although it does beg the question of whether Carson Beckett could actually love a Replicator.<strong>_

_Shippo: Which story were you re-reading? I am really glad you enjoyed the last chapter. You would not believe how long it took me to write, Carson kept changing his mind on how he wanted things to happen._

_Brn: lol you must be on edge all the time with all the cliff hangers I throw at you. I am so glad that my story has the ability to make you feel this way it really warms my heart and makes me grin!_

_Guest: I think Ladon would end up murdered or fed to the Wraith if he even considered using the baby for a bargaining chip. If Shepard didn't get to him I could see Ronon quietly killing him and hiding his body in a Transporter for a while. Thanks for such an emotive review :)_


	198. Chapter 198: Heart of A Girl

Chapter One Hundred and Ninety Eight

_That night I called her and she said__  
><em>_"Daddy daddy daddy, all my life__  
><em>_I've been trying to find my place in the world"__  
><em>_And I said to her__  
><em>_"Baby baby babe, I got all night to listen to the heart of a girl"_

_The Killers – Heart of a Girl_

The apartment was silent of everything except for the tiny little gurgle that erupted from John Sheppard's baby girl as his fingertip traced the delicate line of her cheek. She was so perfect, there wasn't a part of her that he didn't love. Those tiny sapphire eyes glittered with mirth as that smile tugged at his lips. Their daughter had Cassandra's creamy skin and rosy cheeks, he wondered if she would grow up to be like her or whether she'd take after him. That tuft of fine brown hair was sticking up in a variation of directions, reminding him of exactly how his own hair looked every single morning.

There was no doubt in his mind that she was their child, the instant he had laid eyes on their daughter it was like the missing piece of their lives had finally slotted into place. For the first time since the incident with the retrovirus he had felt completely whole again and that surge of emotions was so violently overwhelming. After everything that had happened it was like fate had intervened again and given them the chance that it had so cruelly snatched away.

The baby looked back at her father as he stared down at the precious little gift swaddled in his muscular arms. John had never felt so in awe of something before today. There was an aching lump growing in his throat as he thought of the story that Ladon had told them, the one of how his daughter had been created and what she had survived. She had been so brave and the knowledge that he had almost lost her seared itself on his heart, making his hazel eyes sting at the prospect.

Jesus, he never cried. He hadn't shed a tear since his mother's death. He had learned to channel his grief into anger and he used that against his enemies. However right now, cradling his vulnerable little girl in his arms, he allowed himself to grieve for what he had almost lost due to Koyla's maliciousness. His cheeks were damp with the wealth of emotions that were swirling around inside of him. He hadn't felt something this powerful since he'd met Cassandra and even then their bond had never done this to him. There was a fierce paternal protectiveness building up in his soul and already his beast was curling around his child, sheltering her from the woes that she had already experienced at the hands of a brutal world.

"It's ok baby." he murmured to his daughter, the back of his hand wiping away the barely shed tears that glistened on his finely sculptured cheeks. "I won't anything else happen to you."

They had witnessed the explosion of the faculty and as they watched the building crumble that immense feeling of dread had plagued him all over again. He refused to believe that they were too late to save his men, they were all trained survivors and he had known without a doubt that they would fight for their lives just as he would. Yet John understood that there was nothing more terrifying than being buried alive. He had radioed into Atlantis and requested several rescue teams before they themselves had begun the search for their missing team mates.

It was at that point that they had come across Ladon Radim trying to stifle the heavy bleeding that was emitting from Carson Beckett as he lay limp and broken like a rag doll on the debris. Lorne had been lying nearby, having been rolled into the recovery position by Ladon. When Teyla had examined Lorne, the Major's condition had been very grave. It wasn't until they reached Atlantis with Ladon in tow that it had been determined that he was officially brain dead. John had watched his wife take the news with a dignity he knew he certainly did not possess.

Cassandra had barely shown any emotion before she walked out of the room. He had tried to follow but she had waved him away before she had disappeared into the decontamination room so that she begin her work on Carson. He knew that she had been shutting down, she hadn't been able to deal with the news there and then because there was still so much more work to do. It would be later, in the shelter of their apartment that she would break down and mourn the loss of one of her closet friends.

The baby was another matter entirely. Throughout the duration of his time with Ladon, he had felt this weird insistent tugging at his soul. It was like a puppy pulling at his trouser leg, constant and persistent. It wasn't until Ladon's brown leather satchel began to cry that he realized they had a stow away. Ladon explained he hadn't meant to smuggle the child aboard their Jumper, he had needed both hands at the time to work on Carson. Ronon sure as hell didn't believe him and in all honesty John wasn't sure that he had either. In the end it didn't matter because the next few words out of Ladon's mouth had been so incredulous, John was positive he had heard wrong. The reaction from his team had been something similar. It wasn't until he saw the infant that he realized that Ladon had been telling them the truth.

The meeting evaluating the entire situation had been one of the longest that John had ever endured. Sergeant Asher had filled them in on the events that had transpired before disappearing off to see Hector Clare, who was currently residing in isolation due to the severity of his withdrawal. Learning about his daughter had been horrifying and seeing the evidence of Koyla's ruthlessness marking her fragile skin had left his blood boiling. He hadn't been the only one that seethed, he thought Ronon had been about to snap the table in half from the way it creaked when he'd slammed his fist down upon it in fury at the Genii's actions.

Ladon had handed over his research to Colonel Carter before departing for the Stargate, he had told them he hadn't wanted anything to do with the experiment in the first place and that the Genii didn't condone human experimentation. He claimed that the bomb had gone off earlier than expected, that the explosion had been no fault of his own. John wasn't sure he believed that but there was something in Ladon's eyes that told him he wasn't lying about the explosion. Asher had confirmed that Ladon hadn't had anything to do with the massacre in the village, that was all on Koyla's head too. John wasn't sure of the details but eventually Ladon and Colonel Carter had managed to iron out some form of a treaty. Once Ladon took his new place as leader of the Genii they would negotiate for something more concrete.

Right now none of that mattered. John Sheppard's entire focus was on the little piece of his soul cuddled in his arms as he wondered how on Earth he was going to explain this one to his wife. He knew that Casssandra would fall in love with their daughter the instant she laid eyes upon her. Her love was instinctive, she cared with passion and without cause or reason. She would adore their daughter in the same unconditional manner that she did John.

Over the past few hours the baby had been showing him things, their connection had snapped into place the moment that he had gathered her up in his arms. She was too small to communicate with him verbally so she responded to her father in her own unique way. The infant didn't understand the images that she showed her daddy, they were puzzles to her that she couldn't fit into place because she didn't understand how the connections were developed. He saw that giant, open palm creeping towards her as she screamed out her lungs until her throat was raw. The agony was consuming, it ripped at John like nothing else as he struggled to come to terms with the terror that had engulfed his tiny daughter at the memory.

After that there had been darkness before the sound of raised voices erupted through his consciousness, hurting his ears. That was how the baby felt, he came to understand. The emotions that overwhelmed him were not his own, they were hers and it broke his heart into a million pieces when he realized how lonely she had been during her captivity. He had known that she had been left alone for hours at a time but he couldn't appreciate the depth of emotion that lurked deep within his child.

Carson had been the first person to chase away the darkness that had encased her soul. The baby had felt his kindness brimming underneath the Scot's skin as he chucked her under the chin and cuddled her close. It was his daughter's first taste of warmth throughout the duration of her stay at the Genii compound and John thought he would have to thank the other man for that. He had been the only person to make the infant feel safe and protected during that dark time.

Things had moved quickly after that, there were too many sounds and images and John found he couldn't get a handle on them all. He thought that was due to his child's level of comprehension. His daughter let out another gurgle, kicking her legs just a little as John saw himself through her eyes. It was true that he wasn't much more than a wavy blur but it was the well of emotion that surfaced that filled his hazel eyes with fresh tears once more. It was like seeing the sunrise for the first time and John had simply melted in response to tidal wave of joy that claimed his soul.

He was 'daddy' and to the tiny infant that was cradled ever so tenderly in his arms, that was all that mattered.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hi guys, I am so sorry that this has taken such a long time to post. I was busy through Christmas with family obligations and a budding new romance and on the work side of things we have been hectic attempting to close last years lingering contracts. Anyway please enjoy!<strong>_

_Brn: Hey sorry I didn't get a chance to post before Xmas, things were so hectic. I love Evan too but that's sadly the way it has to be. I just want to hug Carson because I know how devastated he will be when he finds out what happened to his lover._

_Shippo: Evan isn't out of the woods sadly, poor guy :(_

_Thorne: I know what you mean about cliffies, I can't help it sometimes and I guess that is part of the thrall. It's a good thing you were listening to that song :p_


	199. Chapter 199: Replicator

Chapter One Hundred and Ninety Nine

_And ooh la, she was such a good girl to me__  
><em>_And ooh la, the world just chewed her up and spat her out_

_The Kooks – Ohh La la _

Cassandra Sheppard couldn't quite comprehend the atmosphere in the Infirmary as she stepped through the double doors from the decontamination room. The only word she could use to describe it would be insane. She was frazzled, her brain was running circles around itself after Carson's surgery, her dark hair was falling loose out of the messy ponytail that she had managed to tie it back into before she'd donned the gown and mask. Mentally she was out of her depth, pulling metal shards out of one of your closest friends and declaring another brain dead was an horrendous experience. One that Cass had barely given herself time to absorb in the hours that had followed their rescue.

Cass had been living on pins and needles ever since they had disappeared and she had expected much better from the resolution of the events that had transpired. She couldn't remove her barriers just yet, she knew the moment she did that flood of grief would overwhelm her like a tidal wave and she would be forced to admit that even she couldn't fix everything. Cass sagged against the door frame, physically she was exhausted, she could feel her muscles lagging in protest as she placed her hands on her hips taking in the sight before her with alarmed blue eyes.

Rodney McKay was slumped against the wall, both hands cupping his bleeding nose as vivid red blood ran in rivets through his fingers. Jen was already on the scene, instructing the scientist to tip his head back towards the light so that she could get a closer look at the damage. Even from her vantage point Cassandra could see that it was broken. Ronon's low rumble drifted to her ears, stealing her attention for a second as he spoke rapidly to the small gang of four marines who were equipping themselves with Wraith stunners that someone had collected from the armoury.

No one seemed to be focusing on the fact that the previously occupied bed was empty. The sheets were twisted up and had been torn back as if Evan Lorne had yanked them off of him before leaving the bed That can't be possible, Cass thought pinching the bridge of her nose against the headache that was gnawing at her temples. Yet again hadn't her time on Atlantis taught her that anything could be possible? Her own husband had been brought back from the dead once upon a time.

"Where the hell is Evan Lorne?" she erupted, her voice carrying around the room like a command drowning out the noise.

All eyes fell upon the dishevelled woman standing before them. Her lithe frame was clad in crumpled baby blue scrubs. Her sapphire blue eyes were blazing as they fixated upon the crumpled sheets and the discarded I.V hanging from the plastic baggie. There was a pool of water already spreading across the floor from the shattered, glass jug that she knew had been placed upon the nightstand.

"He woke up confused." Rodney informed her, flinching as Ronon turned the full weight of his cold steely gaze upon the man he clearly deemed responsible for this turn of events.

"He shouldn't even be waking up at all." Cass snapped, the sound of her careful footfalls echoing through the silence of the room as she strode up to the bed and placed the palm of her hand flat upon the still warm mattress.

Evan hadn't been gone long, all of this must have happened sometime within the past fifteen minutes. She was more perplexed about how this had happened, there wasn't a chance in hell that Evan should have been up and around. She had reviewed the testing herself and she too had classified the Major as brain dead. Her dark eyebrows creased as her wistful gaze fell upon McKay, he had done something. It was clear enough from the defiant expression upon his pained features that he was responsible for Evan's miraculous recovery. She didn't know whether that was as much of a good thing as it appeared. She had read enough reports from Star Gate Command to know that something that appeared like a blessing could easily turn into something horrendous.

"What did you do?" Cass uttered, her voice dangerously low as she focused on the brilliant scientist.

For once in his life McKay said nothing. His lips clamped firmly shut as he tore his gaze away from hers. That concerned Cass more than any of his words ever could. He had known what he had done would be dangerous, not just for Lorne but for them all and he had done it anyway. Cassandra didn't have the emotional capability to decide whether she was furious for his antics or overwhelmingly grateful.

"Nanites." Ronon grumbled as he stepped up along side her, his muscular arms crossed over his broad chest.

"You turned him into a Replicator." Cass stated before biting the inside of her cheek to stop the onslaught that lingering so tentatively on her tongue.

There was righteous fire coursing through her veins, it lanced through her as the anger boiled up in the pit of her stomach. It was so vivid she could taste the acid on her tongue as she fixated on the injured scientist, her delicate hands clenching into fists at the thought of the fear Evan must be feeling at that prospect. After what had happened with the dream doppleganger from the crystal that John had touched an age ago on some God forsaken planet, Evan had admitted to her after his sleep walking episode that the creature had not only played on his insecurities but it had created a new one as well. The thought of hurting someone he loved had once had a potentially devastating effect upon the Major and the thought of losing his control and doing that had become his worst fear. If he had shot John or Colonel Carter that night, even under the influence of that creature he ever would have been able to forgive himself. Now it looked like Evan didn't have much of a choice.

"Part replicator." McKay corrected, his voice muffled through the gauze Jen had pressed to his face. "He's still human, he just has the nanites in his blood stream. It's entirely safe."

"He broke your nose." Ronon pointed out, his jade eyes narrowing as he surveyed the damage.

"Because he's confused." Jen submitted into the conversation, her fingertips tipping McKay's chin up so she could examine him further. "His brain basically reset itself. He understands what happened to him should have killed him..."

"Did you know he was going to do this?" Cassandra interrupted, jabbing her finger at the rumpled sheets. "Did you allow him to give Evan nanites?"

Jennifer paused before turning her full attention towards Cassandra, leaving McKay to clutch the wad of gauze to his nose in an attempt to stifle the bleeding. Her hazel eyes went wide as she crossed her arms over her chest defiantly.

"I couldn't allow this to happen to him. Lorne's given so much of himself up for the city..."

"That doesn't give you the right to play God." Cass snapped, using her hands to empathise how furious she truly was. "Lorne was prepared to die for what he believed in and the two of you have turned him into the worst thing imaginable for him."

"We saved his life!" McKay retorted waving his free hand towards the operating room. "While your in there stitching Carson up, we were making sure he actually had something to come back to."

"That won't matter if we don't find him." Ronon reminded them, his voice rumbling through the room as he stood alongside Cass.

She pressed her fingertips to her temples to rub away the throbbing pain that was searing through her forehead as she contemplated the situation.

"I think I have an idea where he might be."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Just a little treat for you all! X<strong>_

_Shippo: I am so glad you loved it and thought the last chapter was cute._

_Brown: lol exactly who couldn't love a baby like that. I think John just adores her. Hug attack go!_

_Joey: I always imagine that they have some sort of awareness just not as developed as ours. I wanted to show the connection they have to their baby but to also make it different from Ronon's connection to Kai._

_Shep: I am so glad that you are really enjoying it. I work so hard on it and it is so much fun to write when I get the chance, thank you for such a wonderful review._


	200. Chapter 200: Before The Worst

Chapter Two Hundred

_Where everything we talked about is gone__  
><em>_And the only chance we have of moving on__Is try to take it back__  
><em>_Before it all went wrong_

_The Script – Before The Worst_

Sanctuary, that's how Major Evan Lorne had always thought of Carson Beckett's quarters. Whenever the two of them were alone in here it was like the outside world never existed, they didn't have to worry about their relationship, their careers or anything else for that matter. When Carson was in his arms it felt like the most perfect moment in the universe. Carson's home had always felt comforting to Evan and in the end, when he had nowhere left to turn it was the place he had ran to because it reminded him of his lover and the safety that Carson emitted.

The sun had already began to set outside. Evan could see the fingers of fiery orange light creeping across the walls from the fringes of the dark curtains that Carson had put up once upon a time. He didn't know how long he sat there, alone and curled up in the nest he had created out of Carson's bedding. The light was waning as he tugged the sheets even closer around his shivering form, his eyes closed tightly as he inhaled deeply, absorbing his lover's unique masculine scent. There were so many things he wished he could have said to Carson, so many things that he would never get to say.

_I love you. _

_My life means nothing without you._

The irony of the situation was not lost on Evan. While he had been laying there in that rancid prison cell, dying of infection and blood loss Evan had made a lot of decisions. Dying had put a lot of things in perspective and even though he'd barely been able to speak during their time in captivity there were things deep down in his soul that he had wished to convey to Carson. He had made a promise, not just to himself but to Carson too. It ate at him that their relationship had to be kept a secret, he had hated every single moment of that deception. Carson deserved to be more than that and Evan had wanted that too. He had been prepared to end his career with the military and to give himself whole heartily to Carson. Then Carson had died...

It made Lorne wish that he had died too.

His heart was breaking into a million pieces _w_ith every single breath he took because he could feel the absence of Carson tearing at the very core of his soul. He was under no illusions that Carson had survived, there was hole in the centre of his chest the size of a fist and he could feel the essence of his soul bleeding out into it. There were hot salty tears rolling down his cheeks and he used the back of his hand to wipe them away as quickly as he could. He never cried, he had always been the tough one in his family, the man that showed no fear but right now he was scared, more scared that he had ever been. He couldn't imagine a world without Carson Beckett and now he was being forced to face it as a reality.

It didn't seem like it was that long ago that his lover had been nestled into Evan's side, the roughness of his dark, day old stubble rubbing against the tender skin of his chest. Their kisses had been reckless and passionate that morning and although Evan had wanted nothing more than to make love to Carson until the late hours of the afternoon, there hadn't been time for that. They had fallen victim once more to their sense of duty once more and this time they had both paid dearly for it.

His gaze came to rest upon the two tiny pet turtles that were staring at him hopefully from the opposite side of the room. Their home was a large glass tank that Carson had carefully decorated so it would seem more like their natural habitat. Whenever Carson returned home from a mission he would always treat the little guys to a nice fresh strawberry if they were available from the cafeteria. He wondered who would take care of them now that Carson was gone. He would have loved to have adopted them, keeping a piece of Carson with him would help him deal with the turn of events but Evan doubted that would happen. His condition changed a lot of things, he was compromised now, he was a Replicator. That made him a security risk, a huge one. He couldn't be trusted, any minute now he would be yanked out of his sanctuary and shipped off to Area 51 to be studied.

They couldn't take the risk that he would turn against them, he had already come to the decision that it would be better if Evan Lorne didn't exist anymore. His friends wouldn't have to torture themselves, questioning whether hey had done 'the right thing' by locking him away. Even now he knew Sheppard still blamed himself for Lieutenant Ford's disappearance, Evan couldn't let this rest on his shoulders or upon anyone elses. The knowledge that he could hurt someone that he loved scared the living hell out of him. He would have no absolutely no control over his actions if the Replicators managed to beam that signal right into his brain. The thought of them 'programming' him made him sick to his God damn stomach and that was just one of reasons that Jensen's Glock was clenched tightly in his white knuckled fist.

Suicide had never been a possibility for Evan. Despite the desperate times he had lived through, he was a born survivor. He had always seen a way out of the darkness before but not now, there was no light at the end of the tunnel for him this time. Carson was dead and now he was some messed up machine with the mind of Major Evan Lorne but who knew for how long. Anytime now the Replicators could flick a switch and everything that he had once been as a person would vanish.

This wasn't an easy decision for him. His own father had committed suicide once upon a time and he had spent years struggling to understand why. At least his friends here would know why he was doing this, they wouldn't blame themselves. His grip on the Glock tightened as his resolve began to strengthen. He needed just one more second to let it all go.

The hiss of the doors to Carson's room startled Evan for a moment before the bright light flooded in, blinding him temporarily. Within seconds the doors were closed once more leaving both Evan and his new companion in complete and utter darkness once more.

"Go way." Evan snapped, his voice abnormally cold as it vibrated through the room.

"You know I can't do that." Cass whispered, the bed sagging as she sat down beside her friend.

Her voice was soft like a feather caressing his skin and warming it in a way that only their friendship could. Out of every person on Atlantis Cassandra was the only one that could understand the grief that was flowing through his veins right now. Evan didn't want her compassion, he didn't want to hear the words that he knew would come out of her mouth. She was the only person who had the power to stop him going through with this. Her delicate hand was already slipping underneath the sheets until it came to rest upon his, covering his grip of the Glock.

"Don't do this." Cass murmured, her thumb tracing over the curve of each of his knuckles. "I know it hurts and that your confused but this isn't right."

Evan's head twisted towards Cassandra, the expression on his handsome features twisted in outrage at her lack of understanding towards his situation. If she was in the same position he knew she would have put a bullet in her brain long before now.

"You know what they did." he spat, yanking the gun out from underneath her fingers. You know what they turned me into! I don't even have the fucking scars on my back any more."

There was silence for a moment while he let those words sink into his friend's brain. The physical elements of his experiences were disappearing and he didn't think it would be too long before he became some mindless robot hell bent on murdering his friends.

Cass remembered those vivid red scars, they had been etched into Evan's tanned flesh and they had become a part of his being. His endurance of them was what made him compassionate, he could never stand any miscarriage of justice or violence towards someone else, that was why he had intervened back in the village. It was the reason he had gotten shot for his troubles. It was the reason he had died.

"Carson's gone." Evan said, his voice becoming dull as he spoke. "And I have nothing left to live for."

Cass knew what was happening right now and it was like being kicked in the chest. Evan was inches away from doing the unthinkable and now all of a sudden she understood why. She couldn't lie and say that after Michael she hadn't thought about it herself. Sometimes it became too much and when John had been killed...

To say she went off the deep end was a huge understatement.

"Carson isn't dead." Cass uttered, her small, pale hand coming to rest upon his knee as Lorne's thumb toyed with the safety switch on the Glock. "He's in recovery, I closed him up myself."

There was disbelief in Evan's features. His expression is one of immense sadness as he looked at her with that familiar forlorn expression she recognized from her years in Afghanistan. It was resolution, hell she had felt it herself when Michael had kept her in captivity for all that time.

"Don't lie to me Cass." he told her in that exhausted, grief stricken tone of his. "I can feel it in my heart. There's just this crippling empty space right where he should be."

She knew that feeling and she couldn't refute it. She had been plunged head first into it's suffocating depths when John had been killed and there was nothing in the whole entire world that could fix those broken pieces when the person you loved more than anything in the world was senselessly snatched away from you.

"When John died, it was like being disconnected from the world. We had this amazing bond and in an instant it was gone." she stated ,her voice turning oddly flat as she relived the wretched heartache that had torn through her chest. "It was like being cut off from everything that I had ever known . Hope said..."

Cass trailed off, her hand instead rubbing up and down Evan's forearm in a reassuring manner. The truth was she didn't want to revisit that time, it still cut her up deep inside. There was damage there that she knew no one would ever be able to repair, yet she had come to appreciate her life even more than she had before.

"...it was like you'd gone insane." Evan finished with a deep sigh. "I was there, I saw what it did to you."

"So you know what it's doing to you. You know how irrational it can make you. It took a long time for John and I to reconnect after what happened. It was like we had to start all over again." Cass responded quietly, gently squeezing Evan's arm. "I spoke to McKay about the nanites you have inside you and they did heal you but that's all they are programmed to do. He managed to isolate their systems so that they can't be used against you. He planned to shoot you with the Replicator Disrupter when they had completed their work. He just didn't count on your reaction."

There was a spark in Evan's eyes, it was the first glimmer of light Cass had seen in him since she had stepped into the room and it gave her hope. Evan was starting to rationalise her words, they were threading into his brain and causing conclusions to blossom in the recesses of his mind. Cass held out her hand, tilting her head pointedly at the Glock grasped in his hand.

"Promise me." Evan murmured, his voice breaking just a little as he clenched the gun tighter in his fist. "Promise me that your telling the truth."

"I can take you to see him." Cass assured him, before a trace of a smile ghosted across her pretty features. "He's won't be up and running as quickly as you but he'll definitely live to fight another day."

Evan's grip on the gun relaxed, Cassandra watched as his fingers began to unfurl in response to her soothing words. He placed the gun into the palm of her hand before releasing it completely. The relief that flooded through Cassandra's system was unbridled. She slipped the gun into pocket of her lab coat before taking hold of Evan's hand and pulling him to his feet.

"Come on." she uttered, tilting her head towards the door. "Carson won't be happy if he wakes up and your not there."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys, it has been so busy for me with work but I managed to sneak in a chapter just for you!<strong>_

_Sheppard: Who knows what will happen with the nanites, they are unpredictable little dudes. It's a good question, where did Lorne go? I think Cass is just stressed and Lorne's worst nightmare as you can see was becoming a Replicator. She knows what its like to lose somone and she would do anything to save John._

_Brn: lol thats the fun of Atlantis, anything can happen._

_Nirv: Thank you for your helpful tips!_

_Amar: Thank you so much for your lovely review. I have put a lot of work into this story and I am glad your enjoying it._


	201. Chapter 201: Love For A Child

Chapter Two Hundred and One

_All I want is to keep you safe from the cold_  
><em>To give you all that your heart needs the most<em>

_Trading Yesterday – May I_

Exhaustion was an emotion to which Cass Sheppard had become accustomed to during her years throughout the medical professional. At first it had been in med school staying up all hours of the night trying to cram as much information as she possibly could into her head, after that had been her residency and then Afghanistan. Atlantis was better than Afghanistan had been, there was more support here on the floating city than there ever had been in those dusty wastelands and briefly she wondered what kind of person she would be right now if she had ever joined the Stargate Program. Those thoughts fluttered away as she sagged against the door of their shared apartment and closed her eyes for the briefest of moments. She was positive that she had never felt as mentally or as physically fatigued as she did right now.

Too much had happened and she was struggling to process the roller coaster of emotions that she had been absorbing over the past hours. The adrenaline was running out of her system leaving her feeling weary and trained, she didn't have the capacity to think or feel at the current moment. The only thing she wanted to do right now was to crawl into bed alongside her husband's warm, loving form. She reached out for him along the threads of their connection, her fingertips playing delicately along the golden strings that bound them.

There was a moment where everything froze. Cass felt her hackles raise and her spine tingle in that strange way it always had since Michael had stolen her away. There was something different in the apartment, something 'other'. Her heart rate accelerated as took a step towards the slightly ajar door of their bedroom. She could hear John murmuring in that affectionate husky voice of his, it was a tone she was deeply familiar with, a tone that he used only for her...

The thought of another clone roaming around the world made her sick with dread inside, if that's what was in the room with her husband right now she was going to tear the bloody thing limb from limb with her bare hands.

With one large shove she pushed the door open, a fury whipping up deep inside her veins giving her just the jolt she needed to fight whatever was luring John away from her.

She found herself face to face with the most startling blue eyes she had ever seen in her life. It was like looking into a mirror a smaller, more delicate one, that was now wailing at the top of it's lungs at the sudden intrusion.

"Jesus..." she found herself uttering as the realization hit her like a freight train.

She didn't understand the comprehension that was dawning on her. Her defences were down and her heart was already accepting the tiny infant that was nestled in the crook of John's arm as if it was their very own. In fact she was pretty sure that this gorgeous blue eyed child was theirs. Every single fibre of her being was screaming at her to shower the little girl with their love and protect her from anything that may cause harm. Her head tilted up towards her husband, her eyes meeting his hazel ones as she mouthed one single word.

"How..."

John's hazel eyes met his wife's. In them she could already see a story enfolding, one that was full of pain and sorrow but now there was hope. Hope for them, hope for the tiny child nestled in his arms. She knew this was something to do with Michael, she could feel the knowledge vibrating through her bones and it made Cass think back to that other child, the one that Michael had created and that she had miscarried.

"Did he make her?" she found herself asking, her stomach recoiling at the notion.

She was already falling in love with this child and her insides were torn apart at the possibility that this could be another trick. Another way for Michael to tear them both apart all over again. John's gaze was already slipping back to the baby in his arms, his handsome features softening as he gazed down at her with devotion.

"He couldn't make something this perfect." John spoke quietly, his tone resolute. "She's part of us, I know you can feel it."

Cass crossed her arms over her chest at his words, her sapphire blue eyes lingering on their daughter's tiny form as the child mewed softly. She wanted to keep her distance, she wanted more information so that she could understand how they had ended up with this beautiful little girl. Her heart though, her heart was already taking over, overriding every single defensive wall she had put up to block out the well of emotions that was threatening to overwhelm her.

"Will you hold her for a sec?" John requested,tilting his head so that he could read Cassandra's expression.

Cass knew what he was doing, he knew that the act of holding this wonderful baby girl would do the same thing as it had to him and Cass wasn't sure that she was ready for this. They had talked about children before but they had long since given up on the possibility of having one of their own. Cass assumed when they decided the time was right the two of them would settle down and adopt, then this had happened and the hypothetical situation that they had discussed had now suddenly become a reality. She didn't know if she could be a mom, what if she screwed up somehow?

This child had already been through so much, she could feel it in the recesses of her heart as that tiny spark of light whizzed around it seeking entry. She knew what it wanted and she ached to accept the baby into their family but she was so frightened of ruining this child, the poor baby had already endured far too much.

"Cass..." John's voice soothed over her soul, the recurrence in his tone allowing Cass to take that step forward to accept the baby.

He knew what she was thinking, John had felt it himself but he knew they could give this child what she needed, they could be the parents that this baby deserved. He leaned in to Cassandra, her heavenly scent flooding his nostrils as he gently transferred the baby into his wife's hesitant arms.

John felt that rush of adoration flood his senses as he stepped back and reviewed the sight before him. Seeing that child cradled in Cassandra's arms made the beast inside him satisfied in a way that John had never felt before. He was hit with an immense sense of serenity, all of the concern that he had had regarding Cassandra's reaction disappeared and he was stuck with awe as his wife's slender finger traced the shape of their daughter's delicate features.

This was it, this was his family. The knowledge of that rang loudly throughout his body as a fierce pride flowed through him. John shifted until he was alongside his wife, his thumb lightly caressing along the knots of her spine as they both peered down at their little miracle.

"She's got your hair." Cass murmured as that beautiful smile curved across her pretty features.

"She's got your eyes." John returned, the edge of his mouth twitching as their baby girl let out another mew.

"Does she have a name?" Cass asked in that sweet low tone of hers as she began to rock the baby slowly from side to side.

John pursed his lips together together, ignoring the indignant rage that flurried up in his system at the thought of their child being called 'Subject B'. The knowledge of that would hurt Cass and John couldn't face that right now. She was so vulnerable and so was their child and he would do anything to shield them from that pain.

"No." he whispered, his heart weighing heavy in his chest. "Maybe we should give her one."

There was silence for a moment, while the two of them contemplated the possibilities. John had always figured that the two of them would never have to deal with this dilemma. When the two of them had discussed adoption he had supposed the child would already have a name.

"Your mother was called Emmie." John submitted into the air between them, his calloused fingers stroking along the baby's tiny, soft hands. "Jules told me a lot about her and I like the idea of calling our daughter after your mother. It gives her roots, a link back to her family on Earth."

Cass felt her heart ache at his words. She knew that something horrible had happened to land this baby in their arms but she wanted to erase that past for their child. She got the sense from John that this baby had survived something incomparable and in their culture the name 'Emmie' meant striving, eager and universal. To Cass it seemed right, when she looked down at her child she saw Emmie, their daughter. The name conjured images of a dark haired little girl, a devil may cry smile on her pale features and bright blue eyes.

"Hm..." Cass uttered, tilting her head down towards the baby as she tried the name out on her tongue. "Do you like Emmie?"

The baby mewed loudly in agreement, it's bright little soul zooming around her parents in excitement before it nestled into them.

This was her mommy and her daddy and this safety she felt in their arms...

This was home.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hey guys it has been a while but I am still writing this story when I get time. Now the summer season is over you should be seeing a lot more update<strong>__s._

_Chris: lol I couldn't kill off that couple, I love them too much. I was devastated when they killed Carson off in the series. BTW I should have more time to hang out online now!_

_Joey: lol I always vanish when the summer season heads in because my work goes into hyper drive and I barely have time to do anything. Thankfully summer season has just started to drop off so yay more time. I think Rodney would have stepped in to take care of the 'wee turtles'_

_brn: I am glad you enjoyed that chapter, it was really hard to write because normally Lornes so happy! I am glad you came back to this story._

_Goodbye: Thanks for the tip! Also I am really glad your enjoying the story._


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